Born in Karachi and raised in West London‚ KHURRUM RAHMAN now lives in Berkshire with his wife and two sons. His love for films and books inspired him to start writing‚ and a hobby quickly became a passion.

Khurrum has written a movie screenplay which was acquired by a Danish film producer‚ but he is now concentrating on writing novels. He is currently working on a direct sequel to East of Hounslow.

To my two beautiful boys.

This is for you. This is because of you.

Contents

Cover

About the Author

Title Page

Dedication

Part One

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Part Two

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

Chapter 49

Chapter 50

Chapter 51

Chapter 52

Chapter 53

Chapter 54

Part Three

Chapter 55

Chapter 56

Chapter 57

Chapter 58

Chapter 59

Chapter 60

Chapter 61

Chapter 62

Chapter 63

Chapter 64

Chapter 65

Chapter 66

Chapter 67

Chapter 68

Chapter 69

Chapter 70

Chapter 71

Part Four

Chapter 72

Chapter 73

Chapter 74

Chapter 75

Chapter 76

Chapter 77

Chapter 78

Chapter 79

Chapter 80

Chapter 81

Chapter 82

Chapter 83

Chapter 84

Chapter 85

Chapter 86

Chapter 87

Chapter 88

Chapter 89

Chapter 90

Chapter 91

Chapter 92

Chapter 93

Epilogue

Acknowledgements

Copyright

Part One

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

– Mahatma Gandhi

1

My name is Javid Qasim. I am a Muslim‚ a British-born Muslim.

Do you know how many times I have been pulled over by the police since 9/11? Once. And that was because I was nonchalantly jumping lanes without indicating my intentions to my fellow drivers. I got a ticking off from the fuzz who were quite happy to forego the paperwork and give me a friendly warning. They didn’t even search my car‚ even though the stench of skunk was unmistakeable. To this day I am proud to say that I have never had my fingerprints taken.

Do you know how many times I have been racially abused since 7/7? Not even once. I get called Paki every day‚ but not in the what the fuck did you call me? way. In my circle it’s a term of endearment. You see‚ we know who we are. And what some may see as an insult‚ we see as a badge of fuckin’ honour. The word Pak means pure and the word Pak means clean. And if you didn’t know that‚ then consider yourself educated.

I’m not stupid or naïve. I am aware of exactly what is happening around me but you’ve got to play the game otherwise you might as well carry a big fat kick me sign on your back. Don’t walk around wearing a sodding shalwar and kameez with a great big dopey beard and drive around in a fuckin’ Honda. That’s when you get pulled over and that’s when you get racially abused. But not me. Why? ’Cos I play the game.

I know the plight of my Brothers and I know the struggle of my Sisters and I feel for them‚ every fuckin’ one of them. But what do you want me to do about it? No‚ man. It’s not my war. Call it religion or call it politics or call it greed. It all amounts to the same thing: bloodshed‚ devastation and broken homes. Why would I want to get my head into something like that? Especially since my life has basically been one sweet ride – not too different from my latest acquisition‚ a black BMW 5 series. It’s only two years old‚ less than thirty on the clock and it’s comfortable as fuck‚ which is essential in my line of work‚ as I spend a helluva lot of time in my car. It’s my mobile office. I picked it up for a cool twenty G. I paid over the odds but fuck it‚ I could afford it as business was ticking.

I was sitting in my ride at the back of Homebase car park in Isleworth‚ West London‚ waiting on a customer. He was late which would normally piss me off but I was otherwise distracted by all the shiny buttons and gadgets on my new whip. The speakers sounded sik and my nigga ’Pac never sounded so good as he rapped about dying young. I clocked my patron approaching and I couldn’t help but frown. This was exactly what I was talking about. He’s wearing a plain white suit shirt tucked into his tracksuit bottoms‚ finished off with a pair of Bata flip flops‚ looking like he just stepped off the fucking boat. I know for a fact that he’s forever being targeted because he looks like a fucking freshy. No one likes a freshy.

He looked around the car park and I realised I hadn’t told him that I’d replaced my Nova. I flashed my lights at him and his smile widened at the sight of my Beemer. He approached and walked around it whistling appreciatively‚ taking special notice of my customised rims. I slid my window down and told him to get the fuck in. He did and he slammed the door‚ hard. I bit my tongue.

‘Salaam‚ Brother.’

‘You’re late‚’ I said.

‘Sorry‚ Brother‚ I just came straight from the Masjid. Didn’t see you there. Then I remembered it’s only Thursday. You only ever come for Friday prayers‚ Javid‚’ he said‚ laughing at the unfunny observation.

We shook hands and the deal was done. He left with a fistful of Hounslow’s premium and I with a fistful of dollars. He slammed my door and toddled off in his ridiculous outfit. I hate that fuckin’ sanctimonious prick. In the space of a minute he vexed me twice. Firstly‚ he took a swipe at me because I don’t go the Masjid day in day out. It doesn’t make me any less of a Muslim than he is. So what if he decides to grow a beard and I decide to grow marijuana? I’m still a Muslim. I couldn’t care less if you sit in Aladdin’s eating your Halal Inferno Burger whilst I sit in Burger King eating a Whopper. I am still a Muslim. I’ll drink when I want‚ I’ll curse and I’ll fuck and I’ll gamble and I’ll get high. So what!? Read my lips. I. Am. Still. A. Muslim. I believe in Allah and only He can judge me. Not you. Or anyone else who walks this land.

Secondly‚ he called me Javid. No one‚ but no one‚ calls me Javid‚ not even my Mum. No self-respecting drug dealer is called Javid. No playa is called Javid. Girls don’t wanna be giving out their phone number to a guy called Javid.

Seriously.

Call me Jay.

