A Life for a Life

The battle between Shadowed and Guard has brought destruction and terror to Gate Seven and now Maggie wants revenge. As the only after-life being who can save the souls from ultimate death, Maggie comes face to face with her own human body, preserved for a century, waiting for just this moment to arrive.

Yet, how far will Maggie go to exact her revenge on the Shadowed? And when she comes face to face with her past, how will she survive the onslaught of memories she thought long gone?

For when the truth comes out, all is not what it seems and Maggie has finally run out of time… She must choose her destiny or watch all she has perish in the fight for her life!

Soul Betrayed

Katlyn Duncan

Copyright

HQ

An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd.

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2014

Copyright © Katlyn Duncan 2014

Katlyn Duncan asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

E-book Edition © February 2014 ISBN: 9781472074249

Version date: 2018-10-30

Praise for KATLYN DUNCAN

‘Katlyn Duncan’s YA debut, Soul Taken, is a thrilling ride that will leave you breathless for the next page, and curious to find the true soul we nurture within.’ Jennifer Murgia, author of the Angel Star series and Between These Lines

‘Wow! Talk about a completely unique concept with tons of new ideas, roles, and characters that took me on an exhilarating adventure.’ 4.5 stars from I ♥ Bookie Nookie Reviews on Soul Taken

‘I really loved this book. From the first page I was totally hooked and couldn’t put it down until I was finished.’ Dark Faerie Tales on Soul Taken

‘Soul Taken is a BRILLIANT read! …This is one of those books to look out for.’ 5 stars from A Diary of a Book Addict

‘It is a quick read and leaves you excited for the next installment of the series…Can’t wait to read more from this debut author!’ 5 stars from Allie Kacmar* on Soul Taken

‘I loved the book, such a fast read. I felt like I knew each character personally…Then mix in the excitement of the souls being taken, it really makes you think.’ 5 stars from Joanne* on Soul Taken

‘Soul Taken is a tasty morsel indeed.’ 5 stars from Nicky Peacock*

‘Wow! What a story. While I enjoyed the first book Soul Taken, Soul Possessed takes this story to a whole new level. In this book, the stakes have been raised, extra layers have been added to a story that will keep you glued to its pages till you get to the cliff hanger conclusion.’ 4 stars from Realm of the Shappired Dragon

‘Soul Taken and Soul Possessed were super good! The main character was spunky and fun, and utterly different from other main characters. The plot was original and I did not see some things coming. The writing was spectacular, and I read both books in a matter of days. There was the perfect amount of angst, tension, and passion all blended together.’ 4.5 stars from Tween 2 Teen Books

‘ONE of the best I’ve read this year! I dare someone to read this series and tell me I am wrong! DARE! This is a very promising series that I have no doubt will leave everyone who reads it with intense desire for the next chapter!’ from Dark Novella

*Amazon reader reviews

Also by Katlyn Duncan

Soul Taken

Soul Possessed

KATLYN DUNCAN

has been reading and writing since before she can remember; her earliest memories involve dragging her mom to the store to get the latest Goosebumps book. She earned two science degrees and currently works in the medical field. She spends her free time writing, reading, and renovating her Victorian “fixer upper” in southern New England with her husband.

The journey to writing my first series has been an amazing one. I’d like to thank Victoria, my brilliant editor who took a chance on a first-time author, and the rest of the HQ Digital team who supported me along the way, I am so happy Maggie’s story finally found its home.

Going back, I’d like to thank my first readers: Angela, Jessica, Lynsey, and Meaghan. Your support is invaluable to me and I love you all to bits. And Jennifer M., thanks for being there for my debut!

To my family, thank you for your support and caring about my stories just as much as I do.

To ‘the hubs’, now you can read the books. (I told you I’d do it!). Thanks for dealing with dust and unwashed dishes while I shut myself away and spend time with my other family.

To my readers, thanks for being so supportive, I wouldn’t be able to get through any of this without you. I love hearing about your experience with my characters and it brings me great joy to hear how you are just as passionate about them as I am. (Liz & Amaris especially!)

And finally, thanks to an author that I adore who told me to stop talking about being a writer and just “do it.”

To Mom, my biggest fan. Thanks for always saying yes to a trip to the book store.

Contents

Cover

Blurb

Title Page

Copyright

Praise

Book List

Author Bio

Acknowledgements

Dedication

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Epilogue

Endpages

About the Publisher

PROLOGUE

Jamie Blackhorn nearly jumped out of her skin as a hand appeared next to her. She ripped the headphones from her ears and stumbled back, nearly crashing into her easel.

Her dad, Robert, grinned, his eyes on the pill bottle he placed on the table next to her where she mixed her paints.

“God, Dad.” Jamie knelt down, picking up the brush she had dropped. “You scared the crap out of me.”

“I called for you when I arrived home,” he said in an amused tone and rubbed his eyes wearily. “I picked up your refill.” He indicated the pill bottle and headed for the hallway. “I’m going to take a shower.”

Jamie stood in her spot, her toes curled in her sneakers, still recovering from the fright. The ache in her arm, the one only a week away from being released from the cast, brought her back to reality. Soon enough she would be able to put that horrible night in the caves behind her along with burying the annoying plaster arm prison.

She reached for the pill bottle, plucked a tablet out, and popped it into her mouth, then sipped on her water bottle and wrapped the strewn headphone cord around her good hand a few times before placing the coiled circle onto the table. Robert hated when she wore her headphones, something about keeping her awareness of the world, but she had enough awareness of her world plus the After. She needed an escape. Music and painting were a distraction from her freaky gift that she hid from everyone. All except her father when he requested her help on some of his cases. Just recently, he had been in danger of getting laid off due to budget cuts until his unit had been given a grant. She had no idea who would fund a paranormal research agency when there were so many other problems in the world, but she didn’t think too hard on it; his job kept a roof over their head and food on the table, even if most of the time it was pizza or Thai take-out.

But not tonight.

Jamie grabbed the pill bottle and the set of brushes she had been using and left her room. She padded down the hallway and knocked lightly on the bathroom door, calling out “I’m going to heat up your dinner, Dad.”

Then she headed down the stairs and in to the kitchen. She balanced her brushes on the side of the sink and placed the pill bottle on the counter, opened the refrigerator and pulled out the casserole dish that she had prepared chicken parmesan in earlier. It was her dad’s favorite and since he had been preoccupied with work lately, she knew he would appreciate it. She’d found her mother’s recipe a few months ago and had made it at least once a week since then. This week’s batch had been the closest she remembered to the real thing. The best thing about the recipe was that she always felt as if her mother was there with her when she prepared it.

Plating a heaped pile of chicken and pasta she placed it in the microwave and turned it on. She watched the plate circle a few times until her phone rang.

Walking over to the opposite counter, where her phone had been charging, she looked down to see who was calling and recognized the number as Yera’s. Yera was a Percipio like her. She could see the After beings on the Living Realm, a gift they’d shared with each other willingly after their mutual Guard friend, Calliope, had exchanged their contact information. They had spoken only once before, but it had been nearly a four-hour conversation. Jamie had been thrilled to be able to talk to someone about her gift and Yera had been more than willing to listen. She’d even invited her to stay at her house for the summer to hone her gift. It had been a hard sell to her father but Jamie had won that battle.

“Hi!” Jamie said cheerfully.

“Ms. Blackhorn?” a male voice questioned on the other end.

Had she mistaken the number? She looked down at her phone and Yera’s name was broadcast on the screen. “Speaking.”

“Are you a relative of Yera Colehouse?” the man asked.

Jamie’s arms were overrun with goosebumps and she heard her voice shake a little. “No, I’m just a friend. Who is this?”

“This is Detective Branson. Yera had your number listed as her emergency contact.”

Jamie gasped. “Is she okay?”

“Have you seen her lately?”

“No. Is she okay?” she repeated, her mind whirring.

“As this is an open investigation I can’t give too many details but according to a friend she has not been heard from in quite some time.”

The microwave suddenly dinged and Jamie pulled out the piping hot plate absently and placed it on the counter using a dish towel. “I was supposed to visit her soon.”

Suddenly a rush of air filled Jamie’s ears. She stepped back from the counter, her movements slow and clumsy, and tried to grab for the counter, but the room tilted on its axis.

“If you hear anything—“Detective Branson’s voice sounded very far away.

The phone was lifted from her grasp, her weak hands unable to hold onto it and she turned to Robert. He was still in his suit and his hair was dry.

“What’s happening?” Jamie slurred. She blinked a few times, the edge of her vision fuzzy.

Detective Branson’s voice was cut off as her eyes darted to the pill bottle. She’d never had this reaction to her medication before. Her hand shot out, knocking the bottle over. Pills spilled across the counter.

She tried to lick her dry lips, the effort proving futile as her body didn’t respond to her brain.

Her legs gave out from under her and Robert caught her just before she hit the ground. “Just close your eyes,” he whispered. “It will be over soon.”

Jamie blinked, dark spots blotting out her kitchen. She focused on her father. No. He wasn’t her father. He looked like him, but her father didn’t have eyes blacker than coal. The stranger with her father’s face smirked as her world went black.

CHAPTER ONE

My body floated before me in the large container, frozen at seventeen.

“How is this possible? My father killed me,” I said, unable to take my eyes off of her. Me, actually. I’d died over a hundred years ago, yet there I was, preserved in a strange freezer. Since meeting my great granddaughter, Ally, and spending a week in her body, I’d learned nothing was impossible. But this? Tiny wisps of hair floated around her—my—head as if my body was underwater, but I knew it had something to do with the vapor that rose up from the ground in the room. Temperature didn’t affect souls much, but I could feel the chill in the air, it was much cooler in here then it had been in the other room. A tightening in my middle broke my trance. Felix had said that this was the only way to unlock my memories and level the playing field when I was to infiltrate the Shadowed, but could I really do this?

Cooper dipped his head slightly causing his dirty blond hair to sweep across his eyebrows. “He used a special chemical to stop your heart without damaging your body. A Collector removed your soul, bringing it to the After.” He appraised my body in the container, his eyes wide and bright. “The Caeleste have been around for a long time, they are capable of a lot more than we realize.”

I swiped a hand over my face, fully expecting my body to do the same. How could the Caeleste do this? They couldn’t come to this Realm. “But this technology wasn’t available in the Living Realm when I was alive.” I had died in the early 1900s. Even now, humans didn’t have the technology to keep someone’s body that long.

Cooper chuckled softly. “Even when something is staring you in the face you still question it.”

I turned to him. “You can’t tell me that you weren’t a little surprised when Felix told you about this?”

He nodded. “The Caeleste have been able to advance technology for their use on this Realm using the Prognatum.”

I had been a Prognatum. Technically, I still was, minus the whole being dead thing. Prognatum were the generations of half-human half-Caeleste that had started from those who’d escaped the After Realm. I’d ruined my destiny over a century ago after murdering my sister and husband less than a year away from my eighteenth birthday. That birthday would have solidified the rest of my life as Prognatum, instead my father had taken my life, right after I gave birth to my daughter, Leha.

A wave of sadness rolled through my soul. I’d only met Leha a few days ago, but the Shadowed had taken her away from me, hoping that I would unleash the soul-sucking power within me. Felix had informed me that I was a rare breed of Prognatum, a Rodas. The Rodas were a special race of Caeleste able to extract the life force from human souls in an effort to feed themselves. I cringed and thought of Leha. Even though much had happened that day, she was my reason for doing this. I’d experienced my true nature only once before that night after Leha was taken from me. I had “fed” from my grandson, David, unwillingly but whatever I had inside of me had been awakened and I had no idea how to control it. Jackson had been the one to encourage me to learn how to control my nature and now I knew why. He wanted me to join the Shadowed. In a matter of seconds I had lost my daughter and my heart had shattered.

Blinking I broke the vision of Jackson’s beautiful face and dragged my gaze back to my frozen human form. Her face rested peacefully as if she were sleeping. Even though I knew it wouldn’t be possible to reanimate her without a soul, I still expected it to jump out of the container at any moment.

“What purpose would my body have served otherwise?” I asked, my mind reeling.

As far as I knew, my boss, Felix, wasn’t able to see the future. He couldn’t have foreseen this use for my body. He couldn’t have known that someday I’d want to unlock the memories that he’d secreted from me when I arrived at Gate Seven, the bridge between the Living and After Realms. Or could he have seen other uses for it?

“Welcome, Maggie.” A woman’s voice interrupted my thoughts.

I whirled around. One of the Prognatum who’d been guarding the room we occupied stepped through the doorway. Her regulation black uniform fit snugly against the curves of her petite frame. I blinked quickly. She shared similar blue eyes as Leha and I. Her short brown hair was parted severely to one side, making the other appear shaved. The hilt of her broadsword peeked out from behind her shoulder.

“Who are you?” I asked.

The vapor swirled up and around her legs as she neared. Her bright blue eyes glowed in the light from the container behind me.

She nodded her head in greeting. “My name is Sophia.” The five other Prognatum who’d guarded the room with her huddled in the doorway. They were all male and tall. Sophia stuck out like a sore thumb with this group, but I knew if Felix had chosen her for this important assignment then she had to be stronger than she looked.

Sophia continued speaking, recapturing my attention. “We’ve been entrusted by the Caeleste to watch over you.” She waved a hand toward my body.

Since the Prognatum were practically royalty in the After, I knew they were given the most important and top secret assignments, but watching a body for a century?

“Believe it or not,” Sophia started, almost as if reading my thoughts. “There are many who wanted this role, but I suggested keeping it in the family.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Excuse me?”

Sophia smiled, a friendly, warm one. “Myself and Thomas here,” she pointed to one of the Prognatum who smiled broadly and waved, “are from your line.” Thomas’s military-style buzz cut showcased the sharp lines of his face as his turquoise eyes darted between Sophia and me.

Just two months ago I’d been given information about my past. Felix had been less than forthcoming with me about actually meeting my family, more specifically, my father. When I was human, I had been influenced by the Shadowed, souls who followed the banished Caeleste, feeding from the life force of innocent humans for energy to stay alive. Apparently my father wasn’t keen on a reunion with his homicidal daughter, but here I was with two members of my family, who had been waiting for the moment when I would return.

Sophia clasped her hands in front of her. “We will have plenty of time for a reunion later. First, we need to get you into your body.”

I stepped away from the container. “How?” Months ago, Ally’s body had sucked me inside of it when her soul had been stolen by her own father. It hadn’t been a pleasant experience and I really hoped there was a better way.

“Me!” a familiar voice called out enthusiastically.

Moving aside Sophie revealed my last Soul Collecting trainee, Dylan. His wide eyes that had been apprehensive with each soul he procured during training now held a rigid confidence that sparked a swell of pride within me. He stepped forward holding a silky essence and a peaceful warmth raced through my soul.

My True Soul.

My soul leaned toward him. The True Soul called to me just like every other had when I was a Collector, but this one was different. More powerful. The True Soul was an important piece of a soul that aided its return to the After following the human death in the Living Realm. Dylan was able to feel my yearning through his hand and I saw that the True Soul’s light intensified with my presence. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. All True Souls were captivatingly beautiful but with this connection, I was under its spell as it floated over his tiny hand.

Sophia led me away from Dylan. “All in due time.”

Cooper followed close behind me and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was because of my dangerously uncontrollable impulses. Where were those impulses when Hannah was taking Leha from me? I shrank from the thought and buried the uncomfortable regret flowing through me.

Sophia stopped inches from the container and gestured to my frozen body. “When you return to your body, you will continue to age from the moment you stopped but,” she paused, her nose scrunching like Ally’s always did when she was in deep thought, “since your power has been released several times, we don’t know how that part of you will manifest.”

Okay?

Sophia smiled encouragingly. “Your situation is unlike anything we’ve experienced. Even the Caeleste are somewhat befuddled. So in the nicest way possible you are our guinea pig from here on out.”

“That’s comforting,” I mumbled, glancing at Cooper.

He stifled a smile.

Sophia’s eyes narrowed. “Like I was saying. You died in the month of September and your eighteenth birthday would have been the following July. That should leave us plenty of time for you to infiltrate the Shadowed, leading us to them. But since you were able to access your Rodas power already we think that it will want to be released sooner rather than later.”

I looked down at my hands. The soul-sucking essence was staying put, for now. “I don’t understand—”

She sighed. I guessed she wasn’t used to being interrupted.

I didn’t care. For once I was going to know everything. I had been blind-sided by surprises long enough. I’d vowed to take down the Shadowed, and Hannah and Jackson were at the top of my list.

Jackson. He had manipulated my amnesia, making me believe pretty much anything he said. He had done the same to my daughter. Even though she had sought him out many years ago, he made her think that we had been in love. Why had he gone through all the effort? There was so much I didn’t understand. If I had my memories back, I might be able to repay the favor to him.

Sophia continued breaking me out of my thoughts. “A normal Prognatum holds incredible power, but the Rodas gift is unpredictable and a hundred times more formidable. Once it has been released it is hard to cage. And you’ve already released it twice. There’s no calculating how that will affect the timing of your transformation.”

I stepped away from her. “So you have no idea when my transformation will take place?”

She shook her head.

The transformation was an important piece of a Prognatum’s life. At eighteen it brought out the Caeleste half of the person with all the perks; strength included. Even though I had almost experienced it through Ally, the process wasn’t pleasant.

Cooper came up beside me. “But it will be fine.”

I curled my hands into fists. “How will it be fine? Did anyone think this plan over? What if I am with the Shadowed when my transformation happens? The only indicator is a birthday and now you are saying that is irrelevant?”

Sophia touched my arm tentatively. “Once you are able to access your memories, you might be more in tune with your talent than you think. It is, after all, your body.”

“One that I haven’t been inside for a hundred years!” I moved away from the group, unable to concentrate. “And speaking of my memories, I still don’t understand why I need my body when Cooper and Dylan and the rest of the souls still carry their memories in soul form?”

Sophia glanced at Cooper then back to me. “Since you were influenced, Felix wasn’t sure if keeping your memories was a great idea.”

“Keeping me in the dark was a better option?” I could feel the anger rolling inside of me and tried to swallow it back down.

“Yes,” Cooper confirmed. “He suspected you were a Rodas, you could have done a lot of damage.”

“Felix created the barrier for your memories. He was just trying to protect everyone. You included,” Sophia pointed out, sounding perfectly reasonable.

A pressure built in my chest. Did they think I would hurt the After souls?

Just like you wouldn’t hurt your family? I shoved down my conscience.

“I’m not saying you would have—” Cooper backpedaled.

“No,” I said slowly, understanding Felix’s motivation. “Felix did what he had to.” I took a deep breath and returned to Sophia’s side, turning to Cooper and the other Guard. “Now I am going to do what I have to.”

Sophia grinned and for a flash of a second I saw Leha. With her memory by my side, I wouldn’t fail to destroy the Shadowed. They had taken innocent souls and I would do everything I could to prevent that from happening again.

The five male Prognatum swept into the room, the vapor spreading over their feet. I tucked my arms close to my body, letting them pass. Thomas waggled his eyebrows at me as he went by, as if we shared an inside joke. It was nice to know that other members of my family supported me more than my father did. Wherever he was.

Together the Prognatum pressed their hands onto the clear, hard surface of the freezer and, after a few moments, a hiss like the sound of an opened can of soda burst from the container and the lid started to rise. I expected my body to come tumbling out but it remained in place. I stepped forward, bracing myself for the unknown.

Cooper nudged my arm. “You’re going to do great. I’ll be with you the whole time.”

I looked up at him. Even though I’d trained with Jackson for the last two months, Cooper had never been far from my mind. He’d been there for me all through Ally’s disappearance and, even though we’d had many differences of opinion, I knew without a shred of doubt he had my back. “But what about Ally?” I couldn’t help worrying about her.

He shrugged. “Calliope took over her training. I’m all yours.”

My eyebrows shot up.

Cooper shook his head. “For the mission. I’m your Guard for this mission.” He avoided my eyes.

I nudged him back. “Thank you.”

“You’ll do great.”

“You already said that.”

He laughed. “I know. But it’s true.”

I was grateful for his reassurance but I had no doubt in my mind. I had to succeed. For Leha. Moving in front of my body, I inspected the details of her face, details that I knew intimately, but there were subtle differences from my soul form. She appeared much younger than I felt. I wondered if that would have an effect on my transformation, when it was time?

Dylan bounded across the room, his soul bumping into mine and instinctively I reached for the True Soul as his hands tightened around it. I grinned. “Sorry. Old habits and all that.” Dropping to my knees, allowing him full access to the back of my neck, I got into position. Normally, a Collector used the True Soul to take the soul from the body and bring it to the After, but this time we were going the other way around. It was a first for me, but I knew Dylan could do it. He’d been trained by the best.

“Remember what I taught you?” I said, my voice a little shaky.

Dylan nodded. “Of course.”

He grasped my shoulder for leverage. I closed my eyes and waited until the silky essence came in contact with my soul. When it did, I gasped as a sudden sense of wholeness filled me to the brim.

“Are you okay?” Dylan asked.

“Yes.” I stood up slowly, keeping Dylan in contact with me. There wasn’t much of a height difference but I didn’t want to lose the connection, and we moved as one unit closer to the container. The light surrounding my body flickered as the edge of my vision started to shimmer. “Something’s happening.” My words sounded far away, echoing in my head. The shimmering intensified, making me dizzy. I grabbed onto the container the room starting to spin.

Dylan’s fingers twitched. “It’s working!”

Cooper came toward me but Sophia barked at him. I found her eyes, her expression slightly alarmed. That wasn’t helping much.

Instead, I searched for Cooper’s gray steady gaze. He nodded, his expression tight, and we didn’t break eye contact until the room disappeared in a burst of colors.

CHAPTER TWO

A terrified howl startled me, waking me from my delirium. An overwhelming scent of blood filled the air. I inhaled deep breaths through my mouth, my chest tight, and blinked a few times. I was drenched in sweat. Waves of excruciating pain suddenly coursed through me and nearly split me in half. I reached down to touch my swollen stomach. I was on the floor in Gemma’s room. The heat from the gun still radiated on the skin of my palm.

“Stay back!” Father growled.

I leaned my head back to see Jackson standing by the door with his fists at his sides. If he were alive I’d be able to see his knuckles turn white. Father was holding me in his lap, his gaze hard, staring at the bed where my husband and sister’s bodies lay.

“Father?” I breathed. My mind was fuzzy. Had I passed out? I blinked several times as if the dream I’d experienced was just out of my grasp. A blond boy found his way into my mind but he disappeared. A name hovered on the tip of my tongue but I couldn’t grasp it.

My father’s steely blue eyes dropped to mine. “You ruined everything.”

The pressure in my chest uncoiled, but I avoided looking at the bed. “It had to be done.” Angry tears streaked down my cheeks. I had been embarrassed to learn of my sister and husband’s tryst. Then Jackson had left me. I had lost control of my life. With Gemma and Tristan gone, I had control again and Jackson had returned to me. We could start over.

I moaned again as another wave of pain struck my stomach. “It’s coming,” I said, my heart pounding in my chest.

“What are you—” Jackson shouted.

“She made her choice. This is something I have to do,” Father interrupted, almost as if he were convincing himself of whatever he was about to do.

“Nicholas!” Jackson hissed.

I tried to turn around to face Jackson, but Father adjusted my head in his hands.

I rubbed my belly, desperate to take the pain away.

“Jackson,” I breathed. Even though he’d left me all was forgotten when he returned. The anger I’d felt for him had disappeared and now I needed him more than ever. My Guard would soon watch my child and we could finally be together after my transformation – a family.

“You take one step and I will kill you again,” Daddy warned.

Jackson said nothing.

He would understand once the baby was born.

Mother shuffled into the room, the midwife tucked against her. The woman dropped to her knees, lifted my shift and her cold hands invaded my body.

I jerked away.

“Breathe, child,” she soothed.

I focused my thoughts just like she’d taught me and took a deep breath in, ignoring the coppery taste in my mouth. I glanced at the nearby gun, the one I had used to kill Tristan and Gemma. Their still forms were stamped into my memory even though I couldn’t see them from the floor. An unexpected rush of guilt flowed through me. But they had been wrong to have an affair. I couldn’t let them embarrass me and our family. They deserved everything that happened to them.

Something moved next to the bed. I squinted in the dim light and could make out the thin shape of a person. His—or maybe it was a her— body flickered just like the candles nearby.

“No!” Jackson cried.

I hadn’t been going crazy. He saw the form too.

“Who is that?” I asked.

“Jackson, get out of here!” Father ordered.

I blinked and the form was gone. My entire body was in pain and I closed my eyes, willing it to stop.

“It’s coming,” the midwife cried.

Cramps twisted my insides. Instead of focusing on the pain, I redirected my thoughts to the baby. We would start a new life together, one without secrets and lies. I breathed through the agony and mapped out our future. And as suddenly as the pain came, it disappeared to be replaced by numbness.

Everyone in the room held their breath. The midwife was frantically working near my feet. Something wet touched my toes just as the silence was broken by a shrill cry. It was the most precious sound in the world. I tried to sit up to see my baby, but Father held me down by my shoulders.

“Wha—” I began to protest when a pressure on my mouth cut off my words. I inhaled. A soft cloth touched my lips. I looked up at Father.

He wasn’t looking at me, instead his eyes stared at the bed. Even in the candlelight I saw his eyes glistening and I caught sight of the stranger’s form again. It was a man dressed in a strange white outfit. My hands trembled and the rhythm of my heart slowed. Something cool touched my neck and I sucked in a breath. The room began to shimmer like sunlight on the water in summer. My eyes stung so I closed them, leaving everyone behind.

***When I opened my eyes again, I was no longer on the floor in Gemma’s bedroom. Instead, I stood in a strange space. A gray hue surrounded my body as if I were inside a storm cloud.

“Where am I?” I murmured, but my voice carried across the expanse. Whirling around, I was unable to find a way through the fog. I looked down at my feet, which seemed to balance on air, but when I reached down my hand slid past my feet into nothingness. My vision tilted dangerously and I held out my hands to steady my body.

Red spots peppered my skin. I lifted my arm and touched the sticky substance. Why did I have blood on my arms? I brought my nose close and inhaled. It was definitely blood. The scent filled my nose trailing down to my mouth leaving a coppery aftertaste.

My shift was covered in blood as well. I touched my flat stomach and my legs were jelly underneath me. Where was my baby? I started in the direction I must have come from. I had to be dreaming. I pinched my skin but the space didn’t change.

I turned around and Gemma and Tristan’s dead eyes bored into mine. But Gemma and Tristan were dead. I’d killed them. I knew what I had done, but this wasn’t what I expected to come of it. As I staggered back, the vision of my sister and husband faded and I stared into the space, a chill creeping up my spine.

What was happening to me? I dropped to the ground and tucked my head in my arms. I had to be dreaming. But the taste of something sweet against my lips brought me back to this strange reality. What had Father done?

“Margaret,” a voice boomed out of the empty nothingness.

I raised my fists in the air at the unseen threat. “What do you want?” Father had taught me how to defend myself from a young age and I wasn’t afraid of whoever was here that prevented me from seeing my baby.

“You have no reason to fear me.” A hulking dark-skinned man appeared through the fog. Even though I had no idea who he was, he radiated peace and warmth and I found myself moving toward him, my arms dropping to my sides. His bright golden eyes sparkled even though there was no direct light that I could see. I looked down at his hands, which held a beautiful object. It ebbed and flowed across his palms like the spirit of a snake. The object touched something deep inside me and I couldn’t control my body from moving closer.

“My name is Felix,” he said softly. He turned his head as if someone had called him. “There isn’t much time.”

“Where am I? Where’s my baby? Where is Jackson?” Jackson’s beautiful face filled my vision. He hadn’t left my side since I was born. Well, not until just recently. But I knew he had to be looking for me. At the very least, I thought, he would keep my baby safe until I returned.

“I will take you to your baby,” Felix replied hurriedly.

“Thank you!” I gasped. It was all I wanted, to see my baby.

Suddenly, Felix wrapped his arm around my body. Something cool touched the back of my neck and the familiar sensation flowed through me. I glanced up into his golden eyes but he diverted them to his hand. My body was light and my skin was paling by the second. I tried to turn around but he grabbed my hand.

“Who are you?” I asked. My brain was whirring to life but I was confused. “What is this place?”

Felix’s lips pulled downward. “Do you know who your Guard is?”

I wrinkled my nose. The title sounded like something I should have known but I couldn’t wrap my mind around the answer. “My Guard?”

Felix nodded before saying in an efficient voice, “Margaret. I have to inform you that you have died.”

My breath caught in my throat, but the man wrapped his arm around my shoulders, radiating a peace I’d never felt before. “You are very special.”

As I looked up at him, something niggled at the back of my mind as if I should have remembered something important. But I could not grasp what was just out of reach.

“I need you to come with me,” Felix said.

“Okay,” I replied, trusting him implicitly.

Then Felix nodded and the space around us shimmered into a bright white light.

***

I sat up, burrowing my hands into a soft surface. The room was shrouded in darkness but deep inside of myself I knew I was home. What a strange dream! I inhaled deeply as if I hadn’t taken a breath in a week and let it out raggedly.

“Jackson?” I called softly, but he didn’t come to me. I leaned against my pillows. He must be with the baby. I didn’t know the precedence on how Jackson would still be my Guard and my child’s. But I assumed he was with him or her in the meantime while I had slept.

Pulling my fingers through the matted mess of tangles on my head I shoved the heavy quilts from my body, sliding off the bed and toward a sliver of light coming in from behind the curtains.

What time was it? I normally didn’t sleep much, but childbirth had been more taxing on my body than I realized. Poking a finger through the hole between the curtains I moved it to the side and allowed my eyes to adjust before pushing the curtain wider.

My hand lifted to my mouth extinguishing the involuntary gasp that rose to my lips.

Outside the window, the plush green lawn reached out into the distance, leading up to a forest surrounding the grounds. The sun was high in the cloudless blue sky. I touched the cool glass with my fingers, realizing my body temperature was higher than I expected and pressed my forehead against the glass, closing my eyes briefly.

This wasn’t right. Why was I in the servants’ wing? Dizziness swept over me and I leaned heavily against the window. Something was wrong. My room overlooked the gardens.

I felt a presence behind me and immediately it calmed each of my taut muscles. Jackson would be able to explain this.

I turned around, but I didn’t see him.

“Hello?” I called. I listened for the sound again, but all I heard was the thudding of my heart in my chest. Had I been mistaken that it was Jackson? Maybe he had been assigned to my child and I was assigned to a new Guard? One that surely wouldn’t reveal him or herself to me like Jackson did.

A blond boy manifested next to the bed and I jumped back against the window. I tilted my head, inspecting him. He was dressed like Jackson but instead of the face of the man I loved, this one was friendly and warm. A sudden pressure in my head pulsed until I had to close my eyes from the pain. Images flitted across my eyelids in quick succession and I reached my hands up, pressing them against my temples, willing the images to stop. Cooper, Ally, Leha, Jamie, Calliope, Robert. The memories of the After downloaded into my head. Being inside of Ally’s body. Training with Jackson. The feelings of love I had for him in my previous life mixed with his betrayal. The agony of losing Leha struck me over and over. I cried out as I came to the realization of what I was. A Rodas. My revenge on Hannah and Jackson boiled under the surface of my skin.

As my heart slowed down to a steady thrumming, I opened my eyes, recognizing the boy in the room. Cooper was in front of me in seconds, his eyebrows knitted together.

I looked down at my hands, wiggling them in front of me. I was back in my human body. Taking in another breath of air, slow and deep, a grin spread across my lips. “It worked.”

CHAPTER THREE

Cooper stepped closer to me, his hands opened expectantly at his sides. “You remember everything?”

I nodded, recalling the two memories I’d just experienced, of my death and meeting Felix for the first time. I couldn’t believe I thought they were dreams. Even though I’d experienced my death a few times through memories, this time was different. I had seen my Collector. Seen my father kill me. Maybe that was the plan all along?

The strange space I had occupied must have been Gate Seven. But it wasn’t as beautiful as I’d always seen through other souls. Why had mine been different? And why was Felix there instead of the Collector?

I strained to recall other memories from my past but they weren’t easily grasped. I knew my house like the back of my hand, but I couldn’t remember much before my death. Shaking my head I looked at Cooper. “Not everything.”

“Sophia said it might take time,” he reminded me.

But only two memories? I unfurled my fists, releasing the now wrinkled silk fabric of my nightgown.

I lifted my eyes to Cooper, aware of how his eyes strained to keep fixed with mine. I wasn’t wearing more than a thin nightgown. My heart fluttered in my chest, until an uncomfortable popping sensation and a low growl from my stomach broke the trance.

Cooper grinned, the corners of his eyes lifting with his smile. “You should change. If you feel up to it you could join Sophia downstairs for breakfast. She’d love to see you.”

I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest. My skin was a bit greasy and my breath was hot. “I’m going to shower first.”

He averted his eyes and pointed to the door behind me. “The bathroom is through there.”

“I know. I remember this house, but just not the memories in it.” I shook my head. “Does that even make sense?”

Cooper nodded. “I’ll be waiting in the hallway.”

My face flushed. I pressed my hands against my hot cheeks as Cooper exited the room. I dug my toes into the ornate area rug and scanned the room, trying to piece my memories, or any memory for that matter, together, but instead I hit a brick mental wall. My patience was quickly waning. Closing my eyes, I remembered when I had been inside of Ally. Why had I experienced those memories within her but not now in my own body? What was different?

Each time I had seen Jackson, shortly afterward I had experienced a memory. The wooden owl flashed before my eyes. When I’d touched the owl I had seen the memory of looking for it with Jackson.

My eyes opened and I stared at the space Cooper had just occupied. When I saw him again memories of my after-life had flooded back to me. Maybe I needed some sort of trigger to bring my memories back?

Cooper’s shadow appeared under the door breaking me from my trance and I headed quickly to the bathroom.

The tile was cool against my bare feet, so I sprinted across the floor stepping onto a rug near the vanity. As my feet warmed up, I glanced around the bathroom. Even without memories, I knew I had never been inside this room. The servants’ quarters had been strictly off limits, but I was more than surprised by the size of the room. I’d thought Ally’s bathroom was excessive, but this one made it seem miniature in comparison. The high ceilings magnified the size of both rooms and the adornments were simple, yet elegant. Paintings clung to the walls and each piece of furniture was intricately carved, making them decorative pieces themselves. To one side of the bathroom was a claw-foot tub enclosed by a curtain.

Looking into the large mirror over the vanity I noticed that my soul form had mirrored my body exactly with one minor difference. The Prognatum favored the looks and otherworldliness of the Caeleste, something I never found in myself even after finding out I was one of them, but the reuniting of body and soul had brought back those similarities. Even though my brunette hair was disheveled from sleeping, it shone against the sunlight streaming in through the windows. I leaned on the chair in front of the vanity, bringing my face closer to the glass. My blue eyes were brighter and full of life, reminding me of Leha.

My chest tightened and pinpricks touched the corners of my eyes. Before I knew it, the girl in the mirror was blurry and hot tears ran down my cheeks. In soul form I didn’t have all the functions that a human did, crying included. I had been devastated over Leha’s death but now that I was human again, with it came the rush of emotions. My shoulders shook as sobs caught in my throat, making it hard to breathe. I sank to the floor, my tears dropping onto the tiles in tiny puddles.

Strong arms appeared under my arms and lifted me to my feet. Cooper’s gray eyes searched mine as he tightened his grip, pressing me against him. I buried my face into his shirt, feeling the vibration of the soothing sounds in his chest and felt his fingers comb through my hair while I cried. Each stroke unraveled the tight knot in my chest.

Cooper murmured something against my hair and I was transported to the warehouse once more. The sadness that had crippled me slowly turned to burning hatred as I replayed Hannah taking Leha from me. My chest ached. I pushed away from Cooper, slightly embarrassed and swiped my hands over my cheeks, before mustering up a brave smile. “I should, um—” I pointed to the shower.

His eyes narrowed as if judging my ability to make it there in one piece.

In response, I went to the shower, leaned over the tub and turned the nozzle. When the water was warm against my hand, I glanced over my shoulder to find Cooper was gone.

***

I took special care to wrap a towel and robe around me after I exited the shower in case Cooper surprised me again. Pressing a hand into the crook of my neck, I stretched. The pressure of the water had pounded the remaining tension out of my body. My limbs were light and the contrasting cool air outside the shower sent a shiver across my skin. I plucked a comb from the vanity and tilted my head to the side, sliding the teeth through the strands, pulling the roots of now luminous and shiny hair.

A soul really did do a body good. Especially a Prognatum one. I remembered how lifeless this body looked in the freezer and now I was living in it. And I would for a long time. A lightness in my stomach sent waves of satisfaction through me. I never would have dreamed that I would have been human again, at least, not a human with all of my memories.

Well, some of them.

I ventured out into the bedroom. Cooper stood by the window, looking lost in thought. He lifted his head as the door knob lightly bumped the wall, but his gaze was still far away. Shaking his head, he ushered me to a closet. I opened the two doors revealing an extensive collection of dresses. I reached out to touch the soft fabric, one or two hazy memories surfacing as I picked through them. These were my clothes.

Maybe Cooper had been right and it would just take a little time for me to remember, especially if I had items from my past to remind me.

“Do we have anything less…formal?” I inquired, sifting through the seemingly never-ending supply of dresses.

Cooper smirked. “I figured you wouldn’t be happy with Sophia’s choices.” He walked toward the bed and kneeled beside it, momentarily disappearing. I walked to the bed just as he stood up holding a suitcase that he placed on the bed and unzipped, revealing a set of more modern clothes.

“Ally had a little too much fun shopping for you.”

Reaching into the case, our fingers brushed and I pulled my hand away as he stepped back, allowing me to see the clothes. As I picked through them, the touch of his fingers still lingered on my skin.

I lifted a pair of jeans from the case, sizing them up against my body. Underneath were several pairs of underwear. I threw the jeans back onto the case and spun around, my face flushing.

“I’ll give you some privacy,” Cooper muttered and disappeared.

I stared at the empty space next to me. With my new status and body I wouldn’t have access to a soul’s quick transportation method, at least not until my transformation. I was reduced to human status, which was a weakness, especially if I was to somehow infiltrate the Shadowed. Wiggling my fingers, I tested the power within me but it was silent. I assumed that was all part of the human package.

Picking through the underwear and bras that Ally had chosen for me, I piled the robe and towel onto the bed and slipped on the least lacy underwear that I could find.

“Thanks for that, Ally,” I mumbled. I’d definitely have to do my own shopping from now on. Pulling on a pair of jeans and a fitted tank top I went to the standing mirror near the bathroom and inspected my outfit.

Not bad for a new human.

For a century I’d only worn the white Soul Collecting outfit and more recently the black Guard uniform. I’d tried on Ally’s clothes only a few times on our last mission but it was different to wear something that actually fit.

With thoughts of the mission, a bubble of regret and sadness resurfaced, threatening to drown me again. I swallowed it down, bringing forth another rumble in my stomach. It was time for food. As I made my way to the door, I remembered Ally’s housekeeper, Marie, and her cooking. I hoped she and Henry were safe, wherever they were.

I opened the door and Cooper came to stand beside me. My gaze flitted to a painting on the wall behind him. It depicted a horse riding through a forest. Another sudden barrage of memories struck me and I fell against Cooper, too distracted to worry about how embarrassed I felt.

Memories of Gemma and I playing in these halls when we were kids flooded my vision. My mind filled with memories of my sister and me along with shorter memories of the staff members catching us in their sacred space.

“Are you okay?” Cooper asked.

I nodded, grinning widely. “I remembered a few more things.” I pointed. “Gemma and I knocked over that painting once and it was an intense ten minutes getting it back on the wall before someone saw.” I clasped my hands over my mouth, laughing at my memory of our clumsy fingers grappling with the frame.

Cooper chuckled. “Anything else?” I nodded, but nothing important to the mission.

As we wandered the halls, my legs regained their proper strength, but Cooper held me tight against him, mumbling something about not wanting me to fall again.

I glanced up and the corner of his mouth twitched. “Let’s just get you downstairs in one piece.”

“Okay,” I said, my heart picking up an extra beat at our proximity. The only time Cooper had ever touched me while I was human was through Ally. It seemed that all my senses had been heightened after I returned to my own body. Or maybe I just needed to get a grip! Cooper was a loyal friend and protector, I had to focus on the mission and not the way his eyes mirrored what confusing sensations I felt inside.

Each step was easier as the memories slowed down. “Gemma and I. We used to play here.” I smiled. “Away from our parents.”

I could almost see a younger Gemma skipping down the hall as if she were a superimposed memory against the backdrop of the present. Suddenly I couldn’t help but smile, until I remembered my theory on bringing my memories back.

“Jackson,” I choked on the name of my betrayer and I felt Cooper stiffen. “He gave me a small wooden owl when I was inside Ally. It had been a gift in my human life. It showed me a memory of when we first met.” Cooper didn’t know the real reason why I went to see Jackson one of the nights I was inside Ally. The night I realized I’d done something horrible in my past. “I need a trigger to recall my memories. When I saw you for the first time after waking up I remembered the After.”

Cooper listened, even though I noticed the clenching and unclenching of his jaw. He’d despised Jackson for a long time and had just started to trust him, as I had. “That’s something to bring up with Sophia.”

I nodded. We walked silently down the hall, our footsteps muffled by the carpet. Oil paintings adorned the walls, each sparking memories, filling in the gaps in my head. I ran my finger across a smooth table, the glass surface glistening against the light filtering through the high windows. A tall vase with a bouquet of flowers stopped me in my tracks.

“My mother insisted on fresh flowers throughout the house.” I lightly pinched the silky petals between my fingers. The thought of my mother brought forward the last night I saw her. Even though she was my step-mother, she’d been there for me since I was a child, filling in the motherly role for my father and myself. She’d been so frantic that night, witnessing both daughters’ deaths in the same night.

I swiped at my eyes and tugged Cooper along, away from the hall and my haunting memories.

CHAPTER FOUR

Cooper led me down the main stairwell and I gripped the bannister for support, flickers of memories of Gemma and me sliding down them during our childhood games.

“Are you okay?” Cooper asked.

I exhaled a breath I’d been holding. “Just taking it all in.”

We rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs and stopped at the door to the dining room.

Cooper dropped his arm and leaned closer, our faces inches from each other. I clamped my lips together, very aware that I’d forgotten to brush my teeth.

He crooked a finger, bringing it up to my chin. His touch sent an electric pulse through me. “Maggie, you won’t go through this alone.”

“I know.”

He cocked his head slightly, as if gauging my response.

I smirked. “Thanks for being here. I know there are other more exciting missions you could have taken.”

Cooper laughed. “Any case that you are involved with is exciting enough.”

He held my gaze until the door in front of us swung open, revealing a familiar face.

Thomas scooped me into a firm hug and I felt a few of my vertebrae pop and my breath whoosh out of me, bringing with it an unladylike squeak.

The stubble on his cheek scratched against mine. “You’ve recovered nicely.”

I leaned back, taking in the grinning face of my relative. “Thank you.”

He spun us around several times.

“Thomas,” a stern female voice called from inside the room. “Please don’t make her throw up on her first day as a conscious human.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “Yes, mother.” He called over his shoulder before kissing me on the cheek and setting me on my feet.

His heavy hand rested on my shoulder directing me into the room. I looked back at Cooper and he followed close behind, his head tucked against his chest. A hint of a grin tugged his lips upward. I guessed Thomas had to be reeled in frequently.

I knew the room before I stepped inside. Mahogany cornice outlined the space. I’d always loved this room. It was gothic and dark at night but during the day the ceiling-height windows streamed large beams of light into the room. Someone had opened them, the lace sheers billowing upward as a delicate cool breeze brushed across my skin like a whisper.

Sophia stood from her seat at the other end of an extended table that could seat twenty people comfortably. My father had hosted many parties at the house and I briefly wondered if I’d been oblivious to other Prognatum visiting our home in the past. Sophia indicated the seat next to her. Her short hair was damp, making her appear more human than she’d been in my tomb and a tight smile touched her lips before they smoothed to an impassive line. She was all business today.

So was I.

The moment I sat down, a plate was placed in front of me. I turned to see a woman dressed in a white shirt and black pants retreating to the kitchen. The scent of bacon overwhelmed my nose. Thomas sat down in the opposite chair from me and I twisted around to find that Cooper was nowhere to be seen. My stomach flip-flopped; he said he wouldn’t leave me.

Suddenly, Cooper appeared corporeal a few feet from the table. “Sorry, I forgot you can’t see us now.”

Turning in my chair to face Sophia, I asked, “What does he mean I can’t see them? He’s standing right there.”

