Yes, that's my picture. "Great," you say? The crowd says it will make my name — A name I'd gladly throw away For a certain unseen star's pure ray. I want success I've missed – not fame.
You see the mother kneeling there, The child who cries for bread in vain. The hard straw bed, the window bare, The rags, the rat, the broken chair, The misery and cold and pain.
But what you don't see – (never will!) — Is what was there while yet I drew The lines – which are not drawn so ill, Put on the colours – worthy still Of praise from critics such as you.
I used to paint all day, to pour My soul out as I painted – see There, to the life, the rotten floor, The rags, the damp, the broken door, For those your world will honour me.
But, though if here my models were, You should not find a line drawn wrong, Yet there is food for my despair, But half my picture's finished fair; Words without music are not song.
Sometimes I almost caught the tune, Then changing lights across the sky, Turned gray morn to red afternoon, I had to drop my brush too soon, Lay the transfigured palette by.
That woman did not kneel on there, When once my back was turned, I know, She used to leave the broken chair And show her face and its despair: Oh – if I could have seen her so!
About her neck child-arms clung close, Close to her heart the child-heart crept, My room could tell you – if it chose. There was a picture, then – God knows! And I – who might have painted – slept.
Then when birds bade the world prepare For dawn – ere yet the East grew wan, She stepped back to the canvas there, Wearing the look she will not wear When eyes like yours and mine look on.
And when the mother kneeled once more, While birds grew shrill, and shadows faint, The child's white face the one look bore, Which to my eyes it never wore, Which I would give my soul to paint.
Hung, as you see – upon the line — But when I laid the varnish on And left my two – Fate laughed, malign, "Farewell to that last hope of thine, Thy chance of painting them is gone!"
A DIRGE IN GRAY
Larranagas! Thank you, thank you! Not a knife. I never use one — I've the right thing on my watch-chain Which some fool or other gave me — Takes the end off in a second — Sharp as life bites off our pleasures.
See! The soft wreath upward curling, Gray as mists in leaf-strewn hollows; Blue as skies in mild October; Vague, elusive as delight is. Ah! what shapes the smoke-wreaths grow to When they're looked at by a dreamer!
Waves that moan – cold, gray, and curling, On a shore where gray rocks break them; Skies where gray and blue are blended As our life blends joy and sorrow. Angel wings, and smoke of battles, Lines of beauty, curved perfection!
Half-shut eyes see many marvels; Gazed at through one's half-closed lashes Wreaths of smoke take shapes uncanny — Beckoning hands and warning fingers — But the gray cloud always somehow Ends by looking like a woman.
Like a woman tall and slender, Gowned in gray, with eyes like twilight, Soft, and dreamy, and delicious. Through my half-shut eyes I see her — Through my half-dead life am conscious Of her pure, perpetual presence.
Then the gray wreaths spread out broadly Till they make a level landscape, Toneless, dull, and very rainy — And an open grave – I saw it. Through the rain I heard the falling Of the tears the heart sheds inly.
Oh, I saw it! I remember Leafless branches, dripping, dripping, Through a chill not born of Autumn. To that grave tends all my dreaming — Oh, I saw it, I remember … By that grave all dreaming ended!
THE WOMAN'S WORLD
Oh! to be alone! To escape from the work, the play, The talking, everyday; To escape from all I have done, And all that remains to do. To escape, yes, even from you, My only love, and be Alone, and free.
Could I only stand Between gray moor and gray sky Where the winds and the plovers cry, And no man is at hand. And feel the free wind blow On my rain-wet face, and know I am free – not yours – but my own. Free – and alone!
For the soft fire-light And the home of your heart, my dear, They hurt – being always here. I want to stand up – upright And to cool my eyes in the air And to see how my back can bear Burdens – to try, to know, To learn, to grow!
I am only you! I am yours – part of you – your wife! And I have no other life. I cannot think, cannot do, I cannot breathe, cannot see; There is "us," but there is not "me" — And worst, at your kiss, I grow Contented so.
THE LIGHTHOUSE
Above the rocks, above the waves Shines the strong light that warns and saves. So you, too high for storm or strife, Light up the shipwreck of my life.
The lighthouse warns the wise, but these Not only sail the stormy seas; Towards the light the foolish steer And, drowning, read its meaning, dear.
