SELF-HEALING
DAVID LAWSON

DEDICATION

THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO MY PARENTS

LILIAN AND ERIC, WHOSE CARE AND SUPPORT

HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME.

WITH LOVE, DAVID

CONTENTS

Cover

Title Page

Dedication

A Personal Note by Justin Carson

1 Beginning the Journey

2 Healing your Mind

3 Your Positive Potential

4 The Intelligence of your Body

5 The Wisdom of your Emotions

6 Living in the Present

7 Your Spiritual Journey

Golden Light – I Forgive

Index

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Praise

In the Same Series

Also by the Author

Copyright

About the Publisher

A PERSONAL NOTE BY JUSTIN CARSON

‘Healing’ is not something that can be ‘done’ to us, it requires our active participation in changing our thoughts, changing our old emotional patterns and ultimately changing our circumstances so that we can engender a healthier state of being.

This is an exceptional book in the field of ‘self-healing’ in that it doesn’t eschew tried and tested medical techniques. We are, however, asked to learn how to balance the advice and knowledge of medical and complementary practitioners with our own innate healing skills. In doing so we can change the patterns in our lives that have helped to create our problems and ailments in the first place.

Reading this book will furnish you with all the tools that you need to start changing the ingrained mental and emotional patterns that you have learned from early childhood. Applying these techniques will help you emerge as a healthier and more empowered person.

‘Healing’ is also about quality of life. Not everyone will get well again, but we can all learn to live with honour, dignity and courage, whatever the future holds. While self-healing is primarily concerned with extending and celebrating life, for some, the process of dying can produce the greatest healing of all.

David Lawson is a warm and skilful healer; everyone who comes into contact with him departs recharged and invigorated by his kindness, skill and words of wisdom.

I trust that you will enjoy this book as much as I have and that it will benefit you in countless, and as yet unimaginable, ways.

JUSTIN CARSON

HEALER AND COURSE LEADER

1 BEGINNING THE JOURNEY
THE ADVENTURE OF HEALING

Self-healing is an ongoing adventure, a voyage of self-discovery where each of us has the opportunity to explore a multitude of choices and solutions to our ever-changing needs. Whether we begin our journey completely healthy or in the midst of dealing with a physical illness, mental problem or emotional need, there is much to discover and to put into practice that will enhance our lives in ways that go beyond our wildest dreams. Our ticket as we embark upon this adventure is a desire to learn and grow, our passport a willingness to change our lives for the better.

Your desire may already be clear to you. Perhaps you wish to stay healthy and prevent the onset of illness, disease or disharmony. Perhaps you are looking for support in dealing with an existing health problem and making the most of the medical or complementary therapies that you are encountering along the way.

For some of you reading this book, your need or desire may be less specific. Perhaps you wish to exorcise some ghosts from your past or create a greater sense of wholeness, inner peace, confidence, self-esteem and forward direction. In some cases you may wish to build on the foundation of well-being and happiness that you already have in your life, to discover more joy, more freedom and greater opportunities for fulfilment.

This book explores the principles of self-healing; these principles can be adapted to help you with any aspect of life-enhancement or personal development. The principles that underpin any exercise that focuses on physical healing can equally be directed to helping with emotional, mental or spiritual needs. Please use the ideas and techniques that are appropriate for you and be creative in adapting them for your own special requirements.

WHAT IS SELF-HEALING?

Self-healing is a continual process of taking charge of your health, well-being and personal potential. It comes from actively seeking solutions to the many challenges that we face in our lives rather than seeing ourselves as victims of fate. Instead of doing our best to negotiate a route through the ups and downs of our existence we can make a decision to create the life that we desire and to live it to the best of our ability.

• Self-healing is using the powers of your mind positively and constructively. To heal and develop your life, you need to be willing to discard the old thoughts, beliefs and attitudes that no longer support you in health and harmony, and exchange them for new ones that do.

• Self-healing is listening to the intelligence and wisdom of your body. You need to be aware of your physical needs and you need to take action to exercise, feed and think about your body in ways that are loving and healthy.

• Self-healing is harnessing the creative, positive energy of your emotions. You need to be willing to listen to your heart, acknowledge your feelings and express them safely and effectively.

• Self-healing is also about finding your place in the greater scheme of things and developing a philosophy or a spiritual awareness that gives your life a sense of meaning. You need to be willing to expand your view of the world and entertain the joyful mysteries of the universe, regardless of your background, culture or the beliefs that you were brought up with.

