For big and small people
Roman Akimov

Editor Veronika Varentsova

Illustrator Roman Akimov

Translator Veronica Varentsova

© Roman Akimov, 2024

© Roman Akimov, illustrations, 2024

© Veronica Varentsova, translation, 2024

ISBN 978-5-0064-3247-5

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

“A planet of jesters”
Roman Akimov

Characters

– Victoria

– Victoria’s Husband

– Tesya (Victoria’s Daughter)

– Versachka (Dog)

– Pillow

– Clock

– Guard

– Town Crier

– Beggar

– Mimodo! (From the future, a man from another planet)

– Gray Sock

– Spider

– Friend 1

– Friend 2

– Intruder

Setting: Medieval Europe

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A brief introduction

Winter. A spacious house. Inside the house, there are piles of stacked items and objects. Against the far central wall stands a large antique wardrobe. Near the right wall, there is a chest. On the left side, there is a large double-door window. Opposite the window, there are hanging clocks. The walls are adorned with various drawings and family photographs. Outside the window, you can see the street and the corners of the houses. In the distance, on a hill, there is a podium with a flagpole, where the kingdom’s flag is waving

The first morning…

The entire family, dressed warmly, stands in front of the open window, awaiting the daily message to the kingdom. The Town Crier (from a podium) – Our kingdom is surrounded by entirely unfriendly neighbors, waiting for us to weaken so they can take advantage! From our tower, we increasingly hear calls, or rather, demands, to pay attention to resolving internal pressing issues! Know this – these are hostile elements; this is said only to lull your vigilance and divert your attention from what truly matters! The guards have learned to identify troublemakers. Be assured! Everyone will be held accountable under the law! That’s the first point! Second! Our wise king has consolidated all the kingdom’s hard-earned gold reserves exclusively in the royal treasury. Trusted ministers of the Crown are responsible for its safety. What does this mean? It means that thoughtful, wise decisions are the key to a prosperous future! After the Town Crier’s last words, joyful shouts and children’s crying can be heard from all the houses: “Hail the king!” Following the shouts and cries, windows begin to close one by one.

Victoria – Hail to the king! Hail to the king! (to her husband, half-whispering) Close the window! (loudly) Hail to the king! Hail to the king!

The room is lit up. Victoria’s Husband (taking off his coat) – That’s it, I can’t take it anymore! I’m getting too hot! (looks at the wall clock) Oh no, it’s time for work!

Tesya (very sleepy, falls to the floor) – Mom, I want to sleep…

Victoria (somewhat condescendingly) – Please, without this performance. I’ve wanted to sleep since the moment you were born! So, logically, I should be the one going to sleep, not you… But I can’t, why?

Tesya – I have to study…

Victoria – Go grab something from the table, or you’ll be hungry all day again!

Victoria’s Husband (clearing the clutter) – Where does my second sock always disappear to? The chest spits out some items into the room.

Victoria – Where you left it, that’s where you should look!!!

Victoria’s Husband – All my things are always neatly folded (pointing to separate piles of scattered items), right here and here, I folded them myself… But for some reason, what I’m looking for isn’t here… (to himself) How tired I am of all this… Fine, I’ll go look elsewhere! (tidies up suspiciously)

Victoria – You’d better not upset me! I can handle things without you…

Victoria wraps Tesya in a warm scarf, making her unable to speak clearly, turning her into something resembling a woolly ball.

Victoria (to Tesya) – Stop fidgeting! Stop, I said!

Victoria’s Husband (to Tesya) – Sweetie, you’d better not upset mom, you know what she’s like in the morning!

Victoria – What’s she like?

Victoria’s Husband – Absolutely magnificent!

Victoria – Alright, did we forget anything?

Tesya tries to say something important but only produces a prolonged murmur.

Victoria’s Husband – Seems like we didn’t!

Victoria – Then let’s go! (to Tesya) Stop mumbling!

The door slams shut and locks. From the pile of items, a drowsy dog, Versachka, slowly crawls out.

