Елизавета Тюркмен
Closer to the stars
Prologue
Who am I? A superstar or just a page in someone else’s diary?
Once in a while I feel I can change the world with just one flap of my eyelashes, but most of the time I struggle to take myself out of bed.
I would like to blame it on planets in retrograde or a personal biorhythm failure but lately even the astrology seems to promise “permanent bliss” on the days I feel more like permanent sh*t. As if my life isn’t going the way it is supposed to, making me a stranger to myself.
Not that I am complaining though, cause I don’t see any big reasons to try and change things.
I have a flat, a boyfriend, a fluffy cat pillow and a blog which helps me to earn enough to survive, pay the bills and enjoy the stuff I want to enjoy without too many doubts and fears.
My blog is about traveling so I get to move around quite a lot and that is what keeps me focused and busy. I get to wear (really mostly just try on) trendy clothes for various photoshoots and have to keep myself in a presentable shape, so that thousands of girls would envy and “like and comment” our posts.
I say our because I have a wonderful work partner aka my best friend Lizzy, who is stunningly beautiful and exceptionally smart. The blog is our shared “baby” and I am happy about that cause without her rocket engine it would take me a year to make one picture with two hashtags and it would probably happen to be a view from my bedroom window or my own eye with some wicked filter on it.
My deep love relationship with coffee makes me always look like a writer who has been up all night creating masterpieces no matter how many hours I spend between the mattress and the blanket.
I could say I enjoy the stability my life brings me, but lately something really weird began to happen and I am not sure there is anything stable left on my plate.
Oh, and my name is Allison McKee if you have been wondering!
Season 1
Episode 7
Chloe meets Matthew and I spill my coffee
First of all I want to introduce Chloe – a super-silly girl with a super-large fortune which she inherited from a distant relative.
She is cute and fun in a way but mostly just careless and unlucky. In spite of having the big buck she always gets into all sorts of troubles and constantly needs to be saved by family members, friends or just passerbys.
Don’t get too serious about Chloe, though, cause she is just a character from a comedy tv series which my bestie Lizzy is obsessed with and, thus, makes me follow the plot although I am not at all into such kind of shows.
“Stay away from Chloe” – the title I see every week accompanied by some absurd rock-ish soundtrack. Luckily it seems to take a lot of efforts to get a single episode out, so it is transmitted only once a week. But I must say during the most pricey time – 20.00 on Fridays – meaning that “Chloe” does have some fans or some good budget.
Don’t want to bother you with the details of the previous episodes: really truly nothing exciting. But I must tell you about this one – lucky number 7th episode, cause it started all the mess surrounding me now.
Anyways, this episode took Chloe and her glamorous girlfriends to some botanical exposition which did look incredibly good on tv – all the tropical trees and flowers and butterflies everywhere. I even had to google and see if such a place existed in reality (but nooo, just a very successful work of a dozen of florists and lightning professionals).
The girls take a million selfies and I don’t blame them – I would take photo with each butterfly there to post it on the blog. So the trouble begins when after having eaten a large vegan (yes, Chloe is vegan) ice-cream and getting an even larger stain on her short skirt, Chloe goes to the wc and misses the closing hour. She gets locked inside with her iPhone dead because of the endless photos and selfies.
The other girls think that Chloe must have left (I wonder why hadn’t they checked the wc, I know I would have) and after hitting her voicemail they just go home.
Lizzy was deeply involved in watching Chloe’s troubles and I was secretly checking my messages on instagram and sipping a latte, just when the situation changed – one of the guards of the exposition came into the scene hearing Chloe’s cries for help. And I spilled my coffee on the fluffy whipped cream colored carpet that I otherwise really care about.
– Handsome, ha? – Lizzy laughed at me, – I guess Kevin doesn’t excite you as much as before.
I threw my favorite cat-shaped pillow at her.
– Have you seen Kevin? – I asked, – Last time I checked he was on the cover of a magazine, telling how much he loved me in the interview within. How can one not be excited about this?
– Oh, forget it! You don’t leave me a chance for a smallest joke! Boring! – and Lizzy turned to the screen again.
Obviously, Kevin is my boyfriend and to put the cherry on top of the cake – a photo model. Light hair, wide shoulders, sky-colored eyes. We met at a photoshoot last year: he was in the promotion of some big hotel campaign and I was offered a good sum for posting the pics with links on my blog.
