Browne John Ross
Crusoe's Island: A Ramble in the Footsteps of Alexander Selkirk
"At Monterey the amount of hardship endured by the collector is absolutely incredible. Not only is he furnished with an indifferent government house to live in, which costs an annual outlay of several hundred dollars to keep it from falling to pieces, and thereby crushing himself and assistants beneath the ruins, but he is required to look after two inspectors, who are appointed to aid him in protecting the coast from the nefarious operations of smugglers. Besides this, it is supposed that a mysterious vessel has been hovering around the Bay of Monterey ever since 1852, with an assorted cargo of bar fixtures, billiard balls, whisky, nine-pins, cards, cotton handkerchiefs, boots, bowie-knives, and revolvers, upon a considerable portion of which duties have never been paid. This vessel is no doubt awaiting an opportunity to land these articles in violation of law, and to the great detriment of public morals and serious loss to the treasury. The collector is expected to be present or within reach of a telegraphic dispatch whenever she makes her appearance; and it is farther expected that he will not flinch from his duty even should she prove to be the Flying Dutchman or the Wizard of the Seas.
"At San Pedro the coasting steamer Senator touches for grapes and passengers some half a dozen times a month, and the collector is expected to keep a record of that vessel's arrivals and departures; also the range of Captain Banning's paddle-wheeled steam skiff Medora, six scows, and several fishing smacks. In addition to these onerous duties, it devolves upon him to keep his own pay account, and see that the light does not stop burning of nights in the public light-house on Point Conception, without any money to pay the keeper and assistant except such casual remittances as may be made once or twice in the course of as many years. I knew one light-house keeper who stood by the light manfully for a whole year, and finally had to sell his chance of pay for the means of subsistence. Some of the light-house keepers, indeed, are supposed to live on whale-oil, the Board in Washington being evidently under the impression that oil is a light article of diet, upon which men will not be apt to go to sleep. Another reason, perhaps, for the remissness with which their salaries generally arrive is that their stations are generally not densely populated with voters, or, in fact, with any thing but sheep and rabbits. I have a person in my eye whom I would like to recommend for the collectorship at San Pedro whenever the present incumbent may think proper to resign. By the way, the latter is a very clever and estimable gentleman, to whom I intend not the slightest disrespect in thus referring to his office; but there are peculiar qualifications for every position in life, and the individual to whom I refer possesses some very remarkable advantages over the generality of custom-house officers; that is to say, he can sleep on his desk in the midst of the direst confusion; is never known to be in a hurry; thinks no more of time than he does of eternity, or any thing else; and invariably postpones till to-morrow what most people would deem of vital importance to be done to-day. His work is generally in arrears, but will be all right —poco tiempo!
"At San Diego the same burdensome and oppressive state of things exists. The Custom-house is an old military building, with a roof that falls to pieces every winter, and a set of doors and windows through which both wind and rain have free access. The only article of public property about the premises that yet sticks together is a tremendous iron safe, in which the revenue is going to be kept – as soon as it is collected. Even this is getting rusty for want of use. The books have an ancient and fish-like aspect; and a public shovel, that is used to clear the mud away from the door whenever a vessel is seen in the offing, is going away year after year, and will eventually be reduced to a broken handle. This office is accessible by means of a boat, though in bad weather the deputy prefers to reside in an old hulk that lies at anchor in the bay. The building is eligibly located in a chapparal of prickly pears, within about five miles of Old Town, or, properly speaking, the beautiful city of San Diego. Mexican stock were formerly imported into this district, but, having been made free by act of Congress, the collector is left destitute of occupation, and is compelled to seek business and society in various parts of the state. Now and then, however, he is supposed to take a look at his pay account, and see that the public light on the Point keeps burning of nights, notwithstanding the roof has been blown off. As government refuses to furnish him with rain-water to drink, he is compelled, whenever his official duties call him to the port of entry, to hitch up his buggy and travel five miles to the city of San Diego every time he is thirsty. Indeed, so parsimonious is the Department becoming of late, that it will not even allow him a deputy or clerk at public expense, although there has been one there for years. I look upon this as a very severe course of discipline to impose upon any gentleman whose services are presumed to be worth three thousand dollars per annum, and would recommend that he should at least be allowed a bottle of whisky.
