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Les Bijoux Indiscrets, or, The Indiscreet Toys
CHAP. XLI.
The history of Selim's travels
Mangogul, whose thoughts ran solely on diversifying his pleasures, and multiplying the trials of his ring; after having interrogated the most interesting Toys of the court, had the curiosity to hear some of the city Toys. But as he had no advantageous opinion of what his should learn from them, he would willingly consult them at his ease, and save himself the trouble of going to find them out.
How to bring them to him, was what embarassed him. "You are in great pain for a trifle," says Mirzoza. "Sir, you have only to give a ball, and I promise you this very night a greater number of those speech-makers than you will covet to hear."
"My heart's joy, you say right," replied Mangogul; "and your contrivance is the better still, because we shall certainly have none but those whom we have occasion for." In a moment an order was dispatch'd to the Kislar-Agasi, and the master of the revels, to prepare the ball, and to distribute no more than four thousand tickets. They were probably better judges in that country than elsewhere, of the room that six thousand persons would take up.
To amuse themselves till the hour of the ball, Selim, Mangogul, and the favorite set about telling news. "Does madam know," says Selim to the favorite, "that poor Codindo is dead?" "This is the first word I heard of it, but what did he the of?" says the favorite. "Alas, madam," answered Selim, "he fell a victim to attraction. He filled his head with this system in his youth, and it turn'd his brain in his old days." "How so?" says the favorite.
"He had found," continued Selim, "by the methods of Halley and Circino, two celebrated astronomers of Monoémugi, that a certain comet, which made so much noise towards the end of Kanaglou's reign, was to return the day before yesterday; and fearing lest it might double its steps, and he should not have the happiness of being the first to see it; he resolved to spend the night in his observatory, and yesterday morning at nine o'clock he had still his eye clung to the telescope.
"His son apprehending the consequences of so long a sitting, went to him at eight, pull'd him by the sleeve, and called him several times: Father, Father. Not a word of answer. Father, Father, repeated the young Codindo. 'It is just going to appear,' replied Codindo: 'it will appear; zounds! I shall see it.' 'But you do not consider, dear father, that there is a dismal fog' – 'I must see it, I will see it, I tell thee.'
"The young man, convinced by these answers, that the fog had got into his father's head, called out for help. The family ran to him, and sent for Farfadi; and I was with him (for he is my physician) when Codindo's servant came. – 'Quick, quick, Sir, make haste, old Codindo, my master' – 'Well, what is the matter, Champagne? What has befallen your master?' – 'Sir, he is run mad.' – 'Thy master is run mad' – 'Oh! yes, Sir. He cries out that he must see beasts, that he will see beasts; that they will come. The apothecary is with him already, and they wait for you. Come quickly.' – 'Maniacal,' says Farfadi, putting on his gown, and hunting for his square-cap; 'Maniacal, a terrible maniacal fit.' Then turning to the servant, he ask'd: 'Does not thy master see butterflies? Does he not pick the ends of his coverlid?' – 'Oh! no, Sir,' replied Champagne. 'The poor man is on the top of his observatory, where his wife, daughters and son have much ado to hold him. Come quickly, you will find your square-cap to-morrow.'
"Codindo's disease seemed to me to be of an odd kind: I took Farfadi in my coach, and we drove to the observatory. At the bottom of the stairs we heard Codindo crying out in a furious tone: 'I must see the comet, I will see it: withdraw ye rascals and jades.'
"In all probability his family, finding that they could not prevail on him to go down to his bed-chamber, had ordered his bed up to him: for we found him lying in bed at the top of his observatory. An apothecary of the neighbourhood, and the Bramin of the parish had been called before we arrived. The latter was trumpeting into his ear: 'Brother, dear brother, your salvation is at stake: you cannot with a safe conscience expect a comet at this hour of the day: you damn yourself.' – 'That is my business,' said Codindo. 'What answer will you give to Brama, before whom you are going to appear?' replied the Bramin. – 'Mr. Rector,' says Codindo, without stirring his eye from the telescope, 'my answer shall be, that it is your trade to exhort me for my money, and the apothecary's there, to extol his warm water to me; that the physician does his duty of feeling my pulse, and learning nothing from it; and I my own, of waiting for the comet.' – In vain did they teize him, they drew nothing more from him: he continued to observe with heroic courage; and he died on the leads, his left hand on his eye of that side, his right laid on the tube of the telescope, and his right eye applied close to the eye-glass; between his son, who cried that he made a false calculation; his apothecary, who proposed him a clyster, his physician, who with a toss of his head pronounced, that there was nothing more to be done; and his priest, who said to him: 'brother, make an act of contrition, and recommend yourself to Brama. – '"
"That is," says Mangogul, "what they call dying in the bed of honour." "Let us leave poor Codindo," added the favorite, "to rest in peace, and pass to some more agreeable subject." Then addressing herself to Selim, "my lord," says she, "as you are so gallant at this time of life, have so much wit, talents, and so good a mien, and lived in a court devoted to pleasures; it is no wonder if the Toys have formerly celebrated your fame. But yet I suspect that they have not told all they knew of you. I do not require this supplement: you may have good reasons for refusing it. But after all the adventures, with which this gentry have honoured you, you ought to know womankind: and this is one of those things of no consequence, which you may safely own."
