Влада Иванц
The blue days of mine. The collection of lyrics

I’m just a soul whose intentions are good.

Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood.

© «Don't let me be misunderstood»

by Bennie Benjamin, Horace Ott and Sol Marcus

Автор обложки Влада Иванц

Foreword

Do you understand me?

Well, Impressionism was a wonderful work. So naive, so young and funny in its vision of the world through the prism of other people's opinions. However, almost no one understood it. Unfortunately, they saw in it an insignificant and uninteresting work. But Impressionism just reflected the light that shone on it from those who read it. You may ask, what makes me think that? Well, I have many examples and many new haters. Once I published a poem from the book with the meaning that sounds like people always get punished for their ignorant words and deeds. How did people react to this? They called me a wretched scribbler throwing pathetic words. Are they right? I don't know. But now I realize that the things I put my whole soul into are worthless. They are not needed or understood by anyone. It doesn't matter what language I write in, I still seem like a stranger to them. The concept of a new collection of my lyrics manifests itself. It's about misunderstanding.

Yes, I'm offended, sad, scared, and ridiculously confused by their misunderstanding. They judge a book by its cover, but even a beautiful cover is a reason for them to hate it. However, if you read this, then you probably understand me. You, those who will definitely read this collection, in whatever language it would be written. You are the ones I love and respect for your sincere support and love. I know for sure that my declaration of love will reach you, because you are here, in my broken and sad heart. Only thanks to YOU it's still beating.

Oh, for such a long time I was afraid to be completely sincere with you, because it seemed to me that I would betray someone's expectations about me and thereby destroy the reputation of myself and my beloved ones. So, I hid my real rage in gentle and non-cruel words. I hoped it would save me. Well, it didn't, because people are really crazy. However, having dared to say a little more than necessary, even in a foreign language, I realized that you are still here anyway. Because you understand me. But I'm just learning to understand YOU.

By the way, please, don't think that it's going to be another sad and depressed work. There're a lot of fun things, I promise. Even a thunderstorm can be quite positive. But it's going to rain anyway.

So, take an umbrella, despite the cloudless sky, because it's the beginning of The Blue Days Of Mine.

Mental flue

mental flue

poem

When the heavens are silent,

I think about what I need to do.

I guess I'm just a little tired.

It's some kind of mental flu.

The geometry is quite simple:

The parallels do not intersect.

You and I are parallel people:

We don't fight, we don't protect.

The world is wonderful, can't you see?

The clouds are white, the sky is blue.

But you're not who you used to be.

I guess, you've caught my mental flu.

April 27, 2024

Malady

song

[Verse 1]

There are no good lyricists left in our century

And no right medicines have been invented.

There were holy people next to me while I was sick.

I wonder where I would be now if they didn't help me.

[Chorus]

I was left alone, as a typical hero of post-apocalyptic.

Me, my demons, my maladies are the perfect triptych.

It's impossible to cure the one who revels in his illness.

You know, my maladies have replaced all my feelings.

[Verse 2]

All the best lyricists died due to shock therapy.

During bad trips, any artist praises his malady.

But when the fever starts, he curses his great insight.

Then he dies knowing that he has performed his rite right.

[Chorus]

I was left alone, as a typical hero of post-apocalyptic.

Me, my demons, my maladies are the perfect triptych.

It's impossible to cure the one who revels in his illness.

You know, my maladies have replaced all my feelings.

[Bridge]

And my insight brought me only harsh contempt.

I couldn't score а hundred, but it was a great attempt.

Run, Forest, run if you don't want to wallow in the mud.

I don't need anything divine, I'm tired of this fight.

Holy people turn away, 'cause they cannot pray for me.

And now there is only me and my favourite malady.

[Chorus]

I was left alone, as a typical hero of post-apocalyptic.

Me, my demons, my maladies are the perfect triptych.

It's impossible to cure the one who revels in his illness.

You know, my maladies have replaced all my feelings.

Holy people turn away, 'cause they cannot pray for me.

And now there is only me and my favourite malady.

Eeeh-eeh

Hear this melody.

Fear this malady.

Eeeh-eeh.

June 6th, 2024

Dethroning

song

[Verse 1]

Can I ask one more favour?

Praise your Queen and save her

And go fight for my crown.

I thought I had a great army,

But they are vile and smarmy,

I know they will let me down.

[Pre-chorus]

My castle is crumbling down.

The clang of chains is loud.

'Cause I won the cursed renown.

