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Les Bijoux Indiscrets, or, The Indiscreet Toys

CHAP. XLVII.
Prodigious events of the Reign of Kanaglou, Mangogul's Grand-father

The favorite was very young. Born towards the end of Erguebzed's reign, she had scarce any idea at all of the court of Kanaglou. A word accidentally dropt had given her a curiosity to know the prodigies, which the genius Cucufa had wrought in favour of that good prince; and none could more faithfully inform her than Selim. He had been an eye-witness and even a sharer in them, and was throughly versed in the history of his time. One day that he was alone with her, Mirzoza put him on that topic, and asked him if the reign of Kanaglou, which made so great noise, had seen greater wonders, than those, which then engrossed the attention of Congo?

"I have no interest, madam," answered Selim, "in preferring times past to those of the reigning prince. Great things are come to pass under him, but they are perhaps no more than specimens of those which will continue to render Mangogul illustrious; and my time is too far advanced, to flatter my self with seeing them." "You are mistaken," replied Mirzoza; "you have acquired, and will keep the epithet of eternal. But tell me what you have seen."

"Madam," continued Selim, "Kanaglou's reign was long, and our poets have named it the golden age. This title suits it upon several accounts. It has been signalized by successes and victories: but the advantages were blended with crosses, which prove that this gold was sometimes mixed with bad alloy. The court, which sets the example to the rest of the empire, was very gallant. The Sultan had mistresses, the nobility piqued themselves on imitating him, and the lower people insensibly assumed the same air. The magnificence in dress, furniture, and equipages, was excessive. Delicacy in feasting was reduced to an art. People gam'd high, ran in debt, paid no body, and spent while they had either money or credit. There were very good laws enacted against luxury, but not put in execution. Towns were taken, provinces conquered, palaces begun, and the empire drained of men and money. The people sung victory, and were starving at the same time. The great had stately castles and delightful gardens, and their lands lay uncultivated. A hundred ships of war had rendered us masters of the sea, and the terror of our neighbours: but a good calculator made an exact estimate what it cost the government to keep these hulks in good order; and notwithstanding the remonstrances of the rest of the ministry, they were ordered to be turned into a bon-fire. The royal treasury was a great empty coffer, which this wretched oeconomy did not fill; gold and silver became so scarce, that the mints were, on a summer's morning, converted into paper-mills. To compleat our happiness, Kanaglou suffered himself to be persuaded by a set of fanatics, that it was of the utmost importance, that all his subjects should resemble him, and that they should have blue eyes, snub noses, and red whiskers, as well as he: and he expelled from Congo above two millions of people, who were not blessed with these regimentals, or who refused to counterfeit them. Such, madam, was this golden age; such those good old times, which you daily hear regretted: but let those dotards prate on, and do you believe that we have our Turennes and our Colberts, that, all things considered, the present is better than the time past; and that if the people are happier under Mangogul than they were under Kanaglou, his highness's reign is more illustrious than that of his grandfather, because the happiness of the subject is the exact measure of the greatness of the prince. But let us return to the particulars of Kanaglou's reign.

"I will begin by the origin of the Pantins." "Selim, I will excuse you, I know that story by heart," says the favorite, "proceed to other matters." "Madam," answered Selim, "might one ask from whom you have it?" "Why," says Mirzoza, "it is published." "True Madam," replied Selim, "and by people, who knew nothing of the matter. I am out of humour, when I see little obscure private persons, who have never been near princes, but at a public entry into the metropolis, or some such other ceremony, pretend to write their history.