"This compliment, madam," replied Selim, "would have flattered my self-love at the age of twenty: but I have gained some experience, and one of my first reflections is, that the more one practises this business, the less knowledge he obtains. I, to know women! that I have studied them much, may be allowed." "Well, what do you think of them?" said the favorite. "Madam," answered Selim, "whatsoever their Toys might have published concerning them, I esteem the whole sex as most respectable."
"Indeed, my friend," says the Sultan, "you deserve to be a Toy; you would have no occasion for a muzzle." "Selim," added the Sultana, "abandon the satyrical strain, and speak the truth." "Madam," replied the courtier, "I may possibly mix some disagreeable strokes with my narrative: do not impose the task on me of offending a sex, which has always used me well enough, and which I revere by" – "What, always veneration! I know nothing so caustic as those sweet-tongued folks, when they set on," intermitted Mirzoza; and imagining that it was through regard for her that Selim excused himself, "Let not my presence restrain you," added she: "we are contriving to amuse ourselves; and I promise upon my honour to apply to myself all the obliging things you shall say of my sex, and to leave the rest to other women. Well, you have studied women much? Pray, give us an account of the course of your studies: it must have been very brilliant, if I may judge of it by what is known of the success: and it is reasonable to presume, that this will not be contradicted by what is unknown." The old courtier complied with her desire, and began thus.
"The Toys, I own, have talked a good deal of me: but they have not told all. Those who were capable of completing my history, either are no more, or are not in our climate: and those who have begun it, have but lightly touched the subject. I have hitherto inviolably kept the secret which I had promised them; although I was better made to speak than they: but since they have broke silence, I think they have dispensed me from the obligation of keeping it.
"Born with a fiery constitution, I loved almost as soon as I knew what a beautiful woman was. I had governants which I detested; but in return I was much pleased with my mother's waiting-women. They were for the most part young and pretty: they conversed, dressed, and undressed before me without ceremony; they have even enticed me to take liberties with them, and my temper naturally inclining to gallantry, turned every thing to advantage. With these elements of instruction, at five or six years of age I was put under the care of men; and God knows how forward I was in improving them, when the ancient authors were put into my hands, and my tutors explained certain passages, of which possibly they themselves did not penetrate into the sense. My father's pages taught me some pretty college tricks: and the perusal of Aloysia, which they lent me, gave me a vehement desire of becoming perfect. I was then fourteen years of age.
"I cast my eyes around, seeking among the women who frequented the house, one to whom I might make my addresses: but they all appeared equally proper to ease me of my irksome load of innocence. A commenced acquaintance, and still more the courage I felt to attack a person of my own age, and which failed me with regard to others, determined my choice in favor of one of my cousins. Emilia was young, and so was I: I thought her pretty, and she liked me: she was not difficult, and I was enterprizing: I had a mind to learn, and she was not less curious to know. We frequently asked one another very frank and strong questions: and one day she deceived the vigilance of her governants, and we instructed each other. Ah! how great a master is nature! it soon set us in the high road of pleasure, and we abandoned ourselves to its impulse, without the least thought of the consequences: and this was not the way to prevent them. Emilia had indispositions, which she took the less pains to hide, as she did not suspect the cause. Her mother examined her, extorted a confession of our commerce, and my father was informed of it. He made me some reprimands blended with an air of satisfaction; and it was immediately resolved that I should travel. I set out with a governor, who was charged to watch my conduct attentively, but not to put me under any restraint: and five months after, the gazette informed me, that Emilia died of the small pox; and a letter from my father, that her tenderness for me had cost her her life. The first fruit of my love serves with distinction in the Sultan's army: I have always supported him by my credit, and to this day he knows me solely as his protector.
