“Daniel, there’s something I need to tell you.…”

Don’t do this, Louise!

Daniel didn’t say it, but his head was screaming it, warning her with his eyes to please not go there.

“He needs to be fed.” He tried to keep his voice steady, light even, to pretend somehow that he hadn’t heard her words. “And I really ought to get to the hospital.”

“Daniel, please, there’s something you really need to know.”

Please, don’t do this!

It was the one thing he couldn’t take—to have Louise try to appease him with a story that he knew could never be true.

“I’m trying to tell you something, Daniel!”

“Maybe I don’t want to hear it.” His voice came out way too sharp and he struggled to control it.

“I’m talking about your son!”

The Surgeon’s Miracle Baby
Carol Marinelli

www.millsandboon.co.uk

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CONTENTS

COVER

TITLE PAGE

PROLOGUE

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

EPILOGUE

COPYRIGHT

PROLOGUE

‘HE’LL be OK at the crèche, won’t he?’ Louise stared into the carry seat at her sleeping son, watching as a gummy smile flickered over Declan’s face, his eyelids flickering as he dreamed milky dreams, utterly oblivious to the hellish guilt that was racking his overwrought mother.

‘He’ll be fine,’ Maggie groaned, snuggling into her dressing-gown and nursing a large mug of tea as she stood in the hallway of the tiny third-floor flat they were sharing. ‘It’s his mother I’m more worried about. You’ll end up in my ward with me taking care of you if you don’t lose some of the guilt!’

Which was surely a joke, but given that Maggie was a psychiatric nurse, it wasn’t in the best of taste!

‘It’s normal to be anxious on the first day in a new job,’ Louise said defensively. ‘And it’s my first day back at work since I had him—I’m still breast-feeding, remember.’

‘As if I could forget! I heard that blessed breast pump going all night—you’ve got enough milk in that cool bag to feed the whole crèche.’ Maggie’s joking façade faded as she saw the anguish on her friend’s face.

‘He’ll be fine,’ she said gently, putting down her mug on the hall table and pulling Louise into a hug. ‘He’s going to be ten minutes down the corridor from you, being loved and fussed over in the hospital crèche while his mummy’s earning lots of lovely money.’

‘I know.’ Louise sniffed. ‘To tell the truth, it’s not just Declan I’m worried about—I feel as if I’ve forgotten everything I know.’

‘It’ll all come back the second you set foot on the ward.’

‘Do you really think so?’ Louise asked dubiously.

‘I promise,’ Maggie said assuredly. ‘And at the end of the day you’re a casual nurse—they’re hardly going to be expecting you to run the show and you can just ease yourself in gently. Remember, a little more than a year ago you were a senior RN on a high-dependency unit in one of London’s busiest hospitals. Childbirth can’t have scrambled your brains that much!’

‘Were you nervous?’ Louise asked. ‘I mean, when you came here to Melbourne and had to start all over again?’

‘No,’ Maggie answered, then laughed. ‘But I’m a psychiatric nurse, remember! People are the same whatever side of the globe you’re on. Go!’ she said, picking up the car seat and handing it over to Louise. ‘Do you want a hand to get down the stairs?’

‘No, thanks.’ Louise shook her head but after bypassing the out-of-order lift and struggling down the stairwell with car seat, nappy bag, handbag and baby, she wished she hadn’t been quite so proud! Strapping Declan into the back of the car, Louise climbed into the driver’s seat, flicked on her lights and glanced at the clock on the dashboard, guilt layered on guilt as she saw that it was only six-thirty in the morning and that she’d dragged her sleeping babe up. She was so grateful to Maggie for being there.

Mad Maggie! They’d met a couple of years back on the other side of the world. Louise had been starting out on the adventure of a lifetime—a working holiday in the UK. She had been working a night shift in a busy London teaching hospital and Maggie had been on the surgical ward, specialling a psychiatric patient who had attempted suicide. Chatting, as night nurses invariably did, they’d hit it off immediately.

Both adored shoes but hated pedicures.

Both had credit limits on their cards that would make most mortals faint with shock.

And both were holding out for Mr Perfect.

‘Mr Really Perfect,’ Louise had elaborated, peeling open a box of chicken snacks at some ungodly hour and hoping that the carbohydrate rush would see her through to the morning. ‘Someone who will still make my knees knock when I’m fifty.’

‘Someone rich,’ Maggie had sighed, ‘someone who can afford my liposuction and Botox when I’m fifty!’

It had turned out that Maggie had been looking for a new flatmate and Louise had fitted the bill.

How times had changed.

Nearly two years later, it was Maggie now on a working holiday.

Maggie who had landed in Melbourne and had borrowed Louise’s spare room in her small rented flat for a few nights, which had turned into a few weeks!

And it was Maggie waving her off as she stepped out into the world on her first day as a working, single mother.

CHAPTER ONE

‘SORRY, what was your surname again?’

‘Andrews,’ Louise repeated, her bag over her shoulder, standing awkwardly as everyone else sat and trying not to blush as a very pretty but clearly irritated nurse relayed her details down the telephone to the nursing co-ordinator in front of the entire handover room. She was already feeling self-conscious enough in her new navy uniform, with new navy shoes and newly trimmed long dark wavy hair tied back with a new navy hair tie and now, and to make her feel even more self-conscious, the charge nurse seemed far from pleased to see her.

‘Hi, Kelly, it’s Elaine here on ASU. I’ve got a Louise Andrews here from the hospital bank—she says that she’s booked to work here for the next four weeks to cover Del’s sick leave, but Del was rostered for a late shift today.’ The longest pause ensued, the night staff yawning loudly, no doubt keen to get handover out of the way so they could head for home, while, in contrast, the day staff chatted happily, sipping their coffee and catching up on news—clearly in no particular rush to get out on the ward and start working.

‘How can she possibly be down for four weeks of early shifts?’ Elaine’s surprised voice snapped everyone to attention. ‘Since when did Del only work early shifts? If the bank nurse is supposed to be covering for Del, surely she should just take over her roster.’

Another horribly long pause ensued, only this time it wasn’t filled with idle chatter—and Louise could feel every eye on her as Elaine’s far from dulcet tones filled the room.