"Madam," continued Selim, "we had spent the night at a masquerade in the great salons in the Seraglio, when the genius Cucufa, a vowed protector of the reigning family, appeared to us, and commanded us to go to bed, and sleep twenty four hours on a stretch. He was obeyed, and at the expiration of this term, the Seraglio was found to be transformed into a vast and magnificent galery of Pantins. At one end appeared Kanaglou seated on his throne: a long pack-thread, almost worn out, hung down between his legs: an old decrepit fairy was incessantly pulling it, and with a turn of her wrist, moved an innumerable multitude of subaltern Pantins, to whom fine imperceptible threads answered, which issued from Kanaglou's fingers and toes. She pulled, and in an instant the seneschal drew up, and sealed ruinous edicts; or pronounced a panegyric on the fairy, which was prompted by his secretary: the minister of war sent card matches to the army; the superintendant of the finances built houses, and suffered the soldiery to starve; and so of the other Pantins.

"When any of the Pantins happened to execute their movements aukwardly, by not lifting up their arms sufficiently, or not bowing their knee in a proper manner, the fairy cut their threads with a jerk of her left hand, and they became paralytic. I shall never forget two most valiant emirs, whom she found deficient in their duty, and who were ever after deprived of the use of their arms.

"The threads which issued from every part of Kanaglou's body, were extended to immense distances, and from the palace of Congo, put whole armies of Pantins into motion or winter quarters, even to the remotest parts of Monoémugi. With one pull of the pack-thread, a town was besieged, the trenches were opened, they battered in breach, and the enemy was preparing to capitulate; but upon a second pull, the besiegers fire slackened, the attacks were not carried on with the same vigour, troops came to the relief of the place, dissentions were kindled among the generals: we were attacked, surprized, beaten, and routed.

"These bad tidings never gave any concern to Kanaglou: he seldom heard them, till they were forgot by his subjects: and the fairy would not suffer him to be informed of them, but by Pantins, who had each a thread fastned to the tip of their tongue, and who said no more than what she thought proper, on pain of being struck dumb.

"Another time we young fools were all charmed with an adventure, which gave bitter scandal to the godly. The women all at once became tumblers, and fell to walking with their heads down, their legs up in air, and their hands in their slippers.

"This threw all our former knowledge into confusion; and we were obliged to commence a course of studies on these new physiognomies. Many were slighted, who ceased to be thought lovely, as soon as they shewed themselves; and others, who were never so much as talked of, gained vastly by making themselves known. Their petticoats and gowns falling over their eyes, put them in danger, either of losing their way, or stumbling: wherefore the former were shortened, and the latter cut open before. Such is the origin of short petticoats and open gowns. When the women returned to the use of their feet, they retained this part of their dress as it was: and if we thoroughly consider the petticoats of our fine ladies, we shall easily perceive, that they were not made to be worn, as they are worn at this day.

"Any mode, that has but one drift, will soon pass away: in order to make it lasting, it ought to answer two ends at least. In those same days a secret was discovered for plumping the breasts downward: and it is used at this day for plumping them upward.

"The devout women, surprized to find their heads down, and their heels up in the air, at first covered themselves with their hands: but this attention made them lose their poise, and stumble in their walks. By the advice of the Bramins, they afterwards tied their petticoats about their legs with little black ribbons. The gay part of the sex found this expedient ridiculous, and publickly declared, that it incommoded their respiration, and threw them into the vapours. This prodigy was attended with happy consequences; it occasioned a number of marriages, or somewhat like them, and a crowd of conversions. All those, who had disagreeable buttocks, ran headlong into the religious party, and took little black ribbons. Four missions of Bramins would not have made so many proselytes.

"We had scarcely got rid of this trial, when we underwent another, less universal indeed, but not less instructive. The young girls, one and all, from thirteen to eighteen, nineteen, twenty years of age, and upwards, rose on a fine summer's morning, the middle finger caught, guess where, madam?" says Selim to the favorite. "It was not in their mouth, nor in their ear, nor infine, à la Turque. Their disease was easily guess'd, and the remedy quickly applied. From that time may our custom be dated of marrying children, who are fit for nothing but dressing their dolls.

