Pavel Miller
The Power of Time

© Miller P., 2022

© Aegitas publishing house, 2021

Part One. The Look of Fate

Let Love take us
Under your wing!
There would be no happiness,
Yes misfortune helped…

And now what's left for us?
To try only to know oneself,
And through this Inspiration
Try to help others.

Let – nothing happens!
No one can help us!
And nothing remains,
How can we "overcome" this "everything".

I

When Svetlana Smirnova woke up at the sound of the alarm, she was not even surprised that she did not get enough sleep and it was time to go to work. Getting out of bed with struggle, she made it to the bathroom. First of all she reached her shirt, which was washed last night and left for drying. What was her surprise that it was still moist, as if right out of washing machine! «All right, – thought Svetlana, – I would have to find something else to wear».

She took another look at the reflection of her face in the mirror, set free from the fetters of sleep, a little elongated, with beautiful like the blue sky eyes, accurate lips with charming movements. Touched her aristocratic nose, spread long heavy lashes, fixed still sleeping brows and stated to take care of thick and curly fair hair that covered her forehead and fell on the shoulders almost reaching bust. Pressed lips as if wanted to smile and proceed to the kitchen after turning off bathroom lights.

While tea was heated, Svetlana opened the window and became surrounded by the freshness of the chilly autumn. She enjoyed autumn, especially at that time, in the remaining night darkness, when under the завораживающих star light on the dark sky dopey trees become weaker and weaker and every moment compete for its leaves with the forces of nature. But forces of nature are stronger; they are draining the tree crown leaf by leaf, tearing their essence from the mask of the foliage.

Sveta lighted up a cigarette, letting the smoke pass in the kitchen window. Everyone was sleeping in the total silence and only in a few neighbor homes the lights were glowing. Nothing was bothering her, but for a reason unknown perception was addled. Svetlana switched attention to the flying comet, got lost in her thoughts, and the cigarette ash fell on the floor. Only then an idea to make a wish which she desired for a long time came to her mind. At that moment, the craving of her wish coming true became especially strong and Svetlana even felt a slight dizziness. She jerked hand abruptly, dropped a cigarette butt that burned her, dropped an ashtray on the floor and thought: “I need to pull myself together”. After collecting ashes from the floor she turned off the tea pot, opened the cabinet doors to get a mug and became frozen on the spot fixing eyes in the sink at the chicken covered with ice which was left there at 6 pm yesterday to melt. Chicken looked exactly the same as she got it out of the fridge. Sveta was afraid of darkness, but decided to turn off the lights and lit a candle. She started another cigarette sitting still at the chair, trying to organize thoughts in vain and understood: she could not think about anything at the moment but felt something obscure. That became frightening: rays of light in the facets of the crystal ashtray, comet flying away and the sky which become edification of coldness and loneliness. Heart started to beat a little faster. Taking a look in the corridor, Svetlana suddenly noticed that two green eyes are staring at her without blinking from the darkness. Svetlana curdled and realized that she is not scared any more. Lighting another cigarette, she remembered that yesterday a dog was brought from a village. It even became easier to perceive herself at that moment.

Ejecting the smoke and having a sip of tea, Sveta firmly decided that precisely today she would talk to her husband about what was torturing her for a long time. She dressed up, entered her son’s room, sat on his bed carefully not to wake him up, stroked his head, kissed and left.

A tear slowly ran down the cheek, then another one. «Enough, have to leave for work», – said Sveta to herself. Quietly leaving the apartment, she stood at the door for some time placing the bag near her. Her eyes streamed tears and she did not have strength to understand what was happening and could not move. Tears kept falling down, smudging mascara and powder over the face. After taking a deep breath, she calmed herself down, grabbed a bad and started to slowly getting down the steps from the second floor.

– Hello, Sveta! Is everything ok? – Like a bolt from the blue asked the neighbor who entered the apartment building from the street.

– Everything is good, I am going to work, – she replied automatically.

– Did you change job? – He yelled from the above, moving fast.

– No, – whispered Svetlana and heard the neighbor closing his door.

«He works till midnight, and getting home only now… May be he changed jobs? Then why did he ask me that question? Strange”! – She thought.

Wind was blowing, playing with the fallen leaves. Sveta looked at the open space behind her home which she needed to pass. Wind was flapping the grass, and it seemed that it was the sea playing with waves and alluring them at the depth of the storm. She still haltered to take a step into that habitat, as if was asking for vigor from someone, becoming intimidated of the light of the Moon, which was watching her hesitation formidably. But still she managed to calm her breath down and took the rout in the open space, looking at the stars not to see the grass which seemed to wish to swallow her. Svetlana noticed a flying comet again and immediately remembered her problem, that matter of which was that she desperately wanted a second child. Her husband Vadim is strongly against. It is not that he does not love children. They already have one child, and he loves him deeply. He works as a teacher in school, and kids just adore him! From the very beginning Svetlana had a feeling, that he simply protects her from unnecessary problems, and deep inside not against at all. However, something was stopping her and she could not find determination to discuss this important topic. It looked like the circumstances were fortunate, but no matter what she tried she did not find courage for the most important talk with her husband.

Passing dark streets in the yards at the cold autumn night, Sveta retired to herself so much that she did not notice at all the lack of lights in the windows and people on the streets. Public transportation should be working at that hour, but it was not there either. An experienced teacher of Russian language and literature raveled in herself and did not know what to do. She was walking this way deep in her thoughts before she grabbed a handle of the own school and pulled it roughly.

«I don’t understand anything, why is it locked»? – thought Svetlana, pulling the door handle one more time. All of the sudden her previous hesitation left and feeling inner strength she said to herself loudly «That is it, enough! I will solve this problem today! I will have another child»! She was surprised herself of founding courage at that specific day. Looking at the door again, she realized that it is purposeless to try to open the door by herself and knocked loudly. Silence. Appraising the situation, Sveta looked around, knocked on the school door again, then again and again. The door was opened by the guard.

– Something happen? – He asked without irony, but with a slight fear.

– Nothing happen; I came to work as usual. Why don’t you let me in? – Sveta felt unfathomable agitation, but tried to hide it.

– Excuse me, what time it is now?

Guard looked at her face attentively; it was tear-stained and stripes from the smudged mascara provoked strange thoughts. Sveta kept quite, staring at the tall, stocky man in his middle age dressed in uniform.

– So what happen? – He repeated. – Are you feeling bad, should I call the ambulance?

– No, thanks. Tell me please, what time it is? – Sveta spoke affirmatively, but her anxiety could be sensed.

– Half past midnight. May be I can help you with something?

– No, thank you, I better go.

With the lump in the throat, Svetlana rushed to the stairs of the high porch realizing that her nerves were on the stretch. She cried out loud at the same time as the school door slammed with crash. Sveta covered face with hands, dropped her bag and could not stop until she was taken by hand. She stopped crying, but was not moving hands away from the face, sighting deeply to calm herself.

– Don’t be scared, this is me. May be you want to come in and calm down?

– No, I will go home. Unless it is too difficult, could you please help me to get downstairs, I don’t see anything.

– Sure, sure of course it is not, – the guard lifted the dropped bag and helped her to get down the stairs.

– Excuse me, should I walk you home? I am not aloud to leave the building, but I can call someone for help.

But Svetlana already did not hear him, hardly perceiving the reality. It seemed that she is in a different world and carried away on the powerful wings of the giant bird, descending suddenly and soaring rapidly. Every moment of the received impressions absolutely could not be compared to that world that remained below and appeared so insignificant. All of the sudden she felt eerie. She fathomed that she represented a small particle of this world and required to return to it. Falling down accelerating speed Sveta thought: «I will be back»! It was not frightening at all, but she still decided not to look at the face of death. At the sight of the approaching earth it was getting more and more dolorous and heavy at heart. And nothing – not the expected paid, not the coldness, not the fear – nothing was there. After waiting for a little while, she opened eyes and saw the entrance door of her apartment, keys in the right hand and bag in the left. Striving hard not to think of anything, Sveta said to herself: «Enough, Svetonka, stop, calm down! Enough for today. Let’s go home and go to bed».

Falling asleep instantaneously, Svetlana saw herself in the unfamiliar commodious building. Something wicked was chasing her, something she was desperately scared of, and she was running away from it not knowing where and what for. All at once she entered an empty room which had no exit and hid in the corner. And the creature, overstepping the doorstep of the room spreading something that reminded hands, slowly approached Svetlana who was paralyzed from head to toes by horror. Sveta was shaking…Then she screamed from terror, opened her eyes and looked out of the blanket all wet, flushing, with disheveled hair and slowly started to gain consciousness.

– Darling, have you seen a nightmare?

Husband sat on the bed, hugged her and continued:

– It is three pm now. This morning I called school, informed of your illness and cancelled your classes. Should I heat something to eat love?

– Just tea dear.

– Ok.

Vadim left, and his voice pealed from the corridor:

– Allo! Who is on the phone? Oh hello dear…

Sveta realized that husband is talking to his sister. Oh yes, she has birthday today and they need to visit – have not seen each other for ages.

– Vadim, tell that we are leaving right after I finish tea.

Husband left to start a car. Sveta lifted a tea cup and her hand started to shake slightly as she remembered last night. "All right, – she thought, – it is all past. It is better to go ahead and solve my problem".

Closing the front door of the «Audi», Svetlana immediately gathered herself together and said:

– Vadim, you know how much I love you. I wanted to tell you for a long time that I want another child. We have a son already – that is great! Let’s have a daughter too, you know how I love children! I wanted to discuss this for a very long time, but could not find determination, more then likely because of the fear of refusal…

She could not contain herself again, and everything that tortured and excruciated her for years broke through…

– Calm down dear, what is wrong?

Sveta did not reply. They were passing the city for a long time and she could not abate even though she heard and was able to understand everything that her husband was saying – a very attractive man: tall, fit, green eyed blond with absolutely accurate facial features, confident voice and sight.

– I also want a child from you dear! I was only waiting for you to start the conversation!

Vadim took a hand off from his wife knee, hugged her and kissed on the lips, as he thought very fast. Before the kiss Svetlana acknowledged Vadim’s words and realized that she was torturing herself for years for no reason. And the burden – absolutely not necessary one – left all at once! Sveta felt as the happiest woman on earth. How good she felt and that very short moment!

After a kiss, Vadim took a glance at the road again while Sveta dropped the jaw and her eyes opened wide. Jeep was heading right into their direction. Collision was unavoidable – it became obvious right away. Everything that followed appeared in the slow motion. With every moment as the Jeep approached, Svetlana was loosing hope. She and Vadim clearly realized that there is nothing more to long for. It can’t be true! For everything to get ruined like that! In one moment, not having a time to start… In this situation Sveta absolutely was not thinking weather they would stay alive, she was totally consumed by her dream which seemed imaginary for years. At that specific moment, when she sensed it so close… So realistic!

It was indispensable not to let the collision happen. Vadim turned right on his side of the road, but the Jeep driver turned left on his. Why?! No more space on the roadside! Jeep was moving «head to head». The fact that the transmission was off and the speed was suppressed by breaks did not help much. Both drivers understood the essence of the occasion. Vadim was mostly concerned for Sveta. He could not concentrate on anything other then the happening situation but at the same time was so overwhelmed with emotions, that while turning the wheel and pressing the breaks was blaming everything on himself: «What was the point of hiding from the wife that I want to have a child too? For a result like this…» That was the last thought on Vadim’s mind, because at the very next moment his Audi and Jeep crashed and became a subject not liable to reconstruction…

II

Ascending to the school porch, Maxim walked slowly enjoying crunch of the clean snow. Then he stopped and took a look on the school yard that was still covered with the virginal white snow. “Strange, that has never happened before that I was the first one to come to school. Wow…” He stood still for some time, watching flying snow flakes, delighted by the windless and coolness of the frosty morning. Suddenly, Max noticed his footsteps and thought: "Can it be that I am such an insecure person? Footsteps are uneven, as thought I was staggering. When walking, seems even!" Getting ready to enter the school, Maxim noticed another oddity: on the turns he walked steadily and securely, without rush, however steps were located on the various length from each other and with the same number of steps to the left and right the distance significantly differed.

"What does it mean? – thought Max and after turning left walked eight steps. Then he turned around to the starting point and repeated his action. Then walked to the right. The result was the same. «Why is it happening this way? It can be like that in life: when a person thinks about something and trying to do it, something will be on the way not wanting for the event to occur exactly to the plan. Everything will be like it should be!" – disserted the student of the tenth grade. After changing in the dressing room, he ascended to the third floor for the lesson of Russian language. He looked fifteen years old, medium height, athletic build, with dark hair, green eyes and comely face, serious sight and smile. At that moment he was upset from the overwhelming facts of reality. Maxim was deliberating the problem of reality, imagination for a long time, as well as the human drive to do everything his way: «Don’t the steps prove that theory? No matter how you try, there won’t be precision, till you deviate from the verity, deceive, disguise or do things in the way they should not be done…»

School was silent, no one was there yet, and every movement which was accompanied by the sound created loud echo. Maxim felt somehow unusual, and rules of Russian grammar could not be recalled before the test. He looked at the classroom door and did not even want to attend the class: «Why do I need a failing grade? Next class is chemistry anyway – chemistry, which means another failing grade. Very good! Then algebra – a third one. All together! Totally perfect! Yes, by the end of the week things are going not so good». Max’s face became serious, cheeks blushed: «Why did I decide to go to school today, does not make any sense! Got a headache yesterday, failed to do homework, and woke up early to make it to school without rush. Footsteps… Yes, I answered the question that bothered me, so what?»

Max got annoyed by thinking of nothing as well as of sitting at the cold window, so he made an effort, lifted himself and looked out of the window. School was entered by the students, voices and steps were heard, they were disturbing habitual science, disturbed from thoughts. He felt his own insignificance, when students started to pass the hall carrying bags and backpacks. They were running somewhere, hustled for the reason unknown, talked about something… Boring to listen to them! Max did not feel like communicating to his classmates today, he felt dreary in his soul and he did not know why. Sitting away from others, Maxim waited for the bell to ring.

Finally, the bell rang; all classes entered the rooms to begin studies, and only the class 10 "В" remained near the cabinet. In ten minutes’ school administrator Polina Pavlovna – tall, attractive and a very intelligent woman, a teacher of algebra and geometry in high school classes approached the class. Her curly hair up to the shoulder dyed in chestnut color, expressive face with brown eyes always looked good. Smooth, slow footsteps, showing calmness and imperturbable confidence in tomorrow allured with grace and charm. She was passing down the hall totally tranquil, but Max realized already that the lesson of Russian was cancelled. He looked at Polina Pavlovna and tried to predict her words. That was easy and complex at the same time.

– Good morning, students! Have you been waiting long? Svetlana Victorovna did not feel good yesterday, and classes were cancelled. Right now, not to waste time, proceed to Ekaterina Savelievna to the chemistry class.

Administrator spoke so quietly and calmly that it seemed every word insinuates in your soul and finds something to hold on to there. Her speech was appealing, like something inexperienced and frightening that attracts and intimidates at the same time by its inscrutability. Polina Pavlovna spoke like that every time, under any circumstances. It is always interesting to listen to her, even when the talk has no purpose.

– Polina Pavlovna, – girls bubbled all together at once, – can we go to your class?! Algebra is the last class we have!

– No, students! We have a test today; you need to understand that I can’t give a test to two classes at the same time. You need to write it today. So please understand my point and do not take offence. Ok?

Polina Pavlovna smiled, and even thought she could never make a perfect smile, companions always felt the warmth and tenderness she wanted to express.

– Can you let us leave earlier? Can we take a test second time if we fail it? – classmates were trying to waste time not to go to a chemistry class.

Raising from window sill, Max slowly walked down to corridor to the stairs, speculating how to explain his mother a bad grade in chemistry class: «There is no way I should go to algebra, then I can make it with one failing grade. But for mom it is already an occasion: one or many, the fact of having a bad grade this is what matters. Affray is expected». With every step he wanted to go less and less, finally did not want to go at all, but he had to! Had to get that failing grade! But what for? Max could not find an answer to that question. Before taking the steps he turned around and heard the voice of Polina Pavlovna:

– Nothing is going to change. Whoever finished work, can submit it and leave. If someone receives a failing or a poor grade and wants a better one, I will schedule a day for another test. Or you can take it during independent study time in class. Ok, go to the lesson, we have been talking for ten minutes already.

She approached the stairs where Maxim stood. May be he should tell her that he is not ready and wants to take a test another time? It would be a way not to go to a class today! Students outran teachers and already reached the second floor, when Polina Pavlovna reached the place where Maxim stood. At first he could not find courage to speak up. It is not comfortable to excuse yourself from the class.

– Polina Pavlovna, I need to go to the hospital to see a doctor. May I take a test during the next class and not go to the lesson today?

– Yes, Maxim, of course you can. There is no problem in that, if you need to go to the hospital – then go.

– Good bye, thank you Polina Pavlovna! You are such a wonderful person! – he whispered when she left.

Opening the doors of the chemistry classroom right in front of Maxim’s nose, Ekaterina Savelievna asked with in a strict voice:

– Shtuforuk, why everyone is here and you are running late? I was going to search for you! – she opened the door wide for Max to enter and continued:

– Put your bag down and go to the black board, please tell the class about isomers of carbon. Like usual, begin with physical properties and chemical structure and proceed to the reaction with acids and alkalis. Reactions will be written by someone else.

Maxim stood near his desk not thinking about anything and was waiting for a moment to announce that he was not ready for the class. Finally, a teacher finished her speech and looked at him attentively waiting for an answer.

– Ekaterina Savelienvna, I am not ready today, please don’t give me a failing grade. I promise I will give an answer at the next lesson.

– At the next lesson we’ll have another topic. You will give me an answer after classes when I have time but for now I shall give you a grade you deserve. If you correct it – good, if not – it will remain.

– Ekaterina Savelievna…

– I do not want this to happen any more! Next time you will be prepared in the timely matter. Enough, sit down. Who else is not ready? Tell me now, let’s not waste time.

The rest of the time till the end of the class Max wasn’t giving attention to the teacher, his friends sitting near, and of course not to the lesson. In his thoughts he was home and anguished about upcoming quarrel over the failing mark. He could not stand them: fracas have no point! And what is a failing grade? Right now you do not know the subject, but in a moment you know it and receive an excellent grade! So what is the meaning of fighting over it? Those thoughts were occupying head and disturbed thinking about something else, much more important. At that time, experiencing gloomy feelings, Max hoped that nothing else negative would happen that day.

The bell rang and Max, not talking to anyone, descended to the first floor, got dressed and left to the school porch. During the time of the lesson the yard became all covered with snow, and now, and the peak of the dawn, clean snow was blinding. Inhaling fresh air, Maxim felt slight dizziness and remained still to calm down. Then he stood on the step and started to get down carefully, since the stairs were covered with even layer of snow, fused together, and it was not possible to detect where to step. He recalled the morning thoughts about the footsteps on the snow but already was not paying attention to them, carefully passing paths and roads, playing for time to reach home. He needed to go home to pick up medical documents for visiting the doctor at hospital to check his condition after the surgery.

It was about eleven am when Maxim arrived to the decision to go home, giving himself a promise not to pay attention to what mother was going to say. Staying near the front door, he heard his mother doing laundry, running to the kitchen and rattling pans, managing to cook and do washing at the same time. As Max assumed, she remained in a great mood. He knew very well that his mother, Valentina Nikolaevna, feels herself totally peaceful and free only when she is home alone. Right now he has to break her intimate world again, set her free from the flow of the unnecessary emotions and bank that squall on his life scenario, which was growing more and more dramatic each day and affected Maxim poorly. He did not want to accept that any more, did not want to carry that burden.

Inside everything turned upside down and Max saw abysm in front of himself which had no bottom. Now! Now specifically he needs to avoid this downfall! But how? Nowhere to step on… Dizziness grew stronger and Max opened the door with his key. Mother did not hear the noise that he made; keeping in mind he needed to be at school at that time. Quietly entering the apartment, he looked at his beloved mother who always reacted inadequately at his actions. She was short, alive, energetic and constantly busy with something, strict and always requiring irrecusable submission. Her short hair, thin brows, big eyes, round cheeks, beautiful lips and nose – all her look was not usual and full of charms. Max started to feel hot and took shoes off; then he went to the room, grabbed his medical card and got dressed. At that moment mother noticed him. They both froze and looked at each other as if spotted something ethereal. Laundry machine stopped the cycle, snorted loudly and halted. Valentina Nikolaevna even flinched, but immediately came to life:

– Оh! What are you doing home?

– I came to pick up a medical card to go to hospital.

– Why did not you take it right away? Not to return to school?! What is going on?!

«She is loosing temper already, – thought Maxim. – If I tell her that I failed chemistry, who knows what is going to happen…»

– Which classes did you go to?!

– Literature was cancelled… – Max said quietly and understood that mother already figured out about his grade.

– What was then? What were you asked? What have you got?! I need to get everything out of you again?!

He had time to put shoes on already and tried to leave but mother blocked his way and when he tried to bypass her she pushed him forcefully and started to slash with a cloth on a face, yelling hysterically:

– What did you get?! For how long are you going to humiliate me?!

Maxim did not want to take any action, not even speak, but time was running fast and he, extending a hand for another cloth slash, pulled it away from his mother’s hand and threw in the leaving room, forcing out of himself with a major effort:

– I failed chemistry. Only one class! Are you satisfied? The rest I will fail tomorrow.

He stood up from the pier-glass abruptly, while his mother was standing still, astonished from what she heard, and passed in the narrow way.

"Could I work him to the rage? – Thought Valentina Nikolaevna after he left. At that moment she felt that she does not like to fume herself, but enjoys traumatizing and getting on his nerves. She was astonished at her actions. A very strange feeling. Right now, being a little shocked, she clearly understood it but in the usual condition-never. The door Maxim slammed sobered her mind but Valentina Nikolaevna didn’t even remembered what happen recently.

Leaving the house, Max saw nothing in front of him and his thoughts were very far away. At that time it appeared that everything happening does not depend on him, as if it was a regular event, not a burdensome one. However, why it affects his feelings the way it does he could not explain. Newly precipitated and joyfully crisping snow, fresh frosty air still had some influence on Maxim. Brightening sun light blinded him. Passing near school, he heard sparrows twittering, looked under his feet and noticed that the snow level is already reaching his ankle.

