gael lindenfield

self esteem bible build your confidence day by day

365 tips from the UK’s no. 1 confidence expert

Dedication

Dedicated in love and admiration to Mari Macauley

Who has triumphed over innumerable internal and external challenges to her self-esteem and is now dedicated to helping others do the same

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Dedication

Introduction

Part 1 – Health

1 Transform Your Home into a Health Farm for a Weekend

2 Beat the exercise excuses

3 Take De-stressing Action Before You Become Stressed

4 Use Meditation to Clear Your Mind at Least Once a Day

5 Cut Down Your Intake of Stimulants and Depressants

6 Aim for Quality Sleep, not Just the Proverbial Eight Hours

7 Clear Your Kitchen of Temptation

8 Get Marching!

9 Prescribe Yourself More Fun

10 Buy or Pick Yourself Fresh Flowers Once a Week

11 Get Dancing!

12 Timetable 45 Minutes of Deep Relaxation into Every Week

13 Release Pent-up Emotions

14 Have a Professional Health Check

15 Don’t Skip Your Dental Check-ups

16 Give Yourself a Fitness Lifestyle Check Once a Month

17 Watch More Comedy

18 Keep Up-to-date With Health Research

19 Go Green With Your Own Energy

20 Identify your body’s stress warning sign

21 Know How Your Behaviour Changes Under Stress

22 Know Your Emotional Stress Warning Signs

23 Cut down rather than Cut Out During Times of Pressure

24 Don’t Sit Still for More Than an Hour

25 Respect Your Own Biorhythms

26 Go Easy on Yourself in Times of Change

27 Avoid Overdosing on Media Models of Perfection

28 Find quick-fix relaxation techniques that work for you

29 Rebalance Your Energy Levels Regularly

30 Build Your Inner Strength

31 Watch Yourself in Supermarkets

32 Give Yourself a Health Warning When You Get Irritated

33 Be kind to yourself when you have reason to be sad

34 Use Your Imagination to Take Yourself on a Mini-break

35 Supplement Your Diet at Times of Pressure

36 Replace Gloomy Predictions with Motivational Statements

37 Get in a Sweat Three Times a Week

38 Don’t Ignore Everyday Encounters With Hassle

39 Chemical calmers can’t change your life

40 Stick to Your Bedtime Hour

41 Watch What You Eat at Night

42 Keep a Worry-pad by Your Bed

43 Get to Know Your Genes

44 Clean Up the Air Around You

45 Ensure that Your Furniture and Equipment is Taking Care of You

46 Test Out Alternative Therapies and Trust the Ones That Work for You

47 Keep a List of Favourite Re-energizing Activities

48 Beware of Treats With a Health Sting in Their Tail

Part 2 – Personal Development

49 Don’t Stay too Serious

50 View Your Life as a Biographer

51 Always Have at Least One Treat to Look Forward to

52 Give Your Home a Major Clear-out

53 Take Up a New Hobby

54 Set Goal After Goal

55 If You are Unhappy, Give Something Up

56 Timetable Self-reflection into Your Schedule

57 Use Strangers’ Eyes to Watch Yourself

58 Keep Your Senses Stimulated

59 By Being Kind to Yourself, You also Open Doors

60 Rediscover the Joy and Satisfaction of Creativity

61 Visualize your life dream

62 Talk about Your Dream

63 Steer Clear of the ‘Deep End’ of Challenges

64 Don’t Wait Until You are Feeling Ugly to Enhance Your Beauty

65 Keep Stretching the Strengths of Your Intellect

66 Turn the Clock Forward to Check You are on Track

67 Know What Lifts Your Spirits – and Do More of it!

68 Keep Humour Handy

69 Use Your Heroes’ Wisdom to Inspire You

70 Secretly Record Compliments that Move You

71 Try, Try and Try Again

72 Give to Others and Feel Connected

73 Don’t Over-commit Your Caring Side

74 Monitor Your Self-loving

75 Talk Encouragingly to Yourself

76 Do a Dare a Day!

77 Formally Forgive Yourself for Bad Decisions

78 Convert Today’s Regrets into Tomorrow’s Goals

79 Stay Face-to-face With Your Values

80 Visualize All Options Before Making a Choice

81 Start a Savings Plan for ‘Rainy Day’ Treats

82 Read Inspirational Life Stories

83 Buy Yourself a Small Book of Motivational Quotes

84 Keep Your ‘Change Muscles’ Exercised

85 Set Yourself Conversation Homework

