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Les Bijoux Indiscrets, or, The Indiscreet Toys
CHAP. XXXIX.
Dreams
"My lord," said the favorite to Bloculocus, "you must render me another piece of service. Last night a crowd of extravagant fancies disturbed my head. It was a dream of a very odd kind: and I have been assured that you are the most able person of Congo in decyphering dreams. Then give me quickly the interpretation of this;" and withal she related her own.
"Madam," answered Bloculocus, "I am but a middling Oneirocritic" – "Pray spare these terms of art," cried the favorite: "drop your learning, and talk reason to me."
"Madam, you shall be obeyed. I have some singular notions relating to dreams: and to this alone perhaps I am indebted for the honour of conversing with you, and for the epithet of Saturnine. I will explain them to you with all the perspicuity I am capable of.
"You are not ignorant, madam," continued he, "of what the bulk of philosophers, with the rest of mankind, deliver on that subject. They say, that the objects which most sensibly struck us the preceding day, employ our soul in the night. The traces which they imprinted on the fibres of our brain, subsist. The animal spirits, accustomed to flow to certain places, pursue a course which is become familiar to them: and thence arise these involuntary images which afflict or rejoice us. In this system I should think, that a happy lover ought always to be well served by his dreams. Nevertheless it frequently happens that a person who is not cruel to him, while he is awake, in his sleep treats him like a slave; or that instead of enjoying a charming woman, he finds a little deformed monster in his arms."
"That is exactly my adventure of last night," interrupted Mangogul: "for I seldom pass a night without dreaming. It is a family disease; and we dream from father to son, since the Sultan Togrul, who dream'd in 743500000002, and began the custom. Now, madam, last night you appeared to me," says he to Mirzoza. "'Twas your skin, your arms, your breast, your neck, your shoulders, this firm flesh, this easy shape, this incomparable Embonpoint, in a word it was yourself; excepting this circumstance, that instead of that charming face, that adorable head which I expected to find, I found myself nose to nose with the snout of a Dutch pug.
"I scream'd out dreadfully; my chamberlain Kotluk ran to me, and ask'd me what was the matter. 'Mirzoza,' answered I, half asleep, 'has just now undergone the most hideous metamorphosis. She is become a Dutch dog.' Kotluk did not think proper to awake me: he withdrew, and I fell asleep again: but I can assure you that I knew you wonderfully well, your body with a dog's head. Will Bloculocus give me the explanation of this phænomenon?"
"I do not despair of doing it," answered Bloculocus, "provided your highness will agree with me in one very plain principle; which is, that all beings have many conformities one with another, by qualities which are common to them: and that it is a certain combination of qualities which characterizes and distinguishes them."
"That is evident," replies Mirzoza. "Ipsiphila has feet, hands, and a mouth, like a woman of sense;" "and Pharasmena," adds Mangogul, "wears her sword like a man of courage."
"If a person is not sufficiently acquainted with the qualities, the combination of which characterizes this or that species; or if he passes a hasty judgment, that this combination does or does not belong to this or that individual; he runs the risque of mistaking copper for gold, a paste for a brillant, a calculator for a geometrician, a retailer of phrases for a wit, Crito for an honest man, and Phedima for a pretty woman," added the Sultana.
"Well, madam," replies Bloculocus, "do you know what might be said of those who pass these judgments?"
"That they dream wide awake," says Mirzoza.
"Very well, madam," continued Bloculocus; "and nothing is more philosophical or more exact in a thousand circumstances than this familiar expression: I believe you dream: for nothing is more common than men who fancy that they reason, and in reality only dream with their eyes open."
"'Tis of those," interrupted the favorite, "one may literally say, that their whole life is but a dream."
"I cannot too much admire, madam," replied Bloculocus, "the ease with which you comprehend such abstruse notions. Our dreams are but precipitate judgments which succeed each other with incredible rapidity, and by bringing objects together, whose sole connexion is by very distant qualities, compose one whimsical image."