‘Oh, we’d all love to pick and choose when we work, Kelly, but for most of us it isn’t possible! Now it would seem that I’m going to have to spend the best part of the morning changing my regular staff’s shifts to accommodate a casual. It’s simply not on. Either Sister Adams—I mean Andrews—is to come back at one p.m. for the late shift or another nurse will need to be arranged to cover Del’s roster.’

A year ago she’d have been tempted to turn tail and run—correction, Louise thought, a year ago she would have crumbled on the uncomfortable spot and offered to work each and every one of the mysterious Del’s shifts and anything else in between just to get this difficult moment over with—but a lot of things had changed since a year ago, so instead Louise stood if not firm then feebly resolute, pointedly not saying anything until, with a very pained sigh, Elaine handed her the telephone.

‘The nursing co-ordinator wants to talk to you. Could you take it outside, please, so that we can get on with handover?’

Which meant one of two things. Either she was about to spend the entire morning barely knowing what was going on with the patients, thanks to missing out on handover, or—Louise gulped at the least palatable option—she was going home.

Without a word and with an incredibly steady hand, given the circumstances, Louise took the phone and headed out into the corridor, making sure the door was closed behind her before speaking to the nursing co-ordinator. She was determined to keep calm, determined not to let the knot of anxiety that was in her stomach creep into her voice, but her eyes were screwed closed as Kelly introduced herself. Leaning against the wall, Louise waited to find out if the weeks of careful planning and major upheaval had all been worth it, waited to find out if she actually had a job.

‘Is Elaine giving you a hard time?’ A tinkle of laughter from the nursing co-ordinator had Louise peeling her eyes open. ‘I’m Kelly, by the way.’

‘Hi, Kelly,’ Louise said, relieved to hear a friendly voice and warming to the other woman’s tone. ‘It would seem that Elaine wants me to take over Del’s shifts; but I’m sorry—I’m just not able to. I did say at my interview that I could only work early shifts and only on weekdays—’

‘Don’t apologise,’ Kelly cut in. ‘The whole point of being a bank nurse is being able to choose your shifts. Elaine should be counting herself lucky that we’ve been able to send the ward an experienced surgical nurse. Did you tell her just how qualified you are?’

‘We didn’t actually get that far with introductions,’ Louise admitted.

‘Well, it was either you and four weeks of early shifts or a grad nurse straight out of uni—and if I were the one in charge of the acute surgical unit this morning, I know who I’d choose!’

‘So it’s OK for me to stay?’

‘Absolutely. Look, you’re going to have to grow a thick skin pretty fast, I’m afraid, Louise. The hospital bank is still fairly new—till a few months ago we used an agency. Some of our ward staff can’t quite get used to the idea that a casual staff member should get to choose their shifts, get a better hourly rate of pay and use the facilities like the gym and crèche. Feel free to point out to them that your work isn’t guaranteed, and there’s no such thing as sick pay or annual leave…’ Kelly was no doubt trying to help, but as she pointed out the pitfalls of being a bank nurse, Louise felt that familiar knot of anxiety tighten a fraction, the precariousness of her situation not something she wanted to dwell on right now. ‘The fact of the matter is,’ Kelly continued, ‘it’s far better for the hospital to have our own team of casual nurses—you get to know the wards, and we get to know you, so everyone wins.’

‘Thanks for that,’ Louise said, though she was sure that Elaine would take rather a lot more convincing, ‘I’d better get back to handover.’

‘Sure. Oh, and, Louise…’ Just as she was about to ring off Kelly called her back. ‘There’s an eight-week stretch coming up in Outpatients, just after you finish on the surgical ward. The hours are eight till four, except on Wednesdays when you’d have to stay till five. The work might not be quite as varied or interesting as you’re used to, but the hours are great and at least you’d know where you’d be for a while.’

‘It sounds great,’ Louise enthused. ‘How do I apply?’

‘You just have to say yes.’ Kelly laughed. ‘Can I put you down?’

‘Sure.’ Louise blinked. ‘I mean, yes, please.’

‘Done! I’ll pop the details in your pigeonhole. Now, if you have any more problems with Elaine, just give me a call, but I’ll be up on the ward doing my rounds around eleven. I’ll come and say hello to you then. Welcome to Melbourne General!’

Even Elaine’s sour expression as she walked back into the meeting room and took her seat at the table couldn’t dampen her spirits.

Eight more weeks of guaranteed work!

OK, outpatients wasn’t exactly cutting-edge nursing, but Louise truly didn’t care. She’d have directed the traffic in the staff car park if it guaranteed her a wage! Eight weeks on top of these four meant that she had work for the next three months. It would see her right up through Christmas, and also meant she could start looking around for a rather more suitable home!

‘We’re up to bed nine.’ The nurse next to her pushed a handover sheet towards her as the lethargic night nurse—who’d been yawning before—now zipped through the patients with renewed energy, clearly buoyed by the prospect of home and bed. ‘I’ll fill you in on the rest after handover. I’m Shona by the way.’

‘Thanks, Shona.’ Louise smiled, snapping on her pen and running her eyes down the handover sheet, which thankfully contained the names and details of all the patients on the ward with a space left for her to add her own notes. Despite the rocky start to the morning, despite the rather frozen look on Elaine’s face as she’d returned and sat down, Louise was utterly determined to enjoy the rest of the day—back in the workforce, doing the job she loved. Nothing could spoil that except…

Room 3 Age 35 Danny Ashwood APFI

For a second Louise froze, reading again the small amount of information about the patient in Room 3 and trying desperately at the same time to concentrate on the details that were being given about the patient in Room 10.

It couldn’t be him, Louise scolded herself, writing down a complicated antibiotic and IV regime, listening carefully to the handover. But at the same time a small part of her brain was having its own conversation and every now and then, between patients or when the handover was interrupted by a phone call or a nurse popping her head around the door for the drug key, Louise couldn’t help but listen to the argument that was raging somewhere in her mind.

It couldn’t be him because for one thing he lived in England! As if Daniel would be here in Melbourne.

As if!

Anyway, this patient was called Danny—Daniel never shortened his name! And it wasn’t exactly a rare one—there must be loads of thirty-five-year-old Daniel Ashwoods around the world and no doubt a fair share of them were in hospital at this very moment with abdo pain for investigation.

