HARLEQUIN SUPERROMANCE
Celebrates its 20th Anniversary

Two decades of bringing you the very best in romance reading.

To recognize this important milestone, we’ve invited six very special authors—whose names you’re sure to recognize—to tell us how they feel about Superromance. Each title this month has a letter from one of these authors.

In 1992 Karen Young—whose foreword appears in this book—helped celebrate an earlier milestone in Superromance history. Her book, The Silence of Midnight, was the 500th Superromance published and won the RITA Award for Long Contemporary the following year. In her letter prefacing this book, Karen writes, “…Superromance, with its eclectic lineup each month, will not disappoint. I’m proud to be an author in this line.”

Matt’s Family by Lynnette Kent has a well-earned place in Superromance’s “eclectic lineup,” and offers readers a complex and compelling story of family dynamics.

It’s the second of a two-book series—THE BRENNAN BROTHERS—in which the relationship between two brothers is stretched to the limit by their feelings for one woman and their commitment to family and children.

Dear Reader,

I live near one of the largest army posts in the U.S.—Fort Bragg, North Carolina, home of the 82nd Airborne Division and the Special Operations Forces. My daughters attend school with kids who are here one year and gone the next…to Germany, to Japan, to Kentucky or Kansas or North Dakota. Our community is enhanced by the many talented people who come into the area for just a year or two and yet donate their time and energy to local causes. We always miss them when they get orders to move, and always hope that maybe one day they’ll come back.

As the wife of a career navy officer, I understand the commitment demonstrated by men and women in the armed forces, as well as the devotion required from their families. Military service is not an easy job, but it is an honorable and invaluable one.

The hero of Matt’s Family, Major Matt Brennan, comes from a long line of military men, and he is worthy of his heritage. He’s given five years of his life—and those of his wife and their daughter—to the service of his country. Can he consider his duty done?

More important, can Matt find a way to bond with a little girl he didn’t know he had? And can he convince his wife that their marriage isn’t merely duty, but the heart and soul of his very life?

I hope you enjoy Matt and Kristin’s story, the second of THE BRENNAN BROTHERS books. I love getting letters from readers—please feel free to write me c/o P.O. Box 1795, Fayetteville, NC 28314.

All the best,

Lynnette Kent

Matt’s Family

Lynnette Kent

www.millsandboon.co.uk

FOREWORD BY KAREN YOUNG

Many thoughts come to mind when I consider my experience as a Superromance author. First and foremost is my delight in having the editorial freedom to write the kind of books that appeal to me. I have never underestimated the discernment and sophistication of Superromance readers. Consequently, I have come up with a few plots that featured some pretty strong elements, but they were stories that I felt touched the lives of the women who were reading them. Maybe a sister was married to an abusive husband, or a reader knew of a child who fell through the cracks in our foster care system. Maybe someone’s heart had been broken by an unfaithful husband. I’ve created characters who wrestled with those life crises—and more—and my editors at Superromance were always completely supportive in allowing me that creative freedom.

Also, as a Superromance author, I seem to need the additional length to fully develop a story once I’ve come up with an idea for a book. I have written shorter contemporary books, but I never really hit my stride as a writer until I had a larger “palette,” so to speak, to paint a picture with emotional depth as well as a strong plot. Superromance afforded me that opportunity.

Finally, I believe the women who comprise our audience of readers are far more sophisticated today than when the romance novel first appeared on the scene. Superromance recognized that growth on the part of our readership early on and it was reflected in the quality of the books offered each month. So, whether your taste as a reader runs to a plot that makes you laugh or one that makes you cry or one that makes you think or one that deftly manages to do all of the above, Superromance with its eclectic lineup each month will not disappoint.

I’m proud to be an author in this line.

To the military wives I’ve known, and those I haven’t: Whatever it took, you always held things together somehow.

And to Mary Bacon, the wife and mother of military men: You’ve served your country and your children with honor and love.

Thank you.

CONTENTS

PROLOGUE

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER ELEVEN

CHAPTER TWELVE

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

EPILOGUE

PROLOGUE

Christmas Day, 1996

MATT BRENNAN PARKED on the curb in front of the small, neat house and sat for a minute, trying to relax.

He was finally home. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, U.S.A. Five years late, true. But at least he’d made it. Two of the soldiers captured with him on that covert mission in Africa would never see home again.

And inside this robin’s-egg-blue house was the reason Matt had come back. Sweet brown eyes and an easy laugh. Smooth, tanned skin, sun-streaked hair, gentle hands. A woman willing to listen, to share, to face life beside him wherever it led.

“Kristin.”

Her name had brought light to five years of darkness. Saying it aloud now built up a fierce need inside him. He’d waited so long. But he didn’t have to wait another minute.

Opening the car door, he stepped onto the pavement, once again aware of the unfamiliar sensation of shoes after spending half a decade in a tropical prison, barefoot. A soft, damp breeze blew across his face, and he closed his eyes for a second to appreciate the moisture. His life had been dry for so long.

No more. Grinning like a fool, with his heart pounding in his chest, Matt crossed the spiky grass to the front door of the house. Kristin didn’t know he was coming—none of his family knew, yet, that he was alive. The Army could keep secrets very well, when it wanted to.

His finger shook as he pressed the doorbell button. He closed his fists at his sides as he waited, braced against the wild excitement that kept stealing his breath. After so long…

The door opened. Looking over her shoulder, laughing at something behind her, Kristin didn’t see him for a second. In the time it took her to face him, his world shattered.

She held a baby in the bend of her arm, a little girl in a pink gown with a wisp of silver hair caught up in a pink bow.

If he could have moved, Matt would have left before a word was said. But he was frozen in place. And so the woman he loved—Kristin, his fiancée—turned to see him standing at her door.

Her brown eyes went round, and her lips parted on a gasp. The color left her cheeks in a rush. Staring at him, she didn’t appear to notice when the baby in her arms pulled at a strand of her bright gold hair.

“Matt?” No sound filled in the word. “Oh my God.” This time he heard her whisper. “Matt?”

Joy flashed in her face, bright as fireworks. And just as fleeting. Shock, dismay, even fear, followed immediately.

He cleared his throat. “Hi, Kris.”

The patter of bare feet on tile filled the paralyzed silence. A child peeked around Kristin’s waist, another tow-haired little girl, several years older than the baby.

“Mommy, who’s that?”

Kristin’s left hand dropped to rest on the girl’s head. In the pale winter light, Matt caught the flash of a ring on her third finger.

“This is…” Her voice died again.

“Kristin?” A man’s voice called from the back of the house. “Who’s ringing the doorbell at 8:00 a.m. on Christmas morn—”

The skin on the back of his neck crawled as Matt recognized the voice. He dragged his gaze away from Kristin’s horrified face as his brother stepped up behind her. “Hey, Luke. Merry Christmas.”

Luke’s hand—also wearing a wedding ring—closed over Kristin’s shoulder. “Matt?” Welcome shone in his gray eyes, in his wide smile. And then faded away.

Matt tried for a grin. “That’s right. Uh…surprise?”

His younger brother didn’t laugh at the feeble joke. Luke glanced at Kristin, instead, and at the baby she held. He looked down at the older girl for a long moment. And then raised his eyes to Matt’s. His next comment went straight to the heart of the matter. “Dear God, Matt. We’re in a hell of a mess now!”

CHAPTER ONE

May, 2000

MATT WOKE UP as his wife of almost a year slipped out of bed and left their room. He squinted at the clock. Two-thirty, later than usual. She was often out of bed by midnight or one.

Staring up at the ceiling, he listened to Kristin move through the house. Minutes passed, then half an hour. The microwave beeped—she’d made herself some tea. A faint glow at the doorway indicated she’d switched on a lamp.

So here they were again, him lying in the dark, waiting, while she sat in the kitchen downstairs, thinking. About what?

Did she think about the same things he did? Did she wonder how their life could be so good…yet so wrong? How two people could live together and, at the same time, be so far apart?

He rolled to his side, facing the door. He’d made love with Kris just a few hours ago. Tonight, as always, she’d given him more pleasure than any man had a right to know. She gave him everything, including her own satisfaction. Her whispers, her sighs, the shudders that ran through her body as he touched and kissed and moved—every reaction conveyed Kristin’s delight in what he did.

But she never asked, dammit. Never demanded. Never abandoned herself, selfish—even helpless—in her need for him. After nearly a year together, sex seemed almost like a contest to see who could please whom the most. A quid pro quo kind of experience—neither of them relaxed enough to simply take.

Matt knew he never felt really at ease—because he never knew what Kris was thinking anymore. Was she afraid to tell him what she wanted because she thought he would resent the implication that he’d failed? Or was sex something she did because she saw it as her responsibility?

Was the whole marriage simply a matter of responsibility? A debt to be paid?

He closed his eyes at the painful grip of that thought. The idea that Kris had married him because she owed him hurt too much to consider.

In the hallway, her footsteps padded lightly toward their door. She eased back into bed, barely disturbing the mattress or the covers. If he wanted, Matt could pretend he hadn’t known she was gone.

That wasn’t what he wanted to do. He wanted to take her again—make love to his wife until she was so crazy she couldn’t think. Love her until she forgot about loving him back, until she just accepted everything he had to give, until she came apart in his arms and cried out his name. Then he’d know for sure she trusted him, needed him. Wanted him.

But when he finally turned over, he heard her soft, even breaths. She’d fallen asleep. He could wake her, and she would welcome him. Duty, or desire? Matt had no way to know. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to find out.

And so he just laid his hand lightly on the blanket covering her hip, and forced himself back to sleep.

“THAT’S PRETTY, Mommy!”

“Thanks, Jenny.” Kristin patted her younger daughter’s blond head and stepped back from the counter to survey the results of her morning’s work—a three-layer chocolate cake, iced with butter-cream frosting and decorated with an American flag. “I think so, too.”

The real question was whether her mother-in-law would agree. For the first time in eight years, Matt’s mother had allowed Kristin to contribute to the family’s Memorial Day picnic menu. A bowl of potato salad waited in the refrigerator, as picture perfect as she could make it. Her cake looked professional, if she did say so herself. Surely even Mrs. Brennan would be pleased.

Running footsteps sounded in the family room. Eight-year-old Erin dashed into the kitchen, sun-streaked hair flying. Her perpetual shadow trotted close behind. Buster—a dog of mixed ancestry—was nearly as tall as Erin when he stood on his hind legs, and weighed more. He followed her as far as he was allowed and slept at her feet every night, a long-haired, black-and-white bodyguard.

“Hey, Jenny, look what I found under my bed!” Erin waved a purple stuffed toy.

“That’s mine.” Jenny climbed off the stool at the counter. “Give me my dragon back.”

“I found it, I get to keep it.” Erin held the dragon above her head.

Jenny jumped, but couldn’t reach. “Mommy, tell her to give me my dragon that Daddy got for me!”

Kristin picked up the cake and held it protectively. “Erin, give Jenny her dragon. You’ve got one of your own.” As she pivoted toward the other side of the kitchen, a warm, furry form wrapped itself between her ankles.

