Instant Father

One minute, Caleb Mast is an oil-rig roughneck who answers to no one but himself. The next, he’s the father of a special-needs child he never knew existed. What kind of home can a man like him—without faith or community—provide for an eight-year-old girl? For little Joy’s sake, Caleb returns to the Amish community he left behind years ago. His daughter bonds with Amish schoolteacher Leah Belier, and Caleb feels hopeful for once. But Leah blames Caleb for dashing long-ago dreams and can’t bear to trust him. With Christmas weeks away, one special girl just may bring two hearts—and an entire community—together.

Brides of Amish Country: Finding true love in the land of the Plain People.

Leah laid a protective hand on Joy’s head.

“Patience and kindness are the keys to raising a special child,” she told Caleb. “All children are gifts from God, but we believe a child such as Joy is one of His most cherished gifts.”

Caleb’s hands dropped to his sides. He looked…defeated. “I know what the Amish believe. That’s why I’m here. The only reason I’m here.”

She didn’t understand. He tipped his head slightly. “The prodigal son has returned. You don’t look happy to see me.”

She wasn’t. She didn’t care if he knew it. He had changed a great deal in the past nine years. The wild, handsome Amish boy she had known had matured into a tall, rugged-looking man with a muscular frame and deeply tanned skin. He wore his dark hair cut short in the Englisch way, not in the bowl-cut style the men of her community wore.

Leah realized he was studying her, too. Watching her with hard, piercing gray eyes that gave away little of what he was thinking.

PATRICIA DAVIDS

After thirty-five years as a nurse, Pat has hung up her stethoscope to become a full-time writer. She enjoys spending her new free time visiting her grandchildren, doing some long-overdue yard work and traveling to research her story locations. She resides in Wichita, Kansas. Pat always enjoys hearing from her readers. You can visit her on the web at www.patriciadavids.com.

Amish Christmas Joy

Patricia Davids

www.millsandboon.co.uk

Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth me: and whosoever shall receive me, receiveth not me, but him that sent me.

—Mark 9:37

This book is lovingly dedicated to the parents

of special-needs children everywhere.

Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Dear Reader

Questions for Discussion

Excerpt

Chapter One

Loud pounding pulled Caleb Mast out of the first good night’s sleep he’d had in a month. He squinted at the clock on his bedside table. Who was beating on his door at three-forty in the morning?

Staggering out of bed, he made his way through his condo. After four weeks on an oil platform in the Gulf, he was ready for some downtime. He’d stayed twice as long as his normal rotation to cover for an injured crewmate. The twelve-to thirteen-hour shifts seven days a week were tough. Lousy weather and a shorthanded crew made the extra two weeks a killer. All he wanted was to crawl back in bed.

If some of his crewmates were looking to celebrate on their first night in, they could have fun without him. He didn’t do the party scene. Not since... He dismissed the thought without finishing it. He didn’t look back. The pounding resumed.

He yanked open the front door. “If this building isn’t on fire you’re in trouble. What?”

A woman stood on his doorstep. She had a little girl beside her. Thunder rumbled in the distance. A fine mist was falling, scenting the air with rain and making a shimmering halo around the streetlamp across the roadway. A yellow hatchback with a dented door sat parked beneath it.

The woman pushed back her frizzy blond hair. “You’re a hard man to find, Caleb.”

The voice belonged to a bad memory from his past. “Valerie?”

She gave a halfhearted smile. “You remember my name. That’s something.”

Was she kidding? He had turned his life upside down, cut bone-deep family ties and moved halfway across the country with Valerie Perry. A year later, she left him a goodbye note with no forwarding address and an empty bank account. Now, after nearly nine years, she was back. Why?

There were dark circles under her eyes and a droop to her full lips. She was thin as a rail. Her once-thick brown hair was bleached a brittle white-blond. It made her look cheap. Even at this hour, she wore heavy eye makeup. She licked her dry, cracked lips.

He folded his arms over his chest. “What do you want?”

“You could pretend you’re happy to see me.”

“If you’re here to repay the money you stole, then I’m thrilled.”

She dropped her gaze. “I’ve come for...another reason.”

“Mama, I’m tired,” the girl whined. She peered at him through a mop of blond hair, straight and pale as wheat straw. He was stunned to see the characteristic round face, small upturned eyes and slightly flat nose that indicated she had Down syndrome.

His Amish mother had always told him such children were God’s most precious gifts, sent to special families for a special purpose.

“I’m hungry. I wanna go home.” The girl’s speech was slow and halting. She hid her face against Valerie’s leg.

“Hush. I’m talking,” Valerie snapped.

Sympathy for the kid made Caleb take a step back from the door. October in Houston was balmy compared to the crisp autumn weather of his childhood home in Ohio, but the rain was picking up. “You want to come in?”

She steered the child past him into the living room. “Lie down on the sofa while we grown-ups talk.”

Talk about what? What did they have to say to each other after so long? He should have shut the door in her face. She wouldn’t be here if she didn’t want something.

“But I’m hungry, Mama.”

No matter what Val had done, the child deserved his kindness. “I’ve got some cold pizza and milk in the fridge. It’s not much, but she’s welcome to it.”

Breakfast of champions. His Amish mother would be horrified to see him feeding a kid pizza at this time of the night. Then again, she’d be horrified by a lot in his current life.

The look the girl gave him was tired, fearful and hopeful all at the same time. He crouched to her level. “It’s pepperoni pizza. Is that okay?”

She nodded once. He glanced at Valerie. “Would you like something? Coffee?”

“Sure.” She followed him into the kitchen. He pulled a pizza box from the fridge, placed a slice on a paper plate and stuck it in the microwave.

Valerie took a seat at the glass-topped table in the corner. “Things are such a mess. I didn’t know where else to go. My boyfriend kicked us out, the jerk. My mom died last month.”

“I’m sorry.” Caleb had never met her mother. He shot a look toward Valerie as he spooned grounds into the coffeepot. She had a tight grip on her purse. She bit the corner of her lip and looked everywhere but at him. When the microwave bell dinged, she almost jumped out of her chair.

He checked to make sure the slice wasn’t too hot, then carried it into the living room. Valerie’s daughter was sitting upright on the sofa, struggling to keep her eyes open. He handed her the pizza. “I’ll get your milk in a minute, okay?”

She snatched the plate from him and started tearing into the pizza. He went back to put a second slice in the microwave. Clearly, one wasn’t going to be enough.

Valerie was on her feet, pacing the length of the room. “Mom’s old man doesn’t want the kid around anymore. Not that Joy is a problem. She’s not. She’s quiet as a mouse.”

“Joy, is that her name?”

“Yeah, Joy Lynn.”

“Nice.” What else could he say?

“I thought you’d be married by now. I remember how much you wanted kids.”

“I came close, but it didn’t work out. She went back with her ex.” And took her two kids with her. Another painful chapter of his life with a rotten ending. Parenthood didn’t seem to be in the plan for him. The coffee finished dripping. He took a mug out of the cupboard and began to fill it.

Valerie sniffed and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. “Joy is your daughter. I thought you should know.”

He replaced the coffeepot with great care and set the mug down, amazed that he hadn’t dropped either. “What?”

“I know I should have told you sooner, but she’s your kid.”

“I don’t believe you.” Val always twisted the truth.

“Joy, how old are you?” she asked over her shoulder.

“I’m eight, Mama.”

“When is your birthday, honey?”

“You know that. December twenty-fifth. That is Christmas Day. Nana says I’m her Christmas Joy...only, she has gone to heaven, hasn’t she?” Joy’s voice faded away.

Valerie had left him in early summer. It was actually possible.

Unlike the last woman who claimed he fathered her babe.

He refused to think about that final, painful confrontation with his Amish family. He had to focus on the present problem. Gripping the edge of the counter, he glared at Valerie. “Is this some kind of joke?”

She took a step back. “No. Mom’s death made me realize that Joy should get to know you. You’re all the family she has left.”

“She has you,” he retorted, wondering what kind of mother she was. Hard to imagine the self-absorbed, party-all-night woman he’d known in that role. He glanced toward Joy in the living room and his heart skipped a beat. He had a daughter.

If Val was telling the truth, he’d missed eight precious years of his child’s life. The knowledge made him ache inside. Why had Valerie kept this from him? He would have stood by her. She had to know that.

“Mama, can I have my milk now, please? I remembered to say please. I’m being good.”

Valerie arched one thinly penciled eyebrow. “Can she have some milk, Caleb?”

He wouldn’t get his hopes up. Valerie could be lying. It was nothing new for her. He yanked open the fridge, pulled out a carton and handed it to her.

She took it, filled a glass with milk and carried it into the other room. He moved to the doorway to watch.

“Here you go. Mama left her cigarettes in the car, sweetie. Will you be okay with your daddy while I go get them?”

Joy jerked upright. “I have a daddy?” The kid sounded as surprised as he was by the news.

“Yes, you do. His name is Caleb Mast.”

“A real daddy?” Her wistful tone carried hope and wonder.

“Your real daddy,” Valerie assured her.