2

I woke up in my own sweet time. I rubbed the shit out of my eyes as I ran my tongue over my pearly whites‚ which were anything but. It was Friday. Day of worship‚ day off from my daily dealing. On Friday I should be clean and my thoughts should be pure‚ which is not easy especially as Katrina Kaif‚ Bollywood sex siren‚ was staring down at me‚ wearing a sheer sari which had obviously been soaked whilst she was out singing and dancing in the heavy downpour. Her sari clung to her every arc and her smile was greeting me with more than just a good morning. I resisted the urge‚ instead averting my eyes to Malcom X‚ looking dapper in his black suit. The quote emblazoned at the foot of the poster read: If you’re not careful‚ the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed‚ and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. – Boom. There you have it‚ what a fucking line. I don’t know much about Malcom X‚ but he was a Muslim and made shit happen and he was friends with Muhammed Ali. I mean how many cool points is that? I had a couple of books on his life knocking around somewhere‚ which I hadn’t got around to reading‚ but I have seen the movie a couple of times. Denzel Washington’s portrayal was on the button.

Prayers was at one. Sutton Mosque was only a mile away but I still had to allow myself at least half an hour travel time because Friday prayers are always packed and there’s always traffic as Hondas and Nissans jostle for parking spots. I stayed in bed for a touch longer and browsed through my phone‚ hungry customers requiring merchandise. Sorry‚ not today. Hit me up tomorrow was my token reply. There was a text message from my Mum asking me if I wanted eggs for breakfast‚ sunny side up? Oh yes please was my response. She came back with Well you better go to the shops and buy some eggs. I could just picture her downstairs in the living room chuckling to herself whilst watching Phil and Holly. My mum is pretty cool‚ she ain’t like the other Asian parents where it’s all education‚ education‚ education.

We’d lived in the same house‚ just the two of us‚ all my life. I’d be hitting thirty in a couple of years but I had no intention of moving out. Have you seen the house prices? Fucking obscene! No shame living at home with your Mum‚ especially if you’re Asian. It’s the norm. I may not be where I expected to be by this stage of my life‚ but‚ you know… Fuck it! Got my health‚ a few quid in my pocket. Life ain’t so bad. Well-doers telling me to knock dealing on the head‚ find a real job‚ get out of my comfort zone‚ the fuck I want to do that?

My old man died in a motorbike accident whilst I was still warm and developing inside Mum‚ so I never actually got to see him – so it’s not like I lost him because‚ really‚ I never had him. They had an arranged marriage and the accident occurred within the first year. Mum wasn’t too cut up about it either‚ as she once told me that she hadn’t got around to loving him yet. Anyway‚ Dad died. The world spun along and Mum and I spun along with it.

Mum doesn’t treat me like a child but on the flip side she doesn’t treat me like a man either. To her‚ I’m somewhere in-between. I realise that she dates and isn’t averse to a night out‚ and I know she knows that I’m out there getting up to all sorts‚ but as long as I’m not bringing the police to the door‚ and she’s not bringing guys home for me to call Dad‚ then it’s all good in the hood. We keep out of each other’s business‚ adhering to our unsaid rules.

*

In preparation for prayers‚ I took a thorough shower‚ the water hot enough to cleanse away all of my bodily sins. I rubbed and I scrubbed to compensate for my colourful lifestyle. I didn’t drink the night before because I did not want to be hungover at prayers‚ but I did party hard and I did toke hard and at the end of play‚ in the back of my Beemer‚ I spent some quality time with a half ’n’ half girl‚ christening my new car whilst listening to fuckin’ Beyonce‚ who‚ by the way‚ I can’t stand‚ but the chicks seem to like all that girl empowerment crap. I’m all for it. What do I care?

I brushed my whites twice in the shower and tried to get rid of the lingering taste of her in my mouth‚ concentrating in particular on my tongue‚ which felt like it was about to fall out of my mouth. My final act was to go to town down below – I have to be free from any sins. Have to be Pak.

It’s only on Fridays‚ when the Shaitan – Satan – is banished from my thoughts and replaced by Farishta – Angels – that I seem to spend all day feeling guilty. I put on my cleanest clothes‚ loose dark blue jeans with a plain black T-shirt. The tee has to be plain – no depiction of any unbelievers. That’s what Mr Prizada‚ the guy who runs the newsagents and after school Islam Studies‚ used to tell me back in the day. I selected my aftershave carefully‚ ensuring that there was no alcohol present. I chose my rattiest‚ tattiest‚ vagabond sneakers as they would be off and shelved as soon as I entered the mosque. Muslim or no Muslim‚ a thief is a thief is a thief and I’ve had a pair of Nike Air Jordan’s Limited Edition liberated from me in the past and I ain’t walking home in my socks again. Lesson learnt.

I was clean. I was dressed. But not quite ready. Even though I had showered and scrubbed to within an inch of my life‚ I had yet to perform Wudu – Ablution. Running order goes like this: wash hands and arms up to my elbow‚ three times. Rinse out my mouth‚ three times. Wash my face‚ three times. Wet my hands and run them from my forehead to the back of my head. Clean behind and in the grooves of my ears. Finally‚ wash each foot. Three times. All this had to be carried out with the right hand where possible. Now‚ between Wudu and the end of prayer‚ if I have to visit the toilet for a number one or indeed‚ a two‚ the Wudu is broken and has to be carried out again. If I happen to pass gas from behind‚ Wudu is broken. If I fall asleep‚ fall unconscious‚ bleed or vomit‚ Wudu is broken. Honestly‚ I find it tough‚ and I only do this once a week for Friday prayers. Others… Well‚ they do this five times a day‚ seven days a week.

I gave Mum a kiss and walked out of the house into the cold sunshine‚ my trusty rucksack tight against my back. I passed my old Vauxhall Nova and gave it a loving pat on the roof. It was my first car and it did me proud. It was going to kill me to sell it. With a press of a button the boot of my Beemer flipped open and I stashed the rucksack rammed full of bags of skunk and bundles of cash inside. Even though I don’t deal on Fridays I still had to have the bag nearby at all times‚ and that particular night I had to drop off the cash to Silas‚ my supplier‚ and pick up my cut and he’d decide whether to send me back with the leftover gear or replenish. I started the car and the air conditioning took mere seconds to kick in. I switched from CD to radio‚ as I couldn’t have rap music and all the profanities and sexualisation that comes with it polluting my pure mind‚ and I headed for Sutton Mosque.

*

I saw a handful of parking spaces directly outside the mosque. I double checked the time just in case I had turned up an hour early‚ and I wondered if the clocks had gone back and I was still on yesterday’s time. The mosque was normally rocking around this time‚ with wall to wall Pakis lining the streets. Instead‚ it was quiet.

With difficulty‚ I parallel parked in a tight spot directly outside the mosque. There were other‚ bigger spaces but I wanted everybody to see my ride. It took me a few attempts but I finally managed to squeeze in. As soon as I turned off the engine I realised that I couldn’t leave my car here‚ not with weed and unscrupulously collected money in the boot‚ so close to the House of God.

I whispered Bismillah to myself as I stepped into the near-empty mosque. The first person I saw was Kevin the Convert who was stood near the shoe rack‚ which‚ like the mosque itself‚ was near empty. Kevin was speaking animatedly to Mr Hamza the Cleric.

‘A crime reference number‚’ Kevin said‚ incredulously‚ waving a piece of paper in his hand. ‘And what? You think that is enough?’ Kevin scrunched up the paper and looked as though he was about to throw it to the floor in disgust‚ but thought better of it and handed it back to Mr Hamza.

‘Brother Kevin‚ we must stay strong‚’ Mr Hamza said in that same deadpan tone that we were accustomed to when he led Friday prayers. He flattened and neatly folded the piece of paper and put it into the side pocket of his kameez. ‘This is a time to keep your head and have faith. I know‚ just like you know‚ just like everybody knows‚ the Police will not help.’

‘So‚ why call them?’

Mr Hamza‚ smiled‚ revealing a gap in his teeth that‚ as kids‚ we used to rip the piss out of. ‘A crime has been committed‚ Brother. The police have to be called. Even though it is to give us a meaningless number‚ we must still adhere to the law of the land that we have chosen to reside in‚ otherwise we are just as wrong as the sinners around us.’

I removed my shoes and placed them on the shelf. I kept my head down and walked past them and into the main prayer hall.

What I saw made me sick.

Illustrated on the far wall‚ just above where the Imam led prayers‚ was spray painted a crude drawing of two pigs. From the mouth of one‚ a speech bubble read eat me or get the fuck out of my country. The second drawing was another pig adorned with explosives with the caption BOOM. I averted my eyes and looked up at the heavens and at the large‚ beautiful chandelier that had only just been purchased and installed after a whip round. Hanging from it were ladies’ undergarments. With shaky legs I walked around the prayer hall taking in the scene. Holy literature had been removed from the large bookshelf and thrown to the floor‚ replaced by printed images of naked women and homosexuals harshly tacked to the bookshelf. The prayer rug had been removed – offensive graffiti had been sprawled across it‚ I later learned – and I found myself standing on a hard cold floor.

What should have been a house full of Muslims standing side by side‚ praying in harmony and perfect synchronisation to Allah‚ was replaced by a dozen or so Brothers cleaning.

I glanced around the Prayer Hall‚ I watched one of the bearded regulars bring in a ladder and hold it under the chandelier‚ but as there was no wall nearby he had nowhere to lean it. He shook his head in frustration as he laid the ladder down. I looked on as another regular placed a table directly underneath the chandelier and then a chair on top of the table to give enough height. Between the two of them‚ one secured the chair and the other climbed onto the table and then comically and dangerously scaled up onto the chair. They removed the ladies undergarments‚ holding them with just their fingertips‚ and then swiftly disposed of them into a black bin liner.

I looked around for a familiar face and I spotted Parvez‚ who lived across the road from me. Parvez is by far the most infuriating guy I know and bizarrely also the nicest. We had history. He would hover around me like an irritating mosquito‚ always popping around my house unannounced. He would go on about Fear of Allah‚ Judgement Day‚ Taqwa and Hadith‚ amongst other teachings. He was harmless though and despite my efforts I couldn’t not like him.

Parvez was knelt down picking up broken prayer beads and books and not quite knowing what to do with them. I stooped down on the floor next to him and immediately started to help out. Parvez looked at me with glistening eyes and just like that I felt my own eyes spiking with tears. I blinked them away and placed my hands on his shoulders.

‘They’ve stained our home‚’ he said. ‘We must get the Masjid back to a state of cleanliness.’

‘Parvez. What the f— What happened?’ I said‚ watching my language. ‘I… I don’t understand. What happened?’

‘Kafirs‚’ Parvez said‚ by way of explanation. ‘Kafirs is what happened‚ Brother.’

‘But‚ how? There’s someone here at all times.’

Parvez shook his head and wiped away his tears. ‘Everything will come to light in due course‚ Inshallah‚ and we will act accordingly.’

I nodded in agreement even though I didn’t quite know what I was agreeing to.

3

I left the mosque feeling pretty good about myself. My initial anger had melted away and was replaced by something similar to… I don’t know what. Faith? Respect? Solidarity? There were initially only about a dozen of us cleaning the mosque. Word had spread fast via social media and old fashioned word of mouth that Sutton Mosque had taken a beating. I wasn’t surprised that word hadn’t reached me; I didn’t move in those circles. The regulars were redirected to attend neighbouring mosques for the all-important Friday prayers‚ but as soon as prayers were over and the clock hit two‚ Pakis turned up like they were giving away free samosas.