"All these are examples of the manner in which executive patronage may be enlarged without inconvenience to commerce or obstruction to navigation. If it were not for the collectorships, what would the delegation in Congress have to make up the complement of their indebtedness to partisan politicians? and if one delegation were denied this privilege, how could accounts be settled with fellow-members similarly situated in other states? An inspector of customs, at a compensation of five hundred dollars a year (for there is nothing to do), would of course answer the requirements of commerce at any of these ports; but then what sort of an office would that be to offer to the owner of one or more members of the Legislature? It would be especially severe at Bear Harbor, where there will be no coffee-houses, billiard saloons, or other places of amusement for some time.
"In view of these suggestions being urged upon Congress by the heads of the departments, I would mention that, in the temporary absence of government buildings at Bear Harbor, a number of chapadens, or brush tents, at present occupied by Indians, can be leased for a term of years at a rate of rent not exceeding from five hundred to a thousand dollars each per month. The very best of them can be had for less than the rent paid for the Union Street Bonded Warehouse in San Francisco, toward the building of which government loaned seventy-two thousand dollars as an advance of rent, and paid, by way of interest on the capital, for four years, two hundred and eighty-eight thousand dollars; after which, upon the united representation of twenty influential merchants, a collector and deputy collector of customs, and a special agent, that the premises were only worth about fourteen thousand per annum, it paid one hundred and ten thousand more to abrogate the contract, and as a solemn warning to all private individuals and public officers not to attempt such a speculation as that again. The chapaden of the chief digger, To-no-wauka, could be purchased in fee simple for less than twenty-eight thousand dollars, which was the exact amount annually expended for the rent of the United States Court-rooms at San Francisco until my friend Yorick, the government agent, reduced it to ten thousand, after which, of course, he was removed.
"As an additional protection to the revenue, I would suggest that a revenue cutter be stationed at Bear Harbor, modeled after the fashion of a large wash-tub, which would be but a slight improvement upon the sailing capacity of the three cutters now stationed on the Pacific coast. The masts might be constructed out of large tin dippers inverted, in the bowls of which marines could be stationed to keep a look-out for smugglers. Spare blankets would answer for the sails, and a large carving-knife run out at the stern would serve admirably to steer by. In order that there might be no danger of missing the way during dark nights from any variation in the compass, it would be well, perhaps, to abandon the compass altogether, and send a boat ahead with a light, to point out where the rocks and smugglers might be found. There being no vessels to catch at Bear Harbor, no inconvenience would result from the fact that such a cutter would be as well calculated to lie at anchor as the cutter Marcy at San Francisco, which has been known to pursue several vessels for infractions of the revenue laws, but never to catch any of them. I attribute this not to any want of zeal on the part of the officers, but partly to the superior speed of the runaway vessels, and partly to the fact that the Marcy is obliged to lie at anchor for six months in the year in the Bay of San Francisco for want of other occupation. The remaining six months she necessarily spends in the Straits of Carquinas, near Benicia, in order to get rid of the barnacles that accumulate on her bottom during the term of her sedentary career below.
