Annie knew the time had come to tell Jared about her past.

“Adoption saves so many children from never knowing love,” she said, and began gathering the courage that had allowed her to contemplate marrying him. “You’re adopted. You know how well it can work. You’ll be able to help the three children through any transitions they have to make.”

She opened her mouth to tell him the secret only two other people had known, but the dark expression on his face, and the narrowing of his blue eyes, stopped her.

“My life turned out better than I could have hoped when I came to live with the Campbells,” he said, an odd note of emotion gone before she could identify it.

“But I will never understand how a mother—any mother—can give up her child.”

MARY KATE HOLDER

is a transplanted Aussie now living in sunny Florida. She married her husband four years ago after meeting him online in a karaoke chat room. They live with their dog and three cats who laze around the sunroom all day and think the Florida climate is so much better than rural Australia’s temperatures. When she’s not writing, Mary Kate likes to putter around in her garden or go fishing and is slowly learning to do home improvements—but it’s not quite as easy as it looks. She also is now a full-fledged karaoke fiend.

Second Chance Mom
Mary Kate Holder

MILLS & BOON

Before you start reading, why not sign up?

Thank you for downloading this Mills & Boon book. If you want to hear about exclusive discounts, special offers and competitions, sign up to our email newsletter today!

SIGN ME UP!

Or simply visit

signup.millsandboon.co.uk

Mills & Boon emails are completely free to receive and you can unsubscribe at any time via the link in any email we send you.

He gives the childless woman a family,

making her a happy mother.

—Psalms 113:9

To my husband, Tom with love—

thank you for asking me.

This book is dedicated to Pamela Hodder,

Mary Holder and Patricia Dick,

three incredibly strong and loving women

who inspire me every day. They are,

I’m proud to say, the mothers I have

been blessed with in my life.

Thanks to my dear friend Ada, whose kind

and gentle heart is an example to us all.

Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Epilogue

Letter to Reader

Chapter One

Annie Dawson sat alone in the crowded restaurant Today could very well change her whole life and bring her back into her little boy’s life. Toby…a child she’d thought she had given up forever.

What was he doing today? She looked out one of the large windows at the glorious sunlight, and blue sky in the distance. Was he outside right now playing with his brother and sister?

There wasn’t anything more pretty, more filled with possibility, than the lazy days of an Australian spring.

“Annie?”

Startled from her thoughts, she looked up at the sound of her name. Deep blue eyes, narrowed and questioning, surveyed her.

“It’s been a long time.” She shook the hand he held out to her. He pulled out a chair and sat down.

Jared Campbell hadn’t changed a lot over the years. His face still wore that serious look. Even as a boy he had seemed far too somber.

The dark suit was perfectly tailored. The shirt seemed even whiter against the bronze of his skin and the dark green tie was a conservative splash of color. From the top of his dark head to the tips of his shined shoes—about six foot four if she didn’t miss her guess—he exuded the confidence of a man in total control of his world.

Clean-shaven, yet there was just a hint of five-o’clock shadow on his lightly tanned face. His hair, a deep brown with gold flecks scattered through it, was cut short on his neck.

She felt helplessly casual in her knee-length khaki skirt and plain white cotton blouse that buttoned down the front.

“I apologize for being late. There was an accident on the motorway and traffic was stopped for miles.”

He filled her water glass and then his own from the crystal carafe on the table. He picked up his menu. “Would you like to order now?”

Annie nodded, ravenous despite the apprehension that twisted and tightened her stomach. In a few minutes their waiter arrived, scribbling down their order before hurrying off.

“I’ll admit right now I’m a little nervous,” she said.

“There isn’t anything to be nervous about,” he replied calmly. “Just tell me about yourself.”

She bit her bottom lip, wondering how it was that he didn’t already know everything there was to know about her.

“You’ve lived in Guthrie all your life, Jared. I know how well the local grapevine works. You probably know all there is to know.”

Being reminded of the life she had tried so hard to leave behind made her sad and angry. The sadness was a natural emotion. The anger was something altogether different. She struggled with it many times, calling on the Lord to help her let it go.

“Do you have any contact with your mother?”

“I haven’t seen her in almost a year.”

He frowned. “She doesn’t visit you?”

“My mother spent years trying to forget I existed. Why would she be interested in me now that she isn’t legally required to be?”

“She still drinks?”

“She did the last time I saw her,” she said truthfully. “It has ruled her life for as long as I can remember.” Alcohol was the only friend and companion she could ever recall her mother wanting.

“I’d like to know why you agreed to do this. I’m not offering money and I know for certain what I’m getting out of the deal. But Lewis wouldn’t reveal anything about your reasons for agreeing to marry me.”

Annie smiled at the mention of their mutual friend, the lawyer who knew more about her than anyone alive.

“You know what my childhood was like. Just about everybody in the town knew. Do you remember all those times you’d come home from football practice and I’d be at your house?”

He nodded. “You were so quiet, you barely said two words.”

“When your sister joined the Big Sisters’ mentor program at school, she changed my life. I could look in her eyes and not see the pity I saw from others.”

“Sara always had a big heart.”

“She made me feel like I mattered. She was the sister I never had. Now I have a chance to do something for her.”

