Copyright © 2022, Pedro COSTA, Graça COSTA.

Illustrations: Mateus Rocha de Carvalho

Revision Number: Hugo Henrique de Araujo Azevedo

Publishing label: The One, Independently published

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction of the whole work or parts of it in any form.

MASTER YOUR PATIENCE:

A PRACTICAL GUIDE TO MANAGE YOUR SKILLS

To our family,

our friends,

our colleagues.

Our main sources of inspiration.

Author

Dr. Pedro COSTA

Specialized physician

Otorhinolaryngology and cervicofacial surgery, Belgium

Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT)

Author

Graça COSTA

Master and Doctor in Anthropology

Architect, Federal University of Pernambuco, Recife, Brazil

Fine artist

Drawing and graphic design teacher, Federal Institute of Technological Education-IFPE, Recife, PE, Brazil

| PREFACE |

Nun Coen

Patience is one of the six paramitas, or six perfections, in the teachings of Buddha.

Buddha attained enlightenment and lived in India over 2,600 years ago.

He taught that there are six perfections that take us from the edge of suffering to the edge of tranquility.

One of these perfections is patience—or kshanti in Sanskrit.

Full patience does not mean enduring the unendurable, resigning, or remaining quiet while waiting for changes.

On the contrary, it is the ability to recognize what is happening with yourself, with everyone else, and with the world and to welcome and transform it.

As the Brazilian educator Paulo Freire taught, hope must be active and not passive.

What can we do to turn impatience into patience?

Patience is to wait, appease, create causes and conditions for change to occur in an adequate, smooth way without insults, hatred, impatience, aversions, exclusions, or cancellations.

In this book, Pedro Costa makes an important analysis—an anamnesis of altered states of consciousness and offers guidelines and suggestions so that we can perceive our moods and develop the ability to cope with them.

Patience is essential to have physical, mental, and social health.

If we break the word apart, we find the science of peace.

Inner and outer peace.

Creating conditions for more harmonious, lasting, and sincere relationships.

Being aware of peace is the result of proper training.

We need to know ourselves in depth and understand the intricacies of the mind and know how to deal with altered states.

The natural state of mind is without attachments and aversions, without haste, despair, or anxiety.

Like a ground zero.

From stimuli—both internal and external—we leave the neutral point of ground zero, and we can move forward or backward.

When changing gears in an automobile, we need to listen to the engine, wait for the right moment to change gears or direction.

It requires training in patience, in a certain amount of waiting, in mindfulness.

Pure presence is key for me.

To be absolutely present in the current moment.

Without haste, but with urgency, observing, investigating, understanding, and acting.

Not just reacting to the provocations of the world, but making decisions on how to respond to those provocations.

The six perfections, teachings left by Buddha, are mutually complementary, and one does not exist without the other.

Dana—donation, generosity, offering; shila—precepts, ethical life; kshanti—patience; virya—right effort, perseverance; dhyana—meditation; prajna—understanding.

When we manage to unite and use all these perfect virtues, we will be absolutely in the present and each of the perfections will be realized.

With great joy, I received an invitation from Pedro Costa to say a few words about this work.

I am a Zen Buddhist nun and I do not work directly with mindfulness.

In fact, my tradition strongly stresses the understanding of the void and realizing mind emptiness—where everything flows with nothing fixed or permanent.

Full attention, called darana in yoga, is a prerequisite for the meditative practices called zen.

Sitting down in zen state—the practice of zazen—means getting in touch with yourself.

It includes mindfulness and the ability to change your state of mind through knowledge, understanding, compassion, and wisdom.

Buddha also left us teachings on how to develop patience: maitri (love), karuna (compassion), mudita (joy), and upeksha (equanimity).

Developing these thoughts and qualities entails expanding consciousness and allowing the manifestation of unlimited compassion: to know how to welcome, acknowledge, accept, and transform. This prevents suffering and pain.

Patience is the greatest gift we can offer the world and all the people with whom we interact directly or indirectly.

Shall we train it?

Open this book, read, try, repeat, learn, and develop your ability to transform reality through love, compassion, joy of living, and equanimity—recognizing that all beings, all forms of life, have the same right to live and manifest.