"If exception should be taken to this precedent on the ground that a revenue cutter may sometimes really be wanted at a port of entry where there is some commerce, surely none will be taken to the cutter Lane, stationed within the mouth of the Columbia River. For the officers of this cutter I entertain the most sincere respect; but if she has ever been known to chase any thing larger than wild ducks, the fact must have been hushed up from motives of public policy. It has certainly not been a matter of general comment. About one vessel with dutiable merchandise enters the Columbia in the course of half a dozen years, and certainly all sailing vessels have difficulty enough in getting in, without attempting to run away after they come to an anchor. Indeed, I don't know where they would run to unless it might be over the Cascades, and through the Dalles to Walla Walla, or up to Oregon City on the Willamette River, where the flour-mills of Abernethy & Co. would soon grind them to pieces. To suppose that they would undertake to run away before they get over the bar is to suppose that they might just as well stay away altogether, and thereby avoid the risk of shipwreck in addition to the remote possibility of being captured by a revenue cutter. The officers condemned to this station have my most ardent sympathies. It generally rains at Astoria between two and three hundred days every year, the consequence of which is, that the whole country and every thing in it has a mildewed appearance. Already I can fancy that barnacles are growing on the beards of these gentlemen; that their skin is becoming slippery and green; their eyes sharkish in expression, from a constant habit of looking out for smugglers that never can be within five hundred miles; that the habit of pulling ashore in the boats and back again; 'making it so' when four and eight bells are announced; looking up at the mast-head and then down again; going below and reading the same old newspaper, and coming up again; turning in and taking a nap, and turning out when the nap is ended; exercising their quadrants by an occasional peep at the heavenly bodies; eating three scanty and melancholy meals a day; doing all this and never doing any thing else, unless it may be to superintend the patching of an old sail which has rotted to pieces, or the splicing of an old rope to keep the blocks from falling down on their heads, will eventually so wear upon their mental and physical resources as to drive them all mad. Should it ever be the misfortune of any suspicious character to fall into the hands of these gentlemen, I have no doubt he will have reason to regret it during the brief period of his existence; for they will certainly cut him to pieces with their swords, or blow him to fragments out of one of the public guns, on the general principle that, being paid for doing something, they ought to do it as soon as possible.
"The revenue cutter at Puget's Sound, familiarly known as the 'Jeff Davis,' finds occasional occupation in chasing porpoises and wild Indians. It is to be regretted that but little revenue has yet been derived from either of these sources; but should she persist in her efforts, there is hope that at no distant day she may overhaul a canoe containing a keg of British brandy – that is to say, in case the paddles are lost, and the Indians have no means of propelling it out of the way.
"These vessels, in addition to their original cost, which was not cheap considering their quality and sailing capacity, require an expenditure of some forty or fifty thousand dollars a year for repairs, rigging, pay of officers and men, subsistence, etc., as also for powder to enable the officers to kill ducks and salute distinguished people that visit these remote regions. Now and then they run on the rocks in trying to find their way from one anchorage to another, in which event they require extra repairs. As this is for the benefit of navigation, it should not be included in the account. They generally avoid running on the same rock, and endeavor to find out a new one not laid down upon the charts – unless, perhaps, by some reckless fly – in order that other vessels may enjoy the advantage of additional experience. The beauty of Bear Harbor in this respect is, that a revenue cutter could run on a new rock every day in the year, so that, by designating its exact location on the chart, there would be three hundred and sixty-five rocks per annum to be avoided by vessels entering the harbor.
"Some military protection would probably be required there for several years to come, in order to protect the citizens from the attacks of grizzly bears. I would suggest that a post be established on some eligible point, and comfortable quarters erected for the officers and soldiers. While these quarters are in progress of erection, it might be well to station a large rooster in the top of a neighboring tree to give warning of the approach of the enemy. As Rome was saved in one way, so might Bear Harbor be saved in another. Should it become necessary to abandon them, the citizens will no doubt be willing to purchase them at public auction.
"I do not know what the military quarters at Fort Miller are going to do, but the last time I saw them they looked very sorry they had ever been built. The same may be said of the quarters at Benicia, Fort Tejon, and San Diego, which goes to prove the transitory character of military operations. So long as our army goes about the country dropping down beautiful little cities, we in the line of civil life can certainly have no objection. As expense is no object, perhaps, to the War Department, I would suggest that there is a very rugged point of rocks near the entrance of Bear Harbor, upon which a friend of mine has located a claim that he is willing to sell for military purposes for the sum of one hundred and fifty thousand dollars. It commands a fine view of the ocean, and abounds in mussels and albicores; besides which, it is cheaper and uglier than Lime Point at the entrance of the Golden Gate, and would not require near so much writing to make the purchase satisfactory to the public.