Joy’s eyes narrowed. She pulled back and glared at her mother. “Is he another uncle like Jimmy and Keith?”

“No. He’s your father. You’re going to love him.”

“What if I don’t?”

What if she didn’t? He wasn’t a puppy or a kitten, something a kid liked on sight. He scratched at the stubble on his cheek. He was an ex-Amish oil-rig roughneck with few manners and a job that took him away half the year. He wasn’t anyone’s idea of a daddy. He’d given up that dream.

He turned away to get the forgotten pizza from the microwave and heard the front door open and close. He carried the second slice to Joy. She smiled when she saw it and licked the milk mustache from her upper lip.

What if she is my daughter?

Did it change anything? He didn’t know her. She didn’t know him. How much bonding could happen in the short time he spent ashore? Besides, he was about to take a job on one of the rigs off the coast of Brazil. He stood next on the company list to transfer. He expected to get word to pack his bags any day. He’d be gone for a full year when the opening came through.

She finished the milk and handed him the plate with the glass. “I like pizza.”

“No kidding.”

“I like animal crackers the best. I eat all the elephants first.” She rocked as she smiled.

Thunder rumbled, closer now. Her smile vanished. She glanced fearfully at the window. “I don’t like thunder.”

“Don’t worry, it’ll be gone soon.”

She gave him a hard look. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Can we have pizza tomorrow?”

Where would she be tomorrow? “You’ll have to ask your mom.”

“Okay.” She yawned widely.

He might as well get her settled. He wasn’t going to send her and her mother out into the storm. Valerie had a lot more explaining to do. He gathered the bedding and soon had Joy tucked up snugly on his sofa. She was asleep in less than a minute. He bent and brushed her hair back from her face.

A special child was given for a special reason. What reason could God have for sending Joy to him?

She was a sweet kid, but was she his sweet kid? There was testing for this kind of situation. He would insist on it. Val was up to something. He settled in his recliner and waited for her to return.

Three hours later, the storm had moved on. Morning sunlight crept in beneath the window shade. Caleb rose from the chair and opened the front door for the umpteenth time. Birds twittered in the dripping trees. The walkway and street out front were glistening wet and deserted.

Valerie hadn’t come back.

He heard a noise behind him. Turning, he saw Joy standing beside the couch. “Where’s my mama?”

“I wish I knew.”

Fear darkened her eyes. “I want my mama.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” He started toward her without a clue what to do next.

She backed away. “I gotta find her.”

She darted around him and ran barefoot out the door toward the street, with Caleb close on her heels.

* * *

Leah Belier added a box of crayons to her basket as she shopped with her friend Joann Weaver in the small grocery store in the village of Hope Springs, Ohio.

“Are you taking up art in your spare time?” Joann asked with a grin.

“Nee. I noticed Emmy Chupp borrowing colors from the other students this afternoon. She loves to draw. I think she has used up the ones her mother sent with her at the beginning of the school year. I decided to get her some more.”

“For Christmas?”

“That’s still four weeks away. She needs them now. I’ll get her colored pencils as a Christmas gift.”

“That’s sweet of you. How is her father getting along? I heard he broke his leg.”

“He hasn’t been able to work at the lumberyard for several weeks. Honestly, I’m worried about the family. Emmy didn’t bring any lunch today. She told me she forgot it at home.”

“Knowing you, I expect she ate your lunch, and you went hungry.”

Leah chuckled. “It wouldn’t hurt me to miss a meal or two, but I always bring extra food just in case.”

She had shared her ample sandwich with Emmy and made a mental note to check in on the family tomorrow. As the teacher at the local Amish school, Leah kept a close eye on all her students. She was in a better position than most to see where trouble was brewing.

A new box of twenty-four crayons would cheer the shy child who liked to draw. Leah added some peanut butter and jelly to her basket. A few extra groceries might come in handy with lunches. If it looked as if they needed more help, she would let Bishop Zook know. No man’s family went hungry in their Amish community. Caring for one another was a duty, not a chore.

She carried her purchases to the front of the store. The Englisch owner, Mr. McGregor, ran her items over the scanner. A big bear of a man with thick, curly gray hair, a wide smile and a booming voice, he and his tiny wife were longtime fixtures in Hope Springs.

“Afternoon, ladies. I hope all of you plan to come to the Christmas parade. Since this is our first year, we want it to be a success. My kids are building a float for the store. Should be grand.”

“We are looking forward to it,” Joann said.

“Mrs. Weaver, the printing job you did on the flyers for our dented-canned-goods sale was great. Lots of people came, not just the Amish.”

Joann blushed. “Miller Press is happy to serve all those in our community, Amish and non-Amish alike. I will tell my husband you were pleased.”

Joann and her new husband, Roman Weaver, both worked at his uncle’s printing business.

“Good. Leah, my wife and I were just saying how much we’re looking forward to your school Christmas program this year. Are the children getting excited?”

“Indeed they are. You and your wife are always welcome.”

“My wife had the lights and decorations up the minute Thanksgiving was over, but it’s watching your Amish students put on their plays and sing their songs so wonderfully that brings the true meaning of Christmas to my heart.”

“I’m glad, for that is the purpose of our program.”

“Remind your students to come to the Christmas parade. We want the kids to enjoy it, too.”

“I will.”

“Why, I remember the Christmas little Anna Imhoff stood so straight and tall and recited her poem with such a big grin on her face at your school. That was the year they found John Doe beaten half to death on the Imhoff farm. Course, he was really Jonathan Dresher, but he didn’t know his own name for weeks. Ain’t it strange the ways the Lord finds to test us?” He stopped with her last item in his hand and stared into space.

“It is, indeed.” She really needed to be going. She had a long walk home before dark.

“Anna sure took a shine to Jonathan. Happy thing, him marrying her sister, Karen. Yup, that was a mighty special Christmas.”

“Ja, it was.” Joann winked at Leah. Mr. McGregor loved to recount his stories regardless of the number of times his customers had heard them.

The outside door opened, and Leah saw an Englisch fellow come in. There was something vaguely familiar about him. He glanced her way.

Her breath caught in her throat. It couldn’t be Caleb Mast, could it?

He turned down the collar of his coat and headed to the back of the store without any hint that he recognized her.

“Leah, is something wrong?” Joann gave her a funny look.

“Did you see the man who just walked in?”

“Nee.” Joann looked toward the back of the store.

“I think it was Caleb Mast.” Leah was almost sure of it.

“Really? I wonder what he’s doing in Hope Springs after all this time. How long has it been?”

Leah knew exactly how long he had been gone. Nine years ago this month she was to have married his brother, Wayne. Then Caleb ruined everything.

Mr. McGregor rang up the rest of Leah’s order. “How did that poem go again? ‘On a night so bitter and dark, in a land far, far away, a tiny child was born and laid in a manger of hay.’ Is that how it went?”

Her gaze followed Caleb. He was searching for something in the cookie aisle. Why was he back? Had he come to regret his break with his family and his faith?

He glanced her way. She realized she was staring and quickly looked down. What would she do if he spoke to her?

Nothing. Ignore him. There wasn’t anything to say. The past couldn’t be changed. Maybe he hadn’t recognized her.

“How did it go again?” Mr. McGregor asked.

She forced her attention back to the grocer. “What?”

“The Christmas poem Anna recited. How did it go?”

“I’m afraid I don’t remember offhand. I have a copy at school. I’ll send it to you.” She handed over her money, suddenly eager to leave the store. She grabbed her bag of groceries and rushed out the door.

Joann followed her. “Are you all right?”

In the cold air outside, Leah paused to draw a deep breath and recover from her shock. Seeing Caleb made her realize she’d been lying to herself for years.

She hadn’t forgiven him. It was against everything her faith stood for.

When her racing heart slowed, she adjusted her dark bonnet over her ears. “I’m fine. Are you coming to help us bake cookies next Wednesday? Sarah and Rebecca have already said they’ll be there.”

“Of course. What could be more fun than a baking frolic with my friends?”

“Eating our fill, then taking the rest to the cookie exchange on Friday afternoon and getting wonderful new varieties to try in return.”

Joann grinned. “My mouth is watering just thinking about it. I’ll see you then.” She waved as she crossed the street. The printing office was only a few blocks away.

Leah pulled on her mittens. She had a long walk ahead of her. God had allowed winter to take hold of the land. He’d sent a dusting of snow that morning, the first of the season.

She glanced at the grocery store door. Did Caleb’s family know he was coming? No one had mentioned it to her. She shivered in the cold.

She shouldn’t be standing around thinking about Caleb and the harm he’d caused. She had better things to do. There was a Christmas pageant to finish planning and papers to grade, as well as chores to be done. Whatever had brought Caleb to Hope Springs, it had nothing to do with her.

At least his return would give his mother comfort. Maggie Mast would know her son was alive and well. The only contact Caleb had maintained with his family was an annual Christmas card with a brief note. A card mailed without a return address, although for the past few years the postmark had come from Houston, Texas. Leah knew Maggie cherished every one and kept them in a shoe box beside her bed.

