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Les Bijoux Indiscrets, or, The Indiscreet Toys
CHAP. XXXVI.
Eighteenth and nineteenth trials of the Ring
The flatted Spheroïd, and Girgiro the entangled: catch who can
"That is singular," continued the favorite. "Till this moment, I always imagined, that the chief fault found with Toys, was their speaking too plainly." "Oh! madam," replied Mangogul, "these two are not of that tribe; understand them who can.
"You know that little crumpling of woman, whose head is sunk into her shoulders, whose arms are hardly to be seen, and whose legs are so short, and her belly so lank, that one might mistake her for a hedge-hog, for a clumsy ill-develop'd embryo, who bears the the nick-name of the flatted Spheroïd; who has filled her head with a notion that Brama called her to the study of geometry, because he has given her the figure of a bowl; and who consequently might have chosen the profession of artillery: for considering her make, she must have issued out of nature's bosom, as a bullet out of the mouth of a cannon.
"Willing to receive informations from her Toy, I examined it. But the vorticose creature spoke in terms of such sublime geometry, that I did not understand one word, nor perhaps did it understand its own language. It was nothing but right lines, concave surfaces, given quantities, longitude, latitude, profundity, solids, living forces, dead forces, cone, cylinder, conic sections, curves, elastic curves, curve re-entring into itself, with its point conjugated – "
"I pray your highness to excuse me from the rest," cried the favorite mournfully. "You have a cruel memory, enough to put one to death. It has raised a swimming in my head, which I dare say I shall not get rid of these eight days. But was the other so diverting?"
"You shall be the judge," replied Mangogul. "By Brama's great toe, I have performed a prodigy. I have retain'd its motly gibberish word for word, tho' it be so thoroughly void of sense and perspicuity, that if you give me a subtile and critical explanation of it, madam, you will make me an acceptable present."
"How have you said, prince?" cried Mirzoza. "Let me die, if you have not stolen that phrase from somebody."
"I can't tell how it has happened," replied Mangogul: "for these two Toys are the only persons to whom I have given audience this day. The last, on whom I turned my ring, after a moment's silence, said, as if addressing an audience,
"'Gentlemen,
"'I shall take the liberty to avoid seeking, to the contempt of my own reason, a model of thinking and expressing myself. But yet if I advance any thing new, it shall not be affectation, but the subject shall have furnished me with it: if I repeat what has been already said, it will be my own thought, as well as it has been that of others. Let not irony come to turn this preamble into ridicule, and accuse me of either not having read, or of having read to no purpose. A Toy like me is not made for reading, or profiting by its reading, or foreseeing an objection, or answering it.
"'I shall not debar myself of reflections and ornaments proportioned to my subject; the rather because in this regard it is extremely modest, and will not admit of any great quantity or brilliancy. But I will avoid sinking into those little minute details, which fall to the share of the barren orator. It would be cause of great grief to me to be suspected of this defect.
"'After having informed ye, gentlemen, of what you are to expect from my discoveries and elocution, some few strokes of the pencil will be sufficient, to sketch you out my character.
"'You know, gentlemen, as well as I, that there are two sorts of Toys: proud Toys and modest Toys. The former are haughty, and always expect the place of honour. The latter affect to be courteous, and present themselves with an air of submission. These two intentions appear manifestly in the execution of their projects, and determine both sorts to act according to the genius that guides them.
"'I imagined, thro' attachment to the prejudices of my first education, that I should open to myself a safer, easier, and more agreeable career, if I preferr'd the part of humility to that of pride; and I offered myself with infantile bashfulness and winning supplications to all, whom I had the good fortune to meet.
"'But oh! how unhappy are the times. After ten times more buts and ifs and ands than were sufficient to make the most unemployed Toy lose all patience, my services were accepted. Alas! this job was of short duration. My first possessor giving himself up to the flattering glory of a new conquest, discarded me, and I found myself all at once out of employment.
