Nikolay Lakutin
The teacher. A play for 4 people. Comedy

Attention! ALL COPYRIGHTS TO THE PLAY ARE PROTECTED BY THE LAWS OF RUSSIA, INTERNATIONAL LAW, AND BELONG TO THE AUTHOR. ITS PUBLICATION AND REPUBLICATION, REPRODUCTION, PUBLIC PERFORMANCE, TRANSLATION INTO FOREIGN LANGUAGES, AND MAKING CHANGES TO THE TEXT OF THE PLAY WHEN STAGED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR ARE PROHIBITED. THE PRODUCTION OF THE PLAY IS POSSIBLE ONLY AFTER THE CONCLUSION OF A DIRECT CONTRACT BETWEEN THE AUTHOR AND THE THEATER.

The actors

Anna

Ksyusha

Sanek

Victor

Action 1

Scene 1

Anna and Ksusha's rented apartment. It's not too tidy. Evening. An enraged Anna runs in. She doesn't look at all feminine, exhausted, gray.

Anna. Ahhh! That's it! To hell with this whole kindergarten! I'm writing my resignation letter tomorrow! My strength is gone. I've had enough! I'll go to the kiosk to trade, to the market, to distribute leaflets, I'll get a job as a gas station attendant… At least somewhere, but to get involved in educational and educational activities at some point… Fuck it all!!!

A sleepy Ksyusha comes out. He stretches.

Ksyusha. M.. Hello, Anyut.

Anna. hello!

Ksyusha. Hush, hush. Calm down.

Ksyusha comes up to Anna, calms her down, gently strokes her back.

Ksyusha. It's okay, girlfriend, it's okay. You're at home, no one will offend you here, no one will raise their voice at you, no one will force on the palace, no one will throw a cube at your head.

Anna is crying softly, sobbing.

Ksyusha. Well, that's it. All. Come on, pull yourself together.

Anna. Yes, that's it, I'm sorry. I'm snapping at you again.

Ksyusha. Come on, I'm used to it already. What don't I understand? But at least for a change, you would have come home after work some other way. Otherwise, everything is in one pore.

Anna. Ksyusha, honey, I'm sorry. Honestly, every day, going to work, I promise myself that today everything will be different. And I even hold on for a while. But then these kids… These parents, this headmistress, damn her!

Ksyusha. Don't swear.

Anna. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Ksyusha. Go wash up, get yourself cleaned up, I'll set the table for you. Are you hungry, perhaps?

Anna. What is it? I can't get anything into my mouth with these endless nerves. And what? Did you cook something?

Ksyusha. No, of course not. But I'll get you something. I just brought a lot of stuff from my shift yesterday.

Anna. Another delay?

Ksyusha. Anyut? It's all the same thing that you would buy in any other store for money. Well, as long as I'm a cashier, what good can I do? Don't throw it away, right?

Anna. Oh, I don't know. Somehow I'm skeptical about everything that you bring from there.

Ksyusha. If you don't eat, just say so. That I'm crucifying myself here.

Anna. I will! Get your overdue, it won't get any worse.

Ksyusha. That's how it would be right away. Go wash your face and get to the table!

Anna smiles. He goes to wash his face.

Ksyusha sets the table, carries food: cheeses, sausages, yoghurts.

Ksyusha (shouting). And wash your hands with soap! Or else you'll get some chickenpox from these loving kids of yours.

Anna (screams). Learn more – learn more!

Ksyusha smiles, finishes with the table. He sits down and waits. Anna returns. She is already dressed at home. He sits down next to me.

Ksyusha. Here! Another person! This matter. Help yourself.

Anna. Are you sure nothing will come of all this?

Ksyusha. Yes, no…

Anna starts to eat.

Ksyusha. It will carry the maximum.

Anna stops chewing. He looks at his friend. She looks at her. Anna waves her hand away and continues to chew.

Ksyusha. A couple of times.

Anna stops chewing again.

Anna. And what are you not eating?

Ksyusha. Well, I just did!

Anna. You must have been asleep just now!

Ksyusha. Well, yes, and before that, literally…

Anna. No, that won't do. Come with me.

Ksyusha is not in too much of a hurry to share dinner.

Anna. Be brave! Don't be afraid!

Ksyusha. Don't fight! And also a teacher. Do you teach children to speak the same way?

Anna. Come on, eat!

Ksyusha. But now I recognized the teacher. My teacher told me the same thing all the time.

