Фрэнсис Элиза Ходжсон Бёрнетт
Louisiana
CHAPTER VIII.
"NOTHING HAS HURT YOU."
The storm was quite over, and the sun was setting in flames of gold when the meal was ended and they went out on the porch again. Mr. Rogers had scarcely recovered himself, but he had made an effort to do so, and had so far succeeded as to begin to describe the nature of the one novel he had read. Still, he had rubbed his chin and kept his eye uneasily on the door all the time he had been talking.
"It was about a Frenchman," he said, seriously, "an' his name was – Frankoyse – F-r-a-n-c-o-i-s, Frankoyse. Thet thar's a French name, aint it? Me an' Ianthy 'lowed it was common to the country. It don't belong yere, Frankoyse don't, an' it's got a furrin sound."
"It – yes, it is a French name," assented Ferrol.
A few minutes afterward they went out. Louisiana stood at the end of the porch, leaning against a wooden pillar and twisting an arm around it.
"Are ye better?" Mr. Rogers asked. "I am goin' to 'tend to my stock, an' if ye aint, mebbe the camphire – sperrits of camphire – "
"I don't need it," she answered. "I am quite well."
So he went away and left them, promising to return shortly and "gear up their critters" for them that they might go on their way.
When he was gone, there was a silence of a few seconds which Ferrol could not exactly account for. Almost for the first time in his manhood, he did not know what to say. Gradually there had settled upon him the conviction that something had gone very wrong indeed, that there was something mysterious and complicated at work, that somehow he himself was involved, and that his position was at once a most singular and delicate one. It was several moments before he could decide that his best plan seemed to be to try to conceal his bewilderment and appear at ease. And, very naturally, the speech he chose to begin with was the most unlucky he could have hit upon.
"He is charming," he said. "What a lovable old fellow! What a delicious old fellow! He has been telling me about the novel. It is the story of a Frenchman, and his name – try to guess his name."
But Louisiana did not try.
"You couldn't guess it," he went on. "It is better than all the rest. His name was – Frankoyse."
That instant she turned round. She was shaking all over like a leaf.
"Good heavens!" flashed through his mind. "This is a climax! This is the real creature!"
"Don't laugh again!" she cried. "Don't dare to laugh! I wont bear it! He is my father!"
For a second or so he had not the breath to speak.
"Your father!" he said, when he found his voice. "Your father! Yours!"
"Yes," she answered, "mine. This is my home. I have lived here all my life – my name is Louisiana. You have laughed at me too!"
It was the real creature, indeed, whom he saw. She burst into passionate tears.
"Do you think that I kept up this pretense to-day because I was ashamed of him?" she said. "Do you think I did it because I did not love him – and respect him – and think him better than all the rest of the world? It was because I loved him so much that I did it – because I knew so well that you would say to each other that he was not like me – that he was rougher, and that it was a wonder I belonged to him. It is a wonder I belong to him! I am not worthy to kiss his shoes. I have been ashamed – I have been bad enough for that, but not bad enough to be ashamed of him. I thought at first it would be better to let you believe what you would – that it would soon be over, and we should never see each other again, but I did not think that I should have to sit by and see you laugh because he does not know the world as you do – because he has always lived his simple, good life in one simple, country place."
Ferrol had grown as pale as she was herself. He groaned aloud.
"Oh!" he cried, "what shall I say to you? For heaven's sake try to understand that it is not at him I have laughed, but – "
"He has never been away from home," she broke in. "He has worked too hard to have time to read, and – " she stopped and dropped her hands with a gesture of unutterable pride. "Why should I tell you that?" she said. "It sounds as if I were apologizing for him, and there is no need that I should."
"If I could understand," began Ferrol, – "if I could realize – "
"Ask your sister," she replied. "It was her plan. I – I" (with a little sob) "am only her experiment."
Olivia came forward, looking wholly subdued. Her eyes were wet, too.
"It is true," she said. "It is all my fault."
"May I ask you to explain?" said Ferrol, rather sternly. "I suppose some of this has been for my benefit."