“Mama! Daddy!” The shrill cries of a child startled Leah.

A girl in a pink sweater and stocking feet ran past along the sidewalk. She paused for a moment, turned in frantic circles, crying and calling, and then started running again. At first glance, Leah thought she might have Down syndrome. Clearly, she was distraught.

Looking around, Leah realized there was no one else about. The child paused at the corner, then ran out of sight up the block. Had she found who she was looking for? A second later, Leah heard her calling again. Apparently not.

She couldn’t leave a child alone and in distress. She put her bag of groceries on a nearby bench and went after the frightened girl. She caught up with her and took hold of her arm. “There, there, little one, what’s the matter?”

“Mama’s gone, and Nana’s gone, and Daddy is gone, too.”

Leah knelt and used her gloves to wipe the tears from her face. She did have Down syndrome. Leah was familiar with such special children. In her years as a teacher, she’d dealt with two kinder with the same syndrome. She knew the first thing she needed was to get the child calm enough to answer a few questions. “I’ll help you find them. There’s no need to cry.”

The child threw her arms around Leah’s neck and hung on for dear life. Leah rose with the girl in her arms. She looked up and down the street. Where were the parents? She rocked the child gently from side to side to soothe her. “Calm down, sweetheart. It will be okay. We’ll find your folks in a minute. My name is Leah Belier. What’s your name?”

“Joy Lynn Perry.” A muffled sniff followed the tiny voice.

“I’m very pleased to meet you, Joy Perry. Do you live around here?” Leah started walking in the direction the child had been running.

“I live at one...two...one...seven Hudson Place.”

There was no such address in the small village of Hope Springs. “That’s very good, Joy. I’m going to guess that you came to town in a car, right?”

“No.”

“Then you must have come on the bus. Did you ride the bus to Hope Springs?”

“No.”

“Don’t tell me you came in a buggy.”

“Okay, I won’t.” Joy lifted her face from Leah’s neck. “Can you find my daddy?”

Leah turned around slowly searching the quiet street. “I’d love to find him. Are you staying with someone in town? Are you staying at the inn?”

“No. How come you wear such a funny hat?”

“Is my bonnet funny?” Leah asked with a grin.

Joy nodded solemnly.

If she wasn’t familiar with Amish dress, she wasn’t staying with any of the Amish families in the area. That narrowed the number of possibilities. “If you didn’t come to Hope Springs in a buggy, or a car, or a bus, how did you get here?”

“In daddy’s truck.”

“Ah, a truck. How silly of me. Can you show me where the truck is parked?”

Joy looked around. “No. It’s lost.”

Suddenly, Leah heard a man franticly shouting for Joy. “That must be your daddy. Let’s go see him.”

She began walking back the way she had come. She rounded the corner of the building just as Joy’s daddy came running toward her. Leah said, “I have her. She’s okay.”

In the next instant, she was struck speechless as Caleb Mast pulled the child from her arms and held her close, his ragged gasps rising as white puffs in the cold air.

Looking straight at her, he said, “Thank you, Leah.”

He had recognized her, after all. Now what did she do?

Chapter Two

Leah stood rooted to the spot. Caleb had a child. That meant he had a wife, too. He had found happiness and love in the outside world after turning her life upside down. It was so unfair. She couldn’t stop the bitterness that welled up inside.

Caleb’s mother never mentioned he had married or that he had children. Maybe he hadn’t told her. Some outsiders were ashamed of a child who wasn’t normal. Had he become one of those?

Leah quickly pulled herself together. Caleb’s Englisch life was no concern of hers. “She’s fine, only a little frightened.”

Caleb set his daughter on the ground and took her by the shoulders. “What were you doing? Why did you run off?” he demanded.

“I got scared. I wanna go home.” She pushed away from him and covered her ears with her hands.

“Don’t do that! I’m not going to hit you.”

“I’m not bad. I’m not bad.” She flew back to Leah and wrapped her arms around her legs.

He pressed his fingers to his temples and exhaled sharply. “I give up. I don’t know what to do with you.”

Leah laid a protective hand on Joy’s head. “Patience and kindness are the keys to raising a special child. All children are gifts from God, but we believe a child such as Joy is one of His most cherished gifts.”

Caleb’s hands dropped to his sides. He looked...defeated. “I know what the Amish believe. That’s why I’m here. The only reason I’m here.”

She didn’t understand. He tipped his head slightly. A mocking smile lifted one corner of his mouth. “The prodigal son has returned. You don’t look happy to see me.”

She wasn’t. She didn’t care if he knew it. He had changed a great deal in the past nine years. The wild, handsome Amish boy she had known had matured into a tall, rugged-looking man with a muscular frame and deeply tanned skin. He wore his dark hair cut short in the Englisch way, not in the bowl-cut style the men of her community wore. She didn’t remember the small scar that cut through his right eyebrow. How had that happened? It was a faded white line now, not like the jagged red scar that still marred her sister Rhonda’s face.

An accident, caused by Caleb’s recklessness during their teenage years, had cruelly marked her beautiful sister, but it was his later actions that had truly scarred her.

Leah realized he was studying her, too. Watching her with hard, piercing gray eyes that gave away little of what he was thinking. A shiver of awareness raced through her and brought a rush of heat to her face.

His mocking smile widened. “It’s good to see you, Leah. Did you marry my brother, or did you come to your senses in time?”

She stiffened. The hurt was old, but it had never healed. “Your brother married Rhonda.”

“Wayne married your sister? Wow, I didn’t see that coming. Funny how things turn out, isn’t it?”

“Funny? It is far from funny.” She kept the rest of her angry reply bottled inside only because of the child. How dare he mock that terrible time? He’d left her sister unwed and pregnant when he ran off to start a new life among the Englisch.

“Bad choice of words. I’m sorry.”

“Your brother is a man of honor,” she said tartly.

He tensed. “And I’m not, is that what you’re saying? Oh, if only you knew the truth about my brother and his honor.”

“Your deeds speak so loudly that I can’t hear what you’re saying.”

“An Amish proverb for every occasion. I see your quick wit hasn’t changed. I do remember that about you.”

“And I have not forgotten the way you denied your own child. The way you called my sister a liar to her face. You shamed us all.”

* * *

Caleb had held only a faint hope that Rhonda Belier would have admitted the truth sometime during the past nine years. Clearly she hadn’t. He wasn’t the father of her child. They had dated, but they had never been intimate. He had no idea who the father might be.

That Wayne had fallen on the sword of family honor and married her came as a shock. Had his guilt driven him to it? Had Wayne owned up to his past sins, or was he still using Caleb as a handy scapegoat? From Leah’s reaction, Caleb figured he himself still bore all the blame. He struggled to suppress those unpleasant memories. Nothing hurt as much as knowing his family and friends had turned their collective backs on him. No one had believed his side of the story. Not his parents, not even his brother, and that hurt most of all.

Caleb had always been the wild one, the one in trouble, the one eager to rebel against the constraints of their closed community. He had badgered and baited his brother into going to a party where he knew there would be drinking that night. He’d thought Wayne deserved one night of fun before he settled down to marry. Caleb had owned a forbidden car. He’d goaded his brother into driving it. Hours later, when Caleb had learned that Wayne had crashed into Rhonda’s buggy, he had been sick with remorse.

Wayne had managed to make his way home, terrified, almost incoherent with fear and shame. He thought he had killed Rhonda. When Caleb realized that no one knew about the accident, he had quickly gone to the crash site. He’d discovered Rhonda was alive but injured and had summoned help for her. He’d allowed everyone to think he had been the one driving. He had stoically endured the shame heaped on him by his family and the community. He knew he deserved it even if he hadn’t been behind the wheel. He had done it to shield his big brother, the one who could do no wrong in their father’s eyes.

Months later, when Caleb begged Wayne to believe he hadn’t fathered Rhonda’s child, Wayne refused to accept Caleb’s word. It had been the final blow in their relationship.

Caleb shrugged off his resentment. He’d made a choice to come back. Now he had to face the consequences of that decision. Hopefully he wasn’t going to be here long. Leah’s brown eyes fairly snapped with anger. He could see she wanted to say a lot more. He figured the only reason she wasn’t reading him the riot act was because Joy was listening.

He remembered Leah as a skinny girl with wide brown eyes and a tendency to speak her mind. She’d been someone who found the world and everyone in it of interest. She’d seemed an odd pick for his self-righteous brother back then. He’d found it hard to imagine her in love with Wayne.

She certainly wasn’t a skinny kid anymore. Even under her long coat, he could tell she had filled out in all the right places. A black bonnet covered all but the front of her honey-blond hair. Like all Amish women, she wore it parted in the center and coiled into a bun at the back of her head. Amish women never cut their hair.

Her plump cheeks were pink with cold or perhaps her anger. He wasn’t sure which. Had she married? The Amish didn’t believe in jewelry of any kind, not even wedding bands, so he had no way of knowing. What did it matter anyway?

