Джон Голсуорси
Saint's Progress
“Oh, yes!”
“Tres-bien! Let us go in?”
They passed into a revolving doorway with little glass compartments which shot them out into a shining corridor. At the end of this the painter looked at Noel and seemed to hesitate, then he turned off from the room they were about to enter into a room on the right. It was large, full of gilt and plush and marble tables, where couples were seated; young men in khaki and older men in plain clothes, together or with young women. At these last Noel looked, face after face, while they were passing down a long way to an empty table. She saw that some were pretty, and some only trying to be, that nearly all were powdered and had their eyes darkened and their lips reddened, till she felt her own face to be dreadfully ungarnished: Up in a gallery a small band was playing an attractive jingling hollow little tune; and the buzz of talk and laughter was almost deafening.
“What will you have, mademoiselle?” said the painter. “It is just nine o’clock; we must order quickly.”
“May I have one of those green things?”
“Deux cremes de menthe,” said Lavendie to the waiter.
Noel was too absorbed to see the queer, bitter little smile hovering about his face. She was busy looking at the faces of women whose eyes, furtively cold and enquiring, were fixed on her; and at the faces of men with eyes that were furtively warm and wondering.
“I wonder if Daddy was ever in a place like this?” she said, putting the glass of green stuff to her lips. “Is it nice? It smells of peppermint.”
“A beautiful colour. Good luck, mademoiselle!” and he chinked his glass with hers.
Noel sipped, held it away, and sipped again.
“It’s nice; but awfully sticky. May I have a cigarette?”
“Des cigarettes,” said Lavendie to the waiter, “Et deux cafes noirs. Now, mademoiselle,” he murmured when they were brought, “if we imagine that we have drunk a bottle of wine each, we shall have exhausted all the preliminaries of what is called Vice. Amusing, isn’t it?” He shrugged his shoulders.
His face struck Noel suddenly as tarnished and almost sullen.
“Don’t be angry, monsieur, it’s all new to me, you see.”
The painter smiled, his bright, skin-deep smile.
“Pardon! I forget myself. Only, it hurts me to see beauty in a place like this. It does not go well with that tune, and these voices, and these faces. Enjoy yourself, mademoiselle; drink it all in! See the way these people look at each other; what love shines in their eyes! A pity, too, we cannot hear what they are saying. Believe me, their talk is most subtle, tres-spirituel. These young women are ‘doing their bit,’ as you call it; bringing le plaisir to all these who are serving their country. Eat, drink, love, for tomorrow we die. Who cares for the world simple or the world beautiful, in days like these? The house of the spirit is empty.”
He was looking at her sidelong as if he would enter her very soul.
Noel got up. “I’m ready to go, monsieur.”
He put her cloak on her shoulders, paid the bill, and they went out, threading again through the little tables, through the buzz of talk and laughter and the fumes of tobacco, while another hollow little tune jingled away behind them.
“Through there,” said the painter, pointing to another door, “they dance. So it goes. London in war-time! Well, after all, it is never very different; no great town is. Did you enjoy your sight of ‘life,’ mademoiselle?”
“I think one must dance, to be happy. Is that where your friends go?”
“Oh, no! To a room much rougher, and play dominoes, and drink coffee and beer, and talk. They have no money to throw away.”
“Why didn’t you show me?”
“Mademoiselle, in that room you might see someone perhaps whom one day you would meet again; in the place we visited you were safe enough at least I hope so.”
Noel shrugged. “I suppose it doesn’t matter now, what I do.”
And a rush of emotion caught at her throat – a wave from the past – the moonlit night, the dark old Abbey, the woods and the river. Two tears rolled down her cheeks.
“I was thinking of – something,” she said in a muffled voice. “It’s all right.”
“Chere mademoiselle!” Lavendie murmured; and all the way home he was timid and distressed. Shaking his hand at the door, she murmured:
“I’m sorry I was such a fool; and thank you awfully, monsieur. Good night.”
“Good night; and better dreams. There is a good time coming – Peace and Happiness once more in the world. It will not always be this Forcing-House. Good night, chere mademoiselle!”
Noel went up to the nursery, and stole in. A night-light was burning, Nurse and baby were fast asleep. She tiptoed through into her own room. Once there, she felt suddenly so tired that she could hardly undress; and yet curiously rested, as if with that rush of emotion, Cyril and the past had slipped from her for ever.
