“No woman will ever be loved as I am going to love you.”

He carried her to the bed and laid her down on it, his expression saying all that needed to be said as he looked at her for a long moment.

Anna took hold of his hand and placed it on her stomach, pressing it gently into the swollen hardness. “Love me, Ben,” she whispered. “Please.”

It was all the invitation he required.

Anna closed her eyes as passion claimed her, letting her heart have its way and her head be silenced. Maybe this was wrong and she would regret it, but she couldn’t bear to stop what was happening. She couldn’t bear to deny herself this time in Ben’s arms even if it was a mistake!

Dear Reader,

The Baby Issue focuses on a topic that arouses strong emotions in a lot of people: surrogacy.

As I researched the background for this story, I was in contact with several women who had been childless until a member of their immediate families had offered to be a surrogate for them. Their tales were inspirational, and I am indebted to them for sharing their experiences with me.

I hope that you will read this book with an open mind and heart, and feel as I did that my heroine, Anna, made the right decision when she offered to have a baby for her sister. It seemed only right that she should find the perfect man in Ben Cole to share her life with after all the heartache she had been through. There is nothing better than a happy ending!

My very best wishes to you all,

The Baby Issue

Jennifer Taylor

www.millsandboon.co.uk

CONTENTS

COVER

LETTER TO READER

TITLE PAGE

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

COPYRIGHT

CHAPTER ONE

THE taxi had dropped her off outside the surgery. Anna Clemence took a deep breath as it drove away.

She was on her own now.

She had made her decision and there was no going back on it. She owed it to Jo to do the very best she could.

A shadow darkened her grey eyes as she thought about her sister. It was a month since Jo had died yet she still found it hard to believe that she would never see her again. Jo had always been there for her in the past but now she had to stand on her own two feet. There would be no one to turn to in the coming months, no one to offer emotional or financial support. She only had herself to rely on from now on.

Anna picked up her suitcase then pushed open the surgery door. Dr Adam Knight, the senior partner at the practice, had explained that he couldn’t be there to meet her that morning. However, he had assured her that his colleague, Benedict Cole, was expecting her. Now, as she joined the queue in front of the reception desk, Anna couldn’t help hoping that she wouldn’t have to wait long to see Dr Cole. She had been up since five that morning and she was starting to flag.

‘I’m Anna Clemence,’ she began when she reached the desk. However, the middle-aged receptionist didn’t give her time to finish.

‘Oh, you must be the new practice nurse! Ben said that you would be arriving this morning. I’ll just give him a buzz to let him know that you’re here.’

The woman quickly relayed the message then smiled at her. ‘Ben said to tell you that he’ll be free in a few minutes, so why don’t you take your case through to the staffroom and wait in there? It’s been like a madhouse in here this morning. It’s supposed to be emergencies only on Saturdays so I don’t know where they’ve all come from!’

‘Thanks.’ Anna smiled back, warmed by the older woman’s friendly manner. ‘I’ll do that.’

She made her way through the door at the rear of the waiting room and quickly found the staffroom. Putting down her case, she went to the window and looked out but there wasn’t much to see apart from the car park.

She turned and looked around the room instead, smiling when she saw the mismatched assortment of crockery stacked on the draining board and the extra-large jar of coffee strategically placed next to the kettle. The room was almost a replica of any number of staffrooms at places where she had worked in the past so that she felt instantly at home. Was it a good omen? She hoped so. She needed all the luck she could get at the moment.

‘Hi, there. Sorry you’ve had to wait. I don’t know what’s come over everyone today. Saturdays are never usually this busy!’

Anna looked round as a man appeared. The room was rather dark so that she couldn’t see him clearly at first. She just had an impression of someone tall with fair hair before he switched on the light.

He had to be at least six feet tall, she decided, taking rapid stock as he came towards her, with a leanly muscular physique which the conservative navy trousers and paler blue shirt he was wearing couldn’t disguise. His hair was a rich sandy-blond colour rather than merely fair, the kind of shade that a woman would pay a small fortune for at the hairdresser’s, she thought inconsequentially.

With hair that colour she expected his eyes to be blue, so it came as a surprise to see that they were a very dark brown, the same colour as his eyebrows. It was only when she noticed the amusement they held that she realised she had been staring at him and quickly looked away.

‘I’m Ben Cole,’ he said, offering her his hand. ‘Adam explained that he couldn’t be here to meet you, I believe?’

‘He did.’ Anna fixed a smile to her mouth as she shook hands, hoping that her discomfort didn’t show. Ben Cole was a very attractive man and it probably wasn’t the first time he’d caught a woman staring at him. However, it wouldn’t do to give him the wrong impression. ‘He said that you’d let me have the keys to the flat.’

‘I’ve got them right here.’ He handed her a bunch of keys then looked round, frowning when he spotted her suitcase by the door. ‘Is that all you’ve brought with you?’

‘I didn’t think I needed anything else,’ she replied quickly, deeming it wiser not to explain that the case held all her worldly goods. It would only give rise to more questions and that was something she wanted to avoid at all costs.

She experienced a momentary qualm as she wondered what would happen when Ben Cole and his colleagues found out what she had omitted to tell them. Legally she’d had no need to say anything, of course. There were rules governing the type of questions that could be asked at an interview, so she hadn’t done anything wrong by withholding the information, though she knew that it would have been common courtesy to have mentioned the fact before she had accepted the post. Now all she could hope was that by the time she was forced to tell everyone the truth, she would have proved herself capable of doing the job.

‘Probably not.’ Ben treated her to an openly quizzical look. ‘I don’t suppose it was worth bringing too much stuff with you when you’re only going to be here for four months or so. To be honest, I was surprised when Adam told me that he had found someone willing to take the job. Not many people are interested in short-term contracts, especially not someone with your experience. I believe you used to work at St Luke’s in London. In the renal unit, wasn’t it?’

‘That’s right,’ Anna replied, feeling her nervousness increase when she heard the curiosity in his voice. ‘I dealt mainly with children and teenagers, doing home support visits to those who were undergoing dialysis or were hoping to have a kidney transplant. I really enjoyed it, too.’

‘So what made you decide to give it up?’ he asked with a heavy frown. ‘It seems a strange thing to do, especially if you enjoyed the work so much. Taking this post doesn’t strike me as a career move.’

Anna bit back a groan as she realised that she only had herself to blame for giving him an opening to ask more questions. She really must be more careful and watch what she said.

‘I had to move back to Cheshire to be nearer to my sister. She…well, she needed me here and I moved in with her for a while,’ she finished lamely, wishing she had never got into this conversation in the first place.

‘Really? Why was that?’ Ben leant against the sink unit and studied her thoughtfully. Anna could feel his warm brown eyes travelling over her face and had a sudden mental image of the reflection she had seen in the mirror that morning. She sighed.

The past weeks had taken their toll and there was no escaping the fact that she looked vastly different to how she had previously. She wasn’t vain but she knew that a lot of men had found the combination of lustrous black hair and a porcelain-fine complexion attractive in the past.

She’d always thought that her mouth was too big but several had remarked that it was her best feature. Others had commented on her deep grey eyes, framed by lashes so thick and black she never needed to use mascara. However, that had been then and the reflection she had seen that morning had born little resemblance to how she had looked once upon a time.

‘My sister had endometrial cancer. Unfortunately, they didn’t find out what was wrong with her until it was fairly advanced,’ she explained, realising that he was waiting for her to answer his question. She shrugged but she could feel the pain biting deep inside her once again. ‘The doctors did all they could, and at one point we thought that Jo was going to make it, but it turned out that there were secondaries. She d-died a month ago.’

