“Hello, Sydney—” Jarod whispered.

“You’re the last person on earth I ever expected to see again in this lifetime…let alone here,” she began.

“It’s a long story.” His voice rasped. “I came as soon as I could.”

She stared at him in utter bewilderment. “What do you mean?”

He cocked his dark, attractive head. “The day you left town you asked me if I would leave with you. At the time, I couldn’t give you an answer.”

That moment had been so excruciating, she experienced physical pain all over again remembering it. Anger consumed her.

“So now you’ve decided you can?” she mocked in raw agony, remembering the kiss he’d given her that had said “goodbye forever.”

PRAISE FOR REBECCA WINTERS

Wonderfully unique every time, Rebecca Winters creates powerful stories that will leave you on a romantic high!

“Rebecca Winters always manages to grab the reader’s attention and keep it.”

—www.writersunlimited.com

“Rebecca Winters provides a deep poignant tale with characters readers will appreciate and like.”

—www.thebestreviews.com

Look out for Rebecca’s next book,

Having the Frenchman’s Baby

On sale in August,

Harlequin Romance #3905

This is the first book in an

exciting new continuity,

THE BRIDES OF BELLA LUCIA!

Meant-To-Be Marriage
Rebecca Winters

Rebecca Winters, whose family of four children has now swelled to include three beautiful grandchildren, lives in Salt Lake City, Utah, in the land of the Rocky Mountains. With canyons and high Alpine meadows full of wildflowers, she never runs out of places to explore, and they—along with her favorite vacation spots in Europe—often end up as backgrounds for her Harlequin Romance® novels. Writing is her passion, along with her family and church. Rebecca loves to hear from her readers. If you wish to e-mail her, please visit her Web site at: www.rebeccawinters.com

CONTENTS

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER THREE

CHAPTER FOUR

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER SIX

CHAPTER SEVEN

CHAPTER EIGHT

CHAPTER NINE

CHAPTER TEN

EPILOGUE

CHAPTER ONE

“I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to let the memory of a priest ruin my entire life! Since he’ll always be forbidden to me, let this be the end of my pain.”

So saying, Sydney tossed her sheaf of roses into the water and watched the waves carry it out to sea. Turning swiftly away, she hurried up the sandy path to the backyard of the Brysons’ fabulous San Diego home.

Now that the honeymooners had gone, the grounds overlooking the Pacific Ocean had emptied of wedding guests. Except for the maids who were cleaning up, Sydney found herself alone.

Earlier, she and the wedding party had greeted a crowd of several hundred who’d congregated here after the Friday afternoon church service. The prominent Bryson family had spared no expense for their only daughter’s nuptials.

Ranger Gilly Bryson King had been claimed as the bride of Dr. Alex Latimer, the legendary ranger in charge of the Volcano Observatory at Yellowstone Park.

Like the handsome prince and the beautiful princess in a fairy tale, the radiant couple in a black tuxedo and flowing white wedding dress had stood a little distance off with the pounding surf below providing the breathtaking backdrop.

Being the maid of honor, Sydney had wanted to look her best for her dear friend. As a result, she’d taken particular care to find the right pink-frost lipstick to highlight the mold of her wide, curving mouth. A little blusher on her cheekbones, the kind only a close friend like Gilly would say made her such a classic beauty, and she’d been ready to face guests.

Among them were a large group of rangers from Yellowstone and Teton Parks who’d flown down for the wedding, which had been a huge affair. Somehow Sydney had been able to get through the festivities without any of her former colleagues being the wiser concerning her latest plans.

Two weeks earlier, Chief Ranger Archer had reluctantly accepted her resignation as a park ranger. Per her wishes, he’d promised to keep quiet about it until she’d left the Park for good.

Sydney had already vacated her cabin, and had moved into a furnished apartment in Gardiner, Montana, before coming to the wedding. No one but the chief knew she’d be teaching school there for the next year. That was the way she wanted it. Otherwise people would ask questions she wasn’t ready to answer.

Except for Gilly, her former co-workers wouldn’t understand that her unexpected career change had been made out of a desperate need for self-preservation. It seemed that being a ranger hadn’t brought the forgetfulness she’d craved.

After a quick visit to her parents in Bismarck, she would fly to Gardiner to begin her new life. Hopefully her teaching duties would force her not to dwell on a love that was never meant to be. Otherwise her whole future was destined to be an eternal punishment.

Once more she looked out at the sea. The late August sun was about to set. Its rays created a golden nimbus that gilded her jaw-length blond curls. Even without a breeze, they had a tendency to look a little windswept due to the expertise of a clever stylist.

As her gaze watched the fiery orange ball drop into the ocean and disappear, she noticed to her dismay that the undercurrent had brought her brilliant pink flowers back to shore. Their battered heads lay strewn across the sand, a frightening omen.

Normally the tiny flecks in her irises took on the color of most any outfit she chose to wear, like the hyacinth tone of her lace-trimmed suit. Once upon a time the man who was out of reach to her forever—the man she shouldn’t be thinking about now—the man who’d ruined her for all other men in existence—had told her he counted half the hues of the spectrum in them ranging from gray-green to lavender-blue.

Right now her eyes were haunted and resembled a dark sky seconds before a tornado touched down. Sydney let out a frightened cry and dashed inside the house to change and pack for her early flight to Bismarck in the morning.

It was close to midnight when Jarod Kendall pulled the car into the driveway of the rectory in Cannon, North Dakota. After the grueling session at church headquarters in Bismarck, followed by the hour’s drive home, Jarod didn’t know how another priest in his situation would be feeling right now.

He couldn’t speak for anyone else. All he knew was relief that the struggle was finally over.

“Father?” Rick’s voice called to him from the bottom of the staircase after he’d let himself in the house.

“I didn’t realize you were still awake.”

“Welcome back. Kay’s asleep. I wanted to clear a few things with you before we leave for church in the morning. It’ll only take a moment, but if you’re too—”

His deacon stopped talking midsentence. He’d drawn close enough to see that Jarod was wearing a man’s regular business suit and tie. There was nothing about him to remind anyone even remotely that he’d once worn priestly robes.