"'My treasure was gone, and I did not flatter myself that fortune would make me amends for it. In effect the vacant place was occupied, but not filled by a Sexagenarian, to whom good will was less wanting than the means.
"'He laboured with all his might to make me forget my past state. He had for me all that behavior, which is esteemed polite and engaging in the career that I pursued: but his efforts did not conquer my regret.
"'If industry, which is said never to fall short, made him find in the treasures of the natural faculty some abatement to my grief; this compensation to me appeared insufficient, in spite of my imagination, which was daily on the rack to find new resemblances, and even to suppose imaginary ones, but to no purpose.
"'Such is the advantage of primacy, that it seizes the idea, and forms a barrier against every thing that would afterwards present itself under other forms: and such is, shall I say it, to our shame, the ungrateful nature of Toys, that they never take the good-will for the deed.
"'This remark seems to me so natural, that, without being indebted to any body for it, I cannot think that I am the only one who has made it. But if any person before me has been struck with it; at least, gentlemen I am the first who undertake, by demonstrating it, to set its full value in a proper light.
"'I am far from laying the least blame to the charge of those who have raised their voice hitherto, for having let this stroke escape them; my self-love being abundantly satisfied, to be able, after so great a number of orators, to present my observation as something new. – '"
"Ah! prince," cried Mirzoza smartly, "I fancy I hear the chiromancer of the Manimonbanda. Apply to him, and you will have the subtile and critical explanation, of which you would in vain expect the agreeable present from any other person."
The African author says, that Mangogul smiled, and continued. "But I do not intend," says he, "to relate the rest of his discourse. If this beginning has not given as much amusement as the first pages of La Fée Taupe, the sequel would be more tiresome than the last pages of the Fée Moustache."
CHAP. XXXVII.
Mirzoza's dream
By the time that Mangogul had finished the academical discourse of Girgiro the entangled, night came on, and the company went to bed.
That night the favorite might well flatter herself with sleeping soundly: but the evening's conversation ran in her head while asleep: and its ideas mixing with others, produced an odd dream, which she did not fail relating to the Sultan, in these words.
"I was in my first sleep, when I imagined that I was transported into an immense gallery quite full of books. I shall say nothing of their contents: they were to me at that time, what they are to many others, who are not asleep. I did not so much as look at one title-page: a more striking sight attracted my whole attention.
"From space to space between the presses, that contain'd the books, there were pedestals, on which were placed most beautiful busto's of marble and Bronze. The injury of time had spared them; and some little defects excepted, they were entire and perfect. That nobleness and elegance which characterized the works of the ancients, were stamped on them. Most of them had long beards, large foreheads like yours, and engaging countenances.
"I was anxious to learn their names, and know their merit, when a woman came thro' the casement of a window, and accosted me. Her shape was genteel, her gait majestic, and her carriage noble, sweetness and loftiness were blended in her looks, and her voice had some inexpressible charm that delighted. A helmet, a coat of mail, and a flowing petticoat, made up all her attire. 'I know your anxiety,' said she to me, 'and am going to satisfy your curiosity: the men whose busto's have struck you, were my favorites. They consecrated their studies to the perfection of the elegant arts, whereof the invention is due to me. They lived in the most polite countries of the world, and their writings, which were the delight of their contemporaries, are the admiration of the present age. Draw near, and you will see carved on the several pedestals in Basso relievo, some remarkable subjects, which will at least point out to you the character of their writings.'
"The first busto which I examined, was that of a majestic old man, who seem'd to have been blind. In all probability he had sung of battles: for such were the subjects on the sides of his pedestal. The front was all taken up with a single figure, which was that of a young hero. His hand grasped the handle of his cymeter, and a woman's arm appear'd holding him back by the hair of the head, who seem'd to moderate his wrath.
