Форд Мэдокс Форд
The Brown Owl
Somehow the Princess did not seem to be at all frightened at this; she was only very angry.
‘I thought I told you not to hurt those pages.’
‘Who cares what you say?’
‘Dear me,’ thought the Princess, ‘he is getting excessively insolent – I shall have to be severe with him in a moment.’ So she said:
‘Turn those pages back again.’
‘I shall not.’
‘Then leave the room.’
‘I shall not.’
The Princess did not know what to do; he was really very rude, and he was walking towards her evidently intending to attack her. When he was within ten feet of her he stopped, and though he tried to get nearer he could not.
‘Ha! ha!’ he cried; ‘you think to keep me off by magic, but it is not so easy, I can tell you. By virtue of my magic power I command you to turn into a mouse.’
But the Princess, leaning her head against the soft feathers of the Owl, only smiled, and did not turn into a mouse at all.
The Chancellor seemed perplexed.
‘Is that not enough for you?’ he said; ‘I thought I told you to turn into a mouse.’
But the Princess smiled calmly and said:
‘Do you suppose I am going to do anything of the sort – you have forgotten your manners to speak to your Queen thus. I believe there is a fine of five shillings for any one who speaks to the King or Queen without saying “Your Majesty.” You had better pay it, Sir Chancellor, and turn those pages back again, or I shall have you turned out of the kingdom.’
But the Chancellor laughed. ‘You can’t send me out if you wanted to. Meanwhile I shall not turn those rats back, for if I am not much mistaken your Owl there will carry them off.’
It really seemed as if the Owl were going to obey him, for greatly to the Princess’s surprise it sprang off her shoulder and seized the three rats, one in each claw, and one in its beak – but it returned at once to her and laid them squeaking on the table in front of her – but no sooner did they touch the table than they turned into men again just as quickly as they had become rats. When Merrymineral saw this he became perfectly frantic, and tried in vain to get at the Princess – he even went back a little and tried to run at her – but it was no use, for no sooner did he reach a certain spot than he was suddenly stopped, just as if he had run against a wall. At last he became so frantic that the Princess could stand it no longer. So she said:
‘Will you be quiet, you naughty old man? – leave the room or I will send for the police.’
But Merrymineral answered:
‘Oh, send for the police and the soldiers and sailors and candlestick-makers.’
So the Princess rang the bell that stood on the table: a page at once appeared at the door.
‘Send for a policeman and ask him to step this way.’
The page looked astonished, but he saluted and left the room. Almost immediately a policeman came in – for you see there was one always on the palace steps. He entered the room with a low bow.
‘Take the Chancellor out of the room,’ said the Princess, ‘and put him in prison for three days.’
But the policeman shook his head.
‘Excuse me, mum – I mean your most gracious Majesty – but it is against the law to imprison a member of Parliament, much less a chancellor.’
The Chancellor laughed sarcastically.
‘Oh, is it?’ said the Princess; ‘never mind, take him into custody; I depose him – he is no longer Chancellor.’
Merrymineral looked astonished, but the policeman cleared his throat and said:
‘Come, I say, young fellow; will you go quietly, or shall I make you?’
‘Oh, make me, by all means,’ answered Merrymineral.
So the policeman advanced and held out his hand to take him by the collar, but had no sooner touched Merrymineral than he fell to the ground as if he had been thunderstruck.
The Chancellor smiled. ‘I told you so,’ he said.
The Princess was now thoroughly nonplussed. However, she rang the bell again. Again the page appeared.
‘Summon the Lords of the Council; let them come here at once.’
Almost immediately afterwards the lords appeared. As they came in each one bowed profoundly to the Princess. But in spite of their grave appearance they could not help looking astonished at the policeman, who was lying on the floor, and at the three pages who were still sitting on the table – for as they had not yet been told to go they could not depart.
But each one took his seat without questioning. Last of all came the Court doctor, who looked in an alarmed manner at the Owl – nevertheless he took his seat.
When all was quiet the Princess began to speak.
‘My lords,’ she said, ‘I have been obliged to assemble you on the first day of my reign; but the matter is a very grave one. I have found it necessary to dismiss the Chancellor, for these reasons: first, he attacked these three pages who were executing my bidding; next, he attacked me; and lastly, he attacked the law, in the person of the policeman there, whom he knocked down. Now I ask your advice as to how I am to get rid of him, for he refuses to leave the room at my command.’