Jarod had hoped to spare Rick the shock tonight, but since he was still up, maybe it was better this way. To have waited until morning would have made it harder on Rick, who’d be expected to carry on as if nothing was wrong. At least this way he’d have the rest of the night to absorb it and talk it over with Kay.

No matter how torn Jarod was to have left the priesthood, the luxury to be able to turn to your wife, whether in passion or the need for comfort, was something he craved.

“Come in my study, Rick. I have some news for you.”

Like a sleepwalker, Rick followed him inside.

“Sit down,” Jarod invited before taking his own seat behind the desk.

The other man sank into the leather chair, looking pale. “When you went on vacation this last week, Kay and I wondered if something was wrong. We thought you might be ill and didn’t want anyone to know.”

“I have been ill, Rick. So ill, in fact, that two months ago, I took the final step to get well and laid my case before the church. As of today, I’m no longer Father Kendall.”

A gasp from the other man resounded in the study.

“Tomorrow, Father Lane will be officiating as the parochial vicar until a new priest has been announced.”

Rick’s eyes filled with tears. “Why?”

“Before you and Kay moved here, I fell in love with a woman named Sydney Taylor who left over fifteen months ago. She was a high school English teacher who encouraged one of her students to get professional counseling through the church.

“Brenda Halverson was sixteen, and had just found out she was going to have a baby. Her first instinct was to end her unwanted pregnancy. Since she was terrified to tell her parents, she wrote about it in the daily journal she kept for Sydney’s English class.

“From the moment I met Sydney, who accompanied the girl to her first session with me, my life has been conflicted. At Brenda’s insistence, Sydney came to all the sessions with her, but the truth is, we couldn’t stay away from each other.

“Sometimes I’ve noticed you watching me with concern. No doubt you were witnessing my struggle to try to forget her. A few months ago I made inquiries and found out she’s still single.

“Before you attempt to dissuade me from the decision I’ve already made, let me assure you I’ve had fifteen months to search my soul for what is right for me. Fifteen months to consider what I’d be giving up. Fifteen months to realize that once I left, there’d be no going back.

“I’m not like some of the parishioners who’ve come to me because they’ve been suffering in a bad marriage and want a divorce. I love the Church. It goes without saying I love my life in it. It tears me apart to have to make a choice, but I love Sydney too much. Since I can’t have both, I’ve left the priesthood to go after her.

“You have no idea how I envy you and Kay. As far as I’m concerned, seeing you together enjoying all the blessings of marriage while you serve the Church has to be the epitome of joy in this life.”

Jarod noticed his friend’s shoulders shaking in silent grief.

“The question of married clergy has always been out there, Rick. I don’t know why I haven’t been able to put her out of my mind and heart. We’ve had no contact in all that time. Absolutely nothing. And yet…I’m on fire for her,” he whispered fiercely.

Rick’s head reared. “Then she doesn’t know what you’ve done—”

“No. But I’m convinced she hasn’t married because she hasn’t been able to put me out of her mind, either. Yet I could hardly go to her as an ordained priest.

“When I face her, it has to be as a free man. She has to see me as an ordinary male before her mind will allow her to peel away the layers of Father Kendall from her consciousness.”

“I can understand that,” he said at last. “When your petition is put through to the Vatican, will they grant you laicization?”

“Probably not. Leaving the priesthood without permission is something I’m going to have to live with. But as I’ve discovered, living without Sydney would mean I’d only half exist from here on out, which isn’t fair to the parish. That’s not the life I want to live.”

“Heaven knows I don’t blame you, Jarod. I thought I wanted to become a priest…until I met Kay.”

“Thank you for your honesty, Rick. But not many others will be as understanding. You think I don’t realize how many people I’ll be letting down, who’ve grown to depend on me? The money the Church spent on my training? The effect my leaving will have on the other priests in the diocese when they learn that Father Kendall has left the priesthood?”

“But not the Church!” Rick’s voice rang out.

“No. Never that.”

Rick let out a pained sigh. “You’re so certain she still feels the same way?”

“Deep down I believe she does, yes.”

“What if she’s changed?”

“That’s a risk I have to take.”

“Have you considered she might turn you down?”

“It’s a real possibility. But no matter her circumstances, I have to go to her unencumbered if I expect her to listen to me.”

“And if she doesn’t, you’ll have given up all you achieved in the hope that she still loves you.”

“Yes.”

By this time Rick was on his feet. He stared hard at Jarod. “Did you sleep with her?”

“No. We held each other for a brief moment when she told me she was leaving, but we didn’t do anything but ache for each other.”

A bewildered look crossed over his face. “Then—”

“It doesn’t matter, Rick. There was this feeling between us that transcends my ability to put into words. Fifteen months are gone. I’m going to be thirty-eight on my next birthday. Every minute that passes is taking something away from us we can’t get back.”

“You won’t be able to marry in the Church.”

“I know.”

“Is she devout?”

“She’s not Catholic.”

“What?”

“She was baptized in the Lutheran church, but hasn’t attended any church in years.”

“Forgive me, Father, but in your case that might help.”

A strange sound escaped Jarod’s throat. “I’m not a priest anymore, Rick.”

“You are to me.”

“Besides the Bishop at the diocese, you’ve been my closest friend. So I’m going to remind you there’s no magic solution here. It would require turning back the clock and arranging for Sydney to teach at a school anywhere in North Dakota but Cannon so we wouldn’t have met.”

“Kay’s going to take this hard. She thinks of you as the perfect priest.”

Jarod frowned. “That’s the trouble with perfection. There is no such thing.”

“In her heart she’ll be rooting for you, Jarod.”

“I know that. To help her out, I’ll be gone long before she wakes up in the morning. It’ll make it easier for everyone. Father Lane will stay here for the interim to oversee the affairs of the parish. He’ll tell everyone I’ve gone on retreat. By the time the new priest is announced, it’ll be a smooth transition.”

“How will you live?”

Rick’s question jerked Jarod out of his reverie.

“I’ve made tentative arrangements to do counseling in Gardiner, Montana. It’s a town five miles from Yellowstone Park. That way when Sydney and I are married, she can continue to be a park ranger if that’s what she wants to do.”

“She’s a ranger?”

“Yes.”

“And she doesn’t know you’re coming?”