"Opposite to this bust was placed that of a young man: he was the picture of modesty. His looks were turned on the old man with uncommon attention. He had also sung of wars and combats: but these were not the only subjects that employed him: for of the Basso relievo's which surrounded him, the principal one represented on one side husbandmen stooping on their ploughs, and tilling the ground; on the other, shepheards stretched on the grass, and played on their flutes amidst their herds and dogs.
"The busto placed below the old man on the same side, had a wild look. His eye seem'd to pursue some object that was flying from him: and under him were represented a lyre carelessly thrown aside, scattered laurels, broken chariots, and fiery horses running away in a vast plain.
"Fronting this I saw a busto, which made so deep an impression on me, that I fancy I see him still. He had a fine air, an aquiline pointed nose, a steady look, and an arch smile. The Basso relievo's, which adorned his pedestal, were so full of matter, that it would be an endless task to undertake the description of them.
"After examining some others, I began to ask some questions of my guide.
"'Who is that,' said I, 'who bears truth on his lips, and probity on his countenance.' 'He was,' replied she, 'the friend and victim to both. He spent his life in improving his fellow citizens in knowledge and virtue, and these ingrateful citizens put him to death.'
"'And this busto placed below him?' 'Which? That which appears supported by the graces carved on the sides of his pedestal?' 'The same.' – 'He is the disciple and inheriter of the sense and principles of the unfortunate virtuous man above mentioned.'
"'And this lusty jolly fellow, crowned, with vine branches and myrtle, who is he?' – 'A lovely philosopher, who made it his sole business to sing and taste pleasure. He died in the arms of voluptuousness.'
"'And this other blind man?' – 'He is,' said she – But I waited not for her answer. I imagined I was got among my acquaintance, and hurried to a busto placed opposite to him. This was posed on a trophy of different attributes of arts and sciences: Cupids sported among them on one of the sides of the pedestal: on another was a group of the Genii of politics, history, and philosophy. On the third, on one hand appear'd two armies drawn up in battle-array; astonishment and horror dwelt on every countenance, blended with marks of admiration and pity. These passions were probably excited by an object, which was there express'd. It was a young man expiring, and by his side an aged warrior, who pointed his sword to his own breast. These figures were exquisitely beautiful, and nothing could be more artfully touch'd than the despair of the one, and the mortal languor spread throughout the limbs of the other. I drew nearer, and under it I read this inscription in gold letters: Alas! this was his son.
"On the other hand was carved a furious Sultan, plunging a ponyard into the breast of a young person, in sight of a multitude of people. Some turn'd their heads aside, others melted in tears: and round this relievo were these words engraved: Is it you, Nerestan?
"As I was passing to other busto's, a sudden noise made me look back. It was made by a band of men cloath'd in long black gowns. Some carried censers, which exhaled a gross vapor; others had garlands of flowers in their hands, gather'd without choice, and disposed without taste. They march'd up to the busto's, and offered incense to them, singing hymns in two unknown languages. The smoak of their incense stuck to the busto's, and the crowns of flowers put on them made a most ridiculous sight. But the antiques soon resumed their beauty, and I saw the crowns wither and fall shriveled on the ground. There arose a quarrel amongst this set of barbarians, because some of them had not bent the knee low enough in the opinion of others; and they were on the point of coming to blows, when my guide dispersed them with one look, and re-established tranquillity in her habitation.
"Scarcely were they eclipsed, when I saw a long train of pigmies entering by an opposite door. These little men were not two cubits high, but in recompense they had very sharp teeth and very long nails. They divided into several bands, and fell on the busto's. Some endeavour'd to scratch the basso relievo's, and the floor was strewed with the broken pieces of their nails. Others, with greater insolence, mounted on one another's shoulders, to the highth of the heads, and gave them raps with their fists. But what diverted me much, was that these raps, instead of reaching the nose of the bust, rebounded on that of the pigmy; in consequence of which, upon a close inspection, I found most of them to be flat-nosed.