“I don’t know why your sister lied about me. I’m sure she thought she had a good reason.” A lie told for any reason only led to more lies and heartache. He had learned that bitter lesson well.

He turned his attention to his daughter. “Come on, Joy, we should get going. You didn’t put your coat or your shoes on. You’re going to freeze out here.” He reached to pick her up.

She jerked away and hid behind Leah’s skirt. “I don’t wanna go with you. I wanna go to Nana’s house. I don’t like you anymore.”

Leah’s eyes narrowed. A frown creased her brow. He shook his head. Trust Joy to make him look like a bad parent. Leah would have no trouble believing her.

Well, he was a poor excuse for a parent. If he’d learned anything in the weeks since Valerie’s vanishing act, it was that he had no idea how to be a father.

“We’ve had this talk, honey. You can’t go back to Dallas. Nana isn’t there anymore. She’s gone to heaven.” He tried to reason with Joy although he knew it wouldn’t do any good when she got in one of her moods.

“Go away. I want Mama to come get me.”

He threw up his hands. “So do I, but it looks like that’s not going to happen.”

He pressed his lips shut. It wasn’t Joy’s fault Valerie had dumped her like an unwanted dog. He understood how difficult all the changes must be for her, but what choice did they have? “It’s not far to your new grandma’s house. You want to meet her, don’t you?” he asked calmly. He tried again to catch hold of her.

“No!” She pulled away from him and looked up at Leah. “I wanna go home with you.”

He shoved his hands in his coat pockets. “Fine! Guess I get to eat the animal crackers that are in the truck. I’m going to bite the heads off all the elephants.”

Joy glared at him but didn’t rise to his bait. The mulish expression on her face did not bode well. He sighed. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t make a connection with her. She hated him.

“Please, Joy. We need to get going. Say thank-you to Leah and come on.”

“No, no, no!” She dropped down on the sidewalk, screaming and kicking her legs.

Now his face flushed with embarrassment as people coming out of the store stopped to stare. He glanced at Leah. What was she thinking? Perhaps it was best that he didn’t know. He shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

Her gaze softened slightly. “I’ve seen a temper tantrum or two in my time.”

“Any suggestions on how to deal with them?” He was willing to take any help he could get. He kept a close eye on Joy so she didn’t hurt herself.

“I’m sure as her father you know what’s best for her.”

He ran a hand over his hair. “I’ve been her father for a total of six weeks and three days. Believe me, I have no idea what’s best for her. Pick her up. Don’t pick her up. Let her cry it out, put her in time-out. Ignore her. Distract her. Reason with her. I’ve had all kinds of advice from the two nannies who both quit within a week, from the principal of an expensive private school that wouldn’t take her after the first day, and from her step-grandfather, who said to throw water in her face, it worked for him.”

“Did you?”

He glanced at Leah and saw her regarding him intently. She hadn’t scurried away and left him to deal with the situation alone. His respect for her jumped considerably. Joy continued to kick and scream.

“No. I almost threw water in his face, but I left before I did something I knew I would regret.”

“Very wise. Very Amish. Where’s your truck?”

“On the other side of the store.” He tipped his head in the general direction. He was ex-Amish, not Amish.

Leah bent down and lifted Joy. His daughter wasn’t a lightweight, but Leah had no trouble carrying her. She held the screaming child close and started walking. “We’re going to the truck now, Joy. It will be warmer there. As soon as you calm down, we will talk about what’s upsetting you.”

Caleb followed, happy for once to have someone else take charge. When they reached the truck, he stepped ahead to open the passenger-side door. To his surprise, Leah didn’t deposit Joy inside. Instead, she climbed in and held Joy on her lap.

He walked around to the driver’s side and rescued his scattered groceries from the sidewalk where he’d dropped them when he discovered Joy was missing. Opening his door, he set them behind the driver’s seat on the king cab’s rear bench seat. He climbed in behind the wheel, at a lost as to what to do next.

He wanted to take Joy from Leah, but he was afraid it would make things worse. He started the engine. After a few minutes, warm air filled the cab. He noticed the soothing way Leah rocked Joy and consoled her. Joy’s sobs were growing less dire.

He gripped the steering wheel. His parental shortcomings were laid bare once more. Joy would take comfort from a stranger before she took it from him. At least Leah seemed to know how to handle his daughter. He glanced her way. “Thanks for your help. Again.”

“I do it for the child,” she said primly.

He got the message. “Not for the father who strayed from the Amish fold.”

She looked directly at him. “Nee, not for you.”

* * *

Leah continued to hold and rock Joy until the child calmed down. Spent by her outburst, she rested in Leah’s arms with only occasional hiccupping sobs to break the awkward silence. Leah brushed Joy’s fine, soft hair away from her face and glanced at Caleb. Did he know how blessed he was to have this child?

She was forever comforting, caring for and teaching children who belonged to others. Her profession was a labor of love, a sacred duty, but it wasn’t like having children of her own. The unfairness of it cut deep. She longed to hold her own babe. She didn’t understand why God had chosen this path for her. She could only travel it as best she could and trust in His mercy.

After a few minutes, Joy sat up. She looked at her father. “Can I have an elephant now?”

Caleb reached behind the seat and brought out a red-and-yellow box made to look like a circus wagon, with colorful animals printed on the sides. He handed it to her. There were several similar boxes on the floor of the truck.

He must have noticed Leah’s gaze. “Sometimes they keep her from having a meltdown like the one you just witnessed. I stopped to stock up before heading out to the farm. She was sound asleep when I went in the store. I couldn’t have been gone more than five minutes.”

Leah didn’t want to feel sorry for him, but she couldn’t help it. It was easy to see that he didn’t know how to handle his newly acquired daughter. What was the story behind his cryptic comment about only being a father for six weeks? Had he adopted a special-needs child? Curiosity, often her downfall, prompted her to remain in the truck and learn more about Caleb and Joy.

Joy opened the box and picked out two elephant-shaped cookies. She looked at Leah. “Do you want one?”

Leah held out a hand. “May I have a lion?”

“Okay, sure.” Joy extracted two of them, laid the pair in Leah’s palm and gave her an endearing grin.

Children with Down syndrome were normally happy, gregarious individuals. Leah loved that about them. “What shall we give your daddy?”

“A bear,” Joy said quickly.

Leah glanced at him from the corner of her eye. His daughter’s remark caused a reluctant grin to tug at one side of his mouth. “Is that your way of telling me I’m as grumpy as an old bear?”

Leah leaned over to see Joy’s face. “Is your daddy grumpy?”

“Sometimes.” Cookie crumbs sprayed from her lips. She handed him three bears.

“I get grumpy sometimes, too,” Leah admitted. “So do you. What made you so upset a little while ago?”

The child bowed her head. “I don’t know.”

“I think you do. Your daddy can’t fix things for you if he doesn’t know what’s wrong.”

“He wants me to go away.”

“That’s not true,” Caleb said quickly.

“I wanna go home and be with Nana. I want Mama to come get me and take me home. She’ll never find me here.” She laid her head on Leah’s shoulder and closed her eyes.

Leah glanced to Caleb for an explanation. He shook his head slightly. Whatever the story was, he didn’t want to recount it in front of the child. Another awkward minute of silence passed.

Joy sat up and cupped Leah’s face with her hands. “I’m sorry I was bad.”

Leah’s heart turned over. What a sweet child. “You are forgiven. You will like your grossmammi when you meet her, and she will love you.”

Joy tipped her head to the side. “What’s that?”

“Grossmammi? It’s the Amish word for grandmother.”

“Oh. What’s an Amish?”

Leah chuckled. “I am Amish. We are a Plain People who believe in remaining separate from worldly things and living a simple life so that we may live close to God and each other.”

“You’re not plain. You’re pretty.”

“So are you.” Leah gave her a quick hug. “But I need to be going. It’s getting late. I have a long walk home.”

“Don’t go!” Joy threw her arms around Leah’s neck and held on tight.

“Joy, stop that. She has to go.” Caleb tried to pull her arms loose.

“No,” she sobbed, and held on tighter.

“Stop. You’re hurting me. Let go and we will talk about it,” Leah said firmly.

Joy slowly released her grip. “I’m not bad.”

Leah waited for Caleb to say something, but he seemed at a loss for words. She took Joy’s hands and met her gaze. “No one said you are bad. However, your behavior just now was not very nice.”

“I want you to be my friend. I don’t want you to go away.”

“I am your friend, but I have to go home. You have to go meet your grandparents.”

Caleb spoke at last. “Let me give you a lift home. It’s the least I can do after all your help.”

Leah could see Joy was on the verge of another breakdown. She hated giving in. It wouldn’t teach Joy self-control if she got her way with her tantrums. Still, Leah didn’t want to be the cause of another episode. She hadn’t forgiven Caleb for the way he had treated her sister, but ignoring someone in distress, especially a child, wasn’t something she could do. Allowing Joy a chance to calm down might make their parting easier. “That’s kind of you to offer, Caleb. Danki.”

“Great.” His relief was almost comical.