“No.” His hands formed into fists. “What I need is the element of surprise. No matter what she says to my face, I’ll be able to read the truth of her initial feelings in her eyes.”

“She might faint on you. Have you thought of that?”

“I don’t think she’s the type.”

“I would think any woman was the type if she were suddenly confronted by the man she’d once known as Father Kendall.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “You’re the most courageous man I’ve ever known.”

“Courageous—” Jarod blurted incredulously.

“Yes. For knowing your heart well enough to face yourself and God with the absolute conviction you’re doing the right thing.”

He shook his head. “You’re one in a million, Rick. But being sure of my decision doesn’t take away the pain of leaving the life I’ve loved all these years. It’s tearing me apart,” he confessed.

“It tears me up, too. I’m going to miss you.”

“The feeling’s mutual.” The two men stared solemnly at each other before Jarod said, “It’s past time for bed. You’re going to have a full day tomorrow helping Father Lane get oriented.”

“I’m going upstairs, but promise me something first.”

“For you, anything.”

“Stay in touch.”

“Of course.”

Rick paused in the doorway. “I’ve loved and revered Father Kendall. That hasn’t changed because he has set off on a new path. If there’s to be a wedding in the future, Kay and I would come in an instant. I would consider it an honor to stand up for you if you want me there.”

Jarod’s eyes smarted as he studied his friend. “It’s not a case of if, but when.”

Sydney had arranged for a rental car ahead of time. When she arrived in Bismarck, she had every intention of driving straight to her parents’ home beyond the city limits.

But after leaving the airport, the road sign for Cannon loomed up on her right. Only forty-five miles away and she could satisfy her craving to see him again at Mass. It began at ten. She still had enough time to make it. He’d never know she was there if she stayed at the back of the church.

Just a few minutes to last the rest of her life…

Despising herself for giving in to her weakness, yet helpless to do anything else, she pushed caution aside and headed west. She pressed on the accelerator, unconcerned that a highway patrol car would probably pull her over at this speed.

She didn’t care. Her heart was beating so wildly, she needed the physical release. Right now nothing mattered but to feast her eyes on him again.

Except for a few small housing developments that had sprung up in the last year, Cannon hadn’t changed a great deal. If it had, she wouldn’t have noticed anyway. All her attention was riveted to the parish church at the end of Jefferson Street.

Sydney had worn a blue blouse and khaki skirt on the plane. Her outfit was dressy enough to fit in with the other women walking up the steps to enter.

After parking the car, she waited outside the doors until it was almost ten on the dot, then joined a group of people and followed them inside. They would provide enough cover for her to slip inside the last pew.

The people who preceded her had the same idea, so she sat down next to them, keeping her head bowed. But it came up when she heard a different male voice lead the mass.

An older priest was conducting.

Where was Father Kendall?

Crushed with pain and disappointment, Sydney had no choice but to sit there until the mass ended. The second it was over she stole out of the church.

By the time she reached the car, an older woman was getting in the one next to her. She nodded to Sydney, who couldn’t prevent herself from asking, “Do you happen to know why Father Kendall wasn’t there today?”

“Someone said he was ill.”

The news devastated Sydney. “That’s too bad.”

“I agree. There’s no one like him.”

No. No one…

She flashed the woman a forced smile. “Have a lovely day.”

In the next instant, Sydney climbed in the car and drove off, afraid the other woman might want to prolong the conversation. She couldn’t let that happen.

He was ill?

How ill?

It she called his office, he would eventually see her caller ID and know she hadn’t had the discipline to leave him alone after all.

“You’re out of your mind, Sydney Taylor!”

With tears gushing down her cheeks, she drove back to Bismarck faster than ever. En route she phoned her parents and told them her rental car had suffered a flat tire, which was the reason she’d been detained.

No one could ever know what she’d done. Never, never again would she waste time dwelling on Father Kendall. This was the end, the absolute end of her fixation on him. As of this second, IT WAS FINISHED!

Two hours later she followed her father through the back door of the house into the kitchen. After riding horses with him for a little while, she needed a shower.

“Lunch is ready,” her mother announced.

“I’ll be with you in five minutes,” Sydney promised.

She made it back to the table in four, wearing a clean pair of jeans and a blouse. The only difference between her outfit and her parents’ was that her top wasn’t plaid.

“Pot roast. My favorite. Thanks, Mom.”

Old customs died hard on the plains of North Dakota. Sydney’s grandparents and great-grandparents had always served the big meal at midday. Her parents were no different. Beef was usually on the menu.

“What do you think of the North Forty now?” Her mother’s question jerked Sydney from her perilous thoughts. The disastrous detour to Cannon had left her shaken and filled with more questions. What if Jarod was seriously ill? She couldn’t bear it if that were true.

“I noticed you’ve gotten rid of a lot of the leafy spurge since June,” Sydney murmured before taking another bite of corn on the cob.

Her mother smiled. “Your father decided to try those beetles instead of spraying.”

“That was a smart move, Dad.”

“They haven’t gotten rid of all of the weeds, but they’ve reduced a fair amount. It didn’t cost me as much.”

He reached for another helping of roast. “That fellow from the fish and game department knew what he was talking about.”

“I’m glad you listened to him.”

Her mother passed her the bowl of salad. “After we eat, Lydia wants us to come over for dessert.”

“Sounds good.” It had been a while since Sydney had seen her aunt and uncle. “How’s Jenny?” Her cousin was about ready to have her first baby. Sydney had bought her a present while she’d been in California.

“Blossoming.”

“Have they thought of a name yet?”

“Joe.” Her father said with a smile.

Sydney nodded. “Can’t go wrong with a name like that.” Jenny’s husband was named Joe. Obviously she’d gone along with the decision. Whatever Joe wanted was fine with her. They had a good marriage. So did Sydney’s parents.

On the whole, her mother went along with her dad, but there’d been moments in the past when she’d put her foot down. Very few of them however.

“Did I tell you our ladies group gave Jenny a new car seat and a stroller at her baby shower?”

“That’s nice, Mom.”

“Some of them are still working on a quilt for her.”

“What a lucky baby.”

While her parents enjoyed a second cup of coffee, Sydney got up and started clearing the table.