I was single at that time and not really looking for any love adventures, but Kevin was all smiles, and hugs and delicate words. Next thing I knew – we were drinking vodka on the rocks on the roof of my apartment, singing “Before you go” and some other sentimental stuff. He entered my life without any bubbles, meaning my waters were as still as they had been before him. Kevin’s character seemed to be as light as his own hair – always positive and full of jokes.
But all that happened to be just my first impression of him. And I am horrible, terrible, really hopeless at reading other people.
I hated Lizzy when we first met, and look where we are now.
Time passed and by the time we started watching this TV series there was already something wrong about my and Kevin’s relationship. The balance went off. There was too much of him and too little left of me.
I didn’t even notice how we have come to this. His rules, his movies, his food, his him.
Kevin never shouted at me or hit me, no, his aggression was very well hidden inside. Passive but as real as a poisonous snake indecisively waiting for its bite. Emotional pressure – a favorite weapon.
I guess I was not prepared to any of it, I haven’t had any experience of such behavior in my past – nor within my family nor among my friends and acquaintances. Being too flexible I let him bend the situations in any directions he wanted.
My goal was peace and to get that I had to say yes every single time, cause when he got a no, he would close up inside and get offended and would not talk to me for days.
The guy in the TV show was not Kevin-gorgeous-handsome, but there was something so familiar in his look. I felt like seeing a relative on screen, wanting to say “yes, you see, he is my cousin/brother/uncle, how proud I am!”. And that would be totally ok if he was my family member. But he obviously wasn’t one.
His name on the show was Matthew and, of course, he heroically saved Chloe from the wc-prison. In the episode’s last scene she was looking into his dark brown eyes saying how lucky she was.
Episode 8
Chloe chooses Mike and i choose Barcelona
It’s Friday again at my “happy place” – me and Lizzy are occupying the grand sofa lying in laziness surrounded by soft cushions and cereal bowls.
There really isn’t anything more comforting during the Oldham October than a tv show (even if you despise it quite a bit) a true friend and a bowl of hot cereal. There is also an apple crunch in the stove, but I hope for it to stay there, cause we are having a new photoshoot next week and I’m guessing we won’t be allowed to wear sweatpants.
This week has been quite productive – we have found a sponsor in Spain, who is selling some posh cars and says we can work together for the sake of a mutual promotion. Right now looking through the window at the rain and the grey sky and the little midgets of people (I live on the last floor and even have a tiny terrace for my own usage) you can’t actually believe that somewhere people are carelessly sunbathing and swimming or taking a walk in shorts and tops. But, imagine that, in just two days we will take a direct flight from Manchester to Barcelona to enjoy a 2 week workation.
Jeronimo "the car guy" made all the reservations, so we just need to make ourselves look good and get into the cab to the airport in time.
My skinny Lizzy went over to the kitchen to warm up some plant milk – the unavoidable influence of Chloe onto my friend and then, like a respiratory disease, onto me. But, hey, it is fun to explore the vegan world! I was deeply thrilled by the variety of non-dairy milk we have in a local ASDA store and positively shocked by the fine taste of the “weedy” one.
I have never made any proper research before but surprisingly some doctors make scientific connection between dairy products and early osteoporosis. And as for my own humble observations: my skin is definitely better without cow’s milk. Although I sometimes still go for the above mentioned when no plant milk options are available.
– Hey, lazy butt, have you gone through todays comments already? – the voice of my conscience comes from the kitchen.
– Oh, shoot, – I squick to myself grabbing the laptop, – I am onto it right now!, – the confidence in my voice slightly less than I was heading for.
– If we lose followers, I will go to Barcelona alone and you will sit here enjoying the two-minute sunshine a day if lucky. So, please, answer them all and don’t write anything I wouldn’t write.
– I have already packed and Jeronimo has already paid for the two of us, so save your threats for another trip, would you?
– There won’t be another trip if you don’t answer them, or you might simply not live to the day, chubby!
I love the sincerity of our conversations. Warmth of the words selected and the complete mutual understanding and respect.
– Tomorrow is your turn, toothpick, – I shout back, – can’t wait to see you after some sangria trying to remember the hotel/bus/pants/earrings and whichever else prices people will be asking about in their comments.
