Elam wasn’t sure he would ever be ready to trust his heart to someone again.

If that time did come, it would be only with a woman he was certain shared his love of God and his Plain faith.

“Once burned, twice shy,” he confided to his tiny listener, Katie’s newborn daughter, nestled in the crook of his arm.

He waited for the anger to surface, but it didn’t. For the first time in over a year he was able to think about his broken engagement without bitterness. Maybe the sweet-smelling babe in his arms had brought with her a measure of God’s peace for him. To her, life was new and good and shouldn’t be tainted with the sins of the past.

He began to sing a soft lullaby. Baby Rachel stared back at him intently for a few minutes, but she eventually grew discontented with his voice and the fingers she couldn’t quite get into her mouth. Her little fussing noises became a full-fledged cry.

“I guess I can’t fix what ails you after all. I reckon I’ll have to wake your mother.”

“I’m awake.” Katie’s low voice came from the bed.

He looked over to find her watching him with dark eyes as beautiful and intense as her daughter’s. How long had she been listening to him?

PATRICIA DAVIDS

After thirty-five years as a nurse, Pat has hung up her stethoscope to become a full-time writer. She enjoys spending her new free time visiting her grandchildren, doing some long overdue yard work and traveling to research her story locations. She resides with her husband in Wichita, Kansas. Pat always enjoys hearing from her readers. You can visit her on the Web at www.patriciadavids.com.

Katie’s Redemption
Patricia Davids

www.millsandboon.co.uk

Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young—a place near your altar, O Lord Almighty, my King and my God.

—Psalms 84:3

This book is dedicated to my family.

You have supported me every step of the way

and I couldn’t do it without you.

Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

Chapter One

“Lady, you sure this is where you wanna get out?” The middle-aged bus driver tipped his hat back and regarded his passenger with worry-filled eyes.

“This is the place.” Katie Lantz glanced from his concerned face to the desolate winter landscape beyond the windshield. A chill that owed nothing to the weather crawled over her skin.

It was her destination, but rural Ohio was the last place in the world she wanted to be. She had agonized over her decision for weeks. Now that she was here, the same worries that had robbed her of sleep for endless nights cartwheeled through her mind.

Would her brother take her in? What if Malachi turned her away? What would she do then? If he did allow her to return to his home would she ever find the strength to leave again?

“It don’t feel right leaving a gal in your condition out here alone. You sure I can’t take ya into town?”

“I’m sure.” She pressed a protective hand to her midsection. Her condition was the only reason she was here. She didn’t want to get off the bus, but what choice did she have?

None.

All her plans, her dreams and her hopes had turned to ashes. She took a deep breath and straightened her shoulders. “I’d just have to walk back if I went into Hope Springs. Thank you for letting me off. I know you aren’t supposed to make unscheduled stops.”

The driver pulled the lever to open the doors with obvious reluctance. “I don’t make a habit of it, but I figured it was best not to argue with a gal that’s as pregnant as you are.”

A gust of wintry wind swirled in, raking Katie’s face with icy fingers. A tremor raced through her body. She turned up the collar of her red plaid coat, prolonging the moment she would have to actually step out of the bus and back into the life she dreaded.

The driver seemed to sense her unwillingness to leave. “Is someone meeting you?”

She hadn’t bothered to write that she was coming. Her previous letters had all been returned unopened. Proof, if she needed any, that her family hadn’t forgiven her for turning her back on her Amish heritage.

She lifted her chin.

I don’t have to do this. I can stay on the bus and go to the next town.

And then what?

As quickly as her bravado appeared it evaporated. She closed her eyes. Her shoulders slumped in defeat.

All she had in her pocket was twelve dollars. All she owned was in the suitcase she clutched. It wasn’t enough, not with her baby due in three weeks. For her child’s sake, returning home was her only option.

For now.

Clinging to that faint echo of resolve, she drew a steadying breath, opened her eyes and faced her bleak future. “My brother’s farm is just over the hill. It’s not far. I’ll be fine.”

Oh, how she hoped her words would prove true.

She didn’t belong in this Amish world. She had escaped it once before. She would do so again. It would be harder with a baby, but she would find a way.

With no money, without even a driver’s license and nothing but an eighth-grade education, the English world was a hard place for an ex-Amish woman on her own.

Matt had taken her away and promised to take care of her and show her the wonders of the modern world, but his promises had been empty. He’d disappeared from her life three months ago, leaving her to struggle and fail alone.

The bus driver shrugged. “All right. You be careful.”

“Danki. I mean…thank you.” When she was upset the language of her childhood often slipped out. It was hard to remember to speak English when the words of her native Pennsylvania Dutch came to mind first.

Gripping her small case tightly, Katie descended the steps and walked toward the edge of the roadway. The doors slammed shut behind her. The engine roared as the driver pulled away, followed by a billowing cloud of diesel fumes.

There was no turning back—nowhere left to run.

Shivering as the frigid air found its way inside the coat she couldn’t button over her bulging stomach, she pulled at the material to close the gap. Now she was truly alone. Except for the child she carried.

Standing here wasn’t helping. She needed to get moving. Switching her suitcase to her other hand, she arched her back to stretch out a persistent cramp. When it eased, she turned and glanced up the long lane leading over the hill. For her baby she would do anything. Endure anything.

With the late-March sky hanging low and gray overhead, Katie wished for the first time that she had kept some of her Amish clothing. If she at least looked the part of a repentant Plain woman, her family reunion might go better.

She had left before her baptism—before taking her vows to faithfully follow the Plain faith. She would be reprimanded for her errant behavior, but she might not be shunned if she came asking forgiveness.

Please, God, don’t let them send me away.

To give her child a home she would endure the angry tirade she expected from her brother. His wife, Beatrice, wouldn’t intercede for Katie. Beatrice would sit silent and sullen, never saying a word. Through it all Malachi wouldn’t be able to hide the gloating in his voice. He had predicted Katie would come to a bad end out among the English.

How she hated that he had been right.

Still, she would soon have the one thing her brother and her sister-in-law had been denied in their lives—a baby. Was it possible the arrival of her child might heal old wounds? Or would it only make things worse?

An unexpected tightening across her stomach made her draw in a quick breath. She had been up since dawn, riding for hours on the jolting bus. It was no wonder her back ached almost constantly now. She started toward the lane that led north from the highway. There could be no rest until she reached her brother’s house.

The dirt road running between twin fences made for rough and treacherous walking. Buggy wheels and horse’s hooves had cut deep ruts in the mud that was now frozen. Tiny, hard flakes driven by the wind stung her cheeks and made it difficult to see. She shivered and hunched deeper into her too-small coat.

As much as she wanted to hurry toward the warm stove she knew was glowing in her brother’s kitchen, she couldn’t. She had to be careful of each step over the rough ground. The last thing she wanted to do was fall and hurt the child that meant everything to her. When her son or daughter arrived, Katie would have the one true thing she had always longed for—a family of her own.

Her stomach tightened again. She had to stop to catch her breath. Her pain deepened. Something wasn’t right. This was more than fatigue. Had her long day of travel hurt the baby? She’d never forgive herself if something happened to her child.

After a few quick, panting breaths the discomfort passed. Katie straightened with relief. She switched her suitcase to her other hand, pushed her frozen fingers deep into her pocket and started walking again. She hadn’t gone more than a hundred yards when the next pain made her double over and drop her case.

Fear clogged her throat as she clutched her belly. Breathing hard, she peered through the blowing snow. She could just make out the light from a window up ahead. It wasn’t much farther. Closing her eyes, she gathered her strength.

One foot in front of the other. The only way to finish a journey is to start it.

With grim determination, she pressed on. Another dozen yards brought her to the steps of the small front porch. She sagged with relief when her hand closed over the railing. She was home.

Home. The word echoed inside her mind, bringing with it grim memories from the past. Defeat weighed down her already-low spirits. She raised her fist and knocked at the front door. Then she bowed her head and closed her eyes, grasping the collar of her coat to keep the chill at bay.

When the door finally opened she looked up slowly past the dark trousers and suspenders, past the expanse of pale blue shirt to meet her brother’s gaze.

Katie sucked in a breath and took a half step back. A tall, broad-shouldered Amish man stood in front of her with a kerosene lamp in his hand and a faint puzzled expression on his handsome face.

It wasn’t Malachi.

Elam Sutter stared in surprise at the English woman on his doorstep clutching a suitcase in one hand and the collar of her coat with the other. Her pale face was framed by coal-black hair that ended just below her jawline. The way the ends of it swung forward to caress her cheeks reminded Elam of the wings of a small bird.

In his lamplight, snowflakes sparkled in her hair and on the tips of her thick eyelashes. Her eyes, dark as the night, brimmed with misery. She looked nearly frozen from her head…to her very pregnant belly.

He drew back in shock and raised the lamp higher, scanning the yard behind her for a car, but saw none. Perhaps it had broken down on the highway. That would explain her sudden appearance.

The English! They hadn’t enough sense to stay by a warm fire on such a fierce night. Still, she was obviously in trouble. He asked politely, “Can I help you?”

“Would you…” Her voice faltered. She swallowed hard then began again. “I must speak with Malachi.”

“Would you be meaning Malachi Lantz?”

She pressed her lips together and nodded.

“The Lantz family doesn’t live here anymore.”

Her eyes widened in disbelief. “What? But this is his home.”

“Jah, it was. He and his wife moved to Kansas last spring after he sold the farm to me. I have his address inside if you need it.”

“That can’t be,” she whispered as she pressed a hand to her forehead.

“Who is it, Elam?” his mother, Nettie, called from behind him.

He spoke over his shoulder, “Someone looking for Malachi Lantz.”

A second later his mother was beside him. She looked as shocked as he at the sight of a very pregnant outsider on their stoop, but it took only an instant for her kindheartedness to assert itself.

“Goodness, child, come in out of this terrible weather. You look chilled to the bone. Elam, pull a chair close to the fireplace.” She nudged him aside and he hurried to do as she instructed.

Grasping the woman’s elbow, Nettie guided her guest into the living room and helped her into a straight-backed seat, one of a pair that flanked the stone fireplace.

“Ach, your hands are like ice.” Nettie began rubbing them between her own.

The young woman’s gaze roved around the room and finally came to rest on Elam’s mother’s face. “Malachi doesn’t live here anymore?”

Nettie’s gaze softened. “No, dear. I’m sorry. He moved away.”

Pulling her hands away from the older woman’s, she raked them through her dark hair. “Why would he move? Was it because of me?”

Elam exchanged puzzled glances with his mother. What did the woman mean by that comment? Nettie shrugged, then took the girl’s hands once more. “What’s your name, child?”

The dazed look on his visitor’s face was replaced by a blankness that troubled him. “My name is Katie.”

“Katie, I’m Nettie Sutter, and this is my son, Elam.”

Katie bent forward with a deep moan. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t cry.” His mother patted the girl’s shoulder as she shot Elam a worried glance.

After several deep breaths, Katie straightened and wiped her cheeks. “I have to go.”

“You haven’t thawed out yet. At least stay for a cup of tea. The kettle is still on. Elam, bring me a cup, too.” Nettie caught his eye and made shooing motions toward the kitchen with one hand.

He retreated, but he could still hear them talking as he fixed the requested drinks. His mother’s tone was calm and reassuring as she said, “Why not stay and rest a bit longer? It’s not good for your baby to have his mother turning into an icicle.”

“I need to go. I have to find Malachi.” Katie’s voice wavered with uncertainty.

“Is he the father?” Nettie asked gently.

Elam didn’t want to think ill of any man, but why else would a pregnant woman show up demanding to see Malachi months after he had moved away?

“No. He’s my brother.”

Elam stopped pouring the hot water and glanced toward the living room. He had heard the story of Malachi’s willful sister from the man’s own lips. So this was the woman that had left the Amish after bringing shame to her family. At least she had done so before her baptism.

Elam placed the tea bags in the mugs. Malachi had his sympathy. Elam knew what it was like to face such heartbreak—the talk, the pitying looks, the whispers behind a man’s back.

He pushed aside those memories as he carried the cups into the other room. “I didn’t see your car outside.”

She looked up at him and once again the sadness in her luminous eyes caught him like a physical blow. Her lower lip quivered. “I came on the bus.”

Elam felt his mother’s eyes on him but he kept his gaze averted, focusing instead on handing over the hot drinks without spilling any.

Nettie took a cup from Elam and pressed it into Katie’s hands. “Have a sip. This will warm you right up. You can’t walk all the way to Hope Springs tonight. Elam will take you in the buggy when you’re ready.”

Katie shook her head. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“It’s no trouble.” He tried hard to mean it. He’d already finished a long day of work and he was ready for his bed. He would have to be up again before dawn to milk the cows and feed the livestock.

Returning to the kitchen, he began donning his coat and his black felt hat. It was a mean night for a ride into town, but what else could he do? He certainly couldn’t let her walk, in her condition.

Suddenly, he heard Katie cry out. Rushing back into the room, he saw her doubled over, the mug lying broken on the floor in a puddle at her feet.

Chapter Two

Through a haze of pain, Katie heard Elam ask, “What is it? What’s wrong?”

She felt strong arms supporting her. She leaned into his strength but she couldn’t answer because she was gritting her teeth to keep from screaming.

“I believe her baby’s coming,” Nettie replied calmly.

Panic swallowed Katie whole.

This can’t be happening. Not here. Not with strangers. This isn’t right. Nothing is right. Please, God, I know I’ve disappointed You, but help me now.

A horrible sensation settled in the pit of her stomach. Was this her punishment for leaving the faith? She knew there would be a price to pay someday, but she didn’t want her baby to suffer because of her actions.

She looked from Elam’s wide, startled eyes above her to his mother’s serene face. “My baby can’t come now. I’m not due for three weeks.”

Nettie’s smile was reassuring. “Babies have a way of choosing their own time.”

Katie bit her lower lip to stop its trembling. She’d never been so scared in all her life.

“Don’t worry. I know just what to do. I’ve had eight of my own.” Nettie’s unruffled demeanor eased some of Katie’s panic. Seeing no other choice, Katie allowed Nettie to take charge of the situation.

Why wasn’t Matt here when she needed him? It should have been Matt beside her, not these people.

Because he’d grown tired of her, that’s why. He had been ashamed of her backward ways. Her pregnancy had been the last straw. He accused her of getting pregnant to force him into marriage, which wasn’t true. After their last fight three months ago, he walked out and never came back, leaving her with rent and bills she couldn’t pay.

Nettie turned to her son. “Elam, move one of the extra beds into the kitchen so Katie has a warm place to rest while you fetch the midwife.”

“Jah.” A blush of embarrassment stained his cheeks dark red. His lack of a beard proclaimed his single status. Childbirth was the territory of women, clearly a territory he didn’t want to explore. He hurried away.

Nettie coaxed Katie to sit and showed her how to breathe through her next contraction. When Elam had wrestled a narrow bed into the kitchen and piled several quilts on one end, Nettie helped Katie onto it. Lying down with a sigh of relief, Katie closed her eyes. She was so tired. “I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can. The Lord will give you the strength you need,” Nettie said gently.

No, He won’t. God doesn’t care what happens to a sinner like me.

“Is the midwife okay, or will you be wanting to go to a hospital?” Elam’s voice interrupted her fatalistic thoughts.

She turned her face toward the wall. “I can’t afford a hospital.”

“The midwife will do fine, Elam. I’ve heard good things about Nurse Bradley from the women hereabouts. Go over to the Zimmerman farm and ask to use their phone. They’ll know her number. What are you waiting for? Get a move on.”

“I was wondering if there was anyone else I should call. Perhaps the baby’s father? He should know his child is being born.”

“Matt doesn’t care about this baby. He left us,” Katie managed to say through gritted teeth. The growing contraction required all her concentration. The slamming of the outside door signaled that Elam had gone.

When her pain eased, Katie turned back to watch Nettie bustling about, making preparations for her baby’s arrival. The kitchen looked so different than it had during the years Katie had lived here. She could see all of the changes Elam and his mother had made. She concentrated on each detail as she tried to relax and gather strength for her next contraction.

Overhead, a new gas lamp above the kitchen table cast a warm glow throughout the room. As it had in her day, a rectangular table occupied the center of the room. The chairs around it were straight-backed and sturdy. The dark, small cabinets that once flanked the wide window above the sink had been replaced with new larger ones that spread across the length of the wall. Their natural golden oak color was much more appealing.

Setting Katie’s suitcase on a chair, Nettie opened it and drew out a pink cotton nightgown. “Let’s get you into something more comfortable.”

Embarrassment sent the blood rushing to Katie’s face, but Nettie didn’t seem to notice. The look of kindness on her face and her soothing prattle in thick German quickly put Katie at ease. Elam’s mother seemed perfectly willing to accept a stranger into her home and care for her.

Dressed in a dark blue dress covered by a black apron, Nettie had a sparkle in her eyes behind the wire-rimmed glasses perched on her nose. Her plump cheeks were creased with smile lines. No one in Katie’s family had ever been cheerful.

Nettie’s gray hair was parted in the middle and coiled into a bun beneath her white kapp the way all Amish women wore their hair. Katie fingered her own short locks.

Cutting her hair had been her first act of rebellion after she left home. Amish women never cut their hair. It had been one way Katie could prove to herself that she was no longer Amish. At times, she regretted the loss of her waist-length hair. She once thought she despised all things Amish, yet this Amish woman was showing her more kindness than anyone had ever done. Only one person Katie knew in the neighborhood where she’d lived with Matt would have taken her in like this, but that friend was dead. The English world wasn’t always a friendly place.

After she had changed into her nightclothes, Katie settled back into bed. Nettie added more wood to the stove. The familiar crackle, hiss and popping sounds of the fire helped calm Katie’s nerves. Until the next contraction hit.

Elam wasted no time getting Judy hitched to the buggy. In spite of her master’s attempts to hurry, the black mare balked at the wide doorway, making it clear she objected to leaving her warm barn. Elam couldn’t blame her. The windblown sleet felt like stinging nettles where it hit his face. He pulled the warm scarf his mother had knitted for him over his nose and mouth, then climbed inside the carriage.

The town of Hope Springs lay three miles to the east of his farm. He had Amish neighbors on all sides. None of them used telephones. The nearest phone was at the Zimmerman farm just over a mile away. He prayed the Mennonite family would be at home when he got there or he would have to go all the way into town to find one.

Once he reached the highway, he urged Judy to pick up her pace. He slapped the reins against her rump and frequently checked the rectangular mirror mounted on the side of his buggy. This stretch of curving road could be a nerve-racking drive in daylight. Traveling it in this kind of weather was doubly dangerous. The English cars and trucks came speeding by with little regard for the fact that a slow-moving buggy might be just over the rise.

Tonight, as always, Elam trusted the Lord to see him safely to his destination, but he kept a sharp lookout for headlights coming up behind him.

It was a relief to finally swing off the blacktop onto the gravel drive of his neighbor’s farm. By the time he reached their yard, his scarf was coated with ice from his frozen breath. He saw at once that the lights were on. The Zimmermans were home. He gave a quick prayer of thanks.

Hitching Judy to the picket fence near the front gate, he bounded up the porch steps. Pulling down his muffler, he rapped on the door.

Grace Zimmerman answered his knock. “Elam, what on earth are you doing out on a night like this?”

He nodded to her. “Goot evening, Mrs. Zimmerman. I’ve come to ask if I might use your telephone, please.”

“Of course. Is something wrong? Is your mother ill?”

“Mamm is fine. We’ve a visitor, a young woman who’s gone into labor.”

“Shall I call 911 and get an ambulance?”

“Mamm says the midwife will do.”

“Okay. Come in and I’ll get that number for you.”

“My thanks.”

The midwife answered on the second ring. “Nurse Bradley speaking.”

“Miss Bradley, I am Elam Sutter, and I have need of your services.”

“Babies never check the weather report before they decide to make an appearance, do they? Has your wife been into the clinic before?”

“It is not my wife. It is a woman who is visiting in the area, so she hasn’t been to see you.”

“Oh. Okay, give me the patient’s name.”

He knew Katie’s maiden name, but he didn’t know her married name. Was the man she spoke of her husband? Deciding it didn’t matter, he said, “Her name is Katie Lantz.”

“Is Mrs. Lantz full term?”

“I’m not sure.”

“How far apart are her contractions? Is it her first baby?”

“That I don’t know. My mother is with her and she said to call you,” he stated firmly. He was embarrassed at not being able to answer her questions

“Are there complications?”

“Not that I know of, but you would be the best judge of that.”

“All right. How do I find your place?”

He gave her directions. She repeated them, then cheerfully assured him that she would get there as fast as she could.

As he hung up the phone, Mrs. Zimmerman withdrew a steaming cup from her microwave. “Have a cup of hot cocoa before you head back into the storm, Elam. Did I hear you say that Katie Lantz is having a baby?”

“Jah. She came looking for her brother. She didn’t know he had moved.” He took the cup and sipped it gratefully, letting the steam warm his face. Mrs. Zimmerman was a kindhearted woman but she did love to gossip.

“Poor Katie. Is Matt with her?” She seemed genuinely distressed.

“She’s alone. Is Matt her husband? Do you know how to contact him?”

Mrs. Zimmerman shook her head. “I have no idea if they married. Matt Carson was a friend of my grandson’s from college. The boys spent a few weeks here two summers ago. That’s how Katie met Matt. I’ll call William and see if he has kept in touch with Matt or his family.”

“Thank you.”

“I never thought Katie would come back. Malachi was furious at the attention Matt paid her. If he hadn’t overreacted I think the romance would have died a natural death when Matt went back to school. I don’t normally speak ill of people, but Malachi was very hard on that girl, even when she was little.”

“‘Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.’ Proverbs 22:6,” Elam quoted.

“I agree the tree grows the way the sapling is bent, but not if it’s snapped in half. I even spoke to Bishop Zook about Malachi’s treatment of Katie when she was about ten but I don’t think it did any good. I wasn’t all that surprised when she ran off with Matt.”

Elam didn’t feel right gossiping about Katie or her family. He took another sip of the chocolate, then set the cup on the counter. “Danki, Mrs. Zimmerman. I’d best be getting back.”

“I’ll keep Katie in my prayers. Please tell her I said hello.”

“I will, and thank you again.” He wrapped his scarf around his face and headed out the door.

By the time Elam returned home, the midwife had already arrived. Her blue station wagon sat in front of the house collecting a coating of snow on the hood and windshield.

He lit a lantern and hung it inside the barn so his mother would know he was back if she looked out. He took his time making sure Judy was rubbed down and dry before returning her to her stall with an extra ration of oats for her hard work. When he was done, he stood facing the house from the wide barn door. The snow was letting up and the wind was dying down at last.

Lamplight glowed from the kitchen window and he wondered how Katie was faring. He couldn’t imagine finding himself cast upon the mercy of strangers at such a time. He had seven brothers and sisters plus cousins galore that he could turn to at a moment’s notice for help. It seemed that poor Katie had no one.

Knowing his presence wouldn’t be needed or wanted in the house, he decided he might as well get some work done if he wasn’t going to get any sleep. Taking the lantern down, he carried it to the workshop he’d set up inside the barn. Once there, he lit the gas lamps hanging overhead. They filled the space with light. He turned out the portable lamp and set it on the counter.

The tools of his carpentry and wooden basket–making business were hung neatly on the walls. Everything was in order—exactly the way he liked it. A long, narrow table sat near the windows with five chairs along its length. Several dozen baskets in assorted sizes and shapes were stacked in bins against the far wall. Cedar, poplar and pine boards on sawhorses filled the air with their fresh, woody scents.

Only a year ago the room had been a small feed storage area, but as the demand for his baskets and woodworking expanded, he’d needed more space. Remodeling the workshop had been his winter project and it was almost done. The clean white walls were meant to reflect the light coming in from the extra windows he’d added. When summer took hold of the land, the windows would open to let in the cool breezes. It was a good shop, and he was pleased with what he’d accomplished.

Stoking the coals glowing in a small stove, he soon had a bright fire burning. It wasn’t long before the chill was gone from the air. He took off his coat and hung it on a peg near the frost-covered windows. Using his sleeve, he rubbed one windowpane clear so he could see the house.

Light flooded from the kitchen window. They must have moved more lamps into the room. Knowing he couldn’t help, he pick up his measuring tape and began marking sections of cedar board for a hope chest a client had ordered last week.

He didn’t need to concentrate on the task. His hands knew the wood, knew the tools he held as if they were extensions of his own fingers. His gaze was drawn repeatedly to the window and the drama he knew was being played out inside his home. As he worked, he prayed for Katie Lantz and her unborn child.

Hours later, he glanced out the window and stopped his work abruptly. He saw his mother hurrying toward him. Had something gone wrong?

Chapter Three

“You are so beautiful,” Katie whispered. Tears blurred her vision and she rapidly blinked them away.

Propped up with pillows against the headboard of her borrowed bed, she drew her fingers gently across the face of her daughter where she lay nestled in the crook of her arm. Her little head was covered in dark hair. Her eyelashes lay like tiny curved spikes against her cheeks. She was the most beautiful thing Katie had ever seen.

Amber Bradley, the midwife, moved about the other side of the room, quietly putting her things away. Katie had been a little surprised that the midwife wasn’t Amish. That the women of the district trusted an outsider spoke volumes for Amber. She was both kind and competent, as Katie had discovered.

When Amber came over to the bed at last, she sat gently on the edge and asked, “Shall I take her now? You really do need some rest.”

“Can I hold her just a little longer?” Katie didn’t want to give her baby over to anyone. Not yet. The joy of holding her own child was too new, too wonderful to allow it to end.

Amber smiled and nodded. “All right, but I do need to check her over more completely before I go. We didn’t have a lot of time to discuss your plans. Maybe we can do that now.”

Reality poked its ugly head back into Katie’s mind. Her plans hadn’t changed. They had simply been delayed. “I intend to go to my brother’s house.”

“Does he live close by?”

“No. Mr. Sutter said Malachi has moved to Kansas.”

“I see. That’s a long way to travel with a newborn.”

Especially for someone who had no money. And now she owed the midwife, as well. All Katie could do was be honest with Amber. She glanced up at the nurse. “I’m grateful you came tonight, but I’m sorry I can’t pay you right now. I will, I promise. As soon as I get a job.”

“I’m not worried about that. The Amish always pay their bills. In fact, they’re much more prompt than any insurance company I’ve dealt with.”

Katie looked down at her daughter. “I’m not Amish. Not anymore.”

“Don’t be worrying about my fee. Just enjoy that beautiful baby. I’ll send a bill in a few days and you can pay me when you’re able.”

The outside door opened and Nettie rushed in carrying a large, oval wooden basket. She was followed by Elam. He paused long enough to hang his coat and hat by the door, then he approached the bed. “I heard it’s a fine, healthy girl. Congratulations, Katie Lantz.”

“Thank you.” She proudly pulled back the corner of the receiving blanket, a gift from Amber, to show Elam her little girl.

He moved closer and leaned down, but kept his hands tucked in the front pockets of his pants. “Ach, she’s wundascheen!”

“Thank you. I think she’s beautiful, too.” Katie planted a kiss on her daughter’s head.

Nettie set the basket on the table, folded her arms over her ample chest and grinned. “Jah, she looks like her Mama with all that black hair.”

Reaching out hesitantly, Elam touched the baby’s tiny fist. “Have you given her a name?”

“Rachel Ann. It was my mother’s name.”

Nodding his satisfaction, he straightened and shoved his hand back in his pocket. “It’s a goot name. A plain name.”

Katie blinked back sudden tears as she gazed at her daughter. Even though they would have to live with Malachi for a while, Rachel would not be raised Amish as Katie’s mother had been. Why did that make her feel sad?

Amber rose from her place at the foot of the bed. “I see you’ve got a solution for where this little one is going to sleep, Nettie.”

“My daughter, Mary, is expecting in a few months. She has my old cradle, but a folded quilt will make this a comfortable bed for Rachel. What do you think, Katie?”

“I think it will do fine.” All of the sudden, Katie was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open.

“I will make a bassinet for her,” Elam offered quickly. “It won’t take any time at all.”

Overwhelmed, Katie said, “You’ve been so kind already, Mr. Sutter. How can I ever thank you?”

“Someday, you will do a kindness for someone in need. That will be my thanks,” he replied, soft and low so that only she could hear him.

Katie studied his face in the lamplight. It was the first time she had really looked at him. He was probably twenty-five years old. Most Amish men his age were married with one or two children already. She wondered why he was still single. He was certainly handsome enough to please any young woman. His hair, sable-brown and thick, held a touch of unruly curl where it brushed the back of his collar.

His face, unlike his hair, was all chiseled angles and planes, from his broad forehead to his high cheekbones. That, coupled with a straight, no-nonsense nose, gave him a look of harshness. Until she noticed his eyes. Soft sky-blue eyes that crinkled at the corners when he smiled as he was smiling now at the sight of Rachel’s pink bow mouth opened in a wide yawn.

“Looks like someone is ready to try out her new bed.” He stepped back as Amber came to take Rachel from Katie.

“I know her mother could use some rest,” Amber stated with a stern glance in Katie’s direction.

Katie nodded in agreement, but she didn’t want to sleep. “If I close my eyes for a few minutes, that’s all I need.”

“You’re going to need much more than that,” Nettie declared, placing the quilt-lined basket on a kitchen chair beside Katie’s bed.

Amber laid the baby on the table and unwrapped her enough to listen to her heart and lungs with a stethoscope. Katie couldn’t close her eyes until she knew all was well. After finishing her examination, Amber rewrapped the baby tightly and laid her in the basket. “Everything looks good, but I’ll be back to check on her tomorrow, and you, too, Mommy. I’ll also draw a little blood from her heel tomorrow. The state requires certain tests on all newborns. You’ll get the results in a few weeks. I can tell you’re tired, Katie. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

Katie scooted down under the covers and rolled to her side so that she could see her daughter. “Will she be warm enough?”

“She’ll be fine. We’ll keep the stove going all night,” Nettie promised.

“She’s so sweet. I can’t believe how much I love her already.” Sleep pulled Katie’s eyelids lower. She fought it, afraid if she slept she would wake and find it all had been a dream.

The murmur of voices reached her. She heard her name mentioned and struggled to understand what was being said.

“I’m worried about Katie.” It was Amber talking.

“Why?” came Elam’s deep voice.

Opening her eyes, Katie saw that everyone had gone into the living room. She strained to hear them.

Amber said, “It’s clear she hasn’t been eating well for some time. Plus, her blood loss was heavier than I like to see. Physically, she’s very run-down.”

“Do you think she should go to the hospital?” Elam asked. Katie heard the worry behind his words.

He was concerned about her. She smiled at the thought. It had been a long time since anyone had worried about her. As hard as she tried, she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer.

Concerned for his unexpected guest’s health, Elam glanced from the kitchen door to the nurse standing beside his mother.

Amber shook her head. “I don’t think she needs to go to the hospital, but I do think she should take it easy for a few days. She needs good hearty food, lots of rest and plenty of fluids. I understand she was on her way to her brother’s home?”

“Jah,” Nettie said. “When she realized he wasn’t here, she said she was going to the bus station.”

Amber scowled and crossed her arms. “She shouldn’t travel for a while. Not for at least a week, maybe two. If having her here is an inconvenience, I can try to make other arrangements in town until her family can send someone for her.”

Elam could see his mother struggling to hold back her opinion. He was the man of the house. It would have to be his decision.

At least that was the way it was supposed to work, but he had learned a valuable lesson about women from his father. His dat used to say, “Women get their way by one means or another, son. Make a woman mad only if you’re willing to eat burnt bread until she decides otherwise. The man who tells you he’s in charge in his own house will lie about other things, too.”

His father had been wise about so many things and yet so foolish in the end.

Elam’s mother might want Katie to remain with them, but Elam was hesitant about the idea. The last thing he needed was to stir up trouble in his new church district. Katie wasn’t a member of his family. She had turned her back on her Amish upbringing. Her presence might even prompt unwanted gossip. His family had endured enough of that.

“I certainly wouldn’t mind having another woman in the house.” It seemed his mother couldn’t be silent for long.

This wasn’t a discussion he wanted to have in front of an outsider. He said, “Nothing can be done tonight. We’ll talk it over with Katie in the morning.”

The faint smile that played across Nettie’s lips told him she’d already made up her mind. “The woman needs help. It’s our Christian duty to care for her and that precious baby.”

Mustering a stern tone, he said, “You don’t fool me, Mamm. I saw how excited you were to tell me it was a little girl. The way you came running out to the barn, I thought the house must be on fire. You’re just happy to have a new baby in the house. I’ve heard you telling your friends that you’re hoping Mary’s next one is a girl.”

His mother raised one finger toward the ceiling. “Gott has given me five fine grandsons. I’m not complaining. I pray only that my daughters have more healthy children. If one or two should be girls—that is Gotte wille, too, and fine with me. Just as it was Gotte wille that Katie and her baby came to us.”

Her logic was something Elam couldn’t argue with. He turned to the nurse. “She can stay here until her family comes to fetch her if that is what she wants. She can write to Malachi in the morning and tell him that she’s here.”

Amber looked relieved. “Wonderful. That’s settled, then.”

For Malachi’s sake and for Katie’s, Elam prayed that she was prepared to mend her ways and come back to the Amish. If she was sincere about returning, the church members would welcome her back with open arms.

Amber gathered up her bag. “I’ll come by late tomorrow afternoon to check on both of my patients. I’m going to leave some powdered infant formula with you in case the nursing doesn’t go well, but I’m sure you won’t need it. Please don’t hesitate to send for me if you think something is wrong. Mrs. Sutter, I’m sure you know what to look for.”

“Thank you for coming, Miss Bradley.”

“Thank you for calling me.”

Elam hesitated, then said, “About your bill.”

She waved his concern aside. “Katie and I have already discussed it.”

After she left, a calm settled over the house. Nettie tried to hide a yawn, but Elam saw it. The clock on the wall said it was nearly two in the morning. At least it was the off Sunday and they would not have to travel to services in the morning. “Go to bed, Mamm.”

“No, I’m going to sleep here in my chair in case Katie or the baby needs me.”

He knew better than to argue with her. “I’ll get a quilt and a pillow from your room.”

“Thank you, Elam. You are a good son.”

A few minutes later he returned with the bedding and handed it to her. As she settled herself in her favorite brown wingback chair, he moved a footstool in front of it and helped her prop up her feet, then tucked the blanket under them. She sighed heavily and set her glasses on the small, oval reading table beside her.

When he was sure she was comfortable, he quietly walked back into the kitchen. Before heading upstairs to his room, he checked the fire in the stove. It had died down to glowing red coals. The wood box beside it was almost empty. The women must have used most of it keeping the room warm for Katie’s delivery. Glancing toward the bed in the corner, he watched Katie sleeping huddled beneath a blue-and-green patterned quilt.

She looked so small and alone.

Only she wasn’t alone. Her baby slept on a chair beside the bed in one of his baskets. And what of the child’s father? Katie had said he didn’t care about them, but what man would not care that he had such a beautiful daughter? There was a lot Elam didn’t know about his surprise guest, but answers would have to wait until morning.

Quietly slipping into his coat, he eased the door open and went out to fetch more wood. He paused on the front steps to admire the view. A three-quarter moon sent its bright light across the farmyard, making the trees and buildings cast sharp black shadows over the snow. High in the night sky, the stars twinkled as if in competition with the sparkling landscape.

Elam shook his head. He was being fanciful again. It was a habit he tried hard to break. Still, it had to be good for a man to stop and admire the handiwork of God. Why else did he have eyes to see and ears to hear?

Elam’s breath rose in the air in frosty puffs as he loaded his arms with wood and returned to the house. He managed to open the door with one hand, but it banged shut behind him. He froze, hoping he hadn’t disturbed his guests or his mother. When no one moved, he blew out the breath he’d been holding and began unloading his burden as quietly as he could.

After adding a few of his logs to the stove, he stoked up the blaze and closed the firebox door. He had taken a half-dozen steps toward the stairs and the bed that was calling to him when the baby started to fuss. He spun around.

Katie stirred but didn’t open her eyes. He could hear his mother’s not-so-soft snoring in the other room. The baby quieted.

He took a step back and grimaced as the floorboard creaked. Immediately, the baby started her soft fussing again. Elam waited, but neither of the women woke. The baby’s cries weren’t loud. Maybe she was just lonely in a strange new place.

He crossed the room. Squatting beside the basket, he rocked it gently. The moonlight spilling in through the kitchen window showed him a tiny face with bright eyes wide open.

“Shh,” he whispered as he rocked her. Rachel showed no inclination to go back to sleep. Her attempts to catch her tight fists in her mouth amused him. What a cute little pumpkin she was. Another of God’s wonders.

Glancing once more at Katie’s pale face, he picked the baby up. She immediately quieted. He crossed the room and sat down at the table. “Let’s let your mama sleep a bit longer.”

He disapproved of the choices this little one’s mother had made, but none of that disapproval spilled over onto this new life. Settling her into the crook of his arm, he marveled at how tiny she was and yet how complete. The cares and worries of his day slipped away. A softness nestled itself around his heart. What would it be like to hold a child of his own? Would he ever know? Rachel yawned and he smiled at her.

“Ah, I was right. You just wanted someone to cuddle you. I know a thing or two about wee ones. You’re not the first babe I’ve held.”

Babies certainly weren’t new to him. He’d rocked nephews aplenty. He raised her slightly to make her more comfortable.

“My sisters think nothing of plopping a babe in my arms so they’re free to help Mamm with canning or gardening, but I know what they’re up to,” he whispered to the cute baby he held.

“They think if I’m reminded how wonderful children are I’ll start going to the Sunday night singings again and court a wife of my own. They don’t see that I’m not ready for that.”

He wasn’t sure he would ever be ready to trust his heart to someone again. If that time did come, it would only be with a woman he was certain shared his love of God and his Plain faith.

“Once burned, twice shy, as the English say,” he confided to his tiny listener.

He waited for the anger to surface but it didn’t. For the first time in over a year he was able to think about his broken engagement without bitterness. Maybe the sweet-smelling babe in his arms had brought with her a measure of God’s peace for him. To her, life was new and good and shouldn’t be tainted with the sins of the past.

He began to sing a soft lullaby in his native tongue. Rachel stared back at him intently for a few minutes, but she eventually grew discontent with his voice and the fingers she couldn’t quite get in her mouth. Her little fussing noises became a full-fledged cry.

“I guess I can’t fix what ails you after all. I reckon I’ll have to wake your mother.”

“I’m awake.” Katie’s low voice came from the bed.

He looked over to find her watching him with dark eyes as beautiful and intense as her daughter’s. How long had she been listening to him?

Chapter Four

Katie met Elam’s gaze across the room. Moonlight streaming through the windows cut long rectangles of light across the plank floor. It gave her enough light to see the way Elam held her daughter. With confidence, caring and gentleness. Would Matt have done the same? Somehow, she didn’t think so.

Her boyfriend’s charm had evaporated quickly, once the novelty of having an Amish girlfriend wore off. When he found himself stuck with a “stupid Amish bumpkin” who couldn’t use a microwave and didn’t know how to work a cell phone, he reverted to his true nature. The harder Katie tried to make him happy, the more resentful he became. The harder she tried to prove her love, the louder he complained that she was smothering him. Looking back, it seemed that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

Her elderly landlady back in Columbus once said, “Honey, that man’s a case of bad judgment. Dump him before he dumps you.”

Katie hadn’t wanted to believe Mrs. Pearlman, but it turned out she knew what she was talking about.

Elam spoke as he rose to his feet, yanking Katie’s attention back to the present. “I was trying to get Rachel to go back to sleep without waking you.”

“The song you were singing, what’s it called?”

“You don’t know In der Stillen Einsamkeit?” He sounded genuinely surprised.

“No.”

“I thought every Amish child had heard it. My mother sang it to all of us and still sings it to her grandchildren.”

“There wasn’t a lot of singing in my house. I don’t remember my mother ever singing. I have very few clear memories of my family. My father died before I was born in some kind of farm accident. I do remember my brother Hans playing with me. He was always laughing. He gave me a doll that I loved, and he gave me piggyback rides. I remember someone scolding him to be careful. I think it was my mother.”

“What happened to your family?”

“Everyone except Malachi and I died in a fire when I was four.”

“I’m sorry.”

Katie shrugged off his sympathy. “It was a long time ago.”

Rachel gave another lusty cry. Elam said, “I think she’s telling me I make a poor substitute for her mother.”

Katie shifted into a sitting position in the bed and held out her arms. When Elam laid her daughter in her embrace, she said, “I’m afraid she’s going to think I’m a poor substitute for a mother when she gets to know me.”

“My sisters all worried that they wouldn’t make good mothers, but they learned. You will, too.”

“I hope you’re right.” He sounded so matter-of-fact. Like it was a done deal. She wanted to believe him, but she had made such a mess of her life up to this point.

“My mother will help as long as you’re here. If you let her.”

“I’m not sure I could stop her. She’s something of a force of nature.”

Chuckling softly, he nodded. “Jah, that is a good description of Mamm.”

As their eyes met, Katie experienced a strange thrill, a sizzling connection with Elam that both surprised and delighted her. Rachel quieted. Elam’s expression changed. The amusement left his gaze, replaced by an odd intensity that sent heat rushing to Katie’s cheeks.

Since the baby had quieted, Katie simply held and admired her. Stroking one of her daughter’s sweetly curved brows, Katie said, “This wasn’t the way I planned for you to come into the world.”

Elam folded his arms. “Our best laid plans often come to naught.”

“My landlady used to say, ‘Man plans, God laughs.’” Katie tried to imitate her friend’s broad Yiddish accent.

“She sounds like a wise woman.”

Katie nodded sadly. “She was a very wise woman.”

If Mrs. Pearlman had lived, Katie wouldn’t be in this mess. Her kind landlady would have taken her in until she found a job. God had once again taken away the person who truly cared about her, leaving Katie where she had always been. Alone, unwanted, belonging nowhere.

She glanced up at Elam as he towered over her bed. “Your mother reminds me of my friend. She had the same kind eyes.”

When he didn’t say anything, Katie sighed. “I know what you’re thinking.”

Frowning slightly, he asked, “And what would that be?”

“You’re thinking I didn’t plan very well at all.”

He crossed his arms and looked at the floor. “I didn’t say that.”

“No, you didn’t, but it’s the truth. I kept thinking that Matt would come back for me. For us.”

“How long ago did he leave you?”

“Three months. After that I got a part-time job working for our landlady, but she died and the place was sold. I waited for him to come back until my rent ran out. I only had enough money left to buy a bus ticket here.”