Her mother brought their empty coffee mugs to the sink. “Someday you’ll be married and have a husband and children of your own, too.”

Sydney had to tamp down her frustration. After taking several deep breaths, she swung around. “Maybe I won’t, Mom. Don’t count on it.”

Don’t count on my ever falling in love with anyone else.

Her father joined them at the sink. “Tell us what happened with that fellow Chip from Idaho. We thought he was the one.”

“I was never in love with him. That’s why it didn’t work.”

“All along there’s been someone else, hasn’t there?”

She couldn’t lie to her parents. “Yes.”

“Is he still in Cannon?” her mother questioned.

Sydney’s heart plunged to the floor. Her emotions were in too much chaos after driving there. Anything that involved Father Kendall made her almost physically ill. That’s how she felt right now. Especially not knowing how serious his condition was.

How many more years had to pass before the mere thought of him held no power over her? What if his illness was fatal?

Dear God.

“Honey?”

Sydney bowed her head. “Can we please change the subject?”

“You’ll feel better if you talk about it,” her father persisted. “Until you started teaching in Cannon, you were our happy girl.”

Her mother eyed her with concern. “Since you can’t discuss it with us, I think you ought to call Pastor Gregson and have a chat with him while you’re here.”

Sydney let out a frustrated cry. “I’m twenty-six, Mom, hardly a little girl anymore. Pastor Gregson is a stranger to me. In any event, he’d be the last person to understand.” Sydney could just imagine their conversation.

I’m in love with a priest, Pastor Gregson.

Then you must do everything to put that devil out of your mind, Sydney.

“Now, Sydney—”

“You know how I feel about church.” As far as Sydney was concerned, organized religion seemed to cause a lot more pain than it alleviated. But for it, she and Father Kendall—

No! She’d promised herself she wouldn’t go there.

Taking another deep breath, she turned to her mother. “I realize church helps you two deal with the crises in your lives. That’s fine. But I have to handle my problems in my own way.”

“The pastor has a wonderful reputation.” Her father kept it up.

Once her parents dug in their heels, that was it. The church community was their answer for everything.

“If I feel the need for help, I’ll arrange to see a psychiatrist.”

Sydney had just said the wrong thing again. Her parents didn’t believe in psychiatry.

“Is this man already married?”

Yes, he’s married. But not in the way you mean.

“No!” Sydney cried in agony. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll change into something dressier to wear over to Aunt Lydia’s.”

Before driving into Yellowstone National Park from the North Entrance at Gardiner, Jarod bought a map at a convenience store and ate breakfast in the rental car while he studied it.

His eye traced the 140-mile Grand Loop that formed a figure eight through the Park. From here he could travel south to Madison, then Old Faithful, West Thumb, Fishing Bridge, Tower Falls, Mammoth and the Norris Geyser area.

There were roads leading to other portions of the Park, too. His plan was to look around at each major stopping-off point in the hope of spotting Sydney on the job. He preferred not to query anyone about her. They might alert her that someone was asking questions.

If she was anywhere around, her gilt hair would attract his attention. Whether in her ranger uniform or not, with her long legs and slender curves, she’d be impossible to miss. In the event he had no success, then he’d be forced to make inquiries.

After living at an elevation of 800 feet in Cannon for the last ten years, Jarod could blame his accelerated heart rate on the six-thousand-foot change which made the air thinner. But he knew his vital organ was getting the greatest portion of its workout for an entirely different reason.

Exhilarated in a way he hadn’t been in ages because he knew this was Sydney’s world, Jarod couldn’t help but contrast the beautiful subalpine terrain dotted with lodgepole pines and spruce trees to the windswept plains along the Cannonball River.

The dry heat today might be in the eighties, but it didn’t wilt him. As soon as the fast-moving cumulus clouds covered the sun, he felt an immediate drop in temperature.

With each curve in the road he noticed places where forest fires had burned patches of vegetation. Remarkably he could see flowers sprouting from those blackened areas, evidence of new life.

New life.

His hands tightened on the wheel.

Like the other tourists, he kept an eye out for bison and moose. The Saturday traffic moved slowly. At this rate it would take all day to make a superficial sweep of the Park in his effort to locate her.

By the time he’d reached the Upper Geyser Basin, his patience had worn thin. It shouldn’t have surprised him that the Old Faithful area looked like a gigantic parking lot. End-of-summer vacationers had gathered to watch the famous geyser blow.

According to the brochure he’d been given when he’d paid his entry fee, each eruption lasted a different length of time and went off in intervals from thirty to a hundred and twenty minutes. Judging by the mass of people seated on the benches and standing around, a new eruption was imminent.

Once he’d found a place to park, he looped his powerful binoculars around his neck and got out of the car. Everyone had their cameras trained on the scene. While serious photographers set up their tripods in the hope of capturing something unusual and spectacular on film, Jarod started walking around with a different target in mind.

Putting the lens to his eyes, he swept the sea of tourists. So far he’d only picked out a handful of male rangers in uniform, one of whom was speaking to the huge crowd assembled. Convinced Sydney wasn’t on duty here, Jarod walked the short distance to the Old Faithful Visitors Center.

Besides a sales outlet, he discovered an auditorium full of at least a hundred people where another male ranger was narrating a film. He saw a couple of others walking around, talking to tourists.

As he turned to leave, he caught sight of a display in one of the alcoves manned by a teenager. There was a banner hanging above her head. Help Build A New Old Faithful Visitor Center.

He moved closer to the winsome brunette and read the tag on her khaki blouse. Cindy Lewis, Junior Park Ranger.

She smiled at him. “Would you like to know why we need a new facility?”

If she could help him find Sydney, Jarod decided he would be happy to hear anything she had to tell him. It was a long shot, but worth his time.

“That’s why I stopped.”

Her smile broadened. “The need for information, orientation and educational services isn’t being met by the existing visitor center. As you can see, this building is too small to accommodate even a small percentage of the people visiting the area.

“There are no interpretive exhibits and the auditorium lacks sufficient seating for the numbers of visitors wanting to see films. That’s why the Yellowstone Park Foundation is committed to raising the funds to build a new facility.