Remember also that nothing is permanent and everything is intertwined.

We are Earth's life and with all beings we can learn to wait for the right time and create causes and conditions for growth.

When a person changes, all of humanity takes a step towards that transformation.

We are capable of so much. We can change reality.

Awaken. Arise.

Follow the instructions and develop mindfulness.

It is pure presence training.

I stress: read, understand, and follow the recommendations.

There are no harmful side effects.

Quite the contrary.

All secondary effects will be beneficial and will lead us to a culture of peace, justice, and healing for the Earth and all beings.

Practice is not separate from realization.

Hands in prayer,

Nun Coen

| Introduction |

W

e experience, still in our mothers' womb, moments of waiting: swimming in fertile liquid, listening to sounds we do not understand, acquiring shape and knowledge, growing and developing. For many months, even without any notion of it, nature gives us its first lessons about the importance of allying ourselves with time, so necessary for maturation, until we are able to cross the limits of the reality of birth. From then on, we continually face feelings, actions, and situations that require us to make a constant effort to develop an essential quality to face the most diverse circumstances of life: patience.

From a very early age, this word serves as an instrument to shape our personality, our actions, and our reactions—”Have patience, son”; “be patient!”; “patience!” In turn, we are molded into a being that adapts to the most diverse situations. In a constant struggle between the I and the other, which requires adaptation and control in the face of difficult moments, we work daily to develop tolerance to the obstacles that arise in our daily lives.

Patience is a virtue, a gift, a feeling, but it is also a construction, a learning, an individual exercise that directly interferes in our life, in our social relationships, and in our happiness.

Patience is the secret ingredient that enriches life. Easygoing and tolerant, patience is a dedicated friend who gives us time to appreciate our experiences and deepen our involvement in everything we do. In turn, impatience has a hard and heavy nature that weakens the body and mind.

When we impatiently pursue a goal, our breathing becomes rapid and abrupt, our movements become hasty, and our thoughts become somewhat out of control. When we are impatient, we look like spoiled brats who think they will always get what they want, when they want it. In an immature way, when faced with obstacles or problems that cannot be overcome immediately we are surprised and feel defeated.

The term “full patience” has a perfect meaning. There is no such thing as being partially “calm.” If the way to manage patience is not complete, we will lose it, and thus show our impatience. If you want to tame your patience, do it completely. Together, we will build this path of questioning and understanding. This reading will bring a better understanding of full patience and its relationship with the practice of mindfulness.

Since we believe in this constructive process, we decided to try to dialogue with our own feelings and experiences as parents, children, friends, and professionals—in short, beings who seek ways of learning and realization—to bring our concerns and thoughts to the reader. We do not seek to create a formula, but rather we seek to stimulate thoughts that lead us to a better understanding of the ways that can lead us to improve our patience.

First, learn to recognize the way impatience arises. The people around you and the lack of time are the most valuable teachers when it comes to training patience. Try to listen carefully to your anxiety, as this can be a useful sign, indicating that you need to relax and let go of the expectations you have about yourself or about others and about the time that runs through your life. Keep in mind that through patience, difficulties can be used to your advantage.

But what is patience after all?

A practical definition of patience is that it is the ability to tolerate or accept a difficulty, delay, or worry without becoming frustrated or without changing one’s mood. Generally, no person escapes any of these situations: delays, worries, frustrations, or mood swings. Such situations are a part of life, whether we like it or not.

To better understand the realm of patience, we introduce the notion of “enemies of patience” and “friends of patience.”

One’s “enemies of patience” can be, and must be, identified. They are defined as the main “culprits” of our daily unrest: first, the people; second, time; and third, situations. The fourth culprit is a combination of the first three: chaos, or “people short of time in difficult situations.” Usually, when we completely run out of patience, we reach this last stage of impatience, and this set of factors distresses us.

We realize that this reaction of losing patience only makes an already stressful and unpleasant situation worse. We then begin to make a conscious effort to respond differently to delays, difficulties, or concerns. Often, the best we can do is simply tolerate the presence of the “enemies of patience.” To do so, we have to understand them better.