No word of a lie‚ about two hundred of them all bearing the necessary tools: bleach‚ rubber gloves‚ tins of white paint and paint brushes‚ mops‚ refreshments and of course some of the finest home-cooked‚ butter-infested‚ blazing hot‚ heart-attack-inducing food. I watched as they made a social event of the whole scene. There was the sound of laughter bouncing off the walls‚ there were tears and embraces. The hall was treated to a brand new paint job and a local Sikh businessman – a Sikh‚ the old enemy! – who owned Punjabi Carpets‚ graciously donated a variety of new carpets and rugs until the prayer mats were replaced.

We turned that place inside out‚ leaving it looking brand new‚ and we left feeling holier than thou.

Those stupid fucking two-bit vandalising motherfuckers didn’t know the first thing about Islam and about our strength within. Attack us again. Go on‚ I fucking dare you.

My phone rang as I approached my Beemer. Before answering‚ first things first‚ I checked the boot and made sure that the gear and the bills hadn’t been jacked. Satisfied‚ I checked my caller display. It was Parvez. What’s he want? I had just spent the best part of the day with him‚ helping to clear up the mosque. I hoped he wasn’t taking the time we’d spent together to be some sort of bonding session‚ and he now wanted to hang out with the cool kids. He was a good guy‚ but well and truly part of the God Squad‚ and I think he’d always seen me as some sort of project. Parvez the Preacher‚ we called him. I ignored the call and pocketed my phone.

I closed my boot and over the roof of my car I saw the cops walking towards me. Just one copper‚ actually. He wasn’t in uniform but I have a sixth sense when it comes to picking out the fuzz from a line up.

And besides‚ this particular copper happened to be my best friend‚ Idris Zaidi.

I would never tell him this but Idris is one cool motherfucker‚ and the reason I would never tell him this is because he knows he’s one cool motherfucker and I don’t feel the need to indulge his already inflated ego. We go back to day dot‚ born within a day of each other. Our mums became friends in the maternity ward at West Mid Hospital. Aunty actually helped Mum a lot during that period‚ as my old man was busy decomposing. They were like sisters‚ and we like brothers. We were at nursery together‚ and then we hit junior school hard‚ making the right noises and earning respect at the grand old age of nine or whatever the fuck it was. Right little tearaways. But it was secondary school when things turned somewhat. Idris showed more of an interest in his studies and I showed the same commitment towards having a good time. The amateur shrinks amongst you would probably put that down to the lack of a father figure‚ but I was too busy having a good time to give it thought. So‚ soon-to-be PC Plod plodded off to university‚ and did pretty well too‚ according to the Masters degree hanging askew over his fireplace. He became a cop and I became a robber. Or‚ to put it more accurately‚ he a detective and I a dealer.

As Idris approached I surreptitiously checked him out. A dark blue casual blazer‚ with a crisp blue shirt. Wrapped around his neck in a loose knot was a lightweight black-and-white polka-dot scarf designed for design rather than to serve purpose. A pair of tight skinny grey trousers which made me wonder how the fuck he was going to give chase if the occasion occurred. Nice shoes though‚ black suede Fila hi-tops.

We shook and I nodded for him to jump in. I waited nonchalantly for him to acknowledge my new whip.

‘Nice‚’ Idris said‚ smirking at me knowingly. Always knowingly.

‘Yeah‚ it’s alright. Gets me from A to B.’

‘Look at you trying to act cool with your new ride‚ you crack me up.’

‘So‚ what’s the latest? You don’t call‚ you don’t write. Bad guys keeping you busy?’

‘Yeah.’ He smiled. ‘Something like that. Keeps me in a job.’

My phone rang again‚ I looked at the display and frowned. ‘Shit. Parvez!’

‘The Preacher? That Parvez?’ Idris asked.

‘Yep. One and the same‚’ I said‚ weighing up whether to answer it or not. ‘I better get it. It’s the second time he’s called in the space of a minute. Hang on.’

‘He loves you‚ you know that‚ right?’ Idris said‚ poking me in the ribs. ‘He lurves you!’

‘Fuck off.’ I swiped my screen and answered. ‘Yeah‚ Parvez. ’Sup?’

‘Aslamalykum‚ Brother.’ Parvez said. ‘Thanks for helping out today.’ Helping out? I didn’t like the way he said that. He didn’t mean to say it in that way‚ but it came across as a touch patronising and it wound me the fuck up.

‘Of course.’ I said. ‘Thank you for helping out today.’ Yeah‚ that’s right! How you like me now? Two can play that game.

Parvez comes back with. ‘Please‚ Brother. It was my duty‚ my Farz.’

Oh‚ I give up. He played the Farz card. Fine. Whatever. You’re a better Muslim than me. Sanctimony is not becoming. I inserted the key into the ignition and the Bluetooth immediately kicked in and the technology gave me a small thrill as I placed my phone down on the centre console. However‚ my thrill was short lived as Parvez’s voice was now emanating through my Blaupunkt speakers‚ sounding twice as annoying.

‘Am… Am I on speaker?’ Parvez asked‚ at the change in transmission.

‘Yeah… So‚ what’s going on?’

‘Right. So some of the Brothers are assembling at Ali’s Diner at eight tonight.’

‘And?’

‘We need to talk about what happened at the Masjid. Discuss best way forward. Security and that. You know?’

‘Yeah‚ I know‚’ I sighed. I looked at Idris who was predictably shaking his head at me. I turned away from him. ‘What time?’

‘Eight‚ Brother. I’ll see you there‚ yes?’

‘Yeah‚ cool. In a bit.’ I ended the call.

‘Really‚ Jay?’ Idris exclaimed.

‘Uh… Did you not hear what happened at the mosque?’ I asked‚ sounding defensive. ‘I’ve just come from there. It was a state. I helped with the cleaning. Man‚ we turned that place inside out.’

‘So‚ you helped out‚ right?’

‘Yeah‚ course. I was there most of the day. I don’t recall seeing you there.’

‘I was at work‚ you twat. What I’m saying is‚ you’ve done your bit. What is there left to do?’

I shrugged. I was an accomplished shrugger. I had a shrug for every occasion. This one was slight‚ barely a movement‚ a little lift of the shoulders. A shrug that said‚ maybe something‚ maybe nothing.