It could even be a woman, Louise reasoned. Whoever had typed up the handover sheet might have spelt the name wrong! She was getting worked up over nothing—no doubt the patient in Room 3 would turn out to be a thirty-five-year-old named Danielle with endometriosis.

Silencing the voices in her head, Louise’s lips moved into a pale smile—she was just being paranoid.

‘Right!’ Handover completed, Elaine looked down at her notes then at the team of nurses as she worked out the complicated task of allocating patients. ‘Have you had any experience on an acute surgical ward, Louise?’

‘Quite a bit.’ Louise nodded. ‘I worked on a high-dependency—’

‘OK,’ Elaine cut in, clearly not remotely interested in where Louise had worked before. ‘I’ll give you some easy ones this morning and then you can help out anywhere else you’re needed. Beds 4 through 8 are all due to be discharged after morning rounds, so can you take them, please? Make sure that their discharge letters and drugs are all in order and check that the district nurse has been booked for Mrs Hadlow in bed 5. I’ll take beds 1 to 3, though I might need a hand with Jordan in bed 1. He’s just out of ICU with a tracheostomy—are you comfortable with tracheostomies? If not,’ she said, despite Louise’s nod, ‘call me or Shona if you’re at all concerned.’ Louise waited for further patients to be added to her rather paltry workload, but Elaine had already moved on, leaving Louise feeling curiously deflated. For the last couple of weeks she’d dreaded this day, had been reading each and every one of her nursing books and cramming in information, determined not to turn to jelly on her first day back to nursing. And though she knew she should be pleased to be eased in gently, she still felt just a touch disappointed, as if she’d been training for a marathon only to find out it had turned into a rather gentle jog around the park.

‘I’ll show you around,’ Shona offered, and Louise gratefully accepted.

‘Don’t worry,’ Shona said in a dry voice as she took Louise on a quick tour of the ward. ‘Elaine’s just as lovely to everyone on their first day—I think she just likes to make it clear who’s the boss.’

‘Well, she’s made it very clear,’ Louise said in an equally dry voice, but with a smile on her face, deciding that she liked Shona.

The other nurse grinned back. ‘Right, to business. The whole ward is basically shaped like the letter H—you’ve got the patients’ rooms running along either side. A few single-bedded rooms and some double-rooms with the all the sickest patients are in the middle, near the nurses’ station. That’s beds 1 to 3 and beds 25 to 28.’

‘Is bed 3 very unwell, then?’ Louise blushed as she fished for a little more information on the mysterious Danny Ashwood, but Shona just laughed.

‘Very embarrassed, I think, would be more apt,’ she said cryptically, then carried on with her introduction to the ward. Louise desperately tried to pay attention, but over and over her eyes were drawn to the closed door of Room 3. ‘Each corridor is a mirror image of the other and in the middle is the nurses’ station, doctors’ room and the NUM’s office—but Elaine takes it over whenever Candy’s off duty. This is the pan room—I’m sure you’ve seen plenty in your time. The clean room’s the one opposite—dressings, IV trolleys, that type of thing. Next door we’ve got the equipment room, which is kept locked or the other wards nick our IV poles…’ They were chatting as they were walking, Shona pointing things out as they went.

‘You’ll soon get used to it.’ They were back to the middle now and both stopped while Louise got her bearings. ‘This screen lights up when a patient buzzes—red means it hasn’t been answered, green means there’s a nurse in attendance. And here’s the crash cart. Do you want to go through it? I’m supposed to check it today so it’s no trouble to do it now.’

‘Please.’ Louse nodded. The crash cart would be needed in an emergency, not just when a patient went into cardiac arrest but during any sudden deterioration in their condition, and as an emergency wasn’t the ideal time to familiarise herself with the contents, she was glad of the chance to go through it now.

‘It’s all pretty standard.’ Shona pulled out the list and called out the contents as Louise located them and checked for expiry dates and working order. It was a check that was done daily on any ward to ensure the cart was always up to date, and also each time the trolley was checked or used it was signed off by two staff members.

‘How long have you worked here?’ Louise asked.

‘Six months and no time off for good behavior either.’ Shona smiled. ‘It can be so busy here. Mind you, it’s all good experience. Right, if you’re happy that you know where everything is, I’d better get on.’

‘Sure. Sing out if you need a hand,’ Louise offered. ‘I’m not exactly going to be rushed off my feet with the patients I’ve been allocated—they’re all about to be discharged!’

‘Don’t count on it.’ Shona rolled her eyes as the patient call-board lit up like a Christmas tree. ‘That’s two of mine buzzing already.’

‘Do you want me to get one?’

‘You’d better do your own work first. I’ll soon call if I need a hand.’

There was nothing worse than having little to do when everyone else seemed flat out. Elaine was preparing for the doctors’ round with the ward clerk as the other nurses were dashing past, looking flustered and busy, but despite Louise’s offers to help, everyone seemed to prefer to be busy by themselves than share the load.

Her own patients were all self-caring, the night staff had done all their observations and, checking their files, Louise felt even more at a loose end when she saw that all the meds and discharge orders had been completed.

‘Do you want me to give Jordan his wash and meds?’ Louise offered as Elaine raced over to grab some X-rays the doctors would need for the ward round, but she shook her head.

‘Just leave him. He’s had a rough night and only settled off to sleep around four a.m. I’ll do him once the ward round’s finished.’

Suddenly she smiled and Louise remembered that her first impression of Elaine had been how pretty she was, because when she forgot to frown she looked lovely.

Not that Elaine was smiling at her! Louise didn’t even have to look over her shoulder to where Elaine was looking to guess who had just walked through the door.

Holding in a weary sigh Louise made herself scarce as a group of dark suits approached—clearly the Monday morning consultants’ round was way above her station.

It hadn’t been, though.

Checking her patients’ notes for the umpteenth time and trying to look busy, for the first time in the longest time a wave of nostalgia practically knocked her off her feet. Sitting down at the nurses’ station, watching the theatre of a busy ward unfolding before her eyes, tears were suddenly appallingly close as she remembered how it had once been.