“Buster!” She shuffled her feet, trying to step free. The dog gave a loud yelp as her bare heel came down on his paw. Kristin jumped, shifted her weight…and lost control of the cake. With a slurp, the plate tilted inward, pressing the American flag into the front of her shirt.

Jenny gasped. “Mommy, you hurt Buster!” She broke into tears.

Kristin stood frozen, eyes closed in horror, hands holding the plate against her chest.

Jenny cried louder, working up to a real tantrum. Kristin finally jerked herself into motion and eased the cake back onto the plate. “Hush, Jenny, love. Let’s look at Buster’s paw, okay?” She set the plate on the counter, then knelt in front of the dog, who immediately licked at her shirt. “Which paw did I get, Buster? This one?” He wagged his black-and-white plume of a tail as she checked all four feet. “He’s fine, Jenny. Don’t worry.”

Erin stared at her from the end of the counter. “Mommy, you’ve got icing all over you!”

Kristin sighed. “I know.” The top of the cake looked like a bomb crater. So much for her perfect Memorial Day dessert.

She was whipping icing and wiping tears out of her eyes when Matt came through the door. “Hey, Kris—whoa! Did a hurricane blow through?”

Kristin glanced at his immaculate uniform, around the wrecked kitchen, at the ruined cake and her filthy shirt, and blinked back more tears.

“I had a problem with the cake, that’s all.”

He frowned. “I thought you were making potato salad.”

“I did.” She added more sugar to the bowl. “I said I’d bring dessert, too.”

“That doesn’t leave much for anybody else to cook.”

She shook her head. “Of course it does. Sarah and Luke are bringing a green salad and baked beans. Your mother and dad are supplying the hamburgers—”

Matt raised his hands in surrender, laughing. “Okay, okay. I just meant you shouldn’t work so hard.” He skimmed a dollop of icing off her neck and sucked it off his finger. “Mmm. You taste wonderful.” The kiss he placed under her ear sent a sweet shiver down her spine. “Are the girls ready?”

“Not yet. I’ll be finished in a few minutes.”

“I’ll get them dressed.” He headed for the stairs. Kristin thought about calling him back—the girls weren’t exactly cooperating today. But they liked going to their grandparents’ house. Maybe they wouldn’t put up a fuss. If they did, Matt could handle it. Right?

Thirty minutes later, with a smooth, plain coat of icing on the cake, Kristin hurried down the hallway to the bedrooms. She peeked into Jenny’s and found it empty. But the outfit she’d ironed earlier this morning—the one Matt’s mother had given them—still lay on the bed. What was Jenny wearing?

Erin’s nice clothes lay crumpled on the floor of her room. She picked them up. “Girls? Matt? Where are you?”

“We’re in the bathroom, Kris.” His voice sounded tired.

She pushed open the door of the big yellow bathroom. Matt sat on the floor with his elbows propped on his bent knees, a spray bottle in one hand, a comb in the other. Facing him stood Erin and Jenny, wrapped in their towels, both with wet, tangled hair.

“What’s going on? Why aren’t you dressed?”

Matt ran a hand over his head, then simply looked at the girls. Erin stuck out her lower lip. “It hurts when he combs my hair.”

Kristin sighed. “Erin, you say it hurts when I comb your hair. We’re as gentle as we can be. Your hair has to be combed. Did you use the untangler spray?”

Saying nothing, Matt held up the bottle.

She took it from him. “Okay, I’ll spray it again. I’ll do your hair, Erin, and Matt can do Jenny’s. We only have a few minutes to get ready.”

But Jenny backed up against the vanity. “My hair hurts, too. And he got soap in my eyes.”

Jenny always complained of soap in her eyes when Matt was in charge of bath time. This wasn’t a real grievance. This was mutiny, plain and simple.

And the grimness in Matt’s face, a despair he was trying his best to hide, testified to the mutiny’s effect.

Kristin fought down a surge of irritation. “Well, we could stay home and let you both sit in your rooms with tangled hair. But that would disappoint Grandmom and Granddad, who are looking forward to seeing you.” She held out her hand to Matt.

He slapped the comb onto her palm. Getting neatly to his feet, he stepped by her to the door. “I’ll change clothes,” he said quietly. And was gone.

“I’ll comb hair.” Kristin turned Erin around with a firm hand. “And I don’t want to hear any complaints from either of you. We’re going to be late, as it is.”

And they were. By the time they got the girls settled in the car and fought beach traffic, they were a long, tense, forty minutes late.

Wishing the afternoon were already over, Matt parked the van in his parents’ driveway and released the door lock. As if they’d been freed from jail, Erin and Jenny ran through the grass and around the back of the house to the deck on the beach.

When he opened Kristin’s door, she took a deep breath and slid carefully to the ground, cradling the covered cake. Then she looked up at him somberly. “I’m sorry about the girls.”

His resentment melted. He smiled a little and set his hand along the angle of her jaw, stroking his thumb across her smooth cheek. “I’ll be okay.”

Eyes closed, she pressed her head into his palm for a second, then stepped away. “We’d better get inside.”

“If you say so.” Matt followed her toward the kitchen door, carrying the potato salad and appreciating the chance to watch Kristin from the back. Bright sunlight did great things for her soft tan and shiny hair. Her dark-blue sleeveless shirt showed off her arms, while white shorts and sandals left a nice length of her legs in view. The first time he’d seen her, he’d known she was the prettiest, sexiest girl he would ever meet. More than ten years later, he’d never encountered another woman who could make him change his mind.

His mother looked up in surprise as they stepped through the kitchen door. “I wondered what had happened to you. It’s after four-thirty.” She brushed at her silver bangs with a fingertip and stared at Kristin expectantly.

Matt stepped forward to run interference. He bent slightly to kiss Elena Brennan’s cheek. “Sorry, Mom. Sometimes the girls need more time than we think they will. How are you?”

“Well, thank you.” She took the bowl of potato salad out of his hands and placed it precisely on the counter. “Your father is on the deck with Luke and Sarah.”

Kristin came closer. “Where shall I put the cake?”

Elena arched her eyebrows. “Oh, I didn’t think you’d have time to make dessert. Let’s put yours over here beside mine.”

Kristin squeezed her eyes closed as she relinquished the plate. Matt didn’t see a problem with the nice, smooth icing…until his mother set Kristin’s cake next to her own berry-laden version. Suddenly, the white cake looked a little drab.

He put a hand on Kristin’s shoulder. “Anything else we can do, Mom?”

His mother smoothed her red slacks over her still-slim hips. “No, dear. I believe everything is just about ready. Why don’t you start the grill?”

“Sure.” He moved Kristin ahead of him. “Don’t worry about it,” he whispered in her ear as he opened the door onto the deck.

Looking back over her shoulder, she gave him a rigid smile. “Worry about what?”

Matt stared at her back as she walked outside. As difficult as his mother could be, Kris would never admit to being upset. That she couldn’t share something so obvious, so basically harmless, indicated a significant lack of trust.

Or was Kris hiding something so terrible she couldn’t share anything with him, in case the worst slipped out? What the hell would “the worst” be?

“Well, Matt, it’s about time you showed up.” Across the deck, his father sat beneath an umbrella, filling his pipe. “Your mother’s been wondering.”

“Getting two little girls ready for a party doesn’t always go smoothly, Dad.” He reached out to shake the Colonel’s hand as Kristin sat down on the glider nearby.

“Isn’t that the truth?” The man sitting in the chair to the Colonel’s left set down his drink.

Matt turned to face his brother’s wide grin. “Yeah—I’m always amazed at how long it takes.” They shook hands amiably enough, then Matt looked to Luke’s right and smiled at his new sister-in-law. “Hey, Sarah. How are you?”

“Wonderful.” Her clear, sunny expression reminded him of Kristin…back in the old days. “When I called this morning, your wife said you’d gone to work. It’s a holiday, remember?”

He eased down on the glider beside Kris and put his arm along the back, behind her shoulders. “Just paperwork. I get a lot done with nobody else there.”

The Colonel snorted as he lit his pipe. “It’s about time you gave up this recruiting nonsense, isn’t it? Get back to the real Army?”

“I’m still thinking things over, Dad.” Matt relaxed his clenched fist. “It’s a big decision now that I’ve got a family.”

“I’d imagine your commanding officer is wondering what you’re waiting for.” His father wouldn’t let go of his point.

“I haven’t heard anything from him.” Matt tapped Kristin on the shoulder. “Where’d the girls go?”

“They’re playing in the sand at the bottom of the steps,” she said, without meeting his eyes.

Luke sat forward in his chair. “Do I have time to take them for a walk before we eat?”

Matt pulled in a deep breath against the resistance he couldn’t extinguish. “Since I haven’t started the grill yet, I’d say you’ve got about twenty minutes.”

“That’ll be great.” Luke and Sarah crossed the deck arm in arm and descended the steps. “Hey, munchkins.” His words blew back on the wind from the sea. “Want to walk down by the waves?”

“Sure, Daddy!” Erin loved the ocean.

“Can you carry me, Daddy?” And Jenny loved her father.

The voices faded as the foursome approached the water. Matt sat still, waiting for feeling and function to come back to his brain.

After the bath fiasco this afternoon, he should know what to expect. As far as Erin and Jenny knew, Luke was their father. The hard part for them was understanding what had changed, why their mother had divorced him and married another man.

The hard part for Matt was being that other man.

SUDDENLY UNABLE to sit still, Kristin got up and walked to the deck railing to stare out toward the ocean. Usually the sound of the waves and the warmth of the sun made life seem simpler, easier to manage.

Not today. Not with Matt closed off from her by a wall of hurt and misunderstanding. Not when she just kept making mistakes, each one more destructive than the last. Like getting pregnant nine years ago without being married. Then getting married to Luke because her baby’s father—Matt—was dead. And, finally, divorcing Luke and marrying Matt.

Out by the water, Luke and Sarah chased the girls. Jenny squealed as Luke caught her around the waist and lifted her high in the air. They made quite a picture—the handsome black-haired man and his precious silver-blond daughter.

Erin outran Sarah, then kept on running, just for the sheer joy of moving. She loved being outside, like her father. And she moved with the same easy stride, the same long-legged grace Kristin had always adored in Matt. Erin would be tall one day, with Matt’s blue eyes and his serious, considering stare. Luke was tall, too—cops had to be a certain height—but his eyes were a laughing gray and his body more compact than his brother’s.

When would Erin notice the differences? When would she ask to be told the truth?

“Is the grill ready, Matt?” Mrs. Brennan stepped out onto the deck.

“Yes, ma’am. Whenever you are.”

“Where are the girls?”

“On the beach with Luke and Sarah.”

Even from across the deck, Mrs. Brennan’s sigh indicated impatience. “Why does he always take them away just when we’re ready to eat?”

Matt didn’t answer. Kristin glanced at his back, which was all she could see, then turned again to the ocean and her own thoughts. Almost two years ago, before he’d even asked her to marry him, she’d made Matt a promise. One day, as soon as possible, Erin would be told that she was Matt’s daughter, as Jenny was Luke’s.