“It represents the best opportunity for public-spirited individuals like yourself to join with the National Park Service in building a new, world-class visitor center. There’ll be permanent exhibits to help people understand and appreciate the rarest hydrothermal resources on earth today.

“If you’re interested in learning more, please take this brochure and read it. Any contribution would be greatly appreciated.”

Jarod pulled some money from his wallet and put it in the attached envelope before handing it back to her. “This is for your excellent presentation.”

“Thanks!”

“You’re welcome. Are there more junior rangers like you around?”

“Yes. We’re situated throughout the Park to help educate people, but after the Labor Day weekend we’ll have to go back to school.”

“It sounds like a very commendable program. Are you planning to become a National Park Ranger after college?”

“Yes.”

“I once knew a woman who I understand became a park ranger here.”

“I’m friends with all the rangers. What’s her name?”

The blood pounded in his ears. “Sydney Taylor.”

The girl blinked. “Ranger Taylor has been the head of the teenage junior ranger program all summer! She’s the best.”

Jarod’s adrenaline surged. “Are we speaking of the same person? She used to be a schoolteacher at Cannonball High in North Dakota.”

“Yes! She said she taught English there for a year before she came here.”

“I knew her quite well. What a coincidence that you’ve been working with her,” he murmured. “Do you have any idea where she is right now?”

The girl nodded. “California. Her best friend, Ranger King, just got married. Sydney will be back on Monday.”

Frustrated that she wasn’t here, he was forced to suppress his fierce disappointment. He needed to come face-to-face with the one woman in the world who’d become necessary to his existence.

“I’d like to leave a note for her. Do you know where she lives?”

“Sure. It’s across the parking area, cabin five.”

“Thank you, Cindy.” He shook her hand. “It’s been a pleasure to meet you.”

He walked off before she had the presence of mind to ask his name. Within a few minutes he found his car and drove over to the cluster of cabins in the distance.

So much for the element of surprise.

After penning a message, Jarod left the folded paper inside the front door screen where she would see it when she returned from California.

Once inside the car, he started the motor and took off, pressing on the accelerator as he headed back to Gardiner. By tomorrow night he expected her to call him on his cell phone.

Yet he couldn’t silence the niggling voice inside his head asking questions he refused to contemplate.

What if she doesn’t respond?

What if she doesn’t want anything to do with you?

CHAPTER TWO

THE HARDEST PART about teaching school was enduring the first three days of teachers’ meetings before you actually got to meet your students.

At seven-thirty Monday evening, an exhausted Sydney hurried out of Elkhorn High School to her car. Following the day’s meetings, the PTA had served dinner in the cafeteria. Tomorrow she would have to come early to start decorating her room before back-to-school night on Wednesday.

Two blocks away she turned into the drive of her eight-plex apartment building and parked her Jeep in one of the covered stalls. What she needed right now was a shower, then bed.

Before reaching the door of her ground-floor unit, she sensed she wasn’t alone and assumed it was one of the other tenants coming home, too. Then she heard a man call to her in a low, compelling voice.

The urgent way he said her name conjured memories that made the hairs stand on the back of her neck.

No…

It couldn’t be…

It just couldn’t…

Still disbelieving, Sydney turned around slowly, convinced the fatigue of the day had taken unprecedented liberties with her imagination.

In the growing darkness she saw the silhouette of a tall, solidly built man. At first glance she thought he bore a resemblance to the man whose memory had been her nemesis. But two things stood out that made her decide she was mistaken, that she was looking at a stranger.

For one thing he was wearing a tan suit with a tie. The man she’d once known would never be dressed in such clothes.

For another, this man with his jet-black hair and brows was beardless.

Through her lashes she studied the unfamiliar lines of a strong chin and jaw with their five o’clock shadow. He possessed a potently male mouth hinting at an aggression that made her swallow hard.

“Sydney—” he whispered, reading her confusion correctly.

The deep cadence of his voice permeated to the core of her being. Like a matching fingerprint, there was no mistaking who he was this time. The reality of his presence sent her into shock. She fell against the door helplessly.

He started to move toward her.

“No—don’t touch me!” she begged. But her protest went ignored as the flesh-and-blood man placed his hands on her upper arms to steady her. She felt their heat as if she’d pressed up against a furnace.

“I’ll let you go when you’re able to walk without help.”

Sydney’s head fell back on the graceful column of her neck. Her heart pounded in her ears.

“Come on. Let’s get you inside.” He took the keys from her nerveless fingers and opened the door.

Convinced she was hallucinating, she started to feel light-headed. Her legs refused to obey her.

The next moment became a blur. With effortless masculine strength, he picked her up in his arms and carried her into the dimly lit living room. After laying her on the couch, he disappeared.

A minute later he returned with a glass of water. Hunkering down next to her, he put it to her lips. His other hand slid beneath the gold satin of her hair to prop her head.

“Drink as much as you can. It’ll help.”

Though her head was spinning, she did his bidding before handing the empty glass back to him. He put it on the coffee table.

Between his silky black lashes, the eyes she remembered burned like hot green coals. Combined with the male beauty of his features, he was so impossibly handsome, she groaned in reaction.

When it became clear he really was here in person, her strength began to return and she carefully sat up. Another minute and she was able to get to her feet, desperate to disguise the fact that she’d been staring at him with an intense hunger he couldn’t have helped but notice.

He stood a little distance apart from her with his hands on his hips, reminding her once again what an incredible-looking man he was.

Back in Cannon, the beard had made him seem more untouchable and intimidating. Without it, he…

She rubbed her arms as if she were freezing to death. In truth she was burning up inside with so many emotions, she couldn’t name them all. But topping the list was rage and anger for his coming here to enlarge the wound that had never healed.

“I have to admit you’re the last person on earth I ever expected to see again in this lifetime…let alone here,” she began.

Jarod’s eyes glittered. “Evidently you didn’t get my note.”

Sydney struggled to catch her breath. “What note?”

“The one I left inside the front door screen of your cabin at Old Faithful.”

She put a hand to her throat. “When did you do that?”

“Saturday.”

Saturday she’d been told he was ill, yet seeing him she realized he’d never looked healthier.

“I—I’d already moved out and was at my parents’.”