"For a few years, during the infancy of the community, it may be necessary for some enterprising citizen to borrow from government one hundred thousand dollars at six per cent. per annum, in consequence of the high rates of interest in California. There will be no difficulty in doing this, I apprehend, if he have influence at court. A precedent may be found in the case of the Folsom estate, against which judgment had been obtained, and an execution placed in the hands of the marshal. Private parties found it to their advantage to step in, purchase a portion of the property, pay a portion of the debt, and, upon giving satisfactory security, assume the remainder, amounting to a hundred thousand dollars, at six per cent. It may be a little irregular to favor particular parties in this way, but then public money had better be bringing six per cent. than lying idle in the treasury; and besides, when it is found necessary to issue treasury notes in order to carry on the government, they bring a premium, and there is a gain to that extent over the ready cash. If all the public money was loaned out at six per cent., and all the private money that might be necessary borrowed at five, of course the financial condition of the treasury would be one per cent. better per annum.
"After these things were done, and the business of Bear Harbor placed upon a permanent footing, private instructions might be issued to the collector of customs to go out and stump the state in behalf of the great principles of national economy. Experience would enable him to stand firmly upon the broad platform of public integrity; and when he addressed the multitude, he could dwell feelingly on the sublime doctrine of earlier days – 'Millions for defense, but not a cent for tribute!' He could put his hand upon his brow, and solemnly declare that, so long as he was gifted with the light of intellect to comprehend the sound doctrines of public policy bequeathed to us by our forefathers, he would stand by the laws and the Constitution. He could put his hand upon his heart, and call upon the people to witness that he, for one, had ever remained true to first principles. He could put his hand upon his stomach, and avow, from the bottom of his soul, that he conscientiously indorsed the measures of the prevailing party. He could put his hand upon his pocket, and affirm in all sincerity that he went heart and hand with the reigning powers on all the great questions of the day. And, having fully delivered himself on these various points, he could wind up with an anecdote from the Schildburghers. When the wise men of Schilda undertook to build their grand council-house, they carried down on their backs from the top of a high hill a large number of heavy logs. In moving the last log, it fell out of their hands and rolled to the bottom of the hill. 'Don't you see,' said the town fool, 'if you had started them all in the same way, they would have rolled down of their own accord?' which they admitted was true, and accordingly carried all the logs up to the top of the hill again, and then rolled them down. So, if the people don't like this party, they can roll in another just as good.
Your obedient servant, etc."
In my next chapter of experiences I propose giving a succinct account of the great Port Townsend Controversy. This cost me more trouble than all my other experiences together, and came very near costing me my life.
II.
THE GREAT PORT TOWNSEND CONTROVERSY, SHOWING HOW WHISKY BUILT A CITY
Few persons who have visited the Pacific coast of late years are ignorant of the fact that the city of Port Townsend is eligibly situated on Puget's Sound, near the Straits of Fuca; and none who have seen that remarkable city can hesitate a moment to admit that it is a commercial metropolis without parallel.
