He’s forgotten how to be a daddy

But he’ll learn for his Montana Twins

It’s no surprise that Sawyer West doesn’t recognize the beautiful woman visiting his ranch. After an accident, he doesn’t remember anyone. Not even his twin toddlers. Still, something tells him he can trust Olivia Martin, who offers her help with the girls—and recovering his missing memories. Yet that trust may shatter when he learns why she’s really there...

PATRICIA JOHNS writes from Alberta, Canada. She has her Hon. BA in English literature and currently writes for Harlequin’s Love Inspired and Heartwarming lines. You can find her at patriciajohnsromance.com.

Also By Patricia Johns

Montana Twins

Her Cowboy’s Twin Blessings

Her Twins’ Cowboy Dad

A Rancher to Remember

Comfort Creek Lawmen

Deputy Daddy

The Lawman’s Runaway Bride

The Deputy’s Unexpected Family

His Unexpected Family

The Rancher’s City Girl

A Firefighter’s Promise

The Lawman’s Surprise Family

A Baxter’s Redemption

The Runaway Bride

A Boy’s Christmas Wish

Her Lawman Protector

Discover more at millsandboon.co.uk.

A Rancher to Remember

Patricia Johns

www.millsandboon.co.uk

ISBN: 978-1-474-09680-5

A RANCHER TO REMEMBER

© 2019 Patricia Johns

Published in Great Britain 2019

by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF

All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, locations and incidents are purely fictional and bear no relationship to any real life individuals, living or dead, or to any actual places, business establishments, locations, events or incidents. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental.

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Version: 2020-03-02

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She was beautiful, but it wasn’t her looks that kept his eyes riveted on her.

There was something there, just beneath the surface, that he could almost remember. He hadn’t felt that about any of the other people from his forgotten life.

“Will you help me to remember it?” he asked quietly. “That life with my wife. My daughters.”

“I wasn’t here for most of that part.”

“What about our friendship? I have a feeling that you mattered to me, too.”

“Yes. But Mia was the one who deserved you.”

What did that mean? He was about to ask, but then one of the toddlers threw a plastic cup across the kitchen, breaking the moment. Sawyer and Olivia both looked in that direction, and Sawyer cleared his throat.

“It’s a lot to ask to help a man get his memory back, I know...but I need help.”

“I’ll do what I can,” she agreed.

“Thank you.” And he meant it from the bottom of his aching heart. For the first time in his limited memory, he felt something close to comfort.

Dear Reader,

This is the last story in my Montana Twins miniseries, and I hope you’ve enjoyed the ride. If you just picked this book up and you like Montana-raised cowboys and adorable twins, you might want to pick up the two previous books, too.

You can find me online at PatriciaJohnsRomance.com. I’m also on Facebook and Twitter where I keep you up to date on my new releases and give you a view into my life. I’d love to hear from you!

Patricia Johns

Blessed are they that mourn:

for they shall be comforted.

—Matthew 5:4

To my husband, the love of my life.

Every year with you gets sweeter.

Contents

Cover

Back Cover Text

About the Author

Booklist

Title Page

Copyright

Note to Readers

Introduction

Dear Reader

Bible Verse

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Epilogue

Extract

About the Publisher

Chapter One

Olivia Martin pulled to a stop in front of the low ranch house, squinting against the late afternoon sunlight. She turned off her car and got out. The spring breeze was chilly, but the sunlight was welcomingly warm. She slipped on her leather jacket, and did a full turn, taking in the newly green fields to the west and the wooden fence that separated the house from the rest of the ranch. A beaten-up Chevy pickup was parked by the house, and the screen door was propped open. A child’s babble filtered out of the open door—a squeal, and then a laugh.

Olivia wouldn’t have come back to Beaut, if it weren’t for the crushing debt that her mother’s battle with cancer had left hanging over her and her brother. She had her own reasons for steering clear of this town, but it wasn’t just about her. Her brother, Brian, had stayed in Beaut after their mother’s death, burdened by a debt load that had stalled his life completely, leaving a tense bitterness between them. If her brother was going to have anything to do with her again, she needed to find a financial solution that would help him out. But the solution she’d found all depended on her old friend Sawyer West.

Olivia didn’t expect to find Sawyer at the house in the middle of the day. He was employed here at his uncle’s ranch, after all, and she’d figured he’d be out in a field somewhere. But standing by the fence, a boot hooked on the lowest rung and his hat pushed back on his head, was a familiar figure. She couldn’t see his face from where she stood, but she’d know Sawyer anywhere. A smile came to her lips as she sent up a silent prayer of thanks. Maybe this would be easier than she thought, because she sure had been praying hard for some success here with Sawyer.

“Sawyer!” she called. He didn’t move, and she started toward him, her boots crunching against gravel until she hit the grass. “Sawyer!”

He turned then, slowly and deliberately. He’d always been a good-looking guy and that hadn’t changed, but he’d hardened over the last two years since his wife’s death. Those laughing brown eyes had become flinty and cautious, and he seemed to have more scruff on his chin now than he used to wear before. She knew that the last couple of years had been hard on him... There was a white bandage on the side of his forehead, looking out of place. His level gaze landed on her, but his expression didn’t change.

“Hi!” Olivia felt her smile falter. “Sorry to just drop in like this, but—”

Sawyer looked at her quizzically, then his gaze slid past her toward the house.

“Sawyer?” she said.

“Who are you?” he said uncertainly.

Was he joking? But there was no hint of humor in those chiseled features. Something was very wrong here. She heard the screen door slam behind her and glanced over her shoulder to see Lloyd West, Sawyer’s uncle, sauntering toward her, carrying a blonde toddler in each arm. Lloyd was an awkwardly proportioned man. He had long arms and legs, hands and feet that seemed too big for the rest of his body, a sparsely whiskered face, a totally bald pate and a large nose. The toddlers seemed to be taking a real delight in trying to reach up and touch his shiny head.

“I know I probably should have called first, but I wanted to surprise you,” Olivia said, turning back to Sawyer. She smiled sheepishly. “Surprise.”

Sawyer smiled weakly, still eyeing her uncertainly. “You know me?”

