“I’m sorry to disappoint, but you’re stuck with me today.”

Gavin had screwed up last night, he could tell. Not in seducing her—that would never be a bad idea—but in forcing the idea of the apartment on her. Anyone else would jump at the offer, but to her, it was him imposing on her. Demanding they be closer so he could see his son more easily. Not once mentioning that he’d like her closer as well because that opened the door to dangerous territory.

Sabine was skittish. She scared off easily last time. He wasn’t about to tell her that he wanted to see her more, because he was still fighting himself over the idea of it. He was usually pretty good at keeping his distance from people, but he’d already let Sabine in once. Keeping her out the second time was harder than he expected.

“That’s scarcely a hardship,” he said. “I find your company to be incredibly… stimulating.”

* * *

His Lover’s Little Secret

is part of the No.1 bestselling series from Mills & Boon® Desire™—Billionaires & Babies: Powerful men … wrapped around their babies’ little fingers

His Lover’s Little Secret

Andrea Laurence

www.millsandboon.co.uk

ANDREA LAURENCE is an award-winning contemporary romance author who has been a lover of books and writing stories since she learned to read. She always dreamed of seeing her work in print and is thrilled to be able to share her books with the world. A dedicated West Coast girl transplanted into the Deep South, she’s working on her own “happily ever after” with her boyfriend and five fur-babies. You can contact Andrea at her website: www.andrealaurence.com.

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This book is dedicated to single mothers everywhere, including my own hard-working mother, Meg.

You fight the good fight every day, often at the expense of your own well-being. Thank you for everything you do. (Treat yourself to some chocolate or shoes every now and then!)

Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Epilogue

EXTRACT

One

“You’d better get on out of here, or you’ll be late to stand on your head.”

Sabine Hayes looked up from the cash drawer to see her boss, fashion designer Adrienne Lockhart Taylor, standing at the counter. She had worked for Adrienne the past thirteen months as manager of her boutique. “I’m almost done.”

“Give me the nightly deposit and go. I’ll stay until Jill shows up for her shift and then I’ll stop by the bank on my way home. You have to pick up Jared by six, don’t you?”

“Yes.” The day care center would price gouge her for every minute she was late. Then she had to get Jared home and fed before the babysitter got there. Sabine loved teaching yoga, but it made those evenings even more hectic than usual. Single motherhood wasn’t for wimps. “You don’t mind making the deposit?”

Adrienne leaned across the counter. “Go,” she said.

Sabine glanced quickly at her watch. “Okay.” She put the deposit into the bank pouch and handed it over. Thank goodness Adrienne had come by this afternoon to put together the new window display. The trendy boutique was known for its exciting and edgy displays that perfectly showcased Adrienne’s flair for modern pinup girl fashions. Sabine couldn’t have found a better place to work.

Most places wouldn’t look twice at an applicant with a nose piercing and a stripe of blue in her hair. It didn’t matter that it was a small, tasteful diamond stud or that her hair was dyed at a nice salon in Brooklyn. Even after she’d bitten the bullet and had the bright color removed and left the piercing at home, she’d been turned down by every store on Fifth Avenue. The businesses that paid enough for her to support her son in New York were flooded with applicants more experienced than she was.

She thanked her lucky stars for the day she spied Adrienne walking down the street and complimented her dress. She never expected her to say she’d designed it herself. Adrienne invited her to come by her new boutique one afternoon, and Sabine was enamored with the whole place. It was fun and funky, chic and stylish. High-class fashion with an edge. When Adrienne mentioned she was looking for someone to run the store so she could focus on her designs, Sabine couldn’t apply fast enough. Not only was it a great job with above-average pay and benefits, Adrienne was a great boss. She didn’t care what color hair Sabine had—now she had purple highlights—and she was understanding when child illness or drama kept her away from the store.

Sabine grabbed her purse and gave a quick wave to Adrienne as she disappeared into the stockroom and out the back door. It was only a couple blocks to her son’s day care, but she still had to hurry along the sidewalk, brushing past others who were leisurely making their way around town.

Finally rounding the last corner, Sabine swung open the gate to the small courtyard and leaped up the few steps to the door. She rang the buzzer at exactly three minutes to six. Not long after that, she had her toddler in her arms and was on her way to the subway.

“Hey, buddy,” she said as they went down the street. “Did you have a good day?”

Jared grinned and nodded enthusiastically. He was starting to lose his chubby baby cheeks. He’d grown so much the past few months. Every day, he looked more and more like his father. The first time she’d held Jared in her arms, she looked into his dark brown eyes and saw Gavin’s face staring back at her. He would grow up to be as devastatingly handsome as his father, but hopefully with Sabine’s big heart. She should be able to contribute something to the genetic makeup of her child, and if she had her pick, that was what it would be.

“What do you want for dinner tonight?”

“A-sketti.”

“Spaghetti, again? You had that last night. You’re going to turn into a noodle before too long.”

Jared giggled and clung to her neck. Sabine breathed in the scent of his baby shampoo and pressed a kiss against his forehead. He had changed her whole life and she wouldn’t trade him for anything.

“Sabine?”

The subway entrance was nearly in sight when someone called her name from the restaurant she’d just passed. She stopped and turned to find a man in a navy suit drinking wine at one of the tables on the sidewalk. He looked familiar, but she couldn’t come up with his name. Where did she know him from?

