LOUISE STONE

worked as a teacher before turning her hand to fiction. She was brought up in Africa and the Middle East and then ‘as an adult’ travelled extensively before moving to London and finally settling in the Cotswolds with her partner, and now baby. When she’s not writing, you will find her scouring interior design magazines and shops, striving toward the distant dream of being a domestic goddess or having a glass of wine with country music turned up loud. As a child, she always had her nose in a book and, in particular, Nancy Drew. S is for Stranger is her first psychological suspense thriller and it was shortlisted for the Harry Bowling Prize. She also writes women’s fiction under the pseudonym Lottie Phillips. Readers can find Louise Stone, otherwise known as Charlotte Phillips, on Twitter @writercharlie or at www.writercharlie.com

S is for Stranger
Louise Stone

www.CarinaUK.com

To my wonderful parents.

Fracture for fracture, eye for eye, tooth for tooth. As he has injured the other, so he is to be injured.

Leviticus chapter 24: verse 20

TABLE OF CONTENTS

COVER

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

TITLE PAGE

DEDICATION

EPIGRAPH

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 15

CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 19

CHAPTER 20

CHAPTER 21

CHAPTER 22

CHAPTER 23

CHAPTER 24

CHAPTER 25

CHAPTER 26

CHAPTER 27

CHAPTER 28

CHAPTER 29

CHAPTER 30

CHAPTER 31

CHAPTER 32

EPILOGUE

EXTRACT

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

ENDPAGES

COPYRIGHT

CHAPTER 1

September 2011

I tapped the rim of the table with my right forefinger: one, two, three. Bad things didn’t happen when I counted to three.

‘Don’t you like strawberry?’ I asked, twiddling my straw with my other hand. ‘You can have mine.’ I pushed the chocolate milkshake in her direction and she shook her head. I gave in and took it back. ‘So, how’s school?’

‘OK.’

We had been playing this game for over an hour now: I asked the questions and she offered one-word answers. Licking my lips, I went in for another drag of the sweet, sickly chocolate drink. I turned to look out the window and pulled a face. Milkshakes were not my thing. I had thought it was what all eight-year-old girls liked doing – eating junk food and visiting Claire’s jewellery shop.

‘You don’t like it, do you, Mummy?’ Amy asked me and nodded toward the milkshake.

I smiled – caught out. ‘Not really. What about you?’

Amy revealed the first small smile of the day. ‘No.’ She looked down at her lap. ‘I don’t like milkshakes. Daddy knows I don’t like milkshakes.’

‘I just thought –’

Amy looked up. ‘It’s OK, Mummy. You don’t live with me so only Daddy knows.’

I felt the familiar stab of guilt. ‘Right, yes.’ I picked up the menu. ‘What would you prefer?’ I needed to face it; I was out of touch.

‘I’m not hungry. Daddy made me pancakes for breakfast.’ She slid down further in her seat. ‘When did Daddy say we should go home? To Daddy’s home.’

My face fell. ‘Um, he said four o’clock.’ I looked at my watch, tapped its face three times. I hoped Amy hadn’t noticed. ‘It’s only two-thirty. Do you want to head back?’ I said cheerily; too cheerily. I mean, was the day going so badly that my daughter wanted to return home to her father already?

‘No …’ She fought tears. ‘I wish we were a family again, like my friends at school have.’

‘I know, but you’re no different to anyone else. You know that, right?’

She gave a small nod. ‘I guess. My bestest friend said she wanted her parents to split up.’

‘Really?’ I said, raising my eyebrows.

‘Yeah, because she thinks it’s nice to get two of everything.’ She paused. ‘I told her it’s not nice.’

I frowned and, desperate to keep her happy, I offered, ‘Shall we play I-spy?’

She pulled a face. ‘Mummy, you’re not very good at this game.’

‘Shame.’ I shrugged my shoulders and looked away. ‘Because I’ve already come up with one.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘Okkaaay.’

I grinned. ‘I spy something beginning with B.’

Amy looked behind her, swivelling in her seat. ‘Burger?’

I shook my head.