Ksyusha takes the yogurt, opens it, but does not eat it. He hesitates. He looks cautiously at Anna.

Anna. Come on, come on!

Ksyusha. Oh, she wasn't. If anything, we'll ride a white horse together. Just like when I was a kid. Remember?

Anna. I remember, but let's not sit at the table, okay?

Ksyusha. Soryan, my friend.

They clink yoghurts. Eating.

Ksyusha. And nothing, by the way. You can eat.

Anna. M… decided to test it on me first, then? How sweet…

Ksyusha. No, I'm not… That's right, it's okay… Usually… Things happen. Without consequences… Almost.

Anna. Yes, yes… We've been through this before.

Ksyusha. That's not what made you sick at all that time. It's because of…

Anna. Well, well?

Ksyusha. And… there… it's…

Anna. Well? What was there? Tell me?

Ksyusha. Whoever remembers the old, he's out of sight.

Anna. Everything is clear with you. Of course, how to poison a friend is how she is the first, but how to answer, so …

Ksyusha (covers her ears, shouts over, interrupts). When I eat, I am deaf and dumb, cunning and fast! I don't hear anything, I don't hear anything. La-la-la, zhu-zhu-zhu…

Anna. Uh-huh…

they're eating.

Ksyusha. Lan, tell me, who pissed you off today?

Anna. So are you deaf and dumb when you eat?

Ksyusha. Everything is fine. The power of speech returned. And a rumor for the company. So what? Did your parents' nerves tingle?

Anna. Yes, I've been used to it for a long time. That's not the point.

Ksyusha nods her head questioningly.

Anna. Today I received an assessment of my work. Of course, they were assessed unfairly, when it was otherwise? As a result, the incentives were considered modestly.

Ksyusha. Wait! Are the caregivers being paid normally now?

Anna. Normal. But it could have been more!

Ksyusha. Clear.

Anna. Is that clear? The women's collective, you know, is not the gardens of Paradise.

Ksyusha. So it was necessary to start with this, otherwise they counted about the stimulating ones…

Anna. Yes, it's all in a heap. One thing clings to the other. Where do you think the unfair grades come from? One cap, the other cap. The third is shoo-shoo, the fourth is vasya… So it turns out. Don't want. Got it. That's it, I'll write a statement tomorrow, on my own.

Ksyusha. Well, that's right! Why the hell did you get this kindergarten? In every sense of the word. You'll find yourself something normal. By the way, we need a cashier now. Svetka left. Come to us? I'll put in a good word for you. No problem, we'll solve it!

Anna. No, well, I don't want to be a cashier.

Ksyusha. What don't I want?

Anna. Yes, there are absolutely pennies.

Ksyusha. Firstly, it's not such a penny, and secondly, our salary is generally in so far. The main plop is in the bonuses! We have a good commodity expert and a headmistress. They share. There will be no need to buy food at all. And decommissioned alcohol can sometimes even be sold to someone at a speculative price.

Anna. Thanks, I also didn't sell alcohol on the sly. And I'm already fed up with your delay.

Ksyusha. If you don't like it, don't eat it! No one is forcing

Anna. I'm sorry, friend. Thank you very much for supplying. Of course, it's easier to live this way, and not always what you bring is just for waste. But if I also bring it, besides you, then where will we put it all? You can't sell it much, you can't stuff it all into yourself either. What's the point?

Ksyusha. Well, yes…

Anna. Yes, and standing a hundred thousand times a day, offering a bag and smiling – you know, too, somehow it's not my thing.

Ksyusha. I got it Working as a cashier is above your human dignity! Where to go after kindergarten. You're a TEACHER!

Anna. Ksyusha! What are you doing? I'm not talking about that at all. All the work is necessary, everyone is doing their own thing. I'm not judging, don't even think about it!

Ksyusha. Well, then don't complain that everything is so bad. You're living way worse than mine. And everyone has their own difficulties.

Anna. And I'm not whining.

Ksyusha. Are you not whining?

Anna. Yes, I'm whining.

Ksyusha. Here! Don't whine!

Anna. I will not.

Pause.

Ksyusha. Exactly?

Anna. No!

Ksyusha. A fact!

They finish with the meal.

Anna. How are you and Sasha doing?

Ksyusha. Oh, everything is great with Sanka. He and I are going to the cinema today. He should have come by now, but something happened to his car. Some kind of vibration, or something… I don't know. I don't understand this. He's at a hundred now, sort of, then straight here.