‘Are you going to track them down with the rest of the Brothers?’ He said‚ and I could just feel the cynicism dripping in his tone. ‘And then what‚ you going to give them a good beating? Maybe someone would be kind enough to stab one of them‚ so this will never happen again.’

‘Look‚ calm down‚ Detective Inspector! Chill‚ man. Take your copper’s hat off for a minute and put on your Paki hat and see it from our point of view. Something like this happens‚ people just need to vent and be around others akin to them.’

I hadn’t realised until I’d finished that I’d raised my voice.

Idris looked at me with elevated eyebrows. ‘Akin?’

‘Yeah‚ fucking akin. I can throw down an akin when the moment takes me. Or do I need a diploma?’

‘All I’m saying‚ Jay… Find another way to help. Sitting in a room full of angry Muslims isn’t healthy. You want to help‚ do it another way.’

‘What other way?’

‘I don’t know‚ Jay. Just another way.’

‘I’m not you‚ Idris‚’ I said.

He looked out of the passenger window‚ I fiddled with the temperature controls on my dash. Silence filled the car. It wasn’t awkward. We were tight enough not to feel the need to fill the airwaves with inane chatter. Silence sat comfortably with us. After a spell I broke it.

‘Is there any heat on me?’

‘No‚ Jay. Not heard any whispers. Just keep discreet and don’t make any stupid moves‚’ Idris said‚ eyes roving all over my car.

‘It’s under Mum’s name. Asian parents are always buying cars for their kids‚ right?’

‘Yeah‚ maybe‚’ he said.

‘What?’

‘What? Nothing!’

‘I know you wanna say something. Say it.’

Idris sighed. Then he shrugged. His shrug wasn’t as good as mine. It was exaggerated‚ shoulders touching his ears. Then he sighed some more.

‘Fuck’s sake. What‚ Idris?’

‘Jay. We go back a long way‚ right? Me and you‚ we’re like brothers. Fuck that‚ we are brothers and I know you better than you know yourself.’

‘Yeah. And?’

‘So‚ I know that you can’t be happy with what you’re doing. You’re smart‚ Jay. You’re one of the most creative guys I know. You can do better than this. Yes‚ you’re making some money but is this what it’s going to be like for the rest of your life? You’re not on our radar because you’re low level but inevitably—’

‘I can’t be doing a Dolly Parton‚ Idris. Starters‚ I got no qualifications. So what are my options? Burger King‚ security guard‚ baggage handler? Nah‚ you’re alright‚ mate. Not for me.’

‘Start a business… A legit business.’

I wasn’t about to tell him about the rented one-bedroom flat in Cranford. Fluorescent lamps‚ bags of skunk seeds and soil‚ the fucking lot. It was a rash decision‚ a moment of grandeur delusions‚ one I realised that I could not have gone through with. I planned to clear it out at my first opportunity.

‘You must have some savings by now‚’ he continued. ‘You’ve been doing this forever.’

I shook my head.

‘What? Nothing?’

‘You’re sitting in it‚’ I said‚ sheepishly.

‘You spent it all on the car?’ He sounded incredulous. I felt stupid. He smiled at me.

A smile laced with sympathy.

4

Kingsley Parker sat alone in a large conference room at the head of the table. He twirled aimlessly in his chair and wondered how many decisions had been made in this very room? How many lives saved and how many lives destroyed? Which number was greater? Parker looked up at the clock and then at his phone‚ which was sitting face-up on the huge table. It rang as he knew it would. He answered on the first ring.

‘Tell me‚’ Kingsley Parker said. ‘How’s our boy?’

*

At Thames House‚ 12 Milbank‚ MI5‚ his colleagues referred to him as Chalk. Parker had earned the nickname in 2003 when he was part of – in his view – the huge joke that was the invasion of Iraq and the search for weapons of mass destruction. A joke with a devastating punchline.

He had been travelling late one night or early in the morning‚ by himself‚ against orders‚ in search of some company. It was a road often travelled by others within his regiment‚ soldiers who missed the touch of a loved one. But it was also a road that‚ at this time of the night‚ was deemed too dangerous to travel. There had been sightings of Iraqi insurgents‚ various reports of kidnappings‚ some which led to the beheadings that were broadcast by the local news stations and online across the world.

It didn’t matter to Parker. He was so strung out from battle that he welcomed the risk. Craved it. He told himself it wasn’t just the sex but the need to be held tight‚ to be embraced‚ and to alleviate the frustration and anger and guilt that consumed him at having to fight such a shitty war.

Parker had drunk deeply but hadn’t quite arrived at drunk. He was singing along to Elvis Costello when his headlights picked out the body of a young girl lying across the road. He smiled to himself as he slowed down. The girl looked to be no older than seven or eight but it was hard to establish as she was curled up into a ball with her back to him. Never had he seen such an obvious set up‚ the body placed just too perfectly. He stopped the car forty yards short and pulled the freshly cleaned Browning handgun from his shoulder holster.

He watched the shadows on either side of the road and from his combats he slipped out a flask and took a generous sip. Parker knew he could continue driving‚ there was enough room either side of the girl to manoeuvre through. But he was tired. Tired of fucking Iraq. Tired of being part of something that had such sharp teeth but no intelligence. The loss of so many homes and lives. The women and the children and the livelihoods. Tired of the trigger he himself often had to pull. Parker knew he had taken out important high-value targets‚ but at what fucking cost? His sleep was punctuated with nightmares and a recurring dream of a nameless‚ faceless boy watching his father mowed down‚ his mother obliterated and his home redecorated. It was waking from that nightmare which had propelled him into a government-issued vehicle‚ down a dangerous track‚ in search of the warm embrace of a warm body.