"Another blessing: Kanaglou's court swarmed with Petits-maitres, and I had the honour to be of the number. One day as I was entertaining them with the young French nobility, I perceived our shoulders working upwards, till they became higher than our heads: but that was not all; in an instant we all fell to whirling about on one heel." "And what rarity was there in that?" said the favorite. "Nothing, madam," replied Selim, "but that the first metamorphosis is the origin of the round shoulders, so much in vogue in your infancy; and the second, that of the scoffers, whose reign is not yet over. Then, as now, a discourse was begun to some one person, which by a sudden twirl on the heel, was continued to a second, and finished to a third, to whom it became half unintelligible, half impertinent.

"Another time we all found our selves short sighted, and were forced to have recourse to Bion: the rogue made us pay ten sequins for glasses, which we continued to use, even after recovering our sight. Thence come, madam, the opera spy glasses.

"I could never learn what the fine ladies did to the Genius Cucufa about this time; but he took severe vengeance of them. At the end of a certain year, whereof they had spent the nights in balls, banquets, and gaming, and the days in dressing, or between the arms of their lovers, they were all astonished to find themselves horridly ugly. One was as black as a mole, another bronzed over; a third pale and lean, a fourth of a sickly yellow, and full of wrinkles. There was a necessity to palliate this fatal enchantment, and our chemists found out the white, the red, pomatums, waters, venus's handkerchiefs, virgins milk, patches, and a thousand other cosmetics, which they employed, to avoid appearing ugly, and becoming frightful. Cucufa still held them under this curse, when Erguebzed, who loved beautiful women, became their intercessor. The Genius did all that he could; but the charm was so powerful, that he was not able to dissolve it thoroughly; and the court ladies remained such as you see them at this day."

"Was the fate of the other charms the same?" says Mirzoza. "No, madam," answered Selim, "they lasted some longer, some shorter: the round shoulders sunk by degrees, and people stood upright: and for fear of being thought hump-back'd, they turned up their noses to the wind, and danced as they walked. The whirlgig motion continued, and they whirl about to this day. Broach a serious or sensible conversation in presence of a young lord of the bel air; and Zeste, you shall see him wheel away from you in an instant, and go mutter out a parody to some body, who asks him the news of the war, or of his health; or to whisper in his ear, that he supped last night with Miss Rabon, and that she is an adorable girl; that there is a new romance coming abroad; that he has read some pages of it, and that it is fine, very fine: and then another twirl or two towards a lady, whom he asks if she has seen the new opera, and answers her, that Miss Dangeville has performed to a miracle."

Mirzoza found these ridicules very diverting, and asked Selim if he had been a sharer in them. "How, madam," replied the old courtier, "was it possible not to have them, without passing for a man come from the other world? I put on the round shoulders, I stood erect, I danced in walking, I cock'd the spy-glass, I whirled about, I hissed like the rest: and the utmost efforts of my judgment went no farther than to be one of the first in taking up these several biasses, and none of the last in shaking them off." Selim was got thus far, when Mangogul appeared. The African author does not inform us, what was become of him, or what were his occupations during this preceding chapter. Probably the princes of Congo may be allowed to perform indifferent actions, to say miserable things sometimes, and to resemble the rest of mankind, who spend a great part of their lives in doing nothing, or such things at least, as are not worthy of being known.

CHAP. XLVIII.
Twenty-eighth Trial of the Ring.
Olympia

"Rejoice, madam," says Mangogul, coming in to the favorite's appartment. "I bring you an agreeable piece of news. The Toys are a parcel of little fools, who know not what they say. Cucufa's ring can indeed make them speak, but not extort the truth from them." "And how has your highness caught them in a lye?" says the favorite. "You shall hear," answered the Sultan. "Selim promised you an account of all his adventures, and you make no doubt but that he has kept his word. Well then, I am just come from consulting a Toy, who accuses him of a naughty trick, which he has not confessed to you, and which most certainly he has not play'd, as it is quite contrary to his character. To tyrannize over a pretty woman, to lay her under contribution, on pain of military execution: can you discover Selim in this proceeding?" "Pray, why not, Sir?" replied the favorite. "There is no malice of this sort, of which Selim has not been capable: and if he has concealed the adventure which you have discovered, possibly it is, that he is reconciled to this Toy, that they are well together, and that he thought he might keep that peccadillo from me, without swerving from his promise."