When she, Louise, had been in charge and taking the consultants’ around—when she’d known not just what she was doing, but where she was going in her career. Having spent more than a year in a famous London teaching hospital, she could have walked into any job she had wanted once she had returned to Australia. The surgical nursing world had supposedly been her oyster—but she had met Daniel Ashwood.

If that brief flirting during the ward round hadn’t led to a drink, followed by dinner, followed by…

Louise coloured up just at memory, still stunned, all this time later, that she’d tumbled, literally tumbled into bed with him that very night. At the time it had felt so right—the attraction so intense, so completely overwhelming that their first date couldn’t have ended any other way. It had been like opening the door to paradise, Louise recalled, but, watching as Elaine giggled girlishly at something one of the consultants had said, a rather nasty smile twisted on her lips. Elaine should be very careful what she wished for—even paradise had its drawbacks!

Danny Ashwood.

Staring down at her handover notes—even though she knew it couldn’t possibly be him, there was some strange comfort to be had just seeing the name in print—and till she opened the door and confirmed that it was a different person entirely, it was nice to dream for a moment, nice to hold onto that tiny sliver of fantasy that Daniel was close.

For goodness’ sake, Louise chided herself for even daring to go there. Daniel Ashwood was the last person she wanted to see right now—the very last person she needed complicating her life! Deciding to put herself out of her misery, Louise took action and stood up, heading for the shelf of nursing notes, only to find bed 3’s wasn’t there. Perhaps they were being used for the ward round, but no. Louise frowned, because only bed 3’s slot was empty. All the other nursing files were neatly in place.

Well, she’d just go right ahead and look, Louise decided, just pop her head around the door and ask if everything was OK. Then she could put this stupid fantasy to bed, put Daniel Ashwood firmly out of her mind—where he belonged.

‘Did Danny buzz?’

Her hand on the door, jumping as if she’d been caught stealing, Louise froze as Elaine bustled over.

‘Sorry.’ Louise forced an apologetic smile. ‘I got the rooms mixed up. I thought this was Room 4. I was just going to strip the bed now that the patient’s gone home.’

‘Then it’s just as well I stopped you. Danny needs his rest. You’re to let me know if he buzzes and I’ll attend to him. I’ve just called the orderly to come and prepare Room 4—there’s going to be a new admission direct from Theatre, a twenty-two-year-old male with a stab wound to the loin. That’s all the information I have. I’ll let you know more when I find out.’

‘Thanks.’ Louise answered easily but her mind was working overtime as she bade farewell to ‘Danielle’ and tried to fathom Elaine’s rather proprietorial response—consoling herself that Elaine had been exactly the same about Jordan. However, for the rest of the morning it was as if the room taunted her. Her obsession with the patient behind the firmly closed door grew, because even if her Daniel was safely setting the world on fire in London, this one was clearly something special, too, because it took a trip to the loo, a squirt or perfume and a fresh coat of lipstick for Elaine to even go and take his temperature.

Still, at least Louise had something to do now. Once Room 4 had been cleaned by the orderly, she set about preparing it for the new admission, bringing in the observation trolley and making the bed.

‘Getting a new one?’ Shona asked, coming in and taking over one side of the bed, both nurses chatting as they tucked in the sheets and blankets in unison.

‘Stab wound to the loin,’ Louise said. ‘He’s in Theatre now.’ They worked in silence till Louise could take it no more—if she didn’t find out, then quite simply she’d burst! ‘What’s wrong with the patient next door?’ Louise asked as casually as she could, hiding her blush as she stuffed a pillow into its case and took great interest in plumping it up. ‘I nearly went in by mistake and Elaine said that if the patient even buzzed then she was to be told—is he being barrier-nursed?’

‘Oh, no.’ Shona laughed. ‘Nothing like that. Elaine probably thinks it fitting that only the most senior staff look after him—he’s one of our consultants.’

‘The patient in Room 3?’ Louise croaked.

‘Yep.’ Shona nodded. ‘I think Elaine’s trying to dazzle him with a bit of TLC, but she can spray as much perfume and put on as much lipstick as she likes, that’s one nut she’s not going to crack…’ She let out a peel of laughter. ‘Pardon the pun.’

‘You’ve lost me.’

‘Oh, that’s right, you missed handover, didn’t you?’ Shona checked there was no one around and then leant over the bed and spoke in a low, delighted whisper. ‘Well, just in case you do end up going in there, you’d better know that he isn’t really abdo pain for investigation—he had a rather painful injury playing cricket yesterday! The Ashwood family jewels are as black as coal, but thankfully saved and in full working order!’

‘Sorry?’

‘He had a torsion of the testes, the poor guy!’ Shona winced and grinned at the same time, crossing her legs as just the thought of it! ‘Very nasty. He was operated on yesterday afternoon, then had to return for drainage of a haematoma—he only got back from his second op at six this morning. All the poor guy wants, no doubt, is to go home, not spend the morning flirting. More’s the pity, mind you—he’s gorgeous!’

‘I used to work with a consultant by that name—well, he was called Daniel…’ Louise’s heart was hammering in her chest as she spoke, torn between hope and dread. ‘Mind you, that was in London. There must be loads of doctors…’

‘Danny’s from London,’ Shona shrugged. ‘He’s on a year’s rotation here—maybe it is him!’ Oblivious to Louise’s expression, she glanced around the room. ‘I’ll go and get a gown for the new admission and a kidney dish, then you might as well go for your coffee-break before the new admission comes up.’

As surely as if a cricket ball had hit her at high speed, Louise felt as if the wind had literally been knocked out of her, could feel her scarlet cheeks paling as the blood literally drained from her face. Shaking, she lowered herself onto the newly made bed and buried her face in her hands, still, at the eleventh hour, trying to reassure herself that it was a simple mistake, that the man in the next room wasn’t really Daniel.

And wondering how on earth she’d cope if indeed it was!

‘Jordan needs suctioning urgently.’ One of the student nurses came racing down the corridor, looking more than a little alarmed. ‘His chest sounds terrible.’

Instantly Louise snapped to attention, her personal dilemma completely pushed aside as she heard the note of urgency in the student’s voice. ‘What happened?’ Louise asked, as she made her way swiftly down the ward, because even though it was Elaine’s patient, a tracheostomy patient with breathing difficulties couldn’t wait for anyone. ‘Who’s in with him?’