Sky was covered with clouds but in the gaps sunlight was giving warmth and Max hold for a minute trying to calm down. He did not succeed in that thought – tears were trying to break through. At that time he did not want to go anywhere. He grabbed snow and felt coldness, even thought it was not really cold, he just acknowledged that he should be feeling coldness. Hands turned wet and reddish and started to evaporate steam. Young man remembered his return home and another wave of emotions and impressions overwhelmed him, disturbing from clear thinking. He did not remember how he made it to the hospital but when he saw the tall porch he stopped and marvelled the view. It was all powdered with an even layer of snow and appeared ethereal. Maxim lifted his foot carefully, drowned it in the snow, making sure that he stands steadily, and slowly walked up the hospital stairs. Grabbing the door handle he suddenly realized that something was going to happen to him in the hospital: something was warning him of the waylaying danger.

However, putting those thoughts away, Maxim opened the door, entered the hospital and became surrounded by the repelling sultry and unbearable medication smell. Passing the hall and endless lines of people waiting, he was searching for his doctor’s office. Furious mothers who were ready to tear each other in pieces for their child to go first were getting on his nerves enormously. Not slowing down his confident footsteps, he tried to enter the office, boldly elbowing through the crowd of moms and grandmothers. At that time he attracted everyone’s attention. Blocking the office door, one of the most audacious mothers decided to show an example of outstanding courtesy:

– Young man! Where do you think you are going?!

Max was looking at the woman what reminded his mother very much and thought: «I never had so much hatred in my life»! The head stopped spinning but started to ache more, breath fastened, hands turned into fists. He noticed how the expression of woman’s face changed and it became elongated.

– Give me a way, please – Maxim tried to say as calm as possible but it seemed to frighten a woman even more and she remained on her spot.

– Young man! Leave the passage-way, you are blocking it!

Maxim looked at those nervous and unhealthy faces and he felt more and more uncomfortable. It was very unpleasant to hear rude speech. Office door opened, and the overweight woman had to leave her position. Maxim entered the office without procrastination and shut the door at the face of the next patient.

– It is already 2 pm Maxim, why did not you come earlier? You understand that if something happens with you, I shall be responsible for that, – Doctor Vera Petrovna was worried. Her anxiety was so obvious that it was nonsensical to try to conceal it.

– I am very sorry… – Maxim started but at that moment the office door opened and the obese woman broke in with an angry speech:

– What is going on?! I was waiting here from the early morning and still can’t be admitted! For how long is it going to take place?! Young man, why did you enter without waiting in line? I have warned you…

– Ma’am! Leave the office and close the door behind you! Right now! – Loudly but calmly said Vera Petrovna with a lot of confidence so that the woman became dumbfounded and stood frozen. Max started to shake and felt disgust to remain in the hospital, keeping in mind that he could not stand hospitals in general. He had to hold himself not to jab the woman out and said quietly:

– Should I give you assistance? Or you would leave by yourself?

– Don’t waste your own time, – Vera Petrovna continued to explain to the closing door.

After the check-in he ran out of the office and ran in the troubled foreperson of the sick patients. It felt as if he had hit his head on the wall – wave of their emotions and sensed strong pressure, his heat beat fastened again, footsteps became faster. It was as thought he had flied through the crowd of angry people, rushed by humiliation and evil looks that created noise in the head. He made it to the hospital porch, inhaled fresh air, which felt really fresh after the hospital odor and felt that his feet were taking him further, as if the ground had left his feet. Maxim rolled from the porch quickly and could not stand up. All of the sudden the head started to spin and he felt nausea. He could not say for how long he stayed there. When it became cold he moved and tried to stand up but could not do that. Then, grabbing the hospital handrail, Maxim lifted himself with the arm force and touched ground with feet. Standing on the feet appeared very difficult, left foot hurt badly… After some time Max took a look at the porch again. Even the head stopped spinning when he saw that all the steps were covered with thick, even layer of ice!! This is where he traumatized his left foot when he was falling from the porch rolling on those steps… Maxim took an effort to step on the foot and almost fell down, so he grabbed the rails again. Only after he had straightened the foot totally, grinding teeth from the pain, Max limped to the closest house and sat on the bench. He started to sweat, and then felt coldness and thought: «I need to go home, even thought that is the last thing I want to do».

III

– One, two… Open your eyes!

In front of Svetlana’s eyes strange figures were moving, which meaning she could not recognize. She felt awkward lightness, like she had no body and couldn’t sense hands and legs. It felt good, comfortable, and thoughts didn’t torture her. Freedom carried her away on the wings and showed infinity of its capabilities. Svetlana enjoyed the feeling of lightness and purity when nothing drags you down, doesn’t immobilize movements. However, at the same time she understood that lack of feelings was there more then anything else, like the surrounding emptiness inside and outside… Suddenly she felt shaking in her hands, feet and all over the body. After some time, she realized: "I am laying and I am cold!" Pain which appeared out of nowhere was languishing and she was quietly moaning not being able to move. She was thirsty and had no strength to open eyes.

– How is she feeling? – asked the surgeon who came in the room and looked at Svetlana.

– She does not move much. Breathing. Don’t worry, we are keeping an eye on her and if something happens we will let you know right away, – livened up the patients.

– Hmm, she is not gaining consciousness for quite a long time, – said the doctor checking pulse and looking at the clock. – Was she talking today?

– No, but she was mumbling. The meaning of her mumbling is clear, as thought you are going through something with her, but what is not known.

Doctor looked attentively at the talkative female patient in her sixties, with some gray hair and piercing eyes, so understanding, that it was not possible not to admire kindness of such person.

– What is wrong with her, doctor? Something serious, right? I have a feeling she lost something spiritual and her soul is suffering, can’t accept it.

Evgeni Dmitrievich saw various kinds of people during his practice but that patient, Lidia Petrovovna, was a very interesting and complex human being. He was not even trying to understand her. Her gaze depressed him and instead of giving her an answer, Evgeni Dmitrievich caught himself having a desire to ask for advice on the problems in which, more then likely she did not know the answer.

Not paying attention at feeling cold and bedeviling thirst, Svetlana lay still. She turned into ears and tried to understand what had happened to her. By that time, she realized that she was in the hospital and more then likely went thought a surgery…

Evgeni Dmitrievich, keeping his hand on Svetlana’s forehead, was looking at Lidia Petrovna and did not know what to say to answer her question.

– You faced an exceptional case in your practice, young man. I see that it concerns you. Please stop worrying, medicine won’t be able to help in this scenario; she will only feel better if she goes thought the analogous experience, artificially created by another person.

– But how! Things like that don’t exist?! – Doctor rebelled when he understood Lidia Petrovna’s words. – It just can’t be that the organs of the body are almost dead and malfunctioning but at the same time all the diagnostic tests show no abnormality! It can’t be true that characteristics of vital functions are negative and at the same time well – performing! It is not possible!

– Everything can be explained, – Lidia Petrovna appeased him with her calm old voice, – it is essential to find the cause of the disease to treat a patient, right?

– But medicine can’t explain that, this is what I am talking about.

– That means that it exists somewhere else. Do not worry; psychology and psychiatry have no power over the strength of emotions that were growing over years.

Evgeni Dmitrievich tried to understand everything he had acknowledged from the woman’s words. How can she see the unknown so deeply? It is the first time she sees Sveta, who is unconscious! Judging from her words, she understands everything about medicine… This is very strange!

Door of the ward opened and young nurse with the frightened face looked into the ward and said:

– Evgeni Dmitrievich, there is an emergency surgery coming up, operating room number seven. Lidia Petrovna is being discharged from the hospital today. Surgeon took a look at Lidia Petrovna as if was letting her know: «We haven’t finished the conversation yet but won’t see each other again. Fair well…» When he touched the door handle he heard:

– Don’t worry about her, in a year she will be pregnant and the delivery will go good. You did more then you could, she should thank you for that. I wish you good luck and happiness…

When the door was closing, Svetlana shook a couple of times and moaned. She saw a car accident in front of her eyes, every moment that took place before the crash pressed on her again with a new effort and she could not cope with her powerless condition. She felt her palsy and didn’t know what to think about. Thoughts were mixed together and what she had heard was perceived as noise which disturbed her thinking process. What had happen created a lot of pressure and she still did not gain consciousness. Totally weak, Svetlana concentrated her will and sat at the bed, not opening her eyes and scaring the whole ward. She sat like that for a few minutes, then fell back on the pillow and could not feel anything. She felt herself high above the ground again. Feeling of freedom and lightness had left and she, looking at the earth from above, clearly saw herself as a small insignificant particle. It became uncomfortable that she always solved her own problems, not noticing other ones. This circumstance became burdensome and a thought came to mind: «I need to change drastically! For so many years I thought about a baby and could not notice anything else around! As a result to loose an opportunity to ever have another child»! Sveta didn’t think about how difficult it would be to live. The dream had left by itself, to nowhere, as if never existed! She lived in her own world for many years – in the world of that dream?! How to come back? The soap bubble, in which she was flying, blew! When the eyes open how to take a look at the world?! Svetlana started to fell down quickly again but this time she didn’t experience fear and thought: «If I start to live in a different way and be more caring, only then I shall receive what I want! I need to give people what they aspire, then I would get their kindness back…»

After Svetlana opened her eyes she saw her ward in the moonlight and patients getting a good quality sleep. She wasn’t surprised to see that everything was white: walls, sheets, her own clothing. She did not want to stand up but it was necessary, so she sat at the bed slowly, feeling a strong head ache and cramps in the stomach. Head was spinning but not too much. She wanted to eat and to drink but it was enormously difficult to stand up. Sveta squeezed teeth and slowly moved one foot down, waited for some time, got herself together and moved down another one. Head started to spin more and her first intention was to lie down, but instead of that she gathered all her strength and stood up abruptly. She was shaking and felt a strong nausea and she could not understand how she made it to the door. Only when the light in the hall made her close eyes, Svetlana got herself together, felt a strong weakness in feet and rushed to sit at the chair which stood near the ward.

– How are you feeling? – concerned nurse ran to her.

– Where is the bathroom? Could you show me?

Sveta stood up and shook vigorously, so the nurse – a tall, attractive lady dressed in white robe- slowly walked her down the hall, giving support and saying quietly:

– You need to eat a little and remain in bed to get better faster.

– What happen to me? – asked Sveta at the exit, holding to the nurse.

– Nothing serious – your spleen was ruptured. It is just that you became very weak, so you need to lie in bed…

Svetlana was swallowing fish soup, in which she could see fish bones, with an effort. Warm compote with a piece of black bread could not heat her up, and she, as she thought, drained, felt confidently. Inner strengths, coming out of the depths of senses, provided support. She saw herself in the different world which was nothing like her past life. One thing was especially amazing: before the accident so many things bothered her, and all at once she was free from it all! Everything disappeared! Even feelings, opinions had changed so after some thinking Svetlana said:

– Unbelievable, feels like I am alive again!

– What do you mean? – asked the nurse and covered Sveta with blanket. She did not answer and asked absolutely calmly:

– Can I speak with the surgeon who was operating me?

– Yes, his name is Eugeni Dmitrievich; he is a head of the ward. Tomorrow during the rotations he will surely visit you.

When the light in the ward was turned off, Sveta did not close eyes for a long time. She was not thinking of anything, it was just interesting for her to watch people sleep, to look in the window and watch the stars. She didn’t notice the beauty of this world before, living somewhere deep inside herself. «That means that I was depressed from that, – Sveta thought. – Unbelievable that I could not see all that. Probably I was not paying attention». She sensed that now thoughts have no control over her, nothing irritates her or provokes any feelings. Not so long ago thoughts were pressing her, made her loose control. In many occasions she could not be responsible under that burden, committing various absurdities- those wrong steps which all together had lead to the complicated circumstances.

Sveta closed her eyes and tried to deliberate as before, however instead of that she said to herself: «How silly it is even to think of that. Everything scary left, it is all new now. I need to get accused to that and to the…» Then her speech came to the end: sweet dreams took her away; she could not resist them and fell asleep right away.

IV

– Sit down! Why are you still standing up?!

Doctor pushed Max rather forcefully to the chair standing behind. Head started to spin more. Doctor was saying something else and taking notes, while Max replied and thought: «Probably the x-ray is bad, turns out I was not supposed to stand up and I kept walking for almost two days…» It was unbearable to be in the hospital and the head was spinning like the globe. Everything inside tortured with exacting pain, it was painful even to sit; weakness overpowered and he could not even stand up. Then Maxim leaned head to the wall and sat like that in the dormant condition, unexplainable to him.

Within various pictures that was crossing his mind, he saw his mother again. Max was always amazed by her beauty: short curly hair, high forehead, big eyes with penetrating look, serious facial expression, firm and sincere confidence in all her actions – all of that made him admire her. What was the most amazing is that from the outside it was not possible to understand her affluent inner world. No matter what she was saying or doing, to understand and acknowledge what she really intent to imply or perform was not possible immediately. Only after some time under the influence of new circumstances Max was able to perceive true motives of her behavior: "Everything that I hear or see, that is just my assumptions, not justified by anything! To understand and learn the genuine meaning, decipher and think over the rest is an unmanageable task, so there is no point in trying to do that till time is right".

Someone took his hand and Max, with an incredible effort, lifted his head from the wall keeping it straight. Then, with the same effort, overcoming his inner pain, Max opened eyes. Only after some time he realized that the person standing in front of him and looking at him with astonishment, was his father, Vaniamin Leonidovich. Head became very heavy, so Max put it down to the wall and closed his eyes. He overheard his father talking to the doctor, to be more specific, raising his voice at him. Then father took him by the hand again and said: «Sit down, son, I will be right back, just don’t stand up, ok!?» Instead of giving an answer, Max bubbled something unclear, and kept sitting in the same position and thinking of his dad. He enjoyed communication with him more then with anyone else. Maxim felt invisible connection with this wonderful person. He was tall, had dark fair hair and clear eyes that seemed to understand everything. Sun admired his father and his admiration had no limit! Father meant everything to the young man, and he constantly felt necessity to communicate with him. Even when they just had a small talk or kept silence, Мaxim always felt that they are organic whole! Not to see each other for a long time – it is wrong and miserable. Every time when his father was missing but his presence was essential, Maxim could always sense their companionship, as if he really was giving advice what action is better to take. Max always did his best to find time for his parent, help him with something, learn something from him, or just to stay near. He also believed that the strength of his Heavenly father and his own strength unite at the right time. No matter what Max was doing, he felt: «Someone is helping me! Even doing it for me! Of course, it is a Heavenly father…»

Maxim was lifted and carried away by the armpits. He did not care much where he was being taken to, because he heard his dad saying:

– Could it be that serious?!

He heard anxiety in his voice. That happened quite rarely, nothing seemed to cause him to loose control and that intimidated Maxim.

– The bone fracture is not an opened one, so he got lucky! But when I found out that he was walking for a couple of days and even made it to the hospital by himself, I became frustrated and surprised.

– What did frustrate you so much? – Veniamin Leonidovich asked. That was the same question that Maxim wanted to ask but couldn’t.

– If he did not come here today then his bone would break and tendons would break. He would never be able to walk satisfactory. In the best scenario he would be lifting and in the worst, would not be able to step on the foot.

Maxim was sat on the chair and somebody covered his head with the cold, wet towel. Fever was leaving and Max opened eyes and saw his foot, from which shoe was already taken off and the trouser leg was lifted up to the knee. The leg had a strange dark color and seemed to be a little swallowed.

– Does it hurt or not? – asked the doctor while pressing on the left ankle. Patient did not reply because he was lifted from the chair with unbearable pain. Tears ran from eyes. Maxim flexed his leg abruptly and touched the floor so that the foot appeared under the chair. Maxim bent from pain and almost fell from the chair but his dad grabbed him. All strengths were spent at the struggle with pain in the leg and in the whole body. Doctor was setting the leg free from the chair for a while and then applied the gypsum.

– He should not be stepping on his foot and stay in bed for at least two weeks. Standing up is aloud only to go to bathroom or to have meals. The room should be aerated frequently.

– Yes of course, I will keep an eye on him.

– I wonder why is he so weak?

– He recently went thought a surgery and did not get strengths back, on top of that kept on walking for a couple of days with the fracture.

– Is the pressure tolerant? – doctor asked Max.

Maxim saw gypsum on his leg shaped like a boot but did not feel any pressure. It seemed like the leg was just bandaged.

– No, everything is fine – he replied and after attempting to lift a leg added: – It is just very heavy.

– You will do fine, – doctor smiled and then replied, – stay in bed more. I gave instructions to Valentin Leonodovich so he would be able to explain you everything.

– Good – bye, – said Max.

When Max and his father were sitting in the car they kept silence for a long time, sadly watched people passing behind the window, leaves falling, and the wind rocking the trees. Maxim felt that his father was very disappointed and did not know how to start a conversation. Only after some time, when it became dark outside he started the car and asked:

– How did that happened son?

– I slipped on the hospital porch; it was covered with snow from the early morning.

– But it is not slippery, – dad didn’t understand him.

– It was warm yesterday and snow melted down but in the morning everything got frozen. So the porch and the stairs were totally covered with ice.

– That happened yesterday and you came to the hospital only.

– I thought it hurts because I hit it. I had no clue that it is possible to break a bone like that.

Dad didn’t reply and they kept quiet. Maxim had a feeling that they were thinking about the same problem: how to tell it to the mother and not get her upset? Gypsum can’t be removed and there is very little point in that action. However, there was a way to make her feel better about the situation.

– Will you make it home by yourself? – Dad asked quietly, stopping the car near the house.

– Of course, I can make it to the first floor.

– I shall park the car and come over.

– Ok.

Max’s sister was sitting near him for a long time and could not believe what had happened; her facial expression changed when she touched the gypsum and asked:

– Does your leg hurt? Do you feel yourself ok?

Maxim felt sleepy. Lying on the couch, he was giving one word answers or did not replied; however, his sister did not pay attention to that. She brought some water and kept her hands on the brother’s head for a long time, as if checking temperature. Nothing seemed suspicious to her and she kept on exploring the gypsum.

– How are you doing Irina? – asked Max and looked at her, opening eyes with a huge effort. He loved his sister dearly and always helped her with everything: gave advice, helped with homework and took her places. She addressed him with various questions on the regular bases, questions she could not even address to the mother, so personal they were. Her blond, almost white hair was turning darker with years; they used to be curly but now straightened, and only unruly locks at the roots reminded of the curls. Blue eyes were getting more bright and intensive and when she was worried. She tried to hide her worries but Maxim could always tell it by her eyes if his sister needed help and asked about the problem. There was not a single situation when he was not there for her. Even when he had no time or the problem was manageable for the little girl, he still was leaving everything behind and gave her a hand. So now, feeling his sister worried, Max realized that his broken bone gave her more reasons to worry.

– The teacher was taken away today by the ambulance!

Tear ran from her eye and slowly rolled down the cheek.

– Please understand that we all shall die at one day. There is no reason for tears, we need to live further, help each other, no matter how hard it is. – Maxim had to close eyes again – weakness overwhelmed him.

– Can she die? She is so young!

– Unfortunately there is a possibility but you need to take it easy, understand??

– I shall try, but it is hard.

After some time, she calmed down.

– Everything in life is difficult. When you do something you say that it was very easy and wonder why you did not do it before. Am I right?

The door bell rang and she rushed to open the door for the father.

– Where is mom? – He was surprised.

– At the neighbor’s place. They made arrangements last night.

– So she hasn’t seen Maxim yet?

– Not yet. She will be here soon it is ten pm now.

They were sitting on the couch in the living room near Maxim and talked lively, waiting for mom to get home. Father even managed to make sister laugh and lift her spirits. Occupied by conversation, they did not notice how mother came in. She froze and silently looked at the lying son. Maxim felt her stare and realized that it was her. Father and sister ceased talking and waited for the reaction.

– Hmmm seems like we will have unusual New Year celebration! Great! Dear, tell me how did that happened?!

Maxim understood that mom was in a good mood and did not know what to say.

– Fell down the stair steps, – it was everything he could say.

– Does your head hurt?

– No!

– No problem then! – She replied and left to the kitchen:

– Let’s have some tea. I brought a cake.

– I shall pass, – Max said and returned to rest. After some time, he heard jingling of the tea pot, clinks of tea cups and happy voices of the relatives. Not having time to think of anything, Max fell asleep immediately.

V

Leaving the canteen, Sveta saw her husband who was pale and lost a lot of weight. He was dressed like her in all white and had a facial expression of the person who lost something in life. Hugging him, she thought: «I probably look like he does; I have not seen myself in the mirror for a week».

– Darling! How are you feeling?

Not giving her a time to answer, Vadim asked another question:

– Do you blame me for what happened?

– No, don’t think so! How can it be your fault? That all happened because of me: I could not start a conversation with you for so long and finally chose a wrong moment… Forgive me love! I really did not meant for it to be like that…

– I know, there is no need to apologize. Don’t worry about Nikita, I called him up and told to close the apartment and move to grandmother. He should stay there for another week and he likes it there.

– Vadim, how is your health?

– I am okay, I got away with a couple of bruisers and concussion. And you?

– My spleen was ruptured and also some bruisers and contusions.

– So we are doing very well, it could be a lot worse.

– No, we are not doing well at all!

– What do you mean by that?

Vadim realized that his wife has been hiding something.

– I went through examination and I was told that weather I would be able to get pregnant or not depends only on me. From the physiological point of view, I am healthy, from psychological one – I am not.

Sveta started to cry. Vadim gave her a hug:

– How can that be?

– When the car accident took place I was on the top of emotional distress about getting pregnant; and the car crash caused the tension to grow. To become pregnant now I need to go through the situation that would have the same psychological effect, may be even a stronger one, for the mental trauma to lessen…

Svetlana burst into tears.

– Calm down, everything will be fine, please don’t worry!

– How things can become fine? Vadim! All that has been lasting for ten years! Do you realize that? Ten years!! It is not one day, not one month, but a huge amount of time! You understand that totally.