Anna. M…

Ksyusha. And this…

Ksyusha beckons her friend to her with her finger, looks around so that no one is around.

Ksyusha. Anyway, there's a guy who comes to my cashier for the second time. Smiling, flirting. Word for word, back and forth, shaking and shaking.

Anna. Turned him down?

Ksyusha. No-e-e-t! What are you doing? What for? I'm waiting for the phone to ask and take some more serious actions than just compliments and smiles.

Anna. I don't understand. What for? Don't you have Sasha?

Ksyusha. Yes, but what's the point? We've been friends for three years, but I still haven't asked you to get married. It seems to me that he won't call anymore. Why does he need this? He's fine with everything, he's doing fine as it is. And I seem to be wasting my time with him.

Anna. Yeah. And this one, then, at the checkout, which, you immediately realized, with serious intentions?

Ksyusha. I don't know, I need to check it out.

Anna. And how far are you willing to go with this test of yours?

Ksyusha. Anyut! Don't be boring. Everything is fine. Everything is under control. Nothing like this has happened yet, I pinched him once…

a sleigh enters, drags a car battery.

Sanek. Hello everyone

Anna, Ksyusha (chorus). Hi.

Sanek. I took a new one here. Mine plows somehow, in summer it's still nothing, but in winter it doesn't pull anymore. I snatched it while there was a sale. Maybe I'll put it on myself, but if not, I'll resell it as a last resort.

He puts the battery on the floor, sits on it, wipes the sweat from his forehead.

Anna spills tea on herself. He jumps up and runs to the bathroom.

Ksyusha. Did you go to the station?

Sanek. Yes. Driven.

Ksyusha. Have you set up a car?

Sanek. Uh-huh… We've set it up… I outlined the situation to them, explained what was going on. What was my problem? After one hundred and thirty kilometers per hour, my Lada begins to shake and have a fever. Something is playing, something is vibrating. Everything in the cabin is already jumping, shaking, shaking.

Ksyusha. And when you're not driving, is everything okay?

Well, yes, everything is quiet until the hundred. And the higher, the worse. If you're over a hundred and thirty, turn off the lights altogether.

Ksyusha. Well, what was there?

Sanek. The car was inspected, no technical problems were found. Then the master came up to me, we talked. We found a problem.

Ksyusha. So?

Sanek. Well, he said this: "Vibrations after one hundred and thirty on the Frets are a common phenomenon. The problem is, let's say, not of a technical nature.

Ksyusha. And what's going on?

Sanek. The point is playing!

Ksyusha. M… it's cool.

Sanek. Yeah. Something like that.

Ksyusha. So maybe you don't need to drive at that speed? And nothing will play.

Sanek. Yes, in theory, of course it is not necessary. But how not to drive when the car is rushing? If you don't want to, you put pressure on the trigger.

Ksyusha. It's clear. Tell you what, you fucker, get this damn thing out of here somewhere. On the balcony, for example. Wash up and sit down to eat.

Sanek. Oh, no. Thanks, I'm full. I'll take the battery away now.

He takes the battery and takes it to the balcony.

Anna returns.

Ksyusha (shouting). Why did you bring him here? What do you want here? A warehouse?

Sanek (shouting from the balcony). It was just on the way. Let it stand for a while, then I'll take it away if it gets in the way too much.

Ksyusha (shouting). It's already getting in the way! I'm not the only one living here. So, Anya is outraged!

Anna. Xun? Come on, what are you doing? Let him keep it. What problems?

Ksyusha. Yeah, just let the men loose. Turn the balcony into a garage in one fell swoop.

Sanek returns.

Sanek. That's it, I put it in a corner. It's worth it modestly, it doesn't bother anyone. Does it bother you, Anyut?

Anna. I don't.

Sanek. That's fine. Are you sulking, Ksyukha? Let's go to the cinema!

Ksyusha. Yes, it's too early to drive!

Sanek. Come on. Let's go for a walk, wander around. What is there to sit in the apartment? (To Anna). Am I right?

Anna. Sure.

Sanek. Well.

Ksyusha. Oh, listen, Nyur, so can you come with us? And?

Anna. No, no, thanks. I'm tired from work. Even though you work half the day, you get exhausted like in a day and a half. I'm going to rest. You have a great time.

Anna leaves, taking the leftovers from the table with her. Sanek and Ksyusha follow Anna with their eyes. Then they playfully look at each other, start flirting with each other.

