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First published in Great Britain by HarperImpulse 2018

Copyright © Mary Jayne Baker 2018

Cover design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2018.

Cover illustrations © Shutterstock.com

Mary Jayne Baker asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Source ISBN: 9780008258337

Ebook Edition © February 2018 ISBN: 9780008258320

Version: 2018-01-26

Table of Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Acknowledgements

Also by Mary Jayne Baker

About the Author

About HarperImpulse

About the Publisher

To the Leeds/Cumbrian branch of the Brahams – my dad Angus, stepmum Debra and siblings Joe and Lauren – without whom this book would never have been written.

Chapter 1

By the time I reached the main road, my lungs were sandpaper-dry. My hair whipped painfully around my face, and the heel of my left foot was bleeding.

It was one hell of a start to married life.

I’d been married, ooh, around three hours. I’d been running for the best part of the last one. Running with no aim or direction, no one in pursuit, but running like my immortal soul depended on it. Desperate to get as far as possible from Ethan and all the rest of them.

One foot in front of the other, Kitty. Eyes on the horizon. No turning back, no giving in… not this time.

Not this time.

But no matter how I fixed my eyes on the horizon, where the dusky satsuma sun had just started to sink behind the intimidating ridge of the fells, the hacking in my chest was bound to defeat me eventually. At last I slowed my sprint to a jog, then to a walk, and, when I couldn’t bear another second’s agony, I stopped.

I gripped the drystone wall that ran alongside the road in bleached knuckles, struggling for oxygen. Short, panting breaths surged painfully up through my windpipe. With my free hand, I clutched my stomach. I could feel bile rising up my gullet, the threat of another vomiting episode as anger and grief battled for mouthfuls of my sanity, but I willed it back. I needed to keep calm. I needed to keep focused. And above all, I needed to keep moving.

I slumped down onto the tarmac and allowed myself the indulgence of another round of angry, puzzled tears. Bewildered motorists stared at me as they whizzed by, but they didn’t stop. Well, why would they? They had their own affairs to see to.

There was a part of me that didn’t want to keep moving. That part of me wanted to curl up and die, right there by the side of the road. The throbbing in my gut, the images whirling in my brain, were almost enough to paralyse me. But deep inside, underneath the layers of taffeta and rage, some sort of survival instinct was fighting to make itself heard. Push on, it said. Get away, far away, and then there’ll be time to mourn.

I don’t think I’d been there long. I could’ve been wrong, it could’ve been hours; my head was spinning so much that time didn’t really seem to exist. But I think it was about ten minutes later when a sunshine-orange VW campervan, one of those cutesy-pie ’60s numbers with the bug front, pulled up beside me.

‘Are you all right there, lass?’ the driver asked, leaning out of his window to examine me.

Hastily I wiped my eyes.

‘Yeah. Sorry, I, um – my car got towed.’

The dark-haired man cocked an eyebrow. ‘What, your car got towed and they just left you here?’

There was the lilt of an Irish accent nestling among the deep, gentle tones. It sounded reassuring. Made me think of my nan.

‘Er, yeah,’ I said, wincing at the obvious lie.

Great start, Kitty. Keep it up.

The man didn’t look convinced, but he refrained from commenting. ‘Well I can’t just leave you here. You get a lot of boy racers down these side roads, you know. Where’re you going?’

‘Anywhere.’ I grimaced. ‘I mean, Wastwater. I’m going to Wastwater. To a… um… gala dinner.’ I glanced down at my fetching wellies, colour-coordinated with the off-the-shoulder green taffeta ballgown I was wearing. ‘For farmers.’

Gala dinner for farmers. Of course that’s where I was going. I mean, why wouldn’t I be? Oh, this just got better and better…

‘Are you a farmer?’ the man asked.

‘No. Just, er, trying to fit in.’

‘None of my business,’ he said generously. ‘Come on, hop in. I’m heading to the Lakes anyway, I’ll drop you off.’

I hesitated. I’d never hitch-hiked before and I couldn’t suppress a feeling of danger – stranger danger, that fear that’s bred into you in your schooldays. Don’t get into cars with strange men, Kitty. Don’t let them give you sweets and just say no when they ask if you want to get into their van to see their puppies. This guy could be anyone, couldn’t he? Offering me a lift – what was in it for him?

