IN the drinking-well (Which the plumber built her) Aunt Eliza fell, — We must buy a filter.
Self-Sacrifice
FATHER, chancing to chastise His indignant daughter Sue, Said, "I hope you realize That this hurts me more than you."
Susan straightway ceased to roar. "If that's really true," said she, "I can stand a good deal more; Pray go on, and don't mind me."
La Course Interrompue
I
JEAN qui allait a Dijon (Il montait en bicyclette) Rencontra un gros lion Qui se faisait la toilette.
II
Voila Jean qui tombe a terre Et le lion le digère!
…
Mon Dieu! Que c'est embêtant! Il me devait quatre francs.
John
JOHN, across the broad Atlantic, Tried to navigate a barque, But he met an unromantic And extremely hungry shark.
John (I blame his childhood's teachers) Thought to treat this as a lark, Ignorant of how these creatures Do delight to bite a barque.
Said "This animal's a bore!" and, With a scornful sort of grin, Handled an adjacent oar and Chucked it underneath the chin.
At this unexpected juncture Which he had not reckoned on, Mr. Shark he made a puncture In the barque – and then in John.
Sad am I, and sore at thinking John had on some clothes of mine; I can almost see them shrinking, Washed repeatedly in brine.
I shall never cease regretting That I lent my hat to him, For I fear a thorough wetting Cannot well improve the brim.
Oh! to know a shark is browsing, Boldly, blandly on my boots! Coldly, cruelly carousing On the choicest of my suits!
Creatures I regard with loathing Who can calmly take their fill Of one's Jæger underclothing: — Down, my aching heart, be still!
The Fond Father
OF Baby I was very fond, She'd won her father's heart; So, when she fell into the pond, It gave me quite a start.
Necessity
LATE last night I slew my wife, Stretched her on the parquet flooring; I was loath to take her life, But I had to stop her snoring.
Unselfishness
ALL those who see my children say, "What sweet, what kind, what charming elves!" They are so thoughtful, too, for they Are always thinking of themselves. It must be ages since I ceased To wonder which I liked the least.
Such is their generosity, That, when the roof began to fall, They would not share the risk with me, But said, "No, father, take it all!" Yet I should love them more, I know, If I did not dislike them so.
Scorching John
JOHN, who rode his Dunlop tire O'er the head of sweet Maria, When she writhed in frightful pain, Had to blow it out again.