Olivia blinked. Was he being serious right now? No, surely not. So why the act? Was he angry still? She licked her lips.

“I know it’s been a while, Sawyer, but come on. This is just cruel.”

Lloyd arrived then, and he put the toddlers down. One went for Sawyer’s leg, and the other squatted down to pick grass.

“Olivia,” Lloyd said with a lopsided smile that revealed a gap where he’d lost a tooth. He stuck out his hand. They shook, and Lloyd looked toward his nephew. “Do you remember her?”

“No.” Sawyer’s voice was low. “I’ve got nothing.”

“This is Olivia Martin. She’s an old friend.”

Sawyer gave her a curt nod. “Pleasure.”

“What do you mean?” Olivia’s mind was spinning. “Lloyd, what’s going on?” Her gaze stopped at the little girls. They had bright blue eyes, identical smiles and curls that had been gathered into nubby little pigtails at the sides of their heads. These would be Sawyer’s daughters—the reason Sawyer’s in-laws were so eager to reconcile with him to begin with. Even as she looked at Lloyd for some sort of explanation, she knew it couldn’t happen in front of the girls.

Taking the hint, Lloyd angled his head toward the house and took a step back, and Olivia followed him a few paces off. Sawyer watched them for a moment, then scooped the toddler into his arms and turned back toward the field.

“Sawyer was in an accident a couple of days ago,” Lloyd said, keeping his voice low. “He got kicked in the head by a cow when he was trying to put the chains on her for a difficult delivery. He was unconscious for about five minutes, and when he came to...this.” Lloyd sighed.

“What is this?” Olivia demanded.

“Temporary amnesia. He doesn’t remember anything. We took him to the hospital and they did a bunch of tests. The doctor says his memory should come back here pretty soon, so right now, it’s just a waiting game.”

“So Sawyer doesn’t remember me?” she asked hesitantly.

“Don’t take it personally,” Lloyd replied with a shrug. “He doesn’t remember me, either. Or his girls.”

She watched as the toddler who was playing in the grass headed in her father’s direction. Sawyer put down the other girl, and they both reached for their father and clutched at his jeans. He smoothed a hand over the tops of their heads but didn’t lean down to pick them up again.

“How long does it normally take to get memory back with his kind of injury?” she asked.

“A week or two, the doctor says,” Lloyd replied. “The damage isn’t too bad. It could have been a lot worse. But it’s good you’re here. Maybe you can jostle a few memories loose for him.”

Olivia smiled wanly. “If his own daughters aren’t enough... Maybe with Mia gone, he doesn’t want to remember.”

Mia was Sawyer’s late wife, and Sawyer and Mia had been Olivia’s best friends, but that was a long time ago.

“Well, his girls need their father to come back to himself,” Lloyd retorted. “So, he’d better start pulling up a few memories, no matter how painful they might be.”

Olivia pulled her fingers through her sandy blond curls. Her mind was spinning. She was here to try and mend fences between Sawyer and his in-laws. Mia’s parents, Wyatt and Irene White, had made her a deal: if she could soften Sawyer up enough to allow them access to their granddaughters, then they’d use their clout with the hospital board to help reduce the medical bills from her mother’s illness. The weight of that debt had been the reason her brother wouldn’t speak to her anymore. One reconciled family for another—that was the deal. But the timing couldn’t be worse. If Sawyer couldn’t remember anything, how could he reconcile with the Whites? But then again, if he couldn’t remember, maybe he’d be okay with them visiting the girls, after all.

Using his amnesia that way was underhanded, and she knew it. Olivia was an honest woman, and she wasn’t willing to manipulate an already vulnerable situation, no matter how high the stakes were. Sawyer’s memory would come back. That’s what the doctors said, right? She could hold off on convincing him until then.

One of the toddlers drummed her hands against Sawyer’s leg and started to cry. He bent down and picked her up then, and she tipped her curly head against his shoulder. He patted her back awkwardly, murmuring something to her that Olivia couldn’t make out.

“The problem is,” Lloyd went on, “we’re real busy right now what with calving and all. Sawyer being out of it has slowed us down, and I’ve had to stick around the house to watch him and the girls, so that sets me back even further.”

“Yes, I could see that being tough,” she agreed.

“How long are you out here for?” Lloyd asked.

Olivia had two weeks off of work at the hospital in Billings, and she wasn’t planning on staying a day longer than it took to iron things out around here. But there was slim chance of a reconciliation happening by then if Sawyer couldn’t remember anything.

“A couple of weeks, I suppose,” she replied.

“Because if you’d be willing to pitch in here with Sawyer, keep an eye on the kids a bit—”

“Who normally watches them?” she asked with a frown.

“Ellen Guise was their nanny. One of our relatives. But yesterday, she got a call from her daughter. Some sort of emergency with her mother-in-law in Tennessee. So she had to go,” Lloyd said. “I mean, she’ll be back in a few weeks, but it’s just tough timing all round. Look, the thing is, I can’t offer to pay you or anything. I’m in a real bind. Everyone else is as busy as I am with their own cattle, so I don’t have anywhere else to turn right now. It would free me up to get back to work. I’m just asking as a favor. I mean, if you had the time, or something. Besides, maybe you can help him to remember.”

Lloyd met her gaze pleadingly, and he rubbed a hand over his bald head. Then he let his hand drop to his side.

She’d come back to Beaut for two things: to try and reconcile Sawyer to his late wife’s family, and to do a little reconciling of her own with her brother. She couldn’t do either of those things until Sawyer was back to himself. When she needed his help so badly, how could she turn down the chance to help him in turn? Besides, this was Sawyer. She had some hard memories in this town, and she didn’t trust people to have changed a whole lot. But Sawyer had been one of the good ones. She sighed, glancing back at the rugged cowboy by the fence. She’d have to help him—she knew that.

“Do you think Sawyer wants me here?” she asked quietly.

“It’s all the same to him, I think,” Lloyd said. “At first, he was pretty freaked out, not remembering anything. Now he just seems like he’s given up. Stands there and looks out at the fields. I can’t let him come with me like this—he’s another accident waiting to happen. He needs someone to hang out with him, remind him of things.”

