# Sly Zhoriki. A play for 3 people. Comedy

Nikolay Lakutin

What just does not happen in the world. Imagine, two Georgians, two friends, without knowing it, are courting the same girl. And the girl likes both of them, and she can't decide what to do, who to choose. But sooner or later the secret becomes clear, and intellectual competitions for the hand and heart of the chosen one begin between friends.

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ATTENTION! ALL COPYRIGHTS TO THE PLAY ARE PROTECTED BY THE LAWS OF RUSSIA, INTERNATIONAL LEGISLATION, AND BELONG TO THE AUTHOR. ITS PUBLICATION AND REPUBLICATION, REPRODUCTION, PUBLIC PERFORMANCE, TRANSLATION INTO FOREIGN LANGUAGES, MAKING CHANGES TO THE TEXT OF THE PLAY WHEN STAGED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR IS PROHIBITED. THE PRODUCTION OF THE PLAY IS POSSIBLE ONLY AFTER THE CONCLUSION OF A DIRECT CONTRACT BETWEEN THE AUTHOR AND THE THEATER.

Duration: 1 hour.

ACTORS

Georgy Shustrilov (Zhora) is a cunning, ambitious guy;

Georgy Vilyaev (Gosha) is a cunning, ambitious guy;

Dasha is a girl with the status "in active search".

## 1 Club

Night club. Tables, a disco. Club music is playing. The case is already coming to an end, it's late at night, so there is almost no one in the club anymore.

On the dance floor, Dasha is far from fresh-looking, far from drunk-looking and it is unclear from what remnants of strength she squeezes out the last movements of herself, trying to give out her signature feints.

Zhora is sitting at the table, carefully watching Dasha with ecstasy. He thinks, takes aim.

Dasha falls almost exhausted on the dance floor.

The music stops.

Zhora immediately explodes from the spot and runs to pick up Dasha.

Zhora (solicitously). Girl, how are you

? Are you hurt? Everything is fine? Let me help you.

Dasha (with interest, but at a distance). S.

Zhora picks up Dasha, but accidentally steps on her foot, she screams.

Zhora (guiltily). Pardon the moi, mademoiselle.

Dasha notes for herself the interesting behavior of a stranger.

Dasha (with interest, goes to the rapprochement). Yes, figs with him (waving his hand), it will pass.

Dasha holds out her hand to Zhora, he shakes it like a man.

Dasha (gallantly). Daria, you can Dasha!

Zhora (with the smile of a March cat). Georgy Shustrilov, as simply as possible-Zhora.

Dasha (smiling). Very pleasant. And I look like you've been watching me here for a long time. Or was it just my imagination?

Zhora (a little embarrassed). Well … yes, there is such a thing. I liked you. I didn't know how to approach him, so as not to scare him away.

Dasha (flirting). And I, by the way, fell on purpose. To check whether you will fit or not.

Zhora (flirting). Oh, you sly one!

Dasha (flirting). Yes!

Zhora (flirting). And … listen, well, since you wanted to check, then you also paid attention to me?

Dasha (flirting). I did, I really did. (He pauses) There is no one else in the club. Who else should I pay attention to?

Zhora (positively). Hah! That's also true. So what? Since I liked you and you liked me, then let's go?

Dasha (as if not understanding). Where to?

Zhora (positively). Well… there are two options. Either to you or to me.

Dasha (improbably). Oh, no, I'm not like that!

A small pause

Zhora (disappointed). What…? Not like that at all?

Dasha (fearing to lose the cavalier). No, well, not quite straight, not like that. But… as if she were a nedotakaya!

Zhora (disappointed). And … hmm.

Zhora is thinking about what to do with all this. Dasha takes the initiative!

Dasha (fearing to lose the cavalier). But this does not mean at all that I am just not like that at all! Don't think about it. Simply… well, not just right away? It's necessary somehow… not right away… right? Or not? Or how it should be?

Zhora (cautiously). Honestly… I do not know how to do it… But I know exactly what I need. Right here… very necessary!

Dasha (sighs thoughtfully, confused). Ah…, very necessary right?

Zhora (pained). Straight… in general, kapets!

Dasha (thoughtfully sighs in confusion). Soooo.... So-so-so-so-so-so-taaaaaaaaaak …

Zhora (pained). Dasha… we have to do something!