‘Just me,’ the student started, her voice trailing off as she realised the folly of her ways as she said the words out loud. Louise would need to talk to her about it later. Now wasn’t the time or place to tell her never to leave a patient who had difficulty breathing distressed and unattended. Bracing herself for what she might find, hearing his distress from halfway down the corridor, Louise flew the last few steps.

‘It’s OK, Jordan.’ Louise’s voice was reassuring as she entered the room, straight away pushing the call bell for further assistance. Pulling on a pair of gloves, she carefully checked his tracheostomy, relieved to see that it was securely in place. From her handover sheet, Louise knew that Jordan had been in a high-impact motor-vehicle accident two months previously—a mixture of booze, dope and high jinks had almost ended his life. Along with abdominal injuries, he had suffered head and facial injuries. The facial injuries had compromised his airway, necessitating a tracheostomy, which he was being weaned off. But the tracheostomy tube could sometimes fall out or, as was the case in this instance, as Louise immediately decided after a brief assessment, a patient’s airway could become blocked with a mucous plug. Jordan still had air entry, his chest was moving on inspiration, but the air entry was poor and he was clearly distressed.

Louise turned on the suction machine, checking the soft rubber’s patency and lubricating it at the same time with some sterile water, then guided the tube into the airway, placing her finger over the connection to close the circuit and allow the machine to suction the blockage, as Jordan coughed and wheezed.

‘His sats are dropping, they’re only…’ the student said in a alarmed voice as she placed the probe on Jordan’s finger. But Louise silenced her with a wide-eyed glare—panic was the very last thing Jordan needed right now.

‘It’s OK, Jordan,’ Louise soothed over the noisy suction machine. ‘Give me a big cough and we’ll soon have you breathing normally.’

‘Good man!’ Shona was in the room now, rubbing Jordan’s back, assisting him to cough, and Louise was grateful for her calming manner. A compromised airway was a medical emergency and if the partial blockage wasn’t shifted quickly then an emergency call would have to be put out, but with tracheostomies, events like this unfortunately weren’t unusual. A calm, efficient manner was often more beneficial than having loud overhead chimes and doctors rushing into the room.

‘There we go.’ The gurgle of the suction machine and the loud whistling cough as she removed the blockage had everyone in the room, especially Jordan, breathing a touch easier.

‘How is he?’ Elaine’s voice was brisk as she swung into the room and pulled on gloves of her own.

‘Better now,’ Louise said. ‘He had a large mucous plug. He’s still very gurgly, though—he needs deep suction…’

‘I’ll do that,’ Elaine said, briskly and rather rudely taking over. ‘Kelly wants to speak to you.’

‘It can wait, Elaine! Louise is obviously busy.’ Louise recognised the voice from the doorway as Kelly’s, but her words were wasted as a determinedly efficient Elaine took over, clearly feeling her skills were what was needed here. Louise peeled off her gloves and washed her hands, before stepping outside.

‘Well done,’ Kelly said. ‘You handled that well—you’ve clearly worked with trachies before.’

‘It doesn’t mean I like them.’ Louise smiled wryly, only realising now the emergency was over how much it had actually shaken her. ‘I’ve been out of nursing for a few months…’

‘That’s right. You’ve got a young baby, haven’t you?’ The light above her flashed and Louise stood rigid as Kelly paused, clearly expecting Louise to attend to the patient rather than remain talking to her.

‘It’s Elaine’s patient,’ Louise said, as Kelly gave her a rather surprised look. ‘She said I should let her know if he buzzes. Apparently he’s a doctor here.’

‘Ah yes.’ Kelly nodded and popped her head into Room 4. ‘Danny’s buzzing, Elaine—I’ve told Louise to get it.’

Louise could only imagine Elaine’s face, but the thought didn’t stay. Instead, her heart was racing and she could hear the blood pounding in her ears as she approached the forbidden door, bracing herself for what was on the other side, hoping, knowing she was surely wrong, but somehow wishing she could be right. Every emotion she possessed tumbled in confusion as she pushed open the door and stepped inside because, despite the closed curtains and darkened room, there was no mistaking the face lying on the pillow that turned to face her as she entered—a face she’d seen lying on a pillow so many, many times, but under much kinder circumstances. Her fears, her wishes were all answered crashingly as she stared into familiar, shocked, indigo eyes.

‘Hello, Daniel.’ She must have said it because she could hear the words fill the shocked silence, but her voice didn’t sound like her own, the light-hearted, easy way she’d once greeted him light years from this strained, forced greeting as she stared at the man who had once adored her—the man who had then so cruelly hurt her.

Stared at the father of her son.

CHAPTER TWO

LOUISE!

Daniel didn’t say it, just stared at the opening door and the woman walking into his room, his face tightening in disbelief as she paused in the doorway. He tried to convince himself that he must surely be hallucinating as he held back the name that was on the tip of his tongue, had been on the tip of his tongue for ages now. He was terrified of making even more of a fool of himself in front of his colleagues, of calling out her name only to watch his Louise morph into one of the regular nurses on the ward. So instead he blinked a few times, tried to convince himself that it wasn’t her—that surely it was the drugs or pain or anaesthetic causing his mind to play tricks.

It couldn’t be her!

He didn’t want it be Louise, not because he didn’t want to see her—hell, she was the reason he was here in Australia after all! He just didn’t want her to see him like this. Daniel dragged in a deep breath and forced himself to slam the window shut on memories that were starting to breeze in. Lying in a hospital bed, unwell and disorientated, and completely out of control.

It couldn’t be her, Daniel told himself again, because his Louise’s hair was shorter, her body slimmer, more girlish. This was a woman—all woman, he noted as she walked slowly towards him, a softer, more curvaceous version of Louise, her familiar, fresh scent dusting his nostrils, mocking him, reminding him again of the relationship he’d so abruptly discarded, those gorgeous, chocolate brown eyes he had known so well staring once again into his. As her voice reached his ears, finally he succumbed—it really was her.

‘Louise.’ For what had seemed the longest time as she had walked in to the room, he had said nothing, just stared at her as if he was seeing a ghost. Louise was magnanimous enough to acknowledge to herself what a huge shock this must be for him. He was struggling to sit up now, a muscular arm grabbing the bar that hung above the bed, his face grimacing in pain at the sudden movement. Even in the darkened room she could see the lean muscular lines of his body as his untied gown fell off his shoulders.