So spoke the Princess, but before any one could answer Merrymineral spoke:
‘My lords,’ he said, ‘are we, we, the lords of the kingdom, to be governed by this schoolgirl, who is not even a magician as we are? What good has she ever done us? What power is to keep us from deposing her and electing as a ruler one of ourselves?’ – but before he could finish a perfect uproar of shouts of rage interrupted him.
The Princess put her fingers in her ears to keep out the sound, and when the lords saw that the noise was annoying her they stopped at once. When they were quiet the Princess spoke again:
‘What he has just said is right,’ she said; ‘I have no right to reign over you, for I am but a girl. Do ye therefore elect a ruler.’
For a moment all was silence in the Council, but all eyes were turned on a lord who stood next to Merrymineral in rank. He was a portly man, and a great magician too, though his power was not quite so great as Merrymineral’s. When therefore he saw that all eyes were turned on him, Lord Licec, for so he was called, rose.
‘Your most gracious Majesty,’ he began, ‘although you had no need to command us to elect a ruler, we are of course bound to obey your commands, whatever they are. I therefore speak, giving my vote, and I believe the vote of all the rest of the assembly, that you shall be our ruler according to the oath which we sware to your father.’
And then turning to the rest of the assembly he said:
‘Am I not right, my lords?’ and with one voice they answered:
‘We will die for our Queen Ismara.’
Only one voice objected, but as that was Merrymineral, no one noticed him.
So the Princess rose and thanked them for their confidence in her, though, to tell the truth, she had known all along what they would say. That done she said:
‘And now what are we to do about turning this man out? for he refuses to go of his own accord.’
No one could suggest anything better than to send for the Lifeguards and let them carry him off. But before this was done they decided to try to persuade him to go. But it was of no use, for he stood on the spot where he had stopped, with his arms folded and his hat on, looking down at the ground in a brown study, and he took no notice of anything they could do, even though they rang the bell close to his ear. Now he did no particular harm as he stood there, but you see no one could tell whom he might attack next. So they determined to send for the Lifeguards as a last resource.
So they were sent for, and in a short time they came, although they left their horses outside in the courtyard. Fifty of them were then marched into the hall and they were ordered to move the man out. So they divided into two parties of twenty-five each, and they put a rope round him, and each body of twenty-five took an end of the rope and pulled, but it was no good, for he took no more notice of the pulling than if he had been Samson or any other strong man. So the fifty gave up the attempt in despair; the only thing to do seemed to be to cut him to pieces. So they drew their swords and hacked at him, but it was no use: the swords bent or broke just as if they had been bulrushes or paper, and still Merrymineral took no notice in particular. So they gave up the attempt in despair when they had broken up all their swords. However, they did not give in, for they called in the best horseman in the regiment and told him to charge on horseback with his lance in rest. So the soldier rode in on his horse; this was not so difficult as it may seem, for the council chamber was on a level with the ground, and a lane was opened in between the chairs to where Merrymineral still stood with his arms folded.
At the word of command the soldier rode at full speed towards Merrymineral, aiming his lance at the centre of his face – that is his nose. His aim was true, and the lance hit fair, but it might just as well have been made of macaroni, for it crumbled just as a stick of that delightful eatable would do if you ran it against a wall. The horse, however, swerved just in time, although it pushed against him in going by; but even this made no difference to Merrymineral. As a last resource they suggested putting a lighted match under his nose. Whether this would have succeeded or not I can’t say. But just at this moment Merrymineral seemed to wake up again.
‘Ah,’ he said, ‘I see you have not yet managed to get me out of the room. However, as your soldiers have been practising on me for some time past, I think it only right that I should try my hand on them a little. I used to be thought rather strong in the arms at one time, and I have cut down a good many trees in my time. Just see how you like that,’ he said to the man on the horse as he swung his umbrella round his head and brought it down with a tremendous thwack on the horse’s side. In fact he hit so hard that the horse and man were knocked right through the window into the courtyard below. With three more blows he knocked twenty more of the men through the same window, and the rest made their escape as fast as they could by the door.