Sophia’s eyes narrowed and she pressed her lips together before answering. “This process has no precedence, but I think that since you are back inside of a non-transformed body, your view of the After beings is unable to be interpreted.”

“At least when we are non-corporeal,” Cooper interjected.

“How am I supposed to infiltrate the Shadowed if I’m not able to see them?” My stomach churned and the food in front of me no longer seemed appetizing. What had I done? At least in soul form I was able to defend myself, now, in this body I was helpless.

“It’s the price you pay,” Sophia said calmly. “You will be human for a little while but the transformation will be worth it.”

“If I live that long!” I argued, starting to panic. Nothing about this plan was going the way I thought it would. Being mortal without a full set of memories wasn’t going to help me destroy Hannah.

Thomas shoveled a forkful of eggs into his mouth, grinning. “Good job, mother.”

Sophia flicked her gaze at him then back to me. “I think you should eat.” She speared a piece of egg on her fork. “Someone is here to see you.”

Who could be here to see me? Cooper was my only friend at that point. Everyone else was undoubtedly terrified of me. “I’m not hungry.”

“You should eat,” Cooper chimed in.

I picked up a piece of toast and nibbled on it, the hunger I had felt earlier completely gone. “Happy?” I murmured.

Sophia gave me a satisfied nod and turned to her son. “When are the rest coming in?”

“In a few hours,” he said between hearty bites. “I called them as soon as Cooper said Maggie was up.”

“Excellent,” Sophia murmured.

“Who are the rest?” I inquired. “More Prognatum?”

She nodded. “Yes. We are finalizing the plan for your infiltration of the Shadowed.”

The dry toast stuck in my throat. “I don’t have all of my memories back yet. They are going to see right through me.”

Especially Jackson.

“It’s not going to happen today, but that’s part of the reason I brought your visitor here.”

“Who is it?” I was beyond curious.

She glanced up at Cooper then back at her plate. “Your father.”

My fingers went numb, the toast falling onto my plate. “My father is here?” I repeated, not sure if it could be true.

Sophia nodded. “Felix had me contact him after you had reunited with your body.”

I remembered the disappointment in my father’s eyes the night I’d killed Gemma and Tristan and the fact that he hadn’t bothered to see or speak to me for the past century made my insides twist.

Sophia patted her lips with her napkin and delicately placed it back on her lap. “Cooper will take you to him when you are finished.”

I looked down at my plate. I wasn’t hungry but I picked up a slice of bacon, delaying the inevitable.

Sophia ate her breakfast quietly while Thomas and I made small talk. He lived in New York City, close to the vault where he’d been guarding me. He was currently single with a soft spot for sushi. Not that I really needed to know that, but he was a good distraction.

“What are you going to do now?” I asked, picking up another slice of toast.

He shrugged, gulping down the last of his coffee. “I’m thinking about taking a mission overseas. I’d like to see more of the world.”

Guilt surged through me. I’d been the reason he wasn’t about to work on more important missions for the Caeleste.

You were his mission. Sophia and Thomas didn’t seem put out or disappointed in spending the past hundred years guarding a frozen body. It had been important to them. Now I just had to try to not screw it up.

Finishing my meal I pushed my chair from the table and stood up, brushing off a few crumbs from my jeans.

Sophia stood as well, “I’ll see you soon,” she said, before sweeping out of the room, leaving her plate for the staff to clean up.

Thomas crumpled his napkin and placed it on the plate in front of him before lifting his and his mother’s plate and following Sophia from the room. “Good luck,” he called, his voice floating across the room as he disappeared behind the door.

I blew out a breath, “Do you think anyone would notice if I ran away?”

Cooper smiled. “Maybe he can help with your memories?”

Always the optimist.

“Let’s go then,” I said and pushed away from the table.

***

My father’s study was on the opposite wing from where I’d been acclimating to my body. I bet Father had something to do with the separation. Each step toward the room widened the pit in my stomach and I had to break the silence. “Have you ever met my father?”

“No,” Cooper admitted. “Other than immediate family, the Prognatum don’t reveal themselves to others until they are transformed. But even after Ally transformed, he hasn’t been eager to meet with her.”

At least I wasn’t the only one. Although after the situation that David put his daughter in, I was sure that Father wouldn’t want to meet her. Just like he didn’t want to see me after what I’d done. “You didn’t see him in the After?”

Cooper hesitated, his eyes not meeting mine. “He took the majority of his cases out of the area. To keep his distance from Ally.”

And me.

Cooper opened his mouth to say something but I put up a hand. “I killed his daughter. Both of them actually. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why he was avoiding me.”

We arrived at the door to my father’s study before Cooper could give me any more excuses for my father’s absence. It wasn’t Cooper’s responsibility to defend him, Father could do that on his own. Although he rarely apologized for anything. That was a fact I knew without needing my memories.

“It will be fine.” Cooper said, touching my shoulder in support.

His serious expression mixed with my anxiety had created an unexpected sensation inside of me. I laughed uncomfortably and pushed the door to the study open. I barely got a chance to take in the richly decorated room before I saw him. My father stood in front of the fireplace, his proper posture marred by one of his legs kicked out to the side. He wore a tailored black suit, his hands tucked into the pants pockets. A thick brown beard covered his mouth, but I knew he wasn’t smiling. I felt as if I were six years old again being scolded for getting my dress dirty before dinner, but this time the reason was much worse.

“You still don’t take anything seriously do you?” His voice was gruff, hard and sparked something inside of me.

Before I could open my mouth to answer, my body temperature spiked and I lurched forward, the floor rising up to meet me.

***

I waded through the darkness as the memories of our relationship slowly filled the gaps in my mind. Snippets of my birth mother’s funeral broke through the barrier of my locked memories. A red-headed girl clung to her mother’s leg as the woman spoke in hushed tones to my father. My father had touched the lady’s arm in a way that made me want to turn away. Instead I’d focused on the girl. She was terribly shy. The disdain I felt for the woman turned to something light and airy in my stomach as I assessed her daughter. The girl locked eyes with me and I reached out a hand to her. Her eyes widened and her mouth popped open and she ran to me as if she needed another body touching hers to survive. Taking her hand I had pulled her from the room.

The memory swirled around me in a mist of colors. The rest filled in around it. I saw my father’s wedding to Gemma’s mother. Even though she was the lady of the house, I took more responsibility over Gemma than she ever did. And the estate for that matter. I recounted how close my father and I had been as if we shared a secret that I had not yet learned. I watched myself grow up as if it were all being shown on a movie screen; every moment my father and I had shared. As I grew up the arguments between us became more frequent as my personality shaped, but there was always that deeper connection between us, as much as we fought, we became closer. We had similar personalities and ideas, which made it unbearable to be around him at times, but I loved him dearly. Those images scattered before my eyes as they moved past to blurry memories of the day-to-day. I knew my purpose was to find a husband and raise a family but even from an early age it wasn’t something I had passion for. I always wanted more. An idea that he never squashed, instead he encouraged me to gain knowledge of the world around me, as if he, too, were waiting for something. As each birthday passed, father allowed me more and more freedom, unlike Gemma who he kept under a stricter hand. With each passing year, the gaps in my memory widened. Father had become distracted and cold toward me, focusing instead on Gemma. Just as I peered deeper into my memories, I hit a mental block, quickly moving onto the next somewhat clear memory. Nearing my sixteenth year, a dark cloud started to take shape around the periphery of my vision. I tried to push it away but it thickened significantly, once again obscuring almost all of my memories.

I pushed further into my mind, reaching for whatever information I could. I needed to understand why my father had pulled away from me when I’d needed him most.

Jackson. The thought of him broke through the barrier and I fell into a memory, almost as vivid as the night of my death.

CHAPTER FIVE

“Margaret! Open the door.” Father’s muffled voice carried through the solid wood that separated us. The fire in the hearth crackled, startling me. I blinked, my skin taut from the dried tears that caked my cheeks.

I forced myself to roll over. Everything had become more difficult as my pregnancy had progressed. Even simple tasks like rolling over in bed had me nearly sweating with the effort. I scanned the room. I knew Jackson was there, but he hadn’t become corporeal since Father told him to break it off with me.

The most important men in my life had broken my heart into a thousand pieces and replaced it with a hole as black as the night sky. Sliding a hand over my belly I closed my eyes. Even though this baby was half Tristan’s, it would be more than half of me. It would grow to become a special part of the After.

“Margaret,” Father called again.

“It’s open,” I snapped.

The door swung open and I glanced over at Father, his mouth turned downward. He crossed his arms over his chest.

“I suppose you want me to come down for dinner?”

“It would be nice for you to share a meal with your family at least once this week.”

I had ordered all of my meals to be taken in my room for the past few days. I couldn’t face Tristan or Gemma. Even though Tristan and I did share a bed at night, he only came to me in the late hours of the night; presumably after seeing my sister. The sight of either of them made me sick to my stomach.

“Why bother? I’ll be transformed soon enough and leave all of them behind.”

“Your child needs a father,” Father said.

“Jackson can be the father.”

Father narrowed his eyes. “That’s not how this works.”

I sat up as quickly as I could. “If you would have just stayed out of this I would know more about how this works. But you destroyed it.”

Father raised his voice. “You will not speak to me like this—”

“Why does it matter?” I matched his tone. I swept my hand across the bed, encompassing the room. “None of this will matter.”

Father leaned over the bed, inches from me. “This. This is what is supposed to matter. If Jackson had told you everything he should have explained that humans are who we protect. We are not above them.”

I snorted. What did he know? He chose to stay on the Living Realm after his wife had passed instead of moving on. I would have never done that. Once this baby was born and I was transformed I was out of here, with Jackson. We would go somewhere and start a new life together.

Father’s eyes flicked up toward the fireplace and my head snapped in that direction before his gaze slid back to mine. The flames in the hearth made his eyes gleam, but his expression was anything but happy.

“I see that I have to resort to other methods to get you to understand.”

I sat up, still staring at the space near the fireplace. Even if I couldn’t see him, I knew he was there. “Understand what?”

“Your infatuation with your Guard is unnatural. He was meant to stay with the family while you move on. But it appears that you are unable to look past this.” His eyes flicked back toward the roaring fire. “This is not the way of our world. You will understand that someday, but I will do what I have to. You will end this, or you will never see him again, in this life or the next.”

My chest ached. “Never.” I shoved off the bed and glared up at my father. “When I transform—”

“It will be done long before you transform.”

I narrowed my gaze. “If that happens I will live the rest of my life making you regret that decision.”

“What happened to you?” His voice was low and I knew I hovered on dangerous ground with him.

My eyebrows furrowed. “I am the same person I’ve always been. You just keep trying to change me.”

Father shook his head slowly. “No.” He lunged forward, his eyes sparkling manically as I scrambled away from him, but he grabbed my arms and yanked me until I was inches from him. My skin crawled and I attempted to lift my arms but he held them in place.

“Let go of me,” I growled, needing to get away from this crazed man.

“You aren’t even a shadow of my daughter anymore.”

“Let me go!” I shouted, shoving away from him.

He let me go and I dashed for the fireplace and balanced myself with one hand gripping the mantle. I wasn’t sure exactly where Jackson was but I knew he was close by. Just the thought of him near me made my heart race.

“What did he do to you?” Father asked.

I inhaled and let go of my breath slowly. It was something the midwife taught me in preparation for labor, a calming mechanism. The last thing I needed now was stress. Not when I was this close to getting everything I wanted.

My own family.

“You’re prepared to leave everyone behind?”

I turned to him, my hand sliding across the smooth wood. “I am prepared to do what it takes to get what I want.”

“What of Tristan?”

“What of him?” I yelled, not caring who heard. “Do you even know what goes on under your own roof? The deceit, the lies.” I shook my head, not willing to touch on that part of my life that I had let go.

“You will deprive your child of a father? Its actual father?”

I absently rubbed my belly. “Like I said, I will do what it takes.”

“Jackson has failed you,” Father murmured.

“Actually he hasn’t,” I said. “I’ve never felt as if I truly belonged until I met him.”

Father pulled his hand across his beard. “You’re young. You both have duties that are independent from each other. You will never be together in the way you want. If he was here right now, I’m sure this isn’t what he’d want for you.”

My gaze snapped up to him. “What do you mean if he was here right now?”

Father clenched his jaw. “Jackson’s been reassigned.”

My throat closed up, making it hard to breathe. “But he stopped appearing to me. That was the deal. Why would you take him away from me?” My voice rose. The baby chose that moment to wake from its slumber and roll around, adding to the fire that burned inside of me. My life was spiraling out of control. I’d lost my husband to my sister and now I’d lost the love of my life. Father would have gone to extreme lengths to keep us apart.

“Believe it or not,” Father said, with no hint of regret, “he asked for the reassignment.”

“You’re lying!” I spat.

Father sighed and shook his head.

My skin flushed as an emptiness in my heart spread across my chest. I darted toward Father until we were face to face. “Tell me you are lying.”

His gaze fell onto mine, his eyes distant.

I blinked back the haze that started to settle on the edge of my vision as I waited for his response.

“If you continue on this path,” he said softly, “you will not be able to fulfill your destiny.”

What did that mean? I brushed off the question, a bigger one burning inside of me. A frustrated sob broke past my lips. “Just tell me where he is.”

Father turned from me. “When you start thinking of others instead of yourself, maybe I will tell you.”

I grabbed father’s arm and squeezed. The pressure made my hand ache but I couldn’t stop myself. Something deep inside of me had snapped. “You will regret this,” I threatened.

Father turned to me, his mouth pressed in a hard line. “The only thing I regret is not separating you sooner.”

We both stood our ground, facing each other, neither backing down.

Tristan appeared in the doorway, his eyebrows raised. “Is everything okay in here?”

Father spun on his heel, facing my husband. “Everything is fine.” Father patted Tristan on the back as he brushed by him. “Good night.” He turned to me one last time just as my peripheral vision clouded, splintering the memory as I rocketed back to the present.

***

I awoke lying on the plush love seat in my father’s study. I tried to sit up but the room tilted again. Gingerly I placed my head on the pillow and squeezed my eyes shut, taking several controlled breaths before making the decision to try again. As I reached a seated position the door to the study opened, revealing my father holding a tray with Cooper close behind him, the tightness of his jaw slackening when he saw me awake.

Pulling my fingers through my hair, I twisted it around my fingers and pushed it off my flushed neck. I fought down the nausea churning in my stomach. One of the sensations I didn’t regret losing for a century.

Father placed the tray down and poured two cups of tea. “What did you see?” Always straightforward and to the point.

I accepted the cup and saucer he offered, the steam from the drink warming my face. “Memories. Of us.” If he could be business-like, so could I.

He sat on the chair across from the couch. “Go on.”

I glanced up at Cooper who gave me an encouraging smile as he made his way to the other side of the room to stand by the bookshelves, his posture at attention. I took a sip of tea before speaking. The hot liquid burned my throat and I coughed lightly, letting the herbs soothe my nerves. I detailed everything I had seen in the vision without interruption. My father regarded me with an impassive expression, taking in my side of our shared memories, but as I spoke, my emotions heightened, matching each scene as I recalled it. The effect was unexpected but remarkable at the same time. By the end of my recounting I felt like my body and soul had started to meld into one person. It was a strange sensation to have the new human feelings accompanying my soul ones. When I began to recount the argument we had had, Father’s mask faltered. A slight twitch in his cheek was all that he revealed but I remembered him clearer now. He was a man of few words and expressions, but the smallest quirk of his mouth spoke volumes.

When I finished speaking, the room went silent, the lack of sound deafening as if my head was stuffed in a pillow.

Father blinked. “You say there are gaps of memories.”

“Yes,” I replied.

He placed his cup and saucer on the side table and stood.

I looked at Cooper, but his eyes were on my father.

“It seems there needs to be a trigger, sir,” Cooper said standing at attention and keeping his gaze lowered as if he were speaking to a Caeleste.

Father nodded his head several times and scratched his beard. “Those memories that are being blocked, around what year do they start?”

I thought of what I knew of my human life so far and shook my head as I tried to remember the oldest human event I could that wasn’t my death day, which I had experienced enough times already to have it burned in my memory. “The memories I am missing start when I am around sixteen.”

Father and Cooper shared a look. Even though I knew they weren’t telling me everything, I kept quiet. I was the one who had something to make up for here. At least to my father.

The seconds dragged by like hours. I took another sip of tea just to have something to do other than wait for someone to speak.

Father sat back down in his chair, casually crossing his legs. “I’ve been informed of what memories Jackson has given you, but I need to know if there are any more.”

I hesitated, remembering the last kiss with Jackson that he showed me. The tea cup clattered against the saucer, but I recovered and placed them on the side table. It was a personal memory that Father didn’t need to know, but my chest ached thinking about that kiss and then how he didn’t stop Hannah from killing Leha. I swallowed, attempting to stop the tightness in my throat. Why had Jackson even bothered to show me my past if he knew he was just going to leave? He must have known me well enough to not want to go with Hannah. A part of me knew I was missing something, and only Jackson had the answer. The sooner I could earn back my father’s trust, the sooner I would be reunited with Jackson to begin my revenge.

“There is one more.”

***

I detailed the memory to Father. Jackson had showed me the memory through him and I explained his emotions as they were passed through me. I gave an abbreviated description of our last kiss, careful not to make eye contact with Cooper. It was embarrassing enough talking about kissing in front of my father.

When I was finished Father spoke quickly. “He did as I asked.” Then he got up from his chair again and stood in front of the fireplace, facing me. “It wasn’t until after he did that the change in you occurred. I’m just wondering where it all went wrong.”

“He must have influenced her first, sir,” Cooper suggested.

I spoke up. “Since he was with the Shadowed the whole time, maybe he had already done his job and then requested to leave before I did what I did?”

Father pressed his lips together and shook his head once before speaking. “There is something more, but she needs those memories back to uncover her motives.”

I hated when people spoke about me as if I wasn’t in the same room. I stood up to get their attention, “What do you want me to do?”

My father glanced at me. “We are meeting later to discuss our plan. I shall inform Cooper then.”

“Or you can just tell me,” I challenged.

He turned the weight of his gaze on me. “I’d like to have as little contact with you as possible.”

I shouldn’t have been surprised since I knew he hadn’t wanted to see me for years, but I couldn’t hold back a choked gasp at his brash comment. “But—”

His friendly blue eyes turned to icy daggers, chilling me to the bone as he stalked toward me. “I still remember, Margaret. The hate in your eyes that night was something I’ve only seen in the most evil of places. The Guard are supposed to protect humanity, not destroy it. You made your choice the night you murdered our family. Just because we are on the same side, don’t think for a second that I trust you. I just want to ensure no one else from my family dies.” He glanced at Cooper and dismissively said, “Take her through the property and see if anything else triggers a memory.”

Then he left the room, leaving the door wide open. For the way his words struck me, he could have slammed the door. I sank down onto the couch staring at the place where he had stood. As if I hadn’t felt guilty enough since I found out about my past, I didn’t need him shoving it in my face. But the last memory that I had experienced of my father and I had triggered a different response. I was so angry and willing to do anything to get what I wanted. I shook my head furiously, attempting to rid my head of the dangerous and hateful thoughts. But they stuck, burrowing deep in my gut.

“He’s right you know.”

Cooper came to my side. “What about?”

I exhaled deeply. “I am evil.”

He scoffed. “Maggie, you’re not evil.”

“My father is the most observant man that I’ve ever known—”

“He’s just upset about Leha.”

“It’s not just that—”

“I’m sure with time—”

My head snapped up. “Time? He hasn’t seen me in over a century because he’s still upset about Gemma and Tristan. And rightfully so. No amount of time will make him okay with what I did.”

Cooper lifted his hand to reassure me. “Maggie—”

I shrugged away from his touch, standing up. My heart rattled in my chest as if I’d just run a marathon. “He is right. When I first realized what I’d done I felt horrible and guilty. But now, with my memories, I still feel it was the right thing to do.”

Cooper tilted his head incredulously. “You don’t mean that.”

I didn’t know if I did or not, but I wasn’t sure of anything at that point. I just wanted to be left alone with my thoughts. “This is me and it’s only going to resurface more as I get more memories.” Especially those where Jackson is involved. If I ever got those back.

I left the room, hoping that Cooper would come after me and argue on his behalf, but he didn’t.

You wanted distance, you have no right to be upset with him.

I continued down the hall and a picture of my bedroom flashed before my eyes. Picking up my pace, I sprinted around the corner before coming to an abrupt stop in front of the door. I looked both ways down the hall before my hand touched the knob. A lightness bloomed inside of me and I pushed the door open.

Inhaling deeply, I was now prepared for the onslaught of memories.

CHAPTER SIX

I waited a few seconds before I realized that nothing monumental was happening to me. Not like it did with the other memories. A few mundane memories flickered in my mind, mostly when I was younger, but nothing important.

My hand fell from the knob as I stepped into the room. It looked exactly as I remembered. It was as if the room had been frozen in time just as my body had been. I smoothed my hands across the thick quilt on the bed. It was cool to the touch and a chill raked down my spine. The fireplace was unlit, making the room much colder than I remembered and I walked over to the hearth and closed my eyes remembering that each day a roaring fire had filled the room with comforting warmth. I opened my eyes, taking in the lifelessness of my environment.

Something moved behind me and I twisted around. An image of Gemma standing at the doorway made me stumble back.

“Maggie?” Cooper’s form broke through the vision of Gemma as he rushed toward me, his strong hands gripping my shoulders—and me—in place.

The nearness of his body did funny things to my insides. Even though I wanted to push him away, I found my body unable to connect with my head. Instead, I stared up at his warm gray eyes. Cooper was constantly trying to save me, even though I knew I was far beyond that. We barely knew each other but for some reason he kept coming back to me, even when I had fallen for Jackson again.

“Did you see something else?”

I shrugged, the movement of his fingers sending sparks through me. “Nothing important.”

Cooper nodded. “Maybe seeing another part of the house will help?”

I knew what was going to trigger the rest of my memories but I didn’t dare suggest it. When I had met Jackson that night, I knew what I was looking for. And I knew Jackson had all the answers. If a picture or Father could trigger the memories, I knew seeing Jackson again would bring everything I was missing back. Then I would be fully armed to fulfill my intent to destroy Hannah and him. A hole widened in my heart at the thought of losing him. Damn him for making me love him. Even though I didn’t yet possess our shared memories, the ones that he had given to me overpowered the rest, even those of my father. Why had our connection been so strong? I thought of Cooper and Ally. He had a strong love for her but not the other way around. What was different between me and my Guard? Was it because he made himself known to me? Or because he knew all of my feelings and could manipulate them?

The idea slammed into me with the strength of a broadsword.

“Our connection!” I exclaimed.

Cooper tilted his head to the side. “Your connection?”

My heart raced in my chest. “You said the body was the connection for a Guard and its Prognatum.”

“Yes?” Cooper dragged the word out, his confusion palpable.

I reached out and clutched his arms, willing him to understand. “Do you think when I came back to my body, Jackson could have known?”

Cooper’s eyes widened. “If that is true, then he would already know where you are.”

My heart leapt, “If he knows where I am, I am sure he will come for me.”

“Or the Shadowed will come for us.”

I shook my head. “He had plenty of opportunities to take me to them, but he never did.” Brushing past Cooper I waded through my more recent memories of Jackson. “There is something more and the only way I can figure that out is by seeing him again.”

Cooper stepped back as if I had slapped him. His shock turned to fury. A side of him I’d never seen before. It was terrifying yet it reminded me that the Guard could be just as dangerous as the Shadowed, just as formidable. “I will not put you in danger again. He stood there and let Hannah kill your daughter and now you want to find him?”

“Do you have a better plan?” I snapped.

Cooper was silent and I knew I had him. As much as he was one of the best Guard I knew, he was just as limited in his knowledge of what the Caeleste and Prognatum were doing to stop the Shadowed as I was.

“Listen,” I said, calming my voice. “Let’s just talk to Father and see what he says. But I know you and I can be an asset to this team if we try to contribute.”

Cooper weighed his options. I could see the resolve on his face faltering with each passing second before he caved. “Lead the way.”

We silently walked down the hallway, lost in our own thoughts. Or at least I was. I wanted to choose the perfect words to convince my father of what I was going to do.

Cooper stopped at the top of the stairwell suddenly, turning to me. “You should let me talk to him.”

I shook my head. “He’s my father and this is my plan.”

“In his study he said he wanted to keep you out of it. The only thing you are going to do is make him close off further. You two are a lot more alike than you care to admit.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Fine, but I want to be in there when you tell him my plan.”

Cooper’s mouth quirked up and he nodded. “Sounds good to me.”

In my excitement at the thought of being near Jackson again I misjudged the top stair and my foot met air, but before I tumbled down the stairs, Cooper took my hand in his, twirling me toward him. I wobbled and he steadied me, held close against his chest.

He stepped back, giving me space but still holding onto my hand. “I will always be on your side. You need to trust someone.”

“I’ll try.” It seems I surrounded myself with liars and they always betrayed me, but I wanted to trust him. Except I’d lived long enough to know that everyone had their secrets.

Pressing his lips together he dropped my hand and took the lead down the stairs. I waited a beat before I followed him, one step behind.

We arrived at the dining room. Muffled voices floated under the door as I touched the handle and was about to push through the doors when I heard my father say my name. My feet froze in place and I leaned toward the crack in the door.

“Maggie,” Cooper whispered.

I lifted a finger to my lips and closed my eyes to listen.

“She will remain on the premises the entire time,” Father said. “There is no use getting her involved in this until her transformation.”

“She is what they want.” I was surprised to hear Calliope’s voice but quickly realized it must be Felix Possessing her body again. Calliope was his puppet for interaction on the Living Realm.

“And until we figure out why, she is not to interfere,” Father commanded.

“There is a reason I had Cooper bring her here,” Calliope/Felix continued.

“And every time you get her involved in anything, someone in our family dies. I would assume that you wouldn’t want to continue with that record.”

“You are on thin ice, Nicholas,” Felix warned.

“I am the only one making any progress with hunting down the Shadowed, Felix. I never asked you to bring her back here.”

My face flushed.

“They are who she wants,” Felix said firmly. “She is our best shot at infiltrating the Shadowed and once she has located the source of their power we can work together to destroy it.”

“We should go—” Cooper said, but I quickly hushed him again.

Father continued. “We have a lead on their next location. I think we should continue with what we’ve been doing. We aren’t far behind them this time. Their obsession with Margaret is something we can use to our advantage. I say we can send a decoy in her place, one that can actually fight.”

I leaned against the door for balance. Even though my knees were the consistency of jelly, I pushed through the doors and a dozen pairs of eyes fell on me, but I was only interested in my father.

I’d done my fair share of waiting and fighting against the Shadowed to not be involved in whatever they had planned. “I heard my name.” I said marching up to the table where papers and maps covered the entire surface.

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