Polina Samoilova
Nothing ever last forever
My father told me that everyone should be able to worry only about what they can change. I thought I understood what he meant until I found myself caught up in the vicious circle of life.
Chapter 1
It was a picturesque winter morning on the fringes of a charming American town nestled in Indiana when Luna entered the world. The sun's radiant glow illuminated the snow-capped surroundings, and the gently swaying breeze wafted swells of fresh pine scents as Luna inhaled her first breath.
Luna's childhood existed in a realm uncommon to ordinary tales. While her family cherished her with unwavering affection, their parenting approaches existed as two divergent paths. Maddy, her mother, maintained an ever-watchful eye, overseeing every move as if Luna were a fragile being. On the other hand, Adam, her father, remained entirely disconnected, exhibiting no sense of responsibility towards his youngest child. The daily cares and concerns of Luna's well-being were effortlessly abandoned to his wife, blissfully unaware of whether she had eaten, brushed her teeth, or even succumbed to slumber. As long as his work remained unhindered by her cries, Adam was satisfied with the status quo. Luna's parents loved her with a depth that extended to the farthest reaches of the cosmos, particularly because she was the youngest in the family. However, Maddy often showcased this love through an overdose of protection, forbidding Luna from the simplest of actions and erupting in shouts if she faltered in following her mother's strict instructions. Worry became the shapeless specter that clung to Maddy at every moment, for she yearned relentlessly to provide nothing less than the best for her beloved little girl. Though her methods may not have always proven to be the most effective, Luna possessed an intuitive understanding that her mother's actions were merely manifestations of boundless love. Meanwhile, Luna's father bore an attachment style that favored avoidance, wrestling with the expression of his own emotions. Engulfed by the ever-pressing matters of his work, he found scarce time to devote to his family. Yet, amidst the tumultuous currents of his obligations, a flicker of hope emerged. Financial abundance perennially graced their household, bestowing upon them the ability to indulge in opulent attire and savor the freedom to revel in life's luxuries.
As Luna got older, this overprotective behavior spiraled out of control, leading to her gradually losing interest in everything that once brought her joy. The things that used to light up her world now seem dull and unappealing. Even the thought of attending school, which can be seen as a source of excitement, now seemed like an overwhelming task that she couldn't possibly endure. Following her parents' divorce, Luna was relieved to find that the endless quarrels and tension at home had come to an end. It was a strange feeling to come home and be greeted by silence. However, she found solace in her once-a-week outings with her father, where they would sit at a cozy café and delve into deep conversations about life. For both of them, it was akin to a therapeutic session with a psychologist, as they listened attentively to one another and offered valuable advice that helped them to persevere and stay strong even during the toughest times.
Maddie was deeply unhappy about Luna's meetings with her ex-husband Adam and made no secret of her disapproval. One day, she decided to head home early to surprise him. But as she walked inside, the sight that greeted her extinguished all semblance of hope and joy. The hallway was scantily adorned with thoughtlessly scattered rose petals. It wasn't long before her journey to the bedroom culminated in the gut-wrenching spectacle of Adam kissing a young woman. Maddie couldn't believe her eyes. The love that had once sustained and nurtured her dissipated like a fading ember. As a deep sense of betrayal and sorrow coursed through her veins, she knew that the only course was to confront Adam. Marching to their bedroom, she found her husband still enraptured by his illicit lover. "How could you do this to me?" Maddie's trembling voice shook with anger and pain. Adam's professional facade cracked, revealing his guilt and remorse. "I'm sorry, Maddie. I never meant to hurt you," he stammered pitifully. However, redemption was beyond his grasp. Maddie knew that their marriage could not overcome this insurmountable breach of trust. She reached for her phone and started dialing a number that she had prayed she would never have to call—a divorce lawyer. As she left, that den of deception, relief, and sorrow mingled in her heart. The future would prove challenging, but Maddie was resolved to embrace it head-on and carve out the best path forward for herself and her family.
Chapter 2
Luna grew up feeling lost in a small town where she struggled to find her place. She longed for something more, but the stark reality was that there were no hobbies or friendships to be found within its limited confines. She yearned for something meaningful to fill her days and bring purpose to her existence. But despite her best efforts, she couldn't find anything that spoke to her heart in the frame of her tiny world.