"If I understand you right," said Mirzoza, "as I think I do, a dream is a piece of patch-work, the patches of which are more in number, more regularly fitted, according as the dreamer has a more lively turn of thought, a more rapid imagination, and a more faithful memory. Might not madness also consist in this? And when an inhabitant of the Petites Maisons cries out that he sees lightning, hears the rattling of thunder, and that gulphs gape under his feet; or when Ariadne at her glass smiles at herself, finds her eyes sparkling, her complexion charming, her teeth white, and her mouth little; might not one justly say, that these two disordered brains, deceived by very distant affinities, look on imaginary objects as present and real?"
"You have hit it off, madam: yes, a due examination of mad folks will convince any body, that their condition is but a continual dream."
"I have," says Selim addressing himself to Bloculocus, "some facts by me, to which your notions are very applicable; which makes me resolve to adopt them. Once I dream'd that I heard some brayings, and that I saw two parallel rows of singular animals coming out of the great mosque; they walk'd gravely on their hinder feet: the hoods in which their snouts were muffled up, had two holes in each, thro' which issued two long moveable hairy ears; and very long sleeves envelopped their fore feet. I rack'd my brain at the time, to find some meaning, in this vision: but I now recollect that I had been at Montmartre1 the preceding evening."
"Another time, while we were in the field, commanded by the great Sultan Erguebzed in person, and I, harassed by a forced march, was taking a nap in my tent, I thought I had the conclusion of an important affair to sollicite in the divan: I went to appear before the council of regency: but you may judge how much I had reason to be surprized. I found the hall full of racks, troughs, mangers, and coops for fowls; in the great Seneschal's easy chair I saw but an ox chewing the cud; in the Seraskier's place, a Barbary sheep; on the Testesdar's bench, an eagle with a hooked bill and long talons; instead of the Kiaja and Kadilesker, two large owls cloathed in fur; and for Visirs, geese with peacocks tails. I presented my petition, and instantly heard a horrible racket, which awaked me."
"Is that a dream of very difficult interpretation?" said Mangogul, "you had at that time some affair in the divan, and before you went thither, you took a walk to the Menagerie: but Signor Bloculocus, you tell me nothing concerning my dog's head."
"Prince," answer'd Bloculocus, "'tis a hundred to one, that madam wore, or you had observed some other lady wear a sable tippet; and that the first Dutch dog, which you saw, struck your imagination. There you have ten times more connections than is requisite to employ your mind during your sleep: the resemblance of colour made you substitute hair for a tippet, and in an instant you planted an ugly dog's head in the place of a very beautiful woman's head."
"Your notions to me appear just," replied Mangogul: "why do you not publish them? they may contribute to the progress of divination by dreams, an important science, which was much cultivated two thousand years ago; and has since been too much neglected. Another advantage of your system is, that it would not fail throwing light on several works, both ancient and modern, which are but a string of dreams; such as Plato's treatise of idea's, the fragments of Hermes Trismegistus, the literary paradoxes of father Harduin, the Newton, the optic of colours, and the universal mathematicks of a certain Bramin. For example, would you not inform us, Mr. Conjurer, what Orcotomus had seen in the daytime, when he dream'd his Hypothesis; what father C – had dreamt, when he set about constructing his organ of colours; and what was Cleobulus's dream, when he composed his tragedy?"
"With a little meditation, Sir," answered Bloculocus, "I might compass all that: but I reserve these nice phænomena for the time, when I shall put out my translation of Philoxenus, for which I beseech your highness to grant me the privilege."
"With all my heart," says Mangogul: "but who is this same Philoxenus?" – "Prince," replies Bloculocus, "he is a Greek author, who was very knowing in the subject of dreams." – "Then you understand Greek?" – "Who I, Sir, not a syllable." – "Have you not told me that you are translating Philoxenus, and that he wrote in Greek?" "Yes, Sir; but in order to translate a language, it is not necessary to understand it: because translations are made for those only, who understand it not."
"That is wonderful," says the Sultan; "Signor Bloculocus, well then translate Greek without understanding it. I give you my word, that I will keep the secret, and it shall not make me honour you one jot the less."
CHAP. XL.
Twenty-third Trial of the Ring.
