# The Doldrums and the Helmsley Curse

Nicholas Gannon

Archer B. Hemsley and friends are back and yearning for adventure in this second beautifully told, stunningly-illustrated story from author-illustrator Nicholas Gannon.After two years, Archer B. Helmsley’s famous explorer grandparents are finally coming home. They had been missing – abandoned on an iceberg – and Archer and his best friends, Adélaïde L. Belmont and Oliver Grub led an adventurous mission to rescue them.Archer is overjoyed by his grandparents’ return. However, he seems to be the only one . . . Rumours begin to surface that Archer’s grandparents weren’t abandoned after all. People are claiming that they made it all up. Well, Archer knows those rumours are false, and with the help of his best friends and new neighbour, Kana, he is going to prove it. Off the foursome set, into a snowstorm and beyond, to restore his grandparents’ reputation.

This book is a work of fiction. References to real people, events, establishments, organizations, or locales are intended only to provide a sense of authenticity, and are used to advance the fictional narrative. All other characters, and all incidents and dialogue, are drawn from the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real.

THE DOLDRUMS AND THE HELMSLEY CURSE. Text and illustrations copyright © 2017 by Nicholas Gannon. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

www.harpercollins.co.uk

ISBN 9780008149437 (hardcover)

EPub Edition © October 2017 ISBN 9780008149451

Version: 2017-10-23

To Patrick and Gannon,

and Staple Guns and Dump Trucks

CONTENTS

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

PROLOGUE: Snowflakes and Rumors

PART ONE: AN ICEBERG IN ROSEWOOD

CHAPTER ONE: Raven Wood

CHAPTER TWO: An Odd Farewell

CHAPTER THREE: Years of Wonder

CHAPTER FOUR: The Center of a Maze

CHAPTER FIVE: The Greenhorn and His Father

CHAPTER SIX: Bite by Bite and Piece by Piece

PART TWO: JUST AND UNJUST DESSERTS

CHAPTER SEVEN: Murder Is Kind of Serious

CHAPTER EIGHT: Crooked Eustace Mullfort

CHAPTER NINE: Concerning Glubs and Misras

CHAPTER TEN: Over the Garden Wall

CHAPTER ELEVEN: Fearing Disappearing

CHAPTER TWELVE: The Budding Botanist

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Good King Oliver

PART THREE: THE STORM

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Helmsley House Disappears

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Into a Poisonous Dream

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: A Long Journey Home

About the Author

Credits

About the Publisher


♦ SNOWFLAKES AND RUMORS ♦

The city of Rosewood was humming with rumors. They swirled every which way, across snowy rooftops and down narrow streets.

“How is it possible? It’s been two years!”

They were exchanged in shops along Howling Bloom Street and slurped in Belmont Café.

“Are you saying you think we’ve been duped?”

“What would they have eaten?”

They were laughed about in student rooms at the Willow Academy and gulped in handfuls at DuttonLick’s sweetshop.

“Weren’t there penguins on the iceberg?”

“You think they survived by eating penguins?”

It was a blizzard of rumors. They piled as high as the snow. There were hundreds of answers to one single question:

ROSEWOOD CHRONICLE

HOW DID RALPH AND RACHEL HELMSLEY

SURVIVE STRANDED ATOP AN ICEBERG?

Ralph and Rachel Helmsley were two of the city’s most famed residents—explorers, once presumed dead, soon to return to their tall, skinny house on crooked, narrow Willow Street. And there wasn’t a single person anticipating the explorers’ return home more than their grandson, Archer B. Helmsley.

“Archer’s dangerous. He set tigers loose in a museum just to see if he could outrun them!”

“I heard he can make acorns explode simply by looking at them.”

“No, that’s impossible. But he can turn a flamingo into a glass of pink lemonade when he’s thirsty.”

In truth, Archer couldn’t make acorns explode or turn a flamingo into a glass of pink lemonade. But with the help of two friends and a life raft, Archer had outrun a pack of tigers. It had happened two months ago, during a botched rescue attempt to find his grandparents—who’d been missing from Archer’s life since he was a mere two days old. As a result, for the past two months Archer had been living at Raven Wood Boarding School. His parents had insisted it was for his own good. And to make matters worse, just before he’d boarded the train north, Archer had discovered his grandparents were not only very much still alive—they were also finally coming home.

So Archer had missed the first rumor spread through Rosewood and the first snowflake fall on Willow Street. And he’d missed the countless others that followed. It had been a particularly cold start to winter—the kind of cold where if you wrinkled your nose, it could remain wrinkled forever. The whole of Rosewood had become a white sea, and the snow only got deeper with each passing day.

♦ CLANKING RADIATORS♦

On North Willow Street, in the cellar of house number 376, a boiler was hard at work, forcing steam into pipes that traveled up four stories to a top-floor bedroom, where a radiator was hissing and clanking and Adélaïde Belmont sat at her desk, writing a letter.

… I haven’t seen your grandparents yet.

But everyone in Rosewood is talking about them…

Adélaïde paused and glanced over her shoulder. Her friend and neighbor Oliver Glub stood a few feet from her desk.

“I might be able to sled over to your bedroom soon,” he said, his face pressed to her balcony window.

Adélaïde joined him, both watching as snowflakes piled the secret Willow Street gardens high.

“I’ve never seen so much snow,” Adélaïde said. “Those garden walls are seven feet tall, but I almost can’t tell where one garden ends and the other begins.”

Oliver lived diagonally across those snowy gardens. Next door to him was Helmsley House. Archer’s house. But Archer’s bedroom was dark. And had been ever since the tiger incident.

“Do you think he knows what they’re saying about his grandparents?” Oliver asked.

“I can’t tell,” Adélaïde replied, returning to her desk. “He’s never written about it. And even if we were allowed to tell him, I wouldn’t know which rumor to begin with.”

Oliver didn’t know either. There were new rumors every day. And they were getting worse.

Adélaïde finished her letter, stuffed it into an envelope alongside Oliver’s, and said, “I’m ready.”

♦ THROW CARES AWAY ♦

At the front door, they pulled on their coats and wrapped their scarves. Adélaïde wedged a second scarf into her boot to fill the gap around her wooden leg. They trudged down the front steps and forged the sidewalk snow trenches. The sun was gone and the stars were out and the lampposts lit their way.

“If I didn’t know any better,” Oliver said, helping Adélaïde over a snowbank, “I’d think we actually made it to Antarctica.”

On the corner, they passed a group of carolers.

Hark how the bells, sweet silver bells

All seem to say, “Throw cares away.”

Christmas is here, bringing good cheer.

They turned onto Howling Bloom Street—a winding lane lined with small shops, including a corner café that belonged to Adélaïde’s father. Bundled store owners stood high atop ladders, decking their windows with lights and garlands and festive displays while shoppers gathered to watch.

“Mind your heads!” Mr. Bray of Bray and Ink shouted as Oliver and Adélaïde dashed beneath his ladder. “That’s bad luck!”

When they reached Belmont Café, their faces were red and stiff, but inside, it was crowded and warm, with steaming cups of coffee all around. Adélaïde scanned the overflowing bar. The barman caught her eye and shouted, “TWO HOT CHOCOLATES, ADIE?” Adélaïde nodded and led Oliver through the buzzing café to a table in the corner. Oliver unwrapped his scarf and tilted his head. Adélaïde did the same. A newspaper had been left on the table.


ROSEWOOD CHRONICLE

ICEBERG HOAX!

Another day, another rumor. Rosewood is perfectly drunk with them. And it’s time you all stop drinking. But before you do, we ask that you stretch out your tankards one last time and allow us to refill them. We at the Chronicle have been informed that Ralph and Rachel Helmsley orchestrated their own disappearance. That’s right, the iceberg was nothing more than a hoax!

Where does this information come from? A man whose name, while not as famous as Helmsley’s, might be familiar to some: Herbert P. Birthwhistle—the sitting president of the Society.

“We’re still gathering information,” President Birthwhistle said via telephone from the Scotland Society. “But I can say without hesitation that the iceberg was no accident. We know the Helmsleys got onto an iceberg and that after an exhaustive search, the Helmsleys could not be found. We believe the Helmsleys did not want to be found.”

For those unfamiliar, the Society is an organization of explorers and naturalists headquartered in Barrow’s Bay.

“I hate to speak ill of a fellow explorer,” President Birthwhistle elaborated, “so I will not go into the details, but while president, Ralph Helmsley had made increasingly bizarre decisions. Many of our members suspected the aging explorers had lost their minds. Many believed they were out to destroy our Society. An effort was taken up to unseat Ralph. When faced with this disgrace, the Helmsleys vanished.

“Vanishing in Antarctica has made legends of already-great explorers. I suspect the Helmsleys desired to join their numbers.

“I’m not sure how they survived. I’m not sure why they’re suddenly coming home. But they are. Society members have been alerted. And I felt it my duty to extend a similar warning to the citizens of Rosewood. It’s not with a light heart that I say the Helmsleys are a danger to everyone.”

“This is bad,” Adélaïde said, tearing the article from the paper as her father wove through the crowded café. He set two hot chocolates before them, and they scooped them up to warm their hands.

“It’s good to see you again, Olrich,” Mr. Belmont said.

“His name is Oliver,” Adélaïde replied, grinning.

“That’s nice.”

A rush of cold air shot through the café as a short woman in a flowery coat dashed inside.

“Cold!” the woman cried, slamming the door behind her. “So terribly cold! So terribly cold indeed! Never in my life, never, not once have I experienced a winter so cold! It truly must be a curse! Yes, it’s the Helmsley Curse!”

Many in the café echoed, “The Helmsley Curse!” The Rosewood Chronicle had coined that phrase to explain why the city was plunging into the harshest winter any of its residents could remember.

“The closer the Helmsleys get, the colder it gets,” someone grumbled. “They’re bringing their iceberg home.”

“They should lock down the port. We shouldn’t let them in.”

The woman in the flowery coat bobbed her head in agreement and squeezed in at the bar. “A quadruple! Make it a quadruple! And make it hot!”

“The cold hasn’t been a curse for business,” Mr. Belmont mumbled, and returned to the bar.

Oliver wiped away his chocolate mustache. “I don’t believe in curses,” he whispered.


Adélaïde pointed out that Oliver also had something of a chocolate beard before responding. “I don’t either. But you have to admit that all of this is very strange.”

“My father says the Chronicle is tabloid trash,” Oliver replied, reading the story once more. His father, Mr. Glub, owned a much smaller Rosewood newspaper called the Doldrums Press. “Archer’s grandparents lost their minds? They wanted to vanish?”

“Who would make that up?” Adélaïde asked, swirling a finger through the steam rising from her mug. “Do you really not believe any of it?”