"We were at Tunis, when I received the news of his birth and his mother's death. Her fate touched me to the quick, and I believe I should have been inconsolable, had I not embarked in an intrigue with a sea-captain's wife, who did not afford me time to run into despair. The Tunetine was intrepid, and I was fool-hardy: for with the assistance of a rope-ladder, which she threw to me, I passed every night from my lodging on her terrass, and thence into a closet, where she put the finishing hand to my instructions; Emilia having only made a beginning. Her husband return'd from a cruize, just at the time, that my governor, who had received his instructions, urged me to cross over into Europe. I embarked on board a vessel bound for Lisbon, but not without several times taking leave of Elvira, from whom I received this diamond.
"The vessel, in which we sailed, was laden with merchandise; but the most valuable commodity on board, to my taste, was the captain's wife. She was not quite twenty: and her husband was as jealous of her as a tyger, and not quite without cause. We all soon understood one another: Donna Velina perceived that I had a liking for her; I, that I was not indifferent to her; and her husband, that he incommoded us. The sailor resolved not to lose sight of us till we were landed at Lisbon. I read in the eyes of his dear wife, how much she fretted at her husband's assiduity: mine testified the same things to her, and the husband understood us wonderfully well. We spent two whole days in an inconceivable thirst of pleasure; which would certainly have kill'd us, had not heaven assisted us: but it always assists souls in pain. Just upon our passing the Streights of Gibraltar, a furious tempest arose. I would not fail, madam, to raise the winds about your ears, and make thunder rattle over your head; to set the heavens on fire with lightning; raise the billows up to the clouds, and describe the most horrid tempest which you have ever met with in any romance; were I not giving you a history. I shall only tell you, that the captain was compelled by the sailors cries to quit his room, and expose himself to one danger for fear of another. He went up on deck together with my governor, and I threw myself without hesitation into the arms of my fair Portuguese; quite forgetting that there was any such thing in nature as a sea, storms, or tempests; that we were on board a tottering vessel; and abandoning myself without reserve to the perfidious element. Our course was rapid, and you may well judge, madam, by the weather at that time, that I saw a great deal of land in a few hours. We put in at Cadiz, where I left a promise with the Signora to meet her at Lisbon, if my Mentor agreed to it, whose design was to go directly to Madrid.
"The Spanish women are more closely confined, and more amorous than ours. Love is managed in that country by a sort of ambassadresses, who have orders to catechize strangers, to make proposals to them, to conduct them forward and backward; and the ladies undertake the task of making them happy. I was not obliged to go through this ceremony, thanks to the conjuncture. A great revolution had lately placed a prince of the blood royal of France on the throne of this kingdom: his arrival and coronation occasioned festivals at the court, where I then appeared. I was accosted at a masquerade; and a meeting was proposed me for the next day: I accepted the challenge, and went into a little house, where I found only one man mask'd, his nose wrapp'd in his cloak, who delivered me a letter, in which Donna Oropeza put off the party to the next day at the same hour. I returned, and was introduced into an appartment sumptuously furnish'd, and well illuminated with wax tapers. My goddess did not make me wait long. She enter'd just at my heels, and rush'd into my arms without speaking a word, or taking off her mask. Was she ugly? Was she handsome? was what I knew not. I only perceived on the couch, to which she drew me, that she was young, well-made, and loved pleasure. When she found herself satisfied with my panegyricks, she unmask'd, and shewed me the original of this picture, which you see in my snuff-box."
Selim open'd, and at the same time presented the favorite with a gold box, of exquisite work, and richly adorn'd with jewels. "The present is gallant," says Mangogul: "what I esteem most in it," added the favorite, "is the portrait. What eyes! What a mouth! what a neck! But is not all this hightened?" "So little, madam," replied Selim, "that Oropeza would probably have fixed me at Madrid, if her husband, informed of our commerce, had not disturbed it by his threats. I loved Oropeza, but I loved life better still. Besides, my governor was not of opinion, that I should expose myself to be poniarded by the husband, for the sake of enjoying his wife some few months more. Wherefore I wrote to the fair Spanish Donna a very moving farewel letter, which I stole out of some romance of that country, and set out for France.