“It is you,” he said, standing up and stepping toward her. He took one look at her puzzled expression and smiled. “You don’t remember me, do you? I’m Clay Oliver, a friend of Gavin’s. I met you at a gallery opening a couple years back.”

An icy surge rushed through Sabine’s veins. She smiled and nodded, trying not to show any outward signs of distress. “Oh, yes,” she said. She shifted Jared in her arms so he was facing away from his father’s best friend. “I think I spilled champagne on you, right?”

“Yes!” he said, pleased she remembered. “How have you been?” Clay’s gaze ran curiously over the child in her arms. “Busy, I see.”

“Yes, very busy.” Sabine’s heart began pounding loudly in her chest. She glanced over her shoulder at the subway stop, desperate for an escape. “Listen, I’m sorry I can’t stay to chat longer, but I’ve got to meet the babysitter. It was good to see you again, Clay. Take care.”

Sabine gave him a quick wave and spun on her heel. She felt as if she was fleeing the scene of a crime as she dashed down the stairs. She nervously watched the people joining her on the platform. Clay wouldn’t follow her. At least she didn’t think so. But she wouldn’t feel better until she was deep into Brooklyn and far out of Gavin’s sphere of influence.

Had Clay seen Jared closely enough? Had he noticed the resemblance? Jared was wearing his favorite monkey T-shirt with a hood and ears, so perhaps Clay hadn’t been able to make out his features or how old he was. She hoped.

She leaped onto the train the moment it arrived and managed to find a seat. Clutching Jared tightly as he sat in her lap, she tried to breathe deeply, but she just couldn’t do it.

Nearly three years. Jared was fewer than two months from his second birthday, and she had managed to keep their son a secret from Gavin. In all this time she’d never run into him or anyone he knew. They didn’t exactly move in the same social circles. That was part of why she’d broken it off with Gavin. They were a world apart. Unsuitable in every way. After she split with him, he’d never called or texted her again. He obviously wasn’t missing her too badly.

But Sabine had never allowed herself to relax. She knew that sooner or later, Gavin would find out that he had a son. If Clay didn’t tell him tonight, it would be the next time she bumped into someone Gavin knew. Sitting in the park, walking down the street...somebody would see Jared and know instantly that he was Gavin’s son. The bigger he got, the more of a carbon copy of his father he became.

Then it was only a matter of time before Gavin showed up, angry and demanding. That was how he worked. He always got his way. At least until now. The only thing Sabine knew for certain was that he wouldn’t win this time. Jared was her son. Hers. Gavin was a workaholic and wouldn’t have a clue what to do with a child. She wasn’t about to turn him over to the stuffy nannies and boarding schools that had raised Gavin instead of his parents.

As the train approached their stop, Sabine got up and they hurried to catch the bus that would take them the last few blocks to her apartment near Marine Park in Brooklyn, where she’d lived the past four years. It wasn’t the fanciest place in the world, but it was relatively safe, clean and close to the grocery store and the park. The one-bedroom apartment was growing smaller as Jared grew older, but they were managing.

Originally, a large portion of the bedroom was used as her art studio. When her son came along, she packed up her canvases and put her artistic skills toward painting a cheerful mural over his crib. Jared had plenty of room to play, and there was a park down the street where he could run around and dig in the sandbox. Her next-door neighbor, Tina, would watch Jared when she had her evening yoga classes.

She had put together a pretty good life for her and Jared. Considering that when she moved to New York she was broke and homeless, she’d come quite a long way. Back then, she could live on meager waitressing tips and work on her paintings when she had the extra money for supplies. Now, she had to squeeze out every penny she could manage, but they had gotten by.

“A-sketti!” Jared cheered triumphantly as they came through the door.

“Okay. I’ll make a-sketti.” Sabine sat him down before switching the television on to his favorite show. It would mesmerize him with songs and funny dances while she cooked.

By the time Jared was done eating and Sabine was changed into her workout clothes, she had only minutes to spare before Tina arrived. If she was lucky, Tina would give Jared a bath and scrub the tomato sauce off his cheeks. Usually, she had him in his pajamas and in bed by the time Sabine got home. Sabine hated that he would be asleep when she returned, but going through his nightly routine after class would have Jared up way past his bedtime. He’d wake up at dawn no matter what, but he’d be cranky.

There was a sharp knock at the door. Tina was a little early. That was fine by her. If she could catch the earlier bus, it would give her enough time to get some good stretches in before class.

“Hey, Tina—” she said, whipping open the door and momentarily freezing when her petite, middle-aged neighbor was not standing in the hallway.

No. No, no, no. She wasn’t ready to deal with this. Not yet. Not tonight.

It was Gavin.

Sabine clutched desperately at the door frame, needing its support to keep her upright as the world started tilting sharply on its axis. Her chest tightened; her stomach churned and threatened to return her dinner. At the same time, other long-ignored parts of her body immediately sparked back to life. Gavin had always been a master of her body, and the years hadn’t dulled the memory of his touch.

Fear. Desire. Panic. Need. It all swirled inside her like a building maelstrom that would leave nothing but destruction in its path. She took a deep breath to clamp it all down. She couldn’t let Gavin know she was freaking out. She certainly couldn’t let him know she still responded to him, either. That would give him the upper hand. She plastered a wide smile across her face and choked down her emotions.

