Dr. Juan Moisés De La Serna
A Touch Of Happiness

-I do not know, does he give you many trouble? She asked again.

-No, well the normal one of his age -I answered with a smile

- What about at the beginning? She asked again uneasily.

-Well, he has always been very calm I barely had any trouble sleeping the first weeks after his birth, other mothers say this is what cost them the most after having their children.

-I’m pregnant, said the little girl, who should not be more than fourteen years.

- Congratulations, I said, giving her a hug.

She did not return the hug, she seemed somewhat self-conscious and I asked her,

-Are you okay?

-I don’t know how to tell my parents, she said fearfully.

-Do you love him? -I asked looking into her eyes.

-Him? Of course, she said with a broad smile.

-I mean your son, I pointed out.

-I don’t know, did you know ? - she returned the question.

-My circumstances were different, I was already married and we had been trying to be pregnant for two years, it was a blessing for us.

-You are so lucky, I don’t know how he is going to react, I’m afraid that he will leave me for this.

- Do not think that way, besides men are the way they are, they do not need reasons to leave you. Look at me, everything was fine between us, our boy was growing up healthy and one blessed day he went out saying he was going to look for a job and he never came back.

- Something might have happened to him, said the young girl, looking scared.

-Nothing bad I assure you, he called me a few weeks after saying that he had gone to another city to start a new life, he longed for his bachelor freedom and wanted to recover it.

- And he left you with the child? She asked worriedly.

-Yes, we are getting ahead thanks to my mom who takes care of him when I’m at work. -I answered with a smile.

- I don’t know if my parents would help me if I have the baby, she said worrie-dly.

-Parents are usually quite stubborn and insist on imposing their way of thin-king on us, but in the end you are the one who must live your life and if you decide to raise they child they must accept it, no matter how hard it is for them - I said putting a hand on her shoulder.

-That’s easy to say, by the way, is it true that it changes your life?

- What changes your life? I asked before answering the question she made in a whisper.

-After delivery, is it true that afterwards you don’t feel anything when you are doing it?

-No, who told you that? I asked surprised.

-I don’t know, in school they say since everything changes, what is under also changes and then you feel nothing.

-No way, it feels the same -I said in a reassuring tone.

- And don’t the breasts fall? She asked me again embarrassed.

-That’s a matter of age, you’ll see when you reach your twenties or thirties, whether you like it or not you’re going to have to wear a bra if you want to keep them up.

-But they say that breastfeeding make them fall earlier.

-There is nothing wrong with that, believe me, as I said, for all of us, I repeat, all of us , the time comes when they don’t stand up anymore, it depends on each person if it will be earlier or later, for some it may be while raising child, others might be because of wearing too tight bras or simply because of the pass of time.

- Does it hurts as much as you see in movies? She asked uneasily.

- The moment of delivery? I asked to be sure of her doubt.

-Yes she answered while nodding.

-Well, it hurts a lot, but that’s what the child birth exercises are for , you are been taught how to dilate and breathe at the same time, then it’s just a matter of effort and a lot of pushing.

-But does it hurts? she insisted in this question.

-It hurts a lot, but you later forget about it, I said fondly.

- How do you forget? She asked surprised.

-Yes, of course, my gynaecologist explained that before the moment of con-tractions, the brain has a mechanism of erasing those painful memories, be-cause if this wasn’t the case, no one would ever have more than one child as a result of the bad memory that moment gives but this is not like this.

-Well, I don’t even know if I want to have my first child, so I don’t consider having another, she said thoughtfully.

-Don’t hurry, everything will come if you and your partner want it, I said with a sincere smile.

-But …, what if he leaves me? What am I going to do? What if my parents don’t like this and reject me? How am I going to live? She asked scared.

- You see, first you have to decide whether telling your parents or not, make them understand the situation, and that they give you their support as their obligation as parents.

Then talk to your partner, who will surely be excited to know that you will ha-ve his child. But as always you have to respect his freedom, if he decides to leave you don’t worry, it will be a sign that he doesn’t deserve you- I said cal-mly.

-I don’t know, if you say so, and you have already gone through this, it seems fine by me, although what worries me the most is that everyone noticed and that I cannot disguise it with big clothes.