Versachka – They’ve chilled the room again! You can catch a cold like this! It seems I need to go outside! I need to go outside… They forgot about me again. (to himself) Can I do anything about it? Is it up to me? This is quite a complex question for a simple dog! On the other hand, if I sniff around seriously, I do everything I can, and I have a home… Can I dream of anything more? And this isn’t just a pile of items, it’s a real fortress! A real castle next to a large wooden hanger, a solid roof made of shawls, scarves, hats, gloves, and pants. Expensive hat! Good morning! Respectable pair of shoes, good morning to you too! Dear yellow scarf, I must say you resemble the real sun… and not just because you’re higher than me and in the blue clouds of pants! But the biggest and warmest good morning to the one who witnessed cleanliness and was there from the very beginning! Good morning, invisible old gray sock…

Versachka digs up a homemade musical instrument made of strings and starts to sing, causing the entire room to come alive as it sways in rhythm.

The Earth will turn upside down, and leaves will scatter into the sky

My little sock will hold my home, sturdy and strong as years go by

No one ever thought at once, this planet’s the universe’s core

No one will write stories, of a gray-colored sock and its lore

I believe it’s not just a word, what once was there at the start

I believe it was the foundation, of a grand universal chart

And the little thread in it, it’s also my home

One day it’ll save from discord, as the thread’s purpose is known

Spider (to Versachka) – Well, good morning, little doggy! Did you forget to walk with you again? Come on, I’ll crawl around you a bit so you won’t be so sad!

Versachka – Good morning! Thanks for the offer, but I have a lot to do!

Spider – I won’t offer twice!

Versachka – Thanks, but I’ll probably pass!

Spider – Lots to do… Well, you know, I’m always somewhere nearby! I’m off!

Outside, the sound of the royal guard’s boots approaching becomes audible. Small squads pass through the streets. Versachka rushes to the window!

Voice (to the recruits) – Stand in formation, offspring! You are now in the elite ranks of the Order of the Iron Shield and Sword; His Majesty the King’s! Step, more precisely! One, Two!

Meanwhile, the sun slowly rises above the hill…

The first day…

The key turns in the lock, the door opens. Victoria enters.

Versachka (jumping with joy) – Who’s there! Who’s there!? I’m so happy! Please, take me outside! I really need it!

Victoria – Don’t bark at me! And stop getting underfoot! Wait, didn’t we just go for a walk?

Victoria tosses some new items onto the common pile, except for one.

Victoria (trying it on) – Not bad! Not bad!

Versachka – Please, take me outside!

Victoria – Stop barking! What do you need? (to herself) Not bad! Right on time! (to Versachka) Where’s the leash? Let’s find it!

Versachka – Hooray!

Victoria and Versachka search for the leash in the clutter.

Versachka – Found it, here!

Hastily, Victoria puts on the leash.

Victoria (putting it on) – Don’t squirm, don’t squirm, I said, don’t yelp! Let’s go!

Victoria and Versachka go outside.

Town Crier (on the hill) – Henceforth, in the kingdom, valor and order prevail! For the tranquility of His Majesty’s subjects, a royal decree has added a new generation of unformed and fresh-faced youth to the king’s guard! Patriotic education of the youth is paramount! With sword and shield! With sword and shield! Hail to the king!

Tesya and Victoria’s Husband enter.

Victoria’s Husband – We’re home! She went out again and didn’t lock the door…

Tesya mumbles indistinctly.

Victoria’s Husband (takes off his scarf) – Take the rest off yourself! You’re grown up now. Put it somewhere, Mom will come and sort it all out herself.

Tesya – Where’s Mom?

Victoria’s Husband (takes off extra clothes) – I’m wondering the same thing!

Versachka and Victoria return from their walk.

Tesya – Versachka!!! Versachka!!!

Victoria – Hold on! Versachka wriggles out of Victoria’s grasp and jumps into Tesya’s arms.

Tesya – Versachka’s good! Versachka’s good!!!

Versachka – I missed you so much!!!

Victoria – Can’t you see that his paws are dirty!? (to Versachka) Sit!

Victoria approaches Versachka in her outdoor shoes.

Victoria – What are you looking at? Give me a cloth!

Victoria wipes Versachka’s paws.

Victoria – Stop squirming, for goodness’ sake!

Tesya – But Dad said…

Victoria’s Husband – Weren’t you taught to lock the doors when you leave the house?

Victoria – And where’s the “hello, my beloved”?