"The monarch, who then reigned in France, was the king of Spain's grandfather, and his court was justly esteemed the most magnificent, most polite, and most gallant in Europe. I appeared there as a phænomenon. 'A young lord of Congo,' says a beautiful marquise. 'That must be surely very diverting: those men are better then ours. I think Congo is not far from Morocco.' Suppers were given, to which I was invited. Let my discourse have ever so little sense in it, it was found fine, admirable: people retracted, who had at first done me the honour to suspect that I had not common sense. 'He is a charming man,' says another court lady briskly: 'it would be murther to suffer so pretty a figure to return into a wretched country, where the women are narrowly watched by men who are no longer so. Is it true, sir? 'Tis said, that they have nothing. That is very unseemly in a man.' – 'But,' adds another, 'we must keep this great boy here, (for he is well born) tho' he were only made a knight of Malta. I engage, if you will, to procure him an employment; and the dutchess Victoria, my old friend, will speak to the king in his favor, if it be requisite.'
"I soon had indubitable proofs of their good-will, and I put the marquise into a condition of pronouncing on the merit of the inhabitants of Morocco and Congo. I found that the employment, which the dutchess and her friend had promised me, was difficult to execute, and therefore gave it up. It was in this recess that I learned to form those noble passions of twenty-four hours. I circulated during six months in a vortex, where the beginning of an adventure did not wait for the end of another; because enjoyment was the only thing intended. Or if that was slow in coming, or as soon as it was obtained, we ran upon the scent of new pleasures." "What do you tell me, Selim?" interrupted the favorite. "Decency is then unknown in those countries?" "Pardon me, madam," replied the old courtier. "They have scarcely any other word in their mouths. But the French women are no more slaves to the thing than their neighbors." "What neighbors?" says Mirzoza. "The English women," replied Selim, "who are cold and scornful in appearance, but passionate, voluptuous, vindictive; less witty and more rational than the French women. These love the jargon of sentiment, those prefer the expression of pleasure. But at London as at Paris, people love, separate, rejoin to separate again. From the daughter of a lord bishop (these are a sort of Bramins who do not keep celibacy) I passed to a baronet's wife. While he was warmly supporting the interest of the nation in the house of commons, against the attempts of the court; his wife and I had quite different debates in his house. But the session was closed, and madam was obliged to attend her knight to his manor. I then light upon a colonel's wife, whose regiment was quartered along the sea-coast: I afterwards belong'd to the lady mayoress. Ah, what a woman! I should never have seen Congo again, if the prudence of my governor, who saw me wasting away, had not redeemed me from this gally. He counterfeited letters from my family, which recalled me with all possible expedition, and we embarked for Holland: our design was to travel through Germany into Italy, where we expected frequent opportunities of vessels to carry us to Afric.
"We saw Holland only in riding post; and did not tarry much longer in Germany. All the women of rank there resemble important citadels, which must be besieged in form. They are to be reduced, but the approaches require so many measures, there are so many ifs and buts, when the articles of capitulation are to be settled, that those conquests soon tired me.
"I shall never forget the expression of a German lady of the first quality, on the subject of granting me what she had not refused to several others. 'Alas!' cried she mournfully, 'what would my father the great Alkizi say, if he knew that I abandon myself to such a low creature as a Congese.' 'He shall say nothing, madam,' replied I: 'so much grandeur affrights me, and I withdraw.' It was wisely done of me; for if my mediocrity had compromised with her highness, I might have repented it. Brama, who protects the wholesome climes, which we inhabit, inspired me without doubt in this critical moment.
"The Italian ladies, whom we frequented afterwards, are not mounted on so high a pin. It was with them that I learned the modes of pleasure. There is indeed much caprice and whim in those refinements; but you will pardon me, ladies, if I say, that sometimes there is no pleasing you without them. From Venice and Rome I brought some merry receipts before my time unknown in our barbarous country. But I restore all the glory of them to the Italian women, who communicated them to me.
"I spent about four years in Europe, and returned through Egypt into this empire, modelled as you see, and stock'd with the rare secrets of Italy, which I soon divulged."
Here, says the African author, Selim perceiving that the common place language, which he held to the favorite on his adventures in Europe, and on the characters of the women of the countries through which he passed, had plunged Mangogul into a deep sleep, was afraid of awaking him; and therefore drew near to the favorite, and continued in a lower voice.
"Madam," said he, "were I not apprehensive that I have tired you by a narrative, which has perhaps been already too long; I would relate you the adventure, by which I commenced my operations on my arrival at Paris: I cannot think how it has escaped me."
"Tell it, my good friend," answered the favorite; "I will double my attention, and make amends, as much as I am able, for the Sultan's inattention, who sleeps."