-You don’t need to hide it, it is not something you should be ashamed of, it is a great blessing that you have received, to be able to participate in the miracle of creation - I said with joy seeing that my words made an effect on that girl who was now calm.

On my way after leaving behind that nice woman with her child who played football in the park, I was repeating to myself everything she had told me, es-pecially that part I liked that I was a contribution to the task of creation, I had not seen it this way before.

That woman, without knowing me, had solved many of my doubts about preg-nancy and the effects on my body, even though I was still looking at my body to be too flat to be able to have a child.

I have been used to seeing well-formed women with big breasts feed those hu-ge babies, how would such a baby fit inside of me ? I don’t have the conditions of having a baby.

Despite what that lady had just told me, I panicked, but I didn’t listen to it, I went back home, went to the kitchen where my mother was preparing dinner and said,

-Mum, I have a good and a bad news, which one do you want first?

She had already heard me speak to her that way before and did not pay much attention to me and after a moment of silence that seemed eternal, I told her,

-I’m pregnant.

She heard this and what she had in her hand fell off making a big noise on the plate. That scared me, because I thought that my mother could hit me or scold me, I was scared so I took a step back, but instead, she approached me with a big smile, hugged me and said,

- My little girl, who has already become a woman, how come I didn’t realise that you have grown so fast?

I was still feeling insecure about the situation, because I wasn’t sure if this was a sign that she agreed with what I said or she felt sorry for my situation, so I asked her,

- Aren’t you angry?

-No, not at all, my girl, she said, kissing my forehead.

I returned a big hug, feeling calmer now, still afraid of the future ahead of me, I didn’t even know if my partner was going to accept what I had inside, but now I was sure that I had the support of my mother.

-Let me be the one to tell your father tonight during dinner- she said in a soft voice.

-Is it necessary? I asked uneasily, looking her in the eyes.

-Don’t worry ,I’ll be delicate when I mention it -she answered winking at me.

I was much more relieved after telling my mum, although I had not been too subtle but I preferred to be blunt because of the importance of the topic.

I went to my room, undressed to change and took the opportunity to look at myself in the mirror; I looked at myself from the side and did not notice anything, I placed my hand on my stomach, trying to figure out where that small being was but I didn’t feel anything.

I took a cushion and put it on my belly, then I put on a blouse and I looked at myself again in the mirror, I didn’t like that silhouette, it made me look fat and I’m sure it would weigh too much.

I had always measured my eating, avoided fats and bread so as not to get fat, and now my figure was going to change so monstrously and I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

I’m sure when this advances I will not be able to practice as much sport as I like, run in the park or to do an hour of static bicycle; and when the doctors send me absolute rest in bed, I will get much fatter, besides that it is very bo-ring.

Now I remember I have not said anything to my mother about who the father was, she had assumed that I had a stable partner and that it was his, although I did not want to contradict her at any point I will have to tell her the truth.

This was strange, I felt guilty for having something inside me that no one had prepared me for, when I got the loving acceptance of my mother, she had made me stay calm. I finished dressing up and I went to the dinning and when I fi-nished my dad said

-Hello to the whole family, you must know that today I am a lucky man.

- Why do you say that? my mother asked, surprised at his joy.

-You should see the lottery man, he was plethoric, he guaranteed that today he felt happy, and that this could be a sign that he was going to distribute a prize so I bought him two numbers.

-Two for what? I asked with a smile.

- One for your mother and one for the home.

-For the home? I asked, surprised.

-It spends as much as your mother, with all the bills we have to pay, he said, nodding and guiding my mother’s eye.

-Well, well, sit down, it seems that you’re right and I’m going and you are going to win the lottery -said my mother when she turned around and smiled at me.

I understood what he was referring to, my mother was softening the situation to tell him, I was very quiet during dinner, although my father did not realise until a certain moment when he said,

- Daughter, you look radiant today, did anything happen to you?

- No really dad, well to tell you the truth when I was walking in the park back from school I sat for a moment and there was a lady with her son, and I don’t know why she transmitted a lot of joy to me.

- It would be good to meet such people every day- my father remarked.