"The perpetual falsity of your conjectures," replied Mangogul, "ought to cure you of the disease of ever making any. There is nothing of what you imagine in the affair: it is one of the first flights of Selim's youthful days. It regards one of those women, who are gained in a minute, but are never kept long."

"Madam," says Selim to the favorite, "in vain do I examine my self, I can recal nothing more to my memory; and at present I find my conscience quite clear."

"Olympia," says Mangogul – "Ah! Prince," interrupted Selim, "I know the thing; but this little story is so old, that it is no wonder that it has escaped me."

"Olympia," continued Mangogul, "wife of the chief cashier of Hasna, had coiffed herself with a young officer, captain in Selim's regiment. Her lover came to her one morning in deep concern, to inform her that orders were issued for all the officers to set out and join their respective corps. My grandfather Kanaglou had resolved that year to open the campaign early: and an admirable project, which he had formed, miscarried, purely through the making these orders too publick. The politicians murmured, the women exclaimed, each party had their reasons. I have told you those of Olympia. This woman took the party of seeing Selim, and, if possible, to prevent the departure of Gabalis: for that was her lover's name. Selim already passed for a dangerous man. Olympia thought it was proper to have an escort: and two of her female friends, as handsome as her self, offered to accompany her. Selim was at home when they came. He received Olympia, who appeared alone, with that easy politeness, which you know he is master of, and asked what had procured him this agreeable visit? 'Sir,' says Olympia, 'I interest my self for Gabalis: he has some important affairs on his hands, which make his presence necessary at Banza, and I come to you to beg six months leave of absence for him.'

"'Six months leave, Madam? You do not consider,' replied Selim: 'the Sultan's orders are precise: I am heartily concerned, that I cannot make a merit towards you of a favour, which would infallibly ruin me.' New instances on Olympia's side: on Selim's new refusals – 'The Grand Vizir has promised me, that I should be comprehended in the next promotion. Can you desire me, madam, to drown my self, in order to oblige you?' 'No, Sir, you may oblige me, without drowning your self' – 'Madam, it is impossible: but if you go to the Visir' – 'Alas! Sir, to whom do you send me, that man never did any thing for the ladies' – 'I rack my brain to no purpose: for I should be highly rejoiced in being able to render you service, and I can see but one way.' 'And which is that?' asked Olympia with eagerness. – 'Your intention,' answered Selim, 'would be to make Gabalis happy for six months: but, madam, could you not dispose of one quarter of an hour of those pleasures which you design for him?' Olympia understood him wonderfully well, blushed, stammered; and concluded by exclaiming at the severity of the condition. 'Let us say no more of the affair,' replied the colonel with a cold air, 'Gabalis shall join his regiment: the prince's service must be done. I might venture to take somewhat on my self: but you are inflexible. At least, madam, if Gabalis departs, it is you that send him away.' 'I,' cry'd Olympia sharply: 'Ah! Sir, make out his warrant quickly, and let him remain here.' The essential preliminaries of the treaty were ratified on a sopha, and the lady thought she had made sure of Gabalis; when the traitor, who stands before you, took it into his head to ask her, who those two ladies were, who came with her, and whom she left in the next appartment. 'They are two of my intimate friends,' replied Olympia; 'and of Gabalis too,' added Selim, 'beyond all doubt. This supposed, I do not believe they will refuse to execute each a third part of the articles of the treaty. Yes, this to me seems just: and to you, madam, I commit the care of disposing them to it.' 'Indeed, Sir,' says Olympia, 'you are a strange man. I protest, these ladies have no pretentions to Gabalis: but in order to extricate them and my self from this embarras, if you think me responsible, I will endeavour to discharge the bill of exchange, which you draw on them.' Selim accepted the offer. Olympia did honour to her word: and there, madam, is what Selim ought to have informed you of."