Every time Kristin thought about explaining, though, she felt physically sick. The revelations wouldn’t stop with Erin. Matt’s parents—and her own—would have to be told. When Erin was born, Kristin had let them all assume she was Luke’s daughter. Now everyone would be privy to the mistakes she had made, the poor judgment she’d used. Could she ever look anybody in the face again?

Especially her daughter?

Out on the beach, Erin stopped her cartwheels and waved. Kristin waved back, then motioned for them to come in. Mrs. Brennan would be waiting.

Matt was waiting, too. He never said a word, but Kristin could see the question in his eyes. When? he wanted to know. When can I tell her she’s mine?

She turned to watch her husband as he stood at the grill, flipping burgers and hot dogs. His straight back, his square shoulders filling out his blue knit shirt, were as much a part of him as his military haircut and his natural air of command.

But she could read the tension in his body. Luke’s relationship with the girls tortured Matt. Erin and Jenny were comfortable around Luke, sure of themselves and him. They spoke the same shorthand language, as people who lived—and loved—together often did. Erin and Jenny and Luke had been a family.

Until Kristin tore them apart.

BEFORE MRS. BRENNAN could get really upset, Luke brought the girls back. They rushed up the steps and across the deck toward the house. Erin stopped in the doorway. “Come on, Mommy. Let’s eat!”

Kristin joined the rest of the family in the kitchen. The air-conditioning raised goose bumps on her skin. She rubbed her arms, trying to get warm.

“Memorial Day is important.” Seated at the kitchen table with an arm around each granddaughter, Colonel Brennan started his annual remembrance speech. “Americans should take time to remember the men who have died serving their country.”

“And women,” Sarah said quietly. Kristin would never have been confident enough to make that comment, but Luke’s wife possessed a special brand of courage.

With a glance at his daughter-in-law, the Colonel cleared his throat. “For five years our family celebrated this day thinking we had lost someone we loved in the cause of freedom.”

Kristin fought back a shudder. For five years she’d thought Matt was dead, because the Army said so. She’d made herself a life during that time. A different one than she’d hoped for, true. But her daughters had been happy, and safe. Luke was a good man and a great dad.

The Colonel continued his comments. “Now we celebrate in thankfulness at having him returned to us.”

Then Matt came back. And everything changed.

Beside her, he shifted his weight. Kristin glanced up at his face and saw that his cheeks had reddened. His embarrassment was endearing, and she smiled at him, linking her elbow through his. He pressed her arm closer into his side.

“Daddy Matt was gone for five years?” Erin counted on her fingers. “He left before Jenny was born?”

Tension struck the room like a lightning bolt. Across the counter, Luke gave a quick smile and a small shrug, which left the answer up to Kristin. “That’s true, Erin,” she said. “Even—even before you were born.” Was that the right thing to say?

“Mommy, did you know Daddy Matt before I was born?”

“Of course, love. I knew…all the Brennans then, and for a long time before.” Matt had gone still as a stone beside her.

“But—” Erin stopped and seemed to reconsider her question.

“I’m hungry,” Jenny announced with a five-year-old’s directness.

“Of course, Jennifer, dear.” Mrs. Brennan placed a smooth, pale hand on Jenny’s shoulder. “Let your grandfather say grace, and I’ll make you a plate.”

During the prayer, Matt’s stiffness subsided. He didn’t draw away from Kristin, but he didn’t press her close again, either. Had she disappointed him? Should she have told the whole story right then, to everyone?

What, in God’s name, could she say?

With dinner finished and cleaned up—a task for which Mrs. Brennan refused to accept any help—the adults sat on the deck finishing coffee while the girls splashed in the pool. Matt seemed preoccupied—Kristin could guess with what.

After a pause, Luke sat forward and braced his elbows on his knees. “Sarah and I wanted to run something by you, Kristin.” He glanced at his brother. “And Matt. We’re spending a couple of weeks in the mountains in June and we’d like the girls to come with us. What do you think?”

Kristin couldn’t think at all, for a moment, couldn’t decide what her reaction should be.

“You’ll be back for our annual Independence Day party, of course,” Mrs. Brennan stated firmly. It was not a question.

Luke flashed his mother a grin. “Definitely.”

“We’re renting a condo with two bedrooms and a kitchen,” Sarah said, putting a hand on Kristin’s arm. “They’ll have lots of room.”

Kristin’s doubts had nothing to do with the accommodations. Before she could quite grasp her reasons, Matt stirred.

“I think it sounds great,” he said. “They’ll have a good time.”

Luke sat back in his chair. Obviously, he hadn’t missed the hint of reluctance in Matt’s comment. Just as obviously, he’d decided to ignore it. “Okay, then. We’ll be away the last two weeks of June—I’ll wait a while to tell them or they won’t sleep between now and then.”

“Good idea.” Matt stood up and held out his cup. “Anybody else want a refill?” Everyone shook their heads. He looked at Luke’s wife. “Sarah, you sure you don’t want some coffee?”

She smiled—more brightly than the question called for, Kristin thought. “No, thanks. I’m cutting out caffeine.”

Kristin watched Sarah and Luke smile at each other in the soft light of sunset. “Um…do you two have something else you want to mention?” she asked.

Luke’s grin widened. Sarah looked over. “It’s that obvious?”

Kristin smiled back, though her insides felt as if she’d taken the first hill on a roller coaster. “Now that I think about it, yes.”

The Colonel drew on his pipe. “What’s obvious? What’s going on?”

“A minor detail, Dad. We’re having a baby.”

“Congratulations, son.” Colonel Brennan got up to shake Luke’s hand and give Sarah a hug. “Maybe we’ll get us a boy this time.”

“Another little girl would be wonderful,” Matt’s mother said firmly, still seated in her chair. “When are you due, Sarah?”

“Around the first of December.”

Elena Brennan sighed softly. “A Christmas baby. How lovely.”

Babies were lovely at any time of year, Kristin thought. But she couldn’t help worrying about Erin and Jenny. What would a new baby do to the precarious balance they were reaching for, after a divorce and two new marriages?

Especially if she rocked their world at the same time with the announcement that Matt was Erin’s father?

Matt had stepped over to shake his brother’s hand. He bent to give Sarah a kiss on the cheek. “Let’s hope, boy or girl, the baby gets your looks, not his.” He nodded sideways at Luke.

“Thanks, bro.”

“Anytime.”

Kristin knew she had to say something. “I’m so happy for you both. You’ll love having a baby. Who’s your doctor?”

The question led them into a discussion of symptoms and signs and preparations. The men dropped out—Luke went into the pool to play with the girls while Matt and the Colonel talked basketball. Mrs. Brennan unbent—babies had an amazing way of softening her up. The Brennans had lost a daughter, before Luke was born. Kristin tried to remember that tragedy when her mother-in-law became a challenge.

Like now. Mrs. Brennan broke into a short silence. After a moment, she said, “You know, Kristin, you and Matt have been married longer than Sarah and Luke. Don’t you think it’s about time we heard the same good news from you?”

“Maybe not just yet, Mom.” Answering his mother, Matt felt Kristin’s stare as she turned in her seat to face him. “My career is kinda up in the air—if I take a transfer back to Special Forces, we may need to move. Two little girls is plenty family for us.” He cleared his throat. “For now.”

“But surely, Matt—”

“So you are thinking about going back in. I knew it!” His father pounded the arm of his chair at the same time, drowning out his wife’s argument. “Good man!”

Kristin didn’t say a word. Matt felt her gaze leave him, felt her withdrawal like a drop in air temperature. He should have kept his mouth shut. Hadn’t he learned long ago to let his mother assume whatever she wanted, just to avoid the hassle of a discussion?

But he couldn’t imagine a baby in their house, especially after today. Erin and Jenny hadn’t come close to accepting him as their dad. How would they feel about having another child—especially his child—in the family?

Late that evening, as he made the drive home from his parents’ house with the girls asleep in the back seat and Kristin silent beside him, Matt laughed at himself.

Family—us?

Not by a long shot.

CHAPTER TWO

LUKE AND SARAH had the girls over for dinner on the Wednesday before their trip and broke the news about the mountain vacation. Erin and Jenny came home that night dancing on the air.

“We get to go to the mountains!” Erin gave Buster a hug and then flopped down on the floor beside him, her chin on her hands and her legs bouncing off the floor in alternate arcs. “Isn’t that neat, Mommy?”

“An’ Daddy says there’s a castle we can see.” Jenny had climbed into her mother’s lap. “We get to see a real castle.”

“It sounds just wonderful.” Kristin smiled but Matt didn’t think the effort quite worked. He could see the sadness behind her eyes. “I know you’ll have a lovely time.”

“You could come, too, Mommy.” Erin cast a guilty glance in Matt’s direction. “I mean you and Daddy Matt. We could all go to the mountains.”

Matt set his jaw, waiting for Kristin’s response. When she didn’t seem to have one, he figured he’d better say something. “I think you and Jenny will have fun with your…with Luke and Sarah by yourselves. We’ll stay home, and then the four of us can take a trip later. Two vacations in one summer. How does that sound?”

Jenny stared at him with her mother’s serious brown gaze and sucked her thumb. Erin shrugged. “Okay. Maybe we can go back to the mountains. Daddy says you can see for forever in some places, and in some places the clouds are so close to the ground you can’t see anything. That’s why they’re called the Smokey Mountains. Can we get a book from the library on mountains, Mommy? I want to know all about ’em before we get there.”

Erin was still talking about mountains when Kristin herded the girls up to bed. Matt dropped his head back against the chair and stared at the ceiling, keeping his mind a careful blank until Kristin returned.

“Did they go to sleep?”

She sighed and dropped onto the couch. “Jenny did. Erin’s still reading. She found that book about North Carolina Indian tribes that Luke gave her and is learning all about the Cherokee Nation.”

“Oh.” In the silence that fell between them, he argued with himself about mentioning—again—the possibility of telling Erin the truth. Nothing major had changed in their lives to warrant a new request. Kris would never agree to break the news just before the girls left for a vacation with Luke. Why say anything at all?

Because…because the awkwardness and the dishonesty of the situation were tearing him up, dammit. He couldn’t keep quiet. “You know, I’ve been wondering if this summer would be a good time to explain…things…to Erin.”

Kristin stared at him. “Now? Before they go away?” She shook her head. “I don’t think—”

He held up a hand. “No, not right now. But afterward, we could go somewhere, like I said—a theme park, or maybe Stone Mountain—and talk about it while we’re there. Neutral territory, and all that.”

“But—” Kristin didn’t know what to say. The suggestion made sense…and it terrified her. “I’m not sure Erin is…is ready.”

Just how will you know when she’s ready?” Matt’s voice was dangerously even.

She gripped her hands together in her lap. “Well, when she’s more accepting. When she counts less on Luke.”

“And how’s that going to happen when she spends two weeks with him in the mountains?”

“You liked the idea!” The words exploded before she thought them through. “ You said yes before I could even decide.”