Scene 2

The twilight. Ksyusha and Sanek return late in the evening. They whisper and giggle.

Ksyusha (in a whisper). Stop making me laugh, we'll wake up Anya. Did you look at the clock?

Sanek (in a whisper). Yes, it's still a child's time!

Ksyusha (in a whisper). What kind of childish? It's the first hour of the night. We're all quiet.

They're sneaking around quietly. Sanek stumbles, not intentionally stomps loudly a couple of times, catching his balance.

Ksyusha (in a whisper). Sanya, damn it! Did you do it on purpose?

Sanek (in a whisper). Not at all! Stumbled, kid, who doesn't happen to?

Ksyusha (in a whisper). That's it. Shhh!

They're sneaking around. Ksyusha touches some kind of basin, drops it. The roar.

Sanek (in a whisper). Well, which one of us is shh?

Ksyusha (in a whisper). It's your fault! Distracted!

Sanek (in a whisper). Of course, who else.

Ksyusha (in a whisper). All right, quiet!

They're sneaking around.

Anna's voice (in a loud male drawling bass).

Stay where you are!

Don't go any further!

Ksyusha and Sanek flinch, grab each other.

Anna's voice (in a loud male drawling bass).

We can hang around anywhere,

Didn't you walk, on a nice day?

And now in the middle of the night,

How about nothing with a satisfied face?

Sanek (in a whisper). What the hell is this? Ksyukha, are we really in your apartment?

Anna comes out with a staff in her hand, dressed as Santa Claus, which makes Ksusha and Sanek shudder even more.

Anna (in a loud male drawling bass).

Admit it, kids,

Got it in your pants?

That's it! You will now

Go quietly through the door!

Ksyusha (taken aback). Yogurt without a date!

Sanek. Anya, what are you doing?

Anna (in her own voice). Yes, I am, I am. Who else?

Ksyusha (angrily). Hello, Santa Claus, cotton wool beard! Did you bring us gifts, you crooked crook?

Anna (takes off her hat and beard). What hunchback? What kind of gifts? Until the New Year, still oh-go-go!

Ksyusha. Here! That's it, that's it! Why are you dressed up? You pop out in the middle of the night like the devil out of a box in outfits you don't expect. Anka, my heart almost went there, it didn't jump over the battery.

Sanek. Mine, by the way, is also somewhere in the same place. To be honest, at some point I thought that the hour of reckoning had come. That's it, Sledge, jumped back, bounced his own.

Anna. Oh, you've done it, then, in your pants after all?

Ksyusha. Wouldn't you?

Anna. Almost certainly!

Ksyusha. Well, what the hell, then?

Ksyusha stumbles over the pelvis again.

Ksyusha. Damn it, turn on the light already, someone!

The light turns on.

Sanek. Oh, and, really, Santa Claus.

Ksyusha. We are waiting for clarification! Have you gone completely crazy with your job, friend?

Anna. If only a little bit. Actually, they brought us new costumes to the garden. They handed it out to wash and prepare it. Hem it if necessary. And I've had Santa Claus in our garden for how many years! So, they brought me this outfit. You just went out the door, the guard from the kindergarten stopped by and handed it over.

Ksyusha. Why aren't you sleeping? We thought you were asleep. We go quietly, we're afraid to wake up.

Anna. Yeah, I noticed. We tried very hard not to wake them up.

Ksyusha. Anka!

Anna. Anya sells seeds at the bazaar, and I'm Anya!

Ksyusha. Oh, I'm sorry, Anna Andreyevna. May I ask why you are not sleeping at such a late hour, my dear?

Anna. She lay down. I even took a little nap. Then I woke up, decided to try it on, and here you are. Well, then the impromptu happened. Escaped, so to speak!

Ksyusha. Got away from her! Over there, Sanka and I almost broke out too… Something.

Sanek. Kapets, Anya, you are cruel. I had such wonderful plans for the night, and now validol and Jack London.

Ksyusha. It's a setup in general! Sanka tried so hard, he was already ready, I'm on it myself! And then at once the whole mood is in the trash!

Anna. Well, I'm sorry, I didn't plan on it, really. Somehow it all turned out that way. A combination of circumstances.

Ksyusha. Get out of my sight, Santa Claus! Come on, Sanka, let's walk around the house a little more, maybe we'll work up an "appetite", otherwise it's just a shame.

Sanek. Let's go, especially since I need to smoke after this.

Ksyusha. And I could use a drink, too. Maybe to a restaurant?

