Is it time for a second chance at love?

When Lily left her hometown – and the love of her life Wade – eight years ago to start her acting career, she had big plans to make her dream a reality. However, a few dead-end jobs and one dead-end relationship later she is back to make a fresh start with the only good thing to come out of it all – her unborn baby.

Lily soon realizes however that the heart wants what the heart wants, and hers clearly still wants Wade Copeland! Can they overcome the hurt and pain of the past to allow themselves a future?

The third novel in the sizzlingly sexy Copeland Ranch romance trilogy from Kristina O’Grady

Also by Kristina O’Grady

Debutantes Don’t Date

Damsel in Distress?

The Copeland Ranch Trilogy

I Choose You

Because of You

All for You

All for You

Kristina O’Grady

Copyright

HQ

An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd.

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2016

Copyright © Kristina O’Grady 2016

Kristina O’Grady asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

E-book Edition © June 2016 ISBN: 9781474035507

Version date: 2018-07-23

KRISTINA O’GRADY

has always loved telling a good story. She took up writing at a young age and spent many hours – when she should have been doing her math homework – scribbling romance stories in a book she hid in her sock drawer.

She grew up on a cattle ranch in Western Canada and loves reminiscing by writing about cowboys and their horses.

In 2000 Kristina met her own knight in shining armour/cowboy who swept her off her feet and across the world to New Zealand, where she now lives on a sheep and beef farm with her amazingly supportive husband, three gorgeous young kids, seven working dogs and one very needy cat.

All for You is her fifth book.

To Mick, because I love you.

Contents

Cover

Blurb

Book List

Title Page

Copyright

Author Bio

Dedication

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Dear Reader

Epilogue

Acknowledgements

Excerpt

Endpages

About the Publisher

Chapter One

Lily Montgomery stared at the little white stick lying on the floor at her feet.

Please, please, please, please she silently begged as she watched a faint line appear. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The line grew more distinct until there was no denying it was really there and not just her imagination.

She was pregnant.

How could this have happened? Okay, scrap that. Of course Lily knew how it happened, she was there, after all, and a willing participant. But she’d been careful. She’d used protection and made sure she was always up to date with her pills. She never missed one, not once. Ever.

But the stick didn’t seem to care, it still had two blue lines staring up at her.

Crap.

“You going to be much longer in there Lily? Have you died or something? I need you out on the floor!” The cause of her problem banged on the bathroom door and shouted at her. Unfortunately he was also her boss and between the hours of two p.m. and midnight, he owned her. Or at least he thought he did.

“Coming Simon,” she called, wiping the tears from her face. She picked up the offending stick off the floor, buried it at the bottom of the garbage can under the sink and washed her hands. She took one last look in the mirror. She was too pale and her eyes too big and red from the crying. Her hands strayed to her flat belly. It seemed outrageous that such major changes could be taking place inside her while on the outside the only evidence of something out of the ordinary were the tear stains on her cheeks. She quickly splashed cold water on her face to erase those as well. She pinched her cheeks and smoothed the wrinkles from her ugly two-tone brown, polyester uniform before pulling open the staff bathroom door.

Simon leaned on the wall outside in the corridor, waiting for her. “What took you so long? I have customers waiting while you take your sweet ass time going to the loo. It’s not even your break.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you saying I’m not allowed to use the toilet?”

Simon straightened away from the wall. “You know I can’t tell you that,” he said, taking a step closer to her. “Just don’t take so long Lily, I’ve got people waiting. Just because you’re pissed at me, doesn’t mean you can take it out on my business. Think about the others who’d be out of a job if I had to close.”

She’d started walking while he was talking but now stopped, turned around and looked at him. “You’re not going to have to close just because I went to the toilet outside of my break time, Si. You and I both know that.” She sighed, “Look, I’m sorry okay, I have an upset tummy tonight.” She turned and continued on her way down the hall again.

His arm shot out, blocking her escape. For someone wanting her to get back to work, he was slowing her progress back to the front of the floor considerably.

“What do you want Simon?” She could hear the weariness in her voice. She was so over having to deal with this night after night.

He caressed the bare skin of her arm. A shiver ran through her body. Lily jerked away from his touch. It no longer sent thrills through her. Now, when he touched her, all she wanted to do was take a bath.

Hurt flashed in his eyes when she pulled away. It quickly turned to anger. He slapped the wall with his hand and leaned close to her, anger glinting in his eyes. “Don’t think you can spend all night back here. And don’t think for a minute about making anyone sick.” He slapped the wall again and then stormed away from her, back to the front of the dinner.

She couldn’t stop herself from trembling at his sudden change of emotion. It was time she got out of here. She had someone else to think about now. Someone much more important.

*

Lily put the last of her things inside her old red truck, the one her grandpa gave her when she moved, shut the door and looked back at her apartment for the last time. She’d packed her stuff as soon as she got back from work, before Simon got home. When they split a month ago she couldn’t afford to move somewhere else. She’d been sleeping on the couch ever since.

She climbed into the pickup truck and turned the key. It rumbled to life and she pulled away from the curb. It was time to go home.

The three days it’d take her to drive there would give her plenty of time to think about her next move. And the note she left Simon.

Si,

I’ve decided it’s finally time for me to leave. I’m off home and I’ll ring when I get there. Thanks for letting me crash at your place for a while and I’m sorry if I’ve left you in the lurch at the diner. I’ll call soon.

Take care,

Lily x

She’d considered just disappearing without a word, but that didn’t seem right. As much as they weren’t getting along at the moment, he deserved to know where she was at least. She’d call him in a few weeks and let him know about the baby. She just couldn’t bring herself to tell him just yet. Part of her wanted to keep it as her own little secret and part of her wanted to shout it out to everyone she met. Her hand stroked her belly. She still couldn’t believe there was a little tiny human growing in there. A soft smile touched her lips.

Lily brought her attention back to the road and maneuvered through the heavy traffic to the dreaded Highway 401. There was a reason she barely ever went home to Alberta, and the reason was the 401. Well, actually it wasn’t the only reason, but it was the worst highway in the world. Not that she’d travelled on every highway in the world or anything, but the traffic was horrendous and she hated it. But once she got past Detroit, she knew the traffic would be much better and it’d be a much better drive the rest of the way.

She reached beside her and opened a bag of Doritos with one hand and shoved a couple into her mouth. She might as well get comfortable, she had days of driving ahead of her.

*

As much as she tried, Lily couldn’t stop herself from remembering the way she’d left Bassville eight years ago. She’d always said it was because she wanted to chase her dream, her dream of becoming an actress. But that wasn’t the only reason.

She’d spent the last eight years trying to block it from her memory, but the incident that had occurred in her family just months before she left was the main reason she hadn’t returned. Not that she hadn’t gone home to visit, she quickly argued with herself. I didn’t just drop off the face of the planet. And who could blame me for not wanting to show my face around town? But whenever she did go home for Christmas or Easter, she made damn sure that the visit was short and sweet. She was in and out of there so fast she barely had to show her face in town, most often only staying for a couple of nights before heading back to Toronto, making some excuse about having to get back to work. Ha! What a joke. It wasn’t as though she had any great career or anything. Anybody could wait tables.

For those last few months of high school before she moved, eyes would follow her as she walked down the street and people would whisper behind their hands as she went past. Her skin prickled with the memory. She wondered if anything had changed or if she’d still break out in a cold sweat walking down the main street. How her parents could still live there was beyond her comprehension. But she had nowhere else to go, and after eight years, surely people would have forgotten.

She turned her mind to happier memories, she had enough negative in her life as it was without recalling all the horrid details of her childhood. Lily thought of the house she grew up in and the unique smell of sagebrush outside her window. She missed the ranch more than she cared to admit. Really, how could a piece of dirt mean more to her than her family? But somehow it did. She knew that if the ranch was still theirs she would have come home more often.

So much for happy memories, she thought, wiping away a tear gathering at the edge of her eye.