I could hear my mum’s voice in the back of my mind. Never trust a boy who offers you a favour, angel. Men always expect to get paid…

But Mum wasn’t here, and this man looked friendly enough to me. He was handsome in a scruffy sort of way, with jet-black hair that curled onto his neck, long stubble and dark brown eyes. I think in the end, though, it was the smile, a lopsided, open grin, that convinced me I could trust him. That, and the fact I was seriously out of options.

The instinct driving me now was to get as far from home as possible, and I was desperate enough to take some serious risks, even with my own self – at least, whatever of it I still had left to give a damn about. A large chunk of me was some miles away back in Elden, my home town in the Yorkshire Dales, lying in a blackened, smoking puddle at Ethan’s feet. Getting into a car with a stranger didn’t feel like nearly the scariest thing I’d had to deal with today.

‘Thanks,’ I mumbled, walking round to the passenger side and climbing in.

‘Jack Duffy,’ the man said, holding out his hand to me.

I wondered for a second whether to give a fake name, but decided against it. I might be on the run, but I wasn’t exactly James Bond. Who, come to think of it, was a bit shit when it came to cover stories, giving out his real name so often he’d actually managed to make it a catchphrase.

‘Clayton. Kitty Clayton,’ I said in true Bond style, shaking Jack’s hand.

‘I like it. Very… alliterative.’

‘Er, thanks.’

‘Got a bit of a secret identity vibe,’ he said. ‘Not a superhero, are you?’

‘Maybe. But if I tell you I’ll have to kill you.’

Not the world’s most original joke, but the best I could manage in my current state. Anyway, it got a laugh.

‘So would that be short for anything?’ he asked.

‘No. It’s usually for Catherine, but my mum just liked Kitty.’

I started when I heard a little bark. Glancing over my shoulder, I caught sight of a tubby yellow mongrel curled in a dog bed, eyeing me with suspicion.

‘Oh, and this is Sandy,’ Jack said. ‘Don’t mind dogs, do you?’

‘No, I love them.’ I squinted at the tubby dog. ‘Er, he certainly looks well-fed.’

‘She. And it wasn’t the diet that caused the belly, it was the randy Jack Russell back in Settle.’

‘What, you mean she’s—’

‘Yeah. Less than a month to go now, I’m reckoning. Looks about ready to pop, doesn’t she?’ He turned the ignition key and the engine phutted into life. ‘Right, now we’re all friends, let’s get going.’

So he really had asked me back to his van to see his puppies… hmm. Still, in a way it was sort of comforting. A man who travelled with a pregnant dog couldn’t be too dodgy, could he? Maybe that was the logic of desperation but all the same, I relaxed slightly.

I could see him eyeing me curiously in the rear-view mirror as he drove, taking in my streaky mascara, my ballgown, my big green wellies.

‘You look like you don’t want to talk about it,’ he said at last.

‘God, I really don’t.’

‘Okay so. Then I won’t ask.’

I shot him a relieved smile. ‘Thanks.’

‘We’ll have to have some small talk though,’ he said. ‘I’m afraid the charge for this particular taxi service is scintillating conversation.’

‘Not sure I can pull off scintillating today. I can just about manage to form words, I think.’

‘Want to tell me why you’re going to Wastwater?’ he asked. ‘I mean, really? Hate to break it to you, but the dress codes for farmers’ dinners don’t tend to include wellies, whatever stereotypes might suggest.’

I examined Jack in the mirror. His expression was relaxed and careless, as if he’d be equally comfortable whether I chose to open up or not. He certainly had an easy face to trust.

There didn’t seem any harm in sharing my immediate plan with him, I eventually decided. I was heading for someone I knew I could depend on; someone who’d put me up until I’d sorted out my unholy mess of a life.

‘Okay, if you really want to know, I’m going to visit my aunty,’ I said. ‘She’s got a cottage in Wasdale Head.’

He glanced at the ballgown. ‘Must be a posh family.’

‘Yeah. She’s big on dressing for dinner.’

‘Muddy too, is it?’ he asked, eyeing my boots.

‘Something like that.’

We were on dangerous ground again. I tried to push the conversation back towards him. I just needed to kill a bit of time…

‘So, er, what do you do?’ I asked, the ultimate fallback conversation starter.