86 Write out your life dreams in the present tense

87 Battle With Your Bad Habits, One at a Time

88 Use Your Personal Strengths to Overcome Bad Habits

89 Formulate Strategies to Break Bad Habits

90 Commit Your Plans to Paper

91 Share Your Good Intentions With a Supportive Friend

92 Carry a Symbolic Reminder

93 Celebrate Overcoming a Bad Habit in Style

94 Make Public Announcements When You Kill a Bad Habit

95 Be on Guard for Your Habit’s Early Warning Signals

96 Use Affirmations

97 Don’t Over-conform

98 ‘Anchor’ Your Good Feelings in Your Body

99 Think of Yourself as a Product for Sale

100 Exercise One of Your Strengths Each Day

101 Talk about Times When You Felt Good about Yourself

102 Start having an ‘Affirmation of the Week’

103 Don’t Deny Your Weaknesses to Yourself

104 Pause the moment a guilt button is pushed

105 Don’t Unnecessarily Highlight Your Weaknesses to Others

106 Don’t Compare Yourself Unfavourably to Others

107 Classify Your Weaknesses

108 Look for the Positive Aspects in Your Weaknesses

109 Make a Resolution if you Start Wishing you Were Different

110 Stop Exaggerations of Your Faults with Reality Checks

111 Don’t be Afraid of Mistakes

112 Acknowledge the Positive in Every Mistake

113 Acknowledge the Things You do Better than Other People

114 Notice Your Small Kindnesses to Others

115 Deal With the Fear and do it Anyway

116 Take More Initiative

117 Like Celebrities, Transform Your Appearance Regularly

118 Think Big While Getting on With the Small

119 Imagine that You Have Only Three Weeks to Live

120 Check You Give Your Needs Appropriate Attention

121 Start Each Day by Feeding Your Mind with Positive Food

122 Keep Yourself Well Informed about Current Facts and Trends

123 Value Your Simple Successes

124 Count the Cost of Wasting Today

125 Listen to Your Intuition, but Check it Out Too

126 Develop Your Intuitive Powers

127 Analyse Your Hunches

128 Keep The Serenity Prayer in a Handy Place

129 Don’t be too Proud to Fix Other People’s Messes

130 Give Your Perfectionism a Constructive Outlet

131 Take Responsibility Readily and Willingly

132 Watch and Listen to Your Concentration

133 Make a Daily ‘To Do’ List and Monitor Your Results

134 Let Yourself be Disorganized Sometimes

135 Don’t Expect Decisions to Make Themselves Magically

136 Wait Until You are Calm Before Making a Decision

137 Learn a Strategy for Making Decisions

138 Reclaim the Forgotten You

139 Remember Your Sins Could Make a Saint of You

140 View Yourself as a Team

141 Write an Advert for Your Inner Team

142 Visualize Your Inner Team Working Successfully Together

143 Use Past Bad Decisions to Help You Now

144 Regularly Review Your Values

145 Have More Adventures

146 Don’t Appear to be What You are not

147 Keep Yourself Well Groomed

148 Challenge Your Perceptions

149 Limit Yourself to One Risk at Any One Time

150 Reward Every Risk However Small

151 Give Your Left Brain Regular Rests

152 Prepare for Tomorrow

153 View Your Life as a Movie

154 Remember it is not All Your Fault

155 Don’t Hold Back Your Opinions

156 Calm Yourself Before You Talk

157 Script Your Speech Before You Say Something Important

158 Challenge Your Own Rationalizations

159 Learn for Learning’s Sake

160 Renew your New Year Resolutions Three Times a Year

161 Surround Yourself With Stimulation

162 Trust Yourself to Know When You are Happy

163 Get Comfortable With Solitude

164 Keep a ‘Good Ideas’ Notebook

165 Defeat is a Perception not a Fact

166 Reward Your Every Effort

167 Give Yourself the Holidays You Deserve

168 Remember You are Defeating Yourself by not Trying

169 Celebrate the Uncelebrated

170 Give Yourself a Diversion Day Once in a While

171 Get to Know Yourself so You Can Get to Know Others Better

172 Distinguish the Hard from the Impossible

173 Know Who Knows 95% of the Real You

174 Acknowledge the Power of Your Emotional Wounds

175 Keep a Very Private Diary

176 Never Confuse Self-esteem With Arrogance

177 Exercise Your Right Brain Regularly

178 Use Your Dreams to Understand Your Needs