Victoria’s Husband – I’m tired of you never thinking about anything!

Victoria – Calm down!

Victoria’s Husband – You know very well that thefts and looting have increased… You know what time it is!

Victoria – Say it louder! Our neighbors are deaf! (loudly) Thanks to our king for order and tranquility!

To her husband: See how smart your wife is! That’s right!

She takes one of the items from the fresh pile.

Victoria’s Husband – Not bad! What’s the occasion?

Victoria – It’s time to pay attention to that photo in the corner!

Victoria’s Husband – Oh, I completely forgot! What can I do…

Victoria – Give me the money; I haven’t paid for it yet!

Victoria’s Husband – Aren’t we drowning in debt? Look around, there’s no space left… Is it really necessary right now? Fine, dear! (hands over the money) Don’t be surprised later…

Victoria – Alright, I’m going! Wait until evening!

Victoria leaves.

Victoria’s Husband (trying it on) – I wonder, why do I need this?… Well, never mind.

He tosses the new item onto the common pile and goes into another room.

Versachka – How was your day, Tesya!?

Tesya – I’ll share with you how my day went!

Versachka – How’s your schooling?

Tesya – It’s boring to study, of course… If only you could come with me, it would be much more fun! Only you understand me, Versachka! Come here, I’ll hug you! I feel like I’m not needed by anyone…

Versachka – Sweet, sweet Tesya! Don’t be sad! It’s just tough right now, but everything will get better, you’ll see… I need you! I love you very much!

Tesya (laughs) – Don’t wiggle, don’t wiggle, Versachka! You know I’m scared of tickles!

Meanwhile, outside, the windows and small lanterns on the walls of the kingdom’s houses light up.

Town Crier (on the hill) – Royal decree! Due to the challenging situation on our borders, a curfew is imposed! Violators will be detained by our valiant guards for further investigation of all circumstances and will be punished in accordance with the laws of our kingdom! Hail to the king!

The First Evening…

Tesya is drawing with colored pencils on white paper, and Versachka sits nearby. Victoria’s husband comes out of the neighboring room.

Tesya – Daddy, daddy, look!

Victoria’s Husband – Oh my, what’s this?

Tesya – I drew it myself!

Victoria’s Husband – But it’s winter… And your tree is green, and these… colorful leaves?

Tesya – I just thought…

Victoria’s Husband (weary, almost indifferent) – Haven’t they told you that an artist shouldn’t think? They, my dear, should reflect the truth and the reality that uplifts fundamental things in the eyes of the beholder, like love for the kingdom, respect for the law, labor… the ability to endure hardships for the common bright future!

Tesya – I just…

Victoria’s Husband (annoyed) – How much is three pieces of bread plus three pieces of bread? Hasn’t your mother taught you to add? Show with your fingers!

Tesya (shows with fingers) – Probably like this!

Victoria’s Husband (shows the correct answer) – Not probably, like this! Learn to understand bread first, and then draw green trees and these… leaves in winter!

Tesya – Okay, Daddy…

Victoria’s Husband goes into another room, and Tesya freezes in place.

Versachka – Let me see! Oh, what a magnificent and majestic tree! How much we all miss summer… Let me close my eyes right now! Ah, Tesya! I can hear the rustle of its leaves in the evening’s summer breeze!

Tesya – It seems like you understand me!

She hugs Versachka.

Versachka – Of course, I do, but I just can’t express it like a human!

Victoria enters with large bags.

Guard (outside the window) – Turn off the lights! Lights out! Turn off the lights!

Victoria – Just in time! A step the length of a lifetime! But what did I bring, my dear! Yes, yes, you understand it correctly! Soda! Is it a celebration or not? Take it and bring it to the kitchen!

Victoria actively takes off extra clothes.

Tesya – Mom, look at what I drew!

Victoria – Hm… (pause) A tree… (pause) And why aren’t you in bed yet? Don’t you want Uncle Guard to take you to the guardhouse? There’s no paint there, only soot and dampness…

Tesya – No, Mom!

Victoria – Then hurry! (to her husband) My dear, wonderful, long-haired, and curly husband, today marks six years since we’ve been together!

Victoria’s Husband – Oh, really?

Victoria – That’s right! This occasion calls for celebration!