‘I see I have not quite forgotten how to clear a room yet,’ he said, as he once more folded his arms in the same attitude and relapsed into silence.
‘What am I to do?’ said the poor Princess, wringing her hands and almost crying with vexation.
A voice came from the far end of the room, and every one turned to see who it might be. And all saw it was the Court physician who spoke. ‘If I might be allowed to make a suggestion,’ he said, ‘I would say that the best thing your Majesty could do would be to request that gentleman who is sitting on your shoulder to turn him out. From my own experience I should say he was very competent to perform such a task. And if I might be allowed to add yet another suggestion it would be, “to be well shaken before taken,” as they say in prescriptions.’
As he said this an extraordinary change came over Merrymineral. He pressed his hat on his head, put his umbrella under his arm, and began to put on his gloves in such a hurry that he mistook the left for the right hand. As he did so he said:
‘Do you know, I can’t stop any longer; so sorry, but I have an engagement and I am rather in a hurry. Good-day.’ And he began to walk quickly towards the door. But the Princess had already whispered to the Owl, ‘Catch him, dear Owl.’
And however fast he went the Owl caught him up, and taking him by the middle of his coat-tails – and I am bound to say some of his skin too – he shook him violently, and flew round and round the room banging him violently against any high piece of furniture that was convenient.
‘O-o-o-h,’ shrieked the wretched man, ‘I say, do you know you’re tearing my best coat, and your beak is awfully sharp? O-o-ouch,’ and he filled the room with his shrieks. After they had continued like that for some minutes the Princess said:
‘I think he has been punished enough now, cherished Owl, so let him down.’
The Owl did as he was told, not, however, without giving him a sly tweak with his bill that must have hurt him a good deal.
‘I’ll be revenged on you,’ roared Merrymineral; ‘you’ve spoilt my Sunday coat, and I shan’t be able to afford another for I don’t know how long. I’ll be revenged on you.’ And he took out a red pocket-handkerchief and began to suage the blood that was coming from the bite, all the while abusing the Owl and the Princess and threatening to be revenged.
‘You had better be quiet and go,’ she said.
‘I shall not.’
‘Oh, very well,’ she answered, perhaps you would like to try the Owl again.’
At the same time the Owl gave him such a look from its gleaming eyes that he turned first red and then white with fright. He made a dash for the window, and he was in such a hurry that he left his umbrella and one of his gloves behind him.
He jumped right through the window high into the air, and as soon as he got outside, strange to say, he began to burn furiously, and he went gradually up into the sky like a fire-balloon – just as when a piece of tissue paper is put on the fire, if you are not careful, it will fly blazing up the chimney.
They watched him out of sight, and then the Princess said with a little sigh of relief:
‘That’s an end of him at last.’
But the Owl shook his head – he knew better.
When he was thus at last got rid off the Princess said to the physician:
‘How can we ever thank thee enough, good doctor, for thy timely suggestion!’
‘Oh, your Majesty,’ said the blushing doctor, ‘experience does it; and I had plenty of that this morning. Do you know, I think I shall never be free again from pain – although I have bathed in opodeldoc and arnica, and I am clothed from head to foot in Court plaster.’
The Princess smiled and said:
‘I am afraid the Owl is a little over-vigorous in such matters; however, I will give orders to the Court apothecary to supply you with remedies at my expense until you shall be cured.’ She then said to the three pages who still sat on the table:
‘I must ask you to depart now as Parliament cannot carry on business with strangers in the house. However, ye are, I believe, pages; I will turn over a new leaf and will advance you each a step in rank. Now, however, go.’
Thanking her profusely they went. When they had gone the Princess turned to the Councillors and said:
‘As there seems no further need to keep you, I will detain you no longer.’
Having her permission the Councillors left the hall. Last of all was Lord Licec, and he remained as if hesitating whether to go, or to stay and speak to the Princess. She, noticing his hesitation, said:
‘Ah, Lord Licec, hast thou something to ask me?’
The old lord made answer:
‘I would ask your Majesty’s permission to enter the room of the late King, your Majesty’s father, for, as you are aware, it is against the law to enter the royal presence without the royal permission.’
‘You have my permission of course; but ought not some preparations to be made for the funeral?’