Parker switched the headlights off‚ and disabled the interior lights which would have illuminated him when he opened the door. Even half-cut he wasn’t going to be anyone’s target. He rolled out of the vehicle and as soon as his boots found purchase on the floor his adrenaline kicked in. He spun away from the vehicle into the dense shadows at the side of the road‚ cocooned by darkness. In his fast-beating heart he knew that this could be the time and place where it all ended for him‚ but maybe that’s the way it had to be. God’s will. Parker was not a religious man but too often recently he had woken petrified that when the time came he really would be cast down into the dark depths of a volcanic hell‚ because he hadn’t used his own God-given mind‚ and instead had just followed orders. The orders that left him looking at shattered bodies.

There was no easy way to do this so he just walked confidently towards the girl. His eyes adjusted to the starry night‚ and with the light of a quarter moon he could see the girl’s shoulders rise and fall ever so slightly. The way she was laid looked as though she had been placed comfortably in bed and had drifted off to sleep‚ after her father had told her a sweet bedtime story‚ about how he would protect her from all the evil soldiers.

Any small doubt that Parker might have had about this being a set-up vanished. Any thoughts he had about this girl being genuinely injured‚ vanished.

Parker closed his eyes and said a simple prayer. Not a rehearsed prayer‚ ripped out of a book‚ but a genuinely heartfelt prayer. He asked to be forgiven. He asked for his family to be protected. But most of all he asked for peace. Parker opened his eyes.

The body had gone.

The girl was now standing on the side of the road glaring victoriously at him. He smiled warmly at her and nodded and then he turned his attention to the three men who were standing in front of him.

The first thing he noticed was that they were all carrying Kalashnikov automatic rifles‚ but it wasn’t this that disturbed him. It was their footwear. They were all wearing US military issue heavy-duty desert boots. Trophies. Were they stolen or crudely removed from a still-warm body? Parker’s eyes travelled up away from the boots and to the bright white cotton shalwar and kameez speckled in fresh dirt which they would have picked up as they lay on their stomachs in the grass‚ hiding and waiting for him to step out of the jeep. Each face was covered tightly with red and white chequered ghutrah scarves.

Three sets of nervous eyes accosted him. Angry‚ accusing‚ reckless. One of them spoke. Parker couldn’t tell which one as the mouth was trapped behind the ghutrah and the sound came out muffled but unmistakeably audible.

‘Put your hands up… Now! Hands in the air.’ The accent heavy and guttural.

Parker slowly put his hands up in the air‚ bent at the elbows. Okay. So this is what death’s door looked like. His life didn’t flash before his eyes‚ instead he thought with regret that he wished he wasn’t wearing his military fatigues. If he’d had a choice he would have wanted to die clean‚ and not covered head to toe in the clothes in which he had shed so much blood.

‘Throw your weapon to the ground. Slowly… Do it now!’ another voice‚ younger‚ instructed.

Rather than do as instructed‚ Parker reached down with his right hand and removed the Browning from the small of his back and brought it down to his side. Gun pointing to the floor‚ his finger caressing the trigger. Three pairs of eyes widened‚ their plan to take him hostage and execute him on film no longer an option. Kalashnikovs moved into shooting position‚ the safety switch notoriously cumbersome to operate.

Kingsley Parker lifted his holding arm and shot the one to his left in the neck and blood sprayed out towards Parker’s face‚ but before the blood had reached him Parker had put a bullet between the eyes of the man in the middle. A burst of fire came from the last man standing but Parker was already moving. He dropped low‚ and as he rolled away his left hand joined his right and steadied the Browning. A quick double tap to the chest dropped the third man.

Parker swung left and trained his gun at the girl. Only her eyes were on him. No risk there. He swivelled back to the men just as they were falling‚ bodies overlapping and twitching momentarily. At first glance it was impossible to establish who the tangled limbs belonged to. Parker covered them with his gun but they were no longer a threat. Just dead men. Fighting a cause.

Somebody’s husband… Somebody’s brother… Somebody’s father.

The fight went out of Parker as quickly as it had arrived. He turned his attention back to the girl. She took a tentative step towards him‚ and another‚ moving faster with each step‚ almost running towards him. Parker holstered his piece and opened his arms knowing she needed him and he needed to hug her‚ that this was the embrace he had been craving‚ the embrace which just for a minute would make him forget where and who he was‚ and would dispel the nightmares.

He felt tears spike his eyes. The little girl ran towards him‚ and with as much force as a child could muster‚ kicked him in the shin and continued running. It was bloody agony and Parker hopped on one leg‚ trying to hold his shin‚ and then stumbled onto the ground on his back.

He laid in the dust and laughed loudly and didn’t care who heard him‚ didn’t care about the fact that there were three dead bodies alongside him with their eyes open staring up into the beautiful night.

It turned out one of the men that he had killed was a high-value target‚ according to the deck of playing cards he carried with him at all times. 9 of Clubs. Mahmud Al-Aziz. When this story did the rounds back at headquarters‚ how he took out three Kalashnikov-carrying Iraqi insurgents with only a Browning‚ his nickname was born. Quick on the draw. Chalk.

That was the last time Kingsley ‘Chalk’ Parker had fired a weapon in anger.

*

A little over a decade later‚ after heavy counselling‚ and after resigning his commission‚ Parker found himself working for MI5.

Demons compartmentalised.

It was due largely to the one man that Parker trusted without question‚ that he had allowed himself back into an ongoing war. Major General Sinclair Stewart had played a big role in convincing Parker and‚ in some part‚ convincing the Director of Counter Terrorism at MI5‚ that Parker would be key in locating and capturing The Teacher‚ their highest target and the leader of the terrorist group Ghurfat-al-Mudarris.

Not much had been known about The Teacher but he was assumed to be responsible for a number of attacks that had taken place‚ solely against the West. Many of those who worked under his command‚ who were involved directly in the attacks‚ were British Muslims‚ based in Luton‚ Blackburn‚ Coventry and London. Some died in the name of religion‚ others were detained. But none spoke. That was the respect that The Teacher commanded from his pupils.