The more Luna looked around, the more she felt defeated by the emptiness of her surroundings. It was as if her soul was suffocating, gasping for a breath of fresh air that seemed impossible to come by. She felt trapped in a small box, her spirit craving expansion and freedom. As the girl started her studies in high school, there was a realization that she had grown up steeped in a deep sense of hatred. From early childhood, animosity was harbored towards the people around her, she detested the mundane routines of her daily life, and most of all, she despised the city she called home. The girl came to understand that every aspect of her existence had been a cacophony of negativity, bitterness, and perpetual dissatisfaction when she thought about it. Even the smallest of things seemed to irk her, with each passing day contributing to her growing sense of disillusionment. Yes, this emotion has lingered within her since childhood, yet its gravity only became apparent during the early years of high school. It was then that she not only grappled with the loss of her sole companion but also the onset of the pandemic, which made finding new connections impossible. Despite being alone, the burden of losing her friend lifted like a weight off her shoulders—their final time together exposed the toxic nature of their bond and reinforced the notion that it was healthier for them to part ways. After almost a year and a half of complete isolation in the confines of her four walls due to COVID, Luna began to succumb to the devouring presence of negative thoughts, resulting in a deterioration of her health and a further exacerbation of her situation. The onset of anemia caused a decline in her strength and spirits, marking the first time Luna had ever felt this unwell. She could hardly muster the strength to get out of bed without breaking down in tears, piling immense pressure on herself and allowing the tide of negativity to ravage her from within.
Moreover, the young lady frequently dug deep within, comparing her own life to that of her brothers. Lost in contemplation, she would often observe the successes of their lives, and it appeared to her that she alone was the unfortunate one in the family. While her brothers had an abundance of marvelous companions and acquaintances flourishing in various business fields, stimulating and intelligent individuals with whom Luna too yearned to communicate, she remained very youthful for them. Also, her brothers were even afforded the opportunity to embark on internships in diverse nations, yet once Luna matured, her family's financial situation had deteriorated to the point where the same possibility no longer existed for her, although she yearned for it with all her being. Furthermore, Luna was under the impression that her brothers were reveling in all the joys of life, acquiring anything and everything that they desired, causing her to genuinely question why she, in comparison, felt so wretched.
However, Luna rejected the idea of remaining stagnant. It was her last year of school when she refused to accept her lot in life as fate, instead choosing to take action in search of something more. And so she searched, her heart beating with anticipation, always looking for a glimmer of hope in the darkness. Realizing that her hometown was holding her back from achieving true happiness and self-fulfillment, the young lady decided to leave and start everything from scratch. She knew that staying put would not lead to any positive change, so she found that the only option was to move several thousand kilometers away.
It was a daunting move, but Luna saw it as an opportunity to start over, to leave behind all the negative emotions, and to start working on her own self-improvement. Luna started by setting daily challenges as a way to push herself out of her comfort zone and continue to grow. She started reading 100 pages of a book every day, expanding her knowledge in various realms, especially physics, and exposing herself to new and inspiring ideas. She made fitness a priority, dedicating time to daily workouts and outdoor activities that helped her both physically and mentally. She made a conscious effort to eat healthily and make better food choices, realizing that a healthy body and mind go hand in hand. Alongside her personal development, Luna also focused on her studies, knowing that a good education would provide her with illimitable opportunities in the future.
The truth was, everything seemed effortless for her, a consequence of having no friends at all. She resided in an unassuming small town with limited distractions and no passions to pursue, which only served to exacerbate the typical pitfalls of adolescence. The stress of academic turmoil and the lingering fatigue of burnout weighed heavily on her, but there was no one to confide in. The pervasive solitude proved to be a driving force behind her melancholy, slowly eating away at her spirit until it felt as though there was no escape. The mere thought of moving to another city filled her with a sense of revitalization, like the fresh air on a crisp autumn day. The innocence of youth propelled her to believe that a new locale could be the key to unlocking her true self, cultivating new relationships, and finding a sense of belonging. Regrettably, her mother remained a formidable obstacle to her aspirations, driven by fear of losing her beloved daughter. Maddie went to such lengths to ensure that Luna had no chance to venture beyond the confines of their home. She persisted in belittling her daughter's capabilities by planting doubts in her mind about the daunting enormity of thriving in big cities. Despite her mother's attempts to discourage her, Luna refused to give up on her dreams. She knew that her father believed in her and would support her no matter what. His unwavering faith in her abilities gave her the courage to stand up to her mother and pursue her goals. Even so, Luna found herself vexed that her own mother seemed unwilling to support her happiness, while her siblings did everything within their power to aid their mother and provide examples of why settling in a bustling city wasn't a feasible option. Though her brothers harbored love for her, there were times when they were consumed with envy, knowing that Luna, as the youngest of the siblings, was favored and consequently would receive the best experiences in life. In the past, Luna had taught herself to disregard the opinions of others, utilizing it as a defense mechanism for moments when her mother would berate her over trivial matters. However, the stress of graduating from school and the uncertainty of whether she could indeed leave behind her current situation rendered her defenseless and vulnerable to everything, leaving her crestfallen when her own family said that things would never work out.