She was close to her dad. She’d always been his little girl and she missed him dreadfully every day of her self-imposed exile.

It was her mother she struggled to forgive, and she worried about how she’d feel having her back in her life full time again.

Three months before she’d graduated from high school her mother, Roberta, lost the ranch to the bank. It had always been her mother’s job to do the books for the ranch. Neither Lily nor her dad knew that Roberta was pilfering money out of the account to pay for her gambling habit. Lily and her dad hadn’t even known about the gambling. At least not until it was too late.

Lily had been at home by herself when the bank manager had called. Of course the man on the other end of the line wouldn’t give out any details to her, given that she wasn’t a director of the company, but Lily knew then that something horrible was about to happen. Luckily it was her dad who came home first. Lily told him about the angry banker on the phone and he went straight to his office to call the manager back. Apparently it wasn’t the first time that he’d called. It was just the first time her dad knew about it.

Her dad had stayed in there for a very long time. Lily remembered how she had waited outside the door long after she heard him hang up the phone. The muffled distress noises she heard had her reaching for the doorknob. Just as her hand grasped the handle though, her mother came home fresh from shopping.

Lily remembered that day as though it was a movie. For some reason, in her mind, everything moved in slow motion. Her memory was crystal clear, clearer than real life, and the colors were unnaturally bright. Her mother’s hair was tied up in an intricate style and she had on her favorite floral dress. Lily remembered thinking she looked absolutely beautiful.

Roberta had taken one look at her and asked what was wrong. When Lily told her about the phone call from the bank, the blood drained from her mother’s face. She slipped into the office and shut the door behind her. Lily could still hear the click of the lock as if it had just happened.

Her parents didn’t fight and she rarely ever heard her dad raise his voice in anger. But that day, locked together in the office, her parents raged at each other. It started off as muffled murmurs that Lily struggled to decipher through the door, but soon their voices rose until Lily had to back away to save her ears. Glass shattered and wood splintered inside that small closed-off room.

Her father yelled at her mother, demanding to know where all his money had gone, and her mother cried and shrieked, begging for forgiveness.

The house was quiet for weeks after the initial blow-up. Lily recalled all too clearly the wreckage of the room and the redness in both her parents’ eyes from crying. They didn’t speak to each other for a month and Dad moved into the spare room across the hall from Lily.

Finally, at least a week after the bank manager had called, Lily worked up enough courage to ask her dad what was wrong. It was the first time she ever saw her father cry.

“She lost it,” Lily remembered her dad saying softly, as though he still couldn’t quite believe it.

“Lost what?” she’d asked when he didn’t continue. “What has she lost?”

Her world fell away at his whispered reply, “The ranch.”

She had cried herself to sleep for days as her world collapsed around her and she quickly started making her plans to leave. She didn’t want to stay long enough to see the ranch pulled out from under them, but she knew if she had any hope of ever making anything of herself, she needed to finish high school. But she couldn’t handle the rumors that flew around town. She was never sure as to who had started them because she sure as shit never told anyone about what was going on. Not her boyfriend Wade, and not any of her friends.

As soon as the ‘Foreclosure’ signs went up, her life changed forever. Suddenly the ‘rumors’ were all true. She couldn’t stand to look anyone in the eye and she felt her long standing relationships fall apart. Some of her so-called friends dropped from her circle instantly, the rest were hurt that she didn’t confide in them. They couldn’t understand that she didn’t want to talk about losing the ranch or what it was like to live with a gambling mother. Worse, they felt betrayed that she couldn’t trust them. She couldn’t trust anyone. She still couldn’t.

The day after she graduated, the bank came and took away the only home she had ever known, by auction, and they moved into a small house on the edge of town. The ranch sold lock, stock and barrel to Donald Franklin, the greediest son-of-a-bitch around. Lily still felt sick whenever she thought of him anywhere near her beloved horses. His daughter, Jenna, had once told her that Lily’s favorite gelding was lovely to ride. Lily promptly burst into tears. Jenna, mortified, quickly apologized and never mentioned anything about the ranch to her again.

Lily shook off the bad memories and pulled into a rundown motel for the night. She rubbed her eyes, partly to try to erase the memories haunting her and partly to get them to focus. Spending twelve hours on the road made her eyelids feel as though they were made from sandpaper.

There was a small diner across the street from where she was staying and after checking in to her room, she wandered over for a bite to eat. The Doritos she was munching on all day just weren’t cutting it anymore. She needed real food.

The dirty glass door pulled open easily until Lily tried walking through it. It jammed halfway open and Lily ploughed into it with her hip, sending it flying open all the way back on its hinges and crashing into a table hiding behind it. Cutlery clanged to the floor and the plates and glasses rattled as the table wobbled from the impact.

“Oops,” she said, heat rising in her cheeks as everyone inside turned to stare at her. “Sorry,” she mumbled and slipped into the nearest empty booth.

The clientele turned back to their own meals and the din of the diner returned to the level it had been before Lily had made an absolute fool of herself. A short squat red-haired waitress came over with a plastic covered menu and a smile. “Don’t worry about your entrance,” she said as she filled Lily’s glass with water, snapping her gum between her teeth. “It happens all the time. Bertha really should move that table. None of the locals will sit at it of course; too much of a risk I suppose. Our special is the tuna melt. I’ll come back and take your order in a minute.” The waitress turned around and sashayed back towards the counter before Lily could do more than smile her thanks.

Lily opened her menu and took a few minutes to decide what her baby wanted to eat. She was starting to have weird cravings at times, but tonight all she wanted was a cheeseburger and French fries. With lots of ketchup. And an iced tea. And a slice of apple pie. Her stomach growled in response to the descriptions on the menu. The waitress couldn’t return fast enough.

Lily clutched her stomach as it let out another loud growl.

Several people at the tables closest to her turned to look her way. She gave them a weak smile and a small wave. It seemed like she was determined to completely embarrass herself tonight. Thank goodness she was only staying one night.

Finally, after what seemed like hours to her hungry stomach, the waitress returned to her table, her order pad at the ready.

“What shall I get you, hun? Did you want the special? This place does it crazy good and all these good people flock in on tuna night, don’t you Don?” She turned her attention to the old man sitting alone at the table next to Lily’s.

“Actually,” Lily smiled, hoping her stomach would cease its growling long enough for her to place her order, “can I get your cheeseburger with fries, a strawberry milkshake, an iced tea, a slice of apple pie and lots of ketchup?”

“On your pie?” The waitress asked, snapping her gum again.

“Huh?” Lily looked at her blankly.

“You want the ketchup on your pie?” The waitress asked without blinking an eyelid.

“Eww, no thanks. I want ketchup on my fries. But can I have it in a dish on the side please?”

“Sure thing hun. Would you like some gravy too?” she asked, slipping her order pad into the front pocket of her apron and sticking her pen behind her ear.

“Yes please,” Lily said as her stomach gave another low growl. She could feel the heat rise in her face again and silently cursed her pale skin.

The waitress patted her arm, “It won’t be long, I promise,” she said and wandered away, refilling coffee cups on her way back to the kitchen.

True to her word, the waitress brought over her dinner in less than ten minutes. The cheeseburger was giant and the fries overflowed her plate. Lily grabbed one and bit into the crispy crust to the fluffy center. Oh, they were perfect.

The aroma of the burger was too tempting. Lily had to use both hands to pick it up. She shoved as big of a bite into her mouth as possible. It was busting with flavor and the juices dripped down her chin. She groaned out loud, earning her more stares, but this time she didn’t care. She was too busy stuffing her face with the best burger she had ever tasted.

By the time she finished her apple pie, she could barely move. Lily patted her taut stomach. Good thing her baby was barely more than a few cells at the moment, because if it was any bigger it would be straining to get out from the cramped space. She paid for her meal and waddled across the street to her motel room. She wanted to get going early in the morning and make it to Bassville tomorrow night. When she’d left Toronto yesterday she’d had every intention of taking three days to get home. Not anymore. She didn’t think she could handle more than one day of bitter memories.