“Hello, Sabine,” he said with the deep, familiar voice she remembered.

It was hard to believe the handsome and rich blast from her past was standing in front of her after all this time. His flawlessly tailored gray suit and shiny, sky-blue tie made him look every inch the powerful CEO of the BXS shipping empire. His dark eyes were trained on her, his gaze traveling down the line of his nose. He looked a little older than she remembered, with concern lining his eyes and furrowing his brow. Or maybe it was the tense, angry expression that aged him.

“Gavin!” she said with feigned surprise. “I certainly didn’t expect to see you here. I thought you were my neighbor Tina. How have you—”

“Where is my son?” he demanded, interrupting her nervous twitter. His square jaw was rock hard, his sensual lips pressed into a hard line of disapproval. There had been a flash of that same expression when she’d left him all those years ago, but he’d quickly grown indifferent to it. Now he cared. But not about her. Only about their child.

Apparently news traveled fast. It had been fewer than two hours since she’d run into Clay.

“Your son?” she repeated, hoping to stall long enough to think of a plan. She’d had years to prepare for this moment and yet, when it arrived, she was thrown completely off guard. Moving quickly, Sabine rushed into the hallway and pulled the apartment door nearly closed behind her. She left just the slightest crack open so she could peek through and make sure Jared was okay. She pressed her back against the door frame and found it calmed her nerves just a little to have that barrier between Gavin and Jared. He’d have to go through her to get inside.

“Yes, Sabine,” Gavin said, taking a step closer to her. “Where is the baby you’ve hidden from me for the last three years?”

* * *

Damn, she was still as beautiful as he remembered. A little older, a little curvier, but still the fresh, funky artist that had turned his head in that art gallery. And tonight, she was wearing some skimpy workout clothes that clung to every newly rounded curve and reminded him of what he’d been missing since she’d walked out on him.

People tended not to stay in Gavin’s life very long. There had been a parade of nannies, tutors, friends and lovers his whole life as his parents hired and fired and then moved him from one private school to the next. The dark-haired beauty with the nose piercing had been no exception. She had walked out of his life without a second thought.

She’d said they weren’t compatible in the long term because they had different priorities and different lives. Admittedly, they fell on opposite ends of the spectrum in most every category, but that was one of the things he’d been drawn to in Sabine. One of the reasons he thought she, of all people, might stay. She wasn’t just another rich girl looking to marry well and shop often. What they had really seemed to matter. To mean something.

He’d been wrong.

He’d let her go—he’d learned early that there was no sense in chasing after someone who didn’t want to be there—but she’d stayed on his mind. She’d starred in his dreams, both erotic and otherwise. She’d crept into his thoughts during the quiet moments when he had time to regret the past. More than once, Gavin had wondered what Sabine was up to and what she had done with her life.

Never in his wildest dreams did he expect the answer to be “raising his child.”

Sabine straightened her spine, her sharp chin tipping up in defiance. She projected an air of confidence in any situation and had the steel backbone to stand behind it. She certainly had spunk; he’d loved that about her once. Now, he could tell it would be an annoyance.

She looked him straight in the eye and said, “He’s inside. And right now, that’s where he’s staying.”

The bold honesty of her words was like a fist to his gut. The air rushed from his lungs. It was true. He had a son. A son! He hadn’t entirely believed Clay’s story until that precise moment. He’d known his best friend since they were roommates in college, one of the few constants in his life, but he couldn’t always trust Clay’s version of reality. Tonight, he’d insisted that Gavin locate Sabine as soon as possible to find out about her young son.

And he’d been right. For once.

Sabine didn’t deny it. He’d expected her to tell him it wasn’t his child or insist she was babysitting for a friend, but she had always been honest to a fault. Instead, she’d flat-out admitted she’d hidden his child from him and made no apologies about it. She even had the audacity to start making demands about how this was going to go down. She’d been in control of this situation for far too long. He was about to be included and in a big way.

“He’s really my son?” He needed to hear the words from her, although he would demand a DNA test to confirm it no matter what she said.

Sabine swallowed and nodded. “He looks just like you.”

The blood started pumping furiously in Gavin’s ears. He might be able to understand why she kept it a secret if she was uncertain he was the father, but there was no doubt in her mind. She simply hadn’t wanted him involved. She didn’t want the inconvenience of having to share him with someone else. If not for Clay seeing her, he still wouldn’t know he had a child.

His jaw tightened and his teeth clenched together. “Were you ever going to tell me I had a son, Sabine?”

Her pale green gaze burrowed into him as she crossed her arms over her chest. “No.”

She didn’t even bother to lie about it and make herself look less like the deceitful, selfish person she was. She just stood there, looking unapologetic, while unconsciously pressing her breasts up out of the top of her sports bra. His brain flashed between thoughts like a broken television as his eyes ran over the soft curves of her body and his ears tried to process her response. Anger, desire, betrayal and a fierce need to possess her rushed through his veins, exploding out of him in words.

“What do you mean, no?” Gavin roared.

“Keep it down!” Sabine demanded between gritted teeth, glancing nervously over her shoulder into the apartment. “I don’t want him to hear us, and I certainly don’t want all my neighbors to hear us, either.”

“Well I’m sorry to embarrass you in front of your neighbors. I just found out I have a two-year-old son that I’ve never met. I think that gives me the right to be angry.”

