Наталия Боголюбова
Never call me a spy

CHAPTER ONE

Colin ran along the dark and gloomy corridor of the amusement park, his footsteps echoing in the silence. The boy grabbed a quick, worried look back over his shoulder. Sweat was running down his forehead and cheeks. He saw a big grinning clown and heard his creepy bursts of laughter.

“Let’s play tag,” the spooky clown shouted, “Run!”

“Wait a minute! I’m Colin Miller, special agent in charge of the investigation! I should dust the room for prints,” the boy stopped and yelled at the dazed and confused clown. Colin saw him step back. The clown’s scary face dropped, his brows arched. The boy followed him into the darkness of the windowless corridor. That was a huge mistake. Colin felt his legs pumping in midair. He gave a choked cry; his arms and legs were flailing. The fall seemed to take forever…The boy flinched and woke up from the dream. The room was empty.

“Oh, it’s just a nightmare,” he sighed with relief. He couldn’t think about it for long. The minute his eyes snapped open, he remembered about his birthday. He turned eleven! No time to waste! The boy flung off his covers and ran downstairs. He heard someone banging in the kitchen and ran in to find his mother pulling an apple pie from the oven.

“Happy birthday, Colin! Here’s a gift for you,” she said, and handed him a parcel. It might be spy night googles! Colin could never express how much they meant to him! A broad smile came across his face. The boy thought his heart would break with delight when he tore the paper off the parcel. There was a book inside… His face fell, and he bit his lip.

“Thanks,” he said, trying not to show his disappointment.

“I’ve always wanted you to read Conan Doyle. That was my favorite book when I was eleven. I was so fascinated by Sherlock Holmes and his adventures! Enjoy reading!”

“We’re having a party tonight! You may go to the ice cream parlor and get Vanilla or Butter Pecan,” she winked at him and added, “If I were you, I’d check the shelf above the desk for more presents. Just in case. Sorry, got to dash.”

Colin ran to his bedroom and cried with joy. There were spy night googles on the shelf! He took them and darted out of the house to the nearest ice cream parlor. It was overcrowded. The Egyptian summer was tough. Nobody could survive its devastating heat and baking sun without ice cream. The boy got in line behind a gator in a well-cut suit.

“Without ice cream, there is darkness and chaos in my head! I must eat much ice cream to stay cool. Cool as a cucumber,” said a squeaky voice.

“The voice can’t belong to the big gator,” Colin thought. He noticed a meerkat on the gator’s shoulder. The meerkat looked nervous and very on edge.

“I’m burning up. I need some ice cream.” The meerkat wrinkled its muzzle in discontent and whined. “We’re on a secret mission, aren’t we? Let’s throw elbows and push these idle people out of the way! I won’t waste time in line!”

The gator replied, “Behave yourself! We don’t want unnecessary attention! This is a secret mission, remember?”

“Let’s split up then,” the meerkat said. “I’ve got stuff to do. It’s vital for the mission. Get me Butter Pecan. See you.”

He jumped off the gator’s shoulder and left.

CHAPTER TWO

Colin was on his way home when he heard a soft rush of wings overhead. The boy sensed that he was being watched.

“BFI Special Agent Hunter,” someone rasped. “I’d like to ask you a few questions.”

Colin blinked in surprise. There was nobody around.

“Where’re you?” he asked in confusion. “What’s BFI?”

“Bat Flying Intelligence,” the voice hissed from the tree.

Hunter looked like a beast from a surreal, magical world.

The boy shouted in amazement, “Are you a fox or a bat?”

“Both. I’m the red flying fox. We’re tree-dwelling bats.”

“Have you seen any strangers nearby?” the creature whispered, “Any meerkats? Wearing beanie hats?”

The boy asked, “Why are you looking for the meerkat?

“It’s classified information. Are you good at keeping secrets?” Hunter’s lithe voice came from behind.

Colin replied honestly, “I don’t know. Nobody has ever trusted me with top secrets.”

Hunter mumbled, “I think I can rely on you. The meerkat is a criminal and a rogue spy. He spied on the curator and stole the jewelries from the Royal Museum. The meerkat left a mangrove leaf at the crime scene. Have you seen him?”

The boy thought that it would be more prudent to withhold the information that he had seen the meerkat in the ice cream parlor, at least for a while, so as not to harm his secret mission. He looked at the bat and hesitated with the answer.

“Don’t trust strangers. Always recheck the information!” Colin remembered his mother’s words. The boy didn’t want to tell lies, so he smiled at Hunter and tried to change the topic. But he didn’t succeed. He was dealing with an experienced and cunning sleuth.

“You may decline to answer my questions,” said Hunter with a smirk, “but I have to warn of the hazardous situations that you’re unable to spot.” His eyes narrowed dangerously.

“If you meet the meerkat, you’ll never guess that he’s a dangerous creature. He gives the impression of a goofy chatterbox. One of his strengths is that he always evokes sympathy. He could look miserable, wearing ridiculous sunglasses and a ragged beanie. It’s the perfect spy disguise! Don’t be tricked,” Hunter advised, and looked intently at the boy. He added, “The meerkat can’t resist Butter Pecan Ice Cream. That’s his weak point.”