Unfortunately for her, Lily had plenty more just waiting to be revisited.

*

It was snowing when she reached the Canadian border. Giant flakes floated leisurely down from the sky as she waited in line to go through the gateway. They settled in mounds on the hood of her truck, making it look as though someone had opened a giant bag of mini-marshmallows and spilled them all over the red paint.

She turned up the heater and held her hands next to the vents. It was starting to get really cold. Even with the heater on high, her feet were freezing and she could see her breath. Lily hoped she could make it home before the storm really set in. She didn’t want to spend another night on the road. But even with clear skies it’d still be hours before she made it to Bassville.

She jerked her head up when there was a tap on her window. She’d been too busy concentrating on warming her hands to notice the rugged-up guard approach. She wound down her window. It creaked with each turn of the handle and reluctantly dropped a few centimeters at a time, as though it didn’t want to let the cold snowy air inside her warm cocoon.

“Hi,” she said to the man waiting outside, “cold out isn’t it?”

“Yes, ma’am, it sure is. You could freeze the devil’s balls off on a day like today.”

Lily snorted, “What?!” she asked, both shocked and delighted at the border guard’s comment.

“Well, it’s just damn cold. You have your passport on you, ma’am?” he asked, stamping his feet and beating his arms against his sides.

“Yes, it’s right here,” Lily dug around in her backpack on the floor. At last she pulled it out. “Sorry,” she said, passing it to him. She should have had it ready and waiting.

He flipped through it quickly, compared the grainy photo to the face peering up at him, then handed the passport back through her window. “Have a nice trip home ma’am,” he said, turning to the next vehicle in line.

The snow was starting to pile up on the road in little drifts but in the distance she could see blue sky beginning to break through the clouds. Lily hoped it wouldn’t be long before the sky cleared. She hated driving in falling snow.

It reminded her of Wade.

And Wade was someone she was still trying to forget.

Chapter Two

As it turned out, the snow started to clear in the next hour and by the time Lily reached the Trans-Canada Highway the snow was almost gone. She let out a sigh of relief as she turned onto the main highway. The difficult part of the journey was over. Now all she needed to do was stay awake long enough to make it to Bassville. The Trans-Canada was a good highway to travel on, but it was boring. Now she had nothing to keep her mind from wandering.

Lily stopped for fuel in Moose Jaw. She was about to order a coffee at the counter when she caught a whiff of the roasted beans. Her stomach rolled. She turned quickly away and grabbed a coke from the fridge instead before heading back out to her truck.

She made her way back onto the highway and turned up the music. She fiddled with the radio for a few moments until she found what she liked and turned it up a notch louder.

Wade, her boyfriend from high school, loved to have the radio cranked.

She quickly turned it down. She did not want to think about Wade.

She drove in near silence for the next half an hour, but as though called, Wade kept creeping into her thoughts. She couldn’t shake him out of her mind. Snippets of scenes from years past flashed in quick succession. Her and Wade racing their horses across the hills; throwing snowballs at each other until it ended in kisses hot enough to melt the snow; losing their virginity together; driving to prom. Tears started falling down her checks. That last memory was bittersweet. She knew she was leaving; he didn’t. Wade was all smiles that day, never leaving her side. She could still feel the ghost of his hand on her back as he guided her through the crowd. She missed his touch. She missed him so much it hurt. And yet it was her fault she was missing him. It was Lily that drove away. She always made damn sure when she went home for a holiday that she stayed away from anywhere she might bump into him. Maybe he thought she was a bitch, but the truth was, she didn’t think she could survive if she saw him.

She wiped the tears from her cheeks. There was no use crying now. The past was the past. She needed to remember that to get through the next few days. She was heading into a storm she’d been putting off for eight years. She needed to have all her wits about her, and thinking about Wade would make her too vulnerable. She reached down, cranked up the volume on the radio and pushed from her mind all thoughts of the boy she’d left behind.

*

Three bags of Doritos, four cans of Coke Zero and seven hours later, Lily finally reached the outskirts of Bassville. The red and the orange of the sun colored the hills on the road in front of her. The mountains in the background were purple in the evening light.

Her back was sore and her bum was numb, but she smiled. She was finally here. She turned off the highway, skirted the town and headed down a familiar dusty gravel road. Remnants of snow drifts lay as brown crusty bumps in the ditch. The two boxes next to her bumped around on the seat, slamming into her thigh with every lurch of the truck. She’d have a bruise come morning, but she was almost there and she didn’t care. Less than two country songs later she pulled into a short, tree-lined driveway. A magnificent white homestead cheerfully greeted her as she rounded the last corner. Lights shone from the windows, welcoming her home.

The door opened and a quintessential home-grown country girl stood in the light of the doorway for a moment before she hurried down the steps. Lily watched as she half skipped, half ran towards the truck. Lily threw open her door, jumped out and met her halfway. Lily threw her arms around her friend and together they bounced up and down in a circle squealing like a couple of schoolgirls until Lily was gasping for breath and had a stich in her side.

Once they’d finally stumbled to a stop, her friend grasped Lily’s arms and looked her right in the eye, “My God Lil, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

Lily sniffed and wiped the tears from her lashes. “Charmaine,” she whispered, “I missed you.”

Charmaine threw her head back and laughed. “Ah, Lily I missed you too, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t call.”

Lily didn’t dare look away from Charmaine, she was a master at reading body language, but Lily knew Charmaine could read the thoughts swirling around behind her eyes.

Charmaine raised an eyebrow. “Umhmm.” she said, clearly knowing something was up, but to Lily’s astonishment, she didn’t ask questions. “Come on inside and I’ll make you a cup of tea.” She linked her arm through Lily’s and led her up the steps to the house. “Do your parents know you’re home?” she asked as she opened the front door.

Lily stumbled slightly. Her parents.

“No,” she murmured. Her parents were going to kill her.

Lily reminded herself that she was too old to worry about what her parents thought.

But she was still their daughter and she hated it when she disappointed them. She hated when they disappointed her too. Not visiting very often had its advantages. She chuckled slightly under her breath. Thank God they didn’t know everything she’d been up to – or rather, what she hadn’t been up to for the last eight years. Otherwise they’d have discovered she was just one great big disappointment.

She’d left town, well fled really, straight out of high school to make it big in Toronto. Her eyes had been filled with stars and she was determined to become one of them. Ha! It didn’t take long for those stars to fade as she was acquainted with reality. A string of dead-end jobs and equally dead-end boyfriends only proved to her that she was nothing better than the small town girl she was desperate to escape becoming when she had left Bassville to begin with.

“I couldn’t believe it when you called, you must have been just down the road,” Charmaine interrupted her not-so-joyful reminiscing. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner you were coming home? Not that I mind, of course I don’t. But Georgie’s room is a disaster, and that’s the only spare space I’ve got. You don’t mind do you?”

“She doesn’t mind?” Lily asked, following Charmaine down the stairs into the basement.

“Oh she’s fine in with Rebecca. They actually get along really well, at least most of the time. Not sure why we gave them their own rooms in the first place. Twins like to be together, you know?”

The basement had changed from the last time Lily had been in there. The walls were no longer the God-awful dark wood paneling of Charmaine’s youth, but a soft cream paint showcasing her children’s framed artwork. Lily stopped to admire the bright orange and yellow suns and purple trees hanging on the walls. They brought a smile to her face and made her stomach clench in fear. Would she even have a house to hang her baby’s artwork in?

She gave herself a shake and followed after Charmaine. It wasn’t just the basement’s color scheme that had changed in her absence. Walls had been knocked down and it was now a large open space. The orange shag carpet was gone as well, her feet sank into the new red wool carpet and she longed to kick off her shoes and dig her bare toes into the plush pile. The light was coming from recessed lights set into the low ceiling; no more dodging hanging light fixtures.