Guard (knocking on the window) – Turn off the lights!

Victoria – Yes, yes!

Victoria’s Husband and Victoria go to the kitchen, closing the kitchen door with a familiar sound. Through the glass of the kitchen door, only silhouettes can be seen. Later, faint voices and some household noise can be heard from the kitchen. Outside, the guards march in formation. The sound of boots is audible.

The first night…

In the distance, a crescent moon drifts above the hill. Moonlight seeps into the room. The wall clock starts making a distinct ticking sound.

Pillow – Psst… It’s me, the pillow! Oh, you’re not sleeping… There’s something you need to hear! The socks will tell you now!

The socks crawl up, and from the wall, the clock continues to playfully tick.

Clock – Hello! I hope I’m not too loud?

First sock – We all think you should know this!

Victoria (from the kitchen behind a closed door) – You may be much younger than me, but you know… I’ve never felt that difference… I love you! For you!

Pillow – Go on, sock, but take your time!

First sock – Then it’s better if the second sock tells!

Second sock – As you all know, I was hung on the hanger in the closet a day ago, where an autumn hat patiently sits among many other things… I’ve been with her all this time… gathering the necessary information!

Clock – Tick-tock, tick-tock! To the point…

Second sock – The hat told me that in the closet, she constantly observes strange movements… And sometimes at night, she hears as if someone is trying to open the doors!

First sock – It can’t be!

Versachka – Perhaps she’s just imagining things?

First sock – Perhaps, but that’s not all!

Second sock – An old chest told me that a cracked crystal decanter escaped from confinement… And you know, a chest doesn’t just throw words to the wind!

Versachka – It went unnoticed by me somehow… Maybe the owner decided to discard it? After all, it was damaged after the fall… The last time, even before Tesya was born, when there was a different owner in the house, a whole, albeit small, war was sparked because of that decanter…

Pillow – But this time, we are better prepared, and…

Victoria’s husband (from the kitchen, behind the closed door) – My dear, to love you, I have to work very hard!

Victoria – What does that mean?

Victoria’s husband – I love and miss you immensely!

Victoria – Today during the day, I found strange-colored hair on your clothes…

Clock – Tick-tock, the full moon is approaching! (Pause) Under its light, I see signs… look, a picture where the master and mistress… moves!

First sock – It can’t be!

Versachka – Moonlight is very deceptive, showing us what we don’t see!

Pillow – Hopefully, we’re all wrong, but if not… then we’re prepared!

In a nightgown, Tesya enters the room and stands in the moonlight in front of the window.

Pillow – Tesya!

Versachka – Quiet, she’s asleep… It always happens when the parents are in the kitchen at night!

Clock – Or when the enchantress moon asserts her lawful rights… Tick-tock!

Everyone turns their attention to Tesya.

Tesya (under the influence of the moonlight, not fully awake) – Mom!

The Pillow, Clock, and Socks disappear, returning to their places.

Versachka – Sweet Tesya, quietly, don’t stumble… I’ll take you to your crib, and I’ll guard your room!

Versachka and Tesya leave. The image of Victoria and her husband slightly comes to life, their faces change. Due to a slight movement, the picture falls off one of the two nails. When Versachka returns, she carefully walks around the room, chooses her spot, makes a few circles, lies down, and falls asleep.

Versachka’s Dream

The space transforms into summer: the sounds of trees rustling flood through the wide-open windows, the sun rises, and a large drawn tree grows up from the floor. Perched on a branch is a smiling Tesya. She waves to her parents, who are standing, embracing each other. Beneath the tree is Versachka, rejoicing and trying to jump onto the tree towards Tesya.

The second morning…

Victoria and Victoria’s Husband, dressed inappropriately for the weather, stand by the window awaiting a royal message. Tesya stands nearby, wrapped in a blanket.

Town Crier – In times of growing prosperity in our kingdom, when every family works tirelessly for the prosperity of our lands, the lands where our ancestors once lived, those who believed in a bright future for the next generations and knew that the kingdom is blessed not by us, but from above… In all this grandeur, it turns out not everyone is pleased! Yesterday, the king’s guards captured conspirators, true traitors (because there’s no other way to describe them). And who are they? Three students from the Royal University! Bring them out! Guards bring out three students.