Leah put her hand on the door handle. “I left a bag of groceries on the bench in front of the store. Could you get it for me, Joy?”

“Okay. You won’t go away before I get back, will you?”

“I will wait right here.”

“Put your shoes and coat on first,” Caleb said.

Joy climbed in the backseat, pulled her sneakers and jacket on, then climbed over Leah to get out.

Caleb relaxed as he watched his daughter run to pick up the grocery bag. “You’re very good with kids, Leah. How many do you have?”

“An entire school full.”

He scowled for a second and then smiled. A warm and genuine smile that smoothed the lines of worry from his brow. He was handsome in a rugged way that many women would find attractive. She refused to be one of them. A kind heart was more important than a handsome face.

“I assume that means you’re a teacher?”

“Ja, at Walnut Valley School.”

“The same one we attended as kids? That’s got to feel strange.”

“Not so much. Do you mind if I ask what happened to Joy’s mother?”

His scowl reappeared. “To make a long story short, Valerie and I were together for a year after I left here. One day, I came home and found a note telling me she was leaving. It wasn’t until the next day I found out she had cleaned out our bank account and left me with a pile of debts that took me three years to pay off.”

His life hadn’t been easy out among the Englisch. Leah found small comfort in the thought. Her life hadn’t been easy, either.

“I didn’t hear from her again until she turned up at my door in the middle of the night a month and a half ago. She had Joy with her. She told me I was Joy’s father. She went out to smoke a cigarette and never came back.”

He had been abandoned the same way he had abandoned her pregnant sister. The irony wasn’t lost on Leah, but she saved her pity for Joy.

She looked out the window to see what was keeping her. A horse and buggy had pulled up in front of the store. Joy stood transfixed by the sight. A woman and a young girl got out. Leah recognized Karen Dresher and her young sister, Anna Imhoff. Anna was eleven and one of Leah’s brightest students.

Caleb continued speaking. “My attorney helped me track down Valerie’s stepfather. I learned Joy’s grandmother raised her until her death a few months ago. Valerie came and went over the years. She took Joy with her a few times but always brought her back. The kid’s had a rough life.”

“No wonder she was terrified when she woke and you were gone. She needs stability, a sense of home and security. You are right to return to your family. Among us you will both find acceptance and peace.” Leah meant her words, although she knew it would be difficult for everyone involved, particularly her sister, to accept Caleb back into the family.

Outside, Karen and Anna were talking to Joy. Anna was encouraging her to pet the horse’s nose. Leah smiled and waved to them. Karen waved in return.

“I’m hoping Joy will find acceptance here, but the Amish life isn’t for me,” Caleb said.

Leah whipped around to stare at him in shock. “After all your child has been through you mean to abandon her, too? How can you be so heartless?”

To think she had spared one ounce of pity for him. She fumbled for the door handle, determined to leave before she said more. He leaned across the seat and grabbed her arm to stop her.

Chapter Three

“It isn’t like that. I’m not dumping her off the way her mother did.”

Caleb needed all the help he could get. He couldn’t let Leah leave thinking less of him than she already did. If that was possible.

As a teacher, Leah would be an important part of Joy’s life in the Amish community, second only to his parents if they agreed to raise her. He wanted Leah on his side. On Joy’s side.

Leah stopped trying to open the door and glared at him. “What is it like?”

He let go of her arm. “I put a great-paying job on hold when Joy arrived in my life. I’ve tried to give her what she needs, but my one-bedroom condo isn’t exactly set up for family living. I’ve come back where I know I’m not welcome because I want Joy to have a home. A place she will always belong. A place where she will be loved and valued.

“Yes, I’ll be leaving, but not until I’m certain she can be happy here and that this is the best thing for her. If that takes two months or twelve months, I’ll stay that long. Honestly, I doubt she’ll even miss me.”

“How can she have such happiness without her father or her mother?”

“I’m her father in name only. She barely knows me. Her mother... I can’t even talk about Valerie without getting angry.”

He drew a deep breath to calm down. After a few seconds, he said, “I know Val had it rough. Joy can go from sweet to those horrible tantrums in five seconds flat. I didn’t know kids with Down could be that way. I thought they were always happy and loving.”

Having a special-needs child had been a rude awakening for Caleb. He’d had no idea what to expect. As he struggled to adjust, he found himself wanting to shout at the people who looked away when they saw Joy was different, as if seeing her somehow disturbed them.

Her step-grandfather had talked about her as if she wasn’t in the room with him, calling her stupid and a pain. Even in the few weeks she had lived with Caleb, a dozen people told him how sorry they were that he had a retarded child. Joy deserved better. He didn’t know how else he could give her a chance to be accepted for who she was.

Leah didn’t say anything so he went on. “Joy has learned not to trust people. Especially men. Her step-grandfather is a prime example. My attorney uncovered reports of abuse in the home. Her life when she was with her mother wasn’t any better. Val has a drug problem. I believe she tried to be good to Joy, but she couldn’t even take care of herself, let alone a kid.”

“I’m sorry Joy has known such unhappiness.”

“Do you see why I know she’ll be better off here? You’ll be her teacher. You’ll see her nearly every day. With your help, Joy can learn to trust again. She’ll be cared for and loved by the Amish community her whole life. She’ll never be made to feel inferior. I want her to have that.”

He’d tried to give Joy that kind of life in Houston, but he had failed miserably. He’d thought leaving the Amish was hard. It was nothing compared to the changes he had to make in his life when Valerie dropped Joy in his lap without so much as a toothbrush. Could he make Leah understand that?

“Joy can be a charming child, but she doesn’t adapt to change well. Her way of coping is to fall down and have a screaming fit or simply run away, which she did numerous times in the first four weeks with me. She wanted to go find her mother. She had it in her little brain that her mother would come get her if she went back to Nana’s house.

“The police officers in my part of town knew us on a first-name basis. I lived in a constant state of fear. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. The last time, when Joy was found walking along the middle of a freeway, I reached my breaking point. Something had to give.”

Leah looked down and smoothed the front of her coat. “If you think so highly of our community, why haven’t you returned to us before now?”

He didn’t care to explain the complex reasons why he’d left and why he’d stayed away. “This isn’t about me. It’s about Joy. Do you honestly believe she is better off with me? I don’t think so. You believe she’ll be better off as part of the Amish community, too. Will you help her?”

Caleb studied Leah’s face as she considered his question. If only he knew what she was thinking. She looked out the window toward his daughter. Joy was grinning from ear to ear as she patted the horse. She took a step back and clapped her chubby hands together, then reached up to touch him again.

“The school board will have to approve her transfer to our school,” Leah said at last.

He hadn’t considered that. “Do you think it will be a problem?”

“Perhaps. She is Englisch, after all. They may feel she should attend the Englisch school in town. Your parents may need to plead her case and state their desire to raise her in the Amish way. Will they do that?”

“All I can do is ask.”

His mother would welcome Joy with open arms. He wasn’t so sure about his father. He had to believe they would agree with his decision to bring her here. If not, he didn’t know what he would do. Joy needed more than he could give her.

“I should tell you that Wayne is on the school board.”

“I see.” Would his brother block his efforts?

“No matter where she continues her education, you’ll need her records from her last school. Do you have them?”

“She was homeschooled by her grandmother.”

“Can you get copies of her curriculum and any test scores? Each state has different requirements. I’m not familiar with what Texas requires.”

“I’ll have my attorney get what he can and send it to me.” Caleb had already paid the firm a big chunk of his savings to gain temporary custody of Joy. Whatever it took, he was willing to do. His one overriding fear was that Valerie could get Joy back and all of this would have been for nothing.

Leah stared at him for a long moment. “What happens when Joy’s mother returns for her and wants to take her away?”

He shifted his gaze to his hands on the steering wheel. It was a question he couldn’t answer. He wanted Joy to know security and happiness. His attorney was working to sever Valerie’s parental rights on the basis of abandonment, but Caleb wasn’t sure what would happen if she returned to fight for custody.

“I left a letter for Valerie with her stepfather and one with my attorney if she should come looking for us. I let her know I was taking Joy to my folks. She knows they’re Amish. I’m hoping she’ll realize that Joy is better off with them and stay out of her life.”

“Shouldn’t you pray that she sees the error of her ways and wants to reunite with her daughter?”

“You can pray for that if you want. I won’t waste my time. God doesn’t listen to me.” Caleb had stopped praying a long time ago.

Sadness filled Leah’s eyes. “God hears everyone’s prayers. Perhaps you are the one who has stopped listening for His answer.”

He tipped his head to the side and tried for a lighter tone. “Maybe you should pray for me, then.”

Her chin came up a notch at his challenge. “I will, Caleb Mast. I will do just that.”

Joy finished petting the horse, picked up the grocery bag and came running toward the truck. He got out and held open the door as she raced around the hood.

“Did you see me? I touched a horse, a real horse. Not a pretend one. His name is Benny. He belongs to Anna. I want a horse.”

He smiled at her excitement. Taking the bag of groceries from her, he handed them to Leah and then lifted his daughter into the truck. “You’ll meet lots of horses at your grandpa and grandma’s farm. Cows, too, and chickens and ducks, but no elephants.”