Dasha (guiltily). M … you know… I can't do it today. But… but let's do this. Write down my phone number. Let's meet one of these days, maybe tomorrow, and settle our issue. On the second date, you can already… if you are careful.

Zhora (with sadness, but more or less positively). Ah, come on.

Dasha takes Zhora's phone, puts her numbers there, throws it off for herself, her phone rings. She keeps his number for herself.

Dasha (moderately positive). Well. Everything is ready. I kept yours for myself, too. We'll call you.

Zhora (improbably). Absolutely!

Zhora waves goodbye and leaves in some disappointment.

Dasha goes to the toilet in confusion.

## 2 Club

The music is playing, the dance floor is empty, the hall is empty. A sleepy Gosha returns from the toilet.

He goes out into the hall, looks around, looks for someone.

The music stops.

Gosha (indignantly surprised). I didn't understand, but where?

Dasha returns from the toilet, corrects something in her purse, is about to leave.

Gosha notices her, forgets about his thoughts, turns his gaze on the girl.

Gosha (positively, rubbing his palms). Opanki …

Gosha pulls up in a certain dance to Dasha. Dasha fumbles in her purse, sees nothing and no one around.

Gosha (with a gun, confidently, dancing). Hello, hello, beautiful. What's your name?

Dasha turns her gaze to Gosha, looks at him point-blank with the context "Get off", continues to look for something in her purse, fixing her gaze there as well.

Gosha (without losing enthusiasm). Got it! Let's try another way.

Gosha enters a new circle, while diverging in the dance. The music is getting louder again. Gosha anneals such feints, which are difficult not to pay attention to. This is both ridiculous and sinful and moderately professional and flirtatious. In general, he manages to attract the girl's attention. Dasha leaves her purse alone, at first she casually lets short glances at the boy who is showing off several times, then she changes her mind about leaving. She is already looking at the way the guy moves, a smile flashes on her face and even some part of embarrassment, but she keeps herself in control.

Gosha understands that the trick was a success, the client is ripe, you can approach. Fits.

The music stops.

Gosha (trying to catch her breath from her stormy dance). Georgy Vilyaev! But everyone calls Gosha.

Dasha is in some confusion, her arms are crossed on her chest, her face expresses surprise.

Gosha (without losing hope). Do you mind meeting me?

Dasha (exquisitely). George means …

Gosha (in his own way). Yes, call Gosha. So somehow it's not so official, and it's more familiar. Well, so what? M?

Gosha plays along with his eyes, flirts, grimaces, plays with his shoulders and still tries to finish off the girl with his signature movements.

Dasha (smiling from everything that is happening). Okay, you've talked, you tongue-tied devil. I'm Dasha.

Gosha (pleased). Dasha? Fine. A beautiful name, a beautiful girl, a beautiful voice. Well, everything is just on the highest level …

Dasha (restrained). Well, all right, all right. It is good to litter with banal tackles. What do you want, Gosha?

Gosha (mischievously, joyfully). We know what… poooo......communicate.

Dasha (with suspicion). Chat and that's it?

Gosha (cautiously, with a sly smile). Well… sort of… No, of course not.

Dasha (trying to pry). Well, come on, don't tomy. Will you call me to your place or will we go to my place?

Gosha (without hesitating for a long time). To you! (He realizes that this is a question with a trick, tries to rehabilitate himself) No, in fact, this is not the only thing that matters to me. Don't think about it! I appreciate the soul in a girl, I pay attention to her actions. In general… I'm tired of these one-time nights. You just somehow immediately fell into my soul, that's why I'm clinging to you. I think… this may well be the basis for serious feelings.

Dasha (more located). Are you serious?

Gosha modestly shrugs his shoulders.

Dasha (with interest). Hmm… I didn't expect it. Well, all right. I'll give you a chance. It's already late, and the club closes in a couple of minutes, and it's time to go home, I'm very tired, I want to rest. Let's think about something tomorrow with a fresh head, and now go home. Give me the phone, I'll write down my number for you, dial it tomorrow.

Gosha joyous gives her phone number, Dasha writes down her number, throws it off to herself, a call is triggered for her. Dasha returns the phone.

Dasha (with interest). Well all. Order. I have your number reflected too. Well, for today – bye!

Gosha (without thinking twice). Wait a minute… Can he conduct it? It's dark, it's night… you never know …

Dasha (warmly). No, thank you. I've already called a taxi.

Dasha receives an audio notification on her phone, she looks at it, puts the phone away.