179 Write and Recite Your Own Credo

180 Own Your Fears

181 Identify the Root Triggers to Your Persistent Fears

182 Write a New Set of Ten Commandments

183 Treat Each Minor Loss as a Mini-bereavement

184 Let Others Help You Through Your Losses

185 Deal Openly With Jealousy

186 Don’t Shop Till You Drop

187 Say ‘No’ Simply, Firmly and Directly

188 Save for the Leisure and Pleasure you Deserve

189 Treat Problems Like Jigsaws

190 Take Regular Breaks When Problem-solving

191 Make a Contribution to The World

192 Think Before Delegating Your Difficulties

193 Watch Out for Double Standards

Part 3 – Relationships

194 Accept that to Love is to Risk

195 Think Before You Question

196 Deepen Your Special Relationships

197 Review Your Relationships Regularly

198 Agree With the Truth in Criticisms

199 Avoid Giving Unnecessary Justifications

200 Don’t Give Yourself a Put-down in Response to a Justified Criticism

201 Don’t Forgive Before Trying to Get Even

202 Spend More Time With Young Children

203 Release Your Tension Before a Confrontation

204 Worry Less about What Insignificant Others Think

205 Deal With Mini-frustrations Promptly

206 Test the Depth of Your Relationships With Your Faults

207 Use Friends With a Sense of Humour to Keep Perspective

208 Don’t be Afraid of Looking Back After a Rejection

209 Express Your Feelings After a Rejection

210 Keep the End You Want in Sight

211 Let Yourself be Comforted by Others After a Rejection

212 Compensate Yourself After a Break-up

213 Help Yourself Gain a New Perspective After a Rejection

214 Build Your Self-reliance After a Break-up

215 Empower Others to Reveal Their Preferences

216 Feel so that You Can Heal

217 Make Sure that Your Positive Friends Outnumber the Moaners

218 Know What You Expect from a Friendship Before You Foster it

219 If You Want Fun, Choose Fun Friends

220 Start New Friendships on a Positive Note

221 Improve Your Listening Skills

222 Be Fun to Be With

223 Keep a Balance in Your Social Life

224 Don’t Credit Luck With Your Successes

225 Repeat to Persist

226 Practise Responding to Criticism

227 Be More Generous With Your Compliments

228 Don’t Include a Self Put-down When Giving a Compliment

229 Avoid Gossipers and Backbiting

230 Don’t Encourage Others to Tell You How You Feel

231 Say ‘No’ as Though You Mean it

232 Remember, if You are Angry You could be Irrational

233 Smile With Your Eyes

234 Maintain Your Dignity When Treated Rudely

235 Script and Edit Your Requests

236 Expect Your Requests to be Met

237 Make a Habit of Telling People Your Good News

238 Keep Reminders of Others’ Special Days

239 Prepare for Your Anger Triggers

240 Fake Confidence Until You Feel it

241 Know When and When not to Use Advice-givers

242 Be Honest when Declining Invitations

243 Use Tricks to Remember Names

244 Practise Enjoying Praise

245 Limit Your Low Self-esteem Friends

246 Use Scintillating Small Talk to Protect Yourself

247 Beware of Boot-licking

248 Remember, the Company You Keep Affects Your Image

249 Be Aware of Hidden Manipulative Bait

250 Play Safe with Self-disclosure

251 Avoid jokes

252 Search for Similarities in People you Find Daunting

253 Hallucinate with Humorous Friends

254 Know the Rules of Your Relationship

255 Nourish Your Partnership

256 Don’t Let Love Excuse Put-downs

257 Don’t Expect Your Partner to Read Your Mind

258 Accept that Great Sex Doesn’t Necessarily Flow from Great Love

259 Be Prepared for a Break-up

260 Don’t Feel Obliged to Repay Every Kindness

261 Don’t Party if You are not a Party Animal

262 Keep Well Away From Dating Agencies Until You are Strong

Part 4 – Work

263 Start Each Working Day with an Enjoyable Activity

264 Aim for at Least One Laugh a Day

265 Ensure Your Work is Meeting Your Psychological Needs

266 Be Flexi-minded About Your Working Life

267 Check Your Contribution is Making a Difference

268 Do 3 Quick-fix Relaxations Every Day

269 Say ‘Yes’ to New Opportunities

270 Be Specific When Criticizing Others -or the Organization