Town Crier – What were they doing in their free time from studies? They, in a strange and unacceptable manner, insulting our feelings, distorted the image of our king! They allowed us, the people, to be depicted as hungry, angry, uncivilized savages! They apparently thought it was a harmless joke! But we know where the tentacles grow from and who commissioned these images!

Indistinct disapproval is heard from the windows.

Town Crier – All of us absorbed with our mother’s milk that the neighboring kingdoms are trying to sow discord in our minds and in the minds of our children, distorting meanings, spreading false information about a better life! But we know it’s a lie! These three drank a different milk, and we see the result!

Words are heard from the windows: “Punish them! Punish them!!!”

Town Crier – But our king is merciful! Instead of the desired and deserved execution for these traitors, he has ordered that they be paraded through the streets in the near future so that everyone they offended with their pictures can speak their minds while looking them in the eye! Take them away! Hail to the merciful king!

Amid loud applause, Victoria’s husband silently closes the window.

Victoria (not hiding her irritation) – Let’s go to the room, I’ll change you…

Tesya – Mommy, what happened?

Victoria – Nothing…

Victoria and Tesya leave for the adjoining room.

Versachka – While I was sleeping, something happened?

Victoria’s Husband – I’m so tired of these constant missing socks, every morning it’s the same… (starts burying himself in a pile of clothes)

Victoria (from the room) – Can you raise your hands?! Can’t you see that it’s difficult for me to put this on?! And in general, it’s time to learn to do everything yourself… Well, okay!

Victoria’s Husband (demonstratively) – How I’m tired of all this…

Versachka – What happened here?

Victoria’s Husband leaves. Victoria and Tesya, dressed, come out. Tesya runs up to Versachka.

Tesya – Dear friend, see you later!

Versachka – See you later!

Victoria (sarcastically) – And don’t bark at me! As usual, you’ll endure it! I hope you heard me?

Tesya – Mommy, let’s go!

Victoria and Tesya leave. Versachka approaches the window, watching the quickly diminishing silhouettes. The clamor of people grows as the loud steps of soldiers’ boots are heard. The house begins to shake, and in fear, Versachka hides and closes his eyes. Meanwhile, students pass by the window, accompanied by a large number of guards. Street sweepers follow, clearing the path behind the students with brooms. The sun passes across the sky. Time speeds up.

The second day…

The key turns in the lock. Victoria enters and immediately approaches Versachka.

Victoria (hugging the dog) – I’m very ashamed, come on, wag your tail! You’re trembling… because of me? I didn’t want to… Where’s our leash? Let’s go, I’ll take you for a walk!

Versachka – Really?!

Victoria – I promise to do better…

Versachka and Victoria go outside. In the window, a silhouette of Victoria’s husband and Tesya approaching from a distance is visible. Before entering the house, Victoria’s husband suspiciously peeks into the window.

Victoria’s Husband – Tesya, you know what to do: warm clothes in one, shoes in the other!

Victoria’s Husband clumsily moves around the room.

Tesya – Dad, did you lose something?

Victoria’s Husband – No, no! Never mind!

Tesya – Can I help?

Victoria’s Husband – No need! Mind your own business!

Victoria enters with Versachka.

Victoria (to Victoria’s Husband) – Peace?

Victoria’s Husband – That hair you found on my clothes…

Victoria – Which one?

Victoria’s Husband – The ominous one…

Victoria – I already forgot! I scold myself for my suspicions! Are we children?

Victoria’s Husband – Well… peace!

Victoria’s Husband and Victoria hug.

Versachka – Maybe I had a prophetic dream last night?

Victoria (lightly hopping on one foot) – This needs to be celebrated urgently!

Victoria’s Husband – But what am I… Go, go.

Joyful, Victoria skips away.

Victoria’s Husband sighs heavily and leaves for the adjacent room.

Tesya (hugging the dog) – Versachka, you’re a good boy!

Versachka – You know, it seems I had a real prophetic dream! You were there, they were there, your big drawn tree, and everyone was smiling!

Tesya (laughs) – Woof! Woof!

Versachka – Seriously! Seriously!

Meanwhile, outside the windows, guards march in a steady, precise step.