"At Madrid," continued Selim, "we had taken recommendations for some lords of the court of France, and at our setting foot in Paris we found ourselves loaded with protestations of friendship. It was then the pleasant season of the year, and in the evenings my governor and I went to walk in the gardens of the Palais Royal. One day we were joined there by some Petits-Maitres, who shewed us the most celebrated beauties, and gave us their history, true, or false, not forgetting themselves on every occasion, as you may well imagine. The garden was already stock'd by a great number of women; but there arrived a considerable reinforcement about eight o'clock. By the quantity of their jewels, the magnificence of their dress, and the crowd of their attendants, I took them for dutchesses at least. I spoke my thoughts to one of the young lords of the company, whose answer was, that he found I was a connoisseur; and if I was inclined, I should have the pleasure of supping that very night with some of the most lovely of them. I accepted his offer, and in an instant he slipt a word into the ears of two or three of his friends, who dispersed themselves into different parts of the walks, and in less than a quarter of an hour returned to give us an account of their negotiation. 'Gentlemen,' said they to us, 'you are expected this night to supper at the dutchess Asteria's.' Those who were not of the party, congratulated us on our good fortune: and after some turns in the gardens, they left us, and we went into our coach, in order to reap the benefit of it.
"We alight at a little door, at the foot of a very narrow pair of stairs, where we climbed up to a second floor; and I found the appartments more spacious and better furnished than they would appear to me at present. I was presented to the mistress of the house, to whom I made one of the most profound reverences, which I accompanied with so respectuous a compliment, that she was almost unhinged. Supper was served up, and I was seated next to a little charming person, who fell to acting the dutchess to admiration. Truly I can't tell how I dared to fall in love with her: but so it was."
"Then you have loved once in your life," interrupted the favorite. "Oh! yes, madam," replied Selim, "as people love at eighteen years of age, with extreme impatience to conclude an affair just broach'd. I had not a wink of sleep all that night, and at dawn of day I set about composing a most gallant letter to my Belle. I sent it, received an answer, and obtained a meeting. Neither the style of the answer, nor the yielding temper of the lady, did undeceive me; and I flew to the place of assignation, strongly perswaded that I was going to enjoy the wife or daughter of a prime minister. My goddess was waiting for me on a grand couch: I threw myself at her feet, took her hand, kissed it with uncommon eagerness, and felicitated myself on the favor which she condescended to grant me. 'Is it true,' said I, 'that you permit Selim to love you, and to tell you so; and that he may, without offending you, flatter himself with the sweetest hope?' On ending these words, I snatch'd a kiss from her neck; and as she was recumbent I was preparing to support the attack with vigor, when she stop'd me, and said: 'Hold, my friend, you are a pretty lad, you have wit at will, you talk like an angel; but I must have four Louis d'or's.' 'What do you say,' interrupted I. – 'I tell you,' replied she, 'there is nothing to be done, if you have not brought four Louis' – 'How, miss,' said I quite amazed, 'is that your full value? It was well worth my while, to be sure, to come from Congo for such a trifle.' And in a moment I put myself in order, hurried down stairs, and left her.
"I began, madam, as you see, to mistake actresses for princesses." "I am quite astonished at it," replied Mirzoza, "surely the difference is very great." "I doubt not," said Selim, "but they were guilty of a hundred impertinences. But what then? A young man, and a stranger too, is not so nice an observer. And I had heard so many bad stories in Congo, on the liberties taken by the European women. – "
Here Mangogul awak'd, and yawning and rubbing his eyes, said: "By the L – d, he is still at Paris. Might one ask you, good Mr. Story-teller, when you expect to be return'd to Banza, and how long I am doomed to sleep: for 'tis proper you should know, my friend, that it is not possible to broach an account of travels without throwing me into yawnings. It is a bad habit, which I contracted in reading Tavernier and other travellers."
"Prince," answered Selim, "it is above an hour since I am come back to Banza."
"I congratulate you thereupon," replied the Sultan; and then turning to the Sultana, "madam," said he, "the hour appointed for the masquerade is come: we will set out, if the fatigue of the journey permits you."
"Prince," answered Mirzoza, "I am ready." Mangogul and Selim slipt on their Domino's, and the favorite took hers likewise: the Sultan handed her to the ball-room where they separated, in order to mix in the crowd. Selim followed them, "and so did I," says the African author; "tho' I had a stronger inclination to take a nap than to see the dancing."