He seemed to contemplate her answer for a few moments. “I know from what Lewis told me that you attend church. Faith has always been important in my life. I attend church regularly. Sara and James made sure it was a part of the children’s lives, too.”

Annie liked the easy way he spoke about his faith. It was refreshing. Lately, professing it had become very out of fashion for a lot of people.

“Sometimes faith is all you have and then you realize it’s the one thing that is always there…that and hope.”

He nodded. “So…you feel at peace with your decision to marry someone you’re not in love with?”

Annie had thought long and hard about that very thing. She had prayed to find the peace and resolve she now carried in her heart about it.

“Marriage is a partnership, as the ceremony says, not to be entered into lightly…not to be falsified.”

“There are some people who would agree that was what we were planning to do…if they knew.”

Annie clasped her hands together on her lap. “I believe our reasons for getting married are valid. We are trying to keep three children together in the only family environment they have ever known.”

Annie wanted to do this…she was meant to do this and not just because it would give her back the one person it had torn her heart out to be parted from.

“If we get married for the sake of the children, Jared, we’re not mocking the sanctity of marriage. We aren’t in love with each other, but we share a commitment to family and I’m sure we can be friends.”

“Why do you feel so strongly about the kids?”

“Because of the childhood I had. I’m in a position to help them have a life that I wished for every day, and I want a family to care for,” she said honestly.

“You sound very certain.”

“I am.”

He looked at her as if seeing her in a new light. “You’re very young. Just twenty-one?”

“Yes.”

“I’m thirty-three,” he said. “I remember what it’s like to be your age. What a person wants at twenty-one won’t automatically be her goal when she’s twenty-five. I need to be sure that you won’t suddenly get the urge to travel or take off for some other reason and leave the kids. They need stability.”

Annie needed that, too—a place to belong, somewhere to be needed. She had wanted to go back to Guthrie for so long, to replace bad memories with good ones. Now faith had shown her the path she felt sure she was meant to take.

“I was an adult by the time I was twelve, Jared. There’s nothing like watching your mother sober up after a three-day drinking binge to make you grow up real fast.”

When he didn’t reply she ploughed ahead. “I’m not afraid of hard work. I can do any domestic chore you can think of. I can cook, I can keep a nice house and I love children.”

Annie leaned forward. “I won’t let you down. I won’t run off and leave you because there isn’t anywhere I want to go. My goals may change, Jared, but if you choose to go through with this, my commitment, to those children won’t. And if you want me to sign a legal and binding agreement, I will.”

Annie sat back in her chair. The ball was squarely in his court. She had messed up once in her life, had lost her faith, but God had given her a chance to make amends. And when she told Jared the main reason she wanted to marry him, Jared would see why it was so important to her.

When their meal arrived, Annie ate with reserved delight. It seemed Jared appreciated his meal with the hearty appetite of a man used to hard work and home-cooked food. And he must work hard. His long, lean body—all flat planes and masculine angles—showed not an ounce of fat. He was toned and healthy.

“No legal contracts,” he said finally, watching her eat for a few seconds more before giving her an indulgent half smile that threatened to take her breath away.

She paused, fork in midair. “I’m sorry, is something wrong?”

“It’s refreshing to eat a meal with a woman and not have to watch her nibble on lettuce leaves and celery sticks like a martyr.” Approval showed in his expression. “You like your food.”

“Absolutely,” she said, smiling for the first time since he’d arrived. “It comes from being nine years old and never quite sure when the next meal might be. I learned to appreciate it when I had it.”

He surveyed her silently for what seemed like an eternity. “You really did have a horrible time of it growing up, didn’t you, Annie?”

She heard no pity in his voice and that was just as well because she didn’t need any. She wasn’t that helpless child any longer. She made her own decisions, lived her own life.

She had come a long way from that horrid little shack with its dingy walls and stained, fading carpets. “No worse than a lot of other kids—and I survived.”

He thought about her answer for a moment then asked, “Is there anything you wanted to ask me?”

“Why did you tell the social worker you were planning to be married?”

He looked up from his meal and Annie almost fell off the chair when one side of his generous mouth lifted in a genuine smile.

“Desperation. Caroline and Luke are foster children. Sara and James were in the process of adopting them both.”

“Are they blood siblings?”

“No. Caroline’s mother gave her up to the state when she was five,” he said, his look hardening. “The man she married didn’t want any other children in his house except his own. He gave the woman a choice…him or Caroline.”

Annie was stunned. “How could she choose a man over her own child?”

“I gave up asking why a long time ago. All I know is that little girl has brought a truckload of joy and sunshine into our family. It’s that woman’s loss and our gain.”

There was a fierce determination in his tone. He wasn’t giving any of these kids up without a fight.

“Luke’s mother was unmarried and apparently very sick for most of the time she had him. When she died he became a state ward, too.”

“Lewis said to see them together you would think they had been brother and sister their whole lives.”

“That was the kind of love Sara and James instilled in them. The same as our parents instilled in Sara and me when we were adopted.”

That two children born to different families and raised by two loving, gentle people could become as close as Jared and his sister gave her hope that Toby, Caroline and Luke could find that, too.

“Toby’s adoption went through soon after he was born. Sara and James named me as legal guardian in their will.”