271 Acknowledge the Positive Before Tackling the Negative

272 Be Happy to Work With People Who are Different to You

273 Empathize if You Want to be Heard

274 Calm Yourself Before Giving Feedback

275 Use Your Own Carrots to Motivate You

276 Keep a Watchful Eye on Your Body When Criticizing Someone

277 Place Your Fingertips Together for Composure

278 When Making a Point Keep to it

279 Avoid Using the Label ‘Difficult People’

280 Champion a Common Cause

281 Wind Your Working Day Down Gradually

282 Keep a Spiritual Presence Present

283 Make Your Journey Home as Calm as it can be

284 Remember Your Body Speaks Louder than Your Voice

285 Watch Your Adrenalin Levels

286 Think of Pressure as Positive

287 Get Inspired Before Cracking the Hardest Nuts

288 Insist on Quality Time for Difficult Decisions

289 Set Specific Dates

290 Nurture Yourself with Nature

291 Keep Reminding Yourself of Your Strengths

292 Aim to Use The Strengths that You Enjoy Most

293 Be Your Own ‘Head of Training’

294 Supplement Your Training

295 Ask for Feedback

296 Write a Reference for Yourself

297 Relax Before Going into a Meeting

298 Don’t Give Up Finding Your Dream Job

299 Ensure Your Environment is Helping You to Give Your Best

300 Think GEE to Check Your Rationality

301 Use Quotes to Top Up Your Optimism

302 Broadcast Your Deadlines for Decisions

303 Maintain an Upright Posture

304 Beware of Work Snacks and ‘Treats’

305 Do Early Morning Relaxations on Difficult Days

306 Carry a Stress Ball in Your Coat Pocket

307 Prioritize, Prioritize and Prioritize

308 Network Even When You Don’t Appear to Need to

309 Use Secret Stretches to Stay Relaxed

310 Don’t Highlight Your Near-misses

311 Keep Your Pleas for Prayer Time

312 Never ‘Watch Your Pots Boil’

313 Help Others Up Their Career Ladder

314 Personalize Your Business Card

315 Get There Early

316 Be Your Own Role-model

317 Update Your CV Regularly

318 Compliment Your Colleagues Without Expectation of Return

319 When Wearing an ‘Eye-catcher’, be Prepared to Talk

320 Don’t Become Your Colleagues’ Clown

321 Be a Copycat

322 Spread Your Toes and Feel Your Heels

323 Let Time-wasters Waste Themselves

324 Say ‘Sorry’ Once and Once Only

325 Share Your Successes Cautiously

326 Insist on Quality Time for Quality Projects

327 Keep an Eye-mask and Earplugs in Your Desk or Briefcase

328 Choose Companies that Share Your Values

329 Beware of Taking Decisions too Personally

330 Don’t Push Yourself Beyond Your Attention Span

331 Carry a Mascot

332 Count the Cost to Your Self-esteem Before Giving in

333 Share Your Non-work Achievements

334 Use Reminder Cards Unashamedly

335 Remember it Makes Sense to Enjoy Work

336 Deal with the Subversive Enemies of Concentration

337 Resist Becoming the Office Martyr

338 Stand Up to Bullies, but not Alone

339 Be Prepared to Step Outside Your Job Description

340 Stand Up When Making or Taking Difficult Phone Calls

341 Don’t Make Excuses for Wanting to get a Life

342 Make Sure Your Chosen Image has Repetitive Impact

343 Keep a Work Notebook at Home

344 Think Positively about Conflict

345 Never Think You are Too Old to Change

346 Deepen Your Voice

347 Have a Fun Lunch-break Once a Week

348 Expect Less Support at Times of High Pressure

349 See Failure as a Step on The Road to Success

350 Welcome Frustration with Yourself

351 Clear Your Surrounding Clutter

352 Don’t Put Up With Injustices in Silence

353 Be ‘Cheeky’ and Seek Out High-quality Mentors

354 Prepare to Protect Your Privacy

355 Beat Worrying about Your Future with Contingency Planning

356 Don’t be a Slave to the Telephone

357 Stand up for Your Breaks

358 Take Your Honours Gracefully

359 Don’t Give Up Even if You Intend to Move on

360 Don’t be too Proud to Delegate

361 Check Your Time Management

362 Take a Leaf Out of Nelson Mandela’s Book

363 Stay Ever-ready for Job Interviews

364 Just Do It!

365 Keep the Self-Esteem Bible and its Good Companions Handy

Copyright

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