III
Noel’s first encounter with Opinion took place the following day. The baby had just come in from its airing; she had seen it comfortably snoozing, and was on her way downstairs, when a voice from the hall said:
“How do you do?” and she saw the khaki-clad figure of Adrian Lauder, her father’s curate! Hesitating just a moment, she finished her descent, and put her fingers in his. He was a rather heavy, dough-coloured young man of nearly thirty, unsuited by khaki, with a round white collar buttoned behind; but his aspiring eyes redeemed him, proclaiming the best intentions in the world, and an inclination towards sentiment in the presence of beauty.
“I haven’t seen you for ages,” he said rather fatuously, following her into her father’s study.
“No,” said Noel. “How – do you like being at the Front?”
“Ah!” he said, “they’re wonderful!” And his eyes shone. “It’s so nice to see you again.”
“Is it?”
He seemed puzzled by that answer; stammered, and said:
“I didn’t know your sister had a baby. A jolly baby.”
“She hasn’t.”
Lauder’s mouth opened. ‘A silly mouth,’ she thought.
“Oh!” he said. “Is it a protegee – Belgian or something?”
“No, it’s mine; my own.” And, turning round, she slipped the little ring off her finger. When she turned back to him, his face had not recovered from her words. It had a hapless look, as of one to whom such a thing ought not to have happened.
“Don’t look like that,” said Noel. “Didn’t you understand? It’s mine-mine.” She put out her left hand. “Look! There’s no ring.”
He stammered: “I say, you oughtn’t to – you oughtn’t to – !”
“What?”
“Joke about – about such things; ought you?”
“One doesn’t joke if one’s had a baby without being married, you know.”
Lauder went suddenly slack. A shell might have burst a few paces from him. And then, just as one would in such a case, he made an effort, braced himself, and said in a curious voice, both stiff and heavy: “I can’t – one doesn’t – it’s not – ”
“It is,” said Noel. “If you don’t believe me, ask Daddy.”
He put his hand up to his round collar; and with the wild thought that he was going to tear it off, she cried: “Don’t!”
“You!” he said. “You! But – ”
Noel turned away from him to the window: She stood looking out, but saw nothing whatever.
“I don’t want it hidden,” she said without turning round, “I want every one to know. It’s stupid as it is – stupid!” and she stamped her foot. “Can’t you see how stupid it is – everybody’s mouth falling open!”
He uttered a little sound which had pain in it, and she felt a real pang of compunction. He had gripped the back of a chair; his face had lost its heaviness. A dull flush coloured his cheeks. Noel had a feeling, as if she had been convicted of treachery. It was his silence, the curious look of an impersonal pain beyond power of words; she felt in him something much deeper than mere disapproval – something which echoed within herself. She walked quickly past him and escaped. She ran upstairs and threw herself on her bed. He was nothing: it was not that! It was in herself, the awful feeling, for the first time developed and poignant, that she had betrayed her caste, forfeited the right to be thought a lady, betrayed her secret reserve and refinement, repaid with black ingratitude the love lavished on her up bringing, by behaving like any uncared-for common girl. She had never felt this before – not even when Gratian first heard of it, and they had stood one at each end of the hearth, unable to speak. Then she still had her passion, and her grief for the dead. That was gone now as if it had never been; and she had no defence, nothing between her and this crushing humiliation and chagrin. She had been mad! She must have been mad! The Belgian Barra was right: “All a little mad” in this “forcing-house” of a war! She buried her face deep in the pillow, till it almost stopped her power of breathing; her head and cheeks and ears seemed to be on fire. If only he had shown disgust, done something which roused her temper, her sense of justice, her feeling that Fate had been too cruel to her; but he had just stood there, bewilderment incarnate, like a creature with some very deep illusion shattered. It was horrible! Then, feeling that she could not stay still, must walk, run, get away somehow from this feeling of treachery and betrayal, she sprang up. All was quiet below, and she slipped downstairs and out, speeding along with no knowledge of direction, taking the way she had taken day after day to her hospital. It was the last of April, trees and shrubs were luscious with blossom and leaf; the dogs ran gaily; people had almost happy faces in the sunshine. ‘If I could get away from myself, I wouldn’t care,’ she thought. Easy to get away from people, from London, even from England perhaps; but from oneself – impossible! She passed her hospital; and looked at it dully, at the Red Cross flag against its stucco wall, and a soldier in his blue slops and red tie, coming out. She had spent many miserable hours there, but none quite so miserable as this. She passed the church opposite to the flats where Leila lived, and running suddenly into a tall man coming round the corner, saw Fort. She bent her head, and tried to hurry past. But his hand was held out, she could not help putting hers into it; and looking up hardily, she said:
“You know about me, don’t you?”