If he noticed her sudden stillness, the way her breath caught and held, he made no mention of it.

“I don’t want to be married, Annie. But if that’s what it takes to allow me to adopt Caroline and Luke myself, then that is what I’m prepared to do.”

“I know about your aversion to marriage. Lewis told me you would rather have your teeth pulled without anesthetic than say the words ‘I do.’”

Jared smiled slightly. “He knows me well.”

“But what happens if you meet someone and fall in love, if you meet ‘the one’? It won’t be very convenient being married to me.”

“I believe in love, I believe in what my parents have, in what my sister and her husband had,” he said resolutely. “But I also believe it isn’t for everyone. My commitment to the children is the most important thing in my life.”

That commitment was evident. “How is your dad?”

“The cancer is in remission and the doctors are optimistic.”

“I’m pleased,” she said sincerely.

“Any other questions?”

“Not a question, really…”

“Go on.”

“Lewis said you do have a sense of humor, but I’d need a pick, a shovel and funding from a major mining corporation before I found it.”

His lips twitched but he managed not to give in to a smile, which, judging by the two he had already bestowed on her, was a real shame.

“Lewis is a good friend and a fine lawyer but he talks too much.” He motioned for the waiter. “Are you ready to leave?”

Annie nodded. She reached for the bill but Jared beat her to it, casting a frown that would have intimidated a lot of people in this room.

“Call me old fashioned, but when I take a lady out for a meal, I pay the bill.” He left enough to cover the cost and a generous tip. “If we go ahead with this, you’ll find I’m old-fashioned in a lot of ways.”

Annie felt a surge of pleasure to know that the man who very well could be her future husband believed in chivalry.

“You mean like opening doors, and waiting until a woman is seated before sitting down?”

“Among other things,” he replied, tucking his wallet back in his trouser pocket. “So if you’re a rabid feminist who believes men shouldn’t protect their women or try to make life easier for them, now is the time to say so.”

“I can live with that. Just so long as you remember that I’m no wilting violet, Jared. I’m capable, intelligent and more than willing to pull my own weight.”

“I think we’ll make a good team,” he said finally. “Lewis told me you don’t have a vehicle. I’ll save you the bus ride and drive you.”

The drive back to her apartment in the city was slowed down by rush hour traffic. “How big is your farm?” she asked.

He checked the rearview mirror of his four-wheel-drive truck and indicated before changing lanes. “Dad’s place has thirty thousand acres but I’m also working the land that James and Sara owned and it’s about the same size. A lot of it is just grazing land and some of that I lease out to other farmers, but I’ve got crops in.”

His words sparked a memory and Annie smiled. “When I was young and Mum was passed out I’d climb the big hill behind our old house and sit there looking out at the fields. The purple Patterson’s Curse. Yellow rapeseed. The brown of newly turned earth. And then the green fields. It always reminded me of a patchwork quilt.”

“You and my mother will get along like a house on fire. She calls our little corner of the world God’s canvas. According to her, the shades of nature are His watercolors and the goodness of men is His inspiration.”

“Your mother always was a wise woman. Very few people take the time to see the world like that.”

“She’s one in a million, all right.”

Later, when she was alone, she would sort through her emotions, but she couldn’t help but wonder what his life had been like before the Campbells had taken him into their family.

“What kind of animals do you have?”

“Sheep, milking cows, hens and horses.”

“Milking cows?” she queried. “You milk them and use it?”

That got an amused grin out of him. “Where did you think we’d get our milk?”

“I was hoping you’d say you stock up regularly from the store in town. I guess it’s too much to hope that you don’t butcher your own meat.”

He chuckled again. “Afraid so.”

He pulled into the parking garage under her building.

“Once we’re married—if we get married—will you teach me about being a farmer’s wife?”

“You won’t need teaching,” he replied, his eyes softer, his voice a deep baritone. “You’ll learn it as you live it.”

He got out of the vehicle and came around to her side, helping her down and escorting her to the elevator. As they waited, Annie knew the time had come to tell him about her past.

“Adoption saves so many children from never knowing love,” she said and began gathering the courage that had allowed her to contemplate marrying him. “You’re adopted. You know how well it can work. You’ll be able to help them through any transitions they have to make.”

She opened her mouth to tell him the secret only two other people had known, but the dark expression on his face, and the narrowing of those blue eyes, stopped her.

His jaw was clenched tight. “My life turned out better than I could ever have hoped when I came to live with the Campbells,” he said, an odd note of emotion gone before she could identify it.

“But I will never understand how a mother—any mother—can give up her child.”

A chill of foreboding washed over her. He was deadly serious. She could barely breathe. How could she marry him and keep the secret? She couldn’t lie, not to him, not about this.

A marriage built on a lie was set down on a foundation that would in the end crumble and hurt many people. Lies festered and boiled inside a person like an open wound.

Yet the alternative was to tell him and see the look of disgust on his face. He would call the whole thing off. She would not get to be a mother to the children. She would not be able to repay Sara for the friendship and the love she had shown her. Please God, she prayed silently, don’t let this fall apart now.

Her heartbeat accelerated. Her hands began to tremble ever so slightly and she realized why Lewis had suggested she not tell Jared about her past.