"I excuse him," says the favorite: "Olympia was not so good an acquaintance, that I should condemn him for having forgot her. I cannot imagine whither you go to hunt out that sort of women: indeed, prince, your conduct is that of a man, who has no desire to lose a castle."

"Madam, to me it seems, as if you had entirely changed your notions within these few days," answered Mangogul: "do me the favour to recollect the first trial of my ring, which I proposed to you; and you will see, it was not my fault that I have not lost it ere now."

"Yes," replied the Sultana, "I know, you have sworn to me, that I should be excepted out of the number of speaking Toys; and that since that time you have applied to such women only as have forfeited their character; to an Amina, a Zobeida, a Thelis, a Zulica, whose reputations were already pretty well settled."

"I grant," says Mangogul, "that it would be ridiculous indeed to rely on those Toys: but for want of others, I was necessitated to confine myself to them. I have already told you, and I now repeat it: good company with respect to Toys is scarcer than you think; and if you will not resolve to gain yourself – "

"I," interrupted Mirzoza smartly, "I shall never have a castle while I live, if I must use those means for obtaining one. A speaking Toy! Fy! That is so indecent. – Prince, in one word, you know my reasons, and with great seriousness I now reiterate my menaces."

"But, either do not complain of my trials, or at least hint at some persons, to whom you think we may have recourse: for I am quite uneasy that the affair is not terminated. Libertin Toys, and what next? Libertin Toys, and always Libertin Toys."

"I have great confidence," says Mirzoza, "in Egle's Toy; and I wait with impatience for the end of the fortnight which you demanded of me."

"Madam," replied Mangogul, "that term expired yesterday; and while Selim was telling you stories of the old court, I learnt from Egle's Toy, that, thanks to the ill humor of Celebi, and the constant attendance of Almanzor, it's mistress can do you no service."

"Ah! Prince," cry'd the favourite, "what have you said?" "'Tis fact," replied the Sultan; "I will regale you with that story some other time: but in the mean while seek another string to your bow."

"Egle, the virtuous Egle, has at length given herself the lye," says the favorite in a surprize; "indeed I cannot recover myself." "I see you are quite unhinged," replies Mangogul, "and know not whither to turn yourself."

"Not so," says the favorite; "but I own to you that I depended much on Egle." "Pray think no more about it," added Mangogul; "only tell us if she was the only virtuous woman that you know."

"No, Prince, there are a hundred others, and amiable women too, whom I will name to you," replied Mirzoza. "I will answer, as much as for myself, for – for – "

Mirzoza stop'd short, without having pronounced any one name. Selim could not refrain from smiling, and the Sultan from bursting out into laughter, at the favorite's embarrassment, who knew so many virtuous women, and could not recollect any one.

Mirzoza, piqued at this, turned to Selim, and said: "pray, Selim, help me out, you, who are so great a connoisseur. Prince," continued she directing her discourse to the Sultan, "apply to – whom shall I name? prithee, Selim, assist me." "To Mirzoza," says Selim. "You make your court to me very ill," replied the favorite. "I am not afraid of the trial, but I abhor it. Name some one else quickly, if you would have me pardon you."

"One may try," says Selim, "if Zaide has found the reality of the ideal lover, which she formed to herself, and to whom she was formerly wont to compare all those who made love to her."

"Zaide?" replys Mangogul. "I must own that she is a very proper subject to make me lose." "She is," added the favorite, "perhaps the only woman, whose reputation has been spared by the prude Arsinoe and the coxcomb Janeki."

"This is strong," says Mangogul: "but the trial of my ring is a better argument. Let us go directly to her Toy.