“In here,” Charmaine opened a door at the far end of the room and held it for Lily, patiently waiting for her to catch up.

“You’ve done renovations. They’re nice.” Lily took one last look around the large room before following Charmaine into the bedroom.

Lily peered around Charmaine’s shoulder. She hadn’t been kidding when she said it was a mess. Clothes were strewn from one end to the other, absolutely covering every surface. What was lurking underneath the clothes remained to be seen.

“Oh God,” Charmaine groaned, “I didn’t realize it was this bad. I try not to come in here very often. It raises my blood pressure.” She stood in the doorway for a moment, took a deep breath and started picking up clothes and tossing them in a pile in the middle of the room. “I’m so sorry, but if you help me it’ll be faster.” She sent a guilty look over her shoulder at Lily.

Lily just laughed and started picking clothes up off the bed, adding them to the pile. “I remember what our rooms looked like as teenagers. This isn’t any worse. Besides you know she’ll have a conniption when she gets home from school and finds out you’ve been through her stuff… just like we used to do.” The memories of their childhood together made Lily laugh. It was good to be back. “I can’t believe Georgie and Becs are ten already. Where did the time go? How did we become so old?”

“Jesus, I don’t know. It seems like yesterday I found out I was pregnant with the girls. I was in such a panic.” Charmaine looked up at Lily. “I don’t know how I would have survived without you, you know that don’t you?”

Lily averted her eyes, hoping Charmaine didn’t notice the color draining from her face. Stars popped in front of her vision. She sat down on the bed and folded one of Georgie’s shirts with her head as close to her knees as possible and tried to blink the stars away.

“Lily?”

Charmaine’s voice sounded far away. Lily took a deep breath and a long blink before looking up at her friend’s worried face. Blackness closed in on the edges for her vision. She blinked again and shook her head, trying desperately to clear it. She was not going to faint. Nausea rose up and she gave up the fight of trying to fool her friend and lay down on the bed, pulling her knees up to her chest.

“Lily! Are you all right?” Charmaine dropped the clothes in her hands and rushed over to Lily. She sat down gingerly next to her.

Her hand was cool on Lily’s hot skin.

“What’s happened? Are you sick?”

Lily managed a small groan before closing her eyes. She didn’t have the strength to go into details. Soon, she told herself, but first she needed to sleep.

*

Charmaine was still sitting next to her when she opened her eyes. She slowly sat up and looked at her friend. There was no more delaying. She had hoped she wouldn’t need to have this conversation for a few months yet, but from the look on her friend’s face, there was no use trying to get out of it.

“Are you all right?” Charmaine asked quietly.

She seemed nervous. A stab of remorse pierced Lily. She shouldn’t have made Charmaine worry. She should have told her when she called to tell her she was on her way.

“I’m…” The words stuck as a lump in her throat. What was she going to do? Panic threatened to overwhelm her again and when she tried telling her friend she was fine all that came out was a huge racking sob.

Charmaine wrapped her in her arms and rocked her like a baby. “It’s all right, it’s all right.” she murmured softly. She let her cry for a while, then, when Lily had finally got her sobs under control, Charmaine grabbed her hand and held it. “It’s okay, you can tell me anything,” she said, looking her in the eye.

Another deep breath. She could do this. She had to. She had to tell someone, and she knew she couldn’t tell her parents.

Not right now.

Not yet. Not after all these years.

Not after the lies she’d spun.

Not after the lies they told her.

Lily hung her head and shame washed over her. How could she have made such a mess out of her life? She was the top of her class in high school and had held the belief she could do anything she set her mind to. Her life in Toronto taught her differently. But she was unable to let go of her pride along the way and she had let her parents believe she was doing well. There was no way she could go home to them like this. Not when she came with absolutely nothing to show for all the years she’d been away. Well, nothing except for the little being she carried inside her.

“I’m pregnant,” she blurted.

Chapter Three

Lily sat in her friend’s kitchen, sipping a cup of tea ‘to steady her nerves’ as Charmaine put it.

“What am I going to do, Char? I’ve got no job, no place to live and now I have a baby on its way.” An unexpected wave of protectiveness ran through Lily and she pressed her hand to her belly.

“You know you can stay here with Bradley and me for a while, just till you get on your feet. As for a job, there’s bound to be something around. Even with the economy how it is, there just aren’t that many people here. Surely there’s something. I’ll ask around when I’m in town tomorrow. I know Beth is looking for someone at the Cat Whiskers Café.” Charmaine paused to raise her mug to her lips, “Don’t worry, Lily, we’ll find you something.”

A small amount of pressure eased from her shoulders. At least she had somewhere to stay for a few days. Not that she expected Charmaine to cast her out, but it was nice to be invited. “Do you mind if I come with you to town? I’d better go see the doctor and I want to get some olives from the store, I’ve been craving them for days.”

Charmaine laughed, “Oh dear, you’re getting cravings already? It wasn’t until I was showing that I got mine. I always craved peanut butter and pickle ice cream when I was pregnant. Olives aren’t so bad.”

“Well, I was also hoping to buy some cooking chocolate as well so I can melt that and then dip the olives in it before I eat them.”

“You want to cover your olives in chocolate, and you didn’t know you were pregnant until this week? What kind of stuff have you been eating for that to be normal?”

Lily blushed, “Deep down, I knew. I just didn’t want to know. Look at me,” Lily spread her sweatshirt-clad arms wide, “what the hell am I going to do with a baby?” She had nothing to offer a tiny human. No job, no career, no home. She was going to be a horrible mother. She couldn’t even get her own life in order and now she was going to be responsible for another person. That’s what scared her most of all.

“Love it, honey, that’s all you can do.”

*

Lily replayed her friend’s words over and over in her mind on the drive into town the next day. Charmaine was right. All she could do was love her baby. And in a funny way, she already did. It seemed impossible to her to love something that didn’t entirely exist yet, at least not as a whole human, but the little group of multiplying cells growing in her belly already held her whole heart. And she’d do anything for it.

Finding a job so she could care for it was the first thing on her list. Then she’d work on finding a place to live.

Charmaine pulled up in front of the Cat Whiskers Café. There was a large ‘Help Wanted’ sign in the window.

The building had been recently painted and she could hear music pumping from the speakers when she got out of Charmaine’s minivan. This place sure brought back memories. She spent a whole lot of time here as she was growing up. It was always the place to be when she was a teenager. From the look of the clientele she could see through the windows, that much hadn’t changed, but it wasn’t just full of pimply faced kids anymore, it seemed that everyone from town had stopped in for lunch. She was sure she could even see Suzy Little sitting next to one of the speakers.

“Is that who I think it is?” she asked Charmaine, pointing at the little old lady with purple hair.

“Suzy? Oh yes, she loves it in there. She declares it’s her very favorite place to eat. Of course she’s fallen in love with Beth ever since Beth catered for her birthday party last year and put all the other ladies of the nursing home out of sorts. You know how she loves the attention.” Charmaine smiled. “Come on, let’s see if Beth still has that job available.” She opened the door and herded her three youngest kids into the welcoming café.

The aroma of freshly ground coffee hit Lily as soon as she walked through the door. The tea she’d drunk earlier at Charmaine’s threatened to wash Beth’s floor. She covered her mouth, shoved Charmaine’s kids out of the way and dashed back outside.

She ran a few steps and dragged deep breaths into her lungs, trying to settle her stomach. Cold sweat ran down her face from her forehead and she shivered as the cool breeze rushed up the street. It was still cold out even though it was supposed to be spring.

Spring. Concentrate on spring, she told herself. Flowers, green grass, new babies… no, that is not what she wanted to think about… rain, thunderstorms, little birdies, newborn lambs, newborn calves, newborns…

Oh God, she couldn’t do this. She leaned against the building, gasping for breath. She was seeing stars again. How was she going to get any work if she was going to lose her lunch every time she smelled coffee? Everyone lived on coffee in this western town.

“Lily, are you all right?”