Port Townsend is indeed a remarkable place. I am not acquainted with quite such another place in the whole world. It certainly possesses natural and artificial advantages over most of the cities known in the Atlantic States or Europe. In front there is an extensive water privilege, embracing the various ramifications of Puget's Sound. Admiralty Inlet forms an outlet for the exports of the country, and Hood's Canal is an excellent place for hoodwinking the revenue officers. On the rear, extending to Dunganess Point, is a jungle of pine and matted brush, through which neither man nor beast can penetrate without considerable effort. This will always be a secure place of retreat in case of an invasion from a war-canoe manned by Northern Indians. With regard to the town itself, it is singularly picturesque and diversified. The prevailing style of architecture is a mixed order of the Gothic, Doric, Ionic, and Corinthian. The houses, of which there must be at least twenty in the city and suburbs, are built chiefly of pine boards, thatched with shingles, canvas, and wooden slabs. The palace and out-buildings of the Duke of York are built of drift-wood from the saw-mills of Port Ludlow, and are eligibly located near the wharf, so as to be convenient to the clams and oysters, and afford his maids of honor an opportunity of indulging in frequent ablutions. There is somewhat of an ancient and fish-like odor about the premises of his highness, and it must be admitted that his chimneys smoke horribly, but still the artistic effect is very fine at a distance. The streets of Port Townsend are paved with sand, and the public squares are curiously ornamented with dead horses and the bones of many dead cows, upon the beef of which the inhabitants have partially subsisted since the foundation of the city. This, of course, gives a very original appearance to the public pleasure-grounds, and enables strangers to know when they arrive in the city, by reason of the peculiar odor, so that, even admitting the absence of lamps, no person can fail to recognize Port Townsend in the darkest night. When it was a port of entry under the laws of the United States, there was a collector of customs stationed in a small shanty on the principal wharf, whose business it was to look out for smugglers, and pay the salary of an inspector who owns some sheep on San Juan Island, and holds joint possession of that disputed territory with the British government. The collector of customs, being unable to attend to the many important duties that devolved upon him without assistance, was allowed two boatmen, whose duty it was to put him on board of suspicious vessels in the offing, and one of whom, by virtue of a special commission, was ex-officio deputy collector, and made up the accounts of the district.
The principal luxuries afforded by the market of this delightful sea-port are clams, and the carcasses of dead whales that drift ashore, by reason of eating which the inhabitants have clammy skins, and are given to much spouting at public meetings. The prevailing languages spoken are the Clallam, Chenook, and Skookum-Chuck, or Strong Water, with a mixture of broken English; and all the public notices are written on shingles with burnt sticks, and nailed up over the door of the town-hall. A newspaper, issued here once every six months, is printed by means of wooden types whittled out of pine knots by the Indians, and rubbed against the bottom of the editor's potato pot. The cast-off shirts of the inhabitants answer for paper. For the preservation of public morals, a jail has been constructed out of logs that drifted ashore in times past, in which noted criminals are put for safe keeping. The first and last prisoners ever incarcerated in that institution were eleven Northern Indians, who were suspected of the murder of Colonel Ehy at Whidbey's Island. As the logs are laid upon sand to make the foundation secure, the Indians, while rooting for clams one night, happened to come up at the outside of the jail, and finding the watchman, who had been placed there by the citizens, fast asleep, with an empty whisky bottle in the distance, they stole his blanket, hat, boots, and pipe, and bade an affectionate farewell to Port Townsend.
The municipal affairs of the city are managed by a mayor and six councilmen, who are elected to office in a very peculiar manner. On the day of election, notice having been previously given on the town shingles, all the candidates for corporate honors go up on the top of the hill back of the water-front, and play at pitch-penny and quoits till a certain number are declared eligible; after which all the eligible candidates are required to climb a greased pole in the centre of the main public square. The two best then become eligible for the mayoralty, and the twelve next best for the common council. These fourteen candidates then get on the roof of the town-hall and begin to yell like Indians. Whoever can yell the loudest is declared mayor, and the six next loudest become the members of the common council for the ensuing year.
While I had the misfortune to be in public employ (and for no disreputable act that I can now remember), it became my duty to inquire into the condition of the Indians on Puget's Sound. In the course of my tour I visited this unique city for the purpose of having a "wa-wa" with the Duke of York, chief of the Clallam tribe.
The principal articles of commerce, I soon discovered, were whisky, cotton handkerchiefs, tobacco, and cigars, and the principal shops were devoted to billiards and the sale of grog. I was introduced by the Indian Agent to the Duke, who inhabited that region, and still disputed the possession of the place with the white settlers. If the settlers paid him any thing for the land upon which they built their shanties it must have been in whisky, for the Duke was lying drunk in his wigwam at the time of my visit. For the sake of morals, I regret to say that he had two wives, ambitiously named "Queen Victoria" and "Jenny Lind;" and for the good repute of Indian ladies of rank, it grieves me to add that the Queen and Jenny were also very tipsy, if not quite drunk, when I called to pay my respects.