“You make adoption sound like the easy way out.”

“Isn’t it?”

The elevator pinged and opened for them. She pushed the button for her floor and waited, watching him, her breath lodged somewhere in her throat, her palms sweating.

“I look at Sara’s children and I know I’d die for them. I’m not even related by blood. How can a mother who gives birth to a child not have those same feelings…even stronger ones?”

The words were out of her mouth before she even thought about it. “There are cases, like Caroline’s for example, that are horrifying, but there are women out there who do it out of love for their children.”

She continued on, not even realizing how it might sound to him; she just said what was in her heart. “Giving up a child you love, never to see him or her again, is one of the most difficult decisions a woman in that position has to make.”

His gaze locked with hers instantly and Annie knew this was the moment to make her choice…to tell him and end it now or to keep silent about her past, about Toby, and try to live with the guilt she knew would compound day by day.

“I’ve watched television programs on adoption, read books written by woman who have gone through it…I even know a woman who did it,” she said quietly, swallowing the half truth and hating the aftertaste.

His expression remained as dark as it had been since the discussion was started. “But still they hand their children away like consolation prizes in a raffle.”

“I think you would find most mothers try to find a loving family who can give the child everything she isn’t in a position to.”

“Or doesn’t want to be bothered with.”

Annie wondered if his jaw would actually break, it was clenched so tight. Then he looked down at her, his blue eyes a darker shade than before, his mouth set in a grim line.

“We aren’t ever going to see this from the same side of the fence, Annie, so you had better know that now…before we go any further.”

If she told him about her past he would turn and walk away. If she stayed silent about her past, Annie would have to reconcile it within herself and deal with the consequences the lie would bring…and they would come.

With a prayer in her heart, she made her decision, already feeling the first tentacles of guilt wrap around her. “Then I guess we had better make it one of those topics we agree to disagree about.”

“You won’t ever change my mind on the subject.” His tone told her it would be a waste of time trying. “Tomorrow is Friday. I’d like to pick you up and take you back to Guthrie for the weekend. I’d bring you home Sunday. You need to meet the kids, spend time with them. I can’t really make a decision before I see you with them in their environment.”

Annie swallowed all her reservations and concentrated on why she was doing this. For Sara and James. For three children who were a family.

“Friday sounds fine.”

He ushered her out of the elevator as they came to her floor. “I almost forgot.” He extracted three wallet-size photographs from his pocket. “These were taken at Sara’s birthday party a week before she…died.”

“Thank you. It was thoughtful.”

He nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon about four? We can be home for the dinner my mother will no doubt cook.”

“I’ll be ready and waiting.”

“Be sure to pack a pair of sturdy boots and maybe a pair of jeans, too. The kids like nothing better than playing outside. I’ll be seeing you.”

Annie went inside her apartment and shut the door. Kicking off her shoes and tossing her purse onto the sideboard, she looked down at the photograph that was on top.

Caroline was beautiful even at age nine. Hair so blonde and eyes so blue she would one day have some man wrapped around her little finger. Luke’s dark hair was curly and his big brown eyes were filled with life. His smile shone through…infectious and wide. He was seven.

Annie hesitated as she came to the last photograph in the pile, turned facedown. She put it right side up.

She had counted every day of the last eighteen months. In the silence of her apartment, her heart hammering like a runaway freight train, she sat and stared into the beautiful face of the little boy who was her son.

The son she’d given to her best friend to raise.

Chapter Two

“Has she changed very much?”

Jared loved his mother dearly, but just the fact that he was entertaining the thought of getting married—and to Annie—had her smiling every time she saw him these days.

“She’s older.”

Eve placed her hands on her hips. “Very funny.”

“Don’t go getting mushy.”

“My son shows the first sign of interest in a woman in more years than I care to count and he expects me not to be happy about it?”

Jared sipped the coffee she’d poured for him, the homemade chicken pot pie settling warmly in his stomach.

“I was honest with Annie,” he told her. “She knows what kind of marriage this will be if we decide to go along with it.”

Eve came back to the table to sit opposite him. She reached over and touched his hand. “I want you to be happy. Life is…so short.”

Since the tragedy they had all leaned on each other a little more, drawn their strength from their faith, from God and the love and closeness of family.

He’d never seen his father cry until the day they’d buried Sara and James. They had all known the first year was going to be the most difficult. They’d had no idea it would mean fighting the system to keep their family together.

He marvelled at how his mother never looked any older. Her curly light brown hair was cut in a style that flattered her. Her blue eyes were as kind and gentle as he’d always known them to be. Her smile could warm any heart.

“Keeping Sara’s family together will make me happy.”

“You took a lot on yourself when your father got sick. You gave up your life in the city to come home and run the farm. We appreciated that. And now what you’re doing for the children is wonderful….”

“But…?”

“You go through life with such a single-minded determination, caring for everyone else.” She shook her head. “I thought things would work out with Melanie.”

Jared hadn’t thought of his ex-fiancée in a long time. The sad thing was that her leaving had barely caused a ripple in his life.

At the time, he’d accused her of wanting too much out of their relationship. Now he realized any woman he became involved with would be like Melanie.