Town Crier – Due to deteriorating weather conditions, our gracious king has decreed that tomorrow shall be a day off! That’s the first announcement. Second: the king’s ministers have reported on the six-month results! Poverty has been eradicated in the kingdom! Thanks to smart reforms, there are no more poor in the country! The kingdom’s defense has been strengthened! In the past month alone, a large number of men have joined the ranks of the honorable guard, and most of them are currently digging the great trench around our kingdom! A trench that will certainly ensnare the enemy! All of this is happening while the tentacles of neighboring kingdoms attempt to infiltrate our territory, taking away everything we’ve worked hard to create! In light of these achievements, the king has decreed a ministerial ball! Hail the king! Hail his faithful ministers!

Evening falls, and lanterns are lit.

The second evening…

Victoria’s husband is lighting the home fireplace. A heavy snowfall begins, turning into a blizzard. Tesya is drawing something, and Versachka sits nearby.

Versachka – Is that a person?

Tesya – Woof! Woof!

Versachka – It’s good that we understand each other…

In the distance, outside the window, the silhouette of a person appears. They peer into the windows, getting closer and closer. There’s a knocking at the window.

Versachka – Who’s that?

Tesya – Don’t worry, my dear, it’s probably the wind that blew a twig against our window!

Victoria’s Husband (peering out) – Did you knock?

Tesya – No, Daddy!

Victoria’s Husband – Curse this blizzard! *Knocking at the window.*

Versachka – Who is it? Who is it?

Victoria’s Husband – Sit! Tesya, step away from the window.

Tesya hides in the doorway of the adjacent room and listens attentively. Victoria’s husband opens the window.

Victoria’s Husband – What do you want?

Beggar – If you could be so kind…

Victoria’s Husband – Kind to what?

Beggar – For God’s sake, my children haven’t eaten for several days… This knocking on the window is out of desperation… Please help…

Victoria’s Husband (after a pause) – Times are tough for everyone now! I’m sorry, it’s very cold! *Closes the window.* There are all sorts of people around here!

The thin and fragile silhouette of the Beggar is caught by the blizzard and carried away in an unknown direction.

Tesya – Dad, what if he perishes?

Victoria’s Husband – Remember, Tesya, today you helped him, tomorrow he’ll bring someone else. Hope is not about this place! There’s no poverty in our kingdom… He’s definitely a fraud… *Looks out the window and barely articulates, breaking the words into syllables.* Def-in-ite-ly a fraud!

Tesya covers her face with her hands and starts crying.

Victoria’s Husband (very composed) – Once, in a similar situation, my father did the same, only I was walking through the forest at night… Seven hours. Growing up is not easy! It’s time to realize that!

Victoria’s Husband goes to the kitchen.

Victoria’s Husband – Most likely, he’s a fraud…

Versachka – Everything will be fine with him! Everything will be fine with him!

Victoria enters, covered in snow.

Victoria – Barely made it! Did you bring it?

Victoria’s Husband – She pities the beggars!

Victoria (a bit theatrical) – She doesn’t pity me, that’s the main thing… Remember, dear, no one will pity you in this world!

*Knocking at the window.*

Versachka – Who’s that?

Tesya – Dad!

Victoria’s Husband (approaching the window) – I thought I made myself clear! Guard – Turn off the lights! Dismissed!

Victoria – Why aren’t they all staying home in such weather?

Victoria’s Husband – Come on, you go to the kitchen… And you, off to bed! Meanwhile, the blizzard outside is getting even stronger.

The second night…

The embers smolder in the fireplace. Voices of Victoria and Victoria’s husband can be heard from the kitchen. The piles of clothes have started to resemble trenches and hills. The sound of a wall clock mechanism can be heard.

Socks (with a pillow) – On the front lines, insulated woolen socks… Pillow – How many?

Socks – Four pairs.

Pillow – Next!

Socks – Around the entire perimeter of contact, there’s stretched yarn, very easy to get entangled in.

Pillow – The clock?

Socks – On the wall, keeping watch.

Versachka – What if we can do without it? With such a strong blizzard outside… Maybe the moonlight won’t penetrate this cold?

Pillow – It penetrates even through walls… I understand you… (to the socks) Continue!

Socks – Figurines of knights, awaiting your orders.