Lord Licec answered:
‘They are already made. For as the late King had announced his intention of dying yesterday at half-past six P.M., there was ample time.’
‘Let us then go together to the room, my lord,’ said the Princess.
So they went together, the Princess leaning on Licec’s arm, and the Owl sitting on her shoulder.
The guards of the room saluted as they passed in, but what was their astonishment on entering to find that the King had disappeared. When they asked the guards who had come into the room during the day, they replied that no one had been near the room during their watch, and the guards of the watch before said exactly the same thing. All over the palace inquiries were made, but to no purpose, and the rumour gradually spread to the town, and throngs of anxious citizens flocked about the palace gates to ask, but neither they nor any one else ever heard what had become of him, and it is my opinion that the King himself is the only person who knew anything about it. It came out in the course of inquiries that when the attendants had rushed in on hearing the Princess’s call for assistance the night before, they had not seen the King on the bed, but in his place had sat an enormous owl, and this owl had insisted on accompanying the Princess wherever she went.
This was the first time that the Princess had heard of how the Owl had come to her, but still she had known all along that the Owl was the one her father had made her promise to cherish. But there were ill-natured people who said that it was not so very unlikely that the Owl had eaten the King up, but the Princess only laughed and said:
‘How could the Owl eat a king up when the poor thing has so little appetite that it only eats very small pieces of meat off my golden fork at dinner?’
And so the Owl remained with the Princess: during the day it always sat on her shoulder, or took short flights round her head, and at night it slept on the foot of her bed.
So six weeks glided peacefully away, and everything prospered; but one day a terrified messenger rode into the city at full speed, and the message that he brought was this.
Merrymineral, who, as the Owl had said, was by no means done with, had been inciting the people of far-off lands such as Mesopotamia and Padan-Aram and Ireland to rebel, and he was now marching against the Princess at the head of an immense army, laying waste the country for miles around. At the rate he was coming, however, it would take him a fortnight to get near the country round. So you see there was no immediate danger; still an enemy’s army could not be allowed to remain in the country unopposed. So the Princess gave Lord Licec the order to assemble the army, and, as you may imagine, it was an immense one when it did assemble. I can’t say how large it was, but if you could have stood on a hill in the centre of the town you would have seen nothing for miles around but shining silk banners and glistening helmets and lances. Never before had the world held such an army, and it never will again. Yet this army even was hardly as large as that of the enemy. The command of the army was given to Lord Licec, for he was well known to be the most prudent man in the kingdom.
Three days passed till the last of the army had started, and all the while the Princess stood at the window and watched them march along the winding street below, and the knights and men-at-arms were inspired with fresh courage at the sight of such a princess as they had to defend, and they cheered so loud and long that it seemed like the continual roar of the sea beating on a rocky shore, sometimes rising, sometimes falling, but always sounding.
The Princess indeed felt quite lonely when they had all gone, even though their shouts did make her head ache. However, she consoled herself by riding all day towards the army, and returning at night to the lonely town. So she occupied three days; and the Owl always flew over her head, protecting her from the sun when it was too hot, or else sitting on her shoulder, or on the horse’s head, although the horse did not like it at all.
For three days no news came, but on the fourth as the Princess was riding out with her ladies-in-waiting she saw at a great distance in front of her along the straight white road a cloud of dust that was coming swiftly towards her. As it came nearer she could see the glint of armour, and soon she could plainly see the form of an armed knight galloping at full speed towards them. He came so fast that they had to rein their horses to one side that they might not be run down. At first he did not seem to know who the Princess was, or perhaps he was going so furiously that he could not see; at any rate he had almost got past them before he recognised her. As soon as he did, however, he drew up, but so sudden was the action that the horse first sank back on his haunches, and then bounded so high into the air that the marks that his hoofs made when he alighted on the ground again, were a foot deep in the hard road. As soon as the plunging of the horse stopped and the Princess could make herself heard she said:
‘What news, Sir Knight, from the front, that thou ridest in such haste?’
‘But bad news, I fear,’ answered the knight.
‘What say you?’ said the Princess; ‘bad news, and with such an army as ye had? has some fresh rebellion broken out among the men?’