This book is a guide to the powers of your mind and your ability to make new choices that will allow mental, emotional, physical and spiritual changes to occur in your life. It is for you to decide to act upon those choices, but each little step forward, no matter how small, can be a giant leap towards self-healing and personal development.

HOW CAN WE STAY HEALTHY?

Very simply, we stay healthy when we remain in balance. It helps to be in balance with other people and with our environment, but the most important place to start is with ourselves. To be in harmony with the world around us it is often best to begin by creating harmony within and then work outwards. To have our lives in balance we need to balance ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Finding balance is not about sticking to a rigid formula. It is not a case of learning how to do all the right things and holding it there. For example, if you were shown how to place your body in perfect physical alignment so that your posture was 100 per cent correct, you would have been done a great service. If, however, you were encouraged to hold yourself rigidly in one correct position so that you would never lose that perfect alignment, you would have been done a great disservice. Life is about constant change and movement; being balanced is never going to look quite the same twice.

As we progress through the ideas and techniques that I am sharing here with you I will be encouraging you to remember and use the four key principles of self-healing: to listen, to notice, to choose and to adapt.

LISTENING

Some of us are born with good listening skills; some of us learn them from our parents or parent figures; some of us learn by necessity later on in life. Are you a good listener? However good you are there is always something new that you can learn about listening.

Listening is not dependent on our ability to hear. People with impaired hearing can sometimes be better at listening than people whose hearing is clear and perfect.

To heal ourselves we need to listen to our feelings, listen to our bodies, listen to the words that we use, listen to the sound of or feel the vibration of our voices, listen to the information that is coming to us from other people and from our environment. When we listen, we are blessed with all the information that we need to make wonderful healing changes in our lives.

NOTICING

When we notice something it often takes on a power or a significance that it did not previously have. When we notice a beautiful flower, a wonderful fragrance or a captivating sound our mood may change; thoughts, memories or associations may come to mind that were not present before. Similarly, if we notice something unpleasant then it may also take on a significance for us and affect our mood – but by noticing it we can make a choice to change it or, alternatively, to change our response to it.

To heal ourselves we need to be willing to notice our thoughts and beliefs, notice what motivates us and gives us energy, notice what de-motivates us and depletes our energy. It helps to notice the images, inspirations and insights that we receive. Noticing gives us power and helps us to take positive action.

CHOOSING

So many of us put up with the unsatisfactory or unhealthy elements of our lives because we do not realize that we have the power of choice. We tend to believe that life is something that happens to us regardless of our wishes, dreams or desires, and we often picture ourselves as victims of circumstance doing our best to cope with the hand that we have been dealt.

When we learn that we have a choice and that we have a right to exercise that choice in all areas of our health and happiness, we discover that we have the power to make wonderful changes.

To heal ourselves we often need to choose new ways of thinking and acting. This includes choosing new ways to look at life, choosing to let go of anything that no longer supports our health and happiness and choosing new directions that will enhance our personal development. When we exercise our choice we create new options for ourselves and we take charge of our destiny.

ADAPTING

Some illnesses and many problems are created as a direct result of our basic fear of and resistance to life. Even the most positive, go-ahead people may fear or resist some areas of change. In contrast, some of the healthiest people I have met have been those with a great willingness to adapt and learn new ways of approaching life.

To heal ourselves we often need to adapt to changing circumstances: adapting to different environments, adapting to changing needs and desires, adapting our approach to obtain the best results in all situations, adapting ideas, techniques, treatments and philosophies. When we are willing to adapt we remain flexible and open to solutions that go beyond our previous expectations or experience.

When we continue to listen, notice, choose and adapt then we are able to create and re-create balance within ourselves, allowing our passage through life to be as healthy and happy as it was always meant to be. This is particularly important when we need to respond to the message of illness.

THE MESSAGE OF ILLNESS

While it is always preferable to stay balanced and prevent illness from occurring as much as possible, the advent of illness can be a gift, especially when we choose to look at our situation positively and with love. It is true that we may not feel that our illness is a blessing when it is painful or uncomfortable and when it inhibits us from living life to the full, but we still have it within our power to turn it into a beneficial gift rather than a curse.

Illness always brings a message. Physical symptoms tell us that there is something we need to learn about ourselves and something we need to change. The message may be a predominantly physical one. If we have a backache then the message might be that we need to learn to move in a different way or that we need to learn to stand correctly. Listening to your body and noticing aches and pains early on can allow you to choose new ways of correcting them by finding out about, for example, appropriate exercise, therapies and postural training. Even if you begin to take heed of the aches after some damage has already occurred, there is much you can do to improve the situation and prevent further deterioration.

With physical symptoms, however, the message may also be emotional. The backache that requires us to move, lift and stand in a healthier way can also require us to look at the cause of the emotional tension that is contributing to the pain or discomfort we are experiencing.

Alternatively, the message may be a mental one: perhaps we are viewing ourselves and our lives in ways that rigidly adhere to old patterns of belief that no longer suit us. Rigid thinking is one cause of rigidity within the body; the pain may be telling us that we need to change the way that we view our current situation.

Physical symptoms all tell us that there is something that we need to know and, in many cases, something that we need to do to heal our lives. It is similar with emotional problems, accidents, break-downs of communication, challenging relationships and periods of crisis or disturbance. Everything contains a message and everything is a gift if we remain open and willing to use it as one.

THE HEAD, THE HEART AND THE VOICE

Many natural healing traditions work by aligning the head, the heart and the voice. Native American and other indigenous cultures from around the world have systems of healing that are passed down from generation to generation. They include the use of natural medicines, sacred rituals and an understanding of human nature that so-called civilized cultures are having to relearn. An essential understanding of human nature includes the knowledge that when the head, the heart and the voice are in conflict then there will be an imbalance, and disease or disharmony will follow.

The head is, of course, our unique collection of thoughts, beliefs attitudes, judgements and opinions; the heart is our wealth of feelings, emotions, instincts and physical sensations; the voice is our expression, our communication and our creativity. The modern world places a strong emphasis on the head. We live at a time when the pace is generally getting faster and the technology that we are using makes it necessary for us to update and expand our knowledge constantly. Our educational systems are more concerned with the acquisition of facts than they are with teaching us to express ourselves properly and to be in touch with our feelings and intuition.

It is true that the numerous advances in technology, science and human knowledge are miraculous gifts. If used with wisdom and awareness they can transform many areas of our lives for the better – but we need to keep ourselves balanced in order to develop that wisdom. For each of us individually, keeping our heads, hearts and voices in alignment is the best way that we can negotiate and transcend the stresses of modern living.

SUZANNE’S STORY

Suzanne was a woman with a very passionate, expressive nature whose instincts compelled her to respond to life with emotion, compassion and sensitivity. When she first came to me for a healing and counselling session she was feeling stuck and frustrated. Nothing seemed to be working for her in her career or personal life and she had regular periods of depression. Sometimes her depressions would last for weeks; she described them as being marooned from life as if she were living on some colourless desert island, disconnected from the rest of the world.

Experiences like this can be very common. Many of us have felt cut off from other people or cut off from ourselves. Listening to this sensitive person talk about her life I became aware that I could hear different messages coming from different parts of her being. I shared the idea with Suzanne that we all need to have our heads, our hearts and our voices in alignment, and asked her to tell me what she was feeling in her heart.

Suzanne told me how she was often easily moved to tears – anything from a beautiful piece of music to the simplest gesture of love would bring tears of joy, sadness and release. She also told me that during her periods of depression she sometimes lost her ability to feel anything and that would distress her. At times she would have the pain of emotion sticking in her throat. Indeed, she regularly suffered from a sore throat and occasionally lost her voice completely.

I asked her what she thought about her emotions and Suzanne told me that she loved to have them but that she was afraid that they might be a bad thing. She thought that it was not healthy to be too emotional. When she was a little girl Suzanne’s father had told her off for being ‘too sensitive’. He had told her that she ought to control her emotions because to do otherwise left her open to being taken advantage of by other people. He had given her the idea that to be strong and self-reliant meant hiding her sensitivity away from the world.

Suzanne’s heart was filled with positive, emotional energy but her head was filled with many limiting beliefs and judgements about expressing her emotion. The result was that Suzanne’s voice was confused: sometimes it expressed the feelings that were present and sometimes it choked them back, literally, and that was when Suzanne became sick or depressed. The colour and inspiration of Suzanne’s life were all tied up in her emotional nature, and it was through her feelings that she had the most valuable contact with other people and with the world around her. It is no surprise that she felt marooned on a colourless island when she felt restrained from expressing herself.

The more that Suzanne let go of her judgements and allowed herself to be sensitive and passionate, the more joyful she felt, the less depressed she was and the more her life worked for her. She learned to think and speak in ways that expressed her true nature, and her head, her heart and her voice moved into alignment. It is interesting to note that when she gave herself full permission to be emotional she discovered that she did not always need to be. What is more, she learned to feel strong and safe whether she was emotional or not.

THOUGHTS, FEELINGS AND EXPRESSION

For many of us the conflict between the feelings or desires of our hearts and the beliefs and judgements that we hold in our heads can create stress in our bodies that manifests as physical illness or repetitive problems whether in our relationships, our careers or our financial security. Our voices are left confused, expressing mixed messages or, in some cases, very little at all. We do not say what we mean, nor do we truly mean what we say.

If, for example, we feel very angry because someone we love has abused or disregarded us in some way but we hold a belief that we do not have the right to be angry, we may find ourselves expressing anger in indirect ways such as by whining, moaning, being sarcastic or blaming ourselves for our predicament. Sooner or later that tension will create an illness inside us or adversely affect our ability to communicate properly with other people.

The good news is that we always have a choice to change this kind of damaging pattern, trading in unhealthy beliefs for healthy ones and releasing destructive forms of communication in favour of the kind of expression that will bring us positive results. In this way we can always help ourselves to stay in good health.

By changing our negative, limiting or judgemental beliefs into positive, accepting, permissive ones we support our feelings, needs and desires, discovering healthy, loving ways to express them. By developing the belief that it is safe for us to express our anger, we can be honest with the people around us, seek new solutions to conflicts of interest and leave ourselves free to express more of the love that we have in our hearts. Love is often trapped and obscured by anger or fear that we feel unable to express and let go of.

Exercise: Aligning the Head, the Heart and the Voice

For this exercise you will need 20 minutes of peace and quiet, somewhere comfortable to sit, and a pen and paper.

Start by sitting quietly and breathing deeply, consciously slowing down your breath a little so that you become settled and calm.

Next, think about one specific health issue that you have, or something else that is challenging you at the moment. It could be a problem with a relationship or some aspect of your work that is frustrating you.

Focus first on your heart. Take a few moments to ask yourself the question ‘What do I feel about this in my heart?’ If it helps, you could place your hand on your chest and imagine that, as you breathe, you breathe directly into your heart and the feelings that you have inside you.

Do you feel sad?

Do you feel angry?

Do you feel joyful? confused? numb? disappointed? hurt? passionate? excited? scared?

Do you have desires or needs pulsing away in your heart that need to be acknowledged and expressed?

Listen to your feelings and notice them.

Next, focus on your head. Ask yourself the question ‘What do I think about this?’ As you breathe, imagine that you are able to shine a light on to your thoughts and beliefs to make them more visible. Ask yourself:

‘What do I think about this health issue, challenge or problem?’

‘What do I think about my feelings?’

‘Is it safe for me to feel like this?’

‘Do I have judgements about my feelings?

‘Do I have negative or limiting thoughts about this situation?’

Listen to your thoughts and beliefs and notice them.

Take a few moments to write down what you feel and think.

Now focus on your voice. Placing a hand gently on your throat, ask yourself ‘What do I need to say about this?’ As you breathe, imagine your throat relaxing and ask yourself:

‘Do I need to express my feelings?’

‘Do I need to ask for help?’

‘Do I need to communicate my desires or requirements?’

‘Do I need to ask for information?’

‘Could I be more honest with myself or someone close to me?’

Again, write down any thoughts or feelings that you have.

What new choices can you make to deal with your health issue or your situation in a different way?

How can you adapt your thoughts, beliefs and actions to help you to heal this challenge?

Make a note of any insights that you receive, and remember to act upon them. Repeat this exercise regularly. The more that you ask yourself the right questions, the easier it becomes for you to connect your heart, head and voice and the easier it is for you to take positive action.

As we progress through this book I will be sharing many ideas and techniques for developing positive, healthy patterns of thought, expressing and using the power of your feelings and maintaining your life in harmony and balance. This is just the beginning.

Visualization: Harmonizing your Thoughts, Feelings and Expression

Find somewhere quiet and comfortable to sit, unplug the telephone and make sure that you are not going to be disturbed. Sit with your back supported and your body open and relaxed, your arms and legs uncrossed. If you prefer you can lie down, but again make sure that you keep your body open rather than curled up.

I am about to invite you to use some positive mental images. This is a little like having a daydream or consciously picturing something that you desire or something that you wish to remember. Some people have strong images when they do this, some do not. It is enough to hold the idea or concept in your mind for this exercise to work for you.

To begin, breathe deeply and imagine your heart and your chest pulsing with a beautiful healing light. The light is a shimmering mass of iridescent colours that reflect your current mood and feelings. Choose the strongest colours and see them glowing brighter and brighter at your heart.

Next, imagine your throat, your neck and your voice box also glowing with light; notice the strongest colours that fill and surround this area of your body. See the light becoming stronger, healthier and more positive.

Then, concentrate on your head and your mind and imagine this area also glowing with light. What colours would be glowing from your mind? See light shimmering around your head as you explore and play with your many passing thoughts.

Finally, see a single, pure beam of golden light connecting your head, your heart and your voice, a strong line of light energy that joins up the emotional area of your chest to the area of communication in your throat and the area of thought located within your head.

Imagine the coloured light in all three areas harmonizing and growing brighter still as your head, your heart and your voice come into instant alignment and balance. Imagine yourself thinking, feeling and communicating with one strong positive voice; all parts of yourself are in balance and in agreement with each other. Continue to breathe deeply and hold this image or concept for a while, noticing your thoughts, feelings, needs and desires.

Repeat this exercise again when you need to regain some balance or when you wish to heal some internal or external conflict. In the meantime, let us continue by healing some of the thoughts and beliefs that you may be holding in your mind…

2 HEALING YOUR MIND
THE REALMS OF BRILLIANCE AND CONFLICT

Your mind is extraordinary. Nobody else thinks in exactly the same way as you do. No one has quite the same collection of thoughts, beliefs, memories, dreams and ideas that you have. You are special!

Much of the time our minds serve us extremely well. For most of us, the way that we think keeps us alive and helps us to function quite effectively. However, there may be areas of disharmony, conflict and ill health that are caused in part by the limiting, restrictive or judgemental beliefs that we hold. We can even think our way into illness and crisis without being aware of what we are doing.

The mind is very busy; it likes to create constant activity and it likes to stay in control of what is going on. This busy-ness and the need to control can create stress and rigidity. We need to learn to harness the power of our minds and use it constructively so that we can create the space to grow in health and happiness.

NEGATIVE AND LIMITING BELIEFS

Even the most positive people have areas of thought or belief that do not support their health and well-being. This does not mean that they are actively doing something wrong, just that – like everyone else on the planet – they need to grow beyond some of the ways they have learned to think.

As children, we rapidly absorb information about the world around us. We listen to our parents, our guardians, our brothers and sisters, our teachers and our playmates and pick up a wealth of ideas and information about ourselves, other people and the nature of the world that we live in. Some of this information is healthy, some of it is not.

On the whole, the beliefs that we learn work very well for us. Even if they are negative or limiting they often keep us safe and help us to survive during the more vulnerable periods of our lives. Chiefly we learn the best ways to gain the approval or attention of anyone who is there to look after us. Our patterns of behaviour, our thoughts and our beliefs reflect this.

As we grow up, we naturally review this knowledge, changing many of our ideas and beliefs along the way. This is part of learning and growing; we are listening to information, noticing the behaviour of the people around us, choosing our ideas and adapting to the situations we find ourselves in. The tension comes when we remain unaware of beliefs that are unhealthy for us or when we get a bit stuck in patterns of thought and behaviour that may once have been valid but now no longer reflect our needs, desires and aspirations.

SAM’S STORY

Sam was a man in his mid-thirties who came to me complaining of minor aches and pains. He constantly sought relief for his discomfort but had lost faith in the treatments he had previously attempted. He often did not complete them and his life was a catalogue of failures. He had lived through a series of unfulfilling relationships, dissatisfying jobs and missed opportunities.

We did some guided relaxation work together. I used positive thoughts and soothing visual images to settle Sam into a relaxed state and help him to release some of the tension that was contributing to his aches and pains. As he settled, Sam began to talk about his childhood and I began to hear some of his deeply held negative and limiting beliefs.

When Sam was a small child his parents had separated and Sam’s mother was left to bring up four children on her own. Money was scarce and Sam’s mother was so busy providing for her children that she rarely had the time or energy left over to give them all the attention they needed. Like most children, Sam would ask for toys and sweets, and would do his best to get a little extra attention. His mother would respond by telling him honestly that she did not have the time or did not have the money to give him what he wanted.

When she became over-tired or fed up with the constant demands Sam’s mother would say, ‘Stop asking! You can’t have what you want so there’s no point in continuing to ask. You just can’t have what you want!’ By the age of seven, Sam stopped asking. He became quite withdrawn and started to get minor illnesses, nurturing his little hurts, aches and pains. He did not complain very much because he had learned that there was no point in asking for things; at the same time his withdrawal earned him some approval from his mother, who felt less pressured by her least demanding child. He developed a belief that his needs could not be met.

As Sam grew up he automatically changed some of his beliefs. He found that he could earn money for himself and that there was not always a shortage of resources. However, he still held a basic belief that his needs would never be met and that it was not all right to ask for what he wanted. He also held a belief that there was not enough attention to go around, so he always formed relationships with women who were never quite available when he needed them. He often found himself surrounded by friends and colleagues who were distant and unavailable, too.

The more he relaxed, the more Sam was able to talk about his past and the more he too saw the connections between his childhood experiences, his deeply held beliefs and the patterns that he was living out in his adult life. Sam realized that his aches and pains came from the frustration of his unexpressed needs and the guilt that he felt about having those needs in the first place.

Together we created some positive thoughts for Sam to use regularly so that he could re-train himself to be available for more fulfilling experiences. These positive thoughts included:

• IT IS SAFE AND EASY FOR ME TO HAVE MY NEEDS MET.

• MY LIFE IS RICH AND FULFILLING,

and

• IT IS SAFE FOR ME TO ASK FOR WHAT I WANT.

By talking about his experiences and using positive thoughts to create some new, healthier beliefs, Sam was able to make some wonderful changes. His aches and pains soon dissolved and his life became richer, more satisfying and more nourishing.

THOUGHTS ARE ENERGY

Have you ever eaten something that has disagreed with you? Some foods do not suit us very well, they sit uncomfortably on the stomach, they are depleting and they may trigger an allergic reaction or lower our energy levels. If you eat a lot of foods like this your body may adjust so that you are less aware of their impact, but they are still depleting you, lowering your immune system and perhaps even causing long-term health problems. The same can be true for negative or limiting thoughts.

Our thoughts are energy. Every thought that we have contains its own unique quality and substance. We can imagine this energy as a subtle electrical charge that radiates into every cell of our bodies and creates a field of influence that surrounds us. What is more, the energy of our thoughts has its own magnetism which attracts similar or complementary energy to it. What this means is that our thoughts strongly contribute to the experiences that we create in our lives. It is said that we are what we eat. Perhaps it could also be said that we are what we think.

When we think a positive thought, we fill and surround ourselves with the positive energy of that thought. Positive energy boosts the immune system, maintains us in balance and makes us available for positive experiences, positive people, positive opportunities and healthy solutions. Similarly, negative thoughts send out a negative energy that affects our health, our balance and our experiences, but the impact is quite different. Just like unsuitable foods, negative thoughts are depleting and disempowering. In some cases they can even give us a form of mental, emotional and physical indigestion.

We have free choice. When we listen to our thoughts, noticing their impact on our health and our lives, we can exercise our power of choice. We can choose to let go of negative thinking, adopt new habits of positive thinking and adapt our patterns of belief to suit our true needs and desires. It takes patience and practice, but every one of us has the power to transform our mental patterns. We can all adopt new thoughts and beliefs that are magnetic to positive, healthy experiences.

CHANGING OUR THOUGHTS

When we feel stuck, unhappy, depleted or distressed there is always something we can do to make a difference: we can change the thought. We can ask ourselves ‘What is the belief that is contributing to this problem?’, or ‘How are my thoughts affecting my feelings, depleting my energy and inhibiting my ability to grow?’ We can learn to listen to our thoughts, notice the impact that they have on our lives and make the choice to change them.

When we are sick we can take positive action by subscribing to the appropriate medical or complementary treatments that are available to us, but this is not the only thing that we have it in our power to do. We can take the time to notice the thoughts and beliefs that could be contributing to our condition and change them to thoughts that will support our treatments and stimulate or, in some cases, accelerate the healing process.

When we are having problems in our relationships we can ask ourselves ‘Have I learned to think, act or respond in ways that could be contributing to these problems?’ The way that we think about relationships in general, the beliefs that we hold about people of the opposite sex, people of the same sex, our sexuality, our bodies and our self-esteem all contribute to the kinds of relationship that we create. If we do not like what we are creating we may need to change the thought.

We can begin to notice our thoughts and beliefs by listening to the language that we use. What words do you use again and again when you are on the telephone, talking to your parents, talking to your children, talking to your partner, conversing with a colleague or making small talk with someone that you have just met? Do you complain about the state of the world? Do you criticize yourself or other people? Do you talk about the things that are limiting you or lacking in your life? Do you use ‘struggle words’ such as hard, difficult or trying? Do you use compulsive words such as ought, must and should?

The more that we listen to ourselves talking, the more we can begin to notice the negative or limiting conversations that we have during the course of the day and the easier it is to pinpoint some of our underlying negative or limiting beliefs.

Exercise: Mind your Language

Take a day to listen to the language that you use. Is the main content of your conversation negative or positive? Are you critical, blaming and quick to judge or are you generally accepting, supportive and compassionate when you talk about yourself and other people? Do you talk about life in a way that is fearful or that expects failure or do you use words that invite safety, positive opportunities and success? Is your language filled with struggle words? Do you talk about how hard your life is or do you talk about the ease and joy of life?

If it helps, carry a pen and notebook around with you so that you can record anything that you notice about your choice of words and ideas. Alternatively, leave a tape recorder switched on for periods of time so that you can forget it is there and allow yourself to talk as you normally would.

Perhaps you will discover that the things you say are constantly negative. Some people are amazed when they do this exercise because they generally believe themselves to be quite positive and have not previously noticed the mass of negative or limiting words, phrases and concepts that they utter. Even genuinely positive people may pinpoint negative patterns of thought that they are still carrying with them from their childhood or from some period of frustration or disappointment that they have had in their lives.

If you do not notice very much, do not worry, it takes practice to listen to ourselves. Pinpointing even just one thing can begin a powerful process of transformation. Here is a guide to some common words or phrases that may help you.

STRUGGLE WORDS

Our parents may have told us, either directly or indirectly, that life is hard. As children we copied the language that they and other key figures in our formative lives constantly used. If that language included words, phrases, sayings or concepts that expressed the difficulty of life, then it is highly likely that our language will also express our deeply held belief in difficulty and struggle.

Struggle words are burdening. They weigh us down mentally, emotionally and physically, leaving us feeling dispirited and making us magnetic to difficulty in all areas of our lives. Beliefs in struggle contribute to physical tension, in some cases making our bodies look and feel defeated or joyless. They can inhibit us from having our needs met and can frustrate our ability to create the health, prosperity or relationships that we truly desire.

Here are some examples of struggle words, concepts or phrases that many of us use:

• Hard

• Difficult

• Trying

• Struggle

• Hard work

• Crisis

• Disaster.

As in:

‘It is difficult for me to learn new things.’

‘I am in a difficult situation.’

‘It will take hard work to achieve that.’

‘I always work hard but it never seems to get me anywhere.’

‘It is always such a struggle to make ends meet.’

‘I am trying to change but it is a struggle.’

‘I can’t win.’

‘It is hard for me to change.’

‘This is such a crisis.’

‘It is always such a disaster.’

If we are constantly telling ourselves how hard or difficult life is, how can we expect it to get any easier?

COMPULSIVE WORDS

As children, we also learn compulsive words from the people around us. Whenever we are told that we must do something, that we really ought to do it and that it is something that really should be done, we create compulsive beliefs – particularly when words like must, ought and should are repeated to us often. We copy compulsive beliefs from parent figures who constantly talk about what we, they or other people ought, must or should do.

Compulsive words create and reinforce compulsive beliefs that are often frustrating, draining and inhibiting. They act by motivating us to do things in a way that is pressured and joyless. The result is that we often push ourselves to the limit or more often give up in the attempt to reach some unhealthy measure of success or self-worth. Either way there is a feeling of failure and we come to feel bad about ourselves or to punish ourselves for our lack of success.

Compulsive words limit our choices. We use compulsive beliefs to drive ourselves too hard, push ourselves to do things that we do not want to do and in some cases force ourselves into situations that are unhealthy or damaging for us. They can contribute to desperation, workaholic tendencies, depression, laziness and fatigue.

Here are some examples of compulsive words, concepts or phrases that many of us use:

• Must/Must not

• Ought/Ought not

• Should/Should not

• Have to.

As in:

‘I must try harder to succeed.’

‘I must not stop until I have finished.’

‘I have to do this before I can do the things that I want to do.’

‘I should not cry in front of other people.’

‘I should stick to my diet.’

‘I ought to be feeling better by now.’

‘If I can just do this then everything will be all right.’

Some of the things that we think or talk about compulsively may be healthy for us to do. Perhaps we would benefit from sticking to our diet, but it is the way that we are thinking about it that is unhealthy. Compulsive thinking can inhibit, frustrate or sabotage the success of good, healthy schemes by rendering them joyless and turning them into a chore or a punishment.

FEARFUL PHRASES

Most of us also develop a vocabulary of fearful phrases, some exactly the same as those that we learned in childhood, others that we have picked up, adapted and created for ourselves in adult life. Fearful phrases create and reinforce fearful beliefs. At their extreme we use them to paralyse ourselves and render us inactive and impotent. Fear is a natural feeling, but fearful phrases stir us up into a terrified state that is unnatural and unhealthy.

The stress and anxiety caused by fearful thinking can lower the immune system, disrupt our natural ability to protect ourselves psychologically or mentally, raise our blood-pressure and impede our ability to enjoy the pleasures of life. The energy of fearful beliefs can even make us magnetic to the outcomes that we most wish to avoid. What we resist persists!