I had the greatest breakdown of my life by driving over to Cannon to see you. But you weren’t there, and you’re not ill. What’s going on?

He grimaced. “When I didn’t hear from you all day today, I had a talk with Chief Ranger Archer. He told me you’d accepted a teaching job here, so I called around until I found you.”

Shock still held her in its grip. “I—I can’t imagine how you even knew I was a ranger.”

“It’s a long story,” his voice rasped. “I came as soon as I could.”

She stared at him in utter bewilderment. “What do you mean?”

He cocked his dark, attractive head. “The day you left Cannon you said, ‘I can’t stay, and you can’t come, can you?’ At the time, I couldn’t give you an answer.”

That moment had been so excruciating, she experienced physical pain all over again remembering it. For him to be so inhuman as to remind her of it—

Anger consumed her.

“So now you’ve decided you can?” she mocked in raw agony, remembering the kiss he’d given her that had said “goodbye forever.”

She backed away from him. “If you thought it would be safe to take a vacation from the Lord with me, then you never knew me, and I never knew you.” Her pain resounded off the walls of the living room. “Find someone else with whom you can indulge your needs before returning to your unsuspecting flock, Father Kendall.”

His features hardened like a block of chiseled granite. He made no move to go. “My name is Jarod. I’d like to hear you say it.”

She shook her head. “You mean you want me to use it while you’re away from Cannon and no one can see us?”

But even as she questioned his motives, she had to inspect her own motives that had propelled her to Cannon two days ago.

He gazed at her for a troubling moment. “You obviously need more time to absorb the fact I’m really here.”

“Time?” she bit out. “I admit there was a time when even though I knew it was impossible, the foolish part of me needed to hear you tell me you loved me so much, you would give up your vocation for me.

“That’s how naive, stupid, lovestruck and pathetic I once was. But after fifteen months, that person no longer exists.

“You’re the delusional one if you think you can just show up here without your collar and expect me to fall at your feet because you’ve got a little time on your hands away from everyone who knows you.”

The second the words left her lips, she realized how foolish that sounded. Minutes ago she’d almost fainted at the sight of him. In the next breath she cried, “I have no interest in you or your life!”

What a hypocrite she was.

“Please go!”

“I’ve missed you, too, Sydney. Try to get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow,” was all he said before he disappeared from her apartment.

Like someone who’d survived a battle and was the only one left alive, she stood there weaving in dazed shock.

When she’d done everything in her power to forget him, how could he be so cruel as to show up now after all this time had passed?

He’d known why she’d left Cannon. One of them had to leave, and it certainly wouldn’t have been the priest who’d dedicated his life to God and the parish!

Where was the sensitivity she’d seen in him during those months of counseling he’d given one of her students?

After those first few visits to his office with Brenda Halverson who was pregnant and afraid to tell her Catholic parents the truth, Sydney should have obeyed her instincts and quit her job. Any lie to break her teaching contract would have been worth it to get far away from him.

But her attraction to him had been so powerful, she couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing him again. The visits to his office with Brenda while he counseled her were all that had kept Sydney going that year.

He came to the high school activities where Brenda and other students in the parish were involved. She would talk to him then. Sometimes they saw each other on the street in passing and would stop to chat for a little while. Other times she attended Mass with Brenda where she could legitimately feast her eyes on him. Those were the moments she’d lived for. But it was no life!

On the morning she left Cannon, she’d stopped by his office to say goodbye. Another grave mistake. One she would always regret.

He had no indication of what was coming. When she told him she was on her way out of town for good, he got up from the chair and walked over to the closed door where she was standing. He looked physically hurt.

Inside she rejoiced at the anguish that had suddenly darkened his beautiful eyes. For once the facade had slipped, allowing her to see the full extent of his emotions. They told her he was in great pain, too.

She wanted him to be in pain. It was selfish of her, but she couldn’t help it.

“You’re really leaving?” he whispered. His voice sounded thick, gravelly.

“As soon as I walk out of this office. My bags are packed in the car.”

“Sydney—”

The way he said her name ripped her insides apart.

“I can’t stay.” Her voice trembled. “You can’t come with me. Can you?”

Their gazes clung for an infinity of time.

A heavy silence filled the room. It lasted so long she thought he was getting ready to tell her the one thing she needed to hear that would keep her from going anywhere.

Instead, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her mouth. It gave her a taste of all the things they would never share. Not each other’s bodies, not each other’s thoughts, hearts or souls, not each other’s hopes, dreams, not their joy or laughter, not their children.

Nothing…

When the message was received, she tore her lips from his and ran from his arms, from his office, from the tiny town she would never see again. She’d been running ever since.

Except for her slip on Saturday when all she’d wanted to do was look at him for a little while unobserved, she’d stayed away.

How was it possible he’d traced her here?

Why dredge up the most agonizing experience of her life?

Had it hurt his pride that since their parting she hadn’t come crawling back to him like a beggar? In order to satisfy his ego, had he planned this side trip to Yellowstone to provoke her into a clandestine relationship with him?

It wasn’t going to happen!

Maybe he got his jollies from imagining there was a woman out there who longed for him. Even if he’d only been able to get as far as his thoughts where Sydney was concerned, did that mean he had no conscience?

Could he honestly go back to his world without it disturbing the tenor of his existence?

She’d bet her life his colleagues in the diocese didn’t know where he was, or what he was trying to do, let alone why…

Thank heaven they didn’t know what Sydney had been doing on Saturday.

He had to know that coming to Yellowstone was an unconscionable act on his part. When he returned to Cannon, would he confess what he’d done?

A priest on the up and up probably would. But Father Jarod Kendall would no doubt consider himself exempt from confession because he hadn’t yet committed an overt act against the commandments.

It took two, and she hadn’t been available after all.

Did he truly believe she would welcome any crumbs he threw her way because she was so beguiled by him she couldn’t help herself?

An icy smile broke out on her lips. She walked over to the door and locked it. For once he would learn what it was like to have the door eternally closed to him. Let him rail against it till he was bloodied.

Damn you forever, Father Kendall.

Shaking from emotions she had no idea how to control, she started to undress so she could shower. When her cell phone rang, she jumped.