Finally, as we continue to exercise and practice mindfulness, by focusing on the elements of the present, we are able to accept them as part of life. To this end, we need to broaden our perception of the world and our behavior in the face of difficulties, allying ourselves with what we call “friends of patience.”

We describe a simple method—the “4S” rule—to ensure you never forget these “good companions.” The four “friends of patience” are silence, sigh, smile, and sure. Easy, right? We detail this method and each of the four friends, in addition to the enemies, in the following chapters. We also observe that the more we focus on the present, living the here and now, the more likely we are to find the “friends of patience.”

Why full patience?

We have been studying the guidelines given by scholars and practitioners on the importance of implementing mindfulness in our lives based on techniques that lead us to live in the present, valuing each moment intensely. Mindfulness proposes that we exercise daily, routine habits to stay focused on what we are doing, without letting our mind wander into past memories or future accomplishments. Our senses must be connected to the here and now, to the environment and people around us, to the actions we are performing, and to our body and mind without distractions.

The constant application of mindfulness techniques reveals physical and emotional benefits, even for those who do not effectively practice yoga or meditation. Although these guidelines were originally found in eastern religions, particularly Buddhism, any individual who is determined to fully experience the present, regardless of their religious beliefs, can reap the benefits that will help them lead a happier existence.

We started to practice and study more about these guidelines, and we concluded that living in mindfulness is important. By expanding our knowledge and considering the entire universe, we realized the importance of observing the real value of being “here and now,” but doing so patiently. What is the point of focusing our attention on the present, focusing meticulously on the activities we carry out, connecting carefully with our daily lives, observing the environment that surrounds us with caution, if we are doing it full of irritation, anguish, and discontent? We reiterate that to exercise patience it is necessary to focus on the moment one is experiencing and, based on reflection and daily exercise, tread paths that lead to increased resilience, benevolence, forgiveness, and compassion, which are the foundations of patience. Thus, mindfulness makes itself present in patience.

In this book, we highlight the value of full patience and share this learning process with you.

Thinking a little more about the importance of patience...

We emphasize that resilience, benevolence, forgiveness, and compassion are the foundations of patience. While these are important precepts in various religions, we do not intend to detail religious norms and conduct. We believe that whatever the reader's religious beliefs, or lack thereof, we are able to demonstrate the importance of being happy with the experience of these foundations in our lives. The examples we use to illustrate the ideas about full patience reveal, even in a subliminal way, instruments for self-knowledge and happiness, which are important goals for human beings. We slightly emphasize some of these precepts, as in the following text about compassion. Being patient is a way of experiencing compassion. Compassion is an act that reaches out to those who suffer, including ourselves. We suffer when we are impatient, because our lack of patience creates unnecessary stress in our life. Therefore, cultivating patience is a way of taking care of yourself—in other words, it is a form of self-compassion. Understanding impatience and managing our attitudes to bring about calm will lead us to a more peaceful life with ourselves and with others, both today and in the future. To reiterate, more patience means less unnecessary daily frustration and a happier life.

We know that reading a book to the end requires a significant amount of patience, time, and attention. One cannot merely skip or skim the content, as we do with our messages and texts on cell phones. Instead, we invite you to read this book to the end and in its entirety, with full awareness.

| MEDICINE AND PATIENCE |

A

ny of us can be doctors, even without the formal title. For example, we serve as caregivers by taking care of ourselves and others. Medicine, in the academic and professional scope, requires a significant amount of dedication. The most important is not the amount of knowledge acquired, but the quality of the trained professional, which requires constant care in our attitudes towards others, our friends, and family as well as towards our patients and professional colleagues. A good doctor should improve the way they interact with their patients, and patience is a great ally in this process.

Training with a guided program in mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) allowed me to become familiar with this rich area and to better understand the value of patience. We believe that the practice of mindfulness meditation and medicine mainly applied to the improvement of patience are tools of wisdom that are cultivated and strengthened both for our growth and for the good of others. Both require in-depth scientific knowledge and real learning in daily practice. In a daily life full of banal relationships and stressful coexistence, having patience means standing out among a majority that does not realize its real value. Our quality of life and our mental health will only significantly improve if we pay attention to our reactions to our environment and apply the know-how to our interactions with the people around us.