*

‘Some activity‚ sir‚’ said the voice on the phone. His name was Teddy Lawrence. He was new to the job and already pissed off with the bullshit of the no-value‚ no-purpose surveillance he was tasked with. ‘You know about the attack on Sutton Mosque?’

‘I do‚’ said Parker. ‘Our boy was there?’

‘That’s affirmative. For almost five hours. Cleaning operation‚ started small but escalated quickly.’

‘I can imagine… Who do we like for it?’

‘I’m not sure‚ sir. It’s being looked into. Just vandals I guess‚ sir.’

‘This is more than that‚ Lawrence. This could get nasty. It will get nasty. The Muslim community will without doubt take action.’

‘I agree‚ but whatever happens will be domestic. It’s not our place… Not yet.’

‘Anything else?’ Parker asked.

‘There’s a meet tonight at twenty-hundred hours at Ali’s Diner in Cranford‚ West London. Not far from Heathrow Airport.’

‘Keep eyes on our boy. He may make an appearance.’

Hesitation. A barely heard sigh. ‘Yes‚ sir.’

‘What is it?’ Parker asked.

‘We’ve been on him for twenty-one days. He’s low key. Just another dealer. I don’t know what to tell you. Nothing to report‚ nothing sticks out.’

‘Stay on him‚’ Parker instructed. ‘He’s the one.’

5

Ali’s Diner is a place where everyone knows your name. And your business. It’s not often that you see an unfamiliar face in there. Mosque goers‚ students‚ Aunty-Jis and Uncle-Ji’s‚ the Somalis‚ the small Irish contingent that operate out of the neighbouring estate agents‚ all frequent visitors. There are other eateries close by‚ but between Ali’s famous Volcano Burger and the Tawa Chicken Wrap they have no chance of long term survival.

Shishas‚ normally lined up against every wall‚ had been removed and replaced by more chairs and tables. Ali knew it was going to be a busy one‚ and Ali wasn’t one to miss a trick.

He was right‚ the place was rocking. Packed to the rafters. Ali usually flies solo but that day he had a small team of three assisting him. The stench of grease and meat attacked my senses and put me off my fried chicken. It hadn’t even turned eight and there we all were. United. And evidently hungry. The door opened with a jaunty chime‚ all eyes moved in sync towards it and the draught blew in the self-titled badass that is Khan Abdul. He was flanked by two equally mean-looking characters known as The Twins. They weren’t actually twins. In fact they couldn’t have looked more different. It was just a moniker that sounded vaguely cool based on the fact that they did everything together. Khan stood at the door and waited for everyone to take him in. Some of the older lot got up and heartily shook his hand and the younger lot looked up at him in awe‚ not yet having earned the respect to approach him.

Personally‚ I thought he was a twat. I wanted to share that thought with Parvez‚ who was sat opposite me‚ but with the way his mouth was open and his eyes twinkled‚ it was as if a Paki Father Christmas had just walked in.

Khan approached the counter and Ali greeted him with a masala chai. He took it in his meaty hand and sipped from it‚ scoping the room over the rim‚ ready to address his audience. The three of them were dressed almost identically‚ black baggy clique jeans and market-bought black leather jackets. There was enough leather to offend the Hindus and embarrass McDonalds. They looked like they had just stepped out of the nineties. That was my problem with Khan. He had never quite left that era‚ he had never quite grown up.

Around maybe the mid-nineties‚ Khan Abdul was part of the SL1 Crew. A gang mainly comprised of Muslim youths‚ some students and others on the dole. They operated out of Langley‚ Slough. The Holy Smokes and the Tooti Nungs‚ who ran Southall at that time‚ were comprised mainly of Sikhs and Hindus. So‚ not to be outdone‚ some dumb Pakis formed the SL1 Crew and like some fucked up Robin Hood and his Muslim Men‚ they got up to all sorts. But unlike the Smokes and the Nungs‚ they had no agenda. Well‚ no‚ that’s not true. The SL1 Crew did have an agenda. Trouble and Strife.

Local Muslim business encounters non-Muslim competition.

They stepped in.

Mixed relationship between a Muslim and a non-Muslim.

They stepped in.

Racially motivated attacks‚ protection rackets‚ joyriding‚ stabbings. You name it‚ they indulged in it. With pride.

Almost twenty years later‚ in his late forties‚ married with kids‚ Khan is still at it‚ desperately trying to hold on to his reputation. The SL1 Crew had long been forgotten about but Khan still waved the flag for thug mentality. Idiot.

The only reason why Khan is still respected‚ and will be until his days end‚ is because he stabbed the leader of rival gang who had raped a Muslim girl. Instant fucking hero status. It came to light after that it was actually consensual‚ and she only cried rape because she didn’t want her parents to find out. But that’s just details.

I watched him as he stood in front of the counter at Ali’s Diner‚ larger than life and twice as ugly. Ready to hold court.

‘Brothers‚’ Khan started and the room was excited.

‘Soldiers‚’ he continued and the room just about exploded.

I scoped the room and all around me people were hyper‚ some on their feet‚ thumping their chests with their fists‚ others thumping the table. Parvez shouted ‘Allah hu Akbar’ and that just seem to rile them even further and it was continuously repeated and echoed off the walls. This was the kind of reaction you would expect at the end of a decent speech not after two words. I could tell Khan was trying his hardest not to display a shit-eating grin. With open hands he requested for the room to quieten.

‘Our way of life has been compromised. Our religion has been attacked‚’ Khan said‚ clearly pleased with his obviously rehearsed opening gambit. He scratched the side of his stubbled face. ‘So‚ what do we do?’ Khan looked around the room‚ milking it. The question was clearly rhetorical‚ so no suggestions were forthcoming but the anticipation was palpable. ‘Do we continue our peaceful existence and hope that it doesn’t happen again? Or do we send a message out‚ loud and clear? All we want is to abide by the five pillars of Islam. We don’t want any trouble‚ we don’t want to bother you. We just want peace.’

