Александр Фурсов
Open Animals Day

On Saturday, dad promised to take Misha to the zoo. The son, like all children, was very fond of going to the zoo. Therefore, this Saturday morning, the boy should have woken up cheerful and joyful. But on the contrary, for some reason he woke up sad. It turned out because he thought it was still Friday, and his mother would again take him to kindergarten, like yesterday and the day before yesterday. And Misha did not want to go to kindergarten at all, because he was a little tired of this kindergarten, or maybe not a little.

Mom entered the room:

– Mishulya! Time to get up!

– Why? – the son asked.

– It's time to go with dad to the zoo! – said my mother.

– Isn't today Friday? – he wondered.

– Friday was yesterday.

– Hooray! – Misha rejoiced. He jumped out of bed and ran to wash himself. On weekdays, when he had to go to the kindergarten, Misha never jumped out of bed, especially as fast as firefighters jump up on the alarm. Usually he would lie around for a long time, slowly open first one eye, then the other, close them again and fall asleep again until mom pulled the blanket off Misha. Then he would sit down and start opening his eyes again, rubbing them with his fists and shaking his head, trying to banish a dream that for some reason did not want to leave. But today was different. Today was a Saturday, and besides, not a simple day off, but a special day – the day of a trip to the zoo. Misha adored animals, even domestic, but he was completely delighted with wild animals. Today, even Misha squeezed toothpaste not on his finger, as usual, but on a brush and began to carefully clean each of his milk teeth, and then his tongue. He saw on TV how the doctor advised to clean and the tongue too. Misha wanted to get to the zoo so badly that he was ready for anything, even all morning to behave like a pai boy. Therefore, at breakfast, he was not capricious, did not scratch the table with a spoon and did not look with a bored view out the window. Misha quickly ate the hated semolina porridge and even smiled at his parents when the plate was empty. After that, he drank unloved boiled milk and did not even wince when he swallowed the foam, which on ordinary days he always caught from the mug and discreetly threw away. After finishing breakfast, the son and dad went outside and got on the red tram that came.

– Is it a fire tram? – Misha asked.

– No, – dad said. – Why did you decide that?

– Вecause it's red, – Misha replied.

– Okay, – dad smiled. – Red, son, there are not only fire engines!

An old tram on the turns chattered from side to side.

– And why does the tram stagger? – Misha asked.

– He's old already, – dad replied.

– Is it time for him to retire?

– It's high time.

– Why isn't he leaving?

– Doesn't let go.

– Who?

– Chief.

– Why?

– Because there is no one to replace, – dad explained.

– And where are the young trams? – Misha asked.

– I'd like to know that myself, – dad sighed. – You need to ask the mayor.

There was a queue at the entrance to the zoo.

– Who's the last? – dad asked.

– Probably us, – replied a tall, thin man with glasses holding the hands of two toddlers. The boys, like dad, were also wearing glasses.

– We're behind you, – dad said.

Out of the gate came a sweaty fat man in shorts on suspenders. On a leash, he led a half-asleep lion.

– Citizen! – four-eyed turned to him. – Why do you have a lion without a muzzle?

– It's not my lion, – the fat man replied.

– It's clear that it's not yours, – the four-eyed said. – Because this lion is from the state zoo, which means that it belongs to all the people. But do you lead it?

– Me, – the fat man admitted. – But I wasn't given muzzled.

– Who didn't give you away? – four-eyed asked.

In response, the fat man only waved his hand towards the gate and dragged the lion further.

– You don't know how many tickets cost? – four-eyed asked.

– I don't know, – dad replied.

– Why don't you know? – asked four-eyed again.

– Because I haven't been to the zoo in a long time – dad replied angrily.

– And if you do not know the cost of tickets, maybe you do not have enough money to buy them? – four-eyed suggested.

– I have enough money, – dad said.

– Are you a millionaire? – four-eyed asked.

– No, I'm an engineer, – dad replied proudly and turned away from the four-eyed and his annoying questions.

When it was their turn, Misha and his dad entered the cash registers. Dad went to the open window and asked:

– Hello! I need one child ticket and one adult ticket!

– Hello! The zoo is closed to the public, – replied a smiling man in the window.

– But how, comrade cashier? – dad objected. – There is no announcement of the closure of the zoo, but the queue? Where is the queue? To a closed zoo?

– First of all, I'm not a cashier, but an administrator number forty-seven, – the smiling man replied. – Secondly, the zoo is really closed to the public. And, thirdly, people stand in line to take some animal for a while.

– How's that for a while? – dad asked.

– Until the evening, – the administrator replied.

– Why? – dad asked.

– To communicate, – answered the administrator. – You came here to communicate, haven't you?

– In principle, yes, – agreed dad.

– Well, – said the administrator, – Take it and communicate! Today is our open day.

– What is your open day if the zoo is closed? – dad asked.