His face, naturally so frank, seemed to clench up, as if he were riding at a fence. ‘He’ll tell a lie,’ she thought bitterly. But he did not.
“Yes, Leila told me.”
And she thought: ‘I suppose he’ll try and pretend that I’ve not been a beast!’
“I admire your pluck,” he said.
“I haven’t any.”
“We never know ourselves, do we? I suppose you wouldn’t walk my pace a minute or two, would you? I’m going the same way.”
“I don’t know which way I’m going.”
“That is my case, too.”
They walked on in silence.
“I wish to God I were back in France,” said Fort abruptly. “One doesn’t feel clean here.”
Noel’s heart applauded.
Ah! to get away – away from oneself! But at the thought of her baby, her heart fell again. “Is your leg quite hopeless?” she said.
“Quite.”
“That must be horrid.”
“Hundreds of thousands would look on it as splendid luck; and so it is if you count it better to be alive than dead, which I do, in spite of the blues.”
“How is Cousin Leila?”
“Very well. She goes on pegging away at the hospital; she’s a brick.” But he did not look at her, and again there was silence, till he stopped by Lord’s Cricket-ground.
“I mustn’t keep you crawling along at this pace.”
“Oh, I don’t mind!”
“I only wanted to say that if I can be of any service to you at any time in any way whatever, please command me.”
He gave her hand a squeeze, took his hat off; and Noel walked slowly on. The little interview, with its suppressions, and its implications, had but exasperated her restlessness, and yet, in a way, it had soothed the soreness of her heart. Captain Fort at all events did not despise her; and he was in trouble like herself. She felt that somehow by the look of his face, and the tone of his voice when he spoke of Leila. She quickened her pace. George’s words came back to her: “If you’re not ashamed of yourself, no one will be of you!” How easy to say! The old days, her school, the little half grown-up dances she used to go to, when everything was happy. Gone! All gone!
But her meetings with Opinion were not over for the day, for turning again at last into the home Square, tired out by her three hours’ ramble, she met an old lady whom she and Gratian had known from babyhood – a handsome dame, the widow of an official, who spent her days, which showed no symptom of declining, in admirable works. Her daughter, the widow of an officer killed at the Marne, was with her, and the two greeted Noel with a shower of cordial questions: So she was back from the country, and was she quite well again? And working at her hospital? And how was her dear father? They had thought him looking very thin and worn. But now Gratian was at home – How dreadfully the war kept husbands and wives apart! And whose was the dear little baby they had in the house?
“Mine,” said Noel, walking straight past them with her head up. In every fibre of her being she could feel the hurt, startled, utterly bewildered looks of those firm friendly persons left there on the pavement behind her; could feel the way they would gather themselves together, and walk on, perhaps without a word, and then round the corner begin: “What has come to Noel? What did she mean?” And taking the little gold hoop out of her pocket, she flung it with all her might into the Square Garden. The action saved her from a breakdown; and she went in calmly. Lunch was long over, but her father had not gone out, for he met her in the hall and drew her into the dining-room.
“You must eat, my child,” he said. And while she was swallowing down what he had caused to be kept back for her, he stood by the hearth in that favourite attitude of his, one foot on the fender, and one hand gripping the mantel-shelf.
“You’ve got your wish, Daddy,” she said dully: “Everybody knows now. I’ve told Mr. Lauder, and Monsieur, and the Dinnafords.”
She saw his fingers uncrisp, then grip the shelf again. “I’m glad,” he said.
“Aunt Thirza gave me a ring to wear, but I’ve thrown it away.”
“My dearest child,” he began, but could not go on, for the quivering of his lips.
“I wanted to say once more, Daddy, that I’m fearfully sorry about you. And I am ashamed of myself; I thought I wasn’t, but I am – only, I think it was cruel, and I’m not penitent to God; and it’s no good trying to make me.”