Fannia
There still remain'd a good part of the day, when this conversation was closed: which determined Mangogul to make one trial of his ring, before he retired to his appartment; tho' it were purely to fall asleep on more chearful idea's than those which had hitherto employ'd him. He went directly to Fannia's house; but found her not. He return'd thither after supper; she was still absent. Wherefore he put off his experiment to the next morning.
Mangogul, says the African author, whose Journal we translate, was at Fannia's house by half an hour after nine this morning. She was but just put to bed. The Sultan drew near her pillow, view'd her for some time, and could not conceive how, with so few charms, she had run through so many adventures.
Fannia is fair even to insipidity, tall, ungainly, with an indecent gait, no features, few Agrémens, and an air of intrepidity, intolerable any where but at court. As for wit, she is allowed to have just as much as gallantry can communicate: and a woman must be born very weak, if she has not acquired a stock of jargon after a score of intrigues; for Fannia was advanced thus far.
At this time she was possessed by a man suited to her character. He gave himself little or no concern about her infidelities; tho' indeed he was not as well informed as the public, how far she carried them. He had taken Fannia by caprice, and kept her by habit; like a piece of furniture. They had spent the night at the ball, went to bed at nine, and fell asleep without ceremony. Alonzo's indifference would not have suited Fannia, were it not for her easy humour. Thus our couple were sleeping soundly back to back, when the Sultan turn'd his ring on Fannia's Toy. It instantly began to speak, its mistress to snoar, and Alonzo to awake.
After yawning several times; "this is not Alonzo, what's o'clock, who wants me? your business," said the Toy. "I think I have not been long in bed, let me take another nap."
The Toy was preparing to compose itself to rest accordingly; but that was not the Sultan's intention. "What persecution," resumed the Toy. "Once more who wants me, and for what? 'tis a misfortune to be born of illustrious ancestors: how unhappy is the condition of a titled Toy! if any thing could console me for the fatigues of my state, it would be the goodness of the nobleman, whose property I am. Oh! he is certainly the best man in the world in that regard. He has never given us the least uneasiness: and in return we have made great use of the liberty he granted us. What would have become of me, great Brama, if I had fallen to the share of one of those insipid wretches, who are always upon the watch? what a fine life we should have led!"
Here the Toy added some words, which Mangogul understood not, and then with surprising rapidity fell to sketching out a crowd of heroic, comic, burlesque, and tragicomic adventures: and it was almost out of breath, when it continued in these terms. "You see I have some memory. But I am like all others; I have retained but the smallest part of what I have been intrusted with. Be satisfied therefore with what I have related to you, I can recollect no more at present."
"'Tis pretty well," said Mangogul within himself; but still he urged afresh. "Lud, how teizing you are," resumed the Toy: "As if one had nothing better to do than to prate. Come then, since it must be so, let us prate on: perhaps when I have told all, I shall be permitted to do something else.
"My Mistress Fannia," continued the Toy, "thro' an inconceivable spirit of retirement, quitted the court, to shut her self up in her house at Banza. It was then the beginning of autumn, and every body was out of town. And if you ask me what she did there; Faith, I can't tell. But Fannia never did but one thing; and if she had been employ'd that way, I should have known it. Probably she was out of work: true, I now recollect, we spent a day and a half in perfect idleness, which threw us into a cruel fit of the vapors.