“Does he have any spy gadgets?”

“He might have the entire gadget collection or nothing at all. It doesn’t matter. A real spy meerkat can turn a pencil into a killing machine!”

The boy wondered, “What’s about jewelries?”

“The meerkat likes shiny things. I won’t be surprised if he’s wearing something bright from the collection he stole.”

“What gadgets do you use during your missions? What’s your favorite?” Colin asked the bat with a child-like curiosity.

“The Spy Pen. It’s a vital tool to keep the operation running smooth. It has a hidden camera as well.”

“Marvellous! What is the pen for?”

“A wrong question. Try again!”

“Who is this pen for?” Colin asked with a happy smile.

“This pen is for you. Happy birthday!” replied Hunter.

“Terrific! Thank you!” The boy glowed with happiness.

“If you see a suspicious meerkat, send me a message or call this number. Keep in touch,” said Hunter, and flew away.

CHAPTER THREE

The boy was walking along the street absorbed in his thoughts, until he stumbled across a wooden box. He read the warning sign on it: “Don’t touch it unless you’re Notaspy.”

“Excuse me! This box belongs to me,” someone said.

A slender meerkat was staring at Colin with nervous hesitation. He stood, back straight, chin out, like a brave and proud warrior. He was wearing a red beanie and sunglasses.

“Why is it yours?” Colin asked the self-confident creature.

The meerkat snorted, “Are you kidding? There is a sign with my name. I’m Notaspy! I’m working here. There are a lot of people who keep going back and forth. They try to distract me! Are you one of them? What’s your name?”

“I’m Colin. I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the boy said in a worried voice. “There are no people in the street. I met Hunter on my way here. But he’s the bat! You may be delusional because you’re wearing a beanie in this heat! Did you have a sun stroke or something?”

“I am all right,” the meerkat said impatiently. “I’ve made those people disappear so that they don’t get underfoot!”

“It sounds weird,” the boy said, his voice unsure. “The meerkat can’t make people disappear! It’s impossible!”

“Easy-peasy! It has to be a secret mission! I don’t want any strangers to interfere! This is my investigation,” the meerkat said, and straightened up with pride.

“Does your name mean anything?”

Notaspy shook his head vigorously. Then he said with frustration, “It means that I’m Not a Spy. I’m a disaster! And I’m painfully aware of my failures.”

“Go easy on yourself! There’s no meerkat without flaws!” The boy tried to encourage the disappointed creature.

“I must eat much ice cream to stay cool. Cool as a cucumber!” Notaspy said, and jumped on his hind legs.

“I’ve already heard these words today! In the ice cream parlor,” the boy exclaimed. “Are you the same meerkat who asked for Butter Pecan? Is the gator your friend or partner?”

“You ask too many questions for an 11-year-old boy,” the meerkat replied, and looked at him suspiciously.

“How did you guess my age?” Colin asked in surprise.

“There is nothing impossible for a secret agent,” he whispered. “Let’s go get some ice cream and talk about it!”

They ran to the ice cream cart at the corner of the street. It wasn’t abandoned, after all. The vendor was napping behind the cart. He flapped his wings to finally wake up.

“Hi! I’m Oscar the Stork. I’ll give you ice cream cones for free if you give me the correct answer to the question.”

The boy and the meerkat exchanged glances and agreed.

The vendor asked, “What is the best time for ice cream?”

“The best time for ice cream is always!” Notaspy replied laughing. His bright eyes were glittering with delight.

“That’s the right answer!” Oscar beamed. “What flavor would you prefer? I’ve got Vanilla, Mango, and Butter Pecan.”

“Butter Pecan for me!” Notaspy yelled with joy.

“I’ll take Vanilla!” Colin said to the vendor.

They were racing to see who could finish the ice cream cone first, and the meerkat won.

CHAPTER FOUR

“Why are you wearing a beanie hat?” Colin asked Notaspy anxiously. “Aren’t you a bit warm this time of the year?”

The meerkat’s bright eyes were glittering mysteriously. He looked around to make sure that nobody could eavesdrop on what he was going to tell the boy in strict confidence.

“That’s a spy tool,” whispered Notaspy. “It increases the ability to think rationally. Emma left me a secret message in invisible ink. I can’t make out what she wrote.”

“Who’s Emma?” Colin glanced inquiringly at the meerkat.

“BCI Special Agent. Emma was the best student in the Defense Intelligence School. Now she’s the most successful and prolific undercover crocodile agent, best known for her undercover work on Ko Ta Pu or James Bond Island.”

“What does BCI mean?”

“The BCI stands for the Bureau of Crocodile Investigation. You’ve mentioned that you met Hunter,” the meerkat said in a low and worried voice, “What did he want?”

“Hunter told me about the meerkat who had stolen the ancient jewelries. He asked me to call him if I saw a suspicious meerkat,” Colin said with caution.

“Are you going to call Hunter and turn me in?” Notaspy asked. He was staring ahead; his pupils were pinpoints. He got up and started collecting his belongings.

“No, I’m not,” the boy said in a confident voice. “You don’t look suspicious. I’ll call Hunter if I find the meerkat who stole the treasure. I’ve got no proof that you’re the one.”