Pierson turned and looked at her. For a long time after, she could not get that look out of her memory.
Jimmy Fort had turned away from Noel feeling particularly wretched. Ever since the day when Leila had told him of the girl’s misfortune he had been aware that his liaison had no decent foundation, save a sort of pity. One day, in a queer access of compunction, he had made Leila an offer of marriage. She had refused; and he had respected her the more, realising by the quiver in her voice and the look in her eyes that she refused him, not because she did not love him well enough, but because she was afraid of losing any of his affection. She was a woman of great experience.
To-day he had taken advantage of the luncheon interval to bring her some flowers, with a note to say that he could not come that evening. Letting himself in with his latchkey, he had carefully put those Japanese azaleas in the bowl “Famille Rose,” taking water from her bedroom. Then he had sat down on the divan with his head in his hands.
Though he had rolled so much about the world, he had never had much to do with women. And there was nothing in him of the Frenchman, who takes what life puts in his way as so much enjoyment on the credit side, and accepts the ends of such affairs as they naturally and rather rapidly arrive. It had been a pleasure, and was no longer a pleasure; but this apparently did not dissolve it, or absolve him. He felt himself bound by an obscure but deep instinct to go on pretending that he was not tired of her, so long as she was not tired of him. And he sat there trying to remember any sign, however small, of such a consummation, quite without success. On the contrary, he had even the wretched feeling that if only he had loved her, she would have been much more likely to have tired of him by now. For her he was still the unconquered, in spite of his loyal endeavour to seem conquered. He had made a fatal mistake, that evening after the concert at Queen’s Hall, to let himself go, on a mixed tide of desire and pity!
His folly came to him with increased poignancy after he had parted from Noel. How could he have been such a base fool, as to have committed himself to Leila on an evening when he had actually been in the company of that child? Was it the vague, unseizable likeness between them which had pushed him over the edge? ‘I’ve been an ass,’ he thought; ‘a horrible ass.’ I would always have given every hour I’ve ever spent with Leila, for one real smile from that girl.’
This sudden sight of Noel after months during which he had tried loyally to forget her existence, and not succeeded at all, made him realise as he never had yet that he was in love with her; so very much in love with her that the thought of Leila was become nauseating. And yet the instincts of a gentleman seemed to forbid him to betray that secret to either of them. It was an accursed coil! He hailed a cab, for he was late; and all the way back to the War Office he continued to see the girl’s figure and her face with its short hair. And a fearful temptation rose within him. Was it not she who was now the real object for chivalry and pity? Had he not the right to consecrate himself to championship of one in such a deplorable position? Leila had lived her life; but this child’s life – pretty well wrecked – was all before her. And then he grinned from sheer disgust. For he knew that this was Jesuitry. Not chivalry was moving him, but love! Love! Love of the unattainable! And with a heavy heart, indeed, he entered the great building, where, in a small room, companioned by the telephone, and surrounded by sheets of paper covered with figures, he passed his days. The war made everything seem dreary, hopeless. No wonder he had caught at any distraction which came along – caught at it, till it had caught him!
IV
1
To find out the worst is, for human nature, only a question of time. But where the “worst” is attached to a family haloed, as it were, by the authority and reputation of an institution like the Church, the process of discovery has to break through many a little hedge. Sheer unlikelihood, genuine respect, the defensive instinct in those identified with an institution, who will themselves feel weaker if its strength be diminished, the feeling that the scandal is too good to be true – all these little hedges, and more, had to be broken through. To the Dinnafords, the unholy importance of what Noel had said to them would have continued to keep them dumb, out of self-protection; but its monstrosity had given them the feeling that there must be some mistake, that the girl had been overtaken by a wild desire to “pull their legs” as dear Charlie would say. With the hope of getting this view confirmed, they lay in wait for the old nurse who took the baby out, and obtained the information, shortly imparted: “Oh, yes; Miss Noel’s. Her ‘usband was killed – poor lamb!” And they felt rewarded. They had been sure there was some mistake. The relief of hearing that word “‘usband” was intense. One of these hasty war marriages, of which the dear Vicar had not approved, and so it had been kept dark. Quite intelligible, but so sad! Enough misgiving however remained in their minds, to prevent their going to condole with the dear Vicar; but not enough to prevent their roundly contradicting the rumours and gossip already coming to their ears. And then one day, when their friend Mrs. Curtis had said too positively: “Well, she doesn’t wear a wedding-ring, that I’ll swear, because I took very good care to look!” they determined to ask Mr. Lauder. He would – indeed must – know; and, of course, would not tell a story. When they asked him it was so manifest that he did know, that they almost withdrew the question. The poor young man had gone the colour of a tomato.