She jumped at the hand that touched her shoulder and she spun around.

“Beth?” she whispered. She hardly believed her eyes. She hadn’t seen her friend for years. “You look exactly the same,” she blurted.

Beth’s tinkling laugh filled the street.

“Thanks… I think.” She looked at Lily and asked again, “You okay?”

She realized she was still leaning against a wall of a building. She straightened up and looked around. She’d made it past Bill’s Barbershop and Tony’s Hardware. She didn’t realize she’d run so far from the café. She thought she’d only just made it out the door. She took a step away from the wall and straightened her skirt. “Um, fine. I uh, just don’t like the smell of coffee right now.”

Beth tilted her head and looked at her for a moment, just long enough for Lily to grow uncomfortable, then shrugged. “Well, you should meet Helga then,” Beth said, “she doesn’t like coffee either at the moment. She used to live on the stuff, now she gags at the sight of it.”

Lily didn’t know what to say and after a few moments of awkward silence Beth pulled her into a hug.

“It’s so good to see you again. I can’t believe you’re finally here. Charmaine mentioned you might be coming home, but when you didn’t show up for Christmas, I thought you must be busy. Are you? Busy, I mean?”

Lily missed this. The happy chatter of close friends who want to know anything and everything of each other no matter how much time has passed since they last saw each other. But Lily wasn’t ready to let her secret out and because her life hadn’t exactly turned out the way she’d planned, she didn’t really want to head down this road right now.

“Who’s Helga?” she asked, instead of answering Beth’s questions. “You said she doesn’t like coffee either?”

“Helga Hansen, surely you know she was shooting a film here last year? Your mom would have mentioned it I imagine… and it was in all the papers, not to mention the magazines. Do you still read them? Remember when we were teenagers and we’d pool our money together to buy the latest DIRT edition? I was still getting it up until last year.”

“Why’d you stop?”

“They published some unfavorable reports about Helga.” Beth’s usual happy look turned hard.

“You know her then? What’s she like? Just like in the movies?” Lily couldn’t stop the curiosity from coursing through her. After all, she’d wanted to be an actress too.

“I’ll introduce you to her. She’s really nice.”

“Is she still here, in Bassville?” Surely not. Why would a big movie star stay in small town Canada?

Beth looked at her strangely for a moment again. “Don’t you know?”

Lily thought she must be missing something. “Know what?”

“Helga’s marrying Ben this weekend.”

“What?” Lily felt as though the rug had been pulled out from under her feet. How had she missed the news about a movie idol marrying her friend’s brother?

“Come on, Lily, I’ll make you some mint tea. It always settles Helga’s stomach when it’s upset. And if you’re lucky I might have one of my cinnamon buns left. If Helga hasn’t stolen the last one.” Beth looped her arm through Lily’s and pulled her along the sidewalk back to the Cat Whiskers Café.

Lily hoped she didn’t have to bolt for the door again.

The interior of the café was welcoming and warm after the coolness of the breeze outside on the street. Once Lily choked past the smell of the coffee she was able to detect the mouthwatering aromas of Beth’s treats. Front and center in the display case was a lone cinnamon bun which Beth whipped onto a plate and presented to Lily.

“Enjoy,” Beth said with an easy smile.

Lily had been away too long. She hoped to reacquaint herself with friends before the rumors started flying about her enlarging belly. She knew from the past how vicious the local gossips could get with someone who’d ‘fallen from grace’, as her mom was apt to say. Ironically, her mother was one of the biggest gossips in town.

She slid into a stool at the counter and tucked into the cinnamon bun in front of her. God, it was delicious. A groan of pleasure growled in her throat.

Beth and Charmaine chatted over coffee but Lily was too preoccupied by the sweet bun to pay any attention to what they were saying until she heard her name.

“Lily’s looking for work. Do you know of anyone looking for help around town?” Charmaine said between mouthfuls of blueberry pie.

Lily blushed. Trust Charmaine to get straight to the point. Lily had planned on asking Beth once she had finished her tea and bun. She reluctantly put down her fork. She might as well listen.

Beth was smiling. “I could really use some help around here. I’ve been advertising for ages but, besides some school kids, no one’s applied. Mark helps out when he can and Shirley Jenkins from Hobart helps on Wednesday through Saturday. But the rest of the time it’s mostly just me and Samantha. It gets hectic all right.” Beth looked at Lily and her smile grew. “What do you say, Lil? Want to come and work for me?”

Lily couldn’t think of anything better and was about to accept when a customer placed an empty coffee cup next to her on the counter on his way out the door. “Thanks Beth,” the man said before turning away.

Lily’s stomach heaved. The cinnamon bun threatened to reacquaint itself with the plate and Lily clasped her hand over she mouth in a desperate attempt to keep it down.

Beth grabbed the offending coffee mug and thrust an empty metal mixing bowl in front of Lily’s face in one smooth movement.

Lily quickly found out that cinnamon bun and mint tea do not taste very good on a return trip. Charmaine yelped and jumped down from her stool away from any splashes.

“Here you go,” Beth said, handing Lily a napkin as though this sort of thing happened all the time. “I’ll get you a glass of water. Just sit there a minute and get your bearings.”

Beth went into the kitchen to fetch the water. Lily sat at the counter with the busy café in shocked silence behind her. She’d never been so embarrassed in all her life. When Beth returned, she gratefully took a sip of the water as Beth removed the bowl. “I don’t think working here is a good idea at the moment.” Her voice was raspy and acid rose again in her throat but she choked it down. “I think I should go.” Her stool scraped against the tiles when she stood up. The room tilted for a moment but Charmaine grasped her by the arm and glared at anyone and everyone who dared to look their way.

“Come on,” Charmaine said. “Fresh air will do you good.”

The cool breeze blowing down the street took Lily’s breath away. “I can’t believe I just did that.”

“It’s okay hun, it could happen to anyone.” Charmaine patted her awkwardly on the arm.

“I’m so embarrassed. Poor Beth. What she must think of me.” Lily leaned against the truck and buried her head in her hands.

“You’re not alone in getting morning sickness you know.” Charmaine put her arm around her shoulder. “You remember what I was like, don’t you? I puked everywhere. Remember the fit Bradley had when I made a mess in his truck? I thought for sure he was going to leave me there and then,” Charmaine said with a chuckle. “It’ll pass. Trust me.”

“It’s not even morning anymore though! And how am I supposed to find a job if all I do is throw up all the time?” She leaned into her friend. “God, my life is such a mess. What am I going to do?” she murmured into Charmaine’s shoulder.

“Well, for one, we will go get groceries and we’ll ask around about any other jobs. Ones that don’t involve coffee. Okay? Come on, hop in.”

Charmaine dragged her into the minivan then headed back into the café to grab her kids. She was such a horrible friend, she’d forgotten about Charmaine’s kids. What if she left her own baby somewhere? Would she forget she had one and walk away and leave it behind in a shop? God, she started to feel sick again.

Charmaine piled the kids into their seats, completely unaware of the turmoil Lily was going through. “Okay,” she said once she buckled in and was reversing out of the parking space. “Is there anything you want from the store?”

“Olives and a Hershey’s bar.”

Charmaine looked at her sideways and grinned, “Okaaay,” she said slowly, “We can get those.”

The grocery store wasn’t far. It was only down the other end of the street but Charmaine said she needed to get quite a few things and didn’t want to carry them all back to the minivan when she could park just outside the door.

“Can I have some candy Mom? Please?” Charmaine’s youngest, Cody, asked with his heart in his eyes.

“It’s only just after lunch honey and you just had something to eat at Beth’s. I tell you what, if you are all good,” Charmaine eyed each of her children with a gleam in her eyes, “I’ll let you watch a movie when you get home and I’ll get you some popcorn.”

“The one in the bag, Mommy?”

“Yes honey, the one in the bag.” Charmaine sighed heavily.

“Yay!” All three kids shouted in joy and dashed towards the shop.