Had he managed to get her number from Chief Archer, too? She plucked the phone from her purse and clicked on.

“Hello,” she said in a terse tone.

“Sydney?” Cindy Lewis questioned tentatively.

It wasn’t Father Kendall on the other end after all. Furious at herself because she felt a gush of disappointment, Sydney disciplined herself to calm down. “Hi, Cindy.”

“You sound odd. Are you okay?”

She took deep breaths. “Yes. I just came in to get ready for bed.”

“How was the wedding?”

“Fabulous. Jamal Carter told me specifically to say hello to you when I talked to you next.”

“He did?” she cried excitedly.

“Yes. His mom and sister came all the way from Indianapolis with him for the wedding. They’re as nice as Jamal. I found out Alex and Gilly have invited him to live with them next summer and work in the Park.”

“You’re kidding—”

“Nope. I’ve got pictures of him in his tuxedo. I’m going to have double prints made up so you can have your own set. He looked even better in the tux than in his junior ranger uniform.”

“Jamal’s cute.”

“He’s very cute.” Sydney smoothed the hair off her forehead. “Listen, Cindy—I’ve got some things I have to do right now. If you don’t mind, I’ll call you next weekend so we can talk longer.”

“I’d love that! But before you hang up, I wanted to tell you that some man came to the Park on Saturday looking for you.”

“What man?” Sydney played dumb, trying to stifle the moan that escaped.

“He left the visitors center before I could ask his name, but he said he knew you back in Cannon when you were a teacher.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He made a thousand dollar donation to the new visitor center fund.”

Sydney almost dropped the phone. Where did a priest with a low income get that kind of money? Why would he do such a thing? “That was incredibly generous of him. Was he there with his family?”

“I don’t know. When he walked over to the display, he was alone. He was more gorgeous than a movie star.”

Sydney had thought the same thing the first time she’d laid eyes on Jarod.

“Does that mean you almost croaked at the sight of him?” she teased to cover her chaotic emotions.

“Yes. He reminded me of some of those men with the black hair in The Godfather films. You know the kind I mean?”

Sydney knew exactly what she meant. He had the look of some Mediterranean types she’d met in her travels.

“Except that his eyes were green like my cat’s.”

For the second time in one evening Sydney felt light-headed.

When a priest went on vacation, could he remove his collar without it being a sin? Could they vacation alone? Didn’t they go to retreats that were off limits to the public? Sydney had no idea.

Beyond his work as a priest, and the fact that his first name was Jarod, she knew nothing personal about Father Kendall. She had no knowledge of his history, where he came from, or whether he had family still living.

“Did he specifically seek you out to ask about me?”

“I’m not sure. He saw my junior ranger name tag and said he once knew a woman from Cannon who’d become a park ranger.

“When I asked him what her name was, he said Sydney Taylor. I told him I’d been working with you this summer. He wondered if you were around. When I told him you were at a wedding in California, he asked where you lived so he could leave you a note.”

So that was how it had happened.

“Did you get it?”

Sydney’s hand tightened on the phone. “I’m afraid not.” In the next breath she told Cindy about her move to Gardiner and her new job.

The teen sounded terribly disappointed by the news, but Sydney promised to stay in close touch with her and the other kids throughout the year. Slightly mollified, Cindy said she was glad, then she brought their conversation back to Father Kendall.

“Could that man be one of your old boyfriends?”

“No—” Sydney cried before she realized how emotional that would have sounded to Cindy. “I’m thinking he was probably a parent of one of my students, but I just don’t remember. It doesn’t matter. I’ll talk to you again soon if that’s all right.”

“Oh sure. ’Bye for now.”

Sydney hung up, still trembling. Father Kendall had gone to a lot of trouble to come to the park to find her. For what reason?

Feeling trapped and desperate, Sydney got ready for bed, then collapsed on top of the mattress, sobbing.

The next time she had any awareness of her surroundings, she was shivering. At first she was so dazed by the haunting dream where she’d spent the night with Father Kendall at the rectory in Cannon, she assumed she was suffering overwhelming guilt for what she’d done in the dream.

Then to her chagrin she realized she’d slept all night on top of the covers. She couldn’t seem to throw off the effects of the dream which had been too real. No doubt her body was still reacting to the feel of him as he’d picked her up and carried her into the apartment last night.

The physical contact coming so unexpectedly in her weakened condition had set off shock waves. They were growing stronger in intensity because she knew Father Kendall was still somewhere around, waiting to take advantage of her vulnerability.

Jarred into action by the fear of seeing him again and being unable to resist him, she flew to the bathroom for a quick shower. After shampooing her hair, she toweled it dry and put on a clean pair of jeans and a knit blue top.

Once she’d applied lipstick and brushed her hair, she grabbed her purse and opened the apartment door to leave. In the next instant she almost collided with a solid male frame and felt strong hands grip her upper arms to steady her.

For the second time since last night, Sydney lifted her head and discovered Father Kendall, freshly shaved, staring down at her.

Breathless for several reasons, she eased out of his arms. This morning he was dressed in a burgundy-toned polo shirt and faded denims.

There wasn’t a man in existence to equal his striking dark looks and physique. In fact nothing compared to the sight of his vital, living presence in a spot where she couldn’t have imagined seeing him in a dozen lifetimes.

Her unrealistic hope that she’d be gone from the apartment before he came to her door hadn’t materialized of course. Deep in her core she’d known this moment was inevitable. Until she agreed to talk to him, he wouldn’t give her any peace.

Instead of attempting to avoid him, she’d be wise to find out what he wanted and get this over with. Otherwise her turmoil would destroy her.

Having made that decision, she drew in air to help steady her equilibrium while she faced this man who’d dominated her mind and heart far too long for her emotional well-being.

“What is it you want?” she asked in a resigned voice though her heart was frantically beating in her throat.

Jarod remained in place, his narrowed eyes trained on her features in the morning light.

“I’m glad you realize we have to talk, Sydney.”

She rubbed her damp palms nervously against her jeans-clad hips. His gaze took in the telling gesture.

“I’m due at school right now and won’t be free until four.”

“I’ll pick you up here at four-fifteen.”

He had her cornered.