Sabine took a deep breath, amazing him with her ability to appear so calm. “You have every right to be angry. But yelling won’t change anything. And I won’t have you raising your voice around my son.”

“Our son,” Gavin corrected.

“No,” she said with a sharp point of her finger. “He’s my son. According to his birth certificate, he’s an immaculate conception. Right now, you have no legal claim to him and no right to tell me how to do anything where he’s concerned. You got that?”

That situation would be remedied and soon. “For now. But don’t think your selfish monopoly on our son will last for much longer.”

A crimson flush rushed to her cheeks, bringing color to her flawless, porcelain skin. She had gotten far too comfortable calling the shots. He could tell she didn’t like him making demands. Too bad for her. He had a vote now and it was long overdue.

She swallowed and brushed her purple-highlighted ponytail over her shoulder but didn’t back down. “It’s after seven-thirty on a Wednesday night, so you can safely bet that’s how it’s going to stay for the immediate future.”

Gavin laughed at her bold naïveté. “Do you honestly think my lawyers don’t answer the phone at 2:00 a.m. when I call? For what I pay them, they do what I want, when I want.” He slipped his hand into his suit coat and pulled his phone out of his inner breast pocket. “Shall we call Edmund and see if he’s available?”

Her eyes widened slightly at his challenge. “Go ahead, Gavin. Any lawyer worth his salt is going to insist on a DNA test. It takes no less than three days to get the results of a paternity test back from a lab. If you push me, I’ll see to it that you don’t set eyes on him until the results come back. If we test first thing in the morning, that would mean Monday by my estimation.”

Gavin’s hands curled into tight fists at his sides. She’d had years to prepare for this moment and she’d done her homework. He knew she was right. The labs probably wouldn’t process the results over the weekend, so it would be Monday at the earliest before he could get his lawyer involved and start making parental demands. But once he could lay claim to his son, she had better watch out.

“I want to see my son,” he said. This time his tone was less heated and demanding.

“Then calm down and take your thumb off your lawyer’s speed dial.”

Gavin slipped his cell phone back into his pocket. “Happy?”

Sabine didn’t seem happy, but she nodded anyway. “Now, before I let you in, we need to discuss some ground rules.”

He took a deep breath to choke back his rude retort. Few people had the audacity to tell him what to do, but if anyone would, it was Sabine. He would stick to her requirements for now, but before long, Gavin would be making the rules. “Yes?”

“Number one, you are not to yell when you are in my apartment or anywhere Jared might be. I don’t want you upsetting him.”

Jared. His son’s name was Jared. This outrageous scenario was getting more and more real. “What’s his middle name?” Gavin couldn’t stop himself from asking. He suddenly wanted to know everything he could about his son. There was no way to gain back the time he’d lost, but he would do everything in his power to catch up on what he missed.

“Thomas. Jared Thomas Hayes.”

Thomas was his middle name. Was that a coincidence? He couldn’t remember if Sabine knew it or not. “Why Thomas?”

“For my art teacher in high school, Mr. Thomas. He’s the only one that ever encouraged my painting. Since that was also your middle name, it seemed fitting. Number two,” she continued. “Do not tell him you’re his father. Not until it is legally confirmed and we are both comfortable with the timing. I don’t want him confused and worried about what’s going on.”

“Who does he think his father is?”

Sabine shook her head dismissively. “He’s not even two. He hasn’t started asking questions about things like that yet.”

“Fine,” he agreed, relieved that if nothing else, his son hadn’t noticed the absence of a father in his life. He knew how painful that could be. “Enough rules. I want to see Jared.” His son’s name felt alien on his tongue. He wanted a face to put with the name and know his son at last.

“Okay.” Sabine shifted her weight against the door, slowly slinking into the apartment.

Gavin moved forward, stepping over the threshold. He’d been to her apartment before, a long time ago. He remembered a fairly sparse but eclectic space with mismatched thrift store furniture. Her paintings had dotted the walls, her portfolio and bag of supplies usually sitting near the door.

When he barely missed stepping on a chubby blue crayon instead of a paintbrush, he knew things were truly different. Looking around, he noticed a lot had changed. The furniture was newer but still a mishmash of pieces. Interspersed with it were brightly colored plastic toys like a tiny basketball hoop and a tricycle with superheroes on it. A television in the corner loudly played a children’s show.

And when Sabine stepped aside, he saw the small, dark-haired boy sitting on the floor in front of it. The child didn’t turn to look at him. He was immersed in bobbing his head and singing along to the song playing on the show, a toy truck clutched in his hand.

Gavin swallowed hard and took another step into the apartment so Sabine could close the door behind him. He watched her walk over to the child and crouch down.

“Jared, we have a visitor. Let’s say hello.”

The little boy set down his truck and crawled to his feet. When he turned to look at Gavin, he felt his heart skip a beat in his chest. The tiny boy looked exactly like he had as a child. It was as though a picture had been snatched from his baby album and brought to life. From his pink cheeks smeared with tomato sauce, to the wide, dark eyes that looked at him with curiosity, he was very much Gavin’s son.

The little boy smiled, revealing tiny baby teeth. “Hi.”

Gavin struggled to respond at first. His chest was tight with emotions he never expected in this moment. This morning, he woke up worried about his latest business acquisition and now he was meeting his child for the first time. “Hi, Jared,” he choked out.