‘God, I thought I was seeing things for a minute. What are you doing here?’

‘Working.’ She gave a tight smile. ‘But given I’m the one who’s from Australia, shouldn’t I be asking that question of you?’

‘I thought you lived out in the country…’ He was in obvious pain and if it had been anyone else, without hesitation she’d have moved to help, would have told him to sit forward as she shifted the pillows scattered behind him into a supportive cushion, but she was frozen to the spot in the middle of the room.

‘I did,’ Louise responded stiffly, but something inside her gave in then, the nurse in her so ingrained that she made her way over, flicked on the overhead light, straightened his pillows, pulled his gown back up over his shoulders then retied the ribbons at the back. Somehow she managed not to touch him or acknowledge the grateful nod as he rested back. ‘What did you want?’ When he didn’t answer, she elaborated. ‘You buzzed—is there anything I can help you with?’

‘Forget that.’ He let out a stunned, incredulous half-laugh. ‘I haven’t seen you in over a year. Surely—’

‘Surely what?’ Her eyes challenged him to continue. ‘Surely there must be something to talk about? Surely we have some catching up to do?’

‘Louise?’ His voice was groggy, his pupils constricted from the undoubtedly generous amount of opiates he’d been given post-operatively, and for a sliver of time she actually felt sorry for him. The poor guy had had two rounds of surgery after all, and to wake up to the vengeful face of one’s ex wasn’t exactly the ideal scenario. But her sympathy lasted about two seconds. Remembering what he’d put her through, the agony of the past few months, Louise was hard pushed to keep a malicious smile off her face as she thought of his injury—in the hell of a lonely pregnancy and birth it was one she’d dreamt of inflicting herself!

‘How’s your pain?’

‘Not too bad,’ Daniel said, but from his gritted teeth she knew he was lying. ‘I can’t believe this—I mean, you being here!’

‘On a scale of one to ten,’ Louise said, completely ignoring his personal comments and keeping things entirely professional, ‘how would you rate your pain?’

‘Louise,’ Daniel interrupted, ‘can we talk about us?’

‘Us!’ It was Louise now giving a shocked laugh as she shook her head. ‘I’ll ask again—on a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?’

‘Five,’ Daniel said. ‘And no, I don’t want anything else for pain. Louise…’

She didn’t let him finish. Her only thought was to get out of the room and somehow attempt to process the fact in her shocked brain that Daniel was here, and it wasn’t going to be a fleeting meeting either—he was the consultant of the ward she was working on! She had to get away, had to work out how on earth she was supposed to deal with it.

‘I’m busy with another patient now.’ She attempted brisk and efficient but it came out rather too harshly and Louise corrected herself—reminding herself that even if it was Daniel, today he was a patient—that today, at least, he deserved her respect and care. ‘What did you buzz for?’

‘I wanted to find out how long it would be till my discharge meds are ready. I’m really keen to get home.’

Which was understandable, but from the slightly grey tinge to his face and the fact he was still on high-dose analgesics, Louise doubted he’d be going home any time that day. Still, she’d leave it for someone else to break that news to him, she decided. Right now, all she wanted was out.

‘I can’t answer that for you, Daniel. Elaine’s the nurse in charge and she’s the one allocated to look after you, but she’s busy with another patient right now. As soon as she’s done, I’ll let her know you were asking.’ Managing the briefest of smiles, she turned to go, but the drugs he was on must have weakened his usual staunch reserve because she hadn’t even reached the door before he called out to her.

‘That’s it? You’re just going to walk out like that? You’ve nothing else to say?’

She had nothing else to say—nothing that could be said, without breaking down anyway—twelve months of hell ripping through her as with the briefest shake of her head Louise walked out of his room, scarcely able to comprehend the appalling coincidence that had bought Daniel Ashwood back into her life.

‘What did Danny want?’ Elaine practically pounced on her as she walked out of the room—not that Louise noticed, her mind spinning at the shocking confrontation, stunned, appalled, terrified not just that he was here but that, despite all that had happened, despite all the dirty water under their bridge, somehow she still wanted him.

‘Louise,’ Elaine insisted. ‘What did Danny want?’

‘He wants to know when his discharge meds will be ready.’ Running a dry tongue over her pale lips, Louise forced herself to act normally. ‘I think he wants to go home.’

‘Well, he’s not going anywhere. The surgeons want him to stay for another twenty-four hours—I’d better go and break the news. Are you OK?’

‘I’m fine,’ Louise said, then, seeing Elaine’s frown, thought she’d better come up with a reason. ‘I’m a bit sore, actually—I’ve never gone this long without feeding Declan.’

‘I know you didn’t get a coffee-break—why don’t you have an early lunch?’ Elaine offered. ‘Add your coffee-break to it. Theatre just rang and they’re going to be keeping that stab wound in Recovery for another hour or so—his blood pressure’s still very low.’

Louise didn’t need to be asked twice, so she headed down to the crèche and stepped into the hubbub of children’s cries and chatter. The room was a den of activity as toddlers messily ate their lunch at low tables and babies banged spoons for attention in their high chairs. But Louise had eyes only for one child in the room, an anxious smile breaking out on her face as Jess, the cheery child-care worker who had greeted her early that morning, ushered her into a chair. ‘Someone’s going to be very pleased to see you.’ Jess beamed. ‘He’s just woken up from his morning nap. Have a seat and I’ll get him for you.’

The sight of Declan’s angry red face as Jess brought him over tore at her heartstrings, her breasts literally aching for her son. ‘Did he take the bottle OK this morning?’ Louise asked anxiously.

‘It took a while.’ Jess gave a sympathetic smile at Louise’s distraught face. ‘He’ll soon get used to it and remember that it’s your milk that we’re giving him.’ Her tone was reassuring. ‘Don’t feel guilty for having to work. Like I said, he’ll soon get used to it.’

He had no choice but to get used to it, Louise thought, wishing it didn’t have to be like this. She took her red-faced, tearful son from Jess, her breasts weeping as he was handed over, hating the thought of him crying for her while she worked just a short distance away. Rage starting to trickle in that her tiny baby had to be in a crèche rather than at home, where he belonged at this tender age.

