THREE THINGS ABOUT ELSIE
Joanna Cannon

Copyright

The Borough Press

An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd.

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk

Published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2018

Copyright © Joanna Cannon 2018

Cover design by Holly Macdonald © HarperCollinsPublishers 2018

Cover photograph © Shutterstock.com

Joanna Cannon asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books

Source ISBN: 9780008196943

Ebook Edition © MAY 2018 ISBN: 9780008196936

Version: 2018-11-12

Praise for Three Things About Elsie:

‘Compassionate, thoughtful and tender, it is a novel exploring the pain of nostalgia and personal truths so painful we hide them even from ourselves’

HANNAH BECKERMAN, Guardian

‘A tale of ordinary lives and buried secrets … a well-written, entertaining, effortless read with some arresting insights’

Mail on Sunday

‘Charming, wise and profoundly human. I lived every page of this book’

ERIN KELLY

‘Powerful and profound’

Guardian

‘Irresistibly good-hearted … captivating’

Telegraph

‘Another sure-fire hit for Cannon … abounds with Alan Bennett-esque humour, as well as heart-wrenching sadness’

Daily Mail

‘Funny, melancholy, acutely observant … your heart will finally crack in two on the last page’

Sunday Express

‘A warm, wise novel – brilliantly entertaining – that also manages to be a timely and profound take on ageing. I loved it’

KATE HAMER

‘Light yet heartbreaking, a joy to read’

i Newspaper

‘Funny, touching, and peppered with astute observations … a future classic’

CLARE MACKINTOSH, author of I Let You Go

‘[Cannon] conveys the legion indignities of overlooked old age with touching perception’

Sunday Times Culture

‘A moving, bittersweet story’

Good Housekeeping

‘Cannon is on her way to becoming a national treasure – no one does quirky, funny and soul-searing the way she does’

Emerald Street

‘Poignant, witty and original’

Woman & Home

‘More brilliant, generous storytelling… (a) funny, melancholic tale’

Psychologies

Dedication

To George and Florrie

Table of Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Praise

Dedication

4.48 p.m.

Florence

5.06 p.m.

Florence

Miss Ambrose

Florence

Handy Simon

Florence

Handy Simon

5.49 p.m.

Florence

Handy Simon

Florence

6.39 p.m.

Florence

Miss Ambrose

Florence

7.10 p.m.

Florence

Handy Simon

Florence

Handy Simon

Florence

Miss Ambrose

8.15 p.m.

Florence

Miss Ambrose

Florence

8.41 p.m.

Florence

9.02 p.m.

Florence

Handy Simon

Florence

Handy Simon

Florence

Handy Simon

Florence

9.46 p.m.

Florence

Handy Simon

Florence

10.01 p.m.

Florence

Handy Simon

Florence

Handy Simon

Miss Ambrose

Florence

Miss Ambrose

Florence

Handy Simon

Florence

Handy Simon

Florence

Handy Simon

Florence

10.13 p.m.

Florence

Miss Ambrose

Florence

Handy Simon

10.54 p.m.

Handy Simon

11.12 p.m.

Three Things I'd Tell My Younger Self

Introduction

Ignasi Agell

Sue Armstrong

Hannah Beckerman

Ann Bissell

Dr Sue Black

Fern Britton

Wendy Burn

Joanna Cannon

Janice Cannon

Tracy Chevalier

Julie Cohen

Charlotte Cray

Dr John Crichton

Miranda Dickinson

Suzie Dooré

Janet Ellis

Nathan Filer

Patrick Gale

Sam Guglani

Dr Helen-Ann Hartley

Kerry Hudson

Mandy Huxley

Reverend Andrea Jones

Adam Kay

Erin Kelly

Mr Kipling

Dr Kate Lovett

Katy Mahood

Anna Mazzola

Lydia Ellise Millen

Dame Helena Morrissey

Hannah O’Brien

Femi Oyebode

Lev Parikian

Nina Pottell

Jonathan and Angela Scott

Anita Sethi

Lionel Shriver

Graeme Simsion

Dr Laura Varnam

Professor Kate Williams

With Thanks

Read on...

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Also by Joanna Cannon

About the Publisher

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