“Jared, this is Mommy’s friend Gavin.”

Gavin took a hesitant step forward and knelt down to bring himself to the child’s level. “How are you doing, big guy?”

Jared responded with a flow of gibberish he couldn’t understand. Gavin hadn’t been around many small children, and he wasn’t equipped to translate. He could pick out a few words—school, train and something close to spaghetti. The rest was lost on him, but Jared didn’t seem to mind. Pausing in his tale, he picked up his favorite truck and held it out to Gavin. “My truck!” he declared.

He took the small toy from his son. “It’s very nice. Thank you.”

A soft knock sounded at the front door. Sabine frowned and stood up. “That’s the babysitter. I’ve got to go.”

Gavin swallowed his irritation. He’d had a whole two minutes with his son and she was trying to push him out the door. They hadn’t even gotten around to discussing her actions and what they were going to do about this situation. He watched her walk to the door and let in a middle-aged woman in a sweater with cats on it.

“Hey, Tina. Come on in. He’s had his dinner and he’s just watching television.”

“I’ll get him in the bath and in bed by eight-thirty.”

“Thanks, Tina. I should be home around the usual time.”

Gavin handed the truck back to Jared and reluctantly stood. He wasn’t going to hang around while the neighbor lady was here. He turned in time to see Sabine slip into a hoodie and tug a sling with a rolled-up exercise mat over her shoulder.

“Gavin, I’ve got to go. I’m teaching a class tonight.”

He nodded and gave a quick look back at Jared. He’d returned to watching his show, doing a little monkey dance along with the other children and totally unaware of what was really going on around him. Gavin wanted to reach out to him again, to say goodbye or hug him, but he refrained. There would be time for all that later. For the first time in his life, he had someone who would be legally bound to him for the next sixteen years and wouldn’t breeze in and out of his life like so many others. They would have more time together.

Right now, he needed to deal with the mother of his child.

Two

“I don’t need you to drive me to class.”

Gavin stood holding open the passenger door of his Aston Martin with a frown lining his face. Sabine knew she didn’t want to get in the car with him. Getting in would mean a private tongue-lashing she wasn’t ready for yet. She’d happily take the bus to avoid this.

“Just get in the car, Sabine. The longer we argue, the later you’ll be.”

Sabine watched the bus blow by the stop up the street and swore under her breath. She’d never make it to class in time unless she gave in and let him drive her there. Sighing in defeat, she climbed inside. Gavin closed the door and got in on his side. “Go up the block and turn right at the light,” she instructed. If she could focus on directions, perhaps they’d have less time to talk about what she’d done.

She already had a miserably guilty conscience. It wasn’t like she could look at Jared without thinking of Gavin. Lying to him was never something she intended to do, but the moment she found out she was pregnant, she was overcome with a fierce territorial and protective urge. She and Gavin were from different planets. He never really cared for her the way she did for him. The same would hold true for their son. Jared would be acquired just like any other asset of the Brooks Empire. He deserved better than that. Better than what Gavin had been given.

She did what she thought she had to do to protect her child, and she wouldn’t apologize for it. “At the second light, turn left.”

Gavin remained silent as they drove, unnerving her more with every minute that ticked by. She was keenly aware of the way his hands tightly gripped the leather steering wheel. The tension was evident in every muscle of his body, straining the threads of his designer suit. His smooth, square jaw was flexed as though it took everything he had to keep his emotions in check and his eyes on the road.

It was a practiced skill of Gavin’s. When they were together, he always kept his feelings tamped down. The night she told him they were over, there had barely been a flicker of emotion in his eyes. Not anger. Not sadness. Not even a “don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” Just a solemnly resigned nod and she was dismissed from his life. He obviously never really cared for Sabine. But this might be the situation that caused him to finally blow.

When his car pulled to a stop outside the community center where she taught, he shifted into Neutral, pulled the parking brake and killed the engine. He glanced down at his Rolex. “You’re early.”

She was. She didn’t have to be inside for another fifteen minutes. He’d driven a great deal faster than the bus and hadn’t stopped every block to pick up people. It was pointless to get out of the car and stand in front of the building to wait for the previous class to end. That meant time in the car alone with Gavin. Just perfect.

After an extended silence, he spoke. “So, was I horrible to you? Did I treat you badly?” His low voice was quiet, his eyes focused not on her but on something through the windshield ahead of them.

Sabine silently groaned. Somehow she preferred the yelling to this. “Of course not.”

He turned to look at her then, pinning her with his dark eyes. “Did I say or do anything while we were together to make you think I would be a bad father?”

A bad father? No. Perhaps a distracted one. A distant one. An absent one. Or worse, a reluctant one. But not a bad father. “No. Gavin, I—”

“Then why, Sabine? Why would you keep something so important from me? Why would you keep me from being in Jared’s life? He’s young now, but eventually he’d notice he didn’t have a daddy like other kids. What if he thought I didn’t want him? Christ, Sabine. He may not have been planned, but he’s still my son.”

When he said it like that, every excuse in her mind sounded ridiculous. How could she explain that she didn’t want Jared to grow up spoiled, rich but unloved? That she wanted him with her, not at some expensive boarding school? That she didn’t want him to become a successful, miserable shell of a man like his father? All those excuses resulted from her primary fear that she couldn’t shake. “I was afraid I would lose him.”