Anna swallowed hard because she didn’t want to make a fool of herself by breaking down in front of him. She jumped when he suddenly reached out and squeezed her hand.

‘I’m sorry. I know how hard it is to deal with something like that, especially in our line of work. You tend to think that you should be able to find a cure for everything, but sadly that isn’t the case.’

Anna looked up when she heard the pain in his voice. ‘Did you lose someone close to you through illness?’

‘Yes. That’s why I know what you must be going through.’ He gave her hand a final squeeze then let it go. ‘Anyway, let’s get you up to the flat and then I’d better get back to work before Eileen has a riot on her hands!’

She laughed softly because she knew that he was making a deliberate effort to lighten the mood. It was obvious that whatever had happened in Ben’s past still hurt him and she couldn’t help wondering what had gone on before it struck her that it was none of her business. She, more than anyone, should understand his desire not to talk about it.

He picked up her case and led the way to a staircase at the end of the hall. ‘There’s another flight of steps leading up to the flat from the car park, so you can come and go that way rather than having to trail through the surgery. However, it’s handy being able to use these stairs of a morning. I know Beth found it useful.’

‘Beth’s the nurse who I’m covering for, isn’t she?’ Anna asked, following him upstairs.

‘That’s right.’ He glanced over his shoulder as they reached the top of the stairs. ‘She used to live in the flat before she moved in with Adam.’

‘You mean Dr Knight?’ she asked, frowning.

‘That’s right.’ He laughed as he put her case down by the door. ‘It’s a long story which I really don’t have time to go into at the moment. But if you ever get the chance, ask Beth to tell you all about it. I never used to believe in fate but I do now!’

Anna laughed. ‘That sounds very intriguing.’

‘Oh, it is, believe me!’ He smiled at her and she felt a trickle of heat flow through her veins when she saw the warmth in his eyes. ‘Anyhow, I’d love to stay and talk to you for longer but I really must go. We’re usually finished by eleven so if there’s anything you need, just give me a shout.’

‘Thank you,’ she said softly. Maybe it was silly but she couldn’t help noticing that he was looking at her like a man looked at a woman he found attractive.

‘Oh, and in case I forgot to say it before, I’ll say it now—welcome to Winton surgery, Anna. I hope you’ll be very happy here, even if it is only for a short time.’

He disappeared down the stairs before she could reply. Anna heard him speaking to someone at the bottom, heard a burst of laughter flow up the stairs and smiled. Maybe it was a bit too soon to make up her mind but she had a feeling that she was going to be very happy here. She sensed that she could grow to like Ben Cole once she got to know him better and…

And what? a small voice whispered in her mind. What if she did grow to like him? What if he liked her? What if they found each other attractive, even? Exactly what did she hope would come out of it? What future could there be for a woman in her situation?

Anna felt the little bubble of happiness burst. Her future was all mapped out and there was no place in it for Benedict Cole or any other man!

Anna spent the next hour unpacking and finding out where everything was kept. Although the flat was small there was everything there that she would need, which was a good job, bearing in mind how little she had brought with her.

She had lived in staff accommodation in her last job so she’d not had to worry about furniture and crockery or the hundred and one other things needed to set up a home. It hadn’t been a priority when she had moved in with Jo either, but at some point soon she would have to make provision to buy all those things, even though she had no idea where she would get the money from. After all, there wasn’t just herself to think about now.

She sighed as she felt a familiar wave of panic wash over her. She had promised herself that she would try to remain positive but it wasn’t easy when she knew the difficulties she was going to face. All she could do was keep reminding herself that she wasn’t the first woman to have found herself in this situation, even if the circumstances were rather unusual in her case. Other people had managed and so would she!

That decided, she went into the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. It was only when she opened the fridge that she realised she didn’t have any milk or tea bags—or anything else for that matter. In the rush to get packed that morning to leave her sister’s home, she had given no thought to the subject of groceries, but she would have to do something about it soon.

She fetched her bag then went to the back door, hunting through the bunch of keys Ben Cole had given her to find the one that fitted the lock. She tried several in turn but none of them worked. It left her with no choice but to use the exit through the surgery, even though she had wanted to avoid doing that until she was officially on duty.

Anna started down the stairs then paused when she heard a commotion break out below. She could hear a woman screaming but she couldn’t make out what she was saying. She hurried down the rest of the stairs and followed the noise to the waiting room, taking in the scene that met her at a glance.

‘Give him to me,’ she ordered, rushing forward and taking the child from the terrified mother’s arms. It was a little boy, about two years old, and he was deeply unconscious, his eyes rolled back into his head and his lips tinged blue. Putting her ear to the child’s chest, Anna assured herself that he was still breathing then turned to Eileen.

‘Which way is the treatment room?’

‘This way. I’ll show you.’

Eileen flew out from behind the desk and led the way, opening the door to the treatment room for her. The child’s mother was sobbing hysterically now so that Anna had to raise her voice to be heard.

‘Tell Dr Cole that we need him in here straight away, please.’

Anna didn’t waste any time as the receptionist hurried away. She laid the little boy on the couch and quickly unzipped his coat. ‘When did this happen?’ she asked the sobbing mother.

‘Just a few moments ago. Sam was up most of the night with earache, which is why I brought him to the surgery this morning.’ The young woman wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘He felt really hot when I dressed him and he wouldn’t eat his breakfast, which just isn’t like him. He seemed all right when we got here but then he went all…all stiff and started twitching.’

‘I see.’ Anna slipped off the child’s coat and quickly removed his jumper and trousers as well. Hurrying to the sink, she filled a bowl with tepid water then looked round when Ben Cole appeared.

‘What have we got?’ he asked, hurrying to the couch.

‘He appears to have had a convulsion. His temperature is elevated so I was about to sponge him down,’ she reported crisply, carrying the bowl back to the couch. ‘His mother says that he was complaining of earache through the night.’

‘Fine. You get on with that while I check him over.’ He didn’t say anything more as he quickly set about examining the little boy, but Anna had seen the approval in his brown eyes and she felt her heart lift.

It was nice to know that Ben appreciated her efforts, she thought as she started sponging the child’s hot skin. Maybe it was silly to set any store by his opinion but she knew that it meant a lot to her.

‘Classic signs of a febrile convulsion,’ he said, sotto voce, glancing at her. ‘See how flushed his face and neck are, and the rigidity of the limbs and slight arching of the spine.’

‘I thought it was that,’ she said, equally softly. She ran the damp cloth over the little boy’s chest once again. ‘I think this is helping, though.’

‘It is. The best thing you can do in a case like this is to cool the child down.’ He grimaced. ‘Sorry. I don’t need to tell you that, obviously!’

Anna laughed at his rueful expression. ‘Don’t worry. You can’t afford to be thin-skinned when you’re a nurse. Most doctors seem to believe that they are the fount of all knowledge.’

‘Ouch! I’ll have to watch my step in future, Nurse Clemence. I wouldn’t want to trip over my ego in front of you and end up flat on my face.’

His eyes were teasing, making it clear that he knew that she’d been joking. Anna smiled back before she realised how dangerous it was to let the conversation continue in that vein. She had to remember that this job was simply a stopgap and not get involved with the people she worked with. It would make it that less painful when the time came for her to leave.

She carried on sponging the little boy and was rewarded when he started to come round a few minutes later. Ben turned to the child’s mother and smiled reassuringly at her.