“Well... I do need to try and sort a few things out with my brother while I’m here,” she said. “But I could pitch in. For a few days, at least.”

“Would you?” Lloyd asked, a relieved smile breaking over his face. “Olivia, you have no idea how much that would help me. I don’t want to push you into anything, of course...”

“No, no, I’m happy to help,” she said.

“Thank you. Would it put you out too much to live here? I know you probably have something else arranged, but it would be great if you could stay in the house with us. I’ve got an office on the opposite end of the house from where me and Sawyer sleep. There’s a single bed in there. So it’ll be comfortable enough for you, and feel free to eat whatever you want from the fridge...”

“No problem,” Olivia said. “I’ve got a room booked at the hotel in town, but I can cancel that.” She’d help where she could, make some time to try to visit with her brother, and maybe by the time she left, Sawyer would be back to normal and he’d be willing to sit down with his late wife’s parents and make peace. God worked in mysterious ways, and perhaps this was all part of a bigger plan.

She could only hope. Because right now, her biggest priority was her relationship with her brother, and if she couldn’t offer him some sort of reprieve from their troubles, she doubted that he’d want anything to do with her again.

* * *

Sawyer looked down at the curly-headed toddler in his arms, and he struggled to latch on to a memory...any memory, but he came up empty. He hated this helpless, confused feeling, knowing these little girls were expecting something from him that he didn’t know how to give.

“Daddy.” She blinked at him, her big blue eyes fixed on his face hopefully. What she wanted from him, he wasn’t sure. He’d known these children for two days now, and everything before that was darkness. They seemed to know him well enough. Just like everyone else around here. Ranch hands, his uncle, doctors...they all called him Sawyer, which was his name, apparently, except for these little cuties. His heart softened just looking at them... They called him Daddy.

Sawyer couldn’t tell them apart. Lloyd told him that they were named Elizabeth and Isabella, or Lizzie and Bella for short. And they adored him and relied on him. They clambered into his lap, played with his shirt pockets and carried him a fresh diaper when they needed a change. The first time they’d done that, he’d been stunned, but Lloyd had assured him that this was his job. He was their dad, after all. And apparently, Lloyd wasn’t keen on diaper duty.

There wasn’t a mother in the picture. Sawyer had asked about that, and Lloyd had filled him in that his wife had died in childbirth. He didn’t remember his wife. Lloyd had dug out a wedding album, and he’d seen smiling people he didn’t recognize. Even the groom seemed like a stranger to him. The bride didn’t ring any bells, either. But she was pretty, and he knew he must have loved her by the look on his face in those pictures.

Lloyd and the young woman started walking toward him again. She was pretty, too, but in a different way from the bride in the photos. Olivia—wasn’t that what Lloyd had called her? She was relaxed, wearing jeans over the tops of her boots, and a blouse with a leather jacket on top of it all. Her hair was loose and curly, a dark blond color, and when her gaze met his, he noted the dark brown of her eyes.

“So, Olivia is going to stay with us for a few days,” Lloyd said as they approached.

“Oh, yeah?” Sawyer raised an eyebrow.

“I understand that you don’t remember me, but I’m—” Olivia swallowed, her gaze moving down to the toddler at his knees, then snapping back up to his face. “I’m your friend. We’ve got quite a history, and I was actually coming back to town to see you. So, if I can help out, I want to. I mean, if you’d be comfortable with me here...”

Sawyer shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

There was something about her—something almost comforting—that tickled in the back of his mind. But even without that, he understood why Lloyd wanted her to stay. Sawyer knew that he was in the way here at the house, on the ranch...everywhere. Lloyd was antsy, and he had other things he’d rather be doing than babysitting some confused cowboy who didn’t know his boots from his teakettle.

But I’m a cowboy, he thought to himself. Lloyd had told him that, and it felt right, somehow.

“I’ve got to get back out to the fields,” Lloyd said. “And Olivia can help with the girls.”

“Yeah, that would be great...” Sawyer didn’t mean to sound quite so relieved, but he was in over his head with Lizzie and Bella. He might be their dad, but that biological fact didn’t seem to be much help right now. “Look, I don’t remember anything...you included.”

“Lloyd filled me in,” she replied. “But your injury isn’t supposed to be permanent, so maybe while I’m here, I can help you remember a few things.”

“Did you know their mother?” he asked, glancing down at the toddlers.

“I was Mia’s best friend,” she said with a sad smile. “And yours, once upon a time. We three were inseparable there for a while. I was a bridesmaid at your wedding.”

“Oh.” He nodded. “I saw the photos, but you probably look different out of that frilly dress.”

“Yeah, I would.” She smiled.

So maybe she’d be an authoritative source for information. “Okay. You sure you don’t have better things to do?”

“Not really.” She shrugged. “You wouldn’t remember my brother, Brian, but he’s the only family I’ve got in town, so...”

“So, we’re settled then?” Lloyd interrupted, glancing at his watch. “Because if I could get out to the fields and pitch in tonight, it would make it easier on the rest of the guys.”

“Yes,” Olivia said, shooting Lloyd a smile. “Do what you need to do. We’ll be fine.”

“And you’re okay with this, right?” Lloyd asked him.

Sawyer shrugged. “Sure.”

It wasn’t like he remembered any of them right now, anyway. Olivia sounded rather confident, and maybe that was a good thing.

“Okay. Well, I’m going to head out for a couple of hours, and then I’ll come back and check in with you,” Lloyd said. He pulled a piece of paper and the nub of a pencil out of his pocket. He tore off a corner and scribbled on it. “That’s my cell number if you need me.”

“Thanks.” She looked at it, then tucked it into her pocket.

Lloyd gave them both a nod, then headed over to the pickup truck. Was it just him, or did Lloyd look like he was just about running to get out of here? Sawyer wasn’t sure he blamed him.

“I guess that leaves just us,” Sawyer said. “I feel like I should apologize for this.”

“Whatever,” she said. “It isn’t your fault.”

“No, but it’s highly inconvenient,” he replied. “Apparently, I usually work here. A lot of use I am like this.”

“You’re Lloyd’s nephew,” she said with a shake of her head. “You’re family.”