And, if the lamp by chance allure Some foolish ship to death, be sure The lamp will to itself protest: "His be the blame! I did my best!"
TO A YOUNG POET
Tired of work? Then drop away From the land of cheerful day! Pen the muse, and drive the pen If you'd stay with living men.
Fancy fails? Then pluck from those Gardens where her blossom blows; Trim the buds and wire them well, And your bouquet's sure to sell.
Write, write, write! Produce, produce! Write for sale, and not for use. This is a commercial age! Write! and fill your ledger page.
If your soul should droop and die, Bury it with undimmed eye. Never mind what memory says — Soul's a thing that never pays!
THE TEMPTATION
Let me go! I cannot be All you think me, pure and true: Those brave jewel-names crown you, They were trampled down by me.
Horrid ghosts rise up between You and me; I dare not pass! What might be is dead; what was Is its poison, O my Queen!
I should wither up your life, Blacken, blight its maiden flower; You would live to curse the hour When you made yourself my wife.
Yet, your hand held out, your eyes Pleading, longing, brimmed with tears … I have lived in hell for years: Do not show me Paradise.
Lest I answer: "Take me, then! Take me, save me if you can, Worse than any other man, Loving more than other men."
THE BALLAD OF SIR HUGH
The castle had been held in siege, While thrice three weeks went past, And still the foe no vantage gained And still our men stood fast.
We held the castle for our king Against our foes and his; Stout was our heart, as man's must be In such brave cause as this.
But Sir Hugh walked the castle wall, And oh! his heart was sore, For the foe held fast the only son His dead wife ever bore.
The castle gates were firm and fast, Strong was the castle wall, Yet bore Sir Hugh an aching heart For the thing that might befal.
He looked out to the pearly east, Ere day began to break: "God save my boy till evensong," He said, "for Mary's sake!"
He looked out on the western sky When the sun sank, blood-red: "God keep my son till morning light For His son's sake," he said.
And morn and eve, and noon and night, His heart one prayer did make: "God keep my boy, my little one, For his dear dead mother's sake!"
At last, worn out with bootless siege — Our walls being tall and stout — The rebel captain neared our gates With a flag of truce held out.
"A word, Sir Hugh, a word with you, Ere yet it be too late; We have a prisoner and would know What is to be his fate.
"Yield up your castle, or he dies! 'Tis thus the bargain stands: His body in our hands we hold, His life is in your hands!"
Sir Hugh looked down across the moat And, in the sunlight fair, He saw the child's blue, frightened eyes And tangled golden hair.
He saw the little arms held out; The little voice rang thin: "O father dear, undo the gates! O father – let me in!"
Sir Hugh leaned on the battlements; His voice rang strong and true: "My son – I cannot let thee in, As my heart bids me do;
"If I should open and let thee in, I let in, with thee, shame: And that thing never shall be done By one who bears our name!
"For honour and our king command And we must needs obey; So bear thee as a brave man's son, As I will do this day."
The boy looked up, his shoulders squared, Threw back his bright blond hair: "Father, I will not be the one To shame the name we bear.
"And, whatsoever they may do, Whether I live or die, I'll bear me as a brave man's son, For that, thank God, am I!"
Then spake Sir Hugh unto the foe, He spake full fierce and free: "Ye cowards, deem ye, ye have affair With cowards such as ye be?
"What? I must yield my castle up, Or else my son be slain? I trow ye never had to do Till now with honest men!
"'Tis but by traitors such as you That such foul deeds be done; Not to betray his king and cause Did I beget my son!
"My son was bred to wield the sword And hew down knaves like you, Or, at the least, die like a man, As he this day shall do!
"And, since ye lack a weapon meet To take so good a life (For your coward steel would stain his blood), Here – take his father's knife!"
With that he flung the long knife down From off the castle wall, It glimmered and gleamed in the brave sunlight, Full in the sight of all.
Sir Hugh passed down the turret stair, We held our breath in awe … May my tongue wither ere it tell The damnèd work we saw!
When all was done, a shout went up From that accursèd crew, And from the chapel's silence dim Came forth in haste Sir Hugh.
"And what may mean this clamour and din?" "Sir Hugh, thy son is dead!" "I deemed the foe had entered in, But God is good!" he said.
We stood upon the topmost tower, Full in the setting sun; Shamed silence grew in the traitor's camp Now that foul deed was done.
See! on the hills the gleam of steel, Hark! threatening clarions ring, See! horse and foot and spear and shield And the banner of the king!
And in the camp of those without, Hot tumult and cold fear, For the traitor only dares be brave, Until his king be near!
We armed at speed, we sallied forth, Sir Hugh was at our head; He set his teeth and he marked his path By a line of traitors, dead.
He hacked his way straight to the churl Who did the boy to death, He swung his sword in his two strong hands And clove him to the teeth.
And while the blade was held in the bone, The caitiffs round him pressed, And he died, as one of his line should die, With three blades in his breast.
And when they told the king these things, He turned his head away, And said: "A braver man than I Has fallen for me this day!"
FEBRUARY
The Spring's in the air — Here, there, Everywhere! Though there's scarce a green tip to a bud, Spring laughs over hill and plain, As the sunlight turns the lane's mud To a splendour of copper one way, of silver the other; And longings one cannot smother, And delight that sings through the brain, Turn all one's life into glory — 'Tis the old new ravishing story — The Spring's here again!
When the leaves grew red And dead, We said: "See how much more fair Than the green leaves shimmering Are the mists and the tints of decay!" In the dainty dreamings that lighted the gray November, Did our hearts not remember The green woods – and linnets that sing? Ah, we knew Spring was lost, and pretended 'Twas Autumn we loved. Lies are ended; Thank God for the Spring!
APRIL
Who calls the Autumn season drear? It was in Autumn that we met, When under foot dead leaves lay wet In the black London gardens, dear. The fog was yellow everywhere, And very thick in Finsbury Square, Where in those days we used to meet. I used to buy you violets sweet From flower-girls down by Moorgate Street. 'Twas Autumn then – can we forget? — When first we met.
Who says that Spring is dear and fair? It is in Spring-time that we part, And weary heart from weary heart Turns, as the birds begin to pair. The sun shines on the golden dome, The primroses in baskets come, With daffodils in sheaves, to cheer The town with dreams of the crownèd year. We're both polite and insincere: Though neither says it, yet – at heart — We mean to part.
JUNE
Oh, I'm weary of the town, Where life's too hard for smiling – and the dreary houses frown, And the very sun seems cruel in its glory, as it beats Upon the miles of dusty roofs – the dreary squares and streets; This sun that gilds the great St. Paul's – the golden cross and dome, Is this the same that shines upon our little church at home?
Our little church is gray, It stands upon a hill-side – you can see it miles away, The rooks sail round its tower, and the plovers from the moor. I used to see the daisies through the low-arched framing door, When all the wood and meadow with June's sunshine were ablaze, — Then the sun had ways of shining that it hasn't nowadays.
There are elm trees all around Where the birds and bees in summer make a murmuring music-sound, And on the quiet pastures the sheep-bells sound afar, And you hear the low of cattle – where the red farm buildings are; Oh! on that grass to rest my head and hear that old sweet tune, And forget the cruel city – on this first blue day of June!
The grass is high – I know; And the wind across the meadow is the same that used to blow; But if my steps turned thither, on this golden first June day — It would only be to count my dead – whom God has taken away. That graveyard where the daisies grow – not yet my heart can bear To pass that way – but oh, some day, some kind hand lay me there!
JULY
The night hardly covers the face of the sky, But the darkness is drawn Like a veil o'er the heaven these nights in July, A veil rent at dawn, When with exquisite tremors the poplar leaves quiver, And a breeze like a kiss wakes the slumbering river, And the light in the east keener grows – clearer grows, Till the edge of the clouds turn from pearl into rose, And o'er the hill's shoulder – the night wholly past — The sun peeps at last!
Come out! there's a freshness that thrills like a song, That soothes like a sleep; And the scent of wild thyme on the air borne along, Where the downs slope up steep. There's such dew on the earth and such lights in the heaven, Lost joys are forgotten, old sorrows forgiven, And the old earth looks new – and our hearts seem new-born, And stripped of the cere-clothes which long they have worn — And hope and brave purpose awaken anew 'Mid the sunshine and dew.
