Nikolay Lakutin
The teacher. A play for 4 people. Comedy
Ksyusha. Anka!
Anna. Anya sells seeds at the bazaar, and I'm Anya!
Ksyusha. Oh, I'm sorry, Anna Andreyevna. May I ask why you are not sleeping at such a late hour, my dear?
Anna. She lay down. I even took a little nap. Then I woke up, decided to try it on, and here you are. Well, then the impromptu happened. Escaped, so to speak!
Ksyusha. Got away from her! Over there, Sanka and I almost broke out too… Something.
Sanek. Kapets, Anya, you are cruel. I had such wonderful plans for the night, and now validol and Jack London.
Ksyusha. It's a setup in general! Sanka tried so hard, he was already ready, I'm on it myself! And then at once the whole mood is in the trash!
Anna. Well, I'm sorry, I didn't plan on it, really. Somehow it all turned out that way. A combination of circumstances.
Ksyusha. Get out of my sight, Santa Claus! Come on, Sanka, let's walk around the house a little more, maybe we'll work up an "appetite", otherwise it's just a shame.
Sanek. Let's go, especially since I need to smoke after this.
Ksyusha. And I could use a drink, too. Maybe to a restaurant?
Sanek. A restaurant? Then I definitely can't do without validol later.
Ksyusha. Understood. Then a budget promenade, and then how it goes.
Sanek. Let's go.
Sanek and Ksyusha leave, Anna (Santa Claus) shrugs guiltily, leaves.
Scene 3
It's late morning.
Sanka's mobile phone rings for a long time. No one is answering.
The phone goes silent and starts ringing again.
A sleepy Sleigh comes out in shorts and a T-shirt. He struggles to open his eyes, trying to find his mobile phone.
The bell stops ringing, the Sleigh falls to the nearest place suitable for rest. He continues to sleep.
His phone rings for the third time.
Sanek. Aye. What the hell! Who needs me this early? People! Have a conscience! There are some basic rules. This is a joke! According to the rules of good manners, it is allowed to call no earlier than eight in the morning. Who is so ill-mannered, and even pushy!!!
He's looking for a phone. He finds it and picks up the phone.
Sanek (into the phone). Hello! (Looks at the caller ID.) Vityukha, he's healthy. Have you looked at your watch? So what do they show? Eleven? (Pause). In the morning? And… (Gets out) No, I'm just like that. I decided to check my own, internal ones. They are lagging behind… Strongly. Something happened? Did you make an agreement? And yes, we agreed. No, I haven't forgotten. And about what? Oh, of course. No, no, no. Everything is in force. Where are you? From me? But I don't have one. Well… yes… Simply… Well, listen, it's a long time to explain. Circumstances. But I'm not far away, wait, we'll figure it out now. (He shouts into the other room.) Ksyusha?
There is no answer.
Sanek (shouts louder). Ksyukha?
Ksyusha (in a sleepy, dissatisfied voice from the other room). What do you need?
Sanek (shouting). Can Vitek come here? We had an agreement to grind something, I overslept, I didn't have time to go home, but he had already arrived. Can he come here already? So that I can do this and that for now… Time. Well, where to? A
pause.
Ksyusha (excitedly from the other room). And what time is it?
Sanek (shouting). Eleven!
Jamming of Ksusha's emotional speech mixed with fragments of phrases!
Sanek (shouting). Is that okay?
Ksyusha with disheveled hair in a nightgown skips on one leg, trying to put on pants. Fussing, getting dressed very quickly.
Ksyusha. Let him come, just don't pull me, I'm severely late!
Ksyusha runs off to get dressed further.
Sanek (into the phone). Hello? Vityai, are you still here? Listen… this… Do you know where my Ksyukha lives? Oh, yeah, how would you know. Here's my house, on the right hand side of the turn, you stopped by, right? And this is a little further down the same street. The last one before the intersection. Yes, with the letter "g". Everything is right. Apartment seventieth. The corner is the entrance. Are you driving? That's five minutes for you. Well, fifteen. It takes me an hour to get there, and you're done. Will you come? All. Yeah, yeah, I'm waiting.
Sanek (shouting). Vitek is coming now.
Ksyusha (shouting from the other room). Don't you have to go to work today?
Sanek (shouting). No, it's not my shift today.
Ksyusha (shouting from the other room). Why didn't you wake me up?
Sanek (shouting). Did you ask for it?
Ksyusha (shouting from the other room). Do you have your own head on your shoulders? Am I going to tell you everything all your life?
Sanek (shouting). I overslept myself!
Ksyusha, collected, jumps out, grabs her purse, kisses Sanka on the cheek.
Ksyusha. Okay, I'm forgiven. I ran, take charge.
Ksyusha runs away to work. Sanek stretches, washes, dresses, cleans himself up, waits for Victor to visit.
The doorbell rings. Sanek opens it. Victor enters with a folder in his hand.
Victor's appearance speaks about his success in everything.
Victor. Alexander! Greetings. How many years, how many winters.
They say hello.
Sanek. Come on, "fall" somewhere.
Victor. Are you alone?