“Right.” He wished that meant more to him right now.

Sawyer scooped up one toddler then looked down at the child attached to his leg. He kept his leg straight, lifting her along with him as he headed back toward the house. The toddler squealed in delight, and he couldn’t help but laugh softly.

“So, one of them is Lizzie, and the other is Bella. I haven’t figured out which is which yet,” he said. “Do you know, by any chance?”

“I last saw your girls when they were newborns,” Olivia replied. “So I’m not much help. Wait—” She reached out toward the toddler in his arms and took her hand. “What’s your name, sweetie?”

“Lizzie...” the girl whispered. Olivia shot him a grin, and then bent down to the other toddler. “Is your name Bella?”

The other girl grinned impishly. “Lizzie!”

Olivia straightened and laughed softly. “Never mind. I thought I was onto something.”

“I tried that,” he admitted. “And Lloyd says he can’t tell them apart, either. When we figure it out, I’m going to have to mark them somehow.”

“What...like with a permanent marker?” she asked, shooting him a teasing look.

“You’re joking, but it’s not a bad idea,” he countered. “Apparently, I could tell them apart before, but now...” Sadness welled up inside of him, and he tried to push it back. “They say it’ll come back to me. Until it does, a nice B or L on their hands would be helpful.”

Sawyer disentangled the little girl from his leg, and then put his other daughter on the ground next to her. They scampered on ahead.

“Do you remember the accident?” Olivia asked.

“No,” he said. “The first thing I remember is waking up with blood on my face, and riding to the hospital in town. I don’t remember anything before it.”

“Nothing?” she asked, squinting over at him.

He shook his head. “Well, I mean, I remember some funny little things, like which cupboard holds the salt shaker. If I’m not thinking about it, I can go through the motions for some basic chores like washing dishes or making coffee.”

“So, the muscle memories are in there,” she said.

“Seems like,” he agreed.

“I’m a nurse, you know,” she said. “I work in an emergency room, and I’ve dealt with people with partial memory loss after a head injury, but never anything this complete. In the cases I’ve worked with, the patients usually get their memories back within a couple of hours.”

“Yeah?” He eyed her curiously. Maybe she could be helpful after all.

“What did the doctors tell you—exactly?”

“It’s a brain injury. Kind of like a bruise. But it isn’t getting worse, and it should heal in a week or two. My memory should return. They said they’ve seen it before.”

“Okay, that’s a good sign,” she said with a nod. “I’m sure relaxing a bit will help with that.”

He shot her a rueful look. “Try relaxing when the most important parts of your life have been erased from your head. Besides—I want to get out there. Do something. Feel useful.”

“That’s your way,” she said with a low laugh.

“What do you mean?”

“You like to work. You always did. You worked harder than any cowboy here.”

That wasn’t a bad thing. He smiled at the description. “It could be worse.”

“You need to relax,” she said, and her tone wasn’t amused.

The toddlers stopped at the steps of the house and turned around, heading back toward them. Their curls bounced as they ran, and one of them came straight for Olivia. She bent down and swept the girl up in her arms, planting her on her hip. The move was so natural that he found himself smiling at her.

Sawyer caught the second girl, and picked her up, too. It was easier with two adults. They weren’t outnumbered, and Olivia seemed more natural with the girls than Sawyer was.

“What’s your name?” Olivia asked brightly.

“Bella.”

“Yeah, you’re Bella?”

“Bella.”

Sawyer looked at the toddler in his arms. “Hey, Lizzie,” he said softly.

“Daddy...”

Sawyer looked over at Olivia, his heart speeding up. “Did we just do it?”

“I think we know who’s who,” she agreed.

“Okay, don’t put her down,” Sawyer said, waggling a finger at Olivia. “We’re finding a marker.”

“That was a joke,” she laughed.

“It was a good idea. I need to tell them apart.”

Sawyer led the way up the steps and into the side door of the ranch house. He might not remember much, but he did have a mental picture in his mind of a junk drawer of some sorts that had a big felt-tipped marker inside. He looked around the kitchen, unsure of where to start, so he began at the first drawer he saw, pulling it open, then closing it when it wasn’t the right one. On the fifth drawer, he found it.

“There we go.” He pulled out the marker with a grin. “If there were a mother I’d have to explain myself to, I might be a little more worried. But I’m their dad, right?”

“So I’ve been told,” she replied with a small smile.

“Yeah, well, as their dad, I figure telling them apart is pretty important. I need something that won’t just wash off.”

“Okay.”

“So I’m making a responsible parenting decision here.” He held up the marker, watching her for a reaction.

“You’re their dad,” she said with a nod. “It’s your call.”

While he didn’t remember anything about them, being their father still mattered. In fact, as confused as he was, focusing on being their father had been what had held him together so far.

Sawyer pulled off the cap and took Lizzie’s hand. He wrote a small L on the back of her hand, and then blew on it to dry the ink. Lizzie looked down at her hand in curiosity, and he put her down on the kitchen floor, then reached for Bella’s hand. She held hers out happily, and he wrote a small B.

Bella pursed her lips to try and blow, and he laughed, then blew on her hand to make sure the ink was dry.

“There,” he said. “That’s one problem solved.”

It felt good—a victory. Olivia put Bella down, and the girls scampered off to a bucket of toys in the corner and dumped it out. He watched them for a moment... It still felt unreal that he was a father and that these little girls were actually his.

“What was I like?” he asked, glancing toward Olivia.

“You were serious,” Olivia said. “And stubborn. Really stubborn. You knew what you wanted and you didn’t let anything get in your way. You wanted to help your uncle grow this ranch—you thought you could double the herd size with the right support.”

“Hmm.” A goal. He liked the sound of that. “How did you and I know each other?”

“We met at the diner where I was working. We just kind of...clicked. It went from there.”

“And you live in town still?” he asked.

“No, I moved for college,” she said. “Right after you got married. I live in Billings now. I work at the hospital there.”

He frowned slightly, taking her in—the tangled curls, the soft brown eyes, the pink in her cheeks. “What was my wife like?”

Olivia’s expression froze, and then she glanced away.

