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Once Dormant
CHAPTER SIX
Riley’s cell phone buzzed while Blaine was driving them all back to Fredericksburg. She was surprised and unsettled to see who the call was from.
Is this some kind of emergency? she wondered.
Gabriela never called her just to chat, and she had made a point of not calling at all during their two weeks at the beach. She’d only sent an occasional text to let Riley know that everything was all right at home.
Riley’s concern grew when she took the call and heard a note of alarm in Gabriela’s voice …
“Señora Riley—when will you be home?”
“In about half an hour,” Riley said. “Why?”
She heard Gabriela inhale sharply, then say …
“He’s here.”
“Who’s here?” Riley asked.
When Gabriela didn’t answer immediately, Riley understood …
“Oh my God,” she said. “Ryan’s there?”
“Sí,” Gabriela said.
“What does he want?” Riley asked.
“He does not say. But he says it is something important. He is waiting for you.”
Riley almost asked Gabriela to put Ryan on the phone. But then it occurred to her—whatever Ryan wanted was probably nothing she’d want to discuss on the phone right now. Not with everybody else right there in the car.
Instead Riley said, “Tell him I’ll be home soon.”
“I will,” Gabriela said.
They ended the call and Riley sat staring out the SUV window.
After a moment Blaine said, “Um … did I hear you say something about …?”
Riley nodded.
Sitting behind them listening to music, the girls hadn’t been listening until just now.
“What?” April asked. “What’s going on?”
Riley sighed and said, “It’s your father. He’s at home waiting for us.”
Both April and Jilly gasped aloud.
Then Jilly said, “Couldn’t you tell Gabriela to just make him go away?”
Riley was tempted to say she’d really like to, but it wouldn’t be fair to unload that task on Gabriela.
Instead she said …
“You know I can’t do that.”
April and Jilly both moaned with dismay.
Riley could well understand how her two daughters felt. Ryan’s last unannounced visit to their house had been unpleasant for everybody—Ryan included. His attempt to charm his way back into the girls’ lives had backfired. April had been cool toward him, and Jilly had been downright rude.
Riley hadn’t been able to blame either one of them.
One too many times, Ryan had built up their hopes that he could still act like a father. He’d dashed those hopes yet again, and the girls had wanted nothing to do with him.
What does he want now? Riley wondered, sighing again.
Whatever it was, she hoped it wasn’t going to sour everybody’s good feelings about the vacation they’d just had. It had been a lovely two weeks, despite Riley’s dream about her father. Since then she had done her best to put Agent Meredith’s call out of her mind.
But now the news about Ryan seemed to trigger her dark thoughts again.
A hammer, she thought.
Someone was killed with a hammer.
She reminded herself sternly that she’d done the right thing by saying no to Chief Meredith. Besides, he hadn’t called her again about it, which surely meant that he wasn’t very concerned about it after all.
It was probably nothing, she thought.
Just a case for the locals to take care of.
*
Everybody’s anxiety mounted as Blaine pulled his SUV up in front of Riley’s townhouse. An expensive Audi was parked out in front. It was Ryan’s car, of course—but Riley couldn’t remember whether it was the same car he’d had the last time he’d been here. He liked to keep up on the latest models, no matter how expensive.
Once they were parked, Blaine stammered awkwardly. He wanted to help Riley and her two daughters carry their bags back into the house, but …
“Is it going to be awkward?” Blaine asked Riley.
Riley stifled a groan.
Of course, she thought.
Blaine and Ryan had rarely met, but those encounters had hardly been friendly—at least on Ryan’s part. Blaine had done his best to be pleasant, but Ryan had been sullen and hostile.
Riley and April and Jilly could easily carry their bags inside in a single trip. They didn’t really need Blaine’s help, and Riley didn’t want Blaine to feel uncomfortable, and yet …
Why the hell should Blaine feel uncomfortable in my own house?
Telling Blaine and Crystal to go away was no solution to this problem.
Riley said to Blaine, “Come on in.”
The group carried all the bags into the house. Gabriela met them at the door, along with Jilly’s small, big-eared dog, Darby. The dog bounced around them with delight, but Gabriela didn’t look nearly so happy.
As they put the bags down in the entry area, Riley saw Ryan sitting in the living room. Riley was alarmed to see that he was flanked by two suitcases …
Is he planning to stay?
April’s black and white kitten, Marbles, lay comfortably in his lap.