He shrugged and looked away. “I figured you’d agree.”

“I’m not sure whether I would have or not. But you didn’t give me a choice.”

“However it happened, there’s no going back. So let’s plan what to do about the rest.”

Kristin pressed her fingertips to her pounding temples. “I don’t think I can do that right now. Why don’t we just get through the next couple of weeks, get them back home, and then figure it out?”

“That’s what we’ve been doing for the last two years—postponing the inevitable, waiting for the ‘right’ moment. Or…” He looked over, his eyes suddenly those of someone Kristin wasn’t sure she knew. “Maybe you’ve changed your mind about ever telling her.”

The last thing she wanted was for Matt to know that she’d considered that option seriously. “N…no. I think it’s the right thing to do. I just want to be sure that the timing is…right.”

Gathering all her courage, Kristin met her husband’s stare. Right away, she saw that he recognized her hesitation, interpreted it correctly. His face held disappointment and anger and a deep, deep hurt.

But he was a grown man—a soldier, in fact—who was used to dealing with difficult situations. Erin was still a little girl who needed care, understanding…protection. Whose view of the world would be forever changed when she finally knew the truth.

“Well.” Hands pushing against his knees, Matt got to his feet. “I won’t argue with a mother’s instinct. You know Erin better than I do, so I guess you’re right.” The tone wasn’t sarcastic, but the words stung. “I think I’ll head on up to bed. Are you ready?”

She was exhausted, yet too keyed up to sleep. “I think I’ll watch TV for a little while. You go ahead.”

Matt lifted his chin, as if to take a punch. An instant longer he stood still, gazing at a horizon beyond the walls of the room.

Then with his quick, long stride, he crossed to the couch. Bending, he kissed her on the forehead and briefly, on the lips. “Okay. I’ll see you later, then.”

“G’night.” She wanted to add, “I love you.”

But somehow she didn’t think she’d be believed.

“IS IT REALLY wise to let Erin and Jenny go so far away?”

Kristin looked up from folding little-girl underwear. “They’ll love the mountains.”

Her mother picked up a pair of socks and rolled them together. “But—”

“Just tell me what’s on your mind, Mom. Where do you see a problem?”

“It seems strange to take a vacation apart from your children. Especially when they’re so young.”

“That’s what happens in divorce.” She set a neat pile of laundry in the basket, then shrugged. “Strange arrangements have to be made.”

“I wish—”

Kristin simply waited.

“I wish this had all turned out differently for you.”

Didn’t they all? “How?”

“If Matt had never gone away—”

“He’s in the Army, Mom. That was his job, and still is.”

“Well, maybe he needs another job. At least he could stay out of the Special Forces.” Her mother folded the last nightgown. “A man owes his wife and family consideration in matters like this. I imagine if you spoke to him—”

“But I’m not going to, Mom.” She held her temper with an effort. “I married Matt knowing he was Army, knowing he was Special Forces. That’s a commitment I made. It wouldn’t be fair to ask him to change now.”

A worry line deepened between her mother’s eyebrows. “But if something happens…how will you manage?”

Kristin put her arms around the other woman’s shoulders and squeezed. So much had already happened. “I survived five years thinking Matt was dead, and I survived him coming back. I survived ending a marriage. I know the risks of Matt’s job, but I’m not going to ask him to give up the career he loves. We’ll deal with whatever comes up.”

Irene Jennings sniffed, and returned the hug. “I just want you to be happy.” She stepped back and smiled. “Shall I make some coffee?”

“That sounds good. I’ll take these upstairs. Be right back.”

But in Erin’s room, Kristin sat down on the bed and put her face in her hands. Her brave words aside, she wasn’t at all sure what would happen next in her marriage, or how to face it.

And the one person who could help—her husband—was the last person she could ask.

ELENA BRENNAN TRACED the edge of the photograph with her finger. Matthew and Luke grinned at her from the paper, posed on the very rim of Arizona’s Grand Canyon. At twelve, Matthew had been tall for his age, gangly in the way adolescent boys are, passionately interested in the canyon and its history. He’d always been a serious, responsible child. With his father gone so much of the time on Army assignments, she’d depended on Matt as more than just a little boy. He had never let her down.

A hand came to rest on her shoulder. Elena jumped slightly, and looked up to find her husband standing behind her. “Didn’t mean to startle you, m’dear. What have you got there?” He sat down at the table.

She turned the album toward him. “I was dusting inside the cabinet in the family room and came across these pictures of our different vacations. We took this one at the Grand Canyon.”

William nodded. “I remember. We lost Luke our second day there and were lucky to find him before he started down into the canyon with a group of climbers.” He chuckled. “That boy could find adventure wherever he went.”

“Scaring us all to death in the process.” Elena didn’t share William’s fondness for Luke’s exploits. She’d worried too much, having to handle such an unpredictable boy on her own. She’d often needed Matt’s help to keep his brother from getting completely out of hand.

“What else is in this album?” William flipped through the pages. “The skiing vacation in Utah…the beach trip…the tour of Washington. We did have some good times when the boys were young, didn’t we?”

“Of course. You made sure we took a special family trip every year.” She leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I knew many Army wives whose husbands made no apologies for missing family times. I always felt lucky.” She got up from the table. “Shall I get dinner?”

“Whenever you’re ready.” He sat at the table, browsing through the photograph album as she prepared their meal. Only as she set their plates on the table did William speak again. “I’m worried about Matt. He’s taking too long on this decision to get back into Special Forces.”

“I expect Kristin is behind that delay. I seriously doubt she supports the idea.”

“You think she would prevent him from returning to his unit?”

“I think she could make it very difficult for him to do so.”

“What can we do to help him get back on track?” As William set down his fork, his face reflected his troubled thoughts.

She reached for his hand. “Perhaps you should talk to Matt alone. Without Kristin listening, you might make some progress.”

William nodded. “I’ll do that. I bet the boy’ll stop looking so beaten once he’s back in the real Army.”

Elena wondered, as they finished eating, how a change in Matt’s career would affect his marriage. She’d never thought Kristin truly appropriate as an Army wife, and she had hoped Matt would realize that in time. But then he had gone missing and Kristin had taken up with Luke, which confirmed all of Elena’s opinions.

The divorce and remarriage, after Matt’s return, had been such a mess, and so embarrassing, that she’d supported him in his plans, just to have things settled.

Now Kristin would have to realize her responsibilities. If she didn’t…

That young woman might find herself even further outside Army life than she expected! And as long as the little girls stayed with Matt, Elena wouldn’t whisper the first word of protest.

EARLY SUMMER was a busy time for recruiters—or what passed for busy, anyway. High-school graduates who didn’t plan on college suddenly realized they needed some means of support, and the military looked like a sure bet. Matt counseled and interviewed and helped with application forms, did the paperwork, and kept his files neat. The easy routine had been a godsend in the months after he came back from Africa.

Now it just dragged him down.

When the bell on the door jingled, he braced himself for another round of question and answer. But as he stepped out of his office, he saw his father standing at the front desk.

They shook hands. “Planning to reenlist, Dad?”

“Don’t I wish.” The Colonel shook his head. “Life outside the Army never feels right.”

“Come on back.” Matt led the way and waved his dad into a chair. “Coffee? Soda?”

“No, thanks. Your mother and I just finished lunch.”

“What’s Mom up to? She’s always got some project going.”

“Planning the Fourth of July party. As soon as Memorial Day passes, she starts on that one. How are my granddaughters?”

“A little bit crazy. Since Luke told them about the trip to the mountains, they’ve been bouncing off the walls.”

“They’re a lively pair.” William Brennan’s hawkish gray eyes softened. “Enough spirit for several more children.”

“That’s for sure.” Matt closed the book he’d been reading and set it to the side.

His father leaned forward. “If you’ve got time to read, son, you need another job. What’s the book?”

“That new account of the battle at Gettysburg.”

“You’ve already got it?” He extended his hand and Matt passed him the book.

“Yes, sir. The guy’s done his homework, and he’s got a way with words. He almost puts you on the front line.”

The Colonel looked up. “Which is where you should be.”

“Don’t start, Dad.”

“It’s time you got back to the job. You owe your country the use of your mind and your strength.”

“I’ve given the Army most of my life since I was sixteen years old and joined Junior ROTC. That’s nearly twenty years.” He tried not to sound defensive.

“Some men give their entire life. You can’t ask for a greater honor.”

“I understand that perspective. But this is a different age from Gettysburg, or World War II, or even Vietnam. Maybe the country needs more than just…more than soldiers.”

“Like what?”

“Well…” Think, Brennan. “Teachers? Government leaders? People to see what the future holds and prepare our kids to handle the challenge?”

“There are plenty of men out there who can teach, make plans. Your combination of skills is what makes the Army work.”

This conversation was destined to go in circles. Matt leaned back in his chair. “I understand, Dad. I’m giving the whole issue a lot of thought. Anything else I can do for you today?” An abrupt change of subject.

But effective. His father drew out his pipe and clamped it between his teeth, avoiding Matt’s eyes. “I got to wondering last night what you and Kristin planned to do for your first anniversary celebration.”

“We haven’t talked about that. I was thinking dinner and that new Broadway show out at the theater. Why?”

His dad actually looked a little embarrassed. “I just…a little fatherly advice here…Why don’t you and Kristin take some time off? Get away, just the two of you, while the girls are in the mountains with Luke and Sarah?”

Matt stared at the man across the desk. “What brought this up?”

“Nothing, really.” The Colonel shrugged. “Well, except it occurred to me that Kristin’s had a rough time these last few years. She might feel…better…if she has you to herself for a while.”

Matt realized he should have thought of this one without help. Maybe that was part of the problem—maybe he’d been taking Kristin for granted. “You’re absolutely right—we should make our own getaway. Where would be a good place to go?”

His father held up his hands. “I’m not meddling any further. You take it from here.”

“I will.” They both got to their feet, and Matt put out his hand again. “Thanks for thinking about us.”

“My pleasure. Kristin will make a good Special Forces wife.”

Laughing, Matt pulled back the glass door panel for his dad to step through. “Give Mom my love.”

The Colonel settled into his beige Cadillac. “Sure thing.”

Matt turned back inside. The office seemed small all at once, and the air smelled stale. He felt as if he’d been cooped up inside forever. How long had it been since he’d slept out under the stars? Maybe he and Kris should go camping…

No. Kris worked hard enough at home—she ought to get a chance to simply relax. But they lived in a beach town, with the ocean just a mile away from their house, so a beach trip wouldn’t mean much. He didn’t like the idea of following Luke to the mountains—sure, there were lots of mountains, but did he have to imitate his little brother right down the line?

So where?

His eye fell on the Gettysburg book and he sat forward to pick it up. Ever since grade school, he’d been fascinated by all aspects of the Civil War. And he’d long promised himself a chance to visit some of the places forever marked by that violent conflict.

Why not now?

A couple of hours of planning later, Matt whistled as he closed up the office. What a great idea this was. He could hardly wait to tell Kris!