They would want the parts of him that he dared not share, parts that he had locked away a long time ago. They would want him to make himself vulnerable and to trust them. He hadn’t trusted his heart and soul to anyone in so many years. He didn’t believe he ever would again.

He wanted what his parents had, but was unwilling to pay the price…opening himself up completely to the love of another person.

His mother sighed into the silence. “We hoped when you got married it would be for love…like your father and me. Like Sara and James.”

“I’ll be fine, Mum. I promise. Besides, there are reasons other than love to get married. Good, sound reasons.”

She didn’t reply but her expression told him she thought it was a load of hogwash. “Just be kind to this young woman, Jared. She has a very loving heart to want to do this for the children. Annie was always very sweet.”

“You’ll be happy to hear that she hasn’t changed in that respect.” He finished his coffee. “I’m going to take the kids home.”

“It’s so quiet in there. I can almost guarantee your father is asleep.”

When they entered the living room, Jared smiled at the scene. Caroline was sprawled on her stomach in front of the television. In the armchair, Mick Campbell cradled both his grandsons, one on either side. Luke’s eyes were closing slightly as he fought sleep. Toby had given up all pretense and was snoring softly.

His father had always been a tower of strength—active and energetic. Then as he’d fought cancer Jared had watched him fade to a shadow of the man he’d been…at least on the outside. On the inside, the fight of his life had made him so much stronger.

Eve went over and began waking the boys, her husband stirring instantly.

“Sorry I fell asleep.”

“You need your rest,” Jared said. “Besides, it kept the boys quiet.”

Caroline turned around and she smiled at her uncle. “Can we get a scarecrow?”

“How about we get a lion and a tin man, too?”

She sat up, brushing long strands of hair over her shoulder. “That would be silly,” she told him, her expression one of infinite patience. “We have nowhere to keep a lion and what good would a tin man be on the farm?”

“I’ll think about the scarecrow.”

His mother cleared her throat. “You do realize she thinks that is as good as a definite yes.”

“I know. But the day will come when she’s asking for a car. I figure I’ll indulge her while I can afford it.”

Caroline was already starting to get the boys’ things together. It took ten minutes to get slippers on feet, robes on over pyjamas and backpacks in the car.

As Jared buckled Toby in his car seat, Caroline helped Luke with his belt. He turned to his mother and father, both standing on the veranda.

Mick had his arm draped possessively around his wife and Jared saw what he did every time he looked at them together—a love that had taught him a lot growing up, a love he’d wanted to find someday. A love that he knew was always going to be out of his reach because he wasn’t willing to take the risk.

“I’m bringing Annie to dinner tomorrow night. She’ll stay the weekend.”

Eve smiled. “She can stay with us. I’ll make up the spare bed and give her the extra key so she can let herself in if we go to bed early.”

“Thanks, Mum. I figure being here even for a few days will give her time to get comfortable with the kids…and them with her.”

His mother cast a glance at Caroline in the front of the vehicle. “You need to think about what you’ll tell them, too. You can’t just introduce another woman into their lives and not expect resistance. Toby and Luke will probably be okay with Annie but…Caroline may need time.”

Jared scratched his head. “That’s going to be the tricky part.”

“Not to worry, son, you’ll find the words when the time comes.”

Jared nodded. “I hope so, Dad.”

As they drove away, the boys eventually fell back to sleep. Caroline searched for her favorite music station on the radio.

Jared’s thoughts turned to Annie. He remembered a lot about the life she had lived as a child. Her father, a hardworking farmer by all accounts, had died one month before her birth. Some people blamed Annie’s neglect on the fact that her mother had been so traumatized by the loss of her husband that she couldn’t bring herself to love her daughter.

It wasn’t for him to judge the woman…that was God’s right. But he felt heartsick every time he thought of the quiet, sad little girl Annie had been.

Back then there wasn’t a year that went by when child welfare didn’t arrive on the doorstep because of reports. Three and a half years ago, Annie had left town and nobody had heard anything of her since. He wondered if she even knew that her mother had packed and left soon after she did, or that the house of her childhood had burned to the ground?

Annie had been a surprise today, not at all what he’d expected. Her innocence had shone through but so had the little things he couldn’t help noticing. She was an attractive woman. The green of her eyes reminded him of an ancient jade statue he’d seen once at a museum while on a school field trip.

He’d expected her to be taller. For a woman who stood only five feet four she seemed far too fragile for life on the land. Even her hands had been impossibly petite, her fingers touched up with clear nail gloss. There was a gentle way about her.

His mother could play matchmaker all she wanted. He would never be any good as a husband, at least in the traditional sense.

Maybe his father was right. Perhaps he did let his past dictate his future more than it had a right to. But how did a person leave it behind? How did a person turn and walk away from beliefs so ingrained that even a loving family couldn’t banish them?

There wasn’t a day that went by that Jared didn’t wonder why his mother had started to hate him and blame him for everything that went wrong in her life.

Today he had been as honest with Annie as possible. All the way home to Guthrie he had allowed himself to imagine the life they could have…one built around the children.

Jared knew this weekend would be the test.

Once they arrived home, he put the boys into bed, knocking on Caroline’s door as he passed by.

“You can come in, Uncle Jared.”