She was fascinated by the tiny nerve that pulsed at the side of his jaw. Because he’d once worn a beard, she’d never seen the lower half of his facial features bared to her gaze until now. If anything he was more appealing, more…human somehow.

More tempting.

This was all wrong, but he’d left her no choice.

“All right.”

Maybe she was mistaken, but she thought she saw a gleam of satisfaction darken his eyes before he accompanied her to her car and watched her drive off. Like a master puppeteer, he had all the power to pull her strings.

The rest of her day passed in a tension-filled blur before she found herself back at her apartment and in his company once more.

She averted her eyes and headed toward an unfamiliar blue car she could see parked out in front of the complex. While they walked, she felt his piercing gaze on her profile.

How strange was fate that he’d actually stepped from her dreams into her reality. During the school year she’d spent in Cannon, they’d never planned a prearranged rendezvous to be alone together. Had never been on a date. This would be the one and only exception.

She kept telling herself maybe this final meeting was what they both needed to settle their unfinished business. Once he left Gardiner for good, they could get on with their separate lives and not look back. This would be the closure she desperately needed.

Out of the periphery she noticed his black hair was longer than she’d remembered. When he returned to his duties without his beard, the parish would notice the changes in him and be stunned.

She swallowed hard. There couldn’t be a more attractive man alive anywhere. His overwhelming physical appeal forced her to hold on to the open car door for a moment while she waited to get control of her emotions.

“You look incredibly beautiful, Sydney.”

The first words to come out of his mouth left her tongue-tied so that her response was unintelligible. He’d destroyed the myth that she could ever forget him. In fact his intimate observation acted like a verbal assault on her senses. During those nine months in Cannon he’d rarely spoken his private thoughts…except through his lambent green eyes.

Avoiding his gaze, she climbed inside. Afraid he would touch her and realize the true state of her feelings, she tried her best to elude him, but her arm accidentally brushed against his chest anyway. At the first contact, unaccustomed desire stole through her body.

She still had a hard time believing he’d come to Montana, that she was about to drive off somewhere alone with him.

A couple of the tenants waved and smiled at her. They could see she was in the company of a tall, dark stranger.

She nodded to them before Father Kendall closed the door. He walked around the car and levered himself inside behind the wheel. She could feel his eyes on her.

“Living in an apartment is like living in a goldfish bowl much the same way I once lived back in Cannon.”

Once?

Surprised by the revelation, her head swiveled around so she could look at him. He started the car and headed out of town.

“Does that mean you’ve been transferred to another parish?”

She heard his abrupt intake of breath. “I’d prefer to wait until we arrive at our destination before answering your questions. If you’ll reach around on the back seat, I brought us hamburgers and fries. I thought we could eat en route.”

En route to where?

Sydney had thought he was taking her out to dinner. His cryptic statements were unsettling enough, but it was his mysterious behavior that was beginning to alarm her.

Thankful for something to eat that might take the edge off her frayed nerves, she undid the seat belt long enough to retrieve the large sack. Inside she found two colas and several portions of cheesecake packed with the food. She put the drinks in the holders between their seats, then handed him his meal.

After thanking her, he began eating with what seemed a healthy appetite, as if this were an everyday occurrence for him. Normally she was hungry after work of any kind, but right now her emotions made her stomach clench. She could only eat a few bites.

“This tastes good,” she finally murmured if only to fill the unsettling silence.

“You’ve hardly touched your food.”

Ignoring his observation, she cleaned everything up and put the sack on the floor of the back seat.

Shadows formed by the pines were growing longer. Soon night would fall.

A tangible quiet filled the car during the drive. She could hardly breathe for the tension between them. Though he was a stranger here, he seemed to know his way around.

He drove them into the little town of Ennis. In a few minutes they came to a tiny, white, nondenominational church partially hidden by giant jack pines. There were no cars or people. He pulled into the parking area around the side where they were away from the street, then he shut off the motor.

Once again he’d surprised Sydney by coming to this particular spot. Maybe she’d been wrong about his reasons for seeking her out. If that was the case, and he’d wanted to talk to her in a holy place, why a church located on the other side of town? What was going on? She simply didn’t understand him.

Unable to handle the silence any longer, she cried, “Father Kendall—I…I—”

“Don’t call me that,” he interrupted. “I have no more parish to minister to. I’ve left the priesthood.”

Sydney’s body froze.

“What did you just say?”

“Two months ago I laid my case before the Church. I’m no longer Father Kendall, and never will be again.”

She couldn’t comprehend it. The shock was so great, she wasn’t able to think or talk.

“I don’t question your incredulity, Sydney. If I hadn’t lived through this experience myself, I wouldn’t believe it, either. But it’s true.”

A rush of adrenaline drove her out of the car where she could breathe in fresh air and try to process what he’d just told her. She stood beside the car hugging her arms to her waist.

When he approached, she lifted tormented eyes to him. “Why did you leave?”

A stillness came over him. He studied her features for what seemed like an eternity. “You already know the answer to that question. I fell in love with you.”

Like the thrust of a lance, overwhelming guilt pierced her soul. Her body shook. “No—please tell me that wasn’t the reason.”

Lines darkened his face, making him appear older. “You were there when it happened because you fell in love with me, too. We suffered nine months in silence. Tonight I’ve broken that silence.”

Tears slipped down her cheeks. “It’s all my fault—” Her voice rang throughout the pines.

His jaw hardened. “What are you talking about?”

“After the first time I took Brenda to your office, I should never have gone with her again. When she told me she wouldn’t go for any more counseling sessions unless I accompanied her, I clung to that excuse so I could see you. But deep in my heart, I knew it was wrong.

“For that whole school year I deluded myself into believing I hadn’t crossed the line with you. But I did cross it!” she cried. “I crossed it every time I found a legitimate way to be with you.”

“We both crossed it, Sydney. I made certain we could be together under all possible circumstances.”

His confession caused her to groan out loud. “If I’d been a stronger person, I would have stolen away from Cannon without your ever knowing about it. Instead I sought you out one last time. I shouldn’t have done that.”

There’d been a price to pay for the kiss of desperation they’d exchanged. Only now was she beginning to understand the far-reaching ramifications of her actions.

Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.

Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».

Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на ЛитРес.

Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.