‘Human trafficker. I scour the highways for lone women and sell them into sex slavery. You?’

I laughed – the first real, genuine laugh I’d managed all day.

‘Serial killer,’ I said, matching my deadpan tone to his. ‘I lure men into laybys then hack them to bits. Although that’s really more of a hobby.’

He nodded soberly. ‘Always good to keep yourself busy. What do you do the rest of the time?’

‘I’m a project editor for this publishing company my stepsister Laurel runs, Whitestone Press.’

At least, I had been until about an hour ago. I think I’d effectively handed in my resignation when I’d decided to do a runner. My current occupation, if I was asked to fill in a form, probably amounted to ‘bum’.

‘What type of thing?’ Jack asked.

‘Travel guides. You know, things to see, restaurant reviews, handy phrases, all that.’

‘Sounds interesting. I suppose you get to travel quite a bit?’

I shook my head. ‘Someone else does. Then they write it up for me to edit and do the photo research.’

‘Still, must be fun. Bit of armchair travelling.’

I let out a little snort.

‘What?’ he said.

‘You know what I dreamt last week?’

‘Was it about a hunky Irishman with a devastating smile and abs you could grill a steak on?’

So we were doing a bit of social flirting now, were we? Okay…

‘It was actually. I love Aidan Turner.’

‘Funny,’ he said, eyes fixed on the road. ‘Turner can bite me.’

His reaction made me smile. If I’d tried that joke on Ethan, it would’ve been a three-day sulk at least.

‘So what did you really dream?’ Jack asked.

‘I dreamt I was in Iceland – the country, I mean, not the supermarket.’ My eyes clouded. ‘God, Jack, it was so vivid. The geysers, the glaciers, the lakes so dark they’re almost black. I could practically smell the herring.’

‘So?’

‘So, it just reminded me I’ve never been to Iceland. I read about all these beautiful places and I look at hundreds of pictures, but I never get to actually experience them. The most exotic trip I’ve ever been on was two weeks at a resort in Alicante three years ago.’

He looked puzzled. ‘So go, there’s nothing stopping you. Get off your backside and do it, girl.’

‘How? The thing about publishing – it’s interesting enough but it’s not that well-paid. Two weeks in Alicante every once in a while is about my limit.’

And then there was Ethan, who’d never wanted to go anywhere but a sunny beach with bars that showed the footie and hotels where there was always a full English on the breakfast table. The chances of getting him on a backpacking holiday to somewhere like Iceland had been exactly nil.

I mentally slapped myself. Thinking about Ethan was going to have me in tears again. I needed to hold it together, at least until I got to Aunty Julia’s.

‘So do you live in the Lakes?’ I asked Jack.

‘Yeah, when I feel like it. I live everywhere.’ He gestured round the van. ‘This is it for me. Home.’

‘You’re kidding! You can’t live in this tiny van all the time?’

‘Yep, me and Sandy. That’s the way we like it, life without fences.’

‘Bloody hell. You’re not part sardine, are you?’

He laughed. ‘Away with you, it’s not that small. Anyway, it’s just somewhere to sleep. We like to be off exploring.’

‘How did it happen? Is it a hippy thing?’

He didn’t answer. Just looked sober for a moment.

‘Sorry,’ I said, staring sheepishly into my lap. It felt like I’d crossed a line, although I was puzzled about where it had been. ‘None of my business.’

‘That’s okay.’ Jack forced a smile. ‘Tell you what. If I ever see you again, I’ll tell you all about it.’

Chapter 2

As we drove, I glanced in the rear-view mirror to get a better look at the van. I couldn’t help being curious about the man who’d rescued me, and the unusual way he lived.

It was small. Really small. But efficient, as far as use of space went.

There was a brown leather sofa in the back that I was guessing folded out into a bed when it wasn’t busy being a sofa. To the left of it was the world’s tiniest kitchenette: just a two-ring hob, worksurface and sink, with a bank of pine cupboards underneath. The floor was chequerboard-patterned, with a hole in the middle for slotting in a table. I couldn’t imagine how anyone could call the little tin can on wheels a permanent home.

Still. Life without fences. Lucky bastard.

‘So how do you make a living then?’ I asked Jack. I was struggling to think of any job that could fit with the nomadic lifestyle he seemed to lead. Unless he hadn’t been kidding about the human trafficking.