Yes, rage, Louise decided as slowly her baby calmed, as slowly he relaxed in her arms and hungrily took his feed. Rage that Daniel Ashwood had done this to her.

Had done this to them.

‘Danny wants to talk to you.’ Elaine’s face looked as if she’d been sucking lemons as she reluctantly passed on the message. ‘I told him you were in the crèche, feeding your son, but he said that he’d like a word when you came back.’

‘You told him…’ Louise snapped her mouth closed. Panic built inside her, which she tried hard not to let Elaine see. ‘What did he say?’

‘I’ve already told you,’ Elaine answered tartly, turning on her rubber-soled heel. ‘And can you make it quick please? When you’re done, I want you to give an enema to bed 2.’

If Elaine considered it a punishment, she was wrong—giving an enema was infinitely preferable to answering Daniel’s inevitable questions. Deep down she’d known this day was coming, just never in her wildest dreams when she’d woken up that morning had she thought it might be this one. Over the last twelve months she had penned so many unsent letters to him, and she wished she had one of them in her pocket now, could hand it to him to read, could let him know, without breaking down, why it had been so impossible to tell him she was pregnant, why she’d made the difficult decision to raise Declan alone.

Bracing herself, she opened the door, her usually sunny face pale and grim, her mind whirring as to how to play this, how to deal with the barrage of fire that was surely heading her way.

‘You wanted to talk to me?’

‘I think there’s quite a bit to say.’ The calmness in his voice caught her completely unawares. He looked much more together now. His bed had been freshly made, the curtains were open and his eyes more able to focus. ‘Don’t you?’

‘Not really.’ Louise gave a tight shrug, unsure where this was leading, confused by his demeanour. ‘I think you made things very clear the last time we spoke,’

‘Sit down, Louise,’ Daniel said, and then softened it slightly. ‘Please.’ It was easier to sit than stand, so she did so, utterly unable to look at him, terrified that if she did she’d start crying. ‘I just think it would be better if we clear the air now.’

Clear the air?

Her eyes darted to his, then darted away, her mind struggling to fathom his meaning.

‘We’re obviously going to be working together and things might get a bit uncomfortable if—’

‘Don’t worry,’ Louise broke in. ‘I’m not going to walk around with a megaphone, telling everyone I shagged the new consultant last year when I was on a working holiday.’

‘Louise,’ Daniel snapped like a schoolmaster. ‘There’s no need for language like that.’

‘Why not?’ Louise shrugged. ‘That’s exactly what it was, according to you—a quick fling with no involvement!’

‘I said some harsh things when we broke up,’ Daniel said a touch less loftily. ‘A lot of them I wish I could take back. I never meant to imply—’

‘You didn’t imply anything, Daniel,’ Louise interrupted. ‘You spelt things out—very clearly, in fact. And for the record, we didn’t break up. If I remember rightly, you woke up one morning—after we’d spent a night making love, I hasten to add—and told me that it was never going to work, that I wasn’t the sort of wife you wanted—’

‘Louise, listen—’

‘No, Daniel, you listen!’ She’d grown up in a year, the dizzy, happy-go-lucky girl he’d met gone for ever as the woman she now was turned her eyes to face him. ‘You told me that the last thing you wanted from me was a serious relationship, that you’d thought we were just having a “bit of fun” before I went back to Australia…’

‘Louise.’ His calm voice only exacerbated her agitated one. ‘Clearly we did both want different things. I just felt that it was all moving too quickly. Yes, that night we had made love, but that night you had also made it clear that somewhere in the not-too-distant future you wanted a husband and babies.’

‘I didn’t say that!’ Louise said indignantly. ‘God, you make it sound as if I was desperate. If you care to remember, we were talking about where we saw ourselves in five years. I’d have been thirty-two by then…’

‘And I’d have been thirty-nine.’ Daniel shrugged. ‘And I realised that night we had different visions of our futures. It was just all getting too serious. Louise, you were talking of extending your stay in the UK because of me, because of us!’

‘Because I thought there was an us,’ Louise choked. ‘Because I thought you felt as strongly as I did. I thought we wanted the same thing.’

‘Well, we didn’t,’ Daniel broke in, shattering her already broken heart just a touch further, if that were possible. ‘Clearly! Elaine mentioned you had a baby now…’ Louise sucked in her breath, every nerve taut, staring at his expressionless face and trying to fathom what he was thinking, trying to work out her answer to the question that was surely, after all this time, coming. ‘And I’m glad for you,’ Daniel said, oblivious to the bewildered frown spreading over her face. ‘I’m pleased that you’ve found someone who makes you happy. I just wanted to be sure there were no hard feelings between us, given that we’re going to be working together.’

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, had truly thought she was walking in the room to defend herself, to listen as he berated her for not telling him about their child, but instead he was wishing her and her supposed partner well!

‘That’s what you called me in to say?’ Her voice was shrill, her eyes blinking rapidly as she tried to take in what he was saying. She couldn’t believe that his denial could be so firmly ingrained. God, they’d been together a year ago and she had a three-month-old baby—how could it not even entered his head that Declan might well be his? Did he think she’d walked straight out of his bed and into someone else’s who could give her what she had apparently so badly wanted? ‘Daniel, I have a three-month-old baby—’

‘What did you call him?’ Daniel interrupted with that curiously snobby voice he used when he was addressing a patient or member of staff and keeping them at a distance.

‘Declan.’ She shook her head as if to clear it, stared at him open-mouthed, waiting—for what she didn’t know, revelation, realization? She truly didn’t know. But he just stared back.

‘And you’re happy?’ Daniel asked, and she felt his eyes drift down to her hand, clearly taking in the naked ring finger. ‘I mean, you and his father—

‘It didn’t work out between us.’ Finding her voice, she responded with the truth. ‘You know me—I’ve got lousy taste in men.’

He gave a pale smile at her thinly disguised insult. ‘So you’re on your own?’

She gave a nod, stared into the eyes of the man she had loved absolutely and wished to God she could hate him.

‘It certainly looks that way!’

‘You have to tell him!’