ON THE FRIDAY EVENING before the girls were set to leave, Matt caught Kristin’s hand as she got up to start clearing the table after dinner. “I’ve got a surprise for you.”

As she sat down, her heart bumped hard against her ribs. “A surprise?”

“Yeah.” From beside his chair, he brought out a big manila envelope. “You and I are going to take a little trip. An anniversary trip.” He pulled out a sheaf of shiny brochures. “See what you think.”

Fredericksburg. Arlington. Manassas. Antietam. Gettysburg. “Battlefields?” Kristin stared at him blankly over the tableful of dishes. “You want to visit battle-fields?”

He nodded, his blue eyes bright. “And other historic places around them. I’ve lined up some great bed-and-breakfast inns for us to stay in on the way. We can cruise country roads, soak up the fresh air and space, stop when we feel like it, do whatever we want to. How does that sound?”

“You’re planning to bring the girls?” She couldn’t picture Erin or Jenny at their ages being interested in an old war.

“Nope. Just you and me this time. While they’re in the mountains.”

“Oh.” She swung from one kind of dread to another. “Just us.”

“No beds to make, no dishes, no meals to cook, no laundry. Ten days with nothing to do but relax, kick back, enjoy.”

“That…that sounds really nice. But it sounds kind of expensive, too. Can we afford a long trip like that?” Could they afford that much time alone? What would they talk about? Would they discover there was nothing between them anymore but…but duty?

“No problem. Our savings account is pretty fat. I think we can spare the cash.”

She was running out of excuses. “Can you get off work so soon?”

“My leave has already been approved.” His grin disappeared. He searched her face, his eyes wary. “You don’t like the idea, Kris? We can do something else if you want. Or we can stay home.”

“Oh, Matt. No.” Now her heart cramped with guilt. She took his hand with both of hers. “It’s a beautiful idea. I love that part of the country, and it’ll be great to get away from the beach crowds for a while. I’m just…this happened so fast.”

“That’s because it’s a surprise.” He drew her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles as Erin and Jenny and Buster tumbled into the kitchen.

“A surprise? What surprise?” Erin grabbed at her half-finished glass of milk. “For me?”

“For me?” Jenny asked, climbing into Kristin’s lap.

Buster sat on his haunches and stared expectantly.

Kristin drew her hand back and managed a laugh. “No, for me. Matt and I are…taking a trip just like the two of you.”

“You’re coming to the mountains, too, Mommy?” Erin nodded. “That’ll be cool.”

“No, love. We’re going to visit some historic places in Virginia and Maryland. You’ll still get time with just your dad and Sarah.”

Jenny tugged on Kristin’s shirt collar. “Where’s that? Can I go?”

Matt drew a paper out of the brochure stack and unfolded a map. “I can show you, Miss Jenny. See, this is the mountains, where you’ll be. And this green line over here…” He traced a route north from Myrtle Beach through Washington, D.C., and beyond. “That’s where your mom and I will be driving.”

Jenny stared, her thumb inching toward her pouting mouth. “Is it very far?”

Erin stood, hands on her hips, studying the map. “What’s at the places with circles?”

Kristin pulled Jenny in closer. “Battlefields, historic houses, um…museums.”

“That doesn’t sound like much fun.” Erin frowned.

“Maybe not when you’re almost eight.” Matt refolded the map. “I like history, though. And these places were really important during the War Between the States.”

Facts always caught Erin’s attention. “What’s that?”

“A time when our country was divided into two parts, and the northern part fought a war against the southern part.”

“Why?”

Kristin smiled at Jenny. “Want to help me clean up while they talk?” As Matt explained the Civil War to Erin, Jenny brought the dishes to the sink and Kristin stacked them in the dishwasher. Both exercises were finished about the same time.

“Can we go to the beach?” Erin asked.

Kristin nodded. “Sure, it’s early. Go get your swimsuits on.” She gave a sigh of relief. The girls had adjusted to the idea of their trip without nearly the resistance she’d expected. Now, if she could only adjust to hers!

SUNDAY MORNING arrived soon enough and went by so fast that Luke and Sarah were at the door before Kristin realized the time had arrived.

“Daddy!” Erin—followed by Buster, as usual—ran through the hall and into Luke’s arms. “I’m all packed. Let’s go!”

He laughed and gave her a hug. “I’m ready if you are. Where’s Jen?”

Jenny came toward them, pulling a wagon loaded with stuffed animals. “These go with me, Daddy.” She extended the handle. “Don’t drop them.”

The four adults gazed at each other, trying not to laugh. Then Luke squatted down to Jenny’s level. “You really need all these animals, Jenny Penny?”

She nodded silently, clutching her very favorite bear to her chest.

Luke looked into her eyes and nodded. “Okay, then. I don’t think we’ve got room for the wagon, but we’ll get these critters in somehow.”

“Would you like some coffee before you go? Tea?” Kristin tried not to sound desperate, though she was.

Luke smiled at her. “You know, I think we should just get on the road. That’ll be easiest.”

She blinked back tears as they all walked out to the car. Maybe she could change her mind…it wasn’t too late…

But Matt’s arm was firm around her waist, giving her the strength she lacked. She could do this. For the girls’ sake, she had to.

“Okay, Erin, Jenny. It’s time for you to head off on your adventure. Give me a hug.” She caught Erin from the back, kissed her cheeks and the top of her head. “Be good for your dad and Sarah. Help out, okay?”

“Okay.”

She allowed herself to pick Jenny up. “Say hello to Smokey the Bear for me, love.”

Jenny’s eyes widened. “I can see Smokey the Bear?”

“He lives in the mountains. You just might.”

“Oh, boy!”

And then the girls were strapped in, with Buster sitting between them. Kristin hugged Sarah, and Luke shook hands with Matt. The brand-new van backed out of the driveway, with all four occupants waving wildly as they drove away.

Kristin smiled and waved as long as the blue van was in sight. When it disappeared, she took one deep breath in the emptiness they’d left behind. Then she turned, buried her face in Matt’s chest and began to sob.

CHAPTER THREE

Sunday

Dear Diary

Mommy gave me this book to remember things I do and places I go. What do I write?

Today Jenny and me went with Daddy and Sarah to go to the mountains. We rode forever. Jenny fell asleep. I brought lots of books to read. Daddy and Sarah played some of my tapes and we sang songs. Sarah sings pretty good. Daddy doesnt but he makes up funny words for the songs.

Jenny woke up for supper. We had pizza.

It was almost dark when we got here so I dont know what mountains look like. Its cold and smells like trees. We have a little house like where Sarah lived before she married Daddy. A kondimium. Me and Jenny have a bedroom with two beds. She cried at bedtime coz Mommys not here.

I didnt cry. I know this is just vakashun. We will get to go home. Mommy sent us off with Luke and Sarah so she an Daddy Matt could go away all alone. I keep tellin Jenny we have to get used to things this way. My frend Trina never sees her dad much. At least we can see Daddy sumtimes. An we have Mommy all the time.

Only Mommy isnt happy now. She doesnt laugh much. Maybe she will be happy when she gets back from her trip.

Im tired of writin. My eyes hurt. By.

Your friend

Erin Elena Brennan

“READY, KRIS?” Matt called up the stairs Wednesday morning.

“Almost. I have a few more things to pack.” Kristin waited with her eyes closed, praying Matt wouldn’t come to find her sitting on their bed, paralyzed with fear. She breathed a sigh of relief when his footsteps receded toward the family room.

Vacation. Who knew the word could be so terrifying? The prospect of ten days alone with her husband should have been the fulfillment of a dream. Instead, she wasn’t sure she’d even survive the next hour. Her heart kept threatening to jump out of her chest.

She drew another deep breath and stood up. This trip would happen whether she was ready or not. Best to be ready. A few more shirts, a couple of pairs of jeans, a sweater…oh, and her makeup bag, in the bathroom.

Kristin fetched the bag, but stopped on the threshold of the bedroom. The pouch was too light. Turning back, she set the bag down on the counter and checked the contents. What had she missed?

Oops. Birth control supplies. This was the first time she and Matt had ever been completely alone. Chances were good they’d be spending time together in bed.

She smiled a little as she took the small pouch out of the drawer and added it to the bag. Thinking about making love with Matt eased her butterflies. Things worked between them, then. His smooth shoulders under her palms and his mouth taking hers…Kristin had no problem anticipating those hours in the dark.

But she had a real problem figuring out what to do with the rest of their day. Talk? About what? Battlefields? War? It was, after all, Matt’s job.

She recalled her mother’s advice—talk him into changing careers. Even if she could bring herself to ask for that sacrifice, she doubted Matt would agree. He’d worked long and hard to get assigned to a Special Forces unit. Instead, maybe they’d discuss when he would go back to regular duty, volunteering for the chance to get himself killed. Or just locked up in a foreign jail for five years, like last time…

“Kris? Kris!”

She jumped and whirled to see Matt standing in the doorway to the bathroom. “I’m sorry. Did you want me?”

He grinned and gave her a sexy wink. “Well, yeah…but I’ll wait. Erin’s on the phone.” He held out the receiver.

“Oh!” Kristin put the handset to her ear. “Erin, love? How are you?”

“Good. Mommy, I got some moccasins!”

“Wow! Are they comfortable?”

“Yes. They’re red. Jenny got tan ones.”

“Lucky girls. How’s Jenny?”

“She’s okay. She keeps getting into my bed, though.”

“Why?”

“She says she’s afraid ’cause you aren’t here.”

Kristin blinked back tears. “Poor Jenny. Can I talk to her?”

“Um, sure.” The phone changed hands.

“Mommy?”

“Hello, sweetheart.” She bit back the urge to comfort and console—that would only give Luke and Sarah more problems. “I hear you have new shoes.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I bet the mountains are pretty.”

“The roads are all twisty.”

Kristin laughed. “I remember that from when I was a little girl. What’s your favorite thing you’ve done?”

A long silence. “Can I come home?” Tears thickened the small voice.

“Jenny, love, why would you want to do that?”

The mumbled reply wasn’t clear, but Kristin got the message.

“Your daddy is so happy to have you and Erin there, Jenny. He and Sarah would be sad if you left. You know that, don’t you?”

Jenny’s reply was a small sniff. “Yes.”

“That’s my girl. You’re going to have a great time.” She put as much conviction as she could muster into her voice, though she felt precious little. “I love you, sweetheart. Now, let me say goodbye to your sister.”

Erin came back to the phone. “Mommy, when are we coming home?”

“You’ve got so much to do, I guess it will be a while yet. Your dad’s got some great ideas. The time’s going to fly. And then we’ll all be together again.”

This time Erin sighed. “I guess so. I love you, Mommy.”

Kristin’s eyes burned. “I love you, too. Sleep tight.”

“Bye.”

“Bye, Erin.” She clicked the button to end the call and stood for a moment leaning against the wall, her eyes closed with her fingers. After just three days, she wasn’t sure she could bear this any longer. Maybe she and Matt should go get the girls, bring them along on the trip to Virginia. The drive from here to Banner Elk in the mountains was about eight hours…

“I got your suitcase. Are you ready?” Matt stood in the bathroom doorway again. “Everything okay with Erin and Jenny?”

“Yes, I think so.” Kristin straightened up and eased past him into the bedroom. “They miss…us…a little bit.”

“Yeah, I imagine.” Only the slightest edge to his voice betrayed that he knew the truth. “And we miss them.”

She nodded.

He put a hand on her shoulder. “Do you want to go get them?”

Her eyes filled up again. Matt gave so much, to the girls and to her. She couldn’t ask him to give up this trip.

Taking a deep breath, she managed a smile. “No. They’ll be okay. Luke and Sarah will see that they enjoy themselves. And we’ve got some battlefields to visit, right?”

His blue eyes searched her face. Kristin hoped she’d hidden her worries well.

“Yeah, we do,” he said. Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to her forehead, dropped a light one on her nose and brushed her lips with his. He started to draw away, but his arms came around her hard and tight and he found her mouth again, in a kiss that started at a fast burn and only got hotter.

Then on a shuddering breath, Matt straightened up. “There,” he whispered. He cleared his throat. “That’ll give us something to look forward to at the end of the drive.”

His hand slipped to hold hers and lead her out of the bedroom. Comforted, aroused and suddenly eager, Kristin followed him without a backward glance.

AS THE FIRST HOUR of their vacation passed, Matt discovered the flaw in his plans.

He and Kristin weren’t used to talking anymore.

Of course, they actually talked every day. About the girls, about the day’s schedule, about what Erin had done and who Jenny had played with. They talked about his parents, and hers. About furniture to buy and car repairs, checking accounts and insurance premiums. All the plain “stuff” that made up normal life.

But take those things away, and what was there to say?

Judging by the last sixty minutes of driving…Nothing.

Matt glanced across the car. She seemed calm enough, her excellent legs easily crossed, her shoulders relaxed, face turned to catch the scenery speeding by the side window. A movement in her lap caught his eye. Her hands were clasped loosely. But one thumb tapped an anxious tattoo on the other.

Okay. Kris was nervous about this, too. What could they talk about?

He said the first thing that came to his head. “I got a surprise phone call the other day.”

“Who was it?” Obviously willing to break the silence, she shifted in the seat to face him, curling her legs up underneath her.

“Lee Holt—he was stationed with me up at Fort Bragg.”

“Where is he stationed now?”

Matt suddenly had second thoughts about where this conversation would lead. “Uh…he’s been out of the Army for about three years.”

“Oh, really? Did he stay the full twenty before retirement?”

Matt cursed his own stupidity in ever bringing up the subject. “No, as a matter of fact. He was a couple of years behind me.” The next question was predictable and unavoidable.

“Why did he get out so early?”

“After…Africa…he didn’t have the heart, he said, to stay in.”

“He was in Africa with you?” The sudden chill in the air had nothing to do with the air conditioner.

“Yeah.”

“For all five years?”

“Uh…no. He was there for about two and a half years, I think.”

“He came home before you did?” Kristin dragged in a painful breath. “And he didn’t tell us you were alive?”

“He couldn’t do that, Kris. Our mission was classified.”

Kristin stared at her husband. Oh, God. She and Luke had still been sleeping apart at that point. If she’d thought for one moment that Matt would come home…

Jenny would never have been born.

She covered her face with her hands. “I can’t believe anyone could have been so heartless.”

“He had a responsibility to the Army. And he was under strict orders to keep quiet.”

She dropped her hands and looked over at Matt’s grim profile. “Could you do that? Would you have done that to some other wife?”

His knuckles whitened as he gripped the wheel. “Kris, I can’t—”

“Are you doing it…right now? Is there someone still left over there, someone whose parents or wife or children believe he’s dead?”

Matt didn’t answer. Kristin turned to stare out the side window again. There was some logic here, she supposed, from a military point of view. Too bad the military had long since stopped being human.

Perhaps her husband had, as well. “You’ve never said very much about what happened to you over there.”

She turned her head to watch him. For a minute, she didn’t think he would reply. Then he cleared his throat. “There’s not much to say.”

“Or not much you can say?”

“That’s part of it. But outside of what’s classified, there’s not much to tell. Each day was about the same as all the others.” His resistance vibrated like an electric field between them.

“Did you have books?”

“No.”

“TV?”

“No.”

“What did you eat?”

Matt slapped the steering wheel with the heel of his hand and muttered an ugly word. “Look…I’ve worked hard every damn day of the last four years forgetting the details you’re asking for. Remembering takes me back. I don’t want to go there again. Can we just drop it, please?”

He could have hit her, and she would have felt better. Her grievance quickly became guilt. “I’m sorry,” Kristin whispered. “So sorry.” She covered her eyes with her hand to hide the tears.

“Aw, Kris…” They rode in silence for a long time, until at last Matt cleared his throat. “What do you feel like having for lunch? Where’s a good place to eat in Wilmington?”

Kristin sat up straight. If he made an effort, so would she. “I don’t know. Let’s see what we find when we get there.”

Their mood gradually eased as they ate fresh shrimp and coleslaw and hush puppies at a table overlooking the Cape Fear River. Then Matt talked Kristin into dessert. “At least split a piece with me. Would that be so bad?” He knew her weakness against the temptation of chocolate.

Kristin sighed. “Yes, it would. But I can’t resist.” She raised her head and looked at him across the table. “You fiend, you.”

But her brown eyes laughed at him. Matt felt a weight lift from his shoulders, just knowing he’d made her laugh. Especially after the way he’d blown it this morning in the car.

He’d just have to work harder in the future to keep the conversation away from minefields like Africa…Luke…Erin…Too bad the inn in Fredericksburg where they were going to stay the night was still seven hours away.

A mere seven hours of intimate, meaningful discussion but no controversy?

Mission Impossible. Matt pulled in a deep, doubtful breath and concentrated on his share of dessert.

FREDERICKSBURG TURNED OUT to be even farther than seven hours—a bridge on the main road had been washed out by flooding. The detour markers led straight into the dark Virginia wilderness and then vanished, without showing the way out again.

“We must have missed another sign,” Matt muttered at about 10:00 p.m. as they sat parked at a roadside picnic area in the middle of nowhere. He studied the map. “I don’t see state road 3407 anywhere on here.”

Kristin rubbed her eyes with her fingers. She’d been driving for the last three hours while Matt navigated.

“Let’s call the B&B,” she said. “Maybe they can help.”

But the owners of the inn confessed to being transplanted Yankees, still learning the country themselves. They promised a bed would be ready whatever time the Brennans showed up.

He clicked off the cellular phone, dropped his head back and yawned. “Man, I’m tired.”

“Me, too.” Kristin leaned her temple against the window. “We can rest for a little while, can’t we?”

Matt stared at her awkward position for a few seconds. Then he climbed out of the van and in again—onto the back seat. “Sounds great to me. Turn off the light and come here. We can stretch out and be warm.” He grinned and held out his arms.

Kristin’s smile was all the answer he needed. By the time she crawled into the back, he had stretched out on his side, his head pillowed on the armrest. With a sigh, she lay down in his arms, resting her cheek on his shoulder. He let his other arm curve across the dip in her waist just made for that purpose. “Better?”

“Mmm.” She wiggled a bit, slipped her knee between his and, finally, relaxed. “Wonderful.”

He pressed a kiss on the top of her head, catching the sweet berry scent of her shampoo. “Me, too.”

But minutes passed, and sleep didn’t come. Somewhere in the woods a whippoorwill called. An owl hooted, answered by a different one. Crickets and bullfrogs scratched and croaked.

Kristin lay with her eyes closed, listening to Matt’s even breathing and the beat of her own heart…a beat that became quick and unsteady as she soaked up her husband’s scent, his nearness, his sheer magnetism.

In another few seconds, she knew he was awake. The very air around them was like a force pressing on her skin, making breathing difficult.

Matt put a finger under her chin and lifted her face. As she closed her eyes, his breath brushed her temple and her cheek. When his lips finally settled over hers, Kristin surrendered completely to the firmness of his mouth, the graze of his teeth on her lower lip, the sweet pressure of his tongue against hers.

“We haven’t made out in a car in a long time,” he whispered when they broke for breath. “Feels good.” He rubbed his knuckles gently along her spine under her shirt. “You feel good.”

His touch created an unbearable ache. Kristin shifted even closer. “You make me crazy,” she murmured against the base of his throat.

“I hope so.” Somehow he unfastened her bra—Matt had always been good with his hands. He covered her breast with his palm. “I’m trying.”

She pulled his shirttail out of his shorts and smoothed her hands over his back, across his ribs and chest. “Let’s see if I can do the same for you.”

“Oh, yeah,” he groaned. “Whatever you say.”

Heated minutes followed, while the soft sounds they made pleasing each other filled the van. Matt’s shirt disappeared, and her shorts. Smiling, quivering, Kristin remembered that this wasn’t the old days. They were married now. They didn’t have to stop.

Or did they?

Drenched with reality, her mind cleared. Birth control. They needed to use birth control. “Matt,” she whispered against the soft, short hair on the top of his head. “Matt, wait.”

“Hmm?” He raised his head and looked at her, his blue eyes heavy with desire. “Waiting is fast becoming a non-option, lady.” His sweet smile as he came in for another kiss robbed the statement of any demand.

“Matt. We need to stop for a minute.” She closed her hands on his shoulders and pushed. “I need to…get ready.”

He blinked. “Oh. Yeah.” Sitting up, he ran a hand over his face. “Sure.”

Flushed with embarrassment, Kristin made her way to the second-row seat and leaned over the back to reach her suitcase. She snapped open the latch and lifted the lid. And stared.

Her makeup bag wasn’t there, on top, where she’d put it. How could it have gotten moved? Or did it just sift down through the clothes? Heart pounding, she felt her way through the entire case. She found her hair dryer, her curling iron, her clothes iron and her three extra pairs of shoes. But no makeup bag.

Kristin crossed her arms on the back of the seat and buried her face in them.

“What?” Matt put a hand on her back. “Kris, what’s wrong?”

“My makeup bag,” she whispered without lifting her head. “I left it at home.”

“And?”

“And my diaphragm was inside.”

“That means—”

“Yes, it does.” She turned around and sat facing him, pulling her shirt down over her hips. “We don’t have any protection. We can’t do…this…anymore.”

CHAPTER FOUR

MATT SWALLOWED HARD. “Kris, we’re married. We can take the risk.” His body begged him not to debate the issue very long.

With her face hidden in her hands, she shook her head. The gold of her hair picked up a glint of moonlight.

His skin was beginning to chill. “Why not?”

“This…isn’t a…good time for a baby.”

The truth didn’t soothe his frustration or his temper. “Just when will be a good time?”

“I—”

“What exactly is it we’re waiting for?” His voice was too loud in the dark, and out of his control. “Can you give me a hint about how to recognize when we get there?”

Kristin looked up, her eyes round and dark. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to.”

Matt muttered a rude word. He found his shirt on the floor and shrugged it on, then eased back onto the seat beside his wife.

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault I’m a jerk.” Slipping an arm around her shoulders, he turned her to sit next to him, then tipped her face up with a finger under her chin. “I just wanted you so much. For a minute there, I wasn’t thinking with my brain.”

The corners of her mouth tilted into a small smile. He breathed a sigh of relief. “You should put a pair of jeans on. It’s getting chilly.” He resolutely closed his eyes during the process. His system was still revved way too high to resist temptation.

“Done.” Kristin sat down again. “I guess we could start driving, try to find our way to Fredericksburg.”

Matt yawned and slouched down in the seat. “I vote we just get some sleep and wait for daybreak. Okay with you?”

She snuggled under his arm and rested her head on his chest. “That’s fine. I could probably sleep until noon.” She rubbed her eyes with her free hand, then set it lightly on his belly. In another minute, Kristin was asleep.

Matt dropped his head back and stared up at the ceiling of the van. He’d almost lost his temper—about sex, of all things. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t made love last night, or wouldn’t get another chance.

But… A small voice in his head insisted on being heard.But what would be the problem with having another baby? What is she afraid of?

He closed his eyes. Did Kris worry that he’d disappear again, leaving her with three children to care for on her own?

Or maybe the insomnia, the distraction, the sadness, was a hint that Kristin wasn’t sure she would stay.

No way should they create a child, only to get a divorce. Their lives were messy enough already.

A divorce. This was the first time he’d let the word into his mind. Did Kris want one?

Do I? he asked himself.

Kristin cuddled a little closer, and he tightened his arm. God, no. He didn’t want a divorce. This woman was all he’d thought about for five years. Every day he’d imagined her at home, at the grocery store, on the beach. He’d woven elaborate stories about Kristin’s days…and her nights. With him.

Reality had been different. The Kristin he came back to was not the one he left, and she wasn’t the woman of his fantasies. Four years later, he was still coping with the changes.

But Matt knew he wouldn’t—couldn’t—give her up.

KRISTIN AWOKE the next morning with Matt’s kiss on her mouth. “Happy first anniversary, wife of mine.”

She smiled and stretched, without opening her eyes. “Mmm. Are we having breakfast in bed?”

He chuckled. “Sure. Just as soon as we see a fast-food drive-through.”

She raised one eyelid to look at him. “That means getting up, doesn’t it?”

“I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a walk in the woods.”

“Oh.” She felt her face flush. “Me, too.”

“And then,” he said as they climbed stiffly out of the van, “we can work on finding breakfast and Fredericksburg.”

They reached their first important battlefield stop around 10 a.m. In the rain.

Matt stared up through the windshield at the heavy gray sky. “This is not what I planned. Is anything on this trip going to go right?”

Kristin didn’t have an answer, especially since she was the reason things hadn’t worked out last night. What a dumb move—forgetting her birth control. Even dumber, remembering at the wrong time and putting them both through the frustration of backing off.

And Matt was right. They could have taken the risk. The “worst” that might happen would be a baby. With Erin and Jenny getting so grown-up and independent, Kristin ached for another tiny person to hold. And how wonderful it would be to introduce Matt to the joys of babyhood. He’d missed more than half of Erin’s childhood.

“I really would like to walk around,” he said. “But you don’t have to come. I won’t take too long.”

She glanced at dripping trees and sodden grass, thought about sitting alone in the car with just her fears to keep her company, then unbuckled her seat belt. “I think I’ll walk, too. What’s a little rain?”

His grin warmed her inside. “Nothing at all. Let’s go!”

They left the van near the visitors’ center, got maps and brochures and started walking.

Matt obviously didn’t need to read the brochures.

“This is the bloodiest land in the country. More than a hundred thousand men died here during four major battles of the Civil War.”

Kristin gazed at him through the steady drizzle while he recalled for her the details of the war. His eyes had a faraway look, as if he’d stepped back in time to witness the very scene he described. She’d never known he had such passion for military history. They’d never had a chance to talk about it.

They’d never talked about a lot of things.

Ending his account, he stood silent for a moment, then glanced at her sideways with an embarrassed grin. “You should stop me when I get carried away. I could talk about this stuff forever.”

“No, it’s okay.” Kristin put her hand on his arm. “I don’t think I paid enough attention in history class. Tell me more.”

Matt closed her fingers inside his. “Woman, you’re in trouble now.”

The rain stopped before lunch, though the day remained cloudy and damp. Matt refused to talk about the war after they ate. He insisted that Kristin explore each of the unique shops in the town’s central historic district instead, an offer she was quite willing to accept. They got back into the car late in the afternoon with presents for the girls and a pair of antique silver candlesticks for their dining-room table to mark their first year together.

As the engine turned over, Kristin eased off her sneakers and rubbed her tired feet. “Where to now?”

Matt just smiled. “That’s an anniversary surprise. You’ll find out.” Nothing she said convinced him to explain further. But in just under two hours, he stopped the van at the curb of a wide thoroughfare in downtown Washington, D.C.

“The Willard Hotel,” Kristin read on the front of the imposing building. “Wow.”

“When I planned the trip, I thought we deserved at least one night of real class. Considering last night spent in the car, I’m sure of it!”

The next sixty minutes flew by in a whirl of activity. Kristin showered, fixed her hair and changed into the nice dress Matt had told her to bring. At eight o’clock, he escorted her into the marbled and gilded dining room of the Willard Hotel. They ate an elaborate meal on starched tablecloths and bone china place settings, shared a wonderful bottle of champagne in cut-crystal flutes, and indulged in the lightest possible conversation. Tonight, no controversy would be allowed.

The room spun pleasantly around Kristin’s head as they left their table. “I’m glad we don’t have to drive a car to get home.”

“Just the elevator.” Matt steered her down the hallway. “I think I can handle that.”

The lights in their room were dim and the bed turned down, with chocolates resting on the pillows. Kristin slipped off her high-heeled shoes. “This is really wonderful, Matt. I’ve never stayed anywhere so elegant. Thank you.”

“My pleasure.” He switched on the radio, and soft music floated into the room. “Would you like to dance?”

Kristin simply held out her arms.

At some point during the dreamy dance, Matt eased the zipper of her dress down and slipped his hand over the skin of her shoulder blades. A little while later she pushed off his jacket and loosened his tie. Soon his shirt was gone. The light dusting of hair on his chest tickled her cheek. Kristin pressed a kiss on his warm skin, heard and felt his sharp intake of breath. Arms wrapped around his waist, hands flat on his back, she pressed more kisses over his firm pecs, the muscled arch of his ribs. When he drew her close again, she could feel his arousal pressing against her belly. A dark shudder swept through her and she lifted her face to his.

Matt accepted the invitation with a kiss that claimed everything she wanted to give. In another moment they were tumbling onto the bed.

As he drew her dress away, Kristin surfaced briefly. “Do we have to stop this time?”

Matt grinned and reached over her to open the drawer in the bedside chest. She heard a metallic rustle as he dropped something on the top. “Only when we collapse,” he promised. Then he came back to her and swept them both away.

EARLY THE NEXT AFTERNOON, Kristin leaned back against the broad trunk of a tree at the top of one of Arlington National Cemetery’s rolling hills. She was grateful for the shade—without cloud cover, the summer sun burned fiercely. “The only people buried here are soldiers?”

“And some family members, plus military nurses from the Spanish–American War to the present.” Matt stood with his feet planted wide and his hands in the pockets of his shorts, gazing toward the elegant facade of the Lee mansion, once home to the Confederate general himself.

“War costs so much.” Kristin murmured, taking in the panorama of rolling green hills striped with row after row of small white stones.

Matt came over to lean on the same tree. “Yeah, but sometimes it’s necessary.”

His words stirred her temper. “I would expect you to think so. You’re trained to believe in war.”

He rounded the trunk to stare at her, his eyebrows high with surprise. “I believe in protecting this country and the people who live here.”

“And how did your trip to Africa provide anyone in the U.S. with protection?” She shocked herself with the question, especially after yesterday’s confrontation.

Matt’s expression turned grim. He’d warned her to leave the subject of Africa alone. Maybe she should respect his privacy.

But those five years had changed them both so completely…. Kristin couldn’t just ignore what had happened. She wanted to know. “What did you actually accomplish?”

He opened his mouth and started to shake his head. She held up her hand. “I know you can’t give me specifics. I don’t have the right clearance.”

He squared his shoulders and his mouth hardened. “We completed our assignment. If we hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been captured.”

“Was that assignment worth five years of your life?” She was pushing them both toward an argument, yet she couldn’t seem to hold back.

Eyes narrowed, he held her gaze for a long moment, then turned away to look out across the Potomac River toward Washington. He didn’t say anything at all.

Kristin needed to know. “Well?”

Without turning to face her, he shrugged. “I don’t know. If I could have foreseen…” He didn’t finish.

“If you’d known you’d be captured, you wouldn’t have gone?”

He took a deep breath. “I had to go. That was my responsibility and my duty. But I would have been more…careful…with you.”

Kristin had to concentrate on his words to realize the full implications. And then she went cold. Even if he’d known that he would be gone for five years, he would have left. But he would have been “careful” with her. What did that mean! Careful not to get too involved with her? Careful not to have sex with her?

So there wouldn’t have been a baby…Erin. There would have been no reason to marry Luke. That meant Jenny wouldn’t have been born, either.

What in the world would her life have been without them?

“Well, that certainly clears things up.” Straightening away from the tree, she drove her shaking hands into her pockets. “Where do we go from here?”

“Kris—” He reached toward her.

But Kristin turned her back and started walking, toward the parking lot, she hoped. She needed a chance to consider Matt’s feelings about their child. Though he loved Erin, and wanted her to know him as her father, he obviously thought of her as a mistake. Or at least an error in judgment.

So was their marriage his attempt to take care of the problems he considered his responsibility? As soon as possible after his return, Kristin had told him that Erin was his child, and had promised their daughter would know that fact, one day. Not long afterward, Luke had moved into a house by himself, when the comfortable, careful marriage they’d built crumbled under the burden of Kristin’s guilt. At that point, Matt had obviously felt bound to take his brother’s place as father and husband. Less than a year after her divorce from Luke, he’d asked her to marry him.

So here was the understanding she had wanted to reach. Her marriage was based on great sex and a very dependable man’s sense of obligation. At least now she knew where they stood.

Matt caught up as she reached the road. He didn’t try to talk on the long hike back to the van. Kristin was very glad of that.

THEIR RIDE out to Manassas, Virginia, was just as quiet. In the visitors’ center, she studied exhibits of war memorabilia while Matt made a short tour of the battlefield area. They skipped the cemetery and the memorial to Confederate dead.

“I reserved a room at an inn in Boonesboro, Maryland.” Matt hoped to break the silence with something non-controversial. “From there we can get to Antietam and Gettysburg with short drives.”

Kristin didn’t turn away from the side window. “That’s nice.”

Not exactly encouraging. And he wasn’t sure why she was so angry. She knew his father, knew that the Army tradition went back in their family for generations. One of his great-grandfathers had died at Gettysburg. This trip was about family history as much as war itself.

