Алекс Бранд
We will meet again
He did not let me continue and quickly sat down. Yet it hurts him, I can notice this, for many years I studied various facial expressions. And a great idea came to my mind … I lowered my voice and said in a tone of conspirator.
– I guess we can disappear from here?
So he appeared in my home, it was the best way out – I did not leave him and at the same time avoided publicity. And then…
I laid him on the couch in the living room of the first floor. He was very embarrassed, but I insisted. He needs a little rest. I brought coffee, some sweets. Soon he was sitting, finding it impolite to lie in my presence. Easy conversation… He introduced himself, talked a little about himself… I called my name with some tension. Yes, as usual I told my husband's name, but… If my guest finds out? If so, what to do? Ask him not to tell anything to anyone? What an absurdity… No, no reaction. The guy nodded politely, asked what I am doing and so on. Suddenly I was hurt by insult… I looked at him and thought – thousands of people would dream to be in your place. And you sit, drink coffee with my home-made cookies – and you do not even know who you are talking with, in whose house you are. And you will not know… I can even make a movie on this story. I could not stand it and laughed, the insult was gone. I did not think about it a long time – to make a movie… I can call my husband, he is a director. I will call a Friend, how he would be surprised… He may be my producer again. I can even write a script myself. Laughter has become even more fun, the guy looked at me wonderingly, put the cup on the table. I hurried to calm him down.
– Do not pay attention, I just …
– What?
– I just thought that we are like in the old film – I hit you with a car, here we are now, at my home… Good beginning, don't you think? Just imagine…
He smiled back and took the cup again, took a small sip. Looked around the living room. I froze – there are pictures on the walls. Some are signed …
– So you are an actress? But you said that you are engaged in the dress design.
Yes, so I said. And out of habit, I did something out of naughtiness. I do not know why … Apparently, the atmosphere of happening has so affected me. And, he is just a boy, he will not understand the hint, he certainly has not watched that old film. I showed him crossed fingers. He laughed.
– You lied to me!
– Yes! But when you cross your fingers, it's not so serious!
Our loud laughter filled the room, burst into the garden, into the free air and to the bright sun. Laughing, he pointed to the wall. I shrugged in response and sighed.
– Yes, I am an actress. Was.
He appreciated the pause, his face turned serious. He quietly asked.
– Can I see? Allow me?
He watched, I silently stood nearby and waited. After all, he will read the signatures, there are names. My name is there. I will never forget his wide-open eyes. My God … No, there was not usual admiration, delight or something like that. Huge confusion, almost fear. I could not resist and asked when we sat back. I asked for an honest answer. Why? He answered honestly, looking into my eyes.
– I thought you are no longer alive. Please, sorry, I…
– You felt like you saw a ghost, yep?
He hesitated, looked away and shrugged. For a moment it seemed that he wanted to get up and leave. I suddenly wanted to put a palm on his hand, calm him down. I see how he felt uneasy here… Of course, I did not do that. He understood that I was waiting. What he said probably should have hurt me deadly. As articles about how I gained two hundred pounds and I do not appear anywhere because I stopped getting into my evening dresses.
– I know nothing about you except the name. I have not seen your movies, never. Well, we were told at school…
I was curious, I leaned forward.
– What were you told?
He suddenly mischievously smiled at the corners of his mouth and squinted. We both felt that the involuntary tension between us was gone. And – I have not experienced any resentment, quite the contrary. It became very good. As it would be banal, a fan who accidentally came to me… A standard delight in the eyes, boring compliments and questions. Would he eventually ask for an autograph? I would not like… Stay yourself, we do not need this tinsel! Do not disappoint me, let it be a little unexpected adventure for both of us, as if we really in one of the old naive movies.
– So what they told you about me? Come across!
Suddenly I spoke to him like a friend. Why not? Will he take a step towards? Involuntarily I glanced at the wall clock, I wanted to know how much was left before my husband returned. I hope the guy did not notice. What am I doing? Not good. He noticed my quick glance. In his eyes I saw a doubt for a moment, and …
– No, not really about you.
I did not manage to hide the disappointment, it came out funny, we laughed again. I am feeling better and happier, I do not understand why… As if the sparkles flickered in the air merrily gleaming.
– What about?
– About how in one movie you sang romances, this movie called…
And then… I stopped him, raising my hand, slowly got up. Everything turned out on its own, the words of a foreign language poured into the thinly ringing silence of the living room. He froze, the impression that he was afraid to breathe while singing. Very quietly, in a small sound, so as not to carry it far. Not necessary. This is just for him. For me. For both of us. The words of the song subsided, I approached him, close. Eyes, his eyes. Warm, deep, dark brown, attractive. Magic of two in a quiet room. I know that my gaze fixed on him is now the same… Deep brown and clear blue. It's very easy to succumb. In my pictures at such moments the camera slowly ran down, and… He slightly, very slightly, hinted at the movement, moved back, barely perceptible, he doesn't want to hurt me. This is not a movie.
Not. There was nothing, could not be. Can not. For a moment there was a regret, if you would be a little older. Or I'm younger. And all overshadowed by the face of my husband. Not. Never. We will not destroy the intangible thing that united us in these moments. We will save it, together. I am sure that the same thoughts and doubts are in my guest’s soul. There were – and disappeared. And we stayed. But what unexpectedly connected us should have manifested itself. How, in what? And I…
I told him everything. So I wanted. How many times they asked me about it, what famous journalists… What amounts was offered just for the interview, just for the conversation. The answer has always been – no. But now… Wanted to finally speak out. I wanted an eye opposite, attentive gaze, understanding, sympathy. I need sympathy, why? After all, I'm happy. I have everything I dreamed of. But… But…
How good it is that in the dimness and quiet of the room, which only the small lamp lights up, you can just sit next to him – and talk, talk… I didn’t even ask to keep everything in secret – I know that he will keep silence. Interview, which for decades sought from me – here and now. Next to me is not a journalist, not a historian of cinema – an unknown person, almost a young man. He knows only my name. He will know more. I want it. We both want, I see it in his eyes.
My long, very long story… I got carried away, soon I pulled out thick heavy photo albums, we didn’t have enough space on the sofa and a table – we settled right on the carpet, on the floor. Little light here – a large chandelier flashed under the ceiling, illuminating the living room with a festive light. I asked if he was hungry? Without waiting for an answer, I jumped up and swept into the kitchen, as if in an instant I became younger by… By much. I quickly made sandwiches and tea. So funny, he was very embarrassed, but he followed and tried to help. Of course, a living legend – and that's how it looks after him in a simple way. Smears butter on bread and asks if he want fry eggs with ham… No, honey, sit down – I am the hostess, and you are my guest. The story continued. Page after page of thick cardboard. Faces, events. Rows of photos, my finger sliding over them. Sometimes he froze for a moment, as if hesitated to tell. What on the next page… And what is hidden between the neatly pasted pictures. At some moments the voice of reason timidly tried to intervene – be silent, do not. If he wants, he will earn a fortune by simply telling the press… This is a big temptation, will he stand? But I am writing an autobiography… This will be published, everyone will read it anyway. But you also tell what you never write! Do you believe him so much? I believe. I want it. For all the time he did not try to ask anything more, he didn’t show any surprise or emotion. Someone, looking from the side, could think that my guest is indifferent. But I saw what was going on in his soul, saw the fingers clench on the upholstery of the sofa. I saw everything and gave him to see everything, told the most intimate. Why? I do not know. But I am grateful to Providence for sending me this meeting, so unexpected, wonderful. Magic…