Sanek. Ksyukha has already run away, and Nyurka generally gets up very early. I've been at work for a long time.
Victor. Ksyukha is your girlfriend, as I understand it. And Nyurka?
Sanek. A roommate.
Victor looks at Sanka uncomprehendingly.
Sanek. Not mine. Ksyukhina is a roommate. The two of them rent this hut.
Victor. Understood. Then we'll talk here?
Sanek. Well of course. Should I pour some coffee?
Victor. No, thanks, I don't need anything.
Sanek. Look. And I'll bite.
Sanek goes out for coffee, Victor sits down, takes out photos and some lists from a folder.
Sanek returns with a can of beer. He sits down opposite, drinks.
Victor. Your coffee is weird.
Sanek. For lack of a better one, as they say. What I found, I took. Will you?
Victor. No, no, no.
Sanek. As you know. Oh, did you bring the photos? Let me take a look.
Victor passes the photo.
Sanek. Oh, listen, yes. All of us. Kapets, how small everyone is. I'm still a jerk anyway. And you're red. Look over there. Your face is red in the photo for some reason.
Victor. So because Valya is standing next to me. I really liked her back then. Of course, the muzzle is red, which it should be. Look at her face, it's no better.
Sanek. Well yeah Exactly. Wait, why is it red?
Victor. Because Serega Khvostov is standing next to her on the other side, she was in love with him.
Sanek. Yeah, that's right, I remember something like that. And now you don't like Valyukha?
Victor. What are you doing? So many years have passed. I haven't seen her since graduation. Just like you, by the way. In general, I haven't met almost any of the guys since then. My parents immediately went abroad, but I returned only a couple of years ago. My sister and my family and I were also drawn to our native lands.
Sanek. Wait, so your sister's husband is a foreigner?
Victor. That's right, but he took the idea of moving normally. A fairly flexible person in this regard. Where the wife goes, he goes. But their son, of course, was not very eager to leave his native penates. For him, his homeland is there. His friends are there, his whole life is there. Moreover, the character is rebellious, the age is again difficult. He was thirteen then, and the other day they celebrated his fifteenth birthday.
Sanek. It's all clear, but what about the language barrier?
Victor. My sister's husband and son knew something, but they had already trained the rest. This is when you learn a language from a textbook – it is difficult. And when you just come to a country and start living there, immerse yourself in the culture, in the whole atmosphere, then the language is mastered quickly. Especially when there is someone to tell. My sister and I have been through this ourselves. It's not really a problem.
Sanek. Yes, business… So you're a polyglot now?
Victor. What are you doing? Two languages is not a polyglot, it is, in fact, the minimum norm. That's it, then. We came here, settled down, and then everything slowly started spinning, rushed. And with our guys, fortunately, I still had contacts with someone, corresponded occasionally on social networks. networks. They included you in the Odnoklassniki group, and they gave you your contacts. However, you know this, I told you briefly, we've already called each other. Let's meet and talk. Oh, I missed everyone.
Sanek. And I haven't missed you at all.
Victor. And then why did Sanek volunteer to organize the meeting?
Yes, because you will type all sorts of stuff without me, and you will sit at random. I am not eager to look at overweight classmates and classmates who have achieved more in life than I have, and even now, I must admit, you are terribly annoying. You're sitting all statuesque, expensively dressed. I endure, I hold on with the last of my strength. But what is a meeting of classmates without a class leader?
Victor. Fair. I'm sorry that you have to put up with me, I'll try not to burden you with myself for a long time. Here is a list of those who will come. Let's go through the groceries, the booze. You see our people, you know who prefers what.
Sanek. I know, yes. We were going to meet not so long ago. Without you, really.
Victor. That's right, I was living in another country back then.
Sanek. Wait, where did you decide to meet? Which cafe? Is it the same place as last time?
Victor. Why do we need a cafe? I bought a house. We'll celebrate the housewarming at once, and the meeting of our graduation.
Sanek. Are you deliberately pissing me off?
Victor. I'm sorry, I didn't think of that.
Sanek. Is the house big?
Victor. One hundred and forty squares.
Sanek. After all, on purpose!
Victor. You just asked, I answered.
Sanek. And why do you need a hundred and forty squares? It's so much to pay for heating, so much for electricity!
Victor looks at Sanka skeptically.
Sanek. Oh, yeah, you're like a Millener.
Victor. Something like that.
Sanek whispers something unpleasant to the side.
Victor. Be patient, I'll be leaving soon. Write down who prefers what, and I'll stop torturing you.
Sanek. Yes, sit down already. Ah, life. One is everything, the other is nothing.
Victor. I'm sorry, but what did you do to make sure you had everything?
Sanek. So! Come on, you know, this… So, the girls mostly drink wine. We need to take red and white. Some people respect beer. I'll write you what it is now. (He writes). Guys don't all drink vodka, but you need to take a couple of bottles. Four is possible. Five is better. There are several juices, to wash down. And… yes, in general, that's all. Ah! For food. (He writes). So I wrote down the address for you here, they make delicious salads there, and in general it's better to take ready-made dishes there. They cook great. And what exactly I eat, take it to your taste. I don't think anyone will ask any questions. Do this, and I'll look for some attributes of our adolescence, I'll throw in music from those years, I'll make a selection. To listen, to dance there in your mansions will be where and on what?