The Duke was lying on a rough wooden bedstead, with a bullock's hide stretched over it, enjoying his ease with the ladies of his household. When the agent informed him that a Hyas Tyee, or Big Chief, had called to see him with a message from the Great Chief of all the Indians, the Duke grunted significantly, as much as to say "that's all right." The Queen, who sat near him in the bed, gave him a few whacks to rouse him up, and by the aid of Jenny Lind succeeded, after a while, in getting him in an upright position. His costume consisted of a red shirt and nothing else, but neither of the royal ladies seemed at all put out by the scantiness of his wardrobe. There was something very amiable and jolly in the face of the old Duke, even stupefied as he was by whisky. He shook me by the hand in a friendly manner, and, patting his stomach, remarked, "Duke York belly good man!"
Of course I complimented him upon his general reputation as a good man, and proceeded to make the usual speech, derived from the official formula, about the Great Chief in Washington, whose children were as numerous as the leaves on the trees and the grass on the plains.
"Oh, dam!" said the Duke, impatiently; "him send any whisky?"
No; on the contrary, the Great Chief had heard with profound regret that the Indians of Puget's Sound were addicted to the evil practice of drinking whisky, and it made his heart bleed to learn that it was killing them off rapidly, and was the principal cause of all their misery. It was very cruel and very wicked for white men to sell whisky to the Indians, and it was his earnest wish that the law against this illicit traffic might be enforced and the offenders punished.
"Oh, dam!" said the Duke, turning over on his bed, and contemptuously waving his hand in termination of the interview – "dis Tyee no 'count!"
While this wa-wa, or grand talk, was going on, the Queen put her arms affectionately around the Duke's neck, and giggled with admiration at his eloquence. Jenny sat a little at one side, and seemed to be under the combined influence of whisky, jealousy, and a black eye. I was subsequently informed that the Duke was in the habit of beating both the Queen and Jenny for their repeated quarrels, and when unusually drunk was not particular about either the force or direction of his blows. This accounted for Jenny's black eye and bruised features, and for the alleged absence of two of the Queen's front teeth, which it was said were knocked out in a recent brawl.
Some months after my visit to Port Townsend, in writing a report on the Indians of Puget's Sound, I took occasion to refer to the salient points of the above interview with the Duke of York, and to make a few remarks touching the degraded condition of himself and tribe, attributing it to the illegal practice on the part of the citizens of selling whisky to the Indians. I stated that his wigwam was situated between two whisky-shops, and that the Clallams would soon be reduced to the level of bad white men in Port Townsend, "which, to say the least of it, was a very benighted place." The report was printed by order of Congress, though I was not aware of that fact till one day, sitting in my office in San Francisco, I received a copy of the "Olympia Democrat" (if I remember correctly), containing a series of grave charges against me, signed by the principal citizens of Port Townsend. I have lost the original documents, but shall endeavor to supply the deficiency as well as my memory serves. The letter was addressed to the "United States Special Agent," and was substantially as follows:
"Sir, – The undersigned have read your official report relative to the Indians of Puget's Sound, and regret that you have deemed it necessary to step so far aside from the line of your duty as to traduce our fair name and reputation as citizens of Port Townsend. You will pardon us for expressing the opinion that you might have spent your time with more credit to yourself and benefit to the government.
"Sir, it may be that on the occasion of your visit here the Duke of York and his wives were drunk; but the undersigned are satisfied, upon a personal examination, that neither Queen Victoria nor Jenny Lind suffered the loss of two front teeth, as you state in your report; and they are not aware that Jenny Lind's eyes were ever blacked by the Duke of York, nor do they believe it, although you have thought proper to make that statement in your report.
"The undersigned do not pretend to say that there is no whisky sold in Port Townsend; but they deny, sir, that you ever saw any of them drunk, or that the citizens of Port Townsend, as a class, are at all intemperate. On the contrary, they claim to be as orderly, industrious, and law-abiding as the citizens of any other town on the Pacific coast or elsewhere.