“Perfect for you,” she replied. “Mia loved horses and cattle. She wanted a ranch life. And she was quiet enough to balance you out.”

“I take it you didn’t want the ranch life like we did,” he said. “Since you moved.”

“I wanted...” She looked around the kitchen, her gaze turning inward. “I didn’t want to stick around Beaut. I guess I just wanted more.” She winced. “That sounds insulting. I don’t mean it to be. I just didn’t want a rural life. I wanted a new start. I wanted...streetlights and a nightlife, and more people. I was tired of living in a place where everyone knew my personal business, or thought they did.”

She was beautiful, but it wasn’t her looks that kept his eyes riveted to her. There was something there, just beneath the surface, that he could almost remember. He hadn’t felt that about any of the other people from his forgotten life that he’d met so far. But he had a foggy memory—a black coat and a woman facing away from him. He put out his hand and touched her. She turned—

Then nothing. He couldn’t get any more of it, but it felt connected to her. Or was the memory of his wife and talking to a woman bringing it back? He couldn’t tell. Not remembering was a strange weight. He was sad—or was that sadness some part of a memory that he couldn’t place, like the woman in the black coat? He wished he knew. It was confusing and frustrating. All he had was these shards of memory that didn’t fit anywhere, and sadness so deep that it made his chest sore.

“Will you help me to remember it?” he asked quietly. “That life with my wife. My daughters.”

“I wasn’t here for most of that part,” she said with a quick shake of her head.

“Right...” So she might not be able to help with that as much as he’d hoped, but still, when he looked at her, that memory of the coat kept brushing so close that he could almost touch it. “What about our friendship? I have a feeling that you mattered to me, too.”

Olivia blinked up at him and she opened her mouth to say something, then stopped.

“Did you matter to me?” he asked. He needed to know that much.

She nodded. “Yes. But Mia was the one who deserved you.”

What did that mean? He was about to ask, but then one of the toddlers threw a plastic cup across the kitchen and it clattered into a corner, breaking the moment. Sawyer and Olivia both looked in that direction, and Sawyer cleared his throat.

“It’s a lot to ask to help a man get his memory back, I know...but I need help.”

“I’ll do what I can,” she agreed.

“Thank you.” And he meant it from the bottom of his aching heart. For the first time in his limited memory, he felt something close to comfort.

Chapter Two

It was odd to be standing here with a man she’d known for so long, talking like virtual strangers. Sawyer wasn’t quite the same as Olivia remembered him. She figured that would still be true even if his mind was fully intact. He might not have his memory, but these last hard years hadn’t been erased; she could see that in the lines on his face and the strands of premature gray around his temples.

Sawyer crossed the kitchen to the coffee maker and reached for a stack of filters. Olivia watched him work for a moment. He’d bulked up a bit since the last time she’d seen him, making him move with more confidence. His hands—she noticed them as he fiddled with a coffee filter—looked tougher, more calloused. He glanced instinctively toward the toddlers, who sat in the middle of a plastic minefield of toys.

“You used to like baseball,” Olivia said.

“Did I?” Sawyer glanced over his shoulder. “Playing it or watching it?”

“Both,” she replied. “You played in high school, at least, but that was before I was in high school, and before we properly met. You’re older than me by a couple of years, by the way.”

“Right.” He smiled.

“We used to play catch in the park, you and me. When you weren’t working. You worked a lot.”

“Did you play baseball, too?” he asked.

Olivia would have...but there had been some women who’d liked to play with the local team who’d been part of spreading those rumors about her, and avoiding them had been simpler and less painful than standing her ground and facing them down. At that point she’d been so tired from the constant badgering around town, that she’d just let people believe what they wanted to about her. If they wanted to think she was sleeping around, then so be it, because no one was listening to her anyway. It was easier in the moment, at least. But it had confirmed that getting out of Beaut was the only option she had.

“No, I wasn’t into baseball,” she said. It wasn’t entirely true—but it wasn’t really a lie. Joining the team would have been fun under different circumstances, but all she had was reality, not a fairy tale. And in her reality, baseball hadn’t been right for her at all.

“Huh.” Sawyer cast her a peculiar look, then turned back to making the coffee again.

“Why?” she asked. “Do you remember something?”

“No, you just really tensed up when you said you weren’t into baseball,” he replied. “What’s up with that?”

“Stuff I’d rather forget,” she said, forcing a smile, then nodded toward the coffee maker. “You remember how to make coffee.”

Sawyer nodded. “I realized that yesterday. How did I take my coffee when you knew me?”

“How have you been taking it so far?” she asked.

He screwed the lid back onto the coffee canister. “Lloyd has been handing it to me black.” He flicked the button on the coffee maker and turned back toward her. “I’ve been following suit when I make it myself. Is that how I liked it?”

Olivia shrugged. “When I knew you, you used to take a dribble of cream and about five spoons of sugar.”

He frowned slightly. “That sounds gross. Are you sure?”

“Maybe you changed how you took it,” she suggested. “I mean, maybe you started worrying about your health.”

Or maybe Mia had started worrying about it. Olivia couldn’t speak for what had happened in his marriage.

“I’ll try it both ways,” Sawyer said. “Maybe you’re right.”

And maybe she wasn’t... She’d adored Sawyer, but had she known him as well as she thought?

“How much did you and I hang out?” Sawyer asked.

Was he thinking the same thing?

“Quite a bit, back in the day,” she said. “After you graduated, a lot of your friends had left for the city, and I didn’t have a lot of friends anymore, besides Mia. So you and I kind of bonded over the lack of other options.”

“That doesn’t sound like a great foundation.” But a smile tugged up the corner of his lips. “What do you mean, anymore? What happened to your friends?”

“I wasn’t terribly popular,” she hedged. “I was quiet. Kind of boring. And senior year, everyone decided to pick on me.”

“Oh...” His gaze filled with sympathy. “I’m sorry.”

“It was a good thing, in a roundabout way,” she countered. “For us, at least. We might not have given each other much of a chance if we’d had other options. We wanted opposite things out of life, so we were a bit of an odd couple.”

“Did we date?” he asked. “You called us a couple.”