She furrowed her brows. ‘Book?’

I shook my head again.

‘Are you playing it right?’

I nodded.

She scanned the restaurant another time, spotting a young girl playing with a doll. ‘Barbie!’

‘Nope.’

She giggled. ‘Mummy, are you sure you’re playing properly?’

‘Uh-huh.’ I smiled. ‘Shall I tell you?’

‘OK.’

‘Big nose.’

‘Mummy!’ She squealed with laughter. ‘That’s silly.’

‘Oh, really?’ I played innocent. ‘Your turn.’

She giggled. ‘OK.’ Her eyes flicked around the room and she twisted in her seat, looked behind her, and then she said, ‘S.’

‘S?’

‘Yup.’ She nodded happily. ‘Go quicker. It moves.’

‘Uh-oh.’ I looked around the restaurant, my eyes skimming the counter. ‘Sugar?’

‘Sugar!’ She shook her head firmly. ‘No.’

‘Skirt.’

‘It’s not moving!’

‘It does if the person who’s wearing it moves.’

‘No.’

‘Hmm.’ I shrugged. ‘Give in.’

She pointed outside. ‘Stranger. That lady’s been staring at us for ages.’

‘You never told me we could name things outside too!’

Amy dropped her head into her arms on the table, in fits of giggles. ‘My rules.’ She looked up, laughing. ‘The lady’s gone now.’

I shook my head. ‘Stranger, huh?’ I smiled. ‘That was too good.’

‘Yeah,’ Amy nodded, ‘she was looking at you.’

‘Really?’ I turned my head and looked up and down the high street. ‘She was probably just waiting for someone, or thought I was somebody else.’

I sat forward again, tapped the edge of the table three times, as Amy started scrabbling around in her Peppa Pig canvas bag. ‘I made something for you.’ She drew out a piece of A4 card folded in two and handed it to me. The front was covered in glitter and beads.

I opened it, my hands trembling slightly. Inside it read: I love you, Mummy. My vision blurred over with tears and I brushed them away with the back of my hand. ‘Ames, it’s beautiful. Thank you so much.’ I pushed down the lump in my throat. ‘Did you make it at school?’

She shook her head. ‘No, last Tuesday. With Daddy.’

‘Really? With Daddy?’

‘I felt sad and Daddy said we could play art time.’ She stumbled over her next words. ‘S-so, I made you a card.’

I sighed and put my hand out across the table. ‘Ames.’

She didn’t give me hers and instead traced the outline of Peppa Pig with her forefinger.

‘Well,’ I said, changing the subject and withdrawing my hand, ‘are you looking forward to October? Going to the fair? For my birthday?’ I smiled. ‘That’s only a month away.’

She nodded glumly. ‘I want to go to Claire’s now.’

I put my hand up and signalled to the waitress for the bill. ‘Do you know what you want?’

Amy smiled. ‘A pink bracelet with a star on it. Frannie from school says it makes dreams come true.’

‘That does sound good.’ I leant in and put my card on the table. ‘Are you allowed to tell me your dreams? I know I’m not meant to ask.’

‘That you and Daddy aren’t cross at each other,’ she said simply.

I took the card machine from the hovering waitress and typed in my number, grateful for an excuse to busy myself with something else. I could have seen that one coming and I walked right in – now I was stuck for words. One thing I knew was that there were some things in life that a charm bracelet or any amount of dreaming couldn’t make happen.

I’d have loved to tell her my own dream: I wanted to take her home with me. Run away, if necessary. I knew that Amy might never understand how her father had controlled everything in my life: how I felt trapped and how one glass of wine in the evening quickly led to a bottle, and how I eventually yearned for the bitter hit of vodka in the mornings too.

Amy stood up and shrugged on her pink duffel coat.

‘That’s nice. Is it new?’ I pointed at the coat.

‘Yeah.’

‘Did Daddy buy it for you?’

‘Yeah. Well, it came from Sarah.’ She looked at the ground. ‘I still like the one you bought me, though.’

Sarah. I knew very little about her but I did know that Amy appeared to adore Paul’s new woman. Once, and only once, I had sat outside the school gates in my car waiting for Sarah to appear and pick up Amy. She was disappointingly slim and good-looking, maybe a bit obviously so, and my guts twisted when I saw how Amy bounded up to her and hugged her with the kind of affection I hadn’t seen or felt from Amy in a long time.

‘I’m sure you’ve grown out of that one by now. Besides,’ I smiled, ‘it’s very nice. Pink is much better.’

She walked in front of me and I thought: I could do it now. Take her away from here. We could set up a new life elsewhere. I knew that I could find a job – my career was the one thing I had focused on over the last few years – and Amy would soon adapt to a new school, new friends.

Once outside, she turned, took my hand and, as if reading my mind, said, ‘You know that thing where I have to tell the people who I want to live with?’ She scuffed the toe of her black patent shoe on the ground. ‘I don’t really want to choose between you and Daddy.’

‘I know, sweetheart. No one’s really asking you to do that.’ I straightened her coat collar. ‘Anyway, they’ll be really nice and easy to talk to, I’m sure.’

‘I think I want to live with you, Mummy.’

My heart skipped a beat. ‘Really?’ I asked as evenly as I could. ‘Well, you know how much I’d love that but it’s always your choice. Remember that.’ I drew her into me and kissed the top of her head. ‘Ames, you mean the world to me. It’s all going to be OK. I’ll make sure of it. I cross my heart.’

‘Mummy?’

‘Hmm?’ I mumbled into her full head of auburn curls, inhaling the glorious smell of Timotei shampoo.

‘The stranger’s there.’

My head shot up and I followed Amy’s gaze.

‘What’s she wearing, Ames?’

‘A blue jacket.’ She pointed.

My eyes moved fast over the pedestrians opposite: shoppers, a young couple stopping briefly to kiss, an old man with his head bent in concentration, a street seller flogging pashminas. Of all the roads in London, Oxford Street was a minefield when it came to spotting a person you recognise, let alone a stranger. I focused on the scene again, my eyes filtering the fast flow of pedestrians. That’s when I saw her, but I didn’t recognise her.

She stood up against a wall, stock-still. The woman did appear to be staring our way. I grabbed Amy’s hand and moved toward her, my eyes never leaving her. A taxi honked his horn as we made our way across the street.

‘Careful, love,’ the driver shouted out the window.

‘Mummy? Slow down.’ Amy clung onto my hand more tightly.

Just as we reached the other side of the road, the woman turned and walked fast past Boots and headed down Stratford Place. I started after her, my hand firm around Amy’s.

‘Mummy?’ Amy’s voice quivered ever so slightly with fear. ‘Mummy, you’re holding me too tight.’

I had come to a halt – she was moving too fast – and Amy buried her head in my jumper.

‘Mummy? You’re scaring me. Who are you following?’

‘That woman you saw. I don’t know who she is. No one, I expect. No one,’ I murmured, but there was something about her. Was it her hair or something about her face that made my skin prickle? Unease washed over me as I tried to push away the fleeting images of Bethany skipping through my mind. ‘I just wanted to find out if the woman you saw thought she knew us,’ I said, aware of Amy’s frightened eyes on me.

‘But the woman I was talking about headed down to the Tube.’ She looked momentarily perplexed, but then, and not for the first time, gave me an encouraging smile; my daughter had taken on the role of mother. ‘Can we go to Claire’s now?’

‘Of course,’ I agreed, but I was distracted, because I thought I had seen the woman walking fast along the street. I shook my head, gave a small shrug of my shoulders and smiled. ‘Come on then. Let’s get that charm bracelet, shall we?’

She nodded and we moved off, me inwardly counting the cracks in the pavement: three, six, nine. I looked over my shoulder just as we went to round the corner and gasped aloud as I stepped on the tenth crack. Amy hadn’t noticed as she hurtled toward the shops, but I looked behind me once more. The woman had most definitely gone, but the knot in the pit of my stomach hadn’t.

CHAPTER 2

One month later

The twenty yards or so separating us gave me time to put my sunglasses on and take a deep, cleansing breath. I hadn’t slept for more than a couple of hours, worried about spending a day with Paul. I couldn’t remember the last time we had been together, the three of us. Perhaps this was the first time in three years. Sure, he was there when I picked Amy up on a Saturday but, otherwise, we kept our distance.

Soon, my anxiety was quashed by children’s squeals of delight, the smell of candyfloss and the warm, comforting heat of October sunshine and, I thought, how bad could it be? I spotted Paul and Amy stood on the corner of Acton Green and quickened my pace. Despite setting out early, the Tube had been on go-slow.

‘Sophie, nice of you to make it.’ Paul looked at his watch.

‘The Tube. Signalling problems.’

‘You should’ve set out earlier.’

I turned to Amy. ‘Hello, darling.’

‘Hi.’ She smiled up at me. ‘Happy birthday.’

‘Thank you. Getting pretty old, huh?’ She laughed momentarily before running off. ‘Even in a month she changes, doesn’t she?’

‘Children do that.’

‘Here are the tickets.’ I opened my wallet and handed the small pink slips to Paul. ‘I bought them online to save queuing.’

We walked in silence and joined Amy at the entrance. Paul handed the tickets to the official before Amy ran off again.

‘Ames, wait up,’ I called out.

‘Amy!’ Paul tried this time, jogging after her.

Amy turned around. ‘Yeah?’ she shouted.

‘Slow down there, cowgirl,’ he said breathlessly and hugged her close, kissing the top of her head. The gesture made me tense; my stomach churned up.

I walked fast to catch up.

‘Come on, let’s go!’ Amy skipped about in front of us, eager to explore.

‘What do you want to go on first?’ Paul asked.

‘The rollercoaster,’ she said, without pause for thought.

‘OK, you’re going to have to count me out.’ I put my hands in the air in mock-surrender. ‘Unless you want a very ill Mummy on your hands.’

‘I’ll take her then,’ Paul said, shooting me a look. ‘One of us has to be with her.’

‘How about I take you on the teacup ride later, Amy?’

‘OK, but the rollercoaster first.’ She rolled her eyes.

‘Right.’ I cleared my throat. ‘I’ll go and get a bottle of water then. You guys want anything?’

They shook their heads and started toward the rollercoaster. I spent the next ten minutes wandering through the crowds before I stopped to buy a bottle of Evian. The rollercoaster stood some way off in the distance and I could just about make out Paul and Amy taking off their belts and dismounting the ride, chatting happily. To my alarm, Paul pointed to the ground and walked off. Amy stood obediently next to the ride and I tried to catch her attention with a wave but she didn’t see me.

I dodged a pram as it mowed its way across my path and walked straight through a gaggle of teenagers shouting over the top of my head. The fairground was swollen with people moving in all directions and the air was thick with the smell of fast food. I looked in Amy’s direction again, now having to stand on tiptoes to see over the crowds.

My heart started to beat faster; panic flooding my body. A stranger, a woman in a black coat approached Amy and started chatting to her. It was the woman, the woman from outside the hamburger joint last month. Walking faster now, I had her in my eye line but I was still too far away. My breath caught as I watched her stoop down to Amy’s eye level and unfurl her hand. I couldn’t see her face but she appeared to hand something to Amy and Amy giggled with delight. A cold sweat engulfed me and I wanted to scream for everyone to get out of my way. My daughter was in trouble and I needed to get to her. I had told Amy never to talk to strangers but she was such a trusting child. I watched the woman stand upright and ruffle Amy’s auburn curls. I didn’t know who the woman was, and I ran faster.

‘Amy!’ I shouted, my words swallowed whole by the milling crowds. ‘Amy!’

A young woman stepped in front of me and I tripped, falling to the ground. Without hesitation, I picked myself up and wiped my dirty hands on the back of my jeans, ignoring the throbbing pain in my left wrist. I looked from side to side, desperate to regain my bearings.

‘Excuse me,’ I said more loudly now. ‘Can you get out of the way?’ I put out my arm and started shoving people. A woman to my right tutted and a balding man shouted ‘Oi’ in my ear. But it worked and a gap slowly opened up. Once I had managed to escape the main avenue of stalls, I cut a left and ran to the rollercoaster ride. Amy was nowhere to be seen.

‘Amy,’ I hollered, moving from left to right and back again. ‘Amy, where are you?’

People were staring but I didn’t care.

‘Amy!’

A tap on my shoulder.

I spun around. They were stood in front of me: Paul holding Amy’s hand.

‘Amy.’ I couldn’t disguise the anger in my voice. ‘Who were you talking to?’

‘When?’ Her gaze tipped downwards.

‘Back there, next to the ride. I was trying to get your attention.’ I pointed to the rollercoaster.

‘No one.’ Amy shook her head.

‘What do you mean no one? I saw you.’

She shook her head again and pushed her fisted hands into her coat pockets, like she was trying to hide something.

‘What have you got there?’ I grabbed her hand and prised her fist open. A red lolly fell to the ground. ‘Where did you get this, then?’

‘For God’s sake, Sophie, leave her alone. It’s just a lolly,’ Paul said, taking my arm and jamming his fingers firmly into my coat and skin. ‘She’s here, I’m here, and that’s all that matters now.’

I let go of her and Paul continued to hang onto me, his fingers hot on my chilled skin.

Through clenched teeth, I said, ‘Do you mind?’

Paul released my sleeve and gave me a withering look. My head pounded with the onset of a headache.

‘Sorry, Amy.’ I hugged her close. ‘I didn’t mean to shout. You just gave me a scare, that’s all.’ I turned my attention to Paul who was looking at me like I had lost it.

‘And where were you? Where did you go?’

‘To the toilet,’ he said, unflinching.

‘To the toilet,’ I repeated, ‘to the toilet. You call that good parenting?’

‘I was only a few minutes.’

I inhaled deeply.

‘Sophie, maybe you’re tired. You look tired, if you don’t mind me saying.’

He was trying to undermine me but I was familiar with his tactics and I didn’t rise to the bait.

‘Amy, how about you and I go get some candyfloss or something,’ I suggested, my voice calm except for a slight tell-tale waver. ‘How does that sound?’

Amy looked to Paul before answering. He started to protest but surprised me. ‘Go on, Amy, it’ll be nice to spend some time with Mummy.’

‘OK,’ she agreed quietly.

I took her hand and gave it a squeeze.

‘Meet me here in twenty, OK?’ Paul said, and pointed to the information booth sign. I nodded. ‘And I mean twenty. No later.’

Amy led me from one stall to another and we finally stopped to watch a young boy focused on winning a Winnie-the-Pooh-Bear at the coconut shy. We stood in silence for a few moments before Amy’s face took on a weighted seriousness.

‘Mummy, why do you get so angry with Daddy?’

‘Because we don’t always see eye to eye. But it’s not you. You do know that?’ I put my arm around her. ‘I’m sorry about shouting at you earlier. I was just worried.’

She paused. ‘I didn’t do anything wrong.’ She pulled the cuffs of her coat further down.

‘I know that.’ I studied Amy’s face. ‘Were you talking to someone back there?’

Her lower lip started to tremble. ‘No. You told me not to talk to strangers.’

‘I know,’ I said, more gently now, ‘but did a woman talk to you? I know you wouldn’t approach a stranger yourself.’

She shook her head furiously from side to side and hugged me, burying her head in my coat. ‘Don’t worry, Ames. It doesn’t matter anyway, does it? You’re safe now. That’s the most important thing.’

‘Mummy?’

‘Yep?’

I didn’t expect it. Her words knocked me for six. ‘Daddy says we shouldn’t talk about you any more.’

There it was; like a knife in my heart. No warning. ‘He does, does he? And why’s that?’ My voice was pitched high, unnaturally high.

‘Because he says that, when you left, we had to make our own world and, so, if we talk about you, it’s …’ She stopped.

‘It’s what?’

‘It’s like you’re still my mummy.’

I looked away, tears threatening to overspill onto my cheeks. ‘I am still your mummy and I’ve wanted more than anything to see more of you.’