The way people treat each other has changed over the decades. Things have become faster, instant, colder, and less personal. Selfishness and intolerance have both increased. Consequently, we have become more impatient, as we get used to having communication and information immediately. All these changes have resulted in affecting and weakening human relationships, increasing the amount of unnecessary arguments, and making attrition more frequent.

In many books, the quality of a “good doctor” is related to the ability to be a cultured, patient, and prudent professional. Science is a necessary asset for medical practice, and it is indispensable for reaching its goal in search of the truth. Furthermore, to be a good doctor it is also essential to understand and cultivate patience. We usually speak of the sick as “patients,” and the virtue of patience is mandatory regarding health and the contact with the world of caregivers. Illness is often described as a “school for patience,” which forces us to have a new attitude towards life. From this viewpoint, the art of caregiving entails eliminating impatience, a sign of maladies caused by an immaturity that has not yet been overcome.

Caregivers, like doctors or other health professionals, must be patient in the same way as those under their care. Patience is an instrument of healing, both for doctors and for those who seek to improve and maintain their health and happiness.

| ANTHROPOLOGY AND PATIENCE |

A

nthropology is a science that studies human beings both in relation to their physical nature, origins, and evolution as well as to the relationships they develop as social beings and makers of culture.

Dialoguing with different areas of science, anthropology develops close interdisciplinary relations with sociology, history, law, economics, psychology, geography, biology, linguistics, medicine, astronomy, and the arts in general, among other fields of study and research. Anthropologists collaborate with professionals from these fields as they pursue diverse activities.

In this anthropological universe, how are humans related to the theme of the current work? How are links weaved between the human being and patience, from the point of view of anthropology? This answer is found in the different fields of anthropological study.

In religion and different belief systems, faith has patience as an ally to face and overcome adversity and to understand nature and the supernatural, the material and the spiritual, and life and death.

In systems of kinship, family relationships, and the processes of marriage and descent, a complex web of actions and reactions involve patience.

In studies on linguistics, the body that speaks and expresses patience, or the lack of it, generates a system of signs to communicate.

In investigations about popular culture, the preparation of festivities, the elaboration of costumes, the silence of the masked people, and the participation in cultural events and contests involve the remarkable presence of patience as an indispensable element.

Studies on gender and its wide universe of relationships entail a complex discussion about diversity, acceptance, and tolerance. This triad of elements is also based on patience and respect.

These few examples are a small sample of the grandeur of the discussions that can be raised by the intersection of anthropology and patience.

Although our objective is not to make an in-depth study about humans and patience, we build a simple outline on the importance of this theme and primarily focus on helping individuals achieve a more pleasant and meditative daily life.

| IMPATIENCE |

“All human errors are impatience,

a premature breaking off

of methodical procedure.”

Franz Kafka

What is impatience?

I

mpatience is nothing more than a lack of patience. It is related to an “inability to suffer,” to a state of permanent worry that prevents peace and relaxation, to a constant annoyance that borders on irritability, or to the hustle to reach a certain goal, whatever the cost.

How can impatience harm us?

The harmful aspects of impatience can hurt us significantly, especially when it takes us away from our goals. Being impatient can even cause problems to our health; obesity, hypertension, and premature aging are among the ills associated with a lack of calm. Impatience and obesity are directly linked. Easy access to unhealthy (and generally quite tasty) food is often used by people with a “short temper” as a way to deal with stress.

Being impatient with certain types of situations is natural. However, when impatience occurs frequently, it is important to understand its causes to treat the issue objectively, with inquiry and through personal changes. Being a more patient person, in addition to benefiting those with whom we live, also allows us to live more peacefully and happily.

First, we address some aspects of daily life that trigger impatience.

What does it feel like when we realize that reaching a certain goal will cost more than we originally thought?

For many people, the act of doing nothing and being idle can bring impatience, but first, we explore another context.

Imagine you are sitting in your living room with an empty mind, for example, just allowing yourself to relax and be present, with nothing to do or fear, with no immediate plans or expectations.