‘He’s back with us again. I know it’s been a shock for you but try not to let him see that you’re upset. We want to keep him as calm as possible to give him time to recover.’

‘He will be all right, won’t he?’ the girl asked shakily, digging a crumpled tissue out of her pocket and scrubbing her eyes with it.

Anna took the bowl of water to the sink and emptied it away then plucked a handful of clean tissues from the box on the counter and gave them to her. She hadn’t realised how young the mother was until that moment because she’d been too busy dealing with the child to pay much attention to her. Now she couldn’t help sighing when she realised that the girl was little more than a child herself.

‘He should be fine. He’s had what we call a febrile convulsion, which isn’t nearly as scary as it sounds.’ Ben drew the girl forward then gently picked up the little boy and placed him in her arms. ‘All it means is that the bit of his brain that usually lowers the temperature when it gets too high didn’t work properly. I believe you said that he had earache last night?’

He carried on when she nodded. ‘He probably has an ear infection and that’s what caused his temperature to rise. I’ll check him over once he’s recovered properly but I don’t want you to worry too much. A lot of small children have febrile convulsions but they usually grow out of them.’

‘Does that mean it could happen again?’ the girl asked worriedly, hugging the whimpering child to her.

‘It’s possible, but you can do a lot to prevent it happening again by taking some simple precautions like giving him paracetamol at the first signs of fever and sponging him down,’ he explained calmly.

‘I wish I’d known that,’ she said miserably. ‘If I’d realised I could give him paracetamol I would have done so.’

‘You must make sure that it’s one formulated for young children,’ he warned her. ‘And that you don’t exceed the dosage. However, there are a number of very good products you can buy over the counter.’

‘Do they cost a lot?’ The girl shrugged but Anna could see the flush that had risen to her cheeks. ‘I’m on my own, you see, and some of these things cost a lot of money…’

She tailed off, not that she needed to say anything else. Anna turned away because she was afraid of what might be written on her face at that moment. She ran water into the sink and washed the bowl, barely listening as Ben explained that he would include a child-safe analgesic on the prescription so that Sam’s mother wouldn’t need to buy it.

‘Anna.’

She jumped when Ben touched her arm, feeling the colour rushing to her face when she saw the concern in his eyes.

‘Are you all right?’ he asked softly.

‘Fine. I was just trying to catch my breath,’ she explained hurriedly.

‘No wonder. It’s been a real baptism of fire and you’re not even officially on duty yet,’ he agreed, but she could tell that he hadn’t fully believed her explanation.

Fortunately, little Sam started crying in earnest at that point so he had no time to question her further. Anna realised that she had to be more careful in future and make sure that she separated her personal feelings from her professional responsibilities. She couldn’t afford to let one affect the other if she hoped to get through the coming months.

Ben quickly examined the little boy and, as suspected, it turned out that Sam had an ear infection. Anna stayed with them because she didn’t think it was right to leave even though the crisis was over. The little boy was obviously very distressed and his mother, who had told them that her name was Lucy Wilkins, didn’t look much better.

Ben drew Anna aside while the young mother tried to console the screaming toddler. ‘I know this is a huge imposition, but would you mind if I left Sam and Lucy with you while I finish seeing the rest of my patients? I want to make sure that he’s all right before she takes him home.’

‘Of course I don’t mind,’ Anna assured him. She glanced at the sobbing child and sighed. ‘He’s really upset, poor little mite.’

‘He must be in a lot of pain because the infection is quite severe, especially in his left ear. I’ve got some sample sachets of analgesic in my room so maybe you could get some of that down him.’

He grimaced as the little boy started screaming louder than ever. ‘You might have more luck than his mum. I get the impression that she’s been having a rough time with him of late, not that it’s any surprise. It isn’t easy, bringing up a child on your own.’

‘It isn’t,’ Anna agreed hollowly. She summoned a smile when Ben looked at her, afraid that he would tell that the comment had touched a nerve. ‘If you let me have that analgesic, I’ll see if Sam will take it from me.’

‘Thanks, Anna. I really appreciate this.’

Ben hurried back to his room and came back a few minutes later with a sachet of the analgesic, but he didn’t stop. Anna knew that he must be anxious to get back to his other patients so she merely took it from him then set about finding a plastic measuring spoon in one of the drawers. Little Sam was sobbing his heart out by that time, his face bright red with temper and pain, and Lucy had tears in her eyes as well.

‘I don’t know what to do when he gets like this,’ she admitted helplessly. ‘Sometimes he screams so hard that he makes himself sick and I don’t know how to stop him.’

‘It isn’t easy, dealing with a toddler,’ Anna consoled her. ‘A lot of parents have trouble coping.’

‘It must be easier if there are two of you, though,’ Lucy said, struggling to hold onto Sam as he arched his back in an attempt to free himself. ‘I keep worrying in case I’m doing everything wrong. It would be lovely to have someone to share all the problems,’ she added wistfully.

Anna bit back a sigh because she understood exactly how the girl felt. ‘I’m sure that it must be difficult at times but you’re doing a great job. Sam is obviously loved and that’s the most important thing. Now, do you think it would help if I took him for a moment? If we can calm him down we can give him some of this analgesic.’

Lucy gratefully relinquished the screaming toddler into her care. Anna took firm hold of the squirming little body and stood up. ‘Now, Sam, I know that you don’t feel well but you’ll feel a lot better if you stop crying.’

The child stared at her with huge, tear-soaked eyes, obviously shocked at being parted so summarily from his mother. Anna smiled reassuringly at him. ‘Shall we see what we can find to play with? I don’t know if there are any toys in these cupboards but we can have a look.’

She set him down on the floor and started opening the cupboards. ‘Oh, look what I’ve found!’

She hauled out a big plastic tub of building blocks and tipped them onto the carpet. Sam immediately crouched down, his tears momentarily forgotten as he picked up two of the blocks and tried to fit them together.

‘Like this. See?’ Anna showed him how to slot the blocks together, smiling when he immediately copied her. She glanced over her shoulder as he picked up two more. ‘He’s very bright, isn’t he? I only needed to show him once and he knew what to do.’

Lucy smiled. ‘He does seem to be quick on the uptake,’ she agreed proudly. ‘I bought a big box of toys from the charity shop in town and it was amazing how quickly he learned how to use them. And he just loves it when I read to him. He knows some of the stories off by heart now.’

‘Story?’ Sam said hopefully, looking up.

Anna laughed as she ruffled his blond curls. ‘Later, poppet. I’m sure Mummy will read to you when you get home.’

He gave her a beaming smile then went back to his building work. He seemed quite content so she decided that it might be a good moment to see if he would take the analgesic. She snipped the top off the sachet then measured out the recommended dosage and crouched beside him.

‘Are you going to be a good boy and take this for me, Sam?’ she asked, offering him the spoon.

He stared at the bright pink liquid for a moment then obediently opened his mouth. Anna smiled as he swallowed the whole spoonful without a murmur.

‘That’s a good boy. Well done!’ she exclaimed, giving him a hug.

‘I hope he takes it from me as easily,’ Lucy said worriedly. ‘And Dr Cole said that he’s going to need ear drops as well. I don’t know if I’ll be able to make him sit still long enough to get them in his ears.’

‘Do it while you’re reading to him,’ Anna advised her. ‘I used to work with children and I always found that it was best to choose a quiet moment if you wanted to give them any medication. But if he does get upset, don’t make a big issue out of it. Just wait until he calms down then have another go.’

