A.A. KRUTOGOLÓVA
How to Start Speaking Even if You've Forgotten Everything

Preface

"I've been learning English for years! I might even know tenses better than some native speakers. But when it comes to saying just one word in real life — I freeze…"

If I had a dollar every time I heard this phrase during my lessons… I'd still write this book. Because the fear of speaking doesn't care whether you work in a grocery store or run a multi-million-dollar company.

Xenoglossophobia (a.k.a. language anxiety) has ruined more self-esteems than those awful fitting room mirrors with cheap lighting that accentuate every annoying flaw we just can't seem to get rid of.

The same thing happens during conversations. Especially with someone we don't know. Especially in a foreign language.

But here's the catch: most of the time, the problem isn't even a lack of proper knowledge. The problem is how your brain works when you find yourself in a stressful situation.

The human brain is an incredibly complex thing — perhaps its secrets will never be fully uncovered. Still, to figure out the issue that bothers us, we don't need to run to an MRI scan or pay for a year-long subscription to a therapist. Because the answers to our questions lie right on the surface.

So, let's figure out what really makes us stay silent.

Why Do We Stay Silent?

1. Fear of Mistakes (Perfectionism)

The core idea: We're afraid of looking stupid, making a mistake, and losing face.

Do you remember how in school, a teacher would say in front of the whole class: "Wrong!" or announce your grade for that test you hadn't prepared for — and you'd blush? I think many of us know that feeling. I still have nightmares about standing at the blackboard in algebra class…

So, that fear gets ingrained in us.

In adulthood, it becomes even stronger: we're successful people, we can't make mistakes! Thus, an inner critic kicks in: "Don't speak until you're 100% sure."

But here's the problem: 100% certainty in a living language DOES NOT EXIST. Even native speakers make mistakes, stumble, ask again. They just don't dwell on it.

A real-life example:

Having lived in Sri Lanka for almost a year, I met tons of people from different countries and walks of life. But the one that stuck with me most was a taxi driver we encountered on literally the same day we landed.

Hinglish (Hindi+English) — a variation of English that has earned its own place in history thanks to how widespread it is. And our driver spoke exactly that.

It was probably one of the most confusing conversations of my life…

Digging through every possible grammar combo and synonym, I kept asking the same question over and over, only to get a baffled look from a guy who had no idea what I wanted from him. My torment lasted until my friend — with broken English and a heavy Slavic accent — asked him the same question I'd been struggling with for ten minutes.

And she was understood. Right away.

"You must not know the language well, no worries!" the man said to me, noticing my face turn red with frustration. That phrase triggered a storm of indignation inside me.

How could this be?! I used all my knowledge and the perfect American pronunciation I'd been working on for years — and I wasn't understood? But a heavy accent and basic grammar worked like a charm?!

That's probably when I realized how much we complicate our lives trying to be perfect.

The essence of language is simple: convey the main idea. As my university professor used to say: "If your interlocutor understood what you wanted to say — communication was successful."

That experience was a real eye-opener for me, and it's been my go-to rescue whenever students confess their fear of real-life communication on their very first lesson. To which I confidently reply that a "healthy dose of idiocy" should always be present in everything — because while you're doubting yourself, trying to fit into a non-existent ideal, someone else just goes ahead and does it.

2. Trying to Translate

The core idea: