An Amish Homecoming

Luke Bowman’s homecoming is turning Emma Swartzentruber’s carefully ordered world upside down. Gone is her rebellious girlhood crush, and in his place is a handsome man who seems committed to serving the community. Luke’s even agreed to work for Emma’s ill father, whose last wish is to see his daughter wedded to a stable, loving man. But Luke—a man who flirted with the outside world with disastrous consequences—is hardly marriage material for a good Amish woman. Yet this Christmas, when her family is flung into crisis, Emma finds that he may just be the one to capture her heart for good.

“What if I say that I’ve changed? Would you believe me?” he asked.

“I would pray fervently that is true,” Emma replied.

“Not exactly what I wanted to hear.”

She crossed her arms tightly over her chest. “It’s the best I can do.”

“Then maybe I should tell your father I’ve changed my mind.” He pulled back. A shadow slipped across his eyes.

Was it pain? Had she hurt him? That was never her intention. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s best to get our feelings out in the open. I’ll speak to your father tomorrow.”

“But you understand machines. You will know what can be fixed and what is junk fit only for scrap. At least he’ll make a little money off that.”

“And making money is important, isn’t it? Of course it is. What woman wants to go into a marriage empty-handed?”

She drew back in shock. “Marriage? Who said anything about marriage?”

After thirty-five years as a nurse, PATRICIA DAVIDS hung up her stethoscope to become a full-time writer. She enjoys spending her free time visiting her grandchildren, doing some long-overdue yard work and traveling to research her story locations. She resides in Wichita, Kansas. Pat always enjoys hearing from her readers. You can visit her online at patriciadavids.com.

An Amish Noel

Patricia Davids

www.millsandboon.co.uk

If thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?

But there is forgiveness with thee,

that thou mayest be feared.

I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait,

and in His word do I hope.

—Psalms 130:3–5

This book is dedicated with Love and Hugs

to my granddaughter Shantel.

Merry Christmas, honey.

PS: Don’t forget to do your chores.

Contents

Cover

Back Cover Text

Introduction

About the Author

Title Page

Bible Verse

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Epilogue

Dear Reader

Extract

Copyright

Chapter One

“He’s not going to try and cross the river. No one is that stupid.” Luke Bowman drew back on the reins of the draft horses pulling the large bobsled. The massive gray Percherons stopped, but they tossed their shaggy heads, making the harness bells jingle. They were eager to finish the task and head home. Their snorts sent duel puffs of white mist into the cold November air. Luke watched in disbelief as a snowmobile with two riders continued to barrel toward the frozen river winding through the snow-covered valley below his father’s cornfield.

Noah, Luke’s youngest brother, leaned on his ax handle as he stood behind the driver’s seat. “I remember when you did it on Jim Morgan’s snowmobile. More than once. That looks like the same machine.”

It did look like the same machine, but Luke doubted it was his Englisch friend aboard. More than likely it was Jim’s younger brother Brian riding into trouble. “We never crossed this early in the year. The ice isn’t thick enough. It won’t hold them.”

Noah pulled his scarf up to cover his face. “This cold snap has been bitter even for late November. Maybe the ice is thicker than you think.”

Luke didn’t mind the cold. His stint in prison made him cherish every moment he could spend out in the open. “It would have to be this cold a lot longer to freeze running water.”

He and Noah had come out to gather a load of firewood from the stand of trees along the river. Four inches of fresh snow from the night before made easy pulling for the team. The sled was three-quarters full of logs lashed together, and the men were on their way home.

Luke watched the snowmobilers a second longer, then he turned the horses toward the river. Noah almost lost his balance on the flat sled at the unexpected move and had to grab hold of the seatback to keep from falling off. “What are you doing?”

“We’re gonna pull those fools out of the water unless they drown before we reach them.”

The red-and-white machine didn’t stop. It hit the river’s edge at a fast clip and traveled a full fifty feet out onto the ice before the front end broke through, spilling the riders. Luke shouted at the team and slapped the reins, sending the horses into a fast trot across the snow-covered field, knowing he might be too late. If the riders were dragged under the ice by the current, they would drown.

One of the snowmobile riders had been thrown clear of the open water. He lay sprawled facedown on the ice. The second rider was desperately trying to claw his way out of the river but the edge of the ice kept breaking in front of him. The snowmobile teetered precariously, half in and half out of the water as it hung by the rear tread.

“Whoa, fellas.” Luke drew the horses to a stop at the riverbank. He saw the first rider trying to stand. It was a young boy.

“Help! Somebody help us!”

Luke shouted to the boy struggling to get to the other rider. “Lie down! Spread your weight out on the ice!”

Tossing the lines to Noah, Luke jumped off the sled. From the toolbox under the seat, he grabbed his ax along with a coil of rope and started toward the river.

The boy was following Luke’s orders. He lay down and wiggled toward the rider in the water. He grasped his buddy, but Luke saw he was too small to pull the bigger boy to safety.

Luke quickly tied a loop around his waist as Noah joined him at the river’s edge. “I should go. I’m smaller.”

Luke considered it for a second then shook his head. “I’d rather drown than face Mamm and tell her I let you get killed. Take a hitch around that tree so you can pull me back if I go through. The current is strong in this curve.”

“Don’t make me tell Mamm I let you drown.”

“I’ll do my best. Hang on, boys, I’m coming!” Luke hacked a long branch from a nearby tree and stepped out on the ice. The thick layer of fresh snow made it hard to see where he was putting his feet. He used the branch to feel his way, making sure the ice was solid until he got near the two boys. At that point, he lay down and edged toward them. The cold bit through his pants and gloves as he crab-scuttled along.

“Hurry!” the little one shouted, looking over his shoulder.

Luke recognized him. “Alvin Swartzentruber, are you okay?”

“Help me, Luke.” The fourteen-year-old stayed sprawled on the ice, holding on to the other rider.

Every time Luke thought he could move faster, the ice cracked with a sickening sound beneath him. Would it hold? He couldn’t help the boys if he went through, too. Finally, he worked his way to within a few feet of them and stopped, not wanting to add his weight to their precarious spot. “I thought you had better sense than this, Alvin.”

“I reckon I didn’t today.”

“I reckon not. Who you got with you?”

“It’s Roy. Hurry, Luke, I can’t hold him.”

“You can. I’m almost there. Roy, can you hear me?” Roy was Alvin’s older brother. Luke knew them well. He knew their sister, Emma, even better, or he had once. They didn’t speak to each other these days.

“Help.” Roy’s voice was barely audible through his chattering teeth. His lips were tinged with blue and his eyes were wild with fear.

Luke was close enough to reach them with the branch. He slid the end past Alvin. “Hang on to this, Roy, and let go of your brother.”

He was afraid the bigger boy would pull the smaller one in if he went under.

Roy grasped the limb with first one hand and then the other. “I—I got it.”

Luke needed room to pull Roy free. “Alvin, roll away from the hole and go to my brother. Stay on your hands and knees until you get close to the shore. Follow my trail. The ice was strong enough to hold me—it should hold you.”

With the younger boy headed to safety, Luke inched closer to Roy. He heard the ice beneath him groan.

I’m not ready to meet you, Lord, but if this is the reason You got me out of prison and put me here today, at least help me save this boy first. Don’t give Emma one more reason to hate me.

He forced his thoughts away from Emma and the heartache he had caused her. “Roy, I’m gonna slip a loop of rope over you. You’re gonna have to get it under your arms. Can you do that?”

“I think so.”

“Goot.” Luke worked the rope off over his head and shoulders and prepared to lay the loop over Roy.

“Is...Alvin...safe?”

Luke glanced back. The boy was climbing the bank to where Noah stood with the rope snubbed around a tree. “He’s fine. You will be, too, in a minute.”

“I can’t...hold on. Can’t...feel...my hands.” Roy started to sink.

“Don’t give up.”

The boy’s head went under. Luke made a grab for him, plunging his hands into the frigid water.

* * *

Emma looked up in relief when she heard a horse and buggy come into the yard. Rising from her quilting frame, she crossed to the window. Her father should’ve been back an hour ago. She was anxious to hear what his doctor had told him about the fatigue he couldn’t shake.

Her father, Zachariah Swartzentruber, had always been a big man. He stood six feet tall, but she hadn’t noticed until this moment how his clothes seemed to hang on his frame now or how bent he was becoming. He moved slowly, as if his actions were painful or difficult as he got out of the buggy. She hoped the English doctor had discovered what was wrong and prescribed some medicine to make her father better.

She held open the door as he came up the walk. “How was your trip, Daed?”

“It was a long way. The traffic gets worse every time I must go into town. The foolish Englisch rush past without a care in their big cars.”

Their little Amish community of Bowmans Crossing was more than five miles off the state highway. Even so, the traffic in the area was increasing, as were the accidents involving buggies and cars.

She waited until her father took a seat at the kitchen table. “What did the doctor have to say?”

“Is there any kaffi?”

“Ja, I made a pot about an hour ago.” Going to the stove, she pulled a brown mug from the shelf overhead and filled it to the brim with the strong brew from her coffeepot.

“Danki.” He accepted the cup from her hand and stirred in a heaping spoonful of sugar. He sat staring into the liquid, stirring slowly.

Fear crept into Emma’s heart. It wasn’t like her father to be so quiet. Something was wrong. “What did the doctor have to say, Daed?”

Her father took a sip of coffee. “This is goot. You always could make good kaffi. Not like your mother. Her kaffi was always weak as dishwater.”

Emma swallowed hard. It was unusual for her father to speak about his deceased wife. The Amish rarely talked about loved ones who had passed on. Her worry spiked, but she knew better than to keep pressing him. When he was ready, he would tell her what the doctor had discovered.

She poured herself a cup and carried it to the table. “Mamm was a frugal woman. She could stretch a nickel into a dime and give you two cents change.”

A tiny smiled lifted the corner of his lip. “That she could. I think sometimes she used the same grounds for three days in a row.”

“I like my coffee stout. I would rather save on other things.”

He looked at her then. “You need a new dress. I would not have you looking so shabby.”

The front of her everyday dress was stained and the cuffs were getting thin, but it had at least another year of use before it went into the rag bag. “I can’t wear a good dress to do laundry and scrub floors. This one will do for a little longer. My other workday dress is not so worn, and I have a nice Sunday dress. I don’t need anything else.”

“If a fella was to come courting, you’d want to look nice. We can afford the material.”

They couldn’t, but that wasn’t the point. She saw her father had something serious on his mind. “No one is coming to court me. What’s wrong, Daed?”

“Wayne Hochstetler intends to ask you out.”

She sat back in surprise. “Wayne? How do you know this?”

Wayne was a widower and the eldest son of their neighbor to the west. He and his family belonged to a different church group, one that was more conservative, but Wayne was known as a stalwart member of the Amish faith and a good farmer. His father was the bishop of their church district.

“I spoke with his father. Wayne is looking for a wife. He has a young daughter who needs a mother.”

“I hope he finds one, but what makes you think I would be interested in going out with him?”

“Because it’s time you married. It’s past time. You will be thirty soon. That is old enough to be settled.”

“I’m barely twenty-five, Daed.”

“That is still plenty old enough. I want you to seriously consider Wayne as a husband. His father and I are good friends. This would make us happy.”

“I thought marriage was a question of who would make me happy.” She once believed Luke Bowman was that man, but she had been mistaken. Sadly mistaken.

“Love can grow from friendship and mutual respect. If there is someone else, dochder, please tell me now.”

“I have enough to do taking care of you and the boys. There isn’t anyone I’m interested in.”

“Goot, then you will consider Wayne?”

“Not until you give me a better reason than my age and your friendship with his father. What’s this about? Why this sudden interest in seeing me married off? I have plenty of time to meet the right man and fall in love.”

He sighed heavily. “You may have the time, but I do not. The news from the doctor was not goot, but it was what I have been expecting.”

Her heart pounded painfully, stealing her breath. “You are frightening me. What did he say?”

“I have inherited the same disease that took my father when you were but a small child. My kidneys are failing. The doctor thinks I have a year, maybe two, before it is my time to stand before God and be judged.”

She stared at him in disbelief. “Is the doctor sure? Can’t there be some mistake? I know you’ve been ill, but you’ll get better. You can see another doctor.”

He reached across the table and took her hand in his. “I knew this was coming when I started having the same type of pain that wore down my father. I can only pray that God has chosen to spare my sons.”

“And me? Can this disease come to me and my children?”

“You forget. You are my stepdaughter. I married your mother when you were only a babe. Your father died in a farming accident. This disease I inherited cannot come to you.”

It was true. She always forgot that Zachariah wasn’t her real father. “You have been a father to me in every sense of the word save that one small thing. I could not love you more if we were bound by blood.”

“You are a true child of my heart, Emma, but I won’t be able to care for you and the boys for much longer. I need to know someone will look after the lot of you when I’m gone. It falls to you now. The boys are too young.”

“I don’t have to be married to take care of my brothers. You know I will always do that. The church will help us.”

“Wayne has a prosperous farm. Combined with my land, it will be more than enough. You will not be dependent on the charity of others. Do not mistake me—there’s nothing wrong with accepting charity when you need it, but it is much better not to need it. I’m not afraid to face death but I am afraid of leaving you and your brothers without a secure future. Can you understand that?”

“Ja, I do. I can’t believe this is happening.” She didn’t want to believe it. Not her big strong father. There had to be some mistake.

“I’m sorry to burden you with this news, but in one sense, it is a blessing. Few men are given the chance to know when their end is coming. I have time to prepare. You will have time to prepare as well. You must find someone to care for you when I cannot. Wayne is a goot man. A fine farmer. I hope you will consider him.”

Emma arose and carried her mug to the kitchen sink. Setting it carefully on the counter, she stared out the window. How could she refuse Zachariah’s request? She couldn’t. Everything she had, everything she believed in, was due to the kindness and love of the man who had chosen to become her father.

“Where are the boys?” he asked.

She stared out the kitchen window at the snow-covered farm looking pristine and sparkling as the clouds parted and sunshine chased away the gloomy afternoon. God’s beautiful white blanket covered the holes in the barn roof and disguised the junk her father piled up along the sides of the sheds. No one could see how the henhouse roof sagged or how badly it needed to be replaced. “They took a load of firewood to Jim Morgan’s place. They should have been back by now.”

“You know how they like to look at Jim’s toys. Maybe he is giving them a ride on his motorcycle again.”

“I hope not.” She hated that her brothers were fascinated with Englisch vehicles. She disliked that Jim and his brother encouraged them, but her family needed the money Jim was willing to pay for the wood the boys cut and hauled.

Her poor brothers. They would be heartbroken when they learned this news about their father. She wanted to ease the pain for them, but she didn’t know how. Tears pricked the back of her eyes. She brushed them away. “I wish they would come home. I know you want to share this news with them, sad though it is.”

“I will tell them, but not yet. Not today.”

She turned to face him. “Why wait?”

He stirred his coffee without looking at her. “Christmas is coming. You know how excited Alvin is about his school Christmas program. I don’t want to ruin that for him. This news can wait until after the New Year. A month or two won’t make any difference. Perhaps by then they will have the news of your coming marriage to cheer them up and make them feel secure.”

“I see your point.” Except that meant she would have to carry the burden of this information alone.

“I hear someone coming. Is it the boys?”

The sound of hoofbeats reached her. She glanced out the window and her traitorous heart gave the same funny little flip it always did when she caught sight of Luke Bowman. He drew his buggy to a stop in front of the house.

Luke. The man she had once hoped to marry. The same man who had made it painfully clear that he didn’t care about her at all. The memory of their parting years ago still had the power to bring tears to her eyes.

Jim Morgan had been the one who told her Luke was leaving that night. She had packed a bag and rushed to find him before it was too late. At the bus station, she had gripped his arm, willing him to see how much she cared.

“I love you, Luke. More than my own life. More than my family. I’ll go anywhere as long as I can be with you. You need me as much as I need you. I know you love me.”

He brushed her hand aside. His face was blank as he stared at the ground. “You don’t get it, Emma. I don’t need you. I don’t want you tagging after me. Stay here. Live a simple life. Be happy with some farmer and have six kids of your own.”

“I don’t want to stay without you. I love you. Please, let me come with you.”

“Why would I? You’ve become a nuisance. I don’t love you, Emma. I never did.” He turned away and started to board the bus as her heart broke into tiny pieces. On the steps, he paused. “Forget about me. Find someone else.”

He took a seat by the window and left her weeping at the bus station. He never looked back. She knew because she had watched until the bus was gone from sight.

She had meant nothing to him, while he had meant everything to her.

But not anymore.

It was a blessing that he had rejected her offer to go out into the world with him. Nineteen, lovestruck and foolishly naive, she hadn’t understood the powerful hold his growing drug use had on him then. She thought her prayers and her love could change him, save him from himself, but she had been wrong. Luke had been caught in a downward spiral that brought shame and heartache to her and to his family. He had disappeared into the city where he went from using drugs to selling them until he was arrested. It had taken time in prison to free him from his addiction.

Emma blew out a deep breath as she watched Luke get out of his buggy. She’d gotten over her feelings for him ages ago. Now, he was simply someone she chose to avoid. In the year and a half that he had been back among the Amish, she’d managed never to be alone with him.

Pushing her painful memories and broken dreams into the deep recesses of her heart, she dumped her coffee down the drain. “Luke Bowman is here.”

“Luke? I wonder what he wants.”

Chapter Two

“Are you going to come in with me?” Still seated in Luke’s buggy, young Alvin gazed fearfully at the house.

“Ja, I’ll come in.” Luke knew exactly how the boy felt. He’d been in the same position more than once in his life—having to face the consequence of his foolhardiness. The boy had learned a hard lesson today. Older brothers did not always know best.

Luke stood in the cold air waiting for the boy to get out. His hands still ached, but at least he had the feeling back in them now. His buggy horse whinnied to Zachariah’s horse hitched at the rail in front of the house. The black gelding nickered back. Flecks of foam on the animal proved the horse had covered more than a few miles recently. Why hadn’t he been put away? It was bad for a sweaty horse to be left standing in the cold. Zachariah knew that. Maybe he was leaving again soon.

“She’s gonna be mad.” Alvin scooted a shade closer to the open door but didn’t get out.

Luke knew whom the boy meant. “She’ll be thankful that you’re safe. Trust me.”

“For a little bit. Then she’s gonna be mad. You don’t know what my shveshtah is like when she gets her feathers ruffled.”

“Actually, I do know what your sister is like when she’s angry.”

Luke didn’t bother trying to explain ancient history to the worried boy with him, but he still recalled the tongue lashings Emma had given him when she’d discovered he and Jim were experimenting with drugs. His life would have been a lot better if he’d taken her scolding to heart, but he hadn’t. He’d let the drugs pull him deeper and deeper into trouble until he ended up in prison. Like most fools, he’d had to learn his lesson the hard way. Even now, he worried that he might fall back into his old ways without the threat of prison hanging over his head.

Alvin finally got out of the buggy. Luke followed him up the porch steps. At the door, Alvin drew a deep breath and turned the doorknob. Luke followed him in. Emma and Zachariah were waiting for them in the clean and cheery kitchen. The room had wide-plank pine floors. A blue checkered cloth covered the long table in the center of the room. A star quilt in bright shades of red and white covered a quilting frame in front of the far window. The mouthwatering smell of roasting meat and vegetables came from the oven. A pan of rolls sat rising on the stovetop. Emma had always been a good cook.

Luke took his black hat off. Alvin pulled his off, too, and stood at Luke’s side, staring at the floor. From his own experiences, Luke knew Alvin wouldn’t be able to sink through it and disappear no matter how hard he wished he could. He put a hand on the boy’s shoulder and nodded to Alvin’s family. “Afternoon, Emma, Zachariah.”

“Goot to see you, Luke. What brings you here with my youngest in tow? Has he been up to some mischief?”

“Alvin, where is Roy?” Emma didn’t bother to acknowledge Luke. He was used to it, but it still hurt when she pointedly ignored him.

“There was a sort of accident,” Alvin muttered.

“What kind of accident?” Zachariah rose unsteadily to his feet. Emma stood beside him wide-eyed. She pressed a hand to her chest.

“Roy is okay,” Luke added quickly to reassure them. He pushed Alvin forward. “You had best tell them everything from the beginning.”

Alvin nodded, took a deep breath and looked at his sister. “We took the wood to Jim Morgan’s house like you told us to do, Emma. We unloaded it and stacked it in his shed. When we were done, Jim let us sit on his snowmobile. The red-and-white one that goes so fast. You’ve seen it, haven’t you?”

“And?” Emma prompted, the concern in her eyes giving way to speculation.

“Jim went inside to get our money, and his brother Brian showed Roy how to start the snowmobile. Brian let us take it for a little ride. Just a short one. We were coming right back. It was loads of fun. Then...”

Her eyes narrowed to slits. She propped her hands on her hips. “Then what?”

“Roy drove it out on the river,” Luke continued when it was clear that Alvin was out of courage. “The machine broke through the ice. Alvin was thrown clear, but Roy was dumped in the water. Fortunately, Noah and I saw the whole thing. We fished Roy out and got him back to my folks’ place. Mamm and Rebecca thought it best that he stay in bed for a day or so to make sure he recovers and doesn’t come down with pneumonia.”

Rebecca was married to Luke’s oldest brother. She was Emma’s cousin and had worked as a lay nurse in the community before she married Samuel. Luke knew Emma would trust her judgment over anyone else on the subject of her brother’s health.

Zachariah sat down. “Sounds like my boy took more than a little dunking.”

Luke turned his hat in his hands. “He was in the water for a good bit.”

“He got swept under the ice, but Luke saved him,” Alvin said, looking up with admiration in his eyes.

Uncomfortable with the praise, Luke ruffled the boy’s blond hair. “God helped a little. He kept me from falling through the ice, too.”

“I know how treacherous the river ice is this time of year. You risked your life to save my son. Danki.” Zachariah rose to his feet again and held his hand out.

Luke accepted the man’s thanks and shook his hand. “Anyone would have done the same.”

Emma rubbed a hand across her forehead. “So Roy has ruined a machine that costs hundreds if not thousands of dollars. How are we going to pay for it? Does your brother possess a single grain of common sense? What came over him to try and ride a snowmobile? And you just went along with him as if it were okay. I honestly don’t know what to do with you, Alvin.”

“Told you,” the boy whispered under his breath. He stared at the floor again.

Luke was hard-pressed not to smile. “I managed to get a rope on the snowmobile and pull it off the river after Roy was safe. It will take some work, but it will run again.”

“You went back out on the ice? You risked your life to retrieve a stupid machine? What is wrong with you, Luke Bowman?” Emma’s eyes snapped with fury.

Taken aback by her anger, he gaped at her. She had no idea how attractive she was with her cheeks flushed with color and her hands propped on her shapely hips. Her dress was a deep blue, the same shade as her eyes, and her white kapp accented the fiery red of her hair. She was a fine figure of a woman now. Not at all like the skinny girl that he’d dated back when he was nineteen. They had both changed, but he remembered the sweet taste of her lips as if it were yesterday.

“What were you thinking?” Emma demanded.

Luke fastened his gaze on the floor. Best not to think about the times he had kissed those pert lips. “I was thinking it would be a shame to let a fine machine fall into a watery grave. Jim is a good friend of mine.”

“You are unbelievable!” Emma stormed out of the room and up the stairs. The sound of a door slamming overhead reverberated through the house.

Zachariah swung his gaze to Luke. “Forgive Emma’s temper. She has had a trying day.”

“Having Emma mad at me is nothing new. I’ll live.” Luke quelled his desire to follow her and make amends. It wouldn’t do any good, anyway. She could barely stay in the same room with him, let alone listen to his apology.

Zachariah laid a hand on Alvin’s shoulder. “I’m glad you are safe. I give God thanks for His mercy. Are you well enough to go take care of my horse?”

“Sure.”

“Danki, sohn.”

When the boy left the room, Zachariah gestured toward the chairs at the table. “Please, sit down, Luke.”

“I didn’t plan to stay.”

“Humor an old man. Sit for a spell.”

“You’re not so old, Zachariah.” Against his better judgment, Luke took a seat. He knew having him around made Emma uncomfortable. If he heard her coming downstairs, he’d leave.

Zachariah leaned back in his chair. “I feel as if I am a hundred today. How is your family?”

“Everyone is fine. I don’t know if Emma told you, but Samuel and Rebecca are expecting a child in May.” Luke’s oldest brother had married Zachariah’s niece a year ago. Rebecca and Emma had remained close friends.

“She mentioned it the other day. That is goot. A blessing to be sure. Is your father’s business keeping all your brothers busy?”

Luke’s father owned a woodworking shop. Luke and his four brothers as well as several other carpenters from the area made furniture for a high-end furniture dealer in Cincinnati. “We’ve been busy, but Daed plans to close for a month after Christmas and take Mamm down to Pinecrest, Florida, for a few weeks. They haven’t had a vacation in years. Mamm says she can’t take the cold the way she used to. She wants to visit the Amish settlement by the sea.”

“I understand how she feels. I have often wanted to go there myself. Luke, I wanted to talk to you because you’re a fellow who knows his way around machinery. I’ve collected a fair number of items that need some restoration work before they can be resold.”

Luke smiled. “You collect junk, Zachariah.”

The older man chuckled and gave Luke a wry smile. “Ja, I do. But not all of it is junk. Some of it just needs a little elbow grease and a knowing hand to set it to rights. I’ve heard you keep your father’s equipment in tiptop shape.”

Luke grimaced inwardly. He did now, but he hadn’t always been so diligent. An accident in which his oldest brother had been seriously injured made Luke realize how he had failed his family yet again. Now, he took every step of his work seriously. “I try to keep things in working order.”

Zachariah leaned forward. “I want to get my new hardware store open the Monday after Christmas. It’s almost finished. After that, I want to get this place in order over the winter. I want it ready for a farm sale in the spring. It’s time to get rid of it all.”

“That’s a tall order.” Zachariah owned numerous sheds and buildings crammed to the rafters with all manner of stuff. Clearing it out would be a monumental task.

“I know it’s a tall order. That’s why I’m looking for help. My boys and I can’t do it alone. Roy likes machinery and hardware. He has a gift for it. That’s why I want the hardware store finished. He’ll run it one day, but he doesn’t have the skill to get all of my broken-down machinery working. I’d like to hire you to help me for the next few months.”

“I already have a job.”

“Surely your father could spare you a few days a week. That’s all I’m asking for. A few days a week to look over what I have and see what can be repaired and fix it if you can.”

“I think Emma would rather you ask someone else.”

“Your breakup was a long time ago. It’s water under the bridge to her.”

Zachariah might see it that way, but Luke wasn’t so sure Emma did. “I don’t think it would be a good idea.”

Zachariah stared down at his hands for a long moment. When he looked up, Luke saw desperation in his eyes. “I’ve been remiss in not putting money aside for Emma’s dowry. Time just went by too fast. What I get from the sale of my machinery will go to her. She’ll marry soon. I don’t want her going to a new husband empty-handed. I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t important. What do you say? Can you give me a hand?”

Emma was getting married? Luke shouldn’t have been surprised, but he was. Emma was old enough and a fine woman, but it still came as something of a shock. It was hard to imagine her as someone’s wife, but she deserved happiness. He wanted her to be happy.

Would helping secure her dowry make up in some small way for his treatment of her in the past? If so, then maybe he could finally put away that guilt.

* * *

Tears streamed down Emma’s face as she leaned against her bedroom door. She didn’t even like Luke anymore. So why did the thought of him risking his life for a chunk of metal turn her blood ice-cold?

He had risked his life to save Roy, too, and she hadn’t bothered to thank him.

His bravery she could admire, but she couldn’t bear his foolhardiness. He hadn’t changed. He would always be the same reckless man who broke her heart.

Rubbing her eyes with both hands, she faced the sad truth. She still went soft inside when Luke smiled at her. For some unknown reason, he still had a hold on her heart.

Until she remembered how irresponsible he was. Why couldn’t she get over this silly schoolgirl infatuation with him?

Sure, he was a fine-looking man with broad shoulders, slender hips and blond hair that curled just enough to make a girl want to comb it into order with her fingers. There were plenty of nice-looking men in her community, but none of them affected her the way Luke did. Her feelings didn’t change the fact that he had gone to prison for dealing drugs after he left the Amish.

It was wrong of her to hold any man’s past against him, but she couldn’t forget the way he had brushed aside her tender heart when she offered to give up everything and leave with him that night so many years ago. She’d learned a bitter lesson. Luke didn’t care about anyone but himself.

She thought she loved him then, but it hadn’t been true love. It had been a foolish teenage crush. He had been right to reject her. Now, she knew better than to believe he cared.

Scrubbing her cheeks vigorously to erase the past and the traces of her tears, Emma paced the confines of her small bedroom and struggled to regain her composure. It wasn’t just Luke. It was everything. Her father’s illness, his desire for her to marry quickly, finding out her brother was ten times more foolhardy than she believed possible—it all added up to a burden too big to carry alone. Luke Bowman’s arrival today was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back.

And she was a weak camel to begin with. She sat down on the edge of her bed, wishing she could start the day all over again and have it turn out differently.

A gentle tap at her door proved that wasn’t going to happen. “Emma?”

“Come in.”

Her father peeked around the door. “Are you all right?”

“Nee, I’m not. How can I be after your sad news today?”

He entered the room and sat down on the chair against the far wall. Leaning forward, he braced his elbows on his knees. “You will be fine. You are so much like your mother. She was a strong woman, too.”

He was wrong. Emma wasn’t strong, but he was being brave in the face of his illness. She could do no less. She would pretend to be brave. For him. “What are we going to do with Roy? He’s gone too far this time. He could have been killed. Alvin could have been killed. I think you should tell them how ill you are. Maybe that will shock them into behaving.”

“They will learn of it soon enough. Let them be boys for a few more weeks. Perhaps Roy’s dunking in the river has taught him a lesson.”

At sixteen, Roy was in his rumspringa, the years between childhood and adulthood when Amish youth were free to experience the outside world before they were baptized. Once an Amish man or woman chose to be baptized, they embraced the strict rules of the Amish faith, rejecting the outside world forever. If they chose to remain a part of the English world before baptism, they would be able to do so without being shunned by her church group, although not all Amish churches were so open-minded.

Emma had left her rumspringa behind at twenty and joined the faithful that same year. She knew Luke had yet to make that decision. He had been living Amish for a year and a half, ever since his release from prison, but he hadn’t taken his vows. At twenty-five, his family and the congregation would soon begin pressuring him to make a choice. He couldn’t stay on the fence forever. It was time to declare his intentions. Was he going to be Englisch or Amish?

She forced herself to stop thinking about him. “I pray you are right and Roy has learned his lesson, but he is hardheaded.”

“Like I was. There’s an old Amish proverb my father was fond of using. ‘Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first, then the lesson afterward.’”

“At least Alvin may not follow him so willingly in the future.” Alvin was a sensitive boy and not prone to troublemaking unless Roy put him up to it.

“Alvin looks up to Roy as only a younger brother can. It will take more than this incident to tarnish Roy’s image in Alvin’s eyes.”

Her father was probably right. “Did you look up to your older brother in such a fashion?”

Zachariah chuckled. “Your hair would turn gray if you knew half the things my brother, William, and I pulled when we were their ages.”

She giggled, amazed she could smile after all that she had learned. “You should go and visit him.” Her uncle and his wife along with her father’s sister had remained in Missouri when her father moved to Ohio twenty years ago. He had been to visit them only once in all that time.

“Before it’s too late, you mean? Don’t look so sad. You’re right. I should go. Perhaps I will after the New Year. Until then, I have a lot to do here.”

Besides farming, her father had always planned to open a hardware business that catered to a few of his Amish neighbors with things like lanterns, nuts, bolts and his prized key-cutting machine that was powered by an ancient diesel generator. Only the shell of the building had been completed. The rest of the things he had collected over the years were junk in her eyes, but occasionally someone needed a part for a broken bailer and Zachariah Swartzentruber was the man to see. He had five bailers in various stages of rust sitting in a long shed he’d built to house them. He never came home from market day empty-handed.

Tears pricked her eyes again. What would she do without him? The doctor had to be wrong. “The boys and I will help with whatever you need.”

“I know you will. I want to get my store finished and stocked by Christmas. I have loads of things just waiting to be put out on shelves.”

His store was a room he’d built off the side of the house. The roof was on and the walls were framed, but that was all. His shelves were nothing more than long boards stored in the shed alongside the rusting bailers. “Roy and Alvin can help you finish the store.”

“I need more help than they can give me. My hands are getting weak, and I can’t swing a hammer the way I once did. I need a man’s help.”

“You’re not going to ask Wayne Hochstetler, are you?” The idea of seeing him daily while the work was completed was troubling. What if she didn’t like him enough to walk out with him? How could she face him day after day knowing he was sizing her up to be his wife?

“Nee, for if Wayne has his mind on courting you, he might not be any use to me. A lovesick fellow often makes a poor worker.”

“Then there are a number of young men who should suit your needs nicely. How much will this cost?”

He rose and cupped her cheek with his hand. “Don’t worry your head about it, daughter. Buy the material for a new dress, and let me worry about the money.”

“All right.” She smiled for him.

“That’s my girl.” He started to leave the room.

“I’ll put an ad for a hired man in the newspaper tomorrow.”

“No need. I’ve already hired someone. He starts on Monday.”

Her heart dropped like a rock and she closed her eyes. Please, please, please, don’t let it be him.

“Who did you hire, Daed?”

Chapter Three

“I don’t feel so goot. I don’t think I’m ready to go home.”

Luke suppressed a smile at Roy’s downcast expression as he sat on the edge of the boy’s bed the following morning. Roy looked less like a drowned rat today and more like a fella ready to get up to mischief as soon as Rebecca let him out of bed. Both of them knew better than to make that move without her permission. Luke’s sister-in-law was a force to be reckoned with. She and Emma were cut from the same cloth.

Why hadn’t Rebecca mentioned that Emma was seeing someone? While most Amish sweethearts kept their relationship a tightly guarded secret from the community until the banns were read a few weeks before the wedding, family members usually knew what was going on when a couple became serious. Zachariah’s announcement yesterday had hit Luke like a ton of bricks, although he wasn’t sure why.

That was a lie. He knew why. Emma held a place in his heart that no other woman had been able to fill.

She should marry. Wasn’t that why he had stepped aside all those years ago? Because he wanted her to be happy? He wanted her to build a life in the Amish community where they had grown up. Emma belonged here. She embraced the Amish way of life. It was something he had never been able to do.

All through the rough times when he was on drugs and then behind bars, he imagined Emma living a contented life. He was able to find comfort in that. It had soothed the pain of knowing how poorly he’d treated her. His words that night had been cruel, but they had been for her own good. He knew how much her family was going to need her. He had learned her mother didn’t have long to live, but he had been forbidden to tell anyone, even Emma.

Roy plucked at the covers. “I think I should stay here another day or two.”

“You’re fine. You’re just afraid of what your daed is gonna do.”

“Not daed. Emma. She has a way of looking at you that makes you feel two inches tall.”

“I’ve seen that look. Your daed didn’t seem well when I saw him yesterday.”

“He’s been feeling poorly for a spell, but he saw the doctor yesterday. I’m sure he’ll be better soon.”

“Until then, I reckon that means he needs you and your brother’s help more than ever with the farm chores.”

Roy glanced from beneath his lashes at Luke. “Was he mad at Alvin?”

“A bit. Emma more so.”

“There’s no surprise.” Roy rolled his eyes, forcing Luke to hide another grim.

“Mostly they’re thankful both you boys survived. It was a dumb stunt.”

Roy scowled. “Micah and I watched you ride a snowmobile up and down that river a few years ago.”

“It was a dumb stunt when I did it, too. Micah who?”

“Micah Yoder. We thought it looked like mighty goot fun. He would have enjoyed it.”

“I’m sure he would until he ended up in the water. Not so much fun then, was it? It could easily have been your brother lying here in your place. Or worse. You know that, don’t you?”

A stoic expression settled on Roy’s face. “Ja. I know.”

Luke waited a few moments to let that thought soak in. “Your father mentioned he wants to get some of his equipment ready to sell in the spring. He asked for my help to repair some of his machinery. He offered to hire me for a couple of months.”

Roy’s face split into a wide grin as he scooted up in bed and leaned against the headboard. “Are you gonna take the job? That would be wunderbar.”

“I’m glad you like the idea.” Luke still didn’t know what had come over him. He never should have accepted Zachariah’s offer. He hadn’t even spoken to his own father yet.

“I have so many things to ask you, Luke. You know everything about life in the city and about the things an Amish guy needs to do if he wants to live English. You can teach me that stuff, can’t you? I’m a quick learner.”

A chuckle made Luke look over his shoulder. His brother Samuel stood in the doorway. Samuel’s face still bore the faint scars of the burns he had suffered when their gasoline generator exploded. Luke’s carelessness had contributed to the accident. He knew Samuel had forgiven him, but he had a hard time forgiving himself. His one consolation was that Samuel’s need for a nurse after the accident had brought Rebecca into their lives. Samuel considered Rebecca’s love well worth the pain he had suffered.

Samuel advanced into the room. “Luke can teach you how to get into trouble anywhere, Roy. Amish or Englisch trouble, it doesn’t matter to him. I’d avoid his company if I were you.”

“He sure saved my hide yesterday.”

“And the lesson learned from this?” Luke prompted.

“Don’t take a snowmobile out on the river no matter how thick the ice looks.”

Luke shook his head. He recognized a restless spirit in Roy. It was the same restlessness that had filled him at that age. “The lesson is to stay off snowmobiles and all Englisch machines.”

Roy cast him a sheepish look. “I doubt I’ll get the chance to ride one again since I almost ruined Mr. Morgan’s.”

Luke thumped his finger into Roy’s chest. “It serves you right. Just so you know, Jim Morgan came by to collect his machine. His brother isn’t going to be riding for a while, either. Jim wasn’t happy to hear Brian let you boys ride off without adult supervision.”

Samuel chuckled again. “That is the pot calling the kettle black. You and Jim were always up to no good when the adults weren’t looking. He’s the one who taught you to drive a car when you didn’t have a license.”

Luke frowned at his brother. “You’re not helping, Samuel.”

His brother laughed again. “Daed wants to see you downstairs.”

Luke nodded and rose to his feet. “Okay. I’ll check on you later, Roy. Stay in bed or Rebecca will have your head on a platter and mine, too.”

Luke followed Samuel out of the spare bedroom. In the hallway, Samuel gave him a sidelong glance. “You took a job working for Zachariah? You’re joking, right?”

“I don’t know what happened. I opened my mouth to refuse, but that wasn’t what came out. I agreed to a part-time job for a few months. Maybe more.”

“What were you thinking? Did sticking your head under the ice freeze your pea-size brain?”

“Maybe so.” Until recently, Samuel’s teasing would have made Luke fighting mad, but these days the brothers had come to understand and respect each other.

“There’s no maybe about it. Then again, it will get you out from under my feet.”

“Sammy, you’ll come crawling to find me the second that finicky planer jams again, begging me to fix it.”

“On bended knee. You’re the only one who can coax that machine to do its job. Zachariah might have made a smart move getting you to help him.”

Working for Zachariah was a bad idea for so many reasons. Number one—Emma would hate having him around.

Number two—he already had a job working for his father in the family’s woodworking and gift shop. He wasn’t sure his father could spare him.

Number three—Emma would hate having him around.

His parents were sitting at the kitchen table when he came downstairs. The fact that his mother wasn’t offering him food proved it was going to be a serious talk. His father folded his hands in front of him. “What is this about you taking another job?”

Luke looked back and forth between them. “How did you find out?”

“Rebecca spoke to Emma this morning.”

Luke shoved his hands in the pockets of his pants. The Amish might not use telephones, but that didn’t stop news from spreading like wildfire. “Zachariah talked me into a part-time job working for him. It was a mistake. I’ll tell him I’ve changed my mind or that you can’t spare me.”

“What sort of job is it?” his mother asked.

“He wants help finishing his hardware store before Christmas. It would be mostly simple carpentry, stocking shelves and taking inventory. I don’t think the man knows half of what he has stashed away.”

Samuel rubbed a hand over his new beard, the one he’d started growing after his marriage, and scratched at his chin. “Luke, you suggested that we add a hardware section to our gift shop. I’ve been seriously considering it. Won’t Zachariah be in competition with us?”

Luke’s father snorted. “In all the years I’ve known him, Zachariah Swartzentruber has rarely finished a project he started. He won’t become our competition. I doubt he’ll ever complete his store.”

“Isaac, that is unkind,” his mother said with a sharp-eyed scowl at her mate. “Our neighbor has asked Luke for help. What do you think, Samuel? Can we spare Luke for a few weeks? Don’t forget, your father and I will be gone to Florida for a month after Christmas.”

Samuel fixed his gaze on Luke. “Will you have to notify your parole officer that you have a new job? Working and living here was one of the conditions of your early release, wasn’t it?”

It wasn’t common knowledge that he was still on parole. Only a few people outside the immediate family knew. His parents didn’t like to discuss anything to do with his time in prison. He had caused them enough embarrassment in the community. He was surprised his brother mentioned it in front of them. “I’m not moving, and it would be in addition to my work here, so it shouldn’t make a difference.”

Samuel propped his hands on his hips. “If a neighbor needs help, we must give it. We can spare you, Luke. We’re caught up on our Christmas orders for both the gift shop and the woodshop. Unless we get more than a few rush orders, Timothy, Noah and I can handle your work. As long as you can make any equipment repairs we need.”

“You don’t have to pick up my slack. I’ll tell Zachariah I can’t do it.”

“How is Emma?” his mother asked with a look of innocence.

Suspicious at the abrupt change of topic, Luke shrugged. “Fine as far as I know. Ask Rebecca. She’ll know more than I do.”

“Won’t it be hard for Emma to have you at her home? The two of you were close once. She was broken-hearted when you left.”

His father shook his head. “That was a long time ago, mudder. They were kinder.”

Luke avoided his mother’s sharp gaze. He and Emma hadn’t been children, but they had been too young to know what love was. He tried for an offhand tone. “I’m sure Emma couldn’t care less if I work with her father or not.”

“You are right about that.” A cold voice he recognized came from behind him.

He spun around to see Emma and Rebecca standing in the doorway to the living room. They must have come in through the back door, for both women wore their traveling bonnets and cloaks. Emma had a fixed smile pasted on her face. Rebecca shook her head and glared at him.

His mother rose to her feet. “Emma, how nice to see you. If this arrangement is all right with you, then it’s okay with us. Luke can work for your father.”

Great. Now he was stuck with the job. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe if he and Emma spent some time together they could put the past to rest and start over. He wasn’t expecting friendship, but he hoped for something more civil than the icy stare he was getting at the moment.

“How is Roy?” Rebecca asked, pulling off her bonnet.

“Goot,” Samuel said. “He’s been a better patient than I was.”

She laughed. “That wouldn’t take much. Come, Emma, I’ll show you up to his room. He was very blessed that Luke was able to reach him under the ice and pull him out. I hope he knows that.”

Emma pulled off her bonnet, too, and dropped her gaze to her hands. “I haven’t thanked you for saving his life, Luke.”

“You’re welcome.” He’d dive in a freezing river again if she would just smile at him—say she forgave him.

She didn’t. She left the room and followed Rebecca upstairs.

* * *

“You can’t still be mad at him after all these years.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Emma avoided eye contact with her cousin.

“I saw the look you gave Luke. If your eyes were a frying pan and Luke was an egg, he’d be burned to a crisp.”

“You’re being silly. He’s right. I couldn’t care less about what he does or where he goes.” And that was exactly how she would behave from now on. She wasn’t about to be known as a weak-willed old maid carrying a torch for someone who didn’t love her.

“I’m beginning to think you care more about Luke than you’re letting on.” Rebecca paused to knock on a door halfway down the hall.

“Come in.” Roy’s muffled voice smote Emma’s conscience. She should be worrying about him, not about what Rebecca or anyone else thought of her relationship with Luke.

Emma pushed open the door. Her brother was sitting up in bed with a checkerboard on his legs. Noah, the youngest Bowman son, was sitting beside his bed on a chair. He looked up and smiled. “You have fine timing. He was about to beat me.”

“For the third straight game,” Roy added.

Emma marched up to the bed and propped her hands on her hips. “For someone who cheated death, you look pretty good to me.”

He sank back against the pillows. “I’m still shook up, shveshtah.”

“I hope you are. Your foolishness could have put you in an early grave.”

Rebecca came to her side, her arms crossed over her chest. “He looks a lot better than he did yesterday.”

Emma bent to capture his face between her hands. She planted a kiss on his forehead, which he promptly wiped away. “He looks wunderbar. Can I take him home?”

“Maybe. I need to examine him first. Hold your arms straight out to your sides, Roy.”

He did. She nodded and made a small sound of approval. “Does that hurt?”

“Nee.”

“Goot. Open wide and stick out your tongue, but keep your arms up.” He did and she bent closer to examine him. “Now, flap your arms up and down.”

He shot her a quizzical look, but did as she asked.

Rebecca glanced at Emma, but couldn’t keep a straight face. “Does he look like a baby bird getting ready to fly the coop?”

Emma nodded. “He does.”

“Then I think he’s ready to be released.” Rebecca took a step back as Roy glared at her. Noah started laughing and almost fell off his chair.

“Ha! Ha! Very funny, cousin.” Roy tossed his covers back, sending the checkers flying.

“That’s a good one, Rebecca.” Noah slapped his thigh and kept laughing. “I’m gonna call him Birdie Roy from now on. A fella needs a nickname for sure. Birdie Roy. Tweet, tweet.”

Roy fumed at Noah. “I’m going to get dressed. Where are my clothes?”

“Mamm washed them. I’ll fetch them for you unless you’ve got a hankering to go sit on the clothesline for a spell. Tweet, tweet.” Noah left the room, still chuckling.

“Now look what you did. I’ll never hear the end of this.” Roy folded his arms over his chest.

“See you later, little cousin.” Laughing, too, Rebecca waved and left the room.

Emma gave her brother a quick hug. “I’m so glad you’re all right. Forgive our teasing.”

“I guess I have to. But if Noah keeps this up, he’s gonna get a snowball in the face the next time he steps outside.”

“Vengeance is not our way,” Emma chided. Roy was still such a child. He would need to grow up so fast once their father was gone. It hurt to think of the pain he would soon go through when he learned the news. Maybe her father was right. Maybe the boys deserved this one last happy Christmas. She would do that for them.

“I’ll put a handful of snow down his back if it will make you feel better,” Luke offered from the doorway. “That’s not vengeance, it’s brotherly love.” He came into the room with a bundle of clothes in his hands. “Mamm sent me up with these.”

Emma’s heart did its funny skip, but she quickly ignored the sensation. “Danki, Luke. As soon as he is dressed, I’ll take him off your hands. My buggy is outside.”

She left the room so her brother could have some privacy. Luke followed her into the hall and stopped close beside her. Too close. She could see the gray flecks in his blue eyes when she looked into his face. The soap he used accentuated his own unique masculine scent. It must be one of Rebecca’s. She made a number of herb-infused bars that smelled delightful. Emma was sure she hadn’t smelled this one before. She breathed in deeply, not wanting to exhale.

How foolish was that? As soon as she decided she wasn’t going to care what Luke did, she couldn’t stop thinking about him.

“Tell your father that I’ll be over first thing Monday morning.”

“All right.”

He hesitated, then said, “I don’t want to make things uncomfortable for you, Emma. Are you sure you are okay with this?”

He looked truly concerned about her. How was she supposed to answer him?

“Luke, it doesn’t matter to me if you work for my father. So long as you keep true to the teachings of our faith.”

His eyes went from warm to frosty in a heartbeat. “You mean stay away from drugs.”

If he was angry with her, so much the better. “You know what I mean. Our faith has many rules, and you like bending the rules.”

“What if I say that I’ve changed? Would you believe me?”

“I would pray fervently that is true.”

“Not exactly what I wanted to hear.”

She crossed her arms tightly over her chest. “It’s the best I can do.”

“Then maybe I should tell your father I’ve changed my mind.” He pulled back. A shadow slipped across his eyes.

Was it pain? Had she hurt him? That was never her intention. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s best to get our feelings out in the open. I’ll speak to your father tomorrow.”

This wasn’t about her feelings. It was about her father and what he needed. “Nee, Luke. Daed can use the help. He’s not been well. You would be doing him a great favor if you came to work for him.”

“There are a lot of fellows he could hire to help.”

“But you understand machines. You will know what can be fixed and what is junk fit only for scrap. At least he’ll make a little money off that.”

“And making money is important, isn’t it? Of course it is. What woman wants to go into a marriage empty-handed?”

She drew back in shock. “Marriage? Who said anything about marriage?”

“Zachariah mentioned it in passing.”

Her cheeks burned with humiliation. Was her father trying to force her hand by spreading the story that she was about to wed? She pressed her lips together. “He shouldn’t have said anything. Nothing is decided.”

“I understand. Amish couples like to keep things secret. Don’t worry. I won’t say anything.”

“Danki.” But she was going to have plenty to say to her father.

Luke’s gaze softened. “Whoever he is, Emma, he’s a fortunate man.”

His eyes pulled at her heartstrings, making her long to move into his arms and rest her head on his shoulder the way she once had. She licked her suddenly dry lips.

Roy came out of the bedroom. “I’m ready.”

Emma tore her gaze away from Luke. “I have to go.”

She followed her brother down the hall. At the stairwell, she glanced back and saw Luke was still watching her. Was it a trick of the light, or did she see regret in his eyes?

Chapter Four

On Saturday afternoon, Emma traveled to the home of her friend, Lillian Keim. Lillian was the teacher at Alvin’s school, but the two women had been friends since the cradle. It had been Lillian who listened to Emma pour out her grief when Luke left. Lillian’s family had moved away not long afterward, leaving Emma to tell her friend how well she was recovering through letters. It was easier to bend the truth in writing. Then, two years ago, Lillian, her parents, her brother and her new little sister had returned to Bowmans Crossing so that Lillian could take the teacher’s post that had opened up. Emma was delighted to find they picked up their friendship right where they left off.

As Emma stopped her horse in front of Lillian’s house, she recognized her cousin Rebecca’s buggy tied to the hitching rail. The three of them were the planning committee for the school’s Christmas program.

“Hello,” Emma called as she entered the house.

“We’re in the living room,” Lillian called back.

Emma crossed the kitchen and turned the corner to see Rebecca and Rebecca’s mother, Ina Fisher, sitting on the sofa with cups of tea in their hands. Lillian sat in a chair facing them. She gestured toward another chair beside her. “Come and sit here. I was just telling Rebecca and your aenti your news. I hope you don’t mind.”

“What news? Hello Aenti Ina. I wasn’t expecting you to join us. How are you?” Emma approached the couch and kissed her aunt on the cheek.

Ina gave a long-suffering sigh. “Not bad for a woman my age. You young people don’t want to hear about my arthritis or my sciatic pain.”

Rebecca winked, and Emma knew she had to say something. “I’m so sorry you are suffering, Aenti. I must say, you bear up remarkably well. I don’t know how you manage.”

Apparently mollified, her aunt smiled a little. “Danki, child. I try.”

Emma sat in the chair next to Lillian. “Were you talking about Roy’s escapade? He’s fine, although I fear he may not have learned his lesson.”

“Lillian told us that Luke Bowman is working for your father. That must be odd for you.” Ina took a sip of her tea, but her sharp eyes never left Emma’s face.

“I don’t find it odd at all. Why should I?” Emma kept her face carefully blank. Ina was well-known as a gossip in the community. Emma didn’t want to fuel new speculation about Luke and herself.

Ina shrugged. “No reason, other than I do wonder if he will be a bad influence on Roy.”

Rebecca gave her mother a speaking glance. “Luke is not a bad influence on anyone. Shame on you for implying otherwise.”

Ina pressed a hand to her heart. “I didn’t mean to speak ill of him. Gracious, no.”

“I thought not.” Rebecca sipped her tea, but her frown remained.

“I was merely thinking that Roy is the age when he would find Luke’s prior life exciting.”

Lillian shook her head. “Prison can hardly be considered exciting.”

“Not to us, of course,” Ina conceded.

“Not to Roy, either,” Emma stated firmly, but she wondered if she spoke the truth. No matter how hard she tried to keep Roy from straying, she wasn’t sure she could. As Luke had at his age, her brother seemed determined to live an English life.

Rebecca set her teacup in the saucer on the small table in front of her. “We’re here to plan the Christmas program, not to gossip about my husband’s brother.”

Lillian giggled. “Where’s the fun in that? If you will step outside, we’ll be happy to talk about you instead.”

Emma chuckled. “I hope the art of gossip isn’t a lesson you are teaching our kinder at school.”

“I’m afraid it is a lesson learned more readily at home than at school.” Rebecca gave her mother a pointed look.

Ina put her teacup down, too. “Let us hear your ideas for the program this year, Lillian. This Thursday is the first of December, so we need to get moving.”

Lillian opened a notebook she had sitting on her lap. “My thought was to tell the Christmas story from the shepherds’ point of view. They were, after all, the first to hear the good news of our Savior’s birth. Emma, I’m sure Alvin told you I want him to sing a solo. He has a remarkably beautiful voice. He’s not keen on the idea. I hope you can encourage him to do it. I don’t want to force him.”

“He does sing well,” Ina admitted. “What song did you have in mind for him?”

“‘The First Noel.’”

Rebecca clasped her hands together. “It’s a lovely Christmas song and one of my favorites.”

“Will the other children have a chance to sing, too?” Emma asked. Alvin wouldn’t want to be the only one.

Lillian leaned forward. “Oh, absolutely. Since we are telling the story of the shepherds, we could start with the hymn ‘While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks.’ I will have one of the fourth-grade girls be the angel that appears to them. How many shepherds do you think I should have?”

Rebecca shrugged. “It doesn’t say how many there were in the Bible. I think four or five would be a good number.”

“I agree. Then I will have the first-and second-grade girls be the host of angels. Eight of them in all. We’ll also need to choose someone to play Joseph and Mary. Who would like to help with the costumes?” Lillian glanced hopefully around the room.

“I can,” Emma said.

“What about scenery or sets?” Rebecca asked.

Lillian folded her notebook closed. “Timothy Bowman has expressed an interest in helping with that.”

Ina frowned. “He doesn’t have a child in school.”

“His niece, Hannah, is a new student with us this year.” Lillian smoothed her skirt, keeping her eyes downcast.

Emma caught Rebecca’s eye. Was Timothy interested in courting their friend? Rebecca’s expression said she had no idea.

The sound of the front door opening was followed by childish laughter. Lillian’s little sister came hurrying into the room. “Lilly, I got a Christmas present for you, but I can’t tell you what it is.”

Emma smiled at the girl. Born with dwarfism, Amanda was three years old and a happy, active child. Many Amish families had members who were little people. Lillian’s family was thankful that Amanda had none of the health problems that often accompanied the disorder.

Lillian’s mother, Marietta Keim, came into the room and greeted everyone. She leaned down to her daughter. “Amanda, your sister has visitors. You shouldn’t interrupt.”

“I’m sorry, but I had to tell her about her present.”

Lillian pulled her close. “I’m so glad you did. I shall be on pins and needles the entire month wondering what it is.”

Marietta held out her hand. “Come help me gather the eggs, Amanda.”

“Okay.” She rushed to her mother’s side, and they both went out.

The women spent the next half hour working on the details of the program. After Rebecca and her mother left, Lillian crossed her arms and stared at Emma. “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Luke Bowman working for your father. That can’t be good.”

“It doesn’t matter to me what Luke does or where he works.”

“It used to matter a lot. You can’t take up with him again, Emma.”

“Who said I was?”

“He’ll break your heart again. Men like him always do.”

There were no other men like Luke Bowman. He was one of a kind.

She rose from her chair and went to stare out the window. “I’m not getting involved with him. He’s not interested in me. He’s been home over a year. If he wanted to walk out with me, he would have asked ages ago, and I would have turned him down. My father is pushing me to wed someone else.”

Lillian sat bolt upright. “What? Who? Why?”

“Wayne Hochstetler. Because it’s time I married. I’m not getting any younger.”

“We are barely twenty-five. We’re not old maids. Not yet.”

“I don’t want to be an old maid, and neither do you.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. I intend to remain single, but we are talking about you. Are you walking out with Wayne?”

“Not yet. This is something his father and my father cooked up between them, but apparently Wayne is on the lookout for a wife.”

Lillian sat back. “He would be with such a young daughter to raise. It might be a good match, Emma. He’s a steady fellow, hardworking and not bad looking. He has a nice farm. You would have a ready-made family.”

Emma couldn’t come up with a thing against him except he wasn’t Luke. “If you think it’s such a good deal, why don’t you marry him?”

“I told you. I’m going to be single and teach school all my days. I love it.”

She rose and went to stand at Emma’s side. Slipping an arm across Emma’s shoulders, Lillian drew her close. “We have been friends a long time. I remember how upset you were when Luke left and didn’t take you with him. I thank God he had that much sense, but I could cheerfully horsewhip him for the pain he caused you.”

“I didn’t know you were such a violent person.”

“Okay, I wouldn’t horsewhip a bug, but I could send Luke Bowman to stand in the corner for the rest of his life.”

Emma managed a smile. “I can see you have the makings of a great teacher. Please don’t worry about me. I’m okay. Having Luke work for my father has stirred up old memories, but that’s all they are. Memories. I live in the here and now. He can’t hurt me.”

“I pray you are right.”

Emma prayed that she was, too.

* * *

Sunday was the off Sunday when there wasn’t a church meeting. The Amish had church every other week. Luke’s family remained at home that day. His father led a quiet morning of prayer and Bible reading. Luke tried to keep his mind on the words his father spoke, but his thoughts kept drifting to Emma and the look on her face before she left with Roy. There had been something in her eyes when she gazed at him. Was it possible that she still cared after the way he’d treated her?

He should have found a gentler way to break it off between them. He had known that she loved him. He had loved her, too, although he never told her that. His feelings for Emma had frightened the wits out of him. Marriage would have tied him to the Amish life forever. She never understood his need to be free from his family’s expectations and from everything Amish that had stifled him. Drugs had given him the feeling of freedom he craved, but only for a while.

If he had allowed her to come with him, it would have ruined her life. Leaving her behind was the only good thing he’d ever done for her. Did she understand that?

It didn’t seem likely, but there had been something in the way she looked at him that gave him hope.

Hope for what?

What was it that he wanted from her? To rekindle their teenage romance? He was too old and too jaded to think that was possible.

Forgiveness? He craved that, but he didn’t expect it. How could he when he had never explained why he left her.

Did he hope for a new friendship with her? Maybe.

None of it mattered if he wasn’t staying in Bowmans Crossing. The closer the time came for him to make a decision about staying the less certain he became of what he was going to do. From the moment he got out of jail, he had been struggling to fit in, to find where he belonged. Once his parole was up, he would be truly free. Free to leave. Free to stay. Which did he want?

His whole life he had rebelled against the strict and narrow Amish world he’d been born into. He’d never felt as if he were a part of it. Only sweet Emma had made it bearable. Her shy smiles, her adorable laugh, those tender stolen kisses. Oh yes, Emma had tempted him to stay, but her love hadn’t been enough.

Luke had grown to envy his Englisch friend, Jim Morgan. It had seemed that Jim and his buddies had a million choices. They had money to spend, cars to take them anywhere they wanted to go. There had been parties, loud music, fun and later there had been drugs, too. The Amish singings and picnics Emma wanted to attend seemed dull as dirt in comparison.

Always a risk taker, Luke dove headfirst into a lifestyle that had seemed too good to be true. And it was.

The occasional party drugs hadn’t been enough after a while. He sought escape more often, and one of Jim’s buddies supplied what he needed. Although Luke had believed he could quit whenever he wanted, he hadn’t been able to do so. In the end, he rejected Emma’s love, lost the respect of his family and his self-respect, too.

And he had no one to blame but himself.

Now, the Lord had led him full circle. He was back at the same crossroads. Stay or go? Which would be best for his family? Their unwavering support and love had given his life new meaning, but did he belong here?

If only he could be sure he wouldn’t fail them again.

At noon, his mother prepared a light meal, and afterward Luke walked down to the riverbank behind the house. The water was frozen a few feet out from the shore, but it was open in a winding path down the center of the river. A flock of mallard ducks flew up from the open water, circled and landed farther downstream, quacking their displeasure at being disturbed. He tossed a stick into the water and watched it drift away.

“What is troubling you, brudder?”

He recognized Joshua’s voice and turned to see all four of his brothers walking down to join him. “I’m not troubled.”

Joshua stopped a few feet away and folded his arms. “I’ve heard that before. I didn’t buy it then and I’m not buying it now.”