Oliver opened his mouth to respond, but filled it with hot chocolate instead.

♦ THREE HOURS BY TRAIN ♦

“We’d better go,” Oliver said, gulping the last of his hot chocolate. “They’ll be picking up the mail soon.”

Adélaïde and Oliver left the café and crossed Foldink Street. The postbox was buried in the snow. Oliver wiped the door clean and pulled hard to open it. Adélaïde dropped the letter inside.

“How far away is Raven Wood, anyway?” she asked.

“Three hours by train,” he replied.

And by train was exactly how their letter would travel. It was picked up later that evening, sorted at the post office, sent in a dirty bag to Rosewood Station, and tossed into a mail car. The train pushed north through Rosewood, clanked across a bridge spanning the frozen canal, and continued far outside the city. It snaked a rocky shoreline, billowing smoke high above snow-covered pines, till it arrived in the village of Stonewick. The letters were sorted once more and placed into the back of a mail truck. The truck puttered off into a thick pine forest, slid beneath a crooked wrought-iron gate, and entered a clearing where stood, at the edge of a cliff, Raven Wood Boarding School.

CHAPTER


ONE


♦ RAVEN WOOD ♦

Archer couldn’t sleep. He stretched a frozen hand out of bed and fiddled with the radiator knob, but it was no use. Like many things at Raven Wood, the heating was terrible.

Across the room, his roommate, Benjamin Birthwhistle, was snoring loudly.

Keeping his blanket pulled tight about him, Archer tiptoed to his desk and stared out his drafty window. Morning snow was falling onto the ocean waves, breaking against rocks. It wasn’t exactly a cheery view, but Archer liked it. That ragged coastline connected him all the way back to Rosewood.

He grabbed a pen from his desk and put another X on his calendar. “One day left,” he mumbled.

The train for Rosewood would leave tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow he’d be reunited with Oliver and Adélaïde. But would anyone else be waiting for him? Archer’s parents hadn’t spoken to him since he’d left for Raven Wood, which didn’t surprise him. But during his two and half months at the school, he hadn’t heard from his grandparents either. He hadn’t heard a word since they’d sent him a chunk of iceberg in the post. Were they already inside Helmsley House? Archer didn’t know. And not knowing made him anxious.

Behind him, Benjamin stopped snoring. Archer glanced over his shoulder.

“Why are you up so early, Archer?” Benjamin asked, blinking at him sleepily.

“I was too cold. I couldn’t sleep.”

Benjamin stuck his feet out from beneath the blankets. They were twice the size they should have been.

“Your feet are swollen,” Archer said, sitting down at his desk. “Did the spider come back? Did it bite you?”

Benjamin grinned and shook his head.

The night before, the two boys had gone to war against a large spider that had crawled into their room. Archer threw a lamp, three books, and to Benjamin’s horror, a potted plant, but the eight-legged fiend had escaped unharmed.

“They’re just socks,” Benjamin said over a yawn. “I’ve got four pairs on.” He rubbed his long, tousled hair. A leaf fell out. “But I wonder where that spider came from.”

Archer thought it was obvious. Benjamin’s side of the room was filled with plants, and Benjamin’s desk was barely visible beneath them. They were strange plants—plants unlike any he’d seen growing in the Willow Street gardens.

Archer leaned over to poke at one on Benjamin’s desk. “This one looks like it would sprout spiders.”

“Is that my bog weed?” Benjamin asked. “Or the didactus that sprouted yesterday? If it has pink speckled leaves, then it’s pugwort.”

Archer had learned enough during his time as Benjamin’s roommate to know the plant he was pointing to wasn’t any of those. This one had long, spiraling stems covered in bumps, as though something inside was trying to get out.

“Oh,” Benjamin said, stumbling stiffly to his desk. “That’s my Paria glavra. Be careful with that one. It can be a bit hostile.”

“Hostile?” Archer repeated, and quickly withdrew his hand.

Benjamin opened his notebook and inspected the plant more closely. “Like most Parias, the glavras starts off harmless,” he explained. “But eventually it will become dangerous. Deadly, even.”

Archer threw off his blanket and hurried to the corner sink to wash his hands. The last thing he wanted was to die before meeting his grandparents for the first time.

“The thorns haven’t sprouted,” Benjamin called, measuring the bumps with a pen. “The thorns are what you need to watch out for.”

Thorns or not, Archer should have learned by now not to touch plants unless Benjamin said it was safe. He soaped his hands as Benjamin noted growths and observations in his notebook. It was almost like homework. Benjamin had once told him that if he knew what plants could do, he’d understand. But all Archer thought was that, in a funny way, Benjamin’s long, leafy hair and tall, sticklike body made him resemble one of his seedlings.


“I want to go to the mail room after breakfast,” Archer said, drying his hands and shoving his feet into his boots.

“Again?” Benjamin replied, struggling to pull a third sweater over his head. “That’s why you couldn’t sleep, isn’t it? It’s not the cold. It’s your grandparents.”

Benjamin was right. Archer hadn’t slept for the past week.

“Maybe they finally wrote.”

Benjamin sat on his bed to tie his shoelaces, staring as Archer pressed his ear to the door. Not many students attended Raven Wood, but when the few converged in the dusty, dimly lit corridors, they became something of a thundering horde.

“Let’s wait a moment,” Archer said. “You don’t want to get trampled again.”

“That was terrible,” Benjamin replied, laughing. He pulled a collared shirt from his trunk. “Look. The footprint still won’t wash out!”

Raven Wood students were kept to a very tight schedule, and there were steep consequences for being late. Archer was often late, but he never got into trouble.

Benjamin tossed the shirt back into his trunk. “You’re lucky Mr. Churnick likes you.”

♦ FORTUNATE CONSEQUENCES ♦

Mr. Churnick was Raven’s Wood’s head of school, a somewhat crusty and thickset man whose overgrown teeth were often speckled with bits of cheesecake. Mr. Churnick was terribly fond of cheesecake. He was also quite fond of Archer, which was surprising considering his welcome when Archer had first arrived.

“I’m not in the habit of allowing troubled children into my school, Archer Helmsley. But as it is, Raven Wood has fallen on hard times. So against my better judgment, there you sit.”

Archer’s mother hadn’t spared the slightest detail in listing every offense he’d ever committed. It had all been there in Mr. Churnick’s file, from talking to taxidermied animals to the tiger incident.

“Set tigers lose in a museum, did you?” he’d grumbled. “Nearly got hundreds killed! But your antics only claimed one victim. That’s fortunate. Yes, it says here that you seriously damaged one Mrs. Murk—Mrs. Murkley? You took down Mrs. Murkley? But you’re so… and she’s so—you flattened her with A POLAR BEAR!”

Mrs. Murkley was a former Raven Wood instructor who’d ended up becoming Archer’s instructor at the Willow Academy. Archer, Oliver, and Adélaïde hadn’t been sure what had prompted Mrs. Murkley’s departure from Raven Wood, but knowing her to be a brutish terror, they’d all agreed it must have been something bad—maybe as bad as crushing a teacher beneath a polar bear.

“De-tusked the ol’ boar, did you, Archer?” Mr. Churnick had erupted into laughter and nearly fallen off his chair. “Justice has finally been served! By you! But how did I not hear about this sooner? Good news always travels slower than bad news, I suppose.”

Archer hadn’t understood Mr. Churnick’s mirth at the time. And Benjamin had been no help in figuring it out. Benjamin was a temporary boarder. He only came to Raven Wood when his father, a travel guide, went away for long periods. (Benjamin never mentioned anything about his mother. Archer wasn’t sure if he had one.) But eventually Archer pieced together the Murkley tale.

Though the exact details varied from source to source, all accounts followed the same basic premise: a boy named Phillip had fallen four stories from the Raven Wood rooftops and would have died had he not landed in a topiary shaped like a raven. It was quite a scandal. And Mrs. Murkley was at the center of it. Nothing could be proven, but most parents withdrew their children from the institution, leaving Raven Wood on the brink of bankruptcy. And Raven Wood looked it. The halls were filthy. Lights were always going out. The gardens were overgrown. And that’s to say nothing of the food.

♦ BENJAMIN’S LETTER ♦

Archer and Benjamin scurried into the dining hall and took their usual spot in the corner. A miserable server plopped bowls before them with a surprising thud. Archer pried his spoon out and studied the white, clumpy slop.

“The oatmeal’s getting worse,” Benjamin groaned, staring despairingly at his bowl.

“I didn’t think that was possible,” Archer said, licking his spoon and quickly wishing he hadn’t. “Now it tastes like cardboard and glue.”

“And maybe a pound of lard?” Benjamin suggested.

Two large hands gripped Archer’s shoulder.

“Morning, boys.” Mr. Churnick was making his morning rounds. “Goodness, Archer! You’re an ice cube! Sorry about the heating cuts. I’m doing the best I can. Must find ways to save money.” Mr. Churnick leaned over Archer’s shoulder to inspect their bowls. “At least the food has improved a bit.”

“Would you mind if we skipped breakfast?” Archer asked, dropping his spoon into the bowl. “I want to go to the mailroom.”

Mr. Churnick glanced around at the other students and nodded. “Quickly now. Don’t make a show of it.”

“I actually had a question for you, Archer,” Mr. Churnick continued as they made for the mailroom. “It’s about that Willow Academy. What’s your opinion of it?”

Despite the fact that the school had expelled him, Archer had nothing against it. “It was fine before Mrs. Murkley showed up.”

“That’s what I’m curious about, Archer. I was discussing some important business with Mrs. Thimbleton, the head of school, but she wouldn’t explain why she hired that festering oyster after I fired her. The decision was questionable at best, and I was hoping to get an opinion on the school from someone else.”

“You could talk to Miss Whitewood,” Archer suggested. “She’s the librarian. She’s very nice.”

“Thanks for the tip, Archer. Now, try not to be late to class again. I think the teachers are catching on that your detention slips keep vanishing from my office.”

Mr. Churnick slapped him on the back with a force that nearly sent him through a wall, and left the boys at the mailroom. Raven Wood’s mailroom was a crevice of a space, dingy like everything else, and encircled with wooden slots. Benjamin rushed in before Archer and bumped into a small table. The stack of newspapers on top of it tumbled into an empty mail cart. Archer hurried to his slot, spotting a letter and two packages.

“Is that from your grandparents?” Benjamin asked, sounding almost nervous as he pulled a letter from his own slot.

“No, it’s from Oliver and Adélaïde.” Archer scratched a hot chocolate stain on the envelope. “But Mrs. Glub sent more pastries.”

Benjamin pretended to swoon.

Oliver’s mother was arguably the greatest pastry chef in Rosewood. And Archer was certain he’d have starved by now had it not been for her frequent care packages. Benjamin was equally grateful.