"Don't speak in that tone," said Olivia. "It is bad enough as it is. I – I never was so wretched in my life. I never dreamed of its turning out in this way. She was so pretty and gentle and quick to take a hint, and – I wanted to try the experiment – to see if you would guess at the truth. I – I had a theory, and I was so much interested that – I forgot to – to think of her very much. I did not think she would care."
Louisiana broke in.
"Yes," she said, her eyes bright with pain, "she forgot. I was very fond of her, and I knew so very little that she forgot to think of me. I was only a kind of plaything – but I was too proud to remind her. I thought it would be soon over, and I knew how ignorant I was. I was afraid to trust my feelings at first. I thought perhaps – it was vanity, and I ought to crush it down. I was very fond of her."
"Oh!" cried Olivia, piteously, "don't say 'was,' Louise!"
"Don't say 'Louise,'" was the reply. "Say 'Louisiana.' I am not ashamed of it now. I want Mr. Ferrol to hear it."
"I have nothing to say in self-defense," Laurence replied, hopelessly.
"There is nothing for any of us to say but good-by," said Louisiana. "We shall never see each other again. It is all over between us. You will go your way and I shall go mine. I shall stay here to-night. You must drive back to the Springs without me. I ought never to have gone there."
Laurence threw himself into a chair and sat shading his face with his hand. He stared from under it at the shining wet grass and leaves. Even yet he scarcely believed that all this was true. He felt as if he were walking in a dream. The worst of it was this desperate feeling that there was nothing for him to say. There was a long silence, but at last Louisiana left her place and came and stood before him.
"I am going to meet my father," she said. "I persuaded him that I was only playing a joke. He thought it was one of my fancies, and he helped me out because I asked him to do it. I am going to tell him that I have told you the truth. He wont know why I did it. I will make it easy for you. I shall not see you again. Good-by."
Ferrol's misery got the better of him.
"I can't bear this!" he cried, springing up. "I can't, indeed."
She drew back.
"Why not?" she said. "Nothing has hurt you."
The simple coldness of her manner was very hard upon him, indeed.
"You think I have no right to complain," he answered, "and yet see how you send me away! You speak as if you did not intend to let me see you again – "
"No," she interposed, "you shall not see me again. Why should you? Ask your sister to tell you how ignorant I am. She knows. Why should you come here? There would always be as much to laugh at as there has been to-day. Go where you need not laugh. This is not the place for you. Good-by!"
Then he knew he need say no more. She spoke with a child's passion and with a woman's proud obstinacy. Then she turned to Olivia. He was thrilled to the heart as he watched her while she did it. Her eyes were full of tears, but she had put both her hands behind her.
"Good-by," she said.
Olivia broke down altogether.
"Is that the way you are going to say good-by?" she cried. "I did not think you were so hard. If I had meant any harm – but I didn't – and you look as if you never would forgive me."
"I may some time," answered the girl. "I don't yet. I did not think I was so hard, either."
Her hands fell at her sides and she stood trembling a second. All at once she had broken down, too.
"I loved you," she said; "but you did not love me."
And then she turned away and walked slowly into the house.
It was almost half an hour before their host came to them with the news that their carriage was ready.
He looked rather "off color" himself and wore a wearied air, but he was very uncommunicative.
"Louisianny 'lowed she'd go to bed an' sleep off her headache, instead of goin' back to the Springs," he said. "I'll be thar in a day or two to 'tend to her bill an' the rest on it. I 'low the waters haint done her much good. She aint at herself rightly. I knowed she wasn't when she was so notionate this evenin'. She aint notionate when she's at herself."
"We are much indebted to you for your kindness," said Ferrol, when he took the reins.
"Oh, thet aint nothin'. You're welcome. You'd hev hed a better time if Louisianny had been at herself. Good-by to ye. Ye'll hev plenty of moonlight to see ye home."
Their long ride was a silent one. When they reached the end of it and Olivia had been helped out of the carriage and stood in the moonlight upon the deserted gallery, where she had stood with Louisiana in the morning, she looked very suitably miserable.
"Laurence," she said, "I don't exactly see why you should feel so very severe about it. I am sure I am as abject as any one could wish."