She sat in the middle of her bed brushing her hair. She had the sweetest face and a gentle smile. Somewhere there was a woman who would never see this girl grow into a young lady, achieve, succeed and be happy. Jared would never understand. He had given up trying.

Caroline had been close to him before her parents’ death, but now she was his shadow. He’d even noticed that she’d tried to assume more responsibility. On more than one occasion he’d had to sit her down and remind her that he was the adult. She could still be a big sister, he had told her, but she didn’t have to try and be a grown-up, too.

That would come far too soon.

He’d wanted her to understand that she didn’t have to carry any burden, that her childhood was precious.

“I have something to tell you.” He sat down on the edge of her bed.

She looked at him, moisture in those big blue eyes, her chin quivering just a little. “Is that lady going to make us go away?”

Jared reached out and touched her hair, wanting to give her comfort, wanting her to feel secure. “No, she isn’t. But that is part of the reason I went into the city today.”

She waited, wide-eyed, a cautious expression on her face, her hands stilled now and resting in her lap.

“I’m bringing someone home this weekend to meet you and the boys. Her name is Annie.”

“Is she going to be our baby-sitter?”

“No, but I’m hoping she’ll be my wife.”

Caroline looked toward her window, eyes fixed on the night sky outside. “I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”

Jared called on all his patience and love to help her understand this. He was the only person she would trust to explain it to her.

“I don’t. I knew Annie when she was a little girl. She was a friend of your mother’s.” He reached out to cup her chin in his hand, bringing her gaze back to him.

“Caroline, she’s a good person and she wants to help me take care of you, Luke and Toby. I promised you I wouldn’t let you all be split up and sent away. I’m doing everything I can to keep that promise.”

“Then let her be our baby-sitter or our nanny. You don’t have to get married!”

“Sweetheart, nothing will change if I get married.”

She cast him a dark look. “Everything will change,” she said, placing the hairbrush on the nightstand and pulling her knees up to her chest.

“Caroline, this won’t be like when Janice got married,” he said, knowing she didn’t call the woman her mother. That word was reserved for Sara alone.

She looked back at him. “I want to be by myself now.”

He’d handled that like a real pro! Caroline had pulled up the drawbridge and set her walls in place. Jared just had to pray he hadn’t lost her trust or confidence.

He leaned over and kissed her forehead, then reached out to turn off the bedside lamp.

“Leave it on…please.” Her voice was so tiny, her tone unsure and tinged with a fear he knew only time and love would banish.

“You look like Rudolph.”

Annie looked across the desk at Lewis Devereaux. He’d grown up in Guthrie. He was a family friend and had gone through both high school and university with Jared. He was funny, compassionate and he told it like it was. He was also the one person Sara had trusted to handle Toby’s adoption. Since then he’d been a good friend to Annie.

“It’s been an emotional twenty-four hours.”

“Was I wrong to tell him you wanted to see photos?”

Annie shook her head. Lewis was such a sweet man. He might try to pull off the hard-nosed lawyer attitude but it never worked with her. He was a big-hearted softie but he had sworn her to secrecy when she’d mentioned it to him.

“It’s probably a good thing that I get this out of my system now. I can just imagine what kind of look I’d get from Jared if I burst into tears the minute I saw Toby.”

“The lunch meeting must have gone well. He’s told me to get all the paperwork in order so, barring any unforeseen events this weekend, you two can be married as soon as possible.”

He gave her a look of admiration. “I have to say, I didn’t think he’d go for it once you told him about Toby.”

“I didn’t get to tell him. And I found out why you told me not to.”

Lewis looked thoughtful. “And I can see you’re already beating yourself up about not telling him.”

“Lying is wrong. Not only that, but it just makes more problems.”

“You could look at it from the other point of view.”

Annie raised an eyebrow. “Which is?”

“It wasn’t a lie…it was an omission.”

She shook her head and wiped her eyes and nose again. “It’s a lie no matter what way I look at it, Lewis, but there isn’t anything else I can do. It’s for me to reconcile within myself…if I can.”

“Jared is a good man but a little too closed off when he wants to be. Nobody gets close to him easily. And he has a lot of baggage, most of it to do with his birth mother.”

“That’s what I don’t understand. The Campbells gave him a good life. He told me that himself. He saw how the lives of those children improved when Sara and James adopted them. How could he be so shortsighted about it when it brought good things into his life?”

Lewis came around the desk, propping his hip on the edge of it. “He’s seeing it from the other side. You know what it’s like to have to give up a child. He was a child given up. And he wasn’t a baby. He was almost a teenager.”

Annie blew her nose again. She felt sad for the child he had been and for how it had affected the man he was today.

“It’s like I told you at the start, those children need you. Jared needs you, too. It doesn’t matter why he’s marrying you. The fact that he’s willing to do it to keep those kids together is a start.”

She left his office determined not to cry as she walked to the bus stop at the end of the block. People rushed by her, but Annie didn’t notice them.

The tears would come at different times. She hadn’t been prepared for these emotions. It was a searing heat in the region of her heart…the feeling of a pit opening up, ready to swallow her whole.

She would never have entrusted her child to anyone else but Sara. Annie had known for many years of Sara’s plan to adopt children when she married.