“Are both boxes for us?”

“One’s a cheesecake for Mr. Churnick.” Archer inspected the dampened box. “I hope it didn’t get too smushed.”

He slid it back into his slot and grabbed his letter and his other package, and they made for the school’s front entrance. Archer pulled a coat from a hook and handed a second to Benjamin. They were adult coats that went well past their knees, but they didn’t care. Benjamin followed him through a heavy oak door and down a stone walkway toward the sea.

“I don’t understand why I haven’t heard from my grandparents,” Archer said, nearly slipping on an icy stone. “Or my parents. No one’s saying anything.”

“At least you’re going home tomorrow.” Benjamin sighed. “I’ll be eating that slop on Christmas morning.”

Archer grimaced. Benjamin’s father was still traveling and he’d have to spend the entire winter holiday at Raven Wood. Archer didn’t know much about Mr. Birthwhistle, but he couldn’t shake the feeling he’d heard the name before. He’d told Benjamin as much, and Benjamin guessed he’d only imagined hearing it.

When they reached the seating area overlooking the sea, Archer used his extra-long coat sleeve to wipe snow off a bench, and they sat down. He opened the pastry box and handed Benjamin a walnut crumble muffin. Benjamin held it like a sacred object. Archer laughed and tore open his letter.


Dear Archer,

I hope you’re doing well at Raven Wood. Things are still fine here. Well, Oliver has a black eye. He got into a fight with Charlie Brimble at the Button Factory. Charlie was making jokes about you and your family again so Oliver jumped in.

I think Oliver wanted to tell you about our new neighbor, a girl named Kana Misra, so I’ll let him do that. But I think she likes him! (He gets angry every time I say that.)

I haven’t seen your grandparents. But everyone in Rosewood is talking about them. Have you heard anything? I’m guessing they’ll be home soon. And so will you.

We miss you,

Adélaïde

Dear Archer,

Charlie Brimble was making jokes about you at school. Adélaïde went after him, and she dragged me into it. I’m not sure what happened, but somehow I’m the one who got punched. Adélaïde’s always had a death wish, but I think it’s getting worse.

I forgot to tell you in my last letter—we have a new neighbor. She moved into Mrs. Murkley’s old house. Diptikana Misra. I’ve never had a class with her, but she’s that girl with dark hair and light blue fish eyes that never seem to see what they’re looking at. Anyway, she’s starting to creep me out. I’ve caught her staring at me a lot lately. She might even be spying on me. Adélaïde thinks something different, but I don’t want to talk about that.

Safe travels,

Oliver

P.S. Our Christmas party is the night you get back. Your father told mine you’d be there.

P.P.S. I have some news about DuttonLick’s sweetshop. But I’ve run out of room here, so I’ll tell you when I see you.

Archer could barely wait to see his friends again.

“I’ll talk to Mrs. Glub when I get home,” he said, folding the letters and tucking them back into the envelope. “I’ll send you as many pastries as I can while I’m in Rosewood. And I was thinking, if I leave most of my things here and go home with an empty trunk, I could bring it back filled with—”

“I’m leaving tomorrow too,” Benjamin said, lowering his letter. “My father cut his trip short. He’s on his way back to Rosewood.”

“Does that mean you won’t be coming back to Raven Wood after the break?”

Benjamin nodded. He would return to his school in Rosewood, a small private institution called Drabblefort Academy. Archer was both upset and a little jealous. He secretly hoped his parents would let him stay in Rosewood after the winter holiday, but he felt certain his mother wouldn’t hear of it. And now his only friend at Raven Wood was leaving for good? For Benjamin, at least, this should have been good news, but Benjamin didn’t look pleased about it. He almost looked sick.

“Is something wrong?” Archer asked.

Benjamin took a bite of his walnut muffin and chewed slowly. “I’ve been thinking about your grandparents,” he finally said. “You always speak very highly of them, but I was wondering, Archer, what if they’re not what you think they are?” Benjamin took another bite. “There must be a reason your mother kept them away from you for nearly twelve years.”

Archer plucked a walnut from his muffin. He had been only two days old when his parents struck an agreement with his grandparents that required the explorers to stay away from him until his twelfth birthday.

“My mother’s disturbed by what they are,” he explained, popping the walnut into his mouth. “She doesn’t like that they’re explorers. And she doesn’t want me to end up like them.”

“But what if she doesn’t like who they are?” Benjamin asked. “What if they’re not good people? What if they’re dangerous?”

Archer almost laughed at the suggestion, but the laugh stayed inside his throat. Benjamin was perfectly serious. “Why would my grandparents be dangerous?” Archer asked.

“All I’m trying to say is you don’t know your grandparents at all, Archer. And I think you should be ready for something you might not expect.”

For the rest of that day, it seemed like Benjamin had lots of other things he wanted to say, but though Archer prodded him, Benjamin stayed quiet. When they returned to their room that evening, Benjamin went straight to bed, despite it being their last night together. He even skipped his nightly plant inspection.

“Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” Archer asked.

Benjamin covered his head with a blanket.

“I’m just tired, is all. We have a long journey home tomorrow.”

Archer tapped his fingers on his desk. Benjamin hadn’t been this odd or quiet since their first week together. Did he not want to go home? Benjamin rarely spoke about his father. Maybe they didn’t get on well. But what troubled Archer more was Benjamin’s suggestion that his grandparents might be dangerous. Why would Benjamin say that?

Archer turned out the light and crawled into bed. When the hall clock chimed midnight, he was still wide awake. Dangerous? Archer peered across the oddly quiet room. Benjamin’s head was still covered, but he wasn’t snoring. Benjamin always snored.

CHAPTER


TWO


♦ AN ODD FAREWELL ♦

Archer’s final hours at Raven Wood dragged, and Benjamin’s continued silence only made them longer. When the final bell rang, Archer’s scarlet trunk was already packed.

“Just go to the buses without me,” Benjamin said, trying to make room inside his trunk for the Paria glavra.

Archer heaved his trunk out into the hall and went to Mr. Churnick’s office. Mr. Churnick wasn’t there, so Archer left the cheesecake on his desk alongside a thank-you note. On his way out, he bumped into Benjamin, who didn’t look pleased about it. But together, they followed the shouts of teachers and a line of students boarding a rickety bus. After taking his seat, Archer spotted Mr. Churnick dashing out the school doors. The headmaster slid up to the bus windows and searched them till he and Archer were face-to-face. Mr. Churnick said something, but the engine roared and the bus pulled away and all Archer could do was wave, watching as Mr. Churnick grew smaller and smaller.

At Stonewick Station, excited students crowded into a train.

“Three weeks of no school!” someone shouted. Everyone cheered.

Benjamin sat down across from Archer, dug into his leather satchel, and set an emerald-green book on his lap. Benjamin was always poring over that book, filled with detailed plant drawings and descriptions.

“Did you know there’s a place in Rosewood called the Society?” Archer asked. “I’ve never been there and I don’t know much about it, but it’s an organization of explorers and naturalists. My grandfather used to be its president. I’m hoping I’ll get to see it while I’m home. You’d probably like it, too. I’m sure they have lots of great plant people.”

Benjamin was still staring at his book, but Archer could tell he’d stopped reading.

“That sounds interesting,” Benjamin said, turning a page. “They’re called botanists, by the way.”

Archer looked out the window.

The snowy pines gave way to more and more buildings as they pushed farther south. Three very long and very quiet hours later, they crossed the frozen canal and entered Rosewood. Students crammed the windows to better see the darkened city dotted with lights. Benjamin pushed someone’s elbow out of his face and grinned at Archer, but the grin vanished so quickly Archer thought he’d imagined it.

They arrived at Rosewood Station with a great rush. Train crew piled trunks and luggage on the platform. Archer and Benjamin wove through happy families greeting one another and found their trunks. Archer tried one last time to find out what was bothering Benjamin.

“We had a good time at Raven Wood, Archer,” Benjamin said, searching the crowd. “But there’s something I should have told you. I didn’t want to. And even if I had, I don’t think you’d have believed me. You’ll understand soon enough. You’re going to hate me.” Benjamin grabbed one side of his trunk and nodded to a plump woman who was sprinting toward them. “That’s Mrs. Fig. I’m staying with them until my father arrives.”

“Welcome home, Benjamin!” Mrs. Fig cried, clamping the boy in a hug that could have split him in two. Her terribly festive bright green coat was blinding, and her jolly grin was almost frightening. “Digby was so thrilled to hear you’d be spending the holidays with us!”

Mrs. Fig’s yuletide spirit melted the moment she noticed Archer.

“You?” She grabbed the other side of Benjamin’s trunk and pulled him a safe distance. “You’re Archer Helmsley, aren’t you? Yes, I remember you. Nearly got my Digby eaten by tigers! And now all this about your grandparents—” Mrs. Fig shook a salami-like finger in his face. “You should all be ashamed of yourselves! Hurry now, Benjamin. You don’t want to be anywhere near that one or his miserable family.”

And just like that, Benjamin was gone.

Archer sat down on his trunk, thinking his friend had cracked. Had Benjamin eaten one too many bowls of Raven Wood oatmeal?

“Archer! Over here! Sorry I’m late!”

Archer’s father was weaving his way through the crowd. Mr. Helmsley was a tall and skinny bifocaled lawyer—a fine and respectable profession, but a disappointing choice to Archer’s grandparents.

“We heard the country air did wonders,” Mr. Helmsley said, hugging Archer and then looking him over. “Mr. Churnick has been singing your praises ever since you left. Your mother wouldn’t believe him at first. Have you lost weight? You didn’t have much to lose!”

“The food at Raven Wood was terrible,” Archer explained with a smile.

While Archer had always felt at odds with both his parents, he’d always been more comfortable around his father.

“Sounds like the same cuisine they served at my boarding school. I still have nightmares about it.” Mr. Helmsley glanced at the clock. “But there will be plenty to eat at the Glubs’ party tonight. And we’d best hurry, or your mother might add us to the soup!”

They hauled Archer’s trunk out a station door and into a taxicab. Archer couldn’t believe the snow as they set off. The mounds were almost as tall as the cab. Rosewood was completely buried.

“Have you heard anything about your grandparents?” Mr. Helmsley asked, cleaning his snow-speckled glasses with the end of his tie.

“No,” Archer replied, watching snowflakes whirl past the window. “They never sent me a letter.” He turned to his father, suddenly feeling more frightened than nervous. “Are they home?”

“Not yet. And you mustn’t take it personally, Archer. They’ve been cryptic ever since news broke that they were still alive. From what little I’ve heard, they should arrive any day now.”

♦ THAT HORRIBLE THING IS BACK ♦

The taxi slid to halt before Helmsley House. Archer and his father lugged the scarlet trunk up the icy front steps and heaved it into the foyer. It landed with a thud. Mrs. Helmsley poked her head from a door at the end of the hall. Archer’s mother was usually quite poised and proper—a model for model citizens. But in that moment, she more resembled the frazzled Mrs. Glub.

“Oh! I thought you were them,” she gasped.

“Any word?” Mr. Helmsley asked.

“No. And I know you don’t think it necessary, but you must review the brochures. These facilities might be able to help them.”

Mrs. Helmsley stepped down the hall, approaching Archer the way one might approach an old land mine, unsure if it was still active. She bent down, gave the land mine a kiss on the forehead, and proceeded to study it carefully.

“Mr. Churnick seems to have been quite the miracle worker,” she said, her hands clasped behind her back. “He told me you were one of the finest students he’s ever had. He even speculated your tendencies were a thing of the past.”

Tendencies. That was the word Mrs. Helmsley gave to the many things Archer had done that she disapproved of, such as accidentally lighting a dinner party guest on fire. Archer suspected it also had something to do with a similarity between himself and his grandparents, but having never met them, he didn’t know that for sure.

“Does that mean I don’t have to go back to Raven Wood?” he said hopefully.

Archer knew in an instant that it was a silly thing to ask. It was clear his mother thought the land mine required further testing.

“Mr. Churnick has done tremendous work with you. You must remain under his guidance. And I’d like to know his secrets,” she mumbled.

“But we do have some news that might make you happy,” Mr. Helmsley said, nudging Mrs. Helmsley.

“Yes. After careful thought, your father and I have agreed that it will only help to foster your progress if you spend more time outside the house while you’re home.”

Archer’s jaw nearly hit the floor. Ever since his grandparents had vanished, he’d been kept a virtual prisoner inside Helmsley House.

“Now hurry upstairs and wash. You smell like a stale train car. The Glubs are expecting us any minute.”

Mr. and Mrs. Helmsley disappeared down the hall. Archer stood frozen in the foyer, staring around at the familiar treasures and taxidermied animals collected by his grandparents. His old friend the badger, perched on a small table, was dressed in a Christmas sweater.

“Welcome home, Archer,” the badger said miserably. “Would you mind helping me out of this thing? Why does she do this to me every year?”

“She thinks it makes you look like a gentleman,” Archer said, pulling the tiny sweater over the badger’s head.

The badger huffed as Archer smoothed its fur. “I was neither gentle nor a man in life, and I don’t see why I should be made such things in death!” The badger lowered its voice. “And while I’m glad you’re back, Archer, I must say there’s something strange going on. Why did Benjamin say you’re going to hate him? Why haven’t you heard a word from your grandparents? And why was that Mrs. Fig so furious at them? I’m not sure what it’s all about, but I think it’s bad.”

Archer stared at the badger. “How do you know all that?”

“I know it because you know it.”

“What’s going on?” the ostrich shouted from the next room over. “I can’t see with this lampshade on my head! Is that thing back? Don’t tell me the thing with dirty hands is back!”

♦ JUST A CHRISTMAS PARTY ♦

Next door, the Glubs’ house was filled with people and music and all sorts of delights. Everyone gathered in a room that, despite its chipping paint and loose floorboards, was called the great room. And it was great. Adélaïde was seated on a plaid couch before a crackling fire. Next to her were three tall windows overlooking the snowy gardens. Oliver scurried into the room and plopped himself beside her.

“I put more logs on,” he said, sticking his shivering hands toward the fire. “It’s freezing out there. You can go next time.”

Adélaïde pointed to her wooden leg. Oliver rolled his eyes.

“How long are you going to milk that?”

Adélaïde smiled and got comfortable on the couch.

A few feet away, in the corner of the room, Oliver’s younger sister, Claire, was digging beneath a tree decked in tin ornaments and lights.

“What’s she doing?” he asked slowly.

“She’s moving her presents to the outside and yours to the inside.”

Claire peeked over her shoulder at Adélaïde. Both started giggling.

“I don’t like this at all,” Oliver grumbled, and turned back to the fire. “The two of you are not becoming friends. I forbid it.”

Lovely smells wafted from the other side of the room. Mrs. Glub was dashing between the kitchen and the great room, keeping a long table overflowing with food.

“Mind yourselves!” she called, setting a spiced pecan pie on the table. “Piping hot!”

Miss Whitewood, invited at Adélaïde’s request, was also at that table, filling a plate and explaining her duties as the Willow Academy librarian to Belmont Café’s barman, Amaury Guilbert. But Amaury was clearly more interested in the duties of Mrs. Glub’s pastries, which, of course, were to be eaten.

“These strudels are delicious,” he said, glancing over at Mr. Belmont. “We should be selling these at the café!”

Mr. Belmont wasn’t paying attention. He had gifted an espresso machine to the Glubs and was showing Mr. Glub how to operate it by brewing a brand-new espresso blend he’d been working on and was finally quite pleased with.

“And then you simply pull this lever here.”

A small cup filled with a dark, steamy brew.

“Most remarkable!” Mr. Glub said. He lifted the cup and took a sip. “And most delicious! But tell me, François… what am I tasting? Wait—it’s hazelnut, isn’t it? Yes, that’s certainly hazelnut!”

“It should be toffee,” Mr. Belmont said, frowning. “Hints of toffee?”

“Toffee?” Mr. Glub took another sip. “How fascinating! You’re a genius, François! I had no idea toffee could taste just like hazelnut.”

Mr. Belmont opened a notebook and crossed something out while muttering in French. Mrs. Glub returned from the kitchen, this time with a tray of cherry almond cookies, and shook her head at them.

“I like your family,” Adélaïde said. “I wish mine was more like yours.”

“Sure,” said Oliver. “They’re great. But when’s Archer getting here?”

“The Helmsleys should be arriving any minute,” Mrs. Glub said, stepping up behind the couch. “So I’ll say it one last time: you two are not to tell Archer anything about the newspapers or his grandparents.”

“But they’re his grandparents,” Adélaïde said, peering up at her. “Don’t you think he needs to know what everyone in Rosewood already does?”

“I very much do, dear,” Mrs. Glub admitted somberly. “That boy’s been awaiting this moment for as long as I’ve known him. It’s all he’s ever talked about. Unfortunately, it’s not our decision. Mr. and Mrs. Helmsley made me promise it wouldn’t be mentioned. I suspect, and hope, there’s more to all of this than we know.”

♦ SECRETS AND SNOWBALLS ♦

Oliver and Adélaïde left the couch and the great room and went to a window at the front of the house. Oliver forced the latch, slid open the window, and stuck his head out. Willow Street was deserted.

“We have to tell him,” Adélaïde said, leaning next to Oliver.

“I know. I’m just worried he’s going to hate us for not saying something sooner.”

“He’ll hate us even more if we don’t do it now.”

Oliver was about to agree when a snowball smacked him clean across the face. He jerked his head and clunked it on the window. “Who did—?”

“ARCHER!” yelled Adélaïde.

Oliver wiped the snow from his eyes. Archer was smiling at them from a snowdrift where the sidewalk should have been. Adélaïde and Oliver dashed to the door and, without bothering to grab their coats, jumped down the front steps and tackled him.

“It’s about time!” Oliver said, pulling his arm from beneath Adélaïde. “But a hello would have worked just as well.”

“Hello,” Archer said, sitting up and inspecting Oliver’s head. “Sorry about that.”

“He’s fine,” Adélaïde assured him. “He’s got a thick skull.”

Oliver stood up grinning and offered them both a hand. They shook the snow from their clothes and stepped back inside the Glubs’ house. Archer took a deep sniff. It smelled like gingerbread and caramel and pine. It smelled like home.

“Keep your coat,” Oliver said, pulling his from a hook and handing Adélaïde hers. “We’re going upstairs. But you should say hello first. Everyone’s been waiting for you.”

They crossed the hall and entered the great room, where Archer was greeted like royalty.

“Welcome home, Archer!” Mr. Glub cheered, popping him on the head with a closed fist. “This place hasn’t been the same without you lurking around!” He pointed to Oliver and Adélaïde. “You should’ve seen them, Archer. They’ve been loafing about without you.”

“Thank you for sending all those pastries and the cheesecake,” Archer said as Mrs. Glub wrapped him in a warm hug.

“It was my pleasure, dear. And there’s plenty more for you tonight. Now where are your parents?”


“They’ll be here soon.”

Claire, still digging beneath the tree, jumped to her feet with one of Oliver’s gifts in her hand. She tossed it over her shoulder and joined the merry crowd. It looked like she was going to give Archer a hug, but she shook his hand instead.

“That’s awfully formal, Claire,” Mr. Glub said, laughing.

Mr. Belmont smiled on from behind the Glubs while Amaury, who’d only recently arrived from France, seemed to be wondering who this Archer fellow was.

“And how was the Raven Wood library?” came a familiar voice.

Oliver whispered in Archer’s ear as Miss Whitewood stepped forward. “Adélaïde invited her. I’m not sure how I feel about having a teacher in my home. I’d prefer to keep my worlds separated.”

Archer hadn’t seen Miss Whitewood since before the tiger incident, but he was pleased to discover she still smelled like books. “The Raven Wood head of school wanted to speak with you,” he said. “Mr. Churnick. Did you ever talk to him?”

“I did,” Miss Whitewood replied, handing him a small card. “I gave one to Oliver and Adélaïde, too. That’ll get you into the library over the holiday if you’d like to come see me. Be discreet if you do. You mustn’t let Mrs. Thimbleton catch you inside the Button Factory.”

Oliver grabbed a tray of fudge crumble cookies from the table. “We’re going to my room,” he announced.

“And why should you leave?” Mrs. Glub asked.

“You need coats to go into your room?” Mr. Glub added.

“It’s cold up there,” Oliver explained. “My radiator is dying. It clanks and clunks, but it’s all lies. There’s no heat.”

Mr. Glub gave Archer a knowing smile. “It’s not easy to be the son of a lowly newspaperman.”

Mrs. Glub tapped her foot. “All right. I know you three have much to catch up on. But please, I don’t want you getting any more strange ideas.”

“And we don’t need to be gossiping about things we’re not supposed to gossip about,” Mr. Glub warned. “We’re a Doldrums family. Not a Chronicle family.”

♦ BAD TIDINGS TOWARD MAN ♦

Oliver led the way up the stairs to his bedroom and then out onto his balcony, where they used a metal ladder to climb to the roof. When Archer’s head poked over the ledge, he saw a shoveled pathway across the snowy flat rooftop and a roaring fire in a dented metal bowl.

“We wanted to talk without anyone else around,” Adélaïde explained.

For a moment, Archer stood gazing down into the Willow Street gardens, and then at the Rosewood rooftops stretching in all directions, and finally at the Button Factory smokestacks, rising above all else. He truly was home. But something was different. The house next to Adélaïde’s—Mrs. Murkley’s former residence—was all lit up.

“That’s where the girl I told you about lives,” Oliver said. “She moved in two weeks after you left. Diptikana Misra.”

“But everyone calls her Kana,” Adélaïde added.

“No, everyone calls her cuckoo.”

“She has a silver streak in her hair. That’s usually the sign of a traumatic experience.”

“And we know what that experience was, Archer.” Oliver pointed to the metal bowl. “Do you remember the last time we had a rooftop fire—before the whole tiger disaster? We were tearing up a newspaper to get the fire going, and there was a story about a girl who’d vanished down a wishing well. According to everyone at the Button Factory, that girl was Kana.”

“They said the water inside the well gave her psychic abilities,” Adélaïde said, nodding.

“I don’t believe that part,” Oliver scoffed. “She was strange before that. And now she won’t stop staring at me. I think she wants me to know she’s doing it—like she’s trying to tell me something without using words. It’s creepy.”

“Perhaps she’s trying to say she likes you,” Adélaïde suggested, batting her eyelashes.

Oliver scowled and moved closer to the fire. Archer and Adélaïde followed. Archer told them all about Raven Wood and the rumors of what Mrs. Murkley had done. Their faces dropped when he told them he’d be going back after the holiday. Like Archer, they’d been secretly hoping his parents would let him stay.

“It’s because my grandparents are coming home,” he explained. “My parents even told me to spend more time outside. Something strange is going on. My roommate at Raven Wood, on our last day together, suggested my grandparents might be dangerous, but he wouldn’t say any more. And then earlier today, at Rosewood Station, there was this…” Archer paused. Adélaïde and Oliver seemed to be having an argument with their eyes. “Do you know something?”

Oliver stopped rubbing his hands. “We’re not supposed to tell you, Archer, but we’ve been hearing lots of things. None of it’s good.”

Archer sat perfectly still, staring at his friends. Adélaïde nudged Oliver. He sighed heavily, but continued.

“Everyone in Rosewood is saying the iceberg was a hoax—that your grandparents weren’t actually on one for two years. And the only reason they were on one at all was because they wanted to vanish.”

“We don’t know the details,” Adélaïde said. “But supposedly, before they vanished, your grandparents were doing strange things at the Society. The other members feared your grandparents had gone crazy and were out to destroy everything. There was even an effort to remove your grandfather from the presidency. That’s when your grandparents vanished.”

“Everyone’s thinks they’re dangerous, Archer,” Oliver continued, as Adélaïde dug into her pocket. “They think your grandparents have cursed the city. They’re blaming all of this snow on them.”

Adélaïde handed Archer a bundle of newspaper clippings. His head was reeling and his frown grew deeper as he skimmed headlines: HELMSLEYS’ CURSE! ICEBERG HOAX! KEEP THEM OUT! THE ICEBERG COMES TO ROSEWOOD! He lowered the articles and stared blankly at the mounds of snow, flickering with the firelight.

“This has been going on ever since I left,” he said, his fingers trembling. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Your parents told us not to,” Adélaïde explained. “Didn’t they have newspapers at Raven Wood?”

Archer hadn’t seen a newspaper since he’d left. Raven Wood kept some in the mailroom, but Benjamin always sat on them while waiting for him, or knocked them off the table, or took the last one.

“We don’t understand—” Adélaïde continued, but Archer could no longer hear her.

He couldn’t hear anything. The fire went blurry. His friends went blurry. Then everything started spinning. He’d spent two years hoping his grandparents weren’t dead. Two years. If they weren’t on an iceberg, where were they? Why would they let him think they were dead? This couldn’t be right. His grandparents wouldn’t do that. Archer shook himself.

“It’s mostly the Rosewood Chronicle that’s been printing these stories,” Adélaïde was saying. “It’s all they write about anymore.”

“My father won’t print anything until he hears from your grandparents,” Oliver added. “He feels terrible that he got the story wrong the first time. He’s not sure if it was a hoax.”

“What do you mean, he’s not sure?” Archer repeated, almost glaring at Oliver. “Of course it wasn’t a hoax. They sent me a piece of the iceberg. You saw it. Don’t tell me you believe this.”

“Don’t get angry at him,” Adélaïde said. “No one’s saying your grandparents didn’t get onto an iceberg. They’re just saying your grandparents wanted to vanish.”

Archer’s heart was thumping in his ears. Why would his grandparents want to vanish? To want something like that, you’d have to be out of your… His heart stopped.

Archer shot to his feet and shoved the articles into his pocket.

“My grandparents were lost,” he said, moving to the ladder. “Now they’re coming home. That’s all there is to it. Everyone’s going to feel very foolish when my grandparents set the record straight. So I’d suggest you two stop talking.”

♦ A PASTRY IN A GLUB TREE ♦

Archer hurried down the stairs. He poked his head into the Glubs’ great room and saw his parents laughing with Miss Whitewood. Merry spirits danced all around, but they kept their distance from Archer. He continued to the Glubs’ kitchen, which was a complete disaster. He opened the freezer, pushed aside a frozen fish and a pot roast, and there, at the back, saw a large chunk of ice—his piece of the iceberg. The one his grandparents had sent him. He’d left it with Oliver, fearing his mother might pitch it.

Archer pulled it out and went to the kitchen table, resting his head on his fists while his eyes flickered over the frozen hunk. This proved his grandparents were on an iceberg. It didn’t prove it was an accident. And it didn’t prove they were on one for two years. If they weren’t, where had they been? Worse still, in all that time, why hadn’t they sent him a message to let him know they were still alive? A letter. A secret gift. Anything. Were Oliver and Adélaïde right? Was everyone in Rosewood right? Had his grandparents gone round the bend?

Archer didn’t want to return to the party, but the longer he stayed away, the more people might ask where he’d been. He stashed the iceberg back inside the freezer and slowly made his way to the great room. Crazy? Oliver and Adélaïde were sitting on the couch when Archer entered. He went straight to the table of delights, which seemed anything but.

“There you are,” Mrs. Glub said, stepping to his side. “Oliver said you needed a bit of fresh air. Is everything all right?”

Archer’s forced smile betrayed him, drooping into a terrible frown. Mrs. Glub didn’t say a word, but it was clear she knew. She shot Oliver and Adélaïde a sharp eye and then grabbed a plate for Archer.

“You need to eat something, dear,” she said, piling it as high as could be. “Everything seems worse on an empty stomach. Here, take this and have a seat near the windows.”

Archer sat down. Claire immediately joined him. She didn’t say a word, but smiled each time she took and ate a pastry from his plate. Archer could feel Mr. and Mrs. Glub staring at him. He wasn’t sure if he felt more angry or foolish. He didn’t notice that Oliver and Adélaïde had inched to his side.

“We didn’t say we believe your grandparents are dangerous,” Adélaïde whispered.

“Only that it’s obvious something strange is going on,” Oliver added.

Archer stood to flee, but tripped on the gift Claire had tossed over her shoulder earlier. Pastries took flight, and he went headlong into the Glubs’ Christmas tree. The next thing he knew, he was sprawled across the couch with the tree on top of him. The party hushed as he untangled himself from the evergreen and its trimmings.

“I’m sorry!” he said, covered in tinsel, scrambling to gather ornaments and pastries from the floor.

“Don’t you worry!” Mrs. Glub insisted. She swooped in alongside Mr. Glub to right the tree, and though they couldn’t get it to stand straight again, she added, “Look! No harm done!”

Oliver and Adélaïde watched in silence as Archer brought the decorations and pastries back to the tree and began hanging pastries from the branches instead of ornaments.

“What’s wrong, Archer?” Mr. Helmsley asked, stepping in to help him. “I don’t believe the Glubs want pastries in their tree.”

Archer was silent.

“Why don’t you give those here, Richard?” Mrs. Glub said, taking the ornaments. “Yes, I’ll take the pastries, too. Very good. Now, Archer’s had a long day. Look at him. He’s exhausted. Perhaps it’s best he gets a good night’s sleep.”

The Glubs stood on the snowy front steps, watching as Archer followed his parents home. Mr. Helmsley paused outside the front door of Helmsley House. A note with a greasy thumbprint was taped to it. He read it aloud.

“Ralph and Rachel are arriving shortly. Expect them in Helmsley House later tonight or early tomorrow morning.

—Cornelius”

Mrs. Helmsley nearly collapsed on the spot. Mr. Helmsley helped her through the door. She fled down the hall. Archer made for the stairs, his head pulsing, but stopped and turned to his father.

“Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?”

Mr. Helmsley removed his glasses and rubbed his closed eyelids. “I didn’t want you to worry about something that might not be true, Archer. I’m not sure what the truth is, but let’s hope it’s not worse than the rumors.”

Archer shook his head. Worse? “How could it be worse?”

His father didn’t have an answer.

Archer went to his room and lay awake in bed. The moonlight was on his face as his ears searched the darkness, like many ears do on Christmas Eve. But it wasn’t yet Christmas Eve, and Archer wasn’t listening for sleigh bells. He was listening for footsteps. He was waiting for his grandparents.

“Are they crazy?” he mumbled, turning to the window, which glittered with moonlight.

♦ BREWING ♦

Outside Archer’s moonlit window and down crooked Willow Street, across the barren treetops of Rosewood Park and beyond the winding canals that emptied into Rosewood Port, a man with a patch covering one of his eyes ran along a lamplit dock that dipped gently with the waves. The Eye Patch had a wooden case tucked under his arm, and his one visible eye searched the horizon. A darkened ship was entering Rosewood Port. The ship didn’t blow its horn, and its engine was low as it drifted past ice floes, sidled up to the dock, and dropped lines around bollards. Two silhouettes emerged on the deck. The Eye Patch called to them.

“You’re a sight for a sore eye!” His smile faded as he unlatched the wooden case to reveal a bundle of newspapers. “Birthwhistle is brewing a storm.”

CHAPTER


THREE


♦ YEARS OF WONDER ♦

Archer awoke to a bustling and clanking of pots and pans. He rubbed his droopy eyes and hurried down to the kitchen. The stovetop was roaring, and Mrs. Helmsley was dashing this way and that, cooking everything she could get her hands on. Archer kept his distance, fearing she might fry him by mistake. His father sat alone at the table.

“Are Grandma and Grandpa home?” he asked.

Mrs. Helmsley nearly toppled onto the stove.

“Not yet,” Mr. Helmsley replied.

Archer wasn’t hungry, but he didn’t want to meet his grandparents on an empty stomach. He took a plate and a fork and went to the counter, buried beneath eggs and bacon and toast and pancakes and waffles and oatmeal—and his mother showed no sign of slowing.

“I can’t take much more of this,” she muttered, peering over her shoulder as Mr. Helmsley refilled his coffee. “I was at Primble’s Grocery yesterday, and when I got to the counter, they told me to take my business elsewhere! Where are we supposed to get food?”

“They’ll sort out whatever is going on,” Mr. Helmsley assured her. “In the meantime, I’d like them to have their room on the third floor.”

“But we’ve been using it for storage! It’s filled with boxes.” Mrs. Helmsley clicked off the stove and frantically wiped her hands on her apron. “We mustn’t upset them. They might get violent!”

Mrs. Helmsley hurried up the stairs. Mr. Helmsley sauntered after her.

Archer panicked, standing alone in the kitchen. He’d been waiting for this moment for as long as he could remember, but now he didn’t think it’d be anything like he’d expected. Overcome with an urge to retreat to his room, he made for the hall, but froze at the sound of a knock at the door.

All throughout Helmsley House, the animals erupted in joyous furor. Archer had never once heard anything like it.

“It’s time!” a porcupine bellowed. “It is time!”

“They’re home!” cheered a zebra. “How do I look? The stripes, I mean. I should have had them pressed!”

“Shut it, you fool,” the ostrich snapped. “And would someone take this blasted lampshade off my head?”

“Are you sick?” the badger asked Archer. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”

Archer was too fixated on the door to respond, and he was so flustered he didn’t realize he was still clutching a fork as he inched his way toward it.

“We’re gone for nearly twelve years and they change the locks?” came a voice on the other side.

“I’m sure they were changed the moment we left.”

♦ TEA WITH GIANTS ♦

Archer took a deep breath and opened the door wide. He was immediately engulfed in the blinding whiteness of snow whirling into the foyer. He couldn’t see anyone, but heard two voices, filled with laughter. Archer squinted. Two faces emerged. His eyes widened. Archer was staring at his grandparents.

“Why, hello there,” they both said, with smiles so large they might crack lesser faces.

Those three words filled Archer all the way to the top.

“Hello,” was his nervous and quiet reply. “I’m Archer Helmsley.”

“How can you be Archer Helmsley?” Grandpa Helmsley asked. “The Archer I had a brief encounter with many years ago was dressed something like a Christmas tree. And if I’m not mistaken, he also had a peculiar fondness for cucumbers.”

Grandpa Helmsley was as broad as he was tall. His beard, a mix of white and gray, matched his hair, which was pushed back from his forehead. But it was Grandpa Helmsley’s pale green eyes, sparkling with something wild, that held Archer entranced.


“I don’t think he’s that Archer anymore,” Grandma Helmsley said.

Grandma Helmsley was smaller but no less brilliant. Her plump figure was hidden beneath a thick coat and a faded red dress. The warmth beaming from her smile could have thawed the whole of Rosewood.

“He certainly isn’t,” Grandpa Helmsley agreed. Then he pointed to the fork still clutched in Archer’s hand. “You’re not going to… what I mean to say is, that’s a little…”

“Hostile,” Grandma Helmsley finished. “I believe that’s the word you’re looking for?”

“Quite.”

Archer blushed and dropped the fork into his pocket.

“Much better.” Grandpa Helmsley glanced over his shoulder as though they were being watched. “Now would you mind if we stepped inside? It’s no iceberg out here, but it is quite chilly.”

Archer’s grandparents stepped over the threshold and into Helmsley House as though they’d only just returned from a very long walk.

“Best shut the door, dear,” his grandmother said. “Rosewood has many prying eyes.”

Archer closed the door and put his back to it. Stomps and thuds echoed down the stairs.

“Would that be your parents?” Grandma Helmsley asked, hanging her snow-laden coat on a caribou’s antlers.

“They’re fixing your room,” Archer explained, his heart pounding.

“Very good. We did hope to have a moment alone with you.”

“Forks out of the way!” his grandfather whispered, and with a firm hand on Archer’s back, he ushered him down the hall and into the kitchen.

Grandma Helmsley inspected the countertop feast and poked a pancake. “Tea,” she said, shaking her head and taking a kettle to the sink. “Best to begin with tea. Builds an appetite for more.”

“Splendid!” Grandpa Helmsley pulled a chair out from the kitchen table. “And while the water boils, I have a question for you, Archer. Come have a seat.”

Archer wanted to pinch himself as he sat across the table from his grandfather. His grandparents were practically fictional characters to him. He’d read their journals. He knew their tales. They’d crashed planes in the desert and been lost in jungles. But now, here they were, two giants, stepping off the page and into the Helmsley House kitchen.

Grandpa Helmsley leaned forward and clasped his strong hands as though he was about to say something very important. “Tell me, Archer, are the stories true?”

Archer blinked a few times. Stories?

“He means the tigers,” Grandma Helmsley clarified, pulling a tray from a cabinet and setting three cups on it.

Grandpa Helmsley slapped the table, his green eyes sparkling. “The tigers!”

“But more importantly,” Grandma Helmsley said, “that you and two friends put together a plan in the hopes of finding us.”

“We did,” Archer replied. “But that’s not a good story. We failed miserably.”

“Miserably?” Grandpa Helmsley roared. “You mean it failed gloriously!”

“While it was a dangerous thing to have happened,” his grandmother said, lifting the whistling kettle off the stove, “when we heard why it happened, well, we were tickled pink.”

“I was tickled purple!” Grandpa Helmsley said, his eyes still twinkling. “Outrunning tigers? I’ve never heard of such a thing! You’re a Helmsley all the way to the stars, Archer!”

“I can’t imagine Helena was thrilled about it,” Grandma Helmsley said, joining them at the table and pouring everyone a cup.

“No,” Grandpa Helmsley agreed. “But don’t give us this ‘It’s not a good story’ nonsense, Archer. We want to hear all about it. And don’t spare a single detail.”

Archer had never imagined his grandparents would be eager to hear his story, especially with so many more important things to discuss. When he’d finished telling it, his grandparents were silent. Grandpa Helmsley’s whole face had welled up. Grandma Helmsley patted his shoulder gently.

“Don’t let your grandfather’s scruffy outsides fool you, Archer. Inside, he’s as soft and sweet as a caramel.”

Grandpa Helmsley chuckled and cleared his throat. “Forget the caramel, Archer. It’s only that, what I mean is—look at you! You’re completely grown! And we missed it.”

“Now you’re talking nonsense,” Grandma Helmsley said. “He still has plenty of growing up to do. That’s not to say you’re underdeveloped, Archer.”

Grandpa Helmsley sized him up. “Tad short for your age. And skinny like your father. But with a bit of elbow grease, you’ll sprout like an oak! The Society will help with that. Once you’re a—”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Grandma Helmsley urged.

Grandpa Helmsley sipped his tea. “Yes, lots to sort out first.”

“Like the iceberg?” Archer asked hesitantly.

Grandpa Helmsley leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. “What have you heard, Archer?”

“Lots of things.”

“People do love to talk.” Grandma Helmsley shook her head in disgust. “Especially when they’ve not the slightest idea what they’re talking about. Makes them feel clever.”

“They’re saying you wanted the iceberg to happen,” Archer explained. “They’re saying you wanted to vanish. They’re saying you went—” He stopped, not wanting to tell his grandparents the part about them being unhinged. But it was clear they already knew.

Grandpa Helmsley reddened liked a stubbed toe. “It’s complete rubbish, Archer. You mustn’t believe a word of it.”

“So what happened? How did you survive the iceberg?”

“Well,” Grandpa Helmsley said, running his fingers through his beard. “While I can promise we were on an iceberg, Archer, it wasn’t for two years. It was more like, three days. Give or take.”

“Three days? So where were you all this—”

Archer fell silent. His mother had suddenly appeared, standing frozen by the kitchen door, staring at his grandparents’ backs the way one typically stares at ghosts. Grandma and Grandpa Helmsley spun around.

“HELENA!”

It was only one word, but even that seemed too much for her. She tried to respond, but instead glugged like a jug of water held upside down. And she went on glugging until eventually, she glugged, “You’re dead!”

To be fair, it probably wasn’t what she’d planned on saying.

“I’m dead?” Grandpa Helmsley repeated, winking at Archer as he glanced himself over. “Well, I do wish someone had told me sooner. That’s the sort of thing people like to know. It’s odd, though. I don’t feel dead. Do you feel dead, Rachel?”

Mrs. Helmsley flushed. “That’s not what I… I didn’t mean to… I apologize if I—”

“Now, don’t you apologize, Helena,” Grandma Helmsley said, giving Grandpa Helmsley an eye that said many things. “Ralph’s having a bit of fun with you, is all. It’s as much a shock to us as it is to you.”

Archer wasn’t sure if that was possible. He’d never seen anyone look more shocked than his mother did. And he guessed her shock would not quickly vanish.

Everyone got to their feet when Mr. Helmsley entered. Archer’s father looked like a toothpick next to his grandfather.

“Still as spindly as ever,” Grandpa Helmsley said, clamping his giant hands on Mr. Helmsley’s skinny shoulders. “I told you all that sitting around a law office was no good. It’s never too late to change course! The order may have openings!”

“You might need a good lawyer,” Mr. Helmsley replied with a smile.

“Isn’t that what you’d call a conflict of interest?”

Mrs. Helmsley had been inching her way toward the dining room and finally escaped.

Grandma Helmsley smothered Archer’s father in a hug and then fixed his hair. “It’s been quite an ordeal, Richard.”

“Icebergs often are,” he replied, ushering them back to the table. “Why don’t you tell me about it?”

“Archer!” Mrs. Helmsley called. “Please come here immediately. I need help… reorganizing the silverware drawers!”

Archer looked to his grandfather, wanting to join them at the table to find out what was going on.

“Don’t you worry, Archer,” Grandpa Helmsley assured him. “We’re not going anywhere.”

♦ DRIP, DRIP, DRIP ♦

“I’m going to repeat what I said yesterday,” Mrs. Helmsley said when Archer stepped into the dining room. Her hands were trembling. “It’s very important that you spend more time outside. You should know there are certain accusations against your grandparents. I’m not sure what to believe, but I’m worried they’re not entirely… sane. Less so than usual, I mean.”

Mrs. Helmsley shut the silverware drawer, which looked exactly as it had when she’d opened it, and led him to a closet filled with cleaning supplies. “I need to see for myself, and you need to keep yourself busy.” She handed him a feather duster.

“What am I dusting?” Archer asked.

Mrs. Helmsley inspected the spotless dining room but, like Archer, saw nothing.

“The curtains! Dust the curtains!”

Archer grumbled as he went to the window. Do people even dust curtains? He raised the duster, but paused and peered through a slit between the fabric panels. A truck was idling outside his house. He squinted at the driver. Is that the crooked man?

Before the tiger incident, he, Oliver, and Adélaïde had visited a dilapidated expedition supply shop called Strait of Magellan. The crooked man was the nasty owner of the shop—a man who’d made lots of money betting that Archer’s grandparents were dead.

“What’s he doing outside my house?” Archer mumbled, and tilted his head to read the insignia on the side of the truck. “The Society… Barrow’s Bay… Rosewood.”

Was that the Society? The one his grandfather was once president of?


Archer opened the curtain wide, hoping to get a better look, but the truck squealed off down Willow Street.

That was the first stranger to lurk outside Helmsley House, but it wasn’t the last. No more than an hour later, reporters began incessantly knocking on the front door. It was like the constant drip of a leaky faucet.

“Only a moment of their time!” a reporter pleaded. “A glimpse of the insanity within—”

Mrs. Helmsley slammed the door in his face. That was the sixth knock of the morning.

“Do you have any idea where our trunks are, Archer?” Grandpa Helmsley asked, straining to see behind a couch in the sitting room. “A friend said he’d brought them home.”

“I used one when I went to Raven Wood,” Archer answered. “The rest are down in the cellar. In a hole.”

“In a hole! Who would put our—”

Mrs. Helmsley stormed into the room and shrieked. Two reporters had managed to climb the facade and were taking pictures through the windows. She nearly yanked the curtain from the rod as she wrenched it shut.

“It’s a deluge!” she cried, eyeing Archer’s grandparents as she marched off. “We’re all going to drown unless you speak to someone!”

Archer couldn’t believe it, but for what had to be the first time in his life, he actually agreed with his mother. His grandparents still hadn’t explained the iceberg to him. And while he wasn’t sure what they’d told his parents, it clearly wasn’t enough to satisfy.

“Why won’t you say something?” he asked.

“Telling the truth is not always easy,” Grandma Helmsley replied. “Telling the truth can make you sound unhinged.”

“And that’s exactly what he wants,” Grandpa Helmsley muttered, peeking through the curtain at the horde of reporters gathered outside. “I’ll bet he’s having a good laugh right now.”

Mrs. Helmsley flew by clutching a sign.

DO NOT DISTURB

NO REPORTERS

NO INTERVIEWS

NO ANYONE

Archer heard the reporters booing his mother as she furiously nailed it to the front door.

“Follow me,” he said to his grandparents, leading them into the cellar to retrieve their trunks.

♦ ANOTHER PIECE OF THE IMPOSSIBLE ♦

“Your grandfather’s shirts go in the top drawer, dear.”

Archer tucked them inside as his grandfather lifted a wooden crate from a trunk. Archer remembered that crate. Oliver had found it the day Adélaïde discovered that the trunks were hidden in the cellar hole. It was filled with corked jars of colorful powders and liquids.

“What are those?” he asked, dragging an empty trunk to the closet and returning to his grandfather.

“Something we should have thrown overboard on our way to Antarctica,” Grandma Helmsley said, glaring at the crate.


Grandpa Helmsley gave Archer an odd sort of smile. “I suppose you could say they were something of a parting gift. I’m surprised they’re still here. Each of these bottles does something different.” He set the crate on the floor and removed a jar that was filled with dark blue powder and pink specks.

“Take that one, for example,” he continued, handing it to Archer. “That’s Doxical Powder. One pinch of that, and you’ll find yourself behaving the opposite of how you normally would. Temporarily, at least.”

Archer brought the jar close to his eyes. “But that would be like magic.”

“It’s not magic, but it is powerful. Did you know there’s a berry that grows in tropical West Africa called the miracle berry? When you eat it, the juices coat your tongue and, for a time, make sweet things taste sour.”

Archer had never heard of such a thing.

“A botanist at the Society, a man named Wigstan Spinler—he told me Doxical Powder works from a similar principle, but with your brain’s receptors instead of your tongue’s taste buds.”

Archer moved the jar from his face.

“It’s strong, yes. But harmless.”

“Harmless?” Grandma Helmsley questioned. “Honestly, Ralph, after everything that… What I mean is, in the wrong hands, Archer, that jar could do a great deal of harm.”

Archer gently shook it and watched the fine powder shift. Could such a small thing really do so much?

“It’s made from plants,” his grandfather explained. “It should say on the back which ones.”

“Slate leaf, yellow hotus, and pugwort.” Archer lowered the jar. “Pugwort?” Benjamin had a plant of the same name.

“I believe pugwort gives it those pink specks,” Grandpa Helmsley said, and stuck out his hand. Reluctantly, Archer passed it back.

“Curiosity is natural, Archer,” his grandmother said. “But those jars are not to be played with. I’m not sure they should even exist.”

“And best not talk about them publicly, Archer,” his grandfather added. “Mr. Spinler’s research is something of a secret.”

“My roommate at Raven Wood would’ve liked that,” Archer said, watching his grandfather set the crate next to a hedgehog high atop a wardrobe. “He loved plants and told me I would, too, if I knew what they could do.”

“Is that so?” Grandma Helmsley said, digging in her trunk. “What was his name?”

“Benjamin Birthwhistle.”

Grandma Helmsley stood straight up. Her arms were filled with sweaters, but from her expression, you’d think they were explosives. “Did you say Birthwhistle, Archer?”

Archer nodded. His grandfather’s expression was the same. “Do you know Benjamin?”

“Mostly we know his father,” Grandpa Helmsley explained, staring across the room at Grandma Helmsley. “A man named Herbert Birthwhistle. Or I suppose it’s President Birthwhistle now. He took over at the Society after we vanished.”

Archer shook his head. That couldn’t be right. “Benjamin’s father is a travel guide.”

“A travel guide?” Grandpa Helmsley’s laugh was filled with something bitter. “That’s what he told you, is it? Well, I suppose at a certain point that was almost true. But he’s one travel guide we’ll never use again.”

Archer was becoming uneasy. He had a vague idea where this was going. His grandfather stood before him and became very serious.

“You want to know more about the iceberg, Archer, and it’s only right that you should. Above all things, a true explorer desires to make the unknown known.”

“Ralph.”

“The first thing you need to know is that when I was president of the Society, I made decisions that Mr. Birthwhistle disagreed with. But there was one decision in particular that Mr. Birthwhistle hated me for—a decision he wanted to reverse. And sometimes, when you want something bad enough, you’re willing to do something terrible to get it.”

Archer’s mouth fell open.

“Now that’s quite enough of that,” Grandma Helmsley said, dropping her sweaters into her trunk. “Your grandfather and I have a few things we need to discuss.” She hurried Archer to the door and sent him out.

“We agreed he’s not to be involved in any of this!”

“I’m not involving him! I only want him to know the truth!”

Archer pulled back from the closed door. Footsteps sounded on the stairs. Fearing his mother might ask him to dust more curtains, he hurried to his bedroom, his mind racing. Benjamin’s father is the president of the Society? He did something terrible? Some thoughts are better left unspoken, so Archer said nothing as he passed the polar bear in the alcove.

“I know what you’re thinking,” the polar bear whispered. “And if you consider it more, you might find it’s not as absurd as you think.”

Archer shut his bedroom door. It can’t be true. He went to his desk, grabbed the newspaper clippings, and there it was, right under his nose.

“We’re still gathering information,” President Birthwhistle said. “But I can say without hesitation that the iceberg was no accident.”

The room began to spin. Archer took a breath. When he released it, out came the thought he didn’t want to say.

“Did Benjamin’s father try to kill my grandparents?”

CHAPTER


FOUR


♦ THE CENTER OF A MAZE ♦

On Christmas morning, joyful children all across Rosewood sat around trees, tearing into presents and gulping down more chocolate than their stomachs knew what to do with. In Helmsley House, Archer sat on his bed, encircled with newspaper clippings, tearing through his thoughts.

Did Benjamin know who Archer was? He had to. But did Benjamin know what his father had done? That had to be why Benjamin had said Archer would hate him. Didn’t it?

“Merry Christmas, Archer! Come downstairs!”

Archer rolled off his bed and followed his father’s voice.

It wasn’t a completely cheerless Christmas morning. The Helmsleys gathered around the tree decked with metal ships and planes, exchanging and unwrapping gifts. Archer received his usual yearly planner from his parents, which he faked interest in and kindly thanked them for. Mrs. Helmsley received a tremendously colorful yak-hair sweater from Archer’s grandparents, which she quickly averted her eyes from, perhaps fearing she might go blind. Mr. Helmsley received a paperweight, bearing a red crest: ORDER OF ORION. “It’s never too late,” Grandpa Helmsley said with a wink. Archer’s gift from his grandparents was by far the greatest Christmas present he’d ever opened—a beautiful pair of binoculars, polished brass with leather grips.

“Finest they make,” Grandpa Helmsley said, placing them around Archer’s neck. “And you’ll need a fine pair when you become a Green—”

Mrs. Helmsley coughed violently into her new sweater. Grandma Helmsley rushed her a cup of tea. By the time she recovered, Grandpa Helmsley had lost his train of thought.

After a sumptuous breakfast, Archer’s grandparents went upstairs, Mr. Helmsley prodded a dwindling fire, and Archer helped his mother with the dishes. Aside from her coughing fit, she was in good spirits. Not a single person had knocked on the front door. Until someone did. Archer wasn’t sure if his mother was startled and dropped the plate or if she was furious and threw it. The dish shattered regardless, and Archer narrowly dodged a ceramic shard. His mother tore down the hall, shouting before she’d even gotten the door open.

“It’s Christmas morning! Don’t you have a fam—”

Mrs. Helmsley hushed. It was no reporter. It was a tall man in a greasy jumpsuit with an eye patch covering one of his eyes. The Eye Patch! Or at least, that’s what Archer called him. He’d met the Eye Patch twice before, but all he knew was that the Eye Patch was the captain of a ship, a friend of his grandparents’, and tremendously kind.

“Merry Christmas, Helena!” the Eye Patch cheered. “Hope I’m not disturbing you. I saw the sign. Was going to leave. But I’m here on urgent Society business. I was wondering if I might… Helena? You look a bit queasy. Don’t you remember me? It was a long time ago, but I thought the grease might…”

Mrs. Helmsley’s eyes narrowed and her forehead went splotchy. It was almost like she was trying to dig up a memory she’d killed off and buried deep in her mind.

“Cornelius?” she finally said, her voice quivering.

The Eye Patch smiled widely. Mrs. Helmsley didn’t. He seemed to know why.

“I’ll admit it wasn’t the best way to introduce myself,” he said, his smile waning. “Ralph and Rachel asked me to stay in the waiting room. And I did. But there was a pigeon, you see. It wandered into the viewing room—perched itself on his bassinet. Filthy creatures, pigeons.” Cornelius paused and looked his greasy self over. “Right. But I was only trying to shoo it away. That’s how I got the grease on his face. I tried to rub it off and, well, things sort of spiraled out of control. To be fair, you did sic those nurses on me. They nearly ran me out of Rosewood.”

Mrs. Helmsley had no response. Cornelius fished in his pockets and revealed a letter that would have been very pretty were it not spotted with grease. He handed it to Archer’s mother, who held it at arm’s length.


“For Ralph and Rachel,” Cornelius explained, wiping his hands on his chest. “Sorry about the grease. Nature of the job.”

Mrs. Helmsley glanced from the letter to Cornelius and back again. Archer wished she would say something. Cornelius was chewing his lip, his one eye looking left and right.

“I’ll just be going now,” he said, backing down the steps and nearly slipping on a patch of ice. “Sorry to disturb you. Again. And… Merry Christmas?”

Mrs. Helmsley slammed the door. “He will not become a regular visitor.”

“Was that story about me?” Archer asked as he stepped to her side.

His mother nodded gravely. “One minute you were sleeping peacefully in your bassinet. The next you were in the arms of a greasy one-eyed man. I screamed so loud the nurses thought I’d been stabbed.”

Archer suppressed his smile and stuck out his hand. “I’ll give them the letter.”

Mrs. Helmsley was all too pleased to get rid of it. “Wash up after you do.” She sniffed her hand. “It might only be grease, but it’s where that grease came from that disturbs me.”

♦ URGENT BUSINESS ♦

Archer wanted to read the letter on his way up the stairs, but he presented it to his grandparents and waited patiently as they opened and read it. Well, not that patiently. While he was trying to see through the back of the letter, he realized something was scribbled there.

Please come. The order wants to help.

Birthwhistle will not be there.

You need to tell your side before he arrives.

—Cornelius

“There’s something written on the back,” Archer said.

His grandmother flipped the letter, and he finally saw the front.


RONALD H. SUPLARD

HEAD INQUIRER

SOCIETY CODES AND CONDUCT

DEPARTMENT OF INQUIRY

RALPH AND RACHEL HELMSLEY,

IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU’VE BEEN IN ROSEWOOD FOR TWO DAYS, BUT HAVE YET COME TO THE SOCIETY. I ASK THAT YOU NOT DELAY ANY FURTHER. THERE WILL BE A BANQUET IN THE GRAND HALL THIS EVENING FOR MEMBERS WHO ARE IN ROSEWOOD OVER THE HOLIDAYS. CONSIDER THIS A PERSONAL INVITATION AND STRONG SUGGESTION THAT YOU ATTEND.

REGARDS,

RONALD SUPLARD

Grandma Helmsley inspected both sides of the letter as though she was looking for a clue. “Do we trust Suplard?” she asked his grandfather.

“We have no reason not to.”

“Then we’ll go. I wish you could come, too, Archer, but there are many—”

“Of course he’s coming,” Grandpa Helmsley interrupted. “It’s a banquet. He can bring his friends and see the Grand Hall while we attend to business.”

Grandma Helmsley frowned, but she didn’t argue.

His grandfather told him to invite his friends and then left to speak to his father. Archer hurried to his room but stopped outside the door. He couldn’t imagine going to the Society without Oliver and Adélaïde. But he hadn’t spoken to either of them since the Glubs’ party. What if they were angry with him? They had every right to be. He slunk into his bedroom, not sure he wanted to face them. But there they were. Adélaïde froze, her hands poised to leave a brightly wrapped gift on his desk.

“Oh, uh, merry Christmas,” she said. “We thought you were downstairs. We were just going to leave this.”

“We still can,” Oliver added. “If you’d prefer.”

“Please don’t,” Archer said, shutting the door. “I’m sorry. For the other night. I didn’t mean to ruin the party. I was—”

“We know you were upset,” Adélaïde said, trying to give him the gift.

Archer was reluctant to take it. “I forgot to get you something.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Oliver said as Adélaïde forced the present into Archer’s hands. “My father was right. We’ve been loafing ever since you left. Go on. Open it.”

Archer sat on his bed and unwrapped the gift. There were two things inside. The first was a half-empty box of DuttonLick’s chocolate caramel turtles.

“I might have eaten a few,” Oliver said, blushing. “But I’ll make you more. I wanted to tell you the other night—Mr. DuttonLick is having a huge party at the sweetshop, and he asked me to be his assistant. He’s going to teach me how to make chocolate.”

Oliver had gone from blushing to beaming. He’d even puffed out his chest a little. DuttonLick’s sweetshop was Oliver’s favorite store in Rosewood. And aside from Mr. DuttonLick himself, Oliver knew it better than anyone.

“You’ll be a great assistant,” Archer said, pouring the chocolates into his hand and offering his friends some.

Beneath the half-empty chocolate box was a brand-new leather-bound pocket journal.

“I thought you could use a new one,” Adélaïde explained, licking a bit of caramel from her finger. “I hope you like it. It’s from Bray and Ink on Howling Bloom Street. And look.” She leaned in and lifted the cover. “This one even has a pen holder.”

Many things in this world can rack you with guilt, but treating your good friends poorly and having those same friends acting as though it never happened at all takes the cake.

“It’s perfect,” Archer managed. “Thank you.”

Adélaïde smiled and sat beside him, glancing over the newspaper articles sprawled across his bed.

“We heard your grandparents are home,” Oliver said hesitantly. “Have they said anything about the iceberg?”

“Not much,” Archer sighed. “But it wasn’t a hoax. My grandparents aren’t dangerous. Mr. Birthwhistle is. He’s the Society president, and I think I know what’s really going on.” He paused before adding, “I think Mr. Birthwhistle tried to kill my grandparents.”

That was not quite in keeping with the spirit of Christmas morning. Oliver and Adélaïde needed a moment to digest it.

“Why do you think that?” Adélaïde finally asked.

“My grandfather basically said it.” Archer searched the newspaper clippings for the ICEBERG HOAX! article. “Think about it,” he continued, handing it to Adélaïde. “Mr. Birthwhistle talked to the newspapers first. He got everyone to believe my grandparents wanted to vanish—that they went crazy. I’m sure he’s doing the same thing at the Society. And now, if my grandparents tell the truth, if they say Mr. Birthwhistle tried to kill them, it will only reinforce the claim that they’re insane. Who’s going to believe them?”

“Fait accompli,” Adélaïde mumbled, lowering the article.

“Stop using your fancy French words,” Oliver insisted. “What does that even mean?”

“It means if Archer’s right, Mr. Birthwhistle has trapped his grandparents.” She turned to Archer, frowning. “But why? Why would he want to kill your grandparents?”

“My grandfather said there was a disagreement about something.”

Oliver wrinkled his forehead. “Adélaïde and I have disagreements all the time, but it’s not like we would ever…” He paused. Adélaïde was grinning at him in an odd way. “Well, maybe you would leave me on an iceberg. But I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“My grandfather wouldn’t tell me more,” Archer explained. “But I know someone who will. My roommate at Raven Wood—I didn’t know it, but his father is Mr. Birthwhistle! There’s a banquet at the Society tonight. I’m going to find Benjamin there. And I’d like you two to come with me.”

“You want us to come with you to the place where the president is someone who tried to kill your grandparents?” Oliver asked slowly.

At a knock on the door, Archer shoved the newspaper clippings behind his pillow. His grandparents stepped into the room with grins as wide as could be.

“Would this be the infamous trio?” Grandpa Helmsley asked. “Adélaïde and Oliver?”

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” Grandma Helmsley said, shaking both their hands. “Archer has told us all about you. The life raft and your wooden leg. If you don’t mind my asking, dear, how do you find getting around on that?”

“It changed everything,” Adélaïde replied. “But I’m mostly used to it now.”

“You’ll fit right in at the Society,” Grandpa Helmsley said. “Speaking of which, I can’t say your mother is thrilled, Archer, but your father agreed. And will you two be joining us?”

“We’ll talk to our parents,” Adélaïde said, glancing at Oliver. “I’m sure they won’t mind.”

“Very good.” Grandpa Helmsley looked at his watch. “Cornelius will be picking us up in a few hours, but we’d like to mention a few things now. Rachel and I have business to see to while we’re at the Society. I don’t expect you three to keep to our sides the whole time. In fact, I’d prefer that you don’t.”

“But we do expect you to stay nearby,” Grandma Helmsley added. “There’s a lot to see there, but no wandering off on your own. We’ll be in the Grand Hall for the evening. And the Grand Hall is where we’d like you all to stay. I can assure you it will be filled with many characters.”

Mr. Helmsley appeared in the doorway. “And when you return,” he said to Archer’s grandparents, “as promised, you begin to sort things out.” He motioned for Archer to join him out in the hall.

“I know you’re excited, Archer,” his father said. “But while you’re at the Society, you must follow your grandparents’ rules. Your grandmother’s right. The Society is filled with characters. But not everyone is good-natured. Use your head. Mind yourself.”

♦ BRIDGES TO SECRETS ♦

That evening, Archer stood at the door pulling on his coat alongside his grandparents. Mrs. Helmsley was in the sitting room, peering through the curtain at a filthy black truck idling outside the house. “This will not become a regular thing.” Next door, Oliver was also eyeing the truck from the Glubs’ front steps. Adélaïde was with him, watching plumes of smoke dance around it.

“Isn’t the mist pretty?” she said.

“That’s exhaust,” Oliver replied.

Archer and his grandparents climbed down the front steps. Oliver and Adélaïde joined them at the truck. Cornelius leaned out the window to greet them and spotted Adélaïde.

“The crocodile girl!”

Adélaïde curtsied.

“She’s actually just the lamppost girl,” Oliver clarified.

“Whatever you are, it’s my pleasure to be your transport this evening.”

The inside of the truck was every bit as a filthy as the outside.

“It smells like stale coffee and grease,” Oliver noted, climbing into the backseat alongside Archer and Adélaïde.

Grandma and Grandpa Helmsley joined Cornelius up front. Once their doors were shut, Cornelius slammed his foot on the gas, and they barreled off down the snowbound streets. Archer’s grandparents didn’t seem to notice the speed. But Archer, Oliver, and Adélaïde scrambled for something to brace themselves with as the truck swerved on the snow and ice.

“I think he’s more used to steering ships,” Archer whispered, taking holding of a strap dangling from the roof.

“And he does only have one eye,” Adélaïde agreed, gripping the strap as well.

“Or maybe reckless is just his style?” Oliver suggested, prying his face off the front seat and reaching up.