He stood a moment in silence looking absently out on the moonlight-flooded lawn. Everything was still and wore an air of desolation.
"We won't talk about it," he said, at last, "but you have done me an ill-turn, Olivia."
CHAPTER IX.
"DON'T YE, LOUISIANNY?"
As he said it, Louisiana was at home in the house-room, sitting on a low chair at her father's knee and looking into the fire. She had not gone to bed. When he returned to the house her father had found her sitting here, and she had not left her place since. A wood fire had been lighted because the mountain air was cool after the rains, and she seemed to like to sit and watch it and think.
Mr. Rogers himself was in a thoughtful mood. After leaving his departing guests he had settled down with some deliberation. He had closed the doors and brought forward his favorite wooden-backed, split-seated chair. Then he had seated himself, and drawing forth his twist of tobacco had cut off a goodly "chaw." He moved slowly and wore a serious and somewhat abstracted air. Afterward he tilted backward a little, crossed his legs, and proceeded to ruminate.
"Louisianny," he said, "Louisianny, I'd like to hear the rights of it."
She answered him in a low voice.
"It is not worth telling," she said. "It was a very poor joke, after all."
He gave her a quick side glance, rubbing his crossed legs slowly.
"Was it?" he remarked. "A poor one, after all? Why, thet's bad."
The quiet patience of his face was a study. He went on rubbing his leg even more slowly than before.
"Thet's bad," he said again. "Now, what d'ye think was the trouble, Louisianny?"
"I made a mistake," she answered. "That was all."
Suddenly she turned to him and laid her folded arms on his knee and her face upon them, sobbing.
"I oughtn't to have gone," she cried. "I ought to have stayed at home with you, father."
His face flushed, and he was obliged to relieve his feelings by expectorating into the fire.
"Louisianny," he said, "I'd like to ask ye one question. Was thar anybody thar as didn't – well, as didn't show ye respect – as was slighty or free or – or onconsiderate? Fur instants, any littery man – jest for instants, now?"
"No, no!" she answered. "They were very kind to me always."
"Don't be afeared to tell me, Louisianny," he put it to her. "I only said 'fur instants,' havin' heern as littery men was sometimes – now an' again – thataway – now an' ag'in."
"They were very good to me," she repeated, "always."
"If they was," he returned, "I'm glad of it. I'm a-gittin' old, Louisianny, an' I haint much health – dispepsy's what tells on a man," he went on deliberately. "But if thar'd a bin any one as hed done it, I'd hev hed to settle it with him – I'd hev hed to hev settled it with him – liver or no liver."
He put his hand on her head and gave it a slow little rub, the wrong way, but tenderly.
"I aint goin' to ask ye no more questions," he said, "exceptin' one. Is thar anything ye'd like to hev done in the house – in the parlor, for instants, now – s'posin' we was to say in the parlor."
"No, no," she cried. "Let it stay as it is! Let it all stay as it is!"
"Wa-al," he said, meditatively, "ye know thar aint no reason why it should, Louisianny, if ye'd like to hev it fixed up more or different. If ye'd like a new paper – say a floweryer one – or a new set of cheers an' things. Up to Lawyer Hoskin's I seen 'em with red seats to 'em, an' seemed like they did set things off sorter. If ye'd like to hev some, thar aint no reason why ye shouldn't. Things has gone purty well with me, an' – an' thar aint none left but you, honey. Lord!" he added, in a queer burst of tenderness. "Why shouldn't ye hev things if ye want 'em?"
"I don't want them," she protested. "I want nothing but you."
For a moment there was a dead silence. He kept his eyes fixed on the fire. He seemed to be turning something over in his mind. But at last he spoke:
"Don't ye, Louisianny?" he said.
"No," she answered. "Nothing."
And she drew his hand under her cheek and kissed it.
He took it very quietly.
"Ye've got a kind heart, Louisianny," he said. "Young folks gin'rally has, I think. It's sorter nat'ral, but Lord! thar's other things besides us old folks, an' it's nat'ral as ye'd want 'em. Thar's things as kin be altered, an' thar's things as cayn't. Let's alter them as kin. If ye'd like a cupoly put on the house, or, say a coat of yaller-buff paint – Sawyer's new house is yaller buff, an' it's mighty showy; or a organ or a pianny, or more dressin', ye shall have 'em. Them's things as it aint too late to set right, an' ye shall hev 'em."