[Chorus]

Do you hear me being called great?

I can't hear it anymore, it's too late.

I am no longer the authority here,

People curse the reason for my being.

Once I was the missionary of the Sun,

But the hour of my dethroning has come.

[Verse 2]

I was held up so high,

I had the best empire,

I used to rule the world.

Now I fear I fell from grace,

They don't wanna see my face.

I am no longer their Lord.

[Pre-chorus]

What has my reign brought?

Hunger, plague, besieged fort.

Let them send me to court.

[Chorus]

Do you hear me being called mad?

I can hear it, well, it's too late.

I am no longer the authority here,

People curse the reason for my being.

I am the missionary of the Sun,

But the hour of my dethroning has come.

[Bridge]

I ended up at the Bal des Ardents,

I was beloved a few years ago,

Now they think I'm madder than Charles VI.

I was made of glass and I can't be fixed.

[Chorus]

Do you hear how they wish me dead?

I do hear it, but it's too late.

I am no longer the authority here,

People curse the reason for my being.

They found me guilty, so I'm loathed

I'm dying 'cause I'm being dethroned.

[Post-chorus]

I was beloved a few years ago,

I ended up at the Bal des Ardents

They found me guilty, so I'm loathed

I'm dying 'cause I'm being dethroned.

I'm dying 'cause I'm being dethroned.

I'm dying 'cause I'm being dethroned.

May 2nd, 2024

Nightmares

song

[Verse 1]

The white noise is playing in my mind.

The black horse is carrying the black knight.

The crimson blood oozing from my sores.

The grey mass is an army of lost souls.

[Pre-chorus]

The whole world is pale as a corpse.

But everyone acts like no one knows.

[Chorus]

Well, look at my face

I'm out of my colours,

And only bleak shadows

Left.

It's not a tough case.

I'll paint a new picture

There'll be only a creature

Of my nightmares.

[Verse 2]

My blue days are slowly dragging on.

All the colours on the canvas are gone.

My heart faded and turned black.

In scarlet colours, people's hearts tend to break.

[Pre-chorus]

My soul shone with silver and gold.

But its paints were stolen and sold.

[Chorus]

Well, look at my face

I'm out of my colours,

And only bleak shadows

Left.

It's not a tough case.

I'll paint a new picture

There'll be only a creature

Of my nightmares.

[Verse 3]

Claude Monet's paintings arouse

Fury because of tenderness and flowers.

Well, if you hate brightness that much.

Then enjoy the horrors of Munch.

March 7th, 2024

Human being

song

[Verse 1]

All your lovely expectations

Are the devil's temptations.

Love is just the best deception,

False and expensive satisfaction.

Oh.

Well-known beautiful princess

Spends nights with sleeplessness.

Her prince showed worthlessness.

The personification of hopelessness.

[Pre-chorus]

Oh, Lord

What was she thinking?

Now her ship is sinking.

All she has to do is pray.

She should throw it all away.

[Chorus]

She doesn't

Have to fight other people's demons.

A person doesn't have to fight all the villains.

We are not superheroes,

We are just human beings.

She mustn't

Stitch and glue her little broken heart,

Live with it while it falls and falls apart.

She's not a selfish villain,

She's just a human being.

[Verse 2]

All our hopes and wishes

Turn into dirty dishes.

His quack healing fictions

Write out their prescriptions.

Oh.

Not love, but your health

Is real human wealth.

Princess, love yourself

And don't trust your blind faith.

[Pre-chorus]

Oh, Lord

She's on her way to hell.

All her prayers didn't help.

But she will continue to fight,

Until she sleeps peacefully at night.

[Chorus]

She doesn't

Have to fight other people's demons

A person doesn't have to fight all the villains.

We are not superheroes

We are just human beings.

She mustn't

Stitch and glue her little broken heart,

Live with it while it falls and falls apart.

She's not a selfish villain,

She's just a human being.

[Bridge]

You got your desired knight

To get your dragon killed,

You got your desired night.

To get your peaceful dream.

You're just a human being.

You're losing your dream knight,

You have only a dented shield,

You're getting ready to fight

Against the dragon on the battlefield.

But you're just a human being.

You're just a human being.

[Chorus]

And you don't

Have to fight other people's demons

A person doesn't have to fight all the villains.

We are not superheroes

We are just human beings.

You won't

Stitch and glue your little broken heart,

Won't live with it until it falls apart.