He jerked his head behind him. ‘Take a look, I’m not precious. My portfolio’s inside the sofa. Lever on the side of the seat’ll swing you round.’

He pulled over while I unfastened my seatbelt, and I turned the passenger seat to face the inside of the camper.

I picked my way around Sandy’s bed to the sofa. When I lifted the cushion to get to the storage space, I found a large portfolio case on top of a puddle of awning canvas.

‘Be gentle,’ Jack said when he heard me rustle the sheets inside. ‘I haven’t had those scanned yet.’

I laid the papers on top of the sofa, touching them as delicately as if they were bone china.

There were reams of them: gorgeous hand-drawn illustrations of a little pair of marionettes, a girl and a boy. In each, they were in a different scrape – dangling upside down in a tree, stealing biscuits from a jar on the kitchen shelf. A little dog like a skinnier Sandy lurked at the edge of each adventure, a sort of signature. They seemed familiar somehow…

My eyes widened as realisation hit. It said a lot for the foggy state of my brain that I hadn’t recognised them right away.

‘Oh my God!’

‘Tilly and Billy,’ Jack said. ‘You know them?’

‘Course. My stepsister’s little boys love Tilly and Billy. When I read them bedtime stories they always ask for…’ I paused while it sank in. ‘Bloody hell, you’re that Jack Duffy?’

‘Er, I am, yeah.’ I could see the back of his neck pinkening. ‘Didn’t expect it to mean anything to you, to be honest. I’m only really a big name among the under-fives.’

‘This is unbelievable,’ I muttered. I wished I could ring Laurel and tell her, but my mobile, along with my handbag and the shards of my hopes and dreams, was back at Butterfield Farm where I’d left it.

Jack laughed. ‘It’s sweet you’re so starstruck. Most people over three foot just shrug.’

I went back to join him in the front and he started the engine again.

‘I can give you a signed book for your nephews if you want,’ he said. ‘I mean, if you think they’ll be bothered. Kids don’t set as much store by that sort of thing as adults.’

That was one thing I’d been trying not to think about. God knew when I’d see Toby and Sam again. Or Laurel, or Nan.

‘Thanks. That’d be nice,’ I managed to mumble.

I couldn’t hold back the tear that had forced its way to the front of my eyeball. It slid down my cheek, and I dashed it quickly away. But Jack had already spotted it.

‘What is it you’re running away from, Kitty?’ he asked gently.

‘What makes you think I’m running away?’

‘I’m not thick. Taking lifts from strangers, inappropriate clothing, no bag. No money either, I’m guessing?’

I flushed. ‘No. I didn’t take anything when I—’

I bit my tongue.

‘Sorry,’ Jack said. ‘I know you said you didn’t want to talk about it. I’m worried about you, that’s all.’

‘You don’t even know me.’

‘I know you’re distressed. That you’re on your own, and without a penny to your name apparently. Whatever happened to you today, it must’ve been pretty traumatic.’

‘Well. Weddings are always traumatic, aren’t they?’

He blinked. ‘Seriously?’

‘Seriously.’ I gave a bleak laugh. ‘Today’s my wedding day. This is my wedding dress. And my fetching wedding wellies. It was on a farm, we had this whole quirky hayride-themed thing.’

‘Jesus, Kitty! That’s… God.’ He shook his head in shock. ‘So, what, you’re running away from home?’

‘That’s about the size of it, yeah.’

‘But you’ll have to go back eventually, won’t you? You can’t run forever.’

I glared darkly at a little Fiat bobbing along ahead of us. ‘I’m never going back. Trust me on that.’

‘What happened?’

‘Please don’t ask,’ I said, my voice strangled. ‘I mean, thank you. I am grateful for the lift and I know you’re just trying to be nice and everything, but I really can’t. Not now.’

‘But you’ve come away with nothing. Have you got a bank card on you? Anything?’

‘No. But I’ll be fine. Just get me to my aunty’s, please.’

‘Can I do anything to help?’

He meant it too. I could hear it in his voice, see it in the concern etched into his face. It was funny – I mean, I’d only met him an hour ago – but I couldn’t help trusting him.