“Remember you have to be good!” Charmaine shouted after them but they were already through the door. “I don’t know why I bother,” Charmaine said to Lily and followed the little monsters inside.

Lily laughed for the first time in what felt like years and tagged along. She hoped they had lots of olives. Her mouth salivating just thinking about them.

Charmaine asked the lady at the checkout if she knew of anywhere looking to hire.

The beauty smiled sympathetically at Lily but shook her head. “No sorry, not that I know of. You could have a look at the post office though, they sometimes post notices up on the bulletin board outside.

“Damn,” Lily muttered under her breath before following Charmaine and her troop of little clowns back outside. “Who was that at the checkout? She kept looking at me as if I should know her.” Lily asked once the door closed behind her.

“Tricia.”

“Tricia? Do I know her?”

“You remember Tricia, don’t you? She was a Hamilton, but she married Greg Torr.”

Lily thought about the raven haired lady that served her and tried to place her face in her memory. “I guess I’ve been away too long.” she mused out loud, “I remember the name, but I didn’t recognize her.”

“Well, she used to be blonde and a hundred pounds heavier.” Charmaine grinned, “You should have heard the commotion when she lost all that weight and then snared the third hottest guy in town.”

“Your Bradley being the hottest of course, right Charmaine?”

“Oh I don’t know, I can think of someone hotter!” Charmaine grinned with a wink.

Lily grinned back, she hadn’t had this type of easy friendship since forever. Even with all the worries she had in her life at the moment she’d found herself laughing all afternoon. It was good to be home, even if circumstances weren’t the best.

Lily stopped and looked down the main street towards the hotel. After spending so many years in the hustle and bustle of Toronto, Bassville was positively quiet. There was a small main street and although it was very pretty with tended flower gardens lining the sidewalks, there was barely anybody around. There was a crowd of vehicles parked outside Beth’s café and the few shops next to her, and there were a couple of trucks parked at the hotel, but she suspected they belonged to the regulars that were drinking at the bar. Every once in a while someone drove down the street, but Charmaine’s vehicle was the only one parked outside the grocery store.

She didn’t know what to do. It didn’t seem as though there was much work around. Charmaine said last year, when the movie was being filmed, here the town was buzzing – but since then things had died back down to normal. She hadn’t checked of course, but there didn’t seem to be anything available except at the Cat Whiskers and Lily knew she couldn’t work there, at least not until her morning sickness subsided. And because of the morning sickness, asking about a job at the bar didn’t seem like a good idea either – she didn’t want to be throwing up on customers. But from the look of things, the other shops just weren’t hiring.

She stood in the middle of the sidewalk in contemplation. She sighed. Maybe coming to Bassville hadn’t been the best idea. Maybe she’d have better luck in Calgary.

The wind had died down and the sun was shining. At least it was a nice day. She turned her face up towards the sun and let it soak into her skin. It seemed like ages since she’d been able to enjoy the luxury of just standing still and savouring the moment.

“You coming?” Charmaine called out the window of the minivan.

Lily laughed. This obviously wasn’t that moment either. She jumped in and Charmaine drove down to the post office.

“I have to pick up the mail anyway,” she said.

Lily just nodded and looked out the window. The kids were talking excitedly about what movie they were going to watch. All three of them had a different one they wanted to see. Lily didn’t know how they would ever agree on the same one.

“I’ll just be a moment kids,” Charmaine hopped out of the minivan and made a dash to the post office, obviously needing time away from the escalating chaos in the back seat. She stopped before she got to door of the post office and called to Lily, “Come look.”

Lily unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed out of the minivan. She could hear the kids scramble out behind her.

“Here it is,” Charmaine pointed at the large public notice board in front of the post office when Lily joined her. It wasn’t very full.

“There’s not many notices,” Lily said, stating the obvious. She remembered a time when papers overlapped each other so much it was a struggle to read what they said. Now she could count what was there on one hand. There was a notice about a lost cat, kittens for sale, an advert for Tupperware (she noticed Tricia was selling that too); a flyer about the rodeo that was two weeks ago; and a house for rent. “At least I can call about the house.”

“Look Mommy, a kitten,” Charmaine’s youngest daughter, Sarah, pointed at the picture of kittens for sale.

“Yes honey, you’re right, kittens, but you have kittens in the barn at home. We don’t need any more right now.”

“But Mommm,” Sarah whined and looked at her mother with pleading eyes.

“Look over there, sweetie, would you like to play on the swings?” Lily bent down to the four-year-old’s level and pointed to the playground across the street. “I’ll take them to the swings while you get you mail, if you like.” she said to Charmaine.

Relief washed over her friend’s face.

“Oh you’re a Godsend. Thank you Lily.” Charmaine dashed into the post office as though she was afraid Lily would change her mind.

“Come on kids. Look both ways,” she warned before they ran across the street. There was no one coming of course, but better safe than sorry.

Lily was pushing Sarah and her older brother Wyatt on the swings while keeping an eye on Cody, the youngest, when she noticed someone coming out of the bar and getting in their truck. The air closed in around her and it suddenly felt like there was a brick in the bottom of her stomach, along with a million butterflies just taking off in flight. Wade Copeland: the hottest guy in town. That he was coming from the bar should come as no surprise, he was always the bad boy at school, she just thought he would have grown up. Apparently he was now the town drunk instead.

“Aunt Lily, look at me!”

Lily wrenched herself from the eye candy down the street and turned to see Wyatt standing on top of the slide. She hadn’t even noticed he’d jumped off the swing, she’d stopped pushing when Wade caught her eye. “Honey, I think you should sit down now please.”

“But look what I can do; watch me!” Wyatt wobbled and her heart caught in her throat. She stood paralyzed as he slid down the slide on his feet. “See? Want me to do it again?”

She swallowed past the lump in her throat and shook her head. “That was a great trick, sweetie, would you like me to push you on the swing now?”

Chapter Four

Wade grabbed his hat and shoved it on his head. He was well sick of this place. Spilled beer and roasted nuts obscured the aroma of the roast beef the hotel was serving for lunch and it was giving him a headache. Besides, it was time he got back to work. He cursed Mark for only sending him a text just now. He could have saved himself a trip into town, let alone an overcooked lunch, if he’d known his lawyer couldn’t make the meeting. He’d call him tonight and go over the papers then. He wanted to get that piece of dirt next to him. It’d fit onto his ranch perfectly.

He shrugged into his sheepskin jacket and pulled the collar up before pulling the heavy door of the hotel bar open. The sunlight bounced off the remnants of the dirty snow into his eyes. He tugged his hat lower, wishing he hadn’t left his shades in the truck. His breath steamed up around him but the sun warmed his face. It was supposed to be spring for God’s sake but as usual, winter was reluctant to release her grip.

Today was a balmy ten below zero. Downright tropical compared to last week when the blizzard had blown through. He was sick of winter. Its only redeeming feature was Christmas and that was long gone, although some residents still had their lights up. He’d even spotted a Christmas tree in a front window on the way to the bar this morning. Some people were just way too enthusiastic about the festive season. It wasn’t normal.

He headed over to his truck and pulled the keys from the ignition, no one locked their vehicle in Bassville, and walked down the street to the post office. He might as well pick up the mail while he was here.

Charmaine Jacobson’s truck was parked out front. He needed to talk to her husband Bradley about the PTO on his tractor. Bradley was the best mechanic around. Maybe this morning wouldn’t be a complete write-off after all.

“Aunt Lily, look at me!” Charmaine’s youngest, Cody, yelled from the small park across the street.

Wade stopped in his tracks. Aunt Lily? He slowly turned around to look. He wasn’t quite sure what he was hoping to see. A different Lily perhaps? But fate wasn’t that nice. No, it was Lily Montgomery. Damn, and she looked good.

His feet moved on their own accord and crossed the road. He stopped too close to her. He could smell her sandalwood perfume and it hit him in the gut. She shouldn’t smell the same after all these years. Longing rocked his body before he could take a step back.