"'You see,' says my guide, 'the impudence and chastisements of these myrmidons. This war has lasted a long while, and always to their disadvantage. I use them with less severity than the black gowns. The incense of the latter might possibly disfigure the busto's; but the efforts of the former generally end in augmenting their beauty. But as you have not above an hour or two to remain here, I advise you to pass to other objects.'
"A great curtain opened that instant, and I saw a work shop occupied by a different sort of pigmies. These had neither teeth nor nails; but in return they were armed with razors and scissers. In their hands they held heads, which seemed animated; and they were very busy with these heads, in cutting off the hair of one, pulling off the nose and ears of another; putting out the right eye of this, the left of that, and in dissecting almost all of them. After this fine operation, they viewed them attentively, and smiled, as if they thought them the prettiest heads in the world. In vain did the heads send forth loud cries, they scarcely deign'd to make them any answer. I heard one begging back its nose, and remonstrating that it could not possibly appear in public without that piece. 'My friend, head,' replied the pigmy, 'you are a fool. That nose, which you regret, disfigured you. It was long, long – You never would have made your fortune with it. But since it has been curtail'd and pared, you are charming, and you will have many a spark after you.'
"While the fate of those heads moved my compassion, at a distance I saw other more charitable pigmies, who were crawling on the ground with spectacles on. They were picking up noses and ears, and fitting them to some old heads, from which time had disengaged them. There were some of them, but those were few in number, who succeeded: the rest fixed the nose where the ear should be, and the ear where the nose: and this rendered the heads more disfigured than before.
"Being very desirous to know what all those things meant, I ask'd my guide: and she had just open'd her lips, in order to give me an answer, when I awoke in a fright."
"That was cruel," says Mangogul: "this female would have revealed a number of mysteries to you. But in her stead, I am of opinion that we ought to address ourselves to my juggler Bloculocus." "Who?" replied the favorite. "That silly fellow, to whom you have granted the sole privilege of shewing the magic lanthorn in your court." "The same," answered the Sultan. "He will interpret your dream, or no body can. Let Bloculocus be called," says Mangogul.
CHAP. XXXVIII.
Twenty-first and twenty-second Trials of the Ring.
Fricamona and Callipiga
The African author does not inform us what became of Mangogul, while he waited for Bloculocus. 'Tis very probable that he went out, catechized some Toys; and that satisfied with the intelligence he received from them, he returned to the favorite, sending forth shouts of joy, which begin this chapter. "Victory, victory!" cried he. "You triumph, madam; the castle, the porcelains, and the little Sapajou are yours."
"'Tis Egle, without doubt?" replied the favorite. "No, madam, no, 'tis not Egle," interrupted the Sultan, "but another female." "Prince," says the favorite, "envy me no longer the comfort of knowing this Phoenix." – "Well, 'tis: who would have thought it?" "It is?" says the favorite – "Fricamona," replies Mangogul. – "Fricamona!" says Mirzoza: "I see no impossibility in that. This woman has spent the greatest part of her youth in a convent; and since she left it, she has led the most edifying and most retired life imaginable. No man has set his foot within her doors, and she has, in some measure, made herself the abbess of a troop of young devotees, whom she trains up to a state of perfection, and of whom her house does not grow thin. There was nothing there to answer your purpose," added the favorite, smiling and nodding her head.
"Madam, you are in the right," says Mangogul. "I have interrogated her Toy, but no answer. I doubled the virtue of my ring, by rubbing it once and again. Nothing came of it. 'To be sure,' said I to myself, 'this Toy must be deaf:' and I was preparing to leave Fricamona on the couch where I found her, when she began to speak, by the mouth I mean.