Gavin’s jaw still flexed with pent-up emotions. “You thought I would take him from you?”

“Wouldn’t you?” Her gaze fixed on him, a challenge in her eyes. “Wouldn’t you have swooped in the minute he was born and claimed him as your own? I’m sure your fancy friends and family would be horrified that a person like me was raising the future Brooks Express Shipping heir. It wouldn’t be hard to deem me an unfit mother and have some judge from your father’s social club grant you full custody.”

“I wouldn’t have done that.”

“I’m sure you only would’ve done what you thought was best for your son, but how was I to know what that would entail? What would happen if you decided he would be better off with you and I was just a complication? I wouldn’t have enough money or connections to fight you. I couldn’t risk it.” Sabine felt the tears prickling her eyes, but she refused to cry in front of Gavin.

“I couldn’t bear the thought of you handing him off to nannies and tutors. Buying his affection with expensive gifts because you were too busy building the family company to spend time with him. Shipping him off to some boarding school as soon as he was old enough, under the guise of getting him the best education when you really just want him out of your hair. Jared wasn’t planned. He wasn’t the golden child of your socially acceptable marriage. You might want him on principle, but I couldn’t be certain you would love him.”

Gavin sat silent for a moment, listening to her tirade. The anger seemed to have run its course. Now he just looked emotionally spent, his dark eyes tired. He looked just like Jared after a long day without a nap.

Sabine wanted to brush the dark strands of hair from his weary eyes and press her palm against the rough stubble of his cheek. She knew exactly how it would feel. Exactly how his skin would smell...an intoxicating mixture of soap, leather and male. But she wouldn’t. Her attraction to Gavin was a hurdle she had to overcome to leave him the first time. The years hadn’t dulled her reaction to him. Now, it would be an even larger complication she didn’t need.

“I don’t understand why you would think that,” he said at last, his words quieter now.

“Because that’s what happened to you, Gavin.” She lowered her voice to a soft, conversational tone. “And it’s the only way you know how to raise a child. Nannies and boarding schools are normal to you. You told me yourself how your parents were always too busy for you and your siblings. How your house cycled through nannies like some people went through tissue paper. Do you remember telling me about how miserable and lonely you were when they sent you away to school? Why would I want that for Jared? Even if it came with all the money and luxury in the world? I wasn’t about to hand him over to you so he could live the same hollow life you had. I didn’t want him to be groomed to be the next CEO of Brooks Express Shipping.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Gavin challenged with a light of anger returning to the chocolate depths of his eyes. “There are worse things than growing up wealthy and becoming the head of a Fortune 500 company founded by your great-great-grandfather. Like growing up poor. Living in a small apartment with secondhand clothes.”

“His clothes aren’t secondhand!” she declared, her blood rushing furiously through her veins. “They’re not from Bloomingdale’s, but they aren’t rags, either. I know that to you we look like we live in squalor, but we don’t. It’s a small apartment, but it’s in a quiet neighborhood near the park where he can play. He has food and toys and most importantly, all the love, stability and attention I can possibly give him. He’s a happy, healthy child.”

Sabine didn’t want to get defensive, but she couldn’t help it. She recognized the tone from back when they were dating. The people in his social circles were always quick to note her shabby-chic fashion sense and lack of experience with an overabundance of flatware. They declared it charming, but Sabine could see the mockery in their eyes. They never thought she was good enough for one of the Brooks men. She wasn’t about to let Gavin tell her that the way she raised her child wasn’t good enough, either.

“I have no doubt that you’re doing a great job with Jared. But why would you make it so hard on yourself? You could have a nice place in Manhattan. You could send him to one of the best private preschools in the city. I could get you a nice car and someone to help you cook and clean and take care of all the little things. I would’ve made sure you both had everything you needed—and without taking him from you. There was no reason to sacrifice those comforts.”

“I didn’t sacrifice anything,” Sabine insisted. She knew those creature comforts came with strings. She’d rather do without. “I never had those things to begin with.”

“No sacrifices?” Gavin shifted in the car to face her directly. “What about your painting? I’ve kept an eye out over the years and haven’t noticed any showings of your work. I didn’t see any supplies or canvases lying around the apartment, either. I assume your studio space gave way to Jared’s things, so where did all that go?”

Sabine swallowed hard. He had her there. She’d moved to New York to follow her dream of becoming a painter. She had lived and breathed her art every moment of the day she could. Her work had even met with some moderate success. She’d had a gallery showing and sold a few pieces, but it wasn’t enough to live on. And it certainly wasn’t enough to raise a child on. So her priorities shifted. Children took time. And energy. And money. At the end of the day, the painting had fallen to the bottom of her list. Some days she missed the creative release of her work, but she didn’t regret setting it aside.

“It’s in the closet,” she admitted with a frown.

“And when was the last time you painted?”

“Saturday,” she replied a touch too quickly.

Gavin narrowed his gaze at her.

“Okay, it was finger paints,” Sabine confessed. She turned away from Gavin’s heavy stare and focused on the yoga mat in her lap. He saw more than she wanted him to. He always had. “But,” she continued, “Jared and I had a great time doing it, even if it wasn’t gallery-quality work. He’s the most important thing in the world to me, now. More important than painting.”

“You shouldn’t have to give up one thing you love for another.”