“I prefer not to answer,” he said. The rest of a very short interview was passed in exquisite discomfort. Indeed discomfort, exquisite and otherwise, within a few weeks of Noel’s return, had begun to pervade all the habitual congregation of Pierson’s church. It was noticed that neither of the two sisters attended Service now. Certain people who went in the sincere hope of seeing Noel, only fell off again when she did not appear. After all, she would not have the face! And Gratian was too ashamed, no doubt. It was constantly remarked that the Vicar looked very grave and thin, even for him. As the rumours hardened into certainty, the feeling towards him became a curious medley of sympathy and condemnation. There was about the whole business that which English people especially resent. By the very fact of his presence before them every Sunday, and his public ministrations, he was exhibiting to them, as it were, the seamed and blushing face of his daughter’s private life, besides affording one long and glaring demonstration of the failure of the Church to guide its flock: If a man could not keep his own daughter in the straight path – whom could he? Resign! The word began to be thought about, but not yet spoken. He had been there so long; he had spent so much money on the church and the parish; his gentle dreamy manner was greatly liked. He was a gentleman; and had helped many people; and, though his love of music and vestments had always caused heart-burnings, yet it had given a certain cachet to the church. The women, at any rate, were always glad to know that the church they went to was capable of drawing their fellow women away from other churches. Besides, it was war-time, and moral delinquency which in time of peace would have bulked too large to neglect, was now less insistently dwelt on, by minds preoccupied by food and air-raids. Things, of course, could not go on as they were; but as yet they did go on.
The talked-about is always the last to hear the talk; and nothing concrete or tangible came Pierson’s way. He went about his usual routine without seeming change. And yet there was a change, secret and creeping. Wounded almost to death himself, he felt as though surrounded by one great wound in others; but it was some weeks before anything occurred to rouse within him the weapon of anger or the protective impulse.
And then one day a little swift brutality shook him to the very soul. He was coming home from a long parish round, and had turned into the Square, when a low voice behind him said:
“Wot price the little barstard?”
A cold, sick feeling stifled his very breathing; he gasped, and spun round, to see two big loutish boys walking fast away. With swift and stealthy passion he sprang after them, and putting his hands on their two neighbouring shoulders, wrenched them round so that they faced him, with mouths fallen open in alarm. Shaking them with all his force, he said:
“How dare you – how dare you use that word?” His face and voice must have been rather terrible, for the scare in their faces brought him to sudden consciousness of his own violence, and he dropped his hands. In two seconds they were at the corner. They stopped there for a second; one of them shouted “Gran’pa”; then they vanished. He was left with lips and hands quivering, and a feeling that he had not known for years – the weak white empty feeling one has after yielding utterly to sudden murderous rage. He crossed over, and stood leaning against the Garden railings, with the thought: ‘God forgive me! I could have killed them – I could have killed them!’ There had been a devil in him. If he had had something in his hand, he might now have been a murderer: How awful! Only one had spoken; but he could have killed them both! And the word was true, and was in all mouths – all low common mouths, day after day, of his own daughter’s child! The ghastliness of this thought, brought home so utterly, made him writhe, and grasp the railings as if he would have bent them.
From that day on, a creeping sensation of being rejected of men, never left him; the sense of identification with Noel and her tiny outcast became ever more poignant, more real; the desire to protect them ever more passionate; and the feeling that round about there were whispering voices, pointing fingers, and a growing malevolence was ever more sickening. He was beginning too to realise the deep and hidden truth: How easily the breath of scandal destroys the influence and sanctity of those endowed therewith by vocation; how invaluable it is to feel untarnished, and how difficult to feel that when others think you tarnished.