And why not? Why not trust a stranger as well as anyone? He’d been kind to me. He’d sounded like he understood – and what’s more, like he cared – when I’d told him what I was running from. He’d even managed to make me laugh a few times, on what was without competition the single most miserable day of my life. On the other hand, I’d known Ethan for ten years when he’d solemnly promised to love and cherish me till death, and he hadn’t even been able to make it to the end of the reception without a metaphorical knee to the groin.

My world was so different, suddenly. I wouldn’t be sleeping next to Ethan tonight, as I had done for the best part of a decade. Wouldn’t be feeling his safe, treacherous arms around me. Wouldn’t be going back to the house we’d shared. If I had my way, I’d never set eyes on either house or Ethan again. How was it possible my life could change so drastically in just a few short hours?

‘That bastard,’ I muttered to myself. Every time I thought about Ethan, the shock and disgust hit me afresh.

Jack blinked. ‘Pardon?’

‘Sorry,’ I said, with an apologetic grimace. ‘Just thinking out loud.’

‘So can I help? Whatever I can do, Kitty.’

‘Yeah.’ I mustered a smile. ‘You can talk about something completely different the rest of the way. Something fun. Something… not about me. Please.’

‘That’s what you need?’

‘I need to keep my mind off it till I’m alone, or I might go insane. Just talk to me, Jack.’

‘Here then. Something that’ll make you smile.’ He made a clicking noise and in the mirror I saw Sandy’s ears prick up. ‘You in the mood for a performance, girl?’ he called out.

Sandy didn’t answer – because dogs can’t talk, obviously – but Jack seemed to take her silence as a yes. He fired up the CD player and skipped to the third track.

I raised one eyebrow. ‘The Neighbours theme?’

‘Yeah. She’s a funny dog, this is one of the only songs she’ll perform to. Right, Sand, after three.’

He counted her in and I laughed as the two of them performed an impromptu duet for me, Jack on vocals and Sandy on hound-dog backing.

Neighbours…

Hooooowl!

Everybody needs good neighbours…

Owoooool!

With a little understanding…

Owowohowoool!

You can find the perfect frieeeend…

When they’d finished, Jack grinned at me.

‘So? Reckon we’ve got a shot at Britain’s Got Talent?’

I smiled. ‘Wouldn’t hold your breath. Still, impressive. Can she sing anything else?’

‘She quite likes Radiohead, but she only gets that on her birthday. I’m not a fan.’

We sat in silence a while, listening to the music. White Lace and Promises by The Carpenters came on next, which for my benefit Jack quickly skipped over, then some Tony Bennett. P!nk, Green Day, a bit of Paul Simon…

I nodded to the CD player. ‘That’s some eclectic music taste you’ve got going on.’

‘Not mine really. Someone I once knew made me this mixtape – well, mix-CD.’ He shot a curious glance my way. ‘How old are you anyway?’

‘Twenty-six. Why?’

‘You know what a mixtape is?’

‘Yeah. I saw one once in a museum, sandwiched between a dial-up modem and a copy of The Breakfast Club on Betamax.’

‘Funny.’

‘How old are you then?’ I asked, looking him up and down. I’d guessed he was a few years older than me, but I was finding it hard to put my finger on just how many.

‘Twenty-one.’

‘That’s a whopping fib.’

‘Okay, twenty-one and a half.’

I flashed him a smile. ‘You’re an odd bloke. Have you always lived like this, just going from one place to the next?’

‘No. But I live like this now.’

‘Fun?’

He shrugged. ‘Bit lonely, but it’s how I like things. I can’t stand to feel trapped.’ He reached over to squeeze my elbow. ‘Keep your eyes open. One of the most spectacular views on the planet coming up just around this bend.’

I’d seen it a hundred times, but it still had the power to punch the breath right out of me. We turned the camper round a corner, and it hit me. The most beautiful stretch of water in the Lakes.

On that cloudless early May evening, Wastwater looked like it had come straight from a kiddy’s paintbox: cobalt blue and glistening. Beyond it rose the distinctive peaks of Great Gable and its brothers – Scafell and the other one I could never remember the name of, though my dad had told me enough times when I was little. They were still dusted on top with a sugaring of late snow.

‘Incredible, isn’t it?’ I said to Jack in a hushed voice.

‘I know.’ He glanced at me. ‘Makes all our petty human problems seem not so bad, eh?’