“What gives?” Noah asked. At twenty, he was the youngest of the Bowman sons and the least Amish looking with his short brown hair, English clothes and blue ball cap. He was taking advantage of his rumspringa to enjoy some non-Amish activities, but Luke knew Noah had every intention of joining the faith in a few years.

“Are you thinking of leaving us again?” Trust Samuel to get straight to the point.

“We all want you to stay,” Timothy added quietly. “I hope you know that.”

Luke nodded, unable to speak until he swallowed the lump in his throat. “I know you want me here.”

Samuel laid a hand on Luke’s shoulder. “But?”

“But I wish I knew for certain that I could stay.”

Joshua tipped his hat back. “Luke, no one but you can make that decision. Why do you think you should leave?”

Joshua had believed he could convince Luke to return to the family. He had tracked Luke down and found him selling drugs to support his habit. Shame and guilt kept Luke from accepting Joshua’s help. Unfortunately, they both were swept up in a drug raid, and his innocent brother had been sent to prison, too. Amazingly, Joshua didn’t harbor any ill will toward him.

Luke stared at the ground. “I should leave because I’m a drug addict and a convict. How many Amish fellows can say that?”

“Ex-addict. Ex-convict,” Samuel said sternly.

Luke glanced at him. “Am I? Therein lies my dilemma. I’m not using drugs now. I don’t want to go back to prison, and failing a drug test would put me there in a heartbeat. I’m straight now, but once prison isn’t hanging over my head, will I give in and start using again?”

Samuel shook him by the shoulders. “You won’t.”

Luke pulled away from his brother. “You don’t know that because I don’t know that.”

The fear of falling back into that life hovered over him every day. He wasn’t strong. He’d failed before. He could fail again. Why was he so different from his siblings? Looking into their faces, he knew they didn’t understand his fears. How could they? They were all so sure of their place in life.

Forcing a smile, he hooked a thumb toward the house. “Why don’t I beat you at a game of checkers, Samuel? That always makes me feel better.”

Noah shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket. “Daed has already challenged him. You’ll have to wait and play the winner.”

“Go on, then. I’ll be up in a minute.”

His brothers walked reluctantly up the hill. He threw one more stick in the water and followed. As he entered the back garden gate, he saw Joshua’s wife, Mary, sitting on a bench. She had her eyes closed and her face raised to the afternoon sun. Several of the gourd birdhouses he had painted added color to the winter landscape. “I know how you’re feeling, Luke.”

“I doubt that.” He took a seat beside her.

“You feel lost. Others seem to know exactly what they want out of life and you still don’t know what you’re seeking. For two cents, you’d put a boat on the river, get in it and drift away until you reached the sea or sank.” She opened her eyes and looked at him. “Am I close?”

“Amazingly so.”

“I was like you before I had Hannah.”

Luke knew some of her story. Mary had left the Amish as a young girl, ended up with a man who used and then abandoned her when he found out she was pregnant. Alone and on the streets, she was taken in by a drug dealer named Dunbar, who planned to sell her baby when it was born. She gave birth alone and managed to hide Hannah from him in an Amish buggy, leaving a note with her child that she would come back for her.

What she hadn’t known was the buggy belonged to two teenage Amish boys who panicked when they discovered the baby. They left her on the doorstep of the nearest Amish farm. It was only thanks to Miriam Kauffman, an ex-Amish nurse, and Sheriff Nick Bradley that Mary was eventually reunited with her baby, and the drug dealer was sent to prison. Nick and Miriam married and adopted Mary. When Hannah was five, Joshua rescued the mother and child during a tornado and soon fell in love with them both. Once again, it had been Luke’s weakness that almost ruined everything for them.

“You are a stronger person than I am, Mary. You’ve seen how weak I can be. You suffered because of it.”

“God gave me someone to make me strong. He gave me Hannah. He will give you the strength you need if you trust Him.”

“I don’t know that I believe that. I have the feeling that I’m out here on my own. I think He’s washed His hands of me. I don’t know why you haven’t.”

“Because Joshua loves you.”

“I don’t understand that, either. He tried to help me and I pulled him down with me. He spent time in prison because of me. I gave the man who hated you information about you in exchange for drugs when I was in prison.”

“You didn’t know Kevin Dunbar’s intentions. He used you.”

“He kidnapped Hannah and could have killed her because of me.”

“God, in His great mercy, spared my child. You told the authorities where Dunbar was going once you knew what had happened. Nick got my little girl back because of your help. You were part of God’s plan all along, Luke. Don’t doubt that.”

“I’d feel better about being part of the solution if I hadn’t caused the problem. I don’t deserve another chance to mess up someone’s life.” If he stayed, it would happen. To Mary or to Hannah or God forbid to Emma. He would fail them when they needed him most. In his heart of hearts, he knew it.

Mary sighed softly. “I’ve never told anyone in the family this other than my husband, but I tried to kill myself when I lost Hannah the first time. It was hard to believe God could forgive me for such an act. The truth is God forgave me long before I made that terrible decision. He sent His only Son to die on a cross to save me from my sin. God forgives all of us. I was the one who couldn’t forgive myself until I realized that God had sent Joshua to love me in spite of everything. Your sins will be forgiven if you accept the truth of our Savior’s sacrifice for you, Luke. Until you accept that and forgive yourself, you won’t find happiness here or anywhere.”

“It’s easier said than done, Mary.”

“You’re right. It is. But it’s possible. Now let’s go in. I’m getting cold and your mother was making some hot cocoa.” She rose to her feet.

Luke stared at her in amazement. “I hope my brother knows how blessed he is to have found a woman like you, Mary.”

She grinned. “I tell him often, so he’s not likely to forget.”

Luke chuckled. He could hear Emma saying something like that. Emma was a strong woman, too. If only he could undo his past mistakes and make her love him again.

No, he was a fool if he tried to hold on to that hope, but to his dismay, it wouldn’t die.

Chapter Five

Luke spent Monday morning prowling through Zachariah’s sheds and barn, taking stock of what equipment the man had squirreled away. He found eight chain saws, none of which worked, and a half dozen two-man saws that only needed sharpening; six bailers in various stages of rust; three silage blowers; eighteen carriage wheels; twelve sets of harnesses; four plows; four harrows; fifty-five assorted sizes of horseshoes and a busted corn binder. As he went through, over and around the piles, he made notes in a small spiral notebook. Roy worked with him, but Alvin had school and wouldn’t be home until after three o’clock.

Zachariah came out to check on their progress occasionally, but for the most part, he puttered in the half-built hardware store. Luke gained the impression that it was hard for Zachariah to see his holdings being assessed by someone with an eye to selling them. He didn’t see hide nor hair of Emma. Was she avoiding him?

Stupid question. Of course she was.

Where they could, Luke and Roy moved Zachariah’s hoard to lay it out for better access and to inventory the cardboard boxes and wooden crates filled with gears, bearings, nails and assorted small tools. They were both covered with dust and grease within a few hours.

“I count twenty-three oil lamps complete with shades and wicks in these boxes. Looks like only one shade is cracked.” Luke replaced the last lid and moved to tally the rope and tackle hanging on pegs nearby.

“What are these?” Roy asked, pulling a tarp away from a stack of silver-and-blue metal panels in the hayloft of Zachariah’s largest barn. Luke suspected the horses’ and cattle’s need for hay was the only reason this part of the barn hadn’t been overtaken yet.

Luke stopped counting the pulleys and puzzled over Roy’s find for second. “I think they’re solar panels.”

“The kind that make electricity?”

“Ja. I wonder how your daed came by them. I always thought they were expensive to buy.”

“He probably traded for them. That’s what Daed does. He trades for stuff. He rarely buys anything. Could these be used to charge up my cell phone?”

“I’m sure it could, but I don’t know how to make it work.”

Roy flipped the cover back over the solar array. “I thought you were gonna tell me to get rid of my phone. That’s what Emma would say.”

“I know a lot of guys your age carry them. You aren’t baptized yet, so you don’t have to abide by the church rules.”

“Emma says I need to. She is always harping about how hard it will be to give up my Englisch things later. She says it’s better to give them up now before I get attached to them.”

“She might have a point. You shouldn’t be too hard on your sister. She means well.”

“I know. It’s just that she tries to be our mother. She’s not.”

“She’s been taking care of you and Alvin since you were little. You can’t blame her for wanting to see that you turn out right.”

“How I turn out is going to be my decision, not hers.”

The boy had a point. No amount of his mother’s prayers or pleading had kept Luke home when he was ready to leave. “Once she gets married, she won’t have as much time to fuss at you.”

Roy’s eyebrows shot up. “Emma is getting married?”

“Your daed mentioned as much. I figured you knew.”

“I thought my sister would be an old maid forever.”

“So you don’t know who she has been seeing?” Was that odd, or was Roy simply too caught up in his own life to see what was happening under his nose? Luke was ashamed to admit that he had been like that at Roy’s age.