– But the doors are open for animals? – said the administrator. – So today we have a day, so to speak, of open animals. And you can take them for communication.

– But I can't take everyone with me, – dad said, frightened.

– Nobody will give you all, – the administrator grinned.

– And who decided to give the animals for a walk? – dad asked.

– Direktor of the zoo, – answered the administrator.

– And why? – dad tried to find out.

– Let me lock you up in a cage? – suggested administrator number forty-seven. – Then you will understand why. The animals began to feel sad – they want to be free, at least on weekends.

– And how much does it cost to walk with any of them? – dad asked.

– Not at all! – the administrator solemnly announced.

– Can I take a walk for nothing? – dad did not believe.

– Exactly, – confirmed the administrator. – The only condition is that you have to feed your pet lunch, exactly on schedule.

– Well, that’s logical, – dad agreed. – Тhey shouldn't go hungry.

– Who do you want? – dad asked Misha.

– Elephant, – answered the son.

– May I have an elephant? – dad asked the administrator.

– No problem, – the administrator replied. – There is an Indian elephant named Terimerisund.

– What kind of name is Terimerisund? – dad was indignant.

– It translates from Hindi as Crooked Trunk, – the administrator replied. – It's an Indian elephant.

– Do you have elephants with straight trunks? – dad asked.

– With direct all sorted out, – answered the administrator.

– With a crooked trunk will we take? – dad asked Misha.

Misha shrugged his shoulders in response.

– Okay! – dad said. – Give us a crooked!

– He's not crooked, – offended the administrator. – He has both eyes and he walks straight. Only the trunk is slightly bent in the wrong direction.

– Well, if a little, then it's not scary, – agreed dad. – Lead!

Administrator number forty-seven picked up the phone and said to someone:

– Vasya! Lead Terimerisund! – And then he turned to dad: – Your passport?

– Listen! – dad started up. – You said that the pet needs to be fed with dinner. And what does he eat, this Terimerisund of yours?

The administrator took out the elephant's lunch menu from the folder and read:

– Hay – 30 kilograms, grass – 30 kilograms, straw – 5 kilograms, oats – 7 kilograms, bran – 2 kilograms, rye bread – 5 kilograms, white bread – 5 kilograms, carrots – 20 kilograms, beets – 10 kilograms, potatoes – 15 kilograms, cabbage – 10 kilograms, apples – 10 kilograms, pears – 10 kilograms, bananas – 5 kilograms, sugar – 1 kilogram.

– Are you kidding me? – dad said. – I do not earn so much to buy it all. Take back your elephant – we don't need your Lame Trunk!

– You haven't taken it yet! – said the administrator. – Besides, he is not Lame, but a Crooked trunk. Elephants walk with their feet, not trunks.

– All the same, he eats so much that we will not take either Lame or Crooked, – said dad.

The administrator picked up the phone again:

– Vasya! Bring Terimerisund back!

Misha was upset, tears appeared in his eyes.

– Do not worry! – dad reassured him. – Let's take someone else. Who do you want?

– Crocodile, – the son sobbed.

– Well, crocodile, so crocodile, – agreed dad.

– Available baby Nile crocodile named Kesul, – said the administrator. – Lead?

– Why a baby crocodile and not a crocodile? – dad asked. – He is OK? And what is this name – Kesul? He's not a goat, but a crocodile?

– The crocodile is all right, it's just still young. And Kesul in translation from Arabic means lazy, – answered the administrator.

– And all the hardworking crocodiles were dismantled? – dad asked.

– Do you want a hardworking one? – the administrator was wary. – I wonder what kind of work you are going to use it for?

–None, – dad replied. – We need him for a walk.

– Lazy is just right for a walk, – said the administrator.

– Okay! – agreed dad. – Lead!

– Vasya! Lead Kesul! – said the administrator and put down the phone.

– Crocodile menu, please! – asked the dad.

The administrator got into his folder, rummaged in it, took out the necessary sheet and handed it to dad.

– Okay, – Dad said, glancing at the menu. – Fish – four hundred grams, beef – three hundred grams. It suits us!

– In the wild, the Nile crocodile eats fish, as well as animals that come to the watering hole, – explained the administrator. – For example, zebras, buffaloes, giraffes, rhinos and even hippos.

– But the hippopotamus does not weigh three hundred grams? – dad was frightened.

– Of course, – the administrator agreed. – An adult hippo weighs up to four tons.

– Four thousand kilograms of meat? – dad was surprised. – Your Kesul's dinner will probably be more expensive than Terimerisund's!

– It’s not so, – the administrator reassured him. – First, crocodiles eat hippos in the wild. Secondly, they hunt the hippo in packs, therefore they then divide it among all. Thirdly, after that there is a week, or even two – the food is digested. And we feed them here little by little, but every day. I gave you the menu!

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