‘I’ll do that.’ Lucy sighed. ‘I wish there was someone to ask about things like that. I do my best but there are all sorts of things that crop up and I’m not sure how to deal with them.’

‘Don’t you have any family?’ Anna asked, handing a bright green block to the little boy.

‘No. I was brought up in care. There’s just Sam and me, but we muddle through as best we can.’

‘Well, you seem to be doing a fine job to me. Sam is a lovely little boy.’ Anna smiled at the girl but she couldn’t deny that her heart had started aching when she’d heard that. It had struck a bit too close to home. It was a relief when Ben appeared and informed them that he had finished seeing all his patients now.

He checked Sam over one more time, crouching down on the floor beside the child rather than making him get up. Anna couldn’t help noticing how good he was with the little boy and how Sam responded immediately to his firm but patient approach. Ben Cole would make a wonderful father, she found herself thinking wistfully, then realised how dangerous a thought that was.

‘I’m happy that what happened was simply the result of his ear infection,’ Ben explained after he had finished. ‘I’m going to give you a prescription for antibiotics to fight the infection and drops to soothe the inflammation in his ears. But I want you to promise me that you’ll call the surgery immediately if you are at all concerned about Sam.’

‘I’ll do that, Doctor,’ Lucy agreed, getting up. ‘You don’t think that he’ll have another of those convulsions, do you?’

‘I’m ninety-nine per cent certain that he won’t as long as you keep his temperature down. But, as I said, if you’re at all worried, don’t hesitate to phone us.’

‘I shall. Thank you.’ The girl turned to Anna. ‘And I’ll try doing as you said and putting the drops in Sam’s ears while he’s sitting quietly.’

‘It usually works,’ Anna assured her. ‘But don’t worry if you have to give it a couple of goes. The more agitated you get, the more Sam will play you up.’

Sam was reluctant to leave his exciting new toys at first but he was finally persuaded that he could play with them another day. Anna followed as Ben saw them out. The waiting room was empty and Eileen had started switching off the lights now that everyone had left. The receptionist sighed ruefully when she saw Anna.

‘Talk about being thrown in at the deep end! I bet you’re sorry that you took this job.’

Anna laughed. ‘Oh, it will take more than that to put me off. I’m far tougher than I look.’

‘You’ll need to be, working here,’ Eileen retorted, winking at her. She pretended not to have noticed that Ben had come back into the room. ‘It’s not just the general public who lead you a merry dance, I’m afraid. Some members of the staff here would try the patience of a saint at times.’

‘I wonder why my ears are burning? You weren’t alluding to me, by any chance, were you, Eileen?’ he asked wryly.

‘Now, why should you think that?’ the receptionist retorted. ‘It wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that you told three people to make appointments for Monday morning when I’d already warned you that your list was full?’

‘Sorry.’ Ben tried to look contrite but his eyes were full of laughter when he turned to Anna. ‘Eileen is a real termagant when it comes to her appointment system. It’s a big mistake to fall foul of her, believe me. You end up having to make your own coffee for the next week!’

‘I’m only trying to safeguard your interests, Dr Cole,’ the receptionist said with a sniff, although Anna could tell that she wasn’t really offended. It was obvious that Ben had a good relationship with the older woman.

‘I know you are. And I am grateful. Honestly.’ Ben gave Eileen a warm smile. ‘We wouldn’t be able to run this place half as efficiently without you here to keep order, Eileen.’

‘Well, I don’t know about that,’ she said. However, it was obvious that she was pleased by the compliment. They exchanged a few more pleasantries then Eileen fetched her coat and left.

Ben sighed as the door closed. ‘That’s it, then. End of another busy morning. Thanks again for all your help, Anna. I really appreciate it.’

‘It was nothing,’ she assured him. She glanced at her watch as he went behind the desk to turn off the rest of the lights. ‘Anyway, I’d better get a move on. I want to get to the shops before they close,’ she explained when he turned to look at her. ‘I need to stock up on groceries.’

‘You didn’t bring any with you?’

‘I never gave it a thought, to be honest. I had too many other things on my mind.’ Her face clouded as she thought about what had happened that morning. She still felt sick when she recalled what had been said…

‘Are you OK?’

She jumped, feeling the colour rush to her cheeks when she saw the concern in Ben’s eyes. She had a sudden urge to pour out the whole miserable story before it struck her what a mistake that would be.

She couldn’t afford to tell anyone the truth just yet. Although Ben Cole had come across as both kind and sympathetic, there was no knowing how he might react. Did she really want to run the risk of losing this job?

‘I’m fine. Just a bit worn out after all the rushing around,’ she replied evasively.

‘No wonder. As Eileen said, you were rather pushed in at the deep end.’

He smiled at her and Anna felt a flurry ripple through her when she saw the appreciation in his eyes. It was obvious that Ben found her attractive, and whilst part of her rejoiced in the fact another part knew that it would be a mistake to encourage him.

‘How about if I gave you a lift into town?’ he continued. ‘You can get your shopping then I’ll drive you back here so that you don’t need to lug a lot of heavy bags. In fact, we could have some lunch first—’

‘No!’ She saw his start of surprise but she had to make her position clear once and for all. ‘There’s no easy way to say this, Dr Cole, so I may as well be blunt. I prefer to keep my private life and my professional one strictly separate.’

She shrugged, feeling a shiver working its way down her spine when she saw how he was looking at her now. There was no warmth in his gaze any longer, just a remoteness that made her heart ache in the strangest way. ‘Whilst I intend to give one hundred per cent commitment during surgery hours, I’m not interested in fostering any kind of relationship with colleagues outside those times. Have I made myself clear?’

‘As crystal, Miss Clemence. I apologise if I was overstepping the mark.’

His tone crackled with ice, leaving her in little doubt that he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. He switched off the last remaining lights then strode around the desk, pausing when he realised that she was still standing there. Anna had to steel herself when she caught the full force of his icy stare.

‘Was there something else, Miss Clemence? If not, I’d like to set the alarm and lock up.’

‘I don’t appear to have a key to the back door of the flat,’ she explained woodenly. ‘I’ll need it to get in and out over the weekend.’

‘I’ll see if it’s in Adam’s desk,’ he told her curtly. He swung round, leaving Anna to follow. She was miserably aware that he was annoyed with her. Not that she blamed him, of course. She’d been rude as she’d laid down the ground rules. Her only excuse was that she’d had no choice.

‘Here it is.’ He offered her the key then looked steadily at her. ‘Is that all now?’

‘Yes.’ She cleared her throat but it was an effort to force the words past the lump in it when she saw the chill in his eyes. ‘Thank you.’

He inclined his head, although he didn’t say anything as he strode past her. Anna watched him go into the office then turned and quickly made her way to the stairs. She was halfway up them when she heard the alarm beeping, followed a few seconds later by the sound of the front door closing. And it seemed to her that she had never felt more alone than she did at that moment.

Ben had offered her the hand of friendship and she had rejected it. Maybe she’d had no choice but it hurt to know that he wouldn’t offer it to her again. It struck her all of a sudden that she would have liked to have had him for a friend, to have been able to turn to him when times became really tough.

She sighed sadly.

Would Ben Cole still want to be her friend when he found out what she had taken such care to keep secret? He would probably thank his lucky stars that he hadn’t got involved!

Her hand went to the gentle swell of her stomach concealed beneath her loose fitting T-shirt and her eyes were suddenly sad.

How many men would be interested in befriending a woman who was having someone else’s baby?

CHAPTER TWO

‘I WONDER if you could do me a favour?’