It did a bit. This was the worst day of my life, the day everything I’d worked for and invested in had come crashing down around me. But something about the awesome natural wonders looming ahead reminded me, deep in my belly, that life was still worth the living. Just as long as there could be this in it.

‘Oh, can you wind your window down?’ I asked Jack. There was something I needed to do.

‘Um, okay,’ he said, looking puzzled.

When he’d done as I asked, I slid the spanking new wedding ring Ethan had given me just hours earlier off my finger, along with my engagement ring, leaned over Jack and chucked them as hard as I could in the direction of the lake.

‘Something shiny for the mermaids,’ I said with a shaky smile.

I gave Jack Aunty Julia’s address in Wasdale Head, and a quarter of an hour later we were at the door of her little whitewashed cottage. Just the sight of it filled me with relief. The feeling of being utterly alone in the world gradually subsided as I ran my gaze over the familiar climbing briers around the door.

‘Are you sure you’ll be okay, Kitty?’ Jack asked.

‘I’ll be okay. Aunty Julia’ll look after me.’

‘Here.’ He took out his wallet and passed me a note – £50.

I shook my head. ‘I can’t take that.’

‘Please. Just in case you need it. You can pay me back when you’re all sorted again.’

‘How? You haven’t even got an address.’

‘The universe will sort it out. These things have ways of settling themselves.’

‘I can’t, Jack, really. You’ve done enough for me.’

‘I insist. And I’m refusing to take it back, so… ner.’ He poked his tongue out at me. I couldn’t help smiling.

‘Thank you,’ I said, squeezing his hand. ‘For everything.’

I got out, then stood following the campervan with my eyes until it was just a tangerine speck in the distance. Finally, it disappeared and I was alone again.

Chapter 3

Aunty Julia was my dad’s sister, the closest relative I had outside Elden. Since I was a little girl, when Dad and I had visited regularly to fish in the lake, I’d thought of the little whitewashed cottage and my aunty’s smiling presence as things that meant safety. It had always felt more like home than the stark, minimalist innards of my mum’s house.

I still made the trip up whenever I could and Aunty Julia, who had no kids of her own, always welcomed me with child-like excitement. Whether she’d do the same today, I wasn’t sure.

As I knocked at the door, a vivid picture of little me wading in the shallows of Wastwater with my jeans rolled to the knee, clutching a jam jar full of minnows while Dad did the grown-up fishing and Aunty Julia laid out a picnic on the bank, popped up in my mind. It made me smile in spite of everything. The fishing trips were my happiest memories, although since losing Dad they often came with a tear served on the side.

I waited impatiently for Aunty Julia to let me in. Even though I was a good hundred miles from Butterfield Farm where, if I was lucky, my family and friends were still enjoying a wedding reception they hadn’t noticed was now Kittyless, I felt paranoid being out in the open air, ultra-conspicuous in my daft bloody ballgown.

‘Hello, can I – oh my goodness!’ Aunty Julia said when she answered my knock, her eyes widening. ‘Kitty, look at you! What on earth are you doing here?’

‘Hiya.’ I bent over her wheelchair to give her a kiss.

‘Is Ethan with you? I don’t understand, Kitty. Why aren’t you at the reception?’

‘Can I come in before we get into all that?’

‘Yes,’ she said, blinking. ‘Yes, of course, my love. Come through to the front room.’

I followed her in and took a seat on the sofa.

‘How did you get here, dear? Where’s Ethan? How will you get back?’ She didn’t seem to know which question to fire at me first.

‘Ethan’s at the reception. I got here in an orange campervan with an Irish children’s author and his pregnant karaoke-singing dog. And I’m not going back.’

‘What do you mean, you’re not going back?’

My stomach gave a growl, its way of reminding me that even fugitives needed to eat. I hadn’t had a bite since pre-wedding nerves had kicked in to hurl yesterday’s lunch down the loo the evening before. I’d been feeling pretty sick all day, first with nerves and then the shock I’d got at the reception, and my energy levels were drained.

‘Have you got any biscuits, Aunty J? Or a ham sandwich or something? I’m starved.’

‘Yes.’ She recovered herself slightly. ‘Yes, yes, of course. I’ll make us some tea and see what I have in.’

She wheeled herself to the specially adapted open-plan kitchen, coming back ten minutes later with a plate of chocolate digestives, some finger sandwiches and a steaming mug of tea each. I tucked in ravenously.