“Life is about compromises, Gavin. Certainly you know what it’s like to set aside what you love to do for what you’re obligated to do.”

He stiffened in the seat beside her. It seemed they were both guilty of putting their dreams on the back burner, although for very different reasons. Sabine had a child to raise. Gavin had family expectations to uphold and a shipping empire to run. The tight collar of his obligations had chafed back when they were dating. It had certainly rubbed him bloody and raw by now.

When he didn’t respond, Sabine looked up. He was looking out the window, his thoughts as distant as his eyes.

It was surreal to be in the same car with Gavin after all this time. She could feel his gravitational pull on her when they were this close. Walking away from him the first time had been hard. They dated for about a month and a half, but every moment they spent together had been fiercely passionate. Not just sexual, either. They enjoyed everything to the fullest, from spicy ethnic foods to political debates, museum strolls to making love under the stars. They could talk for hours.

Their connection was almost enough to make her forget they wanted different things from life. And as much as he seemed enticed by the exoticness of their differences, she knew it wouldn’t last long. The novelty would wear off and they would either break up, or he would expect her to change for him. That was one thing she simply wouldn’t do. She wouldn’t conform for her parents and the small-minded Nebraska town she grew up in, and she wouldn’t do it for him. She came to New York so she could be herself, not to lose her identity and become one of the Brooks Wives. They were like Stepfords with penthouse apartments.

She had briefly met some of Gavin’s family, and it had scared the hell out of her. They hadn’t been dating very long when they ran into his parents at a restaurant. It was an awkward encounter that came too early in the relationship, but the impact on Sabine had been huge. His mother was a flawless, polished accessory of his father’s arm. Sabine was fairly certain that even if she wanted to be, she would be neither flawless nor polished. She didn’t want to fade into the background of her own life.

It didn’t matter how much she loved Gavin. And she did. But she loved herself more. And she loved Jared more.

But breathing the same air as Gavin again made her resolve weaken. She had neglected her physical needs for too long and made herself vulnerable. “So what do we do now?” Sabine asked at last.

As if he’d read her thoughts, Gavin reached over to her and took her hand in his. The warmth of him enveloped her, a tingle of awareness prickling at the nape of her neck. It traveled like a gentle waterfall down her back, lighting every nerve. Her whole body seemed to be awakening from a long sleep like a princess in a fairy tale. And all it had taken was his touch. She couldn’t imagine what would happen if the dashing prince actually kissed her.

Kissed her? Was she insane? He was no dashing prince, and she had run from this relationship for a good reason. He may have tracked her down and she might be obligated to allow him to have a place in Jared’s life, but that didn’t mean they had to pick up where they left off. Quite the contrary. She needed to keep her distance from Gavin if she knew what was good for her. He’d let her go once, proving just how much she didn’t matter to him. Anything he said or did now to the contrary was because of Jared. Not her.

His thumb gently stroked the back of her hand. Her body remembered that touch and everything it could lead to. Everything she’d denied herself since she became a mother...

He looked up at her, an expression of grave seriousness on his face. “We get married.”

* * *

Gavin had never proposed to a woman before. Well, it wasn’t really even a proposal since he hadn’t technically asked. And even though it wasn’t candlelight and diamonds, he certainly never imagined a response like this.

Sabine laughed at him. Loudly. Heartily. For an unnecessarily long period of time. She obviously had no idea how hard it had been for him to do this. How many doubts he had to set aside to ask anyone to be a permanent part of his life, much less someone with a track record of walking away from him.

He’d thought they were having a moment. Her glossy lips had parted softly and her pale eyes darkened when he’d touched her. It should’ve been the right time, the perfect moment. But he’d miscalculated. Her response to his proposal had proved as much.

“I’m serious!” he shouted over her peals of laughter, but it only made her giggle harder. Gavin sat back in his seat and waited for her to stop. It took a few minutes longer than his pride would’ve liked. Eventually, she quieted and wiped her damp eyes with her fingertips.

“Marry me, Sabine,” he said.

“No.”

He almost wished Sabine had gone back to laughing. The firm, sober rejection was worse. It reminded him of her pained, resolved expression as she broke off their relationship and walked out of his life.

“Why not?” He couldn’t keep the insulted tone from his voice. He was a great catch. She should be thrilled to get this proposal, even as spur of the moment and half-assed as it was.

Sabine smiled and patted his hand reassuringly. “Because you don’t want to marry me, Gavin. You want to do the right thing and provide a stable home for your son. And that’s noble. Really. I appreciate the sentiment. But I’m not going to marry someone that doesn’t love me.”

“We have a child together.”

“That’s not good enough for me.”

Gavin scoffed. “Making our son legitimate isn’t a good enough reason for you?”

“We’re not talking about the succession to the throne of England, Gavin. It’s not exactly the horrid stigma it used to be. Having you in his life is more than enough for me. That’s all I want from you—quality time.”

“Quality time?” Gavin frowned. Somehow legally binding themselves in marriage seemed an easier feat.

“Yes. If you’re committed enough to your son to marry his mother when you don’t love her, you should be committed enough to put in the time. I’m not going to introduce a ‘dad’ into his life just so you can work late and ignore him. He’s better off without a dad than having one that doesn’t make an effort. You can’t miss T-ball games and birthday parties. You have to be there when you say you will. If you can’t be there for him one hundred percent, don’t bother.”