Sveta watched her husband’s face turning into the stone and her body start shaking. With her arms shaking she lighten up the cigarette and after exhaling smoke, continued:

– There is no need to calm me down, we need to come up to the plan!

– Sveta, I am very sorry, but how do you imagine all that? You know very well that the situation was very extreme. We are very lucky to survive and you want to create a similar situation! What are you thinking about? I don’t think we should risk our lives. For what, Sveta! As a plan we can adopt a child. I don’t want to loose you. You have no idea how much I blame myself for this accident!

She smoked silently. Yes, Vadim said all the right things but she told herself not to loose hope. It is definitely necessary to try the only question is how to do it. So far she saw one way out: overlook her life values and change for better. May be this strategy will help and the problem will solve by itself. Svetlana realized that it is not very realistic, but firmly decided to start a new life.

– Sveta, please says something.

– I’ll be trying, – said Svetlana. After thinking for some time, she continued:

– By all means necessary. Will you help me dear?

– You know, there could be only one answer to that question – yes.

After that, he kissed her for the first time during this week and started to cry again.

– Ok, don’t cry! Let’s go to our wards! The sleeping hour is until five.

– I’ll see you in the evening dear; – Svetlana kissed her husband and went to get sleep.

Tears kept crying from her beautiful eyes and head started to ache. Nurse was waiting for her in the ward with the syringe. Svetlana didn’t wait for the shot and not noticing anything around; she understood that she was falling asleep…

In the dream everything was twinkling in front of her eyes, as if the book was skimmed. Suddenly, she saw herself at the class. She stood up from her chair abruptly and threw the pen on in the opened school journal. Her face turned very red. She closed it with hands, hopelessly trying to swallow lump in the throat and with loud sobbing seeing nothing in front of her, she ran away from the class. Everything happened in one moment and astonished students were still sitting frozen, even when her footsteps were not heard.

Sveta had no time to become surprised by what had happened when she saw herself at the reception smoking a cigarette, having an intriguing conversation with the secretary. All of her classes for the day were cancelled. Suddenly the scenery disappeared and Svetlana saw herself absolutely happy. That shocked her. For a few minutes she remained in this condition and then, waking up, heard a baby crying…

She did not even notice how she ate her dinner at the canteen. She was consumed by her dream. She even had a thought to leave work, but decided to stay till her class graduates. «This will be my last class. Only one and a half years! May be this dream will come true, – she thought, understanding absurdity of the idea. -

Everything happens for a reason. And if it doesn’t, that means that I won’t have more children and I would have to live with it». Leaving the canteen, she met with her husband and told him about a dream and her decision.

– Dear, just don’t torture yourself. Do what you think is necessary if that can help you. The only thing I ask for is you take care of yourself. All right? No more unnecessary thinking let the time put everything in the right place.

– What do you mean dear?!

– That it is essential to wait and do what we have to do.

– Yes, and my students are waiting for me, so many classes were cancelled. Can you imagine how much work I would have?! Sounds good.

VI

Maxim left the bed only one time during the day. He was laying in the half-sleeping condition and reading a book. Even when he was only moving eyes through the text, he could still understand the meaning. Music that plaid behind the closed door did not bother him. Parents and their guests celebrated New Year ahead of time, had dinner, laughed and had a good time. Max, however, wanted to be by himself at that time. He did not want anything, especially to be annoyed with various questions and long conversations. The door to his room opened anyway and he heard his mother’s voice:

– Go check, maybe he is not sleeping.

Sister entered the room and asked:

– Do you want to eat? You haven’t eaten for the whole day.

– I am not hungry, Irinka.

– I haven’t heard it, let me bring salad and dumplings, I want you to have them!

Ira left the room not wanting to hear any protests. «She is like mom», – thought Max. He only had time to put the book down, when the door was opened again and his friend Roma’s mother Margarita Leonidovna entered the room. Without saying a word, she sat near Maxim and waited for him to open eyes.

– Will Roma comes over today? It is getting late and he is still not here, – Maxim said.

– Oh, I thought you are asleep. Of course he will… As soon as he is free he will come over.

Margarita Leonidovna caressed Maxim’s head, and he caught himself thinking that he liked that: «Probably I should open eyes otherwise it is awkward…» When he opened his eyes, he saw a beautiful chubby woman in front of him with an interesting sight, strict face expression, blond curly hair. A lot of make up made her look extravagant. Transparent white blouse revealed her pompous bust. Max looked at Margarita Leonidovna and could not take eyes off her, feeling that she enjoys his attention. He was very surprised of the outcome of the evening and didn’t know where else to look at when his sister came in, bringing a chair with the dinner.

– Ok, it is time to eat! I have started tea. Margarita Leonidovna, keep and eye on him please!

– Don’t you worry, – Margarita waited for Itinka to leave and for Max to sit down and get a spoon and then pronounced:

– Maxim, we need to have a serious talk!

«Interesting, what does she want to talk about»? – He thought, but decided to say nothing, just to eat and listen.

– Roma wants to drop out of high school, he says that he is sick and tired of it and wants to transfer to college.

– So what is the problem?

– What is the problem? He only has a year and a half before he finishes high-school, and then he can go to university. What does he need this college for?

– Margarita Leonidovna, I told you last year: Don’t make him start the tenth grade. What for? If he wants to study at college, he should do that. At college he can still take high-school classes, and pass tenth and eleventh grade in one year, and then begin to acquire a desired specialization of chemical technologist. Within two years he can have a diploma in his hands! And transfer to university for the third year! What else to dream about?

Max felt dizziness again, sighted and returned to the cooled off dumplings.

– I don’t understand why he doesn’t like high-school so much? Why doesn’t he want to get education?

– He does not want to waste time: right now he could be finishing a tenth grade, and by summer – eleventh grade, right? If he drops out of school now, he would waste a whole year. Next year you will be more then happy to see him study in college, and he will go there – but will drop out of it as well: for another year he would have to go through the same easy and annoying school program that he is sick of. Do you see the result of your actions now? – chewing the last dumpling, Maxim replied. – And now you ask me if I can help you. How? Yes, I can talk to him but it is not going to change the situation? We can’t turn back the time, you can’t make him go to school and exactly in a year he will drop out of college. And then you will remember the conversation we are having now. Am I right?

– So what should we do Maximochka? I have no idea how to talk to him and what to talk about. He does not want to listen to me at all, can you understand that?

– I know, but you should have thought about that before. What can we change now? We can’t change him. Whatever he decides, this is what he will do.

Margarita Leonidovna burst in tears, waited for the tear to run down the cheek, and only then wiped it off, trying not to smudge mascara off. She was quite (what else could she do?) and did not even noticed Max’s sister coming in, brining the cake and taking away salad and dumplings plates.

– Maxim, please, try to think of other ideas!

– There is no need to cry: since I promised you, I would try again. But you have to remember that Roma will take his own decision. I know him well and already informed you of how I see the situation develop. Our conversation won’t change things much.

Doors of the room opened and leaded by his mom a crowd of guests came in. Taking Margarita Leonidovna by hand, she said:

– Rita, let’s go dancing; we have been waiting for you for ages… What is wrong? – She saw Margarita’s tears. – Maxim! What did you do again?

– I didn’t have enough time – you interrupted me, – Max said bitterly and turned away from the leisured crowd (he could not find another word for them). He became infuriated by the dialog, closed his eyes and waited for everyone to leave.

– I’ll be back in a second! I need to finish a talk with Maxim! Can you please leave the room!

However, no one left. Then Margarita Leonidovna left the room herself and everyone, except Max’s mom, followed her.

– Hey, it is ok son! Did you get dinner?

– Yes, mom, everything is fine, don’t worry. I feel good.

– Get some sleep, you are very weak…

Falling asleep, Max felt that someone sat on the bed and hugged him. He figured that it was Margarita Leonidovna again and wanted to say something, but energies were gone…

Maxim saw another dream about his favorite teacher. However, this dream was strange: he could not see her face but was able to feel and understand that something is worrying her. He saw the teacher on the passenger sit of a car and at the steering wheel – a person who looked extremely familiar, but could not recognize him. Maxim felt how something very crucial was taking place. The car is speeding, situation is getting dangerous… Tossing and turning, he was exhausted from his debility. He made an effort to perceive the essence of the problem again, but failed. «Probably, it is too early», – he thought and at the very next moment he could clearly see how cars crashed. All covered with sweat, forgetting about broken foot, Max sat on the bed abruptly causing himself severe pain. For a couple of minutes, he kept on sitting on the bed, relaxing a foot and waiting for the pain to calm down.

– Hey! Did you get rest? – Maxim heard Roman’s voice but instead of turning to him he just asked:

– Do you have an idea why I keep seeing an empty baby crib near the house porch?

– I have absolutely no idea how to explain that!

«More then likely those dreams are connected, the key is to understand them completely», – Maxim thought.

– Roma, have you been to school yesterday?

– Yes, Svetlana Victorovna took a sick leave.

– Recently? – Maxim felt tingling in his body.

– She hasn’t been at school for two weeks so far and all of her classes are cancelled.

Roman kept on talking but Maxim thought of Svetlana Victorovna. He has loved her for many years, but that love has not given her any benefits. Hmm, what kind of benefits can it offer to the married woman? How is the baby crib connected with it? Could it be the answer? Maxim had a feeling that love is growing stronger and stronger and realized that only Svetlana Victorovna has the ability to love like that. He tried to imagine where she was at the moment and what she was thinking about. Should he be thinking about it now?

Do you listen to me? I have a feeling that I am talking to myself and you belong to your world.

Max didn’t hear his friend again. He apprehended that at that specific moment, weak and sick, not ready for anything, he had to accept that overwhelming responsibility. Max suddenly acknowledged that he ought to help his beloved woman to have a child. He was experiencing extreme headache and heart burn and felt so bad, that every part of his body was in pain and the scenery in front of eyes drifted. To lessen his suffering at least a little, he closed his eyes but could still see the car accident. Seeing the intensity of Svetlana’s mysery, Max understood the reason which led to car crash. At the moment of the crash Svetlana realized her powerlessness, and it took advance of her openness and weakness, causing her a massive psychological trauma… With the rest of the energies left he thought: «What can I do? I am only a little boy to her»! – he fell on the pillow, not being able to sit any more. He felt better when Roma took his hand. Maxim asked him:

– How are your studies going?

– You know the answer already, Max. Why are you asking?

– Don’t worry, not because I have nothing else to do. You know everything yourself.

– See, they don’t want me to leave school.

– So stop fighting with them. Just go and study. They will understand with time. No need to procrastinate.

– But how? I don’t even know what they want: to finish eleventh grade or go to college. They impede me to take a decision, confusing me which path to take. I start doubting the rightness of the taken decision and don’t know weather it is mine or theirs. We can’t stop the time, Max, everything happens by itself – and not for good. Everyone understands it and get scared. Uncertainty is taking control over me, and I am being made to do things that don’t depend on me. Maxim, do something! I know you can!

– Roman, what can I do? I can predict that you will drop out of school and will start college; but you will drop it as well and won’t even have a hight school diploma! Do you understand me?! What do you want me to do and with whom? With you or with your parents? Explain me please; what do you want me to do? Turn the time around? You know that I have had many conversations with your mom but they led to nowhere. She asked me to talk to you about staying in school. I told her exactly the same things as I told you. But she hasn’t gathered herself together, and you can’t get strengths back for the concrete actions.

– So what do you want to advise me, my friend?

– Either do a good job at school or then to college or finish the tenth grade and then go to college. Figure out a relationship with parents yourself, you are an adult so stop being a baby. What do you think?

– I have already tried that but it did not seem to work.

– Then just stay in school! What else is there to discuss?! You see everything yourself. What are you thinking about?! Don’t make me get cynical.

– I just can’t study at school anymore, I can’t even go there, why is that so hard to understand!

– Romka, with this attitude you will drop out of college as well! You want to know why? For the whole year they have the high school program but you don’t want to study it! The problem is in you, and only you can organize yourself and improve the situation. Neither me, nor your parents can help you. We will only bother you and make you feel confused. I don’t want to do it; can you understand? I am talking to you now, and everything you think of is where to go tomorrow to skip classes!

– How do you know what is on my mind?

– I just know, Roma.

Max felt strong weakness which did not let him finish his speech and thought: «There is no need to explain Roman how I know things. Absolutely not necessary».

– I want to go to sleep, I am so tired. Wake me up at six pm, ok?

Maxim hasn’t heard Roman’s reply; energies left him and he drowned in sleep. He saw a dream about some girl who was walking fast to the house porch where he was standing. With the abrupt movement she unzipped his jacket. Not having time to understand what was happening, Max saw her pushing a bouquet of peonies, presented by him, into his bosom. Then she left without saying a single word after closing a jacket zipper…

VII

Svetlana Vladimirovna became very thirsty, when she heard on the phone that Shtuforuk Maxim – her precious love – is staying at home with the foot broken and can’t even go to school. Teachers attend him for home education according to the schedule made by the principle, and she is included in that schedule. She suffered from the thought that she could not visit him because she herself recently got discharged from the hospital and would have to stay home in bed for a while. However, he has no clue what she went through and will run into conclusion that she simply does not want to visit him.

– How long is he absent?

– Over two weeks, – school secretary Nina Ivanovna replied.

– How many times per week am I supposed to visit him?

– Just twice.

When she heard it, Svetlana became upset: there was a chance to see him twice but she won’t be able to make it…

– Svetlana Victorovna, please don’t worry. He is a smart boy and would be able to catch up by himself. What do you think? You can call him up and give him homework to check later. There is no reason to stress.

– Of course, I shall do as you advise, thank you. Good-bye. I shall call you again.

Sveta tried to hang up the phone a couple of times, but ended up leaving it on the table. She went to the kitchen, but instead of having water started a tea pot. Against doctor’s advice, she lighted up a cigarette. Nervously letting the steam out, she remembered the night before the car accident – every single moment of it, opening eyes sometimes only to flip the cigarette ash. She received pleasure from experiencing a feeling which was torturing her for so long that night. Svetlana perceived, not seemed but exactly perceived that she looks at situation and experiencing it totally differently. She enjoys it now. Lighting another cigarette, she clearly noticed a border in her changed feelings. She used to be under the influence of her emotions and could not control them, getting confused in words and actions. At this moment, however, she could easily be in charge and apparently understand every step she was taking. Only one obscurity confused her: what was the reason for all that negative experience? Sveta felt that the answer is somewhere very close, but she would not be able to find it by herself. She did not want to leave with this idea but at the same time believed that it happened for good and it would become clearer soon: «There was a reason why I had a dream about school». Svetlana felt awkward and unusual when she thought about school. She jerked her hand, burnt by the cigarette, dropped the ashtray on the floor and remembered Maxim. «Very surprising»! – She thought, collecting ashes from the floor. Sveta recalled their first class: good-looking boy, hearing his name, said «This is me» and stood up, and when she looked at him she totally forgot that she is giving a class… The teacher saw something pure and innocent, something that touched her soul – not just touched but remained there. She could not take eyes of him; she was searching exactly for someone like him, dreaming of him…

Sveta saw something light and unperturbed in his soul: strength and independence – the same qualities that she possessed. She said to herself: «It is strange that a little boy has such an influence on me. How can it be»? But she could never find an answer to that. Every time Svetlana tremulously waited for him to attend a class, always looked at him only and became captivated by his sight. She saw very strong feelings and could not do much with hers; everything that was left for her is to enjoy his presence and grant him what she felt deeply. She knew that Maxim understands her completely and it seemed as thought he knew her very well. Despite her age, she treated him like a close and loved person, not being able to control herself. She loved him like a man of her dreams. May be it took place because it seemed to her that his sincere love represented a love of a man to a woman. Every time, when Sveta saw Max, her soul was crying for their age difference and that she couldn’t turn the time back. Love could not bring them closer any longer. She felt disappointed but told herself calmly: «I need to call him today and give homework. Oh, and also to find out when he will be back to school». Sveta became excited and thought that Maxim could read her mind. She caught herself thinking that she enjoys this idea! She enjoys understanding from Maxim’s side, a feeling that he is always near her. Of course, she wished him to be near in reality and that unrealistic dreams did not let her relax. She suffered from the lack of opportunity to enjoy the feeling totally. Time was letting know about the grand difference between them when they were together. Svetlana tried to take a control many times and not let her feelings grow, or vice versa let them overwhelm her. However, none of the strategies worked. Unusual thoughts visited her head: «Could that be a purpose of my life? To understand this feeling, just like it is! Then why is he so much younger? Is that possible to perceive the power of love when you see another person each day»? She always answered negatively to the last question.

Svetlana looked at the phone for a long time before she picked it up. She was thinking of what to tell Maxim, but not being able to make up anything, she dialed the number.

– Hello!

«It is his mom probably», – thought the teacher.

– Hello, this is Svetlana Victorovna. Can I talk to Maxim?

– Yes of course, please hold on, it will be a white till he gets to the phone…

– Oh, ok, I’ll wait!

She was getting anxious, but tried to get herself together.

– Hello I am listening; – confidence in Max voice helped her.

Sveta remained quiet, confused in thoughts and feelings.

– Maxim! This is Svetlana Victorovna calling. How are you feeling? – «Dear», – Max finished her phrase and replied:

– At this point I feel ok but I have to wear gypsum for a while. Then I’ll need to learn how to walk again, because foot muscles would become weak after two months. This is how I am doing. How are you doing? I feel nervousness in your voice.

– I am better, but still recovering. Do teachers give you classes at home?

– Yes. In algebra and chemistry. I was also told that you would be coming over too.

It was very difficult for her to reply but since she had no choice, she tried not to worry and replied:

– Maxim, I am very sorry but I won’t be able to visit you. I wish I could, but I haven’t felt great myself and missed over three weeks at work. Really, I want to give you home classes but I can’t. My apologies.

– I am sorry about that. I wanted to see you! When will we see each other?

– I can give you homework for now and check it when you back to school.

– Ok, I understand. I will keep doing exercises from the book then and do some literature reading. Classmates visit me so they will inform me of the program and help if that would be needed.

– Ok, Maxim, get well! Take care.

– I’ll miss you, – Max added and hang up, not being able to play with feelings of his beloved one.

Svetlana heard the phone tones for a while till they became irritating. She felt anxiety again and got angry at herself for not saying anything warm to Maxim, even thought she had a lot to say. Svetlana tried to get herself together again and remembered that after the surgery she needs to stay in bed. What is the point to torture yourself when you are so weak? Lying at the couch, she had another cigarette, turned on the quite music and tried to breathe evenly. She felt how her heartbeat and breath are getting normal. Svetlana put away unfinished cigarette, watching it producing smoke, and then felt the weakness in the body and later freedom from it.

VIII

– What did she want, Maxim? What did she ask? Maxim! Do you listen to me?! – Valentina Nikolaevna tried to reach out to her son. She was watching his rapidly changing mimics with surprise and couldn’t believe how fast his mood and face can alter. She became concerned that he was silent and didn’t move. “What should I do?!” – She was worried, and after looking at herself in the mirror started to worry even more. All of the sudden Valentina Nikolaevna realized that if her son remained still and silent, she wouldn’t be able to contain herself and would blow up. She came close to him, touched by the shoulder and asked: – Maximochka, what is wrong dear?

Instead of giving an answer, Maxim looked in the mirror at himself and his mom and understood the reason of her fear. Leaning on the self-made crutch, he left for his room without saying a word. He was walking down the hall slowly, fighting pain and dizziness, holding to the walls sometimes and taking breaks when dizziness was getting worse. Valentina watched him with astonishment and she had a feeling that she was watching his whole life passing by. Just like that, despite all hardships and difficulties, her son would be overcoming all life problems. With hard effort but so confidently, oh God! He would be able to achieve everything! Valentina Nikolaevna, with horror in eyes and pain in the heart suddenly understood that her son – almost mature man, and very soon she would lose him from life. He became dissolved in the adult life which would swallow him, just like her and the rest of people. Mother felt uncomfortable-she realized that everything started with that phone call and started to cry soundlessly, so that Maxim would not hear from his room. She felt down and tears were shedding even more. Very disappointed, she went to the bathroom and washed with cold water. Looking at herself in the mirror, Valentina Nikolaevna said to herself: «Why am I being stupid and keep on crying? I need to be glad for my son! Help him out. Gosh, what is going on with me? Why is it affecting me so strongly? What is happening»? Cold water made her calm down, so when she left the bathroom she proceeded to Maxim’s room.

After turning off the music and closing algebra book, mother sat next to her son. Putting away pen and notebook, Max looked at the mother sitting near and noticed by her reddish face that she was crying and worried about him. He always felt bad when the most precious person in his life – his mom – is suffering so much because of him. He was getting frustrated with himself involuntary for giving even a little reason for concerns. He always tried to avoid it and be an adult. It was the right thing to do, but that was something that was scaring his mother. Maxim thought that she was afraid to loose him because he was growing up. However, if he started to act childishly she was becoming irritated: she started to yell at him, showing her disapproval and reminded that she considered him an adult and not the little kid. Maxim had no idea how to deal with the situation. However, he knew that the best thing was to ask his mother weather to take a certain action or not. When he was telling something to his mom, she always put herself in the situation and was not interested or cared for situation. When something was very important for Max, mother thought that it was absolutely not necessary for him. He tried to tell it to his mom all the time but she didn’t understand. At those moments it seemed that she does not try to understand him, or (more then likely) just can’t. He assumed that she loved him very much, more then he loves her, if that could be possible. Every time when Max talked to her he tried to think of something insignificant or to discuss topics that were important to her. He tried to talk of those things easily and acceptably, as if he let know that everything connected with her was interesting. Son felt that they both can’t feel relaxed when spending time together. He could feel his mother’s worries and did not know how to start a dialog: her inner concerns reached him and he could not fight them.

– I was informed that the teacher won’t be able to visit me. I need to learn everything by myself and when I am back to school she would check all my assignments.

Max was looking at his mom and it seemed that she didn’t hear him, thinking about her own problems.

– What is the reason she can’t visit you?

– She does not feel good and missed three weeks at school.

– I see. Why did she call then if you study at home anyway?

– She wanted to find out how I am feeling. She is concerned.

– As if. She just does not want to waste her time, so told you that she is sick.

