“What have we done, Nate?”

Hallie pushed herself up on her elbow to look at him.

“What we should have done a long time ago.”

“To get each other out of our systems, you mean?”

He kept his eyes closed when he said, “I’ll never get you out of my system, Hallie.”

“Nor you, mine, Nate. But that really doesn’t change the situation, does it?”

He opened his eyes and sat up, resting his back against the headboard. “No. It doesn’t.”

Hallie sat up, too, bringing her knees to her chest as she pulled the sheet up around her. “Do you really think that I haven’t thought about what it would be like if we kept Ahn?”

Dear Reader,

As a parent and a grandparent, the parenting role is naturally near and dear to my heart. A Ranch Called Home was my tribute to the single mom. And in Dad’s E-mail Order Bride I paid homage to the single dad.

In my third Harlequin Superromance, however, I wanted to explore a different side of parenting. I’ve always had the utmost admiration for people who open their hearts and adopt a child. But it wasn’t until I began thinking about writing an adoption story that I realized I’d never given much thought to the other side of the adoption coin—the unselfishness involved in putting a child’s best interest first.

Adopted Parents addresses that issue. And as I began writing the story from the aunt and uncle’s point of view, I began to understand that loving a child enough to do the right thing is just as important as loving a child enough to become a parent.

I hope you enjoy reading Hallie and Nate’s story as they struggle through a tragedy to find true love. I love to hear from readers, so please visit my Web site at www.CandyHalliday.com.

Best always,

Candy Halliday

Adopted Parents
Candy Halliday

www.millsandboon.co.uk

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Romance author Candy Halliday lives in the Piedmont of North Carolina with her husband, a spastic schnauzer named Millie and an impossible attack cat named Flash. Candy’s daughter and son-in-law and her two teenage grandchildren live nearby. Candy loves to hear from readers. Visit her on the Web at www.candyhalliday.com.

This book is dedicated to the loving parents who give adopted children a second chance—and to those who step aside to make it possible.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Special thanks to my super agent, Jenny Bent.

Extreme thanks to my amazing editor, Wanda Ottewell.

Love and thanks always to my incredible family: Blue, Shelli, Tracy, Quint and Caroline.

CONTENTS

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

CHAPTER ONE

IN A PERFECT WORLD there would be no tragic news that your sister and brother-in-law had been in a fatal car accident. No baby left behind. No difficult decisions to be made about the child’s future.

But the world wasn’t perfect.

No one knew that better than Hallie Weston.

The past three weeks had been a nightmare, her emotions spinning so fast Hallie felt trapped inside a revolving door. Disbelief. Inconsolable grief. Blind anger at the drunk driver who had taken Janet and David from her. Back to disbelief again.

At the moment, all Hallie felt was numb.

She was sitting in the boardroom of her dead brother-in-law’s law practice, waiting for a Monday morning meeting with David’s partner, Greg Holder, and all Hallie kept thinking was how adamant David had been six months ago about tying up loose ends after he and Janet adopted their daughter, Ahn. Hallie had believed then that David was simply in his usual attorney mode, dotting his i’s and crossing his t’s when he’d produced the joint guardianship document for her and his brother Nate to sign at the baby’s christening.

Now Hallie had to wonder.

Had David somehow sensed that he and Janet wouldn’t live to finish the journey they started with the precious baby girl they’d brought back from Vietnam? Had Nate wondered the same thing?

And even though Nate sat right beside her it wasn’t a question Hallie would ask.

Because every woman had a guy from her past whom she’d made a complete fool of herself over. Nathan Brock happened to be that guy for Hallie.

Ten years later, she still hadn’t forgiven him.

She’d been only twenty-one then, fresh out of college, and willing to take a peon’s job in order to get her foot in the door at Boston’s top television station. Nate had been thirty—a gorgeous, confident older guy Hallie couldn’t resist. He’d also been her boss, the TV station’s shining star, and already on his way to becoming the award-winning photojournalist he was today.

She’d fallen for Nate hard and fast.

The admiration had not been mutual.

After only one week of working as Nate’s gofer, he’d transferred her to the production department. And he’d told Hallie if she really intended to make it in television she needed to focus on her career and drop the silly schoolgirl crushes.

His smack-down had been cold and swift.

The humiliation had crushed her young ego.

Had Hallie not dragged Janet to Nate’s going-away party for moral support when he got his first big break with CNN, they wouldn’t be together in this boardroom now. Nate’s brother David had also been at the party and their siblings had the instant sparks that Nate and Hallie never had. After Hallie’s big sister married Nate’s little brother, they settled into a polite disregard for each other.

Just as they were doing now.

Sitting in silence, carefully not engaging.

From the corner of her eye Hallie saw Nate’s arm come up to check his watch again. It didn’t surprise her when he rose and walked to the other side of the boardroom.

Nate had always been a restless spirit. He’d never been tied down to any one person or any one place, and Hallie doubted he ever would be. She studied him as he stood at the window staring out at downtown Boston from their tenth-floor advantage.

Damn him.

He was still the sexiest man Hallie had ever seen.

Everything about him said one hundred percent male. Tall. Broad shoulders. Sun-streaked hair that curled just above his collar. Even the way he was standing oozed masculinity—hands at the waist of his khaki pants, his blue dress shirtsleeves rolled up, exposing strong arms Hallie had once dreamed of having around her.

She sighed and looked away.

The reflection in the glass walls of the boardroom made Hallie gasp. The woman staring back at her looked horrible. There were ugly dark circles under her eyes. Her short black hair looked lifeless. And the tailored dress that had once fit now hung on her like a sack.

Hallie reached up and pinched her cheeks, trying to bring a little color back into her face. It didn’t help. Running her fingers through her hair didn’t improve her looks, either. The spiked effect only made her look even more like some homeless stray who had wandered in off the streets wearing someone else’s clothes.

Even sadder, that was how Hallie felt.

Janet and David’s home had been her go-to place, where she’d always celebrated her birthday, and the holidays, or any other special occasion. There she’d gone if she needed comfort, or advice, or just to unwind and get out of Boston for the weekend. Where she’d never needed an invitation and where she’d always felt welcome. And now what had made that house her soft place to land was gone.

So of course she felt homeless. Her life would never be the same again.

She glanced at Nate, still standing at the window with the same fatigued look on his face that Hallie had seen on hers only a few seconds ago. How tragic, she thought, the games people play.

They were both devastated, both hurting, yet they couldn’t even comfort each other thanks to something stupid that had happened ten years ago. Hallie was tempted to get up, walk over to Nate, and tell him he could cry on her shoulder the way she so desperately needed to cry on his.

Maybe then the screaming in her head would stop.

She wouldn’t, of course, walk over and tell Nate anything. Hallie hadn’t even thanked him yet for taking charge once he’d arrived home from his current assignment in Afghanistan.

Nate had taken care of everything she couldn’t.

He’d made funeral arrangements she was in no shape to make. He’d handled the endless details the crisis had created. He’d spoken with well-wishing family members and friends Hallie couldn’t bring herself to face.

Nate had given her time to pull herself together—something she was pretty sure she hadn’t yet accomplished.

And the hardest part was knowing she’d survive.

Somehow, she’d have to learn to live with the loss. Someway, she’d have to find the strength to move on. And someday, maybe the pain inside her chest wouldn’t hurt so much it took her breath away.

“Sorry I’ve kept you waiting,” Greg Holder said as he hurried into the boardroom.

He paused by Hallie’s chair long enough to give her shoulder a supportive squeeze. Next, he shook hands with Nate, who had approached the table when Greg entered.

Greg was a handsome guy, in his late thirties and blond. He was dressed the way a successful attorney should dress: designer suit, tasteful tie, expensive loafers. He’d been David’s college roommate and best friend. He was also the executor of David’s and Janet’s wills.

Knowing Greg personally was a comfort to Hallie. It took some of the sting out of the unpleasantness that had brought them here this morning.

“I know this is hard for both of you,” Greg said as he took a seat across the table from them and placed a large folder in front of him. “And the last thing I ever wanted to do was act as executor of my best friend’s will. But the sooner we settle David and Janet’s affairs and set the wheels in motion to find new parents for Ahn, the better it will be for everyone.”

Hallie gave Greg a brave nod.

Nate said, “I agree.”

Greg opened the folder, then looked at both of them. “The wills are identical, as is the case with most husbands and wives. And I want to go over the will provisions first because this is always the hardest part for the family.”

He paused, sympathy for both of them evident on his face. “No one ever wants to benefit financially from a loved one’s death. But I hope you will accept David’s and Janet’s final wishes in the spirit in which they were given. Out of their love and their concern for your well-being and your future.”

Hallie swallowed past the lump in her throat.

But she didn’t cry.

She didn’t have any tears left.

“You are the two main beneficiaries, and everything is to be divided equally between the two of you,” Greg said. “There are three exceptions. A trust fund for Ahn’s college education that the firm will manage until Ahn reaches legal age. A trust fund the firm will also manage to pay for your mother’s care at the nursing facility, Nate. And a monetary gift to Hallie and Janet’s stepmother. I’ll discuss the details with Roberta later.”

Roberta was taking care of Ahn this morning so Nate and Hallie could have this meeting.

Greg pushed a sheet of paper across the table.

“This is an itemized list of the assets.”

Hallie only half listened as Greg rambled on about Janet and David’s house in Winchester on Wedge Pond. About their personal property. About their investment and retirement accounts and their life insurance. About the proceeds Janet had received when she’d sold her accounting firm so she could be a stay-at-home mom. About David’s equity in the law practice.

She looked at the paper when Greg’s finger finally reached the bottom of the sheet. “This is the total amount of all assets,” he said, “with the exception of the insurance settlement from the accident. Beside your name is the amount that represents your half of the inheritance after necessary taxes.”

Hallie stared at the figure beside her name. The 2.5-million-dollar amount was staggering.

She’d never given a thought to Janet and David’s net worth before. She’d known they were successful. But their finances hadn’t been any of her business.

“It’s in your best interest if we don’t settle with the other driver’s insurance company until after the readoption,” Greg said. “If we can’t find adoptive parents and one of you ends up raising Ahn, the settlement needs to reflect the expenses you’ll incur in taking care of her until she’s out of college and on her own.”

Hallie panicked. She couldn’t even consider the idea of raising Ahn. “But readoption is what Janet and David wanted. They were adamant about that. They wanted Ahn raised by two parents who could give her the same stability they were giving her. It states that plainly in the guardianship agreement.”

“And I’ll do everything possible to make the readoption happen,” Greg said. “But Ahn’s age and her delayed speech and physical development could be an issue. Most couples want an infant instead of a toddler. And frankly, any type of disability makes a child less adoptable.”

Hallie was reeling over this reality. She and Nate weren’t parent material and Janet and David had known that. In fact, she and Nate were as far from parent material as any two people could be.

Nate’s life was devoted to the dangerous assignments he accepted wherever trouble was brewing in the world. And she had focused on her career. Her position as an executive television producer required one hundred percent of her time.

If either of them had a spouse, Janet and David might have felt differently about their prospects for raising Ahn. But Hallie couldn’t even boast a significant other at the moment. And unless Nate had someone hidden in the background, he had no one special in his life, either.

They were both married to their careers.

Definitely not parent material.

But Hallie had been sister material. And she was aunt material. And since they were now talking about the readoption, Hallie decided to bring up something that had been bothering her. “What if I want to maintain contact with Ahn? Is that even a possibility?”

Nate looked at her, his gray eyes zooming in on Hallie like the lens of one of his fancy cameras. “And why would you want to do that?”

Hallie wasn’t surprised he would disagree. She and Nate never agreed on anything. “Because she’s my niece,” Hallie said simply. “And yours,” she added for spite.

“And if she were older,” Nate said, “I would agree with you. But Ahn’s only two, and David and Janet were her parents for six short months. She isn’t going to remember them, much less you or me. She needs to bond with her new parents. She doesn’t need any interference from us.”

His reference to Ahn’s age hit home.

Hallie had been two years older than Ahn when her mother died of breast cancer, yet any personal memories of her mother were vague at best. But what she did have were the memories Janet had shared with her.

Janet, who had been eight when their mother died, had been her memory keeper.

And though Janet never intended for Hallie to raise Ahn, it only seemed right that Ahn should have a memory keeper, too. Hallie was determined to remain Ahn’s aunt so Ahn would never doubt how much Janet loved her.

“If you can pretend Ahn never existed after the readoption, good for you,” Hallie told Nate. “But I can’t. I don’t intend to interfere in her life, but I don’t like the idea of handing her over to strangers without keeping tabs on her. I owe Janet that much.”

“That’s guilt talking over reason, Hallie,” Nate said.

“Maybe,” Hallie admitted. “But now that Greg told us about Ahn’s trust fund I feel even more strongly about staying in touch with her. Someone has to look out for her interests.”

Greg cleared his throat. “I should have made myself clear about the trust fund. The adoptive parents won’t have access to that money. Only Ahn can access it when she reaches legal age.”

“I’m not worried about the money, Greg,” Hallie said. “I’m trying to point out that eventually Ahn will know that Janet and David were her first adoptive parents. Don’t you think she’ll wonder why Janet and David’s family didn’t care enough about her to stay in touch?”

“Again,” Nate said, “you’re letting your heart overrule your head. David and Janet knew all you and I had to offer this child was choosing the best possible parents to raise her. Don’t intrude on Ahn’s life to ease your conscience. An occasional call or a card now and then, and birthday and Christmas presents aren’t worth it.”

Hallie felt like slapping him.

He’d lectured her once, but those days were over. What she did was none of Nate’s damn business!

Hallie turned to Greg. “If Nate doesn’t want to maintain contact with Ahn after the readoption, that’s his prerogative. But I intend to remain a part of Ahn’s life, regardless of how small that part is.”

“Then you need to be prepared that finding parents who agree to that condition might add another stumbling block to the process,” Greg said. “Most adoptive parents prefer no major ties with the child’s past.”

“I’m prepared to take that chance.”

“How much of a stumbling block?” Nate asked.

Greg shrugged. “There’s no way of knowing until we start interviewing parents and see if Hallie maintaining contact is a deal breaker.”

“And if it’s a deal breaker,” Hallie said with confidence, “that’s my proof they aren’t the right parents.”

She looked back at Nate for his comeback.

A muscle in his jaw twitched, but Nate dropped the subject.

Greg pushed another document toward them. “This is a form from the private adoption agency we’ll be working with that specifies the requirements a couple must meet before you’ll consider them as parents. That’s why I asked you to meet with Deb Langston this morning. She’ll help you fill out the questionnaire and you can drop it off with my assistant after your appointment. The agency can’t begin screening parents until they have the information.”

Hallie reached out, picked up the questionnaire and placed it in her purse. But she was dreading their next appointment even more than she’d dreaded this one.

Dr. Deborah Langston was the child psychologist Janet and David had been working with since the adoption to help Ahn acclimate to her new surroundings. What worried Hallie was Dr. Langston picking up on the underlying tension between her and Nate.

Hallie was in no mood to do any explaining. And she knew that went double for Nate.

Nate wasn’t the talk-it-all-out type. His guard was always up like some badge of honor—never letting anyone too close, hanging back and keeping his distance. He’d even been that way with David to a certain extent, although David had never let Nate get away with it.

Hallie couldn’t count the number of times she’d seen David grab Nate in a bear hug and tell his brother he loved him. Nate had always grimaced and never hugged back. But Hallie knew Nate loved his brother.

He obviously had issues but they were his.

Hallie had her own emotional issues to worry about. The next few months were going to be horrific, and the last thing Hallie needed was some psychologist probing into the complex nature of their relationship. She was one second away from asking Greg if he could have the psychologist fill out the questionnaire without a meeting being necessary when Greg glanced at his watch.

“It’s only nine-thirty,” he said. “You’ll have a few minutes to grab a cup of coffee in the lobby if you want.” He pushed a business card forward. “I made your appointment for ten o’clock. Dr. Langston’s office is on the sixth floor. That’s her suite number.”

Greg stood, picked up his folder and circled the table. He shook hands with Nate who stood as well. “Just remember,” he said, “Ahn is the real victim here. Her best interest has to come first.”

Those words made Hallie wince.

What a selfish, hypocritical bitch she was. She’d just debated with Nate, spouting her concern for Ahn, when she hadn’t been thinking about Ahn at all. She’d only been thinking about herself. And yes, as Nate accused, trying to soothe her guilty conscience.

It killed Hallie knowing she hadn’t spent more time with Janet and Ahn while Janet was alive. She’d been too busy. Too busy to spend time with the sister she loved and the niece she didn’t even know. If only she could turn back the clock.

If only.

Greg’s hand rested on Hallie’s shoulder again. “Don’t worry, we’ll find the right parents. Call me if you need anything. Otherwise, I’ll be in touch when I have potential couples for you to interview.”

We’ll find the right parents.

How Hallie prayed that was true.

She was Ahn’s aunt. She was never meant to be her mother. But she’d be a better aunt than mere calls and cards and presents as Nate accused. She’d be there for Ahn, just as Janet had always been there for Hallie. And her heart overruling her head had nothing to do with it.

It was the right thing to do.

CHAPTER TWO

WHEN THEY WALKED into the elevator and Hallie pushed the button for the sixth floor, Nate knew they would not be going down to the lobby for coffee before their meeting as Greg suggested. But that was okay.

Flying under the radar was Nate’s main goal.

He’d been trying to keep the peace. And he’d been trying to avoid as much confrontation with Hallie as possible from the moment he’d arrived in Boston.

It hadn’t been easy.

One minute Nate was amazed at Hallie’s resolve, the next minute he wanted to shake her. She’d blindsided him when she’d told Greg she wanted to stay in touch with Ahn.

That was the first he’d heard of it.

And she’d certainly had plenty of time to tell him.

Hallie had been in his face for the past week trying to dictate what they were going to do about Ahn until they could find new parents. As far as Nate was concerned, that issue was still unresolved. He wasn’t sure what part of joint guardian Hallie didn’t understand, but he was real close to patiently explaining it to her.

Still, Nate feared he was going to lose the battle.

For years Hallie had pretended to tolerate him for David and Janet’s sake. He knew it. She knew it. But there was no reason to tolerate him now. And Hallie had made it exceedingly clear all she wanted from him was him to be gone.

She’d told him flat out to go back to Afghanistan.

There was no reason for him to stay, she’d said. She would hire a full-time nanny for Ahn, and she would stay at David and Janet’s until they could find new parents. And since both of them had to agree, when she did find a couple she liked, then he could fly home, interview them and see if they met his approval.

There was only one problem with Hallie’s plan.

Nate wasn’t going back to Afghanistan.

Had Hallie given him the chance—instead of barking out orders at him—he would have told her that he’d arranged for his replacement even before he left for the States. But then, Nate had run out of chances with Hallie a long time ago.

He glanced over his shoulder at her standing behind him in the elevator. Her arms were folded, her head resting back against the elevator wall, her eyes closed.

She was tired, just as he was. Tired of the mind-numbing pain. Tired of the difficult task before them. Tired of knowing their lives had changed forever.

She’d always been on the thin side, but since the funeral Hallie seemed to be melting away before Nate’s eyes. If she weighed much more than one hundred pounds, Nate would be shocked.

He was worried about her.

Nate knew how grief had the power to ravish the human soul. He’d seen it happen to his mother after his father was killed rescuing a fellow firefighter. Nate couldn’t remember a time growing up when his mother hadn’t been depressed. She was in a nursing home now way before her time, her chronic depression finally leading to Alzheimer’s disease, which had put her there.

At least she’d been spared David’s death because now his mother didn’t remember her sons at all.

It worried Nate that he could see the same thing happening to Hallie—letting her grief consume her, falling into a deep depression. And it didn’t matter that she had a satisfying career or that she enjoyed her life as a single woman. All that faded with these horrific circumstances they faced.

Nate knew Janet had been Hallie’s touchstone—the glue that held Hallie’s life together. Hallie had said those exact words five years ago. Not to him, of course. She’d been talking to David while the three of them sat in the hospital waiting room after Janet had been rushed into emergency surgery for the ectopic pregnancy that sadly ended her ability to have children.

Nate had never forgotten the lost look on Hallie’s face as she sat there for hours worrying about her sister. And how could he? He’d been seeing that same lost look on Hallie’s face from the moment he got home.

That was why he was positive no good could come from Hallie living in Wedge Pond where she was constantly reminded that the one person she’d always depended on was gone. He should be the one to stay at David and Janet’s and hire a full-time nanny to take care of Ahn. Hallie needed to come back to her apartment here in Boston and go back to work as soon as possible.

She needed to be in her own element. Keeping busy. Being productive. Handling her daily executive producer problems that were constantly coming at her from all directions.

Busy was good.

Busy helped keep the pain at bay.

Besides, did it really matter who stayed to supervise the nanny? The nanny would be taking care of Ahn, just as Roberta had been caring for the child since the accident. In fact, Nate couldn’t think of one time Hallie had even held Ahn over the past few weeks, much less taken any responsibility for her care. But he wasn’t being fair—he’d made no attempt to interact with Ahn, either.

Since the accident, it had taken everything he and Hallie had to put one foot in front of the other and make it through another day. Allowing Roberta to ease the burden by caring for the baby had been what anyone would have done under the circumstances.

Thinking about Hallie’s stepmother, however, sent Nate’s thoughts in a different direction. As soon as he had an opportunity to talk to her alone, he needed to win Roberta over to his way of thinking.

Roberta had a lot of influence over Hallie even if they did butt heads on a regular basis. If Roberta sided with him, eventually maybe Hallie would, too.

The bell dinged and the elevator doors opened.

Nate stepped aside and politely motioned for Hallie to go ahead of him. She stared at him for a second before she shifted her purse strap to her shoulder and stepped forward. Nate was not prepared when Hallie suddenly grabbed his arm and marched him into the hallway.

“We need to talk before this meeting.”

She pointed to the unisex restroom directly across from the elevator. The next thing Nate knew, they were in the tiny bathroom together with the door locked. Hallie had her back against the door as if to prevent his escape.

So much for flying under the radar.

There was no getting along with this woman.

“Talk about what?” Nate demanded.

“You know exactly about what,” she said. “What we should have talked about ten years ago. We should have had it out back then and gotten it over with.”

Nate frowned. “And that’s what you want to do now? Stand here in a public bathroom and finally have it out?” He hoped she would see how ridiculous that sounded.

The determined look on her face said she didn’t.

“That’s exactly what I want to do,” she said. “We’re minutes away from meeting with a psychologist. If we don’t put our differences to rest before this meeting, we’re both going to end up in therapy.”

“Fine,” Nate said, throwing his hands up in the air. “You want to have it out, Hallie? Go for it. Blast away.”

She crossed her arms. “That Friday night after my first week at the station when we all went out for drinks after work at the club. Tell me the truth. If you weren’t interested in me, Nate, why did you insist on taking me home?”

Nate’s laugh was cynical. “You mean after you took your blouse off on the dance floor?”

Her chin came up. “I was hot and I had a camisole on underneath my blouse and you know it. In fact, even without it, I was wearing more than most women in that club.”

“Then maybe it was the way you twirled your blouse around over your head like a stripper before you threw it into the crowd. Yeah. I’m pretty sure that’s when I realized you’d had a little too much to drink and it might be wise if I made sure you got home safe.”

“Safe?” She snorted. “I sure wouldn’t call what we were doing in the back of that taxi any kind of safe. If I remember right, we were all over each other.”

“I’d had my share of alcohol that night, too,” Nate said in his own defense.

One eyebrow came up when she said, “But you were sober on Saturday when you went to see the station manager to have me transferred, Nate. And that’s what I’ve never understood. Why didn’t you just call me and tell me you weren’t interested in me? Why did you let me walk into the station on Monday morning when everyone knew we’d left the bar together Friday night and embarrass me like that?”

Nate let out a long sigh and ran a hand through his hair as he tried to sort out what he wanted to say. And yes, he was stalling. And who wouldn’t? He was trapped in a bathroom with a woman who had been seething for ten long years over what he’d done to her.

Nate could tell the truth.

Or he could lie about it.

Either way, he doubted Hallie would ever be satisfied.

Nate opted for the truth. “You were a kid, Hallie. You were too young for me. But I knew if we continued working together, we would end up in bed. That left me with two choices, and both of them sucked. I could be a jerk and sleep with you. Or I could be a jerk and have you transferred. I did what I thought was best for you under the circumstances. And that’s the honest truth.”

IT WAS THE LAST THING Hallie had expected Nate to say.

And the worst thing Nate could have admitted.

She couldn’t even take any satisfaction in his admission that he had been attracted to her—which came as a shock to Hallie. Maybe that satisfaction would come later. But at the moment, Hallie was pissed.

“And you couldn’t have told me I was too young for you? To back off? That it wasn’t going to happen between us?” Hallie demanded. “You really thought destroying my self-esteem and humiliating me in front of everyone at the station was the best thing you could do for me? Under the circumstances?”

“I guess this is the wrong time to point out that transferring you to the production department actually worked out pretty well for you.”

Hallie’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t you dare make light of what you did to me, Nate. I won’t stand for it. Everyone thought we slept together, even though we didn’t. And that left me looking like the stupid bimbo you tossed aside after you got what you wanted.”

His expression softened. “You’re right,” he said. “I shouldn’t have embarrassed you like that. And I should have apologized to you a long time ago.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

Nate kept staring at her.

Hallie stared back. In fact, it felt good staring openly at Nate like this, instead of one of them doing what they usually did and looking away if their eyes happened to meet.

Maybe too good.

“Let me ask you this,” Nate said. “What if I had apologized to you after I had you transferred? And what if I’d told you the truth that I thought you were too young for me? Would you have backed off and accepted the fact that it wasn’t going to happen between us?”

He caught Hallie off guard with those questions.

She thought of all the times she’d brought a date to Thanksgiving dinner, or to Christmas, or to any other function at Janet and David’s when she knew Nate was going to be there. It had been her way of thumbing her nose at Nate’s rejection, her proof that other men desired her whether Nate did or not.

Over the years, she’d dated more men, she’d broken up with more men and she’d turned down more men than she cared to remember. And the sad truth was, not one of them measured up to this man.

But did she have the guts to ’fess up and tell him the truth?

“Yes, I would have accepted your apology,” Hallie finally said. “But no, I wouldn’t have backed off. I was crazy about you. I would have pursued you to the depths of hell and back trying to prove you wrong.”

“And that’s why I had you transferred,” Nate said. “I knew I couldn’t survive another taxi ride.”

Hallie sighed and shook her head. “And all these years I thought the very sight of me disgusted you. That you were an insufferable egotistical bastard who didn’t think I was worthy of your time.”

“The very sight of me did disgust you,” he mentioned.

Hallie grimaced at the thought of how rude she’d been to Nate so many times. “I’m so sorry, Nate.”

“So am I,” he said. “For everything.”

It was his inflection on everything that got her.

The everything currently eating them both up inside.

Hallie stepped forward, and slid her arms around Nate’s waist, letting her head rest on his shoulder. She felt him stiffen for a second, but he put his arms around her, too.

There was nothing sexual about their embrace. Nothing sexual implied. Nothing sexual intended. Nothing sexual period. Their embrace was completely innocent, but it was long overdue.

They simply held each other.

No words were necessary.

No words were adequate for the loss they’d suffered.

But having Nate’s arms around her was the comfort Hallie had been waiting for since the two policemen arrived at her office to tell her about the accident. Comfort from the one person who loved Janet and David every bit as much as she did.

CHAPTER THREE

BY THE TIME she and Nate made it to Dr. Deborah Langston’s office, Hallie had stopped worrying about the psychologist picking up on any underlying tension between them. The heart-to-heart in the bathroom had altered the dynamics of their strained relationship.

But the emotional upheaval had been exhausting.

All Hallie wanted was to go back to Wedge Pond so she could retreat and not have to talk to anyone else for the remainder of the day. Then she’d have time to take stock. Ahn, Nate, and Roberta were the only family she had left. But there were no blood ties to keep them together. Janet and David had been their bond. Without that center pulling them all in, would they keep in touch? Given how Hallie had never really gotten along with Roberta, it was doubtful. And she’d truly be alone.

So if she didn’t want that, it was up to her to strengthen those relationships. How the hell she’d accomplish that baffled her at the moment. And the mere thought of no family to catch her when she fell nearly brought her to her knees.

Hallie took a deep breath when Nate opened the office door. First things first. Get through this interview, then she could figure out how to hold three fiercely independent souls together.

“I hope this won’t take long.” She looked around thinking the reception room was exactly what she expected—a kid-friendly section in one corner, reception-style chairs lining the walls. The pleasant surprise, however, was that no one else was waiting. That gave Hallie hope there would be no delays seeing Dr. Langston.

Nate followed as she walked toward the closed glass window where an older woman with frosted hair and dark-rimmed glasses was sitting talking on the phone. The woman ignored them completely until she finally ended the call. She slid the glass window open without saying a word, the bored expression on her face broadcasting how much she hated her job.

“Hallie Weston and Nate Brock to see Dr. Langston,” Hallie told her. “We have a ten-o’clock appointment.”

She picked up a clipboard and shoved it through the window at Hallie. “Take a seat and fill this out.”

Hallie refused to take it. “We’re only here to talk to Dr. Langston about one of her patients.”

“I still need your insurance information to bill for the consult fee.”

“I don’t intend to file the consult on my insurance,” Hallie told her. “I’ll pay cash for the consult fee.”

She gave Hallie a condescending look. “I still need your information in order to give you a receipt. Take a seat and fill out the form.”

Nate finally reached out and took the clipboard.

The woman slammed the window with a bang.

“I wasn’t trying to be difficult,” Hallie whispered as Nate led her to a group of chairs as far from the window as possible. “But there was no excuse for her being so rude.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said as they both sat. “I can fill out the information.”

Hallie was too tired to argue with him.

She watched as Nate opened the clip to remove the pen and began filling out the form. She really didn’t know why she’d been so confrontational a few minutes ago, other than the woman’s outright rudeness.

Maybe it was being out in the public for the first time in weeks. Having to actually deal with people when all she wanted to do was climb into bed, pull the covers over her head and shut the world out completely.

Or maybe she was losing it.

She sure felt as though she could snap at any minute. And if something as simple as filling out a form took her to the edge, what little thing would actually push her over?

Hallie’s grim thoughts were interrupted by a drop-dead gorgeous blonde calling out their names. Nate was on his feet so fast he almost dropped the clipboard.

Not that Hallie could blame him. The blonde’s hair fell soft around her shoulders, and her clothes certainly weren’t hanging off her—glued to her was more like it. Her short white skirt hit her well above the knee, and her low-cut turquoise blouse showed off a healthy cleavage.

Dr. Langston obviously needed a few tips on hiring a professional staff. She had a witch for a receptionist and a call girl look-alike for an assistant.

“This way, please.” The blonde flashed Nate a bleached-white smile when he handed over the clipboard and then sashayed down the hallway ahead of them. For Nate’s benefit, of course. A woman didn’t walk that way unless she knew a man was watching.

And Hallie should know. She’d done it too many times to count.

“Here we are.” The blonde motioned them inside an open office door to the two chairs facing a desk with Dr. Langston’s nameplate. Hallie was about to ask how long they’d have to wait for the doctor when the blonde sat across the desk.

Hallie amended her earlier assessment of the business lessons Dr. Langston needed. Someone should instruct her on appropriate attire and remind her that her clients were not a dating pool she could dip into whenever she wanted. Hallie caught another blinding smile the doctor sent toward Nate, who seemed to be having a typically male reaction to a blatant come-hither. Oh, for crying out loud. This was ludi—

She stopped the mental tirade, shocked at not only the vehemence of her thoughts, but also the decidedly jealous tone. What was that about? Yes, she would always be attracted to Nate, but she had no intentions of acting on those feelings. They’d just reached a truce that she needed to build on so that she still had some thing that looked like a family. So what did it matter that a short skirt and a bit of cleavage turned him into a teenage boy? That was right. It didn’t matter. None of her business.

Thoughts firmly on track, she turned her attention from Nate to Dr. Langston.

“First, I want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss,” the doctor said, glancing briefly at Hallie, but talking directly to Nate. “David and Janet were beautiful people.”

“Thank you,” Nate said.

Hallie mumbled her thanks, too.

“Greg wanted me to meet with you because he knows what a difficult situation you’re in. He felt my insight could help you with your parent selection as you go through the readoption process.”

“Thank you, Dr. Langston,” Nate said. “We need all the help we can get.”

Hallie almost kicked him.

Amazing, how chatty Nate had suddenly become.

What happened to brooding and silent?

“Please,” she said. “Call me Deb. And if it’s okay, I prefer to use your first names, too. I find the less formality between us, the better.”

Hallie fought back a gag.

“How involved have you been in Ahn’s life since the adoption, Nate?”

“I’m afraid not at all,” Nate admitted. “I flew home for Ahn’s christening. But I’ve been out of the country since then.”

“And you, Hallie?” Deb asked, looking directly at Hallie for the first time.

It hurt Hallie to admit that before the accident she’d only seen Ahn four times. At the airport when Janet and David first brought her home. At Ahn’s christening. The one weekend she had made time in her busy schedule to stay with Janet and Ahn while David was out of town. And at Ahn’s second birthday party—the weekend before the accident on May 2. The last time Hallie had seen Janet and David alive.

“My contact with Ahn has been limited,” Hallie said, though she couldn’t keep from adding, “but if I remember correctly, that was partially due to advice Janet and David received from you.” Down went the gauntlet. She was not going to let this woman push her around.

“That’s true,” Deb said, apparently unruffled by the challenge. “During the first two months after the adoption it was important for Ahn to have time alone with Janet and David in order for them to bond as a family. But I apologize if the question sounded more like an accusation. I was only trying to gauge how much time each of you had been able to spend with Ahn.”

Now she was trying to make Hallie look like a bitch.

And okay, she was being a bitch. But she was an honest bitch.

“And I apologize for being defensive,” Hallie said. “But we all have our regrets. And my regret will always be that I didn’t spend more time with my sister and Ahn when Janet was alive.”

“And how is Ahn?”

Hallie and Nate looked at each other.

It took Hallie a second to realize Nate was waiting for her to answer the question. As if she could. She was no more qualified to answer the question than Nate.

“Since the accident, my stepmother has been staying at Janet and David’s and taking care of Ahn. Nate and I are staying there, too,” Hallie added quickly. “But…well, under the circumstances…”

“I understand completely,” Deb said. “But I’m pleased to hear Ahn isn’t being bounced around from one family member to another while you and Nate are trying to recover. It’s very important that she stays in her own home where she feels safe. She’s too young to understand what’s happened, of course, but you should be prepared for drastic mood swings while she’s trying to cope with Janet and David’s sudden absence from her life.”

Hallie nodded that she understood.

And okay, maybe she’d been too quick to judge.

“And is your stepmother going to stay and help you take care of Ahn until you find new parents?”

“No,” Hallie said, shuddering at the thought. She loved Roberta. And she was going to make an effort to get along with her better. But Roberta’s overbearing personality had always driven Hallie up the wall. “We’re beginning interviews for a full-time nanny this week.”

Deb looked surprised. “I strongly advise against hiring a nanny.”

Hallie sat straighter in her chair. “Excuse me?”

“I strongly disagree with you leaving Ahn’s care to a nanny,” she repeated. “Ahn is slowly making progress, but she still has a lot to overcome in order to catch up developmentally. Unless you get to know this child, and I’m talking really get to know Ahn’s wants, her needs, her temperament and especially her shortcomings, you’ll struggle to choose the best parents for her.”

The magnitude of what Deb implied momentarily staggered Hallie. She couldn’t take care of Ahn on her own. She didn’t know the first thing about child rearing, especially with a child who’d experienced a lack of early stimulation and now needed particular attention. Deb couldn’t possibly mean that. “So what are you’re suggesting? That I quit my job and take care of Ahn, possibly for months, until we find new parents?”

“If at all possible, yes,” Deb said, as if that were a completely reasonable request. She looked over at Nate. “And, if possible, you should do the same, Nate. As Ahn’s guardians and as the two people who will decide her future, both of you need to take full responsibility as Ahn’s primary caregivers so you will be qualified to make such an important decision.”

Nate looked shocked.

Hallie was speechless.

But she already knew what Nate had to be thinking. Of course it was possible for both of them to put their careers on hold until Ahn was readopted. Janet and David had made it possible.

But money wasn’t the issue here.

The issue for Hallie was becoming a full-time parent. Hallie couldn’t even fathom it. A claustrophobic sensation rose in her. Every day spent locked in a house with her only focus a child with limited communication skills? And she couldn’t fathom someone as restless as Nate being stuck at Wedge Pond and helping her take care of a baby.

“I appreciate the advice, but we will be hiring a nanny,” Hallie told her firmly. She reached into her purse and handed over the form Greg had given them. “Greg said you would help us fill this out for the adoption agency.”

Dr. Langston took the paper but the look she gave Hallie said she wasn’t through. “I’ll be happy to help you. And maybe as we go over the parental requirements Ahn will need, you’ll reconsider your decision about the nanny.”

Don’t count on it.

If Janet and David had thought Hallie and Nate were capable of raising their daughter, they wouldn’t have assigned their siblings the role of guardian with the task of finding new parents. But Janet and David hadn’t and that, to Hallie’s way of thinking, was proof enough that she couldn’t provide the care Ahn required. So Dr. Langston was not going to lay some guilt trip on her sufficient enough to make Hallie embrace a role she knew absolutely zero about. She’d never even been a babysitter as a teenager. Kids had always been Janet’s thing, not hers.

Dr. Langston reached for a pen from the holder on her desk. “I don’t know how much David and Janet shared with you about how Ahn spent the first eighteen months of her life in the orphanage. There were too many children and not enough staff, so only Ahn’s basic needs were met. Human contact was limited to when Ahn was fed or when she was changed. And since babies are immobile, they always get the least attention. Ahn’s days were spent alone in a crib, left to entertain herself.”

She paused. “That was the bad news. The good news is that there is nothing physically wrong with her. David and Janet have had her to the best pediatric specialists available and she’s perfectly healthy. She has a lot of catching up to do developmentally, but she’s a very bright child. With the right parental support she’ll thrive and she’ll be on par with her peers by the time she starts school.”

She checked a box on the form. “I’m recommending a stay-at-home parent on this form. Ahn’s best chance for overcoming her problems is a parent who can give Ahn the attention she needs. And by attention, I mean the daily verbal, cognitive and physical exercises Ahn has been receiving these past six months.”

She opened a desk drawer and pulled out a thick bound notebook that she handed directly to Hallie. “This notebook gives you a concise description of the exercises Janet has been following. Take this copy in case Janet’s has been misplaced.”

Reluctantly, Hallie took it. The size of the book represented a level of responsibility and dedication she had never given another human being. This was where Janet had excelled. She’d been so compassionate and caring, so willing and able to pull people under her wing and foster them until they were strong enough to stand on their own. With her as a mommy, Hallie had no doubt Ahn would have been a match for any kid in her classes.

But that was Janet’s forte, not Hallie’s. Hallie organized action and information. She could pull together all the unruly and disparate pieces that her show required and execute it flawlessly. She dealt in the realm of theory and ideas. People? Not so much.

This book seemed to shout all of her inadequacies loud enough for all to hear. She set it on the floor by her purse, thinking she’d read it later when she wasn’t feeling so overwhelmed.

“Ahn’s daily activities are also why I feel so strongly that one or both of you should fill in as a stay-at-home parent. Since Janet stayed with Ahn, she might connect better with you, Hallie. And while I appreciate that you could hire a female nanny, I fear if Ahn’s care is turned over to someone who has no personal interest in her, she will receive little more than what she received at the orphanage. Only her basic needs will be met. That could result in Ahn regressing instead of moving forward. She needs the support of someone who is fully committed to her improvement. What she doesn’t need is someone who takes care of her only in order to earn a paycheck.”

“Greg mentioned it was possible that Ahn’s delayed speech development could make it more difficult to find parents for her,” Nate said. “Do you agree?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” she said. “But as I mentioned before, Ahn is a very bright child. If you take this opportunity to work closely with her, the speech problem may take care of itself.”

She checked another box. “Again, because of Ahn’s special needs, there should be no other siblings. The parents need to be able to devote their full attention to Ahn without any other distractions. As she gets older, siblings would actually be a benefit to her.”

Deb paused and considered Hallie and Nate. “I’ve been referring to parents in general so far. It’s quite likely you’ll want Ahn’s prospective parents to mirror what she had—a mother who stays at home and a father who works out of the house. If that’s the case, here are some things to look for. The best father for Ahn won’t travel, and will be at home at night. All children need a strong male presence, but Ahn needs consistency. A father she sees only on weekends can’t provide that. Nor can a workaholic father. Ahn needs a father who is willing to be one hundred percent involved in her overall care. And she needs a father who wants a child because he’s ready to be a father, and not because his wife wants to be a mother.”

She paused again. “To put it bluntly, more than half of the adoptive fathers I work with go through the adoption process only to please their wives.” She looked at Nate. “I can assure you, your brother wasn’t one of them. David was one of the most committed fathers I’ve ever worked with. Ahn was shy and withdrawn around him at first, but she quickly became attached. In order to lessen the void Ahn feels in her life right now, it would help if you filled in so she still has that strong male presence and will be better able to bond with her new father.”

“I’m confused,” Hallie said. “How do you expect us to determine whether a man is ready to be a father for the right reasons? It isn’t likely he’s going to admit that to us even if we asked.”

“True,” Deb said. “Hopefully you’ll pick up on any red flags when you meet the applicants face-to-face.”

Hallie had no reply—she was too overwhelmed.

Dammit, where had her mind been? Why hadn’t she realized before now how hard choosing parents for Ahn was going be? How much was at stake?

Of course, Hallie already knew the answer.

Until now she’d seen her role as a supervisory one, directing other people the way she did on the job. But she’d never envisioned herself doing all the tasks Janet had on a daily basis.

“That takes care of most of the form,” Dr. Langston said, checking a few more boxes. “These last four questions are ones the two of you need to answer based on your personal preferences. They have nothing to do with my professional opinion.”

She poised her pen over the paper. “Are you open to older parents? Or do you prefer younger parents?”

“Mid- to late-thirties, I guess,” Nate said, looking over at Hallie. “The same age as David and Janet?”

“I agree,” Hallie said.

“Number of years you feel the couple should be married?”

“At least five years?” Hallie suggested.

Nate nodded.

“The lowest income level you’d consider?”

“No lower than two-fifty a year,” Nate said without even asking Hallie. “Otherwise the new parents won’t be able to provide Ahn with whatever extra help she needs.”

“I agree,” Dr. Langston said. “At this point there’s no way to tell if Ahn is going to need additional counseling and therapy on a long-term basis.”

She looked back down at the form. “Are you open to out-of-state applicants?”

“I’d prefer in-state applicants,” Hallie said. “Or at least applicants who live in and around our neighboring northeastern states. I’m retaining my right to stay in touch with Ahn after the adoption. The less distance between us, the easier that will be.”

Dr. Langston was bold enough to say, “Really? That surprises me since you’re so determined to have a nanny.”

“I may not be the mommy type, but Ahn is my niece. The adoption isn’t going to change that as far as I’m concerned.”

Dr. Langston finished making her notations on the form. “That concludes the questionnaire,” she said, handing the form across the desk. “And for what it’s worth, I think Ahn is a lucky little girl to have you for an aunt, Hallie.”

“Thank you.” Hallie stood and stuck out her hand. “And thanks for your help today.”

Deb stood and shook Hallie’s hand.

Hallie put the form in her purse and stuck the notebook under her arm then followed as Dr. Langston walked them to her office door.

“I’ve made an appointment for Ahn in two weeks,” Deb said. “With the drastic changes going on in her life right now, it’s important that you keep the appointment.”

“She’ll be here,” Nate said.

Hallie knew there were questions she should probably ask—behaviors to watch out for, or strategies to deal with Ahn’s grief—but her mind was spinning from too much information, and her head was pounding from a stress-induced headache. All Hallie wanted was out of here.

And maybe after a few hours of solitude this insane reality she was living would make sense.

CHAPTER FOUR

NATE HAD NEVER CLAIMED to be a genius. But he was smart enough to stay out of the middle of a disagreement between two strong and independent women. Only a fool would get involved once the claws came out.

So when Deb and Hallie had come down on opposite sides of the nanny debate, he’d kept his mouth shut.

Just as he was keeping his mouth shut now.

Hallie had not said a word when he’d caught up with her at the elevator. Not after she popped two aspirin into her mouth from the bottle she dropped back into her purse. Not when they’d stopped at Greg’s office to drop off the information for the adoption agency. Not during the three-block walk to the parking garage. And not when he’d opened the passenger-side door so she could climb into his Range Rover.

They were driving out of downtown Boston now, heading back to Wedge Pond. And Hallie had yet to say a word.

But Nate didn’t have to glance over at her sitting in the seat beside him to know she was chewing on her lower lip. He’d seen her do it a thousand times. Hallie always chewed on her lower lip when she was worried about something.

Nate also didn’t have to wonder what that something was. Dr. Langston’s advice about the nanny had been shocking and eye-opening—for both of them.

The question was what to do about it.

Nate tried to picture him and Hallie taking care of Ahn. He couldn’t. His inability to see it had nothing against Hallie and definitely nothing against Ahn. It was him and his decision never to have kids. He didn’t have it in him to be daddy to anyone—even on a temporary basis. But instinct told him not to discuss the issue until Hallie was ready.

Nate had no intention of doing or saying anything that might damage the truce he and Hallie had finally found. That ground was still too shaky, too new to both of them.

Besides, they weren’t used to talking to each other at all. One conversation in a bathroom wasn’t going to instantly change that. They’d have to gradually ease into a comfort zone with each other. He’d give Hallie all the space and all the time she needed until she could begin to feel comfortable around him.

Unfortunately, feeling comfortable around each other could lead to another problem. From what Greg and Deb had told them, finding new parents wasn’t going to be easy. And that meant he and Hallie could be spending far more time together than Nate ever imagined.

He was concerned about that.

Gravely concerned.

Nate almost wished he had lied to Hallie when she’d confronted him about their past. That he’d allowed her to keep thinking he was an egotistical bastard. Her disdain toward him had cancelled out his attraction to her all these years, the same as her age had stopped him from acting when they first met.

Only Hallie wasn’t a kid anymore.

She was a beautiful, desirable woman who was extremely vulnerable at the moment.

Fate had forced them together at the worst possible time. Losing David and Janet had turned their lives upside down. Thrown them completely off-kilter. Left them both floundering, uncertain what they should do first or which way they should turn next.

An affair right now would only end in disaster. They were both too unstable.

The question was, did he have the same strength he’d had ten years ago? Could he really resist Hallie if they were together day and night? Nate wasn’t sure that he could again do what was best for Hallie under the circumstances.

Nate glanced over at her.

He was surprised to see she was staring right at him.

“So?” she said. “What do you think about the nanny situation?”

He wondered if she’d be shocked to know he hadn’t been thinking about the nanny situation at all. That he’d been thinking about the things they’d done to each other in the back of that taxi.

“I don’t think we have any choice but to hire a nanny. But I can also understand Deb’s reasons for why we shouldn’t.”

“Really?” she said. “I’m amazed you heard a word she said with the amount of cleavage she was showing.”

“Is that a hint of meow in your voice?” Nate asked.

“Of course it is,” she admitted. “From a woman’s point of view, the only thing worse than another woman being so gorgeous is if she’s smart and gorgeous.”

“If that’s true,” Nate said, “then I’m sure she was thinking the same thing about you.”

She snorted. “Have you looked at me today?”

Much more often than I should have.

But Nate wisely chose not to answer. “Does your question mean you’re having second thoughts about the nanny?”

“No,” she said. “I’m having terrifying thoughts about not hiring a nanny and taking up the role as Ahn’s primary caregiver.” She waved the notebook at him. “I don’t even have to open this notebook to know how doomed Ahn would be if she had to rely on me to help progress those developmental skills Deb kept talking about. I’m not even capable of fulfilling the child’s basic needs. I don’t do diapers.”

“I don’t do diapers, either. But maybe we could compromise. We could hire a nanny to take care of Ahn’s basic needs. And one of us could take responsibility for working with Ahn on a personal level.”

“One of us meaning me,” Hallie said, “since you’ll be heading back to Afghanistan.”

Nate kept his eyes straight ahead when he said, “I’m not going back to Afghanistan, Hallie. I arranged for my replacement before I left.”

She gasped. “But why?”

Nate still didn’t look at her. “My mother. With David gone, I need to be able to check on her.”

Instantly, Hallie’s hand was on his arm.

Instantly, her touch left Nate rattled.

“Oh, God, Nate. I’m sorry. I haven’t thought about your mother.”

“No need to apologize,” Nate said, relieved when she withdrew her hand. But he did glance over at her. “My mother isn’t going to realize I’m there, of course. Just like she didn’t realize David came to see her every week. But I’ll know.”

Nate looked back at the highway.

“Do you get that’s the same way I feel about Ahn? I need to know I didn’t turn my back on her.”

“When you put it that way, yes. I do understand how you feel.”

“Look at us,” she said. “We’re actually agreeing on something.”

“And I hope you’ll agree with something else,” Nate told her. “Since I’m not going back to Afghanistan, I should be the one to stay with Ahn and the nanny. That will leave you free to go home and back to work.”

Hallie sent him a wary look.

“When you’re ready to go back to work, of course,” Nate added quickly.

“I never considered you wouldn’t go back. But you’re right. The fact that you’re staying changes everything.”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“I mean, of course you’ll stay at the house, Nate. You live there.”

She was referring to the guest cottage on David and Janet’s property. It wasn’t feasible to maintain a stateside apartment when he was out of the country most of the time, so he’d been using the cottage as his residence.

“Did you really think if I stayed at Janet and David’s I would expect you to leave?” she asked.

“Before we had our conversation in the bathroom this morning, yes.”

“Well, you’re wrong,” she said. “Even if we’d never talked, I wouldn’t have expected you to leave just because I was staying there.”

“And your thoughts on my proposal about the nanny?”

“You can really see yourself being a world-renowned photojournalist turned verbal, cognitive and physical child therapist?”

“No,” Nate admitted. “But I also can’t see you resigning and putting your career on hold when I’m free to stay with Ahn.”

“So I get a pass,” she said, “and you get stuck with all the responsibility.”

“I prefer to think of it as making a logical decision under the circumstances.”

She looked over at him. “I can’t go to work and not feel guilty about it.”

“Then stay on the weekends if that will make you feel less guilty.” That arrangement was still potentially dangerous by putting them in proximity and giving them the opportunity to act on what was going on between them. He wasn’t so naive as to think they’d be able to resist—truly only her animosity toward him all these years had accomplished that. But if he could restrict her time in the house to weekends he might be able to forestall them landing in bed.

So he had to convince her to return to work. And he’d figure out how to step into Ahn’s daily learning regimen.

Hallie’s silence stretched out. When he glanced at her she was rubbing her temples with her fingertips. Was that because she found his suggestion so outrageous she was pissed at him? Or did she think it had merit? He latched on to the fact she hadn’t said no yet. He didn’t intend to lose his momentum.

“You heard what Deb said about Ahn being more likely to bond with her new father if I stepped in. That’s another reason I should be the one to stay.”

She let out a long sigh. “And I also heard what she said about me not being able to properly evaluate the applicants if I’ve never played the parent role.” She looked over at him. “Admit it. I’m obviously not a very good judge of character, or I wouldn’t have been so wrong about you all these years.”

He couldn’t let her take responsibility for reacting to a situation he’d created. “That was my fault.”

“Truthfully, Nate, I’m not capable of making any decisions right now. Okay?”

“Absolutely.” He could commiserate. The only thing that kept him choosing one thing over another these days was experience—once upon a time he’d been in similar circumstances with far fewer resources and less maturity. “Think about it and we’ll discuss it later.”

As Nate focused on the highway, he was relieved she hadn’t immediately shot down his solution to the problem. The fact that they’d had a rational discussion rein forced the rightness of his impulse to tell her the truth about his attraction all those years ago. He’d thought that information would go to the grave with him. But he was glad she knew—she didn’t deserve to think less of herself because of his sense of self-preservation.

Sure, he’d have to keep a check on his attraction to her—something that would be much easier if she weren’t living at the house. But the most important thing now was for them to be able to look at the situation in a logical manner.

Hopefully Hallie would see his suggestion made the most sense.

Surely, she would realize that.

HALLIE WAS RELIEVED when Nate headed for the guest cottage once they arrived at the house. As strained as it had been not talking to each other for the past few weeks, Hallie found it as difficult now that they were talking.

Or maybe it was only what they were talking about.

It would take days to completely wrap her mind around everything that had happened this morning. Her mind-blowing inheritance. Her big showdown with Nate. The reality check she’d gotten about the nanny. Then Nate’s suggestion that she return to work and let him take care of Ahn with a nanny’s help.

Hallie was too confused to process anything, her mind jammed with information overload.

As she walked to the main house, her thoughts travelled back four years to when she, Janet and David had driven out here to Winchester, an upscale little town north of Boston. Once Janet and David made the decision to adopt, they’d started house hunting immediately. Winchester had been at the top of their short list because it was one hundred percent family-focused.

Hallie hadn’t been surprised when Janet instantly fell in love with this two-story contemporary, all stone and glass, that was situated on three acres of waterfront property facing Wedge Pond. The house had Janet’s name written all over it. But Hallie knew the guest cottage adjacent to the main house was what had sold David on the place.

She’d been invited to dinner shortly after Janet and David moved in, as had Nate, home for a quick stay between assignments. It was one of the few times she hadn’t dragged a date along. Hallie would never forget the proud look on David’s face when he’d handed Nate the keys to the cottage.

“Welcome home, brother,” David had said. “Your keys. Your cottage. My thanks for all you’ve done for me.”

Because of their mother’s chronic depression, David had always given Nate credit for making sure he had a home when they were growing up. The cottage finally provided David with a way to pay Nate back.

Now, David and Janet had left the property to both of them. But as far as Hallie was concerned, the place belonged to Nate. After the readoption, she would sign over her half and give it to Nate free and clear.

And she wasn’t going to argue with Nate about it.

She had no use for a rambling two-story house. Especially not out in the suburbs. She was a city girl through and through, and she loved her downtown Boston apartment.

It made her wonder if Nate had any idea how tempting his offer was. She would give anything to go home. To sleep in her own bed. To try to re-create some normalcy in her life.

As if her life ever would be normal again.

Hallie took a deep breath and started up the steps that led to the back deck overlooking Wedge Pond. The French doors off the den had always been the entryway everyone used into the house.

With any luck, Roberta would be in the kitchen, too busy with Ahn to pay much attention when Hallie snuck upstairs to lie down. Words like tired, stressed or headache were a sign of weakness to Roberta. She expected everyone to do as she did—suck it up and move on. After hearing every excuse possible during her forty years of teaching, Roberta had zero tolerance for excuses and held the opinion that whining shouldn’t be tolerated.

Hallie’s late father and Janet had always done exactly what Roberta wanted in order to keep the peace. Hallie had been the only one who ever stood up to her—the main reason they had trouble getting along.

After the morning she’d had, Hallie knew a run-in with Roberta might really push her over the edge. She was tired. She was stressed. And yes, she had a monster of a headache.

Unfortunately, when Hallie reached the top step, there sat Roberta, a book on her lap, the baby monitor on the table beside her.

Hallie walked in her direction.

A glance at the video screen on the monitor showed Ahn was sleeping peacefully in her crib. Roberta’s expression, however, was anything but peaceful. The strain of the tragedy still showed plainly on her face.

For the first time ever Hallie thought she looked old.

Old was not an adjective anyone used to describe Roberta Weston. At sixty-seven, she was still trim, still full of energy, and she could have easily passed for fifty-seven if she covered up the gray at her temples, which she absolutely refused to do.

“God gives you gray hair for a reason,” she always declared. “It reminds you to be thankful for every day you have left on this Earth.”

But Hallie couldn’t think about God right now. She was much too angry.

Roberta closed her book and placed it on the table by the monitor as Hallie approached. She flopped into the adjacent deck chair, set down her purse and the notebook, then kicked off her high heels.

“Don’t get too comfortable. I made tuna salad for lunch. You need to eat something.”

“Thanks,” Hallie said. “But I’ll eat later.”

“You always say that,” Roberta countered. “But you never follow through.”

Hallie refused to argue. Wasn’t that her goal? To try to get along better?

“Starving yourself doesn’t solve anything, Hallie.”

Teetering close to the edge, Hallie said, “I’m not starving myself. I just don’t have an appetite.”

“Then either force yourself to eat, or get a new wardrobe,” Roberta said. “That dress looks awful on you.”

What could Hallie say to that? It was true.

So rather than fight Hallie changed the subject. “Greg’s going to call you this afternoon.”

Roberta’s head jerked in her direction. “Me?”

“Janet and David named you in the will,” Hallie said. “Greg said they left you a monetary gift and he wants to discuss it with you.”

Roberta pursed her lips. “There was absolutely no reason for Janet and David to do that. I’m hardly destitute.”

After Hallie’s father died five years ago, Roberta retired from teaching, sold the house and bought a condo in a retirement community for active seniors. She played tennis twice a week, worked out in the gym every morning, in addition to her busy social life. And recently, she’d met a retired Air Force colonel who lived in the same complex. The Colonel, as Roberta fondly called him, had come to the funeral to lend his support—support Roberta was going to need in the long, hard days that still lay ahead.

“I know you aren’t destitute, Roberta,” Hallie said patiently. “And Janet and David knew it, too. But they loved you.” Hallie stole Greg’s line. “Accept their gift in the spirit it was given.”

That silenced Roberta.

Was Roberta hard to get along with? Yes. Was her personality abrasive? Definitely. But there was no doubt in Hallie’s mind that Roberta had always cared about her and Janet. She was always there for direction and for guidance—just not so much on an emotional level. She’d basically treated her stepdaughters the same way she’d treated her students. And while there was nothing wrong with that, secretly Hallie would have preferred a little less practical logic and a little more loving compassion.

“The nanny agency called to confirm your first interview appointment tomorrow,” Roberta said.

If Hallie heard the word nanny one more time today, she was going to scream. “Good. I can never thank you enough for taking care of Ahn these past three weeks, Roberta. But I know you’re ready to go home.”

Roberta didn’t deny it. “There’s no need to thank me for anything. That’s what families do in a crisis. They step in and do what needs to be done.”

With Deb’s dire warning echoing in her head, Hallie sought another opinion. “So you agree, then? Hiring a nanny is our best choice?”

“Of course I agree,” Roberta said. “Who would take care of Ahn if you didn’t hire a nanny? You?” Roberta had the nerve to laugh.

Hallie bristled, even though she felt the same way. “That’s what Ahn’s psychologist thinks we should do. She advises against hiring a nanny. She thinks Nate and I should be Ahn’s primary caregivers until the readoption so we will be able to choose the best parents for her.”

“And how is Nate supposed to do that from Afghanistan?” Her tone clearly said what she thought of the doctor’s recommendation.

“Nate isn’t going back. He’s staying here. Someone has to be available to check on his mother.”

“And what are you supposed to do? Take Ahn to work with you?”

Hallie sighed. “No. I’d have to ask for an indefinite leave of absence. Or turn in my resignation if they refuse to give me one.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Roberta said. “You can’t be expected to quit your job. And what kind of idiot would suggest that two people who have no experience taking care of a baby, let alone one who needs special attention, should act as the child’s primary caregivers?”

“Nate and I aren’t imbeciles, Roberta. We could learn to take care of a baby.”

Roberta shook her head in disgust. “Well, as far as I’m concerned, this doctor is the imbecile. That’s why I’ve never had any faith in psychologists. They’re all idealistic snobs completely out of touch with reality.”

Her words should have made Hallie feel better. Too bad they didn’t.

Hallie grabbed the notebook and held it up for Roberta to see. “Have you been following Janet’s copy of Ahn’s daily developmental exercises?”

Roberta straightened into her stern no-nonsense teacher pose. “Absolutely not. I told Janet from the be ginning what I thought about that hogwash. Parents today rely too much on so-called experts to tell them how to raise their children, without realizing that within five years the opinion will change, and everything they’ve been doing is now considered wrong. Parents know best what’s right for their children.”

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