"I was heart-sick of this sort of life, when Amisadar was so good to relieve us from it. – 'Ah! you are there, my poor Amisadar, indeed you give me great pleasure. You come to me very opportunely.' – 'And who knew that you were at Banza?' replied Amisadar. – 'No body truly; and neither you nor any one else will ever imagine what brought me hither. Don't you guess at the cause?' – 'No, really, I cannot comprehend it.' – 'Not at all?' – 'No, not at all.' – 'Well then know, my dear, that I resolved to be converted' – 'You, to be converted?' – 'Yes, I' – 'Look on me a little: but you are as charming as ever, and I see nothing in that countenance that bespeaks conversion. This is all pleasantry' – 'No, faith, I am serious. I am determined to renounce the world. I am tired of it' – 'This is a whim, that will soon fly off. Let me die, if ever you run into devotion' – 'I will, I tell you: there is no sincerity in man' – 'Pray has Mazul fail'd you?' – 'I have not seen him this age.' – 'Then it must be Zumpholo?' – 'Less still, I have ceased seeing him, I can't tell how, without thinking about it.' – 'Ah! I have it, 'tis young Imola?' – 'Good, who can fix such fribbles?' – 'What is it then?' – 'I can't tell, I am angry with the whole earth?' – 'Ah! Madam, you are in the wrong; for this earth, at which you are angry, might furnish you wherewithal to repair your losses.' – 'Then, Amisadar, you sincerely believe that there are still some good souls, who have escaped from the corruption of the age, and are capable of love?' – 'How, love! Is it possible that you give into those pitiful notions? you expect to be loved, you?' – 'And why not?' – 'But reflect, madam, that a man who loves, pretends to be loved, and alone too. You have too much good sense, to enslave your self to the jealousies and caprices of a tender and faithful lover. Nothing so fatiguing as these folks. To see but them, to love but them, to dream of none but them, to have no wit, humour, or charms but for them; all this most certainly does not suit you. It would be pleasant to see you stive yourself up in, what is called, the noble passion, and give your self all the awkward airs of a little female cit.' 'Well, Amisadar, you seem to be in the right. I verily think it would ill become us to run into fawning love. Let us change then, since it must be so. Besides, I do not see, that those loving women, whom they set us as models, are happier than others' – 'Who told you so, madam?' – 'No body, but it is easily foreseen.' – 'Trust not to such foresight? A loving woman constitutes her own, and her lover's happiness: but this part is not suited to all women.' – 'Faith, my dear, it is suited to none: for all, who attempt it, are sufferers. What advantage is there in fixing to one?' – 'A thousand, a woman, who fixes her affections, will preserve her reputation; will be sovereignly esteemed by the man she loves; and you cannot imagine, how much love owes to esteem.' – 'I do not comprehend your meaning, you make a jumble of reputation, love, esteem, and I can't tell what besides. Would you be understood, that inconstancy must dishonour a woman? How, I take a man, and find he does not answer my expectations: I take another, and am still disappointed: I change him for a third, who does not turn out a jot better: and because I have had the misfortune to make a score of wrong choices, instead of pitying me, you would' – 'I would, madam, advise a woman who has been deceived in her first choice, not to make a second; for fear of being deceived again, and running from one error into another.' – 'Good God, what strange morality! I fancy, my dear, that you preached me a quite different sort just now. Might one be informed what sort of woman would hit your taste?' – 'Most willingly, madam but 'tis late, and the discourse would run into too great a length.' – 'So much the better: I am alone, and you will be company for me. Thus the affair is settled, is it not? Seat yourself on this couch, and go on: I shall hear you more at ease.'
"Amisadar obey'd, and sate down by Fannia. 'That mantelet of yours, madam,' says he, leaning towards her, and uncovering her bosom, 'wraps you up strangely.' – 'You say right.' – 'Why then do you hide such beautiful things?' added he, kissing them. – 'Come, ha' done. Do you know that you are mad? You are become intolerably impudent. Mr. Moralist, resume the conversation which you began.'
