Prince of Hazel and Oak
John Lenahan

Dedication

For the oh so achingly beautiful Nadene

Contents

Title Page

Dedication

Chapter One

Detective Fallon

Chapter Two

Jail Break

Chapter Three

Dad

Chapter Four

Prisoner Fallon

Chapter Five

Fand

Chapter Six

Mom

Chapter Seven

The Armoury

Chapter Eight

Spideog

Chapter Nine

Mother Oak

Chapter Ten

The Athrú

Chapter Eleven

Essa

Chapter Twelve

The Turlow

Chapter Thirteen

The Grey Ones

Chapter Fourteen

The Yew House

Chapter Fifteen

Broken Bow

Chapter Sixteen

The Green Knife

Chapter Seventeen

Pop-head

Chapter Eighteen

The Pinelands

Chapter Nineteen

Hawathiee

Chapter Twenty

Tuan

Chapter Twenty-One

Barush

Chapter Twenty-Two

Moran

Chapter Twenty-Three

Re-Pookalation

Chapter Twenty-Four

Yogi Bear

Chapter Twenty-Five

The Alderlands

Chapter Twenty-Six

Dell and What’s-His-Name

Chapter Twenty-Seven

King Bwika

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Fearn Peninsula

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Fire Dancing

Chapter Thirty

Red

Chapter Thirty-One

The Digs

Chapter Thirty-Two

The Invisible Man

Chapter Thirty-Three

Graysea

Chapter Thirty-Four

The Mertain King

Chapter Thirty-Five

The Stream

Chapter Thirty-Six

Ona’s Book

Chapter Thirty-Seven

War

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Ribbons of Gold

Chapter Thirty-Nine

There Will Be Blood

Chapter Forty

The Isles

Chapter Forty-One

The Green Dragon

Chapter Forty-Two

Friends and Enemies

Chapter Forty-Three

Get a Room

Acknowledgements

Other Books by John Lenahan

Copyright

About the Publisher

Chapter One
Detective Fallon

Detective Fallon seemed to have given up on shouting.

‘I’ve seen people get off by claiming insanity,’ he said, sitting back in his chair. ‘Conor, you ain’t doing it right.’

‘So you don’t think I’m crazy then?’ I asked.

‘Oh, I think you’re plenty crazy but not insane.’

‘Aren’t they synonyms?’

‘Not in my thesaurus. If you want to get off by reason of insanity you have to be a nutcase all the time, you know, with the drooling and the swatting at imaginary bats. You, on the other hand, kill your father and then act completely normal – except for claiming that Daddy was attacked by Imps and Pixies from Faerieland.’

‘Tir na Nog,’ I corrected.

‘Sorry, from Tir na Nog.’

‘And there are no Pixies in Tir na Nog.’

‘Look, O’Neil’ – Detective Fallon leaned in and I could see he was inches away from returning to shouting mode – ‘you’ve been arrested for murder. They’ve got a death penalty in this state.’

‘I didn’t kill my father – honest. If I killed him where’s the body? If there is no body there can’t be a murder.’

‘You’ve been watching too much TV, O’Neil. You can fry without a body – trust me.’

‘So what do you suggest I do?’

Fallon softened back into his good-cop mode. ‘Tell the truth.’

‘Oh that. I was kinda hoping you had a better suggestion.’

The truth – telling the truth is how I had gotten into this mess in the first place. As soon as I returned to what the Tir na Nogians call ‘the Real World’, all of the Real World problems crashed in on me like a tidal wave. I’ve never been very good at lying but what else could I do? Dad’s boss had reported him missing and the cops were waiting for me when I returned. They had lots of questions after finding the front door wide open and the living room trashed. I made up a lame excuse about a boisterous party and told them that Dad was on a spontaneous trip with old fishing buddies. The cops accepted that explanation, but as I later found out, they didn’t believe it.

Sally was really mad at me. She went on and on about how worried she had been and how thoughtless I was for not getting in touch. The sad thing was I didn’t care – not only about Sally but about pretty much everything. What’s that old saying? Home is where the heart is. Well, I had left my heart back in The Land.

Even though I missed the actual ceremony, apparently I had graduated high school. I forced myself to show up for enrolment at the University of Scranton but after just one day I knew I couldn’t face it. What could a college professor teach me? What did they really know?

All food tasted like cardboard and, even worse, when I slept – I didn’t dream. I remembered once telling Fergal that some of the Real World was like The Land but covered in a grey film. Now all of it seemed like that.

And then there was Essa. I knew it was unfair but I couldn’t help comparing her with Sally – and Sally didn’t match up – how could she? It didn’t take a soothsayer to notice my thoughts were elsewhere. Sally finally had enough. She said I had changed, and she was right – we broke up.

I suppose I should have gotten a job but that seemed even more trivial than university, so I spent my time staring at the walls. I couldn’t even stomach watching television.

The trouble really started when the electric company turned off the power. I hadn’t opened any mail, let alone paid bills, but darkness forced me to do something about it. I had the PIN numbers to Dad’s bank accounts (well, he didn’t need money any more, with him living on top of a gold mine). I can remember standing in front of the cash machine as Dad’s words swirled around in my head, ‘There is nothing back there for you.’ I hated it when he was right. I punched the buttons and withdrew a wad of cash. I didn’t think I could feel any lower – I was wrong.

The police showed up at the house that evening with a search warrant. They had been monitoring Dad’s bank accounts, waiting for me to do exactly what I did. Forensic specialists in plastic jumpsuits took samples of the carpet, confiscated my clothes and all of the weird weapons in the house. When they finished, a policeman told me not to leave town, like he was in some old TV cops show.

Word of the police raid spread through the neighbourhood like wildfire. The authorities, it seems, weren’t the only ones who thought I had committed patricide. I didn’t know what to do. Sally showed up as I was packing in preparation for making a run for it. I decided to tell her the truth. I sat her down and told her everything (playing down the Essa stuff) and amazingly she took it in her stride. She told me that she believed me and wished me luck. Two minutes after leaving the house, she called the cops and told them I was crazy. The only crazy thing I had done was to come back for her.

A uniformed officer and a badge-brandishing Detective Fallon were standing on my front porch when I opened the door with a bag over my shoulder. It was Halloween. The first thing I said to Detective Fallon was, ‘Don’t you have a policeman’s costume?’ The first thing he said to me was, ‘Conor O’Neil, I have a warrant for your arrest.’

‘Here’s how I see it, Conor,’ Detective Fallon said as he paced around the interrogation room. ‘Your father – the mad one-handed ancient language professor – was a strange man. I’m not saying that to make you angry, but I’ve done some research and you have to admit he was, at least, unusual.’

‘You won’t get any arguments from me on that one,’ I said. ‘Pop was the weirdest guy in town.’

‘I also heard that he used to make you sword-fight with him just to get your spending money.’

‘Strange but true.’

‘So one day you just had enough, in the heat of one of your fencing practices—’

‘Broadswords,’ I interrupted, ‘Dad hates fencing.’

‘OK, in the heat of one of your broadsword bouts you flipped out and accidentally killed him – then you panicked and buried the body.’

I laughed, ‘You don’t know how many times I came close to doing just that, but no, that’s not what happened.’

‘Conor, we found your father’s blood on the carpet.’

‘He was injured when we were attacked. I didn’t do it.’

‘And we found traces of blood in a splatter pattern on a leather shirt.’

‘That’s not Dad’s blood.’

‘The pathologist disagrees. She said the shirt and the carpet had one of the most unusual DNA patterns that she had ever seen.’

‘That’s ’cause the blood on the shirt came from one of his relatives.’

‘I thought your father was an orphan?’

‘So did I!’ I said, throwing my hands in the air. ‘Look, I’ve explained all of this. Haven’t you been listening?’

Fallon sat down and sighed, ‘To be honest with you, no I haven’t. As soon as you start going on about hobgoblins and dragons I just glaze over. I figured if I let you ramble on with this cock and bull story you would get it out of your system and we could get down to the facts.’

‘Sorry to disappoint you, Detective Fallon …’

‘Call me Brendan.’

‘Sorry to disappoint you, Detective Fallon,’ I repeated, ‘but those are the facts.’

‘OK, Conor, I’ll humour you. Tell me this thing from the top and I promise I’ll pay attention.’

So I told him the truth. What else could I do? I knew it wasn’t going to help but lying wasn’t working either. I told him the whole tale about how Dad and I were abducted and taken to The Land of Eternal Youth – Tir na Nog – where I found out that Dad was the heir to the throne. Unfortunately, because of an ancient prediction saying that ‘The son of the one-handed prince would be the ruin of all The Land,’ everybody wanted me dead, especially the unlawful king – Dad’s nasty piece of work brother, Cialtie. With the help of a mother I never knew I had, we escaped Cialtie’s dungeon and hooked up with an army that was preparing to forcefully oust my slimy uncle. They had scary information suggesting that Uncle Cialtie had hidden a magical bomb that was threatening to destroy everything. Dad and I and a couple of others snuck into the castle before the attack and disarmed the bomb. Cialtie was dethroned but he got away.

‘So,’ Fallon said with a quizzical look on his face, ‘you saved the world?’

‘I had help.’

‘And when in all of this did you cut your uncle’s hand off?’

‘Just after Dad reattached his.’

‘I take it all back, Conor, you are insane after all.’

After listening to myself I wondered if he was right. It wasn’t the first time, since my return, that I had grappled with my sanity. The only thing that had kept me from going over the edge was the stuff I had brought back with me: my clothes, Fergal’s Banshee blade and Mom’s present. Many a night I sat and just touched them, wishing they could somehow transport me to The Land. But they weren’t with me now, and at that moment I wondered if I had imagined them, too.

I think I would have lost it right then and there if Fallon hadn’t unknowingly thrown me a lifeline. He reached into an evidence folder and placed in front of me a paperback book-sized sheet of gold in a wooden frame. ‘What is this?’ he asked.

I picked it up. ‘It’s called an emain slate,’ I said, feeling my throat tighten. ‘My mother gave it to me.’

‘It’s solid gold.’

‘I know.’

‘We found faint writing on it. What’s it for?’

‘Anything written on this slate appears on its twin.’ I picked up a pen from the table and clicked the ball point back into the chamber, with the blunt end I wrote the contents of my heart. I wrote, ‘HELP!’

‘And you are saying your mother has the other one in this land of yours.’

‘Yes.’

‘So how is she?’

My anger erupted. How dare he be so flippant about this! If I had had a banta stick I would have clocked him in the head for that. But anger gave way to understanding. Firstly, he was trying to get me mad and I wasn’t going to play his game, and secondly, he didn’t take this seriously, he didn’t understand how deep his quip cut.

After spending one day back in the Real World and waking from a dreamless sleep, I realised how much of a mistake returning had been. I had found a mother – my mother – something I had wished for with all of my heart, for all of my life, and as soon as I found her – I left her. How stupid is that? I wrote her every day for a month and spent countless hours wiping the tears out of my eyes just so I could see that the emain slate gave me no reply.

I looked Fallon in the eyes and admitted, ‘It doesn’t work here.’

‘Are you sure? Maybe your mother sent you little notes on this thing and told you to kill your father?’

‘No. I told you it doesn’t work!’

‘Look, Conor, I’m just trying to help you. The story about the Leprechauns didn’t convince me that you were insane, but getting letters from an imaginary mother just might save you from the chop.’

I thought about that. Maybe he was right, maybe he was my friend and this was good advice. I looked into his kind countenance and almost bought it, but then his eyes gave away the truth.

‘You’re not trying to help me,’ I said. ‘I know what you are doing. You are trying to get me to say I did it, so you can get a tick in your little score sheet and go home to your wife and kids and tell them that, “Daddy got a bad guy today”, but I am not going to oblige. I did not kill my father!’ I screamed. ‘I love him and I miss him and I … I hate myself …’ I broke down and wept.

‘Why do you hate yourself, Conor?’ Fallon said in a calm voice, like a psychiatrist getting to the crux of a problem. ‘You hate yourself because you loved him and you hurt him?’

I picked my head up off my damp arms and looked at him through the blur of my tears. ‘No,’ I said, ‘I hate myself for being so stupid. I hate myself – for leaving him.’

Fallon picked up his notepad and stood up. ‘Let’s take a break,’ he said. ‘Maybe you should just sit and think for a while.’ I could tell he was disappointed. I’m sure he thought I was about to confess. He unlocked the door, but before he went through he stopped and said, ‘Just one thing.’

I looked at him confused.

‘I don’t have kids. I just got one – a girl. And I promise I won’t tell her you’re a bad guy. You’re not a bad guy, Conor, you’re troubled and in trouble – but you’re not a bad guy.’

That was it. I had hit rock bottom. I dropped my head onto the emain slate and closed my eyes not caring if I slept or not. Sleeping brought me no relief; I couldn’t even escape into a dream.

I felt the message before I saw it. My cheek was resting on the emain slate and a tickling sensation stirred me enough to lift my head and take a look. There underneath my cry for help was a sentence, ‘Are you in trouble?’

‘Yes!’ I screamed. I don’t think I had ever been happier in my life. Like a bawling child lost in a shopping mall, I was found, and my mother was going to clutch me to her breast and wipe away my tears. I reached for the pen and realised that Fallon had taken it with him. I frantically searched around the room trying to find something I could etch a reply with but the only thing in the room was me, two chairs and a table. I tried to use my fingernails but I had bitten them down to nothing. I hammered on the door and shouted. After what seemed like ages it opened. Standing there was Detective Fallon and a uniformed cop holding a club.

‘Gimme your pen!’ I shouted as I jumped up and down.

‘Back off, Conor,’ he demanded.

‘OK, OK,’ I said, putting my hands up and doing as I was told, ‘just give me a pen.’

The two policemen cautiously entered the room. ‘Why do you want a pen?’ Fallon asked.

‘I just do! Give me your damn pen!’

‘I’m not going to give you my pen,’ the detective said in pacifying tones, ‘until you tell me what you want it for.’

‘OK, I did it. I want to confess. Give me your notepad and pen and I’ll write a confession.’

‘What did you do?’

‘What you said I did. Give me your pen and I’ll write it all down for you – everything.’

The two policemen looked at each other in amazement. Fallon gave me a sceptical look but he offered out his notepad and pen. I snatched the ballpoint, ran over to the table and turned the slate around to write on it. Fallon grabbed the pen back before I could etch a mark and tried to read the Gaelic sentence aloud. ‘Did you write this?’ he said.

‘Yes, yes I did. See I’m crazy. I’m writing letters to myself in made-up languages. Here I’ll show you.’ I reached for the slate but he pulled it out of my reach.

We stared at each other, his eyes narrowed with an effort to figure out what was going on. I gazed back wide-eyed and pleading. ‘Please,’ I said. ‘Trust me, this is important.’

He handed me the slate and I wrote on it, ‘YES!!!’

I dropped the slate on the table and stared at it. So did Fallon. Just when I thought my eyes were going to burn a hole in the gold surface, letters appeared one by one. ‘I WILL BE RIGHT THERE,’ it said.

Fallon’s eyes shot up to look at me. They were a lot wider than before. ‘What just happened here?’

‘I got a magic email.’

‘What … what does it say?’

‘It says, “I will be right there.”’

‘And what does that mean?’

‘It means – my mom’s gonna bail me out.’

Chapter Two
Jail Break

‘Conor,’ Detective Fallon said, ‘no one is going to bail you out.’

It was just the two of us again. I had finally calmed down enough for him to dismiss the guard. ‘You saw what was written on the slate.’

‘I did. How did you do that, some sort of conjuring trick?’

That made me laugh. ‘Not a conjuring trick, it’s a magic trick – real magic.’

Fallon picked up the emain slate and turned it in his hands. ‘So what, is there some sort of electric gadget in here?’

‘Look at it. It’s just a sheet of gold. Come on, you’re a detective. What did Sherlock Holmes say? “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” I’ve been telling you the truth all along. My father is fine and my mother is coming to take me to him.’

‘So you imagine she is going to show up and you and she are just going to walk out of here.’

‘Ride out of here,’ I corrected, ‘she’ll be on a horse.’

‘OK, that’s it,’ Fallon said, slapping his palms on the table, ‘you win, I’ll get you the psychologist.’

He stood to leave but I grabbed his wrist. He instinctively balled his other hand into a fist but then relaxed when he saw I wasn’t going to attack him – I had something important to say.

‘When she comes, Brendan, don’t fight her. She is … well, she’s not a normal mom.’

Fallon threw off my grip and said, ‘Bah!’ Just then there was a knock at the door. A young officer poked his head in looking excited. ‘What?’ Fallon barked.

‘There are two women outside on horses,’ the officer stuttered. ‘You have to see them, they’re gorgeous. They want to see the prisoner.’

Fallon whipped his head around and stared at me, the colour draining from his face.

I shrugged. ‘That will be my ride.’

I paced around the room for what seemed like an eternity. I don’t think I had ever been so excited, it took all of my willpower to stop from jumping up and down shouting, ‘Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!’ I tried to relax. ‘Right, what should I do?’ I said, talking to myself. ‘Pack.’ I looked around the room and laughed, the only thing there was the emain slate. I picked it up. I paced some more. ‘Come on, come on,’ I said out loud.

The door flew open and Fallon came storming in. ‘What the hell is going on here?’

‘Where is she? What’s happening?’

‘There are two women outside on huge horses wearing trick-or-treat outfits. The one who spoke said her name was Deirdre and that the other was called Nieve.’

‘Nieve! Nieve’s here? She’s my aunt.’

Fallon was angry. He grabbed my shirt with both hands and pulled me close to his face. ‘What are you playing at?’

I tried to be as calm as I could. ‘What did you tell them?’

‘I told them they had to wait.’

‘You didn’t …?’

‘I did.’

‘That probably wasn’t a good idea.’

‘Why?’

‘Well, I don’t know my aunt all that well but waiting isn’t Mom’s strong suit.’

As if on cue a huge explosion shook the room. Fallon let go of me and said, ‘Stay here!’

As the door swung behind him I dived across the room and painfully trapped my arm in the doorjamb before it could lock.

The hallway was filled with dust and smoke. Cops were lying unconscious everywhere. In the distance I could hear screams of ‘My eyes!’ Nieve was casually riding towards me. She had blown out all of the door archways so she didn’t even have to duck. Her right hand was held out to her side and two marble-sized balls of gold were orbiting it like atoms around a nucleus. Two policemen appeared out of a room to her left. Without even looking at them, she flicked her wrist and the gold marbles hit them in the chest. They were thrown back into the room with an explosion of light.

She spotted me. ‘Conor, are you harmed?’

‘No, I’m OK,’ I shouted. ‘Where’s Mom?’

‘She is outside preparing a portal. Catch,’ she said, throwing me an oak banta stick.

I examined it. ‘I prefer hazel.’

She gave me a dirty look but then smiled. ‘Come,’ she said, holding out her hand.

I started to reach for it when I heard a voice from behind me say, ‘Freeze!’

I turned to see Detective Fallon pointing a gun at Nieve. He was obviously freaked.

‘Nobody move. Put your hands in the air and get off the horse, lady.’

‘Conor,’ Nieve said, ‘what is that in his hand?’

‘It’s a weapon, Aunt Nieve.’ She went to reach under her cloak.

‘I said freeze!’

‘Hold on, Nieve,’ I said, ‘let me talk to him.’

Fallon kept the gun pointed at Nieve but flicked a glance in my direction. He was real edgy.

‘Brendan,’ I said in my calmest voice, ‘this is my Aunt Nieve, my father’s sister. She’s from Tir na Nog, that’s why she is riding a horse. Remember, I told you about that?’

The muscle in Fallon’s jaw twitched. I wasn’t sure if I was getting through to him.

‘I’m going to go with her. Put your gun down and no one will get hurt.’

‘What, I’m just supposed to let you walk out of here?’ His gun shook as he spoke. ‘She killed all of my officers.’

‘Conor, why are we talking? What is he saying that is so important?’

‘He is upset ’cause you killed his men.’

‘They will live,’ Nieve said. I could hear the impatience in her voice. ‘Conor, we do not have time for this.’

She was right. The longer we stood here the more likely it was that more cops would show up and I was desperate to see my mother. I decided to take Fallon out of the equation.

Unfortunately I was holding my banta stick upside-down so I had to flick the gun out of his hand with the heavy end and then use the light end on his neck. Dahy wouldn’t have been very impressed with the blow but it did the job and the detective went down. I grabbed Nieve’s hand and she lifted me onto the back of the saddle as if I weighed nothing.

‘I never got your Christmas card,’ she said as she manoeuvred the horse into the opposite direction.

‘Christmas isn’t for two months.’

‘Well, that explains it.’ I wasn’t sure if that was a joke or not.

We rode back through what used to be a police station. No one stopped us. The only sounds were a few moans. Daylight poured through what used to be the front door. I shaded my eyes and was rewarded with the sight of my mother. My heart leapt and I involuntarily kicked the back of the horse, the mount lurched and I almost fell off.

‘Be careful, Conor!’ Nieve said. ‘I would prefer not to fall.’

‘Of course, sorry.’

Nieve walked her horse next to Mom’s. I hugged Mom and she returned it. ‘Conor, are you all right?’

‘I am now,’ I said.

‘Deirdre,’ Nieve said, ‘I do not like this place.’

‘How’s Dad?’ I asked, still holding my mother. I never wanted to let go.

Mom pushed me back. ‘Nieve is right. We must get out of here – we can talk when we get home.’

Mom took some sap and a gold disc out of her saddlebag and began to chant as she rubbed them both between her hands. Amber light shot from her fingertips and created a spider web that eventually filled in to produce a large glowing disc.

‘Are you ready?’ Mom asked.

‘Born ready.’

‘Everybody stay right where you are!’ It was Fallon – with one hand he held his neck, in the other he held a gun.

Nieve and Mom stepped their horses sideways for a look. ‘Who is this?’ Mom demanded.

‘Mom, this is Detective Fallon – Detective Fallon, this is my mother.’

Fallon pointed the gun menacingly. ‘Everybody get down, we’re all going back inside.’

Mom and Nieve started to reach inside their cloaks. I raised my hand and stopped them. ‘No we’re not, Brendan, we don’t belong here – I don’t belong here.’

‘I said get down!’

‘They can’t, Brendan, it would kill them. You see that glowing disc over there, that’s a door into another world – The Land. We are going to enter it and we will be gone. If we are not, then you can shoot me.’

‘I’m warning you, O’Neil.’

‘Brendan, I didn’t kill my father, he is right on the other side of that door, you have the wrong man. You said it yourself – I’m not a bad guy. Please – you have to trust me.’

I could almost hear his brain cells working; he lowered his gun and we walked towards the disc. I didn’t look back.

We arrived in the Hall of Spells. I expected the journey to be painful (most of this Shadowmagic stuff is) but other than a few spots in front of my vision and an annoying ringing in my ears, I was fine.

I jumped down and gave Mom a proper hug. She returned it quickly but then said, ‘I have to go, I will talk to you later.’ I didn’t like the way she looked; she was still undisputedly the most beautiful woman in the world, but in her eyes I saw a haggard look. She dashed out of the room.

I was a bit taken aback. I turned to Nieve and said, ‘Is she all right?’

‘She is fine, Conor.’

I let out a sigh of relief and then took in a lungful of air and it hit me, I could feel the vitality seep into every cell. A smile took over my face and I said to myself, ‘I’m back.’ Then I threw my hands out to my sides and shouted to the roof, ‘I’m back!’ I startled a stable boy who quickly led the horses away – that’s when I saw him. Detective Fallon with dishevelled clothes and hair shooting out in all directions was crouched in the corner and he had a wild glint in his eyes. He looked like one of those girls in a slasher movie that had just witnessed her entire sorority get killed.

‘Oh my gods,’ I said.

Our eyes locked, it scared me, I had seen that look before. He was wearing the same face that Fergal wore when he went mad and tried to kill Cialtie.

‘Brendan?’

At the sound of his name he pulled the gun from between his knees and levelled it at me.

I dropped my banta stick and said, ‘Hey, calm down, Brendan, no one is going to hurt you.’ I walked slowly towards him, palms up. He aimed the gun at my face, his arm shaking. I wondered if he even knew who he was. ‘It’s OK, you’re safe. Your name is Brendan Fallon, you have a wife and a daughter, it’s OK we’ll sort this out.’

At the mention of his family a spark of sanity fluttered in his eyes. He dipped the gun a bit, but then both of us were startled by a voice to the left shouting my name.

‘Conor – catch!’

A banta came sailing through the air. As I caught it, time slowed like it always does when I’m in mortal peril. I saw the lights go out in Fallon’s eyes and I could actually see the muscles in his fingers as they tightened on the trigger, I could almost hear them. I suspected that guns didn’t work in The Land but I didn’t want to take that chance. I performed the same manoeuvre as before, except this time I hit the gun with the light end of the stick and rounded on Fallon’s head with the heavy end. I hit him way harder than I wanted to – that wasn’t my fault, the stick had been thrown by Araf and his stick is filled with lead. The gun clicked at some point during the fracas but it didn’t fire. I was right, they don’t work here. Fallon went down like a ton of concrete and I instantly felt real guilty.

I rushed to him – he was out cold. Nieve strolled over and placed her hands on both sides of his head. ‘Did I kill him?’ I asked.

‘He’ll live,’ she replied and unceremoniously dropped his head back onto the floor.

Two guards arrived and I instructed them to carry him to the infirmary and keep a guard. ‘Be nice to him,’ I called after them, ‘and make sure he gets some of that willow tea when he wakes up, he’s going to need it.’

‘Can I have my stick back?’

‘Araf!’ I shouted as I turned. I had almost forgotten he was there. I ran to the Imp and wrapped my arms around him. It was like hugging a refrigerator and I could tell he didn’t like it.

‘Are you injured?’ he asked.

‘No, I’m fine.’

He nodded. ‘I have to get back to work now,’ he said and turned to leave.

‘Well, it’s great to see you again too,’ I called after him. I laughed – this was the strangest of homecomings.

Well, it was just me and Nieve. Not my favourite relative but I didn’t care. She stood in the middle of the room wringing her hands; the look on her face wiped the smile off my own.

‘Where’s Dad?’ I asked.

‘Conor,’ she said, looking down at her hands and then directly into my eyes, ‘Oisin is dying.’

Chapter Three
Dad

I followed Nieve through the winding corridors of the west wing. Dad was in The Lord’s Chamber, the same one that Cialtie had used and where we had found Dad’s runehand.

‘Prepare yourself,’ Nieve warned, ‘he does not look good.’

My stomach churned as I opened the door. Mom, Fand and an Imp-healer were standing around a bed wearing expressions ranging from puzzlement to grief. I had to cover my mouth to hide the gasp – he looked awful. My father’s skin was ashen grey, paper-like, and his face was dotted with sores. Most of his hair had fallen out and what was left was pure white. My first thought was that he was dead already, that’s how bad he looked. I knelt down next to the bed and held his hand.

‘Dad, Dad, it’s me, Conor.’

I didn’t think he could hear me but then his eyes flickered and opened. An almost Duir smile lit his face. ‘Conor? Conor, are you all right?’ His voice was faint and raspy. ‘Deirdre said you were in trouble.’

‘I’m fine, Dad.’ I didn’t know what to say, his famous dark eyes had lost their shine. I could hardly stand it.

‘Good,’ he said, ‘I was worried about you. So how was your trip home?’

I laughed, one of those painful laughs that are half a chuckle and half crying. ‘It was awful.’

‘What happened when you got back?’

‘The police arrested me for your murder.’

This brought a huge grin to his face. ‘No!’

‘Yes,’ I laughed through tears.

Dad started to laugh too but his laughter was replaced by a spasm of coughs. He had to close his eyes for a half a minute. When he opened them he squeezed my hand and said, ‘I’m glad you’re here.’

‘Me too.’ I held his hand for a while and then said, ‘Thanks, Dad.’

‘For what?’

‘I never realised until I went back, just how much you gave up for me. I don’t know how you stood it.’

‘Well, when it got really bad, I used to go to your room and watch you sleep, that gave me strength.’

I dropped my head on his chest and wept openly. He stroked my hair. ‘I have to rest now,’ he said, ‘we’ll talk later.’

Mom put her hands on my shoulders and guided me out. In the hallway we held onto each other; then she led me into an adjacent room.

A Leprechaun brought in a tray of tea. Mom thanked her and sent her away. As she handed me a cup, I asked, ‘What’s the matter with him?’

‘We’re not sure,’ she said as she poured herself a cup, ‘but we think it is his hand.’

‘His runehand? The one he reattached in the Choosing?’

‘Yes. The Land has a life force that binds us to it; your father gave that all up when he escaped to the Real World. I thought getting his hand back would restore his immortality – I was wrong, it has done just the opposite. Our best guess is that The Land is confused, it sees your father as two things, a young hand that belongs here and an older man that does not. The Land is choosing his hand.’

‘Like a heart transplant patient rejecting a donor organ?’

‘I don’t know what you mean but rejecting is a good word. Oisin’s hand is rejecting the rest of him. It is killing him.’

‘Isn’t there anything you can do?’

‘We have tried everything, to no avail, but there is one desperate measure left to us. Just before you arrived Fand and I decided it is our only hope.’

‘What?’

We are going to use Shadowmagic to encase all of Oisin in tree sap, just as I did with his hand. It will not cure him but it may give us time.’

‘Are you sure it’ll work?’

Mom took a long time before answering. ‘No,’ she said, ‘I am not.’

I stood on the ramparts of the east wall. The stones under my feet were new and whiter than the rest of the castle. This was the wall that was blown out when Cialtie’s golden circle misfired. Lorcan had done a fine job rebuilding it.

I looked out and took a deep breath, savouring the pollution-free smell of summer’s end. At a first glance I thought the forest in front of me was on fire. The oaks were incandescent with the colours of fall. Leaves the size of notepad paper had transformed themselves into reds and yellows and golds that looked as if they were lit from within, like Christmas decorations. I remembered the first time I had seen this vista when it was green, I remembered the strength and joy that it had given me. I felt the strength returning, but the joy was denied to me now.

Below I saw the top of the dolman that Fergal was buried under. ‘Oh Fergal,’ I said to myself, ‘how I could use a friend right now.’

‘I’m sorry, Conor,’ said a voice from behind me – it was Araf. ‘I’m sorry about your father and I’m sorry I was so short with you before. It wasn’t my place to be the first to tell you and I’m not very good at hiding my emotions.’

‘You surprise me, Araf, I didn’t know you had any emotions,’ I chided, trying to lighten the mood.

‘I have them, Conor, although right now I wish I did not.’

I put my arm over his shoulder and together we looked down at Fergal’s grave. ‘I still miss him terribly,’ he said. ‘He was truly my brother – I never had the chance to tell him that.’

‘He knew, my friend, he knew.’

A guard showed up and said my mother wanted to see me in The Lord’s Chamber. Araf led me down to Dad’s room but he didn’t come in. When we got to the door he didn’t say anything, he simply nodded. I think he must have used up all of his allotted words for the day. Mom, Nieve, Fand and the Imp-healer were standing around Dad’s bed; a Shadowfire flickered on a table. I didn’t think it was possible but he looked worse than he did only a couple of hours earlier.

‘We are almost ready,’ Mom said. ‘He wants to speak to you.’

I knelt down next to him; he turned to me and I could see the effort it took. ‘Conor,’ he whispered, ‘you must take the Choosing. The Land needs a Lord of Duir.’

‘You’re the Lord of Duir, Pop.’

‘Promise me.’

‘I promise.’

He straightened his head and took a deep breath. ‘Deirdre,’ he said, trying to raise his voice above a whisper, ‘I’m ready.’

Mom placed a small gold disc on Dad’s tongue. He received it like a Catholic at church, then Mom and Fand each picked up a waxy fist-sized ball of amber sap. They cupped their hands and held it over the Shadowfire; the sap melted leaving them both holding a pool of glowing amber, as if they had scooped water from a stream. Dad’s sheets were removed and I gasped to see that the sores on his face covered his entire body. The only part of him that looked healthy was his runehand. Its heath and vitality only highlighted just how deathly the rest of him looked.

Mom and Fand stood at the foot of the bed incanting in Ogham – the oldest of tongues. As they chanted they let the sap drip onto Dad’s toes. It covered his feet, then his ankles and then his legs, like it had a mind of its own. I watched in horror as the amber travelled up his chest. When it reached his neck he closed his eyes, took one last gasp of breath and was completely engulfed.

Mom carried away the remaining sap and let it drip into a bowl. It left no residue on her hands. Then she slowly examined the Shadowmagic shell. When she rolled Dad onto his side to have a look at his back, it shocked me to see him pop up like a marble statue. Fand covered him with a sheet as Mom placed her hands on both sides of his head. After a few minutes she let him go and wiped her nose on her forearm; she looked drained.

‘Did it work?’ I asked.

‘We will know tomorrow,’ she said.

I wanted to keep watch over Dad all night but Mom wouldn’t let me. Since she missed my rebellious teenage years, I toyed with the idea of making this my first defiant stand against her, but she was right, I was exhausted.

She led me to a room two doors along. ‘This is The Prince’s Chamber,’ she said, ‘it once belonged to your father. It is your room now.’

It was huge. A massive bay window and an equally large four-poster bed were draped in purple fabric. When I get some time, I thought to myself, I’m going to have to do some redecorating. The walls were panelled in hand-carved oak depicting all of the major trees of The Land. I noticed one of the panels was full of chips and holes.

Mom followed my gaze. ‘Oisin told me that is where he used to practise throwing Dahy’s knives. He got in trouble for that.’

‘I promise I won’t throw any knives in here, Mom,’ I said, but I knew I would.

She wrapped her arms around me. ‘I have missed you. I wrote you every day.’

‘Me too. How did you finally get the slates to work?’

‘It was Samhain.’

‘Samhain, I remember that word,’ I said. ‘When Dad wouldn’t let me go out trick-or-treating at Halloween he used to say, “There is no way I am going to let you wander around alone during Samhain.” What does that have to do with the emain slates?’

‘Samhain is when The Land and the Real World are closest. The slate must have started to work simply because it was in range.’

‘Well, I’m glad it did. I’m here now, Mom, and I’m not going anywhere.’

She squeezed me tighter then kissed me on the cheek. ‘Get some rest.’

‘You too, you look like you need it.’

‘I will try,’ she said and left me alone in my new bedroom.

A chambermaid came in and placed a pitcher of water next to a bowl on the dresser. When she turned I recognised her. It was the Leprechaun who helped Dad and me sneak into Cialtie’s room. ‘Aein!’ I said, calling her by name.

I surprised her when I hugged her but then she returned it, her arms only making it to my sides.

‘How is Lord Oisin?’

‘Not good.’

‘If he—’ She stopped and placed her hand over her mouth as if to push back the words.

‘What is it, Aein? You can say anything to me.’

‘If … If Lord Oisin should die …’ she said and made a little gesture like she was warding off evil spirits, ‘will Cialtie come back?’

‘Over my dead body.’

Her worried eyes went steely. ‘Mine too.’ We shared a determined smile. ‘If you need anything, you pull that cord.’

‘Thank you, Aein.’

‘Welcome home, Young Prince.’

My head hit the pillow like I had been hit with Araf’s banta stick. In that twilight moment between wakefulness and sleep I felt the impatience of a dream desperate to begin, like a troupe of actors waiting for the opening curtain. ‘Here we go!’ I mumbled aloud.

I was a bit disappointed with my first dream back. Deep down I had hoped that I would be able to have a conversation with my father, but my dream was a collage of fleeting images. Trees, salmon, horses, knives, castles, bears, mermaids, archers and a myriad of other images zoomed in and out of my sleep. I only had one vision that stayed with me. It was of a young girl I didn’t recognise; she was crying, and an older woman that I somehow knew was her grandmother was comforting her.

I had slept later than I meant to. I dressed quickly and jogged to my father’s room. Fand was sitting at his feet, cross-legged with her hands folded in her lap, Buddha-like. She turned to me when I entered. ‘There is no change, Conor. We will know more after nightfall.’ I leaned over and kissed Dad on the forehead; it was like kissing a cue ball, cold and hard. ‘Hang in there, Pop,’ I whispered.

‘Go get something to eat,’ Fand said, ‘we will find you if there is any change.’

I found the breakfast room all by myself (well, after getting lost for a half an hour). Everywhere I went people pointed at me and whispered to their companions, or, even worse, bowed. No one dared to sit with me at breakfast but that didn’t stop them from staring at me. I’m not sure if it was ’cause I was their prince or ’cause the food was so awesome that I moaned while I ate.

A guard approached as I was finishing. I was surprised to see he was a Banshee. I was glad that Dad had chosen not to banish all of the guards that worked for Cialtie.

‘Prince Conor,’ the guard said, bowing. He was young and I could see he was nervous. I smiled at him. ‘The prisoner is getting – difficult.’

‘Prisoner? What prisoner?’

‘The one who shouts with the strange tongue.’

‘Oh my gods,’ I said, ‘Detective Fallon, I forgot all about him. You’d better take me to him.’

Chapter Four
Prisoner Fallon

I heard him before I even rounded the corner. When I reached the door two guards, a Banshee and an Imp, snapped to attention.

‘Take it easy, guys,’ I said. They relaxed but not much.

I jumped when I heard the volume of the shouts on the other side of the door.

‘DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?’ Brendan bellowed with a voice that was going hoarse. ‘YOU ARE ALL IN BIG TROUBLE! DO YOU HEAR ME?’

I motioned for the door to be opened. The Banshee reached for the handle and the Imp stepped in front of me gripping his banta stick.

‘Hold on,’ I said, putting my hand on his shoulder. ‘That won’t be necessary.’

‘Are you sure you want to go in there alone?’ the Imp asked.

‘I’m sure.’ Just then a thunderous crash shook the door from the inside. ‘Well, maybe you could lend me your stick.’

The Imp stared at me with an It’s your funeral look and handed me his banta stick. ‘Brendan,’ I called through the door, ‘I’m coming in, don’t attack me. OK?’

There was no answer so I braced myself and stuck my nose around the jamb. Detective Fallon was standing in the middle of the room. His shirt tail was half out, his hair stuck out at a wacky forty-five-degree angle. He was panting and covered with sweat. His eyes weren’t as crazy as the last time I saw him, but I wasn’t about to shake his hand. I closed the door behind me. ‘I see you have been busy turning our furniture into toothpicks.’

‘Kidnapping is a very serious crime.’

‘You can add it to the murder charge if you like, but I didn’t do either of them.’

‘Where am I?’ he said, taking a menacing step towards me.

‘Easy, fella,’ I said, positioning my stick, ‘I don’t want to hit you with one of these a third time.’

‘A third time?’

‘Yes, I hit you once in the neck at the police station and once in the head upstairs.’

‘That was you?’ he said, rubbing the side of his head where I am sure it hurt.

‘Yeah, sorry, I got a little carried away.’

‘I don’t remember much about the second time,’ he said calming down a bit, ‘I was …’

‘Freaked out,’ I finished for him. ‘Don’t worry about it, The Land can do that to you – I know. Hey, let’s sit down and talk about this nicely.’ I looked around the room but there wasn’t any place to sit. Not one piece of furniture was any bigger than my forearm. Keeping one eye on Brendan I backed up to the door and opened it a crack. ‘Could you get us a couple of chairs?’ I glanced back at the devastation of the room. ‘Cheap ones.’

Brendan glared at me while I kicked pieces of smashed furnishings into the corner. A guard came in carrying two simple chairs. ‘Are these cheap enough for you, Your Highness?’

‘They’ll be fine,’ I said, indicating with a tilt of my head for him to leave.

Brendan examined his chair before he sat in it. I wasn’t sure if he didn’t trust me or if he was studying it to see how easy it would be to smash. ‘What language are you are speaking?’

‘Ancient Gaelic. It’s the lingo around here.’

‘And where is here?’

‘You’re in The Land, Brendan. I wasn’t lying.’

‘You’re telling me that I’m in that Never-Never Land you babbled on about?’

‘Tir na Nog actually, but now that I think about it, the concept is the same.’

‘And who are you – Tinkerbell?’

‘Well, I would prefer to think of myself as more of a Peter-like person but we are getting off the subject. You’re here now. I don’t know how you got here.’

‘The last thing I clearly remember is grabbing onto a horse’s tail.’

‘Ah,’ I said. ‘That explains it. You were pulled through when my mother opened a door to another world, this world, The Land.’

‘I don’t believe you.’

‘I don’t blame you, it even sounds crazy to me and I’ve done it a couple of times before, but that’s the truth of it. It would be easier if you accepted it.’

Brendan rubbed his head in the place where I had clocked him.

‘Head hurting?’

He nodded.

‘Have you eaten?’

In response he pointed to his left. A tray lay at the foot of a wall surrounded by broken crockery. Above it dripped the remains of a breakfast.

‘I’ll take that as a no then.’

I stood and opened the door a crack and spoke to the guards. ‘Could you get me a couple of apples and some willow tea?’

‘OK,’ Brendan said when I sat down again, ‘for the sake of argument, let’s say I believe you. When are you going to let me go?’

‘I’ll talk to my mother about sending you back as soon as things calm down around here.’

‘I want to see her now!’

A knock came at the door. I was glad for the excuse to stand up and put a bit of space between us. He was getting agitated again. The guard handed me a tray with two apples, a teapot and a couple of mugs. I placed it on the floor between us and offered Brendan an apple. He stared at it but he didn’t take it.

‘I’m not trying to poison you, Brendan. Look.’ I took a bite out of the apple. It was gorgeous, as good, if not better than I remembered. ‘You have got to try this,’ I garbled as I wiped juice off my chin. ‘It will change your whole outlook.’

Brendan took the already bitten apple from my hand, stared at it for a moment then took a bite. The look on his face made me laugh and almost spit out the chewed apple bits in my mouth. Now I know how I looked like the first time I ate an apple in The Land.

I watched as Brendan, while making the mandatory moans of delight, demolished the piece of fruit. When he finished he threw the core over his shoulder and then slapped himself in the face – hard.

‘What are you doing?’ I asked.

‘I’m waking myself up. I get it now. This is a dream.’

‘A dream?’

‘Of course. Why didn’t I see it before? Two beautiful young women single-handedly demolish a police station, I get kidnapped by extras in a King Arthur movie and I just had an apple that tasted like a five-course meal at the Ritz; of course it’s a dream.’ He slapped himself again.

‘OK, Brendan, if that’s what makes you happy then, fine, you believe it. Now, are you going to behave in this dream?’

‘Sure, why not? I might as well enjoy myself before I wake up. The shame of it is that I probably won’t remember it. I never remember my dreams.’ He stood up and stretched and actually looked like he was having fun. ‘Can I have the other apple?’

‘Sure. Look, if you promise not to turn any furniture into kindling and generally settle down I’ll get you a bath and a new room.’

‘And more apples?’

‘And more apples. Just behave. Oh, and try that willow tea, I think you’ll enjoy that too.’

I instructed the guards to get Brendan a bath and a change of clothes and a new room. I told them he shouldn’t give them any more trouble but they should keep a close eye on him. They looked sceptical but agreed.

I went back to Dad’s room and kept vigil with Mom, Nieve, Fand and the Imp-healer, who I learned was named Bree. Minutes felt like hours, and as every one crawled by I wanted to ask how he was doing, but I knew they didn’t know, so I didn’t ask. I hate waiting, I always have, but that was the worst. I felt so helpless. Fand recited a healing mantra in Ogham and I asked her to teach it to me. I could feel the healing magic in the words but wondered if it was getting through Dad’s amber shell. As the afternoon moved on, we all five chanted it together.

The curtains were drawn so I couldn’t tell if night had fallen but Mom and Fand both looked up at each other at the same time, as if they were alerted by some soundless alarm.

Fand removed Dad’s sheet as Mom placed a small dollop of amber sap in her palm and held it over the Shadowfire that was burning on a table at the foot of the bed. She dripped the molten sap onto Dad’s foot. It was a darker shade of amber than his shell and I watched as it passed through the shell like water in a bowl of oil. The darker sap began to entwine and elongate, wrapping around the leg like a serpent and then continued to thin, until it wrapped his entire body with a fine line just under the surface of his glass-like sarcophagus. Fand placed her hands on either side of Dad’s head and incanted in Ogham. The dark latticework spiralled and pulsed darker. Mom held Dad by his legs and swung them to the left so his right foot hung out of the bed. Even though I had seen it before, it shocked me to see Dad’s whole body move as if he were made of marble. Fand released Dad’s head and Mom cupped her hands under the foot. The dark spiral retraced its path and when Mom pulled her hands back, in her palm was the dark sap.

Mom held the sap over the Shadowfire and Fand, on the other side of the table, placed her hands under hers. Together they chanted words that sounded so strange I wondered how their tongues could make them. The sap dripped through their fingers and onto the Shadowfire. An image formed as they withdrew and as the vision cleared I saw it was my father, standing before me, upright, naked. His body was whole except for his right hand – it was in its proper place but detached from him by a few inches. The two Shadowwitches placed their hands into the vision and caressed Dad’s shadow-form. Mom had her back to me but I could see Fand’s face. Tears formed in her eyes – I didn’t know what that meant. A cry escaped from Mom’s throat and the two women reached for each other, breaking the vision, and embraced, both openly weeping.

‘What?’ I said, not knowing if I should speak but I couldn’t take it any longer.

Mom turned and wiped the tears from her eyes but kept her hands over her mouth as she tried to compose herself. Finally she dropped her hands and crossed them on her chest. ‘It worked,’ she said.

It wasn’t until it was all over that Mom allowed her fatigue and strain to show. Nieve and I had to help her walk to her chamber where she permitted herself to truly rest for the first time in a long while. I went back to check on Dad. Fand was still there, clearing up.

‘Does he dream?’

‘I do not know,’ she replied.

‘What happens now?’

‘Now we have time to find a cure.’

‘How long can he stay like this?’

Her answer should have comforted me but instead it sent a chill down my spine. ‘For ever,’ she said.

I checked on Dad before I went down to breakfast. The sound of Fand saying ‘For ever’ echoed in my brain and I wondered if this was the way I would start my day for the rest of my life. I was shocked by a transformed Brendan when I arrived at the food hall. He was smiling, cleaned up and wearing a leather shirt and trousers that surprisingly suited him. He was trying to communicate with an attractive red-headed woman who, when I arrived, stood, bowed and quickly departed.

‘Aw, you scared her away,’ Brendan said. ‘I was doing quite well there. I already found out her name was Faggy Two.’

When he said that, I started to laugh.

‘What’s so funny?’

I then laughed so hard I had to sit down and cover my face until I could get some semblance of composure. It wasn’t just what he had said that made me laugh, it was the tension of the last couple of days bubbling to the surface. ‘I’m sorry, Brendan,’ I said, wiping my eyes, ‘I don’t think you were doing as well as you thought, fágfaidh tú is Gaelic for Go away.’

‘Oh.’

‘And what are you doing trying to pick up women? You’re a married man.’

‘First of all, this is my dream, remember? A man can’t get into trouble for having an affair when he’s asleep, and secondly, I’m not a married man.’

‘You told me you had a wife and a daughter.’

‘No, you said I have a wife and a daughter. I only said I have a daughter.’ His mood dropped a bit. ‘I’m a widower.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry.’

‘Me too. Hey, what do you think of my new threads?’ he asked quickly, obviously trying to change the subject.

‘You look like a native,’ I said and meant it. ‘You’re even growing a beard I see.’

‘No, Frick wouldn’t let me have a razor.’

‘Frick?’

Brendan pointed to the Imp and the Banshee guards that I had assigned to keep an eye on him. ‘I call them Frick and Frack.’

I waved to the guards who were standing by the entrance of the room; they gave me an official nod. I could tell this was not their favourite detail. ‘Which one is Frick?’

‘I don’t know. I keep getting them mixed up.’

Breakfast arrived and Brendan ate like there was no tomorrow. Except for the chopping and moans neither of us spoke until our plates were clean. When we had finished Brendan said, ‘The food in this dream is just fantastic, half the time I can’t wait to wake up but for the other half I hope it will continue until the next meal.’

‘Brendan, you have to stop thinking like that. I know it makes you feel better, but this is real.’

Nieve entered the dining hall. Brendan jumped to his feet and backed off. She sat down across from me and said, ‘How is our guest?’

Warily, Brendan sat next to me, as if for protection, and pointed to Nieve. ‘That’s the witch that trashed my police station!’

‘What did he say?’ Nieve asked.

‘Oh, he said good morning, it’s nice to see you again,’ I lied.

Nieve gave me a sceptical look.

‘This is my dream and I don’t want her in it!’ he shouted, pointing his finger inches from her face.

‘Careful, Brendan,’ I warned.

‘What is he saying?’ Nieve asked again, but then said, ‘Oh, this is ridiculous. Tell him to place his head on the table.’

It took a lot of convincing, but I finally got Brendan to place the side of his face flat down on the table. Nieve took a small piece of gold out of her satchel and rubbed it between her hands while incanting.

Brendan looked up with a wild panicky expression in his uppermost eye. ‘Is this going to hurt?’

‘He wants to know if this is going to hurt,’ I translated.

‘Yes, I suspect it will,’ Nieve said calmly.

‘No,’ I told Brendan, ‘you’ll be fine.’

Nieve opened her palms and dripped the molten gold into Brendan’s ear. He shot up, grabbed his ear, overturning the bench he was sitting on, and danced around the room howling in pain. I was glad no one other than me spoke English. The curse words coming out of his mouth would have made a prison inmate blush. He picked up a silver tray, sending half a dozen wine glasses crashing to the floor, and tried to use it as a mirror to view his ear. At his insistence I inspected the lughole and assured him that it looked OK – which it did – and finally got him sitting down again.

‘What the hell did she do to me?’

‘Now stick out your tongue,’ Nieve demanded.

‘No way, lady! I’m not letting you near me ever again.’

I looked at Nieve and she smiled at me. ‘Brendan,’ I said in Gaelic, ‘can you understand me?’

‘Of course I can understand you. You keep that crazy woman away from me.’

‘Brendan, I’m talking to you in ancient Gaelic. Are you sure you can understand me?’

‘Huh?’

‘It seems that Nieve has given you a two-second lesson in the common tongue. You just learned a new language.’

‘That’s impossible.’

‘Impossible things happen here every day.’

‘Now, Brendan,’ Nieve said, ‘stick out your tongue and I will complete the process, then we will no longer need to speak through Conor. Personally I don’t trust him as a reliable interpreter.’

Brendan clenched his mouth shut and shook his head no, like a baby that won’t eat his dinner. It took even more of an effort to convince him the second time. I tried everything, including agreeing with him that it didn’t matter ’cause it was all really a dream. It wasn’t until I threatened to never feed him again that he gave in.

‘Come on,’ I said, ‘stop being such a baby.’

‘It hurt, damn it. You do it.’

I rolled my eyes at him but to be honest it wasn’t something I wanted to experience.

‘Ask her if it will hurt as much as the last time – ask her exactly that.’

I translated and Nieve said, ‘No.’

Brendan watched with crossed eyes as the molten gold hit his tongue. He not only flipped over the chair but the table as well. He hopped around the dining hall screaming bloody murder and this time everyone in the room heard exactly what he was saying. Most of them left in order to get some distance between them and the madman.

‘God almighty!’ Brendan screamed from behind his hand in perfect Gaelic. ‘You said it wouldn’t hurt as much!’

‘No,’ Nieve replied in her usual calm manner. ‘You asked if it would hurt as much as the last time and I said, no. I knew it would hurt more.’

Nieve gave me a rueful smile; I was starting to realise she had a wickedly subversive sense of humour.

‘Now that I can converse with you,’ Nieve said, ‘I realise I do not want to. If you will excuse me.’

Nieve left. I asked a servant to bring Brendan a glass of Gerard’s finest wine. It was a bit early but I figured he would appreciate it. He did. After one sip he downed the glass in one.

‘Are you OK?’ I asked.

‘To be honest, Conor, I’m not sure. This dream is way too real for my liking.’

‘I keep telling you – it’s not a dream.’

‘All right then, as much as I don’t relish meeting another member of your family, how about that introduction to your father you promised me.’

‘I don’t think I ever promised you that.’

‘As good as – well?’

‘OK,’ I said, ‘come with me.’

Chapter Five
Fand

The closer we got to Dad’s room the more worried Frick and Frack looked. They obviously thought Brendan was a nutcase and that letting him loose in the west wing was a bad idea. They were shocked when I told them that Brendan could enter Dad’s room without them.

The first thing we noticed was that the curtains in The Lord’s Chamber were closed but the room was bright with the light of about thirty candles.

‘You must have a hell of a candle bill,’ Brendan quipped.

‘These are Leprechaun candles. They last for years.’

‘Of course they do, silly me.’

As we entered the room we saw a woman sitting cross-legged on a stool at the foot of the bed. Her head was covered with an intricate gold-flecked veil that played weird tricks with the candlelight. Her arms were outstretched at her sides and she was chanting in Ogham. I couldn’t see her face but I knew from the voice who it was. She stopped chanting when we entered the room.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.’

‘I am a difficult woman to disturb, Prince Conor,’ Fand said without moving, ‘it is I who will be disturbing you. Shall I leave?’

‘No, please go on; Dad can use all the help he can get.’

Fand continued her chanting in a voice so low we could hardly hear. I motioned for Brendan to come closer to the bed and I pulled the sheet back from Dad’s chest revealing his right arm and his attached runehand.

‘What did you do to him?’ Brendan said in an accusing tone.

‘Oh give it up, Brendan, I didn’t do anything to him,’ I said, trying to whisper. I explained about Dad’s hand being reattached during the Choosing ceremony in the Chamber of Runes and how Mom and Fand sealed him in this amber shell to stop his hand from killing him.

‘So he’s in some kind of magical suspended animation?’

‘That’s about right,’ I said as quietly as I could, hoping Brendan would follow suit.

He didn’t; he started to chuckle and then laugh out loud. ‘Oh boy!’ he said with no intention of being remotely quiet. ‘I’m going to quit the police force when I wake up. I think I’m going to write science fiction movies.’

‘Brendan, could you keep your voice down.’

‘Why? I’m proud of myself. Who’d have thought I had such a vivid imagination? Or maybe I should write detective novels. I’ll call my first one, The Strange Case of the Father Who Was Turned into a Paperweight.’ He rapped his knuckles on Dad’s solid forehead.

I grabbed his wrist and said, ‘Don’t do that.’

‘Don’t do what – this?’ He thumped on Dad’s forehead again like he was knocking on a door.

That’s when I hit him. It was more of a forceful push than a punch but I knew it hurt. Brendan staggered back and held his chest.

‘You want a piece of me, O’Neil?’ he shouted. ‘All right then, let’s do it. Can you fight without a stick? Come on, man-to-man.’

I know I shouldn’t have done it, there in my father’s sick room, but I raised my dukes and squared up to him. I was sick and tired of his I can do anything in a dream attitude.

We were about a nanosecond away from going for each other’s throats when Fand broke the atmosphere of blood lust. ‘I stated before that I was a difficult woman to disturb,’ she said in a voice that reminded us that she was a queen, ‘but you two have succeeded.’

Brendan and I both turned and pretty much stood at attention as she lifted the veil from her head. Brendan let loose a gasp, and said, ‘Oh my God.’

Fand stood and walked towards him. ‘You are the traveller from the Real World?’

‘Yes, ma’am,’ he replied respectfully.

‘You look as though you have seen a ghost.’

‘Not a ghost, ma’am; for a moment I thought you were my mother.’

‘Your mother?’

‘Yes, you look remarkably like her, here I’ll show you.’ Brendan reached for his back pocket then remembered he was wearing new clothes and rummaged around in the pouch of his tunic until he produced an old leather wallet. ‘I have a picture of her with my daughter.’ Brendan pulled bits of paper out of his wallet looking increasingly confused. He went through everything a second time and then held a blank piece of paper in his hands repeatedly looking at its front and back. ‘I don’t understand it.’

‘What’s the matter?’ I asked.

‘Well, this is the photograph. Look, I wrote the date on the back, but the picture is – gone.’

I took the photo from him and it was indeed blank, not even the ghost of an image remained. ‘I think I know what happened,’ I said. ‘Real World technology often doesn’t work here. Electric watches and guns don’t work, so I imagine photography doesn’t either.’

‘You mean I’m stuck in this dream without a picture of my own daughter?’

‘Dream?’ Fand said.

‘Brendan here thinks this is all a long dream and that any second he is going to wake up in his bed.’

‘I see. Well, maybe you are right, Brendan. Who can tell what is real and what is illusion? This may be a realm inside a dream but that is not what you think, is it? You think you are still back in the Real World and soon you shall awake – is that not so?’

Brendan nodded but I could see his resolve weakening.

‘I am sorry, Brendan, as seductive as that thought must seem – it is not so. It is true you are in a different world but there is only one reality. What was your vocation in the Real World?’

‘I was … I am … a detective.’

Fand looked confused. Brendan tried a couple of times to describe his job using words like ‘perpetrator’ and ‘arrest’. Finally he changed his wording to ‘I find evildoers and punish them.’

Fand nodded. ‘You seek the truth?’

Brendan thought for a bit and then smiled. ‘I suppose I do.’

‘Like a Druid.’

‘Now you not only look like my mother but you sound like her.’

‘Oh, how so?’

‘That’s just the kind of voodoo crap my mother used to spout.’

‘Conor has taught me the meaning of “crap” but what is voodoo?’

‘OK, not voodoo, but she was always brewing herbs into potions to ward off colds or a rash or evil spirits, and when she wasn’t doing that she was dancing naked around a fire or hugging a tree.’

‘It sounds as if I would like her,’ Fand said.

‘Maybe you would. I don’t get along with her very well.’

Fand answered that statement with a knowing smile – she had experience with a difficult mother; her mother had been responsible for the near extinction of her entire race.

‘Let me see the … What did you call it – photo?’

Brendan handed her the blank piece of paper that once held the image of his daughter and mother. Fand took a glop of tree sap out of a silk bag that was hanging around her waist and walked over to the dresser at the far side of the room. She closed her hand over the sap, placed her fist into the bowl of Shadowfire and chanted under her breath. She then removed her hand and dripped sap onto the front of the paper, where the photo had been. Immediately the sap hardened into a thin film, not unlike the emulsion on a glossy photo. Then Fand dropped it into the Shadowfire.

‘Hey,’ Brendan shouted as he reached to retrieve his photo.

Fand grabbed his wrist and said, ‘Wait.’

It was obvious from Brandon’s face that her strength had surprised him.

When nothing happened, Fand asked, ‘Has your daughter or mother ever touched this – photo?’

Brendan thought for a moment and replied, ‘I don’t think so.’

Fand retrieved the blank photo and held it in her palm above the Shadowfire. ‘May I touch you?’ she asked.

Brendan looked to me for advice. I shrugged; I had no idea what was going on.

‘I guess,’ he said.

Fand laid her palm across the side of Brandon’s face and the Shadowfire jumped to life. An image appeared in the flame. It sent a chill down my spine. The last time I saw anything like this was when my mother performed a Shadowcasting for Fergal – not the most pleasant of memories. This image was of a woman in her late sixties. She was handsome with a strong face and long grey hair tied back in a braided ponytail. She cradled a weeping child of around six in her arms. Brendan pulled away from Fand’s hand and the image vanished.

‘That’s not the photo. The photo is of my mother and daughter when my daughter was an infant.’

‘Interesting,’ Fand said, smiling. ‘Strange things can happen during Samhain. I think, Brandon, what we have just seen is your mother and daughter as they are in the Real World now.’

‘I have to get back.’ The colour dropped out of Brendan’s face like a water cooler emptying. The realisation of his predicament hit him – this was real. ‘I have to get home – now!’ He walked to the door and then realised he didn’t know where to go. ‘How do I get back?’ His voice was panicky.

‘You must speak to Deirdre,’ Fand said. ‘I know not how you came.’

Chapter Six
Mom

Getting Brendan an audience with my mother wasn’t easy. Once Dad had stabilised, Fand had ordered Mom to rest. She agreed and slept but as soon as she woke up she threw herself into the task of queening Castle Duir. It took me a couple of days to get the cop in to see her.

Mom stared hard at the detective when he walked into the room. ‘I remember you,’ she said with narrowing eyes. ‘You are the man that imprisoned my son. You pointed a weapon at me. Conor, what is he doing here?’

‘I need to get back,’ Brendan said.

Mom shot him a spectacularly dirty look and said, ‘You will speak when spoken to.’

Wow, even I took an involuntary step back. I had forgotten how menacing Mom can be when she is in her bear cub guarding mode. She turned her back on Brendan and took a step towards me. ‘Now, Conor, what is he doing here?’

Brendan said, ‘You don’t understand,’ and then did that really foolish thing. He grabbed her wrist.

I guess I should have warned Brendan about touching a woman in The Land when she doesn’t want or expect it. I had learned that lesson the hard way with Essa but it didn’t even come close to how hard Brandon’s lesson was with my mother. In a matter of nanoseconds she turned her wrist, broke the detective’s grasp, grabbed his arm, placed her foot in his stomach, and then vaulted him clear over her head. Brendan sailed a good seven feet in the air before luckily hitting the back of a sofa. If the manoeuvre had been in any other direction he would have hit a wall. I ran over and righted the couch and then helped the dazed Brendan into it.

‘Sit here and don’t say a word,’ I said.

Brendan’s reply was a predictable, ‘Owww.’

I approached my mother slowly. She was still in an attack stance and was breathing heavily.

‘Someone should teach him not to do that.’

‘I think you just did, Mom – and very impressively too, I might add. Let’s all take a deep breath and calm down a little.’

Mom unclenched her fists. I took a seat and motioned for her to do the same. As she sat, she kept an eye on Brendan.

‘Relax, Mom, I’m sure he won’t try anything again. Will you, Brendan?’

‘Owww,’ Brendan repeated.

Mom finally turned to me. I smiled at her but she wasn’t quite ready to return it. ‘You still haven’t told me what he is doing here.’

It’s not like she had given me much of a chance but I decided to keep that comment to myself – enough feathers had been ruffled already. ‘Brendan followed us through that portal you made.’

‘That’s impossible.’

‘Why do you say that?’

‘The portal was designed for the three of us and our horses – part of that spell was Truemagic, it should have killed someone from the Real World.’

‘Well, I hate to disagree with you on a point of magic but there he is.’

‘Strange things happen during Samhain,’ Mom mumbled under her breath as she approached Brendan. ‘Why did you incarcerate my son?’

Brendan didn’t answer but the question succeeded in stopping him from saying, ‘Oww, oww, oww,’ over and over again.

‘Mom, he was just doing his job.’

Mom gave me a sharp look and said, ‘I am speaking to him.’

‘He’s right, ma’am,’ Brendan said with a mixture of respect and fear. ‘I was just doing my job.’

‘And what job is that?’

‘I’m a policeman,’ he said but when he realised she didn’t understand he sighed, ‘I catch and punish evildoers.’

‘And what evil could this sweet boy have done?’

‘I thought he had killed his father.’

‘And why would you have thought that?’

‘Well, the house was trashed, his father was missing and he was spending his money.’

‘Money?’ Mom asked, turning to me.

‘Like gold,’ I said.

‘I thought people in the Real World didn’t use magic. What would they want with gold?’

I hadn’t thought of that before but now wasn’t the time to explain micro-economics to my mother. So I said, ‘We just kinda like it ’cause it’s shiny.’

‘Did my son not explain to you about his father?’

‘Yes, ma’am, he did but I didn’t believe him.’

‘Do you believe him now?’

Brendan paused for a moment and said, ‘Yes, ma’am, I do. That is why I wanted to speak to you. I must return home.’

‘How exactly did you get here?’

‘I don’t remember much, I was a bit out of it, but I remember grabbing onto a horse’s tail and then I remember Conor clubbing me over the head. The next thing I know I was here.’

‘You grabbed onto the horse?’

‘Yes, ma’am.’

Mom walked back into the centre of the room, thinking. ‘I see. Well, Mr …’

‘Fallon, Brendan Fallon.’

‘Well, Brendan, I see how you have arrived here but I still do not know how you survived the journey.’

‘Well, I’m here and I need to return. The Fand woman said you could get me back.’

‘I am sure I can, see me next Samhain.’

‘And when is that?’

‘In a wee bit less than a year.’

‘A year!’ Brendan was on his feet. ‘I can’t wait a year.’

‘Why so long?’ I asked.

‘If I had known you were here earlier then things would be different but sending a mortal back now when the Real World and The Land are apart would be too dangerous – if it was two days ago, then maybe.’

‘I’ve been trying to see you for a week!’ Brendan said, raising his voice, which, by the look on my mother’s face, wasn’t appreciated.

I was about to intervene but then I saw my mother’s countenance soften. ‘I am sorry for your predicament but I only learned of your existence today. I have been quite preoccupied.’

‘Is there no other way?’ I asked.

‘The only way to safely return him is to use the same piece of gold that I used to bring him here, but I no longer have it.’

‘Where is it?’ I asked.

‘It’s in your father’s mouth.’

‘Oh,’ I said.

‘What?’ Brendan said.

‘I placed the gold disc that I used to open the portal in Oisin’s mouth so he would not suffocate while we encased him in Shadowmagic,’ Mom said.

‘So open him up and get the disc,’ Brendan demanded.

‘That would be far too dangerous,’ Mom said. ‘We were fortunate that the process worked the first time. I will not unnecessarily endanger the Lord of Duir a second time.’

‘Unnecessarily,’ Brendan shouted, ‘you are going to maroon me in this god-forsaken place, while my loony-tune mother pollutes my daughter’s brain with a caravan full of hippy tree-hugging crap?’

‘If the girl’s grandmother is teaching your daughter to hug trees, then I suspect she is in good hands.’ Mom sat back at her desk and took up a pen. ‘I’m sorry but that is my final word on the subject.’

I wouldn’t say Brendan is a stupid man, but on occasion he is a slow learner. He grabbed Mom’s hand and started to say, ‘You don’t—’

Because Mom was sitting this time she flipped him with her shoulder instead of her foot. On the plus side, Brendan didn’t travel as fast or as far as before. On the minus side, he didn’t make it to the couch. He took a long time getting up.

I put Brendan to bed with some poteen. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t retangle with Mom. Still, for his own safety, I reposted Frick and Frack outside the door. Brendan didn’t realise that those two judo throws were Mom’s idea of restraint. If he tried something like that again, I wouldn’t be surprised if she killed him.

I went back to my room and stared at the chipped wood panelling wishing Dahy was here so I could borrow a throwing knife. Actually I wished anybody was there. I had spent ages longing to return to The Land and now that I was here I was miserable and lonely. Dad was sealed in another world. Mom was preoccupied with castle duties and when she wasn’t, she was sitting up all night with Fand in their Shadowmagic laboratory. Araf is a great friend on an adventure but for just hanging out, he can actually make me feel more alone than when I’m alone. And, of course, everything I saw in The Land reminded me of Fergal. Man, I missed him. And every time I was low and alone I would inevitably replay the moment Cialtie stuck a knife in his chest, and in every rerun I could do nothing to stop it.

And where the hell was Essa? No one could tell me where she was. Ah Essa – when I wasn’t replaying Fergal’s demise I was replaying my farewell with her. I may not have been able to save my cousin but I sure as hell could have handled my last moments with Essa better. I could have forgiven her – I should have forgiven her – I should have stayed with her. Instead I went back to Sally. I wonder if I could possibly have been more of an idiot. I went to sleep and dreamt of all of the stupid things I had done in my life. It was a very long night.

I had just gotten to about the age of twelve, where I broke my arm in a bouncy castle accident, when Mom woke me up very excited. I popped up quickly, holding my elbow. She had a wild-eyed look, like a student who had studied all night and drunk thirty cups of coffee. Over her shoulder hung a satchel.

‘Conor, you must see this!’ she said as she bounded off the bed and grabbed a book off the bookshelf. ‘I think Fand and I have finally done it.’

‘Done what?’ I asked with a morning voice that made me sound as if I had been gargling with ground glass.

She opened the book, tore out half of a page from the middle and handed it to me. I was still dopey from sleep and stared at the piece of paper wondering what the hell she wanted me to do with it. Then she handed me a gold brooch with an amber stone set in.

‘Clip it onto the piece of paper,’ she said, bouncing on her toes like a kid showing off a new toy. ‘Go on.’

I looked at the brooch. It was about the size of a half dollar with a spring in the back that allowed it to move like a bulldog clip. I pinched it open and clipped it onto the piece of paper. The paper started to glow with an amber light, then so did my hand where I was touching it. An all too familiar tingling sensation began in my fingers. It felt exactly like when I was under attack from a relative, and Mom’s protective spell had just kicked in. I dropped the paper and clip and jumped straight up looking around my room for the source of the attack. There was none. When I realised I wasn’t glowing any more I looked down on my bed and there attached to Mom’s new brooch was a shining translucent book. I picked it up. It tingled in my hand but it felt real. On the cover I could faintly make out the title. It was the same as the book that Mom had just ripped the page from. In my hands it seemed to weigh the same as a regular book and when I opened it, the clear pages turned just like paper.

‘What … what is it?’ I asked.

‘For want of a better word it is a Shadowbook. It’s a hybrid of Truemagic and Shadowmagic. The paper, in a way, remembers the rest of the book.’

I turned the Shadowpages. It was strange still being able to see my fingers through what felt like a solid thing. As I moved the book around in the light I saw faint glimmerings on the pages but nothing legible.

‘It’s a shame you can’t read it, though.’

‘Ah ha!’ Mom exclaimed. ‘Here is the cold part.’

‘The cold part?’

‘Is not that what you say?’

I laughed, ‘You mean the cool part.’

‘Right, the cool part.’ She opened her satchel and took out a clipboard-sized sheet of gold and laid it on the bed. When she placed the Shadowbook on top of it, the words appeared almost as if the book was real.

‘Wow, Mom, that is very cold.’

It wasn’t until her face lit up with pride that I realised that one of the things I missed most during this trip to The Land was my mother’s smile.

She gave me a hug and then quickly picked up her things and hurried to the door. ‘It shouldn’t take too long for Fand and me to make a few more clips. I imagine we could leave the day after tomorrow.’

‘Leave for where?’

‘The Hazellands. We are going to find a cure for your father in the Hall of Knowledge.’

Chapter Seven
The Armoury

I listened for the sound of smashing furniture as I approached Brendan’s room. Frick (or was it Frack) said that he had been eerily silent. I stuck my head around the door and found Brendan in bed staring at the ceiling.

‘Are you OK?’

‘I’m still here, aren’t I?’

‘As far as I can tell, yes.’

‘Then I’m not all right.’

‘So you’re just going to sulk?’

‘What else is there to do?’ he said. ‘I’m stuck here for at least a year. God knows what my life, my career and my little girl will be like in a year’s time. I’m under house arrest, followed around by two dolts who keep staring at me like they expect horns to grow out of my head. And I can’t even read a book ’cause everything is written in some ancient language that, although I can magically speak it and understand it, I can’t read it. And before you offer – there is no way I’m going to let that aunt of yours do that molten gold thing to my eyes.’

‘I’m sorry, Brendan, but this isn’t my fault and there is nothing I can do.’

‘Yeah, I know. I’ve been lying here thinking about it all morning – it’s my fault.’

‘Well, I wouldn’t say that. How about we say it’s nobody’s fault?’

‘No,’ Brendan sighed. ‘It’s my fault. It started when I arrested an innocent man. Don’t get me wrong, I had pretty good reason but, in the end, I arrested a man for a crime that not only had he not committed – it was a crime that never even happened. No good can ever come from something that starts like that. So as much as I would like to blame you – this is mostly my fault.’

‘Well, if you insist,’ I said, ‘but don’t beat yourself up too much – it could have happened to anyone.’

‘Thanks,’ he said, finally looking at me. ‘So this is really … real then?’

‘I’m afraid so.’

‘And I have been acting like a serious jerk?’

‘That too, I’m afraid, is true.’

Brendan placed his hand over his face in embarrassment. ‘Oh my God, I rapped on your father’s forehead like it was a door. Oh, I am so sorry, Conor.’

‘Yeah, that was pretty bad.’

‘Oh and the furniture and the … I really am sorry, Conor,’ he said, sitting up. ‘But in my defence, I did think I was going to wake up at any moment.’

‘Fair enough, apology accepted.’ I held out my hand. ‘Shall we start over?’

‘I’d like that,’ he said, shaking it.

I had come in to tell him that I was leaving for a few days but instead I said, ‘How about a road trip?’

That piqued his interest. ‘To where?’

‘The Hazellands.’

‘Isn’t that where the Leprechaun army is stationed?’

‘Oh my gods, you were listening to me.’

‘I’m a man of my word, Conor. I didn’t believe or care about your story the first time you babbled it but the second time I promised I would listen and I did. Since Fand convinced me I wasn’t dreaming, I’ve been going over your adventure in my head. Did all of that stuff really happen?’

‘Yes,’ I said, chuckling. ‘Don’t feel bad about not believing me. I sometimes have trouble believing it myself. But to answer your question, no, the Leprechaun army was disbanded and I don’t know what’s there now.’

‘Who else is coming?’ Brendan said, hopping up and dressing. ‘Is that what’s-her-name that trashed my police station and burned my ear coming?’

‘You mean Aunt Nieve? I don’t know.’

‘How about the woman who throws me across the room with regularity?’

‘Yes, I’m sure Mom is coming.’

‘Who else?’

‘Araf probably.’

‘Who’s he?’

‘He’s the guy who threw me the stick when I hit you on the head.’

‘The first time you hit me or the second time?’

‘The second time – gosh, you have been having a rough time lately, but The Land’s like that in the beginning. It’ll get better. Can I buy you some lunch?’

‘You’re getting to know me, Conor. My wife used to do the same thing. Whenever she saw me getting down she would only have to feed me and I was happy again.’

‘Well then, let’s get the chef to whip up something special. And if you like I’ll teach you how to read Gaelic – since you can speak it, it shouldn’t be too hard.’

After Dad regained the throne, in what is now called the Troid e Ewan Macha, or The Battle of the Twins of Macha, I had a lot of time on my hands and I spent most of it exploring Castle Duir. I even revisited the dungeon and issued my one and only executive order to have the cells cleaned out. I still feel sorry for whoever got that job. The only place that I never got to see was the armoury. After the battle, Dad still couldn’t be sure if there were any of Cialtie’s loyal followers still lurking around incognito, so he decided to seal off the weapons room until security could be normalised.

So that made this trip to the armoury my first one. Brendan and I hiked to the north wing, sailed past three sets of ten-hutting armed guards and found ourselves in front of a set of huge oak doors inlaid with a fine gold latticework.

Light flooded the hallway as we pushed our way in. Like Gerard’s armoury, this was a glass-roofed gymnasium, but size-wise it made the winemaker’s weapons room seem like a walk-in closet. Racks upon racks contained carefully stacked weapons: swords, axes, maces and rows and rows of banta sticks. Tournament practice areas were marked off on the floor and the entire far length of the room was an impossibly long archery range that could accommodate eight archers abreast, each with their own targets. At the far end there was a huge contraption that looked like it might be a catapult.

‘Wow,’ I said.

The sound of Brendan’s and my footsteps echoed in the huge space. Surprisingly there was no one around.

Brendan whispered like he was in a church. ‘Where is everyone?’

‘Probably off pillaging.’

‘Damn,’ Brendan said, ‘you mean it’s pillaging season and no one told me?’

I smiled and shouted a tentative, ‘Hello?’

‘So,’ Brendan said in a normal tone, now that it looked like we were alone in there, ‘where do they keep the AK-47s?’

‘I’m afraid if you want a long-range weapon, Brendan, it’ll have to be one of those.’

Brendan turned to where I had pointed; the entire wall was covered with both long and short bows mounted neatly in rows. They were all unstrung with their strings hanging slack from the top notch. There were hundreds of them.

‘Ah,’ Brendan said, ‘you may laugh, but I was a pretty good archer in my youth. My mother made me take lessons.’ Brendan walked over to the wall and reached up to take down a medium-sized bow.

I never heard the twang of the bow that fired the arrow at him, I didn’t even see it while it was in the air, I only heard the thwap of the arrow hitting its target and Brendan’s yelp as he realised his arm was pinned to the wall.

The arrow had tacked Brendan’s shirtsleeve to the wall, missing his skin by inches. I hit the ground, rolled to my left, upsetting a stand of bantas, and came up crouching with a stick in each hand. I poked my nose over the now-empty banta stick holder to see Brendan reaching to extract the arrow that stuck him to the wall. As his hand crossed his body another arrow pinned that sleeve as well. This time clothing wasn’t the only thing it pierced – he howled in pain.

‘I’m hit!’

Chapter Eight
Spideog

I ducked back down and reviewed my situation. The only thing I deduced was that I was in trouble and Brendan was screwed. What did Dahy tell me? ‘When in doubt, stay still and listen.’ So I did, but I couldn’t hear anything except Brendan’s heavy breathing.

‘Brendan,’ I said in a loud whisper, ‘can you see anything?’

‘Straight back at the other end of the room I saw a flash of something green.’ He strained his neck for a better look. ‘Nothing now.’

‘Are you OK?’

‘I think so.’

‘Keep watching. I’m coming to get you.’

I peered around the corner of the weapons stand and was just about to make a dash for Brendan when I heard a footfall behind me. I whirled to see a hooded man in a bright green tunic and brown leather leggings. In one hand he held a bow and in the other an arrow. I instantly attacked with both sticks – one high and one low. Like he was reading my mind he twisted his body vertical and kicked his foot at my fingers where I was holding the low banta. The stick flew out of my hand. My other weapon he blocked with the string of his bow. No one had ever done that to me before. My stick sprang back so far I completely lost form. My whole left side was exposed and my opponent didn’t hesitate in exploiting that fact. I’m not quite sure what he did next but I think it was a swipe to the kidneys with the bow and a kick to the back of the legs with his foot, maybe both feet. Whatever – I went down like a hippo on ice.

After bouncing my forehead off the deck I came to a stop with the green goblin kneeling on the backs of my arms and something very pointy sticking into the rear of my neck. My left cheek was pressed against the floor. Out of the corner of my right eye I could just make out an open-mouthed Brendan trying to escape his feathered clothespins. The sharp pain in my neck stopped and an arrow sizzled through the air, planting itself about two inches from Brendan’s nose.

‘Do not move, Druid,’ greeny shouted.

Brendan may not have answered but he certainly obeyed.

The pain in my neck resumed, forcing me to the conclusion that he had a cocked arrow pointing at the back of my collar. Even though he didn’t tell me not to move, I decided that not moving was a good idea.

‘I’ve been waiting for you, Druid,’ the green guy said as he pushed the point of the arrow hard into my neck.

‘Hey, buddy,’ I said, ‘you got the wrong guys. We’re not Druids.’

‘Do not insult me. There are still people in The Land who can recognise a Fili and I am one of them.’

‘The Fili have been exonerated. Haven’t you heard?’

‘The ones who own those bows will never be exonerated,’ he said.

This guy definitely had the drop on me and I figured it was only a matter of time before he garrotted me so I made, what turned out to be, a futile attempt to buck him off my back. It only resulted in my head getting bounced off the floor one more time.

‘Relax, Druid. I do not wish to hurt you before the Lord of Duir has a chance to question you.’

Up till then I figured, like I always do when somebody attacks me out of the blue, that this was probably some sort of assassin hired by Cialtie. Now I realised that this idiot worked here.

‘The Lord of Duir is incapacitated. Does that mean you will now take commands from his prince?’

The pressure from the arrowhead slacked. ‘Yes.’

‘Then I, Conor of Duir, command you to – get your butt off of me!’

It’s amazing what a royal title can do in the right situation. Greeny hopped directly off me. I groaned erect as fast as my not-quite broken limbs would allow.

My attacker’s hood was back. I was a bit surprised to see wrinkles around the piercing green eyes. This guy had been around for longer than probably anyone I had yet met in The Land. He wore a waxed moustache and a meticulously trimmed goatee that pointed directly to the bow and arrow that he still had levelled at my chest.

‘Lower your weapon,’ I said, trying very hard to sound like my father.

‘Yes, my lord,’ he said as he released the tension on his bow.

‘Who are you and why have you attacked my royal personage?’

As I have mentioned before, I’m not a big fan of all the regal bowing and curtseying people do around the castle but after a guy kicks you in the back of the legs, the sight of him grovelling is very satisfying.

‘I am Spideog, Master-at-Arms of Castle Duir. I am sorry, Your Highness.’

Behind me I heard Brendan trying to extricate himself. Greeny pulled back his bowstring and fired another arrow that planted itself about an inch from the previous one. I think if this guy wanted to, he could shoot fleas off a dog at fifty paces.

‘Conor, tell him to stop doing that,’ Brendan shouted.

‘Hey, stop doing that,’ I said.

Spideog had already notched another arrow from the quiver on his back. ‘Instruct the Druid to leave the yew bows alone.’

‘OK, first of all, he’s not a Druid and secondly we didn’t know they were yew. Brendan!’ I yelled over my shoulder. ‘Don’t touch the bows.’

‘If he stops shooting at me I’ll put my hands in my pockets and not touch another thing all day. Now will somebody unpin me? I feel like a wanted poster.’

‘You heard the man,’ I said to Spideog still using my dad voice. ‘Put your weapon away and help him down.’

The arrows were embedded so far into the wood that we had to snap them to unpin the detective. Brendan rolled up his left sleeve and examined the cut that the second arrow had inflicted. It wasn’t much more than a bad scratch but that didn’t stop Brendan from being very mad.

‘Why you son of a—’ He took a swing at the archer’s nose.

Without any seemingly quick movements, Spideog casually brought up his left hand, connecting the back of his palm with the side of Brendan’s advancing fist, and pushed the punch off target. His hand sailed harmlessly past Spideog’s ear and Brendan stumbled forward. Confused at what had just happened but still just as mad, Brendan took another swing to precisely the same effect.

‘Lord Conor, instruct your companion to stop attacking me.’

‘Stop attacking him, Brendan.’

He didn’t listen. I once heard that the definition of insanity is when you do the same things over and over but expect different results. Well, Brendan did the same thing and he did get a different result. This time Spideog’s hand parry was accompanied by a kick that dropped Brendan about as quickly as I had been earlier. It ended with Spideog kneeling on Brendan’s back and holding his wrist in what looked like a very painful position. The archer gave me a pleading look.

‘Brendan, are you going to knock it off?’

‘Yes,’ he groaned into the floor.

Spideog let go. I was expecting Brendan to get up furious, instead he came up wide-eyed and said, ‘How did you do that?’

‘Simple,’ greeny said, bouncing on his toes, ‘your attack was sloppy and I – well – I am very good.’

Brendan rubbed his sore shoulder and amazingly smiled. ‘Can you teach me that?’

‘Why, I would be delighted. First stand with your feet in a stance just wider than your shoulders, then—’

‘Ah, excuse me. Remember me, Prince of Duir?’

‘Oh yes, Your Highness. I will teach you as well,’ Spideog said. ‘You obviously need some combat training. Take today for instance. You were standing in an armoury with all manner of weapons and shields and when you came under attack from an arrow, you chose a stick. Who in The Land taught you defence?’

‘My father and Master Dahy,’ I announced defensively.

‘Dahy, of course – sticks and elbows. I’m surprised any of you are still alive.’

‘Now hold on a minute,’ I said, straightening up. ‘I’ll not have you badmouthing Master Dahy. Why, I ought to—’

‘Easy, Conor,’ Brendan said, coming between us. ‘You don’t want to take a swing at him, I tried that, it doesn’t work. Anyway didn’t we come in here for a reason?’

‘Yes,’ I said, giving Spideog one last dirty look. ‘Mom said the Sword of Duir is here.’

‘It is, my lord,’ the green man replied. ‘The Lawnmower is right over there.’

‘What did you call it?’

‘The Lawnmower. Your father had it renamed when he returned it to the armoury.’

Sure enough there she was, in the middle of the weapon racks in a gold-flecked clear crystal case – the family blade. At the base was a silver plaque that read, ‘Lawnmower – the Sword of Duir’. I couldn’t help but laugh.

‘Lawnmower?’ Brendan asked, confused.

‘It’s a long story.’

‘If I may ask, my lord, what is a lawnmower?’

‘What did my father tell you?’

‘Lord Oisin and I do not … eh … chat.’

‘I can’t imagine why not,’ I said sarcastically, ‘but to answer your question, it’s a machine used to keep grass short.’

‘What is wrong with sheep?’

Spideog removed an acorn-shaped gold medallion from around his neck and slid it into a slot at the base of the display. The gold embedded in the glass glowed, a seam appeared in the front panel and then it opened on invisible hinges like tiny church doors. I reached in and grabbed the Sword of Duir. It always surprises me how light and contoured to my hand the Lawnmower is. It felt like an extension of my arm. I once let Araf hold it and was amazed when he complained how uncomfortable the handle was. I mentioned what he said to Dad and he said, ‘It’s a Duir thing – the blade knows a Child of Oak.’

‘OK, now that we are all pals,’ Brendan said, ‘how come you attacked me when I reached for the bow?’

‘I did not attack you,’ Spideog corrected, ‘if I had attacked you, you would be dead. I merely stopped you.’

‘OK, why did you stop me then?’

‘He stopped you, Brendan,’ I answered, ‘because that bow is not yours.’

‘I wasn’t gonna steal it.’

‘Yew wood is special around here,’ I said. ‘Only a master archer can use a yew bow and if you want one you have to get the wood yourself. Only a person who has been deemed worthy by the tree can use that bow.’

‘Deemed worthy by a tree?’

‘It’s complicated, I’ll explain later.’

‘Oh, now I see,’ Spideog exclaimed, ‘you must be the voyager from the Real World.’

‘I am,’ Brendan replied.

‘Ah. I pay little attention to the gossip of the castle but I now remember hearing of you.’ Spideog turned to me. ‘If I may, my lord, all that you say is true but that is not why I fired on the voyager. The reason I stopped him was because he looks uncannily like a Fili.’

‘Why would you attack a Fili?’ I asked.

‘These bows belonged to Maeve’s Druid archers from the Fili war.’

‘Oh my gods,’ I said, ‘these are from the soldiers who were killed when Maeve’s massive Shadowspell backfired.’

‘That is correct.’

‘But why were they not buried with the dead?’

‘Who said they are dead?’

‘Ah – everybody.’

‘I was there, Prince, I saw no bodies.’

‘What?’

‘Everyone presumes the Fili died when Maeve performed her foul witchcraft but I saw no dead. I saw an amber wave, I saw the Fili scream and writhe in pain but then they vanished. Behind them they left their clothes and weapons, in fact all of their earthly possessions – but no bodies.’

‘No body, no murder,’ Brendan mumbled.

‘Gosh,’ I said, ‘where have I heard that before?’

‘Most think I’m mad,’ said Spideog, ‘but I live here in the armoury and guard against their return.’

‘He is a bit mad,’ Mom said later that night when I told her about my adventure in the armoury. (I left out the part where Spideog aimed an arrow at my neck. You know how Mom gets when somebody tries to hurt me.) ‘But there is no better fighter in The Land. He has even bested Dahy. While Cialtie was on the Oak Throne he lived deep in the Yewlands and reportedly waged a pretty effective one-man resistance war against Cialtie’s Banshee patrols.’

‘Apparently Dad doesn’t like him.’

‘Oh, he drives your father crazy. To be honest, that’s one of the things I like best about Spideog,’ Mom said with a mischievous grin that quickly changed into the frown that she seemed to always be wearing these days.

‘And he keeps that armoury so tidy.’

Chapter Nine
Mother Oak

I didn’t see much of Brendan for the next couple of days. He spent almost all of his time in the armoury with Spideog and I spent most of that time sitting with Dad. Mom said maybe he could hear us, so I read him stories from books I found in the library. Even if he couldn’t hear, it was good for me. Many of the tales were about Duir so it helped me bone up on family history and it also improved my ancient Gaelic reading skills. Mom said we were going to be doing a lot of research when we got to the Hazellands.

I read a chronicle of the Fili war. Fand’s mother Maeve really did lose it. She not only decimated much of the Rowan forest but took out a lot of alder trees as well – another reason why the Brownies shun everybody in The Land. I read nursery rhymes about not killing animals because they might be Pookas, not sleeping under alders and a story about a bunch of guys who sailed away from The Land and got old. I even tried to decipher Elven poetry. I needed a dictionary for that.

As I sat by his bed conjugating a verb I started to laugh. ‘Gosh, Pop,’ I said aloud, ‘I probably shouldn’t do this in front of you. The shock of me doing language homework, on my own, could kill you.’ I stared through the amber to see if I could detect the slightest of smiles. I thought I saw something move but maybe that was just the water welling up in my eyes.

When I wasn’t with Dad I spent the rest of my time in my room throwing a knife I found in the armoury. If this knife had once had a gold tip it was now well worn off. Let me tell you, without Dahy’s magic points, these suckers are hard to throw.

Aein came in while I was practising my knife-play. She gave me a dirty look and said, ‘Like father like son,’ then informed me that my mother and her entourage would leave at dawn. I went looking for Brendan to tell him. I found him in the armoury practising archery with Spideog. They already knew – Spideog was heading up the Queen’s guard.

Every time I go on a trip in this place the person who plans it says, ‘We leave at dawn.’ What is it with that? Why doesn’t someone say, ‘Let’s leave ten-ish,’ or ‘Whenever you get up will be fine.’ No. Dawn it always is. And leaving at dawn means just that, so you have to get up at least an hour before dawn! I’m not very good before noon, so getting up before dawn means the majority of my day is useless.

Brendan was awake and ready when I got to his room.

‘You’re late,’ he said.

‘So shoot me. Oh wait, you already tried that.’ I’m not only useless in the morning, I can also be a bit testy.

‘I was going to make my way to the stables by myself but I didn’t want your mother to ju-jitsu me into a wall when she saw me. What did she say when you told her I was coming?’

‘Eh – I haven’t quite told her yet.’

‘Oh great.’

‘You see, my motto is it’s always easier to apologise than it is to ask permission.’

‘That’s a fine philosophy if it’s not you flying butt over noggin in the air.’

‘Fair point,’ I said. ‘I’ll protect you – just don’t touch her.’

‘The thought of you protecting me fills me with so much confidence,’ Brendan said sarcastically. ‘Don’t worry. My hands won’t go near your momma.’

As is usual for these crack-of-dawn riding parties, everyone was pretty much saddled up and ready to go by the time I arrived. Being a royal personage means that most people don’t give me any verbal grief for tardiness but that doesn’t stop the dirty looks.

Mom of course is the exception to that rule. She was just about to chew my head off for being late when she saw Brendan.

‘What is he doing here?’

‘Chill, Mom, he’s with me.’

‘I most certainly will not chill, whatever that means – I will not have him coming with us.’

I took a deep breath and said, ‘I am a prince of Duir and this man is under my protection. He travels with me.’

Mom and I stared into each other’s eyes. I had never stood up to my mother and I was pretty sure pulling a royal card on her wasn’t going to work. We glared at each other for about five seconds – the longest five seconds of my life – before she said, ‘Very well. Hurry up, you have made us late.’

When I started breathing again and my heart rate dropped down to a manageable rhythm, I was addressed by a Leprechaun I remembered from the ruined stables in the Hall of Knowledge.

‘Greetings, Lord Conor. It is good to see you again. When Lady Deirdre told me you needed your horse I was not sure which one she meant, so I saddled both.’

A stable-hand led out two sights for sore eyes. ‘Acorn! Cloud!’ I yelled. I didn’t know which one to hug first and I certainly didn’t want to insult one over the other. A woman scorned is trouble but a jealous horse can pitch you into a ravine. I patted both snouts simultaneously. Since Cloud is the easier ride, I suspected that she was the less sensitive of the two – I gave her to Brendan.

We rode through the courtyard past a small throng of bowers and wavers and up to the main oak gates of Duir. While reading to Dad during the previous few days, I had read that Maeve had promised to reduce them to kindling. That would have been a hell of a trick. The two gates were over two storeys high and almost as wide. When closed they displayed a huge carving of an oak tree. On each leaf of the tree, inlaid in gold, were all the runes of the lands comprising Tir na Nog. The largest rune was the major Oak Rune; next to it was a carving of what was then hanging from my waist – the Lawnmower – the Sword of Duir. As the team of horses pulled open the gates, the depth of these monsters became apparent. The gates were as thick as I was tall. I promised myself that after I woke Dad up I would ask him where they came from.

A small battalion fronted by Spideog and Araf awaited us on the other side of the gates. As we approached they saluted and parted. Araf slipped in next to me.

‘Hey, Imp buddy, I didn’t know you were coming.’

‘A prince of the House of Duir must always travel with a bodyguard. It was one of your father’s first rules.’

‘Do you mean every time I leave home I’m stuck with you?’ I said with a smile. Araf didn’t answer me. He doesn’t usually answer straight questions. There’s no hope he’d answer a rhetorical one.

I promised myself I wouldn’t go on and on like I usually do about how beautiful The Land is, but I just gotta say that fall in The Land is awesome. I’m not using the word ‘awesome’ the way a mall-rat would describe a slush drink; when I say awesome I mean it. The scenery in the Forest of Duir actually inspired awe and not just with Brendan and me. Most of our troop rode with wide eyes and mouths open and the majority of them were probably over a thousand years old. I suspect you could never get tired of this scenery no matter how many times you had seen it.

If you were to hold your hands out in front of you palm up, like you were begging, one of these leaves would cover both of your hands completely. The major colour of the foliage was ‘inferno’ orange. The leaves were almost incandescent and gave off a glow in the sunlight that made all our complexions look like we had been caught in an explosion at a fake-tan factory. The reds and yellows and greens were there to provide dazzling counterpoint. Periodically you would see a bold tree that was solely in red or another just in yellow. The colours were everywhere, even underfoot, gently rustling under our horses’ hooves.

The air, scented with the perfume of fallen leaves, was cool and crisp – you felt like it could almost cut you – and it was crystal clear, like the way the world looks after you clean a pair of dirty sunglasses. I can honestly say I have never experienced a more invigorating morning. Sorry about the gushing – I promise I won’t mention spring.

We rode in silence letting our eyes and sighs do all the talking. About an hour before noon we entered Glen Duir and Mom dropped back to talk to me.

‘Oisin said Mother Oak was asking after you the last time he spoke to her. Would you like to stop for a quick chat?’

‘Yes please,’ I said as an involuntary smile took over my face. I kicked into a gallop with Araf close on my tail. I crested the hill and saw the old lady dressed in her fall best. Her leaves were mostly yellows and light browns like a comfortable patchwork quilt. I dismounted before Acorn came to a stop, ran up to her and wrapped my arms around her trunk.

‘Oh my,’ came that lovely voice in my head, ‘who is this in such a rush?’

‘It’s me, Mother Oak – Conor.’

‘Oh my, my, the Prince of Hazel and Oak; I have been worried about you.’

‘I’m fine.’

‘Oh, but your father is not,’ she said, reading my thoughts. ‘Climb up higher and tell me all about it.’

I climbed a bit and she brought branches in behind me to rest against. I told her about what had happened to Dad, and what Mom and Fand had done.

‘Oh, I had feared as much. I knew something was wrong with your father the last time he came to visit with me. But try not to worry yourself too much, my dear, your mother is a very clever witch. If anyone can find a cure it will be her.’

I knew that already but Mother Oak has a way of turning knowledge into belief. I hugged her again.

‘I have to go,’ I said, ‘the others are waiting for me.’

‘Take good care of yourself, Conor. Come and see me in the spring.’

‘I will.’ I started to leave and then added, ‘By the way your foliage looks beautiful.’

‘Do you really think so?’ she asked. ‘The fashion among the other trees these days just seems a bit gaudy to me.’

‘Well, I think you look elegant.’

I hugged her one more time and I know it sounds impossible for a tree but I think she blushed.

I walked over the knoll. It always takes me some time to clear my head after talking to a tree. I saw a small group standing around someone on the ground. As I got closer I saw it was Brendan unconscious on his back.

‘What happened?’ I asked the throng.

‘I don’t know,’ a guard said. ‘Ask him.’

Spideog crested the knoll with a bucket of water in his hand. Ignoring my questions, he poured the whole thing onto Brendan’s face. The detective popped up spluttering, tried to stand and then dropped back down holding his head.

‘Has someone hit me with a stick again?’ Brendan asked.

‘Did you hit him with a stick?’ I asked Spideog.

‘No,’ he said, ‘a rock.’

‘Why?’

‘I would like to have a word with you in private, if I may.’

Spideog and I walked out of earshot and he said, ‘Our friend Brendan was about to shoot a tree with an arrow. I was too far away to stop him so I threw a rock. It was either that or place an arrow in him.’

‘Thank you, Spideog; he didn’t know what he was doing.’

‘I have spent many a year in the Real World, Prince Conor, and I know how mortals treat trees but there are others here who might not be so understanding. Remember he is under your protection. Make sure he does not do it again.’

We walked back. Brendan was on his feet.

‘You have to stop your friends from hitting me in the head with sticks.’

‘It was a rock.’

‘OK,’ he said. ‘You have to stop your friends hitting me with sticks and rocks.’

‘You promised you would keep your hands in your pockets. What were you doing when Spideog threw the rock at you?’

‘Spideog hit me? What for?’

‘What were you doing?’

‘I got bored waiting for you so I notched an arrow and was about to do a bit of archery practice.’

‘And what were you aiming at?’

Brendan pointed to a young oak. His misfired arrow was about ten yards behind it.

‘Come with me,’ I said, grabbing him by the arm and leading him to Mother Oak.

‘Hug that tree,’ I demanded.

‘What?’

‘Hug that tree.’

‘I’m not going to hug a tree.’

‘Hug that tree or I will have you dragged back to Castle Duir in chains and you can stare at Frick and Frack for the next year.’

He looked at me and then tilted his head. ‘You mean it, don’t you?’

‘Yes.’

‘If I didn’t know better, I’d say my mother put you up to this.’

‘Hug!’

Brendan approached the tree and with an if it will make you happy attitude, wrapped his arms around Mother Oak. His smirk disappeared in an instant. I wish I could have heard Mother Oak’s side of the conversation ’cause all I heard from Brendan was ‘Yes, ma’am’ and ‘No, ma’am.’ His conversation finished with, ‘It won’t happen again, ma’am.’ Then he let go of the tree and staggered.

I caught him by the arm. ‘Steady, Detective.’

He tried looking me in the eyes but wasn’t focusing well. ‘I’m still concussed, aren’t I?’

‘I’m pretty sure you’re not.’

‘Yeah,’ he said, regaining his balance, ‘I was afraid of that.’

I waited for him to say something else but he just stood there. Finally I asked, ‘So what did you think of Mother Oak?’

‘That’s a heck of a tree.’

I laughed. ‘That’s what I said when I first met her.’

A group of soldiers had galloped ahead and had started cooking so that dinner was ready to be served almost as soon as we made camp. Other soldiers pitched tents for Mom and me. As I have said I’m not a big fan of the royal treatment I get around here but after a hard day of riding – well, it would be rude of me to complain about a meal and a clean bed.

Brendan wolfed down his supper and then disappeared. I had a silent meal with Araf and then decided to hit the hay in the luxury of my own royal tent. As I approached it I heard a strange noise coming from inside. I unsheathed the Lawnmower and pushed open the flap only to find Brendan snoring in my bed. No amount of shaking and then kicking could get him to move so I grabbed a blanket and slept out under the stars on a lumpy piece of ground next to Araf. I fell asleep thinking of ways to strangle Brendan as he slept.

I was having a dream about Essa talking to an invisible man when I was awoken by a ruckus at the edge of the camp. I saw Mom heading towards the commotion. Araf and I followed. At the perimeter of the paddock we found Mom tending a wounded soldier. Next to him was a dead wolf with an arrow through its chest.

Mom stood up and walked over to the wolf. ‘Who shot the beast?’ she demanded.

‘I did,’ came a response from the shadows. It was Spideog.

‘Explain yourself.’

‘It was a last resort, Lady Deirdre. I arrived as the wolves were harassing the horses. The guards were shooing them away when they attacked. This man went down and lost his banta stick. I only fired when the wolf went for him on the ground. I had no choice.’

Mom looked at the wounded guard, who nodded in agreement. Mom placed her hand on the neck of the wolf and then began to run both her hands over the animal. She paused for what seemed to be the longest time, turning her head from one side to another, and then suddenly reached into her boot and pulled out a knife. She cut a long incision deep into the creature’s abdomen and reached inside. When her bloody hand emerged she held a short wire necklace with a small flat gold disc attached. She held it up and displayed it to Spideog. The look on both of their faces made me feel very afraid.

Chapter Ten
The Athrú

I didn’t get a chance to talk to Mom until we were back on the road the next day. I slid Acorn up next to her and asked, ‘What was that thing you pulled out of the wolf last night? It looked like it really spooked you.’

‘Yes, I was certainly freaked up.’

‘Out.’

‘Damn, I thought I had that one right,’ she said with a smile. ‘No matter. The necklace I pulled out of the wolf was an athrú.’

‘An athrú?’

‘Do you remember the Pooka that died when you were first in the Fililands?’

‘How could I forget.’

‘Do you remember the piece of gold I placed in his mouth before he died?’

‘I do, it scared the hell out of me. You put the disc in his mouth, then he changed into a wolf, howled, died and changed back.’

‘Well, the disc I put in his mouth was his athrú – a Pooka amulet. The Pooka wear them around their necks, it helps them change. The wire it hangs from expands and contracts so it doesn’t fall off during the metamorphosis.’

‘Like Banshee blade wire?’

‘Exactly,’ Mom said. ‘The wolf that Spideog killed had an athrú in its stomach.’

‘That wolf was a Pooka?’

‘No, if it had been a Pooka it would have changed into a man when it died.’

‘So where did the wolf get the amulet?’

‘I can only conclude that that animal ate a Pooka but that just does not make sense.’

‘Why not?’

‘The Pookas are very secretive with their lore but I know a small bit.’

‘You once told me that one of your tutors in the Hazellands was a Pooka.’

‘Well remembered, son; yes, she was. She told me some things she probably should not have. One thing she taught me was that each athrú has a marking for each creature. The athrú I found in the wolf was marked Gearr. It was worn by a Pooka that could change into a hare.’

‘So a crazy wolf accidentally wolfs down a Pooka hare. That sounds plausible to me.’

‘But it is not,’ Mom said, looking perturbed. ‘Pookas have an almost telepathic control over animals, and the Pookas that change into small creatures always change back when threatened.’

‘So what’s the answer?’

‘I do not know, my son. I do know that no Pooka has come to Castle Duir since your father took the throne and you said you were attacked by boar in the summer.’

‘So you think there is something wrong in Pookaville?’

Mom gave me her quizzical look, ‘How do you come up with these words?’

The Land’s fall colour spectacular continued throughout the day. Brendan, it turned out, was quite the equestrian. It made me regret letting him ride Cloud. Don’t get me wrong, Acorn is a great horse and the best mount a man can have when the chips are down, but Cloud is a much easier ride, like having power steering in a car.

Our second night’s camp was uneventful. I kept an eye on Brendan at dinner and followed him when he left early. As he approached my tent I said, ‘That would be my tent.’

‘Oh,’ he said, ‘I thought it was for guests.’

‘Yeah, right. It’s mine and if you steal it again, I’m going to tell my mother.’

‘Oh,’ Brendan said, ‘I guess I’ll find somewhere else.’

Sometimes it’s handy having a warrior queen for a mother.

Acorn got jittery when we crossed the border into the Hazellands but it wasn’t as bad as the last time. Mom rode up next to me and spoke into my horse’s ear and settled him down. I think another reason why Acorn calmed down was because the Hazellands were starting to look a lot better. The first time I was here it seemed as if the life had been sucked out of it – now it felt as if the place was on the mend. Like fresh new skin growing on a bad wound. Fallen trees had been cut for wood and charred branches had been cleared away. As we climbed a small hill I remembered where we were. The top of the rise was the spot where Araf had first laid eyes on the destruction of the Field – the Imp garden where Araf had lost so many kinsmen. The last time he had seen the Field it had been trashed so badly he nearly fell out of his saddle. This time he crested the hill and said, ‘Will you look at that.’

It is so rare for Araf to spontaneously make any noise that it always startles me when he does. I pulled up next to him and saw what he saw. What was once a scorched and blackened patch of land had been cleared and tilled. A team of Imps were planting trees and tending gardens. Araf looked on like a dog sighting a bird in a bush.

‘Master Spideog!’ I called.

Spideog rode next to us, taking in the wide-eyed Araf and the Field.

‘Master Spideog,’ I said, ‘I wonder if Prince Araf might be able to be released from his bodyguard duties for a few hours.’

Araf looked at me like a boy getting permission from his mother to go swimming on a hot day.

‘I think we can spare his stick for the rest of the afternoon,’ Spideog said. ‘Prince Araf, you are relieved.’

A rare ear-to-ear smile erupted on the Imp’s face as he reached for the whistle hanging around his neck. He simultaneously kicked his mount into a gallop and blew. All of the Imps in the distance immediately stopped what they were doing and then began to cheer as they saw their prince speeding towards them. We watched as a mob of Imps practically dragged him from his horse. How anybody can get excited about spending an afternoon covered in dirt is beyond me but I knew Araf was now as happy as a pig in muck.

As we got closer to the outbuildings it became obvious how much work had been done. All of the rubble had been cleared away or stacked for later repair. Several of the smaller buildings had been rebuilt and then there was the landscaping. Those Imp guys sure can plant stuff. Hedges, young trees and flowerbeds were everywhere.

As we approached what looked like a guard house, Spideog kicked his horse and sped ahead. Just before he cleared the building, he notched an arrow in his bow and performed a magnificent full speed dismount. He hit the ground running using his horse for cover, then pulled his bow to full length and let his mount go on. He stood stock still, menacingly aiming a deadly arrow at something or someone that I couldn’t see. I drew my sword and looked to Mom but she seemed more annoyed than concerned. She kicked her horse into a canter and I followed. Mom casually went behind Spideog – I on the other hand peeked around the building. Standing there with a crossbow pointed directly at Spideog’s head was Master Dahy.

‘Boys,’ Mom said in a reproachful tone.

‘Tell this old man to drop his weapon. His clumsy reconnaissance has been exposed,’ Spideog said.

‘First of all,’ Dahy replied, ‘I am younger than you.’

‘In age maybe, but not in spirit.’

‘Boys,’ Mom said again. This time she sounded impatient.

‘Secondly,’ Dahy continued, ignoring the interruption, ‘I have a Brownie crossbow aimed at your head. I’ll drop you before you can even let go of that string.’

‘Would you like to put that to the test, Old Man?’

Mom dismounted and walked between the two Masters. No matter how much they wanted to kill each other (and it sure looked like they did) their duty kicked in as soon as the Queen of Duir stepped into the line of fire. They immediately lowered their weapons.

‘Now that is better,’ Mom said in an overly calm tone. ‘I’m going to return to my mount. I shall assume you two will not again raise your weapons to each other after I leave.’ When she got no response, she said, ‘Master Spideog?’

‘Yes, my lady,’ Spideog said, replacing his arrow in his quiver.

‘Master Dahy?’

‘Of course, Lady Deirdre,’ Dahy replied, removing the bolt from his crossbow.

I don’t know how many years those two had between them, probably thousands, but at that moment they sounded like eight-year-olds.

‘Master Spideog, you are with me,’ Mom commanded. ‘Master Dahy, I have royal bodyguard duty for you. He is over there hiding behind that wall – I think you may have met.’

I stuck my nose around the building and waved.

‘Conor!’ Dahy said as he approached and placed his arms on my shoulders. ‘When did you get back?’

‘About a week ago; I would have thought someone would have told you.’

‘News is slow around here. I don’t have an emain slate. The Leprechaun who made them was killed when Cialtie blew out the east wing. The new ones don’t work very well. I’ve had to rely on couriers. Tell me, how is your father?’

We mounted up and I told him what Mom and Fand had done to Dad and about Mom’s magic Shadowbook paperclip. He took it all in without surprise like I was telling him the latest football scores. I guess if you’re as old as Dahy and have lived all of that time with witches and oracles, it’s easy to take news like this in your stride.

‘So you are going to be with us for a while then?’ Dahy asked.

‘As long as it takes.’

‘Good, I can use you.’

‘Use me for what?’ I asked suspiciously.

We passed one of the Hall’s outbuildings; I recognised it as the one where Lorcan clothes-lined me so long ago. Just past that we rounded a bend and I saw a large group of soldiers standing around a pair of duelling banta fighters in full protective gear.

‘You finally got your security force for the Hall of Knowledge,’ I said.

‘Yes,’ Dahy replied, ‘I imagine even your grandfather wouldn’t have minded, given the circumstances. I wanted a more ecumenical group but they are mostly Imps, Leprechauns and Faeries.’

‘Faeries?’

‘Of course. There are a few Banshees but I couldn’t get any Elves or Brownies to join and nobody has spotted a Pooka in ages. This lot are all very green. I could use your help to train them.’

I was just about to ask what a Faerie looked like when the banta stick duel captured my attention. The one guy wasn’t doing very well. Every time he mounted an attack his opponent seemed to know in advance exactly where it was going to come from. His opponent’s parries and counter-attacks were minimal and effective to the point of perfection. But what really caught my attention was the posture and footwork. There was only one person that moved like that and it made my heart race even before she took off her head protector and shook her wavy black hair over her shoulders like a model in a shampoo commercial. Essa turned and our eyes locked. She was definitely surprised to see me but, as usual with that girl, I wasn’t sure if she was happy about it or not.

All eyes turned to Dahy and me as we approached. Essa’s duelling partner took off his headpiece and for a moment I was hit with déjà vu. As he revealed his black hair with a white tuft in the front, I momentarily thought it was Fergal but then the Banshee’s sharp facial lines and broad chin broke the illusion.

‘Attention, Soldiers of the Red Hand,’ Dahy shouted.

The group snapped to attention. I smiled. Dahy had held onto the same name as the army that last occupied the Hazellands.

‘I give you Conor, Prince of Duir!’

Everybody dropped to one knee and bowed their heads, except, I noticed, Essa and her Banshee-duelling partner.

I dismounted. ‘Hi, folks. Look, I’m gonna be around here for a while so you don’t have to do that – OK?’

‘As you were,’ Dahy ordered and everybody relaxed as a buzz went through the crowd.

Essa gave a loud theatrical cough and thankfully the hundreds of eyes left me and turned to her. ‘If our regal visitor doesn’t mind, shall we continue with our training?’

Her troops straightened up and quieted down. She was more beautiful than I had even remembered. What kind of idiot was I, leaving a woman like this behind? She finished by staring at me with a question on her face and I realised she actually wanted me to answer her question.

‘No, no,’ I stammered, ‘by all means continue.’

She seemed to smile at me but only from one side of her mouth. ‘We have been working all day on banta fighting. Excellent for helping improve footwork and winning competitions, but in battle you are most likely to be attacked with a sword. What happens if you only have a banta stick to defend yourself with?’

I came very close to shouting out, ‘You’re screwed,’ but two things stopped me: one was that I had seen Essa fight sword with stick and she was damn good at it; secondly, I instinctively felt that undermining Essa in front of her students would be a bad idea.

‘Our new guest, Prince Conor,’ Essa continued, ‘fancies himself as quite the swordsman. Your Highness,’ she said with just enough sarcasm that only I heard it, ‘would you like to help me with this demonstration?’

‘How about we nip off and spend a little alone time,’ is what I really wanted to say. Instead I answered, ‘Sure.’

I walked to the midst of about a hundred young eager eyes. Essa and I squared off in the centre and slowly circled each other. For the first time a proper smile crossed her face. Gods, she was stunning. I drew my sword and her smile vanished. She backed into the crowd and threw her banta stick to a soldier and took a training stick from another. She returned back to the centre.

‘Conor is wielding a very good sword indeed. Does anyone recognise it?’ A few hands went up. ‘It is the Sword of Duir.’

A murmur shot through the group. Men and women strained to get a look at the Lawnmower as I held it aloft.

‘The difficulty with fighting a sword, especially one as good as this one, is that you must not make direct contact. When wood meets steel head on – it is usually wood that loses.’

Essa was holding her stick straight out in a pre-duel position with her head turned to face her pupils. I swung the Lawnmower high and sliced about a foot off the top of her banta stick. It was like knife through butter. The crowd laughed. Essa turned and even though she had a smile on her face for the crowd, her eyes had a look I didn’t like. She inspected the stick and then threw it into the audience. A replacement sailed back immediately. Dahy stepped into the circle holding a dulled training sword. I reluctantly swapped the Lawnmower for it.

‘Thank you, Prince Conor, for that demonstration,’ she said as she refaced her class. It was probably a good thing Dahy changed my sword ’cause I’m sure I would have done the same thing again. I think stuff like that a second time is even funnier than the first but some people don’t agree and I knew Essa was definitely one of them. ‘A sword is obviously the stronger weapon,’ she continued, ‘but it is inferior in length. You must use your superior reach to set the rhythm and tempo of the fight – directing the battle to your terms.’

She faced me directly and stood at attention, so I did too. We both bowed at the waist with our eyes locked. Our faces were inches away – I whispered, ‘Miss me?’

She stood erect, assumed a fighting stance and said, ‘En garde.’

I raised my sword, adjusted my footing and asked, ‘Is that a yes, or a no?’

Chapter Eleven
Essa

Essa and I circled to the right. This time, as she addressed her class, she never took her eyes off me.

‘You will probably have almost double the reach of anyone wielding a sword. If your opponent sets up too close …’ Essa nodded, inviting me closer, ‘then give him a reminder that you are carrying a long stick.’ With the quickest of clicks she tapped my blade out of its position and poked me hard in the chest with her stick.

‘Hey!’ I shouted, stepping back and rubbing my chest. ‘You told me to step in.’

‘And if your opponent is stupid enough to do what you tell him to do – make sure to take advantage of that.’

The crowd laughed. I forced a smile onto my face and stopped rubbing the place she had hit me – even though it still really hurt.

‘Once you have set the proper fighting distance, your opponent will be forced to attack your stick, not you.’

I could see her point but I wasn’t going to play her game and I certainly didn’t want to stand there and swipe at a stick. I decided to make my first attack a deep body swipe – the kind of advance that would be dangerous to ignore. I bounced backwards and forwards on my toes, made a short backhand fake that brought her stick out of position and then lunged with a full cut to the body. Without seeming to move her legs at all, Essa instantly backed out of reach. I had forgotten just how fast that girl moved. Her stick lightly engaged with the leading edge of my moving sword, circled around it and then pushed it away. By the time I got control my arm was way across my body and my weapon was nowhere near where it should have been. Essa slid one hand to the middle of her stick and swung the base of her banta into my kidney. It dropped me to one knee.

‘Usually I would not have counter-attacked so soon in a match. As you all should know, the golden rule is to parry and retreat until you can ascertain your opponent’s favourite attack. I have an advantage with the Prince – I already know his favourite attack.’ Essa came over to where I was still on one knee. As she helped me to my feet she whispered, ‘Miss me?’

I was still wondering if I would ever be able again to pass water with that kidney when she flowed back into her en garde position and asked, ‘Ready?’

I held up my hand for a time-out and stepped in close to her. ‘Do you think maybe I should have some protective clothing?’

‘Aw come on, Conor, it’s only a stick. You’ve got a great big sword.’

‘You … you could poke my eye out.’

‘I promise I won’t hit you in the head – even though it is such a large target.’

I tried to remember some old saying about a woman scorned but I didn’t have time. She started circling again, this time to my left and she was doing that figure of eight spinning thing with her banta that I had seen Araf do – it made me feel a bit woozy. I decided that maybe Essa’s students shouldn’t be the only ones paying attention to her tutorial, so I attacked the stick. I just stuck my blade into the twirling thing and she flipped it into a counter-attack. Fortunately I was ready for it and brought my sword up into a high backhanded parry. When she saw the steel coming she checked her swing and bounced back in to her home position.

‘Well done, Princess,’ came a shout from one of the people in the crowd.

I took a couple more swipes at the stick and every time pretty much the same thing happened. She would make light contact and attempt to counter but would then pull back at the last second, to avoid her wood being damaged by my steel. Essa’s bravado, the bruises on my chest and side, her cheering peanut gallery and the fact that she was the third best stick fighter I had ever seen had initially made me feel like I was the underdog but I was starting to remember that I had a sword. I had the better weapon.

I took another swipe at her banta but this time when she attempted her counter-attack I stepped in and took a full power cut at her weapon. My sword made hard contact with the top of her stick. If I had been using the Lawnmower I would have sliced that bit clean off – this dulled thing stuck halfway into the wood. As Essa pulled back I felt the tug and quickly twisted my pommel. I heard the crack as about ten inches of her stick spun into the air.

Essa backed and circled. The same voice from the crowd called out, ‘Not to worry, Princess.’ As Essa inspected her weapon I stole a quick glance to see who the cheerleader was. It was the Banshee she had been sparring with earlier.

While she was readjusting to the new length of her stick, I moved in a step and began my trademarked low sword attack. That’s where I keep my blade low and then swipe upward using my natural agility to bob and weave my head out of the way. I should note that every fighting teacher has told me that this is a very bad idea but it usually unnerves an opponent the first time they see it and I’m pretty sure I never did it when Essa was around. It worked too. She backed up fast but before she ran out of room, she took a full baseball swing to my head that made me hit the ground with a roll.

‘Hey,’ I shouted as I jumped back to my feet, ‘you promised not to hit me in the head.’

‘If you’re just going to hang your face out there, I can’t resist taking a pop at it.’

‘Good one, Essa,’ the Banshee shouted.

The crowd was getting pretty worked up and from the sounds of it, I wasn’t the hometown team. It’s dangerous when emotions creep into a practice fight and at that moment I wanted to kill the girl of my dreams. From the look in her eyes my love wanted to do the same thing. I should have called it off right then and there – instead I modified my attack. While protecting my face, I succeeded in backing Essa into her cheering section. Just as she was about to run out of room – she did it. I knew she would. I knew she couldn’t resist showing off for her pupils. She launched herself straight up and over my head and attempted to grind her banta into my shoulder as she pole-vaulted over me – but I was ready for it. When she was directly over my head, I dropped to the ground. Her stick made contact with nothing but air. The self-satisfied smile on her face vanished as she realised she didn’t have enough leverage to complete her somersault. She instantly went from a graceful gymnast to a flailing circus clown and landed hard on her back.

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