“Do they have a dog?”

Caleb glanced at Leah. “Do they?”

“They don’t have a dog, but I do. Her name is Trixie, and she is going to have puppies soon. I’ve been trying to think of some names for them. Have you got any suggestions?”

Caleb breathed an inward sigh of relief. Leah seemed to be on board with his plan. While she might not like helping him, he had to trust that she would do what was best for Joy.

He drove out of town with a renewed sense of hope. This might actually work. If Joy was happy and safe, he couldn’t ask for more.

“If your dog has a girl puppy, you can call it Princess,” Joy said from the backseat.

Caleb smothered a grin and waited for Leah’s reply. She tilted her head slightly. “I think Princess is much too fancy a name for an Amish dog. She will be a working dog.”

“What kind of work can a dog do?” Joy asked.

“My puppies will grow up to herd sheep and cattle, just like their mother and father do.”

Caleb glanced at Leah. “Are they border collies?”

“English shepherds.”

The breed wasn’t well-known outside farming communities. Similar to the border collie in size and coat texture, they were often sable and white or tricolor. Unlike many herding dogs, English shepherds were used to guard as well as herd cattle, sheep, goats, pigs and even fowl. They made excellent farm dogs.

“Pete would be a good name,” Caleb suggested.

“Not for a girl dog, Daddy,” Joy said in disgust.

“Right. Not for a girl dog,” he conceded.

Leah half turned in the seat to speak to Joy. “Can you think of another name?”

Joy was thinking, so Caleb ventured a second suggestion. “Matilda.”

“No.” Joy shook her head. “I don’t like that name.”

“Okay, how about Tilly? It rhymes with silly,” Leah said.

He glanced at his daughter’s face in the rearview mirror. She grinned at Leah. “No, not Silly Tilly. I like Pickles.”

“Ja, I like pickles, too. Dill pickles, sweet pickles, even bread-and-butter pickles. Do you like pickles, Caleb?”

“I do. I like pickles on sandwiches and on hamburgers. I like to eat the little crispy ones right out of the jar.”

Joy shook her head. “Not pickles to eat. Pickles for a name. I want to call the puppy Pickles.”

“Ach, I see.” Leah nodded solemnly. “Pickles is an excellent name. If my Trixie has a girl puppy, her name will be Pickles.”

They’d gone only half a mile down the highway when they came upon a buggy traveling in the same direction. Caleb slowed to a crawl, unable to pass on the hilly road.

“Does your family know you’re coming?” Leah asked.

“I wrote. I wasn’t sure when to tell them to expect us.” He hadn’t mailed the letter until the day they left. Up until the moment he dropped the letter in the mailbox, he’d hoped he could find a way to manage his life with Joy in Texas. Admitting that he couldn’t was a bitter pill to swallow. He simply didn’t know where else to turn.

Leah lapsed into silence until he had the chance to pass the buggy. As they went by, she sat back and muttered, “Oh, no.”

“What?” He looked in his rearview mirror but didn’t see anything amiss.

“That was Esther Zook.”

“The bishop’s wife?”

“The same.”

“Has she changed any in the past decade?”

“Nee, she has not.”

“So gossip about you riding with an Englisch fellow will be spreading before the sun sets tomorrow. Good to know some things never change. Will it be better or worse for you when she learns it was me?”

“You were not baptized. No one must shun you.”

“Some people will think I should be.”

“Not everyone has a forgiving nature, in spite of what we are taught.”

He glanced at her. “Do you?”

“Have a forgiving nature? I thought so, but I find it is something I must work on.”

It wasn’t the answer he wanted. For some reason, he wanted to know that she had forgiven him for leaving the Amish, for straying so far from the path laid out from his birth. It was a foolish thought. He was grateful she was willing to consider teaching Joy. That was enough.

“I live in the same house. It’s past the next hill on the right-hand side of the road, a short mile after the school.”

“You still live with your folks?”

“Nee, they are gone now.”

“I’m sorry.” He slowed as he topped the rise. The school building and schoolyard were just as he remembered them. He would have to tell Joy to look for his name carved under one of the desks. The lane to Leah’s home came all too quickly. He turned in and hoped Joy would say goodbye without making a fuss.

Her face took on the mulish pout he dreaded, once Leah opened the door to get out.

She held out her hand to Joy. “It was wonderful meeting you. I look forward to seeing you at school.”

“At school?” Joy gave her a puzzled look.

“Your father wants to enroll you in my school. If it works out, I’ll be your new teacher. Wouldn’t that great?”

Joy folded her arms over her chest and stared at the floor of the truck. “I don’t like school. Other kids make fun of me.”

“My students won’t do that. Besides, even if you don’t come to my school, I’m sure your father will bring you over to see the puppies when they arrive.”

Joy looked at Caleb. “Will you?”

“Sure, kiddo.”

Joy clapped her hands and rewarded him with a beaming smile that crinkled her eyes closed. He smiled in return. It was amazing how fast he was growing to love her. That was one more reason to get her settled quickly. Another painful upheaval wouldn’t do either of them any good.

He glanced at Leah. She was smiling at Joy, too. As their eyes met, his heart gave a funny kick. She really was a pretty woman. He liked the way her eyes sparkled when she smiled.

The last thing he expected to find in Hope Springs was an Amish woman who caught his fancy.

If only things had been different.

And that was the story of his life.

Leah looked away first. “Goodbye, Joy. Be sure and tell your grossmammi I said hello.”

“I will.” Joy waved.

Leah waved, too, and closed the door.

Caleb sat and watched until she entered the house. After a few minutes, the soft glow of lantern light lit the windows. He couldn’t put it off any longer. It was time to go home. He shifted the truck in Reverse and began to back up.

“Daddy, stop!”

He hit the brakes. “What?”

“Leah wants you.”

He looked toward the house. She stood on the porch motioning to him. He put the truck in Park. Was something wrong? He looked around the cab. He didn’t see anything she might have left behind.

“Stay here, Joy.” He opened his door.

“But I want to come in.”

“We’re not staying. I’m just going to see what Leah wants.” He stepped out of the truck. The light layer of powdery fresh snow muffled his footsteps as he crossed the yard to her porch.

Leah’s eyes were bright with excitement. As he neared, that excitement faded. She bit her lower lip and clasped her hands together nervously. When she didn’t speak, he asked, “Is something wrong?”

“Nee. It’s only that Trixie has had her puppies. I thought perhaps Joy would like to see them.”

Bemused by her unexpected offer, he hitched a thumb toward his truck. “I’m sure she will. I’ll go get her.”

He was happy to put off going home for a bit longer. The real upside was spending more time in Leah’s company.

* * *

What was she thinking?

Leah couldn’t believe she had just invited Caleb Mast into her home. She had been so excited to find the puppies had arrived that she had simply stepped out and beckoned Joy to come see them, not thinking that Caleb would come, too. She could hardly ask him to wait outside while she took his child in. She prayed her sister wouldn’t find out.

Leah watched as Caleb lifted Joy out of the truck. He spoke to her quietly and then held her hand as they approached the house. Leah stood aside and let them enter.

She had placed the whelping box in the kitchen, near the stove for warmth. Trixie lay on an old quilt in a corner of the box with three tiny black, brown and white pups nestled against her belly. She pricked up her ears and gave the newcomers a guarded look.

Trixie was a medium-size dog with long black fur and a white blaze that went down her face and chest. Over her eyes and upright ears, she had brown points, which gave her an inquisitive look. Two of the puppies were marked like their mother. A third was as pale brown as winter grass, with a white blaze and chest and four white feet.

Leah spoke quietly to reassure her. “It’s okay. They want to admire your babies.”

Joy knelt beside the box with Caleb at her side. “They are super awesome. Can I touch them, Daddy?” Her voice squeaked with excitement.

He brushed a lock of hair away from her eyes. “You have to ask to Leah. Remember, I said we have to talk very quietly so we don’t disturb them.”

She nodded and looked up at Leah. “Can I touch them?” she whispered.

“I think Trixie will allow that.” She reached into the box and lifted a tiny ball of fur. The puppy mewed at having its sleep cut short. Trixie rose to her feet and stood close as Leah handed the pup to Joy, showing her how to hold it properly.

Joy raised the puppy to her face. “Oh, it’s so soft. It this Pickles?”

“Let me see.” Caleb took the puppy from her and checked the gender. “Yup, this is Pickles.” He handed her back to his daughter.

Joy pressed her close. “I love you, Pickles.”

The puppy started crying, making Trixie whine with concern. Leah said, “We should put Pickles back with her mother now. She needs lots of rest so she can grow up to be a wonderful helper on someone’s farm.”

Joy handed her back to Leah. Trixie nosed her pup and licked her as Leah replaced her with her littermates. Joy looked at Leah. “Pickles’s mommy will take good care of her. She won’t run away and leave her to be scared.”