"'Well then,' said Amisadar, 'I would be glad to find in my mistress a good figure, good sense, good sentiments, and decency above all. I would have her approve my attendance; not deceive me by looks; make me thoroughly sensible, once at least, that I am agreeable to her; and even inform me how I may become still more so; not conceal from me the progress I make in her heart; give ear to none but me, have no eyes but for me; neither think, nor even dream, but of me; love but me; busy herself about nothing but me; do nothing but what may tend to convince me of all this: and at length yielding herself up to my transports, let me plainly perceive that I owe every thing to my love and to hers. Oh, what a triumph, madam! And how happy is the man who possesses such a woman!' – 'Alas, my poor Amisadar, you are certainly out of your senses. You have drawn the portrait of woman who does not exist.' – 'Pardon me, madam, there are some in being. I own that they are rare; but yet I have had the good fortune to light of one. Alas! If death had not snatch'd her from me, for 'tis death alone that ever robs one of such women, perhaps I should be in her arms at present' – 'But how then did you behave with her?' – 'I loved to distraction, and miss'd no opportunity of giving her proofs of my passion. I had the sweet satisfaction of seeing that they were well received. I was scrupulously faithful to her, and she to me. The only disputes between us were, whose love was strongest; and in these little debates it was, that we laid our hearts open. We were never so fond as after this scrutiny of our souls. Our caresses always became more tender and vigorous after our explanations. Oh! what love and truth were then in our looks! I read in her eyes, and she in mine, that we burned with equal and mutual ardor.' – 'And whither did all this lead ye?' – 'To pleasures unknown to all mortals less amorous and sincere than us.' – 'You enjoyed?' – 'Yes I enjoyed, but a good on which I set an infinite value. If esteem does not intoxicate, at least it hightens the intoxication considerably. We unbosom'd ourselves without reserve, and you can't imagine how much it strengthened our passion. The more I examined, the more perfections I discovered, and the greater were my transports. I spent half my time at her feet, and I regretted the loss of the rest. I made her happiness, and she filled up the measure of mine. I always saw her with pleasure, and always quitted her with pain. Thus we lived together: and now, madam, you may judge if loving women are so much to be pitied' – 'No they are not, if what you tell me be true; but I can scarcely believe it. There is no such love as you describe. Nay, I imagine, that such a passion as you have felt, must make a man purchase the pleasures it affords at the expence of great uneasinesses.' – 'I had some, madam, but I was fond of them. I felt some twitches of jealousy. The least alteration which I remarked in her countenance, spread the alarm all over my soul.' – 'What extravagance! Upon mature consideration, I conclude that it is better to love in the present fashionable way; to take a lover at one's ease, keep to him while he amuses, quit him when he becomes tiresome, or that our fancy speaks for another. Inconstancy affords a variety of pleasures unknown to you languishing folks.' – 'I grant that that method may be proper enough for little kept mistresses and common women; but does not suit with a man of tenderness and delicacy. At most it may amuse him, when his heart is disengaged, and he is willing to make comparisons. In a word, a woman of gallantry is by no means of my taste.' – 'You are in the right, my dear Amisadar, you have a ravishing way of thinking. But do you love any thing at present?' – 'Nothing, madam, but yourself; and I dare not tell you so neither.' – 'Ah! my dear, dare on: you may continue,' replied Fannia, gazing on him stedfastly.
"Amisadar understood this reply thoroughly well, moved forward on the couch, fell to playing with a ribbon, which hung down on Fannia's breast, and he was not interrupted. His hand, meeting with no obstacle, slipt down lower. She continued to fire him with glances, which he did not misinterpret. For my part," says the Toy, "I found, he was a sensible man. He took a kiss on that neck, on which he had bestowed so many encomiums. He was desired to stop, but in such a tone as plainly shewed that she would take it ill, if he obeyed; and accordingly he did not. He kissed her hands, returned to her neck, passed to her mouth: nothing resisted him. Insensibly Fannia's leg was on Amisadar's thighs. He put his hand on it: it was soft, and Amisadar did not fail to remark it. His elogy was heard with an air of distraction. By favor of this inattention, Amisadar's hand advanced, and with rapidity reached her knees. The absence of mind still continued; and Amisadar was preparing for the charge, when Fannia came to herself. She accused the little philosopher of want of respect; but he became so absent in his turn, that he did not hear one word, or at least made no other answer to the reproaches she threw on him, but by compleating his happiness.
"What a charming man he appear'd to me! Of the multitude of those, who preceded and followed him, not one was ever so much to my taste. I cannot mention him without panting. Pray suffer me to recover breath! I think I have spoken a pretty sufficient time, considering it is my first speech."
Alonzo did not lose one single Word of Fannia's Toy; and he was no less impatient than Mangogul to hear the remaining part of the adventure: but neither of them had time to be out of patience, when the tale-telling Toy resumed in these words.
