Dedication

to our children – who now all sleep through the night

James

Robert

Peter

Hayden

Erin

Matthew

Stephen

Lauren

and dr bob’s

Andrew

Alex

Joshua

contents

Cover

Title Page

Dedication

A Restful Word from Dr Bill

chapter 1: five steps to get your baby to sleep better

Step 1: Find Out Where You and Your Baby Sleep Best

Step 2: Learn Baby’s Tired Times

Step 3: Create a Safe and Comfortable Environment Conducive to Sleep

Step 4: Create a Variety of Bedtime Rituals

Step 5: Help Baby Stay Asleep Longer

Keep a Sleep Log

chapter 2: fifteen tips to help toddlers sleep

What Toddlers Learn at Bedtime

Easing Your Toddler Off to Dreamland – Fifteen Tips

Teaching Your Young Child to Fall Asleep Alone and Happy

FAQs About Toddler Sleep

Why Nighttime Parenting Matters

chapter 3: the facts about infant sleep and what they mean for parents

Learn the Facts of Infant Sleep

How Babies Sleep at Various Ages

Why Babies Wake Up

Normal Night Noises Sleeping Babies Make

Adopt a Nighttime Parenting Attitude

Unclutter the Daytime Life of a Nighttime Parent

Get Connected

Get to Know Your Baby’s Sleep Personality

Matching You, Your Baby, and Your Sleep Plan

Sleep Safety

chapter 4: meet different families with different sleep plans

Newly-Born or Soon to Be

Doing it Differently with the Next Baby!

Baby Training

Baby Fights Sleep

High-need Sleepless Baby

Painful Night Waking

Won’t Sleep Well in Cot

Feeding All Night

Family Burned Out from Frequent Night Feeding

chapter 5: the joys of sleeping with your baby

Our Co-sleeping Experiences

The Truth About Co-sleeping

Our Co-sleeping Experiments

Science Says: Co-sleeping is Healthy

Nine Benefits of Co-Sleeping

Nine Ways to Make Co-Sleeping Easier

Common Co-Sleeping Questions

chapter 6: night feedings and nightweaning – when and how?

Ages and Stages of Feeding at Night

Fifteen Ways to Make Night Feeding Easier

Thinking About Cutting Back on Night Feeding?

Twelve Tips for Getting Baby to Feed Less at Night

chapter 7: moving out! tips for transitioning to a big kid’s bed

Five Steps to Easing Your Kids Out of Your Bed, Out of Your Room, and into their Own Room

Getting Your Child to Sleep Independently: A Case Study

chapter 8: twenty-three nighttime fathering tips

Part One – for Dads

Part Two – for Mums

chapter 9: naptime strategies that work

Creating Healthy Nap Habits

Getting Baby to Nap at Predictable Times

Winding Down the Reluctant Napper

FAQs About Naps

chapter 10: should baby cry it out?

What Crying It Out Really Means

How Crying It Out Sabotages the Parent-Child Relationship

Sensitive Sleep-Training That Does Work

chapter 11: hidden medical and physical causes of night waking

When to Suspect a Medical Cause for Night Waking

Gastroesophageal Reflux (GER)

Food Allergies/Sensitivities

Formula Intolerance

Stuffy Noses

Ear Infections

Environmental Allergies

Anaemia

Pinworms

Sleep Apnoea

Irritating Sleepwear

Teething

Growing Pains

Nappy Irritation

Baby too Hot or too Cold

Bedroom Noise

Separation Anxiety

chapter 12: nighttime parenting in special situations

Night Waking after Mother Returns to Work

Night Waking in a Premature Baby

Twins and Multiples

When Child Is Sick

When Travelling

Moving

When Dad Travels

“Feeding” Baby to Sleep during Childcare

Single Parents – Two Different Beds

Nightmares

Sleep Terrors

chapter 13: eleven tips to help parents sleep better

1. Make Sleep a Priority

2. Eat to Sleep

3. Dress for Sleep

4. Exercise for Sleep

5. Enjoy a Before-Bed Bath

6. Turn off the Tube

7. Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

8. Sleep More the First Month

9. Enjoy a Before-Bed Ritual

10. Nap When Baby Does

11. Make Nighttime Mothering More Restful

Keep Reading

appendix a: music to sleep by

appendix b: bedtime books to sleep by – for toddlers and pre-schoolers

appendix c: references

Index

Copyright

About the Publisher

a restful word from dr bill

Each day in our pediatric practice we hear tired parents sigh, “If only our baby would sleep more.” In all our years of writing books and of practising pediatrics, our goal has been to do good things for babies and make life easier for parents. We believe that helping babies sleep better is not only good for them, but good for parents. Parents who get enough sleep at night will be happier during the day.

Over the years, we have devoted a lot of time and energy to the sleep problems parents in our practice share with us. We have offered these tired parents many suggestions for helping their baby sleep longer, and we have asked them to report back to us about which worked and what didn’t. We have also asked parents who have visited our website (www.askdrsears.com) to share their sleep problems and solutions with us. As a result, much of the advice in this book comes from parents like yourselves who have struggled to help their babies sleep, found solutions, and willingly shared them with us. You will find quotes (the ones in italics) from these parents sprinkled throughout the book. We’ve also taken the advice of these parents on how to write a book about sleep. They told us, “Cut right to the plan.” This is why the first two chapters of this book contain our step-by-step approach to help your infant and toddler sleep healthier and happier.

As authors we lose sleep reading many of the baby sleep books currently on bookstore shelves, since most of them are yet another variation on the tired old theme: “Just let your baby cry it out.” This tough love for babies is like training a pet, and taking this approach to parenting babies at night puts families in a lose-lose situation. Babies may eventually give up crying and go to sleep, but they lose their trust in their parents to meet their nighttime needs. This can’t be good for a baby. Parents lose because this quick ticket to the promised land of sleep keeps them from learning about their baby’s individual sleep needs along the way. Most baby sleep books preach the extremes: either cry it out (forcing baby to sleep) or tough it out (just hang in there). Neither of these approaches is fair to tiny babies or tired parents. Instead, ours is a sleep tools approach.

If babies could talk, they would say: “Please don’t force me to sleep; instead, teach me to sleep. After all, I’m just a baby!” Sleep is not a state you should try to force a baby into. It’s better to set conditions that allow sleep to overtake baby and that make self-settling and sleeping longer, easier and more attractive to baby. Yes, you read it correctly – self-settling, which does not imply selfish parenting. While newborns and young babies need help from parents to relax and fall asleep, older babies will eventually learn to settle themselves. Depending on their temperaments and need levels, different babies will master self-settling skills at different ages, but parents can do a lot to help them along. It requires commitment, time, and sensitivity to teach your baby how to sleep and how to go back to sleep. In this book, we’ll show you how.

how to read this book

In response to our “advisers” (sleepless parents) we begin this book by giving you steps and tools to help your baby sleep so you can begin our sleep plan right away. But, nighttime parenting is not just a list of sleep tools, it’s a relationship with your baby. So, if you’re not too tired, you may want to read chapter 3 first. It will help you understand how babies sleep – or don’t! After you’ve read the first three chapters then you are ready to put all these sleep tools together into your baby’s individual sleep plan (ISP), which we show you how to do in chapter 4. The rest of the book takes you to a deeper understanding of all the sleep tools listed in the first four chapters. Promise you’ll read the whole book!

We could have just written a booklet in cookbook fashion with a catchy title such as Two Weeks to Sleeping through the Night – Twenty Tips. This has never been our way of writing. Parenting is too precious to be cheapened by such gimmicks. Instead, in this book we have taken our usual approach: giving you the tools to become your own expert in your baby and to help you work out your own style of nighttime parenting.

This is a book of options, not “should do’s”. There is no one-bed-fits-all approach to helping babies sleep. We will give you tools and help you select the ones which fit the sleep temperament of your child so that you can create an individual sleep plan. Helping your baby learn to sleep better is not like following a diet or exercise regimen. There’s a lot of give and take, and the options you choose to try will depend on your baby’s personality. Just as there are quiet and more active babies in the daytime, there are sound sleepers and frequent wakers during the night. Some high-strung babies are not fans of sleep in general and will need an extra set of tools to help them want to sleep longer.

This is also a book about options for different family lifestyles and different philosophies of nighttime parenting. Realistically, many parents juggle many different sleeping arrangements during the years their children are small. There are co-sleepers, cot sleepers, and families who play musical beds. One baby may start out as a cot sleeper and then upgrade to being a co-sleeper, and then back to a cot sleeper. There is no right arrangement for every family. The one that gets all family members the best night’s sleep is the right arrangement for your family. Yet, the key is to be open to trying various sleeping arrangements at various stages of your child’s development until you arrive at one that works for your family. The important thing is to keep working at it. Sleep is important. Higher quality sleep is associated with happier and healthier babies – and parents.

Nighttime parenting is a season of child rearing. Yes, your baby will eventually sleep through the night. Now, you may wonder how to get your infants down to sleep at night. In a few years, you’ll be wondering how to get them up in the morning. Remember, the nights of baby in your arms, at your breasts and in your bed is a very short while in the total life of your child. Yet the memories of your love and availability last a lifetime.

We wish you and your child years of restful sleep.

William, Robert and Martha Sears San Clemente, California February 2005

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