“No, I meant that in the most platonic way possible.” She felt her smile slip.

“But you were friends with my wife,” he said. “I’m just trying to piece it all together here.”

“Before you two started dating, Mia hung out with us a lot, too, and she was crazy about you. She harbored this huge crush, and it took you a while to clue in.”

Sawyer met her gaze, but didn’t answer.

“So, maybe you had more options than I did,” Olivia conceded. “But Mia was beautiful and fun, and she could ride better than you.”

“I don’t know why, but I feel mildly insulted with that,” he said with a soft laugh. “How well do I ride?”

“Better than you play baseball,” she joked. But then she remembered that he didn’t know, and she sobered. “You’re a really good rider. You always have been. You go on the cattle drives to move the herd, and you come back with all these stories about hungry wolves and belligerent cows.” She paused, remembering the way his eyes would sparkle when he embellished his tales. “You taught me to ride.”

“Am I a good teacher?” he asked.

“No.” She crossed her arms, as if she needed to defend her position on that. But he really hadn’t been. He expected his students to function on instinct, like he did.

“No?” He laughed softly. “But you said I taught you. That’s something.”

“You’re bossy,” she countered. “You yell a lot when you’re teaching. After that first ride, I wouldn’t take your calls for a week.”

“Oh. Sorry. Obviously, we made up.”

“Just barely.” Olivia chuckled. “We had fun, mostly. When you weren’t bossing me around and telling me I’d get myself killed. We were good friends.”

“So, this is your chance to turn the tables, I guess,” he said, sobering. “I’m the one who doesn’t know what he’s doing.”

“I’m a nicer teacher,” she said with a short laugh. “You don’t have to worry that I’ll take my revenge.”

The coffee maker burbled as it dribbled fresh brew into the pot, and Bella toddled up to her father and held a plastic toy up for his inspection. Sawyer bent down, looked at the toy seriously, then said, “Very nice. I like it.”

Bella looked at the plastic block in her fingers as if seeing it again for the first time. Then she smiled up at Sawyer, her blue eyes glittering.

The girls remembered their father just fine, and they obviously recognized their daddy in this broken version of him. Olivia recognized the old Sawyer in him, too. She always had been able to get him to relax. But there was something different there, as well...something foreign around the edges. When you stripped away someone’s memories, maybe it loosened up other parts of their personality that had been held down.

Or maybe there had been sides to him that she’d never known...that he’d never opened to her. That was possible, too.

But she had been his friend, even if she’d kept her distance in the last few years.

Olivia pulled her phone out of her jeans pocket and glanced down at the screen. No missed calls. That meant that despite all the messages she’d left for her brother, telling him she was going to be in Beaut, Brian hadn’t called her. She’d come back to town for Brian...to try and mend this rift between them. If it weren’t for him, she wouldn’t have returned. Her life here was over—this town couldn’t be home for her again.

“Sawyer, I’m going to go make a call,” she said.

Sawyer looked up from where he crouched next to his daughters. “Sure.”

Olivia slipped out the side door and walked a few paces away from the house. She could hear the growl of a tractor’s engine somewhere in the distance, and the sunlight warmed her shoulders. There was no breeze right now, just sunny warmth, and she dialed her brother’s number once more.

It rang four times, then the voice mail kicked in: “Hi, it’s Brian. You know what to do.”

She hung up. She’d already left three messages.

Lord, what do I do? she prayed. He won’t talk to me, and I’m kind of intimidated here. He’s my little brother, and he can’t stand me. Do I deserve this?

Olivia had said she was leaving Beaut in order to go to school, but there was more than a simple desire for an education and a career that pulled her away. This town was the kind of place that had a long memory. Olivia had always thought of herself as pretty tough, but those rumors had been devastating. People looked at her differently. They whispered when she walked by. It didn’t matter that the rumors weren’t true—they were juicy, so they had spread like wildfire. They had affected the way Olivia saw herself, eroding her sense of self-worth. Just as soon as she and her mother had scraped up enough money for college, she’d left for Montana State University and never looked back.

The problem was, she felt guilty. She’d had good reason to leave Beaut, but she’d left Brian behind, and she’d always been a little extra protective of him. From where Brian stood, Olivia had abandoned both him and their mom. They hadn’t known she was sick yet, and when Olivia left town she’d thought she had decades left with her mother in her life. And now that she wanted to make up with her brother, he wasn’t interested.

Still, Brian didn’t know that she might have a solution to their mutual money problem...

As if on cue, her cell phone rang, and she looked down, hoping to see Brian’s number. It wasn’t—it was the Whites. She sighed and picked up the call.

“Hello?”

“Olivia.” It was Irene. “You must have arrived in Beaut by now.”

“Yes, I’m here,” she said. “I arrived this afternoon.”

“Have you spoken with Sawyer yet? I mean, I hate to hound you, but Wyatt and I are just sitting here waiting, and the wait is worse than when Wyatt was running for office!” Irene laughed at her own little joke.

“Right.” Olivia sighed. “Well, I’m going to need a bit of time. As you know, I haven’t been back to town in years, and I cut a lot of ties when I left, so...”

“Will Sawyer not talk to you?” Irene asked.

“No, it isn’t that, it’s just... I appreciate that you’re willing to help Brian and me with the hospital debt, and believe me, I don’t want to jeopardize that. But I need to be able to do this in my own way.”

“We don’t mean to be demanding, but we are offering you a rather large recompense for your time,” Irene said.

“But it is my time,” Olivia replied, then tried to soften her tone. “I want to help you reconcile with Sawyer—you know that. But this can’t be rushed.”

“We’d just like a general timeline, so we aren’t jumping at every phone call,” Irene said.

Was that a reasonable request? Probably, but the situation here in Beaut was not what any of them had anticipated, and Olivia suddenly felt tight-lipped about the details.

Sawyer was incredibly vulnerable right now, and he’d asked her to help him remember...not to complicate his life further with his late wife’s parents. If they knew he didn’t remember them, they might seize the moment to press him when he had no ammunition to fight back. She couldn’t let that happen. When his memory returned, she could present their case, but until then, she couldn’t take advantage of his weakness for her own gain—or for the Whites’.