Now, imagine that you decide to go out and do something fun. At this point, you have adopted a goal. You are not yet impatient, but you may be starting this process. 

Suppose you call a friend to see if they are available to hang out with you. This generates expectation and a certain anxiety. The longer it takes to find someone to hang out with, the more restless you become.

Another simple but commonplace example is when a child is waiting for Christmas, and they cannot think of other things. Through this anxiety, they generate a disquiet that is not healthy. Waiting for Christmas is costing them more than they thought, in terms of their ability to pay attention to other things in the meantime. It is an unconscious attitude, but it generates impatience.

Another example is that you start writing a book and think it will take you approximately six months to finish. You are on schedule, but you have an idea for an even better book. Then you realize that continuing to write the first book is interfering with the opportunity to work on the second book, and imagining that second book is also interfering with the ongoing book. You start to become impatient.

In another situation, you are driving home and think it will only take you 20 minutes. However, the two cars in front of you are going only 10 miles an hour, well below the speed limit. To make matters worse, they are driving side by side in the only two lanes available. You realize it will take you longer than you thought to get home, which triggers your impatience.

Furthermore, impatience and outrage are a dangerous combination. Imagine that you are at a supermarket checkout. You choose a queue and find that it does not move, compared to the others next to it. You start to get impatient and observe the reasons for the delay. Then you notice that the cashier in your queue is chatting with a coworker. In addition to being impatient, you start to become outraged and decide to move to another queue, blaming the employee for your delay.

Surely, if you had been warned about a problem with the cash register in the queue you had chosen, you would have changed queues with less irritation. In that situation, you considered the employee and her side conversation to be responsible for your delay and your impatience. The issue was not only lost time, but it was compounded by what caused the delay to reach the cashier.

Major Signs of Impatience

On a scale of 0 to 10, how patient do you consider yourself? Consider the following main signs of impatience, and if you tend to feel this way often. Beware of ALIOTH.

Always hurrying

Legs and feet shaking

Irritability

Outbursts

Tense muscles

Hard breathing

An infinite number of small situations could affect us on a daily basis, making us cross the threshold between calm and impatience.

Impatience motivates us to reduce our efforts to reach or change our goals.

When we experience impatience, we start to activate different strategies to reduce our anxiety, and sometimes, we create ineffective ways to minimize the problems we face.

Some of the examples highlight that having more than one path to solve a problem generates anxiety and impatience. Stand in line or switch cashiers? Continue writing the first book and complete it, or stop and start writing another one? Continue driving behind a slow car or change lanes at the first opportunity? The existence of several possibilities for solutions causes us to be affected by impatience and anxiety.

Therefore, we must be aware of how we cope with the problems that worry us and how we generate new strategies to solve them. In doing so, caution and awareness should be exercised continuously.

Treat impatience as a warning.

Impatience has a certain type of benefit as it serves as an alarm, and it is in our behavioral repertoire for a reason. Sometimes we are working on a project that is going nowhere, and we need to accept it and change our focus. Sometimes we are behind a slow car and the other lane is free, so we could change lanes or take another route. In another moment we feel impatient because we are in a relationship with no way out, and we need to hasten to find a solution so that both parties can be happier. The examples are numerous.

How to deal with impatience? Self-knowledge gives us power.

Once we understand how impatience works, we give ourselves the chance to manage it better. We need to put our “impatient energy” to use at the right time: when we need to speed things up or change our course. However, we need to learn to calm our lack of patience and to become self-aware to cope with the limitations that we meet.

Knowledge is a gift, an instrument, a weapon. Knowing how impatience works allows us to better find balance so that we can follow our paths in peace and with confidence.

In a fast-paced world and in a society that values speed, it is possible to feel uncomfortable with slowness. Patience is a skill like any other, which must be learned, and it entails accepting the events of life that we cannot change. 

Whether at work or elsewhere, stressful situations abound and seem to leave no room for things to unfold at their own pace: we must always do everything faster and with less time, less money, and less support from our colleagues or relatives. How does that affect us? The consequences of impatience are endless. However, to benefit from this behavior, it is necessary to understand our responses to difficult situations and the people around us as these affect us considerably. Conquering patience requires knowing our impatience threshold.