‘Daddy says you don’t really want to see me any more and that’s why you didn’t come over on Saturdays.’

‘No, not at all,’ I started and stopped. ‘I wanted to see you, Amy. You need to trust me.’ I knew it was inadequate and, yet, I knew she’d never accept the truth or want to hear it: how could an eight-year-old girl understand her father hadn’t allowed me to see her? I also didn’t want to admit that I had had no control over the situation. That if I turned up and caused a scene, it would only upset her and Paul would make me out to be the bad guy. I knew that the least I could do was to protect her from arguments. ‘Anyway, Ames, let’s get that candyfloss and head back to Daddy, yeah?’ I was desperate to change the subject.

She nodded, hurt etched across her tiny features.

I gave her a few pound coins and watched her walk confidently up to the candyfloss seller. She asked for two sticks and turned around to check if that was OK. I put my hand up and indicated three. She changed the order. I couldn’t believe how she had grown up, the same little girl who at one time preferred to remain wrapped around my legs, her small pudgy hand in mine.

My phone vibrated in my bag, cutting through my thoughts. Paul, no doubt. We had been over twenty minutes. I rummaged around in the tote, found the phone and hurriedly tried to flip it open before the third ring ended. I got it on the fourth.

‘We’re just coming back.’

A rough, low, muffled female voice filled the phone.

‘Happy birthday, Sophie.’ A pause. ‘Your turn.’

‘Who is this?’ I managed to blurt out, my heart pounding furiously. I could hear someone else calling out my name and then, the call went dead.

The voice. So familiar.

Blood rushed to my ears, my heart hammering my chest.

I looked over to the stall to check on Amy and dropped my mobile to the ground, my eyes fixed on the spot where she had just been standing.

She was gone.

A deathly chill passed over my body, my heart dropped into my stomach. Half a beat later, I snapped out of it and quickly retrieved my phone off the ground. I moved erratically from one side of the stalls to the other, my eyes desperately scanning the crowds.

‘Did you see where that little girl went?’ I asked the candyfloss seller.

‘Huh?’ The overweight man squinted at me through his spectacles.

‘The little girl who just asked you for candyfloss. Did you just sell candyfloss to a girl about this high?’ I showed him. ‘Auburn hair?’

He shrugged his shoulders and called over me to the next customer. I whipped around. Droplets of sweat formed on my upper lip. I clasped my throat; dry as parchment paper.

‘Amy!’ I called out, my voice drowning in the hubbub of the fair.

I attempted to control my shaking hand as I scrolled through the phone menu looking for Paul’s name. It went straight through to voicemail. I tried again. My eyes darted left and right searching for any sign of Amy’s pink duffle coat or strawberry blonde hair. She had vanished. I prayed to god she had found her way back to her father. It didn’t seem possible: I had taken my eyes off her for less than thirty seconds. I wanted to scream at the woman staring at me as she passed by with a pushchair and her young son hanging onto the handle, I wanted to shout at the man who had just dug his elbow into his friend’s side and nodded in my direction. They both walked off laughing. Thirty seconds. Where had she gone in thirty seconds?

Paul eventually picked up.

‘Sophie?’

‘I can’t find her, I can’t find Amy,’ I shouted over the mounting noise. ‘Is she with you?’ A moan escaped my throat. I pushed the phone up against my ear in an effort to drown out the arcade games and music.

‘What do you mean you can’t find her?’

‘She was here,’ I said. ‘Oh god, oh god …’ My face crumpled. Large tears landed on my lips, I licked them away and wiped my nose on the back of my sleeve. ‘Where are you?’

‘At home,’ he answered.

‘Home?’ I shouted. How much time had passed? My mind felt a familiar fuzziness, the same sensation warning me of the onset of a panic attack. My body telling me I was in danger. ‘What are you doing there?’

‘Where are you?’

‘What do you mean, where am I?’ I shouted, throwing my free arm into the air. ‘I thought I was with you! At the fairground!’

The phone line went silent.

‘Sophie, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I wasn’t at a fairground with you today.’

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