“Having trouble with the kids, Lily?” he drawled.

She looked up at him in shock. It was clear she hadn’t noticed him approach. It rankled him that she obviously didn’t have the same reaction to him as he had to her. But then again, she never did.

“I’m fine,” she said and turned back to the child who was now standing on the top of the slide trying to reach out to the crossbar on the swing. “Cody honey, it’s time for you to slide down. Your sister is waiting for her turn.”

Cody just looked at her and climbed up onto the handle on the slide platform to get a better reach of his destination.

“Cody, do come down.” Lily’s voice caught in fear as she urged the little boy to do as she wished.

“But you let Wyatt do it,” he sulked and stretched his foot out further.

“Not really, honey. Please sit down and use the slide properly,” Lily begged.

Wade watched in amusement. He was close enough to catch the little tyke if he fell, but Lily didn’t seem to register that small fact. She was too busy working herself up into a state.

Her breath caught, making a strangely erotic sound in the back of her throat, when Cody finally built up enough nerve to jump.

Wade caught the boy easily in his arms and swung him high in the air, causing the little urchin to succumb to a fit of giggles.

“Cody, you could have been killed,” Lily admonished as she reached for the boy.

Wade put the little imp on the swing and gave him a big push. “He’s all right Lily. No harm done. You certainly don’t know much about kids do you? They always push the limits of gravity and self-preservation.”

Wade moved away as her scent filled the air again. Tears hung on her lashes and although she quickly blinked them away Wade felt the pull in his gut. He couldn’t afford to feel sorry for her. He knew all too well where that would lead him.

“Wade, hi!” Charmaine called from across the street.

He took another step away from Lily and tipped his hat to Charmaine.

“Thanks for watching the kiddos while I was getting the mail, Lily. You have no idea what it’s like to have them hanging off me every moment of the day.”

Lily’s face paled and for a moment Wade thought she might faint, but she managed to stay upright.

“Lily,” Charmaine whispered, touching her arm, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? Why are you sorry?” Wade looked back and forth between each woman. Something was going on, they were both acting weird.

He shook his head; it wasn’t his concern.

If he knew what was best for him he’d stay well away from any and all drama Lily Montgomery brought with her. He turned his attention to Charmaine. “Can you tell Bradley I need him to take a look at my tractor as soon as he can? It’s important. I’ll need it tomorrow to feed the cows, but the PTO isn’t working as well as it should, it’s not spinning fast enough to get the pellets out. It keeps getting clogged up. I had a quick look at it this morning in the shop but I had to come in to meet Mark, not that he actually showed up.” He cleared his throat. It wasn’t like him to say so much at once.

“Um, I’ll try to remember all that to tell Bradley,” Charmaine laughed, “but don’t expect much. I might remember to tell him to give you a call though. Would that work? Then you can explain exactly what’s what.”

“Thanks,” his cheeks grew warm. God, when was the last time he’d blushed? He scrubbed his hand across his face. He needed to get out of there. “I’ll see you later.” He didn’t dare look in Lily’s direction so he nodded to Charmaine and headed back towards his truck.

“Wait,” Charmaine called after him.

*

When Wade had snuck up behind her, Lily hadn’t been prepared for her body’s reaction to him. Her heart skipped a beat and shivers raced up and down her spine.

All she could do to remain calm was take a deep breath and focus on Char’s kids. Thankfully Cody provided enough of a distraction against Wade’s cologne.

She was thankful when Wade finally turned away and started walking back down the street towards his truck.

She could have killed Char when she called him back.

If possible, he’d gotten better looking with age. The cowboy hat on his head shaded his eyes but their blue intensity penetrated the shadow. There were lines on his face from years in the sun and whiskers darkened his jaw, but that just added to the fantasy. His jacket hung open, revealing a grey t-shirt pulling tight across his muscular chest. His blue jeans hugged his hips.

Lily’s mouth was suddenly very dry.

“What’re you doing in town again, Lily? I thought you said you were never coming back,” Wade looked down at her. He had always been a head taller than her growing up and the time hadn’t changed that.

“Never’s a long time Wade, I needed to come home.” The tension in the air between them was making her shoulders ache.

“Home?” He looked at her in surprise, “Lily, this isn’t your home. You’ve been away too long and you never did fit in here anyway. You’re not staying, are you?”

Well if she had any illusions that he was going to make her feel welcome, she was sadly mistaken. Anger flared in her chest, who did he think he was? “I can stay here as long as I like, thank you very much. And I may not have fit in when I was growing up, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t home.” Besides, she thought, I have nowhere else to go.

“Suit yourself.” His arm shot out and he caught Cody as he went flying by towards the edge of the street. “Hey you, where do you think you’re going?” He held Cody up in the air with one arm and looked at him intently. “Do you want another push on the swing?” Without waiting for an answer, he plopped Cody on the seat and started pushing.

Lily was still staring at Wade in confusion when Charmaine interrupted. “It sure is nice to see the sun after last week isn’t it, Wade?”

Wade turned his head towards Charmaine, completely ignoring Lily. She wasn’t sure why that upset her so much.

“Yes ma’am, it sure is,” he said.

Charmaine tipped her face up to the sun and let out a deep sigh, “Gorgeous,” she almost moaned.

Wade averted his gaze from the look of exultation on Charmaine’s face. Lily didn’t blame him, Char was nothing if not stunning. Her long hair reflected light, making it seem alive, and the look of sheer bliss on her friend’s face was uncomfortable to witness, as though sharing her most private intimate moment.

Lily cleared her throat, “Umm, any luck, Charmaine?”

“Sorry, no. I did ask Mrs Whitmore to keep a look out for you though. If anything comes up, she’ll be sure to know about it.”

“Have you lost something, Lily?” Wade asked her between pushes of the swing.

“She’s looking for a job,” Charmaine answered before Lily could even open her mouth. “Do you know of anyone needing help around here?”

“How long are we talking?”

“Lily’s moving back here. I imagine she’d take anything, long or short term.” Charmaine continued on as though Lily wasn’t even there. “She could always move to something better if something comes up, but you need something now, don’t you Lily?”

Lily opened her mouth to reply, but she was once again cut off; this time by Wade.

“She could work for me.”

“You?” Charmaine and Lily said at the same time, both of their mouths hanging open in shock.

“Sure, I need help on the ranch and there’s no one around here who knows what to do without being told ten times. I’ve made the mistake of hiring a novice before and it didn’t work out. You grew up on a ranch, Lily, and I remember you working while all your friends partied all summer. Uh, no offense Charmaine.”

“Haha, don’t worry about it Wade,” Charmaine smiled at him, “we were all young and I wouldn’t trade those summers for anything. I actually always felt guilty about having fun while you and Lily, and a few others, spent most of your school holidays working. Didn’t seem fair to me.”

Wade cleared his throat and turned back to the swing. “Besides,” he said, ignoring Charmaine’s comment about his childhood, “the place needs tidying up, it could do with a woman’s touch here and there.”

“That’s very kind of you Wade, but Lily’s…”

“When do you want me to start?” Lily cut off her friend and gave her a warning look.

“Come down the ranch tomorrow morning. You still remember how to get there?” Wade asked, looking her directly in the eye.

*

“You can’t work for Wade, Lily.” Charmaine said on their drive back to the house.

“Why not?” Lily asked.

“You’re pregnant,” Charmaine took her eyes off the gravel road for a moment to look at her. “Ranching’s hard work, you know that. It’s no place to grow a baby.” She turned her attention back to the road.

Lily looked in the back seat to see if the kids were listening, it was awfully quiet back there, but they were asleep.

“Char,” she said, “you saw for yourself that there’s no other work around, unless you want me puking on Beth’s customers. And you and I both know that once I start showing there’s no way in hell anyone is going to hire me. Who wants to train someone only to have them go on maternity leave in a couple of months? I need a job, Char and at least this one I’m qualified for. I’ll be careful. I called the doctor’s office this morning before we left and managed to get an appointment in two days – I’ll ask him what I can and can’t do. I’m excited about working again; I just wish it wasn’t with Wade,” she mumbled.