By better understanding impatience we are able to broaden the definitions of patience.

Patience is seeing life as something different, not as an endless series of problems that must be solved quickly. The solution is to understand that change is not an event, but a process. We should not, for example, begin the experience of learning new wellness practices, such as mindfulness meditation, by expecting quick changes or immediate and lasting benefits. Solving longstanding problems in a few meditation sessions is difficult. Thus, the conscious practice of patience requires knowing how to swim in the waters of impatience without drowning and how to change by using mindfulness and by allying with the friends of patience. With the “4S” method, the friends of patience, we offer ourselves tools to dismantle the gears of impatience.

To begin consciously practicing this method, one must learn to observe the effects of impatience on the body and mind by considering the following questions:

How does this act on my body?

How does it appear in my thoughts?

How does it affect my behavior towards others?

When we observe the bodily effects of impatience—which are manifested by muscular tensions, agitation, explosions (remember “ALIOTH”)—it is our responsibility to control these conditionings to act in a different way.

Impatience is among the major risk factors for high blood pressure in young adults. We constantly feel that situations are urgent, and we suffer from anxiety and losing our cool. We end up acting in a turbulent and confused way in the face of these difficulties. Patience, our ally in this fight, is a skill to be developed in everyday life with simple exercises such as empathy and breath control.

Patience is a decision. It requires questioning the demands placed on ourselves and on others. In any situation, being patient is also knowing the difference between what we can control and what we cannot. For example, we have no control over the delay in traffic due to an accident, but we do have control over how we react in full awareness of the facts. Does this delay depend only on us? Could we have woken up earlier to avoid the traffic? In reality, we are solely accountable for our reactions to any situation. This is the essence of our “responsibility” or “responsiveness,” and this characteristic makes us conscious beings.

If impatience is described as looking forward to the future, patience is considered attention focused on the present. Full patience is the combination of these factors that leads to a more balanced life. Why do we try to hurry to an uncontrollable future, circumventing the way we live now? Why not try to find ways that help us deal with impatience by practicing full patience? In mindfulness, patience is one of the seven pillars addressed. Between the stimulus and the response, you can make a conscious choice to breathe and calm down, which brings you to the present. We need to learn to perceive the birth of impatience in ourselves so that it gradually becomes easier to step out of our habitual conditioning and to allow ourselves to accept each moment in its fullness. By observing and identifying the four “enemies of patience” without judgment, we will have better control to choose our reactions when impatience manifests itself.

This book demonstrates that by separating these four elements you can identify who or what is causing your impatience. It is like a game of tug of war: the four friends against the four foes. One group pulls one way and the other pulls the opposite until the rope breaks or one group has more strength to pull the other into the mud.

Since the fourth enemy of patience is the sum of the other three opponents, the enemy’s team has a certain “advantage” to win. It is therefore necessary that you actively fight back and know how to play this game.

FRIENDS
OF PATIENCE 4S

SILENCE

SIGH

SMILE

SURE

ENEMIES

OF PATIENCE

PEOPLE

TIME

SITUATIONS

PEOPLE WITHOUT TIME

IN DIFFICULT SITUATIONS

Practicing mindfulness allows us to experience increasing kindness to ourselves. Despite our emotions, limits, self-criticism, or weaknesses, we deserve to treat ourselves with kindness. This practice also promotes greater benevolence toward others. Patience reminds us that we have the ability to decide at any time how to respond to circumstances, that not all our demands are right, that we have to plan tasks better so that we are not overwhelmed, and that our impatience impacts those around us. Moreover, change is a path to mindfulness, not a predetermined destination.

“Impatience teaches us

that patience is the only solution.”

When a person allows themself to be overcome by impatience, they will never discover what was in store for their life. It is necessary to wait patiently, however difficult and distressing this action may seem.

How does impatience and emotional intelligence help you?

Understanding how to best deal with impatience requires developing a skill. When a person practices self-knowledge, they come to know who they really are, and they are able to better control their feelings and to understand the origin of such feelings and how to use them in the best way.

This ability is called emotional intelligence. People with this skill find it easy to get along with impatient individuals and to deal with their own lack of patience in a healthier and more assertive way. They do not get upset as easily, and they lose their cool less often when dealing with difficult people and situations. They learn self-control techniques (e.g., the “4S” technique), choosing their responses and attitudes better, because they know that there is a right way and time to achieve their goals.

Have you started to understand that finding the reason for your impatience is important? Impatience arises when a situation does not go the way we want or when people or our environment do not live up to our expectations. Our expectations are often disconnected from reality, and recognizing this aspect is the first step towards mindfulness.

To identify what caused your impatience, you must find the cause of your lack of patience among the three main reasons:

- People

- Time

- Difficult situations

Impatience greatly hinders our perception of our goals and our relationships. Haste exposes all our weaknesses. Do not let that feeling control your life and make decisions for you.

How about starting to think about changes?

We guide you on this journey of reflections, inquiry, and learning.

Recognize when you are impatient.

It will not necessarily be easy at first. When certain things do not go the way we want—for example, when there is traffic, the elevator gets stuck, or an important correspondence takes a long time to arrive—we tend to think that the cause of our impatience is external to us. Start by noting that your impatience is merely an automatic response when you do not get what you want right away. An impulsive response from your mental aspect that remains “on auto-pilot.”

You probably know most of the triggers that trigger your impatience. This could be having to wait for a date, getting stuck in a long line, having trouble solving a computer problem, or talking with someone about a topic that does not interest you. While the motives are external, impatience grows inside you.

- 1 -  

| THE FOUR FRIENDS OF PATIENCE: “4S” |

“Patience is the strength of the weak

and impatience the weakness of the strong.”

Immanuel Kant

The four friends of patience are the basis of the “4S” method:

SILENCE

SIGH

SMILE

SURE

T

his method is a mnemonic—a set of techniques used to aid the memorization process. It consists of the elaboration of supports, such as schemes, graphics, symbols, words or phrases related to the subject that is intended to be memorized. Using these supports allows a quick association and a better assimilation of the content.

It has been proven that human memory stores information more easily when it is associated with organized and simple sequences, which help to effectively record data. Mnemonics are created freely, as long as they make sense to the person who memorizes them. However, the result will not be effective for complicated sequences.

How does a mnemonic device work?

In practice, mnemonic means intervening during the following three main stages of memorization:

- When information is transmitted during encoding, the brain transforms the raw data into something more meaningful through a pre-assimilation of information. This stage depends on one’s attention and emotional state.

- During the time of storage, the brain sorts the information and archives it.

- Finally, at the time of retrieval, the brain empties the recorded information and restores it. The association performed previously plays a key role during this operation.

Mnemonic teaching has been shown to be an effective, evidence-based practice in improving learning and memorization. Next, we further explain the implications of the “4S” mnemonic in mindfulness.

THE FOUR “FRIENDS OF PATIENCE”

T

he “4S” method is used to facilitate your response, both physical and mental, in a situation in which you are accustomed to react impatiently. In such situations, the four “friends of patience” will help you deal with the “enemies of patience.”

A person's patient action in a given unwanted situation must be complete. Signs elicited through our words, gestures, expressions, and breathing all indicate that we have lost our patience. These four “friends of patience” are the key to demonstrating and cultivating full patience. The following chapters explain that each of these words is fundamentally important in our lives.

The “4S” method is simple:

SILENCE

SIGH

SMILE

SURE

The following scenario summarizes this method: imagine your husband or boyfriend comes home late, angry and tired. He's had a rough day, so he asks to be left alone for a while to take a hot shower while you fix him something to eat. You go to the kitchen, tired from your busy day at work. It was one of those Mondays, stressful and on the clock, with projects that did not go as you planned. After the meal, you head to your room to enjoy a restful night's sleep, since you only have five hours to sleep, because tomorrow you wake up early for work.

Arriving in the bedroom, you discover a wet towel placed on top of your side of the bed, forgotten by your husband. It is late, you are exhausted, and you are facing a situation you have experienced before. Your husband is in the