“Nice to hear it. I appreciate that you believe in me.”

“At first, we must figure out who’s the thief!”

“I’m out!” Notaspy said firmly, “I’m NOT a SHERLOCK!”

“Based on?”

“A number of things. My failures mostly. As a detective I’m useless. We don’t need to go around this topic again.”

The meerkat pensively toyed with the tail. He was wearing sunglasses now. Colin could barely see his muzzle.

“Don’t give up. A spy is always a detective. Remember?” Colin said, patting his paw. “Together we will find the thief!”

“Never call me a spy. I don’t deserve that,” he added, and scratched the back of his neck nervously. “I can’t even read Emma’s message! I’m hopeless.”

He put the sunglasses on the back of his head.

“Are you checking for a tail or just want to look good?” The boy burst into laughter.

“These are Rear-View Glasses! You must never be caught off guard. Knowing what’s happening behind you can mean the difference between life and death!” Notaspy was serious.

“Nobody moves!” Hunter the Bat shouted in a loud voice. “Notaspy, you won’t escape. Not this time!”

“The bats! They’ve been tracking us,” the boy cried out.

The meerkat dashed to the box, took a corn cob, and threw it on the sidewalk. It spewed dense clouds of smoke reducing visibility to almost zero. The bats began sneezing and coughing. A chill of horror ran down the meerkat’s spine as he heard a snapping sound above his head.

“Spinning knives,” he thought; the pain engulfed him. He took hold of the boy’s sleeve and crawled up to his shoulder.

“They are trying to encircle us! Come on, Colin, run!” Notaspy shouted at the top of his voice.

The boy darted away as fast as he could.

CHAPTER FIVE

Emma the Crocodile shivered suddenly, although the water was warm. She soaked in a tub. It was her day off. Emma got a job in the Crocodile World Amazement Park. Two performances every day, except Monday!

Something was very wrong. Her instincts never lied to her. The crocodile wondered what had happened to Notaspy. She had left him a message in invisible ink, but she got no answer. Can he have failed to read it? Emma had been undercover for a month when she got a new assignment to investigate the theft at the Royal Jewerly Museum. She was grateful to Notaspy for doing a superb job of protecting her cover. Now it was time to take the risks of declassifying in order to help him.

Emma looked out of the window and saw a bunch of BFI special agents up in the tree by the neighbor’s house.

“Why are they setting up covert surveillance on the house? An ordinary family of three, no special agents there. The kid is interested in spy tools and stories. He couldn’t be involved in a spy game, could he?”

She saw a boy coming out of the house. He was in a hurry. Emma decided to follow him in disguise. She took out her green Invisible Scarf. This was the spy tool she adored to use. It was so thrilling to walk invisible for everyone! She dried her paws with a towel because wet prints could betray her. Then she started snooping. Unseen and unheard.

“Notaspy will be all right; he’ll be all right. I must apply a sterile dressing! I need disinfectant, pain medication, more bandages and plasters,” Colin said in grieve agitation.

His hands were trembling in despair. He hurried to the nearest pharmacy. Emma heard the key word. The boy mentioned Notaspy. She raced to the house and found the meerkat. He was unconscious, his right forepaw was injured.

“Spinning knives! That’s too old–fashioned,” Emma mumbled and reached for her spy first aid kit. “Hold on! Help is on the way! All these years I’d thought being a spy was challenging. Turns out, being a doctor is even more.”

“I’m going insane!” She heard a troubled voice. Colin was standing in the doorway. He saw bandages and vials of iodine jumping over the meerkat. The boy rubbed his eyes in disbelief. Emma remembered that she had forgotten to remove the Spy Scarf. She was invisible to him.

“Don’t be scared. I’m Emma. I followed you here. I’ll become visible in eight seconds,” she said softly to Colin.

The boy felt he was suffocating with amazement and joy.

“Emma? The best BCI undercover agent? In my house? No one would believe me,” the boy yelled with sheer delight.

CHAPTER SIX

Notaspy regained consciousness in a few hours. “Hunter’s on my trail,” he whispered to Emma. “I’m removed from duty and suspended pending further investigation!”

“The BFI agents are watching the house. No prizes for guessing why,” she said. “Hunter’s looking for the jewelries.”

“I’ve never actually seen the jewelries firsthand! Hunter has set me up!” The meerkat blinked in bewilderment.

“Tell me everything!” Emma asked. The meerkat nodded and gave her a play-by-play of his memory.

He said in a weak voice, “I decided to visit the Royal Museum as a private person. It was two days after the theft.”

“Was there anything unusual that day?”

“Nothing. I slipped on the wet floor. It’s not a big deal.”

“You slipped on the wet floor and…?”

“I slipped and fell. I noticed a keychain under the museum showcase. I picked it up. That’s all,” Notaspy was too embarrassed to say more. He was breathing heavily.

“Did anyone else see you picking it up?”

“Hunter. He was at the Royal Museum, too.”

“What was he doing there at that moment?”

“I don’t know. He might be interested in the culture of Egypt,” the meerkat looked doubtful.

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