Anna was in the treatment room when Ben Cole tapped on the door. It was Friday morning and surgery was coming to an end. It had been a busy morning as usual, but she had thoroughly enjoyed her first week in Winton. Any qualms she’d had about her ability to do the job had soon disappeared. The work might be rather different to what she was used to but the basic procedures were the same, and she really liked the people she was working with.

All in all, Anna had decided that things were working out rather better than she had feared they would. The only cloud on the horizon was the fact that Ben Cole continued to treat her with a distant courtesy that stung. Now as she saw the chilly expression on his face she had to bite back a sigh.

‘Of course. What would you like me to do?’ she asked politely.

‘I’ve a patient with me who needs a blood test and I’d like to get it done as soon as possible. Would you have time to see her now, by any chance?’ he asked, equally politely.

‘Yes, there’s no problem. I’ve only got one more patient to see and he hasn’t arrived yet.’ Anna glanced at her watch. ‘In fact, if you send her straight in to see me then I should be able to catch the courier. He’s due in about ten minutes to collect today’s samples.’

‘Fine. The lab won’t have any excuse for not getting the results back to us early next week, then.’ Ben sounded relieved and she frowned.

‘Is it that urgent?’

‘Yes and no.’ He sighed when he saw that she didn’t understand. ‘I’ve been trying to get this woman to have a blood test for months but each time I suggest it she finds some sort of excuse. I’m not sure what the problem is, to be honest.’

‘I see. Why did she come to see you in the first place?’ Anna asked curiously, thinking that it was a strange situation.

‘She’s been suffering from night sweats and hot flushes,’ he explained. ‘She’s in her mid-forties so I did suggest that it was probably the first sign of the menopause, but she got really upset by the idea. I’m hoping that she will accept it once we get the results of the blood test, then I can start her on HRT.’

‘A lot of women find it difficult to come to terms with the fact that they are reaching that stage in their lives,’ she observed softly.

‘I know, and I’m sympathetic to how they feel, believe me. However, this patient seems unusually loath to accept the idea. She’s so adamant, in fact, that I’m starting to wonder if I’m simply opting for the easy answer.’ Ben frowned thoughtfully.

‘What?’ Anna asked impulsively. She gave a little shrug when he looked at her. ‘I can tell that you’re trying to make up your mind about something.’

He laughed and she felt a shiver run down her spine when she heard the unaccustomed warmth in his voice. ‘You’re far too perceptive, Anna. It wouldn’t be easy to pull the wool over your eyes.’

‘Oh, I’m as gullible as the next person, believe me,’ she replied, feeling the tiny stab of pain that speared her heart. She couldn’t help wishing that she hadn’t been quite so trusting in the past year. If she’d realised what would happen, would she have decided on the course she’d taken?

It was impossible to answer a question like that so she didn’t try. She looked up, feeling a ripple of apprehension run through her when she saw how Ben was looking at her.

‘That sounded as though it was spoken from the heart,’ he said quietly.

‘Probably.’ She summoned a smile, wishing that she had hidden her feelings better. The last thing she wanted was to incite his curiosity. ‘Anyway, what’s the patient’s name and what tests do you want done?’

‘Janice Robertson. Here are her notes.’ He handed her the patient’s record card. ‘I want the full works—cell count, proteins, gases, antibodies, micro-organisms, and so on. I don’t want to overlook anything just in case I’m on the wrong track. I want to get this sorted out while I have the chance.’

‘Fine. I’ll get straight onto it.’

Anna turned away, making a great production out of finding everything she needed. She breathed a little sigh of relief when she heard the door closing. She really must be more careful about what she said! Ben had obviously been suspicious just now and she didn’t want him wondering what she had to hide.

She sighed again as she took a couple of fresh vials out of a drawer for the blood samples. She was going to have to tell people about the baby at some point. Although she had managed to disguise her pregnancy so far, the time was fast approaching when she wouldn’t be able to hide it any longer. She couldn’t help worrying how the staff at the surgery were going to react when they found out. Would they be angry that she hadn’t told them before? She really couldn’t blame them if they were.

It was a sobering thought but she tried not to dwell on it as she got ready. When Janice Robertson tapped on the door a few minutes later she had everything set up.

‘Come in,’ she called, smiling reassuringly as the woman hesitantly entered the room. ‘Hello, there. I’m Anna Clemence, the new practice nurse. Dr Cole wants you to have a blood test, I believe?’

‘That’s right.’

Anna frowned when she heard the reluctance in the other woman’s voice. She couldn’t help noticing how dejected the woman looked as she ushered her to a chair. It was obvious that Janice wasn’t keen to have the test done, although, like Ben, Anna wasn’t sure what the problem was.

‘I’ve got everything ready so you just make yourself comfortable. Have you ever had a blood test before?’ she asked soothingly, picking up the webbing strap that she would use as a tourniquet while she took the sample. Maybe Janice was frightened of needles and that was why she looked so upset. She’d seen enough grown men keel over to know how the sight of a syringe could affect some people!

‘Only when I was pregnant.’ Janice suddenly smiled so that her whole face lit up. ‘They were always taking blood from me then!’

‘I can imagine!’ Anna laughed, although it was hard to hide her amazement at the transformation in the woman. ‘There’s all sorts of things that need to be checked when you’re having a baby. I bet you got fed up with all the tests.’

‘Oh, I didn’t mind,’ Janice assured her. ‘I mean, you don’t, do you? Not when it’s to make sure that your baby’s going to be healthy.’

‘No, of course not. That’s the most important thing, isn’t it?’ Anna replied, thinking how very true that was. She tightened the tourniquet around Janice’s arm then picked up the syringe. ‘Now, all you’ll feel is a little scratch. It won’t really hurt so don’t worry.’

She deftly inserted the needle into the vein then started to draw off a small amount of blood. ‘How many children do you have, by the way?’ she asked to distract her. Although Janice didn’t appear to be worried about what was happening, it seemed safer to keep her talking.

‘Two, a boy and a girl. Susan and Richard.’ Janice sighed heavily. ‘They’re both grown up now, of course. Richard works in London and Susan is taking a gap year between finishing university and finding a job. She’s in Australia at the moment.’

Anna snapped the end off the vial and quickly filled in the label with the patient’s name, address, date of birth and the address code for the surgery. She picked up a second vial, knowing that the lab would require two samples to complete all the tests Ben had requested.

‘You must miss them,’ she observed, drawing off the second vial of blood.

‘I do. The house seems so empty without them. I don’t know what to do with myself most days. Alan—that’s my husband—is always at work, you see. He’s a builder and he has his own business. He’s been so busy recently that he’s gone from early morning until late at night. I’m on my own most of the time and it gets very lonely.’

Janice tried to smile but Anna could see the tears that had welled into her eyes. She frowned as she pressed a small adhesive dressing over the puncture mark in the crook of the woman’s elbow.

Could it be that some of Janice’s problems stemmed from loneliness? she wondered. Ben had seemed to think that it was more than just the physical signs of the menopause that were troubling her so it just seemed to fit. Although loneliness wasn’t an illness in itself, it often led to depression and that could cause a variety of symptoms ranging from mild anxiety to hallucinations in extreme cases.

‘It must do,’ Anna said sympathetically, making a note to mention it to him. ‘When you’ve been used to rushing around, looking after a family, it must be strange to have all that free time on your hands. Do you go out to work?’

‘No. I always stayed at home to look after the children. Alan’s business has done very well so we didn’t need the extra money, and he’s never liked the idea of me working. Anyway, I can’t see anyone wanting to employ me now, not at my age and with no real experience to offer.’