‘No rebellion, but plain fighting has beaten us – but what can we do against such foes? This Merrymineral, alone, rides on a green dragon, and with one stroke of his sword he kills a hundred men. Myself I charged him with my lance, but as it struck his shield it broke in pieces as if it had been made of glass; and it was fortunate for me that my horse carried me past him before he could strike me, for I saw him myself cut the Knight of Pendred in half, as you would cut a radish. And if we slay a thousand men during the day he restores them in the night. So we have gradually been driven back, till after three days’ fighting the army remains at Arecarp. Thence I started at eight this morning to hurry the reinforcements from Britain and Gaul.’
‘Alas! they are still at three days’ march from here, though they are marching night and day. But thou saidst the army was at Arecarp, and that thou didst start to-day at eight in the morning. That is impossible. Arecarp is twenty-four hours’ journey for a fast horse, and it is now but twelve o’clock. Not even the horse that I ride could go faster than that, though he is said to be the fastest horse in the world, except Selim, the horse of the Prince of India. However, no time is to be lost. Sir Knight, will you escort these ladies back to the town, and rest for a while?’
‘But what will you do, your Majesty?’
‘I must ride forward to Arecarp.’
‘To Arecarp! Your Majesty, what will you do there? The battlefield is no place for a girl.’
‘Nevertheless I must go, for my place is with the army.’
‘But if you are killed what will happen to your people without their Queen?’
‘What do they do now without their Queen? Besides once before the cherished Owl has defeated this man and he may do it again. If he does not, no power on earth could save me from death, for the army is being gradually defeated.’
‘But your Majesty could send the Owl in a cage against the enemy.’
‘I promised my father never to go out of its sight – no, I must go.’
‘I beseech you then, your Majesty, to allow me to accompany you, for the road to the camp is full of danger.’
‘But your horse is tired, and even if he were not he could never keep up with me.’
‘But if you will excuse the contradiction, I think I shall.’
‘Well then, have your own way, but mark me, if you lag behind I shall not stop. However, we are losing time. Let us go.’
And they set off – the Princess ignoring the entreaties of the ladies that she should not go.
The Princess immediately started at the full speed of her horse, expecting that the knight would soon fall behind; but no, he galloped at her side as if the speed were not more than usual, and his great black charger seemed to enjoy the exercise as though he had not already galloped over a hundred miles that morning.
The Princess could not understand how it was, but she thought he would soon get tired and fall behind, but an hour passed and he showed no signs of being fatigued. So she leant over her horse and whispered softly in his ear. Instantly the horse bounded forward more swiftly than ever – so fast, indeed, that she could hardly keep her eyes open against the wind, and her golden crown was suddenly whisked away, and her beautiful golden hair streamed far out behind. Still the knight kept up, and seemed not the least distressed at the speed. The Owl meanwhile was flying far overhead, but she was not at all surprised at his keeping up, for nothing seemed impossible to him. After they had been riding thus for nearly two hours they came to a place where the path was crossed by a river, and here the Princess thought it advisable to stop and rest a moment and to let the horses drink. So she called to the knight to stop, as she was going to get off for a moment, and he at once sprang off his horse, and coming to her saddle-bow held her stirrup for her to dismount. When she was off she leaned against a tree looking at the horses as they drank eagerly from the river, and then came out to browse for a moment on the bank. Then she went to where the knight’s horse stood, and patted him on the neck, for you see he was not a very fierce-looking animal, and she was not at all afraid of him.
‘He’s a wonderfully swift horse, Sir Knight,’ she said suddenly, ‘and I believe there is no other horse in the world as swift – not even Selim – the horse I spoke about – that belongs to the Prince of India.’
The knight nodded.
‘He is a good horse, but he is no better than Selim, your Majesty, for I know Selim very well.’
All this while he had kept his vizor down, and the Princess had been too polite to ask him to raise it, even though it was rather rude of him to keep it down. So she could not tell who he was. She knew all the knights of her own kingdom by sight, as well as most of her allies, for you must know that a great many foreign princes had sent her troops to assist her against the rebel. She looked at the device on his shield; it was a crowned tiger, but that did not help her, for she did not know whose crest it was. So at last when she could bear her curiosity no longer, she determined to ask him. So she said:
