Sometimes the only way to forgiveness is sin...

Sean Dryden—the superhot all-American golden boy—has always gotten under Kentucky Lee’s skin. She can’t remember a time when she wasn’t in love with the Special Ops Aviation pilot...even when he got engaged to her best friend. What Kentucky never knew is that Sean broke it off with Lynnie just a week before she died.

Something has come apart in Sean—too many missions, too much loss. Only Kentucky seems to understand him...and the undercurrent running between them is tangible. That need to touch and taste—to remind themselves they’re still alive. Can the fire in her warm his frozen heart?

“Do you want to feel, or do you want to forget?”

Kentucky’s touch was still soothing, but it made Sean burn hotter, too. “Because after the orgasm is over, you realize those things you were hiding from never left.”

“Wasn’t this what you wanted when you brought me out here?” He lifted his head and met her eyes. “If it’s not, tell me to stop and we’ll forget this ever happened.”

Her eyes were luminous and open. She wanted him, but she wanted more than what he was offering her.

“I don’t want to forget it happened, and I especially don’t want you to forget I happened.”

He pushed her down in the sand and pressed her beneath him. Color was high in her cheeks and her eyes glittered in the firelight. Her arms twined around his neck. She obviously didn’t give a damn they were out in the open, with her hair fanned out in the sand.

“Live a little.” His mouth descended toward hers oh-so-slowly...

Dear Reader,

I hope you enjoy reading about Sean and Kentucky. Like all my characters, they’re dear to my heart and their road to happily-ever-after is a bumpy one. But isn’t that what makes it so worth it? It makes the light at the end of the darkness so much brighter and that much warmer.

Wishing you your own happily-ever-after, and with much love,

Sara Arden

No Surrender
Sara Arden

www.millsandboon.co.uk

SARA ARDEN lives in a small Kansas town with her husband, two children, a horse, two cats and a bunny. She started reading romance at a young age, and by the time she entered high school, aced world history without ever cracking her textbook because of all the historicals she’d read. Besides reading, Sara enjoys travel, the smell of old books, tea and pedicures. She loves to hear from her readers.

For the babybats

Contents

Cover

Back Cover Text

Introduction

Dear Reader

Title Page

About the Author

Dedication

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Epilogue

Extract

Copyright

Prologue

KENTUCKY LEE MUTTERED under her breath as she watched a sniping pack of carnivorous prowling she-wolves gather around the newly single Special Operations pilot, Sean Dryden. She knew what they were all thinking as they dabbed artfully at their conveniently waterproof eyeliner and made the appropriate sounds of condolence and grief. All talking about what a shame it was that Lynnie James was gone.

She knew each one of them wondered how soon was too soon to offer him comfort of another sort in hopes of catching him like a rabbit in a trap. They were all plotting against one other like corrupt Roman senators.

It wasn’t a surprise that anyone would want him. He was, in a word, beautiful. He was all-American Boy Scout perfection. Kentucky didn’t blame them for being attracted to him. Sean Dryden was everyone’s type. Kentucky could only hope none of them would be stupid enough to make a move here. Especially where she could see. Kentucky would end up a headline in the town rag for causing a scene at the James funeral.

Lynnie James had been her best friend and Sean’s fiancée. This potluck in the Saint Paul Lutheran Church basement consisting of fallout-shelter green-bean casserole, macaroni slathered in “processed cheese food” and bacon bits like gravel was all in her honor. Which was rather kind of terrible. Kentucky hoped that when she left this world, people would do something more interesting, something that reflected the person she was.

Green-bean casserole didn’t begin to sum up the beautiful soul that was Lynnie James. No one really could.

Kentucky didn’t begrudge them their grieving rituals or their terrible choices of potluck dishes. It was just that she didn’t belong. She never had. While the others could hug each other, remember the good times with the all-American girl who made life in small-town Winchester, Kansas, worth living, Kentucky didn’t have that.

Not with anyone but Lynnie.

Her best friend had been the only one who really saw her. Not just the party girl who liked fast boys and faster cars—the rebel without a cause. Lynnie had seen everything—the good, the bad, the ugly—and loved her unconditionally. Lynnie had always been on her side.

Kentucky missed her for all those reasons and more.

She caught Sean’s eye and watched as he extracted himself from the fray of she-wolves and headed straight for her. She could feel the women glaring hot enough to burn through to her bones. But that was the same way they’d looked at her in high school. It bothered her even less now than it did then. She knew who she was, knew her own worth.

He embraced her. “You look beautiful. I never thought I’d see you in a dress.”

She was suddenly aware of the black dress, the way it clung to her, and the knowledge that Sean’s eyes had been on her and liked it. She flushed, her face hot. Kentucky hated that she had this reaction. She felt like a first-class traitor having this reaction to Sean, here of all places.

“Well, it is Lynnie’s funeral. What else would I do?” She fumbled with her hands and then smoothed them down the sides of her dress. It was too tight, a lace prison that caged her breath so she could inhale only shallowly.

His brown eyes were full of some emotion that was more than grief but that she couldn’t name. “You know Lynnie wouldn’t have cared what you wore.”

It was then with the sadness etched on his face that she realized what was in the depths of his eyes: guilt. “Sean, what happened—” she paused, searching for the right thing to say “—it wasn’t your fault. The roads were icy. There’s nothing that you could’ve done. It was black ice.”

He looked away from her and for a moment it seemed as if he’d frozen in place. Then when he met her gaze again, she saw so much pain it was suffocating. “There’s so much you don’t know.”

She reached out and grabbed his shoulders. “I know all I need to know. I know that Lynnie loved you and I know that you loved her. That’s all that matters.”

She hated being here, enduring other people and their grief. Not Sean so much as the acquaintances who didn’t really know Lynnie. The acquaintances who knew only Lynnie James the former cheerleader who was going to be a kindergarten teacher and marry her high school sweetheart.

How Kentucky’s heart hurt for him. He seemed so lost, so broken and oh-so alone. She hugged him again. She wanted him to know that he wasn’t alone. He didn’t have to be lost. The gesture was meant to be comforting, and she couldn’t help but feel guilty for enjoying the sensation of being locked in his arms for just a moment.

She was supposed to be offering him support, but she took strength and safety from his embrace. It reminded her that even though Lynnie was gone, she wasn’t alone. Or maybe they were just alone together.

“She loved you, too, Kentucky. So much that I know she wouldn’t want you to stay here. She’d know you were ready to jump out of your own skin. She’d tell you to run and she’d probably even cover for you.” He released her from the hug and she reluctantly stepped back from him.

Lynnie had known her inside and out. She’d been the best of friends. Hell, how she missed her. Kentucky smiled softly. “But funerals aren’t really for the dead, though, are they? They’re for the living.” She looked at him pointedly.

“You don’t have to stay for me.” Sean scrubbed a hand over his face. “The sooner I can get out of here, the better. It’s just too much, you know?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “I get it. I really do.”

Sean studied her for a moment. “I know you do.” He grabbed her and hugged her again, but this time it was hard and quick. “You meant the world to Lynnie.” He released her. “And you mean a lot to me. Don’t be a stranger.”

1

BUT THAT WAS exactly what she was: a stranger.

Kentucky didn’t see or hear anything from Sean Dryden until July, seven months after they said goodbye to the woman they loved.

He’d gone back to his assignment and didn’t email or answer her letters. Not even when she sent him the little notebook of poetry Lynnie had written about him in middle school.

She didn’t know what she expected from him. What was there to say?

Kentucky hoped he was okay, he was safe, and he was processing as best he could. Most important, she hoped he’d realized that Lynnie’s death wasn’t his fault.

She thought about them a lot. The group, the way they used to be. Herself, Lynnie, Sean, Eric and Rachel. But now Lynnie’s brother, Eric, was with Rachel. That wasn’t really a surprise either. They’d been best friends since they were in diapers. It was kind of a natural progression.

Kentucky was happy for them, but there was still an empty place inside her where Lynnie used to be.

And Sean, God, Sean.

She shook her head at her own train of thought, as if that would shake him out of the spot he occupied in her brain. He didn’t belong there, never had. Yet still, he had his own room in her head. He always had. She’d never wanted to take anything from Lynnie, but she couldn’t help the way she wanted Sean Dryden.

She’d dreamed about him the way little girls do members of boy bands. Until it had turned to something earthier in her teens. Something more carnal. He had been her ultimate fantasy. She’d played scenarios out in her head all the time then. Scenarios that involved meeting him under the bleachers after football practice to make out. Or playing Seven in Heaven or Truth or Dare at some party. But Seven in Heaven had been her favorite for a while. If they were locked in the dark together for seven minutes, they were expected to make out. He’d kiss her, touch her, and she’d get to touch him and it would all be okay because it was just a game.

She’d even dreamed that Lynnie would break it off with him and he’d come to her for solace. Sometimes that one made her hate herself because she was wishing to break something that could never be broken or should never be broken for her own gain.

Kentucky rationalized it by saying that it was only in her head. She never acted on it. Never actively wished for bad things. It was more of a passive sort of wishing. Not that it was any better, but it helped her sleep at night in those first years, when she’d wanted him so much she could taste it.

When they’d gotten engaged, Lynnie and Sean, she’d known the rightness of it. Accepted it. She’d managed to stop thinking about him every day. But sometimes she still felt that familiar tug in her belly, the tingle between her legs when his hand would brush hers, or she could feel the heat of his body when he sat next to her.

She knew it was pathetic, but that didn’t stop her.

Now Lynnie was gone, and in a way, she guessed Sean was, too.

It was late on a sticky July afternoon when Kentucky Lee was sure the moonshine cherries she’d been eating while hanging out on the deck of the Shooting Star Honky-Tonk had conjured a ghost.

Sean Dryden, looking as hollow and broken as he had the day of Lynnie’s funeral, sat down in the chair next to her. Its old rusted metal base creaked under his weight, but he didn’t seem to notice. A day’s growth of beard shadowed his handsome face. He had a bottle of her locally sourced—homemade—shine in his hand.

He looked like hell.

And still, he was the handsomest man she’d ever seen in real life.

She offered him a cherry and he offered her a sip of shine.

“I didn’t think that was your speed.” Kentucky pointed her chin at the moonshine.

“It’s not really, but it’s good for what ails you. Isn’t that what your grandmother used to say?”

“She sure did.” Kentucky nodded.

“I like that about you.”

“What?” She looked up.

“No small talk. No accusations wondering why I’m not out playing flyboy.” He said this last bit derisively.

“Playing flyboy? I think what you do is a little more important than that.” As a special ops pilot, it was his job to get operatives in and out of war zones. To move undetected through enemy airspace and ensure the safety of his team and everyone aboard his Black Hawk.

And to destroy whatever operational targets had been provided.

“That’s just it. You’re the only one.”

“I’m sure that’s not the case.” Everyone was mostly in awe of what he did, at least the parts he could tell people about.

“You’d be surprised.”

At the expression on his face, she was reminded of the day of the funeral and all the she-wolves looking to take him down like prey. “So why are you home?”

He wrinkled his nose. “Mental health days.”

“You only got a few days before. It was inhumane. I’m glad you got some more time.” There was no way he could’ve been expected to deal with his loss in the week he’d been given at home before he’d had to return to duty.

“I’d have rather spent it on a beach somewhere. That would be some real mental health recuperation.” He took another swig of shine.

He was so hard, so angry. She couldn’t blame him for it either. Kentucky knew she would be, too.

They passed the bottle back and forth between them a couple of times and sat in a companionable silence for a long moment.

She tried not to think about the heat that burned her fingers when their hands brushed as he handed her the bottle. Or that his firm mouth had been where her lips were, that it was almost like a kiss. It was the closest she’d ever get to something like that with a guy like him.

Guilt surged and washed over her desire, tamping it down to some small, inconsequential thing. But the flame still burned, flickered like a newly lit candle. Kentucky exhaled heavily.

“I just can’t do it.” He tossed back some more moonshine. “It’s stifling here.”

She turned to look at him. The chiseled ridge of his clenched jaw, the stiff set to his broad shoulders, the tension that thrummed through him like a live wire. Kentucky wished she could ease his pain.

And her own.

“I know, right?” She pursed her lips. “I’ve never been like them. Like you.”

“Me?” Sean pushed the bottle toward her. “What does that mean?”

“You know, the kind who fits in.” She shrugged.

“You fit in more than you know. You don’t have to hide who you are to be special, Kentucky.”

Part of her wanted to argue with him, to deny any of the more tender things that could hurt her. But this had been part of her fantasies. That he always knew who she was.

And wanted her anyway.

She swallowed. “Yeah, well, you know.” Great. That sentence didn’t even make any sense. Kentucky shrugged again. “I can do that, too. Shine a light on things you’d rather not see. Like Lynnie’s death.” She fixed him with a hard stare. “It wasn’t your fault.”

He looked away from her. “Yes, it was. There are things you don’t know, Kentucky.”

“Like what? Like you made the road slick? You made her brakes fail? It was a terrible accident that could’ve happened to any of us.” Of course he felt guilty because he hadn’t been here. Logic wouldn’t fix that for him. Only he could make it right in his own head.

“I can’t talk about it.” His stare was focused somewhere out on the horizon. Somewhere he could be that wasn’t here, in this place, without Lynnie. Or that was what she imagined.

She pursed her lips again, feeling them go tight and thin. “You don’t have to. I think I’ve had enough of talking. At least talking about death. Because we’re still here. We’re still alive.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Kentucky mustered up a grin. “I guess I don’t know about you, but I am.” This was what she’d been waiting for. Some grand spark of inspiration, a way to honor Lynnie’s life that represented who she was. Not the Saint Paul Lutheran Ladies Auxiliary version. Lynnie had always been so vital. Her life was like a star, something bright and sparkling.

“Come on.” She held out her hand as she stood. “Let’s get out of here.”

Sean cocked his head to the side and seemed to debate for a long moment. “Screw it.” He took her hand and hopped up to his feet. “Where are we going?”

“Come with me and find out.” She dragged him behind her toward the back of the property, his warm fingers closed around hers.

She wouldn’t think about how good it felt to hold his hand, to have some solid anchor keeping her in the moment. As she drew him deeper into the wooded area, he paused.

“Mossy Rock? You can’t be serious.”

“I’m so serious right now.” She tugged his hand and he followed. “Lynnie loved it out here. Do you remember?”

“Yeah.” His voice was tight with emotion.

Mossy Rock was a place right out of a teen drama. It was the weekend place for Winchester teens in the summer and early fall before the air turned cold and sharp. Mossy Rock was like a backwoods waterslide right into Sutter’s Pond.

It was known for camping, the occasional kegger, bonfires and long summer days spent in the water floating around on inner tubes and sunning on the grass around the pond.

She stopped just at the edge of the rock. “Are you in?”

“I’m not sliding down that rock, Kentucky.” His voice sounded like some sitcom dad, faux stern.

“Then I guess I’m going to leave you here by yourself. Sucks for you.” She pulled off her boots and arched a brow. Kentucky knew that all she had to do was basically dare him to do it and he’d be in the water right after her.

“Not going to happen.”

“Chicken.” She started peeling off her jeans. She tried not to think about her bare legs or to wonder if he’d look, wonder if she wanted him to look.

Or what he’d look like naked.

“I’m not going to do something just because you— What are you doing?” He watched her slide the denim down her legs and her face heated.

“What, did you think I was going to slide down that rock in my clothes? No way.” She’d be in nothing but her underwear. She rationalized that it was the same as wearing a bikini. Nothing less was covered.

He chuckled. “You’re still that same wild creature you’ve always been.”

She met his gaze. “Always and forever.” Kentucky meant to sound lighthearted, but it ended up sounding more like a confession. But that wasn’t anything he didn’t already know. “And I’m not the only one. You may be a Boy Scout, Sean Dryden, but you don’t get to be a special ops pilot by sitting on the sidelines.” She knew that spark was still in him, that fire. It just needed to be rekindled.

“Next you’re going to say to live a little. Am I right?” He shook his head. “Hell, I think you said those exact words to me last time we were all here.” Sean pointed to the top of Mossy Rock. “It was me, you, Lynnie, Eric and Rachel the weekend before graduation. I still hadn’t decided if I was going to K-State or enlisting.”

She smiled at him. “And Lynnie said you were her hero no matter what you chose.”

Shadows of emotion fell across his face. “But you, you told me live a little.”

“And are you?” Had he really enlisted because she’d told him to? That was insane. No one made life choices on an offhand comment made by the one in the group most likely to leave a good-looking corpse.

“I think I meant to,” Sean answered.

“So what are you doing? Come on.” She pulled her shirt off and slid down Mossy Rock into Sutter’s Pond. Things were getting too heavy again, too hot. Kentucky was intently aware of his eyes and everything his gaze touched. Like the sun stretching out rays of heat all down her skin.

She squeaked as the cool water enveloped her and she stayed beneath the dark surface for a time, the moment frozen, her feelings frozen. Under the water, she didn’t have to think about losing Lynnie.

Under the water, she didn’t have to think about Sean.

All she had to do was float. The weight of the water both pushed her down and held her suspended at the same time, or so it seemed to her. It was this strange sensation of nonbeing. But she only stayed there like a movie on pause. She didn’t want to stop feeling; she didn’t want to be frozen forever. She wanted a second where she didn’t have to do anything but float; then she could hit Play on the world again.

She let everything crash back into her as she surfaced. Her loss, her need, her desire and her hope. Her hope that she could cram everything she wanted to feel and experience into this life. It was over much too quickly, like fireworks.

He splashed into the water behind her.

Why had she thought this was a good idea again? Kentucky had only wanted to take his mind off their pain. But her mind was on something else altogether. She turned around to face him and he stood there bare chested like a freshwater Poseidon.

Sean scrubbed his hand over his face and pushed away the droplets of water. He grinned. His biceps bulged, the veins in his forearms raised under his tanned skin. She wanted to touch it, trace those lines up his arm, close her hands around his shoulders and pull him down to— She wouldn’t think about that now. She’d let herself have that fantasy when she was alone in the dark and pretending her own fingers were his.

She wouldn’t think about standing there in her wet bra and panties or the way the water slid down over the hard lines of his face, the sheen of water on his skin or the fact that he was wearing nothing but his issued boxer briefs, which molded to his body... Nope. Wasn’t going to think about it at all. Or the way he seemed to be looking at the lace that cupped her breasts. This could only lead to regret.

Not for her, but for him. He was hurting now and looking for something to stanch the pain. What better way than to get lost in another person? Her skin, her touch, her scent...that contact pushing away all the darkness, quieting the sadness, if only for a time.

But he’d feel guilty for it later—she knew that.

But if he kept looking at her that way, she was going to take him up on it. She’d wanted him for so long, and she didn’t do things like regret. Life was too fleeting. They were both still breathing and as much as she loved Lynnie, she was gone and she wasn’t coming back.

Instead of facing the burn growing between them, she splashed him.

His eyes narrowed and he pounced, catching her easily. He hoisted her high in the air and tossed her. She gave a small squeal of protest, but she loved it. The feeling of flying, no matter how brief, was amazing.

She came up from the water, elated and laughing. “So that’s all it takes, huh? Did you forget I love that?”

“No, I didn’t forget.” He snatched her up again, his broad, strong fingers scorching where they touched.

Kentucky rested her palms on his shoulders, unable and unwilling to fight the heady rush that came from both his nearness and the thrill she got from being flung through the air.

He threw her easily and she laughed again before splashing down into the water.

Sean tossed her a few more times and they swam in the little pond until dusk fell and Kentucky began to shiver. But she didn’t want to stop; she didn’t want this to be over.

Even though the fact that it had to end made it more special somehow.

Her teeth chattered as the night air blew brisk on her wet flesh, but she could shiver and chatter later. When Sean and these moments were gone.

“That’s it for you, Kentucky. You’re going to catch cold. Out of the water.”

“You’re not the boss of me,” she teased, and stuck her tongue out.

“As if, woman.” He shook his head. “No one is the boss of you. Never has been, never will be. But—” he eyed her “—I am someone who cares about you and wants you to take care of yourself.”

She opened her mouth and snapped it shut again, chattering aside. Kentucky really couldn’t argue with that. It was one of the things she adored about Sean. Lynnie’s brother, Eric, had always been the “do as I say” “I’m in charge” sort. He had the same motivation for looking out for their group, because he cared. But Sean didn’t have to stamp his say-so on everything. He didn’t try to make her do anything, even if he thought it was best.

He never tried to crush the wild out of her.

“I suppose you could entice me with a fire.” She nodded to the makeshift fire pit that had been dug next to the pond.

“Hmm. I suppose I could if I knew how to start a fire.” He made a big show of shrugging his massive shoulders as if he were somehow helpless.

“Oh, please. You could start a fire with a piece of bark and a shoelace. Don’t be demure now.”

“Maybe I just want to see how long you’ll stay in the water to spite me.” He climbed out of the pond and headed toward the pit.

She laughed. “It’s not to spite you. If I stay covered, I’m warmer.”

“You’d be warmer over here. Next to me.”

She shivered again, but this time it wasn’t from the cold. Anticipation of what it could mean to share body heat with him, to be pressed up against his firm body...

“Come on, stubborn.”

Kentucky realized she was still standing in the water, staring at him, and he’d already built a small fire.

She bit her lip, indecision holding her back. Kentucky knew what she wanted, but did she want it enough to trade her friendship with him? They were both hurting and anyone who didn’t know where this little vignette by a fire under the stars would lead was kidding themselves.

Or naive.

They were both more worldly than that.

Kentucky had always been one to throw the cards up in the air and let them land where they may.

Maybe she was wrong about how Sean would feel. She’d just acknowledged they both knew how things worked. Maybe he’d take comfort in her and her in him and they could let it be just that.

She crept up out of the water and sat down on the sand next to him. She remembered how they’d all chipped in from their summer jobs to buy the sand to spread so they could have the fire pit. It was the old farmer’s one caveat to letting the kids stay on his property. Mossy Rock didn’t technically belong to him, but no one in Winchester County was going to tell him that.

His arm slid around her and he pulled her down with him. She settled against him, memorizing where their bodies touched and how the heat contrasted with the night air around them.

Kentucky looked up at the stars as they glittered in the velvet sky.

They didn’t speak for the longest time. Just two people clinging to each other in the dark, their chests rising and falling together in unison.

Part of her told her that she could still jump ship. She could make any excuse in the world to hop up and head back to the real world, where girls like her didn’t get boys like him, but she wasn’t going to. Kentucky had already thrown aside caution. Now she’d see what happened.

2

SHE FELT GOOD.

Like nothing had in a long time, Sean realized.

Wild Kentucky Lee calmed him, soothed him, made him feel as if no matter how screwed up the world was, everything would right itself.

It was so wrong.

He didn’t deserve to be soothed. He didn’t deserve to be reassured. Lynnie was gone and it was his fault.

He loved Lynnie. He always would. But for the last year before her death, he hadn’t been in love with her. She was an amazing woman, to be sure. Kind, warm, intelligent and red-carpet beautiful. She belonged to another world. A world where men didn’t get shredded by land mines; a world where people didn’t strap bombs to children. Lynnie belonged to a world with Sunday dinners and peach cobbler. A world that didn’t have a place for him.

When he ended things with her, she wasn’t even angry with him. She’d felt it, too. She just hadn’t wanted to put more on his plate while he was deployed.

Then they’d had to bury her with that ring on her finger. That ring that was a symbol of how both of their dreams had died. He supposed it was fitting that it go with her.

But if he hadn’t Skyped her, hadn’t told her how he felt, she wouldn’t have been out on that country road that night. She’d have been home, curled up in her favorite chair with her favorite tea and reading.

* * *

HE PULLED KENTUCKY CLOSER, her lush body a haven away from all that was bad. All the memories he didn’t want.

This moment between them was more than just a hiding place, though. Kentucky was hot and his body responded to her as it would any sexy woman. Whereas Lynnie’s appeal had been that she was so unearthly, a sort of fey loveliness with her petite pixie features and golden-blond hair, Kentucky was earthier. She was solid and strong but curved and soft. She was at odds with herself, as she was with most everything else.

Her arms were toned from her work as a mechanic, hands rough, but the swell of her hip seemed as if it’d be the most dangerous to ride. And her breasts in that lace bra... When she’d pulled off her shirt, he’d been so aroused.

Guilt had filled him, but it had done nothing to cool his desire. That was why he hadn’t wanted to get in the water with her. He didn’t want her to know how much of a bastard he really was.

Kentucky had always looked at him as though he were some kind of strange bug. The nicer he was to her, the odder she thought him. But underneath that, he’d always seen her secrets. When she started looking at him with a kind of longing, he knew it.

He also knew it was because he saw her, cared about her, and she didn’t have that. She didn’t have anyone she could trust. Except him. Except Lynnie.

But now Lynnie was gone.

And he wanted to lose himself in the woman next to him. For a moment, he wanted to feel something good. He wanted her to feel good, too, but he didn’t want to shatter the fragile trust she’d put in him.

“Thanks for today,” he said, finally breaking the silence.

“You, too.” Her hand settled on his chest. “It was good to know that some things can be the same.”

“But it wasn’t the same.”

“No? You didn’t have fun? You didn’t laugh? You didn’t wish for a single second that we had that cordial Rachel used to swipe from her cellar and some hot dogs on that fire? Not once?”

He found himself laughing again. “Yeah, you’ve got me there.” Sean exhaled heavily. “I’ve laughed more with you this evening than I have in a long time.”

“Well, you’ve got to do that for yourself now and again. Self-care, bro.” She elbowed him lightly.

“Yeah, a prescription of two doses of Kentucky Lee for what ails ya?” Damn, why had he said that? Because it was exactly what he’d been thinking, and she deserved better than that. He’d punched Robbie Carter in the face for saying something similar in cruder terms when they were sophomores.

Instead of taking offense, she just laughed. Not the kind of laugh that was false, or hiding some kind pain, but a genuine belly laugh. “Sure. Why not? It’s the first time I’ve ever been someone’s cure instead of their disease.”

“How do you know?”

“I don’t see anyone lined up waiting for you to hand them that particular prescription.”

“Once upon a time, there was a boy named Robbie Carter—”

She groaned. “Don’t remind me. That’s so embarrassing.”

“You know?” He turned on his side to look at her.

“Wait, know what?” Her brown eyes narrowed. “Besides he didn’t show to pick me up for Winter Royalty. Didn’t call. Never spoke to me again.”

“He thought you were the cure, so to speak.”

“Funny way of showing it.”

“Eric and I didn’t care for the way he talked about you in the locker room.”

She pushed at his shoulder. “What are you talking about?”

“He talked about how he was guaranteed to get in your pants at Royalty. He called you a slut, so I punched him.”

“Once?”

“Repeatedly. Then Eric hit him. Then the rest of the team told him if he said one more word about you, they’d leave nothing left of him but a grease stain on the floor.”

“Those guys never gave a damn about me. Why would they do that?”

“They cared about what Eric and I cared about. That was enough.”

She sighed and flopped back on the grass. “Well, you could’ve told me he wasn’t coming.”

“We didn’t want him to bail. We just wanted him to treat you with respect.”

“My knights in shining armor, trying to keep me celibate since tenth grade.”

“Oh, please. Don’t tell me you really wanted your first time to be with Robbie Carter.” They’d moved into dangerous territory, he knew. This wasn’t something they should be talking about.

“Well, I did just want to get it over with. I definitely didn’t want to be trite and wait until prom.”

“So who was it?”

“You wouldn’t know him. He lives in Canada.”

“Don’t go Sixteen Candles on me. Come on. I’ll tell you mine.”

“Yours was Lynnie. At Winter Royalty.” She rolled her eyes, but then she smiled. “She told me all about how magical and special it was.”

“Was it?” Those words punched him in the gut. “I’m glad.”

“Wasn’t it for you?”

“Of course it was. Then eight months later she broke up with me.”

“Because she knew you were the one. She wanted to make sure neither of you ever had any regrets.”

“I’ll be honest—all of my junior year, I thought I was dying. I dated other girls, but there was only Lynnie.” Only Lynnie, until he became someone else. Until his job changed him. Or maybe it unearthed who he really was, deep down in his bones. Because even though he saw horrible things, he made a difference. He loved what he did. He wished that the world didn’t need people like him, but as long as it did, he’d be there in the thick of it.

“Enough about me. You already knew that. Answer my question.” He searched her face. “Unless you really don’t want to.”

“So you’re telling me the state of my virginity and nonvirginity has been a burning question plaguing you since high school?” She smirked.

“What if it has?” What was he doing? This had gone past the boundaries of their friendship. He could lie to himself and say that friends shared these details all the time, but that wasn’t what this was. Not for him.

Especially because he knew not for her either.

She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Jason Carter.”

“Robbie’s brother?”

“I was so pissed at him that I went to his house. Jason was home from KU for winter break. He took me out to dinner and we ended up having sex in the back of his Mustang outside Paisano’s.”

He’d admit, he kind of hated Jason in that moment. He didn’t expect to feel angry. He pushed the thoughts aside.

“Should I punch him next time I see him?” He tried to retreat, to lighten the mood.

“No, he punched himself. He married Angie Rhem.”

She was super high-maintenance, and with a mean streak wider than Stranger Creek.

They laughed and then fell into that silence that seemed to keep sneaking up on them. At first it had been companionable, comfortable. Maybe even peaceful.

But now there was something between them. Something heavy and electric. Their gazes met and held, soldered together. Neither of them able or willing to break the moment.

Her lips parted, pink and soft, as she drew in tiny sharp puffs of air. The firelight cast a warm glow over them and he could see her eyes, wide dark pools he could drown in.

Sean Dryden had always believed himself to be a good guy and at this moment, if he’d been a “good guy,” he’d have said something.

We shouldn’t.

No, we can’t.

This isn’t right.

But he didn’t say anything. He waited for the moment to bloom, to become whatever it was meant to be.

She reached out tentative fingers and cupped his cheek.

It was the lightest, gentlest caress, and it devastated him. In that single connection, he felt the comfort she offered him. Her grief and her understanding of his.

And of this moment. What it was. What it could be.

What it could never be.

She drew him closer and his emotions choked him. He buried his face against her breast and tightened his embrace around her, holding her so tight that nothing could ever pry her away from him.

Kentucky stroked his brow, cradled his skull and then slipped down his back only to return again.

“Share your pain with me. Let it breathe, Sean. You’re not going to smother it. It’ll smother you.”

“How do you know?”

“I know. All the people I’ve lost? My parents, my aunt, Lynnie... It’ll drown you. But you’re not dead—they are. So don’t let it.” She continued her soothing caress. “I’ll miss them forever. I’ll love them forever. I’ll even hurt because of those things, but that’s not all there is to feel.”

He turned his face up into her neck, his lips close to her pulse. “What if I don’t deserve to feel anything else?”

“Of course you do. Lynnie loved you. She’d want to know you missed her, but she wouldn’t want you to stop living because she’s gone. Let yourself grieve, Sean.”

“What if I’m not ready to grieve? What if I want to feel something else?” Like the softness of Kentucky’s body under his while he buried himself inside her. The taste of her skin on his tongue. Her nails on his back while she screamed his name.

God, but he was a bastard.

The worst part of all this was he knew that if Lynnie could see him, she wouldn’t begrudge either of them whatever solace they could find together. She’d only want them to be good to each other after.

He wasn’t that noble.

“Do you want to feel, or do you want to forget?” Her touch was still soothing, but it made him burn hotter, too. “Because after the orgasm is over, you realize those things you were hiding from never left.”

“Wasn’t this what you wanted when you brought me out here?” He lifted his head and met her eyes. “If it’s not, tell me to stop and we’ll forget this ever happened.”

Her eyes were luminous and open. He could see all the way to her bones. She wanted him, but she wanted more than what he was offering her.

“I don’t want to forget it happened, and I especially don’t want you to forget I happened. As good as this feels—” she shook her head “—it’s not worth our friendship. I don’t want to do this and then you can never look at me again because I’ve become a single-use item.”

“I hope you’d know me better than that, Kentucky.”

“Sometimes when we’re hurting, we don’t know ourselves.”

He pushed her down in the sand and pressed her beneath him. Color was high in her cheeks and her eyes glittered in the firelight. Her arms twined around his neck. She obviously didn’t give a damn that they were out in the open, that her hair was fanned out in the sand or that their wet underwear clung to them.

She was singularly focused on him.

He gripped her hips and pulled her forward to meet him, grinding his hard cock against her cleft.

“Live a little.” He threw her words back at her and his mouth descended toward hers oh-so slowly, building the heat and tension between them so they had no choice but to see where the explosion took them.

3

THIS WAS HAPPENING, Kentucky thought.

The fulfillment of a fantasy.

If she wanted it.

She could say no, deny him and herself. Or she could take her own advice and “live a little.” Except she was starting to see the fallacy in that being a life philosophy. It wasn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to every problem.

If she did give in to this and then he left her, it would destroy their friendship.

But her wild heart answered the question for that part of her that was afraid. If these moments between them could shatter years of friendship, then it wasn’t a friendship worth having. If a simple merging of flesh was enough to lose him, she never had him to begin with.

That was the root of the problem. She wasn’t ready to face that possibility. Kentucky wanted to keep the illusion a little while longer. It was a fairy tale. A night-light in an unknown darkness.

Kentucky was too old to be afraid of the dark, and too old to need stories to lull her to sleep. No, she would rather burn in the fire every time.

Even this one.

So she met his hard mouth, colliding with him in an explosion of sensation. He tasted like Scotch and mint, and the heat from his body dispelled any other further chill. She could feel nothing but him. She’d always imagined if he kissed her, it would be like this. It wouldn’t be gentle touches. It would be primal, animal. Something he did by instinct, not choice.

Only he had chosen. He’d chosen to be with her here and now. He’d chosen to kiss her. He’d chosen to move his hand up her torso and beneath the damp cup of her bra.

Kentucky opened her eyes to watch him as he touched her, memorizing their joined topography, the way his tanned, callused hand looked on her breast, the shape of his thumb while he drew lazy circles around her taut pink nipple.

“Are you on any birth control? If not, I have a condom in my wallet,” he said.

She shook her head. “I haven’t been with anyone in a long time.”

“Me neither. Not since my last deployment and I was tested when I enlisted and tested again when I was brought back Stateside. Clean bill of health. You?”

“It’s been a year, but I haven’t been with anyone since I was tested either.”

She liked that he asked. She liked that he was mindful. Safety was incredibly sexy.

“A year? That’s a long time without touch.”

“But not long enough if it’s not with the right someone.”

“And this, right now, is it right enough?” His eyes searched hers. He wasn’t being glib; he was asking her again, giving her the chance to say no. Making sure she was going into this with both eyes open. It was such a far cry from what she’d imagined when she first began to consider that being alone with him now could lead to this.

Neither of them would be able to say this was some heated descent into madness. That it was some kind of accident where they’d been swept away by a tide of desire.

A tide of emotion maybe, but not mindless. They weren’t unthinking animals, but cognizant, aware complex creatures.

“Yes, Sean.”

He’d been waiting on tenterhooks, it seemed, when the expression changed on his face. He’d thought she might say no.

As if that would happen in a million years.

Still holding her gaze, he hooked his thumbs into the waist of her panties and tugged them down slowly. She bit her lip and lifted her hips to help him. His fingers sparked tiny jolts of electricity where they grazed her skin.

His lips were so close to her inner thigh, his breath ghosting against her flesh as he continued to divest her of her panties.

She tried to keep still, keep from shuddering and quaking at every new sensation. Kentucky didn’t want him to know just how bad she wanted this—him.

“Don’t hide from me now. Let me see it. All of it. Show me what I do to you.”

He worked his way back up her body, lips branding her as he went. First the inside of her ankle. That had never been something that struck her as particularly sexy, but the heat of his mouth on that neglected and oft-forgotten place sent shivers all through her.

Then her calf, the back of her knee—she squirmed and squealed, his breath tickling her in the most delightful way. He laughed and did it again, grasping her hips and holding her in place for the blissful torture of his mouth.

She knew exactly where he was headed with his mouth and if it could make her squeal just behind her knee, Kentucky realized she was in deep trouble.

Deep and hard trouble.

She didn’t want to be anywhere else.

He moved up her thigh, tongue drawing hot little circles in her flesh.

But instead of her cleft, he continued up the softness of her belly, to the V between her breasts, to her throat—she was sure she was going to have a hickey, but she was too dizzy with lust to care.

His mouth found hers again, his hands on the back of her bra, freeing her breasts. He pulled back then and stared at her—no, stared was too banal a word for what he was doing. He drank her in, devoured her. She hadn’t known someone’s regard could become a physical thing, not like this.

She’d felt people try to stare holes in her head when they wanted to shame her into doing something or pressure her to behave differently. It felt nothing like this. The way he looked at her was intense, but it didn’t try to tear her down. It made her feel like a goddess. Like something sacred and beautiful.

Something perfect.

And she needed it to stop or she’d crash down the rabbit hole. As it was, this was going to be painful when it was over. She didn’t need to give that future pain any more ammunition. So she reached for his boxer briefs and pushed them down his hips.

“You’re beautiful,” she murmured. He was. He was perfect, as though someone had designed him for her pleasure.

“I don’t have the pretty words that you deserve,” he said slowly. “But you can see what you do to me.” Sean drew her hand over his engorged sex.

She began to stroke him slowly and he didn’t close his eyes or look away; he held her gaze. He did that a lot, looked into her eyes while doing things that would cause others to close theirs. It made it so much more intimate.

That act itself was better than any pretty words he could summon.

His flesh beneath her hand was solid, real. There was no mistaking his intent or his desire. There’d be no picking apart his words later, wondering what he really meant. Or if he was just saying flowery things to get into her pants.

This, right now, it was honest and true.

When the morning light burned this to dust, these memories would be solid and whole. She’d remember the feel of him in her palm, the way he looked into her eyes. Kentucky knew he was there with her in the moment, not taking refuge in the memory of another woman.

Even if that woman was someone they both loved.

He dipped his head and kissed her, his mouth claiming hers with renewed vigor as his hands traveled her body deliberately—bringing her pleasure was a planned military campaign.

His mouth followed the trail his hands blazed, lips hot and seeking on her heated flesh. She couldn’t get enough of him. Kentucky wanted to touch him, explore him, but he was determined to indulge her first, as evidenced by the way he caught her wrists with one hand and held them over her head.

“Ladies first. I’m a gentleman.” He bent between her thighs, his mouth on her mound.

She gasped and hooked her legs around his shoulders, pushing her hand through the short spikes of his hair. The scruff of a day’s growth of his beard scraped against her thighs and the first touch of his tongue laving at her caused her to cry out again.

Pleasure spiraled through her and her whole body tensed with anticipation as she realized he was in no hurry. He played her body well, as if he knew exactly what she needed and set out to give it to her—as if her bliss was his own.

Kentucky was strung tight, arching her body to meet his mouth, waiting for that burst of ecstasy and consequent unraveling of self at his hands.

He groaned as if he were savoring some particularly delicious dish and the very idea that it was her caused her channel to constrict and spasm.

Culmination struck like lightning, overtaking her when she least expected it. She’d wanted it to last longer, wanted to hold out for more. But he was giving her more, she realized, as he rose above her.

Her flesh was still quaking with aftershocks when he pushed his rigid length inside her, his face so close to hers, eyes open. They seemed to be joined intrinsically, more than skin, more than heat.

She reached up and cupped his cheek and that was when he closed his eyes. “I’m drowning in you,” he murmured against her lips.

Kentucky wanted to give him that, wanted to swallow him whole and hide him from his pain so all he could feel was pleasure.

“You feel so damn good.” He buried his face in her neck and she clung to him as he thrust into her.

The friction built the flame in her anew and she rolled her hips to meet his thrusts, countering his force and building their mutual gratification. His effort intensified, a slow and steady increase in his speed and rhythm. Every drive forward hit the core of her, and she trembled as desire warred with fulfillment. It was as if simply by addressing her needs, he built them higher—hotter.

“Please,” she begged. Kentucky didn’t know what she was begging for—if she wanted to be flung off that precipice into bliss or if she wanted him to keep building their pyre higher.

His body tensed and she tightened around him, pulling him deeper as if that alone could keep him there. The tenderness was gone now as he drilled into her, and she didn’t want it. She wanted this part of him, this hidden need. She gorged on it, filling herself with his pleasure, which in turn brought her own.

She shuddered with him and when he eased down next to her, she didn’t let him go. Instead she pulled him closer, his head on her breast, and she stroked his cheek gently.

The moon shone down, a silent witness to what had transpired between them. Night birds sang their songs and the world around them had come alive with the darkness. This was her favorite time. Some people thought the dark to be a place of fear, but Kentucky loved how the shadows danced and saw it much like everything else—an adventure.

She wondered how long he’d stay with her like this, how long until the spell was broken. Midnight? Would he flee back to the world with his glass combat boot?

Not that it mattered so much in the grand scheme of the world. These moments were hers, for better or worse.

She shivered and it seemed to shatter the moment.

“Are you cold? We should be getting back,” he said, pulling on his boxer briefs. “Wait here. I’ll get your clothes.”

And just like that, it was over.

He walked purposefully to the other side of the pond near Mossy Rock, where they’d disrobed. It didn’t take him very long to bring her jeans and shirt back to her. There was no way she was putting a wet pair of panties and wet bra back on.

So when he handed her clothes to her, she squirmed into them commando. She wasn’t sure what to say. “Thanks for the good times”? “Hey, great orgasms—I’ll catch you later”?

He seemed to be at a loss, as well, looking at her, then looking away.

“Walk me back to my car?” she asked to fill the silence.

“Of course. I would never leave you out here by yourself. Remember?”

She did remember. The one time she really hadn’t wanted to be around him was when she realized she had a thing for him. They’d all been hanging out, eating hot dogs they’d grilled in the fire pit, drinking a few contraband beers, and it had struck her just how perfect she thought Sean Dryden was.

That it went beyond his golden-boy image.

For the first time, she’d wished she were someone other than herself. She’d wished she were more like Lynnie so that someone like him...

She hadn’t wanted to look at either of them. Felt like the biggest ass on the planet for coveting her best friend’s boyfriend. She hadn’t wanted to take anything away from Lynnie, but she couldn’t help but wish Sean loved her instead.

She’d had trouble living in her own skin for a while after that. Kentucky had pulled away from the group, hadn’t wanted her secret desires to damage their friendships. But he wouldn’t leave her alone. Lynnie seemed to understand that she needed her space, but not Sean.

“Even when I really wanted you to,” she said with a half smile.

“We’ll always be friends, Kentucky.” His tone was low and soft, reassuring.

She didn’t know if he was reassuring her or himself. “Of course we will.” She stuffed her feet into her shoes.

They headed back to the path through the woods toward the seemingly distant lights of the parking lot.

With her keys in hand, she didn’t look at him but instead hugged him close. “You’ll be okay, soldier.”

“We both will.” His arms tightened around her.

As much as she wanted to linger, she knew it would only make things harder. Best to fall back into old routines so they both remembered they were still the best of friends.

“Don’t leave town without saying goodbye, okay?”

“Not a chance. You, me, Rachel and Eric will grab a beer at Eddie’s bar and we’ll remember the good times with good friends.”

She ducked away from him and slid into her car. She wouldn’t have looked at him if he hadn’t put his hand on her shoulder and demanded she stop.

“Take care of yourself, Kentucky.”

“If I don’t, no one else will.” She flashed him a lopsided grin and drove away, secure in the knowledge that the night at Eddie’s wasn’t going to happen and she’d probably never see him again.

Her heart ached, but it wasn’t empty. It was full of tonight. Of memories.

Of what was and what could’ve been.

For all of them.

4

KENTUCKY WAS WORKING on restoring a cherry-red ’57 Chevy. It was a beautifully old dame who still sparked with a fire that Kentucky needed in her life. She’d done the interior in this white metallic-flake vinyl and was currently installing various chrome accessories.

Working on that car was like meditating for her. Nothing could intrude on her thoughts while she was working on Betty, as she’d named the lovely machine. She could lose herself in the intricacies of the old girl’s guts, in the repetition of shining the chrome. Betty was close to done, though, and Kentucky would need a new project soon.

If she kept avoiding thinking about Sean, as she’d done since last night, she’d be able to restore a whole fleet of the ’57s.

When her cell rang from the pocket of her coveralls, she jerked it out, hoping against hope it would be Sean—even though the logical part of her brain knew it wasn’t.

It was Rachel. “Hey, Pop-Tart. Are you banging away on Betty?” she teased.

“You know it.” She was always working on Betty in every second of free time she had. Originally, Kentucky began restoring her in hopes of selling her at a profit, but the car had come to mean so much more to her. Betty had come to represent a dream of something more. A dream where Kentucky could cruise off down the highway and end up in a place that was her idea of heaven. Just as soon as Betty was done, they’d be on the road.

She knew it was silly, that every place and every person had their own faults, their own quirks, but Kentucky needed something to believe in and Betty had become that for her.

“Yeah, well, go wash off the grease and put on your good boots. Guess who is in town?”

“I don’t know. Tell me.”

“It’s no fun if you don’t guess.”

Had Sean called her about going to Eddie’s? She wasn’t ready for anyone to know what happened between them last night, and she was sure that Sean wasn’t really looking to circulate that information either. She swallowed and her gut flipped over and tied itself in knots. “I guess I’m not that much fun these days.”

“Sean! He just called and asked if I could get us together for some beers and pool tonight at Eddie’s.”

Suddenly, the idea of seeing him again, pretending as though she didn’t have deeper feelings for him after what they’d done—it was like a knife in her chest. So much for not letting anything come between them. So much for her acting as if it were just sex and didn’t matter past the comfort they’d managed to give each other in the moment.

She kind of despised herself for having all of the feelings she promised herself she wouldn’t.

“Man, I don’t know. I’m almost done with Betty. I could probably finish her tonight if I don’t go.”

“Come out and celebrate. Come on, how often is Sean home? It’ll be fun.” Rachel sighed heavily. “I think he really needs this, Kentucky. He didn’t sound good when I spoke to him. Didn’t sound like himself.”

“Well, his fiancée died less than a year ago,” she offered hesitantly.

“All the more reason for us to be together.”

“What time are you meeting?”

“Seven.”

She was torn between wanting to go and wanting to get rid of the resurgence of her feelings for him. If they saw each other and he acted as if everything were cool, she could make it that way in her head. She wasn’t stupid. She knew she was no Lynnie.

And she didn’t want to be. She’d wished it when she was young, that she could be someone else. But she was right with who she was now. She wasn’t changing for anyone. Even golden-boy Sean Dryden.

There was only one Lynnie, and she was gone and wasn’t ever coming back.

“What’s with all this reluctance to hang out with Sean? Don’t you want to see him?”

Rachel was much too close to her secret. “Just have things to do, is all. I’ll be there. Save me a seat.”

Her stomach flipped again, and so did her heart, the traitorous bastard. If Sean really wanted to see her again as something outside their friendship, he’d have called himself. This was a message and she’d received it loud and clear.

But she’d go.

Hell, maybe she should go crazy and curl her hair.

That was just what she did. Kentucky even put on a red lip gloss that tasted just like cherries. She had to admit that she cleaned up nice. She liked the woman in the mirror looking back at her and maybe even thought she was just a little bit pretty.

When she walked into Eddie’s a short time later, Rachel and Eric were already there.

“Whoa, nice!” Eric grinned. “Is that for me?”

“Nah, you know I’m trying to steal your girl.” Kentucky grinned back.

Rachel laughed and tugged Kentucky down into her lap. “You can steal me anytime, sugar.”

She found herself lost in the moment, and just like old times, she reached over and swiped a sip of Rachel’s beer.

“So who is up for a game?” Eric nodded to the pool tables.

“I’ll totally kick your ass, soldier,” Rachel promised.

“Not with a lap of Kentucky, you won’t.”

“Bet me.” Rachel lifted her chin.

“Shall we say a kiss?”

“Gross,” Kentucky interjected. “Let me just get out of the way here.” She squirmed off Rachel’s lap.

She was so happy that Eric and Rachel had found each other. Rachel had had a thing for Eric since they were kids. Her emotions had always been kind of tattooed on her face for everyone to see, but Eric... Eric was more like a rock when it came to his emotions.

“You wouldn’t think it was gross if you had your own soldier. I know this guy...” Eric started.

Kentucky held up her hand. “Lord save me from well-intentioned big-brother types. Sean told me what you guys did.”

Eric wore an expression of practiced innocence, eyes wide. “Who? Me?”

“Yeah, that doesn’t work on anyone who knows you, brother.” She elbowed him lightly.

“Especially not me,” Sean said, surprising them.

Rachel was the first to throw her arms around him and hug him as if it were going out of style. Sean returned the embrace, rubbing his hand up and down her back.

Eric didn’t bother to hide his emotion at seeing the other man. He clapped his hands on his back and hugged him tight. They stayed that way longer than what was considered appropriate for a casual hug, although it was anything but casual. Sean was his brother in all ways but biological.

“It’s good to see you,” Eric said gruffly.

“It’s been too long. Sorry about that, man.” Sean returned the hug with just as much ferocity.

There was enough emotion hanging among the group of them that it was almost a physical presence.

When Eric stepped away from Sean, his arms were open again. This time for Kentucky.

That emotion that hung heavy before, this time it was like a wall and it kept her from leaping into his arms the way she wished she could. The way she would’ve before Mossy Rock.

“What, no love for me, my pretty Kentucky Lee?” Sean looked so earnest, so hopeful and so...

Her throat constricted. “Always.” She leaned into his embrace, carefully. Almost as if all her feelings were something dirty and she was afraid to sully his crisp white T-shirt with them.

He smelled so good, felt so good...like all things pure and true.

The embodiment of the dream she couldn’t have.

Sean rubbed up and down her back just as he had with Rachel, but he tightened the embrace, crushing her against his chest in a way that made her wish they were alone and she could tear that shirt off him and drown in the heat of him, in the sensation of their bodies together.

“You smell good, pretty girl.”

Her face flushed at the compliment and he let her go.

“So we playing some pool or what?”

“You and Sean first.” Rachel nodded to the guys. “I need Kentucky for some girl time.” She didn’t wait for a response but practically dragged Kentucky to the bathroom.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Rachel turned to face her and leaned her back against the door. “Okay, what the hell was that?”

“I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.” Kentucky forced her expression to remain neutral. Why had she thought she could keep any of this a secret from Rachel? Rachel had gone into hyper matchmaker mode since she’d started dating Eric. She said she wanted everyone to be as happy as she was, whether they wanted to be or not.

Rachel put her hand on her hip. “Really? That’s the answer we’re going with?”

“Yep.”

“You saw Sean last night, didn’t you? What happened?”

“I—” She didn’t want to lie to Rachel, but she wasn’t about to go spreading tales that weren’t only hers to tell. “It’s not something I can or want to talk about. Just let it go, okay?”

“Uh, no.” Rachel sighed. “Fine. But you know whatever happened, you can talk to me.”

Kentucky considered the distance between them, the hole that had been left in their friendship, their world, since Lynnie died. “Yeah, I know. But you know I’m not the confiding kind. This girl thing, the talking in the bathroom at the pool hall, that’s not me.”

Rachel smiled, her features soft, with understanding in her eyes. “No, but you can be if you need to be. We’re all still walking wounded after losing her.”

“I know that, too. Don’t say anything to Eric, okay?”

“I won’t have to. He saw the way you and Sean were together, but I’ll tell him to keep his opinion to himself.”

“Would he be angry?”

“What, if you and Sean were a thing?” Rachel turned her head to the side.

Kentucky chewed her lip. “Yeah, I mean, he’s Lynnie’s brother.”

“I really think he’d just want you both to be happy.” She sighed. “I don’t know if I should tell you this.”

“Then don’t. Whatever it is, I’ll wait for Sean to tell me if he wants to.”

“When did you get to be the mature one in the group?” Rachel hugged her again.

All of this hugging was not something she was usually into, but lately, it had been kind of nice. “I don’t know. But I think we need to fix that because it’s definitely a sign of the impending apocalypse.”

“You know how much Lynnie loved you, right?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “And we have each other to remind ourselves of her. I think she’s still with us. In you. In me. In Eric.” Kentucky swallowed hard. “In Sean.”

Rachel nodded. “So whatever happens, don’t let it make things weird.”

“I won’t.” Or she’d try like hell. But change was inevitable. It happened to everything. Especially people, friendships—that was just the way of life.

“So, even with my eyes watering from all the feels, how do I look?” Rachel tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Like you got up on Eric’s side of the bed,” she teased.

Rachel slapped her arm and blushed. “Well, you know...”

Kentucky held up her hand. “This is all the girl talk I can handle at the moment. This is my quota for the night.” But she softened her words with a grin. “So next time give me the juicy details first and then we won’t have time to talk about me.”

They made their way back to the table, next to which Eric and Sean had already started a game of pool. Kentucky grabbed her own beer and sat down to watch. Rachel didn’t hesitate to harass Eric while he was trying to make a shot, blowing in his ear, tickling his neck, rubbing up against his back.

Sean shot her a look that seemed to be one of sympathy for Eric. Kentucky shrugged as if to say, “What can you do?”

Suddenly, she found a pool stick shoved in her face.

“Take over my light work, huh, Kentucky?” Eric asked. “I’m obviously not getting anywhere, since Rachel wants to dance.”

She accepted the stick and approached the table, trying to figure out a strategy to beat Sean.

“We could start over,” Sean offered.

“Nah, I like a challenge.” She continued to study the table.

He moved silently, stealthily, and slid up beside her, his arm around her waist. “You sure you don’t want to start over?”

She had the idea he was talking about something other than the game, but she didn’t quite understand what he meant.

God, but he smelled good. Playing any game with him in proximity was definitely going to be a challenge. She couldn’t concentrate. All she could think about was him bending her over the pool table, pulling her hair and taking her right there.

“I don’t need to start over. I can play the hand that’s dealt me. Or in this case, the balls.” Jeez, that sounded way dirtier than what she meant.

“Oh, really?” He arched his brow and flashed her a smirk.

She felt her face go hot again and knew she had to be blushing, but she wasn’t embarrassed. Or at least, that was what she told herself, and she certainly wasn’t going to let Golden Boy outdo her.

On anything.

“Yeah, really.” She slid her fingers up and down the end of the pool cue slowly and with obvious purpose. “I’m extra good with this, too.” Kentucky leaned over the table. “Nine and eleven in the corner pocket.”

She took her shot and the balls followed her prediction and dipped into the pocket. Kentucky took her next shot but succeeded only in setting up the next play.

“I guess you handle your balls well.”

She leaned over the table again, examining all possible outcomes to the game, plotting her strategy, and tried not to think about the innuendo. Before Mossy Rock, she’d have played this game until they both ran out of puns and the double entendres were so ridiculous they both laughed until their stomachs hurt.

But now she thought about him touching her. Thought about how she wanted to do all those things with him again.

He took his shot and completely missed.

“You’re cheating,” he accused, but his tone was light. Teasing.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t act like you didn’t do that on purpose. You’re much craftier than that.”

She looked down at where he pointed and saw that the V-neck of her shirt gave him a rather spectacular view of her pink lacy bra and the curves of the tops of her breasts.

Kentucky kept trying to ignore the butterflies in her belly, the burn between her legs as she thought of him looking at her body and being so entranced that he missed his shot. “You’re right, I am much craftier than that.” She swallowed her fear and decided to let the conversation take them where it would instead of trying so hard to monitor her feelings, her thoughts and what she had to say about them.

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