Here are some examples of the fearful phrases that many of us use:

‘You can’t trust anyone these days.’

‘I would be terrified of making a fool of myself.’

‘We live in a dangerous world.’

‘These are dangerous times.’

‘It is not safe to walk the streets any more.’

‘If the crooks don’t get you the government will.’

‘I’ll dry up in the middle of my exam and forget everything that

I’ve learned.’

‘What if I make a mistake?’

‘It is terrifying!’

‘What a nightmare!’

Like any other negative patterns, our fearful words and thoughts are just bad habits, and bad habits can easily be changed. We just need to be willing to change them.

NEGATIVE AND LIMITING EXPECTATIONS

Fearful beliefs are just one form of negative or limiting expectations. Our language is full of phrases and statements that reveal underlying expectations of failure, disappointment, disaster and loss. When we expect the worst we become like a character in a story or a play who carries within him a negative self-fulfilling prophesy of how his life will develop. Our negative expectations are fatalistic. They paint us as victims of tragedy or mishap rather than as the masters of our own destiny with the power to take charge of our health and happiness.

Here are some examples of phrases that reveal our negative or limiting expectations:

‘Why should I bother, it will never work.’

‘I’ll only be disappointed.’

‘I’ll make myself ill doing this.’

‘They will be glad to see the back of me.’

‘It will only get worse.’

‘I’ll never make any money.’

‘Nothing good will ever come of it.’

‘You can have too much of a good thing.’

‘I take one step forward and two steps back.’

‘I have got to make the best of a bad job.’

‘It will end in tears.’

Just as we can create a negative self-fulfilling prophecy in our lives, we can create a positive one. Changing our language, changing our thoughts and transforming our underlying beliefs can powerfully change the reality of our health, well-being, emotional state, relationships, career, finances and spiritual evolution.

YOUR INNER VOICES

Listening to the words and phrases that you use when you talk is just one key to noticing your thoughts and beliefs. There are many times during the day when we are not in conversation with somebody else. These are moments when we can be most aware of our inner dialogue. Our minds are constantly thinking. We have thousands and thousands of thoughts every day of our lives; we need to begin to listen to our inner voices as they chatter away to us.

It can take practice to listen to our thoughts. Even when we are on our own we can create enough noise and activity around us to drown out our inner voices, and sometimes they are just so familiar to us that we do not hear them. Many of our thoughts may be positive, but just like the sentiments that we express aloud we may also have numerous words, phrases or concepts going around and around in our minds that are negative, limiting, fearful, compulsive or filled with conflict and struggle.

Exercise: Listening to your Inner Voices

Take ten minutes of silence to listen to your inner voices. Make sure that you are on your own and minimize distractions by unplugging the telephone, turning off radios and television sets or anything else that may drown out your thoughts and distract you from your task. It is often best to find a comfortable spot where you can sit upright, your body open and relaxed and your feet placed firmly on the floor in front of you.

For anyone who is unused to stillness and silence it may feel uncomfortable to do this for the first time. For some of us, the only time we stop rushing around is when we sleep, and it is possible that you may feel drowsy and want to nod off. This is why it is better to do this sitting upright. If you find yourself getting sleepy or, alternatively, looking for distractions, just bring your attention gently back to what you are doing and continue to listen to your thoughts.

Notice any positive voices. Notice the negative ones. Is your mind quite busy or is it still? Do you have fearful thoughts? Do you think about all of the things that you should be doing? Are your inner voices doubtful, happy, anxious, peaceful or confused? Are you full of negative or positive expectations?

When you complete your ten minutes’ of stillness, return to your normal tasks and activities of the day but see if you can continue to notice your thoughts as you do so. Every so often, pause during your activities and ask yourself ‘What am I thinking now?’ Do your best to keep this going for as long as you can: notice your thoughts as you work, eat, rest, bathe, shop, watch television, travel, undress or settle down to sleep at night. Notice your inner voices when you first wake up. Are they positive? Are they negative? Do they support you in health and happiness? Do you need to change them?

The more that you can practise listening to and noticing your thoughts, the easier it will be to heal your mind and change your life for the better.

SO HOW DO WE CHANGE OUR THOUGHTS?

When we bring our awareness to bear on some aspect of our lives or our behaviour we automatically begin a process of transformation. When we notice the things that we do or say that do not serve us we often start to change them as a matter of course. The same is true for our negative or limiting thoughts. Perhaps our willingness to listen to them is a symptom of some inner spark of healing that we carry within us, an aspect of ourselves that is always growing and changing regardless of our conscious choices.

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