You're not a selfish villain,

You're just a human being.

[Pre-chorus]

You got your desired knight

To get your dragon killed,

You got your desired night.

To get your peaceful dream.

You're just a human being.

You're losing your dream knight,

You have only a dented shield,

You're getting ready to fight

Against the dragon on the battlefield.

But you're just a human being.

You're just a human being.

August 2nd, 2023

Play

poem

There's a play about violence,

It reminds me of my bright blue days.

Don't expect kindness from the audience.

So many people, but an empty space.

Oh, that feeling of evil loneliness.

Well, they show it pretty well.

Life from holidays to other holidays

Is the main tragedy of today.

I'm playing a strange role in this play.

It wasn't seen and understood.

And I'll take off my mask one day.

But my intentions are not really good.

There's the purest evil in my eyes.

Good people think it's a delusion.

Well, there's always devil in disguise.

It's not exceptional, but usual.

2022

Enough is enough

song

[Verse 1]

It's been too painful for so, so long.

I think that I'm ready to lose my hope.

You say I'm a drama queen. Oh my God!

Even if I'm helpless, I can be bold.

[Chorus]

And I'm screaming as loud as I can.

You're making me, you're making me fail.

Apparently, you're proud of all this stuff.

But I'm telling ya enough is enough

I admit, this time is very, very tough.

But I repeat, bitch, I have had enough.

[Verse 2]

I don't want to continue all this fight.

I just want freedom and peace of mind.

Thank you that my heart is dead now.

And now I'm making, making a new vow.

[Chorus]

And I'm screaming as loud as I can.

You're making me, you're making me fail.

Apparently, you're proud of all this stuff.

But I'm telling ya enough is enough

I admit, this time is very, very tough.

But I repeat, bitch, I have had enough.

[Bridge]

My vow is that I will draw a new portrait.

And it will be based only on what you said.

I'll become a living moon of crimson blood.

And I'll let the rivers, let the rivers flood.

[Chorus]

And I'm screaming as loud as I can.

You're making me, you're making me fail.

Apparently, you're proud of all this stuff.

But I'm telling ya enough is enough

I admit, this time is very, very tough.

But I repeat, bitch, I have had enough.

[Post-chorus]

It's been too painful for so, so long.

I think that I've already lost my hope.

June 13th, 2024

Call me whatever you want

song

[Verse 1]

You can call me whatever you want.

You can use the most terrible word.

Won't take offense or shout anything worse.

This is an opinion, that's neither true nor false.

[Verse 2]

He can call me whoever he wants.

He can break me, my heart and my bones.

Won't cry outta pain or do anything worse.

This is an opinion, that's neither true nor false.

[Verse 3]

She can call me whatever she wants.

Can spread gossip at the speed of gunshots.

I won't deny or hate her or her words

This is an opinion and who said it was false?

[Verse 4]

They can call me whoever they want.

They can break me, my friends or my hope.

I won't be furious or take bloody revenge.

This is an opinion, neither malice nor rage.

[Verse 5]

I can call them whatever I want.

I can use the most terrible word,

I can break them, their bones and their minds.

But they'll say it's not an opinion, that's crime.

[Post-chorus]

It's not an opinion, that's crime.

It's not an opinion, that's crime.

That's crime.

August 15th, 2023

Drama

song

[Verse 1]

He said that my acting skills

Were at their best.

He said that he'd make my dreams

Come true without any tests.

I knew this affair was dangerous,

But I gave it a shot.

I calculated a lot of various

Escape routes and codes.

[Chorus]

You showed me another world.

I gave you my dishonest word.

An unfaithful wife and her faithful lover.

What a typical plot of a painful drama.

You showed me another world.

Scarlet blood on a white snow.

Betrayal, money, fame and karma.

What a typical plot of a painful drama.

[Verse 2]

You said I wasn't even close

To pretty and gifted Megan Fox.

But who knows, who really knows,

The films are quite similar (that's gross).

Here I am, here the snow,

But only one damn killer.

But everything you asked for

Is heating and painkillers.

[Chorus]

You showed me another world.

I gave you my dishonest word.

An unfaithful wife and her faithful lover.

What a typical plot of a painful drama.

You showed me another world.

A world of murder and money, so

I began to fight for real, I wanna

Admit that I'm a bad actress for this drama.

[Bridge]

You know, I'm not a goddamn poet.

But some things cannot be avoided

Like ugly wrinkles on the forehead,

Like differences between you and your old portrait.