We continued having dinner, talking about banal issues, it seemed to be co-ming to an end and my mother had not told him yet, so I made a sign with my head to tell her and she answered with a nodding of her head. My father realis-ed and asked in a suspicious tone,

- Do you have something to tell me?

-Well, it’s more about mommy -I answered looking at her.

-Me? She asked, surprised by my response.

-Well, I mean it’s about me, but mom is going to tell you, I said rectifying.

-Well…. yes … she said haltingly. Let me see how to tell you.

- Go straight to the point, please, it’s late and I’m a bit tired, and although I’m happy about the lottery, I’d like to rest watching a movie before going to bed.

-Don’t worry I’m not going to take away too much of your time

I simply think that you have already won the lottery- my mother said quickly, almost without being understood.

-What do you mean ?, it has not been played yet, until nine o’clock the lot is not going to be held, replied my father, surprised.

-No, it’s another lottery- my mother said in a low voice.

-What other lottery? … don’t tell me … that you’re pregnant.

My mother was surprised by her husband’s words and quickly said,

-No, no, it’s the baby.

-The … baby … -he said with surprise.

I did not say anything, I just smiled at him. He seemed confused or rather sca-red, a little disconcerted, as he got up from the table and went around the room and after a while he came back and asked my mother,

- Does she know?

-Sure, dad, it’s me who told mom, I said with a smile.

- Ah, of course how else, he said clearly affected. But … how? … no don’t tell me.

-Quiet, you knew that sooner or later I was going to happen, she is a woman- said my mum supporting me

- Right … well … yes … but I thought it would happen in another way, that she would find a boy, get married and start a family, just as we did.

- I have someone who loves me, I said, believing that it would make him hap-py.

But nothing was heard for a moment, it was a strange situation, because we all seemed happy for one reason or another, and what I thought was going to be the cause of anger at home did not go beyond an initial fright and little more.

Now my parents were thinking about how to face the new situation, without worrying about what the neighbours or society would say .

Before talking to that woman in the park, I thought that having a child was a tragedy, that it hurt a lot and marked your life, limiting it and making you al-most a slave to your child, with no time for yourself.

But that woman had told me about all the positive aspects of being a mother, besides she looked very happy with her son.

What I now feared the most was that the father of the child would go away from my side when he found out about the news, although remembering the words of that woman at the park it had become clear to me that the man who flees does so sooner or later and does not need excuses for it.

The truth is that now I felt strangely calm, because I saw my two most dearest things to me, my parents, accepting what I thought would be a shame for them; even my father, who was more conservative in his thinking, had not recrimi-nated me at all.

While in these thoughts my father said,

-I need a family hug.

The three of us hugged each other strongly and I felt strengthened in my situa-tion, they might not like the idea or they needed more time to assimilate it, they might know what would happen to me in the future, but they accepted and supported me with that gesture , which was precisely what I wanted most.

-Well, we’d like to see your boyfriend, we have to talk man to man -said my father after a few moments of hug.

-But I don’t know if he would like to meet you, - I said hesitantly.

-Why not? -Asked my mother surprised.

-Well, he has a modern thinking and he believes that knowing parents is not until when you want to get engaged so in the meantime there is no need to.

- You have not told him yet? -my mother asked seeing my excuses.

-No, I wanted to see how you would react first, before facing my boyfriend-I said nervously.

- It’s important for him to know - said my father said in a reassuring voice.

- Okay, give me some minutes to call him- I said as I went to my room.

From there I called the boy I had been dating only a couple of years, but I thought he was the love of my life, I felt that way and I had told him many ti-mes.

-Hi, sweetie, how are you?

-I’m fine baby, tell me, what do you need?

-I just wanted to hear your voice, tell me, when are we seeing this week?

- You caught me very busy, you know, I’m with guys here in the workshop, we’re preparing a new bike to see if we can win the local races to qualify.

-That’s okay, but I’d like to tell you something.

-Well, tell me, I’m all yours.

-It has to be in person, it’s important.

-I don’t know baby, look, if you like I have a little bit of time now, but I want it to be quick, so nobody complains.

-All right let me tell my parents and I will be right there.

-I’ll be waiting for you, precious.

- See you love.

I hung up, left my room to tell my parents, they thought it was okay and they were happy for my courage, I don’t know if it was such or just the need to sha-re something so beautiful with the person I was in love with.

I got to the passage in a hurry and I met a neighbour with her small dog, this was a sad lady who we barely saw in the street, because she preferred to go out in the afternoons to take a walk with her dog, and did not keep too much con-tact with the other neighbours .

-Good afternoon, I said with a smile as I held the elevator door.

-Hello girl, where are you going in such a hurry? She replied as she entered.

-To see my boyfriend -I answered with a smile.

-Youthfulness, blessed youth age, I still remember when my husband went to work and I stayed at home preparing food waiting for him to come back home to give him a great kiss

Have you been together for many years? I asked surprised to know she had a partner.

- Almost twenty years, before he had the accident.

- An accident, I’m sorry, I said with regret.

-Yes, since then things have not being the same and then, little by little I was losing him.

I did not understand what she was meant, but I preferred not getting deep into it, knowing that it was painful, at that moment the dog began to bark and as it was a small space it resonated in the cabin.

-Be quiet, beautiful, Be quiet, the owner said to her dog.

-What’s wrong? I asked surprised.

-It is very sensitive, it quickly perceive women that are pregnant.

That disconcerted me, I had never heard anything like it. I did know that dogs that work in customs detected smells of bombs or drugs, or in the army detec-ted badly wounded people buried under the ruins of an earthquake, but never heard of something like this. I must have turned red, because the older woman told me,

-Don’t worry, it’s a blessing, we waited for it so long and it never came. If I had had at least one, I’m sure that my life would have been very different.

That saddened me, because it is true that many couples, for one reason or another, even wishing to have them they can’t have children, instead, me without expecting it I was going to have a new being in my arms, which at first had seemed sad for me but now I was very happy to see how it was something positive and desired by others.

-Well, tell me, girl, have you already given her a name?

- No, ma’am, I just found out I am pregnant and I still do not know if it’s a boy or a girl.

I had not think about it, I have been too worried waiting for other people’s reaction, my parents and my partner, that I had not taken time to think about the baby, which after all was going to be the most important thing in my life for the next nine months and in the following years.

-I don’t know, it looks like she’s a girl, a beautiful girl, the older woman told me.

-How do you know? I asked, stunned by her comment.

-You know a lot of things at my age, it shows on your face- she replied with a wink.

I did not know how that woman whom I would have seen many times, but have spoken to her only once or twice in my life, now knew so much about me, maybe as she said it was all written on my face, and only those that knew how to read it would know. We got downstairs and the old lady came out saying

-Take care of him, for you have received a blessing, give him all the love you can for he will give it back to you back times ten.

That been said, I went with the dog to the park, the truth is that I felt good, that little girl had given me a great joy, because she looked so clean and innocent.

I would have wanted to be like her when I got married, but those were diffi-cult times of economic crisis when we had no luxury and I think that was why we didn’t have any children.

My husband and I were always talking about the same thing, about how expen-sive it would be to have a child in such a difficult time, we would talk about the expenses that it would generate us and especially about how we would see the child, very little as we both were working.

I think that was why we did not have a child, neither of us were willing to give up a part of our lives to have a little time and dedicate it to caring for a new member in the family.

At that time I had no dog, neither the means to take care of it, because I would wake up very early, even more than my husband, I would prepare his clothes and make breakfast, we had breakfast together and then he went to work at the factory and I to the hairdressers.

The amount of hairs that I had cut, unraveled curls and dyed wicks, this despi-te occupying a large part of the day made me happy, because that was where I would talk to my friends, also when I was fortunate of having a cheerful cus-tomer that made the hours shorter.

This is how I learnt how to find out people’s secrets by their faces, since this after all is a reflection of who we are, what we want and also what we hide.

So many hours listening to the customers, observing their faces in the mirror to see if I made a straight cut, that it made it easier for me later to guess if they had a good or bad day as soon as they entered the door.

Later on, my subtlety increased and I could know without her telling me anything, if she had quarrelled with her husband or son, if she had a new love or if he had left her.

It’s so much that my colleagues named me little witch and it was me who so-me customers came looking for, even if they had a beautiful hair, they wanted me to take care of their hair and thus use the opportunity to tell me about their lives.

Little by little I acquired that skill also on the street, although I never wanted to ask people if what I saw in them was true.

In spite of that, it has given me great joy to know that it still worked for me, to be able to know what was going on with this girl that I crossed in the elevator and that she later confirmed.

To tell the truth, at first I did not expect someone so young could be, but I had seen it so clear, I am truly happy for her.

With this joy in my body I kept walking my dog , focused in my thoughts, when it finished running around a bit and doing it’s business, I tied him again and we went up to the apartment. The dog despite being small made me feel quite big, though sometimes I had wanted to move and leave this place, I thought it was more about cowardness than a necessity.

I knew that in any other place I would find myself better than where I was now, but I also knew that I would miss it so much that I didn’t want to live far away.

It was the house that we had when we got married, the only one we have ever lived in after leaving my parents’ house, I had always wanted to travel and know the world before getting married, studying and having a good job were my goals in life, but circumstances ruled and they were very different from what I wanted.

A good man one day came to me after mass, he told me that he had been wat-ching me and that he wanted to meet my parents. In spite of how unusual that was it did not bother me, so I introduced him to them, the man after making himself known, said he was interested in me and asked for permission to talk to me.

That was a great joy me, because although I had fantasied a lot and flirt around with one boy or the other, never before had a man noticed me as a partner.

My parents, at first suspicious of his young age, asked him about his studies and his family. As best as he could, he got out of that trap and did it quite well, as he was then given permission to see me.

Those were difficult times for a relationship, not like now that you just agree to meet and that is it, then, a family member or a friend had to join us so that we would not be alone and so we would not misbehave.

But after seeing each other two or three times, we figured out a way to be out alone, he brought a family member and I brought a friend as companions and they fit and got along so well that one day we told them,

-If you like we can give you time to be alone while we leave.

And that’s how we got to have our first moments alone, by the way, my friend and her husband are happily married, although it’s been long I heard of them since they moved out of town, but last time we saw them, they had two pre-cious children.

I went to the kitchen to get something to eat, the truth is that I hardly ever felt like eating anything, despite forcing myself every day, because on more than one occasion I had to be hospitalised as a result of anaemia.

After having dinner while watching the television, I put on the radio for a whi-le, although I did not listen to it too much because I was not interested in what was said, it serve me as a company.

It was nice to hear human voice in that house, although I did not get to do as others did, talk and reply the radio announcer as if he were there.

We shared many years and also much suffering here was contained, some of my friends told me it was like a mausoleum, because I kept almost everything just like when my husband was still alive, but what they did not know is that in one way or the other I was still waiting for him.

After the car accident and the subsequent rehabilitation, my husband had been affected by a concussion, from time to time he had memory gaps, as the doc-tors said, and he did not remember the past, but the most serious thing was when the time lapse started in the present, he forgot where he was or who he was with.

That was very hard, because it was a daily struggle for him to remember me, renewing the love with someone who barely recognised me.

I suffered a lot in silence, thanking God for the luck of having him by my side despite his sickness, but one day he did not return. He walked out the door one weekend when we were about to eat and I didn’t hear anymore of him, a few hours later I called his friends and nobody knew where he could be and I be-come afraid, I called the police, hospitals and all the places that occurred to me but nobody knew anything about him.

A day without him, then a week, a month, a year and that’s how my life has been since then, waiting for him to come back, hoping he would say that “ho-ney, I’m home”.

With time I got used to being alone, until a friend gave me a puppy, it was so small and so beautiful that I could not say no and so I looked after him as the child we never had wishing that my husband would see it if he ever returned .

The truth is that I did not feel sad, that stage of my life had already passed, now I was quite calm, full of vitality, I don’t know why that girl had filled me with love, I think that was it, what she herself felt for her son, it was what I had in me.

I turned off the radio and lay down to rest with a big smile on my face, the truth is that it was the best ending of day I had ever had in many years and with a smile I fell asleep.