Sanek. A restaurant? Then I definitely can't do without validol later.

Ksyusha. Understood. Then a budget promenade, and then how it goes.

Sanek. Let's go.

Sanek and Ksyusha leave, Anna (Santa Claus) shrugs guiltily, leaves.

Scene 3

It's late morning.

Sanka's mobile phone rings for a long time. No one is answering.

The phone goes silent and starts ringing again.

A sleepy Sleigh comes out in shorts and a T-shirt. He struggles to open his eyes, trying to find his mobile phone.

The bell stops ringing, the Sleigh falls to the nearest place suitable for rest. He continues to sleep.

His phone rings for the third time.

Sanek. Aye. What the hell! Who needs me this early? People! Have a conscience! There are some basic rules. This is a joke! According to the rules of good manners, it is allowed to call no earlier than eight in the morning. Who is so ill-mannered, and even pushy!!!

He's looking for a phone. He finds it and picks up the phone.

Sanek (into the phone). Hello! (Looks at the caller ID.) Vityukha, he's healthy. Have you looked at your watch? So what do they show? Eleven? (Pause). In the morning? And… (Gets out) No, I'm just like that. I decided to check my own, internal ones. They are lagging behind… Strongly. Something happened? Did you make an agreement? And yes, we agreed. No, I haven't forgotten. And about what? Oh, of course. No, no, no. Everything is in force. Where are you? From me? But I don't have one. Well… yes… Simply… Well, listen, it's a long time to explain. Circumstances. But I'm not far away, wait, we'll figure it out now. (He shouts into the other room.) Ksyusha?

There is no answer.

Sanek (shouts louder). Ksyukha?

Ksyusha (in a sleepy, dissatisfied voice from the other room). What do you need?

Sanek (shouting). Can Vitek come here? We had an agreement to grind something, I overslept, I didn't have time to go home, but he had already arrived. Can he come here already? So that I can do this and that for now… Time. Well, where to? A

pause.

Ksyusha (excitedly from the other room). And what time is it?

Sanek (shouting). Eleven!

Jamming of Ksusha's emotional speech mixed with fragments of phrases!

Sanek (shouting). Is that okay?

Ksyusha with disheveled hair in a nightgown skips on one leg, trying to put on pants. Fussing, getting dressed very quickly.

Ksyusha. Let him come, just don't pull me, I'm severely late!

Ksyusha runs off to get dressed further.

Sanek (into the phone). Hello? Vityai, are you still here? Listen… this… Do you know where my Ksyukha lives? Oh, yeah, how would you know. Here's my house, on the right hand side of the turn, you stopped by, right? And this is a little further down the same street. The last one before the intersection. Yes, with the letter "g". Everything is right. Apartment seventieth. The corner is the entrance. Are you driving? That's five minutes for you. Well, fifteen. It takes me an hour to get there, and you're done. Will you come? All. Yeah, yeah, I'm waiting.

Sanek (shouting). Vitek is coming now.

Ksyusha (shouting from the other room). Don't you have to go to work today?

Sanek (shouting). No, it's not my shift today.

Ksyusha (shouting from the other room). Why didn't you wake me up?

Sanek (shouting). Did you ask for it?

Ksyusha (shouting from the other room). Do you have your own head on your shoulders? Am I going to tell you everything all your life?

Sanek (shouting). I overslept myself!

Ksyusha, collected, jumps out, grabs her purse, kisses Sanka on the cheek.

Ksyusha. Okay, I'm forgiven. I ran, take charge.

Ksyusha runs away to work. Sanek stretches, washes, dresses, cleans himself up, waits for Victor to visit.

The doorbell rings. Sanek opens it. Victor enters with a folder in his hand.

Victor's appearance speaks about his success in everything.

Victor. Alexander! Greetings. How many years, how many winters.

They say hello.

Sanek. Come on, "fall" somewhere.

Victor. Are you alone?

Sanek. Ksyukha has already run away, and Nyurka generally gets up very early. I've been at work for a long time.

Victor. Ksyukha is your girlfriend, as I understand it. And Nyurka?

Sanek. A roommate.

Victor looks at Sanka uncomprehendingly.

Sanek. Not mine. Ksyukhina is a roommate. The two of them rent this hut.

Victor. Understood. Then we'll talk here?

Sanek. Well of course. Should I pour some coffee?

Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.

Текст предоставлен ООО «Литрес».

Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на Литрес.

Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.