“I’m not playing games. I don’t know how long this will be, but I will call you the second I have news.”

Irene sighed, then there was the muffled sound of her covering the phone and the murmur of voices. Then she came back on the line. “We appreciate anything you can do on our behalf, Olivia. You’re like a daughter to us.”

A daughter who had to do them favors to get one in return...but still. They’d kept Olivia close after Mia’s passing, and in a way, it seemed to keep Mia’s memory alive for all of them.

“I’ll be in touch as soon as I can,” Olivia said. “I promise.”

After saying goodbye, she hung up the phone, and stared at it in her palm for a moment.

The Whites wanted results, and they were used to getting them. Wyatt White was a senator, and his wife had been the financial engine behind his political career. They were used to having to wait on results for things like elections, but not being forced to wait by people like Olivia.

She was putting off the very people who could lift the burden for her and Brian, but her conscience wouldn’t allow her to do any less.

Father, guide me, she prayed. She needed God’s blessing more than she needed the Whites’ money.

* * *

Coffee had been something familiar—making it, waiting for it, listening to the sound of the burbling coffee maker... And Sawyer had so little that was familiar. Olivia said he used to like his coffee sweet and creamy, so he was giving it a try. He took a sip, and made a face. Too sweet, a bit filmy on his tongue.

The screen door clattered shut behind Olivia as she came back into the kitchen.

“Don’t like it?” she asked. “Which one is that?”

“This is cream and sugar,” he replied, and turned to dump the mugful of coffee down the drain. He poured a fresh mug and took a sip of the black coffee. It tasted fresh, bitter, smooth. “Mmm. Yeah. This is good.”

Olivia pulled out her phone, glanced down at the screen, and then pocketed it again. She looked distracted, and he felt a wave of misgiving.

“Are you putting off plans for me?” Sawyer asked.

“Hmm?”

“You’re checking your phone,” he said. “If you have stuff to do, I don’t want to keep you here. I know my uncle is worried about me, but I can handle the girls for a while—”

“No, no,” she said quickly. “I’m fine. It’s nothing.”

He didn’t believe that. He might not remember Olivia, but he knew what tension looked like, and she had tension written all over her. It was brought out by baseball and phone calls, apparently.

“I’m not as helpless as I look,” he said, and he made a point of not touching the bandage on his head.

“I don’t think you’re helpless,” she said.

“Sure, you do.” He fixed her with a direct look. “And I might not have my memory, but I’m okay. I don’t want to be your obligation here.”

“Sawyer, you have a brain injury. You might have all the best of intentions, but you need a little looking after. Sorry to break it to you.”

A faint smile tickled at the corners of her lips, and he thought he saw some friendly teasing in that gaze. Maybe it wasn’t so terrible to be spending a few days with this woman. They’d been friends once, apparently, and he could tell what he must have seen in her before. She was likeable.

When she looked at him like that, he was reminded again of that fragment of memory—the woman in the black coat, how he had put his hand out to touch her. She turned...and he couldn’t remember more than that. Except this time, he recalled snow on the ground—mucky, wet, dirty snow on the edge of a sidewalk. Nothing else. It was frustrating having these little shards of memory that didn’t connect. He needed to find where they fit in.

And he had already tried doing that sitting inside.

“Okay, so even if I am recovering here, it doesn’t mean we have to sit in the house and stare at each other. You want to get out for a bit? I have a feeling Lloyd is going to be a while.”

“I have that same feeling,” she agreed. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well, my uncle doesn’t want me helping out on the ranch until my memory’s back. So maybe we could start out where I used to work—at the barn maybe.” He looked down at his rough, calloused hands. “You said I used to work a lot, right?”

“You did,” she agreed. “It might jog a few memories.”

Bella and Lizzie looked up at them, and Olivia glanced around the kitchen. “We should bring something for the girls. What do they snack on?”

“Um...” Yeah, and he’d just been saying he could take care of things on his own. “I’m not sure.”

Olivia opened a cupboard, looked through the contents and then moved on to the next.

“Yesterday they each had a sippy cup around this time of day. Lloyd got it for them,” he added.

Olivia went to the fridge and opened it. “Ta-da.” She pulled out two cups, both filled with milk. The toddlers beelined toward her, holding their hands out for the milk, and she gave them the cups. The girls started to drink. Bella spun in a circle as she slurped on the rubber mouthpiece, and Lizzie sat down to drink.

“Cereal?” Sawyer asked, pulling a box of Cheerios out of a bottom cupboard.

“Put some into a baggie,” Olivia said.

“I don’t know where to find those...”

The next few minutes were spent putting a toddler-friendly snack together and piling everything into a diaper bag that Sawyer did know the location of. It turned out that there weren’t baggies, but there were plastic containers, and soon enough they were heading out the side door, each of them carrying a child in their arms, and the diaper bag slung over Sawyer’s shoulder. He glanced back at Olivia, and shot her a smile. It felt good having her here with him—a little less lonely. Or was he just responding to being with a beautiful woman? Here’s hoping he wasn’t that shallow.

They headed down the gravel drive toward a winding road. It was downhill from there toward the barn—Sawyer had stared at it all morning, trying to tease some memories free. A young blue jay squawked at them from high in a tree.

“Birdie,” Bella said.

“Yeah, that’s right.” He smiled down at his daughter, then glanced over at Olivia. “So, tell me about you and me. What should I remember?”

“You’re older than me by about two years, so we didn’t run in the same circles,” she said. “But you liked to eat in the diner where I was working, and one night you were the only guy in there. And we started talking. Turned out, we both liked the same movies.”

“And rest is history?” he said wryly.

“I guess so. We got along. I mean, we didn’t have a lot in common. You were a ranch hand, and I was a recent high school grad, saving up to go to college for nursing. You were ready to spend the rest of your life here while I was pretty determined to get out of town. Your girlfriend had already graduated a year before, and after she worked for a year, she left for college. I think she was going to travel a bit first. Anyway, before she left, she dumped you. That was at the same time I was graduating. So when we met, you were a bit heartbroken.”

“Ouch...” he murmured, but he didn’t feel it. It just seemed like the appropriate thing to say. This was like listening to a story about other people. He couldn’t remember any of it.