Dasha (warmly). The car is already waiting. So thank you, see you tomorrow. Yes?

Gosha (warmly). Yes.

Dasha waves goodbye with a pen, leaves.

Gosha makes a joyful gesture of victory with his hand and foot (yes) and slowly leaves the club in his entertaining dance.

ZTM.

## 3 At the stall

The day is in full swing. A sleepy, tortured Zhorik in house slippers, hastily dressed, gets out to the stall, takes out crumpled bills, hands them to the kiosk window.

Zhora (with a sleepy hoarseness). A pack of Marlboros, please.

He takes a pack of cigarettes from the window, begins to open it.

Gosha is moving towards the kiosk in approximately the same form and condition. Silently gives his hand to Zhora, they say hello, Gosha goes to the kiosk, holds out a few bills there.

Gosha (with a sleepy hoarseness). I need a blue Kent. Yeah.

He takes his pack of cigarettes, starts to open it, but suddenly stops, abruptly remembering something, and thereby interrupts Zhora, who was already starting to take out a cigarette.

Gosha (with presentation). Listen up! The old man! Why did you leave me at the club yesterday?

Zhora (with presentation). Did I quit? Where did you go?" I didn't pick up the phone, I called five times. I was there, I turned away – you are not there. I waited and waited… the

men put the packs in their pockets, switch to an exciting conversation.

Gosha (remembering). And… well, so it is… I went out yesterday for need, well, I took a little nap there. Why sit in vain, I think I'll take a little nap. Well, apparently I got carried away. When I came out of the toilet, there was no one in the club anymore. There was only one girl, there was. Nothing like that, cute. But unapproachable, an infection. I danced all over so that she would talk to me. But in the end, he achieved his goal. Her number flashed. We agreed to call today.

Zhora (with excitement). What are you doing? Krasava, congratulations. And I also glued one woman in the club yesterday.

Gosha (with interest). Really?

Zhora (with excitement). Yeees… But if yours is unapproachable, then this one can be chatted up for a time or two. It even became somehow uninteresting.

Gosha (with interest). So you spent the night at her place tonight?

Zhora (disappointed). No, she couldn't do something there. These women's things, you know, they can't always do it. She hinted, well, I'm not a fool. I didn't insist. But she generally agreed. She took my number, she was also going to call today. In general, we went to the club yesterday successfully, apparently.

Gosha (positively). Oh … yes. I still have only to take this impregnable fortress of mine, besiege it, so to speak!

Zhora (positively). Well… You can do it, I don't doubt you. You're a smart guy for these things.

Gosha (positively). You're not a simpleton either. How many did you have, you said… Seventy?

Zhora (positively). Oh… so that was when it was. It's seventy-two now. This girl will call-it will be seventy-three.

Gosha (a little sadly). Well, I don't even have fifty. This forty-ninth will be. But… I have a mitigating circumstance, I started much later!

Zhora (positively). And who is to blame for you?

Gosha (a little sadly). You would have lived in my family – you wouldn't have started at all! You know how strict everything was there. Every step was controlled. Here, only when he broke free, then he fell into all the blades.

Zhora (positively). And do you think that my trips were encouraged by me? No. My parents also tried to control me. But… Where could they keep me when there were such Marinki, Yulki and Ulki – imaginative spinning around.

Gosha (a little sadly). And in my adolescence, all the girls were somehow unsightly, as luck would have it. Although… maybe not out of spite. Maybe, on the contrary, it's good, because it was easier to reach eighteen, you can say that there was no temptation.

Zhora (positively). No, my friend, I would definitely have died if I hadn't been nailed to the women's well-known holy of holies until I was eighteen.

Gosha (changing the subject). So, what are you doing with this girl from yesterday? Do you need her, if she went on about it so easily?

Zhora (judiciously). Yes, I think so. On the one hand – if she is not so problematic, then how much can she already have in total. Risk!

Gosha (agrees). Risk!

Zhora (judiciously). But on the other hand, the risk is a noble thing, and besides, I don't go on a hike without protective equipment. Yes, and you need to continue the account. And if I spread out right and left like this, agreeing and disagreeing, then you will be able to catch up with me like this! And this cannot be allowed.

Gosha (cheerfully). That's also true.

Zhora (judiciously). And then-where our did not disappear. I'm going to meet this girl. There's something to do for three kopecks. And as a result, it will already be seventy-three!