He tried to be with Noel as much as possible; and in the evenings they sometimes went walks together, without ever talking of what was always in their minds. Between six and eight the girl was giving sittings to Lavendie in the drawing-room, and sometimes Pierson would come there and play to them. He was always possessed now by a sense of the danger Noel ran from companionship with any man. On three occasions, Jimmy Fort made his appearance after dinner. He had so little to say that it was difficult to understand why he came; but, sharpened by this new dread for his daughter, Pierson noticed his eyes always following her. ‘He admires her,’ he thought; and often he would try his utmost to grasp the character of this man, who had lived such a roving life. ‘Is he – can he be the sort of man I would trust Nollie to?’ he would think. ‘Oh, that I should have to hope like this that some good man would marry her – my little Nollie, a child only the other day!’
In these sad, painful, lonely weeks he found a spot of something like refuge in Leila’s sitting-room, and would go there often for half an hour when she was back from her hospital. That little black-walled room with its Japanese prints and its flowers, soothed him. And Leila soothed him, innocent as he was of any knowledge of her latest aberration, and perhaps conscious that she herself was not too happy. To watch her arranging flowers, singing her little French songs, or to find her beside him, listening to his confidences, was the only real pleasure he knew in these days. And Leila, in turn, would watch him and think: ‘Poor Edward! He has never lived; and never will; now!’ But sometimes the thought would shoot through her: ‘Perhaps he’s to be envied. He doesn’t feel what I feel, anyway. Why did I fall in love again?’
They did not speak of Noel as a rule, but one evening she expressed her views roundly.
“It was a great mistake to make Noel come back. Edward. It was Quixotic. You’ll be lucky if real mischief doesn’t come of it. She’s not a patient character; one day she’ll do something rash. And, mind you, she’ll be much more likely to break out if she sees the world treating you badly than if it happens to herself. I should send her back to the country, before she makes bad worse.”
“I can’t do that, Leila. We must live it down together.”
“Wrong, Edward. You should take things as they are.”
With a heavy sigh Pierson answered:
“I wish I could see her future. She’s so attractive. And her defences are gone. She’s lost faith, and belief in all that a good woman should be. The day after she came back she told me she was ashamed of herself. But since – she’s not given a sign. She’s so proud – my poor little Nollie. I see how men admire her, too. Our Belgian friend is painting her. He’s a good man; but he finds her beautiful, and who can wonder. And your friend Captain Fort. Fathers are supposed to be blind, but they see very clear sometimes.”
Leila rose and drew down a blind.
“This sun,” she said. “Does Jimmy Fort come to you – often?”
“Oh! no; very seldom. But still – I can see.”
‘You bat – you blunderer!’ thought Leila: ‘See! You can’t even see this beside you!’
“I expect he’s sorry for her,” she said in a queer voice.
“Why should he be sorry? He doesn’t know:”
“Oh, yes! He knows; I told him.”
“You told him!”
“Yes,” Leila repeated stubbornly; “and he’s sorry for her.”
And even then “this monk” beside her did not see, and went blundering on.
“No, no; it’s not merely that he’s sorry. By the way he looks at her, I know I’m not mistaken. I’ve wondered – what do you think, Leila. He’s too old for her; but he seems an honourable, kind man.”
“Oh! a most honourable, kind man.” But only by pressing her hand against her lips had she smothered a burst of bitter laughter. He, who saw nothing, could yet notice Fort’s eyes when he looked at Noel, and be positive that he was in love with her! How plainly those eyes must speak! Her control gave way.
“All this is very interesting,” she said, spurning her words like Noel, “considering that he’s more than my friend, Edward.” It gave her a sort of pleasure to see him wince. ‘These blind bats!’ she thought, terribly stung that he should so clearly assume her out of the running. Then she was sorry, his face had become so still and wistful. And turning away, she said:
“Oh! I shan’t break my heart; I’m a good loser. And I’m a good fighter, too; perhaps I shan’t lose.” And snapping off a sprig of geranium, she pressed it to her lips.
“Forgive me,” said Pierson slowly; “I didn’t know. I’m stupid. I thought your love for your poor soldiers had left no room for other feelings.”
Leila uttered a shrill laugh. “What have they to do with each other? Did you never hear of passion, Edward? Oh! Don’t look at me like that. Do you think a woman can’t feel passion at my age? As much as ever, more than ever, because it’s all slipping away.”
She took her hand from her lips, but a geranium petal was left clinging there, like a bloodstain. “What has your life been all these years,” she went on vehemently – “suppression of passion, nothing else! You monks twist Nature up with holy words, and try to disguise what the eeriest simpleton can see. Well, I haven’t suppressed passion, Edward. That’s all.”