– Come on, mom. It is not necessary for her to come over at all, I can manage studies by myself. If she does not want to come over, it is fine. I won’t die from that! It is good that she called, I am glad.

– Did you check the temperature today? Your head is hot. You should go and lay down as the doctor advised.

– I need to catch up on studies and do a lot of readings. I am bored of staying in bed.

– Do your readings in bed. You are so weak, Maximka. You were weak after the surgery, and then broke a bone…

Mother started to cry again, hugging him, and he felt very guilty and upset because of his weakness and her sufferings, so that he could not continue sitting anymore and said:

– Mom, let me lay down, I don’t feel good.

Holding tears, she helped Maxim to lie down and left the room, leaving him alone. He was trying to fight dizziness again, which handicapped his thinking just like the gypsum – his ability to walk. Weakness was draining him out so much, that he felt as thought he had no strength for any action. It is not known for how long he would have to stay in bed. Max understood that he won’t feel better, vice versa, something is disturbing him, pushing on him. One thing was very clear: he needs to fight hard and not to give up despite all difficulties. There is no need to concentrate attention on the weakness or feelings which confuse him. He must proceed further without taking breaks since procrastination is equal to death.

Maxim was thinking about Svetlana Victorovna and realized right away how hard it was for her to make that phone call, and even more hard to say: «I am sorry, I won’t be able to visit you». He didn’t know how to react to that and what else to do so that those feelings disappear. Does she need them if they bring only suffering and she can’t do anything to change them? «Can I do something with it? – thought Max. – If yes, then the main question is how»? It is not right to bring misery with the feeling, which is supposed to bring happiness and uplift and not to provoke distress. It is necessary to get strengths and do something to make Svetlana happy and receive what she wants so much, so that this something can become a product of love and adoration. «Then she will forget me. Not right away, but slowly and painlessly. People forget very easy, especially good things, – thought Max sadly. – Moreover, Sveta has a family and a son. There must be a way to strengthen her family, otherwise, falling more in love with me, she would destroy it. May be not, but affliction needs to be prevented! So what can I do? Dissecting and analyzing the situation makes it clear that there is a solution: a baby». This sudden thought stroke Max. That has been an answer to all his thinking and concerns; it really was a real and deserving way out of the situation! He realized everything so fast, that his heart, weak at the moment, contracted and made him bend on the bed. For a couple of minutes, he could not breathe and move. Maxim recalled his dream and went through the accident and Svetlana’s life before it. He acknowledged that the reason which led to car crash was the strong desire to have another child. However, after the accident took place because of the psychological reasons Sveta could not have kids anymore. Max felt a little better, he started to breathe harder, as if he had taken a long and laborious run; he was sweating heavily and wanted to drink. He was suffocating from the lack of air. Remembering, that the doctor recommended aerating the room more, Maxim pushed away from the wall and fell on the floor from bed. He could not stand up but the balcony door was very close, so Max opened it a little bit, inhaled fresh air and lost consciousness. He woke up from coldness. After closing the balcony door with the effort, Max climbed to bed and came back to his reasoning. He could not warm up and was frozen even under the blanket, but he felt better and could think clearly.

«That means, – Maxim said to himself making a conclusion, – that I need to help her to have a child»! He got scared from this thought and decided to stop deliberating. Sveta has a husband; all what he has to do is to create a psychological situation which would be different from the one happened during the car crash.

By what means long lasting distress, which led to the miserable condition the beloved woman, could become normalized within a year by him – a small child who does not understand much in life? Moreover, he was trying to learn something himself, take life lessons; his soul was opened to everything good, innocent and pure. Max was not intimidated by anything. It was just that he could not understand – actually believe, that it is possible now, right now find courage and address all energies in that direction… Maxim knew that he could not just sit and wait. He could not let himself give up, leaving his loved woman without a child that she wanted to have for so many years, and dreamed that one day it would be true. It was very hard to recognize that if he gave up and did nothing, then no one would be able to make her happy. Maxim thought that he needed to get well soon, not to overwork or torture himself with unnecessary thinking. The priority is the main goal, since he has taken the main decision: «Svetlana Victorovna will have a baby for sure, and I, little child like everyone believes, shall help her in that! No matter what it will take».

Max decided to get some rest, thanking himself for taking a decision, and promised to figure everything out tomorrow. He had a severe headache and could not think any longer because of the fever. Maxim was bedeviled by his morbid powerlessness, the necessity to stay in bed when he wanted to act! Only one thought which appeared in his tired mind was comforting him. While he is ill, he has time to think everything over till the end, so that when he recovers he will be able to act right away. Moreover, he does not have a concrete plan. Only the necessary result is known. Maxim was trying to calm down and not to pay attention at anything. «No feelings! – he said to himself. – Otherwise they would run me over and I’ll be able to do nothing…»

IX

Sveta perceived herself again in the free flight highly above the earth. For some time, she felt herself unbound and clean from all of her solicitudes. She did not look down, as if she had known that if she looked underneath, then all the problems and troubles would overwhelm again. She would not be able to contain herself and, as usual, with heavy burden in soul and pain in the heart, would be accepting the destiny strikes, hoping that every one of them would be the last one. She wanted everyone else to experience this strength, which lifted her so high and gave freedom from sins. Svetlana tried to control her emotions. She looked at her body. One circumstance was surprising: it is still her, but not her at the same time. She seemed to be gone. She sees herself only as she used to be, and now she is very different: without fear, envy, unnecessary concerns and infamous wishes. Svetlana realized that only by controlling our thinking we can control our actions; if the thoughts are wicked, then the actions are the same. This is how problems arise. Suddenly Sveta started to think about where she was. See sees the earth as if through the window, but not from the airplane or the space craft – there is no space craft here! It does not surprise or worry her and does not even seem frightening. Now, feeling more confident, she looked at the earth from above, but didn’t see it. It was like she was watching her whole life on TV screen and was getting angry from every single mistake that she had done. Watching her wrongful life, Svetlana didn’t know where to run from the shame she experienced. She tried not to look, diverting from the view, but it didn’t seem to work. Then Svetlana started to search for other actions to improve her past, but it didn’t work either.

She realized that past can’t be altered. It is only possible to protect yourself from improper deeds, sufferings and emotions, ones that should be dreaded. Svetlana imagined the whole complexity of this work. She made herself to ask the question: «Will I be able to overcome my pride, mightiness of my ego, or not? Or should I be drowning in that endless chasm?!» Before answering that question, Svetlana thought that upon coming back to earth, she won’t remember what is happening now and will enter the route she has walked on before for many years. She never had a single attempt to walk off that route to work on herself, to overstep the desires and principles, to break the plans, and to act in the unusual way… She was pulled down again and followed by the invisible force, remembering her earthly decision: to start a new life, to ignore seduction and to help others. Within a few moments she understood and went through the periods of life which had brought her a lot of pain. Lying on the couch at home, Svetlana still thought that she was somewhere above and didn’t pay much attention to the surrounding. In her mind she was approaching the earth, but in reality she stood up and went to the kitchen. Svetlana could not think of anything and she had unexplainable feeling that she lived in the world of dreams. She wanted to bring placidity and confidence to this world. At lightning speed, she approached the earth and admitted with horror, that she was leaving all the lucid and pure, and was getting back to wrongful and earthy.

When the decision is taken, it is necessary to begin an arduous struggle with yourself, which is even harder when you are a woman.

Svetlana sighted, dropping ashes on the floor, and painfully landed on the ground. Sitting on the chair, she agitated, sweat covered her forehead, everything inside was turning upside down. She sensed that earthy is winning over all pure and clean in the unfair fight. She could not affect the situation, not seeing on the earth such a clear feeling as existed there, above. She will simply die without it like a fish without water. Not remembering how she ended up on the couch, Svetlana recalled Maxim, being little boy, when she first noticed him in the crowd of the dressed up students on the first of September. They didn’t know each other at all then. First grade student came up to her and silently gave her flowers. Mature woman, used to the flowers and attention from men, was astonished by that present. All years before their next meeting she was surprised by the thoughts of this boy, understanding with horror that she was falling in love with him… She was shocked by the fact that she didn’t know his name, and that he was not much older then her son… She has a totally different love for him then for her son. This love confused Svetlana, didn’t let her live peacefully. She caught herself thinking, that the feeling was not just captivating or enjoyable. Svetlana was overanxiously afraid to confess: her love was very strong, so strong that she didn’t want anything else from this life, other then this insane, clean, virginally sincere love, essential like water, air, snow… All in life is worthless without this feeling. When she pronounced Maxim’s last name, not knowing yet that it was his, Sveta had no premonition.

She even wanted to cry at that moment: he had such eyes! She saw the same feeling in his soul, like in the mirror and realized that she loved him even more insane. At that time, she started to worry about having a child… It was so many years ago, Gosh! Svetlana tried to run away from her thoughts but they didn’t yield. She was scared to tell it to her husband. She imagined that he would suspect something or would understand something; what he was going to understand Svetlana didn’t know. She was scared of that even more, that someone would find out about her feelings, especially her husband. When she was assured by the sincerity, honesty and even sanity of Maxim, she still doubted her strengths. Then, finding courage, under control of that fear she could not control herself, and under the influence of the strength of emotions she finished her plan to the following consequences. «What did I do? Heavenly Father»! Sveta covered her face with hands and started to cry, letting tears flow and thought that those tears would be the last in her life, that now she would surely change and become a different person. However, Maxim’s love was torturing Svetlana all the time, as if someone was leading her, following all her steps, not giving a chance to walk freely. Svetlana, searching for a solution, was getting confused and could not concentrate on her actions, saying not what she wanted, but something that was against her thoughts and wishes. As it seemed she was making mistakes, acting with little benefits for herself, and with more for others. Svetlana berated herself for that, thinking, that weakness and uncertainty made her act this way. Time was passing by, her actions made other people happy; then she looked at herself differently. Not stepping on herself, her pride and ambitions, her ego, she would not be able to bring so much positive, unless she was guided by this life. Why does she feel she is so weak, or vice versa, so strong? Svetlana could not figure that out, letting the time giving the answer to that.

Interesting, how does this feeling affect Maxim? Turns out very strange: he is so young, but he is the force which guides her… Facial expression of her face changed, this thought intimidated her. How about the age? Life experience? All that only comes with time. «Time and his strength took away the ability to have children… For what?!» – Sveta cried, closing face with palms. At that moment it seemed that tears were the remaining of weakness she was not free from yet. Svetlana cried till the thoughts which provoked tears disappeared. Getting the last energies, she calmed down and took herself together.

She remembered the moment of the car accident very calmly, not worrying about anything. She tried to remember every detail and to understand their importance. Suddenly she realized that all the years of her suffering – about ten years – narrowed to the couple of moments which led to the result which took her dream away. Right now she can’t return things to how they were, she needs help from outside. Who can help her in that, she does not know. Telling herself that she needs to wait again, Svetlana smiled and thought that at the situations like this only frantic love can help. She has that kind of love! She became petrified. Maxim! Maxim! Maxim! This is what I need to wait for! His actions! But what kind of actions? What can he do, when he just loves me – it does not matter that he loves me like a woman and I love him like a man! We can’t have any relationship anyway! And I need a baby! Svetlana didn’t hold tears again, so they were running down her face and she ignored them. Recalling the doctor’s words, she got even more confused: she is healthy, but her psychological trauma is the compelling challenge which restrains her. This wall – her own creation, made up in years, which is now becoming the grandest obstacle to her dream.

Rejecting those thoughts, Svetlana concentrated on Maxim: «He does not know anything. How can he help me if he only has a year and a half in school? After graduation, he would leave my life forever, and then I would leave. What would happen then»? Svetlana hold her tears, worries and fear of the unknown, and then suddenly realized that all her destiny depends on the «little boy». If he can help her, then she will be happy, if not – she won’t be. She felt unbearably miserably. Svetlana always tried to do everything herself – absolutely everything; if she had help, help was coming from mature influential people. Even those people had problems: they knew how to do something, but knowledge didn’t give strength; not everything worked – they did mistakes as well. Destiny was cruel to them, very cruel. No one is going to act at this time and she is too scared even to think of it. Svetlna imagined: Maxim – such innocent young man is holding her on his arms. Her, a mature and independent woman, who can achieve everything that she wants! What is the most important for her – it is this boy. But at the same time Svetlana was not in doubts, feeling the power of his love, and thought that she believed in him. «Yes! I need to believe in him and hope hundred times more then I love him»! – Svetlana said to herself. – In the modern world I have never met more honest, clean and flawless person, free from sins and wicked motives; ideal, with the white-colour soul and brightening sight which I noticed behind the flowers. I shall work on myself, shall be stronger and smarter to have the same light. Then he will see my shine, which would reveal all my sufferings and torturing. He will easily cope with them and will relieve me from the psychological trauma. There is no need to think how and why. There is a need to do, do things right now…»

Svetlana looked at herself in the mirror. She never saw so much confidence and determination on her face, which looked very serious; it seemed that her sight could see through, creating tingling feeling. She turned away from the mirror, feeling those tingling on herself. Here is a first thing to do! Finally, I need to call my mother and apologize for yelling at her. Why did she let that happen? It is so wrong to do, such a shame! Sveta looked at the phone for some time, even tried to reach it with hand, but kept on procrastinating. It was easy to do but she tried to understand what is disturbing her. When the reason is found, it is easy to cope with pride or flaw. Svetlana enjoyed that working on yourself does not occupy as much time as she thought.

– Hey mom! It is me. How are you doing? I hope you are not very angry at me for yesterday?

Her mother didn’t answer. «More then likely she didn’t expect to hear the apology, – Svetlana thought. – Wow»! – And continued:

– Please forgive me, mom, alright? You know how much I love you. I could not contain myself… Svetlana waited for her mother to stop sobbing.

X

Maxim slipped from the bed, not washing up at all, and found his old constructor with the iron tube and started to make himself a crutch. «Enough lying in bed! It is time to act and not to waste time on the purposeless storing of fat!» – he told himself. With help of the created crutch, Max limped to the horizontal bar, hang on it and felt a strong pain in all body and head. He has risen on a healthy leg, taking a rest, and then practised again and again, till the pain became tolerant. So he tortured himself till lunch and then made a break to get a meal. Chewing food wearily, Maxim understood that he had a very important task, unrealistic at the given moment. He was ffrightened by the awful comprehension that he was not ready to solve it. Ttherefore, he felt as thought he was getting a failing grade: defenceless and weak. Max was miserable and, being submerged in his thoughts, he poured a glass of hot tea on himself.

Griping teeth, Maxim endured pain from the boiling water which burnt his legs, especially the broken one. At that moment bone in the leg started to ache so bad that he could not even see clearly. However, Max tried to relax and take a control over pain to acknowledge how it worked. Maxim realized that when ache spreaded over the extremity it was tolerable, and when he was contracting one muscle the pain was leaving to other muscles. When straining the whole leg, it is necessary to endure pain all over, and that is a lot more painful. «That means, – Max thought, – that I must choose the hardest path. It is harder to relax when you feel the pain, and the result from overcoming the difficulty is always pleasant. How am I going to help Svetlana if I don’t know what to do? To understand what to do, I ought to think about it all the time and do something. Yes, I need to do well at school, to get prepared for examinations, to read books – all of that is necessary. But when and how»?

Returning to his room, Maxim turned on the music quietly and started to learn new topic in geometry, quite a difficult one. Music was bothering him; no matter how many times he had read the chapter he could not remember it. Max was tired and exhausted, but said to himself that he would learn it. He made the interfering music louder and started to read and memorize again. It was very hard to do, since he was very tired; dizziness and weakness in the whole body challenged him to do two things at once. However, he decided: «If I can’t manage this task, then will I be able to do something else»?! He was not paying attention to anything and didn’t leave the table before the topic was learned. Instead of being happy – he managed to solve the hardest math problems independently, Max said: «It is not enough»! When he stood up from the chair, he almost fell down, snatching at the table to keep balance. Overcoming severe headache, Max understood that he would fall on the floor unless he lay down. It was two footsteps to the bed, but he took his crutch and plodded to the couch, taking frequent breaks. He lay there relaxed, with eyes closed, and tried to regain strengths which were mostly gone. Maxim thought: «How can I lie when there are so many things to do? It will take over five years to accomplish everything, but I only have one year»!

Max tried to figure out how much time he would stay home. He was home over a month, but he felt no progress in his condition. He actually felt worse: head was aching and spinning, weakness was driving him crazy. He had to remain still for hours to regain the lost energies at least a little. He was annoyed by staying in bed because he was not sleepy and it was challenging to concentrate on thinking. Growing a little stronger, Max opened his eyes. He experienced a grand surprise when he saw that in the corner of the leaving room, right near his room, stood a decorated New Year tree! That was amazing! He became surprised even more when he looked at the calendar: it was the thirtieth of December! That means, that tomorrow is the New Year! Wow! Max felt a fit of energy, stood up from the couch, limped to the tree and took a sit on the chair near it. He got a feeling that New Year tree is giving him some inner strength. It didn’t smell like a pine tree, but Max knew that it was alive. Alive, but will die soon… His happiness disappeared. On top of that he remembered: everyone would go out tomorrow, but he would still be at home like today. Loneliness disappointed him at first, but them he moved negative thoughts aside and said to himself: «I shall have a New Year next year only anyway, when my dream will come true! Right now I need to forget the New Year, my birthday, and everything else that can slow me down on my way». Do I need to overwhelm myself with all that?

He knew the answer to that question already. Getting rid of this idea, Maxim thought that life had no meaning unless you made another person happy, even by dedicating your whole life to that goal. Max was angry at himself for the moment of weakness: «Is this how you see yourself and your love»!? He had never sworn, and even at that time didn’t let himself to pronounce a single indecent word. He thought again about the idea which upset him and asked himself: «Why am I angry? I have taken the decision, more over; I took the first move already. I am on the way to success. So why was I upset»? Could it be the weakness taking me off the right path?! Or was it a weakness of spirit? Or uncertainty which hasn’t left me yet, trying to block the way?! Everything – away!

Maxim stood up on the gypsum and fell down, hitting his head with the window-sill. His nose started to bleed. He stood up with effort and made it to the bathroom. After catching up breath, he reached the light switch and then lost consciousness. He fell on the floor heavily. He recovered right away and heard the echo from the fall in his ears. Everything was drifting in front of his eyes: walls, floor, and furniture – the whole corridor was storming. Maim could not stand up: broken foot created acute seizures which moved directly to the head. Every single movement caused him loosing vision. Overcoming this terrible pain, he managed to grab a wall with one hand and a dresser with the other in order to remain in the sitting position. It was easy to overcome dizziness, but when his heart was burning, he had to lie down still. Maxim could not take hands off the wall and dresser, that action would mean to fall again. Energies left him again. He flexed his aching stomach, released hands free and lay on the back. It was hot, and cold corridor floor was refreshing. Lying on the floor, Max was making decision where to creep: to the leaving room, bathroom, or his room. Decision arrived itself: first to the bathroom, then to my room. «I need to stand up! – said Max. – Last thing I need is to catch a cold»! Leaving the crutch, he crept to the bathroom. How pathetic can a human being be! He is not much different from a dog at the moment, even weaker and more helpless! After washing up he knew that he had energies for another five minutes, and he need to use the bathroom and brush teeth. He had strength for that, but not to get to the room. He remained sitting in the bathroom, with eyes closed, as if he slept. He could not fall asleep, but was taking a nap, seeing a dark-haired and dark-skinned girl, who smiled at him and wanted to tell something. She was calling Max, but he could not understand what she wanted from him. He moved, chasing the view away, but it was holding him tightly. Then Max tried to relax but almost fell in the tub, having time to close eyes and to grab the sink. After soaking head in cold water, he rose from the floor sharply, made a few jumps along the hall to reach the crutch, and then limped to his room. He collapsed in bed and didn’t wake up till the next evening.

When mom woke Maxim up on the New Year’s Eve, it was half past five: «Wake up, it is time to have dinner, and you haven’t had breakfast yet»! Son was stretching while she was rushing him: «Come on, wake up»!

Max loved his mom’s cooking: there were a lot of tasty dishes, and he never knew what to try first. So he was trying everything in small portions and ended up totally stuffed. His parents were talking to him, interrupting each other, but Max, occupied with food, didn’t hear them. He was not eating for a few days – had no appetite before today. That feeling gave him a hope for soon recovery. Maxim was amazed with himself, feeling that he had missed school. It was even good that his illness matched the time of winter break. He had fifteen more days to recover, take off the gypsum and start walking. That made him glad, so he stopped eating and smiled.

– What is wrong with you Max? I am telling you that we are going out to see friends soon, and you are smiling!

– What else I got to do? I can’t go with you.

– What are you going to do when we are gone? That is very interesting.

– I’ll go to bed- what else can I do. May be I’ll read something before falling asleep.

– Will you watch TV shows?

– Probably no. However, I don’t know yet. If there is a good movie, then I’ll definitely watch it. Max was eating a cake, washing it down with tea, which was heating after cold salads. He looked at his mom, looking very elegant and pretty, just like the New Year tree! Women know how to dress up!

– Are you finished with dinner? We are about to leave. Probably, we’ll be back only tomorrow morning or even tomorrow evening. So don’t loose us!

– All right, all right, don’t worry so much.

– You are not upset with us for leaving you by yourself at the holiday?! Answer honestly!

– It is not your fault! – said Max sarcastically and didn’t add anything to that, looking at his mother resentfully. He was offended that she didn’t pay any attention to what he had said. «From the other hand, – he thought, – it is even better this way: there is no reason to ruin a holiday».

– Stop by Margarita Leonidovna, tell Roma to come over! – he shouted at the closing door and felt himself so lonely and forsaken, that his heart started to burn again… He recalled Sveta one more time. She is also watching TV, crying quietly and more then likely thinks about him, so helpless and immature. Max knew that she has inner battle for her credence and that loves helps her. Probably, this is why he feels mournful in the depth of heart. Strengths are gone when no one believes in you. He imagined how difficult that is for her. But she can do that, she is strong and she will be able to give Max support. Sveta will give him energy which will help him to make her happy. «I love you Svetlana»! Will she be able to hear him this night? More then likely yes.

At seven pm Max decided to take a nap to get some rest before Roman’s visit. He tried to imagine how Svetlana could be dressed up at the moment. That is so bad he can’t see her!

