Мольер (Жан-Батист Поклен)
The Countess of Escarbagnas
Ju. I confess, Madam, that no one can help profiting wonderfully by all you say. Your conversation is a school, to which I do not fail to come every day in order to learn something new.
SCENE XII. – THE COUNTESS, JULIA, ANDRÉE, CRIQUET
Cri. (to the COUNTESS). Here is Jeannot, Mr. Thibaudier's man, who wants to see you, Ma'am.
Coun. Ah! you little wretch, this is another of your stupidities. A well-bred lackey would have spoken in a whisper to the gentlewoman in attendance; the latter would have come to her mistress and have whispered in her ear: "Here is the footman of Mr. So-and-so, who wants to speak to you, Madam." To which the mistress would have answered, "Show him in."
SCENE XIII. – THE COUNTESS, JULIA, ANDRÉE, CRIQUET, JEANNOT
Cri. Come along in, Jeannot.
Coun. Another blunder. (To JEANNOT) What do you want, page? What have you there?
Jean. It is Mr. Thibaudier, Ma'am, who wishes you good morning, and, before he comes, sends you some pears out of his garden, with this small note.
SCENE XIV. – THE COUNTESS, CRIQUET, JEANNOT
Coun. (giving some money to JEANNOT). Here, my boy; here is something for your trouble.
Jean. Oh no, thank you, Ma'am.
Coun. Take it, I say.
Jean. My master told me not take anything from you Ma'am.
Coun. Never mind, take it all the same.
Jean. Excuse me, Ma'am.
Cri. Take it, Jeannot. If you don't want it, you can give it me.
Coun. Tell your master that I thank him.
Cri. (to JEANNOT, who is going). Give it to me, Jeannot.
Jea. Yes, you catch me.
Cri. It was I who made you take it.
Jea. I should have taken it without your help.
Coun. What pleases me in this Mr. Thibaudier is that he knows how to behave with people of my quality, and that he is very respectful.
SCENE XV. – THE VISCOUNT, THE COUNTESS, JULIA, CRIQUET
Visc. I come to tell you, Madam, that the theatricals will soon be ready, and that we can go into the hall in a quarter of an hour.
Coun. Mind, I will have no crowd after me. (To CRIQUET) Tell the porter not to let anybody come in.
Visc. If so, Madam, I give up our theatricals. I could take no interest in them unless the spectators are numerous. Believe me, if you want to enjoy it thoroughly, tell your people to let the whole town in.
Coun. Page, a seat. (To the VISCOUNT, after he is seated) You have come just in time to accept a self-sacrifice I am willing to make to you. Look, I have here a note from Mr. Thibaudier, who sends me some pears. I give you leave to read it aloud; I have not opened it yet.
Visc. (after he has read the note to himself). This note is written in the most fashionable style, Madam, and is worthy of all your attention. (Reads aloud) "Madam, I could not have made you the present I send you if my garden did not bring me more fruit than my love…"
Coun. You see clearly by this that nothing has taken place between us.
Visc.
"The pears are not quite ripe yet, but they will all the better match the hardness of your heart, the continued disdain of which promises me nothing soft and sweet. Allow me, Madam, without risking an enumeration of your charms, which would be endless, to conclude with begging you to consider that I am as good a Christian as the pears which I send you,4 for I render good for evil; which is to say, to explain myself more plainly, that I present you with good Christian pears in return for the choke-pears which your cruelty makes me swallow every day.
Your unworthy slave,
THIBAUDIER."
Madam, this letter is worth keeping.
Coun. There may be a few words in it that are not of the Academy, but I observe in it a certain respect which pleases me greatly.
Ju. You are right, Madam, and even if the viscount were to take it amiss, I should love a man who would write so to me.
SCENE XVI. – MR. THIBAUDIER, THE VISCOUNT, THE COUNTESS, JULIA, CRIQUET
Coun. Come here, Mr. Thibaudier; do not be afraid of coming in. Your note was well received, and so were your pears; and there is a lady here who takes your part against your rival.
Thi. I am much obliged to her, Madam, and if ever she has a lawsuit in our court, she may be sure that I shall not forget the honour she does me in making herself the advocate of my flame near your beauty.
Ju. You have no need of an advocate, Sir, and your cause has justice on its side.
Thi. This, nevertheless. Madam, the right has need of help, and I have reason to apprehend the being supplanted by such a rival, and the beguiling of the lady by the rank of the viscount.
Visc. I had hopes before your note came, Sir, but now, I confess fears for my love.
Thi. Here are likewise a few little couplets which I have composed to your honour and glory, Madam.
Visc. Ah! I had no idea that Mr. Thibaudier was a poet; these few little couplets will be my ruin.
Coun. He means two strophes. (To CRIQUET) Page, give a seat to Mr. Thibaudier. (Aside to CRIQUET, who brings a chair) A folding-chair, little animal!5 Mr. Thibaudier, sit down there, and read your strophes to us.
Thi. (reads).
"A person of quality
Is my fair dame;
She has got beauty,
Fierce is my flame;
Yet I must blame
Her pride and cruelty."
Visc. I am lost after that.
Coun. The first line is excellent: "A person of quality."
Ju. I think it is a little too long; but a liberty may be taken to express a noble thought.
Coun. (to MR. THIBAUDIER). Let us have the other.
Thi. (reads).
"I know not if you doubt that my love be sincere,
Yet this I know, that my heart every moment
Longs to leave its sorry apartment
To visit yours, with fond respect and fear.
After all this, having my love in hand,
And my honour, of superfine brand,
You ought, in turn, I say,
Content to be a countess gay,
To cast that tigress' skin away,
Which hides your charms both night and day."
Visc. I am undone by Mr. Thibaudier.
Coun. Do not make fun of it; for the verses are good although they are country verses.
Visc. I, Madam, make fun of it! Though he is my rival, I think his verses admirable. I do not call them, like you, two strophes merely; but two epigrams, as good as any of Martial's.