‘How about voluntary work?’ Anna suggested thoughtfully. It was obvious that staying in the house on her own all day wasn’t doing Janice any good, and there had to be a solution. ‘A lot of charities are crying out for people to help them. Or what about helping out at the local playgroup? I’m sure they’d be thrilled to have someone with your experience.’

‘Do you think so?’ Janice said eagerly. ‘I’d never given it a thought, to be honest, but it would be lovely to be around small children again. I loved it when my two were toddlers. It was the happiest time of my life.’

‘I’m almost certain there’s a notice on the board in the foyer for the local playgroup,’ Anna told her, delighted to see the woman looking so much more animated. ‘Why don’t we take a look? There might be a phone number you could call. You could have a chat with whoever runs the group and see how they would feel about you helping.’

She led the way through the waiting room, holding open the door while Janice followed her into the foyer. The notice-board was covered with posters advertising various events that were due to take place in the town but she soon spotted the one she wanted.

‘There it is. And they’ve given the name and the telephone number of the lady who runs the playgroup. I’ll just fetch a pen and some paper then you can jot down the details.’

Anna hurried back inside and went straight to the reception desk. Eileen had just finished taking a phone call and she looked up when Anna approached her. ‘Problems?’

‘Not really. I just need a pen and a scrap of paper if you’ve got one handy.’

Eileen found them for her. ‘Anything else?’

‘No, that’s fine. Thanks,’ Anna assured her. She went back to the foyer and quickly noted down the details for Janice then handed her the slip of paper. ‘Now, promise me that you’ll give them a call. There’s no point letting your talents go to waste.’

Janice laughed delightedly. ‘Oh, wouldn’t it be wonderful if they said I could help out? I’ll phone them as soon as I get home.’

‘You do that,’ Anna agreed, smiling to herself as she watched her leave. The difference in Janice’s demeanour was simply amazing, she thought.

‘What have you been doing to make Janice Robertson look so cheerful all of a sudden?’

She swung round when she heard Ben’s voice, feeling a little flurry run through her when she found him standing in the doorway. ‘I just suggested that she should contact the local playgroup and see if they need any volunteers to help them.’ She quickly repeated what the woman had told her. ‘I got the impression that she was lonely and thought that this might be just what she needed.’

‘I see.’ He suddenly smiled at her. ‘Maybe I should ask you for help more often.’

Anna laughed but she couldn’t deny how good it felt to have him looking at her without that awful chill in his eyes for once. It struck her how much it had hurt to have him treat her so distantly all week.

‘I’m only too happy to help any time I can,’ she assured him huskily, rather surprised by the idea.

Ben took a deep breath and even as she watched the warmth faded from his face. ‘So long as it’s within working hours and strictly inside the terms of your contract, of course.’

She shrugged, feeling deeply hurt that he should have seen fit to remind her at that precise moment about what she had said. ‘I don’t imagine I’m any different to you or Adam in that respect. We all need a life outside working hours.’

‘I’m sure you’re right.’ His tone was cool now. ‘Anyway, well done. I’ve had my suspicions that Janice was suffering from mild depression as much as anything else. Let’s hope that your idea has done the trick. Sometimes all it needs is for a person to be pointed in the right direction.’

He went back inside and she saw him go over to speak to Eileen. Anna heard the receptionist laugh at something he said as she went back into the waiting room, but she didn’t go over to find out what the joke was. She doubted if Ben would have wanted to share it with her, anyway.

That thought hurt far more than it should have done. Anna deliberately put it out of her mind as she went back to her room and packed up the samples ready for collection. The courier arrived a short time later, closely followed by her last patient, so she had no time to brood.

The rest of the day flew past with barely a minute to breathe, let alone worry about anything other than making sure that she did everything right. However, as she got ready for bed that night Anna found herself thinking about what Ben had said to her.

Maybe it was her imagination but there had seemed to be a hint of regret in Ben’s voice as he’d reminded her of her decision to keep her working life and her professional one strictly separate. If she hadn’t known better, she might even think that he was hurt rather angry about her refusal to have lunch with him the previous week.

She rolled over and closed her eyes, willing the thought from her mind. She didn’t like to think of Ben being hurt, funnily enough.

Saturday arrived and Anna got up early. She had the flat cleaned and her washing done by eleven o’clock. She decided that she would go into town and do some shopping because she’d bought only the barest necessities the previous week.

She sighed as she found her thoughts immediately returning to Ben once again—she had to stop thinking about him all the time! She had made the right decision and there was no point harping on about it. She would be polite and friendly within the limits of their working relationship, but that was all. There was no point in wishing that she had handled things differently and certainly no point in wishing that she hadn’t rebuffed him!

She slipped on a lightweight jacket over her jeans and T-shirt then left the flat. The forecast was for rain later in the day but she was planning on being back well before then. She ran down the steps but paused when she saw Adam Knight, the senior partner, crossing the car park.

‘End of another busy week,’ he commented, stopping to speak to her. ‘How have you enjoyed it, Anna? It’s not been too big a change for you?’

Anna smiled when she saw the kindly concern on his face. She had spoken to Adam several times during the week and had found him extremely helpful on each occasion. He had a quiet confidence and authority that inspired respect in everyone who came into contact with him. She found herself thinking how like Ben he was in that regard before she realised where her thoughts were wandering once more.

‘I’ve really enjoyed it,’ she said quickly, focusing firmly on the conversation. ‘It’s been a bit strange at times but the routine procedures are the same wherever you work.’

‘Well, I have to say that we’ve been very glad to have you here. I was saying to Ben yesterday that we would have been hard pressed to cope if you hadn’t taken the job.’ Adam smiled warmly at her. ‘We were extremely fortunate to get someone of your calibre for the post.’

‘I was glad to be offered it,’ she said sincerely, although she couldn’t help feeling guilty. She was very much aware of how differently Adam might feel when he found out that she was pregnant. Maybe she hadn’t been obliged to tell him before she had accepted the job, but most employers would have expected to have been told in advance. It was just that she had been so desperate to get the job that she had felt that she’d had no choice.

She took a deep breath, wondering if it would be best to tell him now and get it over with. Adam had had a week to see that she was capable of doing the work so surely that would go in her favour? Even though he might be upset about her oversight, she didn’t think from what she knew of him that he would go so far as to sack her.

Would he?

It was that last thought which made her hesitate, and before she could make up her mind what to do he glanced at his watch.

‘I’d better get a move on. I’ve had strict instructions not to be late.’ He grimaced. ‘Beth has invited my aunt and uncle to stay for the weekend and she wants me there to give her a hand, getting everything ready. You’d think we had royalty visiting from all the preparations she’s been making!’

Anna smiled at his wry tone, hating herself for feeling so relieved at having an excuse to put off her confession a little longer. ‘I expect she wants everything to be just right.’

‘So she keeps telling me,’ he agreed drolly, then suddenly smiled. ‘Actually, things couldn’t be any more perfect. I didn’t know what I’d been missing all my life until I met Beth.’

Anna sighed as he sketched her a wave and got into his car. It must be wonderful to feel like that about someone, to love and be loved in return, to have someone beside you to face all life’s problems. Unbidden, a picture of Ben Cole’s handsome face sprang to mind and she frowned. Why on earth had she thought about Ben in that context?

It was all very strange but she tried not to think about it as she walked into town. She went straight to the supermarket but it was crowded with shoppers that day. It took her far longer than she’d expected to collect what she needed then she had to wait ages in the queue at the checkout. By the time she left the store, there were huge black clouds gathering overhead and the first few spots of rain were starting to fall.

Anna sighed as she took a firmer grip on the heavy carrier bags. She would have dearly loved to have taken a taxi but she simply didn’t have the money for that kind of luxury. It looked as though she was going to get very, very wet!

She was halfway home when the heavens opened and the rain started to fall with a vengeance. She stopped and looked around for somewhere to shelter. She spotted the entrance to the park and wondered fleetingly if there might be somewhere there where she could wait out the storm. However, she soon decided that it would be a waste of time going to take a look when she saw a jogger running briskly out of the gates. Surely even the most ardent keep-fit fanatic wouldn’t choose to run round in a torrential downpour if there was anywhere to shelter!

She had set off again, moving closer to the wall, when she heard footsteps pounding along the pavement behind her. Having her head bowed against the rain, she didn’t notice the runner drawing alongside her. She nearly jumped out of her skin when a familiar voice spoke in her ear.

‘Here, give me some of those bags. It will be quicker if we both carry them.’

She swung round, unable to hide her surprise when she saw who it was. ‘Ben! What are you doing here?’

‘I certainly wasn’t following you, if that’s what you’re wondering. I happened to see you as I came out of the park.’ He gave her a grim smile and she felt herself flush.

‘I never thought you were following me,’ she denied hotly, glaring at him, then felt her anger get hijacked along the way when she suddenly realised what he was wearing, which was remarkably little, quite frankly.

Anna took a deep breath but it was impossible to control the sudden lurch her pulse gave as her eyes swept down the length of his body. The outfit that Ben had on was perfectly appropriate for what he had been doing. However, there was little doubt in her mind that the sight of his muscular body clad only in those brief, black running shorts and vest would have had an effect on even the sternest female heart!

She quickly averted her gaze, terrified that he would guess what was going through her mind. She wasn’t a prude by any means, but was it really right to have been dwelling on the length and shape of his powerful legs with such enjoyment? Should she have been deriving such pleasure from studying the narrowness of his hips and waist? Or gaining so much satisfaction from gazing at those gleaming wet pectoral muscles? She didn’t think so!

‘Come on, Anna. Do you want a hand with those bags or not? It’s up to you.’

She blinked when she heard the impatience in his voice. ‘I…hum…’

It was on the tip of her tongue to refuse when Ben took the decision from her. ‘We’ll both end up with pneumonia if we stand here much longer while you try to decide if you can trust me,’ he snapped, taking most of the shopping bags from her.

‘Trust you?’ she said uncertainly.

‘Uh-huh.’ He held up his hand as though he were swearing an oath. ‘I promise on my honour that this isn’t a ploy to get you back to your flat and have my wicked way with you. I just wanted to help you, although I’m beginning to wish that I’d curbed my Boy Scout instincts.’

Anna blushed hotly. The worst thing was that she couldn’t think of a word to say in her own defence. Fortunately, Ben didn’t wait around to hear her reply. He set off up the road at a fast lope, leaving her to trail after him, miserably aware that she had made a fool of herself. Even though she hadn’t imagined for a second that he had been planning to have his ‘wicked way’ with her, there was no way on earth that she could have explained what had been going through her mind!

They walked back to the flat in total silence. Ben kept a couple of steps ahead of her all the way, giving her no opportunity to say anything even if she’d wanted to. He paused at the bottom of the steps leading up to the flat. ‘Leave the shopping here and I’ll bring it up. You go and unlock the door.’

Anna just managed to stop herself saluting when she heard the imperious note in his voice. However, it didn’t seem worth promoting an argument. She ran up the steps and opened the door, moving aside so that he could carry the shopping bags inside.

He plonked them on the kitchen table then turned to leave. ‘That’s it, then. I’ll see you on Monday.’

‘Wait!’ Anna didn’t know where that word had sprung from. She certainly hadn’t been intending to say it. She shrugged when he looked at her, seeing the chill in his dark eyes, and couldn’t help wishing that she could do something to repair the damage that she had caused the previous Saturday, but she didn’t know how to go about it.

‘Thank you for helping me,’ she said instead, falling back on good manners when all else had failed. ‘I really appreciate it.’

‘You’re welcome.’ There was slightly less coolness in his voice now but she couldn’t decide if it was due to her apology or to the shiver that had racked him. She frowned when she saw the goose-bumps that had broken out all over his skin.

‘You’re absolutely freezing!’ she exclaimed in concern.

‘I’ll live.’ He turned towards the door once again but Anna knew that she couldn’t let him leave. It was pouring down with rain and, from the look of the sky, likely to keep on doing so for some time to come. She couldn’t in all conscience let him go home in weather like that.

‘Look, why don’t you wait here until the rain slackens off a bit? It’s stupid getting soaked when you don’t have to.’

‘I doubt if I could get any wetter,’ he observed so wryly that she laughed.

Her gaze whizzed down his body and she felt a ripple of pure sexual awareness run through her when she saw how the wet clothes were clinging to his muscular body.

‘Maybe not,’ she said quickly, hoping that he couldn’t tell how shocked she felt. She wasn’t totally naïve. She’d been in a relationship before she’d left London and had enjoyed the physical side as much as the companionship, but she’d never expected to feel this kind of sexual awareness towards any man in her condition. ‘But it’s silly to go back out into that storm when there’s no need. How about if I make some coffee to warm us both up? I’m sure you could do with a cup as much as I could.’

‘Well, if you’re sure….’ He hesitated a moment then shrugged. ‘Fine. Coffee sounds good. I must confess that I could do with something to take the chill out of my bones.’

He shivered again and she sighed. ‘It’s going to take more than a cup of coffee to do that. You need to get out of those wet clothes for a start.’

She hurried on when she sensed that he was going to object, knowing that she would never forgive herself if he ended up making himself ill when he had been trying to help her. ‘Why don’t you have a hot shower while the coffee’s brewing? I’ve got an old tracksuit somewhere about that’s way too big for me. It might just fit you. I can put your clothes in the dryer while we wait for the rain to stop.’

‘That’s kind of you, Anna, but I don’t want to be a nuisance,’ he said levelly. But she knew what he’d really meant. Ben didn’t want to overstep the boundaries she had set in place, and her heart ached because she couldn’t help wishing that it hadn’t been necessary to instigate them in the first place.

‘It’s no trouble,’ she assured him quietly. She turned away to plug in the kettle, afraid that he would see that she was upset. ‘You go and take that shower. I’ll leave the tracksuit outside the bathroom door for you.’

She breathed a sigh of relief when she heard him leaving the room. Maybe it was silly but Ben disturbed her. She didn’t know why, she just knew that he did. He made her feel things that she hadn’t expected to feel and she wasn’t sure how to deal with them.

Anna closed her mind to that thought, afraid of where it might lead to. She made the coffee then left it in the cafetière to brew and went to find the tracksuit for him. She put it on the floor outside the bathroom door then went back to her bedroom. Although the jacket had saved her from getting completely soaked through, her jeans were sodden and she needed to change them.

She stripped them off and draped them over the back of a chair to dry then picked up a brush to tidy her hair. It was months since she’d had it cut and it reached way past her shoulders now. She fastened it up into a ponytail with a bright green elasticated bobble then grimaced when she caught sight of herself in the dressing-table mirror. She couldn’t help thinking how at odds the youthful hairstyle was with her burgeoning figure.