"All that I can comprehend after serious consideration, is, that in some few days Amisadar went to the country, that he was asked the reason of his stay in town, and that he related his adventure with my mistress. For somebody of Amisadar's and her acquaintance, passing by our door, enquired either by chance or design, if madam was at home, sent in his name, and went up. – 'Ah! madam, who could imagine you were in Banza? and how long are you here?' – 'An age, my dear, this fortnight, that I have renounced society.' 'May I presume to ask, madam, upon what account?' – 'Alas! because I was tired of it. Women are become such strange libertines, that there is no bearing them. One must either do as they do, or pass for a silly creature; and sincerely, I think both extremes should be avoided.' – 'Indeed, madam, you are become quite edifying. Pray, is it the conversation of the Bramin Brelibibi, that has wrought your conversion?' – 'No, 'tis a squall of philosophy, 'tis a quint of devotion. It seized me suddenly; and it is not poor Amisadar's fault that I am not at present practising the highest austerity.' – 'Then madam has seen him lately?' – 'Yes, once or twice.' – 'And you have seen no body else.' – 'No, truly. He is the only thinking, reasoning, active being, that has entered my doors during the eternity of my retreat.' – 'That is singular' – 'And what singularity is there in it?' – 'Nothing but an adventure which he had the other day with a lady of Banza, alone like you, devout like you, retired from the world like you. But I must tell you the story: perhaps it will amuse you.' – 'Without doubt,' replied Fannia: and immediately Amisadar's friend set about relating his adventure word for word, as I have done," says the Toy: "and when he was advanced as far as I am now. – 'Well, madam,' said he, 'what do you think? Is not Amisadar a lucky man?' – 'But,' answered Fannia, 'Amisadar is a lier perhaps: do you imagine that there are women so daring as to abandon themselves without shame?' – 'But consider, madam,' replied Maruspha, 'that Amisadar has named no body, and it is very improbable that he has imposed' – 'I begin to see thro' the affair,' says Fannia: 'Amisadar has wit, and is a handsome man, he has, to be sure, infused some notions of sensual pleasure sure into this poor recluse, which have mastered her. Yes, this must be it: this sort of folks are dangerous to hear, and Amisadar is matchless in that way.' – 'How, madam,' interrupted Marsupha, 'is Amisadar the only man that has the art of perswading, and will you not do justice to others, who deserve, as much as he, a share in your esteem? – 'Pray, whom do you mean?' – 'Myself, madam, who think you a charming woman, and' – 'I fancy you joke. Look at me then, Marsupha. I have neither paint nor patches. My night-cap does not become me. I make a frightful figure.' – 'You are mistaken, madam: that undress sets you off surprisingly. It gives you so winning and kind an air!' —
"To these gallantries Marsupha added others. I insensibly joined in the conversation; and when Marsupha had finished with me, he resumed with my mistress. 'Seriously, Amisadar has attempted your conversion; he has an admirable hand at conversions. Could you give me a sample of his morals? I would lay a wager they are much the same with mine.' – 'We have thoroughly handled some points of gallantry. We have analysed the difference between an affectionate woman and a woman of gallantry. He is for the affectionate women' – 'And you too without doubt?' – 'Not at all, my dear. I took great pains to demonstrate to him, that we were all alike, and that we acted upon the same principles: but he is not of this opinion. He establishes an infinity of distinctions, which, I think, exist nowhere but in his imagination. He has formed to himself, I can't tell what ideal creature, a chimæra of a woman, a non-entity in a coif.' – 'Madam,' answered Marsupha, 'I know Amisadar. He is a lad of good sense, and has been very conversant with the sex. If he has told you that there were such' – 'Oh! whether there are such or not,' interrupted Fannia, 'I could never conform to their customs.' – 'I believe it,' said Marsupha: 'and accordingly you have chosen another sort of conduct more suitable to your birth and merit. Those silly creatures are to be abandoned to philosophers: they would never be look'd on at court. – "
Here Fannia's Toy stopt short. One of the principal perfections of these orators was to break off their discourse à propos. They talk'd as if they had never done any thing else: whence some authors have inferr'd, that they were pure machines. In this place the African author specifies all the metaphysical arguments of the Cartesians against the soul of brutes, which he applies with all possible sagacity to the prating of Toys. In a word, his opinion is, that Toys speak as birds sing; that is to say, so perfectly without having been taught, that, to be sure, they are prompted by some superior intelligence.
But you ask me how he disposes of his prince. He sends him to dine with the favorite: at least 'tis there we shall find him in the following chapter.