Leah exchanged a poignant look with Caleb. They were both thinking the same thing. Joy was referring to her own mother’s actions. Caleb put an arm around her. “No, Trixie is going to take good care of all her puppies.”

Joy pushed his arm away and looked around the kitchen. “Where is their daddy?”

Leah knelt beside her. “His name is Duncan. He lives on a sheep farm not far from here with his master.”

Joy frowned. “Does he ever come to visit his kids?”

Leah smothered a smile. “They were only born today. I’m sure he’ll be by when he hears the news.”

“He better come. He shouldn’t be a deadbeat dad. My friends Jenny and Kala have deadbeat dads.”

Puzzled, Leah said, “What does that mean?”

Caleb rose to his feet. His demeanor changed as he squared off, almost as if he expected a fight. “A deadbeat dad is a man who doesn’t take responsibility for his children, doesn’t visit them or help support them.”

She rose, too, as the past came rushing in to spoil the moment. “Your Englisch world must be a sad place if such a thing is common there.”

Caleb took Joy’s hand. “It can be sad. It can be wonderful, too, just like here. Say goodbye to the puppies and thank Leah for letting you see them. We have to get going.”

“Thank you. Take good care of Pickles. I like her the best.”

Leah spoke before he made it out the door. “The school board is meeting next Thursday evening at Eli Imhoff’s home. You are welcome to come and speak with them.”

“All right.” He didn’t say anything else.

Leah closed the door as the pair left, and watched through the kitchen window as they got into Caleb’s truck. Rarely had she been so torn about what her course should be.

If she aided his daughter to become Amish, was she helping him avoid responsibilities to a child for a second time?

He genuinely cared about Joy. She saw it in the way he touched his daughter and in the way he spoke to her. He was trying hard to do the right thing.

Why hadn’t he given that kind of care and attention to her sister and their unborn child?

Could a man change that much?

With God, anything was possible. If Caleb had changed, why continue to deny he was David’s father? He no longer had an obligation to marry her sister or take care of David. Admitting the truth wouldn’t change anything except to free his soul from the burden of his lie. It didn’t make sense.

Perhaps he was too prideful to admit the truth. That she could believe, yet it was too simple an answer. There had to be more. Something was holding Caleb apart from the Amish community and from his family. Something painful. What was it?

Chapter Four

Caleb turned his truck onto the narrow dirt lane leading to his childhood home and stopped. It was almost dark. A crimson band of clouds in the west marked the end of the day and a new start to Joy’s life.

Up ahead, a large two-story white farmhouse stood nestled into the slope of a hill. It was backed by a thick stand of trees. Their branches were bare now, a mat of dark lines scratching against the bloodred sky. His mother’s laundry hung freeze-drying in the winter air from the clothesline at the side of the house. White sheets, blue dresses, blue work shirts, black aprons and dark denim pants. The color palette was the same as it had been throughout his childhood.

He’d thought he was prepared to come back, but he wasn’t. A rush of emotions and memories hit him like a truck and then parked on his chest, making it hard to breathe. Scenes from the wonderful years of his youth and the heartbreaking months before he left flickered through his mind like old movie clips.

Working in the fields with his father, driving a team of mules for the first time. Hot summertime days spent shucking corn, followed by a dip in the cool river with his brother. His mother, calling everyone in to eat the most wonderful meals. His father, bowing his head in prayer. They were good memories.

Then there were the not-so-good memories. The wreck that scarred Rhonda. The bitter arguments with his parents during his rumspringa, his teenage years, when he tried to sample all that wasn’t Amish. He was introduced to Valerie during that time at a friend’s house in Cleveland. She was quite simply the most exciting woman he’d ever met. To remain Amish or to go out into the English world became a real question in his mind for the first time.

Then Rhonda Belier’s accusation that he was the father of her unborn babe changed everything. No matter how he denied it, his family expected him to do the right thing and marry her. Nothing he said made any difference until the night he flatly refused to marry her in front of both their families. Leah had been there, but he’d barely noticed her in the room. How did she remember that night? He kept begging Rhonda to admit the truth, but her silence had condemned him. It was the worst night of his life.

What followed was an unofficial shunning by his father. For days, Ike Mast acted as if Caleb wasn’t present. He was waiting for a confession that his son couldn’t make. Caleb wouldn’t take the blame. Not this time. As painful as his father’s shunning had been, it was Wayne’s refusal to believe Caleb that had finally driven him away.

He shook off the disturbing images from his past and looked around. This stretch of farmland amid the gentle rolling hills of Ohio was, and always would be, home. Too bad it wasn’t where he belonged.

What would his life have been like if he had stayed? He couldn’t imagine bending far enough to fit into the mold he had been expected to fill.

If he had married Rhonda, Leah would be married to Wayne and not teaching school. She might have children of her own by now. She would make a good mother. She certainly had a way with Joy.

Why hadn’t she married? Was her love for Wayne so strong that she couldn’t care for another? He hoped that wasn’t the case. Watching the man she loved marry her sister couldn’t have been easy. What was their relationship like now? Did Wayne love his wife and the child that wasn’t his? What must that be like?

Caleb rubbed a hand over the stubble on his cheeks. His actions had affected far more people than he knew. Leaving had seemed like his only option, but had it been a mistake?

Joy, on the front seat beside him, stretched to see over the dashboard. Was he making another mistake bringing her here? He could turn around now and find a job somewhere, working on an oil rig that wasn’t a hundred miles out in the Gulf. He could be home every night. There had to be someplace they could belong and make a go of it.

Even as the thought came to him, he realized Joy hadn’t been happy since she had come to him. This was his last hope.

She pointed off to the side. “I see tepees. Lots of them.”

The field on the left-hand side of the lane had shocks of cornstalks stacked to provide winter feed for the animals. The long lines of bundles stretched in straight rows across the twenty-acre field. It was hot, itchy work in the summer, piling the stalks together and tying the tops so they would cure properly and not blow over in the wind. He didn’t miss that job.

“They aren’t tepees, but they do look like them. They’re cornstalks.”

“They don’t look like corn.”

“They don’t?”

“No, corn is yellow and it comes from a can.”

He smiled. She had a lot to learn about living on a farm. He hadn’t prayed much in the past nine years, but he silently sent up a plea now. Please, Lord. Let this be the right decision for her.

He drove down the lane and stopped in front of the house. A buggy with a black horse in harness stood at the front gate. Did it belong to his folks or did they have company?

For Joy’s sake, he didn’t want his reunion to occur in front of strangers. He considered driving away, but the front door opened and his mother came out. She stood on the steps, watching him.

He looked at his daughter. There had been so much upheaval in her life. Was he doing the right thing by bringing her here? He couldn’t manage on his own. He had tried and failed miserably. He had to believe this was the right thing. “Are you ready to meet your grandparents?”

She shrank back in the seat. “What if they don’t like me?”

“They will love you.”

“What if they laugh at me or call me stupid?”

He took her chin in his fingers and tilted her face toward him. “I know this is very hard for you. I wish things were different, but they aren’t. Do you see that woman standing in the doorway? She is your grandma. I’m one hundred percent certain that she will never laugh at you, never make fun of you. She will love you with her whole heart and soul.”

“You promise?”

“I promise. She’s waiting to meet you. Are you ready?”

“I guess.”

“Then I guess I’m ready, too.” That was a lie. Petrified was closer to the truth.

Opening the truck door, he stepped out. His mother came rushing toward him. Behind her, he saw his father looking on from the doorway. Ike Mast did not rush out. He turned away and went back inside. Caleb swallowed the hurt. It was what he had expected.

His mother’s steps faltered as she drew near. Her hands were clenched tightly together in front of her. Her eyes searched his face. “Caleb, is it really you?”

He was stunned to see how much she had aged. A black prayer kapp covered her gray-streaked hair. She wore a black apron over a blue dress like the ones on the clothesline. She hadn’t bothered to put on a coat.

“Ja, Mamm, it’s me.” His throat closed with emotion. He couldn’t say another word. None was needed. With a glad cry, she launched herself at him and threw her arms around him.

“Mein sohn es home. Gott be praised.”

He held her for a long moment as he struggled to regain his composure. She was happy to see him now, but he was going to break her heart all over again when he left. He choked back tears and pulled away.

“Mamm, I have someone who wants to meet you. This is my daughter, Joy. Did you get my letter about her?”

His mother dabbed her tears away with the corner of her apron. “Ja, I did. Welcome to our home, Joy. My name is Maggie, but you can call me Mammi. I’m so happy to meet you.”

“Are you really my grossmammi?”

His mother’s eyes brightened. “So your father has taught you some Pennsylvania Dutch. That’s goot.”

“He didn’t teach me. Leah taught me.”

He caught the worried glance his mother flashed him. “You have spoken with Leah?”

“We met in town.” He looked down at his daughter. “She’s looking forward to having Joy come to her school.”

“Leah is a kind woman. Your brother and his wife are inside. I thought you should know that.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Then it really is a family reunion.”

“I have not told Wayne that you are returning. He doesn’t know about Joy, either.”

“Did you tell Father?”

“Ja.”