Her words hit him hard. He didn’t have bad parents, but he did have busy ones. Gavin knew how it felt to be the lowest item on someone’s priority list. How many times had he sat alone on the marble staircase of his childhood home and waited for parents who never showed up? How many times had he scanned the crowd at school pageants and ball games looking for family that wasn’t there?

He’d always sworn he wouldn’t do that to his own children, but even after having seen his son, the idea of him wasn’t quite a firm reality in Gavin’s mind. He had only this primitive need to claim the child and its mother. To finally have someone in his life that couldn’t walk away.

That’s why he’d rushed out to Brooklyn without any sort of plan. But she was right. He didn’t know what to do with a child. His reflex would be to hand him off to someone who did and focus on what he was good at—running his family business. He couldn’t afford the distraction, especially so close to closing his latest business deal.

And that was exactly what she was afraid of.

She had good reason, too. He’d spent most of their relationship vacillating between ignoring her for work and ignoring work for her. He never found the balance. A child would compound the problem. Part of the reason Gavin hadn’t seriously focused on settling down was because he knew his work priorities would interfere with family life. He kept waiting for the day when things at BXS would slow down enough for him to step back. But it never happened. His father hadn’t stepped back until the day he handed the reins over to Gavin, and he’d missed his children growing up to do it.

Gavin didn’t have a choice any longer. He had a child. He would have to find a way—a better way than his father chose—to keep the company on top and keep his promises to his son and Sabine. He wasn’t sure how the hell he would do it, but he would make it happen.

“If I put in the quality time, will you let me help you?”

“Help me with what?”

“With life, Sabine. If you won’t marry me, let me get you a nice apartment in the city. Wherever you want to live. Let me help pay for Jared’s education. We can enroll him in the best preschool. I can get someone to help around the house. Someone that can cook and clean, even pick up Jared from school if you want to keep working.”

“And why would you want to do that? What you’re suggesting is incredibly expensive.”

“Maybe, but it’s worth it to me. It’s an investment in my child. Making your life easier will make you a happier, more relaxed mother to our son. He can spend more time playing and learning than sitting on the subway. And admittedly, having you in Manhattan will make it easier for me to see Jared more often.”

He could see the conflict in Sabine’s pale green eyes. She was struggling. She was proud and wouldn’t admit it, but raising Jared on her own had to be difficult. Kids weren’t cheap. They took time and money and effort. She’d already sacrificed her art. But convincing her to accept his offering would take time.

He knew Sabine better than she wanted to admit. She didn’t want to be seen as one of those women who moved up in social status by calculated breeding. Jared had been an accident, of that he was certain. Judging by the expression on Sabine’s face when she opened the door to her apartment, she would’ve rather had any man’s son but his.

“Let’s take this one step at a time, please,” Sabine said, echoing his thoughts. There was a pained expression on her face that made him think there was more than just pride holding her back.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve gone from having no kids to having a toddler and very nearly a fiancée in two hours’ time. That’s a big change for you, and for both Jared and me. Let’s not uproot our lives so quickly.” She sighed and gripped his hand. “Let’s get the DNA results in, so there are no questions or doubts. Then we can introduce the idea of you to Jared and tell our families. From there, maybe we move into the city to be closer to you. But let’s make these decisions over weeks and months, not minutes.”

She glanced down at the screen on her cell phone. “I’ve got to get inside and set up.”

“Okay.” Gavin got out of the car and came around to open her door and help her out.

“I have tomorrow off. If you can make an appointment for DNA testing, call or text me and we’ll meet you there. My number is the same. Do you still have it?”

He did. He’d very nearly dialed it about a hundred times in the weeks after she’d left. He’d been too proud to go through with the call. A hundred people had drifted in and out of his life, but Sabine leaving had caught him by surprise and it stung. He’d wanted to fight, wanted to call her and convince her she was wrong about them. But she wanted to go and he let her.

Now he could kick himself for not manning up and telling her he wanted her and didn’t care what others thought about it. That he would make the time for her. Maybe then he would’ve been there to hear his son’s heartbeat in the doctor’s office, his first cries and his first words. Maybe then the mother of his child wouldn’t look at him with wary eyes and laugh off his proposal of marriage like a joke.

He made a point of pulling out his phone and confirming it so she wouldn’t think he knew for certain. “I do.”

Sabine nodded and slowly started walking backward across the grass. Even after all this time apart, it felt awkward to part like strangers without a hug or a kiss goodbye. They were bonded for a lifetime now, and yet he had never felt as distant from her as he did when she backed away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” she said.

“Tomorrow,” he repeated.

He watched as she regarded him for a moment at a distance. There was a sadness in her expression that he didn’t like. The Sabine he remembered was a vibrant artist with a lust for life and experience. She had jerked him out of his blah corporate existence, demanded he live his life, not just go through the motions. Sabine was nothing like what he was supposed to have but absolutely everything he needed. He’d regretted every day since she’d walked out of his life.

Now, he regretted it more than ever, and not just because of his son. The sad, weary woman walking away from him was just a shadow of the person he once knew. And he hated that.

The outdoor lights kicked on, lighting the shimmer of tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Gavin,” she said before spinning on her heels and disappearing through the doors of the community center.

She was sorry. And so was he.

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