At that precise moment I hear the “Stay away from Chloe” music and the sound of something breaking in the kitchen.
– Good Lord! – exclaims Lizzy running into the room with a two bowls full of milk, – I hope you hated a little red dotted mug I gave you for Christmas last year.
– I really did, thank you for saving me from it, – I laugh and make some more space for her to sit down. Not that it was needed though, cause Lizzy is a blue-eyed, short haired toothpick – not less than 178 cm tall and 150 of it might just be the legs.
She used to be a full time model, but her stubbornness has scared off most of the agencies, plus, her proper upbringing didn’t allow any nudity even a too-open dress. I really am proud of her – she never puts money first, choosing the one and only HER way things must work out. Not that it is easy but definitely worth it – Lizzy always has this air of confidence and tranquility around her, one just wants to stick and learn how she does that. Her zodiac sign is cancer and truly she carries its best traits always searching for someone to love, feed or listen to. Lizzy is my precious rebel.
– Soooo, are you ready to see Robert again? – she asks eyes glued to the screen on purpose.
– To see whom? – I asked almost choking on a piece of my wheat cereal and trying to figure out if I have ever met a Robert in my life and if I did why am I to see him again, and why is it being asked in such a sarcastically casual tone.
– I googled everything for you! Don’t bother to thank me. The guy from the last episode – Matthew – d’you remember? Cute? Dark eyed? Made you spill coffee without even swearing? Does this ring a bell?
At first it really didn’t, but then conveniently the screen showed him in all his glory. Oh… I blushed. I BLUSHED.
Lizzy laughed so hard she almost fell from her side of the sofa.
– Well, – she continued, – the good thing is that he is…tadadada…British. Being British is always the best thing in a guy, you know. Aaaand, even more, he is from Oldham! But don’t get your hopes high …
– What hopes, Lizzy, are you crazy? – I tried to interfere without any success, of course. – … cause he originally is from Oldham, but he lives and works in the States now. – Lizzy, are we still in 7th grade or what? Do I look like a “fanateen”? Do you expect me to fall in love with a movie star and go chase him all the way to wherever in the States he is?, – I stared at her waiting for reply but then the actor began to speak and I felt chills running down my spine.
What the heck?
– Relax! I am just trying to make you laugh, girl. You have been in your lows for a long time now, – she added with a sad tone, – thought you might as well get yourself virtually blown away by a positive handsome character.
Just as I was about to protest, my phone rang bringing “Before you go” to the room.
–Hiya, how is my girl doing? – shouted Kevin from somewhere that sounded like a nightclub.
– All good, honey, just chilling with Lizzy.
– Plant life? Lame show? – he laughed.
– Weed milk, cute actors! – I said in defense of my friend.
– How cute? Can’t be cuter than your boyfriend, tho, right? – Course not, you’re the one. – I said calmly, smiling. – Ok, then, just checking. We are shooting for a music video and I don’t hear you straight. Will drop by in a couple of hours, would appreciate some take out! Love you!
And he hang up right as I was saying that I loved him back. Ok, will save it for later. He sounded really uplifted, there might be a very good evening to be looking forward to.
Meanwhile on the screen Matthew was asking Chloe to join him for dinner right after having saved her from falling into a community pool. Don’t ask, those storywriters must have worked in accident statistics department.
I took a long glance at Matthew/Robert again trying to see a person behind the actor. The feeling of knowing him from somewhere before arose like a hot wave and made my throat dry. If he was from Oldham what are the chances of us having met during our youth? I mean he looks a little over 30 and I am 24 and a half to be precise. Could I have seen his photos on the wall of fame in Oldham college where I studied travel and tourism? There were several sport courses there, where I can easily see the guy. Or art and performing? He did start somewhere in that area, didn’t he?
Living among the other 234 000 people of Oldham, couldn’t there be a moment where our lives collided? Difficult to tell and really not worth thinking. Get real, Ally. Go drink some coffee. And as I stood up to do that I saw the final titles of the series: “starring – Robert Castle”. Oh, well, now I know his surname. Not a big deal. PS: Chloe chose some light-haired handsome lad called Mike and didn’t take Matthew’s offer. Why do I feel so good about it?
Episode 9
Chloe loses her dog and I dive into the Mediterranean
“Noticias de Espana de ultima hora…” – told us a dark-haired smartly dressed woman from the tv screen.