Victor. Everything will be.
Sanek. Well, that's it then.
Victor. Good. Okay, I'll go.
Victor stands up.
Sanek. Hold on. Tell me about your house. Interesting.
Anna enters out of breath.
Anna. Hello everyone!
Victor. Hello.
Sanek. Oh, Anyut, hello. What are you doing so early?
Anna. The water in the kindergarten was turned off. More in the morning. So far, all the kids have been sorted out. I would have come even earlier.
Sanek. M. It is clear. (To Victor). This is Anya, I told you about her, they're filming here with Ksyukha.
Anna. Anya, it's a pleasure.
Victor. Nice to meet you, Anya, I'm Victor. Victor is allowed.
Sanek. Anya works as a kindergarten teacher here nearby. And Victor… Vitek, who do you work for? I still haven't asked.
Victor. Businessman.
Sanek. What are you doing?
Victor. I have a construction holding company.
Anna. Wow!
Victor. No, Anya, don't think that I'm a market shark. It's not that serious. I am not an oligarch. We build small houses. One – two – maximum three floors. A lot of people are now fleeing from apartments, so we are just working for those who want to live in their own house.
Anna. Oh, yeah. I've been dreaming about my home all my life. Four walls, whatever they are, are just four walls. And in her house she is her own mistress. You do what you want. If you want, put up greenhouses, if you want sheds. And in general, it's very easy to get out at any minute, you don't need to go through the entrances, floors. These steps, you're waiting for the elevator. Everyone has their own, of course, but I'm not a fan of apartments, even though I've lived in them all my life. You're doing a good job.
Victor. “thanks. I understand you perfectly and share your views. But your work is very serious and responsible.
Anna. Judging by the salary, no.
Victor. Perhaps I have to agree here.
Sanek. Oh, it's just a small talk we've got here, where to go. What do you "YOU" say to each other? Let's keep it simple. Still their own. Vityukha is my classmate. We have a reunion coming up, we are forming a menu.
Anna. M… great.
Sanek. So you're a shoemaker without boots? You build houses, but you bought them for yourself anyway. What? Are you building badly?
Victor. That's not the point. Construction is time, after all. You need to live somewhere. I filmed it first. And recently, a good offer appeared on the market. Thirty minutes from the city center. It was a sin not to use it. Then I'll build myself the one I want, and I'll sell this one, I'll earn a few more million on the difference.
Sanek. Oh, you rascal! Well, what kind of house do you have there?
Anna. I won't bother you.
Anna goes to change her clothes. Victor sits back down.
Victor. Ah… yes. The house. One hundred and forty squares.
Sanek. I've heard that before. Two floors? Three?
Victor. One.
Sanek. Uh-oh. Even modestly.
Victor. And where do I need two or three floors for one?
Sanek. Wait, wait. So you're not married, are you?
Victor. No.
Sanek. How is it?
Victor. What's the big deal?
Sanek. Well how? You're so accomplished. I thought you got married a long time ago. Maybe even a few times. Kids, that's it.
Victor. Which one is there. I haven't met the one yet.
Sanek. And what about you and the women in general? Are they queuing for a tasty morsel?
Victor. There were girls, of course. I've met, even tried to live. It didn't work out. Then I met again, and again, and again… Then somehow the fervor faded. I must have settled down.
Sanek. Come on?
Victor. Something like that.
Sanek. And what if the fervor has faded?
Victor. Somehow already… I don't know. Either I've been walking around, or I'm disappointed, or my age. Either all at once. Understand… I remember when I was seventeen, I didn't have time to think, I'm ready! Everything is set up, everything works, bursts and roasts. At the age of twenty-five, I had time to think, and only then everything worked, everything was resurrected. And now… There's probably something wrong with my head.
Sanek. Come on, you're writing yourself off early. I have a grandfather I know, he's sixty-four, so he also torments his grandmother. And sometimes even the neighbor's, if the rumors are true.
Victor. God be with him and his grandfather. No, it's not that tragic for me, don't think about it, but somehow… Probably, everything just got boring. I no longer want one-time meetings, but a person who gets into my Soul, with whom I want to walk along the same road, in the same direction.
Anna enters. He tries not to interfere, not to get in the way. He does household chores, but from time to time he flashes and involuntarily listens to the conversation.
Sanek. Did you want a lot of love?
Victor. Not necessarily very big, but real. You can see how it is here… Not everyone puts the same thing in the word love. What is love for you?
Sanek. Well, what about it?
Victor. Well, is that it?
Sanek. Well, there… Lyaski – masyaki.
Victor. Yeah… Masyaski. No, my friend, love is not when they look at each other, it's when they look in the same direction!
Sanek. And what, right now you've had a walk, give you anything at all, even the scariest, the most in general, but the main thing is to look in the same direction with you?
Victor. I didn't say a word about the appearance.