‘Don’t wolf it down like that, Kitty. You’ll make yourself sick.’

‘Sorry,’ I said, gulping down a sandwich. ‘Not eaten for twenty-four hours.’

She scanned my crumpled clothes and tangled hair with concern. ‘No offence, dear, but you look like you’ve fallen out of a bird’s nest. What on earth have you been doing with yourself?’

I felt a wave of nausea as I gagged on the last bite of sandwich, but I forced it down.

‘I’ve been hitch-hiking,’ I said. ‘Bit of an experience. Still, one thing I can cross off my bucket list, eh?’

‘Don’t joke, Kitty. This is serious.’

‘You’ve got no idea,’ I said through a mouthful of digestive.

‘What did you mean when you said you weren’t going home?’

‘What I said. I can’t go back, Aunty.’ The mental picture of what I’d seen at the reception rose up in my mind, and I choked on a sob. ‘I’m never going back.’

‘But why?’

‘Something happened. At the wedding reception. Something… something really bad.’

‘With Ethan?’ Her eyes were round. ‘Did he hurt you, Kitty? He didn’t, did he? Surely not.’

In her free time, Aunty Julia volunteered at a women’s refuge, and she had her own bit of history in that department too – dear departed Uncle Ken, widely known among the family as ‘that bastard’. So it was no great surprise that violence was her first thought.

‘Nothing like that.’ I tried to push back my tears, but they wouldn’t stop coming.

‘Then what? Was there – you didn’t find him with someone else?’

I turned my face away to gaze out of the window. ‘I’d really rather not talk about it just yet. It’s… kind of raw.’

She stared at me for a moment, mouth open, as if she was struggling to take it all in.

‘But you can’t just run away,’ she said at last. ‘What about your mother? She’ll be worried sick.’

‘She’ll cope,’ I muttered.

‘Let me call her, dear. She can take you home, and if Ethan’s done something—’ Her brow lowered. ‘Well, never you mind about that. He won’t be able to hurt you, we’ll see to it.’

‘No,’ I said sharply. ‘No. I don’t want you to call her. Please.’

‘But she’ll be so anxious when she finds you’re gone. At least let me tell her you’re safe. Then you can stay here for a few days until you’re calmer and we can work out what to do when you get home.’

‘I told you, I’m not going home.’

‘Then where will you go?’

I flushed. ‘Well, I was hoping I could stay here. Just for a little while, until I can make a new start somewhere.’

She shook her head, bewildered. ‘A new start! Don’t you think that’s a little extreme? I mean, your job. Your friends, your family, your house…’

‘It’s Ethan’s house. And there’s nothing in that life I want to go back for now.’

‘You can’t let him chase you away, Kitty. Elden’s your home.’

‘Not any more.’ I finally surrendered and let the tears flow. ‘I can give up or I can start again, Aunty J. And really, I just want to give up. But something won’t let me.’

‘Oh, Kitty…’

She wheeled herself closer and put her arm around me. She had that comforting smell she always had, a combination of some floral perfume and the spicy aniseed tang of the cream she used for muscle pain.

‘Now, don’t you worry about a thing,’ she said gently. ‘What can I do for you, my love? Tell me what you need from me.’

‘Can I stay? Just for a bit.’

‘Of course you can, for as long as you want to. But I wish you’d let me call your mother. You need to be with your family.’

‘You’re my family.’

She smiled. ‘Yes, I suppose I am. Well, dear, how about you go upstairs and run yourself a bubble bath? Get out of that silly dress and into a nice fluffy bathrobe while I make us something yummy for tea? You need something a bit more substantial than ham sandwiches, I think. You’re looking very peaky.’

I sniffed, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. ‘That sounds nice.’ I pecked her cheek. ‘Thanks, Aunty, I knew I could count on you. Love you.’

Upstairs in the bathroom, a huge corner bath gaped welcomingly. I turned on the hot tap, and watched as the steaming jet started to fill the tub. There was some lavender-fragranced bubble bath next to the tap, so I threw a bit in.

God, it was nice to feel safe again. Grounded.

I pulled off my wellies, then glanced down at my dress, which was a bit worse for wear by now.