When the time came to make the decision on her baby’s future, she had made the right one. Annie had also asked Sara not to tell her family that she was Toby’s natural mother.

There was always the chance she would for some reason return to Guthrie. She hadn’t wanted them to be uncomfortable or worried that she had come to take him back. She’d moved to the city long before conceiving Toby and nobody in Guthrie had known of her condition except Sara.

That was how she wanted it to stay.

Not telling anyone had just seemed better and Sara had respected her wishes. Now Annie was glad she had made the decision to keep it a secret between them. Jared would never have understood why she’d given her child away.

Her child. She savored those words, wondering why life had turned out this way. Fate had given her the chance to be his mother again.

How ironic that all she had ever wanted was within her reach because of a freak car accident that had killed Sara and James Monroe just six months ago.

Annie reached into her bag. She stared at the photograph again. Her doubts banished the guilt for now, as she gazed into eyes the same color as her own and wondered what it would be like to hold Toby in her arms for the first time.

Jared couldn’t help but smile when Annie opened the door to him that Friday afternoon. She wore a pale green lightweight cotton short-sleeved shirt, faded blue jeans and sturdy thick-soled boots. Her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, wild tendrils escaping to frame her face.

“You can take the girl out of the country,” he said, approval in his tone. “But there’s always a little country that you can’t take out of the girl.”

Annie let out the breath she’d been holding. “I want to make a good impression.”

“You don’t have to impress anyone.”

“I’m meeting your parents after a long time, and the children for the first time.”

Jared smiled. “My parents will love you.”

She picked up on what he did not say. “And the children?”

“Let’s talk about it in the car.” He reached for the small suitcase she had at her feet. Only when they were pulling out of the parking garage did he speak.

“I told the boys at breakfast this morning. Toby is too young to understand. Luke asked if you were pretty and if you could cook.”

She smiled. “And Caroline?”

“She’s going to need some time. Caroline’s afraid that when we get married it’s going to be a repeat of her past all over again, that something will happen and she’ll be pushed out, not wanted.”

Annie felt for the little girl. How horrific that memory must be for her. “We’ll just have to prove to her every day that it won’t be the same.”

“It’s not going to be easy.”

“I know, but if I can show them all I’m not a threat, that I’m not going to take you away from them, it will give us something to build on.”

“Until I spoke to Caroline I never realized that they might feel threatened by someone new.”

Annie turned slightly to face him. “Right now you’re the focal point of their lives. Of course they are going to be protective of your time and your attention.”

“Like you said, we’ll just have to make sure they know they come first.”

Annie cast a covert glance at him. He had dressed casually today. Moleskin trousers in a dark brown color, work boots with a thin film of dust on them and a crisp white shirt, unbuttoned at the neck. He was a very handsome man, his looks striking. He looked like an advertiser’s dream for country living.

For the next hour, conversation touched on many topics—politics, world affairs, different jobs they’d had. But both stayed away from personal questions, as if by silent understanding that the other person would not welcome it. Finally, she stifled a yawn.

“I’m sorry, Jared, I’ve not been sleeping a lot lately.”

“We’ve still got a ways to go. Why don’t you recline the seat and get some sleep?”

Annie did, but each time she closed her eyes her mind wandered back to a different time, back to the day she’d turned her back on Guthrie and walked away.

Seventeen and lost, angry with her mother and with God, Annie had traveled a path of loneliness, living mostly in shelters. Whenever she did find work, she made just enough money to get a room. They were barren and stark, usually with just a bed and a washbasin.

Then Chris had started working at the fast-food restaurant. He was kind and he smiled a lot. He became a special person in her life. They found in each other somewhere to belong if only for a while. He was estranged from his family for reasons he never did want to talk about.

The day she’d found out she was pregnant, excitement had warred inside her with fear. Angry as she had been at God, Annie had tried to live a life of His teaching. Still, in her heart she knew something as joyous as a baby couldn’t be a bad thing. It was God’s creation, just as she was.

She never did get the chance to tell Chris he was going to be a father, never would know what he might have said or done. Death had taken him from her life as quickly as he had come into it. Something as simple as a coughing fit turned too quickly into a fatal asthma attack. By the time she’d gotten to the hospital, he was gone.

The days after his death were still a blur to Annie. She had found it hard to cope with the grief. Each day it threatened to suck her into a black hole.

She was unskilled, with no high school diploma and no prospects of ever getting one. Suddenly having a baby on the way and being alone had caused her to make some tough decisions.

Toby might not have been a planned baby, but to the seventeen-year-old girl who had carried him inside her, he had been her guiding light. Because of Toby she had found her faith again. She began to trust the Lord again, realizing that when she had run from Him, He had not abandoned her, but had waited to welcome her back into His love.

Toby had made her want to be less selfish than her mother, to want more for a child that deserved something other than a life of poverty and struggle in a dingy, hole-in-the-wall bedsit.

There had been times during her pregnancy when she’d convinced herself she could raise a child alone. But the memories of her own childhood, of going without things she saw other children take for granted, were still so fresh in her mind and her heart.

She had wished away her childhood because it had been so bleak, without color and sound and laughter. Growing up had meant getting out, looking after herself. Having a life.