Ryan looked up from petting Marbles.
He smiled weakly and said in a rather pathetic voice …
“A kitten and a dog! Wow, all this is new!”
With a gasp of annoyance, April snatched Marbles out of Ryan’s lap.
Ryan looked hurt, of course. But again, Riley understood well how April felt.
As April and Jilly both headed toward the stairs, Riley said …
“Hold on, girls. Don’t you have something to say to Blaine and Crystal?”
Looking a little ashamed at their lapse of manners, April and Jilly thanked Blaine and Crystal for the great time they had.
Crystal gave each of the other girls a hug. “Call you tomorrow,” she said to April.
“Now take your stuff up with you,” Riley told them.
April and Jilly obediently grabbed their bags. Jilly picked up most of their other things, since April was still holding Marbles in one hand. Then they both headed up the stairs, and Darby scampered after them. Seconds later came two banging sounds as they shut their bedroom doors behind them.
Gabriela looked at Ryan with dismay and headed away to her own apartment.
Ryan looked at Blaine and said timidly, “Hi, Blaine. Hope you all had a good vacation.”
Riley’s mouth dropped open with surprise.
He’s trying to be polite, she thought.
Now she knew that something must be terribly wrong.
Blaine gave Ryan a small wave and said, “It was great, Ryan. How have you been?”
Ryan shrugged and said nothing.
Riley was determined not to let Ryan limit her behavior.
She kissed Blaine gently on the lips and said, “Thanks for the wonderful time.”
Blaine blushed, obviously embarrassed by the situation.
“Thank you—and your girls,” he said.
Crystal shook Riley’s hand and thanked her.
Blaine mouthed silently to Riley, “Call me later.”
Riley nodded yes, and Blaine and his daughter headed on out to his SUV.
Riley took a deep breath and turned to face the only other person left in the living room. Her ex-husband stared silently at her with pleading eyes.
What does he want? she wondered yet again.
Usually when Ryan came around, she’d be aware right away that he was still a handsome man—somewhat taller, older, and more athletic than Blaine, and always perfectly groomed and dressed. But this time was somehow different. He looked rumpled and sad and broken. She’d never seen him look this way.
Riley was about to ask him what was wrong when he said …
“Could we maybe have a drink?”
Riley looked at his face for a moment. It was drawn and sallow. She wondered …
Has he been drinking lately?
Did he have a few drinks before coming here?
She briefly considered denying his request, but then headed out to the kitchen and poured bourbon on ice for both of them. She brought the drinks out into the living room and sat down in a chair facing him, waiting for him to say something.
Finally, with his shoulders hunched, he said in a hushed voice …
“Riley—I’m ruined.”
Riley’s mouth dropped open.
What does he mean? she wondered.
CHAPTER SEVEN
As Riley sat there staring at him, Ryan said the words again …
“I’m ruined. My whole life is ruined.”
Riley was stunned. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d spoken in such a despondent tone. Arrogance and self-confidence were more his style.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
He heaved a long, miserable sigh and said, “Paul and Barrett—they’re forcing me out of the firm.”
Riley could hardly believe her ears.
Paul Vernasco and Barrett Gaynor had been Ryan’s law partners ever since the three of them had founded the firm together. More than that, they’d been Ryan’s most supportive friends.
She asked, “What on earth happened?”
Ryan shrugged and said in a reticent voice, “Something to do with my being a liability to the firm … I don’t know.”
But Riley could tell by his caginess that he knew exactly why he was being forced out.
And it only took a moment for her to guess the reason.
“Sexual harassment,” she said.
Ryan winced at the words.
“Look, it was all a misunderstanding,” he said.
Riley almost had to bite her tongue to keep from saying …
“Yeah, I’ll bet it was.”
Avoiding Riley’s eyes, Ryan continued, “Her name is Kyanne, and she’s an associate, and she’s young …”
As his voice trailed off for a moment, Riley thought …
Of course she’s young.
They’re always young.
Ryan said, “And I thought everything was mutual. I really did. It started off with some flirtation—on both of our parts, believe me. Then it escalated from there until … well, she went to Paul and Barrett complaining about a toxic work environment. They tried to handle it with a nondisclosure agreement, but she wouldn’t settle. Nothing would do, I guess, except for me to go.”
He fell quiet again, and Riley tried to grasp all that he was leaving unsaid. It wasn’t hard to put together a possible scenario. Ryan had gotten enthralled with a pretty and vivacious associate, maybe an ambitious young woman with her eye on an eventual partnership.
How far did Ryan go? she wondered.
She doubted that he would have held a promotion over her head in exchange for sexual favors …
He’s not that kind of a creep, she thought.
And maybe Ryan was also telling the truth about the attraction being mutual, at least at the start. Maybe they’d even had a consensual affair. But at some point things had soured, and the woman, Kyanne, hadn’t liked what was happening between them.
Probably with good reason, Riley figured.
How could Kyanne have helped thinking that her future with the firm was somehow linked to her relationship with Ryan? He was a full partner, after all. He wielded the power in their relationship.
Still, something didn’t add up for Riley …
She said, “So Paul and Barrett are forcing you out? That’s their solution?”
Ryan nodded, and Riley shook her head with disbelief.
Paul and Barrett weren’t exactly Boy Scouts themselves, and Riley had overheard some pretty salacious talk among all three of the partners over the years. She was sure that their behavior had been no better than Ryan’s—possibly considerably worse.
She said, “Ryan, you said she wouldn’t sign an NDA.”
Ryan nodded and took a sip of his drink.
Very cautiously she asked, “How many sexual harassment NDAs have you worked out over the years?”
Ryan winced again, and Riley knew she’d hit upon the truth.
She added, “And Paul and Barrett—how many NDAs have they had to negotiate for themselves?”
Ryan began, “Riley, I’d rather not get into—”
“No, of course you wouldn’t,” Riley interrupted. “Ryan, you’re being scapegoated. You know that, don’t you? Paul and Barrett are trying to clean up the firm’s image, make it look like they’ve got some kind of zero-tolerance policy toward harassment. Getting rid of you is their way of doing that.”
Ryan shrugged and said, “I know. But what can I do?”
Riley certainly didn’t know what to tell him. She didn’t want to sympathize with him. He’d been digging this hole for himself for years. Even so, she hated the trick his partners had played on him.
But she knew there was nothing he could do about it now. Besides, something else was worrying her.
Nodding toward the bags, she asked, “What are these for?”
Ryan looked at the bags for a moment.
Then he said in a choked voice, “Riley, I can’t go home.”
Riley gasped aloud.
“What do you mean?” she asked. “Did you lose the house?”
“No, not yet. It’s just that …”
Ryan’s voice faded, then he said …
“I can’t face it alone. I can’t live in that house alone. I keep remembering happy times with you and April. I keep thinking about how badly I screwed things up for all of us. The place breaks my heart, Riley.”
He took out his handkerchief and wiped his eyes. Riley was shocked. She’d very rarely seen Ryan cry. She almost felt like crying herself.
But she knew she had a serious problem to solve right now.
She said in a gentle voice …
“Ryan, you can’t stay here.”
Ryan shriveled like a punctured balloon. Riley wished her words weren’t so hurtful. But she had to be honest.
“I’ve got my own life now,” she said. “I’ve got two girls to raise. And it’s a good life. Blaine and I are serious about each other—really serious. In fact …”
She almost went on to tell him about Blaine’s plans to build onto his house.
But no, that would be too much right now.
Instead she said, “You can sell our old house.”
“I know,” Ryan said, still crying softly. “I plan to. But in the meantime … I just can’t live there.”
Riley wished she could do something to comfort him—take his hand, give him a hug, or some other physical gesture of comfort.
It was tempting, and some of her old feeling for him was welling up inside her but …
Don’t do it, she told herself.
Stay cool.
Think of Blaine.
Think of the kids.
Ryan was sobbing pathetically now. In a truly frantic voice he said …
“Riley, I’m sorry. I want to start all over. I want to be a good husband and a good dad. Surely I can do that if … we try again.”
Still keeping physical space between them, Riley said …
“Ryan, we can’t. It’s way too late for that.”
“It’s never too late,” Ryan cried. “Let’s just go away, the two of us, put things back together.”
Riley shuddered deeply.
He doesn’t know what he’s saying, she thought.
He’s having a nervous breakdown.
She also felt pretty sure now that he’d been drinking earlier today.
Then, with a nervous laugh, he said …
“I’ve got it! Let’s head up to your dad’s cabin! I’ve never even been there, can you believe it? Not once in all these years. We can spend a few days there and—”
Riley interrupted him sharply, “Ryan no.”
He stared at her as if he couldn’t believe his ears.
In a gentler voice Riley said, “I’ve sold the cabin, Ryan. And even if I hadn’t …”
She fell silent for a moment, then said …
“Ryan, you’ve got to pull yourself out of this. I wish I could help you, but I can’t.”
Ryan’s shoulders sagged and his sobbing grew quieter. He seemed to be taking Riley’s words to heart.
She said, “You’re a tough, smart, resourceful man. You can come back from all this. I know you can. But I can’t be a part of it. It wouldn’t be good for me—and if you’re honest with yourself, you know it wouldn’t be good for you either.”
Ryan nodded miserably.
“You’re right,” he said, his voice steadier now. “It’s my own mess and I’ve got to fix it. I’m sorry I bothered you. I’ll go home now.”
As he got to his feet, Riley said …
“Wait a minute. You’re in no condition to drive home. Let me drive you. You can come back and get your car when you’re feeling better.”
Ryan nodded again.
Riley was relieved that they weren’t going to have an argument about it, and that she didn’t have to forcibly take his car keys away from him.
Riley finally dared to take him by the arm as she led him out to her own car. He really did seem to need her physical support.
They were both silent during the drive. When they pulled up to the big, beautiful house they’d once shared, he said, “Riley, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. I … I think you’ve done really well. And I wish you every happiness.”
Riley felt a lump in her throat.
“Oh, Ryan—” she began.
“No, please listen to me, because this is important. I admire you. You’ve done so many great things. You’ve been a great mother to April, and you’ve adopted Jilly, and you’re starting into a relationship, and I can tell that he’s a great guy. And all the while you’ve been doing your job, stopping bad guys, saving lives. I don’t know how you’ve done it. Your life is all of a piece.”
Riley was deeply startled—and deeply disturbed.
When was the last time Ryan had said anything like this to her?
She simply had no idea what to say.
To her relief, Ryan got out of the car without saying another word.
Riley sat staring at the house as Ryan went on inside. Her heart really went out to him. She couldn’t imagine facing that house alone herself—not with all the memories it harbored, both good or bad.
And those words he’d said …
“Your life is all of a piece.”
She sighed and murmured aloud …
“It’s not true.”
It was still a struggle for her, raising two girls while working at a consuming and often dangerous job. She was pulled in too many directions, had too many commitments, and she hadn’t yet learned to handle it.
Was it always going to be this way?
And how was Blaine going to fit into it all?
Was a successful marriage even possible for her?
She shuddered at the thought that maybe she’d be in Ryan’s shoes one day.
Then she pulled away from the house where she had once lived, and drove back home.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Riley was pacing the floor in her living room.
She told herself that she should just relax now, that she’d learned all about relaxing on her recent vacation. But when she thought about that, she found herself remembering what her father had said in her nightmare …
“You’re a hunter, like me.”
But she sure didn’t feel like a hunter at the moment.
More like a caged animal, she thought.
She’d just gotten home from taking the girls to their first day of school. Jilly was delighted to finally be in the same high school as her sister. The new students and their parents got the customary welcome in the auditorium, then a quick tour of the students’ classrooms. April had been able to join Riley and Jilly for the tour.
Although Riley hadn’t had a chance to talk at length with each teacher, she’d managed to say hello and introduce herself as Jilly’s mother and April as Jilly’s sister. Some of Jilly’s new teachers had taught April in earlier years, and they had nice things to say about her.
When Riley had wanted to hang around after the orientation, both girls had teased her.
“And do what?” April had asked. “Go to all of Jilly’s classes?”
Riley had said maybe she would, provoking a moan of despair from Jilly.
“Mo-o-o-m! That would be so uncool!”
April had laughed and said, “Mom, don’t be a chopper.”
When Riley asked what a “chopper” was, April informed her it meant “helicopter parent.”
One of those terms I ought to be up on, Riley thought.
Anyway, Riley had respected Jilly’s pride and come on home—and now here she was. Gabriela had gone out to meet one of her numerous cousins for lunch, then do some grocery shopping. So Riley was alone in the house, except for a dog and a cat that didn’t seem the least bit interested in her.
I’ve got to snap out of this, she thought.
Riley went to the kitchen and got herself a snack. Then she forced herself to sit down in the living room and turned on the TV. The news was depressing, so she switched to a daytime soap. She had no idea what was going on in the story, but it was diverting, at least for a little while.
But her attention soon wandered, and she found herself thinking about what Ryan had said during his awful visit when she got back from the beach …
“I can’t face it alone. I can’t live in that house alone.”
Right now, Riley had some idea of how he felt.
Were she and her ex-husband more alike than she wanted to admit?
She tried to convince herself otherwise. Unlike Ryan, she was taking care of her family. Later today, the girls and Gabriela would all be home and they’d have dinner together. Maybe this weekend Blaine and Crystal would join them.
That thought reminded Riley that Blaine had been a little bit reserved toward her ever since the whole thing with Ryan had happened. Riley could understand why. Riley hadn’t wanted to talk to Blaine about the visit afterward—it seemed too intimate and personal—and it was only natural that Blaine had felt uncomfortable about it.
She had an urge to phone him right now, but she knew that Blaine was putting in a lot of hours catching up with things at his restaurant now that their vacation was over.
So now here Riley was, feeling terribly alone in her own house …
Just like Ryan.
She couldn’t help feeling a little guilty toward her ex-husband—although she couldn’t imagine why. Nothing that was wrong in his life was her fault. Even so, she more than half-wanted to give him a call, find out how he was doing, maybe commiserate with him a little. But of course, that was an incredibly stupid idea. The last thing she wanted to do was give him any false signals that they might get together again.
As the soap opera characters argued, wept, slapped each other, and jumped in out of bed with each other, something occurred to Riley.
Sometimes her own life at home, her family and relationships, didn’t seem any more real to her than what she was watching on TV. The actual presence of her loved ones tended to distract her from her deep-seated sense of isolation. But even just a few hours by herself in the house was enough to painfully remind her of how truly alone she felt inside.
There was an empty place inside her that could only be filled by …
What, exactly?
By work.
But how meaningful was her work, to herself or to anybody else?
Again she remembered something her father had said in that dream …
“It’s a damn crazy useless life you’ve got—seeking justice for people who’re already dead, exactly the people who don’t need justice anymore.”
She wondered …
Is that true?
Is what I do really useless?
Surely not, since she often stopped killers who would certainly have killed again if they could have.
She saved lives in the long run—just how many lives, she couldn’t begin to imagine.
And yet, in order for her to even have a job to do, somebody had to kill, and somebody had to die …
It always starts with death.
And more often than not, her cases continued to nag at her and haunt her even after they were solved, after the killers were slain or brought to justice.
She turned off the television, which was only irritating her now. Then she sat back and closed her eyes and thought about her most recent case, that of a serial killer down in Georgia.
Poor Morgan, she thought.
Morgan Farrell had been married to a wealthy but abusive man. When he’d been brutally stabbed to death in his sleep, Morgan had been sure she was the one who had killed him, even though she couldn’t remember the deed.
She was sure she’d forgotten about it because of pills and alcohol.
And she’d been proud of what she’d thought she’d done. She’d even called Riley by phone to tell her so …
“I killed the bastard.”
Morgan had been innocent, as things turned out. Another deranged woman had killed Morgan’s husband—and several other equally abusive husbands.
The woman, who had suffered at her own late husband’s hands, had been on a vigilante mission to free other women from that pain. Riley had stopped her just before she could mistakenly kill a man who wasn’t guilty of anything except loving his disturbed, delusional wife.
Riley replayed the scene in her mind, after she’d fought the woman to the ground and was putting her in handcuffs …
“Adrienne McKinney, you’re under arrest.”
But now Riley wondered …
What if everything could have ended differently?
What if Riley been able to save the innocent man, explain to the woman the mistake she’d made, and then simply let her go?
She’d have kept on killing, Riley thought.
And the men she killed would have deserved to die.
So what kind of justice had she really carried out that time?
Riley’s heart sank, and she remembered again her father’s words …
“It’s a damn crazy useless life you’ve got.”
On one hand, she was desperately trying to live the life of a mother raising two daughters, the life of a woman in love with a man she hoped to marry. At times, that life seemed to be actually working out for her, and she knew she would never stop trying to be good at it.
But as soon as she found herself alone, that ordinary life seemed unreal.
On the other hand, she struggled against awful odds to bring down monsters. Her work was intensely important to her, even though it all too often began and ended in pure futility.
Riley felt perfectly miserable now. Despite the early hour, she was tempted to pour herself a stiff drink. As she resisted that temptation, her phone rang. When she saw who the caller was, she breathed a huge sigh of relief.
This was real.
She had work to do.