She turned sideways to the mirror, pulling the baggy T-shirt taut across the full swell of her breasts and the pronounced curve of her belly. Day by day her body was changing as the baby grew. In one way it was exciting to see the evidence of what was happening but in another it was scary. She couldn’t help wondering how she would feel as her pregnancy advanced. Would she feel proud of the new life growing inside her or simply ugly when her body became even more swollen?

‘Thanks for the tracksuit. Not quite the perfect fit, shall we say…’

Anna’s head swung round and she felt a wave of sickness hit her when she saw Ben standing in the doorway. At any other time she might have found the sight of him standing there with his muscular arms and legs poking out of her tracksuit amusing. However, she had absolutely no desire to laugh when she saw the dawning shock that crossed his face.

She let go of the T-shirt abruptly so that its concealing folds hid her stomach from view, but the damage had been done. Ben had obviously guessed that she was pregnant. She could tell that from the way he was looking at her.

‘We need to talk, Anna. I’ll wait in the kitchen for you.’

He turned and strode away but for a few seconds she didn’t move. She closed her eyes, remembering how he’d looked at her. There was no doubt that he had been shocked and she could understand that. She also could understand if he was angry about her deception. But how would he feel when he found out the truth about this baby? Would he be repulsed by what she had done?

She knew that a lot of people would find what she had done totally unacceptable. She had already encountered disapproval, in fact, and from the least expected sources, yet the thought that Ben might feel the same filled her with dread.

She could deal with his shock, cope with his anger, but she couldn’t bear it if he was disgusted!

Anna opened her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror.

She simply couldn’t bear it.

CHAPTER THREE

‘I DIDN’T know if you took sugar.’

‘I don’t. Thank you.’ Anna sat down at the table and wrapped her hands around the cup Ben had placed in front of her. Her fingers felt numb with cold but even the heat from the coffee couldn’t seem to warm them.

Ben had had the coffee poured by the time she’d reached the kitchen. He had found the milk in one of the carrier bags and a jug to put it in, even emptied some sugar into a bowl. Now, as he sat down opposite her, she felt a little bubble of hysteria floating to the surface of her mind. Were they really going to sit here, politely drinking coffee, while they discussed what he had seen?

She pushed back her chair in a sudden fit of impatience. Striding to the window, she stared out at the rain for a moment then spun round to face him. She wasn’t sure exactly why she was so angry all of a sudden but there was no point in prolonging the agony.

‘I’m pregnant. You obviously gathered that from what you saw just now. The only thing I need to know now is if it is going to make any difference to me working here.’

Ben took a sip of coffee then put his cup down carefully on a table mat. ‘I assume that Adam doesn’t know?’

‘No. I deliberately didn’t tell him.’ She stared defiantly back at him, refusing to let him think that she was ashamed of what she had done.

‘I take it that you had a reason?’ he said levelly.

‘The best reason in the world—I desperately needed this job,’ she shot back, wondering why his calmness stung so much. She would almost have preferred him to speak angrily to her, to show any kind of emotion rather than that icy detachment.

‘I see. Would I be right to assume that the baby’s father is no longer on the scene?’

‘Yes.’ She gave a brittle laugh, feeling the pain welling up inside her. ‘He has made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t intend to be around when this child is born so you can safely count him out.’

‘There are ways of making a man support his child financially,’ he said flatly. He picked up his cup again and she was shocked to see that his hands were shaking. It made her realise that his apparent calmness was an act and that inside he didn’t feel at all calm about what had happened.

‘I know there are,’ she said more quietly, shocked by the discovery. ‘However, I have no intention of asking him for money. I’ll manage by myself.’

‘You say that now but what about after the baby is born? How are you going to manage then?’ He slammed his cup back on the mat, seemingly uncaring that coffee slopped onto the table. ‘Principles are all well and good, Anna, but they won’t feed you. They won’t put a roof over your head or pay the bills. This child didn’t ask to be born. The least you can do is make sure that he or she is properly taken care of!’

His anger rose on a great wave, startling her by its speed and ferocity, and she blinked. ‘Of course I shall! Look, Ben, my main concern is the baby’s welfare. I will do anything and everything in my power to make sure that it is well cared for.’

‘So why won’t you make the father share some of the responsibility?’ he bit out. ‘All right, so maybe you’ve had some sort of disagreement with him, but surely you can find a way round it? You must have felt something for the guy otherwise you wouldn’t be in this situation!’

‘It’s not that simple.’ Anna could feel the heat warming her cheeks and looked away. Ben’s reaction had shaken her because it seemed too…personal, if that was the right word. ‘It isn’t just a question of making him accept responsibility.’

‘Why not?’ he demanded harshly, then suddenly stopped. Anna felt a shiver race through her. She couldn’t recall having seen such contempt on anyone’s face before. She was still trying to work out what had caused him to look at her like that when he continued, and she felt sick when she heard the disdain in his voice.

‘He’s married, isn’t he? That’s why he doesn’t want anything to do with you and the child.’

She took a deep breath, forcing the nausea to subside to a level she could deal with. Ben wasn’t looking at her now. He was staring at his coffee and it was impossible to tell what he was thinking, which was a relief. It wasn’t nice to know that he thought her capable of having an affair with a married man!

‘No, he isn’t married,’ she replied hollowly. ‘His wife is dead. She died a month ago.’

He looked up, a frown drawing his brows into a straight line. ‘Around the same time as your sister died? Didn’t you tell me that it was a month ago that it happened?’

‘That’s right.’ Suddenly Anna knew that there was no point prevaricating any longer. She had to tell him the truth even though the thought of how he might react scared her.

She sat down again, wondering why it should matter what he thought. Ben’s opinion wasn’t going to change anything; it certainly wouldn’t make any difference to the situation. Nevertheless, she knew in her heart that she wanted him to understand and not think too badly of her.

‘Jo died a month ago, a month after I found out that I was pregnant. She was so pleased. I don’t think I have ever seen anyone who was so thrilled.’ She felt her eyes fill with tears and quickly blinked them away, knowing that she couldn’t afford to break down before she had told him the whole story. Ben didn’t say a word, leaving her to do all the talking, and in a way that made it easier. She would deal with his reaction later and simply concentrate on telling him the facts for now.

‘Jo always wanted a family, you see. She used to say that she’d been born into the wrong era because she wasn’t interested in having a career. All she ever longed for was a child to love and care for.’

‘Did she have problems conceiving because of her cancer?’ Ben asked quietly when she paused.

Anna nodded. ‘Yes. She couldn’t understand it at first. She and Mike decided to try for a baby as soon as they got married but it just didn’t happen. In the end, Jo went for tests and that was when they discovered that she had endometrial cancer.’ Her hands clenched around the cup as she recalled that painful time.

‘So what happened?’ he prompted, still in that same quiet tone that somehow seemed to make it easier to continue.

‘She was told that she would need a total hysterectomy, and have her Fallopian tubes and ovaries removed as well. At that point the doctors weren’t sure how far the cancer had spread but they were hopeful that they would be able to contain it.

‘Jo was devastated when she found out. I think she was more upset because she would no longer be able to have children than because she had cancer. That was when I decided that I had to help her.’ She faltered as she reached the really difficult bit in the story.

‘What exactly are you saying, Anna?’ He laid his hand on the table, palm up, and it seemed to her that she had never heard such gentleness in anyone’s voice before. ‘Tell me.’

She took a deep breath then slowly unclenched her hand and placed it in his, feeling the ripple that ran through her when she felt his fingers closing around hers. ‘That I offered to have a baby for her.’

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