– Shoot! They don’t have the channel, Ally!! – Lizzy almost cries in despair holding onto the remote control as if it is her airbag and obviously forgetting that nowadays you have a million and one way to watch something online.
– Don’t you worry, una mujer hermosa, your best amiga has it covered!
– You sound like that lunatic from Manchester who tried to shake money off us pretending to come from Argentina while having a perfect British pronunciation.
I laughed and searched for “Stay away from Chloe” on the internet.
While my aim was to find an open source to watch it from, my eyes got caught by the upper line of the page with all the familiar faces in a row with names and scenic pseudonyms. Robert Castle was showing his perfectly white smile following the main character Chloe. That photo was not from a photoshoot, more like made by some paparazzi who managed to get inside on a premier day. Robert looked relaxed and had the same air that charms me in Lizzy – peaceful strength.
I spot the live transition at the bottom of the page, but cannot hold myself from clicking on his name. Oh, the mighty wikipedia, sometimes I wish you didn’t exist. It felt like a personal intrusion, like reading someone else’s diary, I almost felt ashamed of spying on the guy. But well, before I could get a grip on myself I learnt about most of his life.
Scorpio. 6 ft 2 inch. Born and grew up in Oldham. Studied art and performance in Oldham college (Knew it!! Thats where I could have seen him at.) Played in some theatrical performances, took part in various commercials and has taken parts in some solid well-known movies. Married once. Divorced. Currently single.
– Ally, we have skipped the first half already, what takes you so long? – I take my eyes off and see the beautiful puppy looking eyes of my friend. I immediately click on the back arrow and choose the live stream link. Then connect my phone to the smart tv and voila we have Chloe all over the large screen.
I must say Jeronimo made some very smart choices: got us a hotel suite in one of the small touristic cities not far from Barcelona – La Pineda. Thus, we could enjoy the sea, fresh air, long walks to the nearby Salou city, eat lots of amazing Spanish food.
I can definitely say that any little sandwich in any little cafe there tastes 100% tastier than in any other place in the world. I know – I travelled! Is it the weather, the food itself or the special atmosphere – I can’t really decide, but maybe its all three combined.
– Look, Ally, she lost her pup! – Lizzy brought me back to reality, – Mrs McKee must be so upset now!
– I guess she must be, Lizzy, good call, we will phone her after the episode and ask, wonder what’s the weather is up there now.
Mrs McKee happens to be my mom, Clair for friends, and together with Ray McKee, my father, they live happily in the north of Sweden in a log house in the middle of nowhere – don’t ask, I don’t have the answers. I guess they feel something that I can’t really comprehend about the Scandinavian dream. But they are very much contented and happy so who’s to judge?
Mid-fifty, healthy and with eyes full of sparks – unstoppable team of positive-thinkers. I glance through the balcony door and see my bikini calmly dancing in the evening breeze. Bet every person in the world has at least once considered leaving everything behind and moving to the warm seacoast. It suits me much more than Scandinavian cold, but tastes differ, right?
The half episode we got to see showed Chloe losing her Pomeranian at the mall and dramatically calling everyone for help, then searching the district with dog police (does such a thing even exist?) only to find the poor thing stuck in a baby house in a toy store. And by chance, of course, the one to find the dog happens to be Matthew and the happy dog owner asks him out to dinner.
Caught myself checking out Chloes body and evaluating if she could have a chance to take Robert out in the real life. He was single after all. “Soooo before you gooo…” Gosh, a change that I need is a different ringtone melody!
– Oh hi Kevin!
– Tadada dada ta ta – Kevin almost perfectly delivers the opening music of our Tv series.
– Yes, just finished watching. – I laugh.
– Any plans for the evening? La discoteca? – He laughs, but I hear the envy tones, – did Julio make some arrangements for you three?
– His name is Jeronimo and no, thank you, after the long day under the sun (I did swim today, can you imagine?!) we are quite happy to knock ourselves out in the suite. The main photoshoot is scheduled for tomorrow sooo… well, you know better than me.
– oh, unfortunately I do, – he says with irony, – I am on the cover of all the three top magazines of Britain.
– can’t blame them, but wish they could see you after a night of sleeping on your face.
“True love it is”, – Lizzy just can’t help commenting.