“Your husband should not have left you.”

It was her turn to look away. The shame she’d tried so hard to ignore left a bitter taste in her mouth. “Matt Carson wasn’t my husband.”

“Ah.” It was all Elam said, but to her ears that one syllable carried a wealth of condemnation and pity.

After a long moment, he said, “You should know that Grace Zimmerman mentioned Matt was a friend of her grandson when I went there to use the phone. She said she would have her grandson try and contact Matt. Perhaps he will come for you when he finds out you are here.”

Rachel began to fuss again. Katie bounced her gently. “Matt had plenty of time to come for us when we were in the city. I don’t expect he will come now. We won’t be a burden to you or your family any longer than necessary.”

“We will not turn you out. That is not our way. The Bible commands us to help those in need.”

“I’m grateful for all you’ve done, but I’ll go on to my brother as soon as possible.”

Nettie appeared in the living room doorway rubbing her neck. “There’s no need to speak of traveling yet. The nurse says you’re to rest. You can write to Malachi and tell him your situation, but you will stay here for a few days. Or more if you need it.”

Katie bit her lip. Writing her brother would not be enough. She had to go to Malachi in person. He’d made that abundantly clear the day she left with Matt. His angry words still echoed inside her head.

“You ungrateful harlot, you’ve brought shame on me since the day you were born. You’ll not last six months out in the English world. When you come to your senses you’ll be back. But know this. You are dead to me until I see you kneeling in front of me and begging my forgiveness.”

At the time, she felt only relief at getting away from her brother’s strict control. In the months that followed, when it became clear that running away with Matt had been a bad decision, Katie came to realize that she did still care about her brother and she was sorry for the way she’d left.

Matt laughed at her and called her spineless when she decided to try and mend things with her only sibling. She had written several long letters of apology, but each one came back unopened. After two months, she gave up trying. When Matt left she didn’t bother writing to her brother. She knew he meant what he’d said.

Rachel started crying again. Nettie waved a hand to send Elam on his way. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow. Right now this little one is hungry and she doesn’t want to wait any longer.”

Elam bid her good-night, then turned away and headed for the stairs leading to the upper story.

Katie was sorry their quiet talk had ended. She would have enjoyed spending more time with him.

As soon as the thought occurred, she chided herself for such feelings. The last thing she needed was to complicate her life with another man. She appreciated Elam’s kindness, but she wouldn’t mistake those feelings for anything more.

After that, all Katie’s attention was taken up trying to satisfy her daughter’s hungry demands. Later, as Katie fell asleep again, she dreamed about Elam rocking her baby in his arms and singing a soft lullaby. In her dream, the sound of his voice soothed her spirit and brought with it a quiet peacefulness.

For most of the next two days all Katie did was doze and feed the baby. Nettie took over the job of nursemaid, in addition to running her household, without missing a beat and with undisguised gentle joy. At her insistence, Katie was allowed to rest, drink plenty of hearty chicken soup, nurse her baby and nothing else.

Elam had moved a folding screen into the kitchen and placed it in front of her bed to give her and the baby some privacy, then he vanished for most of the day to do his chores and work in his woodshop.

Katie saw so little of him that she began to wonder if he was deliberately trying to avoid spending time with her. When he was in the house, she felt none of the closeness they’d shared the night Rachel was born. She began to think she’d simply imagined the connection they had shared.

The midwife returned as promised to check on Katie and the baby. Amber came bearing a gift of disposable diapers, several blankets and baby gowns which she insisted were donations made by the community for just such an occasion. While Rachel scored glowing marks and was pronounced as healthy as a horse, Amber wasn’t quite as pleased with Katie’s progress.

“At least another day of bed rest is in order. If your color and your blood pressure aren’t better by tomorrow, I may send you to the hospital after all.”

“I promise I will take it easy,” Katie assured Amber. It was an easy promise to keep. Deep fatigue pulled at her limbs and made even the simplest task, like changing diapers, into an exhausting exercise.

“Mrs. Sutter will tell me if you aren’t.” Amber glanced at Nettie, who stood at the foot of the bed with her arms folded and a look of kindly determination on her face.

Amber was on her way out the door when another car pulled into the drive. She said, “Looks like you have more company. Don’t overdo it.”

“I’m sure they aren’t here to see me.”

Looking out the door, Nettie said, “I believe that is Mrs. Zimmerman talking to Elam.”

Katie sat up as hope surged in her heart. Had Mrs. Zimmerman been able to contact Matt? Was he on his way here? “Is she coming in?”

“No. It looks like she’s leaving, but Elam is coming to the house.”

Unwilling to let hope die, Katie threaded her fingers together and held on tight. As soon as Elam walked in and she saw his face, her last tiny reservoir of hope faded into nothingness. “He’s not going to come, is he?”

Elam shook his head. “Mrs. Zimmerman’s grandson says the family has gone abroad. He sent a computer message to Matt, but he hasn’t answered.”

Katie nodded. “I think I’d like to rest now.”

She slipped down under the covers and turned her back on the people standing beside her bed.

From her place inside her small alcove in the corner of the kitchen, Katie could hear Nettie and her son speaking in hushed tones, and the sounds of housework taking place, but she was simply too tired to care what they were saying.

Her beautiful daughter was her whole world now. Rachel was all that mattered.

It was the smell of cinnamon bread baking that woke Katie on the morning of the third day. She opened her eyes to the sight of bright morning light pouring in through the kitchen windows. Someone, Nettie perhaps, had moved the screen aside. Warm and comfortable beneath the quilts, Katie rested, feeling secure and safe for the first time in weeks. She knew it was an illusion, but one she desperately wanted to hold on to.

Nettie was busy pulling a pan of steaming hot bread from the oven with the corner of her apron. The mouth-watering smell was enough to make Katie’s empty stomach sit up and take notice with a loud rumble. Nettie glanced her way and began to chuckle. “I reckon that means you feel goot enough to have a bite to eat.”

“If it tastes as good as it smells, I may wolf down the whole loaf.”

“You’ll have to fight Elam for it. This is his favorite.”

Katie sat up and swung her bare feet to the cool plank floor. As she did, the room dipped and swirled, causing her to shut her eyes and clutch the side of the mattress.

“Are you all right?”

Katie opened her eyes to find Nettie watching her with deep concern. “Just a touch of dizziness. It’s gone now.”

“You sit right there until I get a cup of hot coffee into you. I don’t want you fainting when you stand up.”

Katie took several deep breaths and waited for the room to stop spinning. When everything settled into place, she looked down at her daughter sleeping quietly in her basket. The sight brought a thrill of delight to Katie’s heart. This was her child, her gift. Matt had been wrong when he said a baby would only be a burden.

If he saw Rachel now, would it change how he felt? The thought pushed a lump of regret into her throat. She had made so many bad decisions.

Nettie, having poured the coffee from a dark blue, enameled pot on the back of the stove, laced it liberally with milk from a small pitcher on the table and added a spoonful of sugar before carrying the white earthenware mug to Katie.

Katie didn’t take her coffee sweetened, but she didn’t mention the fact. Nettie had done far too much for her. Grasping the cup, Katie sipped the hot drink slowly, feeling the warmth seep into her bones.

Nettie stood over her with her hands fisted on her hips. Looking up, Katie said, “I’m fine. Really.”