Pouring two glasses of wine, Maggie pushed one towards Louise. ‘And don’t tell me you can’t have a drink because you’re feeding—this is strictly medicinal!’

‘Believe me, I’m not going to.’ Taking a sip, Louise let out a long, exaggerated sigh, utterly exhausted physically from her first long day back at work and drained emotionally from the never-ending roller-coaster ride she’d embarked on the day she’d laid eyes on Daniel Ashwood.

‘They call him Danny!’

‘Of course they do.’ Maggie grinned. ‘I was Margaret until I met you—you Aussies change everyone’s names!’

‘You really didn’t know he was working there?’ Louise checked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion, but Maggie shook her head.

‘I’m as stunned as you are! Come on, Louise, it’s a massive hospital and there’s not exactly a huge demand for surgeons in the psychiatric ward—it’s not just the patients that are shut off from the rest of the world in the psych unit.’

‘I can’t believe he’s working in the same hospital. I mean, of all the places he could have ended up…’

‘That’s the only bit that’s not so hard to believe,’ Maggie said. ‘Come on, Louise, when you decided to move to the city, why did you pick Melbourne General?’

‘Because it’s the biggest hospital, because it has everything…’

‘Someone of Daniel’s calibre was hardly going to end up in a 200-bed suburban hospital,’ Maggie pointed out. ‘It’s why he’s in Australia that intrigues me! He has to know, Louise.’

‘He doesn’t want to know!’ Louise snapped, and then regretted it. ‘I’m sorry, Maggie, I don’t mean to take it out on you. I just can’t believe it didn’t even enter his head that Declan could be his! I’m serious,’ she said as Maggie gave her a very disbelieving look. ‘He wasn’t avoiding the issue—he honestly didn’t seem to think there could possibly be one!’

‘He’s a doctor, for heaven’s sake,’ Maggie argued. ‘You don’t have to be a mathematical genius to work out that you broke up last year and you’ve got a three-month-old baby!’

‘Ah, but I was out for a good time!’ Louise said with a distinct edge to her voice. ‘According to Daniel’s thinking, Declan could be anyone’s!’ Tears filled Louise’s eyes. ‘Is that what he thinks of me?’

‘It’s what he thinks of himself that worries me,’ Maggie said cryptically. ‘Louise, you have to look after yourself here. Stop trying to work out what he’s thinking—I don’t think you’re ever going to really know.’

‘When we were together,’ Louise gulped, closing her eyes at the bitter-sweet memory, ‘I felt as if I’d found my soulmate. I can remember seeing him on the ward that first time I did the doctors’ round—all aloof and snooty in his suit, just as he always was with everyone—then we did the ward round, and it was the first time I’d actually spoken to him, probably the first time he ever really looked at me. I remember saying something and he laughed, and I knew from everyone’s reaction that he was acting out of character. I just knew from the little I’d seen of him that he was distant and not very friendly, but with me he was like another person.’

‘He adored you,’ Maggie said gently, as a massive salty tear rolled down Louise’s cheek.

‘After that ward round he came back and I knew he was going to ask me out. I was just so completely and utterly sure that he’d come back…’

‘And he did.’ Maggie nodded.

‘It wasn’t just about having a good time and some sort of casual holiday fling,’ Louise insisted, despite the fact Maggie wasn’t disputing what she said, despite the evidence to the contrary, despite Daniel telling her face to face that it had been just that. ‘Those four weeks we were together were the closest I’ve ever been to another person, and Daniel can deny it all he likes but I know that at the time he felt it, too. I just don’t know why he suddenly changed his mind.’

‘Look, all you can do here is watch out for yourself. Frankly, I’m all for telling him. If he doesn’t want to offer emotional support then slug him for the financial. After all, he can afford it and you do need the money.’

‘I don’t,’ Louise insisted. ‘I’ve got three months’ work pencilled in, I’m doing fine.’

‘Are you?’ Maggie checked. ‘You’ve got a pile of bills stuffed behind the microwave—’

‘As soon as I get paid, they’ll be gone,’ Louise swiftly retorted, but Maggie just stared. ‘And I’m going to start looking for a place this weekend.’ She felt a twinge at the thought of not living with Maggie any more, but while their small flat was fine for two single girls living a carefree existence, it wasn’t suitable for raising a child and had only ever been a stopgap for her. ‘In a few weeks things will be fine. Fine,’ she said again, as if by repeating it she was somehow assuring it would all happen.

‘Declan’s dad is a consultant surgeon,’ Maggie said softly. ‘He’s raking it in.’

‘I know,’ Louise gulped, ‘and sometimes it terrifies me. Sometimes I think I should take him for everything he’s worth because Declan deserves it.’

‘And other times?’ Maggie pushed gently.

‘I look at my parents—their marriage ended because of a brief affair my father had six months before he met my mum. Every month a fight broke out when it was time for Dad to pay his maintenance—’

‘Louise—’ Maggie attempted, but Louise stopped her right there.

‘Daniel and I were together for four weeks,’ Louise said. ‘I don’t want him paying for his mistake for the rest of his life, the way my dad did.’

‘Even if you have to?’

‘That’s the difference.’ Ignoring her wine, Louise stood up, wandered over to the tiny kitchenette and flicked on the kettle. ‘I don’t see it as a mistake. Yes, Daniel may be a consultant, but clearly he didn’t think I’d make a very good consultant’s wife. This is about so much more than money.’

‘What if he asks you out now?’

‘As if!’ Louise scoffed. ‘And even if he did, there’s no way I’d go.’

‘Why not?’

Louise thought for a moment before answering. ‘Because I can’t imagine trying to fill him in on the last year of my life and somehow managing to omit the fact that Declan’s his.’

‘Would it be the end of the world if he found out?’

‘The end of his world probably. He doesn’t want children.’

‘But he’s got one! And if things don’t work out between the two of you, at the very least you know he’s a decent guy and you’ll have some financial support. Louise, lies catch up in the end and you’re living with a time bomb. A cute one at that.’

‘Well, it isn’t going to happen. According to Daniel, I’m a single mother, which is hardly an upcoming young consultant’s ideal date.’

‘Don’t be so sure!’ Never one to miss an opportunity, Maggie picked up Louise’s still full glass. ‘There’s a lot of unfinished business there—for both of you.’

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