I left you alone in the hut on the peak,

But otherwise, you would have left me.

This story will remain in the video vault

Because I have my own world.

And even though I'm now just an aging actress.

And you're a failed director, nameless and aimless.

We're not right for each other, I'm sorry, but

I thank you, because now I know what's right.

[Chorus]

You showed me another world,

I saw some things I haven't learned.

I'm the revenant of my story,

You're cut out of credits, I'm so sorry.

You showed me another world

And now I'm back and I'm bold

To say that this film is over.

And I'm its sole copyright holder.

The drama's over.

And it will pay off.

June of 2024

Love & Loathe

song

[Verse 1]

This summer began with my desire,

With the hope and joy of mine.

I gave it my all,

But the world is sold.

Fought with people, fought with demons,

Fought against their mad opinions.

Handled it well,

But it was hell.

[Chorus]

God, I didn't let you down.

I've created something magical,

Beautiful and kept my vow.

God, it wasn't that radical.

It defenceless and tender,

It blooms quickly and seldom.

[Verse 2]

The summer ends with morbid crying,

I feel down, but I'm still trying

To be here.

My pain, my dream.

Eternal memory to this art,

A part of it lives in my heart.

Are you still here?

Can you say clear?

[Chorus]

God, they ruined me to the ground.

I swear, I tried, I fought,

But I couldn't make a sound.

God, the world has been bought.

And so they love and loathe.

But I'll be there with my dreams and hope.

[Post-chorus]

So they love me, but they loathe.

Yes, they do, yes, they do it both.

With my dreams and my hope

The world has been, the world has been bought.

So they love me, but they loathe.

I swear, I tried, I tired, but I, but I fought.

So forgive me, please, my Lord.

Once I was innocent, the art of mine is loathed.

August of 2023

How can it be?

song

[Chorus]

How can it be real?

Blue skies, but a blue feeling.

Blue birds, but blue days.

A deep blue sea, but a deadly blue face.

[Verse 1]

In the morning you see the sunlight.

It's so warm, so happy and bright.

In the evening you see the moonlight.

But after that comes the dreary black night.

[Chorus]

How can it be right?

You live, but then you die.

You're blessed, but then you're doomed.

You win, and then you fail and lose.

[Verse 2]

When you are born, you see the world bright.

It is filled with your mother's pure love.

When you die, you see the world dark.

It is cold, empty, cruel and vile.

[Chorus]

How can it be me?

I am not happy to live.

I dream of peace in my life.

But I'm destroying my world to the ground.

[Interlude]

[Verse 3]

In the reflection of the waters

You can see the sky above us.

In the glass of high-rise buildings,

You can see it dead and twisted.

[Chorus]

How can it just be?

If I cannot be free,

If freedom doesn't come with death,

Then I don't need to pray for help.

[Interlude]

[Verse 4]

A lot of colours in your life.

Mornings, nights, the endless sky.

And the lessons you have learned.

Blue sea, blue days, blue eyes, blue world.

[Chorus]

How can it be real?

Mmmmmmm.

How can it be right?

Lalalala

[Post-chorus]

How can world be blue,

How can days be that too?

How can it be me?

How can, how can, how can it be?

April 19th, 2024

I wish I

poem

I wish I could be able to go back in time.

I wish I could only do things right.

Anyway, everything seems to be fine.

Don't worry, I will be just alright.

I failed everything, and that's true.

I was telling myself “I hate you”.

Maybe that's the reason of my loss.

Self-hypnosis is the most horrific force.

My mind is my weapon, so I fight.

My heart is the target, so I die.

When your tears fly like arrows, hitting you,

You give up, there's nothing left to do.

And I'm going to fall from the height

I have ever ever barely gained.

I'm afraid to come face to face

With rocks, cold water and huge waves.

If only I could do things right.

If only I knew how to fight.

Their voices wouldn't have been heard

If only I had reached that top.

April of 2024

***

poem

I keep trying to sort out my own thoughts,

Keep forgetting those forget-me-nots.

The weather is sunny outside,

But it's raining in my anxious mind.

Yes, I've died a thousand times,

I was lying with mysterious lies.

Ask me what I want and you won't

Get an answer, 'cause I finally lost my hope.

You're going to ask me again if I agree.

I'm not worthy of you, don't you see?

And we will be both sorrowful and confused.

So, the best choice for us is to refuse.