When he was falling asleep, the New Year tree was standing in front of his eyes…

XI

«Great solution out of the situation»! – Svetlana thought when she woke up in the evening from the noise guests had created. At first she got angry at her husband for not canceling the celebration. Later, however, she decided that it was a good idea to enjoy the occasion and get digressed from negativity. The new coming year should be a good one. It should be like this one – cheerful, enigmatical and mysterious. Svetlana smiled and remembered the expression: «You will spend the new year exactly how you will celebrate its beginning». She wanted to meet the guests, but felt pain in the stomach and had to sit down on the couch. Svetlana closed her eyes, not being able t stand up.

– Stay where you are, Svetlana! – Ludmila hurried up to stop her. How are you feeling?

Svetlana didn’t answer.

– Don’t worry; we brought all the snacks with us. We’ll stay here for a while, celebrate with you, and keep on going. Svetlana, please say something.

– I haven’t prepared anything, Lyudmila, – Svetlana answered quietly, not opening her eyes.

– Oh, we don’t need anything; we just came over to see you. I hope it is a good idea. To be honest, I didn’t want to bother you, but Vadim took an effort to talk me into that.

«What is going on with me? – Svetlana was puzzled. – It is not a right way to treat people who love and respect you. I have always been distant from my colleagues and people perceive me as an arrogant person. Some are offended by me, some don’t even talk to me and some treat me with coldness. Oh God! I have never noticed that before. I could not understand why all relatives and colleagues turn away from me; I am a good person and a good teacher. I feel so guilty right now! God, forgive me!

– I hope you are not offended by me; – Svetlana gave Ludmila a hug. – I haven’t given you a proper welcoming…

– Of course not! I totally understand that you are having hard time and it is not easy for you…

A tear ran over Ludmila’s cheek.

– Ludmila, I love you very much too! Probably, like one can love a sister. I am very sorry for my actions…

Svetlana shed a tear too, – more from happiness then from the disparity.

– Everyone misses you at school! You are being waited for, despite the holidays. Everyone is worried and concerned for you, – told Ludmila, mopping the tears off. She calmed down, inhaled air and said:

– As if I knew I would be crying. I didn’t apply any make up on, it would all be smudged off now if I did.

Svetlana didn’t answer – she was mopping the tears off.

– All right, I’ll go to set the table it is almost 11 pm…

Ludmila took another look in the mirror, fixed her curly fair hair, and charmingly smiled. She had impressive gray-blue eyes, beautifully shaped lips and accurate nose. «I don’t even need make-up»! – said Ludmila to herself. Standing up from the couch and leaving Svetlana by herself, she proceeded to the kitchen. She understood very well how low Svetlana felt at the moment…

– Would you like to sit here or in the living room?

– Don’t worry Vadim; of course we’ll sit in the living room as usual. Svetlana is all right. If you don’t understand, she is a different person now.

– All right Arthur, let’s move the table. Ladies need to start setting it up, time is running fast.

– We need to light up the New Year tree and turn on the video recorder. Are you planning to record the concert?

Svetlana didn’t want to stand up from the couch, but didn’t want to stay on it either. Stomach stopped hurting, so she enjoyed a feeling of wellness and tired to feel every cell in her body. Relaxed, she regulated her breath and listened her heartbeat. She was satisfied that she didn’t even have a fever. Energy was missing, but doing things slow helped. Svetlana got distracted from her thoughts by the kiss on the lips. She enjoyed it and, wanting more, moved closer to her husband.

– Are you going to change clothing, Svetlana?

She kissed him again and said:

– We are not going anywhere, so what for?

– Oh, I just asked for what you want.

– I want you to be near me all the time.

– It will always be like that, dear. You know we’ll always be together.

– Yes! Hello!

At first Svetlana didn’t hear anything when she picked up the phone.

– Mom, hello, this is me! Happy New Year!

– Hello Dear! Thank you! I wish you a Happy New Year too! Give grandma a kiss from us, ok!

– Of course I will! I am a little upset with her though.

– Nikita, what happen?

– I wanted to go home to celebrate the holiday, but she didn’t let me…

– Don’t worry son, we’ll have time to celebrate. Grandma is lonely there by herself? Don’t be upset with her, all right?

– Ok, I won’t!

– Good boy! Daddy and myself have prepared a present for you. You’ll see it when you come over!

– Yes, mom! I miss you.

– Ok, son, it is almost midnight. Don’t upset grandma.

Nikita changed the subject:

– Mom, how are you feeling?

– I am good dear. I am sending you many kisses and hugs. Once more, happy New Year son! I love you!

– I love you too mom! Get well!

Nikita hang up the phone, but Svetlana was still listening the beeps trying to visualize him at this important moment.

– Let’s sit down at the table! It is almost midnight!

Svetlana sighted when the cork loudly flied out of the champagne bottle, hit the ceiling and landed on the phone. Then, hearing the clock bit, she hangs up the phone, lifted the glass with champagne and drained it to the dregs, congratulating everyone with the holiday. The concert on TV began, so everyone watched and listened to it attentively. No one said a single word; people were thinking of their problems and digressed from thoughts in order to fill up the plates. Svetlana was watching Arthur, Ludmila and Vadim. They were concerned and tried to leave their worries behind at least for the evening, relax and have a good time. Problems can be solved later. Then it is time to expect new nuisances that are often unnecessary and pitiful, moreover, created by people themselves.

Svetlana remembered school problems which she had created for herself. She ruined relationships with everyone: colleagues, directorships, students… What was the reason for that? What influenced her actions? The answer to the question scared her. She was frightened to confess that personal pride and fake magnitude had found shelter in her soul and were giving her guidance. It seemed to be right and decent behavior. However, instead of understanding and respect which she hoped to receive, she was given quite the opposite! She was avoided, not paid attention to. Students were scared to go to her class, expecting rudeness and harshness They were petrified in front of her, intimidated to say a word. She was proud of that! Even thought she knew that the girls from her class address other teachers in order to get help in difficult life scenarios, or just to hear the advice, to talk. Svetlana created barriers. She suffered inside, but inhibited her feelings. Right after classes she was going home and did not let anyone into her life.

At that moment she was looking at Ludmila, who was sitting near her at the festive table, giving her gratitude inside. Ludmila opened her eyes and helped her see her fallacy, absolutely needless one, ultimately disturbing. Svetlana tried to change more then once; she even asked for advice how to correct herself. It seemed impossible, unrealistic and intimidating to overcome yourself. There is an abyss in front on her, and it is extremely frightening to step into the unknown. The fear is actually reaching the level of panic terror. Svetlana was trying to get rid of those thoughts. She suffered and didn’t know how to act. Once she had a panic attack when the son was watching a horror movie. She ran to the video recorder, almost broke it, and damaged a couple of tapes. Her husband and son had to make arrangements with neighbors to watch a movie at their place.

Svetlana made a wish, believing sincerely in the magic of the New Year’s eve: she wanted to change and start living a fulfilling life. She wanted to give people warmth and happiness, not fear or jealously. If she is able to control herself, then… Svetlana lost her breath because she imagined Maxim, standing at her closed door and knocking on it. Every knock reflected with the heart burn. She suddenly realized that life events depend on her too, not only on Max, as she always thought. All of his efforts would lead to no result if she just waited. «I am surprised, – Svetlana thought, – it does not scare me at all! May be I am ready? – then she said to herself absolutely calmly: – Yes, Maxim, now I am totally ready»! She poured more champagne in the glass, drank it, poured some more; then she put the glass in front of her on the table and continued brainwork: «He was probably trying to bring some positivism into my life for a long time, but I could not even notice it! It is interesting, how did I manage to fall in love with him? No matter how long I think about it, I can’t find the answer».

– I want to stitch the TV channel, any objections?

Svetlana tried to visualize Maxim. She always wanted her man to be chaste, with pure thoughts and clear intentions. She wanted him to be a real man, not just to be called a man! All mature and serious men that she had known, even her husband, processed certain flaws that made her change the attitude towards them. These flaws were killing all the feelings she had: respect, friendship, warmth. That was the reason which made her create a wall between herself and people around. Holding flowers, presented by Maxim, Svetlana saw an ideal man in the little boy. She was positive that ideal man did not exist. She thought that love was only a pitiful fiction of laity, who knows nothing about it. Svetlana was overwhelmed by hew new love. It knocked her down, turned her head, and changed everything. When she looked in the little boy’s eyes, she saw the sight of the mature man. He didn’t feel a small boy at those moments- it was Svetlana who felt herself a little girl under the influence of his powerful inner strength. Her hearted cowered when he dissolved in the crowd of students, dressed up for the occasion! And she, a mature woman, was standing at her spot for a long time, searching him in the crowd and scolding herself for not asking his name.

«Can it be true that I am going to remember this moment all my life?! – Svetlana thought and answered herself: – Yes, of course! I’ll be remembering it every moment of my life! God, thank you for this feeling»! She remembered again how she looked into Maxim’s eyes, feeling extremely happy: he was her student! She became stronger; it seemed, that just a little more – and he would shine with love, honestly, sincerity and kindness. Svetlana wanted to learn from him how to be opened for others, how to become an understanding and bright personality. She realized that she was ready for it. She will be watching his actions, movements, and manners, walk. She will become as pure as he is. When Maxim will see that she has changed, that will be a signal for action. He is the only person who can help her to achieve her dream. «I need to prepare myself for new life during the holiday time», – Svetlana said herself and had some more champagne.

XII

Maxim was walking around the room. He was surprised that the ceiling is very low and he could almost touch it with the head. Everything surrounding him was sparkling and clear and it was necessary to close eyes tight from the bright light. He always dreamed to be like that – bright and pure, ideal and flawless. Max stopped, realizing, that he was that kind of person. He enjoyed the harmony in his soul and pictured the feelings of people to whom he was granting it. He wanted to share this valuable feeling with everyone. Max was not even depressed by the circumstance that everyone took as much as he could, and not as much as Max could give. He understood that with time any human being would try to do that. Unfortunately, not every person, but still many would enter his world that he tried to create under the will of the Father. He wanted to purify people spiritually and to show them how to live and love in a right way. There is no need to lock yourself in problems, following the path of mistakes and delusions. Young man was delighted by this spectacular feeling of spiritual strength, which was blinding even for him. This inner power fortified him more and more guided his actions by lightening his path. He was walking under that light, confident that he was involved in a very remarkable task. It didn’t matter much what he was doing; even when he ate or slept, he was still loyal to righteousness and love. Sometimes, when he experienced moments of despair, this strength was carrying him away to other places or was creating other conditions, more often very complex ones. Max felt that the set task was impracticable; but he still applied his efforts to solve it, overwhelming himself with the unrealistic burden. When the task was successfully completed it was clear for him, that it was only preparation for something truly meaningful. When he looked at his life from various angles, he saw and felt everyone and everything surrounding him, and knew the possible outcomes of different situations and reasons for these outcomes.

Maxim stood still, closing eyes tight from the bright light, and was looking for a way to solve today’s problem. Like always, at first he needs to understand the situation himself: think it over, take a right decision, and then act! His actions, reaching the border of unreality, were so complicated that it was not possible to predetermine his role in their accomplishment. Suddenly Max suspected, that the answer to his question was somewhere very near, and he would need to think all of his deeds at the very last minute. This moment is more significant then long and intensive labor. Maxim heard even and rhythmical sound and thought that it was his heartbeat. However, it was a knock on the door.

He started to walk around his apartment, trying to find the door through the bright light, but it was hard to determine where it was. Walking through the whole place he didn’t know whether he should be surprised or not: door seemed to be absent. “How did I enter this place then? – Maxim thought. – Interesting, how am I going to get out of here?” He was at the spot where he had started examination, right in the center of this mysterious place, attentively listening to every sound. Only after some time he realized that the noise was coming somewhere from above. Max closed his eyes and started to raise his head slowly, but nothing could be seen. He opened his eyes and bright light blinded him…

Max could not open his eyes but he knew that he was on the couch. He sat down, hitting his leg, covered in gypsum. He saw the New Year tree again and understood that he was sleeping at home. Door bell was ringing and it became clear how the noise in his dream appeared. Maxim stood up from the couch and went to open the door, leaning on the crutch and trying to understand, why in his dream he didn’t have the gypsum.

– Come in. What time it is, Roman?

– I think it is 2 am. I have been ringing the bell for the past half hour, and left my place around 1 am.

– My relatives went out and I fell asleep. Sorry I didn’t get the door right away.

– That’s all right. I wish you a Happy New Year, Max. Get well soon, be happy, healthy and meet a great love.

– Thank You Roman, you are a great friend. I congratulate you from my heart as well and wish your star to shine bright, especially at the important moment.

– I wanted us to spend this New Year together. We had guests over, and my parents didn’t let me out earlier.

– Come in, take your jacket off. Let’s go to the living room.

Max limped to the couch and took a look at the festive table, realizing, that he should eat something. At that time Roman was brining plates, wine glasses, forks and a bottle screw.

– Max, what do you have to drink? Have you got champagne?

– I don’t like it much.

– Let’s get wine then.

– Get some from the bar, – Maxim said, filling up plates with salads, potatoes, chicken and pickles from the bottle.

– What wine would you like to drink? – asked Roman, examining the bar.

Then someone rang the door bell.

– Roman, please get the door, it will take me forever to get there…

Roman left the living room and Max thought about his teacher again and about his dream: "Probably this dream was meant to show me that I need to determine everything myself and take a decision. I need to think more instead of looking for the answer in dreams.".

– Hey, why are you so sad?

The guy who came in had a nickname Redhead Romka. When he came in his laughter entertained Max, so in the moment they were laughing together. Romka’s freckles made Maxim laugh even more, then the lovely color of his hair.

– Great, – said Maxim after calming down. – I’ll be celebrating New Year in the company of two Romans. We got a wonderful male company.

– I brought the wine “Monastery house”. Have you got the bottle screw?

– Roman, I thought you brought it here?

– I don’t remember where I put it down. Is it on the table? – Roman was surprised.

– No, – Max replied. – Bring something from the tools. Let’s invent the bike.

“Monastery house” was over. Redhead Romka left. The other Roman was drunk and left too, leaving Max alone. Wine woke up his appetite. After turning on the TV, Max had a long dinner, listening to various rubbish programs and re-laying his leg from one position to another. He finished a meal, turned off the television, turned on the New Year tree and lied down on the couch to regain strength. He didn’t want to sleep anymore or do anything else: holiday spirit was gone. It left so suddenly, that Max was not ready for it. "Nothing changed, – he thought, – I am still not ready for the situation! May be I am ready, but some strange uncertainty is obstructing me from feeling ready or being confident in success. I should not go with the tide; I need to take part in what is going on in my life. I need to make a contribution…"

Max was glad that his friends did not forget about him at the difficult moment of life and came to congratulate him. It does not matter that they did not stay long, what really matters is the sign of attention, showing that he is needed. May be it means that when we need a person, we lack something that that person has. Max knew that this specific factor connects people, provokes feelings in them. Then, when two completely different people learn something from each other or reach inner harmony, the most important moment takes place. One of them needs to take a decision weather there is a reason for further communication. More often, the answer to that question is negative, so the other person has nothing left rather then to agree to that decision. Yes, it is hard to say good-bye, but it is necessary. Both people understand it deep inside the soul and even regret break-ups, but they keep on saying at the end: "This was meant to be".

One question always tortured Max: when the person is acting unconsciously and goes with the tide, understanding the essence of his actions only after a period of time, is that his strength or his weakness? Only during the life span a person has a chance to perceive his actions fully, even when they repeat constantly and create a certain system. At that specific time a person can see the situation clearly, return to the past, put together all opportunities and take a decision. But at the same time there is a doubt… The system seems to control a person when he can’t even understand, weather he created it, or just lives under its control? Maxim did not know if it was strength or weakness. May be it was something else, different from those concepts?

XIII

Svetlana was still very weak but she decided to go outside: it was necessary to go to the store to get some food. She was getting ready for a long time, listening to her husband’s objections, but she was tired of staying at home. It was not difficult to get down the steps, but the head was spinning a little. “Probably it is from overworking, – she thought. Walking down the street, Svetlana felt totally different from the change of the environment: much more peaceful and free. She stopped near her porch, breathing slowly, getting used to the cold air and calming down the dizziness. It was strange to look at the surrounding and see the road, benches, trees, blue sky and clear white snow, which was still everywhere and crunched under feet. Svetlana was totally calm. Before, when she did not like someone’s actions, words, or even the weather, she felt frustrated and was loosing control. Nothing seemed to go right so she started to raise voice and yell. She suffered from that, not understanding what is wrong with her. These negative emotions, anxiety, and inner suffering combine together, growing stronger with every new incident. There is no energy for fighting them and no way to change the situation. Svetlana used to get intimidated and say: "This is it! I can’t live like that any more!" No one could hear her words and help her. She could not help herself either, or may be simply did not want to do it. She agreed to that and decided that things would never change at that moment, standing near a porch, Svetlana thought that her problems were insignificant, even though not long ago they meant a world to her. It was clear to her that all sufferings, disappointing her so much, were taking place because of her own insecurity. Instead of telling her husband about her wish to have another child and spending ten minutes for this conversation, she spent ten years for torturing herself! Every moment, remembering her wish, she suffered and blamed her husband. Emotions were raging so much, that it was hard to stay still and be in control.

Only Maxim’s love created some relief. However, the more she was falling in love with him, the more she realized that they could not be together. He will leave her life forever very soon. This thought created a strange impact on her: all the feelings that she had started to grow stronger. At those moments it seemed that she was constantly under control of different emotions and her behaviour was changing every ten minutes. That was really strange and she did not know what to think of that. What she saw and observed made her think, that may be she was not just concerned with something. May be she was mentally ill. That was a very scary idea. It was clear that all the disturbing events combined, and their strength reached the highest level. It could not continue like that any more. Some force, invisible and unknown, opposed to the situation. Could the car accident happen because of that and take the dream away? Svetlana realized at that moment how many things in life she was missing. Instead of setting herself free from the chains she created with her own hands, she could not find strength to be in control. Yes, she was wrong, but that does not mean she can leave her mistake without attention. Is that love that is giving her the answers? Is it love that is giving her direction? Svetlana answered that question rather univocally: «No»! However, it seemed that it was love that was giving her the power. Could it be that someone that you adore actually does not care for you much? In this case the feeling is leaving to nowhere, instead of coming back one hundred times stronger. That means… She did not want to make any conclusions. Yes, she felt something, but could it be what she was thinking of, if it brought only misery and pain? At that moment, analyzing the situation, Svetlana finished the phrase with difficulty: «Maxim… loves… me».

That was the first time when she could speak it out openly, not acting against conscience. Now it is necessary to get used to this thought in heart, enjoy it every moment that she has. She should not push the love away, being scared of the wrench of saying goodbye, heartache or publicity. When the person is in love, if he does not reveal the feelings to others, sooner or later it will become obvious anyhow. So what is the reason for all these fears?

Slowly and carefully Svetlana stepped on the clear white snow which fell out at night or at the early morning. Seeing its purity, she understood that from that time on her soul would also be clean and white. Everything which tortured her had left beyond retrieve. Every following step will leave unforgettable trait in her soul, like on the snow, and it won’t be possible to correct it. This thought made her stop, look back and count the steps. She saw twelve. «That is so strange, why there are twelve steps? Is that a sign»? – Svetlana thought and unconsciously made another step. Thirteen! She was petrified: twelve could mean another year! Thirteen – one more month after the car accident. God! It has been exactly one month! That means, that something will happen in exactly one year and one month…” Analyzing this, Svetlana almost reached the store, greeting people she knew along the way. They were stopping, trying to talk to her, but she kept on walking. Svetlana tried not to think of what could happen after a year. She had a good premonition, so she decided to get ready for the positive event, live a new life, enjoying love which warmed her up and gave her strength to change a world around. Svetlana let her thoughts go, making a decision to stay in the world of her fantasies in order to understand herself better. She should have the opportunity to help people around her. That means, she needs to live in two worlds at the same time. “Svetlana, you should not be surprised!” – She said to herself, opening the doors of the store. Then she ran into the man so unexpectedly, that he even dropped his bag. Instead of getting angry, she apologized:

– I am so sorry! I was all in my world!

– No, it is me who needs to apologize! – Svetlana was surprised.

He picked up the products which he dropped, and then dropped them one more time.

– It is so uncomfortable… I would have helped you, but I am not supposed to bend.

– What happened? Unless it is a secret, of course.

– It’s one month since I had a surgery.

– Oh, I suppose you should not be lifting anything heavy. I assume to come to the store to get food?

– Yes, you are correct.

– Since we have met, let me help you to bring them home. Do me a favor and let me give you assistance.

Svetlana said herself again: “Don’t be surprised!” She did not know why she answered:

I would be delighted to accept your offer, but you have enough things to carry yourself. Plus, I am sure you are being waited for at home.

The man started to think, and she noticed that when he suggested help he did not even ask her name.

I got an idea! You can wait for me for about ten minutes, I will bring the groceries home. Then we can shop for what you need and I’ll help you to bring your bags home, ok?

Listening to him, Svetlana did not even know what do say. She became confused, astonished by such attention and care from the stranger. Svetlana made a conclusion, that he is a regular person, just like everyone else; she just never noticed anything before. “May be all people are attentive and caring? Or may be some of them? – Svetlana thought. – All these years I did not see the care. I am not used to such treatment. And now it happened to me".

– Ok, I’ go. Please wait for me, ok?

He walked away fast, and Svetlana thought, looking at him “What if he does not come back?!”. Then the stranger turned around the corner, everything inside went down. She could not understand what was wrong with her again. She was worried, as if she had lost something very precious. To stop anxiety, which overwhelmed her so suddenly, Svetlana caught breath, stood still for some time and entered the store. She looked at the shelves with devastation and was making purchases. She realized that she got two bags of groceries. How is she going to bring them home if she does not get help? Fifteen minutes had passed, but the man was absent. Svetlana left the store and was walking slowly and carefully towards her house. She felt someone touching her elbow and she stopped.

– I got here, and you are leaving.

– Oh, I thought that you changed your mind about coming to help.

– No, no! How could I promise something to such a woman and then not keep a promise?! It is not what a real man would do!