“And how are you going to get to a doctor’s appointment without rousing suspicion?” If she hadn’t been driving, Charmaine’s hands would have been on her hips.

“I’ll just tell him that it’s women problems. He won’t ask questions,” Lily winked.

“No I don’t suspect he will. Men hate women problems,” Charmaine chuckled. “You know you won’t get any work done, don’t you? You’ll be too busy ogling him.” Charmaine laughed but Lily failed to see the funny side. The fact was, she still remembered a long time ago when she left him behind to see the world. Back then, the thrill of him and this simple life wasn’t enough to keep her from following her dream. She realized now that she had only been following a fantasy and what she wanted didn’t actually exist. How was he ever going to forgive her for that? And how could she ask him too?

Chapter Five

The next morning, Lily toweled her hair on her way back to her room. It was still dark outside. She could just make out the pink start to the sunrise from the small basement window in her borrowed room. She was thankful her morning sickness didn’t last long this morning and was hopeful it would stay at bay for the rest of the day.

The butterflies hadn’t left her stomach since seeing Wade yesterday though and she couldn’t forget their history together no matter how hard she tried. She just hoped it wouldn’t get in the way of her working for him.

She really needed this job. She couldn’t let anything get in the way of that. She had to focus on the bigger picture.

But try as she might, she couldn’t stop the images of the last time they saw each other playing through her mind.

She wasn’t proud of it or how she’d acted. He had deserved way more than that, especially from her.

She wiped a tear from her cheek, sank down onto her bed and let the memories she’d been holding back for days finally come.

*

“Don’t go,” Wade pleaded, clutching her hand.

Lily felt embarrassment color her face at the scene Wade was creating in the air terminal. “Shhh,” she whispered, pulling her hand from his. “We can talk about this later.” She had to get out of this town before it was too late. She couldn’t end up like her mother.

“No Lily, we can’t. You’re leaving now. Today. You wouldn’t talk about it earlier. You have to listen to me now.”

She cringed when his voice grew louder. “Please Wade,” she whispered, “don’t do this.”

Wade stood in front of her with a look of confusion on his face. “I thought you loved me.”

“I did,” she said urgently. Why couldn’t he understand that she had to do this? She had to follow her dream before she ended up in butt-fuck Alberta for the rest of her life. She was not becoming one of the many high school brides who never left town or got a career and then at the age of thirty had five kids and an affair with their neighbor. She did not want to end up like one of them. She’d end up resenting Wade forever if she stayed. She couldn’t do that to him.

“Did?” Wade’s face drained of color as he stared at her in shock. “Did love me?”

“Do! I do love you,” she corrected quickly.

Wade took his cowboy hat off and spun it in his hands. Tears marked his face. “You don’t. Honestly Lily, if you never loved me, why did you let me think you did? You think I enjoy this?” He waved his hand around at the people watching the scene as more tears slipped down his cheeks. “You think I enjoy being made a fool of? Fuck you, Lily. Fuck you and your Goddamn dream of making it big. I hope you have a great fucking life in fucking Toronto.”

He’d walked away from her then. Storming past commuters and security guards without a backwards glance. Before she could run after him, her name was paged over the loud speaker. Her final boarding call. She’d had to make a split-second decision. Run after Wade and beg for his forgiveness, or turn her back on that part of her life and follow her dream.

He would get over her, she told herself as she headed towards her gate.

She had a plane to catch.

*

Lily wiped at her tears and looked at the small clock next to her bed. Shit, now she was running late. She regretted how she treated him back then. She was just a child, too interested in what other people thought of her instead of worrying about the man who had loved her with all that he had.

She knew now that it was the embarrassment of what her mother had done that made her want to leave town as quickly as possible. At the time she just wouldn’t admit it. Not to herself and definitely not to Wade.

She quickly pulled on her jeans and thick socks. She wished she had some proper boots to wear. She’d have to put on her runners today. She’d make the trip out to her mom and dad’s soon to pick up her old stuff. Something else she’d been putting off. Pretty soon she was going to have to grow up and face the consequences of her actions.

She let out a big sigh. Her life hadn’t turned out at all like she had planned. When she’d assured herself that Wade would get over her, she never suspected that she’d never get over him. As for her dream?

It never came close to coming true.

She’d naively thought that all she needed to do was show up in Toronto, go to a few auditions and then be snapped up by some theatre company. Ha! There were thousands of kids just like her, who could sing and dance and act just like movie stars. She quickly learned the ones who got picked up had something extra – that little spark behind their eyes… or knowing the right people to get the job. Sadly, she had neither. And the more times she was rejected, the more the spark behind her own eyes died.

She checked the clock again. She’d better hurry.

She grabbed a woolly sweater from her suitcase, which was still lying open on the floor at the end of her bed, thrust her arms into it and pulled it over her head. At least she had warm clothes.

The morning was crisp. Frost encased her truck in a sugar-like coating. The old door creaked open in protest. She reached across the seat to open the glovebox. It took her a moment to find her windshield scraper. It was missing a corner and the handle was cracked, but it would have to do. In the good old days she’d used a tape case, but it was years since she listened to cassette tapes.

It didn’t take long for Lily to clear the windshield of ice. She jumped in the cab and turned the key, anxious to get her heater going.

Nothing.

Her poor old truck didn’t even make one sound when she turned the key. Crap. She should have made sure she plugged it in last night. She knew better than to just leave it sitting there in the cold. The water would have frozen.

She crossed her fingers and toes and tried again.

This time it made a grrr sound for a couple of seconds, but she knew it wasn’t going to start until it was warmed up. She slammed the door and went back into the house. She’d have to wake up Charmaine.

Bradley was in the kitchen when she got back into the house. Her feet were freezing already and she’d only been outside for five minutes tops.

“Morning,” Bradley mumbled through the toast in his mouth. He raised a cup of coffee to his lips. “Sorry, that was rude,” he said after having a drink, “How are you?” he asked her with a smile. “Have a good sleep?”

Lily knew why Charmaine loved her husband. Bradley was such a caring spouse and great father to their kids and would do anything for his wife, family and friends. He was just a really nice all-around guy. But he was stunning too. Charmaine wasn’t kidding when she said he was the second best looking man in town.

“My truck won’t start,” she blurted. “I don’t suppose you could give me a lift before you go to work?” She chewed on her lip. She really didn’t want to be late on her first day.

Bradley smiled. “Sure thing. I’ll just go tell Char where I’m going. Go jump in my truck.”

Bradley’s truck was a five star luxury vehicle compared to Ol’ Red. The seats still had all their stuffing, the springs were still springy, and most of all – it was warm. The fabric on the seats was a dream to her denim clad bottom. The cracked vinyl on the seat in her truck was freezing in the winter. It took ages to warm up, even with the heater on full blast.

“All set?” Bradley asked when he jumped in.

At her nod he backed out of the garage and started down the driveway.

“It’s nice to have you back home, you know that Lily? Charmaine was sure excited to receive your phone call the other day. We’re really happy you’re back.” He smiled at her and Lily felt herself relax.

“Thanks Bradley. I’m glad to be back. It really has been too long.” She leaned back in her seat and enjoyed the view out of her window. It really was good to be home.

“I was just wondering,” he said after a moment, “why haven’t you gone to see your parents yet? Surely they’ll want to see you? You really shouldn’t let someone else tell them you’re home.”

The air left her lungs. She turned her head and looked at Bradley. How could she make him understand without actually telling him why?

“I… I planned on going to see them today after work. But of course now that my truck isn’t going, I’ll have to wait.” That sounded plausible.

“Oh, don’t worry about your truck. I’ll get Ol’ Red up and running like new – first thing this morning.” He grinned at her. “I’ll drop it off at Wade’s today when I’m done so you can get home after work.”

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