What the fuck did Khan know about the five pillars of Islam? I bet he couldn’t name them. The closest Khan had ever got to Mecca was driving past the Mecca Bingo Hall in Hounslow High Street. I wanted to stand up and challenge him. Embarrass him. But I didn’t because I had grown fond of my teeth.

Idris was right‚ I should have stayed away. I looked at Parvez who was hanging onto every word‚ every letter that was coming out of Khan’s mouth. I looked at my watch‚ aware that I had to see Silas in a few hours. With time to kill‚ I sighed to myself and sloped down in my seat as Khan continued.

‘It wasn’t us that flew into the Twin Towers. We were sitting at home watching Jeremy Kyle or whatever when that shit happened. But yet they continue to blame anyone of colour. That is our bleak future and that is now. This will never end‚ we must stand together side by side‚ hand in hand and build an unbreakable chain. The power of Allah reigning through us‚ and if any of those fucking pig lovers try to penetrate us‚ we will drop them where they stand. Without fear and without consequence‚ because we are protected by the Almighty. No one can touch us. We will no longer be governed by rules and by laws which are designed by the Kafir for the Kafir… So my message to them is simply this: You touch us… We’ll touch you back.’

I could sense that the room was about to overreact again and explode into madness. Khan was counting on it with his whole plastic prophet speech‚ wanting to add another notch to his legacy. But before anyone had a chance to react‚ Shariff‚ a local community worker‚ stood up and‚ much to Khan’s annoyance‚ turned his back to him and addressed the room.

‘Brothers‚ I would just like to say that today I am proud to be a Muslim. The support and unity was evident at the clean-up at the Masjid… And look! Look around you right now. Taking time out of your busy lives to help find a better way. But… This is not it. We must use our heads‚ Brothers‚ and find a peaceful way forward. Violence does not resolve violence.’

‘Oi‚ Gandhi‚ sit the fuck back down‚’ Khan countered‚ but for the first time the dynamic of the room altered. Partly because Khan spoke rudely to a valued member of the community‚ and partly because of what Shariff had said – find a peaceful way forward. People started to fidget in their chairs as silence descended. Shariff turned to face Khan‚ staring at him challengingly. One of The Twins stepped forward with intent but Khan held him back.

‘You make a good point‚ Brother…’ Khan said.

‘Shariff.’

‘Shariff‚ right‚’ Khan said‚ making a mental note. It was clear that Shariff wasn’t going to be on Khan’s Eid card list. ‘We have tried and failed to find a peaceful way forward.’

Shariff snorted. ‘Khan‚ don’t be a fool.’ I swear the whole room took a sharp intake of breath as that word bounced around from ear to ear until it reached Khan and verbally slapped him in the face. ‘There is not a peaceful bone in your body. You came here only because you saw an opportunity. What is it with you? Why are you trying to corrupt our minds with revenge and violence? Is there not enough of that already? Like so many of us‚ you are a husband and you are a father. Think about our families‚ think about how they would cope if something happened to us… to you. And for what? Huh‚ for what? We attack them‚ then what happens? I’ll tell you what happens‚ a white version of you will give a similar speech to attack us right back and round and round we go‚ never able to break out of this deathly circle. And I don’t say that lightly‚ because there will be death. Eventually and inevitably. Is that what you want on your conscience‚ Khan?’

Khan’s smile didn’t wane but there was no mirth in it. He just nodded‚ with calculated eyes. ‘Brother Shariff. You have your way and I have mine. There is one jungle and one lion‚’ Khan continued. Left Twin narrowed his eyes in confusion as to where Khan was going with this off-script jungle/lion metaphor. ‘And when the lion is cornered he attacks with everything he has. That’s what we are. Lions!’

‘We are not animals‚ Khan. We are—’

‘Enough‚’ Khan shouted‚ loud enough for everyone’s Wudu to be broken. ‘This meeting is over‚’ he declared. As he looked around the room‚ his eyes stopped briefly on me before flitting away. ‘If you want to go against me then go home and put on your lipstick and bangles. Whoever is with me‚ meet me outside.’ He inhaled through his nose‚ nostrils flared and then with a puff of his chest Khan declared‚ ‘Tonight… we are soldiers.’

Unlike the last time when he’d referred to us as soldiers‚ and the room went fucking mental‚ this time‚ not a murmur. I could see the look on his face‚ he wore a crazy expression. Nothing good had ever come out of that expression.

Khan tried again. This time thumping his chest with his fist. ‘Soldiers of Islam…’ Again‚ nothing. No reaction‚ or at least not the one he was hoping for. ‘Soldiers of Allah!’ Man‚ he was getting desperate. I noticed Parvez‚ battling with himself‚ squirming in his chair. Parvez had always hero-worshipped Khan ever since I could remember‚ and now I could see his eyes siding with Khan. He started to rise from his chair; I grabbed his elbow and tried to force him back down.

‘Parvez. Don’t be a sap. Sit down‚’ I pleaded. But he wrenched his arm away from my grip and stood up. He looked adoringly towards Khan and thumped his puny chest.

‘Brother Khan‚’ he said‚ his little voice carried comfortably across the room. ‘I am a soldier of Allah.’

‘Good man‚’ Khan said. ‘What’s your name‚ Brother?’

Ouch. I could see a glimpse of hurt in Parvez’s eyes. Last year when Khan had been in trouble with the police for scratching cars with private number plates and needed an alibi or something‚ I don’t know the whole story‚ but Parvez sorted him right out. So for Khan not to remember his name must have really‚ really upset him… But he didn’t let it show.

‘Parvez‚’ said Parvez.

Khan nodded‚ some distinct acknowledgement‚ but not much.

‘Parvez‚ and anybody else who wants to join me. I’ll be outside.’ And with that and a scowl‚ Khan stomped out of Ali’s Diner.

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