Envy was a sin, she knew, but oh, how she had envied the children, even the ones who had made fun of her with her charity clothes and shoes a size too big for her.

As the time to give birth to her child had drawn nearer, the nightmares had started—images of her child’s life being as miserable as hers had been. What kind of life could they have in the shoebox she lived in? What would she use to buy food and clothes and toys if she couldn’t work?

Sure there were handouts but she had lived like that with her mother. She remembered nights without dinner and days when her mother had drank until she slept for hours.

In the end, Annie admitted to herself what she’d been denying for nine months. She wasn’t about to take a chance with her baby’s future.

The cycle would stop with her, she had vowed. Her child would have something better. Jared thought it was easy for a mother to give up her child, but he didn’t know the nights she had spent crying herself to sleep.

It had taken a long time but Annie had finally stopped beating herself up about the decision she had made. At the time it had been the right one for her child.

Her mother had never taken Annie to church but she had found it on her own, and Sara had taken her many times. When she had been at her lowest and most desperate for guidance, for direction, she had found peace and a safe place to rest her weary heart.

Her faith had sustained her through the pregnancy and through the ordeal of giving up her son. Now that same faith filled her, and Annie felt it in her heart that God was giving her a second chance.

This time she had to get it right.

“Annie, wake up. We’re here.”

Jared almost hated waking her. She’d looked peaceful though a few times she had mumbled words he hadn’t been able to understand.

She came awake adjusting her seat. “Jared, it’s beautiful.”

He saw it every day of his life and still the beauty of this place and the scenery took his breath away, made him thank God.

They got out of the car and stood in the dusty driveway. The homestead wasn’t a mansion, just a place to call home. It was a solid structure of white weather-board and dark green trim. The veranda ran the entirety of the house. The house was nestled in a grove of native Australian trees, some of them still quite young, some a little more firmly rooted in the soil.

He wondered how Annie saw it. Would she be taken by the beautiful wattle tree with its prominent yellow blooms, the eucalyptus with their strong scent?

“Most people see the isolation before they see the beauty.”

“They must be blind.”

“Come on inside.”

“The children?”

“At my parents’ house.”

Part of her was grateful for the reprieve and part of her was anxious to see Toby.

As they walked to the house, Annie caught a movement out the corner of her eye. The dog was obviously old, and it didn’t move very well.

“That’s Murphy.”

She crouched down as the dog, not at all wary of her, approached. “What breed is he?”

“Good question…and one we’ve been asking since we found him curled in the shearing shed as a puppy. He looks like he’s got Australian kelpie in him.”

His deep black coat shone with health and his eyes were pale gray. He nuzzled the hand she held out and then moved a little closer to her and allowed her to pet him.

“How long have you had him?”

Jared crouched down beside her and Murphy instantly went to him, their body language speaking of a long, close friendship.

“Sara and I found him about thirteen years ago. She kept him when I went away to the city. He became the family pet when they got the kids.”

They walked toward the house, Murphy following them. “Any other animals I should try to win over?” she asked cheerfully.

They climbed the steps and Jared held the screen door open with his foot while he unlocked the front door. “We have numerous guinea pigs and rabbits out the back. We also claim one very irritable old cat and two young mousers we keep in the shed.”

Annie nodded. “The house is lovely.”

In the living room the furniture looked well-used but lovingly cared for, the floors a shiny wood. The kitchen was a sunny room with yellow-and-white spotted curtains and the same motif on everything—from the potholders to the water glass sitting on the sink.

“Sara liked sunflowers.”

Jared moved behind her. “Yeah.”

“They are such happy flowers, don’t you think?”

Jared shrugged. “I’ve never thought of a flower being happy but I guess they are.”

“You have a huge vegetable garden out there. And so many other flowers.”

If there was such a thing as heaven on earth, Annie was sure she’d found it. Back in the entryway, Annie noticed the family tree chronicled on the wall as she made her way slowly up the stairs.

It was a progression of photographs and portraits, some with an old sepia tone, some more modern black-and-whites and eventually color.

She took the stairs slowly, one at a time, meeting one generation after another. There were pictures of Sara in her youth—her smiling face and bright eyes, the blond hair and cheerful tilt to her head as she looked at the camera.

James, very tall, a little quieter looking and a serious teen. Pictures of them together, from high school graduation to weddings made a part of Annie both happy and sad.

Happy that they had found each other, sad because they had built the foundations of a good life and would not see any of the seeds they had planted grow to fruition.

“The family portraits are cute.” Jared came up behind her. “I often find myself looking at these here.”

Annie moved down the steps. Her heart clenched and her throat became tight as she looked at the portrait of them all together dated just one year ago.

Sara and James sat in the middle, Caroline beside her mother, hugging close. Anyone who didn’t know would take them for biological mother and daughter. Luke sat by his father, holding his hand and looking just a little shy. On Sara’s knee sat Toby, looking straight at the camera with eyes Annie would have known anywhere.

Her son was happy in this photograph, content. He was smiling and his life stretched before him was secure and full of promise.

“The world was lucky to have had your sister and her husband, if only for a little while.”

Jared remained silent and Annie understood. She made no more comments. She turned, leaving him to gaze at the photographs, caught up in his own memories.

Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.

Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».

Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на ЛитРес.

Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.