The expression “real man” was frustrating to Svetlana. It seemed that men say it to women to show that women are incapable of doing things; that men can do everything, and women – nothing. She decided that if the person was underestimated he would have a lot of achievements in life. This is where the strength is! If the person disappoints oneself and other people it is something very bad, even dumb to do to yourself.

– What do you mean by a “real man?” – she still asked.

– If you promised something, keep your word; if you can’t make it, don’t give promises. This expression is applicable to women too, but traditionally it goes with the word “man”. The question who is the man and who is the woman comes up automatically, as well as what is the difference between these words. The answer is not complicated here either.

– So how should the women express themselves? Should we admit our weakness? Cry constantly and ask for help? Not know how to survive without a man?

– You got it all wrong. Every man is trying to make a woman strong and independent. He wants her to be a proud personality, not a weak and helpless one. Some men don’t even have it themselves – they are weak spiritually and welter in vice.

– So what is love then? – Svetlana asked near the porch, not being able to keep this question inside.

– Probably, no one can answer that question. I believe that it is the most wonderful and superior feeling. You are free from all chains and reaching perfection. You can feel people from the inside, see them through and know what worries them, what tortures them, creates an obstacle to reach this light sensation. At that moment you can give them what they need, and it is absolutely unimportant what it is. That is done to set them free and let them find the path to the light you have. Tortures and concerns will be gone; they will be positive that they are on the right path. When the person enters this road, everything is clear and transparent, and he will be able to help others with confidence. Such person feels himself perfect, mostly spiritually, of course, but still keeps asking the same question: “What is love?” However, at this point it is difficult to determine why he is asking it. Either he did not understand that feeling completely, or it passed him by unnoticed.

XIV

Only one week is left before the gypsum will be taken off. Max felt himself much better: he started to read more and studied even more then it was required from the school program… However, he was still weak, so he decided to follow a day regime: go to bed at ten pm and wake up at eight am. Sitting on the bed, he completed exercises, then he took his crutch and limped to the tourniquet. Only after a week of intensive work-out he could chin up five times and do ten push ups. Even thought the head was spinning, he kept of working, squeezing teeth and overcoming weakness and pain. Yes, it was very challenging; he had to have rest each time for about an hour, so he was taking a nap. Maxim was also reading a lot, not letting tiredness win him over. All that was draining him out but he felt how energy was coming back. He is getting stronger with each day and thoughts become clearer. Max realized that independent study brings a much better result. He can achieve his small, but very difficult goal without any assistance. Then he was making another goal, more complicated one, and everything started all over again. Task was time-consuming and laborious, hard, but necessary, and most importantly – giving a result. Maxim’s main goal was to have a result. At first a result could be small, but very soon it will let him achieve a long hoped aim. Working on yourself, Maxim understood that he is getting stronger physically, mentally and spiritually. Every time when he had a little victory, he understood better what was possible for him to do. He did what he could do, and leaned to do what he couldn’t, and as a result it was also done. He started to believe in himself. Plans broadened and became more complex, faith in his abilities grew stronger. He knew that he could achieve much better then he thought previously.

Max accessed the problem of love closer and started to feel it deeper, seeing its purity and chastity. He realized that he lacked knowledge in psychology, parapsychology and even psychotherapy. He was planning to study these subjects in order to determine how the human being is being affected by emotions and what causes emotions. How are words and actions connected with emotions? How can a person control feelings and emotions, how can he affect people with them invisibly? There was one question that had Maxim’s priority interest: how to control person’s feelings let them grow to the maximum and tightly reach a person’s problem, like the heart? To feel the essence of the loved woman: her breath, her heart beat, her actions, thoughts, words – absolutely everything! He wanted to perceive a psychological problem by himself and to take a decision, when, where and under which circumstances it is necessary to act to eliminate that problem and let love move to the right direction.

Every day and every hour made it more clearly for Max that he needed to have a child from the woman he loved. It is necessary to concentrate all strength of their love in one moment, all strength of Svetlana’s previous pain for creating a strong psychological pressure on her. Everything that bothered her for ten years and lead to the car acceded, everything that became an obstacle for achievement of her dream. Maxim was tortured by the thought that Svetlana became reconciled with inevitability and was making the goal even more difficult to achieve. He was looking for a connection between him and Svetlana, and the only thing that he could find was love. Max understood that his feelings consolidated in him long time ago, and it is getting stronger and more spiritual. That means that with assistance of that power it is possible to reach even the most impossible! He has been wondering many times about the reasons why Svetlana loves him. When he started to study psychology he realized, that she saw purity and chastity in him, just like he saw it at the New Year night. That means that she already loves him greatly. The main questing is how to control the situation and create conditions much stronger then a car accident?

Maxim moved abruptly and got burned with hot tea again, but did not even feel the pain. His heart contracted. He stopped breathing and held to the wall to get himself together. He thought that his heart would jump out of the chest after he had realized what he needed to do. All of the sudden his tired brain produced the answer to the most difficult question! These thoughts were a result of the long and laborious mental work. They were supposed to calm him down; however, they almost made him loose consciousness. After catching up breath, Max covered his face with hands and could not believe in what he would have to do. He should be able to realize it right away! He needs to become a better person. Svetlana needs to see his best qualities to believe in their feelings and become completely dissolved in it! This should be her life credo. She won’t be able to live without it. Svetlana needs to reach apogee of her feelings with his help, while Maxim needs to destroy the strength of all efforts, feelings and everything else in one moment. Specifically, in one moment! On top of that, this moment must affect Svetlana psychologically more, then the car accident did. In this case, she will be able to have a child from her husband, and her love won’t be gone like her dream to have a baby and happiness once did. It is necessary to guide love in the necessary direction, so that Svetlana would love her husband, her son and a future baby! It’s not important, weather it will be a boy or a girl. It is necessary for everything to go according to the plan. After this important moment, which holds the essence of the plan, Max must disappear from her life, but where and how he does not know yet. Love will fade with time. If he does not disappear right away, then all his efforts would turn into the waste of time: there won’t be a baby and happiness! Maxim was analyzing his new role. He was not surprised that thoughts were flying in his head very fast. This is why he understood that he had very little time for his plan. To disappear does not mean to leave. It means to set yourself free from love to Svetlana; not now, and not later, but at the time of the important moment.

How to let his love go? A tear ran down Max’s cheek, but he wiped it off and said seriously: “You are responsible for a very valuable task. I must do what I have to, and not what I want to! Think, think one more time and don’t nag!” He realized that he would have to make sacrifices. He needs to let his love go; no matter how hard it is to do; it must be done. Getting all the remaining energies, Maxim made the last decision: “I will give you everything that I have, Svetlana. Let the God help you to accept my love and do the right things with it. Don’t carry this burden, give it to your husband-you love him too. He will love you even more after that. Then you will have the complete and real harmony of love in all of its forms and will forget me in one moment. That will be a reward for my efforts and the motivation for new accomplishments…”

Max started to have thoughts that it is necessary to complicate his task Why? He always had the same answer to this question: “Then it will be easier to understand the responsibility and unreality of the assignment”. Many people thought that his answer was a joke; the others simply did not understand him. However, it did not affect Max, his decisions, and obviously not his actions. He could always achieve the necessary result, adding something else to the main goal. When he realized his goal completely, he felt sad. Max did not want to disappear and turn into the myth… He decided to spend one year for his mission. Then he would transfer to a different, unfamiliar school to let Svetlana and every one know his intentions. He wanted everyone to understand his courage and what it his decision costed him. He wanted the whole world to realize something new: a border between realistic and impossible, unmanageable and tangible. That a fifteen-year-old boy could create unachievable: ideal family, a baby and unlimited happiness. The cost is giving his life as a sacrifice and rejecting love and everything what is connected with it. He will grant love and family happiness, exterminate all problems and severities. He will open people’s eyes to see the real world, so that they could enjoy happy moments without thinking negatively. Max made a decision that he will do everything possible in order for the plan to work ideally. He will do something that people dream to accomplish, but make mistakes and choose wrong paths. They befoul themselves and can’t reach virginal purity, get confused by their own words, thoughts and actions. People forget verity, hide from it, don’t trust each other, suspect, envy, get jealous – do things that don’t worth the time. When the grandiose bestowal of love and family happiness stay and knock on the door, they hide away in horror. More then likely, people are afraid to experience this unexceptionable feeling because it will make them feel so feeble and worthless, that this feeling will destroy their world.

It was extremely difficult for Maxim to realize that for the happiness of other people he needs to make sacrifices. Even the thought to decline the plan passed his mind. However, Max was not used to be weak. Moreover, how can the happiness of his beloved woman and her family compare to the pathetic pity for himself? There is nothing to think about! On top of that he understood that he will only feel fortunate when Svetlana finds her family happiness with his help. Her baby will be born from his psychological efforts and not from the physical love. Of course, Maxim did not deny this love and thought that other people can misunderstand and besmirch his mission with malign thoughts. However, later, when the result will be obvious people will understand that they were wrong. They will writhe with shame and would not know what to do before Maxim forgives them. Then everyone will say: “Forgive me God!” and everyone will repent. Everyone.

“So, – Maxim said to himself, – mission is possible! Good luck! God, bless my way of truth and light! Act through me, since I am your bondman on earth. I’ll come to you through your Son, pure and chaste. I’ll be faithful to your words. So let it happen!”

XV

– Hello, mom!

Nikita ran to Svetlana and gave her a hug. She even dropped her bags when she saw him.

– Hey there, sweetie! You can’t imagine how happy I am to see you home!

– I decided to surprise you and showed up all of the sudden! I missed you, mom.

Svetlana was kissing and hugging her son, holding him tight. They were crying.

– Svetlana, what are you doing at the door? Come in, get changed…

Her husband got quite when he saw bags full of groceries. He was concerned for her because she was not supposed to carry anything heavy…

– Nikita, let mom change, she is hot already. You can help me to take care of the groceries in the mean while.

– Of course.

Taking bags, Vadim and Nikita went to the kitchen, while Svetlana, taking off clothing in the corridor, experienced a strange feeling of strength. Her husband did not say a word when he saw the bags, – it was already good. That means he is also working on himself and not just feels sorry for her. She liked that, but decided not to think of it too much. It is the way it should be – period.

– Svetlana! Where are you?!

– I am on my way! Are you done?

– I think it is a perfect time for dinner? What is your opinion?

– I am all for it! Do you have a surprise for me?

Entering the kitchen, Svetlana saw a decorated set-out table. Son presented her with a bouquet of flowers while her husband hugged her tenderly like never before, saying,

– Of course, dear, it is all for you.

– Congratulations, mom! We love you!

– I love you too, my dear! Thank you so much! Happy New Year one more time! Merry Christmas! – Svetlana stood up, raising a glass with champagne, and continued:

– I want to wish you, my dear, and all the best. I want us to be together all the time, give love to each other. I want our family to become friendlier and stronger time. I want it to grow…

From the side it looked as if she did not finish her speech. She drank her champagne down and put the glass on the table. Shutting her eyes, she had a bite of lemon, standing up still for a moment, trying to fight the effect of alcohol, and then sat down on the chair.

– Mom! I have another present for you! It is under the New Year tree. Do you want me to bring it?

– Please don’t. I would rather get it myself as on the New Year. You won’t be offended, dear?

– No. It is your gift! I will only be glad if you get it in the evening. Then it would be as if we celebrate New Year together! Am I right, dad?

– Do you mean that your present would be next to moms?!

– It is still there! I haven’t looked at it yet. And put moms next to it!

– Really, son? – Svetlana was surprised. Usually children pay attention at presents first, and then notice everything else…

– Dad, I forgot to tell you, I have a present for you as well. So there are three presents under the tree! Happy New Year! I love you very much! It is great, that we are together.

– Svetlana, we got a wonderful son!

– Yes, Vadim, I know. When he grows up, he will be smart and strong. All the girls will like him, right Nikita?

– They like me already; – son became shy.

– Do you like them?

– I don’t know yet. I haven’t thought about it. I love you, mom. And you, dad. And grandma. This is it, probably.

Svetlana was looking at her boy, so healthy, attractive, smart and mature. The expression of his dark blue eyes was very serious, as thought he was a grown up person already and not a little boy. The only thing that he lacked was confidence, support from the outside, may be attention. She was admired by his attractive face and dark hair. She liked that Nikita does not have childish haircut, just like he does not have childish actions. “He is a lot like Vadim, – Svetlana thought. – From me he has unlimited energy, desire to move forward and some femininity. That unites us!” She looked at her husband, son and herself and saw how in one person two other can live. Nikita inherited all their qualities, so Svetlana was concerned if he also inherited their fears and doubts.

– Mom, I always wanted to ask you, what is your biggest fear?? “Here is your answer!” – Svetlana thought and answered:

– To loose you, baby!

Vadim looked at his wife attentively and realized at that moment how much he loved her. It was hard to understand what was happening inside of her: weather she was suffering or gave up on her dream. «No! – he said himself. – My wife is a strong person; she will be fine. I’ll try to help her! I should not be thinking about all that so much»!

– How to understand your answer?

Nikita was ready to hear something new and was looking at his mom with attention.

– It means to know and to feel, that the person is near you, but he does not love you any more. Do you understand me?

– Not really. I don’t think I ever experienced that.

– It is better not to have this experience at all, son. To understand this, you need a lot of will and strength. No matter what will happen to you, you’ll know that this can happen.

– So how is that applicable in life?! Explain more specifically, please.

– What do you need all this for, son!? – said the father, turning off the TV volume.

– I don’t want this to happen to me. Mom says that it is bad.

– It is not just bad; it is something unavoidable – it happens to everyone. There are moments in life when you realize that what you crave the most is impossible to get. It is so important to you, that it seems that life has no meaning without it. However, it is necessary to accept the situation. At first it will be very hard, but a human being can get used to everything.

– It is clearer now! What is your opinion, mom?

– I think exactly the same, son. We all agree because this is exactly how life is.

They had this conversation with easily, as thought they were all adults. It was clear to parents, that his son notice and understands everything even more, then it is necessary for his age. Weather it is good or not is unknown. No matter what they think, it does not change the situation. Svetlana and Vadim made their son as happy as they could, this is why they felt carefree and easy, trying not to think, that he will grow up soon and leave their lives. Vadim, giving explanations to his son, was clarifying things more to himself then to the son. He was preparing himself to unavoidable and when he meant “people”, he meant himself and Svetlana. Looking at his wife, he could see that she understood his words. Nikita will understand everything with time.

– Let’s play some games, – Svetlana suggested.

– What do you want to play, mom?

– We are going to play your favorite game, Nikita.

– My favorite game is soccer, daddy knows that. We used to play all weekends long, do you remember?

– Why do you like soccer so much? Is it such an interesting game?

– Of course it is interesting, mom! You play it in a team, just like you play basketball or volleyball.

– What do you feel, when you play in the team?

– Friendship, understanding of the fact that you are not alone. It gives you confidence and strength. Sometimes you have difficult situations and then your friends help you out. It is easy to determine, who is weaker then you, and you need to help this person…

– Is it hard or easy to play soccer? What do you think?

Svetlana liked to have serious discussions with her son. It seemed to her, that she can predict when her son would be right and when not. She tried to explain him, that it reality things are more complex then they seem to him.

– It is easy to play with your friends and when you can feel support; – Nikita answered so assuredly, that it made Svetlana worry.

– Have you ever tried to play in the team with unfamiliar people, without your friends, or against them as a member of other team?

– No, we don’t play this way. Why would I play with unknown people against my friends? – Nikita was surprised by his mom’s question.

– What if the boys you don’t know will like the way you play and will invite you for a game, what will you do? Refuse to play a favorite game?

– Hmmm mom… I haven’t thought about it yet! Boys in other neighbourhoods can’t get themselves to play, they won’t even think of inviting some one else…

– So what are we going to play? May be daddy has some suggestions?

– Let’s have a cake with tea, – suggested Vadim.

– Which cake? – surprised Svetlana.

– Oh, Nikita brought a present from grandma – your favorite cake.

– You are my sweetheart, – Svetlana kissed her son. – Of course, let’s go, you should have told me earlier!

– We wanted to surprise you, mom! You are supposed to make a wish on the New Year’s Day. You know it!

– Of course I know it, dear.

– Grandma told me what to do for your wish to come true yesterday. You need to make a guess what your present will be, and if your guess and your real present match, then your wish will come true as well…

– How am I supposed to know what you have guessed?

– Come on, mom, miracles do happen on New Year, right?!

– They say so. I don’t know.

– Tea is ready! Svetlana! Nikita! – Vadim was calling from the kitchen.

When the cake was served, everyone thought of their own deeds. The clock was showing midnight. Quite music was playing, three candles were burning, and their glares reflected on the tree, standing in the dark corner. Decorations on it were moving, and blinked with colorful lights. It all looked mysterious, even magical… There was a need, like in the childhood, to make a wish. “Does it mean that I should repeat my wish for the third time in life? It is unrealistic, – thought Svetlana. She took a look at the New Year tree. Interesting, what is Nikita’s present? The box with her present was wrapped in the golden paper and was decorated with a pink bow. What can be inside of the box? Her wish can’t match to the content of this box…

– Mom, did you make a wish?

– Yes, son.

– Will you tell me?

– Hey, I am not supposed to reveal it, or it won’t come true!

– Yes, this is what grandma told me too, but I forgot.

– When do you want to take a look at the presents, son?

– At midnight, like on the New Year night!

– Then it is the perfect time, it is thirty minutes past midnight.

– That’s right! Mom you should go first! And then daddy…

– What time are you planning to go to sleep? Mom needs to get some rest soon!

– I will get my present and take a look at it in my room so that you can have some privacy. Can I do it, dad? Right after that I will go to bed.

– Yes, you can. Take a present first then.

– All right, good night then.

Nikita left with his present, leaving him unopened, and fell asleep holding it tight. Svetlana and Vadim were sitting on the couch, keeping presents in hands. From the side it looked as thought they were scared to open them and to find out that the content did not match with the guesses. Vadim wanted New Year to bring the feeling of love and understanding. He is giving everything to his wife. She sees and understands all feelings, thoughts and wishes. However, it was clear to him that it was not enough for Svetlana. That is the reason she is concerned and lets him know that she needs something he does not have. Vadim wanted his love to become purer, more complete. Then his wife could admire its harmony and be absolutely happy all life long. He was tortured by the feeling of dissatisfaction. His main concern was that he would not be able to reach mutual understanding with his beloved woman, and that they would be deprived of family happiness.

– Dear, if you want I can open my present first.

– Only if you promise to tell me weather your present is the same as your wish, ok?

– Sure.

– But please remember that you are not supposed to tell me what your wish is!

– I remember, love – said Vadim, unwrapping the present.

He opened the present and saw the statuette of the average size, representing the deity of Amur love. The smiling statuette had the bow and arrows behind his back. It held something like a pie in hands, which had an inscription: “I’ll give you anything that you wish, since the strength of your credence is high, your hope is boundless. Let the love grow in you, my son!”

– Yes, dear, my present matched with my wish. I did not know that it could be possible… I won’t distract you and will go to bed.

He proceeded to bedroom, leaving his wife along with her present. She decided not to procrastinate this important moment any more. “What am I going to do if it is not going to be what I hope for…?” – She thought one more time. He rejected those thoughts and opened the lid of the box.

It just can’t be true! Svetlana could not believe her eyes when she saw a Barbie doll in the box. «I am dreaming to have a daughter! What if my wish comes true?! – She thought. – How did my son got this idea to present me with the doll? It is very strange! He used to give me serious presents before». She still did not believe in the coincidence. Moreover, it could not be accidental. That means, that something from above helps her. Having these thoughts, Svetlana closed her eyes, trying to relax and to fall asleep.

XVI

Coldness of metallic scissors which were used for cutting the gypsum on the leg did not feel good. Max tried to overcome disgust and was watching the procedure, as if he wanted to see something unusual. After cutting a little piece from the gypsum, doctor told:

– Stand up on the foot.

Max put his foot on the floor and stepped on it for the first time in a long period of time.

– Do you feel pain?

– No, not at all. I feel like I am standing on the gypsum and not on the leg.

– Transfer your weight to the leg.

Maxim did what he was asked.

– Do you feel pain?

– No, everything is good!

– Sit down then, let’s take the gypsum off.

Doctor was mashing Maxim’s leg, which was blue. Feeling was very strange.

– Move your figures, and then move your foot. What do you feel?

– It does not feel like I am moving my leg.

– That is normal since you have not been using your leg for a while. Don’t worry! It will disappear soon. Try to stand on the healthy leg first. Like that, careful.

Maxim was standing on the healthy leg, lacking courage to stand on the broken one.

– It feels light that is so unusual.

– Step on it slowly.

Closing his eyes and feeling coldness, Max put the foot on the floor.

– Stand on both legs, what are you afraid of?

– Well, I am standing, – objected Maxim.

– Come on, don’t be scared – added his dad who was standing behind him. Next moment he felt acute pain, piercing him from head to toes. Not feeling anything, he fell on the floor and dropped the chair. His father tried to catch him, but Max, totally relaxed, bent and fell on the floor in the sitting position. Then the doctor and the father lifted him and waited for him to gain consciousness. It was getting back slowly. Maxim felt a pain which was more spiritual then physical. He understood its necessity and benefit. Suddenly he started to shake and suffocate. Opening eyes, Max saw a doctor, holding a piece of cotton with ammonia near his nose.

– Put it away please! I feel better!

– Where did you feel pain?

– Everywhere from head to toes, as if I was pinned down with a needle.

– You need to stay in bed now. You will have to learn again how to walk. Start with walking at home with the crutch. When you feel tired, go to bed right away, ok?

– Ok, I got it, I should start walking and have rest.

– Good job! Please remember not to give your leg extra work, because the fraction is covered only with a think layer of cartilage. If you break it, you’ll not be able to walk properly. Actually it will be good to be able to flex your leg after that. So take it seriously, you are an adult…

– Please don’t worry, I understood. I will use the crutches to get to the car and will start walking at home carefully and slowly.

– Don’t go outside yet, it is very slippery and dangerous there, so don’t even think about it. Take your time, nothing is going to happen with you. At the spring time, after the snow melts, you will be able to get outside.