Caleb straightened and took Joy by the hand. “Then we should go in.”

His mother nodded and walked quickly back to the house. He followed more slowly. As they reached the door, Wayne blocked their way. A thunderous expression darkened his face. “There is nothing here for you. Go back where you came from.”

“Wayne, please.” Maggie’s gaze darted between her sons.

“Shame on you, Mother. How could you do this to us? Rhonda, David, we are going home.” He stood aside. His wife and son hurried out the door. The boy stared at Caleb with wide, curious eyes. Rhonda didn’t even look. She kept her face down as she rushed past him, one hand covering her scarred cheek. Wayne followed close behind them.

Caleb caught his brother’s arm and pulled him to a stop. He whispered, “Have you told her the truth?”

Wayne pushed him away. “There is nothing to tell. You are not welcome.”

Caleb stepped aside. Joy clung to his leg, hiding her face. He placed a reassuring hand on her head. “Wayne, can we at least be civil to each other? For Mother’s sake if not for our own.”

Wayne stood at the gate as his wife and son climbed in the buggy. “‘Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?’ 2 Corinthians 6:14.”

“I remember the passage.”

“Do not trouble me or mine. We do not know you.” With that, he strode to the buggy, climbed in and quickly drove away.

“What did you expect, Maggie?” Caleb’s father asked from the doorway. “You should have told them Caleb was coming. You should have given them a chance to prepare.”

“Mamm didn’t know I would arrive today.”

“I planned to tell Wayne and Rhonda tonight, that’s why I asked them to come over, but then it was too late. Caleb was already here.”

Ike stepped back from the door. “Come inside. We’re letting all the heat out.”

Maggie went in. Caleb picked up Joy and followed her. His father closed the door behind them.

The warmth of the kitchen was a welcome relief from the chill outside. The smell of the evening meal lingered in the air. His mother had been baking bread. There were five loaves lined up on the counter. The delicious aroma was enough to make Caleb’s stomach rumble. Three animal crackers didn’t make for a substantial supper.

Ike looked at Joy. “Who have we here?”

Caleb braced himself. “This is my daughter, Joy.”

“And where is your wife?”

He met his father’s steely look without flinching. “I’m not married.”

Ike’s lips thinned with displeasure. He gathered himself and managed a smile for Joy. “Welcome to our home, Joy. I’m Ike Mast, your daadi, your grandfather.”

She looked at Caleb and whispered, “Is he like Nana’s Jake?”

“No, honey, he’s your real grandfather. He’s much nicer than Jake.”

Caleb set her down. She gave Ike a tentative smile. “Your house smells good.”

He chuckled. “I reckon it’s your grandma’s cooking that smells good. Are you hungry?”

She nodded. He tipped his head toward the large wooden table. “Have a seat and Maggie will fix you something to eat.”

“You mean Mammi,” she corrected him as she climbed on a chair.

“Ja, your mammi. You know some of our speech. That is goot. Good.”

“What is ja?”

“Ja means yes,” Caleb explained.

“Ja is yes. Good is goot.” Joy nodded vigorously, making her straight blond hair swish across her face. She pressed it back with both hands.

Ike looked Caleb up and down. He nodded toward the table. “You look like you could use some of your mother’s cooking. You’re skin and bones.”

The tension holding Caleb upright drained away, leaving him weak and shaken. To be invited to sit at the table with his father was more than he’d hoped for. He had to clear his throat of a lump the size of Texas before he could speak. “Danki.”

Joy held out her hand. “Sit by me, Daddy.”

Maggie was grinning widely. “He can’t, child. This is the women’s side of the table. He must sit across from us. I will sit by you as soon as I get some food on. Husband, would you like something?”

“A slice of your fresh bread with butter.”

“Kaffi, too?”

“Ja.”

As his mother went to the counter and began cutting a loaf of bread, Caleb rounded the table and pulled out the chair on his father’s right-hand side.

He had almost forgotten how fully Amish traditions permeated every aspect of life. His father sat at the head of the table, with his wife on his left. Sons sat on his right-hand side, from youngest to oldest down the table; daughters sat beside their mother in the same fashion. Caleb knew without a doubt that his chair had been empty since he left home. An empty chair was a pointed reminder to everyone about who was missing.

“Bread and butter will be fine for me, too, Mamm, but no coffee.”

“Lemonade, then?”

“Sure.” She wouldn’t be satisfied until she had made a special effort to please him. If he let her, she would cook a feast. It was late, but he knew that tomorrow mounds of food would be set in front of him. Cooking was his mother’s way of showing her love.

She soon had thick slices of fresh baked bread slathered with peanut-butter spread for Joy, and butter for him and his father. She gave Ike his coffee and Joy a mug of milk, then she set two glasses of lemonade on the table. Still smiling, she took a seat beside Joy.

Her hand shook slightly as she tucked a strand of Joy’s hair behind her ear. “I have wanted a granddaughter for a very long time. I am so happy that Gott brought you to us.”

Joy gave her a beaming peanut-butter-smeared smile. “Daddy said you would like me. I like you, too. I had another mammi. I called her Nana. She went to heaven.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. You must miss her. She is with Gott now, so we must be happy for her.”

“Who is Gott?” Joy asked around a mouthful of bread.

“God,” Caleb translated.

“Tomorrow, you can tell me all about her. It’s getting late. It’s time for a little one like you to be in bed,” Maggie said.

“Can I sleep here?”

Maggie nodded. “I have a room upstairs that’s just for you. Finish your bread and your milk. I will show you the way.”

Caleb rose from his place and headed for the door. “I’ll get our suitcases.”

Outside, he paused to watch his breath fog in the cold evening air. He missed the warmth of the Gulf breezes. He’d forgotten how hard the cold could bite his face and make his eyes water. How long would he have to stay? How soon would Joy adjust to life among the Amish? Would she adjust? Was he expecting too much? Even with Leah to help guide her, it was going to be a difficult transition.

Hunching against the cold, he hurried down the steps and gathered enough of their things to make it through the night. Tomorrow would be soon enough to unpack the rest.

He unplugged his cell phone from the car charger and put it in his pocket. His truck battery would be the only source of electricity for keeping his phone charged while he stayed on the farm. His parents wouldn’t like the fact that he was bringing a phone into their home, but he needed it to maintain contact with his attorney.

Back in the house, he saw his mother had already taken Joy from the room. His father was sitting quietly at the table. A troubled frown marred his brow. “I’m afraid to ask because I think I know the answer, but I must hear it from you. Are you here to stay, sohn?”

“Nee, Daed. Only for a while.”

“It breaks your mother’s heart to see your place at the table empty.”

“Perhaps having Joy here will ease some of her pain.”

“Your child cannot heal what is broken in this family.”

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t stay.”

“We have forgiven you. Rhonda has forgiven you. Wayne will forgive you in time.”

“That would be nice if there was anything to forgive. I’m not the father of Rhonda’s child. I don’t know who is, but it isn’t me.”

“Why would Rhonda maintain such a lie?”

“I wish I knew. I wish that you believed me.”

His father’s frown deepened. “You come to my door with another child born out of wedlock and ask that I believe you are innocent?”

“I knew there’d be no point going through this again. Look, Joy needs a stable family life. She hasn’t had that. I can’t give it to her. I’m hoping you can. I know it’s asking a lot, but will you consider raising her?”

His father was silent so long that Caleb started to think the whole trip had been for nothing.

“You think her life will be better, will be happier, with us but without you, her father?”

Leah had asked him the same thing. “I hope so.”

“Where is the child’s mother now?”

“I have no idea. She went out to smoke a cigarette and never came back. I turned the city upside down looking for her.”

“Then you understand a little of what we felt when you left.”

Facing the truth was hard. Caleb saw his actions in a different light now. “I admit I didn’t go about leaving in the best way, but I felt it was my only option.”

Ike banged his hand on the table. “Running away from a problem never fixes it.”

“Some problems can’t be fixed!” Caleb struggled to control his temper. This was his father. Ike deserved respect.

“Can’t I leave you two alone for ten minutes without an argument starting?” Caleb’s mother asked from the doorway.

“It wasn’t an argument,” Ike said gruffly.

She gave him a sympathetic look. “We all need a good night’s sleep. In the morning, things will look different.”

No, they wouldn’t, but Caleb didn’t say that. Ike rose from the table and went through the door that led to their living room and their bedroom beyond.

Maggie came and stood in front of Caleb. “I am so pleased that you are here. I’m glad, too, that you have brought this child with you.”

“I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t come back to make trouble.”

She laid a hand on his cheek. “All of life is made up of bits of happiness and bits of trouble. In between, there is prayer and hard work and if we are blessed, sometimes wondrous joy. This is the way of the world.”

“All struggle and no reward,” he said dryly.

“Our rewards come in God’s own time. You need rest. I see how weary you are. I made up the bed in your old room. Joy is waiting for her nightclothes in the bedroom over the kitchen.”

“Thanks.” Without central heat, the room over the kitchen was always the warmest one on the second story. He picked up their bags and started toward the stairs.

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