But she only cried the more in a soft, hushed way.
"Oh, don't be so good to me," she said. "Don't be so good and kind."
He went on as quietly as before.
"If – fur instants – it was me as was to be altered, Louisianny, I'm afeared – I'm afeared we couldn't do it. I'm afeared as I've been let run too long – jest to put it that way. We mought hev done it if we'd hev begun airlier – say forty or fifty year back – but I'm afeared we couldn't do it now. Not as I wouldn't be willin' – I wouldn't hev a thing agin it, an' I'd try my best – but it's late. Thar's whar it is. If it was me as hed to be altered – made more moderner, an' to know more, an' to hev more style – I'm afeared thar'd be a heap o' trouble. Style didn't never seem to come nat'ral to me, somehow. I'm one o' them things as cayn't be altered. Let's alter them as kin."
"I don't want you altered," she protested. "Oh! why should I, when you are such a good father – such a dear father!"
And there was a little silence again, and at the end of it he said, in a gentle, forbearing voice, just as he had said before:
"Don't ye, Louisianny?"
They sat silent again for some time afterward – indeed, but little more was said until they separated for the night. Then, when she kissed him and clung for a moment round his neck, he suddenly roused himself from his prolonged reverie.
"Lord!" he said, quite cheerfully, "it caynt last long, at the longest, arter all – an' you're young yet, you're young."
"What can't last long?" she asked, timidly.
He looked into her eyes and smiled.
"Nothin'," he answered, "nothin' caynt. Nothin' don't – an' you're young."
And he was so far moved by his secret thought that he smoothed her hair from her forehead the wrong way again with a light touch, before he let her go.
CHAPTER X.
THE GREAT WORLD
The next morning he went to the Springs.
"I'll go an' settle up and bring ye your trunk an' things," he said. "Mebbe I mayn't git back till to-morrer, so don't ye be oneasy. Ef I feel tired when I git thar, I'll stay overnight."
She did not think it likely he would stay. She had never known him to remain away from home during a night unless he had been compelled to do so by business. He had always been too childishly fond of his home to be happy away from it. He liked the routine he had been used to through forty years, the rising at daylight, the regular common duties he assumed as his share, his own seat on the hearth or porch and at table.
"Folks may be clever enough," he used to say. "They air clever, as a rule – but it don't come nat'ral to be away. Thar aint nothin' like home an' home ways."
But he did not return that night, or even the next morning. It was dusk the next evening before Louisiana heard the buggy wheels on the road.
She had been sitting on the porch and rose to greet him when he drove up and descended from his conveyence rather stiffly.
"Ye wasn't oneasy, was ye?" he asked.
"No," she answered; "only it seemed strange to know you were away."
"I haint done it but three times since me an' Ianthy was married," he said. "Two o' them times was Conference to Barnsville, an' one was when Marcelly died."
When he mounted the porch steps he looked up at her with a smile on his weather-beaten face.
"Was ye lonesome?" he asked. "I bet ye was."
"A little," she replied. "Not very."
She gave him his chair against the wooden pillar, and watched him as he tilted back and balanced himself on its back legs. She saw something new and disturbed in his face and manner. It was as if the bit of outside life he had seen had left temporary traces upon him. She wondered very much how it had impressed him and what he was thinking about.
And after a short time he told her.
"Ye must be lonesome," he said, "arter stayin' down thar. It's nat'ral. A body don't know until they see it theirselves. It's gay thar. Lord, yes! it's gay, an' what suits young folks is to be gay."
"Some of the people who were there did not think it was gay," Louisiana said, a little listlessly. "They were used to gayer places and they often called it dull, but it seemed very gay to me."