"'Dear Acaris,' cried she, 'how happy am I in those moments, which I snatch from every thing that employs me, to deliver myself up to thee. After those which I pass in thy arms, these are the sweetest of my life. – Nothing disturbs me; around me all is silence: my curtains not quite closed, let in but just as much day as is necessary for moving me to tenderness, and gazing on thee. I command my imagination: it calls thee forth, and immediately I see thee. Dear Acaris, how beautiful thou appear'st to me! – Yes, those are thy eyes, thy smile, thy mouth. Hide not that growing bosom from me – Let me kiss it – I have not sufficiently gazed on it. – Let me kiss it again. Ah! let me die on it – What fury seizes me? – Acaris, dear Acaris, where art thou? – Come then, dear Acaris. Ah! dear and tender friend, I swear to thee, that unknown sentiments have taken possession of my soul. It is filled with them, it is astonished at them, it is not able to contain them. – Flow, delightful tears, flow, and ease the ardor which devours me. – No, dear Acaris, no; that Alizali, whom thou prefer'st to me, will not love thee as I do – But I hear a noise – Ah! 'tis Acaris without doubt – Come, dear female friend, come – '
"Fricamona was not deceived," continued Mangogul; "for it was Acaris herself. I left them to entertain each other; and firmly perswaded that Fricamona's Toy would persevere in its discretion, I hurried to let you know that I have lost my wager." "But," replied the Sultana, "I am quite in the dark with regard to this Fricamona. Either she must be mad, or she is cruelly afflicted with vapors. No, prince, no, I have more conscience than you may imagine. I have nothing to object to this experiment: but yet I perceive somewhat in it, that hinders me from reaping any advantage by it: and I am resolved to reap none. If ever I accept your castle and porcelaines, it must be upon a better title."
"Madam," answered Mangogul, "I do not comprehend you. You are inconceivably difficult. Sure you have not well examined the little Sapajou."
"Prince, I have thoroughly viewed it," replied Mirzoza. "I know it is a charming thing. But I suspect that this Fricamona is not the person I seek. If you desire that I should enjoy it one day or other, apply elsewhere."
"Faith, madam," says Mangogul after mature consideration, "I see none but Mirolo's mistress that can make you win the wager."
"Ah! prince, you dream," answered the favorite. "I am not acquainted with your Mirolo; but whosoever he be, since he has a mistress, he does not keep her for nothing."
"Very true," says Mangogul; "and yet I would lay another wager, that Callipiga's Toy knows nothing at all."
"Pray be consistent with yourself," continued the favorite. "Of two things one must happen, either that Callipiga's Toy – But I was embarking in a ridiculous argument – Prince, do whatever you think proper: consult Callipiga's Toy; if it keep silence, so much the worse for Mirolo, and the better for me."
Mangogul departed, and found himself in an instant close to the jonquil Sopha, embroidered with silver, on which Callipiga was reposing. Scarcely had he turned his ring on her, but he heard an obscure voice, which mutter'd out the following discourse. "What do you ask me? I do not comprehend your questions. I am not as much as thought of: and yet I fancy I am as good as another. Mirolo, it is true, often passes by my door, but – "
There is a considerable deficiency in this place. The Republic of Letters would certainty have great obligations to the person, who would restore the discourse of Callipiga's Toy, of which we have only the two last lines remaining. We invite the learned to study them, and consider whether this deficiency be not a voluntary omission of the author, dissatisfied with what he had said, and who yet found nothing better to say.
– "It is said that my rival has altars beyond the Alps. Alas! were it not for Mirolo, the whole universe would erect some to me."
Mangogul returned immediately to the seraglio, and repeated to the favorite the complaint of Callipiga's Toy, word for word: for he had a wonderful memory. "Every circumstance of this story, madam," said he, "concurs to make you win: I give up the whole wager; and you will thank Callipiga when you shall think proper."
"Sir," answered Mirzoza seriously, "'tis to the most confirmed virtue that I am resolved to be obliged for the wager, and not – "
"But, madam," replied the Sultan, "I know of none better confirmed than that which has seen the enemy so near."
"And for my part, prince," replied the favorite, "I understand my own meaning well: and here come Selim and Bloculocus, who shall be our judges."
Selim and Bloculocus entered: Mangogul stated the case to them, and they both gave judgment in Mirzoza's favor.