– If the weather is good, can I at least go outside to sit on the bench near my house?

– Yes, you can. After a month it will be necessary for you to see me again. We’ll make an X-ray to see how your bone is healing. Don’t forget to do it, – said the doctor to the father more to the son, who already was at the door.

– Yes, I’ll take him to your office.

Maxim was jumping along the hospital hallways and everyone looked at him with surprise.

– Dad, don’t hold me, I can make it.

He became uncomfortable in the car: leg was used to the gypsum, and it was difficult for him to adjust to the change. Max decided that if he didn’t think about it, he would feel better…

– How are you feeling?

It was obvious, that his dad is concerned for him.

– I have a feeling, that my head will never stop spinning.

– Do you feel bad?

The father stopped the car.

– Dad, let’s go. I want to start walking.

– You should go to sleep now, and start walking tomorrow. Where are you rushing all the time? You can’t outrun the time. I have told you many times that you need to do things at the right time, without rushing..

– Thank you. I understood, don’t worry. If I need to go to sleep, I will.

– Good. Don’t upset mom, ok?

– You know that she becomes upset out of no reason. There is nothing I can do. I don’t know.

– She complains that you don’t listen to her.

– But how, dad? I always do what she wants me to. How can I do what I am asked to if I am not listening?

– I don’t even know what to think: you give me completely different information from her. Whom am I supposed to believe?

– You are supposed to believe yourself and Holy Father. You should believe yourself, because you know how to do things right. You should believe the Holy Father because he helps you in your deeds.

– So I should not believe people at all?

– How can you believe people if they say one thing, do another, dream of something else, and then blame everyone that things are not working out for them!! They blame everyone but themselves. How can you believe them?

– That’s’ right. How do you know all this, Max?

– Everyone knows that, it is just that people don’t want to admit their mistakes.

– Every person has a right to do a mistake. Am I right? What do you think?

– There is no right! Who have us this right? Look: a person is taking an action even thought he knows that it is not a correct thing to do. So, he does a wrong thing and then gets scared, that other people will notice. When he is pointed to that, he will just say: “Everyone has a right to do a mistake!” Am I right, dad?

– Yes, son. I agree with you completely! Please tell me, how do you see and understand events? Even I can’t explain them like you: simply and straightforwardly. It sounds very wise, so I don’t even know what to think now.

– Don’t think of it too much. You just need to be opened and to talk of things as they really are, not as you want to see them. See, you were thinking in a wrong way too and were looking for the right answer somewhere. You need to look for an answer within yourself.

– How? I don’t seem to understand you very well. Please be more specific.

– See, we’ll go home now. I will be staying home, or sleeping, or reading, or listening to music, or watching TV – it does not really matter what I’ll be doing. Mom will be home too, right? She’ll want to talk to me, but I’ll always be busy in my room with the door closed. This is what actually irritates her: the person is close to her from one hand, but very far away from the other. You know, I always need to be active and I can’t stand meaningless conversations. Mom wants to communicate and I don’t. It frustrates her. This is when she loses control…

– How can it happen like this?

– It happens like this, dad. The next thing she will do, she will open the doors to my room and tell me not to close them. At the same time, she’ll turn on the TV volume very loud. I’ll tell her that I want to sleep and it is hard to do even with the closed door. She knows it very well, but she’ll still say: «Don’t even thing of closing doors». However, I’ll close them anyway. So, when you get home she tells you that I am not listening.

– There should be some other ways to solve the situation!

– How? What would you do in the same situation? Explain me, please.

– Well, why is she telling me totally different information: that you don’t do homework, don’t help her around the house, and answer her in a rude way?

– What else can she tell you? Do you want to take a look at how much I studied? I am almost done with school program. I did everything I was asked by mom. Despite the headache or the fact that I did not feel like doing it, I still complied. I understand the meaning of the word “have to”, and it does not matter to me weather I want it or not.

– You got me confused, son.

– I am trying to explain you the situation. However, you don’t want to see the reality. You are looking for reasons within a relationship and not within a person. It’s wrong.

– How can you know what I think?

– It comes from your words: “Please, don’t upset mom.”

– So what conclusions can you make from those words?

Maxim could not understand weather his father was upset or surprised.

– I can see everything I told you about.

– All right, I’ll think about it. Go home and take a rest. Do you need my assistance to enter the house?

– No, I don’t. Will you come over in the evening to play chess?

– I will.

Max ran a bell and the mother opened the door.

– You are home already? That was fast! Change your clothing and proceed to the kitchen, I will heat the meal for you in the meanwhile. What did the doctor say?

– He said I should start learning how to walk.

– What do you mean by learning?

– My muscles became disaccustomed from walking, so I need to learn again.

After finishing lunch, Max said:

– Thank you, it was delicious. I am tired and want to get some sleep.

– Ok, please don’t close your doors.

– All right.

Max locked his doors, enjoying the comfort and privacy of his room. He did not fight his tiredness. There was no need for that. He just fell asleep.

XVII

Svetlana left her apartment at seven am. After getting a good night sleep and growing stronger during the school vacation, she felt herself quite good. The coldness of the early morning did not surprise her; she actually enjoyed the refreshing tingling of the frost. The surrounding appeared beautiful, wintry dreamlike, and it was making Svetlana happy. At that moment she felt herself absolutely healthy, free, and exuberant. Deciding to walk to school to enjoy a first February morning, she turned around the corner and found herself on the empty space again. She remembered plangent fall and the grass, which was flapping like the ocean waves a few months ago. The picture had changed since then, and the empty space reminded a glacial desert with banks of snow. February windstorm was playing with the snow, either creating snow-drifts or raising snowflakes in the sky like tornado. Svetlana adored winter from the childhood – it was the most mysterious time of the year for her. Almost everyone loves frost, New Year, holiday atmosphere and snow. At this time of the year people make wishes and discuss New Year celebration. Most important events happen in the winter that means that the winter is the most important season. It comes to bring people cleanliness and chastity, and to take away all unnecessary issues, to make wishes come true. When it leaves, people are waiting for it!

Svetlana was walking down the trial as before, but she was a different person. When she crossed the open space, she started to think about school and concentrate on her past classes, meetings, tests. Svetlana missed her students, so she tried to walk slower to enjoy the indescribable feeling of enjoyment. She could not even find a comparison to that new, unexperienced feeling. When she had that heavenly mood it seemed as thought she walked above the ground…

Svetlana saw her school and her heart started to beat so fast, that it became difficult to walk. She stood on the school porch to calm down. Then she opened the door and entered the school.

– Hello Valentina Ivanovna! – She hugged the aged receptionist. – You can’t imagine how glad I am to see you!

– Thank you for your care and attention, Svetlana. How is your health?

– Oh! It is getting better and better, Valentina Ivanovna! Tell me the latest school news, please!

– Everything is the same. The kids will arrive soon; it is almost the time for the first class.

– Do we have any new teachers?

– Not for now. Who knows, may be we will soon.

– All right, Valentina Ivanovna, I better go and prepare for the class. I’ll talk to you later.

– Yes dear. God bless you.

– Thank you. I’ll see you soon.

Svetlana was walking slowly down the empty school corridors, remembering the years of her teaching experience. When she entered her class, she was not surprised that the door knob was missing. “Hmm could be worse”, – thought Svetlana. She looked around the empty class and smiled. Then she touched the desk with her figure and was not surprised again to see tons of dust. She soaked the piece of cloth in water and started to wipe off desks and chairs, trying to remember where her students were sitting. She did not like that the floor was dirty too. However, the cleaner assisted her out and cleaned the floor, while she washed the blackboard. Svetlana was busy with making her class a neat place, and only the school bell made her leave the cleaning tools and open the class doors. Students were entering the class, they greeted her and organized study places. Svetlana really enjoyed teaching children, sharing knowledge with them. She tried to prepare them for the future life and help them to form personalities. Svetlana felt that school was her second life. She could not live without it; school life absorbed her totally. When she was there, it felt as thought she appeared in another world, like the diver at the sea bottom or like the cosmonaut in space. It was a really unforgettable feeling.

– Hello, sit down please! Nadia, what do we have today on schedule, Russian language or literature? Who is absent?

– We have literature today. Maxim is missing.

Teacher’s face changed when she heard it, but she got herself together:

– What is the reason he is missing? What happened?

– He broke his leg before the New Year. He got the gypsum removed recently. He’ll start attending classes when he starts walking.

– How will he study if he can’t come to school?

After this question Svetlana thought that students were aware of her call to Maxim. Seemed like they knew she told him of her not being able to visit him, because they answered her unwillingly. “I don’t think I can do it now either, – she thought. – It is even more difficult now…”

– Well, some lessons he is covering with teachers who visit him, and some he is studying independently to pass them in school later – answered Andrew, a friend of Max.

– How do you know about it, Andrew?

– I visited him recently, he feels better.

– That’s great!

Svetlana was not comfortable asking questions about Maxim. She could call him, even come over and find out herself…

That idea scared her. Becoming confused by these thoughts, she lost her an interest in teaching a class and even thought: “May be it is better just to talk to students? They can cover the topic independently. No, may be I should give a class? Probably the best thing to do is to ask the students directly”.

– I want to ask you weather you prefer to have a class, or just have a relaxing day and talk? I have not seen you in a long time and missed you.

Class was quite: everyone was silent and looked at Svetlana with surprise, amazed by her changes. She used to be strict and reserved, but at that moment she opened the door to her soul, shocking students so much that they could not even talk. Svetlana was looking at her students and thought that if Max was among them, he would give an answer. “Calm down, – she said to herself, – students are not used to my changes yet. They will be more comfortable soon…”

– Should we go over a new topic? Why are you so quite?

– Svetlana Victorovna, may I leave the class?

Alexander Kapustin did not change much, but it seemed that he gained more weight.

– Alex, where do you need to go?

– Oh, I just need to use the bathroom, it won’t take long.

– Usually when you ask to use the bathroom you. You have five minutes. Go.

Svetlana stood up from her table and started to walk around, watching Alexander leave the room.

– If no one can take a decision, I will take it. Please get the paper and pens out, and write a composition about your New Year’s Day. What I want to see, – she made a pause and waited for, – are the specific details from your holiday. If your compositions are short, you will have to re-write it.

The teacher took her sit and looked at the students with attention. They are still very immature. Gosh, when are they going to grow up?

– No one even mentioned that we have a literature class today. Does it mean you don’t care at all? You will have Russian language class today and literature tomorrow. Write down the task for tomorrow – creative work of Lermontov. You need to memorize one of his poems. Choose one for yourself. Is everything understood?!

No one answered Svetlana again – students were writing.

– Will anyone say a word to me today? – said Svetlana, looking at the clock. She did not get an answer again.

– All right. Take a rest on the break, and then keep on working during the second hour of class. Don’t leave before the class is over. Saveliev, please stay after the class; you’ll get some personal homework to do.

– Ok, – was the only thing Andrei answered.

Leaving the class, Svetlana felt how pressure was leaving. Why don’t students like her? She never noticed before, that students have a very negative attitude towards her. She has a very difficult task now. How do people call it nowadays, to change an image? She was about to go to the stairs, when she spotted Kapustin.

– Alex, I gave students a task so ask them what you need to do, ok.

– Yes, of course.

He proceeded to the class, and Svetlana went to the second floor and opened the doors to the geography class. There was only a teacher in the class.

– Svetlana, hello. Come in, I don’t have two classes in a row. – Ludmila Alexandrovna kissed her on the chick and gave her a hug. – Come in, sit down. Glad to see that you feel better.

– Thank you, Ludmila. How is it going with you?

– I am doing very well, how are you doing?

– I did not think it would be that hard. I don’t even know if I can make it.

– Come on, what are you talking about? I don’t recognize you! How can you not be there for your class graduation? I don’t even want to believe in that possibility. You have always been so strong, what happened now?

– You know I am a woman; I want some warmth. And all of the students keep quite and don’t want to say a word to me. Can you understand me?

– Dear, we are all different. I am different from you, and there is nothing we can do about it.

– Ludmila, you know that I want to change; you even know why I want it to happen. Can you help me with something?

– How can I help you? How can I make your students talk? How can I make them smile? I don’t have the answer to your problems. Since there is no answer, there is no problem…

– So your opinion that the problem is in me?!

– Of course, Svetlana! They have their own problems too, but you are the main reason why they act the way they do.

– Do you think they suspect something?

– If they feel intimidated, they understand something. I have no idea what do you mean by suspect, and what they can suspect.

– Ludmila, gives me an advice. How can I take it easy? May be I should not be paying attention at all?

– Svetlana, I can tell you only one thing. You need to make a decision and decide whether to change or not. But at first you need to change inside, to get rid of all unnecessary thoughts and sins, you need to strive for perfection. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Work on yourself, and you will get a result. If you pretend to be someone else you are not, it won’t take you anywhere. Don’t pay attention at all these little problems.

– I understand everything very well. But how can I not pay attention is hard to understand!

– Be yourself and don’t let negative feelings and emotions take a control over you. Think of it: what is emotion? It is nothing, right? Why do you let it take a control over you?

The bell rang, and students started to enter the geography class, greeting teachers…

– Thank you very much, Ludmila. I have to go now. See you soon.

As usual, no one entered her class without her permission. Svetlana passed by, concentrating on her thoughts. She asked Andrew:

– When are you going to see Max?

– Today or tomorrow, why?

– Let him know, that he needs to read Gorky’s novel “Mother” and write a paper on it. I will give him a literature grade based on this paper.

– Ok, I will let him know. Can I go now?

– Yes.

Andrew almost made it to the door when she said:

– Oh, there is something else, Andrew!

– Yes? – the student looked at her attentively.

– Sent him my greetings, and let him know that I wish him to get well soon! This is it, good – bye!

XVIII

Doors of the room opened and Andrew entered the room. He was dressed modestly, but with a good taste. Max always liked the intelligent face of his friend, his unlimited aspiration for the best and proper. Andrew had dark rare hair, short haircut, blue eyes and olive skin. His facial features were accurate and attractive, and by looking at him it was easy to say that he was an intelligent person with good actions. Maxim liked how Andrew entered the room. He opened the doors, got in, put his bag down; then he returned back to door, closed it, and only after that approached Max. He pronounced assuredly and quietly:

– Hello, my friend. How are you?

– I am limping.

– Don’t be shy. I thought you had been running around for a while.

– I wish… It would be so good to run or play basketball right now.

– Oh come on! You will have time to play. Now you need to get well.

– I am doing my best, you can see for yourself.

– Of course I see it, Max. It does not make me feel any better thought.

– Andrew, could you please tell me the news from school. I have not been there for ages.

– Everything is the same, except for you being excited about it.

– I know… It is always the same. How are my friends?

– You won’t believe it; they did not change much either.

– Enough about them, give me an answer to another question. Is Svetlana Victorovna working again?

Andrew was waiting for Max to ask this question. Instead of answering, he asked:

– Is she in love with you?

– I told you before that it happened long time ago. So what?

– It is just obvious to me. Every time she looks at he I can see it in her eyes, as if she says: “Andrew, I love Max very much”. Do you understand what I mean?

– What do you think? Do I look like a fool?

Maxim was talking absolutely calmly, so Andrew always unsure of his friend’s real feelings and kept on re-asking the same questions. At those moments Max thought: “It is so easy to get a person confused, even when he is smart. People can get caught up in the vulpine game of emotions…”

– Why are you being so harsh? It is just that I am surprised and I did not notice it before…

– It is natural, and I remember when it happens as clearly as I remember us growing up. Right now, when she is totally in love, it is very hard not to notice. I agree with you.

– Do you love her back?

– Andrew, let’s change the subject. I have told you before that I love her. Why are we getting back to this subject? I don’t get it…

– Ok, ok, I only wanted to make sure. If you don’t feel like talking about it, we won’t.

– Andrew, I just want to know if she asked about me.

– It is not that she just asked, she actually was questioning me. How are you doing, how are you feeling. She even asked who is visiting you. Can you believe it?!

– Wow, I was so positive she would not even remember me. Well, that’s good news!

– She even gave you a task!

– A task? Why she could not call and give it to me directly? She should be coming over to give me lessons, not to give tasks!

– You need to let me finish first. Remember you were talking to her about the Gorky’s novel “Mother”?

– Of course I do! I told her that I’ll read it, even thought it is not included in the school program. I also promised to give a speech about it in class, if necessary.

– Well, she told you to submit a paper on that novel.

– Did she specify the topic?

– No, I guess she assumed you would know what to write about.

– How am I supposed to know when I finished this novel two weeks ago! There are thousands of topics to choose on this novel. From what I assume, this should be a nonspecific paper with an accent on some issue. However, it is hard to guess what the accent should be on.

– Just cover everything that you can. If you want, I will find out for you. I can even tell Svetlana Victorovna to give you a call if you want.

– Could you please ask her to specify the topic for me? She will either give me a call or tell you what she wants this paper on. This is it. What is the reason for all this debate?

Andrei calmed down, listened to his friend quietly and thought: "My friend’s love is strange! Where it can lead him to? However, if Max needs it, he will sure find a use for it! Hmm, it is interesting weather he tells me about it or not. I think he will".

– Max, girls have been invited us to join the committee of the high school. What is your opinion on that?

– I agree. They need assistance? I’ll only be glad to help them if I can.

Room doors opened again, and Roman with a sad face of a genius entered the room. It always seemed to Maxim, that he is a very intelligent person, but little problems were able to get him depressed and affect him inadequately. He acted strange because of them, like now. He closed the doors, entered the room not saying a word, and sat between Maxim and Andrew on the bed. He was thinking about his own deeds and did not pay attention to anyone, as if he was the only person in the room. Andrew was very surprised, but did not give any comments. Maxim knew that Roman could not stand any strangers in their friendship and wanted to communicate with him only.

– I don’t think I want to join that committee. They don’t really do anything serious there, except for the organization of holidays. They don’t solve student problems at all.

– I agree with you totally. What problems can students have? Bad grades? That depends on him only. Relations with relatives? These are personal problems and should not be discussed. So what kind of problems can that committee solve? Do you want the whole school to know about your problems? You would be embarrassed to enter the school then!

– Ok, Max, I better go home, I have homework to do.

– We are not done with the game, – Maxim knocked, looking at the chess.

– I’ll come over on weekend and we’ll finish the game? Please don’t be offended, ok?

– Andrew, why in the world I’ll take an offence! You must be joking? Everything is all right. The only thing I want to ask you is to come over more often. Sounds good?

– All right, get well! Good-bye!

Andrei left the room, and Max, not paying any attention at Roman, lay on the bed and closed eyes. After a few moments Roman asked:

– Are you planning to sleep, Max?!

– What else is there to do? Play football?

Roman got quite again, staring at one spot and not moving. Max always had a feeling, that his friend has many genial thoughts in his head. He thought that Roman was making unachievable goals, but no matter what it is he would work hard and achieve them. Max believed in that and was used to Roman’s strange actions, treating him like brother and thinking of him as of close relative.

– Let’s play chess if you want.

– Hey, you don’t like chess! – Maxim was surprised and thought: “He does not want me to sleep”.

– I usually don’t like chess, but today I would like to play.

– Roman, what are you thinking about? – asked Maxim, setting pieces on the board.

Roman was looking at the chess pieces for a while, then made a first move with a pawn, and answered Max with the question:

– What do you think, is there a life after death?

– I think so. I am actually positive why do you need to think about it?

– See, I am deliberating on questions that are essential for understanding the essence of human living. No matter how much time I spend thinking, I always run into the same conclusion: if there is no life after death, then our life has no meaning at all.

– Roman, you are absolutely correct. I wanted to tell you that myself.

– What is human being then? What is the purpose of our life? This is something I can’t understand.

– This is what I think… There is a world, where there are favorable conditions for everyone. All people who live there are good and positive, but it is impossible to determine what they really like. So the God created a material world, so he created you, me and everyone else. Every creature of the other world is going here to live a short period of time – this is what we call life. However, this life, just like everything in the world, does not disappear- it takes another form. That means that life is endless, it is just that we are here on Earth for a limited amount of time. Then, after we pass the musters and finish our term here, we would be answering for it!

– So what should I do?

– I don’t know Roman; each person should find his own answer. Many people can’t find it and walk down the wrong path. However, later, after hundreds of years they will be born again.: in a different county, in a different body, with a different assignment… And they will start searching for the answer again… Many people can’t find it again, and suffer from it. Do you understand?

– Do you think I feel better? I have been looking for answer forever. I am looking for my assignment, Max! I can’t decide what it is! I feel uncertainty and intimidation, which stand on my way and don’t let me move forward.

– Roman, I understand you very well, I experienced your confusion. I can only imagine that you need to be concentrated all the time and make decisions what to do. That is very important. Do you understand me? You need to do what you have to do, not what you want to.

– How is that?

– It does not matter, weather it will be good or bad for you, weather you need it or not. This is the last thing to think about. It is essential to realize the importance and the rightness of your action. You need to accomplish what you have to without waiting for assistance from others. You need to do it today, not tomorrow, or at any other time. If you waste your time, then there will be no need for your actions.

– It is almost impossible: to analyze everything, make a decision what to do and how to do it, plus to do it the right way.

– Yes, but tell me what our life is for then?! To eat and go to the bathroom?

– There is no need for overacting, Max.

– I am not overacting! Everyone lives like that!

– I should be going. So how can I change everything? How can I accomplish it? It is hard for me to see and understand it all right away.

– At first you need to concentrate on yourself and become a better person! You have told me yourself that we need to strive for perfection! When you reach the perfection, you will be able to see and understand things. If you look for the answers now, you will waste time. Work on yourself, Roman! And you will win!

– Do you mean to grow spiritually and take control over the flesh?

– Right. Take a control over all human sins and desires. Get rid of all the dirt!

– Thank you, Max, I understand now. Do you mind if I go home? Will you take an offence?

– Please go, that is so silly…

– Sorry. Bye.

XIX

Svetlana left school exhausted and drained out. She was not ready for changes yet. At first it seemed that all her love and warmth towards work and students broke to shivers because of misunderstanding and fear. Svetlana even got scared, thinking that may be it was better to give up. However, she decided not to pull back and try to get herself together. Before she reached the bus stop, she spotted Andrew.

– Andrew, have you seen Max yet?