Of course, for the Brennans the two were pretty much the same thing. Or had been, until Luke broke the mold, ditched college and joined the police force. Little brother was definitely not a chip off the old block.

Matt’s thoughts skidded to a stop. Was his career part of the problem? Did Kristin regret giving up her marriage to a man who stayed in town and came home every day? Sure, a cop faced dangerous situations all the time, but usually on his home ground. Not five thousand miles away in a foreign country so that you never even knew what happened to the body.

“Dad’s really pushing me to rejoin the unit,” he said, trying to explore the issue.

“I noticed.” She didn’t move, didn’t uncurl from her withdrawn position.

He would have to be more direct. “Maybe it’s time I made a decision—change careers or go back to the one I had. What do you think?”

Kristin sighed and turned back to the window. “We’ve had enough change, Matt. Let’s just leave things the way they are.”

He didn’t attempt to start another conversation for the rest of the drive.

BOONESBORO WAS a small town, mostly a cozy main street crossed by a few short lanes. The bed-and-breakfast inn—Chisholm’s Rest—overlooked the village from atop a hill. Matt stopped the van in the circular driveway.

“This looks nice,” Kristin said as they climbed the steps.

“I hope so.” Matt rang the bell. “A guy in the unit recommended it. He used to live in the area.”

She touched the petal of a bright red flower in the window box, but didn’t reply.

The door opened and a tall woman peered through the screen door. “’Afternoon, folks. What can I do for you?”

“I’m Matt Brennan and this is my wife, Kristin. We made a reservation.”

“Sure you did! Come right on in!” She pushed the door wide open. “I was wonderin’ if you’d get here afore suppertime.”

The hall of the house was dim and cool and smelled like roses. Kristin appreciated the gleam of dark woodwork and polished floors. “Your inn is lovely, Mrs….”

“Chisholm. Sadie Chisholm.” She put out a hand to Kristin, and then Matt. “M’husband’s George. He’s asleep right now, but he’ll be up in a little while. I was flxin’ him a snack. You folks hungry?”

Before they could say yes or no, Sadie swept them down the hallway into a bright white kitchen. “Sit down at the table. I got some iced tea, here, and just a few sandwiches.” She put a platter piled high with crustless triangles of bread and cheese in the center of the table. “And some cookies, when you’re finished.”

Kristin sipped from the tall glass of tea. A cold, sweet trickle soothed her throat and eased the headache behind her eyes. “This is wonderful, Mrs. Chisholm.”

“Sadie, honey. Everybody calls me Sadie. You folks come up from Washington today, is that right?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Matt had already finished two sandwiches. He took another. “We’re going to Antietam tomorrow, then Gettysburg.”

Arms crossed over her ample bosom, Sadie nodded. “We get lots of folks wantin’ to see the battlefields. And when there’s one of them reenactments, you won’t find an empty bed this side of Philadelphia.”

“Sadie?” A man’s voice, lighter and thinner than hers, came from the hall. “Who in the world are you talkin’ to?”

“It’s the Brennans, George, come to stay.”

The man stepped into the kitchen and looked them over. He was as thin as his wife was plump, with iron-gray hair and bright blue eyes. “Pleased to meet you.” He shook hands with Matt and nodded at Kristin as he sat down across the table. “See you’ve got ’em fed already, Sadie.”

“Well, the poor things looked half-starved, standin’ out on the porch. Here’s your tea, George.” She rested a hand on his shoulder as she set the glass down. Observing the tenderness of a long-standing marriage, Kristin blinked against the sting of tears.

“Thanks, Mother.” He helped himself to four sandwiches and began to eat. In between bites he asked the same question about where they’d come from and where they were going. “Country gets real crowded when they have them reenactments around here. Hardly room to walk.”

Kristin couldn’t resist a glance at Matt, and found him hiding a smile, his blue eyes dancing.

George finished the tea and three more sandwiches, wiped his chin and stood up. “Let me get you folks’s bags to your room. I’ll move your car round to the back while I’m at it.”

Matt got to his feet. “That’s okay, Mr. Chisholm—just show me where to park. I’ll get the bags.”

“That’s George, young man. You just sit here with your pretty wife a while.” He started down the hallway. “I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

But Matt followed. “George, you really don’t have to—” The screen door slapped shut. “George!” The door opened and closed again.

Chuckling, Sadie wiped her hands on a towel. “Since that man of yours is well occupied, I’ll show you to your room and give you a chance to put your feet up while I make us some dinner.”

Kristin wasn’t sure she could eat anything else. “Can’t I help with dinner?”

“Nope.” Sadie led the way up the staircase. “All I got to do is set the chicken to frying and take out the biscuits.” Opening a door, she ushered Kristin inside. “You got time for a little nap while I do that.”

The room evoked another century, with lace curtains at the windows, rose-colored velvet on the armchairs and a crocheted canopy draped over the four-poster bed. Kristin stroked a finger over the mahogany dressing table. “This is beautiful, Sadie.”

“Glad you like it.” She turned back the blue-flowered quilt, fluffed the pillows and tucked the sheet more tightly. “This was my mother’s room, and her mother’s afore her.”

Sadie obviously did not plan to leave the room until Kristin laid down. Feeling suddenly sleepy, she decided to cooperate. The sheets were cool, and the light dimmed as Sadie pulled down the shades.

“There now. We’ll call you in plenty of time for supper. You rest easy—gotta take care of that baby you’re carrying.” She closed the door softly.

Kristin barely registered Sadie’s exit. A baby? What is she talking about? I’m not pregnant….

She sat bolt upright on the bed. “Am I?”

CHAPTER FIVE

JOY BLOOMED inside her like a perfect rose. Kristin closed her eyes and held the expectation close, feeling the tender weight of a baby in her arms, remembering the sweet smell, the soft skin, the tiny sounds. Matt would be so…

Surprised. Maybe even angry. He’d told his mother on Memorial Day that the girls were enough of a family for now. He wasn’t ready for more children.

Jerked out of her celebration, she lay back against the pillows, then curled onto her side and pulled the blanket up to her shoulders. She couldn’t really be pregnant. Kindly older women often believed all younger ones should be having babies. Sometimes they were right, sometimes not.

She thought backward over the last few months. Matt had spent a week away at the beginning of April, on maneuvers with the Army. He’d come back late on a Sunday night and slipped into their bed. Before she had fully awakened, her nightgown was gone and his warm hands were stroking her skin, driving her from dreams straight to the heart of desire. She’d taken him inside her without thought, without hesitation.

And, Kristin realized now, without preparation. She didn’t remember noticing her monthly cycle had stopped…but she couldn’t remember noticing it start, either. Chances were that Sadie Chisholm was right. Matt and Kristin Brennan had made a baby that night. Another baby.

“Oh, Lord.” The tears she’d fought off and on all day long won the battle, and came pouring down her cheeks.

The future loomed ahead, suddenly more of a threat than a promise. She and Matt had lost most of their common ground. So far, this trip had done little to restore it. She felt more distant from him today than ever before. Even when he’d been missing, presumed dead, she’d carried his image with her, a part of her mind and soul. And she’d had Erin as a remembrance.

Now he was back, with wariness in his eyes and a guardrail around his heart. Babies brought enough strain to a family at the best of times. What would happen when everything was off balance?

Kristin didn’t realize she’d fallen asleep until she felt a hand on her shoulder and heard Matt’s voice. “Kris, want to wake up? Dinner’s ready.”

She felt the stiffness of dried tears on her face as she opened her eyes. Matt leaned over her, his gaze tender, a faint smile just visible on his mouth through the dark. “I’ll make your apologies if you’d rather sleep,” he said. “You do look tired. Sadie’s been beating me up about that.”

Sadie had told him? Kristin sat up quickly, forcing Matt to straighten. “W-what did she say?”

“Just that I ought to think more about you and less about a bunch of dead soldiers.” He sat down beside her and put a hand on her knee. “And she’s right. I’ve dragged you through enough history. We’ll find other things to do while we’re here—antique shops, national parks, whatever. We could go in to Philadelphia for a play, or some museums. What do you say?”

Tears threatened yet again. She remembered crying through the first three months of expecting Erin, and then Jenny. Luke would have recognized what was happening.

Thank God, Matt didn’t. Yet.

“That’s sweet, Matt. Maybe we can do some of that, too.” She slipped out from underneath his hand and crossed to the dressing table. Opening her purse, she pulled out the comb and makeup she’d bought in Fredericksburg. “But I think we should stick to your original plan. You’ve waited a long time to see these places.” Kristin switched on the glass-shaded lamp and turned to face him, hoping the powder hid her secret as well as the tear tracks.

Matt studied her from across the room. Something had changed. He’d seen her just an hour ago, but he was now looking at a different woman. “Everything okay?”

She gave him a smile—that tilt of her mouth that substituted for a real expression these days. “Still a little groggy, I admit. What did you and George do while I was being lazy?”

“They’ve got a little pond out back. We watched a couple of worms do water aerobics.” He felt more and more as if he were part of a play, saying lines written for him by someone else. “We can walk down there after dinner. It’s a pretty place.”

“Sounds good. Shall we go down and get some fried chicken?”

Matt stood up, feeling weary himself. “After you. I hear there’s strawberry shortcake for dessert.”

Kristin laughed as she left the room. “I may be shopping for a size larger clothes before we leave.”

With Sadie and George at the table in the dining room, dinner conversation kept up a comfortable pace.

“Our three daughters still live in Georgia,” Sadie volunteered as she passed the mashed potatoes. “George and me wanted to get out of the heat, so we headed north when he retired from the railroad. The girls and their fam’lies come at Christmas and the end of the summer. With all their younguns—nine grandkids in all—twice a year’s plenty.” She surveyed the table. “I’d better get another pitcher of tea. You folks go ahead.”

As the door to the kitchen closed, George turned to Kristin. “Your man here says you two have little girls of your own.”

Kristin smiled and helped herself to a piece of chicken. “Yes, sir. Erin’s almost eight and Jenny’s five.”

“He’d showed me a pi’ture. Pretty things. Thinking about havin’ another one, are you?”

Matt, watching, saw Kristin freeze, then swallow hard. After a measurable second, she finished cutting a slice of tomato. “Maybe in a little while. The girls are getting too old to be babied.”

“And you’ve got a lot of babyin’ left over, that it?”

She nodded, chewing.

George nodded, too. “My Sadie was that way. We had them three girls, but she said we were gonna try again, see if we could get us a boy.”

“And did you?” Matt asked, as Kristin took a sip of tea.

“We did.” Sadie came back into the dining room. “Andrew George Chisholm. Andy. Cutest little rascal there ever was. Always up to somethin’.” She rounded the table, refilling glasses. “But he was born with Down’s syndrome. His heart was weak, and it just plain wore out when he was nineteen.” She dabbed at her eyes with her napkin. “Ten years ago, that was. We still miss him, don’t we, George?”

Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.

Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».

Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на ЛитРес.

Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.