2023

Boston Strangler

song

[Verse 1]

Was it love that I saw

Or the challenge from Saw?

We loved watching horror films.

Now we're their heroes, it seems.

I listen to thunder like music.

'Cause I find this shit amusing.

After my meeting with you,

I don't know what to do.

[Chorus]

I find it funny to look

At the crooked

Graphics of the monsters.

You needed proofs

You've become too

Much like the Strangler of Boston.

I find it funny to look

At the crooked

Graphics of the monsters.

You needed proofs

You've become too

Much like the Strangler of Boston.

But do really think I'm cursed?

Ooh.

But I don't scare and don't slam doors.

Ooh.

You're hiding a knife up your sleeve.

Ooh.

You behave either like a maniac or like a thief.

I find it funny to look…

[Verse 2]

You said that kindness won't buy

The world, but I asked you why.

You said my book was too kind.

I won't make any money now.

(I've made it free, bye-bye)

You like horror films, don't you?

I also find this nonsense cool.

But if I had a choice between you

And the monster, guess who I'd choose.

[Chorus]

I find it funny to look

At the crooked

Graphics of the monsters.

You needed proofs

You've become too

Much like the Strangler of Boston.

I find it funny to look

At the crooked

Graphics of the monsters.

You needed proofs

You've become too

Much like the Strangler of Boston.

But do really think I'm cursed?

Ooh.

But I don't scare and don't slam doors.

Ooh.

You're hiding a knife up your sleeve.

Ooh.

You behave either like a maniac or like a thief.

I find it funny to look…

Spring of 2024

Dead End

song

[Verse 1]

Now I'm dead

Now I'm fine

I will never ever cry

And I walk through walls

Thanks to God

Thanks to Death

I will never feel my breath

The crunch of bones

And my heartbeat songs

[Chorus]

Probably everyone would consider it a curse

But this is just my choice

That's neither true nor false

People think I'm sick, I'm just a freak

But I think it's a dream

I'm no more human being

[Verse 2]

Now I'm free

Now I see

How desirable death can be

And life is simply terrible

My rotting body

Scares everybody

It's so vicious and so muddy

Life wasn’t an idyll

My death is revival

[Chorus]

Probably everyone will forget me in two days

I don't see sunny rays

I found another place

People think I'm geek, but I've become free

Death is no longer bad

When I hit a dead end

[Verse 3]

Thanks to Death

Thanks to prayer

I will see this magic heaven

The Other World

And hear angel's song…

September of 2023

A Ferocious Beast

song

[Verse 1]

The quick response to the long list of accusations

Is just a smirk that I used to demonstrate.

I wonder what is the point of my participation

If they will just throw stones at my gates?

[Pre-chorus]

And it was obvious

That I was fearless,

That I was serious

When I said I was not.

[Chorus]

And so they say that I am a ferocious beast.

But I don't care, I'm free and young at least.

Well, these hunters wanted to rip out my claws,

But now they have my teeth and my rage in their throat.

A ferocious beast lives in the forest.

Don't go there, kids, it hates annoyance.

A ferocious beast lives in the forest.

Don't go there, kids, please, don't go furthest.

[Verse 2]

I'm calm about all this fucking guile,

That's why I'm not trying to fight with you.

But you're so loud with saying that I'm vile.

I'm going to have to kill your point of view.

[Pre-chorus]

And it was obvious

That I was angry,

That I wasn't happy

When you said that I was.

[Chorus]

And so they say that I am a ferocious beast.

But I don't care, I'm free and young at least.

Well, these hunters wanted to rip out my claws,

But now they have my teeth and my rage in their throat.

A ferocious beast lives in the forest.

Don't go there, kids, it hates annoyance.

A ferocious beast lives in the forest.

Don't go there, kids, please, don't go furthest.

[Bridge]

And it was obvious

That I was humiliated

That I was stranded

When they said I was not.

And it was obvious

That I'll be offended

That I'll be mad at

Them and their control.

But they didn't recall

That I was left alone.

[Chorus]

And so they say that I am a ferocious beast.

But I don't care, I'm free and young at least.

Well, these hunters wanted to rip out my claws,

But now they have my teeth and my rage in their throat.

A ferocious beast lives in the forest.

Don't go there, kids, it hates annoyance.

A ferocious beast lives in the forest.

Don't go there, kids, it hates annoyance, please, don't go furthest…

June 10th, 2024

***

poem

Hello, my dear readers.

I think you're confused.

My poems are like creepers,

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