“We just...clicked,” she said. “We cheered each other up.”

“So, what did we do together?” he asked.

“Oh, we went to movies, ate out, went to the local fair...that kind of thing. I was your date at some family event, but that was just because your great aunt had been overly attached to your ex-girlfriend, so you needed some distraction.” She laughed softly. “She wasn’t overly attached to me...”

“So I have a great aunt?” he asked.

“You did. She passed away, I think.”

Their boots crunched over the gravel, and Bella started to wriggle in his arms, so he set her down and let her walk. Olivia followed his lead and put Lizzie down, too.

“And you came back to see me...” He looked over at her, and some color tinted Olivia’s cheeks.

“I came back for my own reasons. Seeing you was...a bonus.”

“Ah.” Sawyer pushed his hands into his pockets. “You aren’t going to tell me, are you?”

“Tell you what?” Her gaze flickered toward him.

“What was really between us,” he said.

Olivia sighed. “I’m being honest. We were friends. All friendships have different balances between them, I suppose.”

“And ours?” he prodded.

“Like I said, your girlfriend left you for college,” she said. “And I was going to do the same thing. I had plans to get my education and I didn’t want a life here in Beaut. We both knew that a romantic relationship between us couldn’t go anywhere.”

“So there was some history between us...something more than just friendship,” he clarified.

“You ended up marrying my best friend,” she replied. “That’s the history that matters.”

“I agree, but you and I stayed in touch, it seems.”

“I came to the wedding,” Olivia replied. “I was the maid of honor. But after that, I...gave you two space.”

“So, we didn’t manage to hold on to that friendship after all,” he said. Why was she being evasive here? He could sense that there was something more she didn’t want to tell him.

“No,” she said.

He nodded. Apparently, he’d had his own life with his wife. It seemed strange that they’d just lose touch like that, and a little sad they’d lost a friendship that had mattered to them very much. What wasn’t she telling him? “So, why did you come back? Why did you show up here?”

“Because—” Olivia cast him an apologetic look. “I came back to see my brother. I have to patch things together with him one way or another, and he’s really bitter toward me. I’d hoped that you might be able to help me with that...but obviously, you have your own stuff to deal with right now.”

They both paused as the toddlers got distracted with a stick. She wasn’t here for him, exactly. That might explain the tension he sensed in her earlier.

“Maybe I can still help,” he offered.

“No.” Her voice firmed. “You need to get your memory back. Don’t worry about me. I’ll sort it out.”

“I guess I’m not much use right now,” he admitted.

“Not for this,” she said. “Just focus on getting better.”

The barn wasn’t far away now, and Sawyer’s gaze swept across the cow-dotted field, over the corral that held a couple of horses. Was this familiar? He dug about inside his head, looking for something, some sense of connection at the very least...but there was nothing.

“Horsey!” Lizzie said, pointing. She hopped up and down. “Daddy! Horsey!”

“She must like horses,” Olivia said. “Should we take them over to get a closer look?”

“Yeah, sure.”

But his mind wasn’t on his daughter’s delight. He was wondering why he felt some strange sense of connectedness with Olivia, and had felt nothing when Lloyd had shown him pictures of his dead wife. What did that say about him? Had Sawyer been a good husband? Had he harbored feelings for another woman? He didn’t like that thought. He might not remember anything, but he did have a sense of right and wrong.

Who was I?

And would he be proud of who he was once he figured that out?

They headed down a straight road that led to the barn. There were no workers around that Sawyer could see, and the lowing of cattle that came on the grass-scented breeze was oddly soothing to his system. He sucked in a deep breath, feeling the muscles in his shoulders relax.

Bella came over to Sawyer and held up her hands. He picked her up and she settled against his shoulder, one tiny hand planted on the back of his neck. Lizzie came running up, too, but Olivia swept her up into her arms and made an exaggerated surprised face.

“What happened there?” Olivia asked Lizzie. “Did I get you?”

Lizzie laughed, and Sawyer couldn’t help but smile. He’d known these toddlers for all of two days that he could remember, but he was already attached. Sawyer led the way over to the corral.

The largest of the two horses ambled over toward them, pushing his nose into Sawyer’s chest, snuffling against his pocket.

“I didn’t think to bring a treat,” he said, glancing over his shoulder at Olivia.

“All we have in the bag is Cheerios and cheese cubes,” Olivia said with a low laugh.

“Horsey...” Bella breathed, and then she put a hand on the horse’s long nose.

The horse pulled back, shaking his head, and moved over toward Olivia. She took a step back.

“Sorry, buddy,” she said.

The horse ambled off again, and Sawyer felt all of his own tension seeping away. Bella clearly loved horses, but it looked like he did, too. There was something about those rippling muscles, the shining coats, the smell of dust and sweat and the tang of manure...

“Num-nums,” Lizzie said, patting Olivia’s shoulder. “Num-nums.”

“I think she wants her snack.”

Sawyer passed her the diaper bag, and she squatted down, put Lizzie on the ground and opened the bag. Lizzie looked into the depth and pulled out a plastic container of cheese cubes. Olivia opened it for her and she reached in and came out with a single cube between two chubby fingers.

“Mmm. That looks good,” Olivia murmured.

“Num-nums!” Bella said, launching herself downward.

“Whoa!” Her motion caught Sawyer by surprise, and he almost dropped the girl before he was able to get a grip on her wriggling body. He managed to deposit her on the ground right side up. Bella headed straight for the cheese cubes. Such trust—the kid hadn’t even paused to appreciate that she hadn’t landed on her head.

Olivia held the container out toward Bella. Sawyer was glad that Olivia was here to think of things like snacks. Maybe he needed more help around here than he thought.

“Lizzie?” Olivia stood up, and Sawyer looked around, scanning for the girl. She was gone...and both of their gazes swung toward the corral.

Somehow, the toddler slipped away in those few heartbeats when her sister had the attention, and little Lizzie with her ruffled curls and little pink running shoes stood in the center of the corral, her face tipped upward in rapture as she stared up at the massive stallion.

Sawyer’s heart thudded to a stop.

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