She looks like a cute white hedgehog with her short hair unsettled and her perfectly shaped nose worriedly turned in the direction of the tv screen. Waiting for the next episode trailer, I guessed, and having sent my love and kisses back to England, hung up to return the picture to the tv screen.
After the trailer we had a video call with mom and dad. Lizzy and mom exchanged their emotions on the episode events and me and dad exchanged rolled up eye looks. Then all laughed and it felt incredibly cozy.
They are in the north, we are in the south, but you don’t feel the distance when your minds are on the same frequencies. As a surprise, my older brother Jason joined in and I felt Lizzy awkwardly step backwards. Although we grew up together, he moved out of our house early to start his sport career, so she had seen him only once as a grown up and, I guess, now she is considering him a bit of a stranger. I, on the contrary, wanted to become a zipped file and to send myself over there for a few hugs. Jason is more than a brother, he is and has always been one of my best friends and role models wrapped into one lad with over-worked muscles. He works in a gym and looks like a cute bison.
Jason’s red hair is several tones darker than mine but we share freckles and deep dry voices. Sometimes when I laugh I remember the nasty hyenas from The Lion King. But people get used to everything and to their own flaws as well.
–Hiya, red head, – he said cheerfully, – didn’t expect to see me, ha? – Hello to you too, red head! Seeing you is the best part of my day! – I heard Lizzy snort from the balcony.
Probably it is the part of not having a sibling, one can’t really understand how amazing such a close relationship can be.
– Had a sudden desire to feel loved and carried for, – he continued, – and I saw mom heading to the kitchen with the air of “my son hasn’t eaten enough in years”. I laughed.
– Well, that’s what wives and husbands are for in a grown-up life, – I added.
– No, no, no, hon, those are for arguing and fighting!
– Just you wait, Mr McKee, just you wait. One day you will fall in love so madly you will forget all the swear words.
– No fecking way!
Hard to argue with that one, Jason with all his nice looks, could scare away any girl as soon as he opened his mouth.
I glanced at Lizzy who was still sitting somewhat lonely on the balcony and hurried to end the conversation. Took two glasses of sangria and a cute purple striped blanket, came over to Lizzy who has immediately cheered up on seeing the refreshments. We sat there, watching the sunset, tipsy, talking of past, present and somehow avoiding future, for there was something in it that we both were afraid to face.
Buenas nochas.
Episode 10 (season finale)
Chloe gets a boyfriend and I lose something I wasn’t supposed to
The good news is that the photoshoot went exceptionally well – we did all the best views, including the Sagrada Familia and, of course, the candy houses of the Gaudi Park. Now Jeronimo will work with the commercial and we can go home with thicker wallets.
The weather is perfect for October. “Murdering heat” as Lizzy referred to it. She hates anything above +15C, poor soul. Sun was following us everywhere and after the shoot Jeronimo brought us for lunch to the harbor. Seagulls were sneaking around in hope to catch your food before it gets into your mouth. Prepaid toilets everywhere like an insult to our freedom loving souls. Could have been better, but a valuable memory still.
Its Friday again and dear rainy Oldham awaits. Me and Lizzy tanned and fresh after a sea swim were drying hair and eating amazingly tasty snacks we had gotten from the local Carrefour . I must confess Chloe's influence doesn’t get as far as La Pineda, so our vegan regime is under a serious threat. Ah, all those meats and sausages hanging there and calling your name as you stroll between the racks in search for the plant based options. Lizzy is a tough nut, at one point I asked her why she puts on her sun glasses on entering the store and not on leaving it.
She looked seriously at me and said:
– Ally, you should try that too, it adds a slightly green tone to all of the sausages, and you don’t want to eat something rotten do you?
A hundred and fifty points to Gryffindor for the determination and courage of Hermione!
It happened during our final food shopping spree before the night flight.
– Any souvenirs, Lizzy?, – I asked looking at the cute bulls and magnets.
– Nooo, I don’t have anyone to give them to, you know, or I can get you a plate with dried beans and corns if you are interested. Her shoulders went down giving her a look of a starving stray kitten.
– Oh, don’t play the “lonely creature card” again, please, or I will buy this plate for you and ask for an engraving “to the black hole of the universe”.
– What?!
– Sorry, I can’t think of anything more lonely than a black hole flowing somewhere out there between the galaxies.
Lizzy rolled her eyes and handed me a large dark bottle of something.
– The best olive oil we can find. 100% pure, unrefined, cold press.
– Goes into your suitcase, – I said handing the bottle back.
– oh you! Dry salad on your plate for a week it is then.
I laughed and proceeded to the cashier.
That was our last evening at the hotel and, luckily, we were to watch the new episode of “Chloe” before we get into a cab to the El Prat International airport.
Seemed like the weather didn’t want us to leave so soon – a sudden storm in all its might and beauty threw itself onto the little city making its best charm – the pine trees – lean to the ground.
– Today is the season’s finale, – Lizzy told me in excitement,
– I hope it will be romantic and they will finally get together! How cute would that be?!
– Mhmm, – I nodded, getting a flashback to the day I was spying on the actor. I bet the script would get the show right where Lizzy is hoping for it to go.
– Don’t be so boring, Al, I know you like the show, especially after your Matthew got into it.
– My? Wha? – Goes with me to the grave, but I saw you checking his wiki page while searching for the livestream. Cancers aren’t as naive as one might think! – she beamed like a detective who managed to find the murderer.
– Of course they aren’t, – I answered, – they are just pure devils in a unicorn skin!
That costed me my snack bowl. But she was right after all. I was deeply interested in the subject. So indeed it was a season finale and heck it was full of romance. Matthew looked sharp, carried a bunch of red and pink roses and Chloe wore an unforgettably open dress (which almost made Lizzy sick). I had a sudden urge to turn this crap off, but something in me protested and asked to wait for 5 more minutes. My friend said her best “awww” when the actors kissed and turned her cute face to me.
– Don’t say anything, – I warned, – if the scenario proceeds like this, you will have to watch it alone at home.
I meant to sound sarcastic, but it went out sort of hurt and offended.
– You should write him, – Lizzy said, – it might be the destiny knocking on your door. You will never know, unless you make a step towards it.
– You can’t be serious, I hope you aren’t serious, because I shan’t do that. I mean, firstly, all this is just nonsense as I don’t even know the guy and I am too old for chasing movie stars, and, secondly, did you forget that there still is my life at Kevinsland?
– Your life at Kevinsland is not different from a lonely land, hon. He turns up when he needs you, to boost up his confidence and then leaves you empty when you require his attention most. You have me, of course, to get fixed and charged, but, see, as you have once said, one day some prince charming might steal me away, – Lizzy finished with a green.
I love how she can say something realistically bad and then put some star dust on top to keep you smiling.
There is a point in what she was saying of course. Kevin can’t really be the best partner, but wasn’t the two people to blame for the imperfect relationship? Maybe it was me who needed to change or to get a different perspective on our dating routines? Thats why self-development courses are always so profitable, aren’t they?
As if hearing my thoughts Lizzy proceeded.
– You know he is a narcissist don’t you? It might be hard to see it behind his blue-lagoon eyes, actually, it is not chasing stars that you are old for, but believing into something that is not there and letting yourself to be misled and used.
– You should have chosen psychology at the uni, – I sincerely utter, – would have bought us a luxurious mediterranean villa by now,
– No way, I would have died of all the unresolved problems people would shower me with, – she laughed.
– True. You take everything too close to your fragile heart, and that is why you really need a brave knight to protect you from this reality.
– And I think, – she prompted, – someone must take a step out of reality and learn that there is so much more to this world than just “hanging in”.
– I have forwarded you something via WhatsApp, take a look, please.
I grabbed my phone and opened her message to see the link to Matthew’s/Robert’s instagram account. No time to look at it though, cause we were already late for the cab! We take a quick glance around to check that our phone chargers are taken out and packed, and push the last snack packs into my suitcase. Almost running downstairs for the check out.
– Buenas noches, si, si, disfruten del resto de su estancia y les deseo un buen viaje de regreso a sus países.
We didn’t have a minute to stay, but appreciated the polite manner in full, cause during our time within Barcelona we have had some very disappointing moments asking the way.
Many people preferred to answer in Spanish, while being asked in English, with the air of “what the heck are you doing here, royal brit, get your arse back to your 5 o’clock tea”.
No offense taken though, have had even worse reception in some parts of Italy and France. Can't judge the poor souls having to run around on espressos all their lives without a chance to enjoy a slow 5 o’clock tea and a polite conversation.