I remembered the day I’d got it; how excited I’d been at the colour, the cut, the fit. Nan had been with me. I could picture her zipping me into it and the quaint little blessing she’d muttered in the accent that even after fifty years in Yorkshire, still had a trace of County Kerry about it – ‘health to wear it, strength to tear it, money to buy another’. Then she’d kissed me, told me I was beautiful. Told me how proud my dad would’ve been if he’d been around to see me.

I wished I could call her, just to hear her voice for five minutes.

I hunted around the bathroom for a towel, but there didn’t seem to be any. Opening the door, I went to ask Aunty Julia where she kept them these days.

At the top of the stairs, I stopped. I could hear muttered speech. Who was she talking to? Glancing down, I saw her on the phone in the hallway.

‘Yes, she’s here, safe and sound,’ she was saying in a low voice. ‘No, she won’t tell me. Ethan must really have done something terrible to get her into that state. Complete breakdown, it looks like.’

She paused while the person on the other end of the line said something.

‘No, you never trusted him, did you? I should’ve listened. But Kitty was so besotted with him, and he seemed such a nice boy, I did think… ah well. I suppose my record’s against me.’ She sighed. ‘Poor little girl. What can we do for her now?’

Another pause, then:

‘Are you sure? She seems quite adamant she doesn’t want to go home. Of course, she’ll calm down after a few days, but maybe she’s better off here until then?’

She paused again. ‘Okay, if you’re positive it’s for the best, you’d better come and fetch her. I’ll look after her till you get here. Bye, Petra.’

I stiffened, then dashed back into the bathroom to yank my wellies back on.

My stomach lurched painfully, and I threw myself over the toilet bowl as the sandwiches I’d just eaten came back up. When I’d retched out the entire contents of my gut, I flushed the loo and rinsed my mouth out over the sink, staring at the pale alien looking back at me from the mirror.

I couldn’t believe it! She’d only gone and called Mum, after I’d specifically asked her not to! Aunty Julia, the one person I’d really believed would be on my side; the person I loved and trusted most out of everyone.

But there was no time to reflect on my second sickening betrayal of the day. From the sounds of it, my mum was already heading this way to take me home.

I had to get out.

Quietly I turned the bathroom lock to shut myself in. Then I opened the window and looked down.

Yep. It was happening. I was going to do something I’d only ever seen in films, something that twenty-four hours ago I could never have imagined myself doing.

I was going to shin down a drainpipe. In my wedding dress and wellies, like some low-budget Yorkshire remake of Kill Bill.

I eyed the iron drainpipe with trepidation. I didn’t have much time: if Mum set off right away she could be here in two hours, and I wanted to be as far away as possible by then. But I’d never climbed down a drainpipe before, and although I asked myself how hard it could really be, the ground seemed a long way off.

‘Kitty! Do you need a towel?’ Aunty Julia’s voice sailed up.

‘Er, no,’ I called back. ‘Managed to find one, thanks.’

Okay, that settled it. I needed to get out, before she cottoned on that something was up.

I turned off the taps. It might take Aunty Julia a while to work out I was gone, and I didn’t want to end up flooding her house.

Clambering up onto the sink as quietly as possible, I leaned out of the window to grab the drainpipe with both hands, my enormous flared skirt billowing over the porcelain. With a huge effort and a barely suppressed squeal, I managed to manoeuvre myself out, supporting my weight as best I could.

Still, as I scrambled down the pipe, trying not to look at the ground, it was really less of a climb than a slide. When I got to the bottom, the skin of both hands was friction-burnt and painful, little pieces of black paint dotting the palms where they’d embedded themselves in my flesh. I’d managed to tear my dress too, but that was the least of my worries.

Health to wear it, strength to tear it, money to buy another…

Money. I patted my bosom, where the £50 Jack had lent me was stashed in my bra. Thank God I hadn’t talked him into taking it back. It was all that was standing between me and complete destitution right now.

I started walking towards the road. Once I was out of sight of the house, I broke into a sprint. My plan was to get as far away as possible on foot, out of sight of Aunty Julia and any of her neighbours and friends who might recognise me, before I tried hitching another lift. Christ only knew where I’d end up spending the night. Hopefully there’d be a youth hostel or something that wouldn’t dent my £50 too much. As for what would happen to me after that, I had no idea. All I knew was, I’d rather sleep rough than go back to the place that used to be my home.

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