– I saw him a minute ago.

– How is he doing? Is he all right?

– He is doing well. He asked me about you, so I forwarded your task to him.

– Good job!

– Svetlana Victorovna, Maxim wanted to let you know that he had finished reading Gorky’s novel “Mother” and needs to clarify the theme of the paper…

Svetlana couldn’t hear again because she felt Max’s love again. He asked about her! She gave him a task to read a book recently, and he already finished such a complex and voluminous book. Very hard to believe! Andrew was still talking when Svetlana, getting away from her thoughts, interrupted him:

– Thank you so much, Andrew, I will give him a call myself. Good bye.

She turned away and left. He could not believe his eyes. She loves him so much! It is strange that she said exactly the same thing as Max did. Could Max be in love with her that much to be able to predict her words? It is amazing, he has never heard of anything like that! It was getting dark, and Andrew went home, still feel surprised. Sinking into reverie, Svetlana crossed the road, passed the bus stop and decided to walk home. Her thoughts were mixed together: "I need to make dinner and call Max. Also, I need to get ready for a class tomorrow and be a good mother and a wife!" At first these thoughts irritated Svetlana, because they kept her away from something very important. However, she started noticing, that she was able to think of a couple of things at the same time and take right decisions. This new opportunity was scary and confusing. It did not make sense to Svetlana why she was so indifferent towards the subject. She was not nervous or concerned, and her emotions were stable. Svetlana was very proud of herself and thought: «Of course, it is Max’s love that helps me! That means, that everything I believed in is actually real»! Entering the apartment, still in her thoughts, she said out loud:

– Finally!

– What do you mean?! – asked the husband.

Svetlana did not know what to say at first, but then she found the right words:

– I am finally home!

– Is everything ok, Svetlana?

– Yes, everything is great, Vadim!

Under the influence of feelings, she hugged him and kissed on the lips. Vadim lost his bearings, responding to his wife desire. He felt like he was covered by the grand wave, which is absolutely impossible to resist. Not being able to control himself, he became dissolved in the loving alliance with Svetlana. Every time when they were together, they realized that they were having totally new feelings for each other. It felt inexperienced; everything from kisses to sensations, as though they were in the different dimension. They were very close to each other, but at the same time somewhere very far away. Enormous distances and time frames did not let them to dissolve in each other completely and perceive the strength of the feelings which invaded them. Being under the power of unforgettable senses, they thought that it would last forever: endless pleasure and unending happiness. However, those moments did not bring a lot of good emotions because of their endurance.

– I love you, – intoned Vadim in the unusual way.

– Me too, – whispered back Svetlana, thinking: "Am I being truthful at these moments? Or not saying what I need to say?" She decided not to finish the phrase because she felt not ready.

– What do you want for dinner, Vadim?

– Oh, I already made stew-fry. I came from work early…

– You are so precious!

– Do you feel like going out tonight?

– I would like to take a walk outside. Don’t feel like going anywhere.

– I agree totally. Let’s have dinner before we leave, ok?

They lay next to each other and did not want to eat or go anywhere…

When Svetlana opened her eyes, she realized that she had slept for the past two hours. Vadim was still sleeping. She stood up quietly not to wake him up and went to the living room. Some force was pushing her to the phone to call Maxim. "Why do I worry so much? I do have a reason to call him…" – thought Svetlana and dialed the number.

– Hello, can I talk to Maxim?

– Yes, this is me, Svetlana Victorovna!

She did not expect that. Not noticing that he did not greet her, Svetlana could not understand how he managed to recognize her on the phone; it was only the second time she called him. Max was waiting patiently for her answer. Suddenly Svetlana wanted to give him at least a little hint about her feelings! Something stopped her from it, and she forced herself say with the teacher’s voice:

– How are you? Feeling better?

– I am not wearing gypsum any more, and started walking with crutches.

– Does the leg give you pain?

– Not really.

Svetlana hesitated to give him homework. She did not want to explain real reasons of her denial to give him classes at home, and did not want to be dishonest.

– Maxim, are you upset with me for not giving you classes at home?

– Oh, no! You gave me a task to do independently.

– I would be interesting in reading your paper about the Gorky’s novel “Mother”.

– I have read the novel; I just don’t know what topic to choose for the paper.

– Write an overview paper, concentrating on the relations between the mother and the son.

– Do you mean psychological analysis of the relationship of the close people, right?

Svetlana was shocked; she did not expect such an exact and scientific answer.

– Yes, it is a right perception of the topic. It is necessary to fully cover the psychological aspects of their relations and present it to other students transparently. All aspects should be covered properly.

– How long should this paper be?

– Ten pages should be enough.

– For this volume, it will have lots of quotes and not much of my thoughts.

– Maxim, write like you think is necessary. Make sure you cover the topic we discussed, allright?

– I will try, Svetlana Victorovna!

– Do you know, at least approximately, when you come back to school?

– I will stay home all February long, and will be back for sure after the eighth of March.

– Sounds good! Do you miss school?

– To be honest, I don’t miss school, I miss you.

Svetlana did not know how to reply to this, so she kept quite for a moment and said:

– This is ok; we will see each other soon. Get well sooner, and promise me not to come to school till you are fully recovered. Promise me?

– Yes, Svetlana Victorovna, you have my word.

Svetlana was sitting on the couch near the phone, overwhelmed by emotions. She did not believe she found courage to make a call. She understood very well how important that call was for Maxim. If she did not call him, he would call her himself.

– Svetlana, what happen? – asked Vadim.

– Nothing, let’s try your stir-fry. I bet it tastes great.

– We sure did take a long nap! It is half past nine!

– Does it mean we won’t get out today?

– Why not! We will!

– Give me a moment to re-heat food.

Svetlana, making noise with pans, set the table and boiled the water for tea.

– Svetlana, do you want ketchup or mayonnaise?

– I want mayonnaise and garlic, if possible.

– How can it not be possible?

– Who knows…

– What do you want to say? – Vadim did not understand, and since he received no reply, he decided not to torture her with questions any more. They ate peacefully, looking at each other and smiling from time to time. Then Svetlana cleaned the table and washed the dishes. Vadim was waiting for her outside, while she was getting ready without rush, as if she was getting ready for something important.

XX

Sleepy Maxim left his room around three pm leaning on the crutch. In the leaving room he saw a celebration table, set up with wine, champagne and even brandy. “That is strange, – thought Max, – what holiday is it which I am not aware of?!" He felt tasty smell of the fried chicken and various salads. Listening attentively, he heard his mom getting something out of the oven.

After some time, he smelled an aroma of his favorite cake. His stomach started to make noise, so he decided not to wait any longer and proceeded to the kitchen. The mother spotted him in the corridor and approached him with the smile.

– Mom, what is the occasion?

– Hello! Your majesty is turning sixteen today!

– Oh! I totally forgot…

– Happy Birthday, dear! I want to wish you happiness and a good health, as for the money I am sure you will earn them yourself! Go to the living room, you will find your present between the TV set and the couch – it is from the whole family! I’ll get you something to eat in the meanwhile.

«What kind of present can it be? – thought the birthday boy, limping to the living room. – And why is it between the TV and the couch»? He didn’t want to circumvent the table, so he got on the couch, turned head towards the TV and saw his present. It was a huge tape-recorder with removable speakers and radio.

– Thank you for the present mom, I love it! Its it expensive?

– Go get something to eat, you haven’t eaten for the whole day. That’s bad!

– Mom, when are the guests coming over?

– After six or seven, whenever people will be able to get here from work.

– What cake did you cook?

– With honey, as you like…

– I probably need to dress nicely. What should I wear?

– Put on trousers, a shirt or a T-shirt. Whatever you feel like.

– I will figure it out, don’t worry!

Max left for his room, turned on the music quietly and heard a door bell. «Probably, my guest», – he thought. The mother’s voice could be heard: «Come in». It definitely was his guest. Maxim went out of his room and saw Lyana. He didn’t know weather to be surprised or happy.

– Happy Birthday! – She said, then kissed him on the check and presented with a new shirt and a postcard, adding: – Enjoy it!

– Thank you so much, Lyana, I was wondering what to wear today. I have the solution – I’ll wear your shirt.

– Try in on first; I hope it fits you well.

– It is exactly my size.

– I am so glad. I was worried!

– That is a great present, thank you!

It was Maxim’s turn to give her a kiss on the cheek.

– Lyana, you are a great friend!

– I know, – she sighted. – You think it makes me feel better?

– I don’t feel great either, but what can I do?

– If you don’t know the answer, how can I know it?

– Lyana, remembers I asked you once if you wanted to be my girl-friend. Do you recall what you answered?

– I said: «Why do you need me? I am unattractive, and terrible at housekeeping. Even if I get married, my husband would have to cook and clean himself. May be we would take turns».

– Do you remember what I answered?

– Sure! You said that it is up for the guy to determine how attractive a girl is, and house holding things are not that important.

– You didn’t agree with me then, Lyana.

– It was back then, not now.

– You said it yourself that you want to be friends only, right?

– Yes, Max, I remember.

– This idea works very well for me, – Maim smiled enigmatically. – What happen to you, Lyana?

– I don’t know Max. What could happen to me?

– Could you fall in love?

– Don’t humiliate me! Shame on you!

– I am not humiliating you, I am just stating a fact. I don’t want to loose you as a friend.

– Especially your best ones.

– Do you love me, Lyana? My personal opinion is that you don’t. It just seems to you.

– Hey, Lyana! – Andrew, who entered the room, greeted her. – Happy Birthday, Max! I wish you to have an attractive girl-friend, just like this one! I bet that Lyana is the prettiest one.

– Thanks, Andrew. I think Lyana is very attractive, but she does not think so I have told her million times, that all girls are pretty, it is guys who have different tastes. One girl can’t be beautiful for everyone, however, it happens sometimes.

– Is it easier to walk?

– Not really: my leg is getting tired very fast, I need to take a rest after walking.

– Do you expect many guests?

– I do. I think we need to sit here, and let parents celebrate in the living room. What do you say?

– That is a good idea, – said Lyana.

– Lyana, can you please tell your mom that we want to sit separately?

– Max, I think you need to get rest. I will set our table with Lyana.

Maxim lay down to get rest, feeling sorry that the most important and desired guest, Svetlana Victorovna, will not attend his celebration. «She does not even know when my birthday is, – sighted a birthday boy. – Even if she knew, she still would not come over. What for»? He tried not to think about it anymore. He didn’t move, and just lay still to get rest before the occasion he didn’t really need…

Through the sleep he felt someone kissing his cheek.

– Maxim, Happy Birthday dear!

Ludmila, who came in, put a box near him and a T-shirt on top of it.

– Thank you. Could you please put it on the table?

– Keep it on the bed, the table is all covered with other presents. All right, I will go to see your parents. Have a great day!

Max’s room was full of guests, and the ones who were invited by his sister he didn’t even know. He looked at them for a while, and then left to the living room.

– Here is the birthday boy! – Guests screamed out loud. He was in the corridor, when he heard: – Maxim! This toast is for you!

To make it to his room he needed to pass the living room again. He heard people trying to talk to him, but it was not clear what they were saying because the music was playing loudly. Entering his room, Max was immediately hugged by his sister.

– Happy Birthday, brother! – She celebrated him and added quietly: – I love you very much.

– I love you very much too, thanks!

– Let’s go to the table, everyone is waiting for you!

Max sat at the table and everyone raised glasses with champagne immediately. Maxim preferred tomato juice. – We want to congratulate you with your holiday! We wish you the best experiences, and most importantly, good health…

– Thank you very much for your congratulations! – Birthday boy stood up to give another toast. – I really enjoyed your attention! I am glad that you found time to come over. I’ll finish the meal and will go to see the presents. I am sure I will like them all.

Max ate slowly, watching people around him. He really liked the shirt presented by Lyana. It will be his favorite one now. Maxim took a decision not to think anymore, but to rest spiritually with his friends. They really tired to make this holiday memorable. His friends were talking and looking around. Room doors kept being opened: his mom entered the room to ask if they needed more food, his friend’s parents were taking photos and asked Maxim unnecessary questions. Despite the noise and lack of the opportunity to rest, Maxim felt very good. After the meal he took a place on the couch, stretching his leg and relaxing it.

Later his friends moved the table to the wall and started to dance. Maxim always loved dancing, but he could not join the entertainment at that time. He went to the table and saw various presents: watches, shirts, T-shirts, perfumes, key rings, money… He also found shaving gel, shaving foam, gum and many postcards. More then anything else Maxim liked the statuette of the God of prosperity, which was located away from the rest of the presents.

– Maxim, how do you feel about playing cards? – Asked Kate.

– Sure, why not?

– Who wants to play cards?

Everyone got together in one circle and took a decision, that whoever lost the game should leave it; then they ate a cake.

Slowly the guests started to leave. Andrew promised to walk home Lyana and Natalie, who lived close to him. Saying good-bye to his guests, Max and his sister helped to clean the room. When everything was done, he went to bed to enjoy a good night sleep.

XXI

– Svetlana, you know it very well that neither I nor school wants to loose such a valuable specialist like you! Can you realize it or not?!

– Robert Urievich, I have informed you long time ago that I am planning to leave school forever. When we had this conversation last time, you refused to sign my application. You advised me to work for as much time as I would be able to handle it.

– My dear, I understand it very well. Everything has its limits: will power, patience – absolutely everything, – said school principle calmer. – You are mature, intellectual, smart and beautiful woman! They should tolerate your asperity. It’s for their own good.

– Robert Urievich, it is very difficult for me to leave my work, but it is very difficult to stay too. It seems that I don’t have that much time left to finish educational year, but something in my soul is against that. Every single day I go to work with a great mood and with the desire to work. I have these feelings inside me… However, when I start work all my enthusiasm dies. Even staying in this atmosphere, which is so familiar, is depressing.

Robert Urievich was looking at Svetlana Victorovna absolutely peacefully, but inside he was furious. He knew that every teacher, just like any other professional, had a moment like that. The person becomes so overwhelmed that he asks: “Do I need this job?” He regrets and feels sore about loosing a job, but he does not have strengths to come back. The principle of the school did not want Svetlana to have that experience. He saw a lot of opportunities for development in her, professionalism, a great desire to work. That job was a purpose of living for her. She will not be able to survive without teaching, especially if she leaves her work out of the sudden and would have only memories left. To avoid this situation, she needs time to prepare herself for finishing a career and find another activity that would keep her happy in life. He did not want her to loose composure. When Svetlana finished her explanations, Robert Urievich took a pause in order to give her time to prepare for listening. Then he stated his speech, understanding, that the outcome of the talk depends on it:

– Svetlana, after listening to you I realized that it is not a good time for you to leave school now. You are not ready for this decision yet. As I understand it, you need to find peace within yourself first. Look forward! In three months’ summer will be here. Is it such a long time? During the summer vacation you will get rest, think about the situation one more time, and prepare yourself for the next school year. I admit it won’t be easy to do. But you need to be there for your class graduation, you have been teaching this class for years! Am I right? This year will pass by very fast, you know if better then I do. You can use this time to prepare yourself to leave school. Do you understand how important it is? From that time on, you will be visiting school like the mother of your son only. During this last year you will find yourself another activity, so after you leave you won’t suffer from life changes. Svetlana, my dear, please think one more time. When this time is over, you will thank me, but this is not what I need. I need to know, that your life would be complete and peaceful. You don’t need any stress!

He stopped his speech and his feelings finally broke through: his wonderful aristocratic face with light tan turned red. His charming gray-blue eyes (opened wide, so they appeared big and gave unusual charm to his appearance) seemed empty and his sight revealed coldness and didn’t let any objections. Worrying feeling made the heart of Robert beat faster, and he was constantly touching his thick fair hair. Svetlana was also quite, trying to stall for time and looked at the principle with attention. He became hot. In order to avoid sweating, Robert Urievich eased his tie and took the jacket off, hanging it on the chair. Svetlana noticed that and understood that he was very concerned for her. He was not supposed to worry; his heart could break down. In spite of that, she replied:

– You know how much I appreciate your sincere care! I always felt your support when I entered school. You can see, how much I need it right now, may be more then air to breath. It the depth of my heart it is very enjoyable for me to hear your warm words, which make my problems and worries disappear. I get a relief from something unbearably heavy in my soul, from some insurmountable barrier. I would never be able to overcome it without your support. When I am talking to you right now and feeling your patronage and care, I understand that I act under the influence of emotions! I was about to make a horrible mistake that could turn my whole life around…

Svetlana became quite, suppressing sudden feelings and tears. She tried to calm down while Robert Urievich was looking at her. He was better from the thought that there were people who could understand the essence and problem of the situation right away. A smart person never blames the circumstances or other people! He sees the problem in oneself! That makes feel glad! The problem can only be solved, when it’s reasons are understood. Robert Urievich inhaled air, lay back at the chair, relaxed and waited patiently for the answer.

Svetlana took a decision to stay in school till her glass graduates. She was surprised: «What is going on with me?! Some baubles make me lose control»! When she was totally calm, she told:

– Robert Urievich, I am very sorry for keeping you away from work. Don’t keep a grudge at me, all right?

– What are you talking about, Svetlana! I am only happy to help you. You can’t even imagine how glad I am! I think that you took a decision to be there for your class graduation long ago. I just needed to pacify you a little. I managed to help you because you were the one who said to yourself: “Calm down!”. Even I, an old fool, feel glad that you did it!

– Why are you calling yourself that name?! You are the most intelligent person in the whole school. Your words affect people in minutes. They helped me to fight my confusions and fears, I was able to overcome my «I don’t want» and «I can’t», after I understood your wise words. Dear Robert Urievich, you can’t even imagine how much gratitude I have. I can’t express with words, how deeply you perceived my worries and helped me. Now I feel that I owe you for my future well-being.

– Svetlana, you know that it’s not what has happen. It was wholly your decision, and I agree that it was a proper one! My goal was to make you understand, that it was a right decision.

– Thank you so much, Robert Urievich. I understand now that it is wrong to act under the influence of emotions. It is necessary to keep up with your work and understand its importance…

– Sounds good! I saw how your first day went. How do you think your next classes would go?

– Everything will be all right, don’t worry.

– I know that you are a very strong person, Svetlana. You manage not only to comply with your teaching responsibility, but also to share your strength and mind with students.

– What do you mean? – asked Svetlana.

– I feel a great and wonderful love within you. However, I can’t even imagine who could be the object of your affection. I am very happy for you! Your love is making you a stronger, better person. I noticed it long time ago, but didn’t have a chance to tell you about it.

– You think so? It is a pleasure to hear it!

– Don’t be afraid of anything, Svetlana! You are on the right path. Let me bless you dear!

He came up to Svetlana, hugged her and kissed on the forehead. Then he sat down in his chair and continued:

– If something worries you, please don’t hesitate to stop in my office to talk. Ok?

– Yes, Robert Urievich. When necessary, I would be addressing you for the support.

They stayed in the office for a little while, looking at each other calmly as thought getting rest from the tiring conversation.

– I want you to understand, Svetlana, that love never dissipates its talents. This love can help you make another person happy. You may need to sacrifice your feelings or even your life, if you would think it was necessary to do. Accept this idea, ok? When something very important happens, you will feel that your life is turned around. Be ready for it, I am asking you from my heart. You need to get yourself together at that moment, before it is too late, even thought it would be very, very difficult to do.

Robert Urievich stopped his speech, feeling agitated again. Svetlana stood up and brought him a glass of water.

– I should go. You are not supposed to worry! Forgive me please for all that.

– God bless you. Good luck!

Svetlana left the office very surprised. How can Robert Urievich know everything? He is so amazingly intelligent! That is just amazing.

XXII

When Maxim entered school, he got a feeling that he was waited for here. It was strange, but was accustomed to surprises… The first class had already begun and the school appeared empty. He could not find an available space in the wardrobe, so he decided not to change at all: «If I get tired and would like to go home it would be continent. Plus, it is cold here». He got to the third floor without rush, knowing that the first two classes were literature. Strange coincidence! He still didn’t have a plan! What lesson should he give to Svetlana Victorovna today? Max took a sit at the window – sill because he could not find a bench. He suspected that Svetlana’s feelings got stronger. He must act right now! There is no time for procrastination! What should he do? Seems like the most severe assay for every woman (especially a woman like Svetlana) is a jealousy. He looked at his watch: fifteen minutes before nine. He needs to get in class, or he might not get admitted to it later. What should he go?!

After Maxim pulled the door handle and opened the door he saw a class full of people. Even the bench from the corridor was brought to the class for people to sit on. «I was right about her»! – thought Max. All seniors turned their heads towards the opened door and, seeing Max, started to clap hands and stamp their feet. Girls were squealing while boys were whistling. At that time Maxim was looking for the place to sit and could not find one. He knocked to his friends to greet them, smiled and closed the doors. He had to search a couple of cabinets before he managed to find an empty chair. He grabbed it and walked to the class of Svetlana Victorovna again. He opened the door abruptly, entered the class, put the chair down. Then he closed the doors and looked at the teacher because there was no where else to look at. All this time she was looking at Maxim with her eyes wide opened. It appeared as thought she wanted to say something, but she remained silent. Max was walking around the class with his chair trying to find a place to sit. «Should I sit down or keep on walking, giving her a shock or maybe I should say something»? – He thought with doubts. Svetlana moved and Max put his chair down near Michail, whom he knew. When he was about to sit down, Michail jumped from his chair as if he was bitten by a bee:

– Don’t’ sit here! There are three people sitting here already!

– Well, show me a place where to sit if you are so smart.

– I don’t know, choose a place yourself, – Michail became confused, not expecting such an answer.

– You already objected my choice and now you advise me to choose myself. I don’t seem to understand you.

So Maxim took his chair and started a trip around the class again.

– Ok, sit down next to us! I was joking!

– Keep your jokes for other places.

– Maxim, joins us! – Students from Svetlana Victorovna class invited him. Max put his chair down near them with pleasure, greeting them by shaking hands. After that he took a look at the teacher. Her face didn’t express anything; she was still sitting quietly, looking oddly in the class full of silent seniors. She was watching Max, who entered her class as if he entered his own house! He stressed her with his behavior because he broke all principles of communication. Other students don’t even aloud themselves to enter the empty class without her permission!

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