"I shouldn't want it no gayer, myself," he returned, seriously. "Not if I was young folks. Thar must hev bin three hundred on 'em in thet thar dinin'-room. The names o' the vittles writ down on paper to pick an' choose from, an' fifty or sixty waiters flyin' round. An' the dressin'! I sot an' watched 'em as they come in. I sot an' watched 'em all day. Thar was a heap o' cur'osities in the way of dressin' I never seen before. I went into the dancin'-room at night, too, an' sot thar a spell an' watched 'em. They played a play. Some on 'em put little caps an' aperns on, an' rosettes an' fixin's. They sorter danced in it, an' they hed music while they was doin' it. It was purty, too, if a body could hev follered it out."
"It is a dance they call the German," said Louisiana, remembering with a pang the first night she had seen it, as she sat at her new friend's side.
"German, is it?" he said, with evident satisfaction at making the discovery. "Waal now, I ain't surprised. It hed a kinder Dutch look to me – kinder Dutch an' furrin."
Just then Nancy announced that his supper was ready, and he went in, but on the threshold he stopped and spoke again:
"Them folks as was here," he said, "they'd gone. They started the next mornin' arter they was here. They live up North somewhars, an' they've went thar."
After he had gone in, Louisiana sat still for a little while. The moon was rising and she watched it until it climbed above the tree-tops and shone bright and clear. Then one desperate little sob broke from her – only one, for she choked the next in its birth, and got up and turned toward the house and the room in which the kerosene lamp burned on the supper table.
"I'll go an' talk to him," she said. "He likes to have me with him, and it will be better than sitting here."
She went in and sat near him, resting her elbows upon the table and her chin on her hands, and tried to begin to talk. But it was not very easy. She found that she had a tendency to fall back in long silent pauses, in which she simply looked at him with sad, tender eyes.
"I stopped at Casey's as I came on," he said, at last. "Thet thar was one thing as made me late. Thar's – thar's somethin' I hed on my mind fur him to do fur me."
"For Casey to do?" she said.
He poured his coffee into his saucer and answered with a heavy effort at speaking unconcernedly.
"I'm agoin' to hev him fix the house," he said.
She was going to ask him what he meant to have done, but he did not give her time.
"Ianthy an' me," he said, "we'd useder say we'd do it sometime, an' I'm agoin' to do it now. The rooms, now, they're low – whar they're not to say small, they're low an' – an' old-timey. Thar aint no style to 'em. Them rooms to the Springs, now, they've got style to 'em. An' rooms kin be altered easy enough."
He drank his coffee slowly, set his saucer down and went on with the same serious air of having broached an ordinary subject.
"Goin' to the Springs has sorter started me off," he said. "Seein' things diff'rent does start a man off. Casey an' his men'll be here Monday."
"It seems so – sudden," Louisiana said. She gave a slow, wondering glance at the old smoke-stained room. "I can hardly fancy it looking any other way than this. It wont be the same place at all."
He glanced around, too, with a start. His glance was hurried and nervous.
"Why, no," he said, "it wont, but – it'll be stylisher. It'll be kinder onfamil'ar at first, but I dessay we shall get used to it – an' it'll be stylisher. An' style – whar thar's young folks, thet's what's wanted – style."
She was so puzzled by his manner that she sat regarding him with wonder. But he went on talking steadily about his plans until the meal was over. He talked of them when they went back to the porch together and sat in the moonlight. He scarcely gave her an opportunity to speak. Once or twice the idea vaguely occurred to her that for some reason he did not want her to talk. It was a relief to her only to be called upon to listen, but still she was puzzled.
"When we git fixed up," he said, "ye kin hev your friends yere. Thar's them folks, now, as was yere the other day from the Springs – when we're fixed up ye mought invite 'em – next summer, fur instants. Like as not I shall be away myself an' – ye'd hev room a plenty. Ye wouldn't need me, ye see. An', Lord! how it'd serprise 'em to come an' find ye all fixed."
"I should never ask them," she cried, impetuously. "And – they wouldn't come if I did."
"Mebbe they would," he responded, gravely, "if ye was fixed up."
"I don't want them," she said, passionately. "Let them keep their place. I don't want them."
"Don't ye," he said, in his quiet voice. "Don't ye, Louisianny?"
And he seemed to sink into a reverie and did not speak again for quite a long time.