“I will tell you when you are fine. When the color comes back to those cheeks you can get up. Not before. Now drink.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Katie blew on the cup to cool the beverage and took another sip.

Nettie nodded, then left the room. She returned a few minutes later with a large black shawl, which she wrapped around Katie’s shoulders. That done, Nettie turned back to the stove.

Upending the bread pan, she dumped the loaf onto a cutting board and pulled a knife from a drawer. Cutting off thick slices, she transferred them to a plate. Setting the dish aside, she began breaking eggs in a bowl. “Are you drinking?” she asked without looking.

“Yes.” Katie took another quick sip and pulled the shawl tighter, grateful for its soft warmth.

She thought she detected a smile tugging at the corner of the older woman’s mouth, but she didn’t have a clear view of Nettie’s face.

After a few minutes of silence, Nettie asked, “How’s the coffee?”

“It’s good. Better than my sister-in-law ever made on that stove. I used to think her bitter coffee gave Beatrice her sour face.”

“You don’t like your sister-in-law?”

“She’s okay.” It was more that Beatrice didn’t like her. Katie had felt Beatrice’s resentment from the moment she came to live with them, although she never understood why.

“I’ve got a sister-in-law I don’t care for. It’s not right to speak ill of her, but she thought my brother married up when he married into her family. That, and she claims her peach preserves are better than mine. They aren’t. I use my mama’s recipe.”

“And riper peaches?”

Nettie’s eyes brimmed with humor as she shot a look in Katie’s direction. “Can you keep a secret?”

Taken aback slightly, Katie replied, “I guess. Sure.”

“I use canned, store-bought peaches.”

Katie laughed, feeling oddly pleased to be let in on a Sutter family joke.

Chuckling, Nettie continued. “I hate to think of the hours that woman has slaved over a hot stove stewing her fresh fruit and trying to outdo me. It’s prideful, I know. I reckon I’d better confess my sin before next communion.”

Katie’s mirth evaporated. She bowed her head. She had so much more than a little false pride to confess. What must Nettie think of her?

If Mrs. Sutter hoped her admission would prompt Katie to seek acceptance back among the Amish, she was sadly mistaken. Katie had no intention of talking to a bishop or anyone else about the choices she’d made in her life. She had made them. She would live with them.

After a few minutes of silence, Nettie said, “It must feel strange to see another family living in your childhood home.”

Relieved by the change of subject, Katie looked up to find her hostess watching her closely. “It was a bit of a shock.”

“It’s a good house, but I’d like a bigger porch. Elam has promised to build it this summer. I love to sit outside in the evenings and do my mending. That way I can enjoy a cup of coffee and the flowers in my garden while I watch the sun go down. Speaking of coffee, are you finished with yours?”

“Almost. Do you miss the home you left behind?”

“Jah, at times I do, but my oldest son and his wife still live on our farm in Pennsylvania, so I can go back for a visit as often as I like.”

“What made you leave?”

A fleeting look of sadness crossed Nettie face. “Elam wanted to come west. There’s more farm ground out here and it’s cheaper than back home. That, and there was some church trouble.”

Nettie busied herself at the stove and began scrambling eggs in a large cast-iron skillet. Katie waited for her to elaborate, but she didn’t. Although Katie found herself curious to hear more of the story, it was clear Nettie wasn’t willing to share.

Suddenly, Nettie began speaking again. “My daughter-in-law’s parents were talking about moving into the dawdy haus with one of their children. I would have welcomed the company, but then Elam told me he’d found this property.”

The Amish welcomed their elderly relatives and nearly all Amish farms had a second, smaller, “grandfather house” connected to the main home. Grandparents could live in comfort and remain a part of the family, helping to care for the children or with the farm work if they were able.

“Elam is my youngest, you know, and he’s without a wife yet. All my others are married. It just made sense for me to come with him and to keep house for him until he finds a wife of his own.”

“Not all men want to get married.” Katie was thinking more of Matt than Elam, but she did wonder why Nettie’s son was still single. Besides being a handsome man, he was kind, gentle and seemed to love children.

Nettie stopped stirring and stared out the window. “Elam was betrothed once.”

Katie recalled Elam’s comment about “once burned, twice shy” the first night when he was holding Rachel. Now she knew what he meant. “What happened?”

Nettie began stirring her eggs again. “Salome wasn’t the right one for him. It was better that they found it out before they were married, because she left the church.”

“After her baptism?”

“Jah.”

Katie knew what that meant. “She was shunned.”

“It was very hard on Elam. Especially after…” Nettie paused and stared out the kitchen window as though seeing unhappy things in the past.

“You don’t need to explain anything to me,” Katie said, gently. She considered Nettie a friend, and she was willing to respect her privacy.

Nettie glanced her way. The sorrow-filled look in her eyes touched Katie’s heart deeply. “It is no secret. You may hear it anyway. I’d rather you heard it from me. My husband also left the church a few months before he died.”

While the Amish religion might not be something Katie wanted for herself, she understood how deeply spiritual true believers were and how painful such an event would be to Nettie’s entire family. “I’m so sorry.”

“Danki. How are you feeling?”

“Better.”

It was true. Katie finished her drink, rose and carried her cup to the table, happy to find her dizziness didn’t return. As she sat down she thought she understood better why Elam disliked that she had left the faith. “That can’t have been easy for Elam or for any of you.”

Nettie looked over her shoulder with a sad little smile. “Life is not meant to be easy, child. That is why we pray for God’s strength to help us bear it.”

Katie didn’t want to depend on God for her strength. She had made her own mistakes. She was the one who would fix them.

The front door opened and Elam came in accompanied by a draft of chilly air. In his arms he held a small bassinet. He paused when he caught sight of Katie at the table. She could have sworn that a blush crept up his neck, but she decided she was mistaken. He nodded in her direction, then closed the door.

Nettie transferred her eggs from the stove top to a shallow bowl. “I was just getting ready to call you, Elam. Breakfast is ready.”

“Goot, I could use some coffee. The wind has a raw bite to it this morning. March is not going out like a lamb. At least the sun is shining. The ground will be glad of the moisture when this snow melts. It will help our spring planting.”

He hung his coat and black felt hat on the row of pegs beside the door, then he approached Katie. “I made your Rachel a better bed. It’ll be safer than setting her basket on a chair and it will keep her up off the drafty floor.”

The bassinet was about a third the size of the ones Katie had seen in the stores in the city when she had gone window-shopping and dreamed about things she could never afford for her baby. The picnic basket–size bed was finely crafted of wooden strips sanded smooth and glowing with a linseed oil finish. It had a small canopy at one end. “It’s lovely. You didn’t have to do this.”

“It was easy enough to make out of a few things I had on hand. It has double swing handles and the legs fold up so you can take it with you when you leave. Have you had time to write a letter to your brother? I’ll carry it to the mailbox for you.”

He wasn’t exactly pushing her out the door, but he was making it plain she couldn’t expect to stay longer than necessary.

She didn’t blame him. Katie knew she had been dependent on the Sutters’ charity for too long already. She’d never intended to take advantage of them and yet she was.

How could she explain that her brother—her only family—wouldn’t come to her aid? She might find shelter for herself and her baby at his home, but it would be on his terms and his terms alone.

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