Jim Smith
Barry Loser and the Curse of Terry Claus

First published in Great Britain 2014

by Jelly Pie, an imprint of Egmont UK Ltd

The Yellow Building, 1 Nicholas Road, London W11 4AN

Text and illustration copyright © Jim Smith 2014

The moral rights of the author-illustrator have been asserted.

First e-book edition 2014

eISBN 978 1 7803 17045

barryloser.com

www.jellypiecentral.co.uk

www.egmont.co.uk

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library

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Satsuma Fronkle

It was the night before Christmas and I was standing in my sitting room, chomping on a mince pie while watching the Satsuma Fronkle advert on TV.

In the advert, Santa is going round delivering pressies to all the kiddywinkles. The only problem is, his evil brother, Terry Claus, is creeping in right after him and nicking them.

‘BOO, HOO, HOO!’ roars Terry, snatching a kiddywinkle’s stocking and climbing out the window. Except this time Santa spots him.

‘OH, HO, NO you don’t!’ cries Santa, and he wraps up his little brother like a naughty pressie and chucks him in the bin. Then Santa pulls a can of Satsuma Fronkle out of his pocket and takes a sip.

‘Mmm, nothing like an ice-cold can of Satsuma Fronkle on Christmas Eve!’ he says, and the Fronkle logo comes up.

‘Best. Fronkle. Advert. Ever,’ I said to myself, walking into the kitchen to answer the phone, which had been ringing ever since the start of the advert. ‘Hello?’ I burped down the little holes in the phone.

‘Poo, your breath stinks!’ crackled my best friend Bunky’s voice, and I imagined how keel it’d be if we all had smellyphones like they do in Future Ratboy.

Future Ratboy is mine and Bunky’s favourite TV show. It’s all about Future Ratboy and his annoying sidekick Not Bird.

‘I can’t believe it’s only one